What to do during the night when you can't sleep because of chronic insomnia
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 ก.ค. 2019
- If you are living with chronic insomnia, it's quite likely that you are spending a lot of time in bed awake rather than asleep. Unfortunately, the more time you spend awake in bed, the more you learn to associate the bed with being awake (rather than asleep) and this can perpetuate insomnia - particularly if you find that sleep-related worry, anxiety, and a racing mind make sleep difficult.
Related video:
Why CBT-I is so effective when worry, anxiety, and a racing mind are fueling your chronic insomnia: • Why CBT-I is so effect...
The best way to "retrain" yourself to recognize the bed as a place for sleep is to use the bed only for sleep - so, if you are in bed and you can't fall asleep (or fall back to sleep), it's a good idea to get out of bed until you feel relaxed and sleepy again, before returning to bed and repeating the process. This is a technique known as stimulus control.
Related video:
How to implement stimulus control when you share your bed or have a family at home: • How to implement stimu...
Many people ask me what they should be doing when they get out of bed because they worry that they might do something too stimulating - something that might make sleep more difficult. Ultimately, it doesn't really matter what you do when you get out of bed during the night (within reason!) because the priority is simply to get out of bed.
Related video:
Don't avoid relaxing and enjoyable activities at night when living with chronic insomnia: • Don't avoid relaxing a...
I suggest planning (and engaging in) any activity that you find relaxing and enjoyable during the night. This can help motivate you to get out of bed when you can't sleep and can make this challenging technique a bit more bearable.
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My name is Martin Reed and I am the founder of Insomnia Coach®. I offer sleep coaching services that give people with insomnia all the skills and support they need to enjoy better sleep for the rest of their lives. I also offer a free two-week sleep training course for people with insomnia at insomniacoach.com/sleep-train...
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All content found on the Insomnia Coach TH-cam channel is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice or medical treatment and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or other licensed healthcare provider. All content is provided as is, and without warranties.
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All content found on the Insomnia Coach TH-cam channel is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What I do that helps is I do a walking meditation for 5 minutes around the house. Then I grab a glass of water and sit on the couch. My cat is usually waiting for me at this point. Then I just watch my thoughts and try to disassociate from them while petting my cat. Its the most counterintuitive thing in the world but the harder you try to get to sleep the harder it is to sleep.
Thanks for sharing! Observing our thoughts rather than going to war with them can often be a more workable way of responding to them! As you shared, the more we try to make sleep happen the more difficult it often becomes!
I like the fact that you take your time to answer the comments, thank you for that!
I try my best - sometimes it takes a while but I do try to reply to all comments!
Thank you, thank you 100 times. You are the person I only trust. You understand me more than I understand myself.
I am flattered by your kind words!
Than you. And you have a very calming voice
You're welcome - glad to know my voice is calming (all part of the service)!
Thank you. You make my sleepless nights much less abysmal
You are welcome! I am glad you are finding the channel helpful, and thank you for your support and engagement!
Very grateful for these videos.
You're welcome, Christian!
Thanks
You're welcome!
Thank you for this, and all of your videos. I have not tried this yet, and was really wondering what would be ok to do. I’m going to give this a try and see if it helps.
Thanks for sharing, Ray!
Thanks much coach. Your support is great here.
What if I feel more relaxed being on the bed than I am out of the bed. However, being on the bed gives some rest to my body.
Couple of things:
If I feel sleepy before my bedtime but as soon as I lie on the bed I am not able to sleep.
Do I have to be super sleepy before I go to the bed?
It can be helpful to only go to bed when truly sleepy enough for sleep. I would usually suggest allowing yourself to remain in bed if you're awake for as long as being in bed feels good since that means conditions are right for sleep! If being in bed doesn't feel good, you might get out of bed and do something to help make being awake a bit more pleasant until conditions feel better for sleep. I hope this helps!
Can’t thank you enough for all your videos so full of useful information for people like me. Now this wakefulness doesn’t bother me as much as it did prior to listening to you. I love philately and planning to spend time with my collection whenever I cannot sleep. Another thing I love doing is praying and this gives ample time with God praying for the world. Thank you so much and God bless you
You are welcome, Ivy! I am so happy to hear that you are finding nighttime wakefulness far less bothersome now that you have an alternative activity you can engage in whenever nighttime wakefulness feels unpleasant! When we worry less about wakefulness, we often start to experience less wakefulness!
@@InsomniaCoach God bless you and your free service that helps thousands of us
@@ivypereira888 It's my pleasure! Thank you for your kind words!
How are you now
@@SudhanshuMi5hra I was completely back to normal for about 6 months when I forgot all about insomnia and once again started napping in the afternoons and so on. It cropped up again and I got back to doing CBT and it helped me recover. So every time I suffer, I get back to CBT and it’s the only therapy that helps. I do take melatonin tab once in a while for a quick fix.
Great Video!
