about people getting annoyed if you talk about your bisexuality a lot- there’s also a thing in the media (or society in general) that if someone doesn’t regularly speak about their bisexuality, people think that it was just a part of their past, a ‘phase’, and start to question it again. lady gaga spoke about her bisexuality many times but if she hasn’t mentioned it in the last year or so people start talking about it as if it was a phase and start asking her the same questions all over again. david bowie had to answer questions about his sexuality over and over throughout his entire life cause people just never believed him when he said explicitly that he was bisexual. angelina jolie and sia have both dated women and identified with bisexuality and yet their sexualities are constantly erased or dismissed. i’ve experienced this myself. i came out to my family and then 3 years later when i started dating someone my aunt sat me down privately and asked me if i was still bi. she thought i must have made a choice if i had found a partner and since i hadn’t mentioned it in a while, she figured it had just been a passing thing. so damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
bowie changed his label a lot during his career so i’m always a bit wary of labeling him as bisexual as he himself sometimes didn’t, including later in life when he called himself a “closet heterosexual.” it is very possible he was and was just wary of his safety, but i still don’t want to make any claims for anyone. for the future, ezra miller, billie joe armstrong, and alan cumming all explicitly identify as bi or pan.
Caia Crow i cant talk for whatever he said later cause i actually don’t know but i know i’ve literally seen an interview with him in the 70s/80s using the word bisexual to identity himself when an interviewer asked about his sexuality so i know that he did call himself that at least at one small point. i don’t know about later though so i probably should’ve used a better, more well researched example. my point still stands though haha
amber chem x no definitely!! and people definitely didn’t believe him when he did explicitly label himself as bi so that contributes to your point as well
I feel like being bi means constantly coming out. I’m in a long term monogamous relationship with a cis het man, and people make anti-LGBT comments around me, and it makes my blood boil.
When I get asked what sexual orientation I am I always say I’m just a dude because saying your gay or bi or whatever puts you into a box. If you don’t want to be labeled don’t let yourself have one, just accept the fact that people love people and that’s it man
Same. And lgbt people that specifically don’t include you in the conversation or comments about being in the community or what it’s like to be gay. And it’s like ‘ahem..? I’m one of you btw’
Callum Johnston some of us need labels because they are part of their identity, being labeled basically means being part of a community to some extent, it can be reassuring to feel like you belong with a certain group of people
damn Allison y'look so good! Love bi conversation. I've always known I'm queer and Gaby's helped me see bisexual as an identity I connect to. Y'all are wonderful:) Also, LOVE the podcast
I'm a bi male and always ended up really panicked about how I come across; particularly during straight relationships. Some girls have used it as an excuse for not dating me, so when im in a relationship with girls, I always panic and barely discuss my 'bi-ness' to prove my 'straightness' ( I always used to worry my ex's friends and family assumed that bisexual actually meant gay and were judging my ex because of it). With guys I'm slightly less conscious of it but still get annoyed having to explain I'm actually Bi, not gay, to people
I feel like if you keep from telling girls you date then you're hiding an integral part of yourself from them. And honestly at the end of the day do you wanna date someone who will leave you because of your sexuality? It seems like telling a girl up front filters them out in a way. But eh I'm a bi girl so perspective might be different
@@bluey1257 Oh I always tell the girls I date; I wouldn't date someone who wouldn't accept it. I just get really conscious about it, I feel like her family and friends are judging her for her choice and I try to protect the girls I'm dating from that. It completely irrational I know, but many years of Bi/homophobic bullying have left me wary of it.
I really get that. I'm a bi girl and feel like I need to tone down my 'gayness' when dating men because it's almost scary to them or seen as not feminine enough/not attractive. Thanks for sharing your thoughts too, I feel we don't hear enough from bi men. And ha honestly at this point dating straight guys is such a chore. Dating other bi people is where it's at.
Bonkers landing on this via the algorithm & realizing they're answering my question from almost 2 years ago. I have since married the guy I was in a relationship with then, and landed on the Board of an LGBTQ+ organization in my profession. Progress!!
THANK youuu for this. i've always loved how open and loud gaby was about her bisexuality cause it made me feel less inadequate about wanting to speak out about it constantly. bi people seriously face some of the rudest shit on every community, it needs to be said
Gaby, you have been a great bi role model for me (despite me being four years older and a guy). You have helped me accept myself and move on into a new stage of my life that, while challenging, looks bright and full of fun and excitement. Wish I could thank you in person one day but UK - LA is a bit of a trek. Stay awesome.
but they are all in committed relationships with cis men....all the comments not only in this video going like that : i am bi BUT iam in a rl with a MAN
I'm bi and getting married to a man so I feel this on a very high level. But I also didn't really come to terms with my sexuality or call myself bi until I was already engaged. I've always been attracted to both men and women and I've hooked up with women, but I never "came out" even to myself. I'm lucky, my fiance is loving and understanding. But I haven't formally Come Out. If the topic comes up, I'll say something, but it doesn't come up that often. I'm not really sure what to do actually. Since I'm getting married to a man and plan to stay married and stay monogamous does it really matter???
If it doesn't matter to you, you don't have to tell anyone. But you would probably feel better if you shared it with at least some people. I'm also bi and in a relationship with a man. I always try to give hints of being bi, if it's relevant to the conversation ;). It has opened some people's minds a bit, actually.
Oh, hell yeah, it matters. Staying monogamous is just not fucking other people. It doesn't change your worldview. Being bi is how you see the world. That will never gonna change.
Elizabeth K as someone in a relationship w a dude and bi and i think sure it matters! sexuality is separate from relationships so even if you stay married to a man forever- you can still be bi forever! sexuality has as much weight as you personally believe, and that weight doesn’t rely on your relationship status.
