EXPOSING Psycho Mothers-in-law

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 พ.ย. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 330

  • @Milk-ck1wv
    @Milk-ck1wv 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +873

    Maybe this opinion is controversial BUTTTTTTT, if your husband can't stand up for you when his mother insults you, demean you, assaults you (vocally or physically) then MAYBE don't marry into the family. No man and I mean NO MAN is good enough for y'all to be dealing with these crazy women.

    • @garygerman8355
      @garygerman8355 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +75

      This opinion is in no way controversial! He must stand up for me, cause if not, then bye bye!

    • @marynorton6068
      @marynorton6068 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +34

      💯 This is not controversial, just excellent advice

    • @B.Harper7
      @B.Harper7 11 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Right?!
      It's controversial to the previous generations, as they were fully indoctrinated into the idea that they are accessories for their husbands and support actors in their husbands "play of life".
      But not anymore!!
      We are not buying into that abuse BS!

    • @cricketandgraham8644
      @cricketandgraham8644 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +19

      agreed lol

    • @MeghanTalbott
      @MeghanTalbott 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +25

      Abso-freaking-lutely. I'll never be able to wrap my head around MIL's like this, sons that allow it, or women that put up with it. It's all sad, messed up and sad

  • @addie1080
    @addie1080 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +145

    My fiancé's mum told me she had a horrible MIL and let me know if I ever felt uncomfortable I can talk to her about it. She always backs me up and is so kind and respectful, I didn't realise how lucky I am.

    • @aesinam
      @aesinam 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +10

      You're lucky because most of the time such women double down and pass on the hate to their own daughters in law

  • @dawnbaez31
    @dawnbaez31 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +289

    My ex husband mother hated me till I was pregnant with my daughter, she stated “ now I can have the daughter I wanted “. That statement sent me through the roof .

    • @S.Uranus
      @S.Uranus 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +26

      😨Yuck!!
      I'm so sorry.

    • @imshill._
      @imshill._ 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +5

      Rightfully sooo , cs what do u mean🤨

    • @toriamigo
      @toriamigo 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

      That's so freaky

    • @dawnbaez31
      @dawnbaez31 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +9

      Yeah that’s was so strange, still to these day she acts like my 2 daughters are hers , she treats them better then my boys .

  • @B.Harper7
    @B.Harper7 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +300

    Fun fact, the mom getting her grandchild's ears pierced, is illegal!!
    Any lawyer worth their salt could have that shit brought up as an assault charge so damn easily!

    • @NunyaNomi
      @NunyaNomi 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +25

      I can’t believe someone would do that! Pressing charges is a must.

    • @impposter560
      @impposter560 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +11

      Yeah, my grandma wasn't allowed around us unsupervised until we were old enough to say 'no'. Which was a good call, considering she DID try to pressure us into getting our ears pierced, and got mad when we didn't want to. Its a weird thing grandmothers focus on, but it happens so often 😅

    • @krexoriginal
      @krexoriginal 8 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      Do you mean it's illegal to do without parental consent? Because last I checked, getting your child's ears pierced is not illegal?

    • @betsywoolbright8059
      @betsywoolbright8059 5 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

      ​@@krexoriginalit's illegal for anyone besides the parents/legal guardians to get a baby's ears pierced.

  • @AshatHome
    @AshatHome 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +150

    My MIL was such a hilarious, strong, wonderful human and the best Nina (grandma) to my daughters. She sadly lost her battle with breast cancer a few years ago but I am thankful for the 19 years of laughter and memories we had which was nearly half my life so she truly was a 2nd mother to me. Seeing things like this makes me so sad for these women experiencing this level of envy by someone who should be in their corner.

  • @mymymymymichelle
    @mymymymymichelle 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +215

    I feel so bad for the girls with crazy MILs

    • @vivieneckert1627
      @vivieneckert1627 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +9

      I feel especially bad for the woman in the first video. I did not even know there was an insult for people who were SAed. That’s horrific. It’s like what I imagine a demon would insult someone with. That’s how bad this was.

    • @Life_Love_and_a_Lens
      @Life_Love_and_a_Lens 11 วันที่ผ่านมา

      It's even worse when her minions are her daughters...apparently my sil is the aunt of my children to my mil, but I am not family 😂 despite being married to her son for 14years

    • @mymymymymichelle
      @mymymymymichelle 11 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @@Life_Love_and_a_Lens jeez that's crazy girl

  • @achelley
    @achelley 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +114

    Dealing with a MIL that doesn’t like you is pure hell. I have stories for days. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

    • @whelkpeopleofdoom
      @whelkpeopleofdoom 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

      Why don't you make your husband deal with her? I dated a momma's boy with a boy mom once and I said "I'm not dealing with this, you put a stop to it or I'm gone." It mostly worked.

    • @aesinam
      @aesinam 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      ​@@whelkpeopleofdoomsome of the mothers are good at approaching when the son is not around

  • @jobivuvuvfvi605
    @jobivuvuvfvi605 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +74

    I married into a different culture than my own, and having my mother in law hate me was one of my biggest fears. Thankfully, i have an amazing mother in law. Although we've had disagreements, i still love her. It also helps that my husband speaks up when we've had disagreements.

  • @saniwa655
    @saniwa655 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +94

    the long sleeved top you are wearing today is beautiful

  • @Buttonsand_Bows
    @Buttonsand_Bows 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +25

    Toxic boy moms and toxic mother and laws are most definitely one in the same.

    • @jacksonlevine9236
      @jacksonlevine9236 8 วันที่ผ่านมา

      For real! They’re afraid to leave their precious ‘son’ behind 🤢

  • @thebam8622
    @thebam8622 9 วันที่ผ่านมา +6

    My mother in law told me at dinner in a nice restaurant, with her son present, “a Cesarean is the only way to go. Men prefer a woman who’s had a cesarean over vaginal birth, ask any man!”. She also has said that me having my son, “I get to make up with [my son] what I lost with [her son].”. She’s also said she wants to wear him around town and tell everyone he’s hers. Most recently she’s said my baby looks nothing like me but everything like her and her family.
    I often think of running away.

