I’ve had curly hair all my life and haven’t taken an iron to it in close to a decade. The thing that both puzzles and fascinated me is that curly hair seems to be simultaneously mocked and yet desired by people who have straighter/wavy hair. Like nowadays I’ve been getting a lot of ads for haircare about people with super loose curls / waves getting specialized products for them and the like (which I’m not saying is a bad thing but I feel like those have already existed for a long time??). And I’ve also seen some people get really weird about curly hair not being an actual thing or not needing specialized products? It’s so weird man even without diving into the colorism / racism aspect.
yes, the weird gatekeeping that has appeared around whether or not you use products is very gross. no different than those who did the same thing with shampoos and sulfates in the diva curl community. i have always found certain curl types to be accepted or even coveted, particularly in the south. a looser, softer curl. or a beach wave, as long as it's perfectly styled and preferably blonde.
But notice that they want curls that don't exist naturally. They want the big perfectly uniform corkscrew curls that come from curling irons and hot rollers. They want glossy curls that come from straight hair that is coated in silicone based anti-frizz products. Real curls tend to be somewhat un-uninform and a whole lot tighter or looser than what your average curling iron will turn out, actual curly hair tends to have a much softer shine if any at all because curly hair by nature tends to have a rougher outer cuticle that doesn't reflect light as highly as straight hair.
@@mylifewithmarmalade4624yep! It’s curly but costs time and money curly. I always think about rich 7 yo hairstyle, you know the one volume at the roots, straight to the ear/chin and then big ringlets so shiny almost as shiny as the ribbon holding the half/quarter up
my hair has definitely been a big part of my journey. when i was a baby and a little girl i had perfect Shirley Temple curls. they were honey caramel and i had big blue eyes. perfect. then the curl pattern changed, the color turned darker, and my eyes got more grey and green. less good. then came the glasses and the frizziness and the braces and i just hated myself more and more. so next came the contacts and the straighteners and more emotional trauma, AND damage to my hair on top of it. i am in a much better place now, after my own foray into the curly girl method and everything that goes with it. i like it long and free. my grandmother would call it stringy and unkempt, but i no longer worry about her attempts at appearance control.
I am very grateful to the black community for introducing me to shea butter. My hair has always been wavy and frizzy but when I discovered shea butter it changed! Now my hair looks glossy instead of clean-but-fried
I have very straight fine hair & it always annoyed me because it never holds a style even braids were hard. I would love to have some curl but I also understand that curly hair can be looked doen on. I think there is like a societal "optimal" wavy/curly look that is valued because of the anti blackness and xenophobia that can come with being "too" curly or coiled.
I have wavy hair that's super thick and looks straight once dry due to its unusual texture and the hair underneath being more wavy than the top. I follow some rules, but they're specifically for my hair's texture and so it will not be damaged so that I can go longer between cuts and have it long enough to throw into a bun and to have a long braid. If the end of the braid hits my neck it drives me crazy, even using genuine hair ties. I love talking hair, but I just ignore the people who think they can dictate others' routines. I can tell people what works for me and what I've learned over the years, but I know not everyone can go a full week between washes or has a desire to learn how to use hairsticks.
Maybe I'm dumb, but I never felt pressured to straighten my hair to look 'prettier'. It was brown and wavy. Sometimes more curly and wavy, sometimes frizzy, sometimes more straight, depending on the weather. Now I'm grey but dying it and I want to stop but don't know how! -- which is a whole other story we women go through...
I was so jealous of my friends with curly hair. Mine is straight, i never liked that. I would love to hear more about curly hair and the world being against that. If i had to guess, i would say it probably is less controllable than straight hair.
Once in grade school the teacher put my hair (thick, brown) and a girls whose hair was bright light blond and straight under the microscope. My strand looked to be 5x's thicker than hers. Some in the class recoiled and gasped in repulsion when viewing mine, by comparison. It was soooo weird..i did feel bad in the moment, but it didn't really hurt in the long run. But thanks for reminding me of this incident. Very creepy and strange. I think it was mostly boys who were repulsed. Go figure!
