The 18 year old step son picking on the appearance of a 16 year old cancer patient is not harmless teasing. OP's husband joining in laughing DEFINITELY isn't. Divorce him before the damage done to the daughter is permanent.
I'm pretty petty and would have thrown it back in their face at the wedding and ask if the reason they're bullying her daughter is because of their tiny penises.
That poor girl. Not only does she have to deal with cancer she has to deal with a stepbrother who is bullying her for nothing she can control. I would leave the husband. That poor kid just hearing this makes me want to give her a big hug.
I agree. I don't know how those people can sleep at night whilst they bully a child going through the worst time of her life. Her lack of confidence and low self esteem probably is the stepbrothers fault. Sure her losing her hair through treatment factors into it, but her stepbrother always finds a way to humiliate and torment her every chance he gets. That must be exhausting and very difficult to deal with, especially with everything else the poor girl is going through. He's 18 years old. What a POS he's grown into, just like his dad.
Imagine if the tables were turned- Wife: you have a small p3n1s Husband: wft, I can't help it/ no I don't Wife: oh honey, I'm just teasing hahahah You bet your ass they wouldn't be laughing then. How horrible does one have to be to actively mock someone who is suffering from a potentially life threatening illness and try to play it off as nothing serious.
I honestly think that at that moment, it would have been completely fine to slap Ben across the face. That would have done more than anything she did say or could have said. He is 18. He knows better.
First story: he may be suffering but he was acting creepy. She tried to talk to him and he wouldn't answer. It's not on her to open the door and let him in! Utter nonsense! 🙄
Right? I feelnlike tye comment just completely 8gnored all the parts where he wouldn't talk to or answer her when she tried to talk to him. He also completely ignored the fact that she stopped letting him in and kept coming back anyway.
Doesn't matter what he was going through, he could have taken his kids with him or found other childcare. Who says she HAS to act like what they consider adult behavior?! Is there a law? No!
Wait. How does BIL have babysitters to sit on her couch but not to go to his dad? The babysitter will watch them all day while he couch potatoes everyday but not in an emergency?
They were probably at school or daycare. Which is why he spends his free hours at ops because being home alone is to hard. The last time seemed to happen at a different time the he used to come over.
@@tracim3080 oh that makes sense! I really couldn't figure out why he was doing it but I'm sure that's why! I bet you're exactly right he just doesn't want to be alone at home. But why didn't he just say that when she asked him? I'm sure they could have come up with some compromise! To be fair she could have spoken to him and said hey bro this is really making me uncomfortable please just be honest with me no matter what the reason is why do you keep doing this? And they could have talked about it then.
@@WhitneyDahlin doesn’t sound like a family that’s good at communicating. Op just straight up stopped opening her door instead of saying “sorry can’t come in today I’m busy with work”. This story really just needs someone who can help the talk to each other.
Story 1: I have a feeling he's trying to use the OP as a stand-in for the deceased spouse. They never got along or interacted in meaningful ways before, but after losing his spouse he spends every moment the kids are away bothering her? And when he needs emergency childcare, instead of contacting everyone he knew until someone accepted he went over to his wife's sister without giving notice as if she was the ONLY option? Absolute nonsense. He's unstable and needs therapy. The family needs to be made aware that he NEVER thought of using any of his support system apart from that one unwilling person. Instead of scolding her they should scold him for not thinking about contacting THEM for help first.
@@MMKMoore1 Oh holy cows ov India! That is so incredibly creepy and gross 😂 I am so sorry for your loss and for having to deal with that awkward time with him.
Add that and put the entire family on blast via the socials, seldom go with the nuclear option but FFS this girl survived cancer treatments and they're mocking a very young cancer survivor who is still at that age where massive moral support is needed to reassure very deep insecurities. That POS husband is enabling and raising a bully encouraging the little shit to punch down when he should actually punch up. The only way OP can be the asshole is if she stays with that piece of excrement.
I agree then take off the wedding ring off and put it on the table in front of husband then grab my daughter and move out! My uncle Jeff had cancer and unfortunately passed away and now my grandpa is going through the same thing! If anyone makes fun of them they’ll be hell to pay
Story1: NTA. I'm sorry BiL is suffering, but so is OP. She has every right to feel comfortable in her home, and he was making her uncomfortable. I do think OP should have talked to him on the phone, told him she wasn't letting him in and why. I have to wonder, did he actually have an emergency? It seems very suspect that he couldn't be bothered to send a text.
It put me in mind of the little boy who cried wolf. When BIL really needed something, she didn't respond. It is his own fault. I wonder if he was working up the nerve to ask OP out?
She didn’t owe him an explanation. She’s a good one though because the first time he came in I would have asked him to leave. This isn’t a grief center. Get out.
Story 1: NTA. Sister is grieving too. It is okay for her to set a boundary. His behavior is not her fault. She was working, she doesn't have to entertain him for 3+ hours at a time. OP has had no way of knowing what was going on with him. Also dude could have brought his kids with him.
The only thing I’d do differently is tell him, “hey, you can’t can’t come over at whim like that any more.” Otherwise, I think OP is NTA. She’s not married to the guy; why is it her business to prop him up emotionally, especially when she’s grieving the loss of her sister, too?!
Now don’t get me wrong. Guy has issues and needs to see a therapist. But did OP even say “hey, you’re making me uncomfortable just showing up like this. If you need to come over. Send me a text, or give me a call etc” Instead OP flat out ghosts the guy who’s grieving for his wife and most likely wants to be near someone who reminds him of his late wife.
"Do you own the lake, if not, who does? Does that person allow fishing?" I swear to Christ on a bike! Do these redditors actually read the posts they comment on? OP clearly stated you can legally fish in the lake if you pay $25.00pa for the licence!
Cancer survivor story: I'd tell my daughter that she has my full permission to kick ben in the junk as hard as she can if he bothers her again in any way. If dad protests tell him her foots just bonding with him and laugh it off.
Second story NTA and to the one who said YTA when op first met the lady she asked if the lake allowed for fishing and op said that yes as long as you pay the 25 dollar fee.The lady is the one who escalated the situation.
OP should get a restraining order against Ben for her daughter, effectively getting Ben out of the house. Then she should start divorce proceedings against the husband, so he sees how serious she is.
Re: visiting brother in law. I understand why he may have been visiting, especially at first, but he crossed into ‘not healthy’ territory. I stayed in touch with my late husband’s brother (or rather, he with me) until he crossed a line (not ‘that’) and I had to block and go full no contact. Edit to add: it’s a way of trying to hang on to what you’ve lost.
you mean the "BOUNDARY" op never told the BIL about. That is a double standard. Op dose not have tell the BIL anything because of grieving, but he has to ignore his pain to perfectly express his feelings.
@@k70freeman op couldn’t set a boundaries when the brother in law won’t even acknowledge it’s happening when he’s not at the house and won’t say anything at all when he’s not there. They were never close and she doesn’t owe him emotional support when it come at the sake of her comfort and sense of safety in her own home.
@@melvinthewatermelon4459 it's called audio words i.e talking . before playing the " i can't see you", You really don't understand if he was a real threat , He wouldn't have fucking cared if Op let him in. He would have broken the door down, or done something. Just maybe using some godman common sense , instead of going men = danger. He feel the same way as Op, Confused, hurt, don't know what to say/ do and etc.
She never said she told him how she felt or gave him any healthier options. That's what kills me. He was grieving and I know it can be uncomfortable but to see a woman that looks like his late wife. Must have meant a lot to him.
@@toddydog3 Honestly, I don’t recall if the story suggested that the deceased wife and the remaining sister looked alike. In my own late husband’s family, the two brothers looked Nothing alike (and Were nothing alike). Not to be, I don’t know… I’ve never quoted a rock song before.. but Air Supply, Making Love Out of Nothing At All… was not about relating the dead to the living in a ‘love’ sense as much as it was about having any living biological connection, in any way, etc., a ‘Blood Connection,’ if you will (don’t know that that’s thing, was just what I appreciated at the time, and was taken advantage for in a crass, worldly way. Side note: Worldly way cut off had to do with intersection of untimely passing of only child, a son, with lying to the law/abusing identities/addresses .. and the last ‘words,’ in quotes because text, with respect to now cut off brother in law: Late Son: “Oh, that’s F’d up.” Given all of the above, I cut a Lot of slack to grieving people. We do really crazy things. But there is a line.
1. NTI. He was not asking for help, he was just sitting on OPs couch creeping her out. Though the commenters made a good point about actually telling him not to come over. Though he really should have gotten the hint. At end of day OP did nothing except try to avoid an uncomfortable situation. Why couldn't the parents watch their grandkids or whoever watched them the other days he just sat on OPs couch?
Story 1: "You should have communicated!!" Excuse me why didn't he?! Why is the whole responsibility for communicating thrown onto her when he keeps coming over and just creepily sitting in her house? And he didn't communicate that he needed people to look after his kids at all. Bloody hell people
When you’re uncomfortable with someone’s actions you tell them. You don’t try and ask them how their feeling. If he wasn’t communicating then what stopped her from saying “Hey this is making me uncomfortable. You can not come over until you get some professional help.” That’s the proper way to set boundaries not ghosting someone. But op is still not the asshole because she’s also grieving, so she might not be that level headed.
@@bkjay20 why is it okay for the brother in law to assume he has a right to op’s time and space without explanation for three hours A DAY. They weren’t close and she doesn’t owe him anything. She was nice letting it go a couple of times but if you can’t see why a man who’s insisting on invading op’s space without speaking to her and refusing to acknowledge its happening would be scary for a woman I don’t know what to tell you. Why does she owe him the courtesy of communicating when he NEVER gave it to her? You’re holding op to a higher standard.
@@melvinthewatermelon4459 No. I’m not holding op to a higher standard and I never said he had a right to op’s time. I said instead of just ghosting him she should have communicated her boundary first. How do you expect someone to respect your boundaries if you never tell them about it? You can’t. I never said op was wrong but that she could have handled the situation better. But because she’s also grieving she might not be able to see this point of view. But hey go off sis.
@@bkjay20 HE should have communicated first. He never asked permission to come over. He’s the one who forced the situation by refusing to talk and not giving the op a chance to say no. The responsibility of communication isn’t only on op. He isn’t entitled to an explanation when he’s scaring her. The next time some dude is outside your door are you going to yell at him to leave until he maybe gets angry and potentially escalates or pretend your not home hoping he loses interest and leaves? Yeah it may be her brother in law but they aren’t close and he’s been acting in a way that would cause many women to be scared alone with him in their own homes. And most rapes and assaults against women are commit by someone they know.
@@melvinthewatermelon4459 What are you talking about? You’re literally not even addressing what I said or you’re just don’t understand it. If you want someone to respect your boundaries you have to communicate said boundaries. If op would have done that after like the second or third time the BIL probably wouldn’t have shown up again. You can’t expect someone to read your mind when their making you uncomfortable. But hey since this clearly going no where Have a Smiley Day😁.
On pregnancy story, NTA. The "Schrödinger's pregnancy" is tangential to the real issue. The "Schrodinger's mother" appears to always want to make every conversation about her, and OP called her out on that without even any reference to the pregnancy. OP isn't an AH for getting sick of someone being an attention hog, or for calling them out on it. Absolutely NTA
My own sister gets like this. When she goes off on her own tangent after hijacking the conversation I just sit in silence occasionally nodding until she runs out of steam, inevitably never asking about me. People like that are so totally self centered that they don't even realise they have done it, and if confronted they'll bring up the real obscure examples of when they weren't like that, in complete denial. The funniest thing about the potential pregnancy is the stuff the sister is complaining she can't do, she very much can. While exteme changes aren't recommended when it comes to exercise, it is (unless specified by a doctor) totally safe to do things like gym/ outdoors activities. With what you eat that's more of a concern how it's prepared. Sushi can be cooked, or in some cases the fish can be frozen then defrosted to kill parasites and bacteria (so long as the fish is low in Mercury and correct methods are taken). Alcohol is definitely something to avoid before during and after but there are alcohol free wines if you like the taste and if you are craving a sip of that cool beverage to the point you are complaining about it you may have a problem. The sister is just complaining to complain, probably likes the extra attention.
