I hear all the time people saying “they bought a house”. Tons of IG photos showing it off later to realize that their parents and grandparents dropped the 200k down payment. Or bought their cars. In reality they really didn’t buy their house except they want you to think they did. Great topic. Many locals need to hear this because they wonder if they are doing something wrong. If my parents help buy us a house I would disclose that to friends. No shame.
Chris, you hit a lot of good points. I think it's human nature to compare but have confidence in yourself and just do what's best for you and your family. When your boys start school, get to know their playmates and parents. We sent our girls to public school in our district because we didn't want them to have a long commute to school and didn't want them to have friends all over the island. That would have involved us spending a lot of time on the road during the weekend for their play dates. The main thing is to focus on them being healthy and happy. That's what we did and I always told them their job was to study hard and learn as much as they can and our job was to work hard and earn money so we could buy them the things they needed. And when it was time for college we told them to find a career they love because they'll be at it for 30 years. We were lucky, our girls turned out to be be responsible, hard working adults. Best wishes to you and your wife raising your boys. You're on the right track.
I was like you, but eventually a sedan did not have enough room when my child was involved with activities. It’s not a necessity, but it can be a struggle when you have equipment, potluck items, chairs, etc. but that being said, a sedan is so much more affordable. Also, I loved your points. I am envious of friends, who can afford private school, but my child has done well at Public school and there are life lessons there that she likely wouldn’t have learned at private school. One of the great lessons of parenting is not comparing your child to other children. You are ahead of the game.
Just found your channel and enjoying your videos so far! My wife is from Oahu so I a small glimpse into parenting in Hawaii via her family & relatives. Comparison to others is a universal human condition, but I theorize there are 2 Hawaii-specific points that gives the parenting comparison a unique flavor: 1. Asian culture - I was raised in Hong Kong and can see overlaps in the pressure to educate/expose kids to different learning from a young age, and to get into competitive private schools. There is also a base value in wealth, which is expressed through people "flexing" name brands or luxury goods. 2. Hawaii is made up of islands + there is a heavy family culture: it seems like there is less % of people moving away from where they grew up vs in the mainland, and/or there are more community relationships so people know a lot of people. I think this network effect makes people's reputation more important. To your point on generations of family - one might not be in the reputation competition game, but their dad or auntie might be... and family members get dragged into these comparison games. Keep up the good content!
My son is 3, daughter is 1. I pray that no matter what we can offer them as they grow up here in Hawai’i that they’ll look back on their childhood and know they were loved and their parents enjoyed raising them, that we were involved and supportive but not overly helicopter parents lol. We definitely can’t be sending them to Punahou lol, but we can do the best with what we have. Thanks for sharing!
@@HelloFromHawaii Isn't that what parenting IS ... just doing the best you can do, at the time you can do such? There is no one formula for being a good parent. You just wing it and do the best that you can do.
It happens everywhere. The minute your child is born, everyone starts trying to be the best. You and your wife are sensible and wise beyond your years, so just ignore it all and live your lives as simply as you can. You will not regret it. Take it from me.....70 years young and caring for my 26 yr. old severely disabled son.
Other people have mentioned this, but among the many things we need to give our children, I think the most important is to be parents who love and respect each other. You have that nailed! (Relieved I’m a grandparent - all the wonderful parts of being a parent without the heavy responsibilities! 😊)
Wife and I raised our kids without comparing them to others. We did our own thing and sent them to the local public schools, not charters or private schools. Both of our kids graduated from one of the top 10 competative colleges/universities in the country and that's where we spent our saved money. Both kids knew early on what colleges they wanted to attend and worked hard at it, and if anything they competed with each other and at the same time respected each other. Both are now in the working world. For our part, we gave them the oportunities and they took it. We do have a CRV for snow and long distance traveling. If I live in Hawaii, I would have no need for an SUV...
Great video again. Just do what feels right to you, nevamine everybody else. As a father of two (now 11 and 13 years old), I understand what you are experiencing and we have gone through it too. Most of these things are not unique to Hawaii. The private school vs public school thing is super amplified here though. If you and your kids are happy...you are doing it right. That being said, we have an Accord and CR-V, I love the CR-V. It actually makes loading and unloading the kids and all their stuff way easier because you don't have to bend down. 🙂👍
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE this video! I understand that there are so many different challenges to parenting and education back home in Hawai'i. I live in Ohio. We are huge supporters of public ed though we went the charter route for a year due to Covid. I used some digital resources (online subscriptions) to supplement his learning in a fun, accessible way for him which was also familiar since at least one platform was also used in his brick and mortar school. I really appreciate your spotlighting the importance of generational wealth, or the intergenerational assistance/dependence that so many of us grew up on. It's a huge factor in Hawaiian/ local culture of yesteryear at least. That was pre-Kumon and Apple products lol I personally did not finish my degree, though I did thoroughly enjoy my time at the German university where I studied. I found a great guy and we are in a solid relationship and own our house for our kid. We push our kid *just enough* but he is not a rocket scientist, nor an athlete, and that's okay. We just need him to be a decent human being and a functioning member of society. When we talk to him about comparing himself to others, we show him reasons for gratitude because we are so fortunate, and we hope this inspires him to share, which he often does. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
@@gizmo7365 what a weird question. If you love your kid, you spend time, you invest time and resources to get to know them and let them explore. You let them succeed, you let them fail. You let them know it's all okay, and that it's okay to be different things, like to not be a rocket scientist, nor an athlete. The only place he runs to is the couch. He is a mathlete, and seems interested in engineering for the moment. Definitely not a rocket scientist. And there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, his dad's an electrician, and we hope he's open to learning the trade to have real-world skills which would serve him well also if he continues down the engineering path.
@@johmayo7042 my friend is actually a rocket scientist that works for Northoup. Plus my friend was also an engineer which has a lot to do with rocket science. you describe your kid as a mathlete which math is the basis of rocket science. My friend didn’t know what he was going to be as a kid. Ever heard of growth mindset versus fixed mindset?
@@gizmo7365 if my kid pivots, one fine day, then more power to him. Today, and for the foreseeable future, he is not pursuing that path, and that is absolutely fine. Again, my focus is a decent human being and a functioning member of society.
@@gizmo7365 i also don’t speak negatively of my kids. Some people don’t realize the impact words have on kids like failure (instead of learning) you’re not a rocket scientist or an athlete. Wow
First of all, you are ahead of the game in that you and your wife talk about things and come to a consensus (as far as I can see). That is major. I don't know what kind of car I would have if I still lived there (small and efficient if I were to guess) but when my kids were growing up we had a Volkswagon bus. It was wonderful. It often was filled with kids from the neighborhood and all the sand from the beach. I picked my kids up from school some times and ended up with half the neighborhood in the car too. It transported baseball equipment, picnic stuff etc and had a good life. But that was then. I agree with many of the comments that the most important thing you can give your children is a loving family where they learn the importance of living within or below your means and how to treat others with respect and compassion. You are on the right track.
Dont allow it to happen! The comparison game. You do you and do whats necessary and best for your ohana. Family values and happiness is the key. God bless you and your ohana.
Well said Chris especially about why it isn’t fair (or good to compare) because of all the local families who have family help (aka $). I know several friends who children attend private schools because grandma and grandpa pay.
As parents of a 10 year old son and a 7 year old, both with autism, we understand very well how easy it is to compare our kids to other kids. We saw other kids advance physically and developmentally while our kids stayed the same or started to regress. If it were up to me I would forget the new car, save the money, and focus on spending the time you save from not working with your kids. Even though we have tried multiple activities to keep them engaged we found that the more that we participated in any given activity the more they loved it. But we needed to be involved and show them that we loved it and that made all the difference, more than any activity or material imaterial item. Spend time, not money and that will make all the difference. Aloha.
Mahalo for sharing. I agree about the importance of spending time. Hoping to spend more time with my sons and show interest in their interests as they get older.