    • @Samson16436
      @Samson16436 8 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

      Tell your man to help you, she's out of line and he should support you

  • @krboops26
    @krboops26 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +57

    When I was pregnant and broke up with my ex, he decided he didn’t want to have anything to do with our son but I was still trying to be respectful and considerate by letting his family be involved. I didn’t know his mom was so manipulative, sneaky, and was talking crap about me behind my back because my ex was cheating on me the whole time and she knew about it.
    Long story short, she tried to make me beg her son to be in our baby’s life and when I wouldn’t, she started being extremely controlling and didn’t want me to let my baby be around my ex’s stepmom just because she didn’t like her. When I wouldn’t fall for it and decided to let my ex’s other side of his family be around our son and to cut his toxic mom off, she convinced him to fight me for custody after she got shut down for grandparents rights. Our son was only 2 months old and had only met my ex’s other side of the family and not her but because she felt entitled to our son, she got him to fight me so she could still be around our son. I made it to where she only sees our son if my ex decides to utilize his parenting time.
    Some women are absolutely insane. Her other child is gay and she felt as if our son would be her only chance at using a grandchild for social media attention. Our son still barely knows her although my ex picks him up every other weekend. If it’s not a holiday for attention and pics, she doesn’t care to see him lol

  • @marynorton6068
    @marynorton6068 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +49

    3 days after my brothers funeral (he was 20 years old. Very sudden unexpected death), my mil demanded I meet her. I said no, I’m not up to it, I’m feeling really exhausted and upset after his death. Her response was “FFS haven’t you gotten over that yet?”

    • @rubylove9475
      @rubylove9475 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +11

      Wtf!!? I would’ve been like you’ve lost the privilege to met me now. Did you husband say anything to her??
      Btw my condolences 💐 I lost my bro too 2 years ago 🫂

    • @betsywoolbright8059
      @betsywoolbright8059 5 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      I'm so sorry. I lost my brother unexpectedly this past March (and my mom last year, also unexpectedly). We all lived together. It is so, so, so hard. ❤

  • @minyugyeong8347
    @minyugyeong8347 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +59

    My sister in law shared with me a bit about how my MIL conducted herself when she had her baby. She told me that she was constantly taking the baby away from her and not letting get any time with the baby and when her husband stepped in, she got furious and told him “ITS MY BABY!!!” and booooy. I’m nervous for when I have a baby now as me and my husband are trying.🙁

    • @jimjimjimmy7793
      @jimjimjimmy7793 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +11

      Your husband has to step up and shut her down if she gets disrespectful

  • @agingbjd
    @agingbjd 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +33

    My mother-in-law told me when I was pregnant and 18 that if I didn't want the baby to give it to her...
    I laughed at her in her face.
    Like that crazy lady lost all her kids at one point in her life to drugs and alcohol. Then she had the nerve to accuse me of cheating on her son and claimed that my child wasn't his. Luckily my kid looks nothing like me and everything like her dad. Her aunt on her father side told her mother to stop tripping.

  • @PhoenixRising883
    @PhoenixRising883 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +50

    15:13 My MIL came to "help out" when I got out of the hospital. Her "helping out" was to watch the baby so I "could get my house back in order" (housecleaning). And then told me I was selfish for exclusively breastfeeding and not giving her a chance to "bond" with my daughter by giving her a bottle. My daughter wasn't even a week old yet. And when we were discharged from the hospital we had to take our newborn to the closest children's hospital for an emergency heart echo. Straight from one hospital to the next, and she has the audacity to come over the next day and tell me I need to clean my house, like I'm a teenager defiantly refusing to clean my room.

    • @steph.v.o.7078
      @steph.v.o.7078 9 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

      Please tell me your husband spoke up and defend you at those moments? 😢

    • @PhoenixRising883
      @PhoenixRising883 9 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

      @steph.v.o.7078 the only time he defended me was when his mother physically attacked me and threatened to kill me. He shoved her away from me, but the next day told me it was my Christian duty to "turn the other cheek" and forgive her.
      The only reason we aren't divorced is because I can't afford it.

    • @Samson16436
      @Samson16436 8 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

      ​@@PhoenixRising883Why does it cost money to divorce in the states? I hope you will be able to do what's best for you ❤

  • @B.Harper7
    @B.Harper7 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +46

    16:04 THAT WAS MY FATHER IN LAW!!!!!!!! 🤬🤬😭😭😭😭😭😭
    The baby had been out for a grand total of maybe half an hour when I started seeing my phone blow the hell up.
    I finally took a call from my best friend and she told me to give the phone to hubby 😂🤣, told him that his dad posted pictures of the brand new baby, Me naked under a sheet holding the baby, and a photo of the three of us sleeping after the baby had been weighed and measured and handed back to me. 😳🤯😳🤯🙃
    Thank God she told him to tell everybody to not mention it to me, until I was back at home, so I didn't start bawling my eyes out when I was supposed to be enjoying my brand new baby.

    • @jasmine1926
      @jasmine1926 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +11

      You have a good best friend ❤

  • @ScytheoftheGrimReaper
    @ScytheoftheGrimReaper 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +44

    Honestly no matter how many crazy MIL stories I hear they still manage to surprise me because the audacity of some of them. I can't imagine that because of what I have learned from my mom. She never really liked my sister's boyfriend (now ex) because of valid reasons but she never overstepped boundaries and never thought to get between them because she said it was my sister's relationship ( a thing meant for two). I have younger brothers and I know that when we get in relationships and while I would hope she accepts them, I know that even is she didn't, she would never do anything like this.

