This is an important lesson. There is never a need to seek sympathy. If someone is sympathetic or empathetic to your situation, they will offer it willingly and without emotional strings attached.
My complex trauma is very hard to overcome, and I am learning to give myself compassion and many other things that were denied. I recognize that others behaved that way because of their own issues. This is the truth that I must accept, and then move on to validate myself and approve myself. I will be beyond the need for their never-to-be-given approval, because I have always deserved to be free of their judgement, but I just didn’t know it.
The compassion found in this type of community that you created, helps strengthen the character to withstand hostility without being affected too much. These are small steps and little by little we will moving forward on our path without leaving parts of ourselves out of fear. Knowing ourselves completely is the constant goal, thank you Emmy to share your knowledge with such kindness
It is hard indeed, but at the end of the tunnel, because you went through all of this, you will have a unique skill set that you would not have had without the trauma. I wish you the best and I know how you feel.
“If you derive your sense of identity from being a victim […] you develop a sense of self that is based on the bad things that happened to you” -Eckhart Tolle
Perfectly said. It especially pains me to see people who are clearly more sensitive look to people who aren't as empathetic to accept them for who they are. That's dangerous for so many reasons. In a perfect world everyone would get along and no one would put others down. But this isn't that world. You need to have accountability for yourself and your emotions, and to be able to choose yourself, even when no one else will.
I have been learning this in the last few years, and what helped me the most Was totally Living on my own, and I have learned to really be my own best friend! You find out that you have very good judgment, and make good decisions, and that you’re most likely going to be the best person to solve your problems, and hang in there with them. This is a life long process, and a good one to work towards until you die.
While overseeking sympathy may make you a passive character, I think it’s so important, and even strong to reach out for support when dealing with clinical depression. I’ve seen too many people white knuckle it, thinking they’d be weak to get help of one sort or another only to end up killing themselves. Such a sad waste.
"asking for help isn't giving up, it's refusing to give up"... perhaps then, there should be an etiquette for asking for help. that way, people can get the help they need without asking the wrong people.
Yes, I'm feeling sad, and so so burdened by my life, which is objectively awful in so many ways others would never understand, but it's not sympathy I want. I've given up on connecting with anyone who could possibly ever understand even one iota of what my life is. I really don't need, want, or expect anything from anyone. I am truly alone. I have compassion for others' suffering though, for sure.
In a way we are all alone and yet not - as being an integral part of all Life. In my recent troubles, feeling forsaken, rejected and alone, I found joy in life again. I am not sure how, but perhaps because everything of my old life was stripped away and i looked to Nature for solace. The beauty there filled a very empty place. There is still a lot to be done but I am so grateful for Nature and the wisdom and observations of people like Emmy.
Thank you, Emmy. Each time I listen to you, I hear wisdom. You encourage us to find the gentle strength within.❤ Your broadcasts are a generous act of service. Thanks 🙏
With strength building, I remember not to take a failure as the final end ; remember the power of practice, a little bit each day, and over time skills get finely honed.
Yes, well said. It is the courage to persevere and keep sight of the goal (even if it changes) that rewards with beauty, love, joy, acceptance, new options and a measure of peace. I am so grateful that the internet delivers regular Emmy snippets and her "hello my friend".......
This is the thing. Troubles are not a sign that life is malfunctioning. They just show that the laws of physics have not arranged the entire universe for your convenience.
sometimes grief will force you tho :(... loss my wife to cancer, but true, what can they do but say sorry for your loss, but the empathy gives me faith in humanity that there are still good people out there...but I have been seeking too much sympathy. thanks
@@beatleme2 You are so right. It’s a great comfort to know there are good and kind people around. Sometimes we really need that. But eventually we have to stand on our own two feet again and work along with people, instead of being in need of them.
Thank you Emmy, well said. It's a difficult lesson sometimes but your words of "more alive, more real" stronger, and seeking creative support who seek solutions together, speaks volumes
Such a beautiful and much needed message - life is not rainbows & kittens and a pat on the buttocks. What you're saying is an important yet very loving message wrapped up in a reality tortilla. :) You're a lovely soul and I only hope to meet you one day at one of the existentialism conferences.