I saw a Psychologist last year who told me on my first visit that her plan would eventually include me getting out of bed when I can't sleep and sitting in a pitch dark room and just sit there until I got sleepy.
I told her that it wasn't going to work because I know myself (and had already tried this) and I would just be sitting in the dark being really angry, which is not the emotion you want when you can't sleep. Needless to say, I didn't do any follow up visits.
What an awful prospect to "look forward" to! How is your sleep these days, Michael?
My subconscious mind is dealing with a mental breakdown I had six months ago. It just doesn't relax unless it wants to. For example I napped without intending 3hours at 11am because my mind and body were so exhausted. I didn't plan or expect this .I truly feel that my subconscious has its own plan.
Sometimes it can be helpful to identify situations or environments in which you nap without intending to. For example, if you find that lying on the couch leads to unintended naps, you could avoid lying down on the couch.
Practicing relaxation techniques can be helpful if you find it hard to relax - but bear in mind that relaxation is a skill that requires a lot of practice (and that the ultimate goal of any relaxation technique is relaxation rather than sleep).
Sometimes it can be helpful to practice relaxation techniques during the day for a couple of weeks before trying them at night. This gives you time to practice and become skilled in relaxation and it helps you recognize that the goal of relaxation is relaxation rather than sleep.
You might find this video helpful: th-cam.com/video/ucxF0Yj-pos/w-d-xo.html
I hope this helps!
Well that would make a lot of sense. At the time of this I was sitting up on a high backed chair wondering why I felt lethargic at 11am.
Thank you coach! Yesterday I was overwhelmed with anxiety and stress, so my sleeping experience wasn't the best. Thanks to your podcast, I told myself that I want to relax, and just keep it that way, even if I don't sleep. (Maybe a bad thought?)
I ended up sleeping at 12am, and took 2hrs to sleep. How should I act after a not-so-good experience of sleep? What should I do to prevent the association of bed and negative thoughts?
First of all, I don't think there's any such thing as negative thoughts - just as there's no such thing as positive thoughts. We simply have thoughts! After difficult nights, I think the best response is to be kind to ourselves and, if at all possible, engage in activities (no matter how small) that are aligned with our values and help us move toward the kind of life we want to live. We cannot control sleep (or our thoughts) but we can always control our actions!
Hi Martin,
I've had chronic insomnia for about 5 years now. I'm trying to do this getting out of bed thing when I'm not falling asleep. I'm wondering if it's OK for me to get out of my bed and go read on the bed in the spare bedroom as my activity. The reason why I like to do this is because it's just less of a trek than to have to go downstairs to the couch to do it. Or is this not a good practice because I'm going to another bed to do my activity when I should be associating all beds with sleep. It was working descent for a little over a week. But this week I've had an insomnia relapse and I'm not confident about this plan any more. Please let me know. Thanks.
You know, my thoughts (and coaching) have changed a little since I recorded this video. I think it can be more helpful to allow wakefulness in bed to happen for as long as that wakefulness feel comfortable. If it feels uncomfortable, then you have the opportunity to do something more pleasant instead - so, for example, you might read. And, that more pleasant activity can happen in bed or out of bed, whichever you prefer. Your only goal is to make unpleasant nighttime wakefulness more pleasant.
Martin, why is this stimulation control sometimes doesnt work for me? After a few times going out of bed because can't fall asleep, I get more alert and not sleepy at all, and end up not sleeping at all! what is wrong with me? is it the activity that is wrong? what i do usually is watch online videos that is not so stimulating
Congratulations on giving stimulus control a try! In the short-term, the technique might lead to a bit more wakefulness but usually, this is short-lived. Remember that you're awake anyway - all we're trying to do is get you out of bed whenever being in bed doesn't feel good to help focus the mind away from sleep-related thinking and worrying and prevent you from strengthening a negative association between the bed and unpleasant wakefulness. It can be helpful to think of this as a long-term strategy - it might not help you fall right back to sleep that night, but over time it will likely be very helpful!
Turning the lights off and reading something on my phone in airplane mode with all the filters and dark mode on help me
What if I stay in bed but turn on the light and do something else like read a book or watch a TH-cam video (not stimulating one - usually I just listen and not look at the screen)? Because I find that I’m actually too exhausted to get out of bed after so much bad sleep night after night.
That definitely sounds more appealing than tossing and turning all night long!
I would suggest sleppy time tea with honey and lemon
Maybe a comedy show to watch
Any other ideas?
If those things help you relax, then they are great suggestions! None of those things can generate sleep, though - because the only thing that does that is being awake for long enough!
Thanks so much dear Coach. I am value your videos for many month's now. Only yesterday podcast when you interviewed young woman brought to light my main mistake in fighting imsomnia. CBTI and any pills should not be in the same basket together. As soon as you relay on pills you stop relay on yourself. There is NO CBT component here. Also any drugs or supplements change the focus of your efforts in the wrong direction.
Which podcast, please send the link.