I was feeling the same way as you and I'm the one that send in the question for this episode. And for a time ago I realized for sure that I'm bi, but I didn't know if it mattered if I told my boyfriend since he probably would not care. But I did tell him and I felt like it was the right thing to do, because it mattered to me. But I also haven't come out and don't know if I will do it "officially" to people. I feel like I will tell people if they ask me but not otherwise. But it is a tricky situation when being in a serious relationship. And also when I realized that I was bi after a pretty long time.
Thank you Allison for picking this topic(x)! ❤️ And thank you Gaby for everything you do to combat bi-erasure. I know the struggle of trying to navigate being too quiet or too vocal about being bi. But I look at your work and think "It's ok if I talk about being Bi all the time. Gaby does it and I think she's amazing". Your work for bi-visibilty has really helped me so many times.
Girls, after watching this video this morning, I came out as bi to a friend this evening although there was absolutely no need to. Just to be public about it and make sure people know we exist. Turns out: he‘s bi too! 🤣 We exist, people!!! We exist.
Reading a sci fi novel where the MC is bi, and makes it so much more interesting like I genuinely don't know who he'll end up with it seems like he's in love with every character
Having your introduction to bisexuality be in RENT sounds like a whole-ass mess lmao... My first Bisexual™ memory is crushing VERY hard on both Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom in the first Pirates of the Caribbean.
I’m really glad Gaby talks about these issues so openly and frequently. I’ve tried my best to help out my bi friends feel comfortable as they are (mainly because I’m not bi), but I still appreciate other sources I can point them to.
I'm a bi woman and I've been in a serious relationship with a bi man and neither of us has felt the need to come out all the time to people so they don't think we're straight... Why would you care? People think others assume things about you but really they don't always. I don't come out to people out of context and if me being with a guy makes them have the conscious reflection that I'm straight (which I doubt they even thought about), then so be it. I'll come out if it comes up in the conversation and it's never a big deal. I honestly think that reminding everyone you're bi all the time would be annoying to your surrounding or even new people who didn't ask about your sexual orientation. There's nothing wrong with "kind of" looking straight. You can talk about being bi with your partner and your close friends if you'd like, for sure, but I simply dont understand the fear of people assuming you're straight because you're dating a guy.
you two have the perfect dynamic for a podcast as i could just listen to y’all banter for-ev-er. the perfect blend of funny and serious and never boring!! I’m really loving the podcast and these little shorter talks
Just wanted to comment how much I've been loving your podcast!!! I've been listening to them while walking and I love the topics you guys cover. I've been watching you both on this channel forever and love how you speak about these topics and wished I could listen to your thoughts for longer. So yess in short the podcast is everything I'd hoped for from you guys :)))
Thanks for sharing! Definitely relate to your perspective as a bisexual dating a guy right now. It can be difficult to feel fully accepted from straight people or the lesbian community and feel stuck between. I relate to the "chameleon" affect you talked about, as I can compensate by the way I'm dressing (ie. dressing more feminine when dating a girl, more masculine when dating a guy) to try and hint at my bisexuality.
loving the podcast! you guys look amazing and allison i love your hair so much. thank you guys for talking about this. i've been with a guy for almost 5 years but i still struggle with trying to get people to understand that i'm still bisexual (it wasn't a "phase"), and that being bi doesnt mean you're just attracted to literally everyone all the time or super easy, but it also doesnt go away or mean i'm no longer attracted to women now that i'm with a man. i hope more people start talking about this.
I used to identify as "bi". In recent years I go with "gay pansexual" or I choose to explain my orientation rather than depend on a "label". And I don't mind being referred to as "gay". A friend of mine accused me of "bi erasing". And I just didn't see it that way. Yes, I've had a couple of solid relationships with females. I like women and I have sexual attractions to them and sexual enjoyment towards them and affections towards them. But ultimately, "bi pride" has never been something that I have felt connected to. But it's also not something I have any disdain towards. Despite some degree of fluidity throughout the years, I have always had a different type of affection, passion, romantic interests and relationship contentment/comfort towards cis males. I can't help but feel more attached to "gay" despite not being homosexual. I also feel that as long as you are willing to be honest about yourself and where you fit in the spectrum, that you're not driven by shame or social pressures, and that you're with who you truly want to love and be with then it's hard to truly erase anything. I'm not one of those "I don't believe in labels" people. But I do feel a lot of people hide behind identity so they don't have to confront certain issues and the nuances of themselves. The "erasure" complaining gets tiresome, though it does have some legitimacy in some cases. There's also this perception that many of the complaints from the "bi community" are more on the shallow and egocentric end and are often way too much about social politics and self-hood. It seems even a lot of people who are inherently bi or even bi identifying feel that way. Personally, I never had a problem with people perceiving me as "straight" when I dated women or seeing me as "gay" now that I'm married to a man. I was honest about myself then as I am now. Just like everyone is different, everyone has different ideas and priorities when it comes to how they wish to be perceived by others. However, putting less emphasis on identity and more on honesty, self-understanding, self-comfort, and being with and loving who you truly want to be with and love would be helpful for everyone.
Yes to telling people you're bi and them not even taking it in! I came out to my dad a couple of years ago and it was this huge emotional thing for me; afterwards I went home and cried.. And then about a year later I mentioned I'd been to pride with my friend and my dad was like 'what? But you're not gay?' and I was like 'no, I'm bi.' And he was like.. What? I said I'd told him a year before and he was like 'oh, I must have thought you were joking.' Why would I joke about it?! 😂
Before I start to watch this I just wanted to say how much I love you guys and every week I can't wait to listen to your podcast. Sending all my love from Sweden
Thank you for broaching this subject, the more this is acknowledged, the less (hopefully) it will be an issue. I recently (over the last couple of years) fully came out as bi (I'm female) and am in a long term relationship with a woman. I've never been open about relationships in general conversation, gay or straight; I'm more of a private person. So obviously people used to assume I was straight. Now, people assume I'm gay, no questions asked. The same people that know I've previously been with men will now make comments like "oh I know this isn't up your street but you can acknowledge this man is attractive, right?" That doesn't bother me so much because a label is a label and my business is my business; me and my girlfriend are happy and that's what counts. The thing that does get to me, though, is blatant bi-erasure. I told my mam that I was in a relationship with my girlfriend, so she assumed I was gay. I corrected her and told her I'm bi.... Yet she still, when asked, tells people that I'm gay. She has made the generic flippant comments in the past about "greedy" bi people and the like. She's never taken any of that back now knowing that I'm bi. She now talks about how she's not homophobic. The thing is, she actually is so supportive about my relationship, I can't fault her for that. But what she doesn't realise is that she's not supportive of me individually, and it does hurt. She's not homophobic at all... But she is biphobic and she doesn't even realise. I correct her every time she calls me gay. She sort of awkwardly laughs and acts like I didn't speak, then continues to reference me as gay. 🙈. HELP.
