Great seeing you two together hanging out. Great topics and excellent suggestions. Unfortunately, we all need to learn from our mistakes A wise man learns from mistakes of others. Monty, you need a family sit down and start a reset
Good video and great story line. Yes it is a problem especially with most families and cousins living close by in the Philippines. Boundaries like you said the first thing too set. So for me that means chosing who you let in and stay around your home. Me I definitely do that. I will make sure who stays in the extra room based on what they do keeping the house up and getting along with my Son. It took awhile but you have to show your Filipino wife you won't put up with it. Then second living on a budget. It takes awhile to show the wife this but it seems your wife starting to get it Monty. I plan to send this video for my wife to watch. I try to keep to budget as I know she will feed more if she can. But She is getting really good at keeping a budget. It tough I admit on both sides. I have to constantly remind myself too. You really don't make that much SS coming in. I like the idea of locking the other door to your kitchen. That is the best coming up with little things like that. Me I always make sure they bring tools back at end of day. Get them in a habit of that. Also make sure if you don't like someone there because of their behavior let them know. You find out your not the only one. The Filipinos don't offer it unless you ask. They always try to keep everyone on positive side even if they shouldn't.
Retiring there in two months. This video made my Filipina wife of 21 years mad. She said anyone showing up in her kitchen uninvited will receive a vicious tounge lashing from her.😂You HAVE to set boundaries!
Before I married my wife I flew to the Philippines to meet her family: brothers, sisters, mother, and cousins. They all had 2 or 3 jobs and never asked me for anything. That was 15 years ago and still to this day they don’t beg. They hustle and make there own money
Your wife has to take the lead on this, as she can communicate the point to the locals. By all means help when you can help but your own wife and child come first period. Good to see yourself and paul together again, all the best and take care.
Agee wife has to take the lead the longer your with her the more she cost . A good family will not disrespect you for helping them they see you as a blessing it is a tightrope however
I am running into the same problem with my phillpino wife when we got married now two years March 17 while we are waiting for the visa for her to come to US I agreed to pay her wages she was making in Hong Kong and to take care of her mother. She indicated that her wages was enough to live off of every month. So when I was there in December and January while sitting around I did a observation which It reaffirmed that I was the only one working in the family and I feeding 7 to 10 mouths everyday two three meals. I told my wife this needs to change my back is getting sore. I told her it's not our responsibility to feed all of her siblings kids. But now that I not there it's back to same old same so middle of the month my wife is out of money. So my response is you better figure it out because some of these working able people need to GET A JOB
Bless you; Mas respect Bro as Monty is the Greatest elder Statesman of the Dumaguete area and as you can see would do ANYTHING to Help someone and His Golden heart may have had "Heart Attacks" but it's Pure Gold as is his wife's and sadly others are pushing the boundaries
Most times if you just hand it out ( money or things) they treat it like it falls from the sky. It’s never enough and they continue to make bad decisions. I always help the kids whenever possible. I know you’re doing your best I’m happy to help a little
Learn to say no no no with a warm smile. You need to put your family and yourself first anything extra then you have a choice to help. It's real simple.
@@crewfamilyphilippines that isn’t being mean. The Bible says a man is to provide for his household. Your daughter is losing out. Not fair. The Bible also says a man that won’t work shouldn’t eat. Seems guys in Ph don’t want to work. You are only making things worse by enabling them
Remember the 70s? Cash, gas, or ass, nobody rides for free. Put them to work. Scavenge coconuts, scap metal, anything. My wife keeps talking about starting a business. I said go ahead. 12 years and nothing yet.
@@Thephilipcartmelexperiencei have wasted a lot of time and money trying to teach pinay to do a business. If they know how to do it they will already be doing it
The unfortunate thing about giving openly here, is the dependence it creates. They'll even stop working if they find someone who will support them...instead of continuing to work to better their lives overall. Relatives can be the biggest burden, and unfortunately be the least appreciative of one's help!
Nice video,while my wife and myself worked abroad, built a house in her province and helped put some extended family,braces, tuition fee helped them go abroad to work,got them jobs , which went south.Now that we are at our home,on a fixed income my wife works online for Cigna Insurance our son is a health care provider in Seattle WA.We set boundaries, literally I had a 10 foot wall built,to keep her family and neighbors from coming inside our home uninvited. My advice is simple,if your living on a fixed income a pension,that is your money,be selfish with your money. My wife's family,avoids me and I prefer that, really I do it makes no sense to give money to people,younger than myself who I paid and educated who are just lazy asses. I'm happy to avoid people who use me and my wife.😊
Very empathetic position of feeding some of the world's hungry. Commendations to both of you. Others involved need skin in the game too. "Plant fruit trees, root crops"? Otherwise, no one can get fed when all is spent. Positive controls are in order, Lock the doors, close the windows or starve too. Wish I was there.
Stand your ground on all the principles for sure! I was there while in my Navy days for a time, and I may just retire over there myself. I watch alot of videos about it these days and I'm so glad I have that armor. Much appreciated!
I was in a very similar situation. Only difference was not married & I lived several hours away in the big city. It takes months of hard training but the key to all of this is your wife. She has to take control & set boundaries with the family/neighbors. It will piss them off & she'll be the bad guy with everybody. Eventually the storm will blow over. But you have to be very tough with your wife. Teach/reinforce a set budget. Bear down on her every day if need be. Constantly push her. Get mad even. It takes a long time & she won't want to upset her family
Good video. As for myself, I had an objective before coming to the Philippines of and finding a single Felipina that already had children, and to intentionally provide a better life and a better future. So far I have been able to do just that. I'm 71 and intend to live here until I pass. In return I am assured by my Felipina wife to be cared for until my end. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. God bless you. Charles
My Goodness this video hit a home run! Thank you Monty and Paul. Yes, it's not being selfish and we need to take care of ourselves first and you can't help all the poor people. Even the government can't do it. I also learned to shut my mouth and let them learn the hard way of throwing away dumb money. Great title, Monty.
