"complex" ptsd is a new term I came across. I always felt I was ptsd, but there were some things missing. I don't have a sense of self, I don't have a lot of memories from youth (I'm 52 and only have momentary flashes of memories, nothing chronological). There are a lot of things missing within me. Thank you for posting this, it helps.
I have the same problem my friend. I can remember things, people, places, but I cannot remember my thoughts, what I said. The images are there but I cannot date them, even knowing how old I am in them is very difficult to remember.
I have just recently been diagnosed with complex ptsd. Everything you said hit the nail on the head. I am trying to get through this. It is hard especially when people don't seem to understand. Thank you for sharing.
I hope you got professional help :) I know it's hard to explain to others what we go through. a while back I did a video on triggers that might help others understand. sending you an extra dose of love and rainbows.. th-cam.com/video/VWhSBrjiPf0/w-d-xo.html hope that helps :)
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
@@sauravgupta4103 hey did you ever figure that out? I struggle with this too and I’m im my 30’s now, it just doesn’t go away, it’s so hard to deal with, everyday it’s the same question, it’s so hard
Thank you so much :) please trust that a better future is possible for you too and most of all, you are worthy of a better future just the way you are this moment
Thank you. I am just figuring out who I am. Do you have talks on alcohol addition and trauma?
5 ปีที่แล้ว +9
Hi Tanja, congrats on the healing you've done, I'm glad one more person is getting free from the grip of childhood trauma, and reclaiming their life! Have you tried thinking of these voices not as critics or demons, but as ways that your creative young self found to protect yourself from doing things that might have triggered your abusers into causing you harm? It's been very effective, since you survived! Yes, the cost has been very high, such as losing touch with your sense of self. I'm just hoping that by being grateful to the part of yourself that's been working hard to protect you, with these voices, you'll have an easier time: when you hear one of these voices, you could picture it's a small child who is afraid you're going to get hurt, and it is trying to protect you, and you can actually feel gratitude and compassion for it, and this would boost your sense of self even more than what you're doing now! That's my hope, anyway!
Thanks Marc for sharing great tips here :) this is one of my older videos... I must say that these days I don't really have an inner critic anymore. Once we can give ourselves permission to be more accepting and self-compassionate those voices fade away :) and like you said being grateful for the part that protected me or made it through all the horror helped too :) inner peace is possible for us trauma survivors after all :) it's so my wish for everyone...
Thanks a lot for this one! Very very helpful analogy. About the seed. And our task to create a nourishing environment for it to grow. Would love to see more on this topic♥
@@TanjaWindegger you are welcome. I am learning about CPTSD as I've been diagnosed with the condition and thought you do a great job at explaining what it is visually for me to see. I fleed from a life of prolonged abuse since childhood. My mother still has contact with me and we met up yesterday and had a great catch up. She still lives with the abuser so I try to keep meetings short. She messaged me today asking how my day went, I said I had an amazing day. Suddenly she took all my positivity out under from me when I tried to tell her about CPTSD and why do I have it as I was such a lovely girl until 13 ..? I felt deflated and this put my back to regression. I'm not sure what to do about having contact. She's an enabler without recognising it.am I being too sensitive?
I always say that I just want to find out who I am before I die because I have no idea. No sense of my interests, values, passions, directions. And I describe myself as a chameleon because I have always tried to merge into the background, people please and mirror everyone around me.
I developed ptsd at the age of 5 im 30 now & i don't see how a pill can fix everything so i stopped taking my meds & started accepting that its not my fault... & stay away from people
definitely not your fault. and I keep reminding myself that our brain has tremendous capacity to change. sending you an extra dose of love & rainbows...
Great analogies Thanks for this And 'self' isnt only an abstract i think.. I hardly knew myself that i subconsciously doubted my bodys ability to keep itself alive.. i was always afraid my heart was failing and that i growing a disease..
I’ve been in some intense therapy for going on 3 months now for my CPTSD. We have reached a memory now that’s so high on the disturbance level we have actually taken a break from EMDR so that I may learn how to rewire the classical conditioning I experienced all summer at age 11 that affects me to this very day. I’m having a very hard and frustrating time understanding any emotions within myself that are not the four very basic “happy, sad, angry, scared”. In 2014 I learned the emotion known as “drained” for the first time and that that is the way I feel around people; last year I learned that I get the feeling called “overwhelmed” and it now has power over me more than it used to when...I guess I just “dealt with it”? I know I overwhelmed myself all the time before I learned I was feeling overwhelmed...(god am I even making sense there? LOL!) Anyway trying to get a handle on the wide range of emotions out there and which ones actually apply to me feels like Gandalf himself moved inside my head and is saying “You shall not pass!!!”
thank you for sharing your experience. I too had to learn emotions one by one from textbooks... the "overwhelmed" feeling is one I fought the most. It's just so *unpleasant* the more we fight it the stronger and the more persistent it is... it's hard to keep reminding ourselves that it's just a sensation, it will pass, I am ok.... lol I had things like this written on little cards as reminders... Sounds like you are making great progress so please celebrate and allow yourself to feel good for how far you have come already :)
Tanja Windegger as always thank you so much for taking the time to answer me. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has gone through this. Right now I feel like a trauma engineered robot. Thanks so much for giving me hope! Lots of love and rainbows to you!
