Usually I don’t disagree with Am I The Devil posts. It’s super rare. But I think the second post is one of those times. I don’t see how he’s a devil here, since he DID appreciate her going up to this point, and then only became petty when she basically dismissed his contributions. Is he petty and dumb? Yeah, but he’s not wrong exactly
I agree. He returned her energy, that was all. She DEMANDS to get validation but the moment he asks for a bit of the same feelings returned, she dismissed him. His response was valid but petty. They need therapy. The only possible 'devil' in the story is the wife if her behavior is not from a lasting imbalance since the pregnancy if she neglected her health. (their kid is a toddler, so I doubt it is that, though) Edit: The ONLY other way the OP could be seen as bad is if some vital information got left out that was uncovered in comments or from the wife's perspective but the video didn't cover that.
It’s just sad a married couple is being this petty. She’s clearly just stressed and venting from her friend going through a divorce and he’s sitting there like “grrr what about ME tho?” Like bro grow up and just be kind to ur wife it’s not that hard. Help her through this don’t prove her “right”
Story 2: Wait a minute…but…Op DOES praise his wife, he states that he frequently does, SHE doesn’t and SHE is the one saying “it’s your job to provide”. Like they DEFINITELY need better communication but imo this 100000% does NOT belong on this subreddit…
Yeah I was trying to figure out how tf OP is the devil in that one. Yeah he went about it in a dumb way, but all he wanted was some praise back like what he gives his wife. That's not a huge ask
That’s what I was thinking. I think OP’s wife thinks that the mother is the only one who should be praised and not the bread winner. I have a feeling their marriage won’t last.
(Her Job): It's not both of them. OP has been verbally appreciative of his wife. The _first_ time he doesn't expression appreciation, she wigs out. She is the problem here.
Being a stay at home parent is hard. Being the sole breadwinner is hard. He acknowledged her work, but she didn't return the favor, AND he helps out after he gets home. She is definitely in the wrong here.
@Clyde-S-Wilcox yeah. I forgot we're not supposed to have those. Women: Men need to talk about their emotions more! It's okay to have emotions! It's okay to cry! It's toxic masculinity that tells Men that they can't! Women when a man tells her how her actions made him feel: OMG I can't believe you'd say that! 😭 I'm leaving Women when a man cries: omg eww, I just got the ick
2 - unless he’s leaving out something big, he’s right. He tried to communicate his needs and he speaks of wife as an equal contributor to their household. And her seeming to expect a compliment on dinner suggests that he usually gives one.
This, I was a bit confused that RSlash didn't notice this himself. This man asked for respect doing his share of the household chores and was told no. The wife has to give respect to get respect. If he goes to work, she can stay home and cook and clean.
I found out the original post, at least the comments since the post was removed. It pretty much boils down to how OOP reacted in the comment section, leading his account to be suspended. I couldn'f find his comments, but it seems that his wife had to give up her carreer, and, yeah, it looks like there's a lot more OOP left out
@@marcusverissimo5228 but in another comment someone pointed out another deleted comment where the wife chose to be SAHM even after OP asked her to rethink her decision
Spot on!! He's absolutely right! Our 3 kids are gone and out the house so he told me if I wanted to stay home I could do been a house wife for 4yrs. You damn right I fall over him when he walks in the door to show my appreciation! I try to beat his mistress to him though but she's agile.. Been trying to practice my parkour so I can leap over the chair, onto the table and into his arms like his mistress does!! Oh, and she thinks she's all cutesy with that mmmeeeeoow, whatever!! I know her game!!! 😂
Both need counseling. There are some deeper rooted issues. I can't say who is bad or who is right. OP probably should have just had a sit down talk about things and go about it more diplomatically. I totally get he needs recognition too for what he does. Both sides need to feel like the other is pulling their weight equally. That's how a relationship is. You don't want to feel like a maid. I can't say which side is wrong here, and I think they need to just talk to each other... and perhaps seek out counseling.
Why does living with your sister mean that you can't be married or be in a serious relationship or have kids? That's so weird. I'm a married woman and we have a friend who lives with us.
@@Clyde-S-Wilcox He's not really honest about it though. There's zero reason that living with, and helping care for his sister means he can't be married. There are plenty of reasons to not want to be married though. Problem is, instead of voicing any/all of those, he uses the sister as an excuse to hide behind. Saying you can't get married because of your sister means squat if the other person responds with "I don't mind".
My little sister is disabled. She lives by herself now but she used to live with my older sister for a long time. My older sister even got married while she was living with her. She could have stayed but she decided that she wanted to move out. Hell, she even lived with me and my husband for a time. It's not that big of a deal.
So a 22 year old boy is too young to take care of his grandmother, but a 22 year old girl is old enough to care for both her grandmother and a sick/dying mother, handle the estate and funeral plans and pay bills for her grandmother?
Don't forget, she also runs errands for her uncle. The OP seemed almost saltier about her ignoring his errands now than her not having time for Grandma.
@christinacartter9784 just throwing it out there, notice that the ONLY people who are "capable" of caring for his grandparents are female (OP's girlfriend and sister) but OP's sons are "too young" and OP himself is "too busy".
@@doggone12ify I was wondering if someone would notice that. Funny how the men are either too young or too busy sleeping to help and it's SO MUCH WORK when OP has to do it.
Story 3: I’m confused, your sister has been blind for 14 years, graduated college, and has a career. Why does she still need your support at this point if according to you shes fully capable of being independent? I wish the parents could’ve stopped the two of you from making that arrangement because it feels like it’s just going to do more harm than good holding both of you back.
He states "other reasons" because he wants support from reddit, but doesn't want to admit that he has en extremely inappropriate relationship with his sister. It's definitely giving off weird Donny and Marie vibes.
OK I'm not justifying the codependent relationship, but here's some input from an actual blind person: I was born almost completely blind and to be perfectly honest, most sighted people scare me. I have only a few safe people with whom I know I will be okay shopping, eating out, going to medical appointments, etc. etc. It's not like I can't do things alone (I'm currently going to school halfway across the country from where my parents and family live), but just being able to have one of my safe people near me makes all the difference. When people treat you with ignorance and grab you off the street to try to "help" you basically every day, it just really helps to have a buffer to turn off the voice in your head that says that you're not enough. Again, not justifying this behavior, just maybe explaining it a little. When I graduate from my masters degree, I'd like to move somewhere near my mom or one of my other safe people. Living so far away from them has made me just slightly insane.
@@glamethyst9144I understand feeling safe and comfortable around your preferred people. But would that ever stop you from have romantic relationships or getting married? I don't see why OP couldn't get married and gave kids and the sister is just there. It didn't seem like his girlfriend or sister had a problem with that arrangement
Story 2: bro gave praise to his wife for how well se does as a home maker. He noticed that she never reciprocates, and asks about it. She basically tells him that the work he does for the family isn't worthy of recognition. he stopped giving her praise and she does the shocked Pikachu face. Hy husband is the house maker. He does the majority of the house work. I appreciate every bit of the work he does around the house and i tell him frequently. My husband tells me how much he appreciates the hours i have to work in that miserable office job to maintain our home. Both roles are worthy of recognition and respect!
@@darabounds6671 it’s just typical rlash, if any boyfriend/husband doesn’t do what he would do in that situation or even come up short they’re awful in his eyes because no man can ever be as good as him🙄
@@astrology_2 yeah it got to the point it was hard to watch his videos and his clear bias against men. Haven’t watch a video of his in two months and don’t miss them.
Story 4:I have never seen such entitlement before "My 20 year old sons are too young to take care of my mother"? OP,Stop the cap,Just admit you're a terribly selfish child already
@@noinfo5630 and he mentioned that "it's not my fault that my sister passed away", so yeah, that tells you that if his sister were alive he would expect her to take care of their mother,I would love to read the comments of that one. he passed the asshole college with shity perfect marks
@@dinlupus3196 But he works seven nights a week at 12 hours per night and needs a solid 10 hours of sleep during the day so there's no way he could possibly take care of his mother. Plus his adult sons are too busy playing Grand Theft Auto and working at the gas station to even consider having them do anything with their grandmother.
@@Tajarim88 it’s rslash though so in his eyes, if a boyfriend/husband doesn’t do what he would do in that situation or doesn’t do enough they’re toxic and awful men because only rslash is the only good man in this world🙄
Fucking exactly, Rslash refuses to see things objectively cause he worships his wife, nothing wrong with that, but christ does he go out of his way to show it
@@nickspur0798IDK if rslash was saying OP was actually the devil here. It's on the subreddit so he read it, but the jist of his take seemed to be they've worked themselves into a cold war. The wife doesn't want to acknowledge that working for a paycheck deserves appreciation, and the husband no longer wants to give praise without receiving any in return. She's in the wrong, but there's no forward momentum. Without some outside force, like therapy, they're stuck until they crumble into separation/divorce. At least that was my extrapolation from his cold war comment, but maybe I'm inferring too much.
Beef Straganov… That is an Ace Attorney name. No joke. In Episode 2 of “The Great Ace Attorney: Adventures”, there is a character with that name (it’s not spelled that way, but that is how it’s pronounced).
That last story hurts hard. Yes taking to your parents is important but its bad when they control your entire life. I really want to hear an update on the original post.
Story 2: The wife is such a hypocrite she wants to be praised for the work that she has to do as a parent but doesn’t want to praise the dad for the work he has to do? Then tries to force him out of the house? OP is definitely right she is projecting. They both need counseling.
How tf did story 2 end up in that subreddit? The wife refused to show any appreciation and was downright disrespectful, so he gave her a taste of her own medicine. He literally just told her what she told him. If what he said was so terrible, why wasn't it terrible when she said it? I think reddit is just biased against men.
@@ReptillianStrike i'm not blaming rslash for post being there, but on how much bias he has on his comments and judgement about men should be slaves for women...
Wait why is 20 and 22 too young to watch grandma's dog or call her on the phone when she's lonely or take her to the doctor. Jane sounds like an absolute saint to me.
Because it's not about age, it's about gender. Notice how the only people who are capable of watching OP's mother are female (His girlfriend and his sister) and that his sons are "too young" and OP is "Too busy"
Story 4: I'm absolutely confident that OP had the time and energy (and if not, his sons) to take care of his mom, but nope. He just makes excuses, exhausts Jane, and now is all whiny because he's gotta do his errands. Like, Jane might as well be OP's mom's child with how avoidant OP is being.
Story 2: "if one person made the effort to show love and affection then that'll make the other person more likely to show the same thing" but the thing is that's what op did, he continued to shower her with affection and his response to saying he wants the same back is to have the wife downplay his role because basically she's saying "a man should be the one doing all the work to pay for the house" all op did was match her energy and now she's upset sorry dear but op is right you are underappricating him.
I think R Slash just spews his opinion without re reading or paying attention. He did say he did praise her . He did help more around the house ... But what R Slash didn't pick up was the sabatour divorced friend.
Listening to the story, it's not explicitly stated that he praises her regularly, or I just didn't hear that part, but it's clear to me from her expecting praise for the one dinner that he did so regularly enough that she expects it now. It's also clear that despite what he said about checking in with her about how she feels about the division of labor, she obviously feels that she's contributing more, because she sees his contribution as the bare minimum while her contribution deserves praise. Therapy is definitely needed, especially if her friend's recent divorce is influencing her attitude...but I would also like to hear her side and see how she really views the situation.
Story 5: Wow... just... I have no words for such a mama's boy. His wife, the bearer of his, their, child is planning a romantic getaway with a surprise in store, and he just begins to sputter about his family? "Oh but my family wanted to come, I thought you'd be okay with it." Buddy... dude... my guy...
@@AJ-zq8kv not when families interfere. my mother married an orphan. she told me i should do the same. i came close since hubby was not close to his toxic mother. my family didn't interfere with us.
@@AJ-zq8kv No, that is such a clueless take on what happened. Of course they should be able to make plans and do things that don't always involve others, and should not have to live under the rules and whims of their extended family. They have their own lives and for many will create their own nuclear family. The husband is a bit weird.
