Neurotypicals (for the most part) self regulate automatically. Us neurodivergents have to do it consciously. So for most of us, we set high standards for ourselves. Neurotypicals don't know a fraction of what it's like to live in our heads because that's how we're wired. So when I read and see the jealousy, my response is always, "You wouldn't spend an hour in my head seeing how I process information."
i didn't know that that could be the cause of my perfectionism. interesting /gen. i also think that 'living in your head' thing might also be a factor into why neurodivergent people are often seen as being 'more creative', which i can attest to, because if im always in my head (which i am) i end up developing ideas and thoughts and stories sometimes faster than i can keep up with.
@@Bleplebeian A great perspective. Were always looking for patterns. Not just on people, places, and things, but with ourselves. Neurotypicals would never be able to wrap their minds on the fact that the way we think is even possible.
Oh that’s a really great point. My consciousness would drive the average person insane. I know this because the few times I’ve given voice to my thought processes I’ve been told, “oh shit that would drive me insane”. So you are correct. They don’t have the processing power or storage space for all that goes on up here. 😂
Are you horrifying? It is hard to know what motivates others but not impossible. It is interesting that this video is about people seeing others from the outside and judging without much insight. You may try to explore all the ways people can be impacted by life. A relation of mine once griped about a store employee not smiling at him and I pointed out that he did not know why that was. They could have just lost someone or perhaps the work place environment is toxic. It may not be nice to haplessly be the recipient of such nastiness but imagine what a gift it would be to not immediately take offence and consider that something might be going on that you just don't understand. The one line I love in the movie "Doctor Strange" was "It is not about you!"
@@IdeaGrazer Everything is obviously “not about you”, but in totality, sometimes some things are about you. When you’re autistic in a neurotypical world, you see way too many times where it’s clearly about you even when “it’s not about you” where the evidence strongly suggests that it is indeed about you. There are only so many times in your life where you’re a part of a larger group where, for the rest of the group, it’s A, but for you, it’s B. Sometimes that may not be about you, but it’s also not never about you. I have had many times in my life where people have claimed that my being singled out in some way was not about me, it was about something i “was doing”, like “being argumentative” when I’m simply trying to clear up a misunderstanding that resulted from my misunderstanding something that the person said and trying to explain what I understood and why so that we could clear it up and move on, as just one example. In that example, “it’s not about me”, it’s about my “being obtuse” or “obstinate”. However, despite that “not being about me”, it is about the way my brain works fundamentally in a different way that results in my misunderstanding when things are not communicated in a way that’s effective for me to understand, which is something that is inherently the way that I was born and the way I’m wired. So while that “isn’t about me” and the person accusing me will say as much, it is also pretty much de facto about me because the “not me” thing that it is about is something that you cannot separate from me due to who I actually am.
I did this to myself in relation to my dyslexia. When at Uni I was talking to my tutor and saying that I felt bad about getting extra time in exams after my assessment (I was assessed at Uni). His response to me was, do you feel like you get an unfair advantage in exams because you wear glasses? Which of course I didn't, I couldn't read the paper without my glasses, he pointed out it was the same thing. The reasonable adjustments didn't give me an advantage, they removed a disadvantage. I've used this example with others since and it does seem to help, at least some, to understand the difference. Some people just don't want to understand and there's probably not much we can do with those people.
It happened to me SO OFTEN, like "oh you don't look like you've autism !" and later in the same conversation "what ? you can't do that ? but it's easy ! look" proceed to explain me how to do something very simple (like if i was stupid) i completely know how to do and how it happens, but i'm psychologically unable to do because i remain autist, and if i try to explain it, people just assume i'm being lazy or lack goodwill. "If you look normal why can't you do the things that are easy to me ?"... It's exhausting. And it gets even worse when the person you are speaking with, realize you have achieved things they can't... "YES i can design the embedded AI of a fighter jet, but NO i can't go to a meeting to listen to people speaking about company creation" is not something regular people are able or willing to understand...
And for some reason they expect understanding for the simple things they can't do that come naturally to you. Difference people with autism have more empathy are more willing to help
I feel this deeply. It's complicated and sometimes even I'm unable to understand or explain how or why I can't put together the clearly outlined instructions or steps to do things that should be and are normally extremely simple. Dog Harnesses in example are one of those for me, they're my fucking bane. Same with Math. ANYTHING ARITHMETIC. My brain is literally incapable of understanding or comprehending math and numbers. Also, being so open and freely expressive online, but in person almost falling apart socially or even just doing basic, simple work tasks as they just drain all my body's departments to empty. "How is it possible you can do all this shit with TH-cam, but you can't handle a simple job?" I literally do not know. It's just my brain and how it and I are wired, and I can't help it. It's a part of who I am. Welcome to Autism!
@TheCriminalViolin For me it's been the opposite. I can understand and read numbers better than words and long conversations, or discussions. Don't get me wrong, I've never been a straight A+ student, except for maths, history and biology. I'm no savant but I have been mostly good seeing numbers and patterns. My social skills are lacking but I make up for it by explaining my fav documentaries and movies. 😊 👍
Just to add. Please keep doing what you are doing. Although I am not autistic I have learned a lot from you in understanding autistic people I know and even though they have upset me at times I am now understanding why. and understanding how I need to be more tolerent. Thank you❤
We are just accurate and precise thinking people living in an inaccurate and imprecise world. All the problems of being autistic are side effects of this mode of thinking
Are they jealous that we are often discriminated against and fired after doing an excellent job and the work of 3 people? We are also often paid less for the same work. I'm jealous that they get to do a half ass job, be mean to people, and still keep their jobs even though they mostly gossip, bully, and small talk at work while autistic people are working hard and treating people fairly.🤔
I would like to add my experience to the table. I am a late diagnosed autistic and struggled my whole life without realising it. I would feel resentment against people who seemed they were just not putting enough effort for mainly 2 reasons. First one is that my family was constantly pointing out about those people and they were asking me to put effort, to not be a drama queen, that I was too sensitive, or that school is not supposed to be pleasant etc etc so I didn't know any better when I was a kid. Second reason is that I personally was putting that famous 110% effort to make friends, to go on with my life, even just GOING to school every day was hard to me so I couldn't understand why someone who seemed to struggle less than me or seemed to "surrend" to their difficulties seemed not worthy to me. Now I'm fighting myself to let go that ableist mentality and start loving myself and the others
What happened to Chloe, who was only being her authentic self, was horrible. I know with me, I get the "you're so smart" comment a lot. They think I have no problems or life is easy for me because I'm smart. They think if I have problems, it's completely my fault and I deserve it. People have no sympathy and act like I don't have any feelings.