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
Thanks, helpful picture re turning abusers into clowns ☺ I went on a powerful healing retreat many years ago and had an inner prompting to write a story about a plant that grew up in awful conditions and was then tossed out, but later got rescued by a very kind gardener (God!) who recognised its potential, so that it was finally able to bloom. I feel sad when I see buds that never opened due to bad weather/lack of nutrients etc, or a plant struggling in a tiny pot. I'm always careful with my own plants to give the roots lots of space to spread! 🌱🌷🌻🌺
What a beautiful story or metaphor. I love this! This is powerful to transform some of those not so helpful and deeply painful beliefs that resulted from our abuse... Thank you so much for sharing.
trust your gut feeling, if this is an area you are struggling with search for things that are helpful to you. People often don't realise that an official diagnosis can work against them at times, like you said. it's unfair and it shouldn't, but it can even impact you applying for jobs, promotions...
@@TanjaWindegger I've got a lot of narcissism to cover up the C-PTSD; many experts say that full-blown NPD is in fact a mutation of C-PTSD, but being aware of my emotional avoidance and maintenance of reputation systems suggests that I cannot be what is commonly known as "a narcissist". I am still... "heavily emotionally effected", you could say, by the negative comments of others directed at me, and I will stay angry for days on end, each harsh interaction reminding me of all previous ones all at once. I just want to be immune to criticism.
I think I’m just gonna be crazy for the rest of my life lmfao. When it’s at it’s worse I’m in hell. It’s torture. Maybe I was a horrible person in my past life and that’s why it’s like this.
@@TanjaWindegger Thank you. Was really going through it when I wrote that. Severe panic attacks... but I popped a Prozac and feel a lot better and more hopeful, lol. But I’m already researching for natural supplements that may help with that. 💕
hi. I don't have sense of self either. Recently consulted a psychiatrist. She is performing CBT on me. Can I regain my sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match of BPD. I read on the internet that psychodynamic psychotherapy and psychoanalytic psychotherapy helps instead of CBT. I don't know what am doing now. One thing's for sure I don't have BPD but have low/no sense of self. Can I regain it. Please reply. Btw my age is 20 will be 21 on 9 Dec 2020. Is it possible to regain my sense of self at age 20. Please reply man. Thanks.
Yes it's possible. It's often not so much the approach but the connection with the therapist. If you have a good therapeutic relationship with a therapist then healing becomes possible
@@TanjaWindeggerwhich was your therapy ? How long did it take to regain your sense of self ? What was the age when you actually go to the therapy or you were diagnosed ? Can you give a vivid description of how long it take ? And are you living your life in your own terms ? I know it's awkward question though but please. Thanks. Lots of love from 🇮🇳
I'm not good at yoga, but do a little routine quite regular. I rather go to the gym for a workout though ... I meditate and do mindfulness exercises daily too :)
I think I’m just gonna be crazy for the rest of my life lmfao. When it’s at it’s worse I’m in hell. It’s torture. Maybe I was a horrible person in my past life and that’s why it’s like this.
"complex" ptsd is a new term I came across. I always felt I was ptsd, but there were some things missing. I don't have a sense of self, I don't have a lot of memories from youth (I'm 52 and only have momentary flashes of memories, nothing chronological). There are a lot of things missing within me. Thank you for posting this, it helps.
childhood trauma affects everything on a much deeper level... glad to hear you find the video helpful :)
I have the same problem my friend. I can remember things, people, places, but I cannot remember my thoughts, what I said. The images are there but I cannot date them, even knowing how old I am in them is very difficult to remember.
OMFG SOMEONE WHO KNOWS, FINALLY!!!
I respect and like you so much.I wish I could do something as kind for you as you have done for all of us.
Thank you :) that's so kind of you. Your message made my day :)
I have just recently been diagnosed with complex ptsd. Everything you said hit the nail on the head. I am trying to get through this. It is hard especially when people don't seem to understand. Thank you for sharing.