@@It-is-me...Melsie you can never call a man weird for wanted to spend time with the family that raised him. Although it is quite weird his family just invited themselves to a cabin that wasn’t theirs 💀
@@AJ-zq8kv Stop trolling. We both know this is not about him wanting to spend time with his family. There is a time and place for everything and a romantic getaway that was planned for the both of them is definitely not the time and place to bring your family along. And it wasn´t even that he wanted that, he just had no spine and couldn´t tell his mom no when she interjected in their plans. The mom walked all over him and his wife by just inviting the whole family along and trying to present them with a fait accompli and it would have been his job to get her back in line. Instead, he just let her pull that stunt and is surprised that his wife isn´t willing to be a doormat to his mother the same as he is.
Story 1: the guy named the baby Stroganov, so now his wife has a beef with him, and after she leaves with the kid, he's going to be left with Strokinoff.
rSlash, did you actually comprehend what you read in story 2? The husband is bitter because HE'S THE ONLY ONE GIVING PRAISE. Any asking of acknowledging that his work has value is dismissed as "it's your job", but apparently that doesn't apply to a stay-at-home parent - they exclusively seem to be deserving of applause for their sacrifice. No, this doesn't belong in AITD in the slightest, the wife definitely seems to be projecting her friend's lazy ex-husband onto her own husband.
If you'ved been watching rslash for a long time, you'd know how huge of a simp he is. His views is always judged on gender, and his AH scores mostly based on gender. He would rarely give 4 AH score to a women, no matter how much they abused their man or children, but in gender reverse of same situations or case, the men gets much higher AH scores... Dabney had always been very very bias on his views about men and women doing things, and will always be so. But atleast, he's no longer doubling down and deleting the post for having so much negative response on his views...
Rslash didn't post it there, but you're right. This is very on brand for Rslash unfortunately. He seems to have a dislike for men for some reason. The only reason I can think of is maybe his wife shits on men all the time, and Rslash internalizes it. But obviously, that's speculation.
Did you? OP was implying that simply telling his wife that she did a good job with dinner is this big fucking deal that he needs to put an enormous amount of effort towards. They both suck and need counseling. Neither one seems to appreciate the other much.
I mean, yes making dinner is hard, ima work mom, I'm autistic and I handle heavily scheduled life way better then the flexibility the kids need. My husband is the first guy in line, can't cook but damn he can child reer. Child raising is hard, but that doesn't make work not hard. Why can't both say thank you, especially if the husband has been bringing it up and bringing it up, and this is how she shuts him down? It's normal to praise your partner for I mean... realistically everything, throw your fucking praise for your partner around willy nilly, if you don't think they're doing enough might as well see if they have a praise kink and Pavlov a healthy relationship. Again autistic. And heavy praise kink. He gives me my thank yous for working but I mean you rarely have time to thank for that, the issue is stay at home moming you have a million things to come home tothat you can thank for, but the one coming home gets the chance for one thank you. I can see how that makes people feel devalued, because no we couldn't have the family work the way we want it without a stay at home parent, but we also can't do it without money here in America either, drop in the comments the places we can raise a full family for free plz🙏🙏
@@dearrainfall846 Japan gives tax breaks and unless I'm mistaken, stimulus checks for a few years to new parents. Because of their declining population.
Dabney, the husband WAS showing appreciation and caring, the WIFE refused to reciprocate. And something is off with the blind sister story. It almost sounds emotionally incestuous. Decided young they were gonna "live together forever", decided young that it meant no serious relationships, something is just OFF.
Story 2: The wife does something bad in a relationship, so Dabney... invents something that the husband is supposedly doing so that they're both equally bad???
Story 4: To start with I was thinking he was just lazy, but with the 'its not my fault her daughter died' comment, it definitely sounds like a sexist thing.
Actually, what OP was really saying is his wife should've told him that she's pregnant right at the start before the romantic getaway so that he can replan his time with his family rather than her forcing him to ditch his family so that it's just the two of them where there she tells him she's pregnant. Even with this, it still shows how his parents will always be his number one priority.
OP’s wife is a hypocrite that goes both ways. She shouldn’t expect anything transactional for taking care of the house and the kids because that’s her job.
Seriously. OP sounds harsh but she's the one demanding something she refuses to give. He was only giving back what she gave him. But hey we all know men's feelings aren't real.
@@danganryanne9499 it was really not hard to tell on that one. But there is a certain percentage of people who won't understand irony, let alone sarcasm, even if you break it down for them ...
2nd story - but the OP *was* showing affection and appreciation! It is only when his wife took his contributions for granted, he *stopped* . And now she is like "boo, hoo, he is so mean!". @rSlash - you might need some of your compass adjusted.
@@wolcek it’s just Rslash usual misandry, I bet you if the roles were reversed he would have chewed out the husband (wife in this story) and praise the wife (husband in this story)
@@wolcekthere was a story a few months ago with an abusive wife who was suffering pregnancy related diabetes, the op of the story followed her diet and supported her, he brought in donuts that he got for his birthday and she abused him no apology or anything from her for his birthday so he decided to treat himself to some cheesecake factory once a week and ate it in the car away from her so it wouldn’t trigger the wife. She found the receipt and abused him some more. Guess who rslash made into the villain if you said the wife you would be wrong he made the victim of abuse the villain
Story 2. rSlash, he IS showing love. Every time she does something for the house or family, he lets her know that he appreciates her. She never does to him, however. It's not a loveless cold war, it's her not doing her part.
I think he got a little thrown off because it’s on AITD so he’s going in assuming the poster is bad. Usually he’s a lot more balanced than this. But he is right that he shouldn’t have fired back toxic behavior with toxic behavior. Even if only one time. That never works.
2nd Story: "Whenever I suggest [appreciating what I contribute] to my wife, she says that I'm just doing my job and shouldn't expect anything "transactional" for doing my share of the responsibility." Holy crap, woman, how hypocritical! You can't tell your husband you don't want to acknowledge what he does and then get mad when he doesn't acknowledge what YOU do. These two could really benefit from some marriage or communication counseling.
Story 2: Wife is being self righteous, toxic, and petty by refusing to acknowledge her husbands contribution to the family, but expects to be praised for her contributions. Husband matches her energy and stops acknowledging her contributions in kind. Her literal response is to kick him out the house. Rslash: Both parties suck here. Me: 🙄
Rslash being Rslash. He seems to have internalized misandry for some reason. Maybe someone close to him shits on men all the time? His wife maybe? Idk.
Bruh, wife sounds like an outright Narrcist if the very instant her ego isn't being stroked she tosses him away. Like what the hell? That ain't well adjusted behavior.
I think it’s because it’s on AITD and you go in expecting the OP to be the worst and some of the wording could be misconstrued to be just a basic thanks on OP’s part. (Which is still better than what he was getting.) The only point I had a problem with is that OP fired back toxic behavior with the same behavior. Trust me. That’s never a good idea. The couple needs therapy. Plain and simple.
Lookin at the comments, I'm glad I'm not the only one who agrees with OP on the second story. If I heard correctly then the wife told OP to stop seeking appreciation for his contributions but she expects appreciation for hers.
Story 3: Yeah, I'm not so sure either about how to assess this. I do wonder if there is a hidden reason on why the No Marriage thing was set, because I'm struggling to see how OP marrying someone wouldn't cause too much issue since his sister has managed to figure out how to get through her blindness without depending on OP. Who knows, maybe someone can enlighten me. I do think that a chunk of what makes OP "The Devil" is stringing his GF along for 5 years. Edit: Maybe "string along" isn't the right word, but I do wonder if OP still dating someone isn't a good idea if the parents don't want him to marry. Edit 2: Someone in the replies suspected favoritism towards the blind sister for the "No Marriage" thing, and I hate that this could be the actual case.
but he didn't string her along tho. From what was written, he made it clear it wasn't a relationship that would grow into that level of commitment. He stated so multiple times. If she chooses to ignore him on that, that is her own choice and her own issue.
My belief is that I suspect favoritism on the parent's part. I believe they set a no marriage rule because I suspect they think the sister most likely would never be indepenadant enough to date around and marry someone. While op could, which could make the sister feel jealous or something. Something like: "If you two are going to be together forever, than you'll have to be miserable too or she'll get jealous." because I don't think it has anything to do with commitments. If op dated for 5 years I'd assume he didn't stop caring for his sister in the meantime. At least it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like op should talk to his sister and get things clear without having the parents in between. To just ask if she would be okay with op marrying his gf if nothing changed between them two and then break the news to his family if she's okay with it. I've seen too many instances of parents speaking on the behalf of disabled or ill children completely missing the mark making them sound like bedridden adults who can't possibly have a grasp on society and their emotions. While in reality they just have minor struggles or most of the struggles have to do with society not being made for them rather than the struggles affecting their life all that much. I've seen plenty of blind cats be pros at being cats once they learn the environment they live in. Or plenty of disabled folks get around really easily in cities built with them in mind. The blindness as it seems doesn't affect her all that much physically but I still think the parents might pull a guilt trip on op if he were to address the issue with them first.
@@miniman649he did. If she brought it up and he gave hints. If he doesn't want to marry he should grow the balls and break up. If he plans to not marry, he shouldn't date.
@@TheBoboTheIceMan casual relationships are a thing you know? Not every date or relationship ends in marriage. He stated he wanted a casual relationship. She started dating him under those terms. If she found out her desires changed, it is on her to either break up or accept there won't be marriage. She is a big girl and can be responsible for her own actions.
Story 3: wait a minute, why can’t the girlfriend move in too? Like? If you’re so adamant about living with your sister, get a bigger place together? I’m so confused wym “marriage and kids are off the table” no they’re not???? If you want to then yes, and it seems like OP is just using the gf for entertainment rather than a real relationship because if things got too serious Op could’ve ended it but they didn’t
That doesn't really matter, since the relationship was started on the basis that it *wouldn't* be that serious. It's like striking up a friendship and then getting mad that they won't fuck you. Not every relationship has to evolve to the greatest level of intimacy, if she doesn't like that... she can leave, since that's his boundary. As stated from the very beginning.
@@slimej2202 At the risk of sounding like grammar police, it depends on how he expressed it to her. If he said "I can't marry because of my sister", then that's not a boundary, that's a situation he's been put in, and a situation can be overcome. If he said "I won't marry you because of my sister", that's a boundary that he has set. It's the old can I/may I argument.
@@slimej2202 well, that may be true if you're in a relationship for few months. Emotions develop over time and if you're with someone for a longer time, you need to decide to cut them off if you wanna stick to your stipulations, otherwise you're just stringing them along and taking advantage of their emotions and time.
the thing is, OP is using their sister as an excuse for why they can't get married. they just don't want to get married or have kids, but they do want long term relationships.
@@abiean222 that’s kind of where I got confused, OP doesn’t want to get married because they wanted to keep living with their sister, which is why I was like you can have both?? I’m just confused on if op just doesn’t want to get married, or using the living situation to justify why it’s not possible
I was initially unsure what the problem was with the blind sister story and... Uh... Yeah okay bro. So you *can't* marry for some reason because you're looking after your sister, you had a multiple-year relationship with a partner who was *clearly* okay with you being your sister's caregiver, and your response to that is "NO I WILL NEVER MARRY YOU STOP BEING DELUSIONAL!!!!"? Bruh.
He did state from the beginning that marriage and kids were off the table. The reason why doesn't matter. It'd be like a husband constantly pressuring the wife to have kids when they got married under a child-free pretense. It's just plain wrong to push people's boundaries like that.
@@slimej2202I agree with that but like. He's using his sister as an excuse and shield. The gf was probably under the impression that she had to prove she cared about his sister/wouldn't interfere with her needs, not that he just didn't want her. Meanwhile the guy stayed with her for years saying "don't get attached" "this has gone on a while" instead of breaking up with her himself when he felt his boundaries were pushed. He is being a spineless coward and using his sister as a token. It's fucked up
@@twistysunshine Should he break up? Certainly. I don't think it's using the sister as an excuse or a shield, though. Not when he's been upfront with everyone in his life that he's chosen his sister as priority #1. It'd be like saying "your using your job as an excuse and a shield for not having kids" to someone who's decided to pursue a career and stay child-free.
When you were telling the last story.... I started to think of the possibility of OP's wife was planning to tell him she was pregnant, just before the part of the story when the ultrasound was mentioned.
And the part is while rSlash read it as if OP's wife is actually doing the thing OP was saying she should've done, but how I read it actually is that OP said that his wife should've told him that she's pregnant before the romantic getaway so that he can replan things with his family. Yeah, he's saying this as if he's upset that his wife is not telling him this vital info so that she can force him to ditch his family just so that this romantic getaway will be just the two of them where there she tells him that she's pregnant. Yeah, even then, it still shows how much he refuses to cut the cord.