I tried to get pregnant for almost 13 years before it happened, that's life. Yeah I commented about it on FB, but I also talked about my animals, my husband, my interests etc. There is occasionally needing to vent and get your feelings out there as you worry your life and opportunity for children is passing by, and there is being a psycho. Sister is dipping into second category 🤣🙄
Precisely. It's not about pregnancy, it's about the sister constantly making everything about her. I've dealt with this kind of behavior and it's exhausting - hijacking conversations, going off on long unrelated rants, doing everything they can to be the center of attention and yanking the spotlight off of others. It's so draining.
@@courtneypaquette3475 I have a boss who is like this, you start a conversation about something random and he turns it to how had something like that or his kids has something like that and at one point your wonder if you actually have a conversation or that he is just listening to himself. I try to avoid speaking with him lol
Story 1: BIL should be an adult and communicate what he wants instead of just sitting there for 3 hours. Maybe he wants OP to take her sister's place. Creepy dude!
That stepson needs a beating or at least a serious education on how cancer is. And the father enabling this behavior is twice as disgusting as the son. Nevertheless, I still applaud all the people who beat cancer
The narrator trying not to laugh at Shrodinger's pregnancy made me have to pause the video because i started laughing so hard. Like seriously..the idea of handing her a test every time is epic and perfectly petty..i love it. Or just ring a bell everytime she says that ...then give her a piece of candy.....Good puppy.. LOL
Story one, I wouldn’t open the door either…..Your mom sounds awful, she can take care of him if she’s that upset over it. Just sitting on couch saying nothing for hours? Nope .
Oh, ducking please. Did you people not read where she DID try to talk to him. Mom can take him into her home and mind the grandchildren. Where is Ben, the @#$% dad and family. I can have their lil red wagon fixed.
People never read the part where someone tried communicating because they get so caught up in “poor, sad window/widower should never have to still be accountable for boundary stomping while they’re grieving” nonsense.
But when she was asking why he came over, and just sat in the couch, he was dodging the question. She DID try to comunicat, but he either avoided the question or started to talk of other things. It's not her job to comfort him in his grief, she was grieving to. And she tried for 3 months.
@@hellefur6631 like the person you’re responding to said comforting someone and telling them that their actions make you uncomfortable are two different things. Op was not wrong for ignoring him, but I do agree that if she would have communicated HER feelings to him instead of just ghosting him no one would be here. But that’s my interpretation.
Story 1: NTA ummm what did I read in those comments? Did any of those peoples ACTUALLY read what OP wrote? He wouldn't answer any questions or talk to her at all. How was she supposed to set a boundary when he refused to engage in conversation beyond "give me a glass of water"? As it is, she stopped letting him in...and HE KEPT COMING ANYWAY. That tells me HE WOULDN'T HAVE LISTENED ANYWAY. He was behaving badly and expected OP to take. Screw that.
On the fishing in the lake story: One of the comments says do you own the lake? Did you get permission from The owner to fish? But the gentleman already said he paid his licensing fee to fish in the lake. Therefore, Miss Sophie can take her letters and shove them. When I look at homes to purchase I always search for no HOA. They are so much trouble.
Recycled letter paper? (Think of the old cheap crunchy version of 'recycled paper', the type that feels like thin tin foil). Eugh! 'Shoving them' really does sound like almost too much of a punishment!
She should talk to him but he never speaks to her? How creepy... Why should she communicate when HE won't? Put the guy in a car and drop him at a grief support group.
"This will just snowball..." And Sophie's the one waiting at the bottom of the hill to get flattened by it. The person who left the last comment on the fishing story clearly didn't read the whole post. Does the person who owns the lake allow fishing? Yes, as OP explained when Sophie first confronted him. OP should've explained the situation? Literally what he did when he told Sophie he's allowed to fish in the lake. Hope someone on reddit pointed this out to that commenter, the fact that reply was included in the video implies it got a fair amount of (undeserved, imo) upvotes.
Apparently the lake is publicly owned by state, county, or city (or equivalent in other countries) since there's a $25 license fee. Few lakes in the US and Canada are privately owned.
First story: Donuts to dollars, if she had asked him to stop, he probably would have told the mil that and she still would have been called heartless so why bother... Not to mention, he apparently took notice that she was avoiding him, as he DID tell mil about THAT, and yet, here he was still trying?? I think she did the right thing. And, seriously, is OP the ONLY one who could have watched them?? I mean, he was dropping them off SOMEWHERE when he would invade OP's house for hours... why didn't he drop them off there?? This is silly and I smell BS on his end.
@@brigidtheirish but she said she HAD tried talking to him whenever he repeatedly came over and stayed staring at the wall for hours! He continually ignored her and invaded her space. Why confront him when he apparently wasn't in any frame of mind to even listen! And why take ANY chances of possibly setting him off because he was exibating strange behavior?? I will never understand why people think the victim needs to be the nicer person to someone being extremely rude regardless of the circumstances. Not to mention, he came over WITHOUT her niece and nephew, indicating it wasn't exactly a family mourning social call, she lives alone and she said she really didn't know him. He never called or texted that his dad died (another indication that they were NOT close in ANY way) and that he could use her help. He was COMPLETELY non-communicative. I think you're missing too many red flags here... I don't know what else to say other than I think you're wrong and she owes him NOTHING.
@@RR-VanityInKnickers She tried *engaging him in conversation* early on then started ignoring him. She did *not* say anything about telling him he was no longer welcome. She could mitigate a lot of risks simply by *calling or texting* him. Instead, she let him find out by arriving at the house. If there was any fear of him reacting badly, do you think she'd want him in a position to throw a rock through her window? Also, she *ignored* all his attempts to contact her, so who knows if he said anything about wanting her to watch the kids. You seem to be missing that I acknowledged that the BIL reacted badly, very badly. That doesn't make OP's handling of the situation good.
I can’t escape the irony of lecturing for a woman about respecting someone else’s grieving process by disrespecting yours. She was your sister!! Whatever YOU need to do to grieve comes first!!! If it’s easier for you to ignore everyone right now then you do that and make zero apology for YOUR needs.
I think that the YTA are the idiots. If you listen to what she said . He won’t engage her and she has tried. Is she a grief counselor? But she is grieving herself. Is she a saint or a woman who’s sister died. NTA and now listen to the story again. No close, won’t talk and is grieving herself.
NTA, OP tell sister that if she keeps talking about her possible pregnancy she will subconsciously stress herself out about it and stress may cause her to NOT get pregnant. That it seems a a lot of women who finally resolve themself to not think about getting pregnant anymore, tend to get pregnant because apparently they've stopped stressing over it. She'll hopefully chill out talking about it at the very least and who knows, maybe She'll get lucky.
@@thecoolgrandma7208 agreed, I was one that tried and when I finally did (I guess) the stress of trying for a couple of years probably caused my miscarriage, I was really jumpy once I fell pregnant. I fell into a depression and gave up after on trying BUT in less than a year I fell pregnant again! 😅😅 it's been two years since that pregnancy and I'm expecting ANOTHER ONE in a few months 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ I wasn't looking to get pregnant 😅😅 guess I should have seen it coming lol.
St 1 - "she should have set boundaries" Girl, she DID!!!! Not answering the door 4 days in a row - when this guy continued to bang on her door without calling first - IS setting boundaries. This guy didn't get a clue for 4 damn days. You think a simple convo would have gotten through to this man? I don't think so. He clearly had a crush and then got mad when he was rejected. This guy is unaware of social etiquette and norms. Going to a woman's home without prior consent can be very uncomfortable and scary for many women. I NEVER answer my door unless I know whose coming or my husband is there. Period.
I've seen alot and heard alot in the 46 years. What kind of family step, in law or otherwise makes fun and laughs at someone with cancer?? I mean that's disgusting I wouldn't be able to communicate with a person like that. 10 years ago I lost my 7 year old nephew to leukemia I don't find any humor whatsoever when it comes to the C word!!
OP YTA how can you stay married to a man who supports his son bulling your daughter over something she has no control over?? Why didnt you call a divorce lawyer when you got home?? If you do nothing, daughter will probably never be around you or other people. Dont get how step son, hub and all his relatives thought this was funny. I have kicked then out and tell them to stay with MIL
"didn't open the door for BIL when he came over to drop the kids....." because the BIL just sat in OP's home for 3 hours before saying nothing, doing nothing on multiple days, it is THIS action that left a bad impression, "drop off the kids" must be a ploy, where the kids the other days, with grandpa not bloody likely more over why not the kids with OP and BIL grieve with the old man (direct family) let's not forget OP is grieving to
Plus you would think this the way OP is trying to tell BIL she doesn't want him over but no you should have said that I guess not answering Door & Phone now isn't a clear ass message nowadays commenters on here & Reddit are fools
If my father was dying I didn't have anywhere to leave my kids I would have taken them with me to see my father one last time he is a grown adult you are not responsible for him if your mother was so excited to take care of the grandkids for you she should have taken them, you have absolutely no obligation to ever allow anyone into your home ever
Do we know that BIL's silent daily creepiness isn't him silently auditioning his late wife's replacement? A cousin experienced something eerily similar...except it was sweet iced tea rather than water. Eventually...and I mean eventually, as this stage lasted for MONTHS, he moved on to bringing his shirts to be ironed...then all his laundry, his mending, anything else he could think of for her to do...but he NEVER brought his kids. He brought food he wanted her to cook...but only in portions for two. Why? Well...because he didn't want the kids interfering with his "growing relationship" just as he had become sure this was "exactly what Maisie would have wanted...her sister was a part of her, so it's like she's still with me." Cousin had been creeped out since day one, but many other family members had bullied her into indulging the idiot..."because he's GRIEVING." As if cousin wasn't grieving the loss of her sibling(triplets, two girls and a boy. Boy went in to the military and had died during his second tour of duty. Girls remained VERY close, closer after this loss.) As if the whole family wasn't grieving. So why was the widower HER problem? My theory is that they just about all hoped she would marry him and everything would just fall neatly into place. Even though she was seeing a close friend of her late brother...had been seeing the guy from nearly a year before Maisie even died. She was forced to cut ties with her family over this...and her BIL moved on, without missing a beat, to another family member roughly Maisie's age and coloring...a girl with a big heart but not much sense. It was damn tragic. This is NOT normal and OP is NOT this man's therapist OR his replacement wife.
Story three: I wonder would Ben and op husband laugh if Megan called the police for pulling her hair. Op has restraint or no back bone because I would have left the marriage. Husband would have came home to his suitcases packed
Ben would have been slapped if he did that in our family by the females and his underwear pulled up his ass by the male family members at the least...lol
I wonder how funny Ben would find it if Megan pulled an embarrassing prank on him in front of a bunch of girls he wanted to impress. Something along the lines of being pants-ed the day he's wearing the spiderman undies because everything else is still in the laundry :-0 ( which OP managed to leave soaking wet )
Story about the HOA - I've worked for HOA's for over 15 years and I can assure you OP is NOT the idiot. And let me tell you why: 1st - HOA's cannot claim a lake that they didn't create themselves. That lake would fall under city/state guidelines. Which means Sophie lied. She assumed her neighbor was a part of the HOA and thought she could control him by lying and using scare tactics. It's one thing to submit a complaint to your HOA, it's another to use the HOA as a manipulative tool to force their own agenda. As a property manager, I HATE people like Sophie. People like her can RUIN an HOA if she is not handled immediately. She clearly didn't even contact the HOA or she would have known her neighbor is not under their jurisdiction. She was bullying her neighbor and didn't actually do her homework. OP responded perfectly to someone harrassing him on his property. She threatened him and he responded to the empty threat.
