How To Stop Being A Scapegoat and Stop Being Scapegoated
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ส.ค. 2019
- Are you the scapegoat in your social group? Were you considered the problem child growing up? Are you constantly blamed for family problems? Blame and Shame are the primary aspects of scapegoating. In this episode, Teal Swan explains that what most people don't see is how the scapegoat perpetuates the blame in order to stay safe in social situations.
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Teal Swan is a revolutionary for personal transformation and is one of The Most Spiritually Influential Living People in the world. As a renowned author, speaker and social media star, she travels the world teaching self-development and teaching people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain.
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Beginning Song:
Kuan Yin's Mantra (c) 2002 Lisa Thiel
www.sacreddream.com
Ending Song: Our Game - YAIMA
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This was my life and I'm so grateful that this video exists. My therapist says, "It's as if they stabbed you with a knife and are angry that you're bleeding."
Wow that’s the perfect summation! I thought something pretty similar too, it’s insanity!
Your therapist sounds smart!
Not angry but want you to continue so they can benefit from your wounds
Precisely
That's exactly it
my boyfriend once said to me, "its crazy how your entire family structure is built on abusing you." and it is the most validating thing i've ever heard
Other ppl acknowledging this , makes me sad . My ex bf who was really supportive once said something like this too . Like teal said , i was faced with the fact that i was a victim when other ppl saw that too .
You are so fortunate that you have someone who can see what is happening. It is hard when your husband doesn't see it unless he is told and even then he is not sure of what you are saying.
My husband too
My partner said this too, and had my back for quite some time over our three years togeth, and I felt the same validation. But he turned out to be part of the pattern - an abuser himself and now we have separated my new 'family' of in laws etc are accepting his smears and scapegoating me. It's the seond loss of family within a year so it has been a wake up call and a half to hear this talk today. Abandonment and annihilation do indeed feel better than letting my guard down to the wrong people
@@rebecca_stonesame. This is very painful to experience
"They don't love you. They DON'T." was what I really needed to hear.
omg yes me too
Couldn't it be that they try to love you (me) in their own way, that that is their idea of love and therefore you (I) could validate them for that?
@@juliafischer3157 that can make you confuse love with hate and abuse. That will make you stay in abusive relationships with partners or therapists or friends who abuse you. Love is not abuse.
That is the worst thing. For me to accept. Hardest words to hear
I’m finally figuring out love has nothing to do with it.....makes perfect sense now -so many painful, abusive behaviors & why everyone has piled their long time mistakes & garbage onto my back so their load becomes easier. Wtf? I would agree they don’t love that person.
This is my whole life. I've been scapegoated so bad that it's ruined my health. The collective abuse is deadly.
😢
Same
This was my Life, until now.. 😢
Wow, that is powerful and so true. What a devastatingly accurate description that drives home how thoroughly … tbh … evil scapegoating is.
Yes… I dove into some memories to release today… I did lose my health somethin’ nasty finally. Couldn’t take it anymore. Got metastatic “rare” cancer, severe anemia, hyperparathyroidism, early menopause, and more, all at the same time. I broke for a while. Really broke. I went to someone I thought was an old friend… who didn’t so much as pick up the phone and ask me if how I was doing when I went through all that. We had kinda lost touch so I overlooked that at first. She treated me like a freak that needed her fixing, as if I had “let myself go”… I finally saw how ashamed of me and embarrassed of me she was, that she just felt sorry for me as a person… like I was giving nothing back to society and and and I cut all those “friends” out. And I committed to putting my entire life on hold to heal everything inside my soul. I found coaches, therapist, and these blessed “unconventional” resources have helped me more than anything. And a great surgeon 😂. I feel whiny leaving this comment after another long comment - I’m going to use this as an opportunity to release and keep going upwards. I’m healthier now than I may have ever been. And mostly healed. I believe you can do it too ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Finding a scapegoat is the easy way out so no-one has to take responsibility.
yes baldy, but only if its convincing. *wink
@Mr. Davario P. You have made your point, have an absolute right to your opinion, but I read comments to become more knowledgeable, and you have wasted my time twice.
Soooooo true
That's what a scapegoat is lol.
@Mr Davario they have a good video, but thanks for putting it out there because it does a erose from credibility. I've nothing against people self identifying as a gender that they're not. But when they triy to force the rest of us to do, it they can go to hell. No way am I going to call he a she or a she or a he. I'm not going to mock them but I'm not going to describe them as the opposite gender they were born as because that's just Fantasyland.
I never thought about the scapegoat one being the strongest
Tan Poliak There are many definitions of a ‘ strong ‘ person”. If , as is the case of the woman who posted above that her family was composed of narcissists, and also other cases I have observed , the family selects the member who is the most outwardly emotional . Then when they project their problems for ex fear or rejection etc , the child fully accepts it and express with vigor and intensity the emotions they don’t want to deal with .
It seems that a sensitive child who feels deeply provides a better purge than one whose suffering is less apparent
i never thought it either but it makes sense
Makes me feel better being a scapegoat now🤪🤸🏽♂️ and it does actually make sense. We are the ones that can actually see the reality. The other ones are living in their own delusion.🙄😏
Oh from an early age I knew I was the strongest, I guess thats why I really rebelled and It made my father n sisters worse
I think my dad picked up on my sense of this is not right family is crazy at age 4 truth teller. I saw the different masks. Scapegoat I am the strongest and have stood up and refused his insults and even dished out all the family secrets’ also was golden child for 6 months hated it lol and then comedy relief for family MASCOT. Now, I am not near as strong as I was. Exhausted. I will never know what it’s like to have a parent lol been cool to have two lovng ones
The scapegoat wound is devastating. It leads to being falsely accused, lives ruined. This is an understatement. One of your most important videos Teal.
i almost killed myself because of it. My own family almost killed me...... and everyone in my life wonders why I isolate and intense anger issues and social anxiety. But Im still here and still fighting. They were too weak to destroy me.