Agreed..but sometimes, on occasion, when i do express myself…i find that, the only people who dont sympathise, are my family, even when its very serious, they're so overly casual. I can see it becoming an addiction for some. Im from Ireland and living in Spain, one of my housemates is an old lonely lady…but its like she sucks your energy, i feel upset for her, she has nothing..but she will talk me into the ground. The complaints i made to my father were regarding, lets say, a neighbour and how their behaviour was really messing me up…all i wanted was a chat, to sort out the issue, and that never happened and im still in pain today, i never wanted to complain but it was hurting me…
@@deerinheadlights100 Hi, yeah its good, the people are the best part, very very easy going, Irish people are just as friendly, but more depressed haha. Im in Zaragoza, so i have the Pyrenees near by, incredible. My uncle has been here since 82, but he doesnt like me. Foods amazing, and i love bread so im in my element. I like the customs, lots of national celebrations and theyre fun loving like Irish people. Im taking lessons and have been here since June, i can get around with it. I need a thing called an nie form for work though. im really here also, for art, ive done lots of paintings here...but in the meantime ill probably start washing windows. Its an incredibly warm place in the summer, this area is basically a desert. I might move to the Basque country next summer, they have rain and much more grass and trees 😅
it's a basic human need to feel comforted by others in tough times.. we were social animals and the tribe would comfort and support each other People who were trained/conditioned to be submissive to others in their chikdhood often ARE repeat victims of abuse etc BECAUSE they feel bad if they try to stand up for themselves this leads to TERRIBLE long term patterns where people DO get treated very bad by toxic people and can't find ways to break out of it someone who had parents who let you be strong would not understand the need for sympathy . it is the beginning of feeling it is ok and safe to express our feelings
It is a basic need. And it is good when we can show sympathy, empathy and mutual support to each other. The point I made is about specifically seeking and pursuing sympathy, instead of resolving your problems.
It’s like I’m standing on a threshold, knowing that it’s taken a lot of self talk, hard work and ownership to get here….but I still need something, want something from others. I’m not persuaded that I will find what I need if I let go of craving recognition/acknowledgment from others. Who will I be when I let people not notice my pain? Who will I be when they go on with day to day life while I hold an impossible burden? Can I coexist with this contradiction staring me in the face? There must be way more to my capacity because I seem to be teetering over that threshold into a new way of being…. 🤷♀️
Thank you. Could you please do a video on synchronicities? Do they mean anything or are they just happy coincidences? I am experiencing too many these days, for the first time in my life.
This is an important lesson.
There is never a need to seek sympathy. If someone is sympathetic or empathetic to your situation, they will offer it willingly and without emotional strings attached.
yes, so true, because seeking sympathy is similar to being the victime
An important observation.
So true, a powerful statement you have spoken.
My complex trauma is very hard to overcome, and I am learning to give myself compassion and many other things that were denied. I recognize that others behaved that way because of their own issues. This is the truth that I must accept, and then move on to validate myself and approve myself. I will be beyond the need for their never-to-be-given approval, because I have always deserved to be free of their judgement, but I just didn’t know it.
@@Peaceinmytime Well said.
I love your name peaceinmytime .❤
The compassion found in this type of community that you created, helps strengthen the character to withstand hostility without being affected too much.
These are small steps and little by little we will moving forward on our path without leaving parts of ourselves out of fear. Knowing ourselves completely is the constant goal, thank you Emmy to share your knowledge with such kindness
@@evagrosz1621 thank you!
It is hard indeed, but at the end of the tunnel, because you went through all of this, you will have a unique skill set that you would not have had without the trauma. I wish you the best and I know how you feel.
“If you derive your sense of identity from being a victim […] you develop a sense of self that is based on the bad things that happened to you” -Eckhart Tolle
Perfectly said. It especially pains me to see people who are clearly more sensitive look to people who aren't as empathetic to accept them for who they are. That's dangerous for so many reasons. In a perfect world everyone would get along and no one would put others down.
But this isn't that world. You need to have accountability for yourself and your emotions, and to be able to choose yourself, even when no one else will.