I hope you got professional help :) I know it's hard to explain to others what we go through. a while back I did a video on triggers that might help others understand. sending you an extra dose of love and rainbows.. th-cam.com/video/VWhSBrjiPf0/w-d-xo.html hope that helps :)
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
@@sauravgupta4103 hey did you ever figure that out? I struggle with this too and I’m im my 30’s now, it just doesn’t go away, it’s so hard to deal with, everyday it’s the same question, it’s so hard
You are so strong and inspiring! Much love to you.
thank you for your kind words :)
You are very inspiring. If you can work at it. And heal. Then I feel so can I. You are a gentle person. Thank you.
Thank you so much :) please trust that a better future is possible for you too and most of all, you are worthy of a better future just the way you are this moment
Thank you. I am just figuring out who I am. Do you have talks on alcohol addition and trauma?
Hi Tanja, congrats on the healing you've done, I'm glad one more person is getting free from the grip of childhood trauma, and reclaiming their life! Have you tried thinking of these voices not as critics or demons, but as ways that your creative young self found to protect yourself from doing things that might have triggered your abusers into causing you harm? It's been very effective, since you survived! Yes, the cost has been very high, such as losing touch with your sense of self. I'm just hoping that by being grateful to the part of yourself that's been working hard to protect you, with these voices, you'll have an easier time: when you hear one of these voices, you could picture it's a small child who is afraid you're going to get hurt, and it is trying to protect you, and you can actually feel gratitude and compassion for it, and this would boost your sense of self even more than what you're doing now! That's my hope, anyway!
Thanks Marc for sharing great tips here :) this is one of my older videos... I must say that these days I don't really have an inner critic anymore. Once we can give ourselves permission to be more accepting and self-compassionate those voices fade away :) and like you said being grateful for the part that protected me or made it through all the horror helped too :) inner peace is possible for us trauma survivors after all :) it's so my wish for everyone...
I love the tree with sunflowers-such a beautiful image of a unique sense of self! Your visuals were really helpful. Appreciative.
Thank you so much! so happy to hear it was helpful :)
Thanks a lot for this one! Very very helpful analogy. About the seed. And our task to create a nourishing environment for it to grow. Would love to see more on this topic♥
Thank you Margarita :) I always appreciate future topic suggestions :)
Hi ,thanks for uploading this video. You're so uplifting in explaining getting self compassionate the planting of seed in the environment x
Thank you so much for your kind words Mazy :) they mean a lot to me :)
@@TanjaWindegger you are welcome. I am learning about CPTSD as I've been diagnosed with the condition and thought you do a great job at explaining what it is visually for me to see. I fleed from a life of prolonged abuse since childhood. My mother still has contact with me and we met up yesterday and had a great catch up. She still lives with the abuser so I try to keep meetings short. She messaged me today asking how my day went, I said I had an amazing day. Suddenly she took all my positivity out under from me when I tried to tell her about CPTSD and why do I have it as I was such a lovely girl until 13 ..? I felt deflated and this put my back to regression. I'm not sure what to do about having contact. She's an enabler without recognising it.am I being too sensitive?
THANK YOU VERY MAUCH1
I always say that I just want to find out who I am before I die because I have no idea. No sense of my interests, values, passions, directions. And I describe myself as a chameleon because I have always tried to merge into the background, people please and mirror everyone around me.
yep, that's pretty much what it was like for me too 🌻
I developed ptsd at the age of 5 im 30 now & i don't see how a pill can fix everything so i stopped taking my meds & started accepting that its not my fault... & stay away from people
definitely not your fault. and I keep reminding myself that our brain has tremendous capacity to change. sending you an extra dose of love & rainbows...
Great analogies
Thanks for this
And 'self' isnt only an abstract i think.. I hardly knew myself that i subconsciously doubted my bodys ability to keep itself alive.. i was always afraid my heart was failing and that i growing a disease..
thanks 🌱
Thank you for this post, it made so much sense for me. :-)
that means a lot to me :) thank you
I’ve been in some intense therapy for going on 3 months now for my CPTSD. We have reached a memory now that’s so high on the disturbance level we have actually taken a break from EMDR so that I may learn how to rewire the classical conditioning I experienced all summer at age 11 that affects me to this very day.
I’m having a very hard and frustrating time understanding any emotions within myself that are not the four very basic “happy, sad, angry, scared”.
In 2014 I learned the emotion known as “drained” for the first time and that that is the way I feel around people; last year I learned that I get the feeling called “overwhelmed” and it now has power over me more than it used to when...I guess I just “dealt with it”? I know I overwhelmed myself all the time before I learned I was feeling overwhelmed...(god am I even making sense there? LOL!)