@@velveetaslingshotsame here, we are by far the strongest people walking on earth.
@@velveetaslingshot Don't give them the satisfaction. Learning to parent ourselves with love and compassion, and being happy and at peace is the best revenge. Supportive communities like this one are good places for validation and growth. One day we will be able to help others to take their lives back because of what we have learned. The best is yet to come!
Lives ruined definitely. Until we find out.
@velveetaslingshot I'm so glad you're still here and I don't even know ya. I am crying from really feeling my feelings like Teal Swan tells us to do. (I normally cannot cry.) But I'm letting myself now. I don't know if I wanna say thank god I'm not alone in this hell in this pain but then I cry because another person has felt this pain. It's all consuming. Can I somehow reach out to you as a friend?
"Disgusting!" Perfect word to describe this.
My god ... we really are in such a dark age of emotions. I remember seeing patterns like this in my childhood and feeling totally powerless when no one would see them
Nejc Zupan ~ “There are NONE -SO BLIND as those who WILL NOT SEE”....
Yep. ❤️❤️❤️
@Eman Name I agree but we have good sides too
We are just a little dumb, But Teal is there for us
some really are fucked ... but i believe most are just unaware, if they would know what they all are a part of they would do something about it.
Right? Me too...
"The strongest member of the family will be targeted...any social group creates patterns of dysfunctionally, and the strongest member is the member that goes against these patterns of dysfunctionality."
"Resolving things was never the intention of the family or the social group in the first place. It was never a motive of anyone in the group for that person to not be the problem."
Keep dropping the truth bombs Teal!
Activists were also scapegoated by the majority throughout history, because they tried to make the rest of society more conscious of their behaviours.
I always wondered why many were imprisoned, or even attacked simply for trying to advance society, by raising moral standards and increasing consciousness. Now I know why.
The history of humanity is like projection and projective identification warfare, and unconscious suffering has led to the scapegoating of humans, animals, and even the environment to an extent.
Activists are still scapegoated today! A bunch of "antifa" protesters were bagged by the american gestapo only yesterday and our culture is going wild with "they deserve its" and "fascist terrorists" despite them being literal anti-fascists who are trying to wake up humanity.
Yep. The scapegoat is targeted because they are an example of normality in a dysfunctional family and show up their faults
Hey Sbeast: great music. I start an Bandcamp a metal version of ‘dancer encore’ (the flash mob going round in Europe right now) about freedom. What cords are good
I love that term projective identification warfare! That's probably really what it's always about at the end of the day
This is why majority of the Prophets were met with fierce opposition by their communities. People really don’t want to see the truth. They want to live comfortably in their lies. This is what I realized recently, the truth tellers were always shunned by society. It’s lonely at the top (of the awareness ladder).
“You are looking at losing yourself, or being an outcast”. I think this is spot on. The no win situation of the scapegoat.
Been through this TOO often ... again and again!
Of course there is a WIN situation, esp. for scapegoats: a fierce Independence and self Reliance that is unmatched by any group herded sheep member of society!!
I know you made this comment 2 years ago lol, but the "outcast" is a good thing. Why would you wanna fit in a dysfunctional systems that's not in your favor? You can define walking away from them as you liberating yourself, and thus able to attract fun, mature, loving people. So it's not an "outcast" but it's the path of the liberator. You're freeing yourself, so you can live your best life. And you're able to do that because you love yourself. The best, purest form of love is from within. You gotta see your own self-worth, and how you deserve to self-validate yourself. And in return, according to Teal, and the Law of Mirroring, you simply attract unconditionally loving people.
Double-win for the scapegoat = be outcast of that evil -
- and you will find yourself in new fresh water,
- learning to swim lika a dolphin, your new self
- throw the old scapegoat-habits far away, lose this old "self" which was the wet dream of your enemies
@@magnamakers3219 Hard to know if you've been through this yourself from your comment. I realise your intentions are good. But telling scapegoats that the agony of abandonment ("outcast") is "good" and "you simply attract unconditionally loving people" sounds kind of invalidating. There's a primal wound from being rejected by your family of origin, and the insidious ways they twisted reality - scapegoats receive exactly zero template for "love from within". Even after you free yourself, you don't simply start "living your best life", you may even unwittingly step right back into the same dynamic. I've just had the mind-bending experience of being re-scapegoated in my 40s, by my now ex life partner and in-laws. There's more to this stuff than a happy finger-snap to a complete new reality.
I really wish that someone had told me all this ten years ago. I've went back to my own dysfunctional family half a dozen times, only to be ripped to shreds yet again.
same :(
Sooo sorry to hear this. I'll be your family 🤗
@K Pee People do tell other people, I tell other people stuff I've learned from experience all the time and they benefit from it, people who do well in this world had mentors who actively told them stuff.
@@Megan6772 Hah, you actually made me smile. Thank you :)
Me too over and over 😓
Never make someone a priority, when all you are to them is an option.
*Love yourself, to not be used or hurt by others.*
Aaaaamen Brother!!!
Sow true if u dont love your self fist no wone gowing two love u but u
@Mr. Davario P. wtf man, what have you been smoking hahaha. Gimme some
Playing the scape goat ,by using the escape joke was me from the age of seven , lost it ,gained it, lost it regained it again then lost it.
Self helped when dropped inside thru the shaddow flow.
Popps oot the other side , true blue exterior with the red dotted vibrational i redecorator as we fly in the clouds while birds sing ring tears of joy from thy eye.
we carry our verse with us
as we flow, we grow larger than life in our heads
My gad is nae bad and my God , not only good
Alchemy is chemistry that comes in your food
Call yourself to rites,
Three by three then Two by two become one by ones side, by side
love in your crafty teal
thank you am a skint carer and shall pick up your book in the future...much love.