I F*** LOVED THIS VIDEO! I felt that it was a real and serious conversation, yet it didn't feel heavy and like "UNDESTAND BI IS A REAL THING" *angry shout* I also feel the same way as Gaby and I love the empathy Allison has for the topic, such a lovely ally. Keep on growing girls ❤
I don't really get why people care so much about other people's sexuality. If someone's an ass, they are an ass. If someone's cool, they are cool. I love hearing about the perspective from a LGBT person. It helps me understand the struggles of some of my bi and gay friends. Also about the undercut - cannot even tell by their appearance - thing. I was always a rather masculine girl, and I went through a sorta tomboy phase. Throughout middle school and even high school most people always assumed that I was gay. It wouldn't have bothered me if I was gay, but I was straight. And in middle school you're not really happy about guys, who you have a crush on, think that you like girls. Well, this was a poorly structured comment your video was good tho 🌟 keep posting nice videos
Honestly I talk about being Bi all the time because I think it’s so important to be visible for the people who need it. I based my Masters degree around it. And HONESTLY, I think I learned that from you Gaby. I came out a couple years before I started watching your videos and the way you talk about bisexuality was incredibly validating to me and I want to do the same for others, so that’s what I try to do.
yeah i had even my first kiss/crushes with both genders and after access to the internet as a tween i finally found on social media that bisexuality exists and i was so happy that there was a term for it and i wasn't just a weirdo. Now i'm turning 22 and i also mention my sexuality mostly on first dates cause i just want to get it out of the way. But still i have a feeling like you only ever see bisexuals in their early to mid twentys, and very little representation of elder bis. So that makes it seem to many people like "a phase" or "experimenting" and i am so happy for you kinda showing that it is not confusion, and you can be an openly bi adult.
The first crush bs is hard with monosexual people, like I will name a few crushes and because they cross genders people will categorize some of them as "friend crushes" which messes with me trying to figure my own stuff out
THE PODCAST IS AMAZING! It’s what I’ve been needing for years but never knew! Wish there was more than one episode a week really, love u guys keep doing what you’re doing xxxx
That chameleon part hit home for me, I've always been accepting of other sexualities but basically erased my own bisexuality in terms of saying "oh, I think women are gorgeous but I wouldn't fall in love with one" and I was gravitating towards men anyways so I didn't feel like I was ignoring myself or something but now I'm a little older looking back, there's a lot of clues I definately missed lol but yeah never too late to change it up and start accepting and exploring
need a bi version of that t-shirt that says ‘girls like aliens and fox mulder AND dana scully’ bc I wanna say having a crush on BOTH the xfiles leads is in fact bi culture
I think it's so hard because the important people in your life could know and not have a problem with it but then it comes up in casual conversation with an acquaintance and they just act completely different towards you.
Loving the Podcast! And as much as I love all the content (the games, the interviews, the International Question, the Topixxx) but to be honest my favorite part is when Producer John joins in to rate the episode. It is fun to hear all of you talk about the episode in retrospect. Either way, keep going and appreciate you both! Thanks for all your wonderful content! PS: Next time let Allison sing! #LetAllisonSingRent
What I really can't understand is why you have to say yeah I'm gay, I'm straight, I'm bi... Does it changes who you are? UNLESS you like somebody that's your gender, and even on that moment... You don't have to go and say I'm gay/bi... You only have to say Hi, I like you...Am I mistaken? I got no label just my unique self and me I treat my sexuality preferences the same as my ice cream flavor preferences, if you don't ask I'm not gonna tell you... And better be the icecream men..
People really need to talk about this more, so thank you for this video. I'm married to a cis man and am bi, but a lot of people just don't think my sexuality is relivent. Honestly because of this I don't feel the need to come out to a lot of people anymore. Hearing "...but you're married" gets old. And unfortunately I'm around way too many homophobic people, so I honestly have to pick and choose my battles. It really pisses me off though.
I didn't see the Bi part in Bi- Erasure at first so i thought you were just going to talk about Erasure the 80's duo band ...and i thought oooh this should be interesting. 😂😂noooot about Erasure lovedddd it thoug, great topic!
This hit close to home! I’m a bisexual person dating a man, for 8 years now. Never dated a woman (never dated anyone else at all!) so I find that people constantly invalidate my identity. I am very lucky with my partner though. He’s actively and vocally supportive of my sexuality and whenever someone dismisses me he makes a point of defending me and supporting me (specially if I’m not there to do it myself). When I told him it was okay to tell his mum, she said: “Well, how do you feel about the possibility of them cheating on you with a woman?” and his response was: “The same way I feel about them cheating on me with a man?” That response lead to his mum just responding: “Good point” and moving on😂😂
Same! What gabby said in the beginning, I've been in that same space for a bit over a year, and it's kind of difficult since none of my friends understand my point of view... I'm so comfortable and happy being alone(and also introverted 😂), I'm just not ready to sacrifice my happiness, if dating someone makes me less happy and not more. Of course on the long run, all relationships, even the great ones have difficult times.