Easy to get up with "keeping up with the Jones." Not much advice here, but figuring out a way to ignore it or use it to motivate and do you. Just don't stew on it or let it bring you down -- that doesn't do anyone any good. I get caught up with it too sometimes. In the end the only thing that matters is you and your kids having a safe, happy home with all the essentials, like food, medical care, and a roof! I suspect I'll have the discussion on a similar topic that has its roots in the same comparing yourself with others like peer pressure, having the latest gadgets, and all that comes with being a kid in school. As far as the SUV, it's way easier to get stuff in and out, i.e. kids, groceries, whatever! Trunk space is one of those things you think you don't need it until you do...wait until you start hauling a couple boards, 4 beach chairs, fishing gear, one cooler, basketballs, tennis balls, portable battery, cameras, and your dog.
The fact that you recognize the comparison trap is the first step in stepping out of it. Trust yourself. You know what your kids and family need better than anyone else. Trust your wife and you to do what is best for your kids. The only people who know that is you and your wife Treat each child as an individual with their own needs. Give them love. Give them clear boundaries. Give them respect. Your Ohana will thrive.
For me, this question/quandary that most of us face in the current modern world is truly simple: I really always try my best and accept the results…good or bad. I grew up dirt poor in a third world country (no bathroom, no separate rooms, etc), and my parents were a janitor and seamstress once we got to America. I recognized that we were poor as a kid, but I understood the context as I saw my parents work hard every day and try their best. Of course I wanted the big house, the fancy cars, the nice clothes, etc as a kid growing up, but I realized early that those “good” things in life must be worked for and that simply wishing for them was wasted energy. When I became an adult, I had a very well-paying career in Wall St…I could afford most of the things that were the things that people generally seek as status symbols or markers of the good life. The irony of it all, though, is that as an adult, I find most of those things unimportant and don’t waste my money on them. My home is a nice home in a good neighborhood but not a striking one, my cars are a Subaru and an old an old Jeep, I dress in casual gym wear mostly, I don’t like “fancy” restaurants, etc…what I find important is having financial security, and making sure that my daughter is well fed, well educated and allowed to seek her curiosities. I try my best and do what seems best to me…
You made some good points here. Just remember there are a lot of convienences that we spend .only on that with a bit of discipline we can do without. All of these add up. Take time to teach yourself about money, sadly it's not taught in school. As you learn about it involve your kids in it. It's the best way for them to learn to appreciate the value of money instead of instant gratification.
Your son who won't go down the slide is going to be the one that does something remarkable with his life. Trust me... The most important thing is that your kids feel loved and that they have the basics to thrive. Spending all your time making more money and not being around sends the wrong message and will not make them better individuals. I was not close to my dad because of this, but thankfully my mom was there and she opened up possibilities in music, cooking, art, and most important, caring about others. She once told me, "As long as you're not in prison, I'm happy." It may have been a very low bar, but I was never pressured to do this or that, but to follow my own instincts. BTW your parents did a great job!
The only question you have to ask yourself is “ARE YOU AND YOUR WIFE HAPPY?” if the answer is yes you are doing it right for you and the children! Love them, say it to them daily, spend time with them not electronic time, and raise them to truly love their siblings. I’ve known all this to be true as I’ve learned in my 63 years. I came to Hawaii when I was 25 I fell in love with it I really would love to live their! If you know anyone who’s looking for a very nice person that’s a widow and available let me know! lol. Love your channel because I get to see real parts of the Island sometimes when you film 🎥. Thx Dawn
Hi HFH…the best thing for your family is to have one stay home parent. I was able to be a stay home parent & I loved it, I wish I would of known about home schooling & I would of home schooled all my children. Most of the educators at the public schools see your children as dollar signs & they really don’t care about your children. Also, I noticed that Ford trucks seem to last longer. I hope my comments help. Have a beautiful day!
Mahalo for the insight. I'm not sure we'll go with the homeschooling route, but glad that my wife can spend time with the boys when I'm at the office. Working from home has also been great.
For trunk space. Depends if your kids will be involved in sports or other activities later on. There’s a bunch of gear and equipment, especially if you help coach.
Last week my husband and I were watching extraordinary attorney Woo, One of the characters said that he needs to be reminded that his children are not a form of report (grade) card. That was a very pointed statement for a parent! I wish I had heard that when my children were younger! BTW great job in studying what the needs of your family are and doing that instead of doing what you see others doing!
I’d pose a compromise on the vehicle. A Toyota Sienna has more space than a Highlander or RAV4. Even in this crazy market, used minivans depreciate more than SUVs. As the kids grow, so does the size of gear their for activities. You’ve talked about housing on your channel too. If you ever get into a house, you’ll wish you had a larger vehicle when you make all those trips to the DIY big box stores.
Chris, I believe you will make the right choices. Most people in the USA know nothing about money management. The only monetary knowledge they have is "earn a dollar, spend 5 dollars". The ability and knowledge which would allow one to effectively manage one's financial resources is crucial for one's future financial well being. Purchase and invest wisely. Take care and keep making your videos!
That's because America emphasizes one to consume, consume, consume. Look at the CONSTANT adverting that bombards us 24-hrs per day on social media, TV, radio, magazine ads, Midweek ads, etc. When I think back to my grandparents, who were young adults during WW2, they spent their money so wisely. The never wasted anything. They reused plastic bags, paper bags, chopsticks, straws, foam cups, etc. They re-used it until the item fell apart. They never bought things they didn't need.
Chris, Hahahahaha.... I loved the video, and you are perfectly fine as you figured out. If you need to feel better about comparison, you can chalk one on your side, as you are light years ahead of me. I've never been fortunate to be a parent. I'm an uncle, Ohana uncle and sempai but not a parent, so all the difficulties of parenting and decisions, you are ahead of me. I wish I had been blessed with having kids but not in the cards. All my friends and relatives have encountered the same hurdles as you face and eventually, they all make it pass to the next challenge. They all do what they can and is necessary, and you will be fine. You instinctively know the right things that you experienced from the parents and relatives from past videos, so you know what they endured. Keep spending your most expensive resources on where it counts, time and emotional bonding with the wife, kids, and family. Everything else works itself out. We only go through life once, so we savory those moments as you live them and never regret those decisions. We don't know the future, so today's win or lose on something might be the opposite down the road, so we make those decisions as best we can and don't second guess it. We just savoy the good times, learn from the bad ones and try not to make old mistakes a second time. Keep being awesome.
My children never talk about the clothes they had growing up in terms of having the best, they remember spending time at the beach after school and hanging out with friends and family to BBQ and run around. I always laugh because when they were little I always felt like we were never going to measure up to our friends that had the better car, newer fashionable clothes, cool toys. In the end, it never mattered anyway! My children have never said “i wish we had driven a better car or wore better clothes”. Lessons learned:)
Mahalo for sharing. I think we're like that too. I don't wish we had a nicer car growing up. Just appreciate my parents for the time they spent with us.
Actually my parents did a great job. My parents never told me I couldn’t do anything ~ they sat back & rolled their eyes. Early on they told me that if I WANTED something I’d have to work for it. I think knowing what fits for your family is key. If I couldn’t afford whatever my children needed I’d work for it or ask how I could attain it from friends/family. Do what’s best for you ! You can’t go wrong !!
I think you came to all sensible conclusions, there; and I think much of what you said is the same all over the US, at least, and maybe other places as well. Comparison is one part of judgement, I think. We need it to make good choices, but not so much that we make bad choices!
This is one of the many reasons we do not post our photos on social media. We don't need other people's opinions and validations. We just do our best. Simple as that.
I can totally relate with the “needing to buy a bigger car thing” I have a little Corolla and baby #2 was born and I feel like I need more space, but when I think about it long term I’m like “Do I really need it?”
"When Parenting Becomes Competitive in Hawaii" "I'm hoping to avoid the comparison game in Hawaii." Certainly many truths behind the insecurities you mention, along with all of the pedestrian downsides of competition and comparison. However ... perhaps there's some upside with embracing vs. avoiding. Beyond carseats and strollers. =) Especially since nature and life ultimately grades on a curve. Finite resources and time. Life is not always fair. Using productive variants of competition and comparison to further cultivate discipline, accountability, and character can be a wonderful thing.