I felt the accusation things, as I have been told that my difficulty and discouragement in the job search was all my fault, that I was being too negative and self centered. One person wrote that she had never left a job without having one lined up. I think there was an implication that I was morally wrong because I had lost jobs and been suddenly unemployed. Also I was too choosy for not wanting to work fast food or factory labor, although I knew I was ill-suited for both fields.
After I got my autism diagnosis I was told to go on disability and I did and that's where the expectation of my life just stopped. Almost 20 years later the expectation of my life is no different than what it was back then. Isolation, barely leaving the house other than what's absolutely needed, not given the support to function in life and then shamed for not functioning in life. Basically every person in my entire life failed me
My Experience is basically, neurotypical people think we need help in xyz, and they get angry if we refuse help there or if we dare to say "that is not my problem. I need help in other areas".
16:07 This is basically the theme of the fantasy story I’m writing… Looking beyond ‘what’ someone is and looking at ‘who’ someone is instead. What I love with the speculative fiction genres, is how you can be indirect in tackling real world issues. Instead of racism, sexism, homophobia, or being autistic in a society not built for you, I can use mages being cast forcibly cast out of society. Or giants being people in a world that isn’t built for them. I mean, people can fit inside houses and under most trees. Giants can’t. I’m particularly proud of Thilliyn, a giant character who developed into the character that perhaps shares the most similarities with me. I made her artistic. Then, I made her autistic. I think I can be playful in showing her autistic traits. She can get startled by ‘little’ sensory things. And at first, she pretends to be strong and assertive, trying to mask to fit this giant stereotype we kind of know from fairy tales and such. But inside the mask, there’s this special interest for poetry. A safe and predictable inner world that shields her from being a hunted target (giants make for great trophies, to professional hunters). I also gave her red hair, so she feels she stands out when she doesn’t want to. But later, she comes to accept the positive things that come with the colour red. Passion. Empathy. Bravery. Tinkering with these things is why fantasy and sci-fi attract me.
but accommodations people that need them get are of no use or benefits to those who don't need them. They actually would make things frustrating like for those with trouble reading having to sit in another room to get test read in a very slow pace for someone who can read fast they would be ripping their hair out if they had to sit in on that and stay on the same question as group taking an hour rather than the few minutes it would have taken by themselves.
Reminds me of the idea that some people think we do it for attention or something. You are free to always "come out" as "autistic" to your parents, the reactions are usually something most do not expect in the first place.
We could tell people "you're right, I'm doing it to get some POSITIVE attention after all the unwanted negative attention I've been receiving so far for as long as I remember.
Saw the title and immediately clicked on this, have no idea how so very much I needed to see this today. 🙏💯 Late diagnosed, earlier this year. As I started to peel back all the layers, I have suddenly found myself in this exact situation. Pretty sure I’ve been accused of everything you mentioned, selfish, mocked, name calling, etc. Basically a complete denial of my needs and adjustments Didn’t see any of it until professionals stepped in. I’m still struggling with the one question I know I will never have a good answer to, “Why?!?”
I've sometimes had the thought that, if I'd been one of my ancestors immigrating to this new world, a hundred 30 years ago, let's say, with $5 in my pocket, the clothes on my back, a photo of my family, and a dream....the desperation of my situation might have lit a fire under me that I didn't think I could light under myself now. I wonder if the envy people feel about the successes of Autistics, stems from that kind of thing. They think they're bothered by the seeming advantages, but maybe it's really that they don't know how to light a hot enough fire beneath themselves, to get that drive and traction.
The people who can't see other succeed without negative feelings and thoughts need to work on their own self-worth and self-esteem. I think it is a problem of being insecure.
speaking from experience: yup. i experienced this when i was younger, because of the bullying or rudeness i'd sometimes recieve for liking 'cringy' things and/or being relatively confrontational about subjects i have strong feelings about, so when i saw people exceed where i was at in art or youtube or whatever i'd envy them. ive gotten better at that with therapy, though. i care a lot less about how people perceive me and thus dont feel as much envy and jealousy as i used to. its still something i struggle with likely just due to my personality, but its something ive learned to manage and not let turn into me being mean to others and such
"Some" as in at least half of the population. They don't like being revealed as lazy underachievers. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are "lazy underachievers" but they don't like having their curves blown and their expectations raised. It's the same reason honest people are punished for not being a part of the team when collective lies are expected, or moral people are punished for not going along with institutional injustice.
I had to click on this because I just got back into the workforce after many years hiatus and I had completely forgot why I quite in the first place. And it’s all the haters sipping on hateraid all around me! Folks are petty and jealous as hell and even more so now that I’m openly autistic and talk about it all the time. I’m Audhd and I know it gives me a huge advantage as a teacher (I think we should take over the school systems as quickly as possible so we can actually live and educate these babies 😊). But the people around me seem to really want me to fail and push every single button I have (the adults…it’s always the adults). The more the students love me, the more my coworkers and admin seem to want to get rid of me. I have had parents pull thier kids out of private school just to take my class and I was teaching THIRD grade at the time. My reputation for kindness and actual (kid friendly) rigor has spread well past my school. Now that I’m in a new place I didn’t tell them any of that. I just do what I do and I’ve already been screamed at in front of students and written up twice in the first six weeks. And this is why more of us wouldn’t cut it in the classroom. The pressure and animosity from the adults is palpable.