An object
I'm about to watch this. But before I do - with tears in my eyes, thank you for making this. I know i'm about to change my life. My whole existence has been that of a Scapegoat. No more. To the people reading this: WE ARE ENOUGH, WE ARE VALID, OUR REALITY MATTERS!!!
You ARE enough! It's not just some words.
Feeling the truth behind that can take many years of practice, but once we have awareness of these patterns, it's much much easier.
Much love!
Even though I know this I still find myself trying to overcompensate with family and friends which means deep down I dont feel like I am enough. I even try hypnosis. I don't know what I can do to make myself believe it.
Victoria Bergman your describing my situation!.. my family GAVE me autoimmune disease & now I am blamed for it by them...!..Idk if I 'll ever get past this huge grief.. if this happened to you, I 'm really sorry, sending you all my love & wishes for fully healing & finding happiness.!.. : )
Yes you are loved!
This should help all of us I meditate and pray in peaceful joyful love thought feeling connection. Basicly the vibration of peace joy love vibration Gregg braden brought up this info water energy studies confirm are feelings thoughts help heal ourselves or harm based off of are feelings and thoughts. It also creates a better form of life to florish in love with love thoughts feelings and speach.
Also as we love we can self and group heal ourselves which is each other saying it already happened. Our life path of Gregg braden explains this for us. Gift of the blessing cd we all can bless look this up to learn more also our Depock Chopra life path mentioned when we meditate in peace joy and love all those around us serritonin levels go up also out side of the building we are in or within buildings if out side also those life paths of us mood changes in the same way we all are a one concousness connection no matter who or what being we are all one. Realy cool :).
So even if someone doesnt know meditation is going on near by those life paths of us mood changes and we end up ascending and wake up more.
Its time lets think and pray heal all the physical mental and health of all kind and spiritual by divinely blessing 3 areas. Bless the circumstances that are and what we require them to be without judgments. Then bless those that caused the circumstance we disire to change to a new circumstance and do the same for them to be blessed to the new circumstance similar to what we disire disire the same for them and bless them without judgement there us we are them. 3rd Bless the witnesses and you as a witness that witnessed the circumstance and to now have it be the disired circumstance now and bless all that witness and your self without judgment in love joy peace :). Then say its already happened speak it think say it feel it visualize it into being.
We are all one connected as individual lifetimes and so we must help heal those life times with the skills each life path has and inspired to use when inspired like i just was now. I ask for full healing. I pray and have belief i ask you as other life paths to do the same for me as i am willing to do for you by saying i love you i bless you and others and all.
I bless and pray in love joyfull peacefull healing connections and ask other selfs to do this with me there is no concept of time bless me bless you bless all. Think i am healed think you are healed and i bless your life in unity feeling belief in us for our individual life paths for food shelter financial need all to be provided now do this with me say its already happened 3 times or more in peace love and joy visualize it as we heal all are life path and forgive those that choose not to we are all healed :).
Now bless us to have are required life and healing and free from debt or lack of health or needs that each feel we have and heal it with belief in what each requires what ever that is do this freely and be inspired in the way you can and are ok with within your specific life path want and need to be fully helped healed in all areas holisticaly now :). Every like is a prayer do this for us all :).
I never ever thought it was the strongest member - I considered it the "truthteller, thee empath, the forgiver the humble one" - however this IS the strongest one. What a nugget of truth. Ty Teal...🔥🧡
🎉yesssssss
Exactly! And I did go on a lifelong mission to only return to this disgusting behavior stronger. They took my grandchildren from me and the grandchildren adore me.
I was the scapegoat, everything i did was wrong. No one was ever on my side and my family always bullied me by making it two against one. Trying to process this by my channel
A healthy relationship is when each person takes responsibility for their actions. Don't take the blame, respect yourself.
As the family scapegoat, and someone whose been made to feel weak because of it, to hear you say the strongest is the one gets picked on... not only makes sense now but also makes me want to cry with relief. Thank you as always 🙏
same
As a scapegoat i told truth and defended myself from my family. They all said go to therapist! Your not okey!
Same! As soon as I stood my ground I was told I need “help” …in a way it’s heartbreaking but I still stood firm ..this was after 20 years of “putting up” with them cause it was “family”
They sound vile
I was scapegoated by my family & it continued throughout my life. I am always being blamed for everything. Then people try to gaslight me into thinking that my perception is wrong & that none of my experiences are real. Smh......the only thing that helped me was therapy & cutting people off. At this point in my life, I feel safer & happier being alone. People are just horrible.
The anatomy of loneliness
I completely relate
Usually I would agree with you. But I keep looking at the comments and it brings me great comfort to know that there are people out there that went through what I went through.
@lovelystarchild ~ I would say that most people are horrible, but there is hope because there are some people, such as the creator of this channel, who can relate to our pain and want to help us. If we entirely cut ourself off from humanity, we are also cutting ourself off from the opportunity to live intentionally and with purpose, which leads to happiness.
If "they don't love us", living with purpose and happiness is our best revenge.
@lovelystarchild ~ If we completely isolate ourselves, we are giving our enemies way too much power. We are giving them exactly what they want by becoming irrelevant.