Actually, comparison sucks the joy out of life. He’s not suggesting to avoid healthy competition or embracing excellence, he’s suggesting don’t buy something you actually don’t need just to impress your neighbors. That’s actually a really difficult thing to do and takes discipline. The faster one realizes that someone admiring/envying your luxury car or expensive watch is NOT going to be beneficial other than stroking your ego, you then begin to lead a more authentic life and in time a wealthier life. If your ego needs a fancy car to feel good about yourself when you are “comparing” yourself to others, you don’t have much character and your ego is weak. Be authentic to yourself, stick to your budget and your needs without comparing. Healthy competition and striving for excellence should come from a place of purpose and passion, not comparison.
@@calidreams5379 I'm not sure why you're pulling egos, money, expensive watches and luxury cars into this thread. And how you can make a blanket statement like "comparison sucks the joy out of life" while agreeing that healthy completion and excellence can be good things. Competition by definition involves comparison, even with the "I only compete with myself" cliche. It can come from a profound place of purpose and passion, but still requires objective comparison, in many forms. As with many fundamentals, of course it can be abused and lead to dark places, but comparison can be a wonderful method to help you understand the what, where, why, and hows of excellence; help manage blind spots and biases, and you can even do it anonymously in a number of cases.
If you really want no mortgage you need a plan. Either Dave Ramsey or rich dad/poor dad sort of way but definitely need a plan while you’re still relatively young.
The comparisons come from parents wanting to do the best for their kids and finding a measure in comparing to others. It is not always a bad thing especially if the motivation and hearts are in the right place.
One thing that is taxing on a parent's ego is when your young kid is doing some activity that they were enjoying and all of sudden they don't want to do it anymore.
This is a very interesting topic thank you. What some people call a “rat race” exists everywhere though some places are much worse than others. Where I am from, it’s much worse - parents are often obsessed with “getting ahead”. And of course, often people end up with reasonably well paying jobs that they hate doing. Human beings are insecure and the herd mentality is hard to ignore, but I always thought that Hawaiians handle it better than most. Good luck! I admire the Hawaiian culture and often day dream about living there one day.
The cool breeze of the Wind cleanses the Land afresh. The fragrance of the flowers fill the air. Warmth of soft sweet weather washes the Soul satisfying supreme. Rainbows wreath the Sky. The green Aina beckons the Spirit to reside in repose. Waterfalls cascade nonchalant. Laughter and smiles abound. Mists touch the World briefly. Rains wash The All, leaving us anew. The sands and blue water invite, call, and caress. The sound of the Sea lapping the Shore sings the rythym Time Immemorial.
I don’t know about competitive parenting among my kids classmates as we love and respected their classmate’s parents and I don’t think they competed with us. But I think we were guilty of telling our kids, ‘look at your cousin, she’s smart, she could do it!’ Sorry, my excuse is that we are Asian and we are not perfect. I think kids should find their interest and see if they can work at being the best they can be without parents forcing them, but parents should encourage and try to support them. We used to have a used, high mileage Honda Odyssey we got for 1/3 the cost of a new Honda. Super useful because I lived in it at Kakaako parking lot with my new born and 2 year old. We weren’t homeless- my wife worked nightshift and if kids were home while she tried to sleep…her mind was not in a good place so I had to keep them far away for a full work day. Later on when she was able to work day shift we got a Honda CRV. I don’t think it is a show off car. Super useful when we go the beach or go out to whatever with 2 kids.
Mahalo These parents keep eye on these kiddos Still with all that is said this is the best place in the world to raise a Child For the most part yes they may be sneaky about going out to party why befuddles me it’s island people TellAnd it usually gets back to the parents lol. They also care for the keike. This comparison grip sent my daughter and her son back to the mainland :) Twin girls at the time I was heart broken But I stayed 8 years longer. My story includes one of my landlord going to a prominent private school That was breaking their bank but tha was the status because pop was in contracting business aka handyman a lot of the time due to the building there was no bueno at times. He was aware at high school of the money and the position financially it put them in. Stressful …yes? Comparison is tough anywhere and really not fair to everyone especially a smart child that feels The pressure of look what they have sacrificed I have to do well I have to pay it back with a good Career you want that but the pressure right
People that live through their children and compare themselves to other parents have forgotten the simplicity of life. You pro-create and have children that are already supposed to be better and stronger versions of yourself. All you have to do, is enable them to grow, avoid significant mistakes you might have made, and pay forward what knowledge you have learned as best you can. Multi-generational houses help emphasize this as lessons and knowledge are even more plentiful. The old saying, it takes a village to raise a child simply means the more people that a child encounters, is something that most people seemingly have forgotten. Life is ultimately about experiences and sharing your talents/passion/love with others you encounter. Don't let society reduce the human experience to material objects and titles. Use your money on experiences and making memories. A child needs and likely cares more about time with their parents than their parents working longer hours just to have more material things or the best of the best. A child is more likely to remember the day they first jumped off a high dive/cliff rather than whether they were wearing the best rashguard/board shorts when they did it. As children, we often do have dreams and ambitious material wants that we associate with improving our interests. Rarely though, does someone tell us how to work for it if we really want something or how practicing more in a pair of cheap football cleats will make more of a difference than the most expensive soccer cleats on the market. These things are not intuitive, it's up to elders/parents to educate. Which brings me to my next point... Education is as much about parents as it is school. Private school teachers can be of lower quality than public school teachers. Learning about life is usually more important than learning about specific subjects. Imagination and creativity are reduced when you believe the only things that matter are what grades you make in classes. So why equate money to better education? The best teacher is the teacher that believes in a student and is able to captivate a young, impressionable mind so that it can question and learn complex topics in a simple manner and leave room to form it's own applications. You can find great teachers/educators in the poorest places. In the military, it's true we do not have to worry about housing. However, our Commissary has changed its rules over the years to where their pricing can be similar to the local market. We still get great deals on meat and meat alone. Currently, they are considering merging the NEX and Commissary to further reduce the benefits. The NEX has absolutely horrible pricing on food/drink/snacks, and everything else is not much better - It's just tax free. But, if the price is even $20 different than Wal-Mart or Costco, I'd have to buy something valued at over $500 for it to be of benefit. Everything else is near comparable to Costco/Sam's Club prices - save special holiday sales being comparable. NEX used to easily match prices, now they do not match the majority of sale prices. Sadly, Wal-Mart here is seemingly predatory in pricing compared to mainland. Almost like they know they forced out the majority of markets and barely compete with Target for essential goods anymore. People pay more at Target to avoid Wal-Mart shoppers is seemingly the accepted mentality and they are monopolizing based on it. I think Hawaiian's should be proud when they are not as materialistic and competitive as most military families though. Most of us struggle to live with aloha for these reason. If you're so focused on competition, you'll forget that cooperation is required because we're all ultimately part of the same team. Everyone loves western ideologies of consumerism and freedom. However, it seems as though most people forget that we have additional responsibilities to our community and neighbors with extra freedom; and having too much can be just as harmful as having too little. Ultimately, the balance all relies on every day people doing the right thing. Wake up, be grateful for what you have, seek out growth in yourself and celebrate it for others around you, share your talent/passion with your neighbors, love your family/friends/neighbors, and never stop seeking new experiences/memories. Kids are smart, if you're doing these simple things, they'll pick up on it over time and you're already better at parenting than you think.
Okay this is definitely not Hawaiian local culture it is specific to Asian culture in Hawaii. I've noticed among Asian parents they're very competitive. But if you are in the normal local culture of Samoan Hawaiian Mexican Latino micronesian none from Asia cultures we are quite opposite of this and are from the heart ❤️ maybe it's time to make new friends?