Story 5: Op massively messed up here…it was supposed to be a romantic getaway for the 2 of ‘em, not a family getaway. I’d say there’s a small chance for his wife to somewhat forgive him but it’s up to Op to definitely change and put up boundaries with his mom, or else he’ll never see his wife and his future kid again.
more like HIS family getaway, he didn't even phantom the idea of getting his wife family involved (she probably would reject that one too, because of the plans but the thought would had matter). If his wife divorced him he would very probably will never have a stable relationship due to him not wanting to leave mommy's side
IDK, I got the feeling from that 'she's considering "ALL" her options' comment that she might not continue being pregnant, let alone being in a relationship with him anymore.
@@lahlybird895and also he never planned on leaving the name there Like he definitely shouldn't have filed the papers in the first place but he's not wrong that none of this will matter in a month and changing a newborn's name should be a pretty straightforward process. It's when you're dealing with an adult that actually has stuff in their name that legal name changes become more difficult
When your partner clearly expresses to you that they would like to receive love through verbal compliments, it is the easiest thing in the world to give that to them. I think it's horrible of the wife to bring her friends issues into her own relationship.
Story two: This is the perfect example of an ongoing trend I’ve been seeing where people seem to think that being the breadwinner isn’t that impressive. That working eight-hour shifts, and helping with chores just isn’t impressive, because the homemaker cooks, and cleans, and cares for the kid. I’m not saying that those things aren’t important, cause they are, but I am saying that the breadwinner deserves just as much respect. And this guy is definitely NOT the devil. He isn’t some lazy husband who comes home, yells at his wife for a beer, and sits on the couch all evening, he contributes to the household by helping with chores(Implied by the “I don’t expect a thank you for doing a chore” line) who just wants appreciation for the amount of work he does.
*First OP:* Do not give your kids awful names. Even if it's a prank. Even if it's their middle name. OP's wife's feelings were valid, but her response makes me wonder if the "prank" was the final straw. I get her wanting to distance herself from OP because of the stunt, but to separate? I wouldn't be surprised if something else was going on. Or maybe it _is_ grounds for separation/divorce. What do I know? *Second OP:* -Instead of being the change he wanted to see in the world, OP decided to stand on business to prove a point. I'm usually Team Petty, but there's a time and a place for it. Was it that hard to say, "The food's delicious. Thanks for cooking"?- *I forgot that he had praised his wife in the past. I was wrong.* *Third OP:* If OP already decided his sister would take top priority over his significant other, then why date? Why not have a friend with benefits? *Fourth OP:* How is 20 and 22 too young to take care of OP's mom? Why didn't he just admit that he put the responsibility on Jane because she's a woman? Doofus. *Fifth OP:* Yeah, there's no coming back to that.
So, the fact that she was wanting to name the baby after someone that she KNOWS he doesn't like at all doesn't factor into it... she's the one that started the whole thing and it ends up that she can't handle what she dishes out
But in the second story the wife was the one who never praised OP. And it didn't help if OP did praise her cooking etc. So you are saying that the wife should be praised, but OP shouldn't?
@@maagi1 They both should be praised for their contributions to their household. I'm just saying OP could've been the bigger person (which admittedly I'm not a fan of) and praise her cooking first.
@maagi1 not to mention he said he always does. She views her job as a necessity and his job as him doing what he is SUPPOSED to do. Which yes, he is, HOWEVER she could equally say thank you or show appreciation same as he does.
If OP doesn't feel like they can be in a long-term relationship while taking care of their sister, then they don't have to be in a long-term relationship.
@@topiasnousiainen5258If that’s the case why didn’t *he* break it off instead of saying “this can’t go on forever” for five years straight? He’s the one who doesn’t want a long term relationship, it’s his responsibility to break the relationship off, not hers
@@topiasnousiainen5258This is true, but I’m also curious if the sister knows or is okay with being the reason OP uses for not settling down. He already takes care of her so it would suck if she finds out she’s tangentially responsible for him not dating long term.
op: "They're too young to help their grandmother." me: are they a bit too young or are they a bit too male? because it feels like op has a 'women are the caretaker' mindset set and despite only being a few years older than her cousins wants his niece to take care of his mother it feels less about age and more 'well I have sons and not daughters so I'm not asking them to help their cousin' I bet if op had daughters the same age or even younger he would make them help but no they're boys so "too young"
Story 4, am i reading that right, OP lives 10 minutes from his mother but is hellbent on having jane come over for every little issue when she lives 1,5 hours away??
Story 2 doesn't feel that evil. The Wife is biting the hand that feeds her basically. Its more of an everyone sucks here cause they both need better communication but it does not belong on that subreddit cause the Wife is the one who started it by belittling OP's contribution.
Nah, she sucks here, he communicated praises, when he felt unseen he communicated he felt he wasn’t praised for his work and the wife told him he shouldn’t be praised for doing his work so he was petty and gave the same energy back to the wife
@@maagi1 being petty may have felt great in the situation as an emotional response, but did it help the situation? No, it just made everything worse rather than properly communicating his feelings about what she told him.
@@murderousintent7838that's the thing tho, he's already communicated and was dismissed. Of course prolly didn't help the situation but why is it him that has to rectifi it?
I see a lot of people going "just marry her" on third story. To which I have to say - guys, YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT. The point was - the dude set up a boundary, he warned the girl multiple times about said boundary, and she ignored it all and crossed it anyway. It doesn't matter here what it was about - marriage, kids, cars, disabled relatives, etc. He said "I won't do that thing no matter what" and she answered "sure, I'm fine with that" only to ask "So, when are we doing that thing?" after. Again - it could have been about anything. "I will never buy a car" - "As you wish, sweetie~ ...so, when will you buy a car?". Or "I'm vegan and will never touch meat" - "Ok, cool! ...so how about kebabs for dinner?". The subject doesn't matter here, what matters is the clear and deliberate ignorance of the girl.
As a married woman, I have to say that in Story 2, OP is NOT the devil or even an AH. He is completely in the right and the wife is the issue. Sorry, but being a stay-at-home mom by choice is not any more important or difficult than your partner going to work all day. And if both are contributing to household chores and childcare when able to (as in, the one that works takes over for a few hours after they get home) then there is no need for it to be a competition. Also, OP does appreciate his wife and would say so. She is the one that doesn't and thinks it's "his job" to provide. And sure, in their specific arrangement, it IS his job to provide for his family. Just like it's HER job to cook and clean. This is the arrangement they had and were ok with. If she doesn't like it, communicate with her husband and tell him she wants to start working again or whatever. None of this petty "appreciate meeeeee" bullsh*t.
Did you even pay attention to the words you were reading in the second story? The husband was a loving husband. He acknowledged his wife and thanked for what she did. She then stopped showing love back to him. He asked her if she could because he was feeling a bit under appreciated and she straight up told him his work doesn’t matter and he doesn’t deserve to be appreciated. So then, he doesn’t even do anything yet. He says “hey, I think you may be going through some stuff. Let’s talk about it so that way we can fix the rift that’s starting to form.” She refuses, and then he starts to feel bitter. That’s not a Cold War, that’s beaten until he bites back
And then on top of that, the post he made wasn’t “what did I do wrong?” Or “am I wrong” it was “I think I may have gone too far, how do I fix it?” He still loves and cares about her, he is desperate for the wife he married back
Story 1 - So long as OP checked ahead of time that he could change the name, I will say 1/5 buttholes. I will actually give a butthole score of 1.5/5 to the wife, though, for choosing a name and not letting her husband veto it. If he didn't like it, he had a right to veto it.
i've been with my wife for ten years, married for a little over five. a year into dating, we sat down and had a talk about her she was her brothers keeper. her younger brother, who is 8 years younger; has down syndrome. he it mostly self sufficient, works a job ,etc. however he cannot live alone, nor drive a car. in 2022 he moved in with us as her parents are now in their 70's. we remodeled the basement of our home into an essential inlaw sweet, for my brother in law. he joins us for dinner, movie nights, etc. we can leave him home alone for 4-5 hours so date nights for us are no problem. have i had to adjust for a bunch of things? of course. would i have it any other way? absolutely not.
Tbh I think the guy just doesn't want to be married and is too much of a coward to break up himself when the dating's gone on too long for his liking. But yeah, it's wild to me how people are out here acting like "yeah its crazy to think you can have a normal relationship with someone who has to caretake a disabled relative how will you have kids?" Like... hate to break it to these guys but all disabled relatives were once children and if you wanna have kids together you'd have to face that potentially anyway? I'm disabled and married, live with my disabled sibling and my spouses cousin. These things are not impossible. I think some people literally just forget disabled people exist, and when they remember they can only think of living as us/with us as an impossible situation that's completely hopeless
Okay, I’ve been confused why some stories in the past are “Am I the Devil” and not basic “AITA” stories. But Story 2? How tf is OP a “devil” for wanting to be appreciated? That entire story is him being a great person who’s getting tired of being treated like his contributions to the household are “just his job” while wanting some kind of praise, especially when his wife is getting all the praise for her contributions. But because she’s projecting onto him from some other woman’s failed relationship, she’s denying OP his love language. The ONE time he denies her praise and tells her what she’s been telling him “why should I acknowledge you for just doing your job”, you can see the hypocrisy considering she gets so upset about it like that. This is literally that story about the wife who criticized her husband by constantly saying “you were SOOOOOO close” and when OP said it to her after she didn’t get her dream job, she responded basically the same as the wife in story 2.
Story 2: At what point in time did *_“making all the money that keeps us from starving and off the streets”_* become completely overlooked (or not counted) when it comes to what someone contributes to a household!?
Probably due to the prevalence of "labor theory of value" in feminist circles. If both sides pull their weight, it's pretty much invisible, and no one is in conflict. I mean, a given example is a guy that works 16-hour days 6 days a week, but is still seen as not doing enough because the emotional labour being done is perceived as inadequate.
It's not at all weird that one family member would take care of another with a disability. What is a little weird is the extent to which he is sacrificing his life to do it. I mean his decision is fine if that's what he wants but the fact he won't even consider alternatives is a little weird.
so, what *I* got from this is that OP doesnt DESERVE any thanks or appreciation for their work to maintain the house, but when the WIFE doesnt get any appreciation ONE TIME she freaks out? that just feels one sided to me. maybe OP is leaving something out? otherwise i'd say NTA
So wait for story 2 how is OP at fault? He was affectionate and tried to communicate he needed somthing, but he got told "your part doesnt count" and brushed off. Wtf man..
Rslash is a massive simp aka lord of simps. His views are always biased on gender and mostly favorable to women. His belief is men only exists to satisfy and fulfill the desires and wishes of women, if men doesn't, they are evil or the AH...
The more the second story was read, the more confused it made me because the husband was 100% correct. Was he being petty? Yes. But it was completely deserved and he verbally appreciated her for her part in the household in the past. Frequently. And she continued to dismiss him over a simple request that wasn’t entitled whatsoever. It was valid. She was being entitled expecting praise for doing exactly what she was supposed to when she flat out refused to give him the same in return. It’s not a crime to want to feel appreciated by your spouse, even for the little things like cooking and cleaning. OP was NTA
How did story 2 even make it onto this subreddit? Like OP says he praises what his wife does for the household, but the moment he asks her to, she basically acts like its only what hes supposed to do and doesnt deserve praise... then the one time he fights back he is made into the bad guy. What he did isnt petty, it is a response to her inaction and her blowing off what he brings to the family. I honestly feel bad for the guy. Edit: unless theres missing context. My guess is if theres any hope that post deserved to be on amithedevil it is in missing context via an update, OPs post history, or a response from his wife.
Story 2: OP is RIGHT. That woman is hypocritical and a misandrist. Rslash. He DOES praise her. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. EVERY TIME. He does nothing BUT praise her. Where’s HIS praise??!
Uh, rSlash? in story 2 he straight up says, he constantly shows love and affection and affirmation for the hard work she does. it's just not being reciprocated because "it's his job". *she's* being the AH here just because her perspective is being colored by her friend's divorce from the sounds of things, and freaking out because he doesn't say thank you ONE TIME is absolutely ridiculous. granted, he went about confronting it in a really dumb way, healthy communication is important and he still made a mistake, but I can understand his perspective. Why is this even in r/amithedevil?