Thank you for talking about this. I feel this kind of guilt because I gravitate towards guys and I see myself likely ending up with a guys, but saying that I'm straight feels wrong and I feel like I'm "not gay enough" to identify as bi. I've never been in a relationship with a girl let alone kissed one, but I know that it's not out of the question and that I've definitely had crushes. But crushes on girls are so different from crushes on guys; I just feel a distinct nervousness around pretty girls
I remember in middle school typing into Ask Jeeves “I like boys and girls” - that’s how I learned the term bisexuality. But I still agonized over it for 10 years after that swinging from “am I gay” “am I straight”. Then I got the extra fun gatekeeping from the gay and straight community. *siiiiiggghhhhh*
This just makes me think of that biphobic tweet that was going around last week. I was frustrated by the number of people I like, who liked it, without realizing the implications.
I'm a cis guy, bisexual, and married to a cis het woman. People assume I'm straight all the time, and I hate it. I don't always go right for the 'oh I'm bi' but I definitely make reference to it in conversation. I talk about ex boyfriends or I talk about the fact that I have excellent Bifi (instead of Gaydar). In fact I think I talk about ex boyfriends more than I talk about ex girlfriends. I'm very open about my attraction towards men and women, and I don't really hide my light under a bushel. I don't feel like I hit people over the head with it, but like others have said below me, it's a constant coming out process.
I really do need to get some bi shirts.... My wedding ring is pinky purple and blue, so I did do that. But since my spouse is a man, it's a little too subtle.
I was just watching that video about Allison getting fat, and I didn’t even notice it until you pointed it out, so I went back to an old video and compared it to this”the newest” and yes, you got fatter. I am sorry if this is insulting to you but I can’t figure how the fuck this is an insult??It is still you, and you still beautiful . Your beauty has never been in any kind of way associated to your weight. And any ways, It was never how pretty you were that got me to subscribe. I’d still watch you both if it was just audio and I’d be equally entertained bc of how well spoken you are and how witty and intelligent you are. And how you’re brilliantly funny and honest and bc I really admire your friendship. If weight now has become a beauty determinant then this world is fucked up. I might had been off the internet for longer than I thought.
Wrote my master's thesis 20 years ago about Bisexuality and Biphobia, and I have to say, the tropes have stayed sadly consistent. No bi shirts or pins for me, but I always speak naturally about attraction in conversation with friends and strangers. If a beautiful woman walks by, or I mention an ex girlfriend, or ex husband, whatever. They can ask details, or just figure it out on their own. I'm happy to expose that "normal" people are bi, but don't feel it's my job to educate them. That's my way of avoiding erasure. And I have the EXACT same views on people entering my life as Gabby.
When I came out, my family kind of undermined it. They seemed to think it was me wanting to experiment. That's fine, I know how I feel, and they weren't being malicious, they were trying to be supportive and they thought they understood. It's just a little bit of why I don't talk much about it, I feel like people don't believe me. That and it's no one's concern really
![Life with ME // ft. DissociaDID [CC]](/img/n.gif)
If you're not a ghost, don't even try to date me.
I want to like it, but I also want this comment to keep the 69 likes lol
But I can't ghost you until we date.
I’m a ghost, please date me
alsooo smoking a joint with Allison seems like the best thing ever
But deep down, really really deep down you know every time you inhale you can hear her loud thoughts "welp there goes her lungs..."
I was about to like this comment but it has 420 likes and i can not bring myself to change this play of faith
about people getting annoyed if you talk about your bisexuality a lot- there’s also a thing in the media (or society in general) that if someone doesn’t regularly speak about their bisexuality, people think that it was just a part of their past, a ‘phase’, and start to question it again. lady gaga spoke about her bisexuality many times but if she hasn’t mentioned it in the last year or so people start talking about it as if it was a phase and start asking her the same questions all over again. david bowie had to answer questions about his sexuality over and over throughout his entire life cause people just never believed him when he said explicitly that he was bisexual. angelina jolie and sia have both dated women and identified with bisexuality and yet their sexualities are constantly erased or dismissed.
i’ve experienced this myself. i came out to my family and then 3 years later when i started dating someone my aunt sat me down privately and asked me if i was still bi. she thought i must have made a choice if i had found a partner and since i hadn’t mentioned it in a while, she figured it had just been a passing thing.
so damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
amber chem x your comment was interesting and informative, thank you for sharing :)
lacvi thank *you* for taking time to read my ramble haha
bowie changed his label a lot during his career so i’m always a bit wary of labeling him as bisexual as he himself sometimes didn’t, including later in life when he called himself a “closet heterosexual.” it is very possible he was and was just wary of his safety, but i still don’t want to make any claims for anyone. for the future, ezra miller, billie joe armstrong, and alan cumming all explicitly identify as bi or pan.
Caia Crow i cant talk for whatever he said later cause i actually don’t know but i know i’ve literally seen an interview with him in the 70s/80s using the word bisexual to identity himself when an interviewer asked about his sexuality so i know that he did call himself that at least at one small point. i don’t know about later though so i probably should’ve used a better, more well researched example. my point still stands though haha
amber chem x no definitely!! and people definitely didn’t believe him when he did explicitly label himself as bi so that contributes to your point as well
honestly y’all keep looking greater
I feel like being bi means constantly coming out. I’m in a long term monogamous relationship with a cis het man, and people make anti-LGBT comments around me, and it makes my blood boil.
When I get asked what sexual orientation I am I always say I’m just a dude because saying your gay or bi or whatever puts you into a box. If you don’t want to be labeled don’t let yourself have one, just accept the fact that people love people and that’s it man
Same. And lgbt people that specifically don’t include you in the conversation or comments about being in the community or what it’s like to be gay. And it’s like ‘ahem..? I’m one of you btw’
Callum Johnston some of us need labels because they are part of their identity, being labeled basically means being part of a community to some extent, it can be reassuring to feel like you belong with a certain group of people
I am a cis het man and anti-lgbt comments make my blood boil too.
