Why the Unfaithful Spouse Must Forgive Themselves
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.ย. 2024
- Today Samuel shares more insight into why the unfaithful spouse must forgive themselves if they are going to heal.
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairreco.... He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.
I'm praying for all who found themselves here hurting from the pain you caused the ones you love❤ This is no easy road to travel but there is light and lessons at the end of the tunnel❤ Praying for peace, love and forgiveness for us all🙏
I find it almost impossible to forgive myself
I as well
It gets better
Me too
@@Latenightwhenyouneedmylove Really? Like do you really mean it?
Does God forgive the sins of the repentant? Of course, so if you have repented, you should and can forgive yourself even if your spouse hasn't yet.
It’s being almost a year and I still can’t forgive myself, part of me is happy that she’s no longer with me because I feel she’s finally happy, but the other part of me is destroyed for not giving her the value that she deserved :( I feel I’m going to be like this for a couple of more years
Good luck brother. I feel the same 100%
I feel the same... It's destroying me from the inside out. I miss her every single day..
I knew I was largely healed when I experienced genuine sorrow for the pain of my ex wife. Empathy for someone you've hurt is impossible until you no longer have an ego to protect.
I hate myself I don't deserve anything..this is gonna be a long road
Hey man, is It any better?
We deserve it.
I want to believe this but it feel its so self serving and really I shouldnt ever be free of this I should hurt forever
Do you feel any better. I’m going thru this and hating myself so bad.
I watch all of these videos hoping for help, and I appreciate the advice...I will eventually have to forgive myself. Nobody addresses the hopeless unfaithful who is all alone in this shame when the spouse, friends, family don’t know. They would die. It’s like being all alone in your self-made hell and nobody can comfort you because you can’t tell. My spouse thinks I’m so upset and depressed due to having to move...but it’s this. I can’t forgive myself and nobody can help me.
it's not true that you can't forgive yourself and no one can help you. you have to decide to help you. you have to decide that you're going to help yourself change and heal. until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing, you'll stay the same. take this course: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing use an alias if you need to. create a fake email and sign up for the course. there are no materials to leave around. i know the pain you're describing, but you have to take action and decide you're going to change and get help and come out of the self pity.
Overcoming Infidelity -Thank you.
@@suzee2 have you made progress yet?
How going? , same situation here
Same I feel ugly disgusting 💔 I'm so hurt prayers to us not to b forgive by any but ourselves
My guilt is drowning me in this cancer of pain and hurt. I made such a huge mistake. I'm so sorry. I don't know how I can get past this. How can I forgive myself.
i understand completely. it's essential that you do your own work. reading books, finding a professional to help you walk through this, finding community support. you can forgive yourself and you must forgive yourself, but you'll also need to do the work to try and save your marriage, if that's what you're doing.
I hate myself. I can't escape from it.! I hope if u see this in future, i just want to say I am sorry. You always loved me. I just want to say that i am sorry.! I can never forgive my self. I am sorry for giving you such a hard time. 😔
I feel you 😞
I wish I cud say some of those things too... but she left and I did enough damage, i dont want to bother her anymore and do anything else to upset her. She deserved better... just want her to be happy, even if that means I'm by myself and alone. Cuz I know I did this to myself, and her... I hope your healing process is going better than mine
@@SoatHomb i feel the exact same way ive been in this deep hole for 2 weeks now and i still havent been able to forgive myself
It’s incredibly hard I feel the same way . My husband unfortunately passed away and my guilt had tripled by 1000% and when he passed away my first thought I WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF” such a hard thing to do I pray one day we can try at least
This is so good. I watch this not as someone who was unfaithful to a spouse, but who was unfaithful to God. This is helping me.
Really needed this man
I will rewatch this over and over again until he sinks in . First thought when my husband passed away 5 months ago was I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF” and I still haven’t it and don’t know when I will but thank you for this video I needed this more than you know
I thought I forgave myself but how do I deal with my faults being thrown in my face every chance he gets. It’s been three years since the infidelity happened. I want to get through this but he is reminding me that it’s all my fault things aren’t as great as they could be. I need help
he needs help to heal and grieve and let go of the anger. i would get help for both of you to be able to create space for both of you to heal and find healing. also, i would see if you can lead things with getting help and creating the opportunity for him to then get help to heal from the pain and hurt. it's his pain and anger that's causing him to lash out and say the things he's saying. i'm sorry you're having to hear them as i know they are painful.
