I got Outed as Trans - Recent Story
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ก.ย. 2024
- Hello my loves. In today's video I'm opening up about a sort of difficult situation sometimes as trans woman we have to deal with
and that is getting outed as trans or as we call in the community getting "clocked"... For me it happened at the gym that I go to
almost 5 times a week and where I am or should I say was not out as transgender...
Because of the type of environment that a gym can be, I thought I would get ya'll's opinions about how I should handle this situation the best way possible.
I hope to get some feedback from some of you and for everyone else that is not trans, this is also a lesson to be learned from the
other side of the spectrum teaching everyone that outing a trans person is not something to be taken lightly.
Thank you for watching and don't forget to subscribe!
Also, check me out on the following social sites:
Facebook: / caroland1414
Twitter: / caritoguti14
Instagram: / caroland14
XOXO,
Caro
I am a cisgender guy and I'll admit, I am only 16 y.o. so I don't claim to have a ton of life experience. However, I just wanted to say that I find it so confusing and pretty silly when guys get all defensive when they find out that a girl they like is trans. They try to go back and say like "I was just kidding, she isn't hot at all". To me, if I see an attractive girl, it won't matter to me if she was trans or not, she is attractive and that's all that matters at the time. I suppose that there is a stigma that if you like a trans woman, you are automatically gay or bi, and to some people those things are still seen as negative, unfortunately. Sorry if this was long, I'm just pretty adamant about this because I have a friend who I care about that is trans, and I just wanted to get this out :)
@faultroy lmao calm down the comment was 4 years ago he's 20 now, also wow why do you give a shit what he likes he clearly says he just finds attractive people attractive stop forcing people into your reductive categories if he doesn't identify as gay or bi who says you get to choose he is, and yeah theres nothing wrong with being gay or bi but society will treat you worse so it can seem unappealing so basically what you are doing is trying to make trans women seem dangerous to find attractive for the purpose of making trans women have worse lives due to lack of love because you're transphobic, am i reaching a bit? no lol because you used a slur in your second sentence, what the fuck are you doing on a trans person's video from 5 years ago, get a life.
I am a lesbian cisgender girl and if I found the girl I love is trans, maybe I would be surprised at first but if I still loved her and she made me happy anyways and our sexual relationship would work, what the heck?
Rookielove1 you really are a rookie. If you date a person who presents as a woman, then you like women.
Define the word Cisgender. People make up words that are not found in any English dictionaries.
Lisa CARSON
wow! I never would've guessed you were trans! you look amazing! you look more like a cisgender woman than i do!
I wasn't implying otherwise. I was just saying she looks great
***** Fuck off, its a compliment.
***** They're just saying she looks like a beautiful woman with no masculine traits what so ever. I'm a transman and if someone told me I look like a biologically born male, I couldn't be more happier. So fuck off.
Actually, Ella has a point. It is kind of problematic to say things like "I would never have guessed," because it makes it seem like we (trans people) are easy to tell apart from cis people more often than not, which isn't necessarily true and is a bit insulting. It's nice to hear on some level, but it's still a bit problematic, and I'd say save comments like that for if and when a trans person actually asks you how well they "blend" (I'm trying to avoid the term "pass" because it has its own problematic association).
That said, I'm pretty sure Lady's original comment was meant as an honest compliment and came purely from a good place. It's an understandable mistake to make, and I don't begrudge people when they don't realize at first that it can be somewhat problematic to say things like that. No need to be angry at people who do if they were honestly just being kind; it's just an opportunity to thank them for the kindness and politely explain why it isn't necessarily the best thing to say. ^^
Jorie Burke Actually what they were saying is that this woman doesn't look masculine at all, which is probably every transwoman's goal, therefore it is a compliment. Stop making a big deal out of it, they weren't trying to be rude to the trans community. I can understand your reasoning behind it being somewhat problematic but it really wasn't meant to be rude.
Omg, so sorry to hear about the challenges you go through as a transgendered woman. But you a pioneering for change, educating most of us about our fellow human situation. Felt your pain and humiliation. Hopefully you overcame it. I learnt alot from this video/ episode. Thank you
People are just so ignorant. At the end of the day, you're at the gym to work out, not to get harassed for being who you are. So stay strong girl! You're so beautiful! :)
One way to handle this would be to write a letter detailing the incident. Then send a copy to the employee's supervisor and another to the gym's corporate offices. Near the end of the letter, point out any pertinent legislation protecting the rights of transpeople, and a reminder that the gym has a legal obligation to comply with such legislation. Keep it short and to the point, no longer than a page.
Don't dare go back to that gym. It's a safety issue. I've seen it happen too many times. I came from a small town in the South and it's appalling when I think back on the repercussions I've watched myself and my friends endure. I hope you can find a new gym. BTW, you're a beautiful young lady. I could only wish I could have transitioned at an early age. It's tough when you're 50.
you are just lovely. so sweet, i dont see how anyone could do anything but love you.
It might be because you're gorgeous. It's a bit amazing to see how beautiful a transgender woman can be. I hope it all works out for you, and that you find many good people that won't judge you for being transgender, but just enjoy you for being you. :)
I just found this video - I'm about to look for an update - I hope it all worked out.
I have never been outed in all of my years going out into the public as a woman. I am rewarded by the fact that people who don't know you don't pay that much attention and for some reason even as a male , though I don't think so, many still see and address me as a woman. My advice is to be brave go back and be yourself. Yes quietly tell the person who outed you that in this society she could be putting your physical being in jeopardy especially with some of the macho men who have had other thoughts about you. This is your chosen life and you can't go into hiding because of this incident.
You really sound so sweet and warm. How could anyone want to do harm in any way to you??
You are such a lovely, beautiful, well spoken and feminine woman.