3rd story makes me just as confused as Rslash, Could've worked out a situation were the GF would agree to let the sister stay, and make it clear it's a deal breaker if it becomes an issue for her to also live with the sister.
4th story: My grandmother is very old, and has many health issues, and its only a matter of time. I started helping my grandmother at 12 years old. Simple tasks like watering the plants. At 15, I started pruning everything, filling large pots with soil, moving heavy plants, mowing, etc. If a 15 year old can do that, so can a 22 year old.
1st story: You just KNOW this isn't the first "prank"/act of blatant disrespect he's done to her and this was the last straw. 2nd story: That couple needs therapy, stat. Not sure why this was in amithedevil because they're clearly both at fault, with most of the blame on the wife. 3rd: He sounds too emotionally invested in his sister. I don't get why he can't marry her either. Definitely sus at best. Shame too, sounds like he had a lovely understanding partner too. 4th: How the eff are 20 year olds too young to help grandma? OP is using Jane and quite possibly sexist since he has no problem with that. I don't blame Jane for getting burn out and backing out. Good for her for growing a backbone. 5th: Oh my god. That poor wife. I get why she had enough with OP. I absolutely understand why it would be a breaking point. I hope she does what's best for her and her baby, regardless of her doormat of a husband.
How are they both at fault when OP apreciated his wife before all of this? She's the one that disregarded HIS feelings. You know, the thing all humans - even male ones - have? He shouldn't have lowered himself to that level but she can't demand his praise and then refuse to appreciate him. If she had problems, she should have brought them up- like he tried to do.
Story 2- I literally am a stay at home mom/homemaker and OP is ABSOLUTELY in the right here. Of course I like to be praised and acknowledged for a good dinner, the house looking nice, etc etc BUT I make sure to regularly tell my fiancé how much I appreciate him working hard in this heat so that I can stay home and do that for our family. Even if it's his job, he deserves praise, just like she wants praise for her job.
RSlash, you were so busy trying to paint him as the bad guy that you didn’t pay attention to what you were reading. He has been showing appreciation. When he communicates that he would like some appreciation as well she tells him that he doesn’t deserve appreciation for doing what he’s supposed to. He let feel what it’s like one time. One time of him returning the energy that she’s been spewing at him hurt enough that she didn’t want to be under the same roof as him. One time. She’s the devil.
Third story: OP doesn’t want to marry because he wants to focus on his sister for the rest of their lives. The girlfriend knew this from what OP has told. I don’t see why he should marry his girlfriend. Edit: Oh man! The last story is reeking mama’s boy. The wife is definitely thinking through their marriage. He has the gall to ask for the key. I see no other option than divorce.
Fair. But if no marriage is a sticking point, he shouldn't date. Especially long term and shoukd man up and do the dirty work of breaking up himself rather than hint at it and string her along. And yes, it is stringing her along when she brings up marriage and he brushes her off and continues like nothings changing.
I'm so confused too, unless the sister has feelings for her brother (which would be 😬 bad). she girlfriend could be an extra help and she seems to be willing to. The dude either doesn't truly love his girlfriend or is stupid.
Bro you don't use your disabled sister to avoid commitment. It's scummy as hell. You either don't date or take care of your sister. You can't have it both ways.
Story 1: I wouldn’t really even consider this "Devil" behavior. 1) It is a middle name, most people don't even know other people's middle name beyond the initial. You could be named Benny Botox Brooks and most wouldn’t know what the B in Benny B. Brooks stands for. 2) He wasn't wrong about the name change form. He was even willing to pay for and take care of the whole process. The kid wouldn’t even be old enough to learn his middle name by the time it is processed. 3) clearly there is more problems here than an admittedly dumb naming prank if she isn't going to compromise on a name at all. Maybe the rest of the relationship can result in divorce and this was just last straw incident, but this is just a correctable dumb thing to spaz out over.
(story 2) So, it’s okay for the wife to demand appreciation for doing her part in the marriage but when OP asks to feel appreciated for his part one time he’s suddenly labeled as the devil? The double standard is crazy. Redditors need to touch grass and re-read posts before they even comment their thoughts.
With the blind sister story: I think it's less OP wants to be around to take care of his sister and more op wants to stay and "take care of" his sister. Only reason I can think of why he'd want to not marry
My mother told me, when she was registering my name, my mother wanted to use name Martin, but female clerk said Marius is the same name as Martin and she didnt let my mother register a name Martin :) But there are perks to it, in schools there were many Martins, it seems it was a popular name in last 80's :)
Wait, the clerk wouldn’t let her register the name? I would have told the clerk exactly where she could go and where she could shove that other name; guess your mom is nicer than I am lol.
That second story doesn’t really feel that much like a AmItheDevil story if I’m being honest. OP is asking for the same appreciation he gives his wife, and the one time he doesn’t do it, she flips. Was it petty to use her own words against her? Yeah. Is that the healthy way to handle this? No. But relationships are a 2 way street, and it doesn’t seem like this is 2 ways
Story 1: actually as someone who has panic attacks over spiders, throwing a fake spider on someone is not a prank, it's a common enough phobia that it's not worth the risk. I've had coworkers send me into panic attacks and then asthma attacks because they want to joke around and they only stop to think it might be a bad idea after I've had to scramble for my inhaler with massive tears streaming down my face. (A prank is something actually harmless. Turning off the wireless keyboard, taping a post-it over the sensor on a mouse, these are actually harmless pranks.)
Story 3… why did they need their parents’ blessing? That seems kinda… weird… Also they can still get married, if the spouse doesn’t have a problem with the arrangement.
story 2: but the dude didn't do anything wrong. she set the rules, he started to play by those rules. he was showing love and affection, was refused for receiving the same and ended up disparaged for even expecting some. i would say to op to let his wife work. from personal experience, stay at home partner is easy job if you have modicum of work ethic. you get everything done by 10 and you have nothing to do until late afternoon. one large letdown in my case is that my wife loves my cooking a bit too much and it started to show...
What is wrong with people and naming their children something stupid as if that can’t effect their life, you’re not naming a fictional character, you’re naming a human person who has to deal with that name that can effect their life cause people WILL JUDGE
Yeah, people can get bullied just for having the last name Cox, why would you do something on purpose that could get your kid bullied? Like even if the kid likes it and thinks it’s funny they’ll start to hate it after a while.
On story 5: that has to be the last straw . The mom in this story invited herself , when OPs wife said no ( who was the closest to the owner of the property) that should've been it but by OP disregarding her wish he showed her that she was in 3rd place in a couples relationship which is unsustainable. Op has reached the point where he has to decide between his mom and his wife, and for the sake of the upcoming baby, i hope he chooses the wife because it sounded to me like she would rather abort than feeling like she was baby trapped.
I live for the fact that rslash completely ignored that the husband in te second story was giving praise and aprecciation for his wife and hey stopped because she was not
Yeah. I'm sorry, RSLASH. But I think you misinterpreted Story #2. OP GIVES love and appreciation almost every day for every meal his wife cooks! But SHE NEVER gives appreciation for his work as a provider! So THE WIFE takes OP FOR GRANTED and OP just stoped ONCE telling her, how good the meal is and she flips out? Nah bro! This wife is the problem! She acts like OP does nothing! But the way this post sounds OP works full time AND does house work on the weekends! So Yeah.. OP not the AH! The wife: major AH!
I love how he's mad at the op for naming stroganoff but not at the wife for choosing a name that the husband doesn't like and just didn't care. What happen to 2 yes 1 no? If the husband said no then the middle name doesn't go through. But blame him for that. I would bet that if the middle name went through for the wife side and the op said he hated, r/SLASH would say to the OP to get over it
Story 3: OP has unhealthy obsession over his sister. His GF should talk with his sister and ask what she thinks about this. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mind...
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Your VPN add mentions you use it in China where it is illegal to use. Not a good add.
Usually I don’t disagree with Am I The Devil posts. It’s super rare. But I think the second post is one of those times. I don’t see how he’s a devil here, since he DID appreciate her going up to this point, and then only became petty when she basically dismissed his contributions. Is he petty and dumb? Yeah, but he’s not wrong exactly
Idk about dumb. Maybe he wanted to show her what it feels like when nobody appreciates your work, but that just led to her leaving the house lol
Ask Mr Bailey always says just returning the same energy he was being given
I agree. He returned her energy, that was all. She DEMANDS to get validation but the moment he asks for a bit of the same feelings returned, she dismissed him. His response was valid but petty. They need therapy. The only possible 'devil' in the story is the wife if her behavior is not from a lasting imbalance since the pregnancy if she neglected her health. (their kid is a toddler, so I doubt it is that, though)
Edit: The ONLY other way the OP could be seen as bad is if some vital information got left out that was uncovered in comments or from the wife's perspective but the video didn't cover that.
Furthermore, the wife consistently refused to express appreciation. He only refused once. *Once.* Her reaction: "wig out and go home to mother."
It’s just sad a married couple is being this petty. She’s clearly just stressed and venting from her friend going through a divorce and he’s sitting there like “grrr what about ME tho?” Like bro grow up and just be kind to ur wife it’s not that hard. Help her through this don’t prove her “right”
Story 2: Wait a minute…but…Op DOES praise his wife, he states that he frequently does, SHE doesn’t and SHE is the one saying “it’s your job to provide”. Like they DEFINITELY need better communication but imo this 100000% does NOT belong on this subreddit…
Yes because misandry from rslash
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah I was trying to figure out how tf OP is the devil in that one. Yeah he went about it in a dumb way, but all he wanted was some praise back like what he gives his wife. That's not a huge ask
That’s what I was thinking. I think OP’s wife thinks that the mother is the only one who should be praised and not the bread winner. I have a feeling their marriage won’t last.
@@Maria_Miciano_5probably poisoned by "modern" feminism.
(Her Job): It's not both of them. OP has been verbally appreciative of his wife. The _first_ time he doesn't expression appreciation, she wigs out. She is the problem here.
Yeah, and how did that story end up in r/amithedevil ??? He literally just told her what she told him.
Being a stay at home parent is hard. Being the sole breadwinner is hard. He acknowledged her work, but she didn't return the favor, AND he helps out after he gets home. She is definitely in the wrong here.
@@Dog_in_tree because lol men's feelings
@Clyde-S-Wilcox yeah. I forgot we're not supposed to have those.
Women: Men need to talk about their emotions more! It's okay to have emotions! It's okay to cry! It's toxic masculinity that tells Men that they can't!
Women when a man tells her how her actions made him feel: OMG I can't believe you'd say that! 😭 I'm leaving
Women when a man cries: omg eww, I just got the ick
Thank you!! I was saying the same thing
2 - unless he’s leaving out something big, he’s right. He tried to communicate his needs and he speaks of wife as an equal contributor to their household. And her seeming to expect a compliment on dinner suggests that he usually gives one.
This, I was a bit confused that RSlash didn't notice this himself. This man asked for respect doing his share of the household chores and was told no. The wife has to give respect to get respect. If he goes to work, she can stay home and cook and clean.
I found out the original post, at least the comments since the post was removed. It pretty much boils down to how OOP reacted in the comment section, leading his account to be suspended. I couldn'f find his comments, but it seems that his wife had to give up her carreer, and, yeah, it looks like there's a lot more OOP left out
@@marcusverissimo5228 but in another comment someone pointed out another deleted comment where the wife chose to be SAHM even after OP asked her to rethink her decision
Spot on!! He's absolutely right! Our 3 kids are gone and out the house so he told me if I wanted to stay home I could do been a house wife for 4yrs. You damn right I fall over him when he walks in the door to show my appreciation! I try to beat his mistress to him though but she's agile.. Been trying to practice my parkour so I can leap over the chair, onto the table and into his arms like his mistress does!! Oh, and she thinks she's all cutesy with that mmmeeeeoow, whatever!! I know her game!!! 😂
Both need counseling. There are some deeper rooted issues. I can't say who is bad or who is right. OP probably should have just had a sit down talk about things and go about it more diplomatically. I totally get he needs recognition too for what he does. Both sides need to feel like the other is pulling their weight equally. That's how a relationship is. You don't want to feel like a maid.