Scapegoating in the workplace is something that I enjoy pointing out. I'm not going to see good people painted with the blood of the goat
love you
Ana Pajarillo love you right back
lol
God bless 🙌🙌🙌💕💕
@Victoria Bergman actualy happened to me. When I had pneumonia, and first doctor I went to said its just flew, Ill caught it out. 2 weeks later nothing. 2 months later I finaly got better, but now I know why I had pneumonia in the forst place
I was the family Scapegoat and one of my Brothers is the Golden Child. Funnily enough he and I are not close and don’t relate to each other. I walked away from my family (esp. my Mother who definitely didn’t want me) and now I walk away from anyone who tries to scapegoat me immediately.
the scpaegoat is the only one who get´s what is really going on in the familysystem. The golden children keep up with signing the lies, which is also a price to pay.
true. i always wondered why my brothers didnt have the same tormenting emotional issues that i had. i think i was damed to be the issue and he was well adapted. i moved far away to escape and to lick my wounds...for example, whereas he still lives where we always lived, never moved and is well adapted to this childhood-enviorement i fled from. it makes me just sick ... he appears like dead inside and sure as hell has a huge price to pay to be somekind of "golden child". He still has the same issues with the familie, just in another form.
@Scape Goat yes. Gender bias is also so painful on children.
My sister was actually the golden child while I was the scapegoat.Even if she was the Golden she saw right trough their lies,she just kept "playing their game" while I didnt..Its so horrible that some children have to live their childood like that...
I always thought, "what the hell is wrong with me"? Until one day I realised I was the scapegoat. Now I'm free and it feels soooo good haha
It's mind-blowing to me. My whole life became so much clearer. I literally carried other people's karma who don't even love themselves... I was a child, an innocent child. Many thanks, Teal 🙏💜
YeA I actually care about my mother's son more than she does........
I am the scapegoat and I am on the healing path. What I found out is that I am a highly empathic soul. That's why everyone project their shadow on me. Nice music at the end BTW.
At 27 I finally admitted to myself that I couldn't keep going, keep letting my family use me otherwise I was mean and bad. Now at 29 I decided to search why my family hates me, and I came across scapegoating. I want to thank you for this video as you finally helped me begin the real healing process. I didn't want the damage inside of me to ever project onto others or hurt others. You are amazing and once again thank you so much xxx Why I am crying so much....
You are amazing!
I thought I would be sad realizing once and for all that my mother doesn't love me but instead my experiences feel validated for the first time in my life. It's like a mountain off my shoulders.
people, inclu mothers and fathers, can only love as much as they have experienced true agape affirming love. this is why if we have God's love, and we do, then we can have compassion.
This is what I keep doing. Getting my family to validate me. Sometimes I get so confused about who is crazy
Trust me….they are the crazy ones doing the crazy making so if ur crazy they’re the reason why…don’t bother trying to make them happy…or need their approval…ur best move would be to run and never go back…it gets worse with age
Rest assured, you are NOT at all crazy ... 💁 .
write on your mirror - I am enough. also, no-one validates you except you finding who you are before God and God validates.
I am the scapegoat of my family. I read shadows before dawn and it helped me get out of the pattern (inner child work). I will defiantly read the completion process. You are a gift thank you.
Thanks
Disgusted, true. At 15 I left to save myself. 40 years later COVID-time, I returned - a mother of 3 grown sons. Rinse Repeat. Assaulted, battered, blamed, gaslit, called the Dying Swan for my tears. Monsters. 11 minutes and my life is making sense. Thank you, Teal. 💖 "The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth." - African Proverb. Rage. Monsters.
Exactly. They were monsters! that's why they came for us, because we were different!
Monsters, indeed ... ☠️
I also returned home at that time, after 20 years away, and getting better, "healed"....this makes so much sense. All the members of the family are actually dieing and I'm surviving, but not without the pain of being the deflection. That! 🎉 Celebrating the awareness.
Over here hyperventilating bc it’s all too true
Great way of explaining gaslighting in larger social groups. It truly is a living nightmare 😭
Perfectly timed. This is what I’ve been facing my whole life but most particularly right now as my whole family (a family of narcissists) has abused me beyond what I could “be strong and just take it until I move out” which I see a lot with scapegoats- thinking that if they’ll move out of the house it will be the magic solution and they’ll find peace. (As we can tell this isn’t true) but, this video just possibly may be what will save me. I feel like saying thank you wouldn’t contain how much I owe to teal that through her messages I saw myself, through her messages I saw my own truth. It was revealed to me. And to anyone reading this who lived through being the scapegoat, please act. Please don’t stay in this pattern, don’t walk around being a personification of your trauma. Because you are here to shine. To live life authentically, to be the light that you ARE. So face the darkness head on, stop with the distractions, so you could finally get out of the box that was put on you. You deserve a healthy life. You deserve to finally breathe. And to teal, you opened my eyes. I can see now. Thank you from the depths of my heart
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I loved what you wrote, thank you. From someone who's been abused and messed with and kicked around my whole life. Your words are very healing. We are the light. We are the ones who change the world while others just perpetrate evil and hate. Or they're bystanders that do nothing about anything.
Lynn Marie Anderson that’s exactly what we’re doing here. We may not remember but we’re the ones who are on a mission to bring the change. The universe needs us to shine right now. Us shining is collectively the medicine for humanity. I’m sending you all my love and healing. It isn’t ever easy being the brave soul❤️
Let's thank God first and foremost
I can tell by the way you’re writing that you’ve really expanded. This is awesome and very inspiring for me to read! Thanks for sharing
“You’re only frame of reference for closeness with other people is when they’re trying to fix you now”. Well that just hit home like a gut punch.
Best information I’ve ever found on scapegoating. Thank you so much Teal.
When this video was first released, I finally felt heard and understood! I was 5 months no contact with my abusive family, moved to a different state and living on my own as a single mother with my 3 year old. Since then, I always come back to it to remind myself of these patterns and to wake myself up. I always end up finding something new. While it’s refreshing, it’s kind of sad to realize that although I’m far away from my conventional family, I’m still that “super glue” and surround myself with friends who end up scapegoating me. All I want is to find those people to see me and feel into me.
Me too
Wanna be friends?
This video made me feel less crazy, alone and hurt.
In my opinion, another name for a scapegoat, to an extent, is "blacksheep". Blacksheep of a dysfunctional family(ies) often don't "conform" thus become a "problem" or aren't "normal".