“Do you own the lake?” OP clearly stated you only needed a 25$ license meaning the state/county owns it and not the HOA Idk how you deal with that crap in the USA. I’d never want to live in a place like that. I own my house, you can’t tell me what I can do on my own property.
The weak ones allow themselves to chased out, but most go to court, thanks to alot of Legal Precedence HOAs are losing more and more ground all the time, in many states the shit you hear about can now get the HOA dissolved.
There are HOAs that aren't so intrusive and they aren't bad. The one in my neighborhood exists mainly to see that the lawncare (for the entire neighborhood) is done by the company they hire and pay for out of the HOA fees. That is a big plus for me because I have never mown a lawn in my life and I intend to die with that record intact.
@@eywine.7762 The problem is that 80% - 90% of all HOA stories start with the wrong type of people, you know the type, getting onto the board and THEN everything starts going down hill.
First story. I have to say first that my mother never had empathy or compassion for anyone. Years ago, when I was a child, my Aunt Peggy died in another state. She drank herself to death. Her husband, who we had never met, started to call our house. It was only myself, roughly 11, and my mother. He was normally drunk when he called. My mother would not want to talk to him. She would have me talk to him. Over and over again. I don't know if he didn't have anyone to talk to there, but he started to tell me that he liked talking to me because I sounded like his wife. Then he started to say things he should not have said to an 11 year old child. I finally refused to talk to him and my mother was going to punish me, until I told her what he was saying to me. The only time she stood up for me. Told him not to call again. The BIL may have gone to OP's house because she looked, acted, or talked like his deceased wife. Yes, it was creepy. The true AH was OP's mother for not stepping in. As for those YTA comments, I understand OP's position and as one person said, he could have texted or taken the children to his mother in law's house.
@@kadoradaniels8117 my mother tended to do that. She would have me answer the phone, and if she didn'xt want to talk to them, give me a sign, and I would have to gracefully give an excuse. It was good training. I went into a job where I was a telephone contact representative and retired after 31 years. My mother doesn't understand why I have the ringer off on my phone and screen my calls. Matter of fact, I finally went no contact with her 4 weeks ago.
@@lyndatuttle oh babe, 8 know we all have our story and yours didn't start so rosy but I am glad to know you are doing well. Glad you have been able to distance yourself from that toxicity. Love yourself and surrounded yourself with people who love you. Loads of support from me babe
The dad and son who snatched the wig off the daughter? If that was me, they'd be getting a middle-of-the-night stripe shaved off, or eyebrows gone if they had short hair. "Oh come on, guys! It's just a joke! Hair grows back!"
You don't have to answer your door for someone you don't want to see. Especially some weirdo who sits on your couch for 3 hours interrupting your life, who you're not even close to. He can go sit at his mother's house all day. Hang up a Do Not Disturb sign.
I loved that, and then the comment "little empathy goes a long way" reminded me of one of the rules for highly effective mercenaries. "A little trust goes a long way, the less you use, the further you'll get"
as long as she is stressed about that she won't get it + some people are not compatible together on a genetic level hence why they can't get pregnant, no matter how hard they try
'How does the person who owns the lake feel about you fishing?' As long as the OP pays the $25 and follows regs, THE STATE DOESN'T CARE, DOUGHNUT. Fishing in a canoe is the least of that neighbor's concerns, from about three environmental angles. God I hate colonizers who think that waterways are automatically 'owned' by individuals.
Pregnancy story: after the 3rd or 4th time of "I might be pregnant" I'd flat out tell the sister that literally no one cares and to not bring it up again until shes comes out with a positive test.
100% my sister was like this I tolerated for a month before I snapped and to her to shut the f*ck up that I didn’t wanna hear sh*t til she had a positive pregnancy test ……she was only dating her boy friend for 5 months at the time they are married now but didn’t hear anything about a pregnancy until two years later 😂
I had a similar experience with a friend who, for a time, was hung up on a guy she was attracted to. EVERY conversation became a rehash of what he did, what he said, and whether he was attracted to her. No matter how many times I tried to change the subject, she came right back to it. I finally told her that, while I was sympathetic, I would like to talk about something else for a change. She didn't take it well and didn't speak to me for months after that. That's the problem with people who become obsessed with something. They do not function like normal people while the obsession has hold of them.
@@eywine.7762 100% my sister might be married to the boyfriend she was obsessed with but that don’t mean they marriage is great that sh*ts rocky af I would know she calls me every night drunk complaining 🤦🏻♀️
Wait a minute… “YTA OP you could have communicated to him” …did…did you miss the part where she TRIED to communicate with him and he didn’t answer or changed the subject Yes this man lost his wife but Op lost her SISTER, why isn’t SHE allowed to be grieving. NTA Op im sorry for your loss and im REALLY sorry that your family seems crazy
Last OP's sister is furious because OP is completely right. And you can't just get married in a church anyway, it's a house of God not just a pretty wedding venue. You need to attend the church for at least the 3 weeks they read the bans. You need to be baptized in many cases.
I laugh thinking of how shocked his sister will be the first time she goes to a church to reserve it for her wedding and they tell her no. That's for church member only, not just anyone off the street. She will fail the required marriage classes, not show up for sunday services etc. She may be able to find an old church building that is no longer an active church.
I'm surprised the church wouldn't let her rent the place. After all, the main purpose in life for pastors is to become as rich as possible at the expense of everyone else. God is just the excuse they use to cover their greed.
@@Ambidexter143 It's been a few decades since I belonged to, or ever just attended, a church. I do remember a former roommate talking about how she wanted to get married in a specific church in her hometown in the South, and she was required to be a member and participate in marriage classes. When I visited her, we had to go to church on Sunday because she needed to show up pretty regularly. It likely depends on the church and how popular it is for weddings. I imagine this one enjoyed making brides & grooms jump thru hoops as it was fully booked well in advance. My old roomie had to wait 10 months for a slot and she was worried that if she wasn't a member in good standing, she may lose it. They could also lose their booking if the minister decided they had 'failed' the class. He took marriage VERY seriously and felt marriage in his church was for those in their community, not any random stranger. They got away with it because there was always another Bride waiting for a spot. The prime spots of May & June were booked 2 years in advance. (BTW, this wedding never happened; they broke up during the marriage class! )
Turned him away when he asked for help??? He never asked for help! He came everyday and sat silently for several hours on her couch resisting all her attempts to start a conversation! He needs therapy, not to intrude on OP’s life on a daily basis. Does this man not have a job? Where is he dumping off his poor children during these times???
Story 1 NTA Dude you are not obligated to host someone who makes you uncomfortable. You aren't obligated to open your door for anyone for whatever reason. If someone came to my house and I just didn't feel like hanging out I do NOT owe it to anyone who comes to my door UNINVITED a reason to open the door. HE should have communicated with OP about his situation OP ISNT A MIND READER. People saying yta have this expectation that OP should be the ONLY one CARRYING this dead weight relationship. He isn't his therapist nor his emotional support animal. Edit That's the POINT of a door. Keeping people you don't want in your house out.
St 1 - OP is NTA. First of all, OP is a single woman who lives alone. This guy crossed so many boundaries, I would 100% be creeped out. 1st of all, as a mom, lets say I contacted my childrens baby sitter because my father was sick in the hospital... If my baby sitter is not available to watch my kids, I call someone else. I don't scream at the baby sitter and blame HER for not being there when I NEEDED her and then blame her for not seeing my Dad. What a manipulative thing to do! OP is NOT his nanny, his worker, his slave. Their HIS children and HIS responsibility. This man should have CALLED/TEXTED before he came over. I also find it weird that he is coming over every day (without the kids) but the one time she rejects him, all of a sudden he has this sob story to make her feel responsible for something she is not responsible for. I think he's lying, personally. You don't show up at someone's house unannounced and you don't blame your sister in law for not babysitting when you never asked her to watch the kids in the 1st place. You just banged on her door and got mad when she wasn't there. This guy sounds like a tool. It also sounds like he has a crush on OP and was pissed she rejected him.
S1) If my dead sister's husband (that im not close to)started coming over unannounced and just sitting there for HOURS I'd be freaked out to... If he needs help he should get a therapist or better yet start showing up at the mother's house since she's oh so worried. But seriously OP lost someone too its selfish to expect them to be his emotional support buddy.
The brother in law story worried me because she said he has been doing this for TWO YEARS BEFORE her sister died!!! Does he have even have a job??? What is the matter with him??
Last story: as an atheist: NTA. The sis is super hypocritical! I would never get married in a church, even if they allowed it. And sis just sounds like everything has to be about her.
Just because the sister doesn't belong to the church doesn't mean she isn't part of the community. She's in North America it's a predominantly Christian Nations. Probably most of the wedding she's been to have been in a church. In fact there's a lot of churches out there that are just wedding churches that's all they do is house weddings of all faith. It would be the same thing if somebody grew up in a predominantly Muslim country but no longer practice but wanted to get married in a mosque it's about tradition. And by that standard is it hypocritical for someone who is no longer Christian to celebrate Christmas or Easter? Of course not it's the same thing with having a wedding in a church it's just a tradition. She didn't the sister didn't have the right to say what she did to the girlfriend she's just let her go to church. She should just let her go and if it interferes with the schedule well then they are both going to have to make it work. But Opie is kidding himself if he thinks as an atheist he can be in a relationship with someone who's extremely religious. The big questions are going to come up like how are we going to raise the children and you're not going to agree. You'd have to be brain dead to think it was safe for your children in a Roman Catholic Church. I mean if the Millions sex scandals that have come out of the church from all over the world not enough for you to know that your children are not safe there. If you heard about molestation in Build-A-Bear were Build-A-Bear move their employees that have been accused of molestation around what you think your child is safe there? Of course you wouldn't but why Catholicism any different? As far as I can tell the only difference between Build-A-Bear having that Scandal and the Catholic Church having that Scandal is the Catholic church has had centuries to perfect hiding these predators.
Story 1: NTA All the commenters telling OP to just talk to the BIL are acting like women aren't getting murdered left and right for little more than the audacity to be uninterested in someone. OP tried talking to BIL. His behavior is not normal and OP is not a doctor or therapist. It's not up to her to figure out what's going on with him. If I had a spouse and they were treating my sister like this, I would want my sister to protect herself and do whatever she had to do to feel safe in her own home. Women get blamed for shit all the time that isn't their fault. How about the BIL's own family help him, yeah, instead of his SIL? Story 3: YTA if you stay married to this piece of crap disguised as a human being. Period.
I’m really horrified by the people who called OP in story 1 the AHole. Like she had some obligation to put up with BIL’s uncomfortable coping mechanism. Also, literally NO ONE else in the wide world could watch the kids? Who has been watching them while he sits on her couch? Also also…. And this is just me… but weird timing for the dad to fall suddenly dead. What? Just as OP finally stops answering the door? That’s either suspicious or unlucky as hell. Why couldn’t judgmental mom watch the kids? Is anyone attending to OP’s grief the way she’s expected to attend to her BIL’s? EDIT: OMG, the YTA on the fishing one is even worse!!! Who are these: you didn’t bend to the whim of others, so YTA.
Story 1: why is the BIL relying on her so much, it’s creepy. They weren’t even close, go attach yourself to someone else. She probably looks like her sister and he’s doing a weird substation which is sick.
Once again, I hate that people immediately jump to YTA when there isn't enough information. Just because you're not sure if OP owns the lake or not doesn't mean that he is TA. Seriously, the absence of information doesn't mean bad things.