@@100hellsonlyangel Ya, it's lgBt, not just LG.
damn Allison y'look so good! Love bi conversation. I've always known I'm queer and Gaby's helped me see bisexual as an identity I connect to. Y'all are wonderful:)
Also, LOVE the podcast
Totally related to the whole trying to fit in a box/chose a side thing because that's all you know until you find people like Gaby :)
"how do your exes feel, that they're all carbon copies of each other" omg Gaby came for me with that one
I love how intelligent and well articulated your conversation is, while being interesting and witty at the same time... !
"Be as interesting as a ghost." would be great merch.
I'm a bi male and always ended up really panicked about how I come across; particularly during straight relationships. Some girls have used it as an excuse for not dating me, so when im in a relationship with girls, I always panic and barely discuss my 'bi-ness' to prove my 'straightness' ( I always used to worry my ex's friends and family assumed that bisexual actually meant gay and were judging my ex because of it). With guys I'm slightly less conscious of it but still get annoyed having to explain I'm actually Bi, not gay, to people
I feel like if you keep from telling girls you date then you're hiding an integral part of yourself from them. And honestly at the end of the day do you wanna date someone who will leave you because of your sexuality? It seems like telling a girl up front filters them out in a way. But eh I'm a bi girl so perspective might be different
@@bluey1257 Oh I always tell the girls I date; I wouldn't date someone who wouldn't accept it. I just get really conscious about it, I feel like her family and friends are judging her for her choice and I try to protect the girls I'm dating from that. It completely irrational I know, but many years of Bi/homophobic bullying have left me wary of it.
I really get that. I'm a bi girl and feel like I need to tone down my 'gayness' when dating men because it's almost scary to them or seen as not feminine enough/not attractive. Thanks for sharing your thoughts too, I feel we don't hear enough from bi men. And ha honestly at this point dating straight guys is such a chore. Dating other bi people is where it's at.
Bonkers landing on this via the algorithm & realizing they're answering my question from almost 2 years ago. I have since married the guy I was in a relationship with then, and landed on the Board of an LGBTQ+ organization in my profession. Progress!!
Could you get a bi guy on with y'all to talk about bi stuff? I feel like we're constantly left out of the convo
Is that a ceramic butt on the counter?
THANK youuu for this. i've always loved how open and loud gaby was about her bisexuality cause it made me feel less inadequate about wanting to speak out about it constantly. bi people seriously face some of the rudest shit on every community, it needs to be said
Gaby, you have been a great bi role model for me (despite me being four years older and a guy). You have helped me accept myself and move on into a new stage of my life that, while challenging, looks bright and full of fun and excitement. Wish I could thank you in person one day but UK - LA is a bit of a trek. Stay awesome.
TWENTY BI TEEN shout out all my fellow bi guys in commit relationships with women! We exist!!!!
Y'all exist and y'all hot as hell 😊
but they are all in committed relationships with cis men....all the comments not only in this video going like that : i am bi BUT iam in a rl with a MAN
wellenlänge pol because that’s a bigger pool of less judgment and a lot of lesbians don’t wanna date bi girls. What do you want them to do?
I'm bi and getting married to a man so I feel this on a very high level. But I also didn't really come to terms with my sexuality or call myself bi until I was already engaged. I've always been attracted to both men and women and I've hooked up with women, but I never "came out" even to myself. I'm lucky, my fiance is loving and understanding. But I haven't formally Come Out. If the topic comes up, I'll say something, but it doesn't come up that often. I'm not really sure what to do actually. Since I'm getting married to a man and plan to stay married and stay monogamous does it really matter???
If it doesn't matter to you, you don't have to tell anyone. But you would probably feel better if you shared it with at least some people. I'm also bi and in a relationship with a man. I always try to give hints of being bi, if it's relevant to the conversation ;). It has opened some people's minds a bit, actually.
Oh, hell yeah, it matters. Staying monogamous is just not fucking other people. It doesn't change your worldview. Being bi is how you see the world. That will never gonna change.
It's part of you, always is, no matter who is your partner and for how long. It's a part of you. So yeah, i'd say it does matter. :)
Elizabeth K as someone in a relationship w a dude and bi and i think sure it matters! sexuality is separate from relationships so even if you stay married to a man forever- you can still be bi forever! sexuality has as much weight as you personally believe, and that weight doesn’t rely on your relationship status.
I was feeling the same way as you and I'm the one that send in the question for this episode. And for a time ago I realized for sure that I'm bi, but I didn't know if it mattered if I told my boyfriend since he probably would not care. But I did tell him and I felt like it was the right thing to do, because it mattered to me. But I also haven't come out and don't know if I will do it "officially" to people. I feel like I will tell people if they ask me but not otherwise. But it is a tricky situation when being in a serious relationship. And also when I realized that I was bi after a pretty long time.
Thank you Allison for picking this topic(x)! ❤️ And thank you Gaby for everything you do to combat bi-erasure. I know the struggle of trying to navigate being too quiet or too vocal about being bi. But I look at your work and think "It's ok if I talk about being Bi all the time. Gaby does it and I think she's amazing". Your work for bi-visibilty has really helped me so many times.
Allison singing Light my candle is the most relatable thing ever
ALLISON DID SAY THAT, it was in the “is this what you want” makeup video
Bennett Joel and later, they talked about how during that time, they were going through a rough patch in their friendship.
About the high standards - I was kind of like that since high school - it's a great concept, also often makes you feel frustrating and lonely.
It’s a bad concept and only makes you look shallow as fuck and close minded
@@callumjohnston35 also really stupid if you yourself are not interesting and expect others to be ...yes i'm looking at you women
Girls, after watching this video this morning, I came out as bi to a friend this evening although there was absolutely no need to. Just to be public about it and make sure people know we exist. Turns out: he‘s bi too! 🤣 We exist, people!!! We exist.
I'm also in a serious relationship with a cis male and am bi. This is a great topic, thank you for sharing :)
“Im in a serious relationship with a cis girl” said no bi man ever
@@callumjohnston35 what is your point exactly?