THIS! For 45 years I’ve been in this role in my family. I’ve walked away from the entire group. The pain has been overwhelming and I’ve been suicidal. This video validates and explains my experience like none other that I’ve heard. Thank you for understanding. I suddenly don’t feel so alone.
My scapegoaters got ahold of my daughter and now she scapegoats me, too
@@teizenn1 I’m so very sorry to hear that. Only those of us going through this painful journey can understand the enormity of it. I pray for both of us and the many who are experiencing this overwhelming grief. Take care of yourself, friend.❤️
This video explains my entire childhood and really my whole life . No wonder you told me that my strongest desire is to be with someone who takes complete responsibility for me and me be ok with it. This is why . Love you Teal 💜💙
Omgsh I love her soooooo much she makes a lot of things so much better and understanding her video has helped me so much I wish I could meet her in person.
"They are trying to make me an escape goat" - Michael Scott
Wow! I have called myself the scapegoat since I was about 10 years old. Nothing has ever changed and I am still a scapegoat for everyone in my life. It really sucks. I'm 33 yo.
Unicorn Gypsy ~”Snap out of it!” (Hope you get “Moonshine” reference.)
you are aware of it now, that's when the shift start's....you are not stuck, your own awareness of it show's you the way. much love to you on your journey
I’m 40 love. Forget age.
It does suck. But I just realized the same thing about my family, and I'm 55. If only you could see that you are FREE at age 33! Once you get through the pain of not "having" your family cuz they are sick, you can begin to find a new "family" and live the life YOU are destined for, instead of accepting the crumbs of the scapegoat identity and wasting your life. I feel like my life has been robbed from me cuz I found this out so late....🥺
Thats good to realize this in 33. In this age you have lot of physical and personal power to change it and make your own life. Some people reailze this when they retire.
Love you Teal! 💞 I was raised by a narcissistic scapegoat so I learned all these superglue patterns from very very early, I think unconscious scapegoats can raise scapegoat children, since their lives were void of love and you cannot teach or mirror what you are absent of, basically the patterns are passed to the child. I think when you are a scapegoat you are already taking a ton of responsibilities, of weight on your shoulder, so one more responsibility one can take is to observe your life and see if it feels like you are accompanied by your soul at each step, if it feels full of love and authenticity and caring and support, or empty of it, and in its place it's full of experiences and thoughts and voices of shame, self hate, self blame, guilt, fear and question the authenticity of all of these voices ... I think this is the best responsibility we can all take for ourselves, and from observing our lives void of love decide how we want to keep on living, in the conformity of the same patterns or in some new unexplored terrain guided by the soul, called true love and connection, that we haven't experienced yet ♥️
Perfect Timing! I've been the scapegoat for a long time. I still am for people but that's being resolved as best as I can. This video is great. One of many examples I remember was when I was a teenager and I was at the ocean one weekend and a mirror broke at home and I was blamed for it.
I came back a few days later and reminded them that I was 200 miles away and it turned out that my brother broke it by blaring his stereo so loud, it vibrated and cracked the mirror. We got into a big argument after because I told them I was tired of people always assuming anything that goes wrong in the house that it was my fault. When I was a kid I was very clumsy. When I got older, my family couldn't let that version of me go and assumed I still broke everything.
Other People's perceptions of me are not me is a mantra I had to learn through this and it's narrowed my life long friendships down from dozens to a handful. Good Riddance!!
I always felt unwanted... Thank you so much , teal. This brought tears to me. My family needs to go to therapy. I wish I wasn't here.
I want to throw a shadow journal at my mom's face.
WOW. I don't ever feel safe. Exile is the only solution.
Some scapegoat kids are killed by their Narc parent
that is how i've lived in the forest for 6 years, it is not easy but i am stumped at this point as what else i could do after dissolving blame complexes in myself
As you heal yourself and feel safer in your own mind the law of attraction will bring you to meet people who also treat you safely
Scapegoats always ESCAPE literally to other continents for peace if they can. We are the types to go across the world just to study, work, adventure, find love, teach, work with children etc
I moved to the other side of the continent. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. Screw those trash-people.
What are we doing this Saturday, brain? Same thing we do every Saturday, Pinky. Get called out by Teal!
Haha meeeee, too!!! 🤔😎🙂😶😐😎
hahahaha
😂😂😂😂 we dance with our shadows.
LMAOOOO
😂😂 I know how you feel. I keep changing my passwords just in case since she sounds like she reading my mail so often. 😂😂
You have just perfectly described the ongoing struggle of me and my brother, with our rotating states of who's the scapegoat now and who's the golden child this year. Thank you for every word.
I am the scapegoat of my family because I don’t cower from confrontation and I call people out on their double standards. My son just told me I’ll end up a lonely old woman. Oh boy! I’m not lonely since I had the courage to disconnect from them all. I’ve got peace. A peace that you will never find while being connected to toxic dysfunctional humans. Guilt traps us as well as a feeling of obligation but courage will set you free. My life is so much more peaceful. It’s funny these people will dislike me for calling them out but their happy for me to babysit their children.
Teal, This is one of your best videos, thank you very much for giving your love to all the scapegoats in this world.
I agree that this was a very good video of hers. Everything she said. Pretty complete... I am grateful. She have done a great job and is helping.
I wonder if she consider herself as a scapegoat or that she was and have been scapegoated.
@@marie-joseecharette4937 At one point she said, referring to herself, "As a recovering scapegoat..." So yes.
Oh lord, yes
I'm 24 and have been sabotaged my whole life through this dynamic mending what doesn't wanna mend and feeling like the problem my whole life... Now I'm learning to let things be where they wanna be instead forcing anything... (Mom obviously didn't know what she was asking for... Probably just trying to please her mother...) This video was amazing!.. Thank you so much for reinforcing my healing through what you have shared here!!.. 🔥 🌊
anyone who deflects blame unto an innocent is nothing but a liar and a coward. shame on them. it absolves them of any guilt. low lives.