+Shedonista Shamanatrix Hi! thank you for your comment and your support =) we need more people like you in this world
Thank you, you made my dat! :) I do my best to treat everyone (yes, even on the 'net) as if they were standing right in front of me, a real person, sharing ('cause in reality, you sorta ARE!). Blessings to you!
Day, not dat, lol!
My opinion is to keep going to the gym, and do your thing. If the girl or any of her co workers make inappropriate comments or behaviors around you, bring it up to the owners of the gym. Most places like gyms are about inclusion, and having everyone working out to be their best without judgement which i think this girls behavior is clearly not in line with.
Ultimately though If you feel uncomfortable at that gym, you might just find another one. As you said, it's one of the best part of your day, it's not fair for it to be ruined by others.
Hi caroland great video and I hate when other people take the micky out of you it's got nothing to do with them , I'm a crossdresser and I love wearing lady's clothes. Just be yourself and go back to the gym and if that girl comes near you go to the police and get a restrain order that she is not to come near you 50 or 100 yards of you
People can be horrible just never be afraid to be yourself
I can see being scared, and maybe it's not time YET, but you DO need to go back, just so you are not intimidated away from it!!
+gkiltz0 THank you for your comment.. I honestly thought about going back for the same reason but after a while i found a gym closer to home that seems to have good policies in place regarding discrimination and anti intimidation rules in place so Im sticking with that one for now but who knows.. maybe in the future i'll go back and face my fears over there... I'll def let you guys know if i go back.
First off, this is the very first video of yours I've ever seen, so this is my honest opinion on the matter. What I say is not simply because I'm trying to support you since I've been around a long time at all, since I haven't. Secondly, she had NO RIGHT to do that. It's really none of her business what anyone does with their bodies or lifestyles. I think you should definitely go back. I wouldn't worry about the guys there, and I think that it'll all blow over soon enough. I'm sure people were surprised at your job, but it settled down eventually, right? If you really like going to the gym, don't let the assholes there stop you. Also, I would talk to that girl about it and tell her that what she did wasn't cool at all.
I think talking to a manager might be the best approach. If possible, bring a friend with you. There is safety in numbers. Thankyou for sharing. P.S. I love your necklace :)
That's so rude? I literally don't understand why they feel the need to gossip? It's 2015 and there's this thing called DIVERSITY. Love you girl. Show up to the gym!
You are very pretty and very courageous. I too am male to female trans struggling and in my initial stages of transition.
Emily Iannielli hey what sup how are u feeling my friend
You're simply beautiful a natural woman I like you very much, stay strong.
Trust your judgement. Please update the outcome/ developments of this.
Carolind, you should have alerted corporate in that gym. If you still can after 2 years let the company know that THEIR employees made you uncomfortable there. Corporate will be thinking about their wallet and how their employees are scaring away customers like you. Corporate won't see transgender, they will see money walking out the door, and they will let their people have it if they here your complaint.
Ok Infinate Cyclos said he was responding to an old vid. and that was a year ago(as posted at least)! So my response is far to late but I will give it for others. My response is a very typical 'Dad' response, at least from me! Do NOT confront these people BUT do talk to them. Ask them what it is that they are watching? Your self protection radar, the reaction (the guy's reaction and the others pointing at you), seeing you on TH-cam and showing the others could be a good thing (it means not just knowing who you are, "Oh oh oh is she coming oh am I presentable ..."a TH-cam personality here (not the positive term I think they used I do not want to argue over the word 'star'), but also to 'out you' they would have to be watching the show to see you and know who you are ie followers - fans) it is not to say you would not be 'OUTED' just by their reactions to you but it would be for much more positive reasons then you are thinking!
For that reason it is an important step to find out what and why something is going on. Acting out of ignorance and fear is not a good place to make decisions from they have a tendency to be wrong, you know this better then most! The girl might might be sort-of "jealous" of a facial feature eg. "If I had - eyes, cheeks, lips, nose (pick feature), I would ..." you need to remember there are some models that are Trans. Or even "Oh great even more compitition and how am I to compete with that?"
This might be one of those normie comments that are generally perceived as rude, but damn, you look natural.
If I can be Outed as an Evolved Straight..?
I think you should confront the woman who may have outed you, and tell her to stop telling the other workers. She needs to respect your privacy, especially since you pay money for a membership!
Lisa CARSON
Who cares if you are trans? You are beautiful. It's not their business to out you. Just makes me wonder about all the women I see around could just as well be trans. I don't give a fuck, if you're not doing any harm, you're alright by me.
These people are horrible people. You seem to be a wonderful person. I don't understand why people make such a big deal out of being who you are.
Keep being a strong, intelligent woman. I sincerely hope this all cleared up for you, Caro
Matthew L Hey Matthew! thank you for your comment.. that's really sweet of you to stand up to what's right. I really appreciate it... we need more people like you in this world =) ... I am actually going to a new gym and I am very happy there =) no more creeps or insensitive staff.
Renee lizette martinez I don't understand what you are trying to say, ma'am.
love
Who's to decide that but herself? Improving upon ones self, by gym or any means, is not insecurity.
I was not refering to Caro the girl on video, I meant the one the left the comment before (which she just deleted) talking about the "being who you are". Saying that Caro didn't have the right to express who she is, for being transgender which i disagree with!
That is so un professional for an employee to do that and she should be fired. I would go back and not worry about it. Take a friend with you if you need to.
What Allen said.
Continue to go to the gym, and be a hot gorgeous women that you are. And flaunt your shit! she's clearly jealous.
Truth!!!
I have to agree, she is clearly jealous of how beautiful and smart you are. (well great personality probably threatens her too!) Is it really important to her to prove that you are smarter than her? "It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
Biological woman an't jealous bc the ones who are really jealous are transwoman.
I realize this is an old video, but you should definitely confront the girl who outed you at the gym, and tell her that if anything negative happens to you, you will hold her responsible!!