  • @saradfv
    @saradfv 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +56

    As a single woman, it breaks my heart that so many women go through that. I'm sure there must be some crazy girl parents out there, but it looks like the woman always get the toughest time here.

  • @pamluxford5854
    @pamluxford5854 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +18

    My hubby died at 32. We were married 5 yrs, his mom died when he was 8 so his older sister raised him. He tended to ignore when she was bullying me. In the end I didn’t want her in our house when I was there. It was just causing so many fights between my husband and I. But turned out he was going to tell her about every fight we had 🤦‍♀️. I didn’t even tell my mom, it’s private, married life stuff.
    Just angers me that she caused so many rows and he ignored it and we ended up only getting 5yrs. Life’s too short.
    After we had our son we went to stay with my parents for 2 weeks because it was the only way I was guaranteed peace.

  • @B.Harper7
    @B.Harper7 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +25

    We grew my son's hair out until he was 8, however my mother-in-law was used to her other daughter and son in laws who are very passive......
    She took him to a salon and had 3 in of his hair cut off and thought I wouldn't notice.
    We absolutely, but semi-kindly, laid down the law of "if you ever touch my child again and change something on his body, you will not see him in real life. You will get FaceTime calls from him from 20 minutes away, but you will never lay a finger on him or kiss his cheeks until he's a teenager".
    Her middle son married an outspoken, very confident woman, whose parents raised me to stand up for myself.
    She's great now, truly, but it was a bit of a rocky time when I got pregnant and had the baby, up to 2 years old.

    • @B.Harper7
      @B.Harper7 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +11

      Don't get me started on my father-in-law, a fcking doctor, giving my 2-month-old raw brownie batter by the spoonfuls 🙄😑🤬🤬🤬
      I had no words, I walked in the kitchen saw what was happening, picked him up didn't say a word, slammed the door on my way out and we did not see them for a solid 2 and 1/2 Weeks......

    • @S.Uranus
      @S.Uranus 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +8

      ​@B.Harper7 What your father in law did is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE!! The baby could have gotten very sick. 😵‍💫 I had to re read what you said. Feeding brownie batter to a TWO MONTH old????!?!! What the actual hell? Was he trying to make the baby sick on purpose? Like...

    • @S.Uranus
      @S.Uranus 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +5

      ​@@B.Harper7Good on you for immediately taking action though ❤

    • @jimjimjimmy7793
      @jimjimjimmy7793 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      @@B.Harper7oooh my GOSH!

  • @Mudgiemama
    @Mudgiemama 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +24

    I was blessed with the best mother in law in the world! She has always treated me like the daughter she never had. I love her to pieces!

  • @jenniferk9242
    @jenniferk9242 8 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    My son met his girlfriend when she was pregnant. The biological father of the child wanted nothing to do with him, has never seen him. My son has been there since he was born and he is Daddy. They've since had another son together. Both boys are my grandsons and i love them both equally, just as my son does. If anyone aside from his parents decided to just up and tell the oldest that my son isn't his "real" father, I'd be livid. I don't have much time left - terminal cancer - and I'm so happy i got a "bonus" grandbaby. I love them all so much, blood related or not.

  • @supersomico
    @supersomico 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +27

    An entitled MIL is my worst nightmare 😢

  • @V0XTECH5
    @V0XTECH5 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +49

    The world is so chaotic rn

  • @Vanyro0
    @Vanyro0 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +21

    The story of the lady whose mother told her grandchild her dad wasn't her dad: 100% it was wrong on the mother to spill that kind of revelation to a kid. The parents are in the wrong to though. Why did they not tell the kid since she was of age of understand?? She's 17/18 now and STILL didn't find the "right time" to sit with her and explain? What would've happened if she decided to do an ancestry and me test?
    Now instead of taking care of it early now they have to deal with the fallout of a legal adult who may not take it kindly that she's been lied to her whole life. Plus it seems the person knew their mom's character, that's even more reason to not keep skeletons that could be used as ammunition.

  • @reina3001
    @reina3001 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +14

    i have never had a baby but if i just carried for 9-10 months, went literally almost as close to dying without actually dying and then witnessed someone else call them "their baby" i think i would be absolutely pissed bc also think of all the hormones and emotions going on like absolutely not show respect (besides the father)

  • @grey.themusiccat
    @grey.themusiccat 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +6

    dont and never will have a kid, but if a grandparent starts going "awww *my* child/daugher/son" girl get tf out the room and give the parent THEIR CHILD back

  • @Mcdolewife428
    @Mcdolewife428 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +24

    I used to feel horrible with the fact that my MIL didn’t like me, but then seeing all these makes me not feel so alone! Some mothers are literally just psychotic. It’s actually a lot more common than people think but still sucks being on the receiving end of this 🙃 I’ve set boundaries and now we barely see my in laws because my MIL feels she should be able to come and go as she pleases and should be able to take my kids whenever whenever she wants. Excuse me? Yeah I’ll pass on that. I don’t need her to like me 😘

  • @cooke8846
    @cooke8846 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +5

    I was letting my sons hair grow it was this beautiful strawberry blonde color w curls at the ends. My FIL took him to get his first haircut w out our permission, and didn’t save any of it. I was livid.