My painful truth so profoundly explained and so reassuring to have it called out for what it is. Took many many years to see how surrounded I was by scapegoaters that I had surrounded myself with because of patterns set in childhood. The pattern continued throughout my life by family/ so called friends until I healed myself and discovered my throat chakra and set myself free. Thank you and blessings!
Ef Smiley I too am the family scapegoat . Every time I attempt to adress my trauma via an online class or in therapy I get an intense sore throat . It’s a searing pain that is quite uncomfortable . It promptly disappears mere minutes after I finish with the trauma work . It’s obviously a problem w my throat chakra . Will you please share how you rebalanced this area
So eye opening isn't it? I now see how my role in my abusive narc family extrapolates into my work and platonic and romantic relationships too and how I am naturally drawn to emotionally unavailable partners and tend to take the brunt of criticism at jobs where the power structure is really tilted, even when I'm their best worker and the perfect employee.
Much needed. Just at the divine timing. Teaaaaaaaaal I love you ❤🙏😘🌹
Same for me too. Amazing!!
Same for me. I NEEDED this and exactly what you said; perfect timing
Thank you Teal for speaking about this uncomfortable truth that is so ubiquitous in our world. I am so grateful. 💚
You pretty much just summed up my entire existence. The problem I run into is I know it’s happening, I resist and fight and then get told “I should talk to a Dr about anger issues” 🤷🏻♂️
breaking this family trance and personalizing myself again are the main goals that I'm focusing on at this time of my life.. teal you are awesome thank you
My role as scapegoat started at birth with my mother dying and I was blamed for it even tho I was a baby, from there I seemed to be very easy to blame, two extremely abusive relationships being blamed for the sins of their mothers etc it's amazing how people in my life found it so easy to blame me for things I wasn't responsible for, finally taking my power back. This is a great video thank you
I want to take a moment to thank you. I know I'm the scapegoat and I'm ready to do the work.
Your video brought tears to my eyes. I knew that my mom didnt love me I just never wanted to admit it. I'm 50 and I'm going to face this as part of my growth path I've been on. Thank you.
Omg I was my families scape goat and became rebellious and alcoholic until I had a spiritual awakening thank you for your videos teal I’m still healing I’m still learning 👍🏼💯😘💓🙏🏼
What I found is detachment from the family and scapegoating social groups and friend circles, was the cure to my binge drinking habits. I HAD to drink to feel comfortable and accepted and play a role “comfortably” and it always destroyed my energies to do so. When I detached, continued to heal, and connected more dots, the alcohol was something that fell away naturally.
I don't think demons are real, but the hurting-blaming-nurturing gaslight you described (which I have seen from up close) sometimes makes me wonder if they do exist. Seeing the ignorance in the faces of people who do such things suggest they are unaware of what is in fact a highly intricate, sinister strategy. How can there be so much intelligence without it being accompanied by awareness..
This video has helped me making an important decision. I don't deserve this, but nor do they - which strangely enough seem to be the determining factor. Thanks!
curiosity saved the cat “how can there be so much intelligence without it being accompanied by awareness” THIS^!!!
Like either they do know what they are doing or they don’t. And I don’t even want to know at this point!!
I do believe demons are real & they are them. Sinister, Malicious, Evildoer, are perfect descriptions
Thats it. Why are they doing things that are destroying them and everyone around, without having any benefits from this? Only suffering. There mus be "something" that benefits from this situation.
@@janbalaban5268 Or it isn't beneficial whatsoever. Intelligence doesn't exclude susceptibility to a false belief system. Destruction may give a sense of control which briefly elleviates a perceived lack in their lives, but in the end it's more likely to exacerbate the illusion they're trying to escape from.
@@curiosity_saved_the_cat But why there is some kind of belief in some dark demonic being feeding on us in each culture in the world? From Judaism to east asian culturea and ancient meso-american. Just everywhere.
Didn't you heard classic phrase "the best devil's trick was to convince us that he doesn't exist" ?
I could agree with that you just wrote. But that does not eccessarilly mean that demons does not exists. :)
Both is possible simultaneously.
22 now and wish i found this earlier… I’m just grateful in healing now
Hi Teal, I just want to let you know how much you've helped me. I'm writing this while I'm overwhelmed with tears, falling down from my eyes, because of the healing that you've brought to me. I'm sure that you know this already, but I just want to remind you that Source loves you, and I love you too. Please, keep doing what you're doing. You're a precious gift to this world. But words can't describe the gratitude I feel for you. Thank you for existing. 🙏❤️
Same opinion here...❤️
I am definitely the scapegoat, thank you for breaking this down. I've spent my whole life trying to please my family, my mother especially and all she's done is gaslight me and tell me to go get help or she won't talk to me. Its agonizing.
Yeah same here :(
@@calliecat1191 you can message me if you want to talk or need a friend
U 2
@@calliecat1191 message me on insta @Esibs289
@@elenasibs1687 Ok....I sent you a request...
Relating to this as a family scapegoat! Now that I refuse to interact with any of my abusers they are very lost because they have no one to blame or gossip about. What I'm thinking though is that what are the consequences for the abuser? Is there a relation between illnesses and abuse?
Satu Johanna Absolutely there is! The scapegoat ends up with diabetes, autoimmune issues, weight gain, high blood pressure, IBS, cancer, heart trouble etc from the surging anxiety cortisol epinephrine and adrenaline. Abusers are healthy because they have no emotions to attack their central nervous system.
@@thirstonhowellthebird That explains why my mom has physical problems and not her brother, my uncle, who she stopped talking to since ny grandma died 2 years ago...his family is healthy and ours all have health problems...