I can't say which side is wrong here, and I think they need to just talk to each other... and perhaps seek out counseling.
Why does living with your sister mean that you can't be married or be in a serious relationship or have kids? That's so weird. I'm a married woman and we have a friend who lives with us.
They absolutely could if all 3 parties really wanted to. Bottom line is he doesn't want to so she's going to have to move on if that is what she wants
She knew going in. It's odd but it's his choice and he was honest about it.
@@Clyde-S-Wilcox He's not really honest about it though. There's zero reason that living with, and helping care for his sister means he can't be married. There are plenty of reasons to not want to be married though. Problem is, instead of voicing any/all of those, he uses the sister as an excuse to hide behind. Saying you can't get married because of your sister means squat if the other person responds with "I don't mind".
My little sister is disabled. She lives by herself now but she used to live with my older sister for a long time. My older sister even got married while she was living with her. She could have stayed but she decided that she wanted to move out. Hell, she even lived with me and my husband for a time. It's not that big of a deal.
it doesn't! unless you are using that as an excuse to not get married or have kids!
So a 22 year old boy is too young to take care of his grandmother, but a 22 year old girl is old enough to care for both her grandmother and a sick/dying mother, handle the estate and funeral plans and pay bills for her grandmother?
Don't forget, she also runs errands for her uncle.
The OP seemed almost saltier about her ignoring his errands now than her not having time for Grandma.
@christinacartter9784 just throwing it out there, notice that the ONLY people who are "capable" of caring for his grandparents are female (OP's girlfriend and sister) but OP's sons are "too young" and OP himself is "too busy".
@@doggone12ify I was thinking the same thing. This guy is not just a POS, he is a sexist POS.
@@doggone12ify I was wondering if someone would notice that. Funny how the men are either too young or too busy sleeping to help and it's SO MUCH WORK when OP has to do it.
All I hear from OP is:
ME, ME, ME, ME!!!!
Op is a major AH, selfish, self-centered narcissistic!
Story 3: I’m confused, your sister has been blind for 14 years, graduated college, and has a career. Why does she still need your support at this point if according to you shes fully capable of being independent? I wish the parents could’ve stopped the two of you from making that arrangement because it feels like it’s just going to do more harm than good holding both of you back.
They have some weird codependent relationship going on, that's for sure
He states "other reasons" because he wants support from reddit, but doesn't want to admit that he has en extremely inappropriate relationship with his sister. It's definitely giving off weird Donny and Marie vibes.
OK I'm not justifying the codependent relationship, but here's some input from an actual blind person: I was born almost completely blind and to be perfectly honest, most sighted people scare me. I have only a few safe people with whom I know I will be okay shopping, eating out, going to medical appointments, etc. etc. It's not like I can't do things alone (I'm currently going to school halfway across the country from where my parents and family live), but just being able to have one of my safe people near me makes all the difference. When people treat you with ignorance and grab you off the street to try to "help" you basically every day, it just really helps to have a buffer to turn off the voice in your head that says that you're not enough. Again, not justifying this behavior, just maybe explaining it a little. When I graduate from my masters degree, I'd like to move somewhere near my mom or one of my other safe people. Living so far away from them has made me just slightly insane.
@@FMoashhe!? The whole time I thought it was a lesbian!! This is so much worse!
@@glamethyst9144I understand feeling safe and comfortable around your preferred people. But would that ever stop you from have romantic relationships or getting married? I don't see why OP couldn't get married and gave kids and the sister is just there. It didn't seem like his girlfriend or sister had a problem with that arrangement
Story 2: bro gave praise to his wife for how well se does as a home maker. He noticed that she never reciprocates, and asks about it. She basically tells him that the work he does for the family isn't worthy of recognition. he stopped giving her praise and she does the shocked Pikachu face. Hy husband is the house maker. He does the majority of the house work. I appreciate every bit of the work he does around the house and i tell him frequently. My husband tells me how much he appreciates the hours i have to work in that miserable office job to maintain our home. Both roles are worthy of recognition and respect!
*ahem*
Nice
Yea really
@@darabounds6671 it’s just typical rlash, if any boyfriend/husband doesn’t do what he would do in that situation or even come up short they’re awful in his eyes because no man can ever be as good as him🙄
@@nickspur0798many people have been saying he’s a misandrist and honestly I agree
@@astrology_2 yeah it got to the point it was hard to watch his videos and his clear bias against men. Haven’t watch a video of his in two months and don’t miss them.
Story 4:I have never seen such entitlement before
"My 20 year old sons are too young to take care of my mother"?
OP,Stop the cap,Just admit you're a terribly selfish child already
its not just entitlement its sexism, I bet if he had daughters it would be a different story
@@BladeX11883agreed, he sees her as an obligatory caretaker because she’s a woman.
@@UrsulaDaSeaWishhagree. OP never mentions the he cared for his sister either...
@@noinfo5630 and he mentioned that "it's not my fault that my sister passed away", so yeah, that tells you that if his sister were alive he would expect her to take care of their mother,I would love to read the comments of that one.
he passed the asshole college with shity perfect marks
@@dinlupus3196 But he works seven nights a week at 12 hours per night and needs a solid 10 hours of sleep during the day so there's no way he could possibly take care of his mother. Plus his adult sons are too busy playing Grand Theft Auto and working at the gas station to even consider having them do anything with their grandmother.
Story 2 : OP is absolutely right. Appreciation has to go both ways. If his wife chose to do home keeping over work, she has no grounds for complaint.
@@Tajarim88 it’s rslash though so in his eyes, if a boyfriend/husband doesn’t do what he would do in that situation or doesn’t do enough they’re toxic and awful men because only rslash is the only good man in this world🙄
Fucking exactly, Rslash refuses to see things objectively cause he worships his wife, nothing wrong with that, but christ does he go out of his way to show it
@@nickspur0798 yeah, guy internalised only half of the equality deal. The women - half. All the rights and privileges, none of the responsibility.
@@nickspur0798IDK if rslash was saying OP was actually the devil here. It's on the subreddit so he read it, but the jist of his take seemed to be they've worked themselves into a cold war. The wife doesn't want to acknowledge that working for a paycheck deserves appreciation, and the husband no longer wants to give praise without receiving any in return. She's in the wrong, but there's no forward momentum. Without some outside force, like therapy, they're stuck until they crumble into separation/divorce.
At least that was my extrapolation from his cold war comment, but maybe I'm inferring too much.
Beef Straganov…
That is an Ace Attorney name.
No joke. In Episode 2 of “The Great Ace Attorney: Adventures”, there is a character with that name (it’s not spelled that way, but that is how it’s pronounced).
I came here to say that
"OBJECTION!!!"
ACE ATTORNEY MENTIONED
I came to say the exact same thing, as I just completed that case on Tuesday!
Bif Strogenov was a fun character, I love the variety in this game
naming your kid an ace attorney pun is crazy 💀
That last story hurts hard. Yes taking to your parents is important but its bad when they control your entire life. I really want to hear an update on the original post.
Story 2: The wife is such a hypocrite she wants to be praised for the work that she has to do as a parent but doesn’t want to praise the dad for the work he has to do? Then tries to force him out of the house? OP is definitely right she is projecting. They both need counseling.
How tf did story 2 end up in that subreddit? The wife refused to show any appreciation and was downright disrespectful, so he gave her a taste of her own medicine. He literally just told her what she told him. If what he said was so terrible, why wasn't it terrible when she said it? I think reddit is just biased against men.
Nah, dabney is just a massive simp...
@@teslagod7221 Why are you blaming Rslash for the post being there? lol
@@ReptillianStrike i'm not blaming rslash for post being there, but on how much bias he has on his comments and judgement about men should be slaves for women...
@@teslagod7221so you’re adding random, unrelated statements to this thread about why the post was in amithedevil. Why you threadjackin?
@@Nebraska60 the point is rslash would not had included it his amithedevil video if he isn't that biased...
Wait why is 20 and 22 too young to watch grandma's dog or call her on the phone when she's lonely or take her to the doctor. Jane sounds like an absolute saint to me.
It's clearly not about age, it's about gender, obviously. OP is just a sexist
They're boys and I'm assuming op is sexist
Sounds like OP is sexist
Because it's not about age, it's about gender. Notice how the only people who are capable of watching OP's mother are female (His girlfriend and his sister) and that his sons are "too young" and OP is "Too busy"
Yeah, i'm 22 and thats a perfectly reasonable thing to do
Story 4: I'm absolutely confident that OP had the time and energy (and if not, his sons) to take care of his mom, but nope. He just makes excuses, exhausts Jane, and now is all whiny because he's gotta do his errands. Like, Jane might as well be OP's mom's child with how avoidant OP is being.
Story 2: "if one person made the effort to show love and affection then that'll make the other person more likely to show the same thing" but the thing is that's what op did, he continued to shower her with affection and his response to saying he wants the same back is to have the wife downplay his role because basically she's saying "a man should be the one doing all the work to pay for the house" all op did was match her energy and now she's upset sorry dear but op is right you are underappricating him.
I think R Slash just spews his opinion without re reading or paying attention. He did say he did praise her . He did help more around the house ... But what R Slash didn't pick up was the sabatour divorced friend.
Listening to the story, it's not explicitly stated that he praises her regularly, or I just didn't hear that part, but it's clear to me from her expecting praise for the one dinner that he did so regularly enough that she expects it now. It's also clear that despite what he said about checking in with her about how she feels about the division of labor, she obviously feels that she's contributing more, because she sees his contribution as the bare minimum while her contribution deserves praise. Therapy is definitely needed, especially if her friend's recent divorce is influencing her attitude...but I would also like to hear her side and see how she really views the situation.
@@Surahthe DOES though. He says that each time he praises her. The time he matched her energy is the FIRST time he just went straight to eating.
Story 5: Wow... just... I have no words for such a mama's boy. His wife, the bearer of his, their, child is planning a romantic getaway with a surprise in store, and he just begins to sputter about his family? "Oh but my family wanted to come, I thought you'd be okay with it." Buddy... dude... my guy...
That’s what marriage is lol. Marriage isn’t just between two people, it’s between two families
@@AJ-zq8kv not when families interfere. my mother married an orphan. she told me i should do the same. i came close since hubby was not close to his toxic mother. my family didn't interfere with us.
@@AJ-zq8kv No, that is such a clueless take on what happened. Of course they should be able to make plans and do things that don't always involve others, and should not have to live under the rules and whims of their extended family. They have their own lives and for many will create their own nuclear family.
The husband is a bit weird.
@@It-is-me...Melsie you can never call a man weird for wanted to spend time with the family that raised him. Although it is quite weird his family just invited themselves to a cabin that wasn’t theirs 💀
@@AJ-zq8kv Stop trolling. We both know this is not about him wanting to spend time with his family. There is a time and place for everything and a romantic getaway that was planned for the both of them is definitely not the time and place to bring your family along. And it wasn´t even that he wanted that, he just had no spine and couldn´t tell his mom no when she interjected in their plans. The mom walked all over him and his wife by just inviting the whole family along and trying to present them with a fait accompli and it would have been his job to get her back in line. Instead, he just let her pull that stunt and is surprised that his wife isn´t willing to be a doormat to his mother the same as he is.
Story 1: the guy named the baby Stroganov, so now his wife has a beef with him, and after she leaves with the kid, he's going to be left with Strokinoff.
Its the Middle name, not first name, that detail is extremely important though that yall are forgeting about. It is not the First name,
@@Klon0grawho cares
@@Junior-zq2ls no one cares about middle names he could legit just change it for like $40 who really cares
@M12230 plenty of places care about middle names. This man's wife definitely did. So your statement is irrelevant.
@@Junior-zq2ls barely anywhere cares about middle names and anyways he’s gonna change it for $40. It’s a newborn baby. Nothings tied to the name yet.
rSlash, did you actually comprehend what you read in story 2? The husband is bitter because HE'S THE ONLY ONE GIVING PRAISE. Any asking of acknowledging that his work has value is dismissed as "it's your job", but apparently that doesn't apply to a stay-at-home parent - they exclusively seem to be deserving of applause for their sacrifice. No, this doesn't belong in AITD in the slightest, the wife definitely seems to be projecting her friend's lazy ex-husband onto her own husband.