For years I've dreamed about moving to PH but this issue gives me pause. I don't worry about being duped or succumbing to female manipulation. I do worry about becoming desensitized to human suffering versus bankrupting myself. I recall my Dad reminiscing about growing-up in the depression and how my grandparents would open their home to hungry transients. I believe in Luke 12:48 however where do you draw the line? In America it's easy but when you're in PH surrounded by starving kids? I don't envy Monty or anyone else in that situation.
Well, you draw the line where you think is necessary. There is no right or wrong, otherwise you will send yourself broke or getting taken advantage of real fast. Paul is right! You gotta set boundaries. I go to Thailand quite frequently for holidays, and you see many people on the street eluding for money. In fact, when I first started going, I would help out a lot by giving money; but then it just started to become ridiculous and at the end of the day I work hard for my money and I'm here on holidays, so I should be enjoying myself and I shouldn't have feel like I'm a charity every time I go there, so i put an end to it. Fact is, people need to help themselves first, and if all they wanna do is sit out out on the street with a cup wanting people to give them money, then they've just given up. Thats my story, and as Paul would say; "I'm sticking to it"
People take your kindness as a weakness. Some people are only nice and friendly when they want something from you. I am a 63 year old military veteran and single I will be coming to the Philippines in about two years. Not looking for anyone until about 6 months. I have to apply for my S R R V Visa Permanent Redisent. I am always giving to the homeless. I don't mind giving the mother and father a sack of rice to last them for a month. I will say no to the cousin's auntie. When your money is gone you will be homeless and they may not help you. I read there are a lot of homeless Americans and others from different countries is this information true. Take care.
Its carma, feelings and care about the community youlive in and it cost so little money to be good and kind. Under covid in Thailand we saw so many really struggle so many expats in our area in bangkok went together and did make food boxes and soup kitchens. And in the same time we saved some local restaurants.
Mr. Crew, May I ask where did you grow up in the U.S. Your mannerisms and way of speech reminds me exactly of my uncles from southwestern Pennsylvania (Appalachia). Boy oh boy did they make an impression on me as a kid. Even though I'm now 65 myself I still remember the summers visiting the old homestead with a hand operated water pump off the back porch and an outhouse in the backyard. They didn't get electricity until the mid 1940s. All of them were WW2 vets, coal miners, and tough as nails. Yes sir, your no nonsense attitude surely does remind me of those guys.
I was born in Ohio but grew up in Texas, later back in Ohio until the blizzard of 1978 and ended up in Florida for about 43 years 😊 sounds like some good old boys
It was good of you to at least have gave him a heads up. Just like our kids not listening. And we were kids and adults lol.. as manly as we are, we are still on the search for Real Honest Love! GOD Bless and keep you Men 😇🙏👍
Nice video….great topics…Yeah Monty you need boundaries with people. Look I gave as well when I was in Manila and Cebu but when I return this summer I will have to say no. Not to everyone but I will help again but with healthy boundaries.
My wife grew up in the Philippines before moving to the U.S. She said this never happened in her area (Bicol). If fact if the parents caught their children doing this, the parents would discipline the children. They even told the children to not stare at people eating or act like they are hungry. The parents in her area were very strict with their children (and these were not rich families)
God bless you. The kids I can see. A man not working that’s able bodied should not eat if he’s just too lazy to work. I can see little kids give a basic fixed amount too but not take what they want and leave. Sorry for your struggles
This is very are very simple solution . Cook the meals, you your wife and daughter server your self first, plus save in some bowls extra food. And Ieave was left in the pot . First come first serve.
I’d start by eating only one meal per day period! Only have the food in the house necessary to prepare that one meal. Set a set time for you six to eat together every day if possible and when that foods gone it’s gone. I know it may be inconvenient to have to shop everyday but think of it as something you can do to stay busy and it’ll be the one important activity to keep the family together and focused on the goal of eating! The “stragglers” will soon learn that there’s no food laying around for them to scavenge whenever they want. And if they are dedicated enough to show up at mealtime every day, then they will soon learn that the food that you buy is for six people and six people only. I do this in my own life to save money and not waste food. Of course your daughter needs to eat more than this but this is where you literally lock up the food only for your daughter and let it be known that NOBODY takes your daughter’s food!!
Hi, Monty & Paul. We also live on a very limited budget. I have no doubt that my wife, who also has a huge servants heart, when we arrive in the Philippines, will also want to feed the kids who are hungry. We've already talked about it and how we're going to have to set some boundaries at least until we've saved enough to have a backup plan for things like hospital stays. A man's first responsibility is to be wise and make sure that his family is safe, including planning for as many contingencies as is practical. Please, guys, if we arrive and you see us making mistakes, PLEASE say something. We'll never be offended by your candid, honest observations.
I remember a long long time ago getting acclimated in the Philippines for me evolved around learning to haggle prices with tricycle drivers. Don’t feel your getting screwed, don’t take it personal, try to get two drivers to compete with each other. Be ready to walk away. Once that becomes part of your everyday life, everything else will start to come together for you. It’s a learning curve. Talk and learn from others.
Your heart is definitely in the right place. The reality is, no matter what you do? You are not even putting a dent in the impoverished situation 😢 But can definitely help those around you ❤️ You guys are like phil Donahue, Oprah Winfrey, and Mothers Theresa rolled into one 😊🙏🙏🙏 God bless
If you can swing it, only feed the younger kids breakfast before school. Then their families can take over for lunch and dinner. Rice and eggs, or something like that. If that is too much then maybe only breakfast on Sundays.
Looking good Monty always you and Paul bring alot of food for though It sounds like you need to find a way to allocate a pot of chicken flovored rice for the visitors a day when its hone its gone but put money aside for your end of month groceries
Sorry typos! Food for thought And when its gone its gone Lock the kitchen and leave what you can share outside good idea Monty. And have your wife do the talking.
God bless you Monty been over here 2 months spent my whole life helping extended family its hard to say no sometimes try to keep calm don't get stressed out
I had this problem in the U.S. I was a college student. My 2 friends and I rented an apartment for the summer. All 3 of us had a lot of friends. They would just come and go and drink our beer, eat our food and smoke our weed. We enjoyed their company but never found a way out of our dilemma.