Callie Cat This type of abuse is hideous because that feeling of shockwaves jolting through your entire body and stomach in your arms that anxious surging adrenaline and cortisol is so bad for your body...when it’s on 24 seven like the anxiety that these types of people create it literally changes your body chemistry and damages the amygdala in the brain so there’s all kinds of motor skill problems connected to the abuse endured by these people. I’m really sorry about your mom. I hope she’ll get better now that she’s away from that toxicity :-)
@@thirstonhowellthebird Thank you...I hope she does too...still healing and seeing a therapist now...
Teal is the goat. ( greatest of all time)
@Mr. Davario P. no she's not tranny she just has masculine traits. What she is doing is using the spiritual wisdom and using it to gain the power and control over her followers. People must see this, it is one of her negatives.
@Mr. Davario P.
She doesn't look like a trans to me, but whatever I'm not going to waste my time arguing with infantile trolls.
Mr. Davario P. 🙄
@Mr. Davario P. dude! Go away. You're an annoyance. Get a hobby
Fox and Moon
Good one!
Every time you speak it seems like you’re talking about me... this is how I know you’re making sense.
wowee, what you said about how the family switches up their game and becomes "the fixer" was on point. As I started therapy a few years ago and began to understand that I was being scapegoated, I became a lot more assertive and started to figure out some of who I was outside the family dynamic. This transformation caused my parents to switch up their game and sit me down to have "discussions" about how they didn't know me anymore and were concerned about my behavior. All the while throwing in how they felt that they were being abandoned and attacked by me for making these decisions. They claimed to do all this in the interest of my health and wellbeing, but now I know it was more about their desperate attempt at maintaining avoidance of looking at themselves and their own issues. Just mind-blowing stuff.
The way you say"your so selfish" shakes my soul. 4:05
This video was so accurate and hit so close to home that I wanted to just scream and cry out loud. I couldn’t have explained a single word of this problem better than you did. Thank you so much. This is a refuge from a life that has been incredibly difficult so far. I have fallen so hard so many times and been knocked down over and over by almost everyone and I am committed fully to changing this pattern in my life no matter What it takes. I was an addict for many years I am for your sober I am a single mom and I have almost no support I was pregnant in jail. I have made such incredible progress and seen so much more clearly through the years what has gone on and what has made me this way. This video was a refuge for me thank you so much
I've never had anyone try to fix me , they usually just ostracize me
Same here.
@@RealBradMiller oh wait, my mom ostracized me but my last ex was pretty set on fixing me after he abused me sexually.. so I guess I have seen both sides of this disgusting pattern. I hope youre doing well Brad.
Wow, that helps me understand my mom and ex wife better. Thankfully I made a lot of peace with my mom before she passed away. The ex I always tell people she was a self taught psychiatrist. She read 50 books on how to fix me. 16 years after divorce I am happier than I ever imagined
We’re you the scapegoat?
Wow! You just described my life growing up. My mother accused me of her life being hell and nobody wants to be with her because of having me and said she wished I was never born and made me feel guilty for loving my father and would say to me ( how could you being so unloyal to me ) she hated my father and wanted me to hate him too. She was always competing with me my whole life and would say sick stuff to others about me and then say she never said it. So messed me up .
Omg yes - my family won’t just be kind, they tell me to to therapy to get fixed. So, they wound me, won’t acknowledge it, and tell me I’m crazy for being upset. I have always been the one wanting openness and communication and trying to be good.
Same with me
My core belief was that I am bad because of this dynamic in my family. The belief was so strongly held that I literally vomited as I worked through all the proof that I'm not. I persevered and now I have been able to fully stand up to them and can give myself permission to speak up when I've been wronged. Teal is 100% right when she says "the better it gets, the better it gets"! I am finally allowing myself to feel my anger and not shame myself for it. Thank you so much Teal ❤️
I just had a conversation with my mother. One that I never had before. One that I was able to peacefully stay in my truth with the acceptance and expectation that she won’t understand me. I felt her judgment towards me, but I gave it no energy✨
I've been a scapegoat, and I'm not surprised I chose to come into this life with dyslexia. All my life people have wanted to FIX me. When that really wasn't needed.
Because if them I've wanted to fix me over and over and over again.
I finally feel Im leaving the pattern of constant overwhelm and confusion by accepting my dyslexia and getting proper support for the things I'm not able to do.
I had to work on the following things
Receiving
Self love
Understanding
Letting go of control
Assertiveness
Ungaslighting myself
Trust. In others, the universe and most importantly myself.
I have to tell you that I'm seeing tangible differences in the way my life is panning out and how I'm feeling.
Your reality will bend. I promise
I hope this helps
Explicitly on point.
Most grateful. Thank you 🦋
This butterfly blue matches your eyes. I 💙 blue.😊
You just describe my lady.
Teal is like Energy bunny. She Improves everyone brain processing speed. You are Beyond genius. I’m highly grateful for your wisdom and time. I love you teal.
Yuuuuup, I feel like I AM the strongest one & nope I DON'T feed into them...I go NO CONTACT with the REAL negative individual
And gaslighting is done consciously and unconsciously! Meaning the person GL'ing seems to turn into some weird demonic robot!
goldiamondawareness that’s a good metaphor, it’s something I’ve noticed as well! And I see it on a spectrum throughout humanity, it’s like there’s voids of consciousness that congregate together but it’s virtually invisible to people who’ve never seen it before. Kinda scary lol
I feel this has held me back professionally I remember trying to resolve problems at work and instead I just get blamed for the problems and I just took the blame.
I finally accepted this teal. I'm so proud of myself and your authenticity is very refreshing. ❤️
You have described my life to the T.🥺 Feeling so trapped and all alone in despair; I guess that the only way out is, as you said, to OWN YOUR TRUTH. YOUR PERSPECTIVE IS 100% REAL AND MATTERS. You are feeling this way for a very good reason.