This is probably a dumb question, but could you explain a little bit more about how the world is stacked against curly hair? My hair is not only straight, I wear it short, so I will fully admit to never having really had many run-ins with hair related trouble, and even thinking about it, nothing comes to mind because I am just so oblivious about the world of hair-care. Thanks in advance.
This is a bit of a tamer example (from a non professional) but one is that there are a shocking number of stylists who don’t know how to or WON’T cut curly hair. One horror story I heard from an old hairdresser of mine (also curly haired) is that back in the 80s, the way they cut curly hair was by flat-ironing it and then cutting it. The problem is that curls come back, and when they do the whole haircut looks off. Because it’s not a curly haired cut then - it’s a straight haircut.
I can only speak from a white woman's perspective, but it's just so many little comments. When you are a teenager and everyone is telling you how you should straighten it because it would be so much prettier. For any formal event, the pressure to wear it straight and smooth or use a curling iron so you have "good curls". So many white mothers can not seem grasp that curly hair requires more hydration and different types of products than straight hair, which leads to several not good outcomes. Our hair becomes even less manageable, more frizzy, more prone to breakage, etc. I have had jobs tell me I need to change my hair because it isn't "neat" enough.
also, every movie makeover (Princess Diaries, Breakfast Club, anything with a girl becoming "pretty") goes from fluffy curly hair to sleek straight and shiny. It feels crappy always seeing your hair type as the ugly problem that is "fixed"
It's a very good question and an important one. Curly hair is typically seen as messy, and morally degenerate. A lot of it is anti black racism. For that matter anti semitism and historical anti Irish sentiment doesn't help. Look at Disney movies. What characters have curly hair? Mother Gothel in Rapunzel, a villain. Merida in Brave, a rebel who doesn't want to be a "lady." Mia in Princess Diaries, an awkward ugly duckling. Mirabel in Encanto, the powerless "black sheep," or her aunt Pepa who is arguably highly emotionally unstable. Yes there are other characters in Encanto that have curls/texture, but notice that they don't include the "perfect" Isabella, or Abuela? Also notice that one character that arguably should have curls or texture of some kind, Tiana, has stick straight hair neatly pulled back in every scene. Basically if you have curls the first impression you make on your teachers/professors is likely to be one of the lazy kid who loves to party; hiring managers and supervisors are likely to judge you as unprofessional and/or unreliable; if you're a fem person you are likely to be judged as "easy" by prospective dates; if you're a masc person you are likely to be judged as "fem" by prospective dates. So you always have to work harder to make sure that the rest of your appearance and behavior help moderate or counter those narratives. So for example, I can't straighten my hair and have it look half decent. So to compensate for the curls, I will way over dress for interviews and important business meetings and wear glasses rather than contacts in business settings because I am trying to emphasize my brains and my professionalism in those settings. Practically because the world is so straight hair normative it becomes a logistical issue too. Finding stylists/barbers that know what they're doing is a challenge because cutting curly hair that you don't intend to wear straight all or most of the time is VERY different than cutting straight hair. Finding products that work well for curly hair can also be challenging and is also often more expensive.
Curly hair is very feminine, which is why it's so rare to see men rocking curls. Like...Justin Timberlake has been hiding his curliness for _years_ now. I've found Manes by Mell on YT to have a much less insane method (time-wise) for styling her curly hair. Biggest takeaway I've found so far is that your hair needs to be wet enough to squelch when you put your gel in and you need to put in enough to coat everything. Then you need to dry it without touching or fluffing it too much because that creates frizz, which is why you need to use a diffuser if you're blowdrying.