I did have a thought while watching the video. Able bodied people could be handled differently. Maybe ask the able bodied people for help each time they come for the food. Maybe that would deter some of those who could support themselves.
I am Filipino....you just need to tell them that you cannot afford to feed them all the time. Tell them you do not have enough money and you always come short. So what if they get mad. Enough is enough. They are taking super advantage of your family.
Just tell them that you can’t feed them all the time as you have also other needs and meds. Your wife should not tolerate that. I am a filipina by the way.
I know your pain big bro me and my Filipina live here in Toronto Canada and when ever there is a problem back home it's expected that we will take care of it praying for you buddy
Hi Monty, your friend here from Australia Glenn. I don't think I have to say to much. Really appreciate Paul's comments while you guys chat. Boundaries must be in place, I believe it's never to later to address the issues you & your wife are faced with. Really hope things get sorted quickly. Very impressed with the Paul's take on the issues you face. Hope to catch up with both you guys later this year in Duma. Wishing you Monty the best health, take care, shout out Ti you wife & friend Paul. Cheers 🍻 from Australia 🇦🇺 Hope to see you soon, be really nice.
2 suggestions, put a padlock on the Fridge and get a small freezer to put in the room for the meats. If the brothers don't want to contribute just give them rice. Thing is this has to come from your wife. My wife and I have a deal where we handle any issues with our family.
Monty, clearly you are and you see you are being taken advantage of. Solutions, seems to me you have two choices. Lock them out completely for a while and set clear boundaries or move away at least an island or two away. I would choose the second for me for peace of mind because the first I would be fighting the old ways and they will not want to change to the new rules. If you can't move then you will have to dig your heels in, not move or give up an inch. No more Mr nice guy. Lots of guys have lost their relationship over this. Good luck.
Almost all problems can be solved using root cause analysis. By setting up a fishbone chart and using at least five why’s it can show why you have the issue. Changing your behavior will be the difficult part. Good luck.
Hi Monty, I can understand where you’re coming from. Your health & finances to support your families. Sit down with Argyle one to one & help her understand. You cannot feed the whole world. There should be limit to what you can help or spend. Argyle has a good heart but too young to understand the reality to earn & receiving pension. In short, couples should spend more quality time. A room on your own for sure. Especially you need rest & recuperate faster. I’ll continue to pray that Argyle will come to her senses. Your marriage has brought inspiration to all viewers! Spark that light again! Build your life with respect & dignity & LOVE that brought you where you are today! Take care,
Monty i feel for you. and i have another comment here also. my Filipina said if we were to move there i would go totally broke and not even have enough money to return to America because they would beg it all away from me.
Here’s what you do Monty sit outside, stirring a giant pot of soup over a wood fire so you’re not using the propane get the scraps donated old bruised vegetables from the market whatever you and the little bit of rice
Sorry to hear about your predicament but your friend is right. You need to set boundaries. It is not your responsibility to support your wife's family and even your neighbors especially as you are on a fixed income. You should be enjoying your retirement. I come from the Philippines and I have brothers and sisters as well as my dad back home. We are all self sufficient. We are blessed in the sense that my dad can survive on his own income, so do my brother and sisters. What I do for my dad I do wholeheartedly. Not once has he called asking for money and he is very conscientious he even contributes to the household expenses. I hope you and your wife sit down and have a good conversation and agree on a solution that you both can be happy with. God bless you and your family.
Thanks for the great advice J. Since the video I held a family meeting with my wife and the family. I think we got everything hammered out. God bless you as well.
As a fellow Buckeye, you have to set stronger boundaries and the wifey has to be on board with you. You can not feed all these people on your retirement income buddy. Good luck in all you do
I agree with you gentlemen, but there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of kindness and giving from the heart ❤️ if it’s within your means obviously. Pay it forward and if it can feed someone and help them for the better, i am all for it brothers 🐸🙌
I think the boundaries need to be set very early.. In your case Monty you need to close up the immediate family unit. Explain the reality of the situation to those on the perimeter, while being humble but resolute. There is no negotiation.
My woman gets upset when her older brother comes and takes without asking. I try to stay out of it but I know that the time is going come when I will have to say stop. I don't have a problem with his 2 kids coming over when I get 3 or 4 chickens from Chooks to go. I love the nieces and nephews and feeding them is never a problem. But coming in and taking instead of asking is going to stop. Be strong Monty. Damn only 1080 coming in. I get 1299 and I am only 49. Good luck my friend
@@crewfamilyphilippinesbut Monty when we are gone from this earth it will not matter because it will be out of our hands then. dont worry about the things we cannot change but change the things we can.
What you and Paul have both spoke on about not flashing money around is a challenging thing to learn not to do for those of us that want to truly help the people their
If u set boundaries .. fair enough. I don’t know of any older man who has a successful relationship. Without a serious relationship. U will get a cold bath type response from every good girl .
I think it is super important to be humble and not flaunt your riches when you visit a new country. They will not respect you for your money, but for the way you are with people, and your focus and control you show to have. Put money where it needs to go, and not into every mouth that opens. The money you give today will not be here tomorrow, when you might need it the most. It's very smart to do what you and many others do, using a budget to control your finances and save the rest in an American bank. If you transfer over just the budget amount, you will limit your spending by making it a little harder to dip into the savings, and having to make due on the means you planned for in your budget. If you plan to buy a car, butget for it and transfer just the amount you will have to pay to get it on the road, in your name and fully insured.
Make everyone work their asses off for the food you provide or else cut them off. Gotta put your foot down and show them who's the boss. He who has the pesos makes the rules.
I've been married to a Filipino for 11 years and we still have disagreements about the family but Monty you made your bed now you have to lie in it you say you only make $1,000 a month but yet I watch videos of you buying vans going on trips I really enjoy watching your videos
I built my house while I was working before the stroke. I bought the bike for Aragel while I was working. I bought the van from the sale of my fifth wheel camper in the US. Aragel goes on little trips with groups of friends they usually stay in a hostel that one of two of classmates one has a great business and the other works in Manila. Aragel pays for the gas in the bike and brings her own food from home. It’s never more than one night. You don’t see me on those trips because I prefer to stay home with our daughter.