+InfiniteCyclus Hi! I def wanted to but I think I have just moved on from this incident but believe next time I will say something and make sure whoever decided to put me down knows it is absolutely unacceptable
Totally Agree!
+Caroland You know what you really should do? Out her on the internet. Apparently it's all the rage nowadays.
This really opened up my eyes about how much of our population can be defined as being a 'rat'.
I always say 80% of people are stupid, but that's not really true. They're actually too afraid to be honest..
+InfiniteCyclus i bet she went to the girls bathroom to change too.. wich makes it very creepy for non trans people or people who actually care... so, i can totally understand why the person outed caroland. is it classy in the way she did it? maybe not. but was it a morality issue? yes!! and was she right? yes... deffinatly. its a civil rights violation towards every cisgendered person. only way to be clear of those things in my book is to use a unisex bathroom or dress up at your place before going to the gym or just use sweat pants.
i dont have a thing against trans people,i simply have a thing about trans people who seem to think that they are the gender they claim to be naturally and that the whole world is forced to accept them as the way they want to be seen. but then again the whole world isnt well built to support my view of the world hence it creates issues and confusion and they are human and deserve to live a normal life.
so its kinda messed up in many ways and isnt an easy battle towards a more civil place but it will get there as long as people can live together without bashing each other physically for no reason.
anyway,hope this message pass the view of a more open minded traditional mindset around without offending people too much
jkk20 FYI I think she has had s sex change. So no male genitals.
Outing people that way is a criminal offense. If you do that you create a potentially dangerous situation for that person. And all because you feel uncomfortable. That has nothing to do with morality. It's a purely selfish act.
You're beautiful. Even your voice is completely and perfectly CIS-sounding,,something which is really rare amongst transgendered girls. I'm a CIS-female and I'd love to look like you! I'm so sorry you have to deal with crap like this.
You have a right to go back. You paid your membership like anyone else, right? But do whatever you need to stay safe. I suggest taking a (preferably male ) friend the first time you go back. Then if the situation turns hostile you have someone as a witness and to watch your back. Could you phone the manager the day you want to go back, explain the situation and ask if they can give you an assurance of safety? If they can't you have every right to a refund of your membership.
It breaks my heart that a charming young lady like you should have to worry about this stuff. If it helps, I'm 48 and when I was young, transgendered folks were utterly invisible and there was NO discussion of their rights. Heck, even gay people came out at the risk of violence in my backward home state. Things are changing, even if it is kinda slow. You beautiful young things might have to wait til the fuckwits of my generation die off. Don't give up. We're having an LGBT revolution right now, and it's only a matter of time before it's your time in the sun. Good luck!
K, here's what you do... Nothing. Go in there like nothing has happened and if nobody treats you any differently then don't worry. If anybody approaches you in a respectful way about it then be your normal self and answer any appropriate questions they might have that you feel comfortable answering. When they see that's it's not a big deal to you that they know the initial surprise of finding out will die down for everyone and everything will go back to normal except, now, you don't have to worry about anyone finding out anymore. I understand your fear of guys who were attracted to you before they knew taking out their insecurities on you now they they know. This is a valid concern and honestly, you should stay alert when walking through the parking lot at night in case one of those guys is a complete psycho about it. Whole possible, even that situation is pretty extreme. A lot of those guys are still going to find you attractive whether or not they want anyone else to know they do depends on their individual situations and insecurities. I guarantee that if a guy gives you any shit about it in the gym, a bigger guy is going to put him in his place immediately. The only big concern you should have is how female gym members might react to you in the female locker room. Some of them might be majorly insecure super bitches about it and because their are no real laws governing that type of situation other than those dealing with a males in a female restroom or locker room and vise versa. The rules of your gym may mimic those laws as well, do of there is a complaint made about you being in the locker room, the gym may have to take appropriate action against you in accordance with their company guidelines, membership terms, and local laws. Speak to the manager of the gym to discuss how to handle the situation and hopefully a compromise can be made that will keep everyone feeling happy and safe. Good Luck!
What? No your just a woman full stop, beautiful
I really cant accept the idea that you were a man once, you look 100% feminine to me
You really are gorgeous and corageous to go against the stupid people out there
And again you really shook me with your beauty fullness
Keep it up! Btw love your accent lol
Still a man. Never will be a functioning woman.
new watcher here
i like your voice! bet other transgender people are jealous of you!
hell even girls canbe jealous of u
ur beautiful
time to watch all ur videos
+Yung Starky "even girls"? so other transgender girls aren't girls?
I would have been the person that outed you just because it is unbelievable that you are transgender and it would have been a "can you believe it" moment, but thanks to your video I see how people's lives can be drastically affected by what we don't even consider to be gossip or hurtful. This video has changed my outlook on saying even the smallest of things about other people's personal life. Thanks for sharing. I think this will help me be a better person to others.
I feel your pain girlfriend as i was asked by my boss or rather told by my boss that its ok for me to be me at work. Which im still trying to figure out as it was like running into a brick wall when he said it to me
that was SO unprofessional of the gym you should make a complaint to the management!
it's the first time ever that i can't tell that a person is trans
i dont know ... maybe the shape of your face and your voice
Christine Keeler sounds like a biased opinion; besides the women in the media I see hot/beautiful/sexy pretty/gorgeous women of all races/colors/sizes everywhere.
Christine Keeler They are only "hotter" because of surgery.
Look in his pants and you can tell that he is a man.
this might be a stupid question but why would ppl care ? and do ppl realy care that much about other ppl´s gender identity ? and if a guy thought you where cute before the outing why would that change ? i just dont get it just because i find someone good looking doesnt meen it has to go anywhere. for example i find vin diesel extremely good looking but im not attracted to him. im sorry if this is just plain stupidity or if it was offencive i have never met anyone who is trans and as a straight guy im confused about why it should be a problem.