Anyway trying to get a handle on the wide range of emotions out there and which ones actually apply to me feels like Gandalf himself moved inside my head and is saying “You shall not pass!!!”
thank you for sharing your experience. I too had to learn emotions one by one from textbooks... the "overwhelmed" feeling is one I fought the most. It's just so *unpleasant* the more we fight it the stronger and the more persistent it is... it's hard to keep reminding ourselves that it's just a sensation, it will pass, I am ok.... lol I had things like this written on little cards as reminders... Sounds like you are making great progress so please celebrate and allow yourself to feel good for how far you have come already :)
Tanja Windegger as always thank you so much for taking the time to answer me. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has gone through this. Right now I feel like a trauma engineered robot. Thanks so much for giving me hope! Lots of love and rainbows to you!
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
Thank you for sharing :)
hope it was helpful :)
Thanks, helpful picture re turning abusers into clowns ☺ I went on a powerful healing retreat many years ago and had an inner prompting to write a story about a plant that grew up in awful conditions and was then tossed out, but later got rescued by a very kind gardener (God!) who recognised its potential, so that it was finally able to bloom. I feel sad when I see buds that never opened due to bad weather/lack of nutrients etc, or a plant struggling in a tiny pot. I'm always careful with my own plants to give the roots lots of space to spread! 🌱🌷🌻🌺
What a beautiful story or metaphor. I love this! This is powerful to transform some of those not so helpful and deeply painful beliefs that resulted from our abuse... Thank you so much for sharing.
hey 😣this is what I feel am in pain i can't even understand my self after I get heal from a hillness don't no what is really happening to me
my heart goes out to you
I'm fairly certain I have this. I'm not interested in a diagnosis due to increased insurance rates and risk of having my rights removed though.
trust your gut feeling, if this is an area you are struggling with search for things that are helpful to you.
People often don't realise that an official diagnosis can work against them at times, like you said. it's unfair and it shouldn't, but it can even impact you applying for jobs, promotions...
@@TanjaWindegger I've got a lot of narcissism to cover up the C-PTSD; many experts say that full-blown NPD is in fact a mutation of C-PTSD, but being aware of my emotional avoidance and maintenance of reputation systems suggests that I cannot be what is commonly known as "a narcissist". I am still... "heavily emotionally effected", you could say, by the negative comments of others directed at me, and I will stay angry for days on end, each harsh interaction reminding me of all previous ones all at once. I just want to be immune to criticism.
I think I’m just gonna be crazy for the rest of my life lmfao. When it’s at it’s worse I’m in hell. It’s torture. Maybe I was a horrible person in my past life and that’s why it’s like this.
my heart goes out to you... you are worthy of a better future, never give up hope
@@TanjaWindegger Thank you. Was really going through it when I wrote that. Severe panic attacks... but I popped a Prozac and feel a lot better and more hopeful, lol. But I’m already researching for natural supplements that may help with that. 💕
hi. I don't have sense of self either. Recently consulted a psychiatrist. She is performing CBT on me. Can I regain my sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match of BPD. I read on the internet that psychodynamic psychotherapy and psychoanalytic psychotherapy helps instead of CBT. I don't know what am doing now. One thing's for sure I don't have BPD but have low/no sense of self. Can I regain it. Please reply. Btw my age is 20 will be 21 on 9 Dec 2020. Is it possible to regain my sense of self at age 20. Please reply man. Thanks.
Yes it's possible. It's often not so much the approach but the connection with the therapist. If you have a good therapeutic relationship with a therapist then healing becomes possible
@@TanjaWindeggerwhich was your therapy ? How long did it take to regain your sense of self ? What was the age when you actually go to the therapy or you were diagnosed ? Can you give a vivid description of how long it take ? And are you living your life in your own terms ? I know it's awkward question though but please. Thanks. Lots of love from 🇮🇳
@@sauravgupta4103 why the fuck i see everywhere bruh
@@jowyschwarz313 relax man’s trying to get some help
What if you havent experience much childhood trauma but still feel like this.
I highly recommend to check out the book "running on empty" by Jonice Webb, that may have the answer for you
Not sure why shes going on about this inner critic. I have neither. Nothing positive nothing negative. No goals. No desires. Selfless hell.
it's just another way of talking about the thoughts you have. without thoughts (i.e. inner critic) how do you know it's a "selfless hell"?
Are you practicing yoga or meditation? It really helps me to feel whole and in control of my body.
I'm not good at yoga, but do a little routine quite regular. I rather go to the gym for a workout though ... I meditate and do mindfulness exercises daily too :)
I think I’m just gonna be crazy for the rest of my life lmfao. When it’s at it’s worse I’m in hell. It’s torture. Maybe I was a horrible person in my past life and that’s why it’s like this.
you are worthy of a better future just like everyone else 💛