For me the Rigid Pattern came down to “is my mother happy” with all the tasks I have accomplished at home to ease her sense of being overwhelmed. My family lived essentially in surviving and cooing mode. Once chores were done I left the home as young as 6 years old as fast as I could. I would find a friend and latch onto their “normal parents “ staying way from home until I was sent home for dinner. There were no expectations to take a daily bath or do homework. Education was never encouraged or valued. My achievements come from my drive and the support of others.
As a parent I must have driven my only child, a daughter to be “ the best she could be” to subconsciously counter balance my upbringing. At 26, this has caught up with her and I find myself supporting her as best I can within her very firm boundaries. Essentially, back off I can do this on my own. Huge guilt trip I have put on myself that I am working to positively transform into love and support.
The second, Merging Patter has two meanings for me, my first reaction is lashing out to defend myself. Hit first, ask questions later. The second is the need for love, compassion, feeling I belong, feeling valued, worthy and respected. Situations will subconsciously trigger these reactions where emotions have over time been fragmented into my different alters. My Protector/Strong One will lash out. My victims and vulnerable insecure parts need love, comfort, reassurance and support.
As a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder I have at least one alter/part who exhibited the fourth, Aggressive Pattern. When the sum of my parts were threatened this alter who stand its ground to defend the internal family of 20+ alters/parts. Not knowing how to process thoughts, feelings and emotions when feeling “attacked” or “abused” this volcano type personality would lash out, particularly when babysitting my younger siblings. Then there would be a tag-team approach where the volcano alter did not know how to proceed and the alter/part who resorts to self-harm rather than harming others (I suppressed anger most of my life out of fear that I would seriously hurt someone, to the pint of getting nose bleeds) would threaten to severely harm myself (ex threaten to stab myself with a butcher knife) if they didn’t settle down. I never thought until now what a guilt trip I put on them.
I have used the third Enduring Pattern all my life with my mother. Better to suppress feelings, thoughts and emotions than oppose my mother resulting in a conflict. This is the case with ALL family members. I ended this pattern a few years ago to my mother’s surprise/shock and that of my step-father, siblings and daughter. Part of healing leads to strength, resilience and setting boundaries to maintain my well-being. I also used this pattern in other personal and professional situations and relationships resulting in childhood illnesses, cancer (melanoma ), a ruptured appendix, a burnout and fragmenting before being diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder.
I am pleased to see research is finally being done to understand the impact of the roles, responsibilities and expectations of the Eldest Daughter impacts their lives. I have been sharing my “woe story of why I am the way I am from the conditioning of being the Eldest Child and Eldest Daughter. Yeah! Finally! It is one thing to hear it from the “victim/survivor” of all the work and often not age-appropriate tasks we do. It is makes it more acceptable and believable coming from “experts”. The same goes for the impacts of Birth Order on the Middle and Youngest Children.
As a person living with Dissociative Identity Disorder I have more complex interpretations to your Five Patterns. The first… the Leaving Pattern is for me is related to dissociating when triggered. Or later in life as a teenager and wife., fleeing to my bedroom or the bathroom if I need to lock myself in to avoid a conflict or confrontation with what I perceive as agression.
I was treated by a Freudian psychiatrist who diagnosed me with Dissociative Identity Disorder. It was very challenging as I was and am not comfortable with the teachings, principles and treatment protocol.
After watching the video I bought the book. It is EXCELLENT. Steven dives extensively into each pattern, and gives some really good exercises to recognise and come out of each pattern too. Thank you SO much for writing it Steven! (If a French translation were available, that would be fantastic:)
I'm glad you're finding it so useful. Others have asked for a French translation, also. So far Hugo has taken a look but declined. Do you have any contacts in the industry?
I am learning a lot from your book, right now on chapter 9. I have a question. I have borderline personality disorder and am thinking that part of BPD is the tendency to use more than 2 personality patterns for protection. Seems acceptable in society to have 1 or 2 ways to deal with and view the world (1-2 patterns), but to exhibit more than that seems like a mental illness. What do you think about this idea?