If you'ved been watching rslash for a long time, you'd know how huge of a simp he is. His views is always judged on gender, and his AH scores mostly based on gender. He would rarely give 4 AH score to a women, no matter how much they abused their man or children, but in gender reverse of same situations or case, the men gets much higher AH scores...
Dabney had always been very very bias on his views about men and women doing things, and will always be so. But atleast, he's no longer doubling down and deleting the post for having so much negative response on his views...
Rslash didn't post it there, but you're right.
This is very on brand for Rslash unfortunately. He seems to have a dislike for men for some reason. The only reason I can think of is maybe his wife shits on men all the time, and Rslash internalizes it.
But obviously, that's speculation.
Did you? OP was implying that simply telling his wife that she did a good job with dinner is this big fucking deal that he needs to put an enormous amount of effort towards.
They both suck and need counseling. Neither one seems to appreciate the other much.
I mean, yes making dinner is hard, ima work mom, I'm autistic and I handle heavily scheduled life way better then the flexibility the kids need. My husband is the first guy in line, can't cook but damn he can child reer. Child raising is hard, but that doesn't make work not hard. Why can't both say thank you, especially if the husband has been bringing it up and bringing it up, and this is how she shuts him down? It's normal to praise your partner for I mean... realistically everything, throw your fucking praise for your partner around willy nilly, if you don't think they're doing enough might as well see if they have a praise kink and Pavlov a healthy relationship. Again autistic. And heavy praise kink. He gives me my thank yous for working but I mean you rarely have time to thank for that, the issue is stay at home moming you have a million things to come home tothat you can thank for, but the one coming home gets the chance for one thank you. I can see how that makes people feel devalued, because no we couldn't have the family work the way we want it without a stay at home parent, but we also can't do it without money here in America either, drop in the comments the places we can raise a full family for free plz🙏🙏
@@dearrainfall846 Japan gives tax breaks and unless I'm mistaken, stimulus checks for a few years to new parents. Because of their declining population.
Dabney, the husband WAS showing appreciation and caring, the WIFE refused to reciprocate. And something is off with the blind sister story. It almost sounds emotionally incestuous. Decided young they were gonna "live together forever", decided young that it meant no serious relationships, something is just OFF.
Thank you! I was coming to say the same thing, like did dabney not understand what he was reading?
Story 2: The wife does something bad in a relationship, so Dabney... invents something that the husband is supposedly doing so that they're both equally bad???
Thats just r/relationship_advice for you. This happens there often if you have the "wrong" gender.
Story 4: To start with I was thinking he was just lazy, but with the 'its not my fault her daughter died' comment, it definitely sounds like a sexist thing.
Yeah, absolutely sexist, starting with his two adult sons not being fit caretakers.
dude from the last story: "you should have done literally what you were trying to do before doing what you were trying to do"
Exactly!!!!😂
That's what I got, too.
Actually, what OP was really saying is his wife should've told him that she's pregnant right at the start before the romantic getaway so that he can replan his time with his family rather than her forcing him to ditch his family so that it's just the two of them where there she tells him she's pregnant. Even with this, it still shows how his parents will always be his number one priority.
OP’s wife is a hypocrite that goes both ways. She shouldn’t expect anything transactional for taking care of the house and the kids because that’s her job.
Seriously. OP sounds harsh but she's the one demanding something she refuses to give. He was only giving back what she gave him. But hey we all know men's feelings aren't real.
@@Clyde-S-Wilcox I was right with you until your last silly and insolent sounding sentence.
@@It-is-me...MelsieThey were being sarcastic at the last part, it’s a little hard to tell as it is on the internet and we can’t hear the tone 😭
@@danganryanne9499 it was really not hard to tell on that one. But there is a certain percentage of people who won't understand irony, let alone sarcasm, even if you break it down for them ...
@@brag0001 Yeah, I just know that others can’t understand it without the /s that a lot of people do
NEVER EVER name a child after a meal, jokes or not ON OFFICIAL DOCUMENTATION.
What is wrong with people and these baby names???
But stroganoff is so delicious though.
Too late, my fruit named cousin is already screwed
@@DrCrab-vp2vc lol not that delicious
@@victorias3280 you haven't had good stroganoff than.
@@DrCrab-vp2vcROFLMAO you would be correct on that
2nd story - but the OP *was* showing affection and appreciation! It is only when his wife took his contributions for granted, he *stopped* . And now she is like "boo, hoo, he is so mean!".
@rSlash - you might need some of your compass adjusted.
Rslash is always biased in the womans favour in his takes.
@@wolcek it’s just Rslash usual misandry, I bet you if the roles were reversed he would have chewed out the husband (wife in this story) and praise the wife (husband in this story)
@@hanalexcranealister6799 Well, I have not noticed it before, but here it is quite pronounced.
@@wolcekThere are many examples.
@@wolcekthere was a story a few months ago with an abusive wife who was suffering pregnancy related diabetes, the op of the story followed her diet and supported her, he brought in donuts that he got for his birthday and she abused him no apology or anything from her for his birthday so he decided to treat himself to some cheesecake factory once a week and ate it in the car away from her so it wouldn’t trigger the wife. She found the receipt and abused him some more. Guess who rslash made into the villain if you said the wife you would be wrong he made the victim of abuse the villain
Story 2. rSlash, he IS showing love. Every time she does something for the house or family, he lets her know that he appreciates her. She never does to him, however. It's not a loveless cold war, it's her not doing her part.
I think he got a little thrown off because it’s on AITD so he’s going in assuming the poster is bad. Usually he’s a lot more balanced than this. But he is right that he shouldn’t have fired back toxic behavior with toxic behavior. Even if only one time. That never works.
2nd Story: "Whenever I suggest [appreciating what I contribute] to my wife, she says that I'm just doing my job and shouldn't expect anything "transactional" for doing my share of the responsibility."
Holy crap, woman, how hypocritical! You can't tell your husband you don't want to acknowledge what he does and then get mad when he doesn't acknowledge what YOU do. These two could really benefit from some marriage or communication counseling.
Story 2: Wife is being self righteous, toxic, and petty by refusing to acknowledge her husbands contribution to the family, but expects to be praised for her contributions. Husband matches her energy and stops acknowledging her contributions in kind. Her literal response is to kick him out the house.
Rslash: Both parties suck here.
Me: 🙄
Its because OP is a guy 😆.
Rslash being Rslash.
He seems to have internalized misandry for some reason. Maybe someone close to him shits on men all the time? His wife maybe? Idk.
Bruh, wife sounds like an outright Narrcist if the very instant her ego isn't being stroked she tosses him away.
Like what the hell? That ain't well adjusted behavior.
I think it’s because it’s on AITD and you go in expecting the OP to be the worst and some of the wording could be misconstrued to be just a basic thanks on OP’s part. (Which is still better than what he was getting.) The only point I had a problem with is that OP fired back toxic behavior with the same behavior. Trust me. That’s never a good idea. The couple needs therapy. Plain and simple.
Lookin at the comments, I'm glad I'm not the only one who agrees with OP on the second story. If I heard correctly then the wife told OP to stop seeking appreciation for his contributions but she expects appreciation for hers.
Sooooo op’s wife can tell him he doesn’t need to be praised for doing his job but she expects him to praise her?? How’s that equal?
Story 3: Yeah, I'm not so sure either about how to assess this. I do wonder if there is a hidden reason on why the No Marriage thing was set, because I'm struggling to see how OP marrying someone wouldn't cause too much issue since his sister has managed to figure out how to get through her blindness without depending on OP. Who knows, maybe someone can enlighten me.
I do think that a chunk of what makes OP "The Devil" is stringing his GF along for 5 years.
Edit: Maybe "string along" isn't the right word, but I do wonder if OP still dating someone isn't a good idea if the parents don't want him to marry.
Edit 2: Someone in the replies suspected favoritism towards the blind sister for the "No Marriage" thing, and I hate that this could be the actual case.
but he didn't string her along tho. From what was written, he made it clear it wasn't a relationship that would grow into that level of commitment. He stated so multiple times. If she chooses to ignore him on that, that is her own choice and her own issue.
My belief is that I suspect favoritism on the parent's part. I believe they set a no marriage rule because I suspect they think the sister most likely would never be indepenadant enough to date around and marry someone. While op could, which could make the sister feel jealous or something. Something like: "If you two are going to be together forever, than you'll have to be miserable too or she'll get jealous." because I don't think it has anything to do with commitments. If op dated for 5 years I'd assume he didn't stop caring for his sister in the meantime. At least it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like op should talk to his sister and get things clear without having the parents in between. To just ask if she would be okay with op marrying his gf if nothing changed between them two and then break the news to his family if she's okay with it. I've seen too many instances of parents speaking on the behalf of disabled or ill children completely missing the mark making them sound like bedridden adults who can't possibly have a grasp on society and their emotions. While in reality they just have minor struggles or most of the struggles have to do with society not being made for them rather than the struggles affecting their life all that much. I've seen plenty of blind cats be pros at being cats once they learn the environment they live in. Or plenty of disabled folks get around really easily in cities built with them in mind. The blindness as it seems doesn't affect her all that much physically but I still think the parents might pull a guilt trip on op if he were to address the issue with them first.
@@miniman649he did. If she brought it up and he gave hints. If he doesn't want to marry he should grow the balls and break up. If he plans to not marry, he shouldn't date.
@@TheBoboTheIceMan casual relationships are a thing you know? Not every date or relationship ends in marriage.
He stated he wanted a casual relationship. She started dating him under those terms.
If she found out her desires changed, it is on her to either break up or accept there won't be marriage.
She is a big girl and can be responsible for her own actions.
He wants a f buddy. You don't do romantic dinners with a f buddy.
Story 3: wait a minute, why can’t the girlfriend move in too? Like? If you’re so adamant about living with your sister, get a bigger place together? I’m so confused wym “marriage and kids are off the table” no they’re not???? If you want to then yes, and it seems like OP is just using the gf for entertainment rather than a real relationship because if things got too serious Op could’ve ended it but they didn’t
That doesn't really matter, since the relationship was started on the basis that it *wouldn't* be that serious. It's like striking up a friendship and then getting mad that they won't fuck you. Not every relationship has to evolve to the greatest level of intimacy, if she doesn't like that... she can leave, since that's his boundary. As stated from the very beginning.
@@slimej2202 At the risk of sounding like grammar police, it depends on how he expressed it to her. If he said "I can't marry because of my sister", then that's not a boundary, that's a situation he's been put in, and a situation can be overcome. If he said "I won't marry you because of my sister", that's a boundary that he has set. It's the old can I/may I argument.
@@slimej2202 well, that may be true if you're in a relationship for few months. Emotions develop over time and if you're with someone for a longer time, you need to decide to cut them off if you wanna stick to your stipulations, otherwise you're just stringing them along and taking advantage of their emotions and time.
the thing is, OP is using their sister as an excuse for why they can't get married. they just don't want to get married or have kids, but they do want long term relationships.
@@abiean222 that’s kind of where I got confused, OP doesn’t want to get married because they wanted to keep living with their sister, which is why I was like you can have both?? I’m just confused on if op just doesn’t want to get married, or using the living situation to justify why it’s not possible
I was initially unsure what the problem was with the blind sister story and... Uh... Yeah okay bro. So you *can't* marry for some reason because you're looking after your sister, you had a multiple-year relationship with a partner who was *clearly* okay with you being your sister's caregiver, and your response to that is "NO I WILL NEVER MARRY YOU STOP BEING DELUSIONAL!!!!"?
Bruh.
He did state from the beginning that marriage and kids were off the table. The reason why doesn't matter. It'd be like a husband constantly pressuring the wife to have kids when they got married under a child-free pretense. It's just plain wrong to push people's boundaries like that.
@@slimej2202why are you commenting this under every comment ? Are you him? 💀
@@slimej2202I agree with that but like. He's using his sister as an excuse and shield. The gf was probably under the impression that she had to prove she cared about his sister/wouldn't interfere with her needs, not that he just didn't want her. Meanwhile the guy stayed with her for years saying "don't get attached" "this has gone on a while" instead of breaking up with her himself when he felt his boundaries were pushed. He is being a spineless coward and using his sister as a token. It's fucked up
@@twistysunshine Should he break up? Certainly. I don't think it's using the sister as an excuse or a shield, though. Not when he's been upfront with everyone in his life that he's chosen his sister as priority #1.
