Story 5: That is the most heartbreaking story! How do you pick a student who has bullied your own child over your own SON??? I have all the empathy towards OP. As a Mother, I would NEVER do that to his self-esteem. Who does that to their son? Taking away your son's stuff means the most to him because you, as a Mother, are helping your child's BULLY?? WTH! OP, I want you to know that good parents don't do that. They, step by step, help you with issues to reach a reasonable conclusion. I have NO words for your Mother's behavior. I wish I could give you a hug. OP, know that your Mom was 100% WRONG! Good moms don't do that.
I had a coworker who deeply hurt me, emotionally. I’ve forgiven her though the bond is broken. My mom, on the other hand, seems to despise her now and shows no intention of forgiving her.
Oh yeah, sounds like he wasn't paying the bills on his own - nor was he contributing to most of the household. He sounds more like he was being carried by his partner - like boo hoo, you've got equal time now with no child support either way - you're struggling, she's not - the proof is in the pudding, she's just better at managing her life.
You skipped a pretty important part in the last story, when OP was asked if this fixed things and he replied that no, it doesn't in fact, since his mom doesn't even really believe she did anything wrong. And upon talking about the change in trajectory from college to trade, OP told his mom "you already failed as a mother once, don't do it again" which shut her up.
Where is the rest of the story? I feel so bad for this kid. What horrible parents! Punishing a child because they are angry at you? Hope OP is able to heal and get away from such toxicity.
Last story: There are some lines that, once crossed, can never be crossed again. Parents in particular need to understand that the injustice they dish out to their kids could lead to a permanent rift or even to the children leaving at 18 and never seeing them again. The OP's mother is about to find this out.
Last story: I’ve heard this one before, and I’ll say what I said before; Your savior complex cost you your relationship with your _actual_ child. Bravo, lady. 👏
@@teslagod7221 Fluff has got over 900 videos and nearly all of them contain multiple stories. So he does often get repeats lately, although some of them have updates to the stories posted.
@@teslagod7221 Check out the video playlists. There are 100's that DON'T repeat. And, if they do, they always have a twist. Fluff is the BEST story teller.
I don't even know if it's just a saviour complex, or one at all. She only apologised to her own child after being publicly shamed, that in itself is a red flag in terms of her being devoid of empathy. How much are we betting that the "soft spot" she has for kids in need is a soft spot for good reputation points?
@@PrincessSunnyoftheSandWings except they didn't really. The mom's job forced an end to her idiocy(instead of her willingly stopping), but as they said, damage done. And from the sound of things he's still going no contact after he leaves.
That last story, sounds like there’s a lot they have to work through, if they even attempt to at all. It’s still weird to die on a hill of some random over your own kid.
You are so right. When I was being bullied, my mom blamed me. She felt it wasn't fair that the situation was messing up their relationship with the kid's parents. Bottom line, she hated me and didn't mind it when I was abused.
I feel a lot is being ommitted. But if story is as it is told then both sides suck with parents more so for punishing the kid. But only that part is bs if it only due to op giving the silent treatment. Like, it isn't like the mom is forcing op to interact with the bully, or that they have to see them. So why get pissy over what the mom does with their time? If the mom wants to help a student who has it rough to make one less asshole in the world then absolutely she should. Like holy shit guys. Again, she is the only one who interacts with the dude op won't be effected other then knowing their mom is helping the kid out to better themselves. It is just spiteful due to bitter resentment. Both sides suck here. The parents for punishing op due to op feeling hurt instead of trying to, ya know, help out via therapy or some shit? Op is also an asshole for being pissed at what his mom is doing when it LITERALLY HAS NO INVOLVEMENT WITH THEN OTHER THAN KNOWLEDGE OF THE BULLY RECIEVING HELP TO MAYBE MAKE THEM INTO A BETTER PERSON. (I had to switch schools due to the severe bullying I got btw due to my autism so I get how sour and hateful one can feel to give some context on saying yes I get it. I really do. My self esteem is sooo fucking low still due to it. But holy hell, this story def is missing additional context. I really doubt op was grounded just for the silent treatment.)
From what OP said, it looks like his mother has a very severe case of “Savior Complex”. She has built her entire life and personality upon helping “troubled” kids. She is willing to die on this hill because this would be one of her biggest white knight moments if she manages to change this kid. It would be her magnum opus. The fact that this boy was her child’s abuser is what makes it so perfect. How much of a saint would that make her look like? This kid that she was supposed to hate for his actions but she was such a saint that she believed in him when no one else would? Yeah…OP’s mom will 100% be resentful of her son for taking away her Mother Theresa moment. She is a self centered woman.
@@RinoukaI disagree, the OP even said there were so many teachers that could fill that role, and when YOUR kid says that they are that uncomfortable with it, as a parent, you should do what you can to help the kid, but don’t be the main person. I’m sure as a teacher she knew others that could step up and she could have facilitated that without ruining the relationship with her son.
Story 3: I had a future SIL try to not let me go with my fiance up to the casket of their Mother. Future SIL whispered in my ear this was just for family. I sat down. My fiance turned and looked at me and said, " I want you with me." I said your sister doesn't think I should be. I never in the 30 years I was married to him looked so angry at his sister. He said where were you when we took care of Mom, to his sister. Well, that shut her up. This story brought that memory back. Not that I wanted to remember it. I say Bravo OP's Dad.
Story#3, Reminds me of the time my dad literally kicked his own drunken brother out of their granny's funeral! And my dad was the pastor!! Hey, sometimes, you got todo what you got to do!! Story #5, yes, you can forgive your parents but you will not forget. I hope at 18 you can move on from these entitled people!! They are not parents!!
Story 1: Poor broflake realizes just how easy he had it letting his wife do everything for the baby AND him, and wants to go back to that. She's so much better off without that eejit.
Yeah he thinks she should have told him what to do, but why can’t he figure that out himself? Having to make a to-do list for him would be yet another thing to add to her mental load. Besides, if she has to tell him what needs doing, that implies that it’s her job to know how to manage the household, but not his?!?!
Yeah, I'm in a similar situation. My life has been so much more peaceful and manageable after divorce. It isn't the outcome I wanted, but it is better. Hopefully the poster will learn how to be a good partner before committing to another relationship. I'd worry that he'll try to find someone to fill in the gap left by his ex instead of stepping up himself to responsibility.
@@NickoBaggins Oh yes thats what so many will do. Get another partner to look after the child, do the chores etc and look after him, plus share costs. And what does she get? A bloody big headache. Some never grow up.
The part I don't understand is that he says he cannot afford child support... where does he live that 1 child child support is a big deal? Like it should be around $50-70 per week, that is nothing really. I know someone paying 2 child, child support at 100% because he does not see his kids and his ex has remarried and that is only $130 per week.
@@IshlacorrinMore like where are you living and in what time period? I bet many people would like to love in your area, 'cause most child support stories and reports reveal that child support is much, much more than $50-70 a week lol
Story #1 hubby is an example of the reason many women stay single . There are good guys out there ( I have friends with great and equal partners) but there are so many videos of guys who want someone making good $ and they don’t have to lift a finger at home . At least she found out quickly how little he cared about her.
Parents just don’t understand the torment that some kids go through with the bullying they experience. They think that it’s something we just “get over” after some time. They don’t realize the scars we live with for the rest of our lives. And a parent doing that is diminishing our pain, and reopening old wounds.
I have a bully once, or more correctly, a class bully. He practically bullied everyone in the class. One day, he snatched a story book I read at the time. I pursued him and snatched it back. We were trading punches and kicks afterwards, and our teacher run toward us to separate us (we were 1st year elementary, btw). The teacher took the book away (it was from school library), and the bully sneered at me to declare his win. But after that, while he still bullied other kids, he never dared to bully me again.
That parent wasn't just opening old wounds, she was scarring her son beyond anything the bully did. It will extend clean to when the boy raises his own family. All he will remember is what his mom did to him.
@@gorilladisco9108 I am so happy you were never bullied again. That kid needed more done to stop him. It's sad. You always remember the bullying. I was bullied myself. I overcame this, making me more compassionate to people who don't stand up for themselves.
I agree completely with you on that as well . People are so quick to try to downplay things instead of actually listening and putting themselves in their shoes and see how they would feel if it was them going through that trauma.
Story 3: Yeah, they definitely wanted attention at a funeral if they're that adamant at taking front seats. I mean, starting a fight and then bawling unnecessarily? What other reason?
