Disclosing That You’re Transgender To Your Date?
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ต.ค. 2018
- Thank you all so much for watching, ilu ❤❤❤
Link to my Patreon: / aaronansuini
Link to my Amazon Wishlist: a.co/5Kw0M9M
Instagram: / aaronisahouseplant
Shirt Designs: aaronisaplant.threadless.com
I disclose that I'm non-binary right off the bat, before the date, because that really narrows down the pool and prevents any confusion. I don't mind answering questions about my gender identity, and if someone is going to be an arse about it, I just don't go on a date with them or leave said date. I would definitely let someone know where I am though. That's a good idea for anyone. Not that I have to worry about any of that since my boo and I just celebrated 3 years!
The tea is PIPING hot (and educational, and helpful) :)
‘I know my advice is likely a better idea’ I love this man, what a hilarious genius of a man
He's so salty, & I love it.
Just straight out say “I’m Trans” in your bio.
I prefer to put on my dating profile that I am a trans man. But that's just me.
Maybe you could wear a “I stand with trans people” badge or something that gives out cis trans ally vibes so if they react to that badge you can kinda guess what their reaction to you being trans is while still not outing yourself?
I am starting dating after being w someone for 15 years I am glad u made this video .
I have it on my profile that I am trans I want people to know before dating .
It's important that a person knows your trans and what to expect before dating you, this way you can weed out transphobics easier. I do this and i have an awesome time with both men and women, i would never bring up i'm trans way later because the person could gdt violent, not be attracted to my gentials which won't be too fub for me with sex stuff or they will tell me off. I avoid all that and just go with people who aren't transphobic.
Yes! Tell the person upfront maybe before the date over the phone or text. If there’s no opportunity to do that beforehand, do it afterwards. Safety can be an issue so I understand that, however for most people sex is very important and people would rather know BEFORE developing a whole relationship with someone that their body does not align with their preferences. (Or maybe it does! Either way is fine but the person deserves to know).
OMG AARON I LOVE YOU FOR THIS VIDEO
As a Cis bi woman I would definitely be more than happy to date a trans man or woman! Does that make me pan I don’t know -there’s so many names these days! I would just love to find anyone cis/trans/non binary to love and who loves me!!! 😪 I would feel honoured if a trans person trusted me enough to tell me when they were ready. Love is love 💕 💕💕💕🏳️🌈
Joshie Jams thank you for your reply! I’m not really fussed about labels to be honest. I’ve always been attracted to the person not really what they look like (although they always tend to have dark hair!) but that’s it! Any offers out there people??Xxxx
It doesn't make you pan. Bisexuality is and has always been inclusive to nonbinary people and being attracted to trans women and men is no different than being attracted to cis women and men. I'm a bi nonbinary person btw lol.
@@atlasabsentee3426 I had no idéa that that is what bi is! May I ask what's the difference between bi and pan? ( 'cause I'm attracted to nonbinary, women & men and I'm confused by these labels lol )
Tryffel Master Bi is an older term with a lot more history and activism behind it that pan. I personally don't identify as pan mostly because of that and the "hearts not parts" rhetoric a lot of pan people spread.
On the surface "hearts not parts" sounds good, but it implies that people of other sexualities only care about their parters" bodies and don't actually love them as people. I also don't like how often pan is presented as the more woke version of bi and that bi people aren't as open minded as pan people are because "bi means two" or whatever. It's also harmful that a lot of pan people say that bi people can't be attracted to nonbinary people which is false, I literally am a bi nonbinary person. Everyone can be attracted to someone who is nonbinary because there is no way to look nonbinary. At the end of the day it's up to you if you wan't to identify as bi or pan, you have to decide that for yourself. I hope my response makes at least a little bit of sense and that you find it at least somewhat helpful.
This is very important, I am glad you addressed this because I always wonder about this. It is so hard to decide when to come out to a date or even a friend!
Just came from the podcast, and I freaking love everything you create. You just seem like such a nice person I wish you all of the luck in your creative endeavors!
I really, really appreciate hearing this. It’s been a difficult week for me, so hearing something like this today really just means the world to me❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ thank you ❤️
@@AaronAnsuini I'm glad that in some way this stranger on the internet can help! It may not feel like it sometimes, but you have so many people in your real life and online who support you and who are amazed by the things you are able to accomplish with your sheer talent and will. This might be a bit sappy, but sometimes people need to be reminded that others care and are there for them.
i wish it wasnt necessary, but i think it is for our OWN safety. just disclouse as soon as possible so that they wont feel deceived (which they shouldnt feel, but we cant deny that reality). idk i just wish we didnt have to but i also dont want to be murdered or raped
2nd argument made sense, first one was dumb AF.