Reading a sci fi novel where the MC is bi, and makes it so much more interesting like I genuinely don't know who he'll end up with it seems like he's in love with every character
What's the novel?
Sounds like a novel I'd love to read.
+
Having your introduction to bisexuality be in RENT sounds like a whole-ass mess lmao...
My first Bisexual™ memory is crushing VERY hard on both Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom in the first Pirates of the Caribbean.
GamerGeek379 I thought I like them together, because I liked both of them. This makes much more sense now!
I really want a collab between JBU and the Try Guys where it's mostly just Gaby and Eugene being bicons.
Eugene has never come out as bi.
@@anonuniversal364 he has however referenced having sex with men
Eugene doesn't necessarily identify as bi but he has definitely talked about hooking up with both men and women
I've never seen him talk about dating women. If you have, please point me to a video.
Oh hell yeah “why we left buzzfeed” collab
I’m really glad Gaby talks about these issues so openly and frequently. I’ve tried my best to help out my bi friends feel comfortable as they are (mainly because I’m not bi), but I still appreciate other sources I can point them to.
You guys are so cute... BFF goals !! Also love Renee and Igor in your videos..
I'm a bi woman and I've been in a serious relationship with a bi man and neither of us has felt the need to come out all the time to people so they don't think we're straight... Why would you care? People think others assume things about you but really they don't always. I don't come out to people out of context and if me being with a guy makes them have the conscious reflection that I'm straight (which I doubt they even thought about), then so be it. I'll come out if it comes up in the conversation and it's never a big deal. I honestly think that reminding everyone you're bi all the time would be annoying to your surrounding or even new people who didn't ask about your sexual orientation. There's nothing wrong with "kind of" looking straight. You can talk about being bi with your partner and your close friends if you'd like, for sure, but I simply dont understand the fear of people assuming you're straight because you're dating a guy.
you two have the perfect dynamic for a podcast as i could just listen to y’all banter for-ev-er. the perfect blend of funny and serious and never boring!! I’m really loving the podcast and these little shorter talks
YOU BOTH LOOK SO GOOD IN THIS VIDEO
Just wanted to comment how much I've been loving your podcast!!! I've been listening to them while walking and I love the topics you guys cover. I've been watching you both on this channel forever and love how you speak about these topics and wished I could listen to your thoughts for longer. So yess in short the podcast is everything I'd hoped for from you guys :)))
Bisexuality makes so much sense. Being open to connecting to everyone is such a beautiful existence .
Thanks for sharing! Definitely relate to your perspective as a bisexual dating a guy right now. It can be difficult to feel fully accepted from straight people or the lesbian community and feel stuck between. I relate to the "chameleon" affect you talked about, as I can compensate by the way I'm dressing (ie. dressing more feminine when dating a girl, more masculine when dating a guy) to try and hint at my bisexuality.
loving the podcast! you guys look amazing and allison i love your hair so much. thank you guys for talking about this. i've been with a guy for almost 5 years but i still struggle with trying to get people to understand that i'm still bisexual (it wasn't a "phase"), and that being bi doesnt mean you're just attracted to literally everyone all the time or super easy, but it also doesnt go away or mean i'm no longer attracted to women now that i'm with a man. i hope more people start talking about this.
I'm bisexual and I approve this message. 💗💜💙
I used to identify as "bi". In recent years I go with "gay pansexual" or I choose to explain my orientation rather than depend on a "label". And I don't mind being referred to as "gay". A friend of mine accused me of "bi erasing". And I just didn't see it that way. Yes, I've had a couple of solid relationships with females. I like women and I have sexual attractions to them and sexual enjoyment towards them and affections towards them. But ultimately, "bi pride" has never been something that I have felt connected to. But it's also not something I have any disdain towards. Despite some degree of fluidity throughout the years, I have always had a different type of affection, passion, romantic interests and relationship contentment/comfort towards cis males. I can't help but feel more attached to "gay" despite not being homosexual. I also feel that as long as you are willing to be honest about yourself and where you fit in the spectrum, that you're not driven by shame or social pressures, and that you're with who you truly want to love and be with then it's hard to truly erase anything. I'm not one of those "I don't believe in labels" people. But I do feel a lot of people hide behind identity so they don't have to confront certain issues and the nuances of themselves. The "erasure" complaining gets tiresome, though it does have some legitimacy in some cases. There's also this perception that many of the complaints from the "bi community" are more on the shallow and egocentric end and are often way too much about social politics and self-hood. It seems even a lot of people who are inherently bi or even bi identifying feel that way. Personally, I never had a problem with people perceiving me as "straight" when I dated women or seeing me as "gay" now that I'm married to a man. I was honest about myself then as I am now. Just like everyone is different, everyone has different ideas and priorities when it comes to how they wish to be perceived by others. However, putting less emphasis on identity and more on honesty, self-understanding, self-comfort, and being with and loving who you truly want to be with and love would be helpful for everyone.
I'm Bi and I always assume that everyone else is Bi too, unless they say otherwise... Most of the time is fun, the rest of the time is instructive...
Somehow your video topics always wind up being exactly what I need to hear when they come out. It's special
Yes to telling people you're bi and them not even taking it in! I came out to my dad a couple of years ago and it was this huge emotional thing for me; afterwards I went home and cried.. And then about a year later I mentioned I'd been to pride with my friend and my dad was like 'what? But you're not gay?' and I was like 'no, I'm bi.' And he was like.. What? I said I'd told him a year before and he was like 'oh, I must have thought you were joking.'