@@crewfamilyphilippines I apologize if you misunderstood me you don't have to Justified nothing to me those outings you should be there with your family they are all made possible because of you with exception of the parents I will tell the rest goodbye sometimes you got to be the bad guy
@crewfamilyphilippines You and your wife need to set boundaries with her family. Nobody should enter your kitchen without permission. Your wife needs to tell her family the rules.
When I in Phillipines no one comes to the house but when I’m not there freeloaders always come to the house home that’s my wife’s doing cos the friends and relatives know not to piss me off it’s ok now and then when I’m there but they abuse my hospitality and try to get a free ride and they say phillipino are the friendliest people in the world they will try to rip you off if they can I love the Phillipines but beware
Lock up the kitchen and limit the access to your food storage. Only give food to a few that you select and leave the rest to fend for themselves, like they always have done. The fact that you are feeding them gives them the chance to buy other things that may not be in your budget, like tobacco, alcohol or whatever, or they gamble some away. Our brother in law is a drunk. He smokes and gambles regularly, so every penny we give ends up in the hands of his bookmaker. If we give to his wife, he beats her and takes it from her. I had to knock him out the last time we were there, when he came home drunk and wanted to fight me because I refused to give him money. It was surprisingly easy to dish him an uppercut, because he was partially sedated.
When I was Young, I started working at age 16. To learn to be independent and not to ever ask money from someone else. People must know their boundaries and limits. If You help others with their problems, and You say, NO" next time, You become a horrible person and say, "You are selfish". I have learned, I cannot be the problem solver for others. Or I will be broke. I have my own problems and I AM glad I don't have other peoples problems. I will tell them the solution, but they don't want to hear it. They just say they want to borrow, but they will NEVER PAY IT BACK. Because they have NO clue how to save. I can go for a month without spending any money on wants.
Great seeing you two together hanging out. Great topics and excellent suggestions. Unfortunately, we all need to learn
from our mistakes A wise man learns from mistakes of others. Monty, you need a family sit down and start a reset
Yes sir I agree
Yes . I agree. Brother there lots of men . Many men with good retirements use woman p
Brother , My name is Shawn . It happens all the time. Women love men .
Good video and great story line. Yes it is a problem especially with most families and cousins living close by in the Philippines. Boundaries like you said the first thing too set. So for me that means chosing who you let in and stay around your home. Me I definitely do that. I will make sure who stays in the extra room based on what they do keeping the house up and getting along with my Son. It took awhile but you have to show your Filipino wife you won't put up with it. Then second living on a budget. It takes awhile to show the wife this but it seems your wife starting to get it Monty. I plan to send this video for my wife to watch. I try to keep to budget as I know she will feed more if she can. But She is getting really good at keeping a budget. It tough I admit on both sides. I have to constantly remind myself too. You really don't make that much SS coming in. I like the idea of locking the other door to your kitchen. That is the best coming up with little things like that. Me I always make sure they bring tools back at end of day. Get them in a habit of that. Also make sure if you don't like someone there because of their behavior let them know. You find out your not the only one. The Filipinos don't offer it unless you ask. They always try to keep everyone on positive side even if they shouldn't.
Maybe find a place to rent out of the province together with your friends of course your family. Bulacan, Tarlac, Pampanga Subic most foreigners live.
Retiring there in two months. This video made my Filipina wife of 21 years mad. She said anyone showing up in her kitchen uninvited will receive a vicious tounge lashing from her.😂You HAVE to set boundaries!
True 😊
Before I married my wife I flew to the Philippines to meet her family: brothers, sisters, mother, and cousins. They all had 2 or 3 jobs and never asked me for anything. That was 15 years ago and still to this day they don’t beg. They hustle and make there own money
👍🏻
If they can afford to buy alcohol, they can afford to buy rice.
Only the father ever drinks and he doesn’t do it here very often
Yes alcohol and ciggerettes both need to be stopped and pay for food first!
They will always buy alcohol and cigarettes because they think every foreigner is rich and expect them to pay for family.
Your wife has to take the lead on this,
as she can communicate the point to the locals.
By all means help when you can help but your own wife and child come first period.
Good to see yourself and paul together again, all the best and take care.
Thanks James
Agee wife has to take the lead the longer your with her the more she cost . A good family will not disrespect you for helping them they see you as a blessing it is a tightrope however
I agree Monty
Yes good ideal
I am running into the same problem with my phillpino wife when we got married now two years March 17 while we are waiting for the visa for her to come to US I agreed to pay her wages she was making in Hong Kong and to take care of her mother. She indicated that her wages was enough to live off of every month. So when I was there in December and January while sitting around I did a observation which It reaffirmed that I was the only one working in the family and I feeding 7 to 10 mouths everyday two three meals. I told my wife this needs to change my back is getting sore. I told her it's not our responsibility to feed all of her siblings kids. But now that I not there it's back to same old same so middle of the month my wife is out of money. So my response is you better figure it out because some of these working able people need to GET A JOB
Very true brother
It won’t end once u start it won’t stop…and it’s never enough no matter what you send. The only solution is never of started the support….
That's the price for such a relationship and I guess you're having to pay it.
Thanks!
Wow thank you 💛
Bless you; Mas respect Bro as Monty is the Greatest elder Statesman of the Dumaguete area and as you can see would do ANYTHING to Help someone and His Golden heart may have had "Heart Attacks" but it's Pure Gold as is his wife's and sadly others are pushing the boundaries
So what would it take to feed the children, I know can't feed them all ,but and do ya'll have time to feed and energy to do it
I mean that lot of work for someone
@@Manford-sf3lhMaybe not have as many children. They do have a choice. If they can't feed them, they shouldn't have them. Not difficult.