Story 4: Boy DarkFluff, you're killing it with me and memories today. My husband and I had the same interaction with a "Karen" at a stoplight. She said: Can we hurry up? I need to open the post office, and I'm late! My husband said: Well, you should have put your phone down before hitting us from behind. The police officer who came gave her a very HEFTY fine. See, we have cameras at all stoplights, and he accessed them. She was very LATE for opening the post office. LOL. I never saw her again, so I couldn't wave like OP did. 🤣
"She expected me to know what to do without telling me" OMFG. I hate this mentality so much. Dude, you're an adult. Your wife/gf isn't your manager. She shouldn't have to tell you need to handle adult responsibilities. And now this AH is trying to weasel out of custody because it's too hard on him. IT'S HIS CHILD FFS. He doesn't care about his kid. He just wanted a status upgrade.
Story 2: OP better install security cameras and change the locks, and put up wondow bars if possible, because the chances are very high that aunt and uncle will probably show up at their doorstep unannounced, very soon, with luggage in hand whining about having nowhere else to go.
Story 2: The grass is always greener on the other side. If the freeloader want to live with OP again I would make them sign a renter agreement and bill them monthly to make sure they complied to the house rules.
I'm afraid I have to disagree. The relatives realized that OP's parents were lovely people to take advantage of and wanted to return and do it again. No, I'm glad OP's parents didn't let them come back. It was a good decision. They helped enough.
No. Sorry, but once someone shows you their true colors, they WILL do whatever they can to get you to believe them to get what they want. Once they have it, they return to type. Op saw exactly what they're like for quite some time. When you KNOW someone is an entitled mooch and slob, you don't let them move in. Not unless you like being their maid and ATM.
IMO the good will and trust is gone. They had the ‘perfect’ new beginnings setup but believed it was the norm so they messed about and found out. This new reality could be the making of them
Last story: I don’t blame OP one bit. What his egg donor did to him caused irreparable harm to him in so many ways. There’s no way he could ever trust her about anything. I hope that OP decides to go to University just so he can permanently remove his parents when he succeeds in life.
A great grandmother is NOT an “indirect family” to OP. She is in her direct family line. And if this was OP’s aunt Karen then the great grandmother was not her actual parent, she was a grandparent so what is she smoking?
The last story: The parents both chose to bully their son as punishment for taking offense at his own mother siding with the kids life long bully? A+ parenting there.
Story 1: I can't tell OP about how to get back together with his ex-wife but I can offer practical advice. As a widower with an adult daughter living with me I understand about housework, cooking, laundry, and the like. I suspect OP isn't handling housework in a very efficient manner. I set up a schedule about what gets done when and, after about two months, everything was in automatic. I clean bathrooms on one day, do bedroom floors another, clean the kitchen floor another day, do laundry (the daughter helps fold clothes), and I only spend an hour or two a day doing those chores. My parents taught me how to cook so that's not a problem, especially since I set up a weekly menu.
Story 3 - What that Karen Aunt did was utterly disgusting. She’s nothing but an entitled attention seeking witch. I hope OP’s Great Granny didn’t leave that Aunt anything in her will and she was banned from the will reading.
Story 3… My stepdads ex wife freaked out how his celebration of life wasnt a church service. Freaked out at my mom who was by his side and his wife as he struggled with cancer. She should thank god every day that i wasn’t there for her doing that and speaking to my mother that way
*Story 3-* Reminds me of a story my hubby told me of his grandpa’s funeral. He told me his dad went and told a story of his dad (my hubby’s grandpa) and after that his brother (hubby’s uncle) was gonna say the final prayer. _But instead,_ before he said the prayer, he yelled “NO! YOU TOLD THE STORY WRONG!!!” Then prayed.
I feel so sorry for OP in the last story. My daughter had major issues with her dad which I'll not go into here, but he was virtually the Dave of the story. My Daughter had my unwavering support regardless of how she acted out these emotions when she was younger. She knows I'll always have her back, which is what the mother in this story should have done. The mother can lay this damage squarely on herself for not supporting her daughter especially when her daughter voiced her issues and concerns. I hope OP has the best life.
heard the last story before, the thing that confused me the most about it was how the situation was even allowed. As OP stated everyone knew he was bullied by Dave, so the mom shouldn't even have been allowed to mentor him, as there is a chance she might abuse that position to retaliate. Alternatively Dave might make complaints about her retaliating, because the mom didn't treat him in a way he wanted to be treated. There is a clear conflict of interest and the school wouldn't want to deal with the potential fallout of that, especially since it didn't seem to be a problem to have someone else take that position.
That last story was so sad. I feel awful for OP. To know your own mother would put a bully over you is horrible. Yeah the bully likely did have a rough home life, but it didn't need to be OP's mom who helped him. She could have arranged for someone else to help him once she realized how much she was hurting her own child.
In the first story, I actually had a husband like that... The most exhausting thing was the dissappointment each time after hoping he'd actually help out in the house, but he never did and then the realisation that, even though you are married, you are raising a family alone...
Story 4 - People do amazing things after an accident they cause, it's why I have a dash cam. We had a doozy our first time. Someone hit our brand new first car, runs out screaming she didn't hit us, we point out if she didn't know why did she stop and scream at us? She ran back in her car and tried to drive through us and the car she hit. We said we would move, and move the car she already hit once if she gave us a chance, but seeing me on the phone with police....decided to wait for police to come. As soon as we described the issue she said we were all racists. The cops both being a minority just stared at her wordlessly till she shut up and walked away. They apparently had a rough call beforehand as I tried to chat them up. Finally got her insurance info. Collecting was a pill as I went through their insurance, which was legit. I was polite and I was trying to be flexible since it wasn't serious damage. Finally they screamed at the agent enough I not only got my car repaired but they were dropped for the insurance due to their communication...mostly in screams and "flowery" language as I was told. If they just apologized and worked it out, we are pretty flexible. That car was an accident magnet for some reason. They decided to be completely insane and take it to the next level for no reason we could tell.
Last story, I would have twisted the knife and started talking to the mother, asking questions like "since Dave's home life is so bad, did you give him everything else you took from me, or just my oarent?"
The kid who has a lousy Mother that chose another child over her own, NO you are NOT in the wrong. I'm 51 years old and I wish I had had your resolve and never come back here, even to take care of them in their old age. My bully called my Mom on the phone and they were laughing and having a good time, while I stood there in SHOCK. Mom who is a Covert Narcissist gets off the phone, looks down at me, and says, "Oh I guess I shouldn't have done that." Than just walks away and forgets all about it. My bully the next day laughs in my face and says, "I really feel bad for your Mom having a child like you." The bullying got so bad that my parents had to threaten to sue the school to get it to stop. I mean every single day getting smacked, my stuff stolen or broken.
OP NTA, When a family of bullies were bullying my family and cousins my 5ft Mum got the oldest brother and gently put her hands around his neck, I think he would be about 12ish and said if he and his brothers didn’t stop the bullying my mum would take him somewhere quiet and squeeze and no one would hear his screams. The Bullying stopped. My Mum is AWESOME 😊
I can't imagine choosing your child's bully over your child, especially when OP said Teacher's Assistants are usually the Teacher's favorite student. OPs parents are gonna have to lie a lot to people when they ask why OP never speaks to them, and the fact that the mom tried to lie and downplay everything in the meeting shows she knows she's in the wrong even if she won't admit it
Story 5: OP is NTA, period. I'm sorry, but what kind of mother picks her son's bully over her own son? I mean, she knows the kid torments her own son but punishes her own child for not talking to her over it. The whole "Oh, he comes from a broken home" excuse is making her own home broken. It's sad that a counselor and the assistant principle had to get involved and the latter had to change which teacher got the bully for an aide. What's worse is the mother tried to downplay the situation to both the assistant principle and the counselor. I get it, the mother wanted to help a kid in need. However, it's not worth it to strain the relationship with your own child. As for the father... seriously? Tried to force OP to talk to mom and was one of the ones punishing them? As far as I'm concerned, both parents ATA. That relationship will always have damage because of a narcissist with a savior complex chose helping her child's bully over her own child and then punished said child over it. We all know the mom will never admit to being in the wrong.
Story 2: I hope OP's parents very firmly said 'no' before they stopped answering the calls. Otherwise the Aunt and Uncle might show up on their doorstep unannounced.
Dude couldn't even afford child support to have reduced custody time, so I seriously doubt it. He's just lazy and was used to have the wife pick up his slack. He doesn't need a cleaning service, he needs discipline and maturity.