But considering the majority of people in Hawaii have Asian ancestry or are atleast hapa Asian it's pretty much ingrained in the island culture now. And I dunno about you but Polynesian culture can be competitive as well... and there's almost no Latino and Mexican culture in Hawaii it's very small, so it's hard to really meet people like that. But I lived on the mainland and Hispanics are always working hard and trying to provide a better life for their kids comparedcto friends, neighbors , family etc. I guess it depends on the particular family or community. But sadly keeping up with the neighbors or family members is a very capitalist way of viewing the world, which has kind of taken over most places in the western world.
@@aaronkamakaze2967 I raised five kids in the local public schools in Hawaii and I never came across competition or cattiness. I did have my daughter one year in private school where there were the majority of the parents were Asian and I left because I was so uncomfortable due to the competitive conversations the constantly took place it was disgusting to say the least. No I don't see the competition and local schools where the majority of the population is native, local mix, but not pure Asian like many private schools. maybe mixed with some Asian, but not that cut throat dog eat dog competition that comes directly from Asia. I don't have much interaction with Haoles but the privileged haoles and Asians or go to private school. I wonder if this is who his wife or him is mixing with. I don't mix with them, mostly down to earth locals. But the majority of the parents I dealt with at the private school that one year were pure Asian with the BMWs and just very cold and competitive I wanted my daughter out. I'm Mexican myself and there are plenty of Hispanics here mostly Puerto Ricans I come across them constantly.
a materialistic prob... thus an Oahu prob... not a Owhyhee / Hawaii prob I have 3 acres w/cabin thats cost same $$ as new SUV... have over 3 thousand Ohia trees on my prop, how many on Oahu can say that??? I sell native endemic plants and art, artifacts, etc. for extra $$ and hobby... a far dif life from Oahu kine.... fwiw, I was born n raised in Kaneohe
Some comparisons are good buy nosy are detrimental to both the kids and parents. Our culture is “competitive “, like it’s a sports game.. We need to stop this!
Live within your means and your transportation needs. Teach your kids to be who you want them to be, the best of what you and your wife have to offer as far as character and personality is what made you both who you are today. If you start competing with other parents about parenting and lifestyle then you and your children will gain and be raised on someone elses way of life. Pick and choose what you want your kids to pick up from others and the rest of what they pick up should be from you and your wife. Otherwise you will have a weak influence on their interests and in what direction you want your kids to live their lives. It might sound somewhat controlling but you are literally in control of your children and should be at least for now. lol. Oh Yeah, and move back to Kaneohe, give your kids what you got from growing up there.
Everyone is comparing. We all hear about teachers getting underpaid but they arw the very ones living a nice lifestyle with annual vacations to far off destinations and driving $70-$80k suvʻs. Obviously no one is really complaining about inflation and taking trips across the world still….
@@HelloFromHawaii yes, many local teachers. I have 2 sons and have known many who live a pretty nice lifestyle for public school teachers. Not saying they are ‘t deserving but being underpaid is far from the truth for the ones I know.
For the record, born and raised. I have 15 and 17 year olds. I have never compared my keiki to anyone. I teach them work hard, practice loving kindness and compassion no mind what others do. This guy! smh A therapist all of a sudden. people I know don't compare their kids, this guy projecting his feeling of inferiority on all of you.
I think parents today, not only in Hawaii, but all over the U.S., are simply WAY, WAY too involved in their children's lives these days. They, literally, smother their children by always being around and always being involved in their child's school life, athletic life, etc. I even heard of parents following their kids to college. And perhaps the saddest thing I see with parents these days is the "humble" bragging about their kids on social media. You know, the ones where they post of a picture of the acceptance letter to a good college and then they proceed to inform everyone that their kid got a full scholarship, and then the "humble bragging" begins, "I honestly don't know where my kid gets her brains from because both me and her dad never did well in school..." Blah, blah, blah. Or they'll post a video of their kid's game-winning base hit in a baseball game, but they'll "forget" to mention that in his last 10 at bats, he struck out seven times, four of them he got caught looking, and his batting average for the season is paltry 0.150. Parents should allow their kids to live their own lives, have their own dreams, experience their own triumphs, and learn from their failures. Don't live through your kids. Don't over-inflate your child's accomplishments just to make yourself look good as a parent to your family and peers. Don't over-worry about your child's struggles and think you are "failing" as a parent because of it. Finally, you don't need the big SUV or the body-lifted 4x4 Tacoma because, unless you're a pig hunter, the only "off roading" you'll be doing on Oahu is parking on the gravel parking lot at Sandy Beach or at White Plains.
Mahalo for the comment. I haven't encountered the humble brag stuff yet, but I'm sure it's coming. It's one of the reasons I don't include my boys in my videos. And yeah, won't be off-roading too much 😄
Having lived in a developing country for half my life I think you would benefit from visiting another country if you haven’t yet. Then you might realize how silly these thoughts you are having are
Changing at the beach, Eating in the vehicle, and Going bathroom in the car -- SUV and Minivan is pretty good. Used vehicle might be better though. With the world economic forum and bilderberg pushing the Green carbon agenda, might want to plan to go electric to not be extra taxed or be penalized in the future. Good luck man. Hawaii is a blue state and along with it is going to come the economic blues as we go green. Hopefully I wrong. Aloha.
I’m sorry, but comparing your child to others is your own insecurity and your thoughts of being a deficient parent. Concern yourself to your own family and don’t worry about what others are doing or what they think about your family.
The most important thing to remember is that your job, hobbies, comparing your kids to other kids, etc. are not more important than loving your kids and spending time with them so you *know* who *they* are. When you reach my age and your kids ignore you the way you ignored them, bum-bye you learn. Same way I did.
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Mahalo for the wonderful comments about parenting in Hawaii. And I think a Toyota Corolla or Camry for our family of four will be just fine 😆🤙
I hear all the time people saying “they bought a house”. Tons of IG photos showing it off later to realize that their parents and grandparents dropped the 200k down payment. Or bought their cars. In reality they really didn’t buy their house except they want you to think they did. Great topic. Many locals need to hear this because they wonder if they are doing something wrong. If my parents help buy us a house I would disclose that to friends. No shame.
I'm not on IG a lot so I don't see this, but I'm sure it happens.
so true
10000000% true
Chris, you hit a lot of good points. I think it's human nature to compare but have confidence in yourself and just do what's best for you and your family. When your boys start school, get to know their playmates and parents. We sent our girls to public school in our district because we didn't want them to have a long commute to school and didn't want them to have friends all over the island. That would have involved us spending a lot of time on the road during the weekend for their play dates.
The main thing is to focus on them being healthy and happy. That's what we did and I always told them their job was to study hard and learn as much as they can and our job was to work hard and earn money so we could buy them the things they needed.
And when it was time for college we told them to find a career they love because they'll be at it for 30 years.
We were lucky, our girls turned out to be be responsible, hard working adults.
Best wishes to you and your wife raising your boys. You're on the right track.
I was like you, but eventually a sedan did not have enough room when my child was involved with activities. It’s not a necessity, but it can be a struggle when you have equipment, potluck items, chairs, etc. but that being said, a sedan is so much more affordable. Also, I loved your points. I am envious of friends, who can afford private school, but my child has done well at Public school and there are life lessons there that she likely wouldn’t have learned at private school. One of the great lessons of parenting is not comparing your child to other children. You are ahead of the game.
Mahalo for sharing 🤙
Just found your channel and enjoying your videos so far! My wife is from Oahu so I a small glimpse into parenting in Hawaii via her family & relatives. Comparison to others is a universal human condition, but I theorize there are 2 Hawaii-specific points that gives the parenting comparison a unique flavor:
1. Asian culture - I was raised in Hong Kong and can see overlaps in the pressure to educate/expose kids to different learning from a young age, and to get into competitive private schools. There is also a base value in wealth, which is expressed through people "flexing" name brands or luxury goods.