I have been learning this in the last few years, and what helped me the most Was totally Living on my own, and I have learned to really be my own best friend! You find out that you have very good judgment, and make good decisions, and that you’re most likely going to be the best person to solve your problems, and hang in there with them. This is a life long process, and a good one to work towards until you die.
While overseeking sympathy may make you a passive character, I think it’s so important, and even strong to reach out for support when dealing with clinical depression. I’ve seen too many people white knuckle it, thinking they’d be weak to get help of one sort or another only to end up killing themselves. Such a sad waste.
@@annanorris1646 Very true too.
Yes. Depression isn't something you can or should mask or fake your way out of. Sometimes we can't stand up, even to be counted.
@@stephaniefrancis6080 At those times we need a safe place to find ourselves again, whilst licking our wounds.
"asking for help isn't giving up, it's refusing to give up"... perhaps then, there should be an etiquette for asking for help. that way, people can get the help they need without asking the wrong people.
Excellent advice that we inadvertently slip into this mindset. Thanks for the awakening,
Emmy!
You are a godsend. You kick-start me on a regular basis!! Thank you ❤
Good to hear.
thank u miss emmy! i love ur videos. i’m 26 and need help navigating this world and my emotions and ur videos help so much!ur so wise and sweet ♡︎
Great. Keep watching and practising.
Yes, I'm feeling sad, and so so burdened by my life, which is objectively awful in so many ways others would never understand, but it's not sympathy I want. I've given up on connecting with anyone who could possibly ever understand even one iota of what my life is. I really don't need, want, or expect anything from anyone. I am truly alone. I have compassion for others' suffering though, for sure.
Sounds like you are preparing to push your way out of a difficult place into a space of strength and liberation.
In a way we are all alone and yet not - as being an integral part of all Life. In my recent troubles, feeling forsaken, rejected and alone, I found joy in life again. I am not sure how, but perhaps because everything of my old life was stripped away and i looked to Nature for solace. The beauty there filled a very empty place. There is still a lot to be done but I am so grateful for Nature and the wisdom and observations of people like Emmy.
Thank you so much. I needed this exactly today. I have been seeking too much sympathy.
Really needed this. Thank you ❤
Thank you, I needed this very much today
Thank you, this is so true. It's all too easy to end up there.
Thank you, Emmy. Each time I listen to you, I hear wisdom. You encourage us to find the gentle strength within.❤ Your broadcasts are a generous act of service. Thanks 🙏
With strength building, I remember not to take a failure as the final end ; remember the power of practice, a little bit each day, and over time skills get finely honed.
Fabulous. Failure is part of the learning process. Daily practice gets you to learn and become stronger over time.
Yes, well said. It is the courage to persevere and keep sight of the goal (even if it changes) that rewards with beauty, love, joy, acceptance, new options and a measure of peace. I am so grateful that the internet delivers regular Emmy snippets and her "hello my friend".......
This is the thing. Troubles are not a sign that life is malfunctioning.
They just show that the laws of physics have not arranged the entire universe for your convenience.
Thank you for your help
Wisdom, wisdom and wisdom!
PREACHHHHH
sometimes grief will force you tho :(... loss my wife to cancer, but true, what can they do but say sorry for your loss, but the empathy gives me faith in humanity that there are still good people out there...but I have been seeking too much sympathy. thanks
@@beatleme2 You are so right. It’s a great comfort to know there are good and kind people around. Sometimes we really need that. But eventually we have to stand on our own two feet again and work along with people, instead of being in need of them.
Thank you Emmy, well said. It's a difficult lesson sometimes but your words of "more alive, more real" stronger, and seeking creative support who seek solutions together, speaks volumes
Perfect timing! Thank You
When you've had abuse for approaching 2.decades. you become weak. It's not easy to find strength
Oh, this one hit hard 🙏🏻💜✨😊
Thank you!! I just recognised myself in that so much!
So did I
Thank you so much!❤❤❤
Many thanks Dear Emmy !🌹
Such a beautiful and much needed message - life is not rainbows & kittens and a pat on the buttocks. What you're saying is an important yet very loving message wrapped up in a reality tortilla. :) You're a lovely soul and I only hope to meet you one day at one of the existentialism conferences.