Or, you know, actually take the time to learn how to parent without relying on your partner to do all the emotional labor of teaching you how to parent while also raising your kid effectively on their own. OP screwed up and is now paying the consequences, and I hope they aren't such a crappy partner to their next partner.
@@DarkEinherjar not as a comment to the story or anything, cleaning services can actually be pretty cheap. They aren’t all fancy dancy hundreds of dollars per week things.
The part I don't understand is that he says he cannot afford child support... where does he live that 1 child child support is a big deal? Like it should be around $50-70 per week, that is nothing really. I know someone paying 2 child, child support at 100% because he does not see his kids and his ex has remarried and that is only $130 per week.
Story 5: OP, I am extremely proud of you for sticking to your guns and making your own decisions. Standing your ground can be terrifying. I've been there, and have a Pi-long list of trauma because of it. Stand strong. It wont last long.
A lot of people in these comments are forgetting an important question in the story. Why does it have to be his mother? Why can’t it be any of the other teachers?
I can't believe the mother in the last story doesn't see the irony in her stance. She's opting to risk breaking her own home to help a kid from a broken home.
1st story: they might not get together again, but ex-wife knows how to succeed at work, housework, and 1 child. So OP should man up and ask her how she 1) does laundry; 2) keeps the kitchen clean; 3) ditto bathroom; 4) cook; 5) keeps the living room tidy; 6) ditto bedrooms. One lesson per week. There's a system, and when he learns it, he won't be exhausted any more.
Story 4: I learned this lesson the hard way. ALWAYS snap a picture of the license plate if you have the opportunity. If Karen was that ready to get it over with and even trying to weasel out of paying the damages, I wouldn't have trusted her to give factual information.
Last story: I remember this one! Yeah I feel that the relationship between OP and his mother is over on his end. She picked his bully, called him dramatic when he expressed his feelings for this, grounded him for not talking to her by taking everything away, tried to force him to talk to her using the assistant principal/counselor, lied when explaining her side and had to be FORCED to let the bully go and apologize and even then didn’t give a decent apology. Yeah he’s probably going to go nc as soon as he leaves the house for college
Story 1: The first step to dealing with a problem is admitting you have one. There might be hope for OP, it’s not every day an entitled person recognises they were in the wrong.
The last story reminds me how my parents always said I was exagerating every time I explained how I got bullied in school and outside school. This really broke the trust I had in my parents at the time, and I just became more and more independant. Until the day the bullying escalated and they stole my wallet, destroyed all the papers inside (ID and other cards) and stole my money. This time they got involved, for the first time in my life... Some parents just don't acknowledge how their children feel; they are way too busy with their own self.
Story 1: Some things were not meant to be, and even if they were, that bridge has been burned. All OP can do is reflect on his situation, identify his issues, and change his habits to adapt. Or he can drown.
Last story: Personally, it wouldn’t have changed much. It wasn’t her decision to remove the bully as her TA. It had to be the AP who did it and point out how it wasn’t worth it. That half-hearted apology demonstrates she still doesn’t think she did anything wrong but did it to “keep the peace”.
The lazy husband. I worked, took care of the house, cooked the meals, took care of the children, and my ex would come home and relax in front of the t.v because he had a hard day at work (like my job was sunshine and lollipops). When I finally got tired of his lazy butt and he moved out life was so much easier I decided to never get into another relationship as long as I live. He doesn't stand a snowballs chance since she has discovered the same thing.
The last story is definitely the mom being the AH. Unless I missed something, her mom did try to help resolve the problems in youth. Regardless, these problems continued and are still going on. She took him as her aid to "help him," but what exactly is that help? As a TA in southern Oklahoma, the only real thing you do as an aid is grade papers, or help them pass out papers, or maybe clean. That's only for one period of the day, so 45-47 minutes. She's still teaching class, keep in mind. The only reason you can have this class is because you're a senior, so no real work is going on in your day. OP didn't mention a change in behavior from Dave at all, so... No help is going on, and her mom basically doesn't care that this 17-year-old, who should know better WAY before that, is bullying her kid. She was fighting tooth and nail with her kid to keep a simple TA she was "helping," which you can do outside of school. OP's mom was even downplaying how the situation was to the counselor. From OP's tell of the story, something fishy is definitely going on, and she was trying to hide it using TA as a way to.
Nobody told the wife how did take care of the baby, she learned her self. So it’s wild op expects his wife to just tell him every little thing when he is a parent just like her.
Op 1’s parents failed. Being an adult means doing what’s needed without needing to be told what to do or how to do it. If you need someone to tell you the chores need to be done, your parents failed at raising an adult snd you need to take on the task of learning.
Story two: OP needs to find his local branch of La Leche League, an organization dedicated to breastfeeding but also an incredible resource for single dads as well. My husband had his godson for a while while he was single, so he took him to league meetings where the mothers fed the child, and taught him how to look after a baby. Seriously, OP probably cannot win his wife back but he can learn how to cope with fatherhood. He needs to focus on that, and he needs to find good day care.
Childcare story: Yes OP, you screwed up massively! It sounds like you didn't bother to learn anything about caring for an infant during the time your wife was expecting and you NEEDED her to tell you what to do. Feedings every couple of hours (including thru the night), changing diapers, doing laundry on top of housework and going to work barely touches the changes. Since your wife no longer has to "baby" you, her life probably is easier. Relatives story: Much of Michigan is rural, farmlands, forests and small towns once you get outside of the Detroit metro and Grand Rapids metro areas. And if you don't live in one of those areas or Lansing, Jackson, Ann Arbor, Battle Creek or Kalamazoo factory work is rather slim pickings. The cost of living in Michigan isn't much lower than New Jersey either, at least in the areas I mentioned. Funeral story: So Karen wanted front row seats when she hadn't been around for years (wonder why?). I'm glad your father caught on and gave her the boot. Accident story: I definitely would have reported her to the police for attempting to use her employment to get out of being held responsible. They might not have been able to do anything other than maybe give her a warning not to do so again, but even that would have taken her down a peg. High school TA story: NTA! It's sad that it took the school's guidance counselor and assistant principal to straighten out this mess because OP's mother has a savior complex that's more important than her own son.
Last story: this monster of a mother chose her son's bully over him, and had to be FORCED to drop him... yeah, there's no coming back from this. This reminded me of another story, where OP's mother cheated on her father with the math teacher who used to bully her (and eventually started a relationship with him after she divorced OP's father), and then had the nerve to demand that OP had a relationship with her.
Story 5: The fact that the mom didnt realize how much dmg she had done and that someone else had to intervene to save her relationship with her son, speaks volumes. If the mom hadnt had the student taken away from her, they would stil be in the situation. The level of betrayel by the mom is really heavy in this one... if it were me, i wouldnt have talked to my mom until the bully and her sincerely apoligized for their behavior. Also, if you dont plan on becoming a doctor or lawyer, tradeschool in current year is always the better decision
First story: what OP can do is to learn how to single parent. That includes drawing on all the other resources he can find. Does he have family or friends in the area who can give him a hand once in a while? Are there babysitting coops, where he can look after two kids sometimes (it's not much harder than one, since they play together, although it does mean more cleanup afterwards) in exchange for sometimes having another parent look after *his* kid while they play with the kids at the other family's house? Putting small quantities of money into strategic uses can be worth much more than it costs. If you're alternating weeks, then hiring a housekeeper to come just once every two weeks, right after he sends his son back to his ex's house can be a great help, because then you start the 'easy' week without having to clean up from the hard one. By the end of that week, you might even be rested enough to do your own cleaning, in preparation for your son coming back, so that week begins fresh and clean also. Can laundry be hired out cheaply where you are? It can in many places. Especially for children's clothes, since it usually gets charged by the pound... and since it's returned fully folded and ready to put away, that can be an inexpensive type of help to get, but one which avoids making you do a lot of work. Finally, how big is your house? Can you rent out a room in it to a student or something? When I had to be a single parent, I moved into the guest room and rented the master bedroom and bathroom out to someone... because it would bring in more money than renting out the guest room, and I didn't need the big room myself. I was sleeping alone at that point anyway. That gave me some spare income that I used to hire part time childcare and household help that I wouldn't have been able to afford otherwise.
Story 5: I remember someone else covering this situation, and I'll just say that if I was a parent and TA, and I was offered to aid someone that tormented my child for years, I would decline and recommend someone else on the spot just for my child's sake. As for if I was the last available aide…idk you tell me. Point is, it's not ideal to aid someone that tormented a relative of yours, because it's just not really okay to said relative.
She does. And a Savior Complex can be a very fatal thing to have. You shouldn't give hand-outs to everyone. Some people just need the strength from the first tidbit to bite you and take the rest.