Why would I joke about it?! 😂
Before I start to watch this I just wanted to say how much I love you guys and every week I can't wait to listen to your podcast. Sending all my love from Sweden
How done gaby is with people at the beginning is so relatable
Thank you for broaching this subject, the more this is acknowledged, the less (hopefully) it will be an issue. I recently (over the last couple of years) fully came out as bi (I'm female) and am in a long term relationship with a woman. I've never been open about relationships in general conversation, gay or straight; I'm more of a private person. So obviously people used to assume I was straight. Now, people assume I'm gay, no questions asked. The same people that know I've previously been with men will now make comments like "oh I know this isn't up your street but you can acknowledge this man is attractive, right?" That doesn't bother me so much because a label is a label and my business is my business; me and my girlfriend are happy and that's what counts. The thing that does get to me, though, is blatant bi-erasure. I told my mam that I was in a relationship with my girlfriend, so she assumed I was gay. I corrected her and told her I'm bi.... Yet she still, when asked, tells people that I'm gay. She has made the generic flippant comments in the past about "greedy" bi people and the like. She's never taken any of that back now knowing that I'm bi. She now talks about how she's not homophobic. The thing is, she actually is so supportive about my relationship, I can't fault her for that. But what she doesn't realise is that she's not supportive of me individually, and it does hurt. She's not homophobic at all... But she is biphobic and she doesn't even realise. I correct her every time she calls me gay. She sort of awkwardly laughs and acts like I didn't speak, then continues to reference me as gay. 🙈. HELP.
I F*** LOVED THIS VIDEO!
I felt that it was a real and serious conversation, yet it didn't feel heavy and like "UNDESTAND BI IS A REAL THING" *angry shout*
I also feel the same way as Gaby and I love the empathy Allison has for the topic, such a lovely ally.
Keep on growing girls ❤
I don't really get why people care so much about other people's sexuality. If someone's an ass, they are an ass. If someone's cool, they are cool.
I love hearing about the perspective from a LGBT person. It helps me understand the struggles of some of my bi and gay friends.
Also about the undercut - cannot even tell by their appearance - thing. I was always a rather masculine girl, and I went through a sorta tomboy phase. Throughout middle school and even high school most people always assumed that I was gay. It wouldn't have bothered me if I was gay, but I was straight. And in middle school you're not really happy about guys, who you have a crush on, think that you like girls.
Well, this was a poorly structured comment
your video was good tho 🌟
keep posting nice videos
Honestly I talk about being Bi all the time because I think it’s so important to be visible for the people who need it. I based my Masters degree around it.
And HONESTLY, I think I learned that from you Gaby. I came out a couple years before I started watching your videos and the way you talk about bisexuality was incredibly validating to me and I want to do the same for others, so that’s what I try to do.
“Be as interesting as a ghost. Or get away from me”.
My new standard as well! Thanks Gaby.
yeah i had even my first kiss/crushes with both genders and after access to the internet as a tween i finally found on social media that bisexuality exists and i was so happy that there was a term for it and i wasn't just a weirdo. Now i'm turning 22 and i also mention my sexuality mostly on first dates cause i just want to get it out of the way. But still i have a feeling like you only ever see bisexuals in their early to mid twentys, and very little representation of elder bis. So that makes it seem to many people like "a phase" or "experimenting" and i am so happy for you kinda showing that it is not confusion, and you can be an openly bi adult.
I love the fact that sometimes Gabby says to Allison "you once told me..." and I remember it and she doesn't
JBU is honestly KILLING IT lately.
WOW, I just realized Allison said that thing mentioned in 1:24 on is this what you want make up video!!!
Cracking up at, "This bit*h is appropriating our culture!" Christ, I haven't laughed that hard in ages! Thanks for that!
Just started watching the video but I’m loving the character development from Gaby. 💜
The first crush bs is hard with monosexual people, like I will name a few crushes and because they cross genders people will categorize some of them as "friend crushes" which messes with me trying to figure my own stuff out
honestly Allison's undercut just made me like ten times gayer
THE PODCAST IS AMAZING! It’s what I’ve been needing for years but never knew! Wish there was more than one episode a week really, love u guys keep doing what you’re doing xxxx
That chameleon part hit home for me, I've always been accepting of other sexualities but basically erased my own bisexuality in terms of saying "oh, I think women are gorgeous but I wouldn't fall in love with one" and I was gravitating towards men anyways so I didn't feel like I was ignoring myself or something but now I'm a little older looking back, there's a lot of clues I definately missed lol but yeah never too late to change it up and start accepting and exploring
“C’est la vous” - Gaby
It's an inside joke w me and Allison -g
@@gabesdunn lmao yes love that!!
need a bi version of that t-shirt that says ‘girls like aliens and fox mulder AND dana scully’ bc I wanna say having a crush on BOTH the xfiles leads is in fact bi culture
I think it's so hard because the important people in your life could know and not have a problem with it but then it comes up in casual conversation with an acquaintance and they just act completely different towards you.
the podcast is AMAZING i listen to it when i go out for runs and its lovely !!!!
Loving the Podcast! And as much as I love all the content (the games, the interviews, the International Question, the Topixxx) but to be honest my favorite part is when Producer John joins in to rate the episode. It is fun to hear all of you talk about the episode in retrospect. Either way, keep going and appreciate you both! Thanks for all your wonderful content!
PS: Next time let Allison sing! #LetAllisonSingRent
What I really can't understand is why you have to say yeah I'm gay, I'm straight, I'm bi... Does it changes who you are? UNLESS you like somebody that's your gender, and even on that moment... You don't have to go and say I'm gay/bi... You only have to say Hi, I like you...Am I mistaken? I got no label just my unique self and me I treat my sexuality preferences the same as my ice cream flavor preferences, if you don't ask I'm not gonna tell you... And better be the icecream men..
People really need to talk about this more, so thank you for this video. I'm married to a cis man and am bi, but a lot of people just don't think my sexuality is relivent. Honestly because of this I don't feel the need to come out to a lot of people anymore. Hearing "...but you're married" gets old. And unfortunately I'm around way too many homophobic people, so I honestly have to pick and choose my battles. It really pisses me off though.
I didn't see the Bi part in Bi- Erasure at first
so i thought you were just going to talk about Erasure the 80's duo band ...and i thought oooh this should be interesting.
😂😂noooot about Erasure
lovedddd it thoug, great topic!