This is a great video! TEN thumbs up! Thousands of thumbs up! I love the points you make for sure. I like to do the friend in a public place thing best. I live in a small town though, and most people know I'm trans anyways. I always am open to people asking me questions too, I will answer as honestly as I know possible, and also let them know I'm NOT the spokesperson for all trans people. I figure information is a good path to understanding :)
I agree with you 100% Aaron! Good video
I think you are correct re people putting there preferences on their profile. Unfortunately there is a cohort of trendy social justice advocates and militant trans who would attack someone who did this as being trans phobic.
Cis people shouldn't assume all people are cis people :D
Great video on such a heavy topic. No one should have to out themselves to the world on sm to warn off people that wouldn't want to date them. There are always coworkers creeping on other people's sm for amo.
Having a friend near by in a public place is good advice.
I need to know before the first date ends. Gonna be pretty pissed off if I've paid for dinner multiple times only to discover this was never going to go anywhere. Even if I use your unreasonable "life hack", if you don't immediately leave you just intentionally wasted my time.
You're the best A-A-ron! I enjoyed this video so much!!!
I love this shirt and the nailpolish!
I am a cis woman and I recently met a cute guy at an event. We chatted and even kissed that evening and decided to stay in touch. I added him on Instagram. Later when I was home and started scrolling through his Instagram I learned that he was trans. I had no prior experience with the topic and didn't know any trans people up until this point. For me it was perfect to first get to know him and see that there was chemistry between us and to then learn that he is trans "from afar" and without subjecting him to the uncomfortable experience of actually having to tell me. That gave me the chance to process the info, decide that it doesn't make a difference to me and educate myself by watching helpful videos like this one 🙂 If I had learned it beforehand or in person, I might have been overwhelmed by it or might have reacted in a suboptimal way out of utter inexperience even though I am completely fine with it. Just leaving this here, maybe it is helpful for someone. Stay safe everyone ❤
Thank you for the video! It's very useful.
I love these short vids. If it is something long, like the podcast, then I have to break it up into sections in order to not space out and forget what is going on in the video. So these are super good videos for me.
Your hair is so perfect, Aaron😫❤️
Actually thank you so much for making this video Aaron. This particular topic has been on my mind recently and you've given some really good advice. My only question is what advice would you give to someone who is pre everything and out to nobody where they are currently living?
You absolutely need to disclose.
OPINIONS, PLEASE.
What about, for example, A trans woman, after SRS, having sex with cis straight men and not disclosing? I was hoping Aaron would have touched on that since it is a topic as well. Would you say that not disclosing is taking away the person's right of choice and is assault? something similar? Or not and issue at all?
...I kinda feel like it would work similarly with being ace...? (not that aces are in just as big danger of someone being violent, but)
Anytime I think about disclosing to a potential date that I miiiight be ace I imagine it going like that one vine. You know:
"So no head"?
Actually I'd be interested in hearing your input on that as well.
Id love an ace one!
Omg I've had mixed experiences with that (Not many, but still 😅) of people either (1) being super chill about it or (2) saying they were okay with it initially, but then cutting it all off because they just didn't think it would work out. I guess it just depends on the person~
Yeah I feel you🍀 problem is, many people seem to be unable to imagine a relationship with aces
How do you go about outing yourself as asexual? Is it harder or easier than coming out as trans in your experience?
I'm a panromantic asexual trans man, which is a lot of words. But, coming out as transgender was waywaywayway harder, and more terrifying, than telling my family/friends I was pan/ace. When I tell someone I am asexual, the worst thing I face is them invalidating my asexuality and telling me I just haven't met the right person yet (gag). But, when I out myself as trans, I immediately put myself at risk for verbal harassment, or violence. Honestly, neither is all that fun, but it makes me feel better, and then I know what people I can trust, and what people to avoid. (This is so long, sorry. Also, when I came out as panromantic asexual, I made a post about it that included a definition of what that sexuality meant).
What hot tea. So relevant. So important.
aww you painted your nails that’s so cool!
i don’t understand why someone is considered dishonest when they don’t say their trans; the way they introduce themselves and express themselves is truly them, that’s the real them, no matter what they were assigned at birth
Yah look amazing and I am commenting before I watch the video so the youtube algorithm doesnt screw you over.
I feel like there's a wholeee different dynamic when you're non-binary. But like I couldn't even speak on that, because I was never that deep into my identity if at all when I dated people. And now, I've just accepted my perpetual, inevitable single-ness so uhhh.......yeah good talk tho 🙃🙃🙃
It says that this video requires payment to watch... :( Edit: I refreshed, then it said they are having problems with their servers, then I refreshed again, and I could watch it.
Thank you Aaron I like your videos I just started watching them keep up the good work should a trans person tell her or his date by the second or third date that their trans. ?
Being someone who is not transgender but I the person that im with is I did know for a wail and I love them just as much if not more. The fact that they trust me a enough to tell me means a lot to me
Very good video Aaron. What would you suggest for a cis person who is fine dating trans people. Is that something that you put on a dating site?
midnytegoddess I have the same question too. I’m a cis woman, and to me it does not matter if a potential partner is cis or trans, but I also do not want to come across as inappropriate by stating so (as in, being mistaken as fetishizing trans folks, or appearing as if I deserve a pat on the back for it - which obviously, is NOT at all what I believe, deserve, or intend ). If only there were a simple, appropriate way of distinguishing ourselves from transphobic people.