+Ntwister Have you ever heard of the "gay panic" or "trans panic" defense?
If not google it.
That should give you a pretty clear idea of how much some people do care.
wow. how can that be a defence... its the most stupid thing ive seen in a while (the panic defence article that is).
Ntwister I know. It's a scary place, sometimes.
Sadly not everyone thinks like you. There are some dangerous people out there....
+Ntwister I think it's because guys want to be attracted to girls, and the thought of being attracted to another guy scares them. They can't sort it out and it confused them as if they were tricked. But in reality, if she really looks like a she, is attractive, has grown boobs and really passes and is more attractive than 90% of the girls around, then the guy should not feel bad for being attracted. But the guy, panics, gets confused and then thinks OMG I was falling for a guy. No, he was physically attracted to the shape, boobs, legs, hair and so on. And she is real in that sense. After all, he's straight and liked what he saw right? So basically, he's uneducated, not very bright or whatever. He should think, wow, I never knew. She's really pretty. However, I don't feel comfortable with the situation of the change etc. However, I will be nice and we can be friends or whatever, and that's that. Or maybe some guys (few) might think, hey I like this anyway. But again, some guys just freak out, get scared, then get angry, then want to do bad things. scary
I am a heterosexual male, and I enjoy dressing in drag from time to time because I happen to look good in a dress. I am androgynous and I have long hair, so as long as I shave my facial hair I can put a dress on and be perceived as a female in public (until I speak anyway, that's always what gives me away) I am even perceived as a female by friends and acquaintances, at least before I speak. So I dressed as Amy Winehouse for Halloween a couple of years ago and went to a party my friends were having, and for me its fun/funny not because I think transgender people are funny, but since my friends all know me as a hetero male, their reactions are hilarious when they figure out whats going on. My favorite part about it is the fact that a bunch of dudes were checking me out before they knew it was me. I guess because growing up as a hetero male I get annoyed by the way "dude culture" is and I love it when a homophobic dude is eyeing me up and down thinking about all the nasty shit he wants to do to me, and then to see his reaction when he figures out that I'm a guy.
Anyway sorry for the long story but I wanted to give you a little bit of background about myself. And btw I hope I'm not offending anybody by what I said, I don't do it to make fun of trans people or to appropriate their culture, I have many reasons for dressing in drag that don't have anything to do with hatred or ignorance (being a heterosexual male I wonder if I offend people when I do these kinds of things). So if I were in your shoes, I would probably contact the gym via phone/email if you are concerned for your safety and inform them of the situation. I know that its the 21st century and more and more people are becoming informed/educated about transgender people and culture, there's still plenty of people who are either ignorant, hateful, or just assholes. I am not justifying their behavior, but I think it is best to inform the gym of the incident because now is the time to educate as many people as possible about transgender issues because all humans deserve to be treated respectfully and decently. You are brave for being yourself and I respect you for it, and I am sorry that this happened the way it did; I hate when I am being ridiculed by others, especially when it is done in such an underhanded way.
I am also curious to know what others think about heterosexual males dressing up as females from time to time, when it isn't done in an offensive or ignorant way, thank you
Syd Parrott I think it's totally cool if you're a straight guy who likes to cross dress from time to time. People need to realize that it's just as normal for men to wear women's clothing, as it is for women to wear men's clothing.
+Syd Parrott Hi ! first of all thank you for commenting and for opening up about yourself .. I personally don't think you dressing up as a girl is offensive at all like you said as long as is not done with the intent to mock or poke fun at trans women..so in my book you keep doing what you're doing and keep spreading a positive message :)
*****
i get more ass than you, call me gay all you want. freaky chicks love that shit
there is absolutely nothing offensive about you dressing up as a girl no matter of you sexual orientation because most of the "transvestites" (or drag queens) are usually straight men that do it for emotional satisfaction and all i gotta say is you do you boo boo :)
So sorry to hear. You are beautiful regardless!!!
Gary Murray Thank you! that's very sweet of you
You're the cutest girl ever, love your accent :) If I were you, I would not stop going to the gym. Hockey is my favourite thing to do, and even if someone would out me at the rink, I would never stop playing. Don't let people take something that you love away! It's very unfair that those staff members have done such a thing. Stay safe and at the same time, stay proud.
I would like to have people be able to openly say they are Trans and it not matter at all. What is wrong with folks?
On a side note, I had to watch the first five minutes a second time because I was so focused on how pretty you are that I didn't hear half of what you said. :) I would love to look as nice as you do. Just a compliment, nothing more.
You are very beautiful and you are trans so you are hundred times better than any of biological women.
This is an old video but damn this story frustrated me. How dare she out you like that? Such a cruel and unnecessary thing to do. I would have confronted her.
Practice your mma moves in front of her
+Foxy MaryJane that will land him in male prison. Smart strategy.
Him? She's more woman than most genetic women! I wonder what your mother would look like standing next to her ?
+Foxy MaryJane "a genetic woman" god you millenials are fucking idiots....
And you yesteryears are yesterday
+Foxy MaryJane How can you be more woman than most genetic women when most genetic women can give birth, breastfeed, have a period, have a real vagina? No amount of hormones can change that and any guy should have the right to feel uncomfortable and grossed out at the idea of dating someone with a Y chromosome in every cell of his body.
Can you change gym?
It is easy to change your environment than to change people's hearts.
If that place is making you uncomfortable, get out of there. You do not need the negativities.
Cheers.
Go ahead and do what you feel is right, just don't stop working out! By the way, if I saw someone in your same situation, I would defend them. I'd have your back!
thank you so much for your support... it means really means alot :)
I cannot wait until the time comes when being trans is not something people are shocked about.. I think you should confront her. Oops this is a year old. I wonder what happened.