I’ve had curly hair all my life and haven’t taken an iron to it in close to a decade. The thing that both puzzles and fascinated me is that curly hair seems to be simultaneously mocked and yet desired by people who have straighter/wavy hair. Like nowadays I’ve been getting a lot of ads for haircare about people with super loose curls / waves getting specialized products for them and the like (which I’m not saying is a bad thing but I feel like those have already existed for a long time??). And I’ve also seen some people get really weird about curly hair not being an actual thing or not needing specialized products? It’s so weird man even without diving into the colorism / racism aspect.
yes, the weird gatekeeping that has appeared around whether or not you use products is very gross. no different than those who did the same thing with shampoos and sulfates in the diva curl community.
i have always found certain curl types to be accepted or even coveted, particularly in the south. a looser, softer curl. or a beach wave, as long as it's perfectly styled and preferably blonde.
But notice that they want curls that don't exist naturally. They want the big perfectly uniform corkscrew curls that come from curling irons and hot rollers. They want glossy curls that come from straight hair that is coated in silicone based anti-frizz products. Real curls tend to be somewhat un-uninform and a whole lot tighter or looser than what your average curling iron will turn out, actual curly hair tends to have a much softer shine if any at all because curly hair by nature tends to have a rougher outer cuticle that doesn't reflect light as highly as straight hair.
@@mylifewithmarmalade4624yep! It’s curly but costs time and money curly. I always think about rich 7 yo hairstyle, you know the one volume at the roots, straight to the ear/chin and then big ringlets so shiny almost as shiny as the ribbon holding the half/quarter up
my hair has definitely been a big part of my journey. when i was a baby and a little girl i had perfect Shirley Temple curls. they were honey caramel and i had big blue eyes. perfect. then the curl pattern changed, the color turned darker, and my eyes got more grey and green. less good. then came the glasses and the frizziness and the braces and i just hated myself more and more. so next came the contacts and the straighteners and more emotional trauma, AND damage to my hair on top of it.
i am in a much better place now, after my own foray into the curly girl method and everything that goes with it. i like it long and free. my grandmother would call it stringy and unkempt, but i no longer worry about her attempts at appearance control.
I am very grateful to the black community for introducing me to shea butter. My hair has always been wavy and frizzy but when I discovered shea butter it changed! Now my hair looks glossy instead of clean-but-fried
I hope everyone can unlearn the negative ideas that were placed on them to make them feel like they are not enough as is.
Professional here. Puberty often does import change in hair.
I have very straight fine hair & it always annoyed me because it never holds a style even braids were hard. I would love to have some curl but I also understand that curly hair can be looked doen on. I think there is like a societal "optimal" wavy/curly look that is valued because of the anti blackness and xenophobia that can come with being "too" curly or coiled.
I have wavy hair that's super thick and looks straight once dry due to its unusual texture and the hair underneath being more wavy than the top. I follow some rules, but they're specifically for my hair's texture and so it will not be damaged so that I can go longer between cuts and have it long enough to throw into a bun and to have a long braid. If the end of the braid hits my neck it drives me crazy, even using genuine hair ties.
I love talking hair, but I just ignore the people who think they can dictate others' routines. I can tell people what works for me and what I've learned over the years, but I know not everyone can go a full week between washes or has a desire to learn how to use hairsticks.
Maybe I'm dumb, but I never felt pressured to straighten my hair to look 'prettier'. It was brown and wavy. Sometimes more curly and wavy, sometimes frizzy, sometimes more straight, depending on the weather.
Now I'm grey but dying it and I want to stop but don't know how! -- which is a whole other story we women go through...
I was so jealous of my friends with curly hair. Mine is straight, i never liked that. I would love to hear more about curly hair and the world being against that. If i had to guess, i would say it probably is less controllable than straight hair.
Once in grade school the teacher put my hair (thick, brown) and a girls whose hair was bright light blond and straight under the microscope. My strand looked to be 5x's thicker than hers. Some in the class recoiled and gasped in repulsion when viewing mine, by comparison. It was soooo weird..i did feel bad in the moment, but it didn't really hurt in the long run. But thanks for reminding me of this incident. Very creepy and strange. I think it was mostly boys who were repulsed. Go figure!
That's so bizarre to me. Why would thick hair be repulsive?