Imagine a mother choosing your bully over you, disgusting. Especially when he told her how it made him feel. She could've helped him become someone else's assistant
I was hoping Op caught her saying that she was good friends with the cop on video and use that as evidence of her trying to blackmail her way out of problems. Then submit both of the police as well as the insurance company so that they can give her insurance policy a nice big old hit to the pocketbook.
Story one. He can come to her with written commitments of what he will do if they move back together. It would be better for the child if they can work it out. However, she likely has had enough of chances.
Last story, so the Mom became a bigger bully because trouble kids and job means more then her daughter trauma? Yay the Mom and Dad failed here as now the daughter have a new Bully that torment her even more, her own mom.
story #3: yes, the less important they are to the deceased, the farther back they sit. that aunt's seats are in the back, just past the double doors. enjoy your seats!
Story 1: He need to stay strong and learn to adjust to his new situation. A man needs fortitude inlife, there is always a way to improve but you first must ralize what is being done wrong.
Second to last story... "So you work with cops. Wonderful! I am going to call one to come down here and fill out an arduous, lengthy and time consuming report, and you can say hi to them."
OP: "I'm not looking for pity or understanding here" Also OP: "WOE IS ME, I TOOK MY WIFE FOR GRANTED AND ONLY NOW I REALIZE HOW EASY SHE MADE MY LIFE AND HOW MUCH OF A USELESS SLOB I AM!!!"
I actually do work with monkeys, so I got really excited to hear about a fellow non-human primate caretaker, only to be disappointed that it was just part of a joke. 😂
That horrible aunt at the funeral really gets to me. My aunt did something similar. She made my uncle miserable to point he committed suicide then she showed up at the viewing of his body at the funeral home, tried to make it all about her crocodile grief, and generally made everyone uncomfortable and disgusted. At the funeral, the director made sure she was seated at the back and, as soon as my aunt found out all of my uncle's money she hadn't already gotten (some sort of insurance that paid despite the suicide) was in a trust for the kids, she left and never looked back. As each of her kids with my uncle aged out of government benefits, she pretty much abandoned them. She only occasionally shows up now to family events where there's free stuff she can get. Her kids don't hate her but they've realized my aunt isn't exactly a great mother.
I've heard the last story before as well. Someone in the comments summed it up perfectly: her job had to fix her parenting f up. I feel sorry for OP, and in their place I would definitely said that I DID NOT accept her apology.
3:27 “Uncle Ben and Aunt May” “Cousin Mary” as in “Mary Jane” “Cousin Stacy” as in “Gwen Stacy” Either that’s a huge coincidence or this person really likes Spider-Man! Lol
You can’t burn a bridge, claiming there are tons of other bridges you can use, and then turn around and expect to use that bridge again once you discover the other bridges suck.
Last story: If the bully "wasn't a bad kid"...did the mother even attempt to get that bully to apologize to OP for the bullying? If the bully had *SINCERELY* apologized to OP, then I could possibly see keeping him as her aide (not something I would do, but at least it would be a little more understandable). But without even the merest glimmer of an apology or even any indication that the bully had any sort of remorse....OP wasn't overreacting at all. Mom completely destroyed any trust OP had in her - and her OWN lack of remorse (considering she needed to be FORCED to drop the bully as her aide) buried the last remnants and salted the earth.
Third story: I've been to more than a few funerals over the last few years. At the one for my aunt who had lived in Wyoming, the pastor talked more about himself than anyone else, including her. He really pissed off the whole family that day. At my Dad's, one of my aunts, who hated me and my Dad, had tried to stop her youngest daughter from attending. Her eldest daughter put paid to that nonsense and brought her along herself. Pissed my aunt off, but I loved my cousins for it. That aunt is as close to a Karen that I have that is family.
Story 5: Jesus tapdancing Christ on a pogo stick. I'm autistic AF but even I can see that OP's mom irredeemably fucked up, and I wouldn't blame OP if they never forgive her for this entire situation. OP's blatantly just a bit of set dressing in her life, not a person with feelings in her mind.
STORY 3:This story reminds me of the sister closest to me in age who passed and the sibling that I have left as the last living member of my biological family. I am the youngest of 4 girls. By the time I was born, my siblings were 14, 16, and 19. The only one still living as of now is the one that's 16yrs older than myself, and we are like oil and water. She has the type of personality that no one likes. She doesn't have any friends. And, no one can stand to be around her for very long. Her own son doesn't even want to be around her, and has put her in a nursing home. After the funeral of my sister that was 14 yrs older than myself, every family member was given a choice of a single flower from the many that had been given. The sibling that's 16yrs older wasn't satisfied until she took the one I had chosen because she wanted to make a bouquet for the dinner table. I only relinquished it to keep from slapping her into the still open grave with my sister! But I'm better than that. For the sake of my sanity and mental health, I am now 'NO CONTACT' with all my relatives except my son and a couple of cousins. Yaaay for me!❤
As someone that was tormented by the whole school growing up, and ultimately ended up in a similar situation: OP is 100% being entitled. Are her feelings justified? Yes. Are her actions? No. Also the story is written like they are leaving out very crucial information that would immediately paint them as the entitled one.
Yes… NTA…. Your parents are always supposed to be in your corner…. If you can take a bully under your wing and turn your back on your child ugh…. Right or wrong guide your children…. Don’t pick the bully over your own child…. Still would for mine…. In their 30’s…. I am the biggest supporter of my kids
I can relate all too well with the funeral story. No scene was made, but I was shown REAL quick where I stood, literally and figuratively. The worst thing was, while this was happening, I was also dealing with my 9 ur and 12 yr Olds half brother, a 6 yr old, dying within 2 hours of my grandmother, so I had 2 immediate family members funerals back to back same day different city.
Story 2: OP's family didn't move to Grand Rapids, Michigan. I'm a Grand Rapids native & while our bus system isn't the greatest, you can get to most areas of the city using it, a little walking, & the electric Lime scooters.
![POLYCAT - ข้อความรูปยิ้ม [Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/lBhIgPGCgbI/mqdefault.jpg)
Story 5: That is the most heartbreaking story! How do you pick a student who has bullied your own child over your own SON??? I have all the empathy towards OP. As a Mother, I would NEVER do that to his self-esteem. Who does that to their
son? Taking away your son's stuff means the most to him because you, as a Mother, are helping your child's BULLY?? WTH! OP, I want you to know that good parents don't do that. They, step by step, help you with issues to reach a reasonable conclusion. I have NO words for your Mother's behavior. I wish I could give you a hug. OP, know that your Mom was 100% WRONG! Good moms don't do that.
I had a coworker who deeply hurt me, emotionally. I’ve forgiven her though the bond is broken. My mom, on the other hand, seems to despise her now and shows no intention of forgiving her.
siding with your bully and the overboard punishment ? yeah she will never meet the grand kids. i would not forget or forgive either
The OP in story one has entered the 'find out' portion of the 'fuck around and find out' scenario.
Oh yeah, sounds like he wasn't paying the bills on his own - nor was he contributing to most of the household.
He sounds more like he was being carried by his partner - like boo hoo, you've got equal time now with no child support either way - you're struggling, she's not - the proof is in the pudding, she's just better at managing her life.
You skipped a pretty important part in the last story, when OP was asked if this fixed things and he replied that no, it doesn't in fact, since his mom doesn't even really believe she did anything wrong. And upon talking about the change in trajectory from college to trade, OP told his mom "you already failed as a mother once, don't do it again" which shut her up.
Where is the rest of the story? I feel so bad for this kid. What horrible parents! Punishing a child because they are angry at you? Hope OP is able to heal and get away from such toxicity.
Last story: There are some lines that, once crossed, can never be crossed again. Parents in particular need to understand that the injustice they dish out to their kids could lead to a permanent rift or even to the children leaving at 18 and never seeing them again. The OP's mother is about to find this out.
Last story: I’ve heard this one before, and I’ll say what I said before; Your savior complex cost you your relationship with your _actual_ child. Bravo, lady. 👏
All stories in here seems to be repeat...
@@teslagod7221 Fluff has got over 900 videos and nearly all of them contain multiple stories. So he does often get repeats lately, although some of them have updates to the stories posted.
@@teslagod7221 Check out the video playlists. There are 100's that DON'T repeat. And, if they do, they always have a twist. Fluff is the BEST story teller.
@@meh2510I think they mean from a different channel. This one sounds pretty new to me and I only watch this channel.