Thank you so much, Emmy! Have a great one! Cheers!
Agreed..but sometimes, on occasion, when i do express myself…i find that, the only people who dont sympathise, are my family, even when its very serious, they're so overly casual. I can see it becoming an addiction for some. Im from Ireland and living in Spain, one of my housemates is an old lonely lady…but its like she sucks your energy, i feel upset for her, she has nothing..but she will talk me into the ground. The complaints i made to my father were regarding, lets say, a neighbour and how their behaviour was really messing me up…all i wanted was a chat, to sort out the issue, and that never happened and im still in pain today, i never wanted to complain but it was hurting me…
Do you like living in Spain? The climate, landscape, customs and food? It must be so different from the Emerald Isle. Do you speak any Spanish?
@@deerinheadlights100 Hi, yeah its good, the people are the best part, very very easy going, Irish people are just as friendly, but more depressed haha. Im in Zaragoza, so i have the Pyrenees near by, incredible. My uncle has been here since 82, but he doesnt like me. Foods amazing, and i love bread so im in my element. I like the customs, lots of national celebrations and theyre fun loving like Irish people. Im taking lessons and have been here since June, i can get around with it. I need a thing called an nie form for work though. im really here also, for art, ive done lots of paintings here...but in the meantime ill probably start washing windows. Its an incredibly warm place in the summer, this area is basically a desert. I might move to the Basque country next summer, they have rain and much more grass and trees 😅
Hope you’re able to move and make some good friends.
Thank Emmy so true
Thank you Emmy! LOVE for Bruno!
Hurrah! Great advice!
To reclaim our initiative , which is not just being dominated by others, is to reoccupy our strength.
my experience is that when you try to reap sympathy you sow cynicism.
This is nice thank you
I love your videos, they feel like a warm hug
Thank you!!
learning to self soothe has been huge for me 🙏
❤
And be well ❤❤❤
Eye opening message
Thank you for this
Thank you Emmy. Was wondering if it was time to check myself into the hospital but this is my sign. That and maybe taking a gummy
Keep practising your strength. So good to hear your determination to hold on.
Thanks Emmy ❤
it's a basic human need to feel comforted by others in tough times.. we were social animals and the tribe would comfort and support each other
People who were trained/conditioned to be submissive to others in their chikdhood often ARE repeat victims of abuse etc BECAUSE they feel bad if they try to stand up for themselves
this leads to TERRIBLE long term patterns where people DO get treated very bad by toxic people and can't find ways to break out of it
someone who had parents who let you be strong would not understand the need for sympathy . it is the beginning of feeling it is ok and safe to express our feelings
It is a basic need. And it is good when we can show sympathy, empathy and mutual support to each other. The point I made is about specifically seeking and pursuing sympathy, instead of resolving your problems.
Thank you Emmy!
It’s like I’m standing on a threshold, knowing that it’s taken a lot of self talk, hard work and ownership to get here….but I still need something, want something from others. I’m not persuaded that I will find what I need if I let go of craving recognition/acknowledgment from others.
Who will I be when I let people not notice my pain?
Who will I be when they go on with day to day life while I hold an impossible burden?
Can I coexist with this contradiction staring me in the face?
There must be way more to my capacity because I seem to be teetering over that threshold into a new way of being….
🤷♀️
@@NotredameSparrow we always need something from each other no matter how autonomous and self affirming we are.
Newly subbed. I enjoy your insights.
We love you❤
this woman is not a psychologist she is a psychic.
external v. internal locus of control
Yeah. Resilience always comes from an internal locus of control.
Thank you. Could you please do a video on synchronicities? Do they mean anything or are they just happy coincidences? I am experiencing too many these days, for the first time in my life.
@@winter-i-i I will put it on my list.
@@EmmyvanDeurzen Thank you so much! ❤️❤️
❤❤
Most poignant indeed ❤
Good.
Hard done by, that’s original.
Misery loves company
Don't be a loser. Be a winner.