Hold On To Your Kids | Dr. Gordon Neufeld | ABTY Podcast Episode 197

Join our mail list here for exclusive content here:
ryanhartley.us19.list-manage....
Sign up for our January Good Fathers group here: abty.co.uk/good-fathers
On episode 197 I am joined by Dr. Gordon Neufeld, author of the best selling book Hold on to Your Kids, co-authored with Dr. Gabor Maté.
Before he retired, Dr. Gordon Neufeld had accumulated more than 40 years of experience as a clinical psychologist with children and youth and those responsible for them. A foremost authority on child development, Dr. Neufeld continues to be an international speaker, a best-selling author (Hold On to Your Kids) and a leading interpreter of the developmental paradigm.
Dr. Neufeld has a widespread reputation for making sense of complex problems and for opening doors for change. While formerly involved in university teaching and private practice, he has devoted the best part of the last two decades to creating courses for parents, teachers and helping professionals.
These courses are offered primarily through the Neufeld Institute - an online educational institute and world-wide charitable organization devoted to applying developmental science to the task of raising children.
Dr. Neufeld’s lifes work has been to help adults provide the conditions for children to flourish. He is a father of five and a grandfather to seven.
In this episode you will hear:
02:00 why parents are struggling
06:30 we are being educated out of our instincts
08:30 the universal force of attachment
11:30 peer orientation vs. the village of attachment
16:00 why it is so difficult for step-parents
19:00 our roles as fathers
20:30 a child’s natural desire to be good versus counter-will
21:00 true power isn’t something we draw attention to
25:30 we are the answer
27:30 universal principles of attachment
29:00 the paradox of independence
34:00 it is always too early to retire
38:00 who am I the same as and the importance of family values
41:30 pick your battles
44:00 the damage caused by sending them to their room
47:00 hold on to your kids
49:30 the impact of parents that are always on their phones
52:30 you’re not going to feel on the battlefield, but home is where we get our hearts back
56:30 vulnerability is the enemy and the essence of the bully
58:00 Dr. Gordon’s Heartprint
1:01:00 the most important believe to have as a parent
I hope this interview inspires your heart-centred parenting.
Please do subscribe, leave a little review, and share it with a parent you wish to inspire too.
Always love
Ryan
Connect with Dr. Gordon Neufeld
Website: neufeldinstitute.org/
Facebook: / neufeldinstitute
TH-cam: / neufeldmedia
Connect with Always Better than Yesterday
Website: abty.co.uk/
Instagram: / alwaysbetterthanyester...
TikTok: / abty_uk
LinkedIn: / abty
Discord: / discord
Facebook Community: / weareabty
Thank you to our friends at Elevate OM, proud supporters of the Always Better than Yesterday Interview Sessions.
Head to www.elevateom.com/ for Online Marketing & Web Design services that are affordable, bespoke & awesome.
Please email your questions and comments to [e-mail]
#holdontoyourkids #gordonneufeld #gabormate

[@ALWAYSBETTERTHANYESTERDAY]

Please do comment the time stamp of your favourite part of this conversation 💙

[@myriahmarsh1707]

The comment about not showing emotion at work ( for men) and then learning how to show the emotion with your children and significant others was new for me. I also enjoyed his comment about grandparents supporting the parents and trying to lighten their load. We never retire from being a parent :-)

[@hihihihilollol1]

Thank you so much for the wonderful interview. I like the Question and the Answer about a Heart print (at the end of the interview).

[@Petuacapturesit]

Wowwww! Thank you.

[@margriethover1]

Beautiful conversation. I will share it with my soon to be parents, my son and his wife❤

[@emmaspillane-attachmenttra7806]

Thank you for sharing this lovely conversation - so many things resonated for me both personally and professionally. As an adoptive parent to two tweens (along with my husband), it feels like we are already at a precarious point with the pressures of peer influence and the strive for them pushing for more independence than both are ready for. There's such a fine line between independence and self-reliance that I'm very conscious of too. Interesting times ahead I think, but we aim to continue to hold a safe, attuned, steady parental presence as much as we can. Thanks again for your reflections Ryan and Dr Neufeld - will share with my parent community too 😊

[@carinthiamontana7069]

The question I am left with is: How should we discipline a child? No spanking, no separation, … talking/reasoning until I drop dead out of exhaustion doesn’t work for me. Being a good example isn’t enough. What is left?