  • @windylibby3515
    @windylibby3515 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +10

    Oh I have a story!!
    When I gave birth to my first child, I was a bit of a B to my mom. Every time she would touch me to comfort me, I would tell her to stop. Of course she didn’t, because she was trying to “comfort me”. And then it got to a point where I scream “STOP TOUCHING ME!” She started crying and said, “Fine, I won’t be here next time”. So when my second child was born, my mom babysat my son, and I asked my EX Monster in Law to be there. HUGE mistake! She’s a CNA (basically one step above an orderly) and so of course she assumes she knows better than the doctors! When I was almost fully dilated, the nurses told me my doctor was on his way, but I needed to try to calm myself, because my doctor told them I was an important patient (we’d been through a lot. 2 miscarriages, and he delivered my first child 7 years prior) so basically they told me to hold my legs together, and wait until he was there. I didn’t have a problem with that. I wanted him to deliver my child, as much as he wanted to be the one to deliver her. But my mother in law had a different opinion. She kept opening my legs and telling me to push! The nurses were SOOOO mad! At one point they told her if she didn’t stop, they were going to have to ask her to wait outside. In hindsight, I wish they would have anyway!! The stuff I had to endure from this woman in the 18 years of having her as my Monster in Law… Would choose a stranger off the street in her place if I could. 🙄🤷🏼‍♀️

  • @Jimena__Diaz
    @Jimena__Diaz 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    I literally gave birth YESTERDAY and I only had baby’s dad in the delivery room with me, I cannot imagine having anyone else there when I’m at my most vulnerable!!

    • @Samson16436
      @Samson16436 8 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      Congratulations ❤

  • @HoneyGun
    @HoneyGun 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +5

    My ex MIL got mad at me because I wouldn’t let her plan our wedding 😅 when I basically ignored her and kept moving on she tried bringing my mother into it who then stood up for me. She often would send her son back to our shared apartment with her list of demands. At the time I went through with the wedding because they had led me to feel I was being selfish by not doing what they wanted. Age and space can really make you understand things you didn’t realize earlier.

  • @ladonnajackson1656
    @ladonnajackson1656 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +5

    My MIL is a nightmare. She overstepped a TON of boundaries. 1)when my husband proposed. She held her diamond up to mine and compared them. 2) she took my daughter with her to her appointment TO GET HER BRAZILIAN WAX! And didn’t think she did anything wrong!! And had the audacity to ask other women because she needed “another mother’s opinion on the situation bc I made a big deal about out it” 🙄

  • @marthal8862
    @marthal8862 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +6

    I don’t mind the grandparents or aunties and uncles calling my children their babies because they all pour into them and they also love and support their mother. They’ve earned it!

  • @hannahgrapes1554
    @hannahgrapes1554 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +11

    My EX MIL invited herself into the delivery room. She also downplayed the pain i was in, to make me feel bad, after i had finally got the boy out. It had been 3 days of me in labor, with no epidural (they said he was too big and i needed to feel it to push) . By that point they could've put me in a packed football stadium and I wouldn't care. Looking back on it after I feel like she took complete advantage of my vulnerability in the most pain I've ever felt. She's done other things but that in particular feels egregious.

    • @B.Harper7
      @B.Harper7 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +6

      Holy shit that is beyond disturbing, she absolutely took advantage of the situation.
      I'm so sorry, I know you know this, but you didn't deserve that at all.
      I don't care if she's dealing with her own demons, or fighting the fact that *her* mother-in-law acted like that, doesn't matter, that's disgusting.
      You deserve so much better.
      If hubby didn't stand up for you, he fcked up too.
      JUST AS much as your mother in law fcked up, truly.
      Ughhhhhhhh, so many internet mama hugs to you babydoll 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋

    • @hannahgrapes1554
      @hannahgrapes1554 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

      @B.Harper7 thanks for the kind words, she is and was a m3th user, who I'm sure had a bad childhood. Ex hubby was also using but I didn't know. And he was just generally not nice to me anymore. I was deep in grief over my older sister being struck in a crosswalk and dying (ex in laws acted up at the funeral) I made a lot of poor choices and was oblivious to a lot of stuff at that time. I'm away from all of them now, thankfully. I mostly feel bad for them, some people don't make it out of their h3ll and I did. I hope they do better. U are super kind, I appreciate that 🥰

  • @yanna2257
    @yanna2257 9 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    you're very good at narrating you make it seem as if what you're reading and saying out loud is your own words and story i love it it relaxes me like a storytime

  • @Keshlynne
    @Keshlynne 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +10

    Absolutely thanking my lucky stars for the MIL I got. I love her dearly and I wouldn't know what to do without her some days... Just before my husband proposed, my MIL told him he better not lose me because if he did she was abandoning him for me (at the time I thought she was joking, now I'm not so sure)... She also told him if we ever get divorced she's keeping me at the wedding... She was also super awesome when I had each of my children, understanding my concerns and preferences and just offering support. She has been an absolute GODSEND during my middle child's chemo... I must have really lucked out. There's not been any competition between her and my own mother, either. I'm so sorry some of you got just downright AWFUL MIL's.

  • @jopossum568
    @jopossum568 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    Why are so many MILs so unhinged? My mom also had very bad experiences with both her MILs, she's been married two times. I think the most unhinged thing that happened was when my dad sadly passed away when I was three years old, he committed s-word. So naturally everyone was schocked and grieving. But the first thing that his mother did was call the police on my mom who was traumatized and was now a single mother to two equally traumatized kids. She had blamed my mom of somehow causing his death because she just wanted his money or something like that. The police had to make a quick investigation on that but the cause of death was very clear. That left my moms MIL livid and she just couldn't except what happened and kept harrasing my mom and the police until they threatened her with a restraining order. "Funny" thing is that he left a bunch of letters and notes with multiple statements about his traumatizing childhood and how his parents especially his mom ruined his life and his mental health. So, yeah

  • @rifuwosmith3750
    @rifuwosmith3750 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +16

    The baby piercing, call the police sue them , do something that's gotta be child abuse

  • @Recoveringred
    @Recoveringred 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    That sweater looks lovely on you.