Well,no-one has ever proved than a person can change their sex,so….it will always be shocking when biological men try to make society think that they are women.
@@liananickel9937 Being trans doesn't revolve about anyone's sex only. If this is what you think, you're getting everything wrong at the start.
Thanks for sharing this. I'm sorry you were outed like that. I was outed too and in a totally inappropriate way. People need to realize just how much risk is associated when outing a trans person.
I think you should just go to the gym. Don't let other people get in the way of what you want to do. If they have a problem with you, that is THEIR problem because you are a beautiful person, and if they can't see that, then they are just missing out. ;)
This is my first time on your channel, and thank you for sharing your story. I am an older transwoman, and also not out to many people, less than you are. I completely get your apprehension after this OUTING experience. There is always my radar to watch for transphobes, or just someone trying to have a little fun at our expense. It triggers a fight-or-flight response and is mostly the latter for me. You need to trust your instincts, but at some point, you have to stand up for yourself or you will bounce from gym to gym and let the transphobes think they are "winning". My favorite place I like going to the most is church. Many transphobes like to use "Religion" to justify their actions towards trans-folks. But I am part of the worship team there, and I have been advocating for making our church a safe place for LGBQT+ people to come and worship without judgment. When I came in after dying my hair mahogany when it has been grey for years I got the looks and stares, especially from the older members, but now they see that I'm still the same loving person. I may not be officially out to most of them but they know I'm a good person and I contribute even though they may see me as a little weird. Perhaps, this is your chance to try to make this gym or the next one you go to a safe place for trans-people to come and exercise safely. Maybe you can talk to the owner of the gym and explain what happened and that you as a paying member and teacher deserve your privacy and to be respected and seen as valid also. They might have a solution you haven't thought of. It's not about getting even with someone. Hope that helps. (There is also the possibility that one or more of the guys she blabbed to might actually become an ally and defend you, don't always assume their reaction to finding out is going to be negative.)
Dear Carol, and I've got something to say on being "outed"and Pride and the "Uber Straight"psyche. Oh those women and other folk at the gym? Grouped up w/phone pointing/laughing, they were Pretty Open and it can be about only 1 thing. If there's Pride it should be in All places and Disclosure should come With it Before it Could make a Difference. Mom's half Cherokee and open minded, Dad's Irish (not that I Think it makes a difference?) Uber Straight. I have Never seen trans "phobia". Just the Opposite. Many live in the World where your maleness is Real and would be Treated as such upon discovery After presumed "interest attraction", Retaliation for being Threatened. And the Uber women would mock and embarrass Any attention. Being an intelligent, Introverted, Feeling, Imagining, Creating kid I was a disappointment,a disgrace for Not always fighting in the Dirt and averse to Noisy Power tools he expressed in Anger and physical Violence on me till I Didn't know what "masculine traits" were Mine natural or Beaten in, to be a Perfectly straight (Evolved Straight as my femme Roxanne called me) but to Constantly have your sexuality in Question? by your own Dad? To "reinforce"he pointed out one of you when I was about 8, he said "son, That's a Man". Instead I looked at the femme and saw her moving not in harmony With society, but moving in dignity, harmony Despite Society. And I remember she was beautiful. His warning had a reverse effect, but made me question even More. Dating age I looked for My Girls (by Default right? D'ja go through that?)in gay bars, associated, when preference is disclosed around the pool table was further mind f'd telling me I was "just Gay,go with it" I was saved by my military motto "if it Feels wrong it Is wrong" .. and Roxanne who looked at me across the dance floor like "What are You doing here" me too. No drag queen. When I expressed my Doubts (1st time in public) she Could have been Offended like a lesser, Normal woman. But in 5min she undone a Life of mind F. She put me in my place as an "Evolved Straight"Man. She disclosed. Never denied. And I was her proud Evolved Man.
When someone approached us with a smart ass smirk, we'd both poker face. When she'd Cross her Arms? Me: Get Lost dude.
She was a better woman than any woman I've met because she showed me how to be a Better man,true to Me and Each other.
Years after Her, she Still came to my rescue. My sister had "found out"/(gone through my Isht) my Preference and used it "Encourage" me to do something I Felt to be Unethical and Immoral. The military taught me to Resist. Roxanne's memory told me "make me Proud.take her Bullets Away.be Evolved". 2 days later sister had a Get Together of mutual friends and I brought up LGBT. and I Advocated. I mentioned the T and stated My Preference and Why. Brave and Proud like Roxanne. Some consider me Gay, and Say so. Friends have been Lost.
Flights. But if I can do that. And She can.
Everytime it's the Right time.
And it's the Right time Often.
So can You. Find out Who's Who from the Start. It's really not the secret you think.
God bless Stay Safe
I've dated A LOT of beautiful T-girls in Thailand and the Philippines, and there is nothing not-passible with you. I've never heared a more natural voice.
Girl you don't deserve this at all!! ): you are so beautiful and people can be so mean! :c you should just go up to that girl and tell her who you really are, and show her how much of a bigger and better person you are than her! :) you should totally keep going to that gym too girl! Don't let stupid people bring you down :D I love you and thanks to you and your videos I finally came out to my family so thank you so much and please be happy!! :) It makes me so sad to see you sad :c So please keep doing what you do best girl! c:
Love ~Emily~
Well, you guessed it you are very pretty and they are so insecure about their manhood. You are probably prettier than most of the girls they have dated... Ooooh, that hurts so much. Then they are threatened because liking you might mean that they secretly like d*ck. Maybe they really do and are embarrassed about it.
Worse yet, I had a discussion with a friend one time that said he would kill a transgender guy if he ever got fooled. And I said if you get fooled then too bad for you. I liked who I like and too bad for anyone else. But, most guys live in shame for liking the way you look? Why? Why is a good question? We've made a society based on looks and that in and of itself IS wrong. MLK said... not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. We should be not judging at all, but if we do it should be not on looks?