Overcoming Infidelity Thank you. I will be searching for some therapy
Pain that is not transformed is transmitted. It has been 14 years since I had my affair and now we are dealing with his. I sometimes feel like the last 14 years of our relationship is marred with affairs. He did not work through his pain and when he brought things up years later I thought he was just being horrible. But what I did not realise was that his pain was still alive and raw. When he started being quiet about it I thought we had moved passed it in the right direction but that is when his affair started. Now we are stuck. I cant deal with my pain cause he has not dealt with his. So get help for both of you even if he says he does not need it, he does not realise it but he does. Do whatever it takes to purchase the field.
@@samshealingpodcast im going through the same situation. I cheated every time he through it in my face he cant forgive me. He stay with me for 4.5 year break up get back together break up get back together. Now he cheated on me and this week he broke up with me for good.
I hope youre situation is better im just going into this phase im letting my girlfriend express her pain and kind of allowing myself to hurt
I really hurt my partner by being unfaithful. January 17th, 2021 would have been 6 years but we broke up January 1st. I miss her dearly and wish I could take back my bad decisions. I love her from the bottom of my heart. She doesn’t want anything to do with me though. All I can do is just be patient and learn to start the process of forgiving myself. Because I really do feel like the worst person in the world. When we had an argument she once told me I don’t know... I worry you are a bad person at your core and don’t have my best interest in mind that broke my heart and it keeps replaying in my head everyday. I really care about her and pray things workout.
mate im in the same situation, this sucks so much and it brings me comfort knowing im not alone
This thing in your heart, the feeling of guilt is what makes you a good person. Don't give up. Focus on forgiving yourself and change for the better . You're not alone in this .
Any update have you talked to her
Any update ? I’m in a situation .
Did things work out?
By the end of this video i was shedding tears, i’m more stuck than i thought and it doesn’t seem like i’m going anywhere or getting any better.
Samuel, we're seven weeks out from D-day. We've watched many, many of your videos and I can't tell you how much we appreciate your doing these, so we can reap information from you. I really, really hope that someday my husband will become as self aware with such a vast understanding and kindness---like you have...
Hearing how mean Samantha was towards you after the affair makes me think that I’m just too nice!!My husband and I are going trough the same thing,but my husband isn’t trying to do anything to come towards me at all and I wish he would lol!🤷🏽♀️
she wasn't that bad my friend. but she stood up for herself and she drew boundary lines and enforced them. maybe you're not enforcing your boundaries or demanding he do what you need to feel safe? perhaps it's time for expert help?
incredible video, thank you for calming my mind and giving me a path to follow. as someone who is the unfaithful it’s hard to grasp where the self work needs to begin but i’m finding it easier to comprehend. thank you for your work!
Yes unforgiveness and shame keeps you stuck. It keeps you chained to the bondage and pain and keeps you going back to the things that causes you the pain, keeping you in chains to your passed. JesUS die for all your shame to set you free. Choose His forgiveness and be set free. You are worth it, and the ones around you deserve it to. You are loved. 💜✝️🌈
Amen 🙏 I love this . Thank you
AMEN
I think I won’t be able to forgive myself ever for hurting him.
how are you now
I’ve been waiting for the person I’m currently with for 10 years. I’m finally with her and a year into our relationship I was really messed up and started talking to another girl. She found out the next day and I was just so angry at myself. Being messed up is no excuse for infidelity. I can’t seem to forgive myself for that. :(
Me too i cry every night
The same
We are still together and she forgave me, but how can I forgive myself after what I have done, I told her everything after I did it, I have so much remorse and I feel disgusted, when we are together I have to pretend that I forgot and I’m having a good time again, but everyday I still cry because of my actions…
hello it’s been a year.. did it get better?
I feel like complete crap absolutley so.
This is the best one on this subject. It’s a girlfriend in my case.Thank you 🙏🏻
I think no one ever explained this topic with this intense, WHAT PERSON REALLY FEELS AT GUILT IS SO UNDERRATED , It has been three consecutive years m still in regret and guilt its so difficult to even fall asleep. I apologised to him but it was more abt me rather then him it was me who hasn't forgiven myself . things could have different and that haunts me always m not able to form ny new relationships got more tangle in my own insecurities . I hope I pass this phase of gloominess and see the brighter side and may he be healed and happy
Recently told my wife I cheated on her, can’t seem to forgive myself or willing to accept her forgiveness in the future.