I don't even know if it's just a saviour complex, or one at all. She only apologised to her own child after being publicly shamed, that in itself is a red flag in terms of her being devoid of empathy. How much are we betting that the "soft spot" she has for kids in need is a soft spot for good reputation points?
Damn! That was one really good guidance counselor. They got to the heart of that pretty quickly.
Exactly. I’m glad it was one of those stories where they’re able to reconcile by working things out.
@@PrincessSunnyoftheSandWings except they didn't really. The mom's job forced an end to her idiocy(instead of her willingly stopping), but as they said, damage done. And from the sound of things he's still going no contact after he leaves.
That last story, sounds like there’s a lot they have to work through, if they even attempt to at all. It’s still weird to die on a hill of some random over your own kid.
The damage is done, the mom didn't even voluntarily get rid of the bully she had to be forced. This relationship is over.
You are so right. When I was being bullied, my mom blamed me. She felt it wasn't fair that the situation was messing up their relationship with the kid's parents. Bottom line, she hated me and didn't mind it when I was abused.
I feel a lot is being ommitted. But if story is as it is told then both sides suck with parents more so for punishing the kid. But only that part is bs if it only due to op giving the silent treatment.
Like, it isn't like the mom is forcing op to interact with the bully, or that they have to see them. So why get pissy over what the mom does with their time?
If the mom wants to help a student who has it rough to make one less asshole in the world then absolutely she should. Like holy shit guys. Again, she is the only one who interacts with the dude op won't be effected other then knowing their mom is helping the kid out to better themselves. It is just spiteful due to bitter resentment. Both sides suck here. The parents for punishing op due to op feeling hurt instead of trying to, ya know, help out via therapy or some shit? Op is also an asshole for being pissed at what his mom is doing when it LITERALLY HAS NO INVOLVEMENT WITH THEN OTHER THAN KNOWLEDGE OF THE BULLY RECIEVING HELP TO MAYBE MAKE THEM INTO A BETTER PERSON.
(I had to switch schools due to the severe bullying I got btw due to my autism so I get how sour and hateful one can feel to give some context on saying yes I get it. I really do. My self esteem is sooo fucking low still due to it. But holy hell, this story def is missing additional context. I really doubt op was grounded just for the silent treatment.)
From what OP said, it looks like his mother has a very severe case of “Savior Complex”. She has built her entire life and personality upon helping “troubled” kids.
She is willing to die on this hill because this would be one of her biggest white knight moments if she manages to change this kid. It would be her magnum opus.
The fact that this boy was her child’s abuser is what makes it so perfect. How much of a saint would that make her look like? This kid that she was supposed to hate for his actions but she was such a saint that she believed in him when no one else would?
Yeah…OP’s mom will 100% be resentful of her son for taking away her Mother Theresa moment. She is a self centered woman.
@@RinoukaI disagree, the OP even said there were so many teachers that could fill that role, and when YOUR kid says that they are that uncomfortable with it, as a parent, you should do what you can to help the kid, but don’t be the main person. I’m sure as a teacher she knew others that could step up and she could have facilitated that without ruining the relationship with her son.
Story 3: I had a future SIL try to not let me go with my fiance up to the casket of their Mother. Future SIL whispered in my ear this was just for family. I sat down. My fiance turned and looked at me and said, " I want you with me." I said your sister doesn't think I should be. I never in the 30 years I was married to him looked so angry at his sister. He said where were you when we took care of Mom, to his sister. Well, that shut her up. This story brought that memory back. Not that I wanted to remember it. I say Bravo OP's Dad.
If Karen has as much right to sit there as OP, then OP has as much right to sit there as she does.
Story#3, Reminds me of the time my dad literally kicked his own drunken brother out of their granny's funeral! And my dad was the pastor!! Hey, sometimes, you got todo what you got to do!! Story #5, yes, you can forgive your parents but you will not forget. I hope at 18 you can move on from these entitled people!! They are not parents!!
Not all heroes wear capes, some wear clerical collars.
Story 1: Poor broflake realizes just how easy he had it letting his wife do everything for the baby AND him, and wants to go back to that. She's so much better off without that eejit.
Yeah he thinks she should have told him what to do, but why can’t he figure that out himself? Having to make a to-do list for him would be yet another thing to add to her mental load. Besides, if she has to tell him what needs doing, that implies that it’s her job to know how to manage the household, but not his?!?!
Yeah, I'm in a similar situation. My life has been so much more peaceful and manageable after divorce.
It isn't the outcome I wanted, but it is better.
Hopefully the poster will learn how to be a good partner before committing to another relationship. I'd worry that he'll try to find someone to fill in the gap left by his ex instead of stepping up himself to responsibility.
@@NickoBaggins
Oh yes thats what so many will do. Get another partner to look after the child, do the chores etc and look after him, plus share costs.
And what does she get? A bloody big headache.
Some never grow up.
The part I don't understand is that he says he cannot afford child support... where does he live that 1 child child support is a big deal? Like it should be around $50-70 per week, that is nothing really. I know someone paying 2 child, child support at 100% because he does not see his kids and his ex has remarried and that is only $130 per week.
@@IshlacorrinMore like where are you living and in what time period? I bet many people would like to love in your area, 'cause most child support stories and reports reveal that child support is much, much more than $50-70 a week lol
Story #1 hubby is an example of the reason many women stay single . There are good guys out there ( I have friends with great and equal partners) but there are so many videos of guys who want someone making good $ and they don’t have to lift a finger at home .
At least she found out quickly how little he cared about her.
The "I know cops" lady. I wouldve said the same thing of "Kay...... lets call em."
Right? I don't like stories when they act like they showed them when they actually did nothing... like OP
I would have said to her, "Oh, really? Well, let's see what the Police Chief says about it."
That story shows why everyone need a front and rear dashcam. A good one probably would have caught her on the phone at the time of the accident.
I'm sure she does know cops. She probably gets tickets or arrests so often she probably knows some of them on a first name basis by now.
"You know Cops? Good, let's see how they feel about you breaking traffic laws and trying to intimidate the witness/victim."
Parents just don’t understand the torment that some kids go through with the bullying they experience.
They think that it’s something we just “get over” after some time. They don’t realize the scars we live with for the rest of our lives.
And a parent doing that is diminishing our pain, and reopening old wounds.
Parents do have a tendency to say "I don't remember that." My response is "I will ALWAYS remember that."
I have a bully once, or more correctly, a class bully. He practically bullied everyone in the class. One day, he snatched a story book I read at the time. I pursued him and snatched it back. We were trading punches and kicks afterwards, and our teacher run toward us to separate us (we were 1st year elementary, btw). The teacher took the book away (it was from school library), and the bully sneered at me to declare his win. But after that, while he still bullied other kids, he never dared to bully me again.
That parent wasn't just opening old wounds, she was scarring her son beyond anything the bully did. It will extend clean to when the boy raises his own family. All he will remember is what his mom did to him.
@@gorilladisco9108 I am so happy you were never bullied again. That kid needed more done to stop him. It's sad. You always remember the bullying. I was bullied myself. I overcame this, making me more compassionate to people who don't stand up for themselves.
I agree completely with you on that as well . People are so quick to try to downplay things instead of actually listening and putting themselves in their shoes and see how they would feel if it was them going through that trauma.
Story 3: Yeah, they definitely wanted attention at a funeral if they're that adamant at taking front seats. I mean, starting a fight and then bawling unnecessarily? What other reason?
*I WOULD HAVE SCREAMED! DO. NOT. TOUCH. ME. I HAVE BEEN MOLESTED BY A MAN AND WOMEN ALIKE! SO DO NOT TOUCH ME!*
Definitely attention seeker. Plus does it matter where you seat as long as you are surrounded by people that care.
Story 4: Boy DarkFluff, you're killing it with me and memories today. My husband and I had the same interaction with a "Karen" at a stoplight. She said: Can we hurry up? I need to open the post office, and I'm late! My husband said: Well, you should have put your phone down before hitting us from behind. The police officer who came gave her a very HEFTY fine. See, we have cameras at all stoplights, and he accessed them. She was very LATE for opening the post office. LOL. I never saw her again, so I couldn't wave like OP did. 🤣
"She expected me to know what to do without telling me" OMFG. I hate this mentality so much. Dude, you're an adult. Your wife/gf isn't your manager. She shouldn't have to tell you need to handle adult responsibilities. And now this AH is trying to weasel out of custody because it's too hard on him. IT'S HIS CHILD FFS. He doesn't care about his kid. He just wanted a status upgrade.