I Don't Care . You Are A Beautiful Girl . I Don't Want To See You Get Hurt. You Have A Beautiful Soul . I Would Take You Out In A Heart Beat . What matters Is The Person . I Am A Straight Guy . To Me You Are A Girl And I Would Treat You Like Girl .
1) You have a right to be happy. To you that means going to the gym and working out so don’t let anything stop you from doing what you love.
2) You have a right to be respected. So confront the girl who you think outed you and ask her politely but firmly why she had so many people looking your way? If turns out that she did out you explain to her that it is not her place to do that. That you are not the latest gossip, that you are a human being and deserve respect and privacy. Ask her if she would like someone posting her menstrual cycle on Instagram?
3) You have a right to be admired. You are smart, delightful, healthy, fit, pretty and very feminine and for all of these qualities and I’m sure much more people should admire you. Being transgendered doesn’t make you less of a female. If men and women admired how feminine you looked before nothing has changed just because they now know you are transgendered. Transitioning was a personal medical procedure like being fitted for a prosthetic leg or getting an organ transplant. It was necessary to make you whole and it is nobody’s business except who you want to tell it to. You said you are proud to be a transwoman well now be proud to just be a woman. It’s what you were from the beginning on the inside and you worked just as hard as any cisgender female to grow into your female body so be proud of that and don’t let stares or comments drive you away otherwise you will always be running away.
4) You have a right to be safe. If she outed you then you must go to the gym’s directors and tell them what happened. If you have to write them a letter and get a lawyer involved then do that but it’s important that they become aware that you no longer feel safe because of the comments and stares you are getting. As an institution that provides a public service they are supposed to protect your rights to feel safe in their establishment.
5) You have a right to be loved. Going to the gym is one of the primary ways people form platonic and romantic relationships. You should not be deprived of that because of other people’s ignorance. Ask the gym if they or you can post educational information about being transgendered to educate their clientele. Education defeats bigotry and ignorance.
Greetings Caroland! It has been six (6) years ago since you posted this video. I am sorry that happened to you, and I don’t know how. Visually I cannot see a difference between you and a cis gender woman, you have a very natural feminine appearance, and voice. The person that assisted you with your sports bra, should have been more discreet, that was very unprofessional to point you out to others at the gym. She may have seen your videos on TH-cam or elsewhere, but it was not her business to point it out to others. Personally I would speak to the management, and then possibly, in the event that it became too uncomfortable to go to that gym, I would find another one that is more accommodating. I am a cis gender man, and I cannot distinguish between you and other women. And just to let you know, I could see you working as a model, you are as beautiful as many other models, and more physically attractive than a significant number of women, however, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and what do I know. I do know that you appear to need little to no makeup, and have a very natural appearance to me. I cannot fully imagine what it would be like to be you, and to navigate through the obstacles of life as a transgender woman. Thank you for posting this video! Please have an excellent and awesome day! 🙂
Caro one are one in a hundred! To start I am retired and have always felt different since I was about seven. I have recently joined a gym and have been hesitant about going regularly myself because of the men's locker room, I didn't like gym in school for the same reason. I have a question, this person who help you were they a staff member or an other gymnast? If they were part of the staff I would speak with the gym management and inquire about their policies also if the were just another member it might wise to let the know of your status and your concerns. Another thought would be to invite a friend to accompany you if the gym has guest passes. You most likely have hear the story when you fall off a house you need get back up as soon as possible. or you might never ride again. I enjoyed your video up date.
Is there anyone in the gym staff that you are close with? Can you ask them if it's true this girl outed you? If she did, I would try to approach her and let her know in no uncertain terms that it was not okay to out you, as it violates your privacy and can possibly put you at risk of being hurt. If there's someone you both respond to (a manager, maybe?) tell them about the situation, as it's unacceptable. As for avoiding the gym altogether... I can understand if you feel uncomfortable, but I hope that if you continue going you are pleasantly surprised by the support of people who know you are trans and you didn't know were allies.
I sure the situation has been resolved; but if it was me I would not jump to conclusion based on speculation. Many time we create false realities in our heads that are based on the many fears we as humans have picked up in our lives and from our cultures. I have a question for anyone willing to answer; What is the gaol for a normal transgender person? Is is to become a female (or as close to one as possible/physically and mentally-in this case the transgender would always opt in getting rid of their male genitals). Or is it in creating/taking pride in being an expression representing the virtues of both sexes (male and female)-in this case the person would generally keep their male genitals and work with others/community in creating a place for their group in society and the unique outlooks and wisdom it offers others.
u need to be in a positive environment! if you go back to that gym its gonna bring you in a bad and negative vibe... u dont need that!! u are a great woman so dont let a place full of ignorant people put u down. go gym haunting.. thats a good start.. dont go confront that girl or staff members from that gym.. it doesnt matter what they think! we support u 100% and Ive been there with u from the beginning.
I learned that when u are being insulted or made fun of.. usually those words show what kind of people and what dirt they have inside! dont bite their bait!! thats what they want! be the grown up and walk away...
I love you!! and u know better!! uve been thru a lot!!
I tend to hang out with people who are not this shallow, and I sometimes forget that this is still such a big deal these days. I've met a few guys recently who say the same old crap you'd see on a Jerry Springer show from twenty years ago. They just can't get past the fact that you were born a male, and it's sad. The least they could do is treat you like a human being, and be accepting.
I would report her if she keeps doing it. It is a type of bullying. As far as for your safety, if anyone ever threatens you then i would definitely consider leaving.