That's right, you have to take care of yourself first 😊
😊 thank you Dwayne
Most times if you just hand it out ( money or things) they treat it like it falls from the sky. It’s never enough and they continue to make bad decisions. I always help the kids whenever possible. I know you’re doing your best I’m happy to help a little
Thank you very much Jerry 💛
Wow Paul brutally honest bless you Mr Crew good health to you
Thank you Keith, same to you
Learn to say no no no with a warm smile. You need to put your family and yourself first anything extra then you have a choice to help. It's real simple.
Oh yeah I know what I need to do. It’s just hard to be in mean.
@@crewfamilyphilippines that isn’t being mean. The Bible says a man is to provide for his household. Your daughter is losing out. Not fair. The Bible also says a man that won’t work shouldn’t eat. Seems guys in Ph don’t want to work. You are only making things worse by enabling them
13:42 you nailed it Paul McGill 👏
Remember the 70s? Cash, gas, or ass, nobody rides for free. Put them to work. Scavenge coconuts, scap metal, anything. My wife keeps talking about starting a business. I said go ahead. 12 years and nothing yet.
5 businesses later I won’t do that again 😊
@@crewfamilyphilippines I'm saying coach them on how to do it...(if you can get them to listen)
as i recall grass also was on that bumper sticker lol
@@Thephilipcartmelexperiencei have wasted a lot of time and money trying to teach pinay to do a business. If they know how to do it they will already be doing it
The unfortunate thing about giving openly here, is the dependence it creates. They'll even stop working if they find someone who will support them...instead of continuing to work to better their lives overall. Relatives can be the biggest burden, and unfortunately be the least appreciative of one's help!
Thanks!
Thank you Brent 😊
Nice video,while my wife and myself worked abroad, built a house in her province and helped put some extended family,braces, tuition fee helped them go abroad to work,got them jobs , which went south.Now that we are at our home,on a fixed income my wife works online for Cigna Insurance our son is a health care provider in Seattle WA.We set boundaries, literally I had a 10 foot wall built,to keep her family and neighbors from coming inside our home uninvited.
My advice is simple,if your living on a fixed income a pension,that is your money,be selfish with your money.
My wife's family,avoids me and I prefer that, really I do it makes no sense to give money to people,younger than myself who I paid and educated who are just lazy asses.
I'm happy to avoid people who use me and my wife.😊
That is very very sad but true
Quickest way too deal with hungry people is too give them a job as their responsibility for eating. I did this and he left quicker than lighting.
👍🏻 Ron
Very empathetic position of feeding some of the world's hungry. Commendations to both of you. Others involved need skin in the game too. "Plant fruit trees, root crops"? Otherwise, no one can get fed when all is spent. Positive controls are in order, Lock the doors, close the windows or starve too. Wish I was there.
True
For your family only
Thank you very very much Sandra 💛
Stand your ground on all the principles for sure! I was there while in my Navy days for a time, and I may just retire over there myself. I watch alot of videos about it these days and I'm so glad I have that armor. Much appreciated!
Thank you
If they are taking without permission, that theft.
You can’t allow that full stop.
The saying comes to mind (don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm)
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WOW Monty/Paul, Im glad i didnt fall into that trap!😁 Great video!
Yes, good for you Mike 😊
It is easier said than done for sure.
True
I was in a very similar situation. Only difference was not married & I lived several hours away in the big city. It takes months of hard training but the key to all of this is your wife. She has to take control & set boundaries with the family/neighbors. It will piss them off & she'll be the bad guy with everybody. Eventually the storm will blow over. But you have to be very tough with your wife. Teach/reinforce a set budget. Bear down on her every day if need be. Constantly push her. Get mad even. It takes a long time & she won't want to upset her family
All true
Good video. As for myself, I had an objective before coming to the Philippines of and finding a single Felipina that already had children, and to intentionally provide a better life and a better future. So far I have been able to do just that. I'm 71 and intend to live here until I pass. In return I am assured by my Felipina wife to be cared for until my end. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. God bless you. Charles
Thank you very much Charles. I hope all is well brother.
Greetings Monty and Paul, always enjoy listening to the two of you. God’s blessings to each of you and family’s.
Thank you Troy I hope all is well with you brother
My Goodness this video hit a home run! Thank you Monty and Paul. Yes, it's not being selfish and we need to take care of ourselves first and you can't help all the poor people. Even the government can't do it. I also learned to shut my mouth and let them learn the hard way of throwing away dumb money. Great title, Monty.
Thank you very much Jimbo 😊
Good video guys you hit the most important topics here . 😊
Thank you, Dave 😊
you are so right for warning would be foreigner coming here. do more video like this SIR. kudos to the two of you.
Thank you very much for watching Alvin
Monty good to see your well. Take care
Thank you Linda. I hope all is well. 😊
For years I've dreamed about moving to PH but this issue gives me pause. I don't worry about being duped or succumbing to female manipulation. I do worry about becoming desensitized to human suffering versus bankrupting myself. I recall my Dad reminiscing about growing-up in the depression and how my grandparents would open their home to hungry transients. I believe in Luke 12:48 however where do you draw the line? In America it's easy but when you're in PH surrounded by starving kids? I don't envy Monty or anyone else in that situation.
Well your gift is greatly appreciated Sir. I believe you can out give God. Sometimes it can get a little little scary though. 😊
Great comment! Really puts in all in perspective!
Well, you draw the line where you think is necessary. There is no right or wrong, otherwise you will send yourself broke or getting taken advantage of real fast. Paul is right! You gotta set boundaries.
I go to Thailand quite frequently for holidays, and you see many people on the street eluding for money. In fact, when I first started going, I would help out a lot by giving money; but then it just started to become ridiculous and at the end of the day I work hard for my money and I'm here on holidays, so I should be enjoying myself and I shouldn't have feel like I'm a charity every time I go there, so i put an end to it.
Fact is, people need to help themselves first, and if all they wanna do is sit out out on the street with a cup wanting people to give them money, then they've just given up. Thats my story, and as Paul would say; "I'm sticking to it"
Blessings to both of you! I know what you are going thru Monty, you have a big heart, but please protect yourself
Thank you we will. God bless you as well.