  • @Jordan.elaine
    @Jordan.elaine 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    This is why it bothers me when people say something along the lines of “you’re marrying the man not the family” nope. You’re always marrying the family. Unless he cut all contact.
    In an ideal world both the groom, the bride and all extended family members would understand that the marriage means they will be putting each other first and the family should help in the success of their marriage. But sadly that isn’t the case 😅

  • @blondegal570
    @blondegal570 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +6

    Whew... My MiL has been a nightmare but my partner, her son, is a great example of why I don't want or need her advice for my child. My partner left me at the hospital hours after I got a c section. He only came back to pick us up 🙃 His mom, dad and two aunts came to visit the next day after giving birth at the hospital. His aunt kissed my baby on my child's head. Mind you, its flu season. I was stuck in bed and could barely walk on my own at that point. My MiL actually wanted my child to call her Mommy instead of grandma or lola(filipino term for grandmother) and I was super annoyed... I am my child's mommy... Once I got home from the hospital, my MiL decided to invite a bunch of family(kids included) to spend time with my child. My child was only 8 days old and my MiL couldnt even bother to ask anyone to wash their hands or ask if they were vaccinated 😡 I refused to bring my child out to see them. I just kept telling them the baby was asleep. My child is my responsibility and I will not risk her life or well being to appease anyone. This isn't the way I want my relationship to be with my MiL nor do I want to get in the way of my child and her being close but alas, she chooses to put my child in risky situations so I have to be more careful with her around my child.

  • @Hand_Of_Doom333
    @Hand_Of_Doom333 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    My monster in law literally gave my son his first haircut on a day that they took him out to go see some family. Didn’t save me any of his hair and didn’t bother telling me at all and blew it off when I confronted her. That is a hate I will take beyond the grave.

  • @mtmdavis3843
    @mtmdavis3843 7 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    My MIL turned up to the hospital with an entourage in toe (her 2 sisters, their husband's, her son, his partner and 3 nephews) so my SIL (her daughter) told everyone that isn't my husband and parents to get tf out of the room (in those exact words lol. She knew I was way uncomfortable with everyone there). Then when I went for emergency c section, got upset that she wasn't allowed in the theatre with me. She stuck around to meet my sin and refused to let my mum hold him until my SIL had to force her to give baby over. After we get discharged, she demands that we take baby to visit her (which we didn't. I wanted to go home and rest) then turned up announcing a name she had picked for him (not that she had any say over it) then proceeded to go into a tantrum because I said no! Had to ring her daughter to come over and remover her mother and tell her to stay away. After a week, we allowed visitors to come visit so she turns up with another entourage and starts demanding I get up and make dinner for everyone. This time my husband lost his 💩 and kicked her out. It was a very upsetting time as I didn't get to enjoy those first precious moments in peace

  • @mcrchickenluvr
    @mcrchickenluvr 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    Not my birth story but my niece’s. She just had her baby in June of this year. Lulu isn’t the first grand baby on our side of the family but she is the first in her husband’s side. They decided that they were only going to have themselves in the room. She had a scheduled c-section due to the babies size, 11 lbs 3oz. Her MIL absolutely detested that idea that she wasn’t allowed at the hospital. My brother and sister in law were fine with it. They already had 6 grandkids and they knew better than to question what mom and dad said. They had me listed as her backup coach in case he couldn’t be there if he had to report for deployment. They also knew that I’d need be, I’d happily kick out anyone my niece didn’t want to be in there. They both told the in-laws, with me and my brother as witnesses and backup, that in no uncertain terms is anyone else allowed in the room. They didn’t even want them at the hospital. They wanted that time to bond with the baby first. Thankfully her husband was able to be there. But the cops had to be called because somebody didn’t listen. You want to know the irony of that is? It was her own son who responded to the call to remove her from the hospital.

  • @Karlae86
    @Karlae86 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Linda Thanks for the initial message. I sometimes watch these with my kids. ❤

  • @kasm_nME
    @kasm_nME 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +5

    We need so much more of this plz!

  • @saranaila5905
    @saranaila5905 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    17 year old is waaaay too late to tell a child that kinda of life altering truth. It's still not her place to tell thou.

  • @jeannineterese1037
    @jeannineterese1037 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    My MIL is selfish, controlling, racist, greedy, abusive, narcissistic, manipulative- the list goes on. Her grandkids (me & her son's kids) Hate her.

  • @latashalea944
    @latashalea944 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Great video! Please do a video regarding toxic fathers in law.💯

  • @Melina_Shadow
    @Melina_Shadow 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +9

    9:23 that’s so normal. This makes me thankful that my in-laws respected me in the birthing room. My mom is a baby nurse and I had the baby at the hospital she works at.
    Of course there was no one I wanted in the room more than her.

  • @naomiguyardo
    @naomiguyardo 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    When my ex’s affair came to light and I was completely broken, my MIL that just “loved me sooo much” didn’t say shit to me for almost two years. Not one gd word.

  • @MszCharney
    @MszCharney 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +8

    You should watch the TLC show "I love A Mama's Boy" lol its CRAzy

  • @problematic_canik
    @problematic_canik 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +11

    People really be having a lot going on in there personal life my goodness.

  • @LethalLemonLime
    @LethalLemonLime 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    23:12 is such a good actress. she's really reading it as if she's literally saying it off her dome like it actually happened to her

  • @krboops26
    @krboops26 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +6

    Ex’s Mom also felt that I shouldn’t wait until my baby was vaccinated for visitations, demanded to have pictures first before my ex’s stepmom, etc a few days after my c-section and told my ex that it’s not that big of a deal because she had a c-section too although I had complications with mine as well. Yup, that was my experience as a first time mom. Little advice: if your man’s mom doesn’t like you and he doesn’t have a backbone, DON’T give him babies! He’ll let her do what she wants and she’ll throw it in your face that you can’t do anything about it if there’s a custody order lol judge won’t care either and see you as “petty”, “bitter” or “controlling”. Luckily, I had a decent lawyer to fight those allegations so although I can’t stop her from being around my kid, I was able to limit her time with him an extreme amount and block her from my life!