I’m lucky I live in an area with an hoa but it’s all priories with farm land or farm animals the fee is 20 bucks to grade the main road and the rules are no living on a trailer, all properties already have houses on them, and you can’t raise pigs
Story 1 NTA and I don't get those YTA comments? Yes I get that he's grieving but so is OP yet why is he and the rest of the family expecting OP to act like his emotional support animal?? Those 3hrs when he turns up (after I think it says he dumps his kids on family) and just sits there saying nothing and refusing to talk, why is he not doing that in a THERAPIST session?? Especially as he refuses to talk to OP about why he's there and I bet is making it 1million times harder for her to try to keep going as he's affecting her work. I'm 36/37 now and have lost both my parents by the time I was 30; both times broke me to a different degree so I can get what he's feels, with a loss; but sitting staring into space for 3hrs on OP couch and refusing to talk/communicate even when he really needs help is on him. Get therapy as it'll help you learn to live with the pain of your loss in a healthy way as it never goes away. Send all the flying monkeys calling OP an AH to BIL and process your own grief
"Just kids teasing"?!? What a horrible family. I guarentee if it was one of them who was humiliated like that they'd light shit ablaze in fury. Cut.Them.Off.
if someone I was married to made fun of my cancer sick kid and then claim it to be "harmless teasing" I would kick them out after shaving their eyebrows or part of their head in their sleep and then just ask why they are uppset over a harmless joke
story 2 That comment saying OP doesnt own the lake annoyed me if fishing was banned on the lake they wouldnt let him get a fishing license at all what a dumb thing that commenter said
Pregnancy: I've been around people that constantly bring up pregnancy. One of them told people she was trying to get pregnant, but she only did it for attention. She was really on multiple forms of birth control, and just saying she may be pregnant. The sister may be doing the same, pretending to want a pregnancy, but only for attention.
Nta. If his father was dying he could have texted that. He also could have been visiting his father all those days he sat on OPs couch for hours. His excuse this time is bs. The mother yelling just volunteered to always watch the kids
First story, what is BIL doing with his kids? He is not bringing them with him when he goes to OP's house, where are they? Are they being dropped off at child care? Does he work? He is there every day for hours. He is being creepy as heck. And to everyone saying OP needed to talk to BIL, he is not sounding stable, what would he do if OP told him to not come over any more? She just might be his new 'therapy animal' (which needs to be stopped pronto) or things could be building to something worse. Someone commented that OP may look like her sister... and he is coming to her house every day... This can turn really bad for OP.
Story One: BiL's sob story about having an emergency doesn't pass the sniff test. He drops his kids off with a babysitter before he starts his three hour Creepering. He could have very easily done that then. It sounds like he's trying to find a way to force his way back in to OP's house by way of social pressure. OP needs to inform everyone, on social media, why she isn't answering the door for Creeper anymore, and they are all welcome to come and let him be creepy in THEIR homes. Wig Stealing Step Son story: Shave the brat's head. Make sure there are ugly, uneven patches. Post pictures of it everywhere. Then toss Ben and his dad out of the house and file for divorce.
I'm kinda tempted to put hair removal cream in the son and husband's shampoo. "Don't worry! I now know how you communicate, so it's just me BONDING with you both! I'm also not being a horrendous person for laughing at a cancer patient because as far as I know you both do NOT have cancer, or had cancer whilst I've known at you. So it is 100% a kinder version of your family bonding! I AM trying!"
Story 1. OP NTA. I get the is grieving, but he doesnt get to encroach on your dwelling. I get loss of wife and loss of sister are different but both are grieving but he is doing it in a way that is making you uncomfortable and interrupting your routine. Finding a routine is hard when loss happens but needs to happen. Truly I am worried for your sister's kids seems like dad is disassociating. Kids probably are feeling it. I know no one can control grief but things need to be done to make make sure others aren't harmed too.
Hypothetical pregnancy: NTA this is her way of bringing attention to herself and making everything about dear fragile me. Enough is enough and she needed to hear it
First story; OP is not responsible for the BIL, period. She has her own healing to contend with and him stalking her is NOT OK!!! Idk how she is wrong here! Not answering my door is my right! Not answering a call is my right! Not wanting company is my right! And it’s her right too.
They’re calling the first op an the asshole for not communicating WHEN SHE TRIED. The man is refusing to talk about it but it’s her fault!?!? She’s allowed to feel comfortable in her own home and not have her space invaded for the sake of “family”. Every other time someone is expected to do something for the “sake of family” Reddit acts like it’s fine not to make yourself uncomfortable for family outside your nuclear family. But now that a man is coming into a woman’s home without talking to her, refusing to tell her why or even acknowledge it’s happening when they aren’t close and are only related because of a marriage he had to her sister it’s now family before your own comfort.
#1 NTA. Let's be real. The BIL had no idea that the OP was home so why did he up the anti by ringing the doorbell, then calling her when that didn't work? We only know she was home because she told us. Also, sorry but refusing to talk at all or even acknowledge OP when talked to while sitting on her couch for 3 hours then just leaving IS creepy. He needs therapy... I can't understand his grief because we all process it differently but just showing up at SIL with NO warning with the expectation of being let in is just....wrong....
Story 1: dropping in on people with no notice or agreement is rude af. She's not required to answer the door. And there is no reason he couldn't have taken the kids with him.
First Story: OMG! Do you people NOT SEE IT? He's trying to WIFE her, so he gets FREE CHILDCARE. AND GETS TO SCREW THE SISTER! You people telling her YTA, be understanding... YOU ALL ARE F'ING CREEPS! It's a way to "REPLACE" the wife. By it being her sister. IT'S SICK!
Story 1: what kinda family would find it ok for bil to constantly visit sil like that? I would not let him in my house if he acted that way because it makes ME feel uncomfortable. Last story: NTA. You can be religious or atheist and respect others beliefs. The sister IS a hypocrite and her putting the gf down for her beliefs makes HER the ah.
Story 1: I have a feeling that OP's BIL would have ignored any boundaries she would've set. Her family is treating her horribly. She's NOT being selfish, she's taking care of herself probably the only way she can. Story 2: Look, I care about the environment. But lord save us from the "Sophie's" (cough* Karen's* cough) of the world! Story 3: Hang on, Ben is 18 and he's behaving like this? BTW, posting someone's likeness on social media without their knowledge is illegal. And what he did at the wedding is a complete d*ck move! And everyone who laughed (including her stepfather and his family, FFS) is also a d*ck. It's NOT "just kids teasing each other". That poor girl! I hope OP takes her daughter and gets out of this marriage. "Shrodinger's pregnancy" 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣 OP does have empathy for her sister. But a human can only take so much.
Reason why it's called a pregnancy announcement is when you do it you are ACTUALLY PREGNANT, she needs therapy but her constant "I may or not be announcements" are BS and I'd get fed up also!! She keeps bringing up so she clearly wants to talk to somebody about it; but that should be to a trained counselor and NOT making every single conversation about HER
9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1
Why didn’t he leave kids with mum. No he goes running to mommy. I’d have locked the door too.
I was just about to say what the comment on 3:20 said. I won't feel comfortable even setting boundaries but one big question is where does he drop his 2 really young children for 3 hours? Couldn't he have dropped them in that same place during his father's emergency?
1st story. My guess is that OP closely resembles her sister, which is why her grieving & creepy BIL keeps coming around to stare at her. Don't blame her for refusing him entry.
Being on the water is a public right. Access is the only question, and since you own your own access you may be on the water all you like. As OP said, all you need now is the fishing license, unless you're American Native, then you can fish to your heart's content without the license. No neighbors, HOA, or nosy whomever may curtail you. I don't know why the peaceful, unobtrusive activity of fishing gets so many people hot under the collar. There's dozens of videos of people being harassed for fishing, which is against the law itself by the way. Find and make a copy of the federal law against harassing hunters and fishers and hand it to her with no comments and shut the door next time. If quiet paddling around catching fish bothers her so much, try high-powered rifle hunting next time. I'll bet she learns to stay away if she comes around the corner and catches you dressing out a deer on your picnic table.
I think OP should contact a lawyer for a letter to be sent to neighbor to cease harassing him, and a letter sent to HOA informing them that if this neighbor is not a member of their board, they should be aware what she is telling people. If she is a member of the board, that she is overstepping her authority. Oh, and the YTA comment? Probably her. He was on the way to being drunk with his friends. She picked that moment to deliver the letter. Not his fault.
The 18 year old step son picking on the appearance of a 16 year old cancer patient is not harmless teasing. OP's husband joining in laughing DEFINITELY isn't.
Divorce him before the damage done to the daughter is permanent.
I'd like to know if OP is staying with toxic spouse and his terrible bully of a son. I'd be divorced too.
I'm pretty petty and would have thrown it back in their face at the wedding and ask if the reason they're bullying her daughter is because of their tiny penises.
And all that 'family'. Seriously, WHO laughs at a 16 year old girl because she has Cancer?!
Imagine the steps on making five other cancer patients think that it’s a joke. He’s gonna get beaten up real badly
Seriously who tf marries a man who makes fun of your child who has CANCER?!!?!
Hearing the narrator break into laughter whenever he reads some grade A bullcrap just butters my popcorn
I agree it makes it more enjoyable to hear unlike the one's that try to keep a robot like emotion when reading
“Butters my popcorn” Yeah I’m stealing this one. Love it
What time
Literally the reason im following 😆
That poor girl. Not only does she have to deal with cancer she has to deal with a stepbrother who is bullying her for nothing she can control. I would leave the husband. That poor kid just hearing this makes me want to give her a big hug.
I agree. I don't know how those people can sleep at night whilst they bully a child going through the worst time of her life.
Her lack of confidence and low self esteem probably is the stepbrothers fault. Sure her losing her hair through treatment factors into it, but her stepbrother always finds a way to humiliate and torment her every chance he gets. That must be exhausting and very difficult to deal with, especially with everything else the poor girl is going through.
He's 18 years old. What a POS he's grown into, just like his dad.
Imagine if the tables were turned-
Wife: you have a small p3n1s
Husband: wft, I can't help it/ no I don't
Wife: oh honey, I'm just teasing hahahah
You bet your ass they wouldn't be laughing then. How horrible does one have to be to actively mock someone who is suffering from a potentially life threatening illness and try to play it off as nothing serious.
Agreed who laughs at someone fighting through cancer disgusting the people all of them accept for the daughter
Ben had malicious intent.
I honestly think that at that moment, it would have been completely fine to slap Ben across the face. That would have done more than anything she did say or could have said. He is 18. He knows better.
First story: he may be suffering but he was acting creepy. She tried to talk to him and he wouldn't answer. It's not on her to open the door and let him in! Utter nonsense! 🙄
Right? I feelnlike tye comment just completely 8gnored all the parts where he wouldn't talk to or answer her when she tried to talk to him. He also completely ignored the fact that she stopped letting him in and kept coming back anyway.
He could have dropped the kids at the mother's house if it was an emergency, I wouldn't hide though I would just tell him.
@@lifewithlee6298 His father wasn't hurt, his father DIED
Doesn't matter what he was going through, he could have taken his kids with him or found other childcare. Who says she HAS to act like what they consider adult behavior?! Is there a law? No!
I think the guy needs therapy-grief counseling, something. I feel bad for him but it’s not OP’s job to take him in every day for hours.
Wait. How does BIL have babysitters to sit on her couch but not to go to his dad? The babysitter will watch them all day while he couch potatoes everyday but not in an emergency?
They were probably at school or daycare. Which is why he spends his free hours at ops because being home alone is to hard.
The last time seemed to happen at a different time the he used to come over.