I have to constantly be on my guard at all times because of the fear that my brother and sister-in-law want to remove me from my home after my mother dies and have me institutionalised. I would never get out again. I cannot let this happen. I have expressed my concerns to a trusted family member and she has assured it won't happen. I intend to hold her to that. Because making a promise to someone like me is one thing. Keeping it is another.
Can't win everybody but every person that listens and thinks is a victory. They are like drops of water wearing down a mountain of intolerance and no one who cares should ever dismiss an opportunity to educate and enlighten others. You never know what they turn around and do with that. What would be unfortunate would be if someone never tried and so never contributed anything to the greater good. You as an individual get to decide what you put into the world and that is the only power you actually have.
People are upset when someone is doing better than them.. But they absolutely loathe it when we succeed.. Autistic or ADHD by my experiences but I'm very certain.. in fact I know it's the same with others who have neurodiversity.. I am at work and I will watch it in full when I get home
It staggers me how people seem to conflate equity with equality and I think that could be key to this issue. It is through equity that we will all get the chance to achieve.
14:34 They won’t educate themselves, they don’t care. It’s a giant campaign to prove themselves more deserving of whatever. They’re just self serving. Don’t waste your time.
Priceless, my autistic self was what have I done? Specially as I stared the process of just adding a comment. Have I pressed a button? Etc ect ect. You got me. Good video too. Lots to think on.
I've run into this in the workplace and IMHO it's Darwinian / Hobbesian in nature. Quite often it'll be one of the workplace narcissists but it can be people who similarly see the world in terms of strength and weakness, and any difference from norms is shameful and inferior (ie. they bring the South Korean mindset). I think in the later group it's also because they treat each other this badly and if they don't get a break from treating and being treated terribly why does anyone else deserve a break. It's almost a 'peace is weakness' mindset.
In regards to the segment at the end where you're looking through the camera, I did something incredibly similar less than a week ago for a 6-day and 21-hour charity live stream. Just randomly I walked up to the camera and started looking through as though I could see the people on the other side and commenting on their proposed behavior just because I thought it was humorous 😅 Sometimes you have to make your own entertainment, you know? And sometimes the people on the other side of the camera enjoy it 😋
The neurotypical dismissing of autistic concerns, reminds me of the Weird Al song "When I was your age" rock song parody of an old person lecturing a young person "No one ever drove ME to achool when it was 90 degrees BELOW... had to walk butt nekkid through forty miles of SNOW... when i was YOUR age!!"
I feel all of this. Thank you for this video. I didn't get my diagnosis until 2021... I feel relief but also like I'm a totally different person and I'm losing a lot of friends and waiting on new ones to show up.
btw, the workplace stuff happened to me and it sucks that it was a small business and they aren't held to proper standards in my state. I'm about to be a small business owner who proves you can treat people well, pay them and still be successful.
Envy may be a uncontrollable emotion, but that doesn't mean people have to go on the attack, no matter the platform....it's like an "acceptable" form of bullying autistic people, i.e., "you see, I knew there was a reason to resent/hate/disparage you...I just hadn't figured out what it was until I saw you succeed."
I always loved Mr. Spock from Star Trek. I was really little, and watching Spock say, "Jim, there's a 72% chance that the Klingons will attack." And I'd yell, "It's a 100%!! They're Klingons!" And I hated Dr. Bones bc he was an a$$ towards Spock. Bones was envious of his amazing skillset and his closeness with Captain Kirk. He would taunt Spock when he was flat and emotionless. Anyway, Dr. Bones was a lousy coworker.
the same reason why YTs preach equal opportunity until another grp actually achieves equality, or better. Ie. anti-Asian sentiment during covid- the majority will always be entitled race or ability
Ahem.. as an autistic person myself All I can say to those envious people is “ are you kidding? 🤨 We’re trying to be AS good as you AS successful as you and yet your envying us? Envying at potential fan or potential successor when necessary? Your being envious of us? Then you really don’t deserve your success as much as you think “ Something amongst those words 😅
Hello Thomas, not had much time to listen to you in full lately, sorry. I have come to the conclusion that 20min to half hour actually works better for me despite wha I've said before. Iv always,enjoy listening to you but, life gets in the,way. Sorry❤
Just to add. I am not autistic but have learned so much from you to help me understand others who I have in my life and understand why the do, behave the way they do and how I should recognise and understand they the do what the do and sometimes upset me but they don't realise. I'm learning. Please keep doing what you are doing it really helps,. ❤
Not worthy of the support they got her arch as a character was designed only to fit in to the stereotype of autism I like books I get bus get my book signed I miss bus I break down my friend gets angry at me because of the bus my friend really wanted to go to a party but I book and her friends the personification of a ironic social justice warrior Issac from heartstopper is a less biased or conservative depiction so is even cash from heartstopper
I can understand why people don’t like it when they’re using it to collect free help that isn’t being given back to the workers, but the really sad thing is nobody thinks people with disabilities deserve what we work for, even. I don’t have autism, but honestly I relate to every “symptom” and I feel like it’s actually just normal for everyone to have the sensory issues, the trying to do 5 things at once and getting nothing done, the social inability to deal with social stuff, all of that… everyone struggles with it. The way to get autism destigmatised? Stop treating it like a disease. Stop putting a label on it and using it to get out of pulling your weight. You just learn a little different and need to learn a little extra as a kid, and that’s really the simple explanation. If we teach it as a disorder it will be stigmatized. If we just give extra education to the kids who need it without labeling it or diagnosing them as “disabled.” Period. If we normalize different learning needs, then the flip side is that the smart kids will learn from those, too. School is meant to teach you how to learn, how YOU learn, so that you can continue to learn at new jobs because bouncing around between jobs is the only way to get by in this economy
No, I disagree with that, the problem with what you're saying is that autism is genuinely a disability, and trying to ignore that is to abandon the majority of the autistic community who can't mask well enough to work in a NT dominated environment without adjustments. The fact that you think "everybody" has the issues that autistic people have is just proof that you don't understand it. If everybody had the issues we had, we wouldn't be having the problems in society that we have and wouldn't be constantly facing ableist discrimination.