People take your kindness as a weakness. Some people are only nice and friendly when they want something from you. I am a 63 year old military veteran and single I will be coming to the Philippines in about two years. Not looking for anyone until about 6 months. I have to apply for my S R R V Visa Permanent Redisent. I am always giving to the homeless. I don't mind giving the mother and father a sack of rice to last them for a month. I will say no to the cousin's auntie. When your money is gone you will be homeless and they may not help you. I read there are a lot of homeless Americans and others from different countries is this information true. Take care.
Love your hat Monty. Praying for you and your family 🙏🏼❤️
Thank you very much John 💛
I AM glad You, Monty are feeling better.
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Thank you Eric 😊
Its carma, feelings and care about the community youlive in and it cost so little money to be good and kind.
Under covid in Thailand we saw so many really struggle so many expats in our area in bangkok went together and did make food boxes and soup kitchens.
And in the same time we saved some local restaurants.
Thanks for sharing
"There's family as far as you can see" That's the problem. The downside of family compound living. Good luck Monty.
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Mr. Crew,
May I ask where did you grow up in the U.S. Your mannerisms and way of speech reminds me exactly of my uncles from southwestern Pennsylvania (Appalachia). Boy oh boy did they make an impression on me as a kid. Even though I'm now 65 myself I still remember the summers visiting the old homestead with a hand operated water pump off the back porch and an outhouse in the backyard. They didn't get electricity until the mid 1940s. All of them were WW2 vets, coal miners, and tough as nails. Yes sir, your no nonsense attitude surely does remind me of those guys.
I was born in Ohio but grew up in Texas, later back in Ohio until the blizzard of 1978 and ended up in Florida for about 43 years 😊 sounds like some good old boys
Well; when it comes to no nonsense, tough as nails people Texans are pretty high up on the list also.
Keep up the good work Monti. Good seeing your and Paul conversing about the wisdom of life
Thank you Jon 😊
91/100 Prayers for Monty 🙏🙏🙏
It was good of you to at least have gave him a heads up. Just like our kids not listening. And we were kids and adults lol.. as manly as we are, we are still on the search for Real Honest Love!
GOD Bless and keep you Men 😇🙏👍
@@Robert-k7m Thank you very much Robert 😊🙏🏻🙏🏻
Another fantastic video, gentlemen! Hope to see y'all soon. :-)
Can't wait!
Monty, you are obviously a really nice guy. Sorry to hear your troubles. good luck.
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Nice video….great topics…Yeah Monty you need boundaries with people. Look I gave as well when I was in Manila and Cebu but when I return this summer I will have to say no. Not to everyone but I will help again but with healthy boundaries.
Very True 😊
God bless my friend
Thank you. God bless you as well.
My wife grew up in the Philippines before moving to the U.S. She said this never happened in her area (Bicol). If fact if the parents caught their children doing this, the parents would discipline the children. They even told the children to not stare at people eating or act like they are hungry. The parents in her area were very strict with their children (and these were not rich families)
I was brought up the same way in the USA. Even at my grandma‘s house I would never ask for you even a glass of water.
Great video! Keep educating foreigners about living in the Philippines. Be smart...
Thank you Ann 😊
God bless you. The kids I can see. A man not working that’s able bodied should not eat if he’s just too lazy to work. I can see little kids give a basic fixed amount too but not take what they want and leave. Sorry for your struggles
Thanks Mike 😊
Go Monty . . . your the best
Thank you 😊
This is very are very simple solution . Cook the meals, you your wife and daughter server your self first, plus save in some bowls extra food. And Ieave was left in the pot .
First come first serve.
The whole family uses our kitchen to cook. Her dad cooks a large amount of rice in the mornings before any of us wake up 😊
That's a Great solution unless as he said they come in and just take it
@@crewfamilyphilippines Her dad is the root of the problem. Stop him before he destroys ur daughters life!!!
I’d start by eating only one meal per day period! Only have the food in the house necessary to prepare that one meal. Set a set time for you six to eat together every day if possible and when that foods gone it’s gone.
I know it may be inconvenient to have to shop everyday but think of it as something you can do to stay busy and it’ll be the one important activity to keep the family together and focused on the goal of eating!
The “stragglers” will soon learn that there’s no food laying around for them to scavenge whenever they want. And if they are dedicated enough to show up at mealtime every day, then they will soon learn that the food that you buy is for six people and six people only.
I do this in my own life to save money and not waste food.
Of course your daughter needs to eat more than this but this is where you literally lock up the food only for your daughter and let it be known that NOBODY takes your daughter’s food!!
Good advice
Hi, Monty & Paul. We also live on a very limited budget. I have no doubt that my wife, who also has a huge servants heart, when we arrive in the Philippines, will also want to feed the kids who are hungry. We've already talked about it and how we're going to have to set some boundaries at least until we've saved enough to have a backup plan for things like hospital stays. A man's first responsibility is to be wise and make sure that his family is safe, including planning for as many contingencies as is practical.
Please, guys, if we arrive and you see us making mistakes, PLEASE say something. We'll never be offended by your candid, honest observations.
I think you have a good plan brother
Im just a young pup wanting to chase an old dogs tail but i think he knows what needs to be done to give his daughter a good life
Yes old dog was just on my channel. I know what to do. We just wanted to make a video about it.
I remember a long long time ago getting acclimated in the Philippines for me evolved around learning to haggle prices with tricycle drivers.
Don’t feel your getting screwed, don’t take it personal, try to get two drivers to compete with each other. Be ready to walk away. Once that becomes part of your everyday life, everything else will start to come together for you.
It’s a learning curve. Talk and learn from others.
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Your heart is definitely in the right place. The reality is, no matter what you do? You are not even putting a dent in the impoverished situation 😢 But can definitely help those around you ❤️ You guys are like phil Donahue, Oprah Winfrey, and Mothers Theresa rolled into one 😊🙏🙏🙏 God bless
Good advice and you are correct. God bless you as well.