@@tracim3080 meh
@@tracim3080 oh that makes sense! I really couldn't figure out why he was doing it but I'm sure that's why! I bet you're exactly right he just doesn't want to be alone at home. But why didn't he just say that when she asked him? I'm sure they could have come up with some compromise! To be fair she could have spoken to him and said hey bro this is really making me uncomfortable please just be honest with me no matter what the reason is why do you keep doing this? And they could have talked about it then.
@@WhitneyDahlin doesn’t sound like a family that’s good at communicating. Op just straight up stopped opening her door instead of saying “sorry can’t come in today I’m busy with work”.
This story really just needs someone who can help the talk to each other.
Story 1: I have a feeling he's trying to use the OP as a stand-in for the deceased spouse. They never got along or interacted in meaningful ways before, but after losing his spouse he spends every moment the kids are away bothering her? And when he needs emergency childcare, instead of contacting everyone he knew until someone accepted he went over to his wife's sister without giving notice as if she was the ONLY option? Absolute nonsense. He's unstable and needs therapy. The family needs to be made aware that he NEVER thought of using any of his support system apart from that one unwilling person. Instead of scolding her they should scold him for not thinking about contacting THEM for help first.
@@MMKMoore1 Oh holy cows ov India! That is so incredibly creepy and gross 😂
I am so sorry for your loss and for having to deal with that awkward time with him.
Father is basically teaching his son that it’s ok to harass a teen with cancer. This is not teasing, it is not bonding. He’s a freaken bully.
It really doesn't surprise why Ben is bully when you have dad like that... Like father like son
Like what adult laughs at a 16 year old cancer patient?!!?!?
I would have grabbed the mic at that wedding, Scolded everyone that laughed At a cancer patient, and then told my husband I wanted to divorce
Yeah, I'd have gone full Lois Wilkerson on them out of spite and righteous anger. Nagging attitude and all.
Add that and put the entire family on blast via the socials, seldom go with the nuclear option but FFS this girl survived cancer treatments and they're mocking a very young cancer survivor who is still at that age where massive moral support is needed to reassure very deep insecurities. That POS husband is enabling and raising a bully encouraging the little shit to punch down when he should actually punch up. The only way OP can be the asshole is if she stays with that piece of excrement.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
i would go 'hey has husband ever told you guys about this embarrassing thing ben did when he was x old?
I agree then take off the wedding ring off and put it on the table in front of husband then grab my daughter and move out! My uncle Jeff had cancer and unfortunately passed away and now my grandpa is going through the same thing! If anyone makes fun of them they’ll be hell to pay
Story1: NTA. I'm sorry BiL is suffering, but so is OP. She has every right to feel comfortable in her home, and he was making her uncomfortable. I do think OP should have talked to him on the phone, told him she wasn't letting him in and why. I have to wonder, did he actually have an emergency? It seems very suspect that he couldn't be bothered to send a text.
It put me in mind of the little boy who cried wolf. When BIL really needed something, she didn't respond. It is his own fault. I wonder if he was working up the nerve to ask OP out?
@@MrBeevee5 . that's it.. N mom is in on it..
@@MrBeevee5 "the little boy who cried wolf" this is the phrase I was looking for in the comments.
She didn’t owe him an explanation. She’s a good one though because the first time he came in I would have asked him to leave. This isn’t a grief center. Get out.
Story 1: NTA. Sister is grieving too. It is okay for her to set a boundary. His behavior is not her fault. She was working, she doesn't have to entertain him for 3+ hours at a time. OP has had no way of knowing what was going on with him. Also dude could have brought his kids with him.
Did he actually have an emergency? He couldn't be bothered to send a text? Something here smells fishy.
The only thing I’d do differently is tell him, “hey, you can’t can’t come over at whim like that any more.” Otherwise, I think OP is NTA. She’s not married to the guy; why is it her business to prop him up emotionally, especially when she’s grieving the loss of her sister, too?!
Now don’t get me wrong. Guy has issues and needs to see a therapist.
But did OP even say “hey, you’re making me uncomfortable just showing up like this. If you need to come over. Send me a text, or give me a call etc”
Instead OP flat out ghosts the guy who’s grieving for his wife and most likely wants to be near someone who reminds him of his late wife.
Right, I don’t understand why he needed her to visit his father.
I was kind of surprised when you want to bring the children with him… Since presumably their grandfather was dying
"Do you own the lake, if not, who does? Does that person allow fishing?"
I swear to Christ on a bike! Do these redditors actually read the posts they comment on?
OP clearly stated you can legally fish in the lake if you pay $25.00pa for the licence!
Since there is a Schrödinger's pregnancy perhaps there is a Schrödinger's fishing license as well?
@@parkersnowe okay you got me. I actually lol'd.
@@virtualatheist Success!
Cancer story: he humiliated her in public for a “ prank”. The people who laughed are cruel! I agree leave and take your daughter.
Cancer survivor story: I'd tell my daughter that she has my full permission to kick ben in the junk as hard as she can if he bothers her again in any way. If dad protests tell him her foots just bonding with him and laugh it off.
If husband objects then OP should ask him if he'd like a similar bonding experience.
Second story NTA and to the one who said YTA when op first met the lady she asked if the lake allowed for fishing and op said that yes as long as you pay the 25 dollar fee.The lady is the one who escalated the situation.
Yeah, that YTA lacked reading comprehension. Who owned the lake? Probably the government and OP had a permit to fish so he should be a-okay.
seriously the fact Karen said that fishing ruins the environment there’s a reason why people fish to get easy food or remove invasive species
OP should get a restraining order against Ben for her daughter, effectively getting Ben out of the house. Then she should start divorce proceedings against the husband, so he sees how serious she is.
She shouldn't just start the proceedings. She should divorce him and stay away from that toxic family
Re: visiting brother in law. I understand why he may have been visiting, especially at first, but he crossed into ‘not healthy’ territory. I stayed in touch with my late husband’s brother (or rather, he with me) until he crossed a line (not ‘that’) and I had to block and go full no contact. Edit to add: it’s a way of trying to hang on to what you’ve lost.
you mean the "BOUNDARY" op never told the BIL about. That is a double standard. Op dose not have tell the BIL anything because of grieving, but he has to ignore his pain to perfectly express his feelings.
@@k70freeman op couldn’t set a boundaries when the brother in law won’t even acknowledge it’s happening when he’s not at the house and won’t say anything at all when he’s not there. They were never close and she doesn’t owe him emotional support when it come at the sake of her comfort and sense of safety in her own home.
@@melvinthewatermelon4459 it's called audio words i.e talking . before playing the " i can't see you", You really don't understand if he was a real threat , He wouldn't have fucking cared if Op let him in. He would have broken the door down, or done something. Just maybe using some godman common sense , instead of going men = danger. He feel the same way as Op, Confused, hurt, don't know what to say/ do and etc.
She never said she told him how she felt or gave him any healthier options. That's what kills me. He was grieving and I know it can be uncomfortable but to see a woman that looks like his late wife. Must have meant a lot to him.
@@toddydog3 Honestly, I don’t recall if the story suggested that the deceased wife and the remaining sister looked alike. In my own late husband’s family, the two brothers looked Nothing alike (and Were nothing alike). Not to be, I don’t know… I’ve never quoted a rock song before.. but Air Supply, Making Love Out of Nothing At All… was not about relating the dead to the living in a ‘love’ sense as much as it was about having any living biological connection, in any way, etc., a ‘Blood Connection,’ if you will (don’t know that that’s thing, was just what I appreciated at the time, and was taken advantage for in a crass, worldly way. Side note: Worldly way cut off had to do with intersection of untimely passing of only child, a son, with lying to the law/abusing identities/addresses .. and the last ‘words,’ in quotes because text, with respect to now cut off brother in law: Late Son: “Oh, that’s F’d up.” Given all of the above, I cut a Lot of slack to grieving people. We do really crazy things. But there is a line.
1. NTI. He was not asking for help, he was just sitting on OPs couch creeping her out. Though the commenters made a good point about actually telling him not to come over. Though he really should have gotten the hint. At end of day OP did nothing except try to avoid an uncomfortable situation.
Why couldn't the parents watch their grandkids or whoever watched them the other days he just sat on OPs couch?
“A little empathy goes a long way” yeah well my patience for hearing the same sentence of “I might be pregnant” does not go a long way.
And OP's patience has clearly run out.
Story 1: "You should have communicated!!" Excuse me why didn't he?! Why is the whole responsibility for communicating thrown onto her when he keeps coming over and just creepily sitting in her house? And he didn't communicate that he needed people to look after his kids at all. Bloody hell people
When you’re uncomfortable with someone’s actions you tell them. You don’t try and ask them how their feeling. If he wasn’t communicating then what stopped her from saying “Hey this is making me uncomfortable. You can not come over until you get some professional help.” That’s the proper way to set boundaries not ghosting someone. But op is still not the asshole because she’s also grieving, so she might not be that level headed.
@@bkjay20 why is it okay for the brother in law to assume he has a right to op’s time and space without explanation for three hours A DAY. They weren’t close and she doesn’t owe him anything. She was nice letting it go a couple of times but if you can’t see why a man who’s insisting on invading op’s space without speaking to her and refusing to acknowledge its happening would be scary for a woman I don’t know what to tell you. Why does she owe him the courtesy of communicating when he NEVER gave it to her? You’re holding op to a higher standard.
@@melvinthewatermelon4459 No. I’m not holding op to a higher standard and I never said he had a right to op’s time. I said instead of just ghosting him she should have communicated her boundary first. How do you expect someone to respect your boundaries if you never tell them about it? You can’t. I never said op was wrong but that she could have handled the situation better. But because she’s also grieving she might not be able to see this point of view. But hey go off sis.
@@bkjay20 HE should have communicated first. He never asked permission to come over. He’s the one who forced the situation by refusing to talk and not giving the op a chance to say no. The responsibility of communication isn’t only on op. He isn’t entitled to an explanation when he’s scaring her. The next time some dude is outside your door are you going to yell at him to leave until he maybe gets angry and potentially escalates or pretend your not home hoping he loses interest and leaves? Yeah it may be her brother in law but they aren’t close and he’s been acting in a way that would cause many women to be scared alone with him in their own homes. And most rapes and assaults against women are commit by someone they know.
@@melvinthewatermelon4459 What are you talking about? You’re literally not even addressing what I said or you’re just don’t understand it. If you want someone to respect your boundaries you have to communicate said boundaries. If op would have done that after like the second or third time the BIL probably wouldn’t have shown up again. You can’t expect someone to read your mind when their making you uncomfortable. But hey since this clearly going no where Have a Smiley Day😁.
On pregnancy story, NTA. The "Schrödinger's pregnancy" is tangential to the real issue. The "Schrodinger's mother" appears to always want to make every conversation about her, and OP called her out on that without even any reference to the pregnancy. OP isn't an AH for getting sick of someone being an attention hog, or for calling them out on it. Absolutely NTA
My own sister gets like this. When she goes off on her own tangent after hijacking the conversation I just sit in silence occasionally nodding until she runs out of steam, inevitably never asking about me. People like that are so totally self centered that they don't even realise they have done it, and if confronted they'll bring up the real obscure examples of when they weren't like that, in complete denial.
The funniest thing about the potential pregnancy is the stuff the sister is complaining she can't do, she very much can. While exteme changes aren't recommended when it comes to exercise, it is (unless specified by a doctor) totally safe to do things like gym/ outdoors activities. With what you eat that's more of a concern how it's prepared. Sushi can be cooked, or in some cases the fish can be frozen then defrosted to kill parasites and bacteria (so long as the fish is low in Mercury and correct methods are taken). Alcohol is definitely something to avoid before during and after but there are alcohol free wines if you like the taste and if you are craving a sip of that cool beverage to the point you are complaining about it you may have a problem.
The sister is just complaining to complain, probably likes the extra attention.