Hi i agree with you, I myself struggled all my life and it wasn't until I left that nightmare called School and found comfort in music and lyrics from artist like Gary Numan in songs like Complex and Cars, Remind me to Smile, Telecon it was songs like these wich gave me some kind of understanding of how I felt and he himself turned out to be Autistic and only admitted it years later and the same for me but look how successful he is now, Totally mind blowing, love your channel thanks 😊❤
Thomas, maybe you’re trying to project what’s happening to you onto the whole autistic community. Maybe thinking highly of one’s self is a first step into feeling that others are thinking less of you. What you may be feeling is that others will follow a similar path, or dissimilar path, that leads to their own success. I can only hope that is a great feeling and results in affirmation and humility. You aren’t just the autistic who is successful; however, you may be one of the few autistic people who relies on being openly and vocally autistic as a way to promote autistic awareness. But admit it, the lime light is nice, too. You will find there are more successful people who happen to be autistic, and don’t publicly announce it, as that is an important part of who they are, but don’t find it necessary to display that label. Your success is very much based more on the catalog of challenges that other autistic people have and coping is a minute by minute struggle to live each day. Be thankful for what you have and for what others have bestowed upon you. Trying to come across as a savior by mongering hate where it doesn’t exist isn’t one of the traits of an autistic person typically possessing. - I’ve not encountered anyone who hates autistic people or any type of disabled person for being successful. I do encounter those who are jealous of success by any person, and those who feel that certain minority groups have received disproportionately greater assistance than other groups. The main reason is almost lack of knowledge about the group in question, even if it’s a group the person querying belongs. Informing the affected is a daunting task and most often requires outreach through discovery. Some people are so disparaged that they are cut off from accepting help. It takes time and energy for volunteers and staff to approach and gain trust enough to let them know they aren’t on their own. It’s tough, heartbreaking, and an incredible relief when someone can be reached. It doesn’t end there. Periodic and consistent communication is the only way to achieve thorough results. It’s too easy for any person prone to depressive states to “fall through the cracks” and become discouraged or disconnected.
I am completely put off seeking support in the neurodivergent community because it just feels toxic. One look in any comment section just seems to show me enough hatred to last a lifetime. I can't help but see an awful lot of autistic content is somewhat driven by narcissism.
This is blatant ablesplaining and gaslighting. In fact, this kind of treatment is COMMON towards autistic people who are successful, who get workplace adjustments they are LEGALLY ENTITLED TO and are just generally not miserable and pitiable enough. Like, there are literally social media communities out there who will target any openly autistic person who is remotely positive or happy and harass them for "romanticising" autism for not being miserable and moping 100% of the time. And no, we will not stop making autism part of our identity, because it just is, and we are proud of it. I wouldn't downplay it just like I wouldn't downplay my LGBT identity, because it's nothing to be ashamed of, so why would I distance myself from it? Autism literally is how my mind works, how can that NOT be my identity, logically? People who say things like that really just don't like seeing disabled people standing up for themselves and taking up space instead of "staying in our place" as the "vulnerable, pitiable victim" class.
@@robokill387 are you a robot? I can understand being passionate and supportive but you’re not giving examples or showing how to address the hatred. I have many labels and people have hated me because I’m different from them. It’s just not about being autistic which I am. I’m also male, white, gay, look much younger than my age, smart, nerd, geek, weirdo, network analyst, insurance agent, artist, HIV community advocate, in my late fifties, appreciate dark humor, opinionated, argumentative… I lived with my mother until I was 34. I moved to Florida because I cannot stand being cold. There are so many reasons why people hate me and being successful can be one of them. This is the first time I’ve heard of hatred against autistic successful people. Why was success added as a criterion? Hatred against autistic people is widespread and the majority of haters are ones who engage with them daily, like family members, school mates, local community members and coworkers. Addressing that level of hatred is paramount as most autistics don’t even get a chance to make it to the point of being successful.
I think this is down to arguments based on logical fallacies. I have known a long time that I am on this spectrum, but only recently confirmed with a diagnosis. Throughout my adult life colleagues have told me "when I first met you, I thought you were weird," or just as often, "gay" this is probably because I automatically smile like a freak if I make eye contact when in that environment, and I'm exceedingly polite on first meeting. But I don't know a single person that hates me because I don't get offended by it, In fact, I'm very well liked by all that spend time with me. I could conclude that 90% of ND people hate all NT people and feel oppressed if I were to base my feelings on a double empathy comment section. The majority of NT and ND people don't really give a toss, and don't need to be heard, but this just isn't taken into account. I find the social media, lived experience has radicalised peoples perspective.
agreed. envy and jealousy are emotions every human being are capable of showing, no matter neurotype. this content is also very ironic based on my time spent observing autism related sub reddits, where envy and jealousy of neurotypicals is to be seen every single day in some way, shape or form. the victim mindset creates chaos in places that is originally devoid of chaos.
Neurotypicals (for the most part) self regulate automatically. Us neurodivergents have to do it consciously. So for most of us, we set high standards for ourselves. Neurotypicals don't know a fraction of what it's like to live in our heads because that's how we're wired. So when I read and see the jealousy, my response is always, "You wouldn't spend an hour in my head seeing how I process information."
i didn't know that that could be the cause of my perfectionism. interesting /gen. i also think that 'living in your head' thing might also be a factor into why neurodivergent people are often seen as being 'more creative', which i can attest to, because if im always in my head (which i am) i end up developing ideas and thoughts and stories sometimes faster than i can keep up with.
@@Bleplebeian A great perspective. Were always looking for patterns. Not just on people, places, and things, but with ourselves. Neurotypicals would never be able to wrap their minds on the fact that the way we think is even possible.
Most neurotypicals are barely capable of complex thought lol
Oh that’s a really great point. My consciousness would drive the average person insane. I know this because the few times I’ve given voice to my thought processes I’ve been told, “oh shit that would drive me insane”. So you are correct. They don’t have the processing power or storage space for all that goes on up here. 😂
@@BleplebeianSAME!
Human nature is not just complicated, it is horrifying.