Just wow. I used to think I was so much stronger than other people because I could “really sit with the hard emotions” and “go into the abyss” when seemingly no one else could. Turns out I developed a shame-bound identity from being the family scapegoat, and I was constantly disregulated from sitting on constant, unconscious shame. Other people could deal with stress in a healthy way, and I’ve shouldered the blame for everything as I thought I just turn everything sour. This is so refreshing to hear. Thank you, Teal.
The first time I heard this video I cried in my bed for days cause of the deep truth resonating inside me. Now I am facing this extremely painful pattern again and again and I decided to watch this video for the second time. I truly pray from the deepest and most eager part of my heart that I WILL step out of this dynamic of carrying the blame of others and that I WILL come to a point in life where I can find social safety. I am tired of the past.
Yes if they can’t fault with your present they will keep shoving your past at you or continue treating you like they always did
Teal your words have really resonated with me. I have seen these patterns, and felt nobody else could see them. Your amazing and you make the world a better place. Please keep posting your videos, people like me need them. Sending love and all good wishes.
My entire life summed up in a 30 minute video. Omg. Also 20:15 is the biggest call out I've ever received. Thank you for that, Teal. That shook me up.
The video fits perfectly with the theme in the family
"I have a birthday and everything has to be harmonious" and then Everyone should to ignore and avoid the conflict as if there were none.
disgusting !
From the depths of my spirit, thank you, Teal. I was in awe from the first video of yours that I watched, and every subsequent one that followed. This one is my story, a dynamic I've struggled to understand since I began to enforce boundaries and I not only lost my entire family, I've become the target of much harm and cruelty. It's such an inexplicable web of triangulation, narcissism, and deception that is impossible to relate to anyone. I'm struggling to cope with the damage to my financial security while simultaneously heal myself and feel so much grief. Nothing that I believed was true, especially that I was loved by those my codependent serving self put first throughout my entire life. I'm 10 minutes in, and hopefully this will be the starting place to find a way to heal. My gratitude for your gifts that you share so freely is greater than I can express. I wil repay you as soon as I am able. You are priceless. Love and hugs, one of your humans 🥰🧘🤗💕😊✌️💞❣️💕
I pray you heal as I am trying to heal myself. I feel when I went no contact for 2 years I was feeling better and started to the healing process. Once I went back, one year now, I feel it has gotten worse, my emotions and sadness is so bad. Insomnia, anxiety and depression has stepped in. I was triggered recently by a sibling that did not want to take responsibility for something and twisted it all on me. So sad, so very sad. I think so many of us struggle with until we finally get therapy and help. I am not sure what to do. Do I go no contact again? This time stick with it until I am healed or forever not to be stuck in this incomprehensible confusion, pain, hurt, betrayal and dysfunction. I feel for all of us that have been through us. If you think about it, we are more family to one another, than any of our so called "families". I Thank God for you and your reply it helps so many others. Thank you to Teal too, since we are learning from her teachings and videos.
It's so sick that they choose an innocent person to suffer for what should be their own consequence and suffering.
My God, I feel sick after listening to this. I was hit by a car & had to recover at my parents. I’m in the middle of hell & I find this video. You have no idea how grateful I am for this revelation. It explains so much & the lifetime mindset of what’s wrong with me is moving on. A huge burden has been lifted. Now I need to stop the patterns within. 🙏🏻💗
Obsess with reality, yessssss... This single statement will clear the path towards healing.
Do I need to verbally tell people when I am angry at them? Usually when I tell my family I am blamed and told that it is my fault, that I only think that, that it is my fault that it happened and tough s***, and sometimes my brother gets violent and in my face. YIour videos are interesting because sometimes I feel angry while watching them because they scare me and I know that you are right and you know what you're talking about. It is interesting because despite the fact that some of your videos make me depressed and angry I have an enormous amount of respect for you and I end up being thankful and positive that I watch your videos because they help me, bring understand life, and help save me from a lot of pain. I rarely tell anyone that make me mad anymore, it has become a major fear of mine. But you are a great assistant of God / spirit thank you Namaste
Yep! I am synch again with Teal... Good to see you again
God this is too real. It's almost like she read my entire life. Blessing to you, Teal!
I can’t help but to cry bc I will never understand why out of all the people in this world I was born into a family who enjoys emotionally, mentally and psychologically abusing me to the point I don’t know who I am and why I am here. I am 22 and I just became self aware about all of this I feel like I found out too late and there is no hope.. I am to the point I really just don’t want to be here.
You’re video about dysfunctional families & this one about the scapegoat are just so big for me! I knew this cycle was there w/o every actually being 100% clear & full valid about it or how to get out of it. I’ve been spinning in these cycles for years. Thank you thank you thank you
I would love to see episodes on the rest of dysfunctional family roles, the Lost child and the golden child
Rejected. Blame and SHAME! As a Scapegoat as a child and still to this day at 60. Doing lots of work. I am still in this role after moving to another state after 30 years to be close to them. Well that went pear shaped very quickly!!
Yes we are the strongest and truth seekers.
Well done. Great video. Seems t o.o be a pattern that I need to work on and 've consciously aware of for the rest of my life.
Cheers from Australia 💕
Wow, this video is by far the best I've heard on this subject. You totally nailed. I really appreciate the points where you laughed, I honestly don't mean that sarcastically. The fact that this scapegoating dynamic is so absurdly cruel does kind of require that you laugh at the ridiculousness. Thank you for recognizing fully just how crazy this dynamic is. That's so very healing. We don't want pity, and we are the strong ones, what we really want is for someone to say wow, what they did to you was ridiculously effed up....with a laugh. The laugh almost sounded like it had admiration attached.