2. Hawaii is made up of islands + there is a heavy family culture: it seems like there is less % of people moving away from where they grew up vs in the mainland, and/or there are more community relationships so people know a lot of people. I think this network effect makes people's reputation more important. To your point on generations of family - one might not be in the reputation competition game, but their dad or auntie might be... and family members get dragged into these comparison games.
Keep up the good content!
Mahalo for the comment. Glad you found the channel. Great point about keeping up a reputation because of the island community.
My son is 3, daughter is 1. I pray that no matter what we can offer them as they grow up here in Hawai’i that they’ll look back on their childhood and know they were loved and their parents enjoyed raising them, that we were involved and supportive but not overly helicopter parents lol. We definitely can’t be sending them to Punahou lol, but we can do the best with what we have. Thanks for sharing!
Mahalo for sharing. I hope my kids can also look back and see that we loved them and did the best we could.
@@HelloFromHawaii Isn't that what parenting IS ... just doing the best you can do, at the time you can do such? There is no one formula for being a good parent. You just wing it and do the best that you can do.
It happens everywhere. The minute your child is born, everyone starts trying to be the best. You and your wife are sensible and wise beyond your years, so just ignore it all and live your lives as simply as you can. You will not regret it. Take it from me.....70 years young and caring for my 26 yr. old severely disabled son.
Mahalo for the comment 🤙
"Comparison is the thief of joy" Theodore Roosevelt
What a wonderful family you have
Thank you so much!
It all boils down to being your own person and not letting other people's opinions dictate how you live.
Other people have mentioned this, but among the many things we need to give our children, I think the most important is to be parents who love and respect each other. You have that nailed!
(Relieved I’m a grandparent - all the wonderful parts of being a parent without the heavy responsibilities! 😊)
😄 I know my parents enjoy being grandparents.
Haha. This soo true. Comparing w each other was soo strong growing up.
Wife and I raised our kids without comparing them to others. We did our own thing and sent them to the local public schools, not charters or private schools. Both of our kids graduated from one of the top 10 competative colleges/universities in the country and that's where we spent our saved money. Both kids knew early on what colleges they wanted to attend and worked hard at it, and if anything they competed with each other and at the same time respected each other. Both are now in the working world. For our part, we gave them the oportunities and they took it. We do have a CRV for snow and long distance traveling. If I live in Hawaii, I would have no need for an SUV...
Mahalo for sharing. Glad they took the opportunities you provided.
Excellent points made here. In our little family we simply focus on kindness, empathy, a good work ethic, and good taste in music. 🤙🏽
Great family values 🤙
And emphasis on being great older cousins!
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
excellent advice
Great video again. Just do what feels right to you, nevamine everybody else. As a father of two (now 11 and 13 years old), I understand what you are experiencing and we have gone through it too. Most of these things are not unique to Hawaii. The private school vs public school thing is super amplified here though. If you and your kids are happy...you are doing it right. That being said, we have an Accord and CR-V, I love the CR-V. It actually makes loading and unloading the kids and all their stuff way easier because you don't have to bend down. 🙂👍
🤙 Agree about the schooling issue. A big deal in Hawaii.
Like the saying goes “The grass is always greener in your neighbors yard.”
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE this video! I understand that there are so many different challenges to parenting and education back home in Hawai'i. I live in Ohio. We are huge supporters of public ed though we went the charter route for a year due to Covid. I used some digital resources (online subscriptions) to supplement his learning in a fun, accessible way for him which was also familiar since at least one platform was also used in his brick and mortar school.
I really appreciate your spotlighting the importance of generational wealth, or the intergenerational assistance/dependence that so many of us grew up on. It's a huge factor in Hawaiian/ local culture of yesteryear at least. That was pre-Kumon and Apple products lol
I personally did not finish my degree, though I did thoroughly enjoy my time at the German university where I studied. I found a great guy and we are in a solid relationship and own our house for our kid. We push our kid *just enough* but he is not a rocket scientist, nor an athlete, and that's okay. We just need him to be a decent human being and a functioning member of society. When we talk to him about comparing himself to others, we show him reasons for gratitude because we are so fortunate, and we hope this inspires him to share, which he often does. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
How do you know he’s not an athlete or rocket scientist
@@gizmo7365 what a weird question. If you love your kid, you spend time, you invest time and resources to get to know them and let them explore. You let them succeed, you let them fail. You let them know it's all okay, and that it's okay to be different things, like to not be a rocket scientist, nor an athlete. The only place he runs to is the couch. He is a mathlete, and seems interested in engineering for the moment. Definitely not a rocket scientist. And there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, his dad's an electrician, and we hope he's open to learning the trade to have real-world skills which would serve him well also if he continues down the engineering path.
@@johmayo7042 my friend is actually a rocket scientist that works for Northoup. Plus my friend was also an engineer which has a lot to do with rocket science. you describe your kid as a mathlete which math is the basis of rocket science. My friend didn’t know what he was going to be as a kid. Ever heard of growth mindset versus fixed mindset?
@@gizmo7365 if my kid pivots, one fine day, then more power to him. Today, and for the foreseeable future, he is not pursuing that path, and that is absolutely fine. Again, my focus is a decent human being and a functioning member of society.
@@gizmo7365 i also don’t speak negatively of my kids. Some people don’t realize the impact words have on kids like failure (instead of learning) you’re not a rocket scientist or an athlete. Wow
good luck with the car shopping. it's still so crazy out there with low inventories and high prices!
I heard it's tough so we'll see.
First of all, you are ahead of the game in that you and your wife talk about things and come to a consensus (as far as I can see). That is major. I don't know what kind of car I would have if I still lived there (small and efficient if I were to guess) but when my kids were growing up we had a Volkswagon bus. It was wonderful. It often was filled with kids from the neighborhood and all the sand from the beach. I picked my kids up from school some times and ended up with half the neighborhood in the car too. It transported baseball equipment, picnic stuff etc and had a good life. But that was then. I agree with many of the comments that the most important thing you can give your children is a loving family where they learn the importance of living within or below your means and how to treat others with respect and compassion. You are on the right track.
Mahalo for the comment. The VW van must have been fun. We had a Toyota van growing up. Lots of room.
One word - Minivan!!!! Not cool but Uber useful. Trust me
Dont allow it to happen! The comparison game. You do you and do whats necessary and best for your ohana. Family values and happiness is the key. God bless you and your ohana.
Well said Chris especially about why it isn’t fair (or good to compare) because of all the local families who have family help (aka $). I know several friends who children attend private schools because grandma and grandpa pay.
Yeah, I'm sure it's tough to pay the tuition on your own. It's pretty pricey.
Your giving your children love, the most beautiful state to live in, and diversity morals and values!
As parents of a 10 year old son and a 7 year old, both with autism, we understand very well how easy it is to compare our kids to other kids. We saw other kids advance physically and developmentally while our kids stayed the same or started to regress. If it were up to me I would forget the new car, save the money, and focus on spending the time you save from not working with your kids. Even though we have tried multiple activities to keep them engaged we found that the more that we participated in any given activity the more they loved it. But we needed to be involved and show them that we loved it and that made all the difference, more than any activity or material imaterial item. Spend time, not money and that will make all the difference. Aloha.
Mahalo for sharing. I agree about the importance of spending time. Hoping to spend more time with my sons and show interest in their interests as they get older.
I love your outlook and the way you look at life and family
🤙
Each moment
We reach out
And touch Life
Easy to get up with "keeping up with the Jones." Not much advice here, but figuring out a way to ignore it or use it to motivate and do you. Just don't stew on it or let it bring you down -- that doesn't do anyone any good. I get caught up with it too sometimes. In the end the only thing that matters is you and your kids having a safe, happy home with all the essentials, like food, medical care, and a roof! I suspect I'll have the discussion on a similar topic that has its roots in the same comparing yourself with others like peer pressure, having the latest gadgets, and all that comes with being a kid in school.
As far as the SUV, it's way easier to get stuff in and out, i.e. kids, groceries, whatever! Trunk space is one of those things you think you don't need it until you do...wait until you start hauling a couple boards, 4 beach chairs, fishing gear, one cooler, basketballs, tennis balls, portable battery, cameras, and your dog.
