I'm 36, Live With My Mom, And I'm A Hoarder!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ต.ค. 2024
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A lot of people are going to rip at this guy for having major issues but honestly he called in, he admits he has a problem and is trying to get where he wants to be in life. I give this guy major props and hope he's able to turn his life around.
Big time. He's dealing with it now which is admirable.
Just all around very unfortunate that he wasted his life playing video games. He should have realized this 10 years ago, not at 36. It will be very difficult for him going forward. :(
@@costco_pizza He only makes 35K if I am not mistaken. With that income I have concerns because it is not that much. I hope his mind is not totally burned out from the stress.
@@costco_pizza his ability to turn this around will depend on his attitude and mindset. As long as he is willing to make a reasonable, viable plan and stick to the plan, he can do it.
@@texan903 At 36 he may need a lot more than mindset. Even without hoarding he make 35k so I am really not sure what he can afford at that income.
I love how you guys didn’t target him for being lazy, but really dug deeper to the root cause. Y’all are amaizng!
I've noticed that this has happened more and more since Dr. John came on.
@@dallinshumway7188 because Daloney is an enabler
I have a relative who is a hoarder. His children went and cleaned the mess against his will. It was back in that state in no time. Very sad.
Same situation with my grandma.
That sucks
What is the cause of hoarding though? Like what are you trying to accomplish? Go out and have some fun or something.
Is it like a mental disorder such as depression or some sort of traumatic life event?
@@wadeharris348 very traumatic childhood, I would say
That is probably where it stems
Glad he realizes it's an issue and wants to change it, that's a good start
Good start, but he needs to actually DO something!! I don't see that happening.
At least he’s acknowledging the problem, so maybe he is ready to start addressing the cause of these symptoms.
True, that is the most important first step, you cannot change without it.
I think professional help is required moving forward, this is a very serious mental condition.
Good for James stepping outside his comfort zone and reaching out. Takes serious courage to be self-aware and ACT on it
Dave,
I think listening to your show helped him realize he has a problem. You truly are a blessing. Great work Dave!
Before we criticize, he is acknowledging that it is an issue. And truth be told we all hoard to a certain degree, but games and comic books are stigmatized more because they're seen as time wasters and not hobbies. Hoarding becomes a bigger issue when it starts spilling over things on the ground. The stacks get bigger and they start spilling over. The shelf isn't big enough anymore, the closet is full, you need to push the door to the room in order to even get in
He should sell his comic books, sometimes you can find copies that are worth a lot of money
Agreed, nothing wrong with having a collection of games or comic books if you enjoy playing or reading them as a hobby.
One of many great movies quotes of all time. "The things you own, end up owning you" Tyler Durden
I can speak for many people when I say this, thank you thank you thank you for changing my life. I’m 25 and looking forward to the future now that I understand money and the baby steps 🙏🏼
The both of them taking the time to read James's letter and offering help will go a long way toward his healing, giving him hope. Because acknowledging the problem is a big step for hoarders. A real big step.
Dr. John is very intelligent and very well spoken! Wow, amazing person with wonderful and extensive knowledge. Happy and a blessing that he's on the show.
When you take out the trash and instead of throwing the bag in the dumpster, you take it to your storage unit, you're a hoarder.
I know adults spend $30-$200 every couple of weeks on games. It's not noticeable because they are digital downloads without packaging materials.
Pretty common in the gaming community even with cell phone games.
I've spent close to $4k on digital game downloads.(space ships and vehicles)
But I'm debt free with homes paid off,far away from mom,and can afford it.
I’ve got 470 games on steam, but I have a job and a house and paid off cars and no debt, so it doesn’t really matter.
So true the same goes for people who collect shoes as well. I literally stop collecting shoes not Bec I was hoarding but Bec I came to my sense. I don't even wear 90 percentage of my shoes Bec I like the current rotation. I even sold 40 percentage of my shoes with upsell value.. anything can become a addiction if you not careful.
buying digital games does not make you a hoarder...