I tried to get pregnant for almost 13 years before it happened, that's life. Yeah I commented about it on FB, but I also talked about my animals, my husband, my interests etc. There is occasionally needing to vent and get your feelings out there as you worry your life and opportunity for children is passing by, and there is being a psycho. Sister is dipping into second category 🤣🙄
Precisely. It's not about pregnancy, it's about the sister constantly making everything about her. I've dealt with this kind of behavior and it's exhausting - hijacking conversations, going off on long unrelated rants, doing everything they can to be the center of attention and yanking the spotlight off of others. It's so draining.
@@courtneypaquette3475 I have a boss who is like this, you start a conversation about something random and he turns it to how had something like that or his kids has something like that and at one point your wonder if you actually have a conversation or that he is just listening to himself. I try to avoid speaking with him lol
Story 1: BIL should be an adult and communicate what he wants instead of just sitting there for 3 hours. Maybe he wants OP to take her sister's place. Creepy dude!
"traumatized a child is bonding" and grown adults just laugh they are all sick, how do you see a child running away clearly upset and think it's funny
That stepson needs a beating or at least a serious education on how cancer is. And the father enabling this behavior is twice as disgusting as the son.
Nevertheless, I still applaud all the people who beat cancer
This story was just SO disturbing like I just can’t with the mom
The narrator trying not to laugh at Shrodinger's pregnancy made me have to pause the video because i started laughing so hard. Like seriously..the idea of handing her a test every time is epic and perfectly petty..i love it. Or just ring a bell everytime she says that ...then give her a piece of candy.....Good puppy.. LOL
Whatever you do, check the ingredients and contents of whatever you give her, because... she might be pregnant!
@@phoenixmoon5580 lol
Story one, I wouldn’t open the door either…..Your mom sounds awful, she can take care of him if she’s that upset over it. Just sitting on couch saying nothing for hours? Nope .
Oh, ducking please. Did you people not read where she DID try to talk to him. Mom can take him into her home and mind the grandchildren.
Where is Ben, the @#$% dad and family. I can have their lil red wagon fixed.
People never read the part where someone tried communicating because they get so caught up in “poor, sad window/widower should never have to still be accountable for boundary stomping while they’re grieving” nonsense.
@Rachel Jackson, creepy. Is he trying to substitute one sister for the other?
But when she was asking why he came over, and just sat in the couch, he was dodging the question.
She DID try to comunicat, but he either avoided the question or started to talk of other things.
It's not her job to comfort him in his grief, she was grieving to.
And she tried for 3 months.
Yeah I think Ben and dad need some Nair infused with spices. Then some wonderful pictures posted on the internet with the after results.
@@hellefur6631 like the person you’re responding to said comforting someone and telling them that their actions make you uncomfortable are two different things. Op was not wrong for ignoring him, but I do agree that if she would have communicated HER feelings to him instead of just ghosting him no one would be here. But that’s my interpretation.
Story 1: NTA ummm what did I read in those comments? Did any of those peoples ACTUALLY read what OP wrote? He wouldn't answer any questions or talk to her at all. How was she supposed to set a boundary when he refused to engage in conversation beyond "give me a glass of water"? As it is, she stopped letting him in...and HE KEPT COMING ANYWAY. That tells me HE WOULDN'T HAVE LISTENED ANYWAY.
He was behaving badly and expected OP to take. Screw that.
Truth people are idiots nowadays
Re: bullying husband and step son. If any verbal response at all at that point, a simple FU would work fine - followed up with divorce papers.
On the fishing in the lake story: One of the comments says do you own the lake? Did you get permission from The owner to fish? But the gentleman already said he paid his licensing fee to fish in the lake. Therefore, Miss Sophie can take her letters and shove them. When I look at homes to purchase I always search for no HOA. They are so much trouble.
Yeah, chances are the government owns the lake, so the fishing license *is* the permission needed to fish.
Recycled letter paper? (Think of the old cheap crunchy version of 'recycled paper', the type that feels like thin tin foil). Eugh! 'Shoving them' really does sound like almost too much of a punishment!
On the first story...Has anybody actually seen the kids recently? I would definitely be calling CPS and have them do a wellness check. Not the idiot
On the BIL story: Would lowkey suggest OP goes over to their mother and just... sits there for 3 hours a day for a week or so.
She should talk to him but he never speaks to her? How creepy...
Why should she communicate when HE won't?
Put the guy in a car and drop him at a grief support group.
"This will just snowball..." And Sophie's the one waiting at the bottom of the hill to get flattened by it. The person who left the last comment on the fishing story clearly didn't read the whole post. Does the person who owns the lake allow fishing? Yes, as OP explained when Sophie first confronted him. OP should've explained the situation? Literally what he did when he told Sophie he's allowed to fish in the lake. Hope someone on reddit pointed this out to that commenter, the fact that reply was included in the video implies it got a fair amount of (undeserved, imo) upvotes.
Apparently the lake is publicly owned by state, county, or city (or equivalent in other countries) since there's a $25 license fee. Few lakes in the US and Canada are privately owned.
And in any case anyone invoking an HOA is automatically an AH in my book.
First story: Donuts to dollars, if she had asked him to stop, he probably would have told the mil that and she still would have been called heartless so why bother...
Not to mention, he apparently took notice that she was avoiding him, as he DID tell mil about THAT, and yet, here he was still trying?? I think she did the right thing. And, seriously, is OP the ONLY one who could have watched them?? I mean, he was dropping them off SOMEWHERE when he would invade OP's house for hours... why didn't he drop them off there?? This is silly and I smell BS on his end.
Perhaps, but she still would have *asked.* It's the right thing to do.
@@brigidtheirish No the right thing to do is him not doing that bullshit in the first place
@@mattblood4201 I'm not talking about *him,* I'm talking about *her.*
@@brigidtheirish but she said she HAD tried talking to him whenever he repeatedly came over and stayed staring at the wall for hours! He continually ignored her and invaded her space. Why confront him when he apparently wasn't in any frame of mind to even listen! And why take ANY chances of possibly setting him off because he was exibating strange behavior?? I will never understand why people think the victim needs to be the nicer person to someone being extremely rude regardless of the circumstances.
Not to mention, he came over WITHOUT her niece and nephew, indicating it wasn't exactly a family mourning social call, she lives alone and she said she really didn't know him. He never called or texted that his dad died (another indication that they were NOT close in ANY way) and that he could use her help. He was COMPLETELY non-communicative. I think you're missing too many red flags here... I don't know what else to say other than I think you're wrong and she owes him NOTHING.
@@RR-VanityInKnickers She tried *engaging him in conversation* early on then started ignoring him. She did *not* say anything about telling him he was no longer welcome. She could mitigate a lot of risks simply by *calling or texting* him. Instead, she let him find out by arriving at the house. If there was any fear of him reacting badly, do you think she'd want him in a position to throw a rock through her window? Also, she *ignored* all his attempts to contact her, so who knows if he said anything about wanting her to watch the kids.
You seem to be missing that I acknowledged that the BIL reacted badly, very badly. That doesn't make OP's handling of the situation good.
I can’t escape the irony of lecturing for a woman about respecting someone else’s grieving process by disrespecting yours. She was your sister!! Whatever YOU need to do to grieve comes first!!! If it’s easier for you to ignore everyone right now then you do that and make zero apology for YOUR needs.
9:10. If I was at that wedding and I saw that Ben would be missing teeth
I think that the YTA are the idiots. If you listen to what she said . He won’t engage her and she has tried. Is she a grief counselor? But she is grieving herself. Is she a saint or a woman who’s sister died. NTA and now listen to the story again. No close, won’t talk and is grieving herself.
Re: ‘I might be pregnant.’ Schrödinger's pregnancy. Classic
NTA, OP tell sister that if she keeps talking about her possible pregnancy she will subconsciously stress herself out about it and stress may cause her to NOT get pregnant. That it seems a a lot of women who finally resolve themself to not think about getting pregnant anymore, tend to get pregnant because apparently they've stopped stressing over it. She'll hopefully chill out talking about it at the very least and who knows, maybe She'll get lucky.
@@thecoolgrandma7208 agreed, I was one that tried and when I finally did (I guess) the stress of trying for a couple of years probably caused my miscarriage, I was really jumpy once I fell pregnant. I fell into a depression and gave up after on trying BUT in less than a year I fell pregnant again! 😅😅 it's been two years since that pregnancy and I'm expecting ANOTHER ONE in a few months 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ I wasn't looking to get pregnant 😅😅 guess I should have seen it coming lol.
St 1 - "she should have set boundaries" Girl, she DID!!!! Not answering the door 4 days in a row - when this guy continued to bang on her door without calling first - IS setting boundaries. This guy didn't get a clue for 4 damn days. You think a simple convo would have gotten through to this man? I don't think so. He clearly had a crush and then got mad when he was rejected. This guy is unaware of social etiquette and norms. Going to a woman's home without prior consent can be very uncomfortable and scary for many women. I NEVER answer my door unless I know whose coming or my husband is there. Period.
Plus, she tried talking to him before, but he wouldn't respond. I'd say, if you don't feel comfortable letting someone in, then don't.
I've seen alot and heard alot in the 46 years. What kind of family step, in law or otherwise makes fun and laughs at someone with cancer?? I mean that's disgusting I wouldn't be able to communicate with a person like that. 10 years ago I lost my 7 year old nephew to leukemia I don't find any humor whatsoever when it comes to the C word!!
if it was someone else then ben and OP Husband will ended up get humihated alongside with his cousins and relatives
OP YTA how can you stay married to a man who supports his son bulling your daughter over something she has no control over?? Why didnt you call a divorce lawyer when you got home?? If you do nothing, daughter will probably never be around you or other people.
Dont get how step son, hub and all his relatives thought this was funny. I have kicked then out and tell them to stay with MIL
"didn't open the door for BIL when he came over to drop the kids....."
because the BIL just sat in OP's home for 3 hours before saying nothing, doing nothing on multiple days, it is THIS action that left a bad impression,
"drop off the kids" must be a ploy, where the kids the other days, with grandpa not bloody likely more over why not the kids with OP and BIL grieve with the old man (direct family)
let's not forget OP is grieving to
Plus you would think this the way OP is trying to tell BIL she doesn't want him over but no you should have said that I guess not answering Door & Phone now isn't a clear ass message nowadays commenters on here & Reddit are fools
If my father was dying I didn't have anywhere to leave my kids I would have taken them with me to see my father one last time he is a grown adult you are not responsible for him if your mother was so excited to take care of the grandkids for you she should have taken them, you have absolutely no obligation to ever allow anyone into your home ever
Do we know that BIL's silent daily creepiness isn't him silently auditioning his late wife's replacement? A cousin experienced something eerily similar...except it was sweet iced tea rather than water. Eventually...and I mean eventually, as this stage lasted for MONTHS, he moved on to bringing his shirts to be ironed...then all his laundry, his mending, anything else he could think of for her to do...but he NEVER brought his kids. He brought food he wanted her to cook...but only in portions for two. Why? Well...because he didn't want the kids interfering with his "growing relationship" just as he had become sure this was "exactly what Maisie would have wanted...her sister was a part of her, so it's like she's still with me." Cousin had been creeped out since day one, but many other family members had bullied her into indulging the idiot..."because he's GRIEVING." As if cousin wasn't grieving the loss of her sibling(triplets, two girls and a boy. Boy went in to the military and had died during his second tour of duty. Girls remained VERY close, closer after this loss.) As if the whole family wasn't grieving. So why was the widower HER problem? My theory is that they just about all hoped she would marry him and everything would just fall neatly into place. Even though she was seeing a close friend of her late brother...had been seeing the guy from nearly a year before Maisie even died. She was forced to cut ties with her family over this...and her BIL moved on, without missing a beat, to another family member roughly Maisie's age and coloring...a girl with a big heart but not much sense. It was damn tragic. This is NOT normal and OP is NOT this man's therapist OR his replacement wife.