Mahalo for the comment. Thankful that our family has the essentials. All of the other stuff is probably not necessary, but only nice to have.
The fact that you recognize the comparison trap is the first step in stepping out of it. Trust yourself. You know what your kids and family need better than anyone else. Trust your wife and you to do what is best for your kids. The only people who know that is you and your wife Treat each child as an individual with their own needs. Give them love. Give them clear boundaries. Give them respect. Your Ohana will thrive.
🤙
For me, this question/quandary that most of us face in the current modern world is truly simple: I really always try my best and accept the results…good or bad.
I grew up dirt poor in a third world country (no bathroom, no separate rooms, etc), and my parents were a janitor and seamstress once we got to America. I recognized that we were poor as a kid, but I understood the context as I saw my parents work hard every day and try their best. Of course I wanted the big house, the fancy cars, the nice clothes, etc as a kid growing up, but I realized early that those “good” things in life must be worked for and that simply wishing for them was wasted energy.
When I became an adult, I had a very well-paying career in Wall St…I could afford most of the things that were the things that people generally seek as status symbols or markers of the good life.
The irony of it all, though, is that as an adult, I find most of those things unimportant and don’t waste my money on them. My home is a nice home in a good neighborhood but not a striking one, my cars are a Subaru and an old an old Jeep, I dress in casual gym wear mostly, I don’t like “fancy” restaurants, etc…what I find important is having financial security, and making sure that my daughter is well fed, well educated and allowed to seek her curiosities.
I try my best and do what seems best to me…
Mahalo for sharing. Great to hear these encouraging words 🤙
You made some good points here. Just remember there are a lot of convienences that we spend .only on that with a bit of discipline we can do without. All of these add up.
Take time to teach yourself about money, sadly it's not taught in school. As you learn about it involve your kids in it. It's the best way for them to learn to appreciate the value of money instead of instant gratification.
I wish they taught about money and finances in school. Would have saved me a lot of lessons later in life.
Your son who won't go down the slide is going to be the one that does something remarkable with his life. Trust me... The most important thing is that your kids feel loved and that they have the basics to thrive. Spending all your time making more money and not being around sends the wrong message and will not make them better individuals. I was not close to my dad because of this, but thankfully my mom was there and she opened up possibilities in music, cooking, art, and most important, caring about others. She once told me, "As long as you're not in prison, I'm happy." It may have been a very low bar, but I was never pressured to do this or that, but to follow my own instincts. BTW your parents did a great job!
Mahalo for the comment. "As long as you're not in prison..." lol.
Does the upside down Aloha on your cap have any significance?🤔
I really like the brand, Aloha Revolution. Their website explains the significance.
The only question you have to ask yourself is “ARE YOU AND YOUR WIFE HAPPY?” if the answer is yes you are doing it right for you and the children! Love them, say it to them daily, spend time with them not electronic time, and raise them to truly love their siblings. I’ve known all this to be true as I’ve learned in my 63 years. I came to Hawaii when I was 25 I fell in love with it I really would love to live their! If you know anyone who’s looking for a very nice person that’s a widow and available let me know! lol. Love your channel because I get to see real parts of the Island sometimes when you film 🎥.
Thx Dawn
Mahalo 🤙
Mahalo, and keep doing a great job!
Hi HFH…the best thing for your family is to have one stay home parent. I was able to be a stay home parent & I loved it, I wish I would of known about home schooling & I would of home schooled all my children. Most of the educators at the public schools see your children as dollar signs & they really don’t care about your children. Also, I noticed that Ford trucks seem to last longer. I hope my comments help. Have a beautiful day!
Mahalo for the insight. I'm not sure we'll go with the homeschooling route, but glad that my wife can spend time with the boys when I'm at the office. Working from home has also been great.
Mini van dude
😄
For trunk space. Depends if your kids will be involved in sports or other activities later on. There’s a bunch of gear and equipment, especially if you help coach.
Research shows the school, the teacher, the resources don't matter. Parents are the biggest factor in a child's education.
Last week my husband and I were watching extraordinary attorney Woo, One of the characters said that he needs to be reminded that his children are not a form of report (grade) card. That was a very pointed statement for a parent! I wish I had heard that when my children were younger! BTW great job in studying what the needs of your family are and doing that instead of doing what you see others doing!
Great point. Our kids are not our Parent Report Card.
I’d pose a compromise on the vehicle. A Toyota Sienna has more space than a Highlander or RAV4. Even in this crazy market, used minivans depreciate more than SUVs. As the kids grow, so does the size of gear their for activities. You’ve talked about housing on your channel too. If you ever get into a house, you’ll wish you had a larger vehicle when you make all those trips to the DIY big box stores.
Mahalo for the suggestion. A van could make those Costco runs easier. 😄
Chris, I believe you will make the right choices. Most people in the USA know nothing about money management. The only monetary knowledge they have is "earn a dollar, spend 5 dollars". The ability and knowledge which would allow one to effectively manage one's financial resources is crucial for one's future financial well being. Purchase and invest wisely. Take care and keep making your videos!
That's because America emphasizes one to consume, consume, consume. Look at the CONSTANT adverting that bombards us 24-hrs per day on social media, TV, radio, magazine ads, Midweek ads, etc. When I think back to my grandparents, who were young adults during WW2, they spent their money so wisely. The never wasted anything. They reused plastic bags, paper bags, chopsticks, straws, foam cups, etc. They re-used it until the item fell apart. They never bought things they didn't need.
Mahalo for the comment. Appreciate it 🤙
Chris,
Hahahahaha.... I loved the video, and you are perfectly fine as you figured out. If you need to feel better about comparison, you can chalk one on your side, as you are light years ahead of me. I've never been fortunate to be a parent. I'm an uncle, Ohana uncle and sempai but not a parent, so all the difficulties of parenting and decisions, you are ahead of me. I wish I had been blessed with having kids but not in the cards. All my friends and relatives have encountered the same hurdles as you face and eventually, they all make it pass to the next challenge. They all do what they can and is necessary, and you will be fine. You instinctively know the right things that you experienced from the parents and relatives from past videos, so you know what they endured. Keep spending your most expensive resources on where it counts, time and emotional bonding with the wife, kids, and family. Everything else works itself out. We only go through life once, so we savory those moments as you live them and never regret those decisions. We don't know the future, so today's win or lose on something might be the opposite down the road, so we make those decisions as best we can and don't second guess it. We just savoy the good times, learn from the bad ones and try not to make old mistakes a second time. Keep being awesome.
Mahalo for the comment. Great to hear words of encouragement.
My children never talk about the clothes they had growing up in terms of having the best, they remember spending time at the beach after school and hanging out with friends and family to BBQ and run around. I always laugh because when they were little I always felt like we were never going to measure up to our friends that had the better car, newer fashionable clothes, cool toys. In the end, it never mattered anyway! My children have never said “i wish we had driven a better car or wore better clothes”. Lessons learned:)
Mahalo for sharing. I think we're like that too. I don't wish we had a nicer car growing up. Just appreciate my parents for the time they spent with us.
Actually my parents did a great job. My parents never told me I couldn’t do anything ~ they sat back & rolled their eyes. Early on they told me that if I WANTED something I’d have to work for it. I think knowing what fits for your family is key. If I couldn’t afford whatever my children needed I’d work for it or ask how I could attain it from friends/family. Do what’s best for you ! You can’t go wrong !!
🤙
I think you came to all sensible conclusions, there; and I think much of what you said is the same all over the US, at least, and maybe other places as well.
Comparison is one part of judgement, I think. We need it to make good choices, but not so much that we make bad choices!
This is one of the many reasons we do not post our photos on social media. We don't need other people's opinions and validations. We just do our best. Simple as that.
I can totally relate with the “needing to buy a bigger car thing” I have a little Corolla and baby #2 was born and I feel like I need more space, but when I think about it long term I’m like “Do I really need it?”