If you can swing it, only feed the younger kids breakfast before school. Then their families can take over for lunch and dinner. Rice and eggs, or something like that. If that is too much then maybe only breakfast on Sundays.
Good advice, Kevin
Looking good Monty always you and Paul bring alot of food for though
It sounds like you need to find a way to allocate a pot of chicken flovored rice for the visitors a day when its hone its gone but put money aside for your end of month groceries
That’s true. Good idea
Sorry typos! Food for thought
And when its gone its gone
Lock the kitchen and leave what you can share outside good idea Monty.
And have your wife do the talking.
Sponsor of month is an understatement!
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God bless you Monty been over here 2 months spent my whole life helping extended family its hard to say no sometimes try to keep calm don't get stressed out
That’s true 😊
Thumbs up Monty
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Yes I learned my lesson, ubetchya 😊 from Canada 🇨🇦
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Maayung hapon and kumusta? Monty you just need to put your foot down and cut it off and say no more. Ingat.
Hapon to you. We are doing OK. I know that’s what’s going to need to happen Thomas. 😊
Thanks Paul. You know how to say no..God Bless.
I'll educate the siblings and offer work to those who want money. That's been keeping things under control so far.
Good advice, Dwayne
I had this problem in the U.S. I was a college student. My 2 friends and I rented an apartment for the summer. All 3 of us had a lot of friends. They would just come and go and drink our beer, eat our food and smoke our weed. We enjoyed their company but never found a way out of our dilemma.
Yeah, that really sucks ☹️
Another great video Monty.
Thank you Gary I hope all is well
I did have a thought while watching the video. Able bodied people could be handled differently. Maybe ask the able bodied people for help each time they come for the food. Maybe that would deter some of those who could support themselves.
Great idea 💡 😊
I am Filipino....you just need to tell them that you cannot afford to feed them all the time. Tell them you do not have enough money and you always come short. So what if they get mad. Enough is enough. They are taking super advantage of your family.
Thank you for your great insight S.C.
Just tell them that you can’t feed them all the time as you have also other needs and meds. Your wife should not tolerate that. I am a filipina by the way.
Great video, thanks!
Thank you Dan
I know your pain big bro me and my Filipina live here in Toronto Canada and when ever there is a problem back home it's expected that we will take care of it praying for you buddy
Thank you and thank you for the prayers brother
Hi Monty, your friend here from Australia Glenn.
I don't think I have to say to much.
Really appreciate Paul's comments while you guys chat.
Boundaries must be in place, I believe it's never to later to address the issues you & your wife are faced with.
Really hope things get sorted quickly.
Very impressed with the Paul's take on the issues you face.
Hope to catch up with both you guys later this year in Duma.
Wishing you Monty the best health, take care, shout out Ti you wife & friend Paul.
Cheers 🍻 from Australia 🇦🇺
Hope to see you soon, be really nice.
Thanks, Glenn. I hope to see you soon. 😊
@crewfamilyphilippines welcome, really hope you coping well.
@@GlennHiggins thank you Glenn. I hope you’re doing well, sir.
@@crewfamilyphilippines all good hear brother.
My girlfriend & I will hopefully meet you & your wife soon.
Great video my friends!!! Always enjoy you guys. Stick to your guns buddy. Your the man of the house
Thank you Mr. Roy 😊
2 suggestions, put a padlock on the Fridge and get a small freezer to put in the room for the meats. If the brothers don't want to contribute just give them rice. Thing is this has to come from your wife. My wife and I have a deal where we handle any issues with our family.
Great ideas thank you
Monty, clearly you are and you see you are being taken advantage of. Solutions, seems to me you have two choices. Lock them out completely for a while and set clear boundaries or move away at least an island or two away. I would choose the second for me for peace of mind because the first I would be fighting the old ways and they will not want to change to the new rules. If you can't move then you will have to dig your heels in, not move or give up an inch. No more Mr nice guy. Lots of guys have lost their relationship over this. Good luck.
Very good ideas. we had a family meeting. I will make a video about it soon.
Almost all problems can be solved using root cause analysis. By setting up a fishbone chart and using at least five why’s it can show why you have the issue. Changing your behavior will be the difficult part. Good luck.
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Hi Monty, I can understand where you’re coming from. Your health & finances to support your families. Sit down with Argyle one to one & help her understand. You cannot feed the whole world. There should be limit to what you can help or spend. Argyle has a good heart but too young to understand the reality to earn & receiving pension.
In short, couples should spend more quality time. A room on your own for sure. Especially you need rest & recuperate
faster.
I’ll continue to pray that Argyle will come to her senses. Your marriage has brought inspiration to all
viewers!
Spark that light again!
Build your life with respect & dignity & LOVE that brought you where you are today! Take care,
Yeah we already had a family meeting and put down the law. Thank you very much for watching and supporting us by your views 💛
Monty i feel for you. and i have another comment here also. my Filipina said if we were to move there i would go totally broke and not even have enough money to return to America because they would beg it all away from me.
That may be true. It’s sad.
I Agree with ya Monty it's Monty crew not Safeway. your daughter is #1good luck on your quest.
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Be a cheerful giver! Even my ex from Lapu Lapu was not brought up this way-always grateful for me-never turned anybody away and she was very poor!
Good advice 👍🏻
These people think they're entitled to foreigner's money and how dare you not willing to give it to them.
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Monty send them over to Goldfingers place
Yes exactly 🤣😂 unfortunately he lives far from me
@@crewfamilyphilippines they have all day to get there
Here’s what you do Monty sit outside, stirring a giant pot of soup over a wood fire so you’re not using the propane get the scraps donated old bruised vegetables from the market whatever you and the little bit of rice
Good advice
Great video and great information. Teach the kids how to fish or raise a garden. Pick bananas, if possible.
Good advice. Thank you, Joe.
Sorry to hear about your predicament but your friend is right. You need to set boundaries. It is not your responsibility to support your wife's family and even your neighbors especially as you are on a fixed income. You should be enjoying your retirement.