@@johnSmith-uz8nl sorry but it does bro. Especially you have more then you can save. So you decided to get a new hard drive to store additional games. Nothing wrong playing as a hobby but when buying games become more than enjoying life itself that when it becomes a bigger issue. No difference in over eating or any form of addiction.
Hoarding as a result of growing up in the "depression generation" which Dave refers to, with a few of his real estate purchases, is not the same thing as obsessive collecting. The first is a survival instinct and the latter is to fill a void as Dr. John describes.
My Dad did the same - never got rid of anything. We finally moved them out of the house into a duplex and had an auction.
@@jimroscovius Yes, I recall cleaning out basements of houses where people kept shoe boxes full of assortments of everything including screws, nails, bottle caps, used gloves, name it, etc.. never to be used. It was super common.
On the tv show, younger people often suffered a trauma that set off compulsive shopping.
We should have more men like these two. Wow how supportive 👍
I’m glad Dave asked my question- I collect baseball cards (like going back to 1905- complete sets of 1957, 1959, 1969 Topps, etc) and I have a decent collection of drums. I /could/ sell my collection and make a massive dent in my student loans and/or house. I set a budget per month for buying cards and don’t exceed it because it’s a hobby not a habit.
Great distinction to make.
Same for me when it came to collecting shoes. But for me. I decided to sell my shoes and made a profit. I woke up one day and I was thinking to myself, I don't need all these shoes. It's only collecting dust. Happy I sold 40%c of my collection. Didn't need money but it started to take up too much space.
@@truegrizzlesfan2292 I’m in the process of going through all the extra memorabilia that I don’t want/need to sell for that exact reason.
The right trading card can really profit. I profited 500% from a 1st Ed PSA 10 BEWD card. It was my proudest flip lol
At least the caller has amassed items which may have some value. Some hoarders just hoard junk and trash. Maybe he can refine his interest and just specialize in one particular area. He then might be able to sell enough to pay off his debt. As stated he has other problems.
Some value relative to what he spent is going to be painful. Once he starts selling those collectables off his reality check of actual worth will knock off his Batman socks.
Dave, I always disagree with you about the box with seldom used kitchen items😉 I live ok in Poland, I'm a minimalist and I have that box. Seldom used it's stuff which we use to make birthday cake, christmas cookies. It makes perfect sens. Ask Sharon if you don't belive me🙂
But that's seasonal. You use it annually
If he’s “hoarding” the right items, he can flip it for a major profit. Save the money living at home and emerge in a couple of years a new man. He’d be ahead of many his age.
I wonder if James lost his dad via divorce from his mom, death, or some other circumstance, or maybe he lost some other important figure in his life.
I've seen a teachable kind of Dave here, agreeing and respecting Dr. John's perspective, the pro inthis topic
Getting to the root of the problem here will help him, and also his mom who's house is currently cluttered.
My home is important to me. I am not living like crap! Time for him to go. Total disrespect 😐
Best definition I read was when the functional use of the house is lost because the possessions/accumulated trash take up entire rooms and block access to areas.
I have an opinion about the difference between a hoarder and a collector, a collector has items neatly out on display. A hoarder has items as well but usually, they're in boxes stacked to the ceiling or everything is in disarray.
My father in law was such a horder he died of lung cancer due to the mold growth on his collections, mostly pizza boxes and papers. We never got an explanation why he wanted to keep that stuff.
Ps he didn't smoke
Make moves; start living your life.
Not sure he can make any moves to live his life. If he hoards and he also does not make a huge amount what type of life can he live? Unless he lives very cheap or has more money overtime what can he really afford?
Most can not end an addiction cold turkey but some can . It's common place for a person to make a good effort at the beginning ( maybe under the guidance of a professional) but once a program that is completed and the loss of that structure most return to their bad habits . AA has been one of the better programs because like minds get to work together on the problem. You have support from the group and your sponsor . Not sure if their are support groups for hoarding but more than likely you are not going to be able to do it on your own . The first step is asking for help . The next is touching mind and body . Blaming will always help you to stay in the addiction . Looking at the past should not determine the present and future so put it where it needs to be and that part of your life has ended. Everyone has done form of addiction . It is built into our body with the dopamine affect .