Yeah, the Corollas and Camrys are pretty roomy these days.
"When Parenting Becomes Competitive in Hawaii"
"I'm hoping to avoid the comparison game in Hawaii."
Certainly many truths behind the insecurities you mention, along with all of the pedestrian downsides of competition and comparison.
However ... perhaps there's some upside with embracing vs. avoiding. Beyond carseats and strollers. =) Especially since nature and life ultimately grades on a curve. Finite resources and time. Life is not always fair.
Using productive variants of competition and comparison to further cultivate discipline, accountability, and character can be a wonderful thing.
Actually, comparison sucks the joy out of life. He’s not suggesting to avoid healthy competition or embracing excellence, he’s suggesting don’t buy something you actually don’t need just to impress your neighbors. That’s actually a really difficult thing to do and takes discipline. The faster one realizes that someone admiring/envying your luxury car or expensive watch is NOT going to be beneficial other than stroking your ego, you then begin to lead a more authentic life and in time a wealthier life. If your ego needs a fancy car to feel good about yourself when you are “comparing” yourself to others, you don’t have much character and your ego is weak. Be authentic to yourself, stick to your budget and your needs without comparing. Healthy competition and striving for excellence should come from a place of purpose and passion, not comparison.
@@calidreams5379 I'm not sure why you're pulling egos, money, expensive watches and luxury cars into this thread. And how you can make a blanket statement like "comparison sucks the joy out of life" while agreeing that healthy completion and excellence can be good things.
Competition by definition involves comparison, even with the "I only compete with myself" cliche. It can come from a profound place of purpose and passion, but still requires objective comparison, in many forms.
As with many fundamentals, of course it can be abused and lead to dark places, but comparison can be a wonderful method to help you understand the what, where, why, and hows of excellence; help manage blind spots and biases, and you can even do it anonymously in a number of cases.
Mahalo for the comment. Appreciate the perspective.
If you really want no mortgage you need a plan. Either Dave Ramsey or rich dad/poor dad sort of way but definitely need a plan while you’re still relatively young.
The comparisons come from parents wanting to do the best for their kids and finding a measure in comparing to others. It is not always a bad thing especially if the motivation and hearts are in the right place.
One thing that is taxing on a parent's ego is when your young kid is doing some activity that they were enjoying and all of sudden they don't want to do it anymore.
Definitely can relate 😄
This is a very interesting topic thank you. What some people call a “rat race” exists everywhere though some places are much worse than others. Where I am from, it’s much worse - parents are often obsessed with “getting ahead”. And of course, often people end up with reasonably well paying jobs that they hate doing. Human beings are insecure and the herd mentality is hard to ignore, but I always thought that Hawaiians handle it better than most. Good luck! I admire the Hawaiian culture and often day dream about living there one day.
Hawaii is the worst rat race in the Us
It happens here too. Lots of people who are busy, but maybe not enjoying how things are.
The cool breeze of the Wind cleanses the Land afresh.
The fragrance of the flowers fill the air.
Warmth of soft sweet weather washes the Soul satisfying supreme.
Rainbows wreath the Sky.
The green Aina beckons the Spirit to reside in repose.
Waterfalls cascade nonchalant.
Laughter and smiles abound.
Mists touch the World briefly.
Rains wash The All, leaving us anew.
The sands and blue water invite, call, and caress.
The sound of the Sea lapping the Shore sings the rythym Time Immemorial.
I don’t know about competitive parenting among my kids classmates as we love and respected their classmate’s parents and I don’t think they competed with us. But I think we were guilty of telling our kids, ‘look at your cousin, she’s smart, she could do it!’ Sorry, my excuse is that we are Asian and we are not perfect.
I think kids should find their interest and see if they can work at being the best they can be without parents forcing them, but parents should encourage and try to support them.
We used to have a used, high mileage Honda Odyssey we got for 1/3 the cost of a new Honda. Super useful because I lived in it at Kakaako parking lot with my new born and 2 year old. We weren’t homeless- my wife worked nightshift and if kids were home while she tried to sleep…her mind was not in a good place so I had to keep them far away for a full work day. Later on when she was able to work day shift we got a Honda CRV. I don’t think it is a show off car. Super useful when we go the beach or go out to whatever with 2 kids.
Still thinking about the vehicle situation. Mahalo for sharing.
just do da best you can. I can't have kids so take it as a blessing. dont be so hard on them too, let the kids learn.
🤙
Mahalo
These parents keep eye on these kiddos
Still with all that is said this is the best place in the world to raise a
Child
For the most part yes they may be sneaky about going out to party why befuddles me it’s island people
TellAnd it usually gets back to the parents lol.
They also care for the keike.
This comparison grip sent my daughter and her son back to the mainland :)
Twin girls at the time I was heart broken
But I stayed 8 years longer.
My story includes one of my landlord going to a prominent private school
That was breaking their bank but tha was the status because pop was in contracting business aka handyman a lot of the time due to the building there was no bueno at times. He was aware at high school of the money and the position financially it put them in. Stressful …yes?
Comparison is tough anywhere and really not fair to everyone especially a smart child that feels
The pressure of look what they have sacrificed I have to do well I have to pay it back with a good Career you want that but the pressure right
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People that live through their children and compare themselves to other parents have forgotten the simplicity of life. You pro-create and have children that are already supposed to be better and stronger versions of yourself. All you have to do, is enable them to grow, avoid significant mistakes you might have made, and pay forward what knowledge you have learned as best you can. Multi-generational houses help emphasize this as lessons and knowledge are even more plentiful. The old saying, it takes a village to raise a child simply means the more people that a child encounters, is something that most people seemingly have forgotten.
Life is ultimately about experiences and sharing your talents/passion/love with others you encounter. Don't let society reduce the human experience to material objects and titles. Use your money on experiences and making memories. A child needs and likely cares more about time with their parents than their parents working longer hours just to have more material things or the best of the best. A child is more likely to remember the day they first jumped off a high dive/cliff rather than whether they were wearing the best rashguard/board shorts when they did it.
As children, we often do have dreams and ambitious material wants that we associate with improving our interests. Rarely though, does someone tell us how to work for it if we really want something or how practicing more in a pair of cheap football cleats will make more of a difference than the most expensive soccer cleats on the market. These things are not intuitive, it's up to elders/parents to educate.
Which brings me to my next point... Education is as much about parents as it is school. Private school teachers can be of lower quality than public school teachers. Learning about life is usually more important than learning about specific subjects. Imagination and creativity are reduced when you believe the only things that matter are what grades you make in classes. So why equate money to better education? The best teacher is the teacher that believes in a student and is able to captivate a young, impressionable mind so that it can question and learn complex topics in a simple manner and leave room to form it's own applications. You can find great teachers/educators in the poorest places.
In the military, it's true we do not have to worry about housing. However, our Commissary has changed its rules over the years to where their pricing can be similar to the local market. We still get great deals on meat and meat alone. Currently, they are considering merging the NEX and Commissary to further reduce the benefits. The NEX has absolutely horrible pricing on food/drink/snacks, and everything else is not much better - It's just tax free. But, if the price is even $20 different than Wal-Mart or Costco, I'd have to buy something valued at over $500 for it to be of benefit. Everything else is near comparable to Costco/Sam's Club prices - save special holiday sales being comparable. NEX used to easily match prices, now they do not match the majority of sale prices. Sadly, Wal-Mart here is seemingly predatory in pricing compared to mainland. Almost like they know they forced out the majority of markets and barely compete with Target for essential goods anymore. People pay more at Target to avoid Wal-Mart shoppers is seemingly the accepted mentality and they are monopolizing based on it.
I think Hawaiian's should be proud when they are not as materialistic and competitive as most military families though. Most of us struggle to live with aloha for these reason. If you're so focused on competition, you'll forget that cooperation is required because we're all ultimately part of the same team. Everyone loves western ideologies of consumerism and freedom. However, it seems as though most people forget that we have additional responsibilities to our community and neighbors with extra freedom; and having too much can be just as harmful as having too little. Ultimately, the balance all relies on every day people doing the right thing.