Story 4 - OP should’ve called 911 for the whiplash. Then see if Karen was telling the truth about ‘working with Cops’.
Story 4 - should have called for ambulance for the whiplash. Maybe her cop friends would show up.😅
Story 2: OP better install security cameras and change the locks, and put up wondow bars if possible, because the chances are very high that aunt and uncle will probably show up at their doorstep unannounced, very soon, with luggage in hand whining about having nowhere else to go.
Story 2: The grass is always greener on the other side. If the freeloader want to live with OP again I would make them sign a renter agreement and bill them monthly to make sure they complied to the house rules.
Me, too!! 😆😆💋💖
Uncle Ben forgot about the big responsability thing
I'm afraid I have to disagree. The relatives realized that OP's parents were lovely people to take advantage of and wanted to return and do it again. No, I'm glad OP's parents didn't let them come back. It was a good decision. They helped enough.
No. Sorry, but once someone shows you their true colors, they WILL do whatever they can to get you to believe them to get what they want. Once they have it, they return to type. Op saw exactly what they're like for quite some time. When you KNOW someone is an entitled mooch and slob, you don't let them move in. Not unless you like being their maid and ATM.
IMO the good will and trust is gone. They had the ‘perfect’ new beginnings setup but believed it was the norm so they messed about and found out. This new reality could be the making of them
Last story:
I don’t blame OP one bit. What his egg donor did to him caused irreparable harm to him in so many ways. There’s no way he could ever trust her about anything. I hope that OP decides to go to University just so he can permanently remove his parents when he succeeds in life.
A great grandmother is NOT an “indirect family” to OP. She is in her direct family line. And if this was OP’s aunt Karen then the great grandmother was not her actual parent, she was a grandparent so what is she smoking?
A vape with the flavour of narcissism mixed with Maximum Douche.
The last story: The parents both chose to bully their son as punishment for taking offense at his own mother siding with the kids life long bully? A+ parenting there.
Story 1: OP needs to grow up. Hopefully, he will not mess up his next relationship.
Karens at funerals can be so infuriating, it just adds to the sadness 😔
Story 1: I can't tell OP about how to get back together with his ex-wife but I can offer practical advice. As a widower with an adult daughter living with me I understand about housework, cooking, laundry, and the like. I suspect OP isn't handling housework in a very efficient manner. I set up a schedule about what gets done when and, after about two months, everything was in automatic. I clean bathrooms on one day, do bedroom floors another, clean the kitchen floor another day, do laundry (the daughter helps fold clothes), and I only spend an hour or two a day doing those chores. My parents taught me how to cook so that's not a problem, especially since I set up a weekly menu.
Story 3 - What that Karen Aunt did was utterly disgusting. She’s nothing but an entitled attention seeking witch. I hope OP’s Great Granny didn’t leave that Aunt anything in her will and she was banned from the will reading.
Story 3… My stepdads ex wife freaked out how his celebration of life wasnt a church service. Freaked out at my mom who was by his side and his wife as he struggled with cancer. She should thank god every day that i wasn’t there for her doing that and speaking to my mother that way
*Story 3-* Reminds me of a story my hubby told me of his grandpa’s funeral. He told me his dad went and told a story of his dad (my hubby’s grandpa) and after that his brother (hubby’s uncle) was gonna say the final prayer.
_But instead,_ before he said the prayer, he yelled “NO! YOU TOLD THE STORY WRONG!!!” Then prayed.
I feel so sorry for OP in the last story. My daughter had major issues with her dad which I'll not go into here, but he was virtually the Dave of the story. My Daughter had my unwavering support regardless of how she acted out these emotions when she was younger. She knows I'll always have her back, which is what the mother in this story should have done. The mother can lay this damage squarely on herself for not supporting her daughter especially when her daughter voiced her issues and concerns. I hope OP has the best life.
heard the last story before, the thing that confused me the most about it was how the situation was even allowed. As OP stated everyone knew he was bullied by Dave, so the mom shouldn't even have been allowed to mentor him, as there is a chance she might abuse that position to retaliate. Alternatively Dave might make complaints about her retaliating, because the mom didn't treat him in a way he wanted to be treated. There is a clear conflict of interest and the school wouldn't want to deal with the potential fallout of that, especially since it didn't seem to be a problem to have someone else take that position.
That last story was so sad. I feel awful for OP. To know your own mother would put a bully over you is horrible. Yeah the bully likely did have a rough home life, but it didn't need to be OP's mom who helped him. She could have arranged for someone else to help him once she realized how much she was hurting her own child.
In the first story, I actually had a husband like that... The most exhausting thing was the dissappointment each time after hoping he'd actually help out in the house, but he never did and then the realisation that, even though you are married, you are raising a family alone...
Story 4 - People do amazing things after an accident they cause, it's why I have a dash cam. We had a doozy our first time.
Someone hit our brand new first car, runs out screaming she didn't hit us, we point out if she didn't know why did she stop and scream at us? She ran back in her car and tried to drive through us and the car she hit.
We said we would move, and move the car she already hit once if she gave us a chance, but seeing me on the phone with police....decided to wait for police to come. As soon as we described the issue she said we were all racists. The cops both being a minority just stared at her wordlessly till she shut up and walked away. They apparently had a rough call beforehand as I tried to chat them up. Finally got her insurance info.
Collecting was a pill as I went through their insurance, which was legit. I was polite and I was trying to be flexible since it wasn't serious damage. Finally they screamed at the agent enough I not only got my car repaired but they were dropped for the insurance due to their communication...mostly in screams and "flowery" language as I was told.
If they just apologized and worked it out, we are pretty flexible. That car was an accident magnet for some reason. They decided to be completely insane and take it to the next level for no reason we could tell.
That mom has a huge savior complex
Last story, I would have twisted the knife and started talking to the mother, asking questions like "since Dave's home life is so bad, did you give him everything else you took from me, or just my oarent?"
The kid who has a lousy Mother that chose another child over her own, NO you are NOT in the wrong. I'm 51 years old and I wish I had had your resolve and never come back here, even to take care of them in their old age. My bully called my Mom on the phone and they were laughing and having a good time, while I stood there in SHOCK. Mom who is a Covert Narcissist gets off the phone, looks down at me, and says, "Oh I guess I shouldn't have done that." Than just walks away and forgets all about it. My bully the next day laughs in my face and says, "I really feel bad for your Mom having a child like you." The bullying got so bad that my parents had to threaten to sue the school to get it to stop. I mean every single day getting smacked, my stuff stolen or broken.
OP NTA, When a family of bullies were bullying my family and cousins my 5ft Mum got the oldest brother and gently put her hands around his neck, I think he would be about 12ish and said if he and his brothers didn’t stop the bullying my mum would take him somewhere quiet and squeeze and no one would hear his screams. The Bullying stopped. My Mum is AWESOME 😊
I can't imagine choosing your child's bully over your child, especially when OP said Teacher's Assistants are usually the Teacher's favorite student. OPs parents are gonna have to lie a lot to people when they ask why OP never speaks to them, and the fact that the mom tried to lie and downplay everything in the meeting shows she knows she's in the wrong even if she won't admit it
Did you all miss the sleeping with the bully part?
@@michaelwilson7927 thought that was a joke
Story 5: OP is NTA, period. I'm sorry, but what kind of mother picks her son's bully over her own son? I mean, she knows the kid torments her own son but punishes her own child for not talking to her over it. The whole "Oh, he comes from a broken home" excuse is making her own home broken. It's sad that a counselor and the assistant principle had to get involved and the latter had to change which teacher got the bully for an aide. What's worse is the mother tried to downplay the situation to both the assistant principle and the counselor. I get it, the mother wanted to help a kid in need. However, it's not worth it to strain the relationship with your own child. As for the father... seriously? Tried to force OP to talk to mom and was one of the ones punishing them? As far as I'm concerned, both parents ATA. That relationship will always have damage because of a narcissist with a savior complex chose helping her child's bully over her own child and then punished said child over it. We all know the mom will never admit to being in the wrong.
Story 2: I hope OP's parents very firmly said 'no' before they stopped answering the calls. Otherwise the Aunt and Uncle might show up on their doorstep unannounced.
Last story! Hell yeah his mother betrayed him! My Lord almighty what was she doing!
1st Story Could OP afford at least a house cleaning service once a week? Maybe that would help get him caught up.
Dude couldn't even afford child support to have reduced custody time, so I seriously doubt it.
He's just lazy and was used to have the wife pick up his slack. He doesn't need a cleaning service, he needs discipline and maturity.