Story three: I wonder would Ben and op husband laugh if Megan called the police for pulling her hair. Op has restraint or no back bone because I would have left the marriage. Husband would have came home to his suitcases packed
Ben would have been slapped if he did that in our family by the females and his underwear pulled up his ass by the male family members at the least...lol
I wonder how funny Ben would find it if Megan pulled an embarrassing prank on him in front of a bunch of girls he wanted to impress. Something along the lines of being pants-ed the day he's wearing the spiderman undies because everything else is still in the laundry :-0 ( which OP managed to leave soaking wet )
Story about the HOA - I've worked for HOA's for over 15 years and I can assure you OP is NOT the idiot. And let me tell you why:
1st - HOA's cannot claim a lake that they didn't create themselves. That lake would fall under city/state guidelines. Which means Sophie lied. She assumed her neighbor was a part of the HOA and thought she could control him by lying and using scare tactics. It's one thing to submit a complaint to your HOA, it's another to use the HOA as a manipulative tool to force their own agenda. As a property manager, I HATE people like Sophie. People like her can RUIN an HOA if she is not handled immediately.
She clearly didn't even contact the HOA or she would have known her neighbor is not under their jurisdiction. She was bullying her neighbor and didn't actually do her homework. OP responded perfectly to someone harrassing him on his property. She threatened him and he responded to the empty threat.
I really don't understand why Sophie has a bug up her butt about OP fishing. But you never can tell about people.
“Do you own the lake?”
OP clearly stated you only needed a 25$ license meaning the state/county owns it and not the HOA
Idk how you deal with that crap in the USA. I’d never want to live in a place like that. I own my house, you can’t tell me what I can do on my own property.
The weak ones allow themselves to chased out, but most go to court, thanks to alot of Legal Precedence HOAs are losing more and more ground all the time, in many states the shit you hear about can now get the HOA dissolved.
Were I able to, I would have a law passed BANNING HOAs in the United States as an Unconstitutional infringement on the individual rights of citizens.
There are HOAs that aren't so intrusive and they aren't bad. The one in my neighborhood exists mainly to see that the lawncare (for the entire neighborhood) is done by the company they hire and pay for out of the HOA fees. That is a big plus for me because I have never mown a lawn in my life and I intend to die with that record intact.
@@eywine.7762 The problem is that 80% - 90% of all HOA stories start with the wrong type of people, you know the type, getting onto the board and THEN everything starts going down hill.
@@black1917 True. But we probably don't hear from too many people who are satisfied with how their HOA is run.
First story. I have to say first that my mother never had empathy or compassion for anyone. Years ago, when I was a child, my Aunt Peggy died in another state. She drank herself to death. Her husband, who we had never met, started to call our house. It was only myself, roughly 11, and my mother. He was normally drunk when he called. My mother would not want to talk to him. She would have me talk to him. Over and over again. I don't know if he didn't have anyone to talk to there, but he started to tell me that he liked talking to me because I sounded like his wife. Then he started to say things he should not have said to an 11 year old child. I finally refused to talk to him and my mother was going to punish me, until I told her what he was saying to me. The only time she stood up for me. Told him not to call again.
The BIL may have gone to OP's house because she looked, acted, or talked like his deceased wife. Yes, it was creepy. The true AH was OP's mother for not stepping in. As for those YTA comments, I understand OP's position and as one person said, he could have texted or taken the children to his mother in law's house.
@@i.anthony1247 You'd be surprised.
Oh my gosh, babe I hope you are doing better now. That must have been hard for you. Take lots of hugs and love from an internet stranger 💓❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@i.anthony1247 I learned to just listen, because that is what he needed, but then it got weird.
@@kadoradaniels8117 my mother tended to do that. She would have me answer the phone, and if she didn'xt want to talk to them, give me a sign, and I would have to gracefully give an excuse. It was good training. I went into a job where I was a telephone contact representative and retired after 31 years. My mother doesn't understand why I have the ringer off on my phone and screen my calls. Matter of fact, I finally went no contact with her 4 weeks ago.
@@lyndatuttle oh babe, 8 know we all have our story and yours didn't start so rosy but I am glad to know you are doing well. Glad you have been able to distance yourself from that toxicity. Love yourself and surrounded yourself with people who love you.
Loads of support from me babe
The dad and son who snatched the wig off the daughter? If that was me, they'd be getting a middle-of-the-night stripe shaved off, or eyebrows gone if they had short hair. "Oh come on, guys! It's just a joke! Hair grows back!"
You don't have to answer your door for someone you don't want to see. Especially some weirdo who sits on your couch for 3 hours interrupting your life, who you're not even close to. He can go sit at his mother's house all day. Hang up a Do Not Disturb sign.
I'm loving Schrodinger's pregnancy!!! Hilarious!
I loved that, and then the comment "little empathy goes a long way" reminded me of one of the rules for highly effective mercenaries. "A little trust goes a long way, the less you use, the further you'll get"
as long as she is stressed about that she won't get it + some people are not compatible together on a genetic level hence why they can't get pregnant, no matter how hard they try
'How does the person who owns the lake feel about you fishing?' As long as the OP pays the $25 and follows regs, THE STATE DOESN'T CARE, DOUGHNUT. Fishing in a canoe is the least of that neighbor's concerns, from about three environmental angles. God I hate colonizers who think that waterways are automatically 'owned' by individuals.
"Schrodinger's pregnancy!" *dying* 🤣
Hearing you laugh at "Shroedingers pregnancy" had me 🤣🤣🤣
Pregnancy story: after the 3rd or 4th time of "I might be pregnant" I'd flat out tell the sister that literally no one cares and to not bring it up again until shes comes out with a positive test.
100% my sister was like this I tolerated for a month before I snapped and to her to shut the f*ck up that I didn’t wanna hear sh*t til she had a positive pregnancy test ……she was only dating her boy friend for 5 months at the time they are married now but didn’t hear anything about a pregnancy until two years later 😂
Since the only one who cares about sister's pregnancy is sister and possibly her SO, OP is justified to tell sister to STFU about it.
I had a similar experience with a friend who, for a time, was hung up on a guy she was attracted to. EVERY conversation became a rehash of what he did, what he said, and whether he was attracted to her. No matter how many times I tried to change the subject, she came right back to it. I finally told her that, while I was sympathetic, I would like to talk about something else for a change. She didn't take it well and didn't speak to me for months after that. That's the problem with people who become obsessed with something. They do not function like normal people while the obsession has hold of them.
@@eywine.7762 100% my sister might be married to the boyfriend she was obsessed with but that don’t mean they marriage is great that sh*ts rocky af I would know she calls me every night drunk complaining 🤦🏻♀️
@@sexymarimar51 That must be difficult for you. I sympathize.
He was being a weirdo assuming that his loss is more than hers. She is not a careworker.
Wait a minute…
“YTA OP you could have communicated to him”
…did…did you miss the part where she TRIED to communicate with him and he didn’t answer or changed the subject
Yes this man lost his wife but Op lost her SISTER, why isn’t SHE allowed to be grieving.
NTA Op im sorry for your loss and im REALLY sorry that your family seems crazy
Last OP's sister is furious because OP is completely right. And you can't just get married in a church anyway, it's a house of God not just a pretty wedding venue.
You need to attend the church for at least the 3 weeks they read the bans. You need to be baptized in many cases.
I laugh thinking of how shocked his sister will be the first time she goes to a church to reserve it for her wedding and they tell her no. That's for church member only, not just anyone off the street. She will fail the required marriage classes, not show up for sunday services etc. She may be able to find an old church building that is no longer an active church.
I'm surprised the church wouldn't let her rent the place. After all, the main purpose in life for pastors is to become as rich as possible at the expense of everyone else. God is just the excuse they use to cover their greed.
@@Ambidexter143 It's been a few decades since I belonged to, or ever just attended, a church. I do remember a former roommate talking about how she wanted to get married in a specific church in her hometown in the South, and she was required to be a member and participate in marriage classes. When I visited her, we had to go to church on Sunday because she needed to show up pretty regularly. It likely depends on the church and how popular it is for weddings. I imagine this one enjoyed making brides & grooms jump thru hoops as it was fully booked well in advance. My old roomie had to wait 10 months for a slot and she was worried that if she wasn't a member in good standing, she may lose it. They could also lose their booking if the minister decided they had 'failed' the class. He took marriage VERY seriously and felt marriage in his church was for those in their community, not any random stranger.
They got away with it because there was always another Bride waiting for a spot. The prime spots of May & June were booked 2 years in advance.
(BTW, this wedding never happened; they broke up during the marriage class! )
Turned him away when he asked for help??? He never asked for help! He came everyday and sat silently for several hours on her couch resisting all her attempts to start a conversation! He needs therapy, not to intrude on OP’s life on a daily basis. Does this man not have a job? Where is he dumping off his poor children during these times???
Story one: I honestly don't know what I would do. Very heavy
The cancer story: WTF.... WTF
Story 1 NTA
Dude you are not obligated to host someone who makes you uncomfortable. You aren't obligated to open your door for anyone for whatever reason. If someone came to my house and I just didn't feel like hanging out I do NOT owe it to anyone who comes to my door UNINVITED a reason to open the door. HE should have communicated with OP about his situation OP ISNT A MIND READER. People saying yta have this expectation that OP should be the ONLY one CARRYING this dead weight relationship. He isn't his therapist nor his emotional support animal.
Edit
That's the POINT of a door. Keeping people you don't want in your house out.
Story 1. NTA. What part of being made nervous did the whole commenters not understand. To hell with them and OP's ahole of mother and family.
St 1 - OP is NTA. First of all, OP is a single woman who lives alone. This guy crossed so many boundaries, I would 100% be creeped out. 1st of all, as a mom, lets say I contacted my childrens baby sitter because my father was sick in the hospital... If my baby sitter is not available to watch my kids, I call someone else. I don't scream at the baby sitter and blame HER for not being there when I NEEDED her and then blame her for not seeing my Dad. What a manipulative thing to do! OP is NOT his nanny, his worker, his slave. Their HIS children and HIS responsibility. This man should have CALLED/TEXTED before he came over. I also find it weird that he is coming over every day (without the kids) but the one time she rejects him, all of a sudden he has this sob story to make her feel responsible for something she is not responsible for. I think he's lying, personally. You don't show up at someone's house unannounced and you don't blame your sister in law for not babysitting when you never asked her to watch the kids in the 1st place. You just banged on her door and got mad when she wasn't there. This guy sounds like a tool. It also sounds like he has a crush on OP and was pissed she rejected him.
S1) If my dead sister's husband (that im not close to)started coming over unannounced and just sitting there for HOURS I'd be freaked out to... If he needs help he should get a therapist or better yet start showing up at the mother's house since she's oh so worried.
But seriously OP lost someone too its selfish to expect them to be his emotional support buddy.
The brother in law story worried me because she said he has been doing this for TWO YEARS BEFORE her sister died!!! Does he have even have a job??? What is the matter with him??
Last story: as an atheist: NTA. The sis is super hypocritical!
I would never get married in a church, even if they allowed it.
And sis just sounds like everything has to be about her.
Just because the sister doesn't belong to the church doesn't mean she isn't part of the community. She's in North America it's a predominantly Christian Nations. Probably most of the wedding she's been to have been in a church. In fact there's a lot of churches out there that are just wedding churches that's all they do is house weddings of all faith. It would be the same thing if somebody grew up in a predominantly Muslim country but no longer practice but wanted to get married in a mosque it's about tradition. And by that standard is it hypocritical for someone who is no longer Christian to celebrate Christmas or Easter? Of course not it's the same thing with having a wedding in a church it's just a tradition. She didn't the sister didn't have the right to say what she did to the girlfriend she's just let her go to church. She should just let her go and if it interferes with the schedule well then they are both going to have to make it work.