So do they have to forgive themselves before they can say they are sorry? I haven't even heard that. What if they don't understand why they did what they did and have a problem telling you how they feel or even understand the depth of hurt?
no, but for long term healing and relapse prevention they're going to need to. it sounds like it's time to get expert help my friend and to go all in to the healing process from experts.
I just have a hard time feeling that my wandering wife truly feels sorrow that is that is compatible with the pain that she has given me. I have watched a lot of your videos and I enjoy them and they have been helpful but I simply do not think that she fully understands what she has done nor will she ever.
Mine will not forgive me. I didn’t cheat but I lied. I’m remorseful ashamed and embarrassed. Why do some forgive and some don’t?
very complicated to answer without a ton of back story. at the end of the day, what did you lie about? what was the deception regarding?
Do you have the link to part 1? Can't seem to find it
th-cam.com/video/7vVYmDljGyU/w-d-xo.html
Am from Tobago and my husband needs a group to go in for help.
see if the time change will work and he can take this course: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing
How can you encourage your partner to want to work on things? Right now I’m blocked but I’m currently pregnant with his child but after disclosing my betrayal he has ended things and asked not to be disturbed not even about his unborn child. I’m dying to work it out. Please help
I cant forgive myself for what ive done. I was unfaithful to my girlfriend. I mess up and i own it. She still stayed with me. Sadly shes not the same shes hurt alot. Shes not the same anymore. I blame myself everyday for what ive done. I hate myself and i cant accept what ive done. Everyday, i wake up hating myself and feeling disgusted with myself. She told me she doesnt wanna talk about it and move on. Its hard to forgive myself. I cant forgive myself and i cant make the pain go away. Im embaress of what i did. Im trying to hard to fix her. But i know she will never be the same. Its like a car frame. Once the frame is mess up, you can fix it but it will never be the same. Maybe someday, ill forgive myself. Maybe someday....
You CAN fix it. Be grateful you still have her in your life! I was unfaithful for reasons that had nothing to do with sex, and now the woman of my life is gone forever.
You can fix it. Give her time, forgive yourself, work on yourself, and become a new, improved man. You can do this.
You messed up and you're honest about it. Staying in that hole will only make it worse. The fact she stayed with you shows that there's hope. Do the recovery work. It will be painful but you both can overcome this.
You can do it, focus on helping her heal, and healing her heart okay ❤️
She forgave you , don't mess it up with your misery- give her the world she deserves
I hear you talk about people in marriages getting over infidelity but I don’t ever hear about people who aren’t married. I’ve been in a five year relationship with my girlfriend and about 8 months ago I found out she was cheating on me with her boss. When I asked her how many people she’s cheated on me with she said it was with 4 people and it goes 3 years back. Am I supposed to just walk away since we don’t have any commitments like children or marriage? She says she’s changing and has been going to therapy and has had me go with her to couples therapy but I still just don’t know what to do.
After five years of relationship, there's a lot worth fighting for in there. What do you want? Figure that out first. These guys have a lot of tools to help. Go to their webpage. Im not advertising or anything, it's just that AF has helped a lot.
i say spouse or partner in several of my videos. you can still get help though you're not married by utilizing our website and courses: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses
She needs help. A lot of help. Be careful, at least you found out now. What’s tolerated in dating is amplified x10 in marriage. If you decide to eventually marry her you’ll do so with your eyes wide open. But if it were me, I’d be glad to find this out b4 marriage and b4 kids....you can choose to leave rather than feeling “stuck”
I didn't have a marriage when the occurrence happened. We slept in different beds. We had zero affection. We were room mates.
Same here.
😢
She forgave me but I can’t forgive myself I’m still with her but I don’t wanna make her feel that pain again the day I made a mistake is the same day I told her I will carry the words she told me on that day with me
If she has forgiven you , you need to forgive yourself and focus on making sure you'll make her happy FOREVER
DON'T GIVE UP 🤗🤗🤗🤗
Where is part one?
th-cam.com/video/7vVYmDljGyU/w-d-xo.html
Sam how long did that reization take for you after disclosure. My husband is stuck in that mode. 24 years of marriage he filed in April it is unbearable to be around him.
Praying for you both