It'd be like saying "your using your job as an excuse and a shield for not having kids" to someone who's decided to pursue a career and stay child-free.
@@slimej2202oh your definitely op
When you were telling the last story.... I started to think of the possibility of OP's wife was planning to tell him she was pregnant, just before the part of the story when the ultrasound was mentioned.
And the part is while rSlash read it as if OP's wife is actually doing the thing OP was saying she should've done, but how I read it actually is that OP said that his wife should've told him that she's pregnant before the romantic getaway so that he can replan things with his family. Yeah, he's saying this as if he's upset that his wife is not telling him this vital info so that she can force him to ditch his family just so that this romantic getaway will be just the two of them where there she tells him that she's pregnant. Yeah, even then, it still shows how much he refuses to cut the cord.
Story 5: Op massively messed up here…it was supposed to be a romantic getaway for the 2 of ‘em, not a family getaway. I’d say there’s a small chance for his wife to somewhat forgive him but it’s up to Op to definitely change and put up boundaries with his mom, or else he’ll never see his wife and his future kid again.
more like HIS family getaway, he didn't even phantom the idea of getting his wife family involved (she probably would reject that one too, because of the plans but the thought would had matter).
If his wife divorced him he would very probably will never have a stable relationship due to him not wanting to leave mommy's side
IDK, I got the feeling from that 'she's considering "ALL" her options' comment that she might not continue being pregnant, let alone being in a relationship with him anymore.
@@CanyonALynngiven custody issues, it's the only ways she'd be able to get a clean break from him.
Story 1:People,For the love of God,Your kids ARE NOT accessories,Don't name them weird things
I mean yes but also it's a middle name and it's not that weird
No, if I have a son imma name him Megatron 😂😉
@@acornsofficialchannel487 Funnily enough, that's a gag Peter Griffin pulled at Meg's birth.
OP literally said he'll take care of changing the name on the certificate
@@lahlybird895and also he never planned on leaving the name there
Like he definitely shouldn't have filed the papers in the first place but he's not wrong that none of this will matter in a month and changing a newborn's name should be a pretty straightforward process. It's when you're dealing with an adult that actually has stuff in their name that legal name changes become more difficult
Wife: You named our baby Stroganov!?
Husband: It's just a prank bro!
When your partner clearly expresses to you that they would like to receive love through verbal compliments, it is the easiest thing in the world to give that to them. I think it's horrible of the wife to bring her friends issues into her own relationship.
Story two: This is the perfect example of an ongoing trend I’ve been seeing where people seem to think that being the breadwinner isn’t that impressive. That working eight-hour shifts, and helping with chores just isn’t impressive, because the homemaker cooks, and cleans, and cares for the kid. I’m not saying that those things aren’t important, cause they are, but I am saying that the breadwinner deserves just as much respect.
And this guy is definitely NOT the devil. He isn’t some lazy husband who comes home, yells at his wife for a beer, and sits on the couch all evening, he contributes to the household by helping with chores(Implied by the “I don’t expect a thank you for doing a chore” line) who just wants appreciation for the amount of work he does.
*First OP:* Do not give your kids awful names. Even if it's a prank. Even if it's their middle name. OP's wife's feelings were valid, but her response makes me wonder if the "prank" was the final straw. I get her wanting to distance herself from OP because of the stunt, but to separate? I wouldn't be surprised if something else was going on.
Or maybe it _is_ grounds for separation/divorce. What do I know?
*Second OP:* -Instead of being the change he wanted to see in the world, OP decided to stand on business to prove a point. I'm usually Team Petty, but there's a time and a place for it. Was it that hard to say, "The food's delicious. Thanks for cooking"?- *I forgot that he had praised his wife in the past. I was wrong.*
*Third OP:* If OP already decided his sister would take top priority over his significant other, then why date? Why not have a friend with benefits?
*Fourth OP:* How is 20 and 22 too young to take care of OP's mom? Why didn't he just admit that he put the responsibility on Jane because she's a woman? Doofus.
*Fifth OP:* Yeah, there's no coming back to that.
So, the fact that she was wanting to name the baby after someone that she KNOWS he doesn't like at all doesn't factor into it... she's the one that started the whole thing and it ends up that she can't handle what she dishes out
But in the second story the wife was the one who never praised OP. And it didn't help if OP did praise her cooking etc. So you are saying that the wife should be praised, but OP shouldn't?
@@maagi1 They both should be praised for their contributions to their household. I'm just saying OP could've been the bigger person (which admittedly I'm not a fan of) and praise her cooking first.
@@dustinblanken5886 eh, that is true but if he wanted to do a prank, he should have filled out a fake form like r/slash said.
@maagi1 not to mention he said he always does. She views her job as a necessity and his job as him doing what he is SUPPOSED to do. Which yes, he is, HOWEVER she could equally say thank you or show appreciation same as he does.
Story 3:Uhhh,What?
OP,You ok?
What kind of excuse is that?
If OP doesn't feel like they can be in a long-term relationship while taking care of their sister, then they don't have to be in a long-term relationship.
He's not wrong
@@topiasnousiainen5258If that’s the case why didn’t *he* break it off instead of saying “this can’t go on forever” for five years straight? He’s the one who doesn’t want a long term relationship, it’s his responsibility to break the relationship off, not hers
@@topiasnousiainen5258This is true, but I’m also curious if the sister knows or is okay with being the reason OP uses for not settling down. He already takes care of her so it would suck if she finds out she’s tangentially responsible for him not dating long term.
Maybe he's too comfortable on their set up that he just dont wanna a big change on his life
op: "They're too young to help their grandmother."
me: are they a bit too young or are they a bit too male?
because it feels like op has a 'women are the caretaker' mindset set and despite only being a few years older than her cousins wants his niece to take care of his mother
it feels less about age and more 'well I have sons and not daughters so I'm not asking them to help their cousin' I bet if op had daughters the same age or even younger he would make them help but no they're boys so "too young"
Story 4, am i reading that right, OP lives 10 minutes from his mother but is hellbent on having jane come over for every little issue when she lives 1,5 hours away??
Story 2 doesn't feel that evil. The Wife is biting the hand that feeds her basically. Its more of an everyone sucks here cause they both need better communication but it does not belong on that subreddit cause the Wife is the one who started it by belittling OP's contribution.
And OP said that he did praise her normally, but she never praised him, which caused him to act petty there.
Nah, she sucks here, he communicated praises, when he felt unseen he communicated he felt he wasn’t praised for his work and the wife told him he shouldn’t be praised for doing his work so he was petty and gave the same energy back to the wife
@@maagi1 being petty may have felt great in the situation as an emotional response, but did it help the situation? No, it just made everything worse rather than properly communicating his feelings about what she told him.
@@murderousintent7838that's the thing tho, he's already communicated and was dismissed. Of course prolly didn't help the situation but why is it him that has to rectifi it?
Yeah Rslash you are wrong on that second story. This is on the wife. Op just reciprocated the energy shes been giving and she blew a gasket.
Story 3: the guy should move into a house with an attached apartment so he can get married, but also still care for his sister.
I see a lot of people going "just marry her" on third story. To which I have to say - guys, YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT.
The point was - the dude set up a boundary, he warned the girl multiple times about said boundary, and she ignored it all and crossed it anyway. It doesn't matter here what it was about - marriage, kids, cars, disabled relatives, etc. He said "I won't do that thing no matter what" and she answered "sure, I'm fine with that" only to ask "So, when are we doing that thing?" after.
Again - it could have been about anything. "I will never buy a car" - "As you wish, sweetie~ ...so, when will you buy a car?". Or "I'm vegan and will never touch meat" - "Ok, cool! ...so how about kebabs for dinner?". The subject doesn't matter here, what matters is the clear and deliberate ignorance of the girl.
As a married woman, I have to say that in Story 2, OP is NOT the devil or even an AH. He is completely in the right and the wife is the issue. Sorry, but being a stay-at-home mom by choice is not any more important or difficult than your partner going to work all day. And if both are contributing to household chores and childcare when able to (as in, the one that works takes over for a few hours after they get home) then there is no need for it to be a competition. Also, OP does appreciate his wife and would say so. She is the one that doesn't and thinks it's "his job" to provide. And sure, in their specific arrangement, it IS his job to provide for his family. Just like it's HER job to cook and clean. This is the arrangement they had and were ok with. If she doesn't like it, communicate with her husband and tell him she wants to start working again or whatever. None of this petty "appreciate meeeeee" bullsh*t.
Did you even pay attention to the words you were reading in the second story? The husband was a loving husband. He acknowledged his wife and thanked for what she did. She then stopped showing love back to him. He asked her if she could because he was feeling a bit under appreciated and she straight up told him his work doesn’t matter and he doesn’t deserve to be appreciated. So then, he doesn’t even do anything yet. He says “hey, I think you may be going through some stuff. Let’s talk about it so that way we can fix the rift that’s starting to form.” She refuses, and then he starts to feel bitter. That’s not a Cold War, that’s beaten until he bites back
And then on top of that, the post he made wasn’t “what did I do wrong?” Or “am I wrong” it was “I think I may have gone too far, how do I fix it?” He still loves and cares about her, he is desperate for the wife he married back
Story 1 - So long as OP checked ahead of time that he could change the name, I will say 1/5 buttholes. I will actually give a butthole score of 1.5/5 to the wife, though, for choosing a name and not letting her husband veto it. If he didn't like it, he had a right to veto it.
i've been with my wife for ten years, married for a little over five. a year into dating, we sat down and had a talk about her she was her brothers keeper. her younger brother, who is 8 years younger; has down syndrome. he it mostly self sufficient, works a job ,etc. however he cannot live alone, nor drive a car. in 2022 he moved in with us as her parents are now in their 70's. we remodeled the basement of our home into an essential inlaw sweet, for my brother in law. he joins us for dinner, movie nights, etc. we can leave him home alone for 4-5 hours so date nights for us are no problem. have i had to adjust for a bunch of things? of course. would i have it any other way? absolutely not.
Exactly. What she wants is totally doable. Problem is that is not what he wants
Tbh I think the guy just doesn't want to be married and is too much of a coward to break up himself when the dating's gone on too long for his liking.
But yeah, it's wild to me how people are out here acting like "yeah its crazy to think you can have a normal relationship with someone who has to caretake a disabled relative how will you have kids?" Like... hate to break it to these guys but all disabled relatives were once children and if you wanna have kids together you'd have to face that potentially anyway?
I'm disabled and married, live with my disabled sibling and my spouses cousin. These things are not impossible. I think some people literally just forget disabled people exist, and when they remember they can only think of living as us/with us as an impossible situation that's completely hopeless
Story 5:Dude,What is wrong with you people?!?
Oh my god,OP,you are such a pushover child
Okay, I’ve been confused why some stories in the past are “Am I the Devil” and not basic “AITA” stories. But Story 2? How tf is OP a “devil” for wanting to be appreciated? That entire story is him being a great person who’s getting tired of being treated like his contributions to the household are “just his job” while wanting some kind of praise, especially when his wife is getting all the praise for her contributions. But because she’s projecting onto him from some other woman’s failed relationship, she’s denying OP his love language. The ONE time he denies her praise and tells her what she’s been telling him “why should I acknowledge you for just doing your job”, you can see the hypocrisy considering she gets so upset about it like that.
This is literally that story about the wife who criticized her husband by constantly saying “you were SOOOOOO close” and when OP said it to her after she didn’t get her dream job, she responded basically the same as the wife in story 2.
a stupid karen got triggered probably
Story 2: At what point in time did *_“making all the money that keeps us from starving and off the streets”_* become completely overlooked (or not counted) when it comes to what someone contributes to a household!?
Probably due to the prevalence of "labor theory of value" in feminist circles. If both sides pull their weight, it's pretty much invisible,
and no one is in conflict.
I mean, a given example is a guy that works 16-hour days 6 days a week, but is still seen as not doing enough because the emotional labour being done is perceived as inadequate.
No marriage story: I listened to and read this multiple times. WHAT? Why is he essentially married to his sister? This is SO weird?
It's not at all weird that one family member would take care of another with a disability. What is a little weird is the extent to which he is sacrificing his life to do it. I mean his decision is fine if that's what he wants but the fact he won't even consider alternatives is a little weird.