I come from the Philippines and I have brothers and sisters as well as my dad back home. We are all self sufficient. We are blessed in the sense that my dad can survive on his own income, so do my brother and sisters. What I do for my dad I do wholeheartedly. Not once has he called asking for money and he is very conscientious he even contributes to the household expenses. I hope you and your wife sit down and have a good conversation and agree on a solution that you both can be happy with.
God bless you and your family.
Thanks for the great advice J. Since the video I held a family meeting with my wife and the family. I think we got everything hammered out. God bless you as well.
As a fellow Buckeye, you have to set stronger boundaries and the wifey has to be on board with you. You can not feed all these people on your retirement income buddy. Good luck in all you do
Yes, Chuck we had a family meeting
hang in there Monty
Thank you Joe I will 😊
I agree with you gentlemen, but there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of kindness and giving from the heart ❤️ if it’s within your means obviously. Pay it forward and if it can feed someone and help them for the better, i am all for it brothers 🐸🙌
Thank you Michael 💛
I think the boundaries need to be set very early.. In your case Monty you need to close up the immediate family unit. Explain the reality of the situation to those on the perimeter, while being humble but resolute. There is no negotiation.
Yes, that’s good advice
My woman gets upset when her older brother comes and takes without asking. I try to stay out of it but I know that the time is going come when I will have to say stop. I don't have a problem with his 2 kids coming over when I get 3 or 4 chickens from Chooks to go. I love the nieces and nephews and feeding them is never a problem. But coming in and taking instead of asking is going to stop. Be strong Monty. Damn only 1080 coming in. I get 1299 and I am only 49. Good luck my friend
Thank you, King bee 🐝
My question is how can I ensure her family doesn't drain her funds once I'm gone?
True
@@crewfamilyphilippinesbut Monty when we are gone from this earth it will not matter because it will be out of our hands then. dont worry about the things we cannot change but change the things we can.
@@bayoumanbryan that is true Martin
What you and Paul have both spoke on about not flashing money around is a challenging thing to learn not to do for those of us that want to truly help the people their
That’s true Jon
A person can definitely help (within reason) a Philippino without flashing his money around- just be discreet about it, and don't make it a habit.
Question .do you not receive any SS for your child ? I was under the impression there would be a little extra $
Yeah, she is a citizen. We are just waiting for Social Security to approve everything.
If u set boundaries .. fair enough. I don’t know of any older man who has a successful relationship. Without a serious relationship. U will get a cold bath type response from every good girl .
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Some people don’t listen to good advice sadly they have to learn the hard way that’s when their own wisdom grows
Thank you for your comment Margaret
I think it is super important to be humble and not flaunt your riches when you visit a new country. They will not respect you for your money, but for the way you are with people, and your focus and control you show to have. Put money where it needs to go, and not into every mouth that opens. The money you give today will not be here tomorrow, when you might need it the most. It's very smart to do what you and many others do, using a budget to control your finances and save the rest in an American bank. If you transfer over just the budget amount, you will limit your spending by making it a little harder to dip into the savings, and having to make due on the means you planned for in your budget. If you plan to buy a car, butget for it and transfer just the amount you will have to pay to get it on the road, in your name and fully insured.
Thank you very much for the great advice 😊
Make everyone work their asses off for the food you provide or else cut them off. Gotta put your foot down and show them who's the boss. He who has the pesos makes the rules.
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I've been married to a Filipino for 11 years and we still have disagreements about the family but Monty you made your bed now you have to lie in it you say you only make $1,000 a month but yet I watch videos of you buying vans going on trips I really enjoy watching your videos
I built my house while I was working before the stroke. I bought the bike for Aragel while I was working. I bought the van from the sale of my fifth wheel camper in the US. Aragel goes on little trips with groups of friends they usually stay in a hostel that one of two of classmates one has a great business and the other works in Manila. Aragel pays for the gas in the bike and brings her own food from home. It’s never more than one night. You don’t see me on those trips because I prefer to stay home with our daughter.
@@crewfamilyphilippines I apologize if you misunderstood me you don't have to Justified nothing to me those outings you should be there with your family they are all made possible because of you with exception of the parents I will tell the rest goodbye sometimes you got to be the bad guy
@@frankkirkpatrick4452 yes we actually had a family meeting that evening and Aragel and I dropped the proverbial hammer. 🔨
@@crewfamilyphilippines I wish you and your family a blessed life
@crewfamilyphilippines You and your wife need to set boundaries with her family. Nobody should enter your kitchen without permission. Your wife needs to tell her family the rules.
same problem as OFWs, people they support thinks money grows on trees. just put a stop to it and try to ask money from them.
Yeah we had a family meeting and settled things for now
When I in Phillipines no one comes to the house but when I’m not there freeloaders always come to the house home that’s my wife’s doing cos the friends and relatives know not to piss me off it’s ok now and then when I’m there but they abuse my hospitality and try to get a free ride and they say phillipino are the friendliest people in the world they will try to rip you off if they can I love the Phillipines but beware
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Lock up the kitchen and limit the access to your food storage. Only give food to a few that you select and leave the rest to fend for themselves, like they always have done. The fact that you are feeding them gives them the chance to buy other things that may not be in your budget, like tobacco, alcohol or whatever, or they gamble some away. Our brother in law is a drunk. He smokes and gambles regularly, so every penny we give ends up in the hands of his bookmaker. If we give to his wife, he beats her and takes it from her. I had to knock him out the last time we were there, when he came home drunk and wanted to fight me because I refused to give him money. It was surprisingly easy to dish him an uppercut, because he was partially sedated.
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When I was Young, I started working at age 16. To learn to be independent and not to ever ask money from someone else.
People must know their boundaries and limits.
If You help others with their problems, and You say, NO" next time, You become a horrible person and say, "You are selfish".
I have learned, I cannot be the problem solver for others. Or I will be broke.
I have my own problems and I AM glad I don't have other peoples problems.
I will tell them the solution, but they don't want to hear it. They just say they want to borrow, but they will NEVER PAY IT BACK. Because they have NO clue how to save.
I can go for a month without spending any money on wants.
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