Wake up, be grateful for what you have, seek out growth in yourself and celebrate it for others around you, share your talent/passion with your neighbors, love your family/friends/neighbors, and never stop seeking new experiences/memories. Kids are smart, if you're doing these simple things, they'll pick up on it over time and you're already better at parenting than you think.
Mahalo for the great comment. Cooperation, not competition. Love it.
RAV4 the perfect middle ground
Okay this is definitely not Hawaiian local culture it is specific to Asian culture in Hawaii. I've noticed among Asian parents they're very competitive. But if you are in the normal local culture of Samoan Hawaiian Mexican Latino micronesian none from Asia cultures we are quite opposite of this and are from the heart ❤️ maybe it's time to make new friends?
But considering the majority of people in Hawaii have Asian ancestry or are atleast hapa Asian it's pretty much ingrained in the island culture now. And I dunno about you but Polynesian culture can be competitive as well... and there's almost no Latino and Mexican culture in Hawaii it's very small, so it's hard to really meet people like that. But I lived on the mainland and Hispanics are always working hard and trying to provide a better life for their kids comparedcto friends, neighbors , family etc.
I guess it depends on the particular family or community. But sadly keeping up with the neighbors or family members is a very capitalist way of viewing the world, which has kind of taken over most places in the western world.
@@aaronkamakaze2967 I raised five kids in the local public schools in Hawaii and I never came across competition or cattiness. I did have my daughter one year in private school where there were the majority of the parents were Asian and I left because I was so uncomfortable due to the competitive conversations the constantly took place it was disgusting to say the least. No I don't see the competition and local schools where the majority of the population is native, local mix, but not pure Asian like many private schools. maybe mixed with some Asian, but not that cut throat dog eat dog competition that comes directly from Asia. I don't have much interaction with Haoles but the privileged haoles and Asians or go to private school. I wonder if this is who his wife or him is mixing with. I don't mix with them, mostly down to earth locals. But the majority of the parents I dealt with at the private school that one year were pure Asian with the BMWs and just very cold and competitive I wanted my daughter out. I'm Mexican myself and there are plenty of Hispanics here mostly Puerto Ricans I come across them constantly.
Mahalo for the comment. Definitely see it more with the Asian groups, but could also be a Western thing or social media thing.
It’s also good to buy a more fuel efficient car for the environment and gas prices.
a materialistic prob... thus an Oahu prob... not a Owhyhee / Hawaii prob
I have 3 acres w/cabin thats cost same $$ as new SUV... have over 3 thousand Ohia trees on my prop, how many on Oahu can say that??? I sell native endemic plants and art, artifacts, etc. for extra $$ and hobby...
a far dif life from Oahu kine.... fwiw, I was born n raised in Kaneohe
My wife says that's a pretty cool microphone.
Thanks. I like it. Still working out the post-production.
No station wagons anymore.
So sad. I used to drive one in high school.
Hubby and I got a Kia Soul :) size of a sedan on the outside room of an suv on the inside. Thank me later! We are a family of 5!
Mahalo for the recommendation 🤙
Have you heard of the program love and logic? It is a good program for parenting.
I haven't, but has it worked for you?
Some comparisons are good buy nosy are detrimental to both the kids and parents. Our culture is “competitive “, like it’s a sports game.. We need to stop this!
Comparison is asians most celebrated pasttime
lol
Live within your means and your transportation needs. Teach your kids to be who you want them to be, the best of what you and your wife have to offer as far as character and personality is what made you both who you are today. If you start competing with other parents about parenting and lifestyle then you and your children will gain and be raised on someone elses way of life. Pick and choose what you want your kids to pick up from others and the rest of what they pick up should be from you and your wife. Otherwise you will have a weak influence on their interests and in what direction you want your kids to live their lives. It might sound somewhat controlling but you are literally in control of your children and should be at least for now. lol. Oh Yeah, and move back to Kaneohe, give your kids what you got from growing up there.
Mahalo for the insight. It would be great to move to Kaneohe one day. Miss those waterfalls.
Everyone is comparing. We all hear about teachers getting underpaid but they arw the very ones living a nice lifestyle with annual vacations to far off destinations and driving $70-$80k suvʻs. Obviously no one is really complaining about inflation and taking trips across the world still….
I haven't seen too many teachers like that, though. Local teachers?
@@HelloFromHawaii yes, many local teachers. I have 2 sons and have known many who live a pretty nice lifestyle for public school teachers. Not saying they are ‘t deserving but being underpaid is far from the truth for the ones I know.
I don't want children. It looks like a lot of stress and sacrifices. And children are expensive.
I want my body, my time and my money for myself.
Awesome that you recognize those things. Raising kids isn't for everyone.
For the record, born and raised. I have 15 and 17 year olds. I have never compared my keiki to anyone. I teach them work hard, practice loving kindness and compassion no mind what others do. This guy! smh A therapist all of a sudden. people I know don't compare their kids, this guy projecting his feeling of inferiority on all of you.
Mahalo for watching
I think parents today, not only in Hawaii, but all over the U.S., are simply WAY, WAY too involved in their children's lives these days. They, literally, smother their children by always being around and always being involved in their child's school life, athletic life, etc. I even heard of parents following their kids to college. And perhaps the saddest thing I see with parents these days is the "humble" bragging about their kids on social media. You know, the ones where they post of a picture of the acceptance letter to a good college and then they proceed to inform everyone that their kid got a full scholarship, and then the "humble bragging" begins, "I honestly don't know where my kid gets her brains from because both me and her dad never did well in school..." Blah, blah, blah. Or they'll post a video of their kid's game-winning base hit in a baseball game, but they'll "forget" to mention that in his last 10 at bats, he struck out seven times, four of them he got caught looking, and his batting average for the season is paltry 0.150. Parents should allow their kids to live their own lives, have their own dreams, experience their own triumphs, and learn from their failures. Don't live through your kids. Don't over-inflate your child's accomplishments just to make yourself look good as a parent to your family and peers. Don't over-worry about your child's struggles and think you are "failing" as a parent because of it. Finally, you don't need the big SUV or the body-lifted 4x4 Tacoma because, unless you're a pig hunter, the only "off roading" you'll be doing on Oahu is parking on the gravel parking lot at Sandy Beach or at White Plains.
Mahalo for the comment. I haven't encountered the humble brag stuff yet, but I'm sure it's coming. It's one of the reasons I don't include my boys in my videos. And yeah, won't be off-roading too much 😄
Having lived in a developing country for half my life I think you would benefit from visiting another country if you haven’t yet. Then you might realize how silly these thoughts you are having are
I've enjoyed visiting Japan over the years.
@@HelloFromHawaii japan is also a materialistic and consumerist country with many unhappy people.
Changing at the beach, Eating in the vehicle, and Going bathroom in the car -- SUV and Minivan is pretty good. Used vehicle might be better though. With the world economic forum and bilderberg pushing the Green carbon agenda, might want to plan to go electric to not be extra taxed or be penalized in the future. Good luck man. Hawaii is a blue state and along with it is going to come the economic blues as we go green. Hopefully I wrong. Aloha.
An EV looks interesting, but the charging would be an issue. Not enough chargers.
@@HelloFromHawaii Yep, that's the biggest problem with it. Plus takes time to charge to. Until Hawaii does a Biki EV with charging stations, hard.
I’m sorry, but comparing your child to others is your own insecurity and your thoughts of being a deficient parent. Concern yourself to your own family and don’t worry about what others are doing or what they think about your family.
Thanks for watching.
The most important thing to remember is that your job, hobbies, comparing your kids to other kids, etc. are not more important than loving your kids and spending time with them so you *know* who *they* are. When you reach my age and your kids ignore you the way you ignored them, bum-bye you learn. Same way I did.
Mahalo for sharing. Hope your family comes together in the future.