@@midnightrose0521 exactly! You just said exactly what i meant
maybe write "LGBTQ ally"?
@@iLoveChocolate10110 That is a good idea thank you
I love your nails!
Would you be able to do a video about this but for ace people? I don't really know how to approach the situation
From my personal experience as a panromantic asexual trans man (lotta words, I know), I put that in my profile, be it a dating website or other social media. That way, people know right away, and can choose not to interact with me because our preferences for intimacy or whatever don't match up. When I came out as pan/ace, I made a post about it on my social media sites, and included a definition of my sexuality.
I just tell them at invite.
If they still want to have coffee; I take French vanilla creamer and two sugars.
But then I'm 6'3" >200 lbs and armed. I totally understand the more timid of our kind being cautious.
great life hack! i love these shorter videos :)
I disclose the fact of being trans when you KNOW you’re emotionally getting invested before physical things occur. Would I disclose that right away? Hell no lol there’s no need.. now if I feel like I should it’s totally up to me when how soon etc. I’ve told straight cis females in perhaps a months time when I know I see it going somewhere. I live stealth, so only people who know I’m trans are people I’m going to be romantically involved with.
YES! yes to this vid!! thank u for this, it is the best argument to say to cis people who say that: "must disclose" yeah ok, recognize that trans ppl are in danger and YOU disclose pfffff So spot on.
my tip: go on a group date when you disclose
Can you please do a video on how to convince your parents to get you a binder. 🌈❤️
If someone swipes on my profile and we plan to meet up to talk and I don’t see anything mentioning lgbt on their profile I’ll assume I’m going on a date with the person in the picture be it a female or male. I just want to be given the choice to decide.
Gosh as a newly out and proud trans guy I feel I’ll be letting ppl up front that I’m trans to avoid certain situations.
I also agree w/ you! Like we should have to immediately disclose our gender identity....I just know for myself & safety reasons I rather let ppl know from the get go ....this is why I’m hesitant on dating plus I have shitty luck lol
Random question, when I move to Canada do I have to learn French? I’m asking a lot of people.
Evilkitty Quebec is the only province that majority speaks French but if you’re living in another province other than Quebec then you should be fine I’m Canadian and I don’t know any French at all
Can we please have that Tans Certified logo as a shirt / pin / sticker merch? This is for any artists out there plz
This video was SO good 🙌🏼
💕💕💕💕💕
I got a nice ad for once, & not that crtv jerk ! 😊
(you look Xtra cute in this video)
how do i tell my date to use the right pronouns? (im trans nonbinary lol)
Maybe you could try asking the other person which pronouns they prefer. Then they are probably inclined to ask you the same question.
Hi Aaron. I really liked you're different scenarios of how to either come out after you get to know a person enough to see if he even want to date them and have sex with them. And all the other avenues that you discussed. However I am a cis woman and I really felt uncomfortable when you kept saying the almighty cis people. It felt like you have a thing that says people think that they're so Grand and great that they don't have to disclose their preference up front. I just want you to know that I don't feel that way at all. being cis I feel that you're comment about that cis people should put up front that they don't want to date trans people was an excellent idea. But there's many things that you have to ask yourself if you want to disclose such as a mental illness. Such as a physical disability. There are many things that need to be thought about when dating anyone. Thank you for sharing your views I really did think they were important and I thought they were great ideas. but remember not all cis people are jerks and think that they are holyer than thou
Interesting
When you hit that Mark of having sex you should disclose that you're transgender look at the unfair incident of Isimemen Etute
Your so cute!!! your like a little muffin squish squish :3
I really appreciate the shorter videos
Firat step become attractive
Second step find a date
Third step go on a date if they dont bail
You can check off the first step.
Sorry but if on a date you should be upfront with them about you being trans now rather than later. It'll save you both alot of trouble and grief. And interesting fact you should know: we don't go on dates with someone to say we don't date transgender, that's rude and narcissistic first of all, second that's like going on a date with a black person and say i don't date black people, sounds crazy right?
OR you could be honest and tell people that you're pretending to be the other sex.
You need to disclose it before ever making a date. It may be just me but I like to know something about my date, this is a big something. When most people go on a date they have a reasonable expectations of eventually becoming intimate. Finding out afterwards would feel a lot like deception.
The problem with this, as a trans person, is that even if they're accepting and want to go for the date anyway, this will usually lead to the date asking about genitals or surgeries. You haven't even been on one date yet, and you're being asked for extremely personal information about your body and choices. If you go through this every single time you try to make a date with someone, it just gets to be too much.
@@shandi2 There is a simple solution to that, just ask them not to ask personal questions.