  • @bec7080
    @bec7080 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    My MIL was not sure that I was the right person long term for her son (we were young) but was still nice to me & respectful. Over years we have become close & now I feel like she's not just a mom but a friend. I love her! Men should not allow their mothers to be cruel to their wife or vice versa (I've seen both). Men & women both need to realize you are combining families and everyone needs to respect each other even if they don't like each other and if it's not possible/you won't break ties then you are not right for each other.

  • @haillight14
    @haillight14 6 วันที่ผ่านมา

    If anyone pierced my child ears except for myself, I would actually sue them.

  • @NO_PJM
    @NO_PJM 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    😅 I can barely handle my own mother let alone someone else's. My advice is if you do not let complete strangers speak to or treat you like that, then you shouldn't let "family relations" speak to or treat you like that. Respect is earned. And yes this is coming from someone who grew up in a culture where children are not seen nor heard and women are seen but not heard. But I was raised in America with Western ideologies so sucks for them when they have to deal with my attitude 😂

  • @Racheal_Ray
    @Racheal_Ray 11 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Ohhh I’m loving the sleeves on the top! Slay Auntie ❤

  • @llbearll
    @llbearll 6 วันที่ผ่านมา

    here's a wild birthing story-
    for context, i was 8 years old when my mom was pregnant with my youngest brother. there was a 3 person limit for the delivery room. now let's begin:
    when my mom went into labor, i was told i would be allowed to be in the room with her. i was SOOO EXCITED!! the other two people in the delivery room would be my dad (obvious) and my mom's mom (also obvious). my dads mom is a very narcissistic woman. when the labor began, all of us were in the delivery room while my dads mom was in the waiting room with my younger sister. dads mom was SO UPSET that I "TOOK HER SPOT" in the delivery room (it's MY SIBLING, mind you...and she is not my moms mom). I got to see my baby brother come into this world and she is STILL angry about it till this day. my brother just turned 15. we can't even bring up his birth around her because she always passive aggressively remarks that she missed out on everything because of me. she also absolutely hates my moms mom, who is the nicest human on this damn planet, because almost everyone who meets her loves her and my mom wanted her own mother to help her through the birth.
    TLDR: I took my dad's mom's spot in the delivery room 15 years ago for the birth of my bro and she is STILL MAD about it

  • @babybear3783
    @babybear3783 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    Hi, I've been watching your videos for some time. And I really like your content you're really pretty and funny

  • @Jordan.elaine
    @Jordan.elaine 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    If you try to file for custody of my children, you’re never gonna see them or me again. That is the end of any possible relationship.

  • @meshaliu
    @meshaliu 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +18

    I agree it wasn't the MILs place to tell the child about their biological parentage, but I strongly feel kids should know sooner rather than later. It can really upend your world if you find something like that out in your teens.

  • @CottageCoreCoward
    @CottageCoreCoward 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    These "mothers" treating their son's wives/partners as test tubes that grow the grandchildren is unacceptable. Is there any story of the wife's mother standing up for her daughter and facing of the MIL?

  • @StickerSupremecy127
    @StickerSupremecy127 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +8

    10:15 i strive to be able to stand up for myself this way

  • @scottishheathen9620
    @scottishheathen9620 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    My BIL recently introduced his girlfriend to his mum. The first thing my MIL says to her after a 10 second pause is "you'll do". 🤦‍♀️

  • @Mursi009
    @Mursi009 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    My sister's MIL bought the exact same color dress as the mother of the bride (our mom) and then stood outside for 7 hours in the rain until my sister apologized for telling her to get another dress.
    Bonus: She sobbed loudly the ENTIRE ceremony.... my sister's married 29 years but boundaries were made and thankfully her husband enforced them.
    I have ended a relationship because of my boyfriends mother.. I'm not fighting a mother for her own adult son.

  • @lani8722
    @lani8722 5 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I was my mom’s first baby (two adopted siblings before me) and she said she dropped me off at my great aunt’s and came back to me with my first haircut. She said she was so angry and cried and barely spoke to my great aunt for like a year

  • @cassandraclapp6667
    @cassandraclapp6667 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    My ex-mother-in-law and didn't like me at all My husband at the time had a best friend and we had infants that were the same age only my child was my mother-in-law's grandchild we were both in our house She walked in the living room looks me dead in my eye and says let me see my grandbaby walks directly past me and her biological grandchild and picks up my husband's best friends baby completely ignoring her biological grandson for a child that was not even related and only did that to hurt me

  • @TolinaSapphire4444
    @TolinaSapphire4444 2 วันที่ผ่านมา

    i am IN LOVE with your top!!!! 😮❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ it is SO PRETTY and compliments your gorgeous skin so well 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 ❤❤❤❤

  • @thatblerdoverthereb9654
    @thatblerdoverthereb9654 9 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I'm so thankful for my in-laws, they've been a second set of parents to me, and helped raise our kid. Sometimes I feel guilty about sending our child
    to them during school vacations, then they tell me the lists of things they've been planning to do with him for weeks because they missed him so much. I'm truly blessed, tbh when I'm mad at my hubs, I think of them😂.

  • @easiersaidwithmeg
    @easiersaidwithmeg 9 วันที่ผ่านมา

    14:32 i think we can all tell how kind hearted you are. This made me tear up my heart goes out to those women.

  • @PrettyMonstarZu
    @PrettyMonstarZu 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    Thank God I have a Mother in love.... she tested me when we first got together... but I showed her who I was and we are in an amazing place 😁😁😁😁

  • @mylastduchess9998
    @mylastduchess9998 7 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I was SO blessed. My MIL was (I miss her SO much 😢) good. Both our MIL's treated my spouse, and I like we were their own. She was amazing. I hope my kids get that kind of MIL.
    The best premarital advice my husband and I got (27 years married): Each partner needs to protect the other one from their side and intercede if things get messy. It's easy for your parents to (potentially) hate your partner. They don't know them. They didn't fall in love with them. That's why you need to do this.