Oh really so what are criminal convictions about? People’s past effects their present and future. Ever heard of the expression of “chip on your shoulder?“
This is more common than you think
Very. We all know somebody that is a "collector" and sadly Amazon made it so easy similar to online gambling.
As a collector myself, I Would love to see papa Dave’s gun collection
Deloney is a voice of reason. I like him a lot more than the other people on the show
My son in law is a hoarder. They could probably afford a house, they are living in a trailer park, if he got rid of his stuff.
I don't understand the hoarding thing. I have a friend who is a collector and getting close to hoarding, but her house is clean and doesn't smell, but I don't understand the hoarding thing. I can get rid of things like that if somebody wants something of mine it's gone. I'm not attachedto anything I feel sorry for those people but hopefully you can get some help and get out of mom's house at 36 years old. It's time.
I have a friend from high school who is a hoarder. We are both nearly 40. I offered to help him clean his yard and house at his request. I show up with the largest Uhaul open trailer and my truck at 7am. I am expecting to get right to work with 3-4 trips to the dump that Saturday.
By 12, I am done and returned the trailer. It was jusr like the television show Hoarders. He is fighting me over throwing away broken milk crates! He had junk all over his lawn and the smell from his house was pretty bad. I said no thanks and just accepted a wasted day.
In the hours there, we filled two contractor sized trash bags. I just set them back in the yard..... its really a sad illness.
But you should have known from the show that only a professional counselor with experience in this can deal with him.
@@georgewagner7787 Live and learn..... You hope for the best with friends.
Its a serious issue today, but many people deny their addiction. I mostly tend to see it with gamers.
Gaming and hoarding are both escape mechanisms for a lot of people unfortunately
Gamers are bad about it, I use to buy every collectors edition. Now even with digital steam sells, it takes up hard drive space.
Granted, I don't have any debt. Car paid off, no kids or relationship. Make around 60k with my job and some other cash flows. I don't eat out maybe once a week, at that.
Sounds like my brother in law...🤣
I've been going through a very similar process as the guy that wrote in, I'm a little further down the line though. It's a very hard thing to do, let go of stuff emotionally and all
This is such a such step. Hoarding is a trauma response and becomes an addictive behavior. I hope he gets professional help
I would like to know whether my wife's behavior qualifies as hoarding. She purchases a very excessive amount of almost anything, especially clothes and footwear. Most will quickly be forgotten. Many will never even be worn. All drawers are full or overfilled, all closet racks are very tight, and all closet shelves are crammed. Much of our excessive luggage is filled with forgotten clothes. No matter how large the home, she will overfill it. Also, she is very disorganized, forgetting where she dumped items and repurchasing them. No horizontal surface is safe from her clutter. Not only is this extremely wasteful, but the clutter causes me stress, especially when trying to clean. There are other troubling aspects to her behavior as well. Could I get any informed opinions?
Sit down and talk with her and at least get her to sell/donate stuff before going out and buying more. That's what my wife agreed to, at least. It forces her to try to part with certain things and if she cannot do so, then she comes to the realization that she doesn't need to go shopping because she "finds" stuff she had forgotten about.
Glad he's talking about the shame they tend to carry.
@6:59 Dave's wheeze 😂😂
Dave getting free therapy lol 🤣🤣🤣
My dad is a hoarder. It’s heartbreaking to watch.
Lol at Dave talking about buying homes from hoarders and avoiding saying they were foreclosed homes.
And...? The bank needed to dump them. It's called a business transaction and everyone wins including the squatter that lived for free.
I don’t know what’s wrong, ask Dave why he tried to avoid saying it. Clearly he doesn’t think the optics of it are good for his brand or else he wouldn’t have pivoted.