Are you horrifying? It is hard to know what motivates others but not impossible. It is interesting that this video is about people seeing others from the outside and judging without much insight. You may try to explore all the ways people can be impacted by life. A relation of mine once griped about a store employee not smiling at him and I pointed out that he did not know why that was. They could have just lost someone or perhaps the work place environment is toxic. It may not be nice to haplessly be the recipient of such nastiness but imagine what a gift it would be to not immediately take offence and consider that something might be going on that you just don't understand. The one line I love in the movie "Doctor Strange" was "It is not about you!"
@@IdeaGrazer Everything is obviously “not about you”, but in totality, sometimes some things are about you. When you’re autistic in a neurotypical world, you see way too many times where it’s clearly about you even when “it’s not about you” where the evidence strongly suggests that it is indeed about you. There are only so many times in your life where you’re a part of a larger group where, for the rest of the group, it’s A, but for you, it’s B. Sometimes that may not be about you, but it’s also not never about you.
I have had many times in my life where people have claimed that my being singled out in some way was not about me, it was about something i “was doing”, like “being argumentative” when I’m simply trying to clear up a misunderstanding that resulted from my misunderstanding something that the person said and trying to explain what I understood and why so that we could clear it up and move on, as just one example.
In that example, “it’s not about me”, it’s about my “being obtuse” or “obstinate”. However, despite that “not being about me”, it is about the way my brain works fundamentally in a different way that results in my misunderstanding when things are not communicated in a way that’s effective for me to understand, which is something that is inherently the way that I was born and the way I’m wired. So while that “isn’t about me” and the person accusing me will say as much, it is also pretty much de facto about me because the “not me” thing that it is about is something that you cannot separate from me due to who I actually am.
Find myself thinking that each person here makes a very good point
💯💯💯💯unfortunately
Life these days is just a huge trauma bond with the rest of humanity
I did this to myself in relation to my dyslexia. When at Uni I was talking to my tutor and saying that I felt bad about getting extra time in exams after my assessment (I was assessed at Uni). His response to me was, do you feel like you get an unfair advantage in exams because you wear glasses? Which of course I didn't, I couldn't read the paper without my glasses, he pointed out it was the same thing. The reasonable adjustments didn't give me an advantage, they removed a disadvantage. I've used this example with others since and it does seem to help, at least some, to understand the difference. Some people just don't want to understand and there's probably not much we can do with those people.
It happened to me SO OFTEN, like "oh you don't look like you've autism !" and later in the same conversation "what ? you can't do that ? but it's easy ! look" proceed to explain me how to do something very simple (like if i was stupid) i completely know how to do and how it happens, but i'm psychologically unable to do because i remain autist, and if i try to explain it, people just assume i'm being lazy or lack goodwill. "If you look normal why can't you do the things that are easy to me ?"... It's exhausting.
And it gets even worse when the person you are speaking with, realize you have achieved things they can't... "YES i can design the embedded AI of a fighter jet, but NO i can't go to a meeting to listen to people speaking about company creation" is not something regular people are able or willing to understand...
And for some reason they expect understanding for the simple things they can't do that come naturally to you. Difference people with autism have more empathy are more willing to help
I once had a boss saying to me "don't hide behind your autism" while I was explaining while I misunderstood something he said.
I feel this deeply. It's complicated and sometimes even I'm unable to understand or explain how or why I can't put together the clearly outlined instructions or steps to do things that should be and are normally extremely simple. Dog Harnesses in example are one of those for me, they're my fucking bane. Same with Math. ANYTHING ARITHMETIC. My brain is literally incapable of understanding or comprehending math and numbers. Also, being so open and freely expressive online, but in person almost falling apart socially or even just doing basic, simple work tasks as they just drain all my body's departments to empty. "How is it possible you can do all this shit with TH-cam, but you can't handle a simple job?" I literally do not know. It's just my brain and how it and I are wired, and I can't help it. It's a part of who I am. Welcome to Autism!
@@TheCriminalViolin Well sounds like maybe being a content creator might be the job for you. Or work that involves sitting behind a computer.
@TheCriminalViolin For me it's been the opposite. I can understand and read numbers better than words and long conversations, or discussions. Don't get me wrong, I've never been a straight A+ student, except for maths, history and biology. I'm no savant but I have been mostly good seeing numbers and patterns. My social skills are lacking but I make up for it by explaining my fav documentaries and movies. 😊 👍
Just to add. Please keep doing what you are doing. Although I am not autistic I have learned a lot from you in understanding autistic people I know and even though they have upset me at times I am now understanding why. and understanding how I need to be more tolerent. Thank you❤
We need more people like you, trying to understand others.
You’re awesome 💟
We are just accurate and precise thinking people living in an inaccurate and imprecise world. All the problems of being autistic are side effects of this mode of thinking
@@meryluk Wish we had more people like you.
My applause and gratitude for leaving such a kind message. 🙏💯
@@meryluk You’re awesome ~ An autistic boi
Are they jealous that we are often discriminated against and fired after doing an excellent job and the work of 3 people? We are also often paid less for the same work. I'm jealous that they get to do a half ass job, be mean to people, and still keep their jobs even though they mostly gossip, bully, and small talk at work while autistic people are working hard and treating people fairly.🤔
Right
I have it extra hard Being a black autistic woman. NT white women are some of the worst people, esp the fake leftist ableist do gooders.
I would like to add my experience to the table. I am a late diagnosed autistic and struggled my whole life without realising it. I would feel resentment against people who seemed they were just not putting enough effort for mainly 2 reasons. First one is that my family was constantly pointing out about those people and they were asking me to put effort, to not be a drama queen, that I was too sensitive, or that school is not supposed to be pleasant etc etc so I didn't know any better when I was a kid. Second reason is that I personally was putting that famous 110% effort to make friends, to go on with my life, even just GOING to school every day was hard to me so I couldn't understand why someone who seemed to struggle less than me or seemed to "surrend" to their difficulties seemed not worthy to me. Now I'm fighting myself to let go that ableist mentality and start loving myself and the others
What happened to Chloe, who was only being her authentic self, was horrible.
I know with me, I get the "you're so smart" comment a lot. They think I have no problems or life is easy for me because I'm smart. They think if I have problems, it's completely my fault and I deserve it. People have no sympathy and act like I don't have any feelings.