I would not confront the girl, Just live your life in the gym as you are, If anything I would talk to the manager of the gym and make sure they themselves does not have an issue with your situation. If you do not have their support you will find yourself with no support at the gym. Good luck and be careful
Omg I just want to hug you poor thing. You should report her or something idk. Besides you going to the gym has nothing to do with you being trans. Will you get your money if you switch your gym. Your so beautiful and strong and you deserve to be treated with respect,
You should send a letter to the corporate head quarters informing them that some of their employees are contributing to the creation of an unsafe environment for members of the LGBTQ community.
1. U r absolutely fucking gorgeous and 2. Haters always gonna hate, fuck them❗️👍🏼💋
I just found your videos. You are an inspiration. I'm 61 years old and just came out eight months ago in a small rural town in New Hampshire. Thank you for sharing your stories. I grew up in the fifties and sixties. It was a different era and society was a little more difficult then. Today i do stand proud! I have a long way to go, but it seems easier with people like you sharing your stories. I don't feel so much alone. I to got recently outed at my gym. I'm still going and standing proud. Bobbie
Hello Carolyn,I think that you should chat to the people in charge,so that in the future your visits are safer and more comfortable for you.Don't forget that when CIS gendered folk find out someone around them is trans,they react,whisper to each other and point at you or in your direction.This inital reaction should calm down as the novelty wears off.Keep going,don't let it or them get into you and maybe you'llend up with some new friends who admire you for your inner strength.
Hang in there girl,don't let it get to you.Chin up.Be proud of who you are.
Emily
Hi Caro, I hope you are happy and well.Your situation at your gym is awkward, but you have no reason to avoid going there. I understand what you mean about guys pumped up with testosterone sometimes being irrational about things like this, but that does not mean you should have to stay away. You are a proud woman and seem quite capable of standing up for yourself. Perhaps you should request to speak with the gym manager and explain your concerns. They should be completely understanding and take steps to ensure that any problems that might arise for you are dealt with by the gym. You may be surprised that some of these guys may actually be quite understanding and even protective of you. As always, I wish you all the best and will keep watching your videos. :)
That girl should be ashamed of herself for outing you. I hope you stay safe and well.
Remember your membership pays her salary.remind them of that
.
.
Ron Thompson so true! didn't even think of that
try to talk to the management so they could educated there staff better and to respect others plus this is and opportunity to do some right and teach some respect and honor to people who are ignorant and they haven't grown up yet take care
I hope that one day transgender people will be treated as equal like heterosexual people because no matter what you are or who you are every life is precious.
And, you could always file a complaint to the manager/owner as a human rights issue...
Go to the gym. Put your head up be proud and work yo sexy body cuz your hotter than her girrrl! 😉
I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I begin to think that many gals are anti-trans and I dunno the reason yet.
Pssssst.... no need to tell anyone you're a transgender. No one will know.
Get rid of your you tube move on and start a new one as a girl. Stop talking about your transition, its all in the past now. Do a make up tip , fashion channel anything as long as it not about your past. Start a new one why do you still drag your past with you? Common you've crossed the other side and you're a traitor to the brotherhood. Now use your GIRL talent to help others. The only way to help others is first help yourself. get it into your head that you are a woman! STOP BEING A TRANSGENDER!!!!
Onous Baktulas You can't "stop" being transgender, you don't "stop" being transgender when you transition. Being trans is a state of being, it's part of who someone is. Just because someone "passes" as a cis person (doesn't look trans) doesn't erase their identity. Besides, there's thousands of people who have transitioned that don't necessarily pass. Honestly, what you're saying is really problematic and kind of transphobic. IDK if you realize it, but it is. There's nothing wrong with being trans, there's no reason why she should leave it behind and start again. She's right to be proud of who she is and to encourage others to do the same.
You're accepting her identity as a woman, but denying her an integral part of that identity in the same breath. Why should she do a make up or fashion channel anyway? Because those things are arbitrarily appointed as "girly"? If she wanted to, she could run a channel about rugby and beer, it wouldn't make her any less of a woman. Trans women can enjoy masculine things while still being women.
Furthermore, she was never a "traitor to the brotherhood" because she was never a man. While she may have been assigned male at birth, her gender identity is female. I can't be sure, but it's more than likely she never identified as male in the first place, hence, never a man. Also, you're making gender very black and white. If you don't identify as x you're a traitor to x? Why does it even matter in the first place? Both gender AND physical sex aren't a binary. Gender, in particular, is a spectrum, with people identifying as between male and female or something different altogether.
Finally, she is helping herself, by being who she is. She knows she's a woman, she wouldn't have transitioned otherwise! Caro is both a woman and trans, and she's proud of it. And speaking of "helping others by helping yourself", I'd suggest helping yourself by reading up on what it means to be trans and gender roles, because if you think looking like a cis woman and being trans are mutually exclusive, you're very misinformed.
Very unprofessional. Go back & be proud of yourself. Go Girl.
...if you do not feel safe, go to manager and ask refund for the month,explain the situation ..she already outed you,you have nothing to lose but everything to gain and she might do it to somebody else ...she should not be working in the gym or similar places where it is harder for trans people to pass especially if you are pre-op ( i personally got untucked by accident in the gym a few times)...if manager does not give you refund, just cancel the membership and try to select another gym...write the yelp review on that gym and mention that staff member's name to out her as unprofessional and insensitive and ignorant that is so much "worse" than being trans...you are 100% passable, can't she clocked you...what a bitch she is
Ursula Uranus oopps.saw you changed your gym already..good move..still write a yelp review and mention that girl's name or if you do not know name.mention her description. managers and owners closely monitors yelp reviews and will act on it hopefully. they will fire the bitch or tell to get her act together...
You are a beautiful woman and not transgender woman. You are 100percent woman.
I think that it is great that you have put yourself out there, very commendable. Your presentation style is very open, honest and straight forward. I stumbled across your videos while looking for articles on vegan diet options. Then I clicked on this one, an interesting situation that (I hope) opens discussion and increases awareness. Perhaps you should consider introducing the staff member to your web series, then like me they would see you as what you are, you are more, a lot more than trans-gengder, you are a strong passionate human making their way through life.