Figuratively and intensely != literally
I would have to think that whatever happened to this young man, that was a childhood trauma.
He's holding items that you generally begin to enjoy and fall in love with when you are a child.
It would make sense that if something happened to him during his childhood he wants to hold on to things that remind him of his previous innocence
I'm not a hoarder but I do have some old video games that I keep around because it's nostalgic and reminds me of those years of my life so I can understand where that emotion could come from and if I just picture it inflated times like 50, I could see how this could happen
The juicy questions are always fr emails whenever they call its the same old questions haha I want to hear this convo
B4 this started, there was an ad for a storage unit!!
Father is not mentioned anywhere, now mommy is hurt because her son husband is not behaving...
Dave, have you ever seen the commercia before, during & after your show? $$$$$ 🙄🥴😂🤔😄😳
Dave should have Hickok45 on the show.
I dont think he's as much of a hoarder as he is an irresponsible collector. Obviously I dont know but he has a specific thing he is keeping that could be valuable to other collectors, but to be collecting that much above your means is very irresponsible
I have a hoarding issue. Yes it's hard to let go.
I can't be the only one who thought the caller might be Chris Chan
James sounds like Chris Chan if they went on a better path and realized they needed to grow up.
Hopefully he’s just a compulsive collector and his possessions are a collection he can recoup money from and not just an accumulated hoard that’s worthless.
There's a TV show for you my guy. He needs a psych
Thank you I understand.
This guy is living my dream life
depending on the videogames they could go for alot of money.
Plot twist: the 50000 is just one graded base set Pokemon card
John's favorite word is trama.
My uncle moved out when he was 52.
If he has any Neo Geo AES games, I’ll take them off his hands.
MVS is the way to go. Way cheaper and same game
@@reesercliff I know, but the AES is a status symbol 😀
Just start posting on eBay or stockx.
Childhood trauma the excuse for everything nowadays? How about laziness and enablement!!!
Nobody's saying that it's an excuse. He is owning up to his problem.
Often hoarding starts with a history of severe trauma. I've known one true hoarder in my life and this person was sexually abused as a child.
So a lot of their behavior stems from a very traumatic past, PTSD etc.
This guy's riding in saying that he has a problem he's not saying that he's okay with living how he's living because he can justify it.
That's the difference between using something as an excuse and providing the context.
Honestly a 50k collection is a drop in the bucket. I expected more from you dude, you're 36!
I won 200k in the lottery. I spent 100k on partying and 50k on travel. The rest I just wasted
That 50 grand in collectibles probably worth a fraction what they think
I kinda disagree with John by his logic a guy like Jay leno is hoader not car collector jay leno can't part with his cars does make him hoarder no and his cars don't own him.
Living the dream.
$15k in debt... makes $35K per year... and you are a hoarder. Going $15k in debt for comic books and video games. You can say, he needs to sell everything pay off his debts but I truly believe that would make him miserable. The bottom line is this guy needs to go to therapy but do you notice Dave and everything is about Dave. Going to a pastor is a waist of time IMHO, he needs professional help, not Jesus.
waste*
Yeah his income is a concern for me too!!! I only made 20K after taxes and my location is very inexpensive but could only save 6K most years. I suspect on his income he will need to do stuff differently to be "able to hoard affordably."
@@donaldlyons17 hoarding is a disease and needs to be addressed by professionals. But I honestly believe you don't need a big shovel to become rich.
@@johnSmith-uz8nl it likely depends on what you consider “rich.” For me rich is a simple cash millionaire living on 15k cash max each year OR a multi millionaire or billionaire with cash generating assets. The writer even if he invested likely can not become rich with his current conditions.
@@donaldlyons17 Dave uses wealth of a million. But, living on 15K max per year? most people pay more then that on rent or mortgage. My goal is to have $5million by the time I am 65 and it looks like I will make that goal. I honestly want my kid to never have to worry about money like I have done all my life... or I want my kid to have things that I never had (that is a better way to say it).