Thanks for sharing, Laura!
Here's a link to the Insomnia Coach Podcast, Ghulam: insomniacoach.com/podcast/
Two weird aspects i find about stimulus control.
1. I found out i was one or even two hours instead of half in bed..although is weird because it felt like half an hour.
2. The chosen activity tends to be unpleasant during the day since it is asociated with this technique
How does one deal with insomnia due to restless legs Syndrome?
Hi Martin
Is it okay to listen to guided meditation during my sleep window?
If your goal is relaxation (not sleep), then absolutely! If you are new to meditation or relaxation, sometimes it can be helpful to give yourself time to practice during the day in order to become more skilled at relaxation before you attempt it at night. Practicing during the day can also help you recognize that your goal is relaxation - not sleep! If we make sleep the goal of relaxation, we can make the exercise quite pointless since sleep cannot be controlled!
@@InsomniaCoach I understand what you mean since I did this for two nights and the third night it didn’t work at all. My sleep window is 11.30 to 5.30 and it went well last night... I am so glad I found you. I am so very thankful to you for this free service. I am feeling so much better and lighter
@@ivypereira888 I am so glad to know that you are feeling so much better, Ivy!
Please make a group of insomniac people for chatting.
That doesn’t help that causes even more anxiety I’m laying in bed for 2 hours because u said if feel comfortable don’t get out of bed then my back is so sore and my arosual is so high the simultus control has helped me far more !
Thanks for sharing that you found stimulus control helpful! Often it's our attempts to avoid anxiety that leads us to get the most caught up in it!
What would cause me to wake after exactly 5 hours, night after night after night? This goes on for two weeks or so till I'm utterly exhausted and I finally have a long sleep of about 11 or 12 hours!! But I'm so frustrated with why I awaken after 5 hours!! Then I'm dragging my butt all day at work 😧😧😧😧 please help, any suggestions welcome!
It's impossible to say for sure, Tanya. If you are frustrated when you wake after five hours of sleep, it's going to be really hard to fall back to sleep - so it might be helpful to explore ways of lowering arousal when you wake during the night. One way to start on this can be not checking the time when you wake. I hope this helps.
I am on pills....
I am from India..
You said that if you feel uncomfortable
get out of your bed and engage ourselves in some boring or others activities but what if even after doing these activities.... my insomonia wins leading to next day full of fatigue and unbearable pressure on eye balls due to lack of sleep or I would say no sleep at all last night....
Whenever I goes to sleep ...my biggest fear is that time is moving so fast in night and I would have to face unbearable eye pressure with lot of fatigue next morning....😭😭..
Follow the sleep coach school TH-cam channel..hope you find genuine value there
No need to do things that are boring - perhaps doing something more pleasant compared to struggling with nighttime wakefulness and trying to fight or avoid any of the difficult thoughts and feelings that might be showing up could be a more workable approach. After all, sleep and what we think and feel cannot be directly controlled - we can only control our actions.
@@rahulpardeshi6646 I am a big fan of Daniel!
I got out of bed then the couch about 25 times. Am I crazy?
Not crazy - perhaps a bit over-enthusiastic, though? I think it's OK to spend time awake at night - so if you are awake in bed but you feel comfortable, I don't think there's any need to jump out of bed! If nighttime wakefulness feels really unpleasant, then you have the opportunity to do something a bit more pleasant instead, until conditions feel better for sleep.
Not actually lack of sleep will ruin your life, but the way you think that you didn't get enough sleep will make you anxious and depress.
Some thoughts and feelings can be really difficult, that's for sure! Sometimes they are completely true and sometimes they are completely false and sometimes they are somewhere in-between. We can't really control our thoughts and feelings - but we can always choose how we respond to them. And it's our response that often determines how much we might struggle with them.
I can't sleep more than 4 hours per night! 😩 I just tossed and turned until my alarm went off. I don't know how people sleep for 8 hours a day. It's not possible for me.
What would you be doing differently in your life if you slept more than four hours per night, Monika? What would you then be able to do that you can't do now?
@@InsomniaCoach I've never slept for a long time per night so I don't know.
@@monikavarro2020 In that case, it might be worth refocusing your attention toward actions that are meaningful, aligned with your values, and keep you moving toward the life you want to live and the person you want to be, independently of sleep and even in the presence of the the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with insomnia (while also being kind to yourself).
I can't get up and walk about as there is nowhere to go
I also can't be waking the other light sleepers
@@justinebourke-ih9zh I think it's OK to stay in bed when you're awake for as long as you feel comfortable. If you find yourself really struggling, you might give yourself the opportunity to do something more appealing instead - and that alternative activity can be done in bed if you'd rather not get out of bed.
I have fish. I like to watch my fish.
Thanks for sharing!
This program is very expensive.
If working with me is too expensive there's still plenty of free tips here on the TH-cam channel and in my free two week sleep training course.
Don't jump on a trampoline, got it.
This technique does not work