Wealthy people are often aware of dressing down in public .
To be not conspicuous, anonymous.
To avoid being robbed .
Camouflage 😊
I felt the accusation things, as I have been told that my difficulty and discouragement in the job search was all my fault, that I was being too negative and self centered. One person wrote that she had never left a job without having one lined up. I think there was an implication that I was morally wrong because I had lost jobs and been suddenly unemployed. Also I was too choosy for not wanting to work fast food or factory labor, although I knew I was ill-suited for both fields.
After I got my autism diagnosis I was told to go on disability and I did and that's where the expectation of my life just stopped. Almost 20 years later the expectation of my life is no different than what it was back then. Isolation, barely leaving the house other than what's absolutely needed, not given the support to function in life and then shamed for not functioning in life. Basically every person in my entire life failed me
My Experience is basically, neurotypical people think we need help in xyz, and they get angry if we refuse help there or if we dare to say "that is not my problem. I need help in other areas".
16:07
This is basically the theme of the fantasy story I’m writing… Looking beyond ‘what’ someone is and looking at ‘who’ someone is instead. What I love with the speculative fiction genres, is how you can be indirect in tackling real world issues. Instead of racism, sexism, homophobia, or being autistic in a society not built for you, I can use mages being cast forcibly cast out of society. Or giants being people in a world that isn’t built for them. I mean, people can fit inside houses and under most trees. Giants can’t. I’m particularly proud of Thilliyn, a giant character who developed into the character that perhaps shares the most similarities with me. I made her artistic. Then, I made her autistic. I think I can be playful in showing her autistic traits. She can get startled by ‘little’ sensory things. And at first, she pretends to be strong and assertive, trying to mask to fit this giant stereotype we kind of know from fairy tales and such. But inside the mask, there’s this special interest for poetry. A safe and predictable inner world that shields her from being a hunted target (giants make for great trophies, to professional hunters). I also gave her red hair, so she feels she stands out when she doesn’t want to. But later, she comes to accept the positive things that come with the colour red. Passion. Empathy. Bravery. Tinkering with these things is why fantasy and sci-fi attract me.
Sometimes people can view asking for accomodations as being entitled.
but accommodations people that need them get are of no use or benefits to those who don't need them. They actually would make things frustrating like for those with trouble reading having to sit in another room to get test read in a very slow pace for someone who can read fast they would be ripping their hair out if they had to sit in on that and stay on the same question as group taking an hour rather than the few minutes it would have taken by themselves.
Reminds me of the idea that some people think we do it for attention or something.
You are free to always "come out" as "autistic" to your parents, the reactions are usually something most do not expect in the first place.
We could tell people "you're right, I'm doing it to get some POSITIVE attention after all the unwanted negative attention I've been receiving so far for as long as I remember.
Saw the title and immediately clicked on this, have no idea how so very much I needed to see this today. 🙏💯
Late diagnosed, earlier this year. As I started to peel back all the layers, I have suddenly found myself in this exact situation.
Pretty sure I’ve been accused of everything you mentioned, selfish, mocked, name calling, etc. Basically a complete denial of my needs and adjustments
Didn’t see any of it until professionals stepped in. I’m still struggling with the one question I know I will never have a good answer to, “Why?!?”
New subscriber here. 😊 13:09 really hit home about the workplace. Explains a lot about my career.
People don't seek to overcome heir gut reactions, but to validate them.
I've sometimes had the thought that, if I'd been one of my ancestors immigrating to this new world, a hundred 30 years ago, let's say, with $5 in my pocket, the clothes on my back, a photo of my family, and a dream....the desperation of my situation might have lit a fire under me that I didn't think I could light under myself now. I wonder if the envy people feel about the successes of Autistics, stems from that kind of thing. They think they're bothered by the seeming advantages, but maybe it's really that they don't know how to light a hot enough fire beneath themselves, to get that drive and traction.
The people who can't see other succeed without negative feelings and thoughts need to work on their own self-worth and self-esteem. I think it is a problem of being insecure.
speaking from experience: yup. i experienced this when i was younger, because of the bullying or rudeness i'd sometimes recieve for liking 'cringy' things and/or being relatively confrontational about subjects i have strong feelings about, so when i saw people exceed where i was at in art or youtube or whatever i'd envy them. ive gotten better at that with therapy, though. i care a lot less about how people perceive me and thus dont feel as much envy and jealousy as i used to. its still something i struggle with likely just due to my personality, but its something ive learned to manage and not let turn into me being mean to others and such
"Some" as in at least half of the population. They don't like being revealed as lazy underachievers. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are "lazy underachievers" but they don't like having their curves blown and their expectations raised. It's the same reason honest people are punished for not being a part of the team when collective lies are expected, or moral people are punished for not going along with institutional injustice.
I had to click on this because I just got back into the workforce after many years hiatus and I had completely forgot why I quite in the first place. And it’s all the haters sipping on hateraid all around me! Folks are petty and jealous as hell and even more so now that I’m openly autistic and talk about it all the time. I’m Audhd and I know it gives me a huge advantage as a teacher (I think we should take over the school systems as quickly as possible so we can actually live and educate these babies 😊). But the people around me seem to really want me to fail and push every single button I have (the adults…it’s always the adults). The more the students love me, the more my coworkers and admin seem to want to get rid of me. I have had parents pull thier kids out of private school just to take my class and I was teaching THIRD grade at the time. My reputation for kindness and actual (kid friendly) rigor has spread well past my school. Now that I’m in a new place I didn’t tell them any of that. I just do what I do and I’ve already been screamed at in front of students and written up twice in the first six weeks. And this is why more of us wouldn’t cut it in the classroom. The pressure and animosity from the adults is palpable.
I have to constantly be on my guard at all times because of the fear that my brother and sister-in-law want to remove me from my home after my mother dies and have me institutionalised. I would never get out again. I cannot let this happen. I have expressed my concerns to a trusted family member and she has assured it won't happen. I intend to hold her to that. Because making a promise to someone like me is one thing. Keeping it is another.