This is a question that comes up regularly. My understanding is that the 5 patterns are most apparent in people who have a 'good enough' ego structure. In contrast, BPD and NPD are actually deficits in the structure of the ego. If you think of the ego structure as a house, parts of the house are actually missing for those with NPD or BPD. During the rapprochement stage, the person did not make it through to the other side. They did not succeed in psychologically separating from Mom and forming a strong enough sense of self. Instead, they turned around and tried to go back to the state of dual-unity with Mom that they had enjoyed before. This leaves them without a good enough self-structure, the part of the ego which gives them at least a rudimentary sense of internal support. Without that internal support, they feel like they are collapsing into a black hole unless they are constantly getting attention and validation from outside. This is the cause of the constant, bottomless need for ego support from others that is so central to both BPD and NPD. So I don't think of BPD and NPD as comparable to the personality patterns; I think of them as more fundamental. In the house metaphor, you might think of them as two situations where parts of the house's foundation are missing or so flimsy that, no matter what you build on top of it, the house is never stable and solid. I also do not see NPD as equivalent to the aggressive pattern. People who have NPD have a black hole where their core should be, and to fill it they need constant ego support in the form of attention and admiration. People who do the aggressive pattern have a strong core and frankly don't care what you think of them or whether you like them. Think of Special Forces fighters in the military, like Delta Force or the Navy Seals. In my view, the aggressive pattern's habit of referencing only self is fundamentally different from the NPD need for emotional support from others.
Thank you for writing this book. It came at a perfect time. It makes ppl so much clearer to me now, and I've read quite a few books on personality and listened to many videos. Your book I find is much more comprehensive. I can't thank you enough Dr. Kessler.
.....Well, I'm not really "clear" on just the first thing: Q: ...."WHAT IS THIS "ENERGY"???!!!!..... WHERE IS IS COMING FROM??!!!..... WHERE IS IT GOING???!!!.... HOW DOES ONE GET THE ABILITY TO "SENSE", AND THEN TO "CONTROL" IT?!!..... HOW IS IT SENSED/DETECTED, AND "MEASURED"(CAN IT BE "INCREASED/DECREASED/CHANGED DIRECTION")??!!!.....CAN ONE "FEEL IT"???!!! HOW DOES ONE BEGIN TO DETECT IT/SENSE IT/CONTROL IT??!!!..... IS THIS ENERGY LIKE A "STATIC CHARGE", OR, AN ELECTRIC CURRENT ("AC", OR "DC")?!....IS THIS "ENERGY" LIKE THE EASTERN CONCEPT OF "KI/CHI" ENERGY"???!!!....
We are all beings of energy,we are made of the most divine energy,not like energy you get from an outlet placed on a wall.Its an energy that comes from the heaven and earth and to tap into it you must take the time to sit still long enough to actually feel it.
Fun fact: if you're a trained MBTI practitioner the proper terminology is to say 'x person has a preference for xxxx' e.g. Margaret has a preference for INFP. So a lot of the defining comes from amateur explorers 😊 Thank you ever so much for sharing this information, a wonderful lecture.
The drawings show each pattern's conditioned, habitual movement of attention and energy. The movement of attention and energy in a person who is not in pattern would not be habitual or conditioned, it would be free to respond to the current situation.
'The Five Personality Patterns' is a marvelous book especially for energy therapists who want to assist their clients on a deeper level.
For me the Rigid Pattern came down to “is my mother happy” with all the tasks I have accomplished at home to ease her sense of being overwhelmed. My family lived essentially in surviving and cooing mode. Once chores were done I left the home as young as 6 years old as fast as I could. I would find a friend and latch onto their “normal parents “ staying way from home until I was sent home for dinner. There were no expectations to take a daily bath or do homework. Education was never encouraged or valued. My achievements come from my drive and the support of others.
We all need to feel loved, that we belong, that we are worthy, we are valued and respected and that we are safe and secure.