@@wingracer1614 yeah I didn’t imply it was weird to take care of her thanks. It’s the whole thing all together that’s weird.
story 2: ??? op literally did give his wife praise!!!! i guess reading comprehension went out the window
so, what *I* got from this is that OP doesnt DESERVE any thanks or appreciation for their work to maintain the house, but when the WIFE doesnt get any appreciation ONE TIME she freaks out?
that just feels one sided to me. maybe OP is leaving something out? otherwise i'd say NTA
So wait for story 2 how is OP at fault? He was affectionate and tried to communicate he needed somthing, but he got told "your part doesnt count" and brushed off.
Wtf man..
Rslash is a massive simp aka lord of simps. His views are always biased on gender and mostly favorable to women. His belief is men only exists to satisfy and fulfill the desires and wishes of women, if men doesn't, they are evil or the AH...
I think eventually there's going to be a kid called Cannon InkJet Printer😭
Beef Stroganov sounds like a name of a Russian professional wrestler
The more the second story was read, the more confused it made me because the husband was 100% correct. Was he being petty? Yes. But it was completely deserved and he verbally appreciated her for her part in the household in the past. Frequently. And she continued to dismiss him over a simple request that wasn’t entitled whatsoever. It was valid. She was being entitled expecting praise for doing exactly what she was supposed to when she flat out refused to give him the same in return. It’s not a crime to want to feel appreciated by your spouse, even for the little things like cooking and cleaning. OP was NTA
story 2: He stated he shows love and appreciation towards her. He went about it the wrong way 100% but he’s definitely not wrong
How did story 2 even make it onto this subreddit? Like OP says he praises what his wife does for the household, but the moment he asks her to, she basically acts like its only what hes supposed to do and doesnt deserve praise... then the one time he fights back he is made into the bad guy. What he did isnt petty, it is a response to her inaction and her blowing off what he brings to the family. I honestly feel bad for the guy.
Edit: unless theres missing context. My guess is if theres any hope that post deserved to be on amithedevil it is in missing context via an update, OPs post history, or a response from his wife.
Story 2: OP is RIGHT. That woman is hypocritical and a misandrist. Rslash. He DOES praise her. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. EVERY TIME. He does nothing BUT praise her. Where’s HIS praise??!
Uh, rSlash? in story 2 he straight up says, he constantly shows love and affection and affirmation for the hard work she does. it's just not being reciprocated because "it's his job". *she's* being the AH here just because her perspective is being colored by her friend's divorce from the sounds of things, and freaking out because he doesn't say thank you ONE TIME is absolutely ridiculous. granted, he went about confronting it in a really dumb way, healthy communication is important and he still made a mistake, but I can understand his perspective. Why is this even in r/amithedevil?
Imagine siding with op in an amithedevil post and completely missing the point.
@@emberriahla2067 imagine wildly misunderstanding the post and thinking OP is an asshole with 0 nuance to speak of
@@KaptainSuz lol okay ignorant boy
Story 2: why is this on this subreddit? The title sure seems bad but the explanation is actually very reasonable
Yeah, the wife should be the devil there lol. OP did praise her, but never got praised back.
Well, dabney aka rslash, as usual, is the lord of simps... 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
3rd story makes me just as confused as Rslash, Could've worked out a situation were the GF would agree to let the sister stay, and make it clear it's a deal breaker if it becomes an issue for her to also live with the sister.
4th story: My grandmother is very old, and has many health issues, and its only a matter of time. I started helping my grandmother at 12 years old. Simple tasks like watering the plants. At 15, I started pruning everything, filling large pots with soil, moving heavy plants, mowing, etc. If a 15 year old can do that, so can a 22 year old.
Stroganoff is my favourite meal. But I wouldn't even name my dog that.
At least your dog is very unlikely to get bullied for such a name. A laugh or so between friends.
Go give your dog a pet from me.
Food names for dogs are okay. But for humans? Nope.
1st story: You just KNOW this isn't the first "prank"/act of blatant disrespect he's done to her and this was the last straw.
2nd story: That couple needs therapy, stat. Not sure why this was in amithedevil because they're clearly both at fault, with most of the blame on the wife.
3rd: He sounds too emotionally invested in his sister. I don't get why he can't marry her either. Definitely sus at best. Shame too, sounds like he had a lovely understanding partner too.
4th: How the eff are 20 year olds too young to help grandma? OP is using Jane and quite possibly sexist since he has no problem with that. I don't blame Jane for getting burn out and backing out. Good for her for growing a backbone.
5th: Oh my god. That poor wife. I get why she had enough with OP. I absolutely understand why it would be a breaking point. I hope she does what's best for her and her baby, regardless of her doormat of a husband.
How are they both at fault when OP apreciated his wife before all of this? She's the one that disregarded HIS feelings. You know, the thing all humans - even male ones - have? He shouldn't have lowered himself to that level but she can't demand his praise and then refuse to appreciate him. If she had problems, she should have brought them up- like he tried to do.
@@pkcounterspell5140 Based on his story yeah, it's like 90/10 her for sure.
Story 2- I literally am a stay at home mom/homemaker and OP is ABSOLUTELY in the right here. Of course I like to be praised and acknowledged for a good dinner, the house looking nice, etc etc BUT I make sure to regularly tell my fiancé how much I appreciate him working hard in this heat so that I can stay home and do that for our family. Even if it's his job, he deserves praise, just like she wants praise for her job.
The last story the wife made a post about how every time they go somewhere he invites his family and it’s never just the two of them
Story 2: This is exactly why so many men are staying single these days. That wife is sooooo ungrateful and entitled.
RSlash, you were so busy trying to paint him as the bad guy that you didn’t pay attention to what you were reading. He has been showing appreciation. When he communicates that he would like some appreciation as well she tells him that he doesn’t deserve appreciation for doing what he’s supposed to.
He let feel what it’s like one time. One time of him returning the energy that she’s been spewing at him hurt enough that she didn’t want to be under the same roof as him. One time.
She’s the devil.
Third story: OP doesn’t want to marry because he wants to focus on his sister for the rest of their lives. The girlfriend knew this from what OP has told. I don’t see why he should marry his girlfriend.
Edit: Oh man! The last story is reeking mama’s boy. The wife is definitely thinking through their marriage. He has the gall to ask for the key. I see no other option than divorce.
Yep. And imagine once she finds out a baby is coming. They wouldn't be able to get her to leave the house or stop visiting everyday. ☠️
Fair. But if no marriage is a sticking point, he shouldn't date. Especially long term and shoukd man up and do the dirty work of breaking up himself rather than hint at it and string her along. And yes, it is stringing her along when she brings up marriage and he brushes her off and continues like nothings changing.
@@Maria_Miciano_5 yeah I feel like the 2nd story and this story doesn't belong here.
I'm so confused too, unless the sister has feelings for her brother (which would be 😬 bad). she girlfriend could be an extra help and she seems to be willing to. The dude either doesn't truly love his girlfriend or is stupid.
Bro you don't use your disabled sister to avoid commitment. It's scummy as hell. You either don't date or take care of your sister. You can't have it both ways.
“Help! Help! My niece grew up and found a backbone, now I have to do the BARE MINIMUM for my mom!”
Story 1: I wouldn’t really even consider this "Devil" behavior.
1) It is a middle name, most people don't even know other people's middle name beyond the initial. You could be named Benny Botox Brooks and most wouldn’t know what the B in Benny B. Brooks stands for.
2) He wasn't wrong about the name change form. He was even willing to pay for and take care of the whole process. The kid wouldn’t even be old enough to learn his middle name by the time it is processed.
3) clearly there is more problems here than an admittedly dumb naming prank if she isn't going to compromise on a name at all.
Maybe the rest of the relationship can result in divorce and this was just last straw incident, but this is just a correctable dumb thing to spaz out over.
(story 2) So, it’s okay for the wife to demand appreciation for doing her part in the marriage but when OP asks to feel appreciated for his part one time he’s suddenly labeled as the devil? The double standard is crazy.
Redditors need to touch grass and re-read posts before they even comment their thoughts.
S1- OP is definitely an idiot but so is the wife. Forcing the middle name to be that of someone he doesn’t like is wrong too
Yep. Why aren't people noticing this too. They are both terrible people but the wife more so.
With the blind sister story: I think it's less OP wants to be around to take care of his sister and more op wants to stay and "take care of" his sister. Only reason I can think of why he'd want to not marry
My mother told me, when she was registering my name, my mother wanted to use name Martin, but female clerk said Marius is the same name as Martin and she didnt let my mother register a name Martin :) But there are perks to it, in schools there were many Martins, it seems it was a popular name in last 80's :)
Wait, the clerk wouldn’t let her register the name? I would have told the clerk exactly where she could go and where she could shove that other name; guess your mom is nicer than I am lol.
That OP was showing love, though, no? He just got tired of not getting any back.
That second story doesn’t really feel that much like a AmItheDevil story if I’m being honest. OP is asking for the same appreciation he gives his wife, and the one time he doesn’t do it, she flips. Was it petty to use her own words against her? Yeah. Is that the healthy way to handle this? No. But relationships are a 2 way street, and it doesn’t seem like this is 2 ways
Story 1: actually as someone who has panic attacks over spiders, throwing a fake spider on someone is not a prank, it's a common enough phobia that it's not worth the risk. I've had coworkers send me into panic attacks and then asthma attacks because they want to joke around and they only stop to think it might be a bad idea after I've had to scramble for my inhaler with massive tears streaming down my face.
(A prank is something actually harmless. Turning off the wireless keyboard, taping a post-it over the sensor on a mouse, these are actually harmless pranks.)
Story 3… why did they need their parents’ blessing? That seems kinda… weird… Also they can still get married, if the spouse doesn’t have a problem with the arrangement.
Story 5: Oh, OP is in love with his mother!
Story 5: welcome to what her life will be like if she stays. Do not bear children for this man and go.
story 2:
but the dude didn't do anything wrong. she set the rules, he started to play by those rules.
he was showing love and affection, was refused for receiving the same and ended up disparaged for even expecting some.
i would say to op to let his wife work. from personal experience, stay at home partner is easy job if you have modicum of work ethic. you get everything done by 10 and you have nothing to do until late afternoon.
one large letdown in my case is that my wife loves my cooking a bit too much and it started to show...
What is wrong with people and naming their children something stupid as if that can’t effect their life, you’re not naming a fictional character, you’re naming a human person who has to deal with that name that can effect their life cause people WILL JUDGE
Yeah, people can get bullied just for having the last name Cox, why would you do something on purpose that could get your kid bullied? Like even if the kid likes it and thinks it’s funny they’ll start to hate it after a while.
On story 5: that has to be the last straw . The mom in this story invited herself , when OPs wife said no ( who was the closest to the owner of the property) that should've been it but by OP disregarding her wish he showed her that she was in 3rd place in a couples relationship which is unsustainable. Op has reached the point where he has to decide between his mom and his wife, and for the sake of the upcoming baby, i hope he chooses the wife because it sounded to me like she would rather abort than feeling like she was baby trapped.
Great now I'm in the mood for some beef stroganoff from hamburger helper.
Also isn't this like when Peter named Meg, Megatron.
Tbh megatron is still an awesome name
Story 2: he did say he praised her. It was her and only her that doesn't want to do it.
OP has way too many damn errands to run for somebody who has no free time.
I live for the fact that rslash completely ignored that the husband in te second story was giving praise and aprecciation for his wife and hey stopped because she was not
Yeah. I'm sorry, RSLASH. But I think you misinterpreted Story #2. OP GIVES love and appreciation almost every day for every meal his wife cooks! But SHE NEVER gives appreciation for his work as a provider! So THE WIFE takes OP FOR GRANTED and OP just stoped ONCE telling her, how good the meal is and she flips out? Nah bro! This wife is the problem! She acts like OP does nothing! But the way this post sounds OP works full time AND does house work on the weekends! So Yeah.. OP not the AH! The wife: major AH!
I love how he's mad at the op for naming stroganoff but not at the wife for choosing a name that the husband doesn't like and just didn't care. What happen to 2 yes 1 no? If the husband said no then the middle name doesn't go through. But blame him for that. I would bet that if the middle name went through for the wife side and the op said he hated, r/SLASH would say to the OP to get over it
Story 3: OP has unhealthy obsession over his sister. His GF should talk with his sister and ask what she thinks about this. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mind...