This hit close to home! I’m a bisexual person dating a man, for 8 years now. Never dated a woman (never dated anyone else at all!) so I find that people constantly invalidate my identity.
I am very lucky with my partner though. He’s actively and vocally supportive of my sexuality and whenever someone dismisses me he makes a point of defending me and supporting me (specially if I’m not there to do it myself). When I told him it was okay to tell his mum, she said: “Well, how do you feel about the possibility of them cheating on you with a woman?” and his response was: “The same way I feel about them cheating on me with a man?” That response lead to his mum just responding: “Good point” and moving on😂😂
I'm bi and in a long term relationship with a man and this speaks to me so much! Thank you !!
Same! What gabby said in the beginning, I've been in that same space for a bit over a year, and it's kind of difficult since none of my friends understand my point of view... I'm so comfortable and happy being alone(and also introverted 😂), I'm just not ready to sacrifice my happiness, if dating someone makes me less happy and not more. Of course on the long run, all relationships, even the great ones have difficult times.
You can't even judge based on an undercut anymore 😂
COFFEE ALL OVER MY DESK
Alison is looking so great in this video
"You're getting something you can't get from me. C'est la vous!" That's the you!
Thank you for talking about this. I feel this kind of guilt because I gravitate towards guys and I see myself likely ending up with a guys, but saying that I'm straight feels wrong and I feel like I'm "not gay enough" to identify as bi. I've never been in a relationship with a girl let alone kissed one, but I know that it's not out of the question and that I've definitely had crushes. But crushes on girls are so different from crushes on guys; I just feel a distinct nervousness around pretty girls
I can't believe I didn't know that Allison had an undercut! It looks so good!
also I listen to these video’s like podcasts, just like your podcast.
I remember in middle school typing into Ask Jeeves “I like boys and girls” - that’s how I learned the term bisexuality. But I still agonized over it for 10 years after that swinging from “am I gay” “am I straight”. Then I got the extra fun gatekeeping from the gay and straight community. *siiiiiggghhhhh*
This just makes me think of that biphobic tweet that was going around last week. I was frustrated by the number of people I like, who liked it, without realizing the implications.
I'm a cis guy, bisexual, and married to a cis het woman. People assume I'm straight all the time, and I hate it. I don't always go right for the 'oh I'm bi' but I definitely make reference to it in conversation. I talk about ex boyfriends or I talk about the fact that I have excellent Bifi (instead of Gaydar). In fact I think I talk about ex boyfriends more than I talk about ex girlfriends. I'm very open about my attraction towards men and women, and I don't really hide my light under a bushel. I don't feel like I hit people over the head with it, but like others have said below me, it's a constant coming out process.
I love it that Allison sang Rent! I love that song!!!
I legit screamed when Allison showed her hair.
1:36 gabby is me holding a grudge 😂
lol its funny cuz i know exactly what episode shes referring to. its the "is this what you want" makeup/makeover edition
omg when allison flipped out her undercut i was shook
was this whole video made just for her to flash that lol
loving the podcast so much!! its the only podcast i can sit through all the way tbh. i really enjoy your insights and hearing your opinions
I really do need to get some bi shirts.... My wedding ring is pinky purple and blue, so I did do that. But since my spouse is a man, it's a little too subtle.
I love that idea!! If I ever get married, I'll probably get that!
My bisexuality is happy rn ❤️
0:52 oh!! so i cant be friends with gaby now.. good to know... thanks for keeping us posted :)
A podcast!! I’m so excited
Clicking the Like button before the video begins, cause how can you not like JBU?!?!?!
I fucking love you both and I love watching you just talk and I hope you never stop making these videos. Thank you so much.
I was just watching that video about Allison getting fat, and I didn’t even notice it until you pointed it out, so I went back to an old video and compared it to this”the newest” and yes, you got fatter. I am sorry if this is insulting to you but I can’t figure how the fuck this is an insult??It is still you, and you still beautiful . Your beauty has never been in any kind of way associated to your weight. And any ways, It was never how pretty you were that got me to subscribe. I’d still watch you both if it was just audio and I’d be equally entertained bc of how well spoken you are and how witty and intelligent you are. And how you’re brilliantly funny and honest and bc I really admire your friendship. If weight now has become a beauty determinant then this world is fucked up. I might had been off the internet for longer than I thought.
"You can't even judge based on an undercut anymore" 😂
Love this bi talk 👌🏻🌈 Gaby talking about her experience being bi is the most relatable content ever
Wrote my master's thesis 20 years ago about Bisexuality and Biphobia, and I have to say, the tropes have stayed sadly consistent. No bi shirts or pins for me, but I always speak naturally about attraction in conversation with friends and strangers. If a beautiful woman walks by, or I mention an ex girlfriend, or ex husband, whatever. They can ask details, or just figure it out on their own. I'm happy to expose that "normal" people are bi, but don't feel it's my job to educate them. That's my way of avoiding erasure. And I have the EXACT same views on people entering my life as Gabby.
allison is such a great ally i love her
"Be as interesting as a ghost." is how JBU audience should signal to one another on dating apps.
I'm so disappointed this isn't getting more traction...
Thank you for talking about stuff like that! You're so amazing honestly, and I really love your show and your podcast 😊
I feel like soooooooo many people fall into this trap of thinking if THEY PERSONALLY haven't experienced a thing, that it just doesnt exist.
Uh oh...I'm straight and have an undercut. It's so much fun though! Fun to play with and gets rid of the straggler bits when you put your hair up.
When I came out, my family kind of undermined it. They seemed to think it was me wanting to experiment. That's fine, I know how I feel, and they weren't being malicious, they were trying to be supportive and they thought they understood. It's just a little bit of why I don't talk much about it, I feel like people don't believe me. That and it's no one's concern really
4:00 I got married to an invisible man in 5th grade. A literal wedding occurred. To an i n v i s i b l e m a n .
sup, always love the videos, but i REALLY LOVE THE PODCAST so PLEASE KEEP MAKING IT