As a parent I must have driven my only child, a daughter to be “ the best she could be” to subconsciously counter balance my upbringing. At 26, this has caught up with her and I find myself supporting her as best I can within her very firm boundaries. Essentially, back off I can do this on my own. Huge guilt trip I have put on myself that I am working to positively transform into love and support.
The second, Merging Patter has two meanings for me, my first reaction is lashing out to defend myself. Hit first, ask questions later. The second is the need for love, compassion, feeling I belong, feeling valued, worthy and respected. Situations will subconsciously trigger these reactions where emotions have over time been fragmented into my different alters. My Protector/Strong One will lash out. My victims and vulnerable insecure parts need love, comfort, reassurance and support.
As a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder I have at least one alter/part who exhibited the fourth, Aggressive Pattern. When the sum of my parts were threatened this alter who stand its ground to defend the internal family of 20+ alters/parts. Not knowing how to process thoughts, feelings and emotions when feeling “attacked” or “abused” this volcano type personality would lash out, particularly when babysitting my younger siblings. Then there would be a tag-team approach where the volcano alter did not know how to proceed and the alter/part who resorts to self-harm rather than harming others (I suppressed anger most of my life out of fear that I would seriously hurt someone, to the pint of getting nose bleeds) would threaten to severely harm myself (ex threaten to stab myself with a butcher knife) if they didn’t settle down. I never thought until now what a guilt trip I put on them.
I have used the third Enduring Pattern all my life with my mother. Better to suppress feelings, thoughts and emotions than oppose my mother resulting in a conflict. This is the case with ALL family members. I ended this pattern a few years ago to my mother’s surprise/shock and that of my step-father, siblings and daughter. Part of healing leads to strength, resilience and setting boundaries to maintain my well-being. I also used this pattern in other personal and professional situations and relationships resulting in childhood illnesses, cancer (melanoma ), a ruptured appendix, a burnout and fragmenting before being diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder.
I am pleased to see research is finally being done to understand the impact of the roles, responsibilities and expectations of the Eldest Daughter impacts their lives. I have been sharing my “woe story of why I am the way I am from the conditioning of being the Eldest Child and Eldest Daughter. Yeah! Finally! It is one thing to hear it from the “victim/survivor” of all the work and often not age-appropriate tasks we do. It is makes it more acceptable and believable coming from “experts”. The same goes for the impacts of Birth Order on the Middle and Youngest Children.
I am so grateful for the lecture, the information you have given made perfect sense, just great, thank you :)
As a person living with Dissociative Identity Disorder I have more complex interpretations to your Five Patterns. The first… the Leaving Pattern is for me is related to dissociating when triggered. Or later in life as a teenager and wife., fleeing to my bedroom or the bathroom if I need to lock myself in to avoid a conflict or confrontation with what I perceive as agression.
I was treated by a Freudian psychiatrist who diagnosed me with Dissociative Identity Disorder. It was very challenging as I was and am not comfortable with the teachings, principles and treatment protocol.
¡Maravillosa exposición!
Muchas gracias.
Enlightening!
How cool is the coHack house?!
After watching the video I bought the book. It is EXCELLENT. Steven dives extensively into each pattern, and gives some really good exercises to recognise and come out of each pattern too. Thank you SO much for writing it Steven! (If a French translation were available, that would be fantastic:)
I'm glad you're finding it so useful. Others have asked for a French translation, also. So far Hugo has taken a look but declined. Do you have any contacts in the industry?
Who we are is our presence, our natural essence, our Higher-Self or Buddha Nature.
I am learning a lot from your book, right now on chapter 9. I have a question. I have borderline personality disorder and am thinking that part of BPD is the tendency to use more than 2 personality patterns for protection. Seems acceptable in society to have 1 or 2 ways to deal with and view the world (1-2 patterns), but to exhibit more than that seems like a mental illness. What do you think about this idea?