@sammy4041 we need to ask the CULT Lady I guess
This is probably a dumb question, but could you explain a little bit more about how the world is stacked against curly hair? My hair is not only straight, I wear it short, so I will fully admit to never having really had many run-ins with hair related trouble, and even thinking about it, nothing comes to mind because I am just so oblivious about the world of hair-care. Thanks in advance.
This is a bit of a tamer example (from a non professional) but one is that there are a shocking number of stylists who don’t know how to or WON’T cut curly hair. One horror story I heard from an old hairdresser of mine (also curly haired) is that back in the 80s, the way they cut curly hair was by flat-ironing it and then cutting it. The problem is that curls come back, and when they do the whole haircut looks off. Because it’s not a curly haired cut then - it’s a straight haircut.
I can only speak from a white woman's perspective, but it's just so many little comments.
When you are a teenager and everyone is telling you how you should straighten it because it would be so much prettier. For any formal event, the pressure to wear it straight and smooth or use a curling iron so you have "good curls".
So many white mothers can not seem grasp that curly hair requires more hydration and different types of products than straight hair, which leads to several not good outcomes. Our hair becomes even less manageable, more frizzy, more prone to breakage, etc.
I have had jobs tell me I need to change my hair because it isn't "neat" enough.
also, every movie makeover (Princess Diaries, Breakfast Club, anything with a girl becoming "pretty") goes from fluffy curly hair to sleek straight and shiny. It feels crappy always seeing your hair type as the ugly problem that is "fixed"
It's a very good question and an important one. Curly hair is typically seen as messy, and morally degenerate. A lot of it is anti black racism. For that matter anti semitism and historical anti Irish sentiment doesn't help. Look at Disney movies. What characters have curly hair? Mother Gothel in Rapunzel, a villain. Merida in Brave, a rebel who doesn't want to be a "lady." Mia in Princess Diaries, an awkward ugly duckling. Mirabel in Encanto, the powerless "black sheep," or her aunt Pepa who is arguably highly emotionally unstable. Yes there are other characters in Encanto that have curls/texture, but notice that they don't include the "perfect" Isabella, or Abuela? Also notice that one character that arguably should have curls or texture of some kind, Tiana, has stick straight hair neatly pulled back in every scene.
Basically if you have curls the first impression you make on your teachers/professors is likely to be one of the lazy kid who loves to party; hiring managers and supervisors are likely to judge you as unprofessional and/or unreliable; if you're a fem person you are likely to be judged as "easy" by prospective dates; if you're a masc person you are likely to be judged as "fem" by prospective dates. So you always have to work harder to make sure that the rest of your appearance and behavior help moderate or counter those narratives. So for example, I can't straighten my hair and have it look half decent. So to compensate for the curls, I will way over dress for interviews and important business meetings and wear glasses rather than contacts in business settings because I am trying to emphasize my brains and my professionalism in those settings.
Practically because the world is so straight hair normative it becomes a logistical issue too. Finding stylists/barbers that know what they're doing is a challenge because cutting curly hair that you don't intend to wear straight all or most of the time is VERY different than cutting straight hair. Finding products that work well for curly hair can also be challenging and is also often more expensive.
im a white trans guy with curly hair and i’ve always hated it and felt like it takes away from my attractiveness and ability to pass.
I hope that you can love your curls someday. Have an awesome day today too!
Curly hair is very feminine, which is why it's so rare to see men rocking curls. Like...Justin Timberlake has been hiding his curliness for _years_ now. I've found Manes by Mell on YT to have a much less insane method (time-wise) for styling her curly hair. Biggest takeaway I've found so far is that your hair needs to be wet enough to squelch when you put your gel in and you need to put in enough to coat everything. Then you need to dry it without touching or fluffing it too much because that creates frizz, which is why you need to use a diffuser if you're blowdrying.
I'd like to see what your hair looks like 100% natural.just for fun, not controlling or telling you what to do. Just curl curious.😊