At least if it were Lego sets, he could justify the investment because of long-term returns. But video games only depreciate and comic books take a lifetime to appreciate.
Not all video games depreciate in value and it depends if he bought the games new or used.
@@moorhouse760 I am talking about as a general idea. Lego has a solid track record across the entire spectrum and a reasonably predictable pattern of appreciation whereas video games are a niche investment mostly dealing with rare and vintage titles.
I ''hoard'' books. Mostly unbiased history books. I collect signed books. I buy history and economics books to give away.
If you give them away, you aren't necessarily a hoarder. We have more mechanisms for bringing in than putting stuff out
I think that the idea that we DO NOT take it with Us people need to walk and talk to people sit and have a cup of coffee and care more for people than things.
I'll take that collection off your hands for free..😆
I think the people calling this guy the son-husband are projecting a little bit.
You live at home with mother too?
@@melanieb2132 No but clearly you do. I know it's the cool thing to dump on people who live with their parents but the only people who would do that are people already unhappy with theirs.
@@r.rodriguez4991 no.
But we have a man crisis on our hands..
They have no reason to leave because they have their laundry done, easy access to p.o rn, and food made for them.
They are men with no chests.. just shells of people.
It effects society negatively.
@@melanieb2132 Your man beats you, doesn’t he….
Yea, I'm 43 and living in Mom's basement with a private entrance is rockin! No regrets!
I will say that having 50k in video games, comics and toys is impressive lol. I was actually looking to get into the comic book business at one point as you can make a lot of money.
With all of those goods he can make a fortune.
@@JohnIsaacXIV RIGHT?! I've heard of people buying comic books as investments and a lot have turned out really well.
I doubt he has $50k in toys and comics. Probably over valuing what he has
@@yaydog2702 nah. There’s a lot of value in vintage comics and games
@@yaydog2702 he said he invested $50K into all that stuff, not that it's worth $50K. But "spent" would be a better word than "invested." He's lucky if he can sell it for enough money to pay off his $15K debt.
I guarantee he refers to his mom as “mother”.
His possessions are the least of his concerns.
Hey man if ya reading this comment who ever wrote in. I’ll like to buy some of your collection in bulk for a good deal?
Dr. John I love your commentary and would have messaged you for this, but there isn’t a way. Your plosives are increasing. Just thought someone shd help with that. Thanks
35k a year? dang! that's enough to rent a nice trailer and you can bring your games with you!
No wifi tho
Depending on his other expenses 35k may not be enough to buy everything including a trailer.
I hope he can sell most of his stuff and pay off his debt.
Dave could work on letting his Co Host finish his sentences....
What kind of childhood trauma is most possible?
Not gonna lie, I’m not a fan of them reading the questions from an email. I prefer the actual person call in…
There is no simpler life then video games and comics though
And, living with Mom...trifecta!
Powerful
How about being a money hoarder?
Dave thinks he is not BUT don't want to pay more in tax even thought he how earns millions of others. I have heard a lot of people making 100K + income range complain about taxes. IDK because the more I made the more I had left over too.
Every now and then someone passed the halfway point in life
Good question however I think you guys spoke about the hoarding too much rather than why he still lives at home at 36.
I though it was become of his hoarding BUT they may not be related.
Sell some videogames my dude. They are sky high in value right now.
Is this my brother in law? Oh wait he's 40.
The older he gets the more impossible it becomes. For some even simple stuff is not possible.
36 years old. Thats notning. Im living intil im 40 ag my parents house.
man alot of that stuff is worth a fortune and appreciates but yeah it aint worth the clutter
Delony at his best on this one.
Maybe Dave is wanting to lighten the load a bit, but he really needs to lose Bland Millennial Money Guy and answer these questions himself. I click on these videos to listen to Dave and nobody else.
The guy ain't getting any 😺
funny part is that will cost him more money
4:22
Dude is 36 with mommy...