❣️💌❣️ Spot on. Unfortunately, most of those people wouldn't be willing to even listen to all of this. Extremely well worded and accurate though!
Can't win everybody but every person that listens and thinks is a victory. They are like drops of water wearing down a mountain of intolerance and no one who cares should ever dismiss an opportunity to educate and enlighten others. You never know what they turn around and do with that. What would be unfortunate would be if someone never tried and so never contributed anything to the greater good. You as an individual get to decide what you put into the world and that is the only power you actually have.
People are upset when someone is doing better than them.. But they absolutely loathe it when we succeed.. Autistic or ADHD by my experiences but I'm very certain.. in fact I know it's the same with others who have neurodiversity.. I am at work and I will watch it in full when I get home
Pfffft they get mad I am 140% more productive with less education in experience. 😅
It staggers me how people seem to conflate equity with equality and I think that could be key to this issue. It is through equity that we will all get the chance to achieve.
14:34 They won’t educate themselves, they don’t care. It’s a giant campaign to prove themselves more deserving of whatever. They’re just self serving. Don’t waste your time.
Thanks!
Oh my lord, I'm so sorry I didnt reply to this! TH-cam is a bit funny sometimes with showing me notifications... thank you so much!!
Priceless, my autistic self was what have I done? Specially as I stared the process of just adding a comment. Have I pressed a button? Etc ect ect.
You got me.
Good video too. Lots to think on.
That silly outro gave me a good chuckle. Thanks for that, I needed it. :)
I've run into this in the workplace and IMHO it's Darwinian / Hobbesian in nature. Quite often it'll be one of the workplace narcissists but it can be people who similarly see the world in terms of strength and weakness, and any difference from norms is shameful and inferior (ie. they bring the South Korean mindset). I think in the later group it's also because they treat each other this badly and if they don't get a break from treating and being treated terribly why does anyone else deserve a break. It's almost a 'peace is weakness' mindset.
So many of the comments you said were things my parents told me growing up. Some of class mates and co workers told me this but it was so infrequently
In regards to the segment at the end where you're looking through the camera, I did something incredibly similar less than a week ago for a 6-day and 21-hour charity live stream. Just randomly I walked up to the camera and started looking through as though I could see the people on the other side and commenting on their proposed behavior just because I thought it was humorous 😅
Sometimes you have to make your own entertainment, you know? And sometimes the people on the other side of the camera enjoy it 😋
Your latest vids are 🔥 Thomas!
The neurotypical dismissing of autistic concerns, reminds me of the Weird Al song "When I was your age" rock song parody of an old person lecturing a young person "No one ever drove ME to achool when it was 90 degrees BELOW... had to walk butt nekkid through forty miles of SNOW... when i was YOUR age!!"
insightful
Great message. And I love the ending 😂
I feel all of this. Thank you for this video. I didn't get my diagnosis until 2021... I feel relief but also like I'm a totally different person and I'm losing a lot of friends and waiting on new ones to show up.
btw, the workplace stuff happened to me and it sucks that it was a small business and they aren't held to proper standards in my state. I'm about to be a small business owner who proves you can treat people well, pay them and still be successful.
Envy may be a uncontrollable emotion, but that doesn't mean people have to go on the attack, no matter the platform....it's like an "acceptable" form of bullying autistic people, i.e., "you see, I knew there was a reason to resent/hate/disparage you...I just hadn't figured out what it was until I saw you succeed."
Great job. Keep up the good work.
I’ve never clicked on a title so fast
More good stuff sir!
Your back wall is great at maintaining eye contact.
I always loved Mr. Spock from Star Trek. I was really little, and watching Spock say, "Jim, there's a 72% chance that the Klingons will attack." And I'd yell, "It's a 100%!! They're Klingons!" And I hated Dr. Bones bc he was an a$$ towards Spock. Bones was envious of his amazing skillset and his closeness with Captain Kirk. He would taunt Spock when he was flat and emotionless. Anyway, Dr. Bones was a lousy coworker.
Awesome video! You are so good at talking about these things.
of course the delusional woman likes a video about a phenomenon that does not exist
the same reason why YTs preach equal opportunity until another grp actually achieves equality, or better. Ie. anti-Asian sentiment during covid- the majority will always be entitled race or ability
Loved the B reel footage at the end
Hydration is key.
I was demoted 😕
Ahem.. as an autistic person myself All I can say to those envious people is
“ are you kidding? 🤨
We’re trying to be AS good as you AS successful as you and yet your envying us? Envying at potential fan or potential successor when necessary? Your being envious of us? Then you really don’t deserve your success as much as you think “
Something amongst those words 😅
Is it best to know your autism before showing someone else? I feel like doing this before showing my friends who are non autistic to make them aware.
Could it be people simply don't like us? I wasn't exactly thrilled to see a snooty former co-worker get famous on reality TV!
I watched your video on autistic stoners and it sounded like a good youtube channel name so i changed my channels name
💚
What? I've never come across this.
Lucky you, but it actually does happen. Some people genuinely can't stand having a disabled person being more successful than them.