  • @BeeBod
    @BeeBod 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Man, im so grateful for my nice and wholesome MIL 😅

  • @sakariang
    @sakariang 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    I am very grateful to the Creator for blessing me with a very loving MIL. I have no relationship with my mama and my MIL stepped in to fill that void. Of course is not the same as my bio mom but her love has helped me heal that wound from my mama. She is a great grandmother. She has never been a problem in my marriage. ❤ These stories just make me cringe and sad.

  • @Al.Russell
    @Al.Russell 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    My nanna (Grandmother) would literally ask my parents for permission to get a temp tattoo which I find is the best attitude to this, making sure that there is no bad blood between parents it's probably the best attitude and it makes sure you can see them again with no tension. ALSO she stayed with my brother at HOME and looked after him while my mother and father were at the hospital, SHE WASN'T THERE for mine or my brother's birth and was completely fine with it. She only then held me when my mother went to bed after handing it to my nanna for her to hold. She's such a kind person and I'm lucky that she's still alive today ❤️

  • @nikkicooper5256
    @nikkicooper5256 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    For me it's a little different, my mother in law is from Mexico and barley speaks English so it makes it difficult to communicate with her. But there was no miscommunication when she straight up told me that my son (who was an infant at the time) was her baby, and she wanted to keep him. Like no he's Not your baby, I gave birth to him not you. I felt bad for putting her in her place, because everyone in the family looked at me like I was insane. They don't understand boundaries so I had to make sure they understood mine. My child is mine your the grandma not his mother. I'm the one that's up with him when he's sick. I'm the one teaching him to be a decent human not you. You had your chance with your kids. Bottom line grandmothers/ mother in laws need to back off, once your kid gets married that's it your no longer number one. Your at the bottom of the list sorry sweetie. Edit: unfortunately she was in the room when I gave birth. My mom passed away when I was 15, so all I've had was my dad. I wanted him in the room because I wanted to feel comfortable. But he insisted I let my mother in law stay in the room. All she did was stress me out the whole time with her stupid pacing back and forth. I told my husband to make her sit down and shut up. Well she listened to half of the instructions she sat down right next to me. Acting like she's by birthing coach and started screeching when he started crowning. I shot a look at my husband, and he took action. He told her if she couldn't control herself she'd have to wait in the hall like everyone else. I think that was the moment she started hating me, but honestly IDC she was insufferable and I couldn't take it anymore

  • @emilytorres3480
    @emilytorres3480 9 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    2:12 and the worst part is she’s doing it at HER OWN HOME like wtf

  • @Westsideee1996
    @Westsideee1996 7 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I’m really blessed with my mother in law lol. She doesn’t bother me at all and is always really sweet. I think I won’t be able to handle some of these mother in-laws..

  • @CousinGreek
    @CousinGreek 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +6

    LETS GO NEW VIDEO 💙💙💙

  • @nia218
    @nia218 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Being the child of this situation makes me angry with my dad's mom

  • @MsAubrey
    @MsAubrey 10 วันที่ผ่านมา

    This video makes me extremely grateful for the mother in law I have and the one I had before her. I kept the in laws in my divorce. They’re still part of my family. My husband has helped my former mother in law. My current mother in law and I have had a wonderful relationship. I’ve been blessed with extended family.

  • @sheHerTheyThem
    @sheHerTheyThem 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    Mum to 6,Noni to 11 and grandnoni to 1, they are all my bebes to a certain extent but I would NEVER buy things without my kids approval, let them watch movies or tv shows that I deem above their age range ( all my kids watched only age appropriate,I was strict,but I don't know if my kids necessarily are,so I don't want to force my rules in my grandbabies) but in the same breath, I used to be bank of mum/Noni to my kids& grandkids that NEVER cared about being in contact any other time except when I paid to have fun Disneyland moments,and once I stopped doing that,I don't see them. So I chose as a parent/grandparent where and when I give my energy and my money to, because I don't need to be seen strictly as a $$$$,if I give all the resources and respect to my children and grandchildren and it's not reciprocated.

  • @patriciamarie7876
    @patriciamarie7876 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    I didn’t want anybody or any visitors and I hated the fact that my mil MADE SURE to be early. She got there before my mom and for sure came up to the room. Just little shit. I definitely plan next time to not have any visitors

  • @darlamccracken4062
    @darlamccracken4062 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    I just wanted to thank you for using the correct grammar for the term Mothers in law!!!!

  • @B.Harper7
    @B.Harper7 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    I WILL SAY, that I do have great sympathy for these women who had this exact thing happened to them, and now they are in the grandmother position, so they think it's just natural.
    Anyone trying to deviate from that, is "the disrespectful daughter-in-law who doesn't care or respect her ideas/parenting" 🤔🙄
    Doesn't make it okay in the slightest, but I at least see where the chaos came from, BUT instead of going to therapy for the abuse shoved on to them, they think it is their turn to hoist it on another woman.

  • @ninawink8973
    @ninawink8973 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    My husbands mom kept making comments, those of you who know- know, just a bit of a way to disregard me here or there, would literally like shrug off my conversation attempts and give me low key dirty looks. I grew up in an environment like that and truly hate it- being unsure if people who are supposedly family are being nice or insulting me. But honest when she had the audacity to say "I make SUCH pretty grandbabies" while most certainly giving me that *Look* Yeah I won't be taking my infant back until she figures her shit out. For those who don't know, that look was definitely intended to be a "You had nothing to do with how cute he is" look when I ya know birthed the child.
    Honest when she started comparing my infant to her daughter's (My husbands twin's) infant I should have noped out. I won't pit my kid in a "Whose better" competition and much less will I allow his grandma to do it. If they develop their own rivalry on things that's friendly competition but like pitting kids against each other from the start is a no.
    Oh to add!: Even his twin sister, who is his mom's absolute favorite child, has been pressured into losing the bit of weight she put on after her baby was born. She looks beautiful but her mom always does that low key- "Well when are you getting into shape?" type of bs. If you know the type you know

    • @Samson16436
      @Samson16436 8 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      Sounds exhausting not to mention hurtful. And frustrating if it's a case of "hidden" malice like you describe with comments and looks. It's different when someone is offensive in your face. When it's subtle... Tricky to navigate 🫤 wish you well ❤

  • @TeddyFluffyArts
    @TeddyFluffyArts 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Piercing a baby's ears can go so so left. Infection, permanent damage such as scarring, can even lead to trauma and fear of needles. Its always better to wait until the child is old enough to consent to getting their ears pierced. Also theyll actually remember it and itll be more special for them, and please please please for the love of all things good and great DONT TAKE THEM TO CLAIRES. GO TO A REPUTABLE TATTOO/PIERCING SHOP THAT ALLOWS CHILDREN PIERCINGS PLEASE.