Keeping in mind that yes, you are a minority, a curiosity etc. which pits you in a spot light, one which you have chosen to step into, all be it at places and times of your own choice.
Sometimes that choice will be taken away, that's reality, how we handle it our choice.
I just read my comment and I realize that the word minority carries certain connotations, what I meant to imply was that as a percentage of the population being trans-gender places you in a small group. So perhaps the word rarity would apply.
I would ask her personally, I wouldn't quit going back to that gym i would still go because it is something you like to do never let others ruin something you like to do. i wouldn't be rude about asking her I would just say something like hey can i talk to ya, i noticed when i was in here last that you and every one else were looking at me while you were showing them your phone. is that because you know i am transgender? or were y'all having a laugh about me needing help with my bra straps? lol i have noticed that even the biggest strongest of men can't do anything if they are embarrassed them selves so if one of them comes up and says anything then just turn it on them, like just say " well you thought i was hot and wanted my number, but now you are telling me i am an ugly freak? so you lied when ya said you wanted my number?" most people just walk away because they know ya got an upper hand on them. really though i would just see if people keep looking at me and seem to be making conversation.
+TransgenderBowyer Thank you for your comment and I honestly agree 100 percent with what you're saying... i def have thought about going back even though its been a bout a year since it happened but hey , its never too late to educate ... If I do I'll def let you guys know about it ...thanks again for your support and for taking the time to help me sort through this issue =)
I still can't get over how beautiful you are.
You're right to be concerned but until you go back you won't know for sure if it was just a novelty reaction on the day... just depends how intelligent they are. But yea - I agree with how you interpret the way men can be. Follow your instincts with this and stay safe
Jane C Thank you Jane! I really appreciate your comment =)
Confront her and if she did out you don't say anything else, just leave and make a formal complaint. It is unprofessional and she has made the facility an unsafe place for a regular customer.
@ all the people saying that you would have never known she's teams or that she looks cis, that's transphobic because you're basically saying that transgender girls can't be pretty so it's not really a compliment
+LightningSamus and they're being "honest' is an insult because there are plenty of trans people that walk past cis gender people everyday and not even hear that back handed compliment. I also believe that the term "PC" was made up by bigots to try to give them an excuse to be offensive to any group that they don't associate with, dislike, or understand.
If you're that uncomfortable, find a new gym.
Wow.. I don't feel so bad.. You pass 100%.. I am a 5 year Post Op M to F. I got outed today.. Men never out me.. But you are right. Young cis gender woman have been my killer.. I pass about 90 to 95 % and its usually young gg girls doing the outing. Yes it does suck.
The horse has left the stable. A missed opportunity. I would go back like usual but I would start with the staff. I would make them the victim and not you. You sound shook up by the experience. Be you and who you are. Don't be angry. Be yourself. xJ
You're gorgeous!
+Nikki Wiggins Thank you! you're beatiful =)
Thank you! :)
I think that girl at the gym should come out to you and apologise for putting you through that.
Caro, como toda Barranquillera para adelante y no importa lo que digan en el Gym. Si te hace sentir bien tu ejercicio no tienes porque dejar de hacerlo por comentarios que no valen la pena.
Saludos y Abrazos!
estebancorrea84 Gracias! tienes toda la razon! a mi que no me vengan a joder con esas vainas que les sampo un puno en la cara lol jajaja no mentira, sin violencia pero eso si , con mucha inteligencia los voy a dejar con la boca abierto a los bobos esos ... gracias! =)
Carolina, that is brilliant and courageous to discuss such a situation that doubtless
others have undergone everywhere; but the NEW AGE is here now and such petty
childish reactions are not worthy of adults- or even teen children. All comments are
really good with real suggestions. I believe you are so courageous you will regret later
if you just leave and go elsewhere as you have an opportunity there, which, if taken on
via the management, will lead to a better situation and maybe even help others later.
You are so bright and beautiful, you don't need to suffer fools- but you can educate...
courage girl, you deserve better and maybe a demonstration of your headoverheels
technique would make you their star to follow; you are leading the change with your
personality and smile- that is the way to change the world- not run off elsewhere. All
loving people will back you. Blessings and courage girl, be yourself! . SAIRAM
Julian Wontner THank you soo much for your comment... I really appreciate your encouragement and you're so right... I need to stand up for what's right and not let those people bullying me away from the gym... gracias =)
So what if you got 'outed' in a non-aggressive way? Like someone knew you were a man and was just curious. Would you still be offended? I'm just curious because it's a little confusing of a trans issue with being 'outed' is it that you are mad someone realized you were a guy, or that they brought it up?
+Isabella K. She's not a guy, that's the whole fucking point! She's a type of woman, of the transgender variety. Her birth history is nobody's business, and she should be treated the same as cisgender women, regardless. What we're mad about is being discriminated against, and how society makes a HUGE DEAL over the tiny differences between cis women and trans women, when those differences should be looked at as irrelevant.
+Isabella K. It's because if someone identifies as a certain gender, it means that they truly feel this way on the inside. The only way for other people to recognize that is by seeing the outside, which is why some people undergo a transitioning process.
Consider your own gender as an example. You identify as a female, because you feel that way on the inside. Now imagine people spreading rumors that you are a guy, when you know you aren't. It would hurt, because you would expect people to treat you like a human being by recognizing your identity of your true self, but people disrespect that one part of you that gives you a place in society. If people don't recognize you for who you are, who would you be?
This is very unprofessional of the gym staff and incredibly immature. I'm so sorry that you experienced this. If I owned a gym, I would be horrified at my staff. I personally think you should complain, write a letter if you feel more comfortable. If you still feel uncomfortable going back or the response isn't satisfactory, you could leave and get your membership refunded.