😂😂😂
Hello Thomas, not had much time to listen to you in full lately, sorry. I have come to the conclusion that 20min to half hour actually works better for me despite wha I've said before. Iv always,enjoy listening to you but, life gets in the,way. Sorry❤
Just to add. I am not autistic but have learned so much from you to help me understand others who I have in my life and understand why the do, behave the way they do and how I should recognise and understand they the do what the do and sometimes upset me but they don't realise. I'm learning. Please keep doing what you are doing it really helps,. ❤
Yes, smiling at you😂
Not worthy of the support they got her arch as a character was designed only to fit in to the stereotype of autism I like books I get bus get my book signed I miss bus I break down my friend gets angry at me because of the bus my friend really wanted to go to a party but I book and her friends the personification of a ironic social justice warrior Issac from heartstopper is a less biased or conservative depiction so is even cash from heartstopper
I can understand why people don’t like it when they’re using it to collect free help that isn’t being given back to the workers, but the really sad thing is nobody thinks people with disabilities deserve what we work for, even. I don’t have autism, but honestly I relate to every “symptom” and I feel like it’s actually just normal for everyone to have the sensory issues, the trying to do 5 things at once and getting nothing done, the social inability to deal with social stuff, all of that… everyone struggles with it. The way to get autism destigmatised? Stop treating it like a disease. Stop putting a label on it and using it to get out of pulling your weight. You just learn a little different and need to learn a little extra as a kid, and that’s really the simple explanation. If we teach it as a disorder it will be stigmatized. If we just give extra education to the kids who need it without labeling it or diagnosing them as “disabled.” Period. If we normalize different learning needs, then the flip side is that the smart kids will learn from those, too. School is meant to teach you how to learn, how YOU learn, so that you can continue to learn at new jobs because bouncing around between jobs is the only way to get by in this economy
No, I disagree with that, the problem with what you're saying is that autism is genuinely a disability, and trying to ignore that is to abandon the majority of the autistic community who can't mask well enough to work in a NT dominated environment without adjustments. The fact that you think "everybody" has the issues that autistic people have is just proof that you don't understand it. If everybody had the issues we had, we wouldn't be having the problems in society that we have and wouldn't be constantly facing ableist discrimination.
Hi i agree with you, I myself struggled all my life and it wasn't until I left that nightmare called School and found comfort in music and lyrics from artist like Gary Numan in songs like Complex and Cars, Remind me to Smile, Telecon it was songs like these wich gave me some kind of understanding of how I felt and he himself turned out to be Autistic and only admitted it years later and the same for me but look how successful he is now, Totally mind blowing, love your channel thanks 😊❤
Thomas, maybe you’re trying to project what’s happening to you onto the whole autistic community. Maybe thinking highly of one’s self is a first step into feeling that others are thinking less of you. What you may be feeling is that others will follow a similar path, or dissimilar path, that leads to their own success. I can only hope that is a great feeling and results in affirmation and humility. You aren’t just the autistic who is successful; however, you may be one of the few autistic people who relies on being openly and vocally autistic as a way to promote autistic awareness. But admit it, the lime light is nice, too. You will find there are more successful people who happen to be autistic, and don’t publicly announce it, as that is an important part of who they are, but don’t find it necessary to display that label. Your success is very much based more on the catalog of challenges that other autistic people have and coping is a minute by minute struggle to live each day. Be thankful for what you have and for what others have bestowed upon you. Trying to come across as a savior by mongering hate where it doesn’t exist isn’t one of the traits of an autistic person typically possessing.
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I’ve not encountered anyone who hates autistic people or any type of disabled person for being successful. I do encounter those who are jealous of success by any person, and those who feel that certain minority groups have received disproportionately greater assistance than other groups. The main reason is almost lack of knowledge about the group in question, even if it’s a group the person querying belongs. Informing the affected is a daunting task and most often requires outreach through discovery. Some people are so disparaged that they are cut off from accepting help. It takes time and energy for volunteers and staff to approach and gain trust enough to let them know they aren’t on their own. It’s tough, heartbreaking, and an incredible relief when someone can be reached. It doesn’t end there. Periodic and consistent communication is the only way to achieve thorough results. It’s too easy for any person prone to depressive states to “fall through the cracks” and become discouraged or disconnected.
I am completely put off seeking support in the neurodivergent community because it just feels toxic. One look in any comment section just seems to show me enough hatred to last a lifetime. I can't help but see an awful lot of autistic content is somewhat driven by narcissism.
This is blatant ablesplaining and gaslighting. In fact, this kind of treatment is COMMON towards autistic people who are successful, who get workplace adjustments they are LEGALLY ENTITLED TO and are just generally not miserable and pitiable enough. Like, there are literally social media communities out there who will target any openly autistic person who is remotely positive or happy and harass them for "romanticising" autism for not being miserable and moping 100% of the time.
And no, we will not stop making autism part of our identity, because it just is, and we are proud of it. I wouldn't downplay it just like I wouldn't downplay my LGBT identity, because it's nothing to be ashamed of, so why would I distance myself from it? Autism literally is how my mind works, how can that NOT be my identity, logically? People who say things like that really just don't like seeing disabled people standing up for themselves and taking up space instead of "staying in our place" as the "vulnerable, pitiable victim" class.
@@robokill387 are you a robot? I can understand being passionate and supportive but you’re not giving examples or showing how to address the hatred. I have many labels and people have hated me because I’m different from them. It’s just not about being autistic which I am. I’m also male, white, gay, look much younger than my age, smart, nerd, geek, weirdo, network analyst, insurance agent, artist, HIV community advocate, in my late fifties, appreciate dark humor, opinionated, argumentative… I lived with my mother until I was 34. I moved to Florida because I cannot stand being cold. There are so many reasons why people hate me and being successful can be one of them. This is the first time I’ve heard of hatred against autistic successful people. Why was success added as a criterion? Hatred against autistic people is widespread and the majority of haters are ones who engage with them daily, like family members, school mates, local community members and coworkers. Addressing that level of hatred is paramount as most autistics don’t even get a chance to make it to the point of being successful.
I think this is down to arguments based on logical fallacies. I have known a long time that I am on this spectrum, but only recently confirmed with a diagnosis. Throughout my adult life colleagues have told me "when I first met you, I thought you were weird," or just as often, "gay" this is probably because I automatically smile like a freak if I make eye contact when in that environment, and I'm exceedingly polite on first meeting.
But I don't know a single person that hates me because I don't get offended by it, In fact, I'm very well liked by all that spend time with me. I could conclude that 90% of ND people hate all NT people and feel oppressed if I were to base my feelings on a double empathy comment section. The majority of NT and ND people don't really give a toss, and don't need to be heard, but this just isn't taken into account. I find the social media, lived experience has radicalised peoples perspective.
agreed. envy and jealousy are emotions every human being are capable of showing, no matter neurotype. this content is also very ironic based on my time spent observing autism related sub reddits, where envy and jealousy of neurotypicals is to be seen every single day in some way, shape or form. the victim mindset creates chaos in places that is originally devoid of chaos.