  • @agingersopinion4820
    @agingersopinion4820 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +5

    The fact of some grandparents (and sometimes parents too) just pierce babies ears, like literal babies under three years old, is ridiculous. Why is that allowed. I think in my country we have laws against that. I got my ears pierced at ago 4 or 5 because I asked for it and I was brave enough to not cry. But I can't even imagine babies going through the pain and all. At 4/5 I was at least old enough to understand the basic care I needed to take for my new piercings

  • @DaenerysGOT18
    @DaenerysGOT18 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    I’m so happy I don’t want children and won’t have to deal with crazy MIL that wants to constantly be in their grandchildren’s life. Honestly I’ll be lucky to find a man who’s mother is accepting of me not wanting to have kids😂

  • @mc1069
    @mc1069 11 วันที่ผ่านมา

    As a girlmom you will always be the number one woman in your daughter's heart, as a boymom, you will always come second to the wife/gf. Why do you think most women want daughters? As a mom, a daughter will be yours but a son will be his wife's. Periodt.

  • @mommymarz
    @mommymarz 7 วันที่ผ่านมา

    @10:17 wow, relatable. i’m 48 now. MIL passed 2 yrs ago. i didn’t attend her funeral & i still refer to her in present tense bc she severely traumatized me & i’m not over it. my own mom passed when i was 18 & i’ve been w/my husband since we were 16. 30+ yrs & MIL stole 25 yrs of that, esp w/the birth of my son who is now 27. there are many stories but the first offense was when i gave birth to my only child.
    i told my husband & nurses i do not want anyone in the room except my husband. MIL & her BF waited in waiting room. i told her i don’t want pics of me birthing. while i was in agony pushing for 18 hrs before i had my emergency c-section, she snuck behind the curtain & snapped pictures. one of the nurses caught her & told my husband. my husband then told her not to come in room again. she snuck in a couple more times, took pics. the nurse topd my husband again that MIL was sneaking pics behind the curtain. i was young & and motherless daughter. not in my frame of mind. i didn’t confront her about it at the time. i’m tearing writing this right now. i saw those pictures of me birthing she took & had developed. she only showed me when i asked her to see them. they were horrific. why would she even dare to develop those pictures of me pushing in agony? i couldn’t believe it.
    the straw that broke the camel’s back was almost 20+ yrs later when her selfishness & poor planning almost cost my senior chihuahua & my life by car accident possible drowning in a reservoir on a drive through a dangerous highway. that’s when i cut her off cold turkey & my husband finally backed me up. after 20+ yrs of MIL crap, i finally snapped. her daughter, the sister in law, tried talking to hubby & me about how wrong it is to cut her off & i exploded & told her all the things MIL has done covertly & all the things MIL did to SIL & her own husband & kids behind their back. i was done-done. of course i got a letter from MIL saying “that wasn’t nice of you to tell my daughter blah blah blahhhh”, i responded with more than a “B!7CH please” & with my husband’s approval.

  • @rainyday2966
    @rainyday2966 10 วันที่ผ่านมา

    when ever all my sisters had their kids my mom was there for the birth for all 11!
    She always said "look at our little munchkin!" Heavy use of "our" and congratulations to her daughter. I personally feel like THAT is the most safe way to go.

  • @Shimmysammye
    @Shimmysammye 9 วันที่ผ่านมา

    My grandmother was one of the most horrible people to my mother. My grandmother hated my mother from day one. She believed this was the only woman my father had ever dated. I watched how she was for years. It became so toxic that my mother refused to see her anymore. Which made things difficult for my father and I. I was finally able to make my grandmother see she was wrong. But after that many years, she wasn't able to eat crow. Which means to apogize. People need to let people be people. So what if someone does anything. It's there life!!!

  • @monicahendricks8563
    @monicahendricks8563 4 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Thank God I had the best mother-in-law in the world. She passed to early in my life and I miss her so much. I was closer to her than my own mom.

  • @laniyates5732
    @laniyates5732 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    I have 4 sons, and I love them. I don't know what that boy mom thing is, but it's honestly creepy to me. I also never thought for one minute I was supposed to be in the delivery room either. I just don't get this overstepping like that and normal ppl don't either.

    • @B.Harper7
      @B.Harper7 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

      Right!?!?!?!
      I would love for my son's future wife to **invite me** into the delivery room, but I'm never going to ask that!
      That's HER space, and if we have that type of relationship, and more importantly if *she feels comfortable with that*, that's amazing!!
      But holy hell I agree, what the hell is wrong with some of these other moms who had sons??
      They just gained a daughter, why tf are they trying to ruin their kids lives with their bullcrap by trying to make her an enemy???

  • @Reneekincaid
    @Reneekincaid 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    So I was 16 when I had my first son... I had about 20 people in the room lol- my mom, my sister and brother, my best friend and her mom, my sons dad, his parents and his sister 😂😅 I wasn't embarrassed at all it was an amazing memory but to each their own ❤ I probably wouldn't do that at this point in time lol but a time was had