Or, you know, actually take the time to learn how to parent without relying on your partner to do all the emotional labor of teaching you how to parent while also raising your kid effectively on their own. OP screwed up and is now paying the consequences, and I hope they aren't such a crappy partner to their next partner.
@@DarkEinherjar not as a comment to the story or anything, cleaning services can actually be pretty cheap. They aren’t all fancy dancy hundreds of dollars per week things.
The part I don't understand is that he says he cannot afford child support... where does he live that 1 child child support is a big deal? Like it should be around $50-70 per week, that is nothing really. I know someone paying 2 child, child support at 100% because he does not see his kids and his ex has remarried and that is only $130 per week.
That would cost money he doesn’t want to spend ie: child support.
Story 5: OP, I am extremely proud of you for sticking to your guns and making your own decisions. Standing your ground can be terrifying. I've been there, and have a Pi-long list of trauma because of it. Stand strong. It wont last long.
Geez, Story 2's OP must be a Spidey fan.
Or a hater, considering entitled people were named after the well respected Aunt and Uncle.
@ProjectNaturePrds I mean, I'd feel honored if I was labeled as a comic character. Except Wolverine. Got old quickly.
The entitled people did seem Kraven Vultures and Jackals!!!!!
With great entitlement comes no responsibility.
Qebo69, I was thinking the same thing.
A lot of people in these comments are forgetting an important question in the story. Why does it have to be his mother? Why can’t it be any of the other teachers?
I can't believe the mother in the last story doesn't see the irony in her stance. She's opting to risk breaking her own home to help a kid from a broken home.
1st story: they might not get together again, but ex-wife knows how to succeed at work, housework, and 1 child. So OP should man up and ask her how she 1) does laundry; 2) keeps the kitchen clean; 3) ditto bathroom; 4) cook; 5) keeps the living room tidy; 6) ditto bedrooms. One lesson per week. There's a system, and when he learns it, he won't be exhausted any more.
Story 4: I learned this lesson the hard way. ALWAYS snap a picture of the license plate if you have the opportunity. If Karen was that ready to get it over with and even trying to weasel out of paying the damages, I wouldn't have trusted her to give factual information.
Last story: I remember this one! Yeah I feel that the relationship between OP and his mother is over on his end. She picked his bully, called him dramatic when he expressed his feelings for this, grounded him for not talking to her by taking everything away, tried to force him to talk to her using the assistant principal/counselor, lied when explaining her side and had to be FORCED to let the bully go and apologize and even then didn’t give a decent apology.
Yeah he’s probably going to go nc as soon as he leaves the house for college
Story 3 - ‘no one should have to deal with a Karen at a funeral’. Mr. Fluff ? Nobody should have to deal with a Karen in ANY situation, but we do ! 😂
Story 1: The first step to dealing with a problem is admitting you have one.
There might be hope for OP, it’s not every day an entitled person recognises they were in the wrong.
Karen: I work with cops
Google translate: Ive been arrested enough times that they know me by name and have a whole section about me
The last story reminds me how my parents always said I was exagerating every time I explained how I got bullied in school and outside school. This really broke the trust I had in my parents at the time, and I just became more and more independant. Until the day the bullying escalated and they stole my wallet, destroyed all the papers inside (ID and other cards) and stole my money. This time they got involved, for the first time in my life...
Some parents just don't acknowledge how their children feel; they are way too busy with their own self.
Story 1: Some things were not meant to be, and even if they were, that bridge has been burned. All OP can do is reflect on his situation, identify his issues, and change his habits to adapt. Or he can drown.
Last story: the mom having a hero complex and ops bully 100% lying to her
Last story: Personally, it wouldn’t have changed much. It wasn’t her decision to remove the bully as her TA. It had to be the AP who did it and point out how it wasn’t worth it. That half-hearted apology demonstrates she still doesn’t think she did anything wrong but did it to “keep the peace”.
The lazy husband. I worked, took care of the house, cooked the meals, took care of the children, and my ex would come home and relax in front of the t.v because he had a hard day at work (like my job was sunshine and lollipops). When I finally got tired of his lazy butt and he moved out life was so much easier I decided to never get into another relationship as long as I live. He doesn't stand a snowballs chance since she has discovered the same thing.
The last story is definitely the mom being the AH. Unless I missed something, her mom did try to help resolve the problems in youth. Regardless, these problems continued and are still going on.
She took him as her aid to "help him," but what exactly is that help? As a TA in southern Oklahoma, the only real thing you do as an aid is grade papers, or help them pass out papers, or maybe clean. That's only for one period of the day, so 45-47 minutes. She's still teaching class, keep in mind. The only reason you can have this class is because you're a senior, so no real work is going on in your day.
OP didn't mention a change in behavior from Dave at all, so... No help is going on, and her mom basically doesn't care that this 17-year-old, who should know better WAY before that, is bullying her kid. She was fighting tooth and nail with her kid to keep a simple TA she was "helping," which you can do outside of school. OP's mom was even downplaying how the situation was to the counselor.
From OP's tell of the story, something fishy is definitely going on, and she was trying to hide it using TA as a way to.
"You can't live without me! You need me!" "... do I tho"
Edit: All those Spider-Man names in story 2 caught me off guard
Nobody told the wife how did take care of the baby, she learned her self. So it’s wild op expects his wife to just tell him every little thing when he is a parent just like her.
Op 1’s parents failed. Being an adult means doing what’s needed without needing to be told what to do or how to do it. If you need someone to tell you the chores need to be done, your parents failed at raising an adult snd you need to take on the task of learning.
Story two: OP needs to find his local branch of La Leche League, an organization dedicated to breastfeeding but also an incredible resource for single dads as well. My husband had his godson for a while while he was single, so he took him to league meetings where the mothers fed the child, and taught him how to look after a baby.
Seriously, OP probably cannot win his wife back but he can learn how to cope with fatherhood. He needs to focus on that, and he needs to find good day care.
Childcare story: Yes OP, you screwed up massively! It sounds like you didn't bother to learn anything about caring for an infant during the time your wife was expecting and you NEEDED her to tell you what to do. Feedings every couple of hours (including thru the night), changing diapers, doing laundry on top of housework and going to work barely touches the changes. Since your wife no longer has to "baby" you, her life probably is easier.
Relatives story: Much of Michigan is rural, farmlands, forests and small towns once you get outside of the Detroit metro and Grand Rapids metro areas. And if you don't live in one of those areas or Lansing, Jackson, Ann Arbor, Battle Creek or Kalamazoo factory work is rather slim pickings. The cost of living in Michigan isn't much lower than New Jersey either, at least in the areas I mentioned.
Funeral story: So Karen wanted front row seats when she hadn't been around for years (wonder why?). I'm glad your father caught on and gave her the boot.
Accident story: I definitely would have reported her to the police for attempting to use her employment to get out of being held responsible. They might not have been able to do anything other than maybe give her a warning not to do so again, but even that would have taken her down a peg.
High school TA story: NTA! It's sad that it took the school's guidance counselor and assistant principal to straighten out this mess because OP's mother has a savior complex that's more important than her own son.
Entitled Man, Entitled Man
Does whatever a Karen can!
Last story: this monster of a mother chose her son's bully over him, and had to be FORCED to drop him... yeah, there's no coming back from this.
This reminded me of another story, where OP's mother cheated on her father with the math teacher who used to bully her (and eventually started a relationship with him after she divorced OP's father), and then had the nerve to demand that OP had a relationship with her.
Go take a loong walk off a short pier, mom. I'm not interested.
Story 5:
The fact that the mom didnt realize how much dmg she had done and that someone else had to intervene to save her relationship with her son, speaks volumes. If the mom hadnt had the student taken away from her, they would stil be in the situation. The level of betrayel by the mom is really heavy in this one... if it were me, i wouldnt have talked to my mom until the bully and her sincerely apoligized for their behavior. Also, if you dont plan on becoming a doctor or lawyer, tradeschool in current year is always the better decision
First story: what OP can do is to learn how to single parent. That includes drawing on all the other resources he can find. Does he have family or friends in the area who can give him a hand once in a while? Are there babysitting coops, where he can look after two kids sometimes (it's not much harder than one, since they play together, although it does mean more cleanup afterwards) in exchange for sometimes having another parent look after *his* kid while they play with the kids at the other family's house?
Putting small quantities of money into strategic uses can be worth much more than it costs. If you're alternating weeks, then hiring a housekeeper to come just once every two weeks, right after he sends his son back to his ex's house can be a great help, because then you start the 'easy' week without having to clean up from the hard one. By the end of that week, you might even be rested enough to do your own cleaning, in preparation for your son coming back, so that week begins fresh and clean also.