But Opie is kidding himself if he thinks as an atheist he can be in a relationship with someone who's extremely religious. The big questions are going to come up like how are we going to raise the children and you're not going to agree. You'd have to be brain dead to think it was safe for your children in a Roman Catholic Church. I mean if the Millions sex scandals that have come out of the church from all over the world not enough for you to know that your children are not safe there. If you heard about molestation in Build-A-Bear were Build-A-Bear move their employees that have been accused of molestation around what you think your child is safe there? Of course you wouldn't but why Catholicism any different? As far as I can tell the only difference between Build-A-Bear having that Scandal and the Catholic Church having that Scandal is the Catholic church has had centuries to perfect hiding these predators.
Story 1: NTA All the commenters telling OP to just talk to the BIL are acting like women aren't getting murdered left and right for little more than the audacity to be uninterested in someone. OP tried talking to BIL. His behavior is not normal and OP is not a doctor or therapist. It's not up to her to figure out what's going on with him. If I had a spouse and they were treating my sister like this, I would want my sister to protect herself and do whatever she had to do to feel safe in her own home. Women get blamed for shit all the time that isn't their fault. How about the BIL's own family help him, yeah, instead of his SIL?
Story 3: YTA if you stay married to this piece of crap disguised as a human being. Period.
That first story, OP brother in law is creepy I wouldn’t let him in either. He should have taken the children to the mother in law.
I’m really horrified by the people who called OP in story 1 the AHole. Like she had some obligation to put up with BIL’s uncomfortable coping mechanism. Also, literally NO ONE else in the wide world could watch the kids? Who has been watching them while he sits on her couch?
Also also…. And this is just me… but weird timing for the dad to fall suddenly dead. What? Just as OP finally stops answering the door? That’s either suspicious or unlucky as hell. Why couldn’t judgmental mom watch the kids? Is anyone attending to OP’s grief the way she’s expected to attend to her BIL’s?
EDIT: OMG, the YTA on the fishing one is even worse!!! Who are these: you didn’t bend to the whim of others, so YTA.
Story 1: why is the BIL relying on her so much, it’s creepy. They weren’t even close, go attach yourself to someone else. She probably looks like her sister and he’s doing a weird substation which is sick.
I can't imagine an adult laughing at pulling the wig off of a cancer patient! I would absolutely divorce my husband if he did that. 100%!
1st story...so, the kids don't get to say one last goodbye to their paternal grandfather? No, I don't buy that excuse either.
Once again, I hate that people immediately jump to YTA when there isn't enough information. Just because you're not sure if OP owns the lake or not doesn't mean that he is TA. Seriously, the absence of information doesn't mean bad things.
The thing is that there is information. OP has a fishing license. He paid $25 for it.
@@mag9sp1 This. The information's all there. Chances are very high the government owns the lake.
I would never move to a property with an HOA.
I’m lucky I live in an area with an hoa but it’s all priories with farm land or farm animals the fee is 20 bucks to grade the main road and the rules are no living on a trailer, all properties already have houses on them, and you can’t raise pigs
Story 1 NTA and I don't get those YTA comments?
Yes I get that he's grieving but so is OP yet why is he and the rest of the family expecting OP to act like his emotional support animal?? Those 3hrs when he turns up (after I think it says he dumps his kids on family) and just sits there saying nothing and refusing to talk, why is he not doing that in a THERAPIST session?? Especially as he refuses to talk to OP about why he's there and I bet is making it 1million times harder for her to try to keep going as he's affecting her work.
I'm 36/37 now and have lost both my parents by the time I was 30; both times broke me to a different degree so I can get what he's feels, with a loss; but sitting staring into space for 3hrs on OP couch and refusing to talk/communicate even when he really needs help is on him. Get therapy as it'll help you learn to live with the pain of your loss in a healthy way as it never goes away.
Send all the flying monkeys calling OP an AH to BIL and process your own grief
"Just kids teasing"?!?
What a horrible family. I guarentee if it was one of them who was humiliated like that they'd light shit ablaze in fury. Cut.Them.Off.
if someone I was married to made fun of my cancer sick kid and then claim it to be "harmless teasing" I would kick them out after shaving their eyebrows or part of their head in their sleep and then just ask why they are uppset over a harmless joke
Church wedding story: some Churches make you participate in the service for at least a year before you are able to use the church for anything
story 2 That comment saying OP doesnt own the lake annoyed me if fishing was banned on the lake they wouldnt let him get a fishing license at all what a dumb thing that commenter said
Pregnancy:
I've been around people that constantly bring up pregnancy. One of them told people she was trying to get pregnant, but she only did it for attention. She was really on multiple forms of birth control, and just saying she may be pregnant. The sister may be doing the same, pretending to want a pregnancy, but only for attention.
While Ben’s asleep give him a reverse mohawk
I like that idea but I think Friar Tuck would funnier
Nta. If his father was dying he could have texted that. He also could have been visiting his father all those days he sat on OPs couch for hours. His excuse this time is bs. The mother yelling just volunteered to always watch the kids
First story, what is BIL doing with his kids? He is not bringing them with him when he goes to OP's house, where are they? Are they being dropped off at child care? Does he work? He is there every day for hours. He is being creepy as heck. And to everyone saying OP needed to talk to BIL, he is not sounding stable, what would he do if OP told him to not come over any more? She just might be his new 'therapy animal' (which needs to be stopped pronto) or things could be building to something worse. Someone commented that OP may look like her sister... and he is coming to her house every day... This can turn really bad for OP.
Story One: BiL's sob story about having an emergency doesn't pass the sniff test. He drops his kids off with a babysitter before he starts his three hour Creepering. He could have very easily done that then. It sounds like he's trying to find a way to force his way back in to OP's house by way of social pressure.
OP needs to inform everyone, on social media, why she isn't answering the door for Creeper anymore, and they are all welcome to come and let him be creepy in THEIR homes.
Wig Stealing Step Son story: Shave the brat's head. Make sure there are ugly, uneven patches. Post pictures of it everywhere. Then toss Ben and his dad out of the house and file for divorce.
I'm kinda tempted to put hair removal cream in the son and husband's shampoo. "Don't worry! I now know how you communicate, so it's just me BONDING with you both! I'm also not being a horrendous person for laughing at a cancer patient because as far as I know you both do NOT have cancer, or had cancer whilst I've known at you. So it is 100% a kinder version of your family bonding! I AM trying!"
Story 1. OP NTA. I get the is grieving, but he doesnt get to encroach on your dwelling. I get loss of wife and loss of sister are different but both are grieving but he is doing it in a way that is making you uncomfortable and interrupting your routine. Finding a routine is hard when loss happens but needs to happen.
Truly I am worried for your sister's kids seems like dad is disassociating. Kids probably are feeling it. I know no one can control grief but things need to be done to make make sure others aren't harmed too.
The “I might be pregnant” story, just reminds me of Lily from HIMYM 😂
Hypothetical pregnancy: NTA this is her way of bringing attention to herself and making everything about dear fragile me. Enough is enough and she needed to hear it
Maybe OP should go low contact, if possible, with the sister. The sister can annoy another family member.
@@lyndatuttle sounds just about right
First story; OP is not responsible for the BIL, period. She has her own healing to contend with and him stalking her is NOT OK!!!
Idk how she is wrong here! Not answering my door is my right! Not answering a call is my right! Not wanting company is my right! And it’s her right too.
They’re calling the first op an the asshole for not communicating WHEN SHE TRIED. The man is refusing to talk about it but it’s her fault!?!? She’s allowed to feel comfortable in her own home and not have her space invaded for the sake of “family”. Every other time someone is expected to do something for the “sake of family” Reddit acts like it’s fine not to make yourself uncomfortable for family outside your nuclear family. But now that a man is coming into a woman’s home without talking to her, refusing to tell her why or even acknowledge it’s happening when they aren’t close and are only related because of a marriage he had to her sister it’s now family before your own comfort.
#1 NTA. Let's be real. The BIL had no idea that the OP was home so why did he up the anti by ringing the doorbell, then calling her when that didn't work? We only know she was home because she told us. Also, sorry but refusing to talk at all or even acknowledge OP when talked to while sitting on her couch for 3 hours then just leaving IS creepy. He needs therapy... I can't understand his grief because we all process it differently but just showing up at SIL with NO warning with the expectation of being let in is just....wrong....
Story 1: dropping in on people with no notice or agreement is rude af. She's not required to answer the door. And there is no reason he couldn't have taken the kids with him.
First Story:
OMG!
Do you people NOT SEE IT?
He's trying to WIFE her, so he gets FREE CHILDCARE.
AND GETS TO SCREW THE SISTER!
You people telling her YTA, be understanding...
YOU ALL ARE F'ING CREEPS!
It's a way to "REPLACE" the wife.
By it being her sister.
IT'S SICK!
Story 1: what kinda family would find it ok for bil to constantly visit sil like that? I would not let him in my house if he acted that way because it makes ME feel uncomfortable.
Last story: NTA. You can be religious or atheist and respect others beliefs. The sister IS a hypocrite and her putting the gf down for her beliefs makes HER the ah.
I'd call each church she looks into 🤣🤣🤣
Schrodinger’s pregnancy 😂😂😂
Story 1: I have a feeling that OP's BIL would have ignored any boundaries she would've set. Her family is treating her horribly. She's NOT being selfish, she's taking care of herself probably the only way she can.
Story 2: Look, I care about the environment. But lord save us from the "Sophie's" (cough* Karen's* cough) of the world!
Story 3: Hang on, Ben is 18 and he's behaving like this? BTW, posting someone's likeness on social media without their knowledge is illegal. And what he did at the wedding is a complete d*ck move! And everyone who laughed (including her stepfather and his family, FFS) is also a d*ck.
It's NOT "just kids teasing each other". That poor girl! I hope OP takes her daughter and gets out of this marriage.
"Shrodinger's pregnancy" 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
OP does have empathy for her sister. But a human can only take so much.
Reason why it's called a pregnancy announcement is when you do it you are ACTUALLY PREGNANT, she needs therapy but her constant "I may or not be announcements" are BS and I'd get fed up also!!
She keeps bringing up so she clearly wants to talk to somebody about it; but that should be to a trained counselor and NOT making every single conversation about HER
Why didn’t he leave kids with mum. No he goes running to mommy. I’d have locked the door too.
I was just about to say what the comment on 3:20 said. I won't feel comfortable even setting boundaries but one big question is where does he drop his 2 really young children for 3 hours? Couldn't he have dropped them in that same place during his father's emergency?
1st story. My guess is that OP closely resembles her sister, which is why her grieving & creepy BIL keeps coming around to stare at her. Don't blame her for refusing him entry.
Being on the water is a public right. Access is the only question, and since you own your own access you may be on the water all you like. As OP said, all you need now is the fishing license, unless you're American Native, then you can fish to your heart's content without the license. No neighbors, HOA, or nosy whomever may curtail you. I don't know why the peaceful, unobtrusive activity of fishing gets so many people hot under the collar. There's dozens of videos of people being harassed for fishing, which is against the law itself by the way. Find and make a copy of the federal law against harassing hunters and fishers and hand it to her with no comments and shut the door next time. If quiet paddling around catching fish bothers her so much, try high-powered rifle hunting next time. I'll bet she learns to stay away if she comes around the corner and catches you dressing out a deer on your picnic table.
I think OP should contact a lawyer for a letter to be sent to neighbor to cease harassing him, and a letter sent to HOA informing them that if this neighbor is not a member of their board, they should be aware what she is telling people. If she is a member of the board, that she is overstepping her authority.
Oh, and the YTA comment? Probably her. He was on the way to being drunk with his friends. She picked that moment to deliver the letter. Not his fault.