This is a question that comes up regularly. My understanding is that the 5 patterns are most apparent in people who have a 'good enough' ego structure. In contrast, BPD and NPD are actually deficits in the structure of the ego. If you think of the ego structure as a house, parts of the house are actually missing for those with NPD or BPD.
During the rapprochement stage, the person did not make it through to the other side. They did not succeed in psychologically separating from Mom and forming a strong enough sense of self. Instead, they turned around and tried to go back to the state of dual-unity with Mom that they had enjoyed before. This leaves them without a good enough self-structure, the part of the ego which gives them at least a rudimentary sense of internal support.
Without that internal support, they feel like they are collapsing into a black hole unless they are constantly getting attention and validation from outside. This is the cause of the constant, bottomless need for ego support from others that is so central to both BPD and NPD.
So I don't think of BPD and NPD as comparable to the personality patterns; I think of them as more fundamental. In the house metaphor, you might think of them as two situations where parts of the house's foundation are missing or so flimsy that, no matter what you build on top of it, the house is never stable and solid.
I also do not see NPD as equivalent to the aggressive pattern. People who have NPD have a black hole where their core should be, and to fill it they need constant ego support in the form of attention and admiration. People who do the aggressive pattern have a strong core and frankly don't care what you think of them or whether you like them. Think of Special Forces fighters in the military, like Delta Force or the Navy Seals.
In my view, the aggressive pattern's habit of referencing only self is fundamentally different from the NPD need for emotional support from others.
@@the5personalitypatterns thank you for this thoughtful answer. Your book has been helping me a lot. I'm currently reading about the 4th pattern.
Thank you for writing this book. It came at a perfect time. It makes ppl so much clearer to me now, and I've read quite a few books on personality and listened to many videos. Your book I find is much more comprehensive. I can't thank you enough Dr. Kessler.
Wouw beautifully explained
I'm exited to go and read your book 📖
Hope you enjoy it!
I know I will
Your videos already resonate with me, so much recognition
🙏
More likes needed
.....Well, I'm not really "clear" on just the first thing: Q: ...."WHAT IS THIS "ENERGY"???!!!!..... WHERE IS IS COMING FROM??!!!..... WHERE IS IT GOING???!!!.... HOW DOES ONE GET THE ABILITY TO "SENSE", AND THEN TO "CONTROL" IT?!!..... HOW IS IT SENSED/DETECTED, AND "MEASURED"(CAN IT BE "INCREASED/DECREASED/CHANGED DIRECTION")??!!!.....CAN ONE "FEEL IT"???!!! HOW DOES ONE BEGIN TO DETECT IT/SENSE IT/CONTROL IT??!!!..... IS THIS ENERGY LIKE A "STATIC CHARGE", OR, AN ELECTRIC CURRENT ("AC", OR "DC")?!....IS THIS "ENERGY" LIKE THE EASTERN CONCEPT OF "KI/CHI" ENERGY"???!!!....
guloguloguy focus on feelings ( that is a beginning )
We are all beings of energy,we are made of the most divine energy,not like energy you get from an outlet placed on a wall.Its an energy that comes from the heaven and earth and to tap into it you must take the time to sit still long enough to actually feel it.
It's just emotion, trauma and sexual impulse dude.
Him: utter gibberish
The crowd: Mhm…
Fun fact: if you're a trained MBTI practitioner the proper terminology is to say 'x person has a preference for xxxx' e.g. Margaret has a preference for INFP. So a lot of the defining comes from amateur explorers 😊
Thank you ever so much for sharing this information, a wonderful lecture.
Ah, got it! #mbti #enfp #preference #inventory #fivepersonalitypatterns
What does presence look like in terms of energy flow?
The drawings show each pattern's conditioned, habitual movement of attention and energy. The movement of attention and energy in a person who is not in pattern would not be habitual or conditioned, it would be free to respond to the current situation.
@@the5personalitypatterns thank you.
The psychological defences of a six-month-old... #attention #energy
Living a non-authentic Rigid Pattern leads to burnout and illnesses.
If you're taking breath, somebody did something right.
Give thanks and move on.
What utter nonsense