Can laundry be hired out cheaply where you are? It can in many places. Especially for children's clothes, since it usually gets charged by the pound... and since it's returned fully folded and ready to put away, that can be an inexpensive type of help to get, but one which avoids making you do a lot of work.
Finally, how big is your house? Can you rent out a room in it to a student or something? When I had to be a single parent, I moved into the guest room and rented the master bedroom and bathroom out to someone... because it would bring in more money than renting out the guest room, and I didn't need the big room myself. I was sleeping alone at that point anyway. That gave me some spare income that I used to hire part time childcare and household help that I wouldn't have been able to afford otherwise.
Story 5: I remember someone else covering this situation, and I'll just say that if I was a parent and TA, and I was offered to aid someone that tormented my child for years, I would decline and recommend someone else on the spot just for my child's sake. As for if I was the last available aide…idk you tell me.
Point is, it's not ideal to aid someone that tormented a relative of yours, because it's just not really okay to said relative.
Story 4- I would've said that I work with morons all day, but it looks like I clocked in early.
That last story those parents are completely garbage… complete garbage
FFS, lady. Yeah, you’re Dave’s teacher, but YOU WERE OP’S MOTHER FIRST.
last story: OP's mom seems like a narcissist with a savior complex.
She is all up for saving every boy except her own.
She does. And a Savior Complex can be a very fatal thing to have. You shouldn't give hand-outs to everyone. Some people just need the strength from the first tidbit to bite you and take the rest.
@@SIXPACFISH a predictably narcissistic trait, that can be.
OP seems like an unreliable narrator, and isn't telling the whole story.
Story 1 - does OP have family around to help?
good question
Imagine a mother choosing your bully over you, disgusting. Especially when he told her how it made him feel. She could've helped him become someone else's assistant
There should be a Comedic National Geographic program for Entitled Karens on TV
Story 1: That's where "learned helplessness" gets you, OP. On your own and unable to cope.
2nd story someone really love spider-man
I see that you also noticed 😅
@@Adeola10 lol yeah
Nice catch with the spider tingle lol
I was hoping Op caught her saying that she was good friends with the cop on video and use that as evidence of her trying to blackmail her way out of problems. Then submit both of the police as well as the insurance company so that they can give her insurance policy a nice big old hit to the pocketbook.
Story one. He can come to her with written commitments of what he will do if they move back together. It would be better for the child if they can work it out. However, she likely has had enough of chances.
Last story, so the Mom became a bigger bully because trouble kids and job means more then her daughter trauma? Yay the Mom and Dad failed here as now the daughter have a new Bully that torment her even more, her own mom.
story #3: yes, the less important they are to the deceased, the farther back they sit. that aunt's seats are in the back, just past the double doors. enjoy your seats!
Story 1: He need to stay strong and learn to adjust to his new situation. A man needs fortitude inlife, there is always a way to improve but you first must ralize what is being done wrong.
Second to last story... "So you work with cops. Wonderful! I am going to call one to come down here and fill out an arduous, lengthy and time consuming report, and you can say hi to them."
The first story "she expected me to know what to do without telling me" says all I need to know about op.
OP: "I'm not looking for pity or understanding here"
Also OP: "WOE IS ME, I TOOK MY WIFE FOR GRANTED AND ONLY NOW I REALIZE HOW EASY SHE MADE MY LIFE AND HOW MUCH OF A USELESS SLOB I AM!!!"
Not so much of an AITA story as a OIATA story.
@@meh2510 oiata?
@@BlooMonkiMan OIATA...Oh, I am the as^^ole!
Story 1: Nope, there's nothing else for him but growing up.
I actually do work with monkeys, so I got really excited to hear about a fellow non-human primate caretaker, only to be disappointed that it was just part of a joke.
😂
That horrible aunt at the funeral really gets to me. My aunt did something similar. She made my uncle miserable to point he committed suicide then she showed up at the viewing of his body at the funeral home, tried to make it all about her crocodile grief, and generally made everyone uncomfortable and disgusted.
At the funeral, the director made sure she was seated at the back and, as soon as my aunt found out all of my uncle's money she hadn't already gotten (some sort of insurance that paid despite the suicide) was in a trust for the kids, she left and never looked back. As each of her kids with my uncle aged out of government benefits, she pretty much abandoned them.
She only occasionally shows up now to family events where there's free stuff she can get. Her kids don't hate her but they've realized my aunt isn't exactly a great mother.
I've heard the last story before as well. Someone in the comments summed it up perfectly: her job had to fix her parenting f up.
I feel sorry for OP, and in their place I would definitely said that I DID NOT accept her apology.
3:27
“Uncle Ben and Aunt May”
“Cousin Mary” as in “Mary Jane”
“Cousin Stacy” as in “Gwen Stacy”
Either that’s a huge coincidence or this person really likes Spider-Man! Lol
You can’t burn a bridge, claiming there are tons of other bridges you can use, and then turn around and expect to use that bridge again once you discover the other bridges suck.
Last story: If the bully "wasn't a bad kid"...did the mother even attempt to get that bully to apologize to OP for the bullying? If the bully had *SINCERELY* apologized to OP, then I could possibly see keeping him as her aide (not something I would do, but at least it would be a little more understandable). But without even the merest glimmer of an apology or even any indication that the bully had any sort of remorse....OP wasn't overreacting at all. Mom completely destroyed any trust OP had in her - and her OWN lack of remorse (considering she needed to be FORCED to drop the bully as her aide) buried the last remnants and salted the earth.
Third story: I've been to more than a few funerals over the last few years. At the one for my aunt who had lived in Wyoming, the pastor talked more about himself than anyone else, including her. He really pissed off the whole family that day. At my Dad's, one of my aunts, who hated me and my Dad, had tried to stop her youngest daughter from attending. Her eldest daughter put paid to that nonsense and brought her along herself. Pissed my aunt off, but I loved my cousins for it. That aunt is as close to a Karen that I have that is family.
Story 5: Jesus tapdancing Christ on a pogo stick. I'm autistic AF but even I can see that OP's mom irredeemably fucked up, and I wouldn't blame OP if they never forgive her for this entire situation. OP's blatantly just a bit of set dressing in her life, not a person with feelings in her mind.
What being autistic had to do with it?
@@gorilladisco9108 It's literally the most famous part of the Spectrum?
@@Cemi_Mhikku ??? still don't see the connection ... 🥱
@@gorilladisco9108 Look up the word 'gauche'. It's often used to describe us by people who are less than understanding when we miss a social cue.
STORY 3:This story reminds me of the sister closest to me in age who passed and the sibling that I have left as the last living member of my biological family. I am the youngest of 4 girls. By the time I was born, my siblings were 14, 16, and 19. The only one still living as of now is the one that's 16yrs older than myself, and we are like oil and water. She has the type of personality that no one likes. She doesn't have any friends. And, no one can stand to be around her for very long. Her own son doesn't even want to be around her, and has put her in a nursing home. After the funeral of my sister that was 14 yrs older than myself, every family member was given a choice of a single flower from the many that had been given. The sibling that's 16yrs older wasn't satisfied until she took the one I had chosen because she wanted to make a bouquet for the dinner table. I only relinquished it to keep from slapping her into the still open grave with my sister! But I'm better than that. For the sake of my sanity and mental health, I am now 'NO CONTACT' with all my relatives except my son and a couple of cousins. Yaaay for me!❤
As someone that was tormented by the whole school growing up, and ultimately ended up in a similar situation:
OP is 100% being entitled.
Are her feelings justified? Yes.
Are her actions? No.
Also the story is written like they are leaving out very crucial information that would immediately paint them as the entitled one.
Yes… NTA…. Your parents are always supposed to be in your corner…. If you can take a bully under your wing and turn your back on your child ugh…. Right or wrong guide your children…. Don’t pick the bully over your own child…. Still would for mine…. In their 30’s…. I am the biggest supporter of my kids
I can relate all too well with the funeral story. No scene was made, but I was shown REAL quick where I stood, literally and figuratively. The worst thing was, while this was happening, I was also dealing with my 9 ur and 12 yr Olds half brother, a 6 yr old, dying within 2 hours of my grandmother, so I had 2 immediate family members funerals back to back same day different city.
Story 2: OP's family didn't move to Grand Rapids, Michigan. I'm a Grand Rapids native & while our bus system isn't the greatest, you can get to most areas of the city using it, a little walking, & the electric Lime scooters.