This is so true for me as well, I’m so bad at celebrating good things! I’m getting better, I think, but the worry and doubt creep in so fast. I also think it’s a fear and shame thing, or like not wanting to lose face in front of other people. If you don’t go all out celebrating, people won’t know how big of a deal it is to you and so if you lose it, it’s not as embarrassing or you don’t have to explain to a bunch of people what went wrong or how you failed. The ones who matter will celebrate with you and support you if it doesn’t go well, but I read somewhere that loosing face is one of the biggest things for people, like it’s such a strong force, and it made me see that everywhere I look. In negotiating for example, if you can help the other person adjust in your direction without losing face, then you win 😅 that sounds so cynical with that example, but when we have good news we kind of negotiate ourselves out of celebrating. So if we can find a way to save face I think that helps! For example saying beforehand: whatever happens, let’s celebrate now! And then you don’t have as much face to lose
That's so interesting about losing face and how that might impact how/when we celebrate :) Also, I'm not saying throw a big party for a new job you haven't sign the contract for yet, of course XD Just don't go the complete opposite direction either of "they offered me the job but as long as it's not signed, it can still go wrong so I'm not going to even acknowledge that I did well getting to that point and that I'm happy about it". In a way, it'd be a good exercise to celebrate even just getting invited to interview: you don't know if you'll get the job, but you can still let yourself be happy about advancing to the next stage :) Let's make it more of a habit to celebrate milestones, not just finish lines!
@@Curious-Cat Absolutely! I don’t mean throw a bit party either, there are so many ways to celebrate, big and small! 😊 But it’s still like an external expression of what matters to you, and that makes you kind of vulnerable, or takes vulnerability… or both..? 😂 I think you get what I’m saying haha It’s like saying this is where you can hit me so it hurts. God that’s depressing! 😂 Of course we should celebrate! Milestones, finish lines, and just doing the thing! I get so pissed when people say that “young people these days get a medal for trying”. I don’t need a medal, but saying good job after giving it your best effort doesn’t cost anything. And saying that to yourself is just as important.
Yeah, I get it. I think it's definitely a valid point. And at the same time, it means we're killing our own joy so that others won't. I find that even more depressing ^^' It makes me think also of how nervous I was to talk about my writing on TH-cam, IN PUBLIC, because what if I drop this project, never finish it? What if it's just awful? The potential for embarrassment and huuuuuumiliation XD (I'm glad I have such a small channel - less visibility if you fail) But what then? I just hide it/part of myself? Isn't that even a surer way to fail? Totally with you on 'saying good job'! For some people, finishing the race, even if in last place, is already a win.
@@Curious-Cat Yes! Omg yes. Killing our joy so that others won't. That's so dumb. To do, I mean. And I can definitely relate that to youtube as well, and I don't want to grow too quickly either ^^ I'll get stage fright! That's why my goals are not numbers or performance, my goals are to grow as a person and have fun, and only I can control that. And having fun is then the same as winning. And I can never fail, as long as I keep trying to have fun :) And right now I'm having lots of fun, so yey for me! XD
This is so true for me as well, I’m so bad at celebrating good things! I’m getting better, I think, but the worry and doubt creep in so fast.
I also think it’s a fear and shame thing, or like not wanting to lose face in front of other people. If you don’t go all out celebrating, people won’t know how big of a deal it is to you and so if you lose it, it’s not as embarrassing or you don’t have to explain to a bunch of people what went wrong or how you failed. The ones who matter will celebrate with you and support you if it doesn’t go well, but I read somewhere that loosing face is one of the biggest things for people, like it’s such a strong force, and it made me see that everywhere I look.
In negotiating for example, if you can help the other person adjust in your direction without losing face, then you win 😅 that sounds so cynical with that example, but when we have good news we kind of negotiate ourselves out of celebrating. So if we can find a way to save face I think that helps! For example saying beforehand: whatever happens, let’s celebrate now! And then you don’t have as much face to lose
That's so interesting about losing face and how that might impact how/when we celebrate :)
Also, I'm not saying throw a big party for a new job you haven't sign the contract for yet, of course XD Just don't go the complete opposite direction either of "they offered me the job but as long as it's not signed, it can still go wrong so I'm not going to even acknowledge that I did well getting to that point and that I'm happy about it". In a way, it'd be a good exercise to celebrate even just getting invited to interview: you don't know if you'll get the job, but you can still let yourself be happy about advancing to the next stage :)
Let's make it more of a habit to celebrate milestones, not just finish lines!
@@Curious-Cat Absolutely! I don’t mean throw a bit party either, there are so many ways to celebrate, big and small! 😊 But it’s still like an external expression of what matters to you, and that makes you kind of vulnerable, or takes vulnerability… or both..? 😂 I think you get what I’m saying haha
It’s like saying this is where you can hit me so it hurts.
God that’s depressing! 😂
Of course we should celebrate! Milestones, finish lines, and just doing the thing! I get so pissed when people say that “young people these days get a medal for trying”. I don’t need a medal, but saying good job after giving it your best effort doesn’t cost anything. And saying that to yourself is just as important.
Yeah, I get it. I think it's definitely a valid point. And at the same time, it means we're killing our own joy so that others won't. I find that even more depressing ^^'
It makes me think also of how nervous I was to talk about my writing on TH-cam, IN PUBLIC, because what if I drop this project, never finish it? What if it's just awful? The potential for embarrassment and huuuuuumiliation XD (I'm glad I have such a small channel - less visibility if you fail) But what then? I just hide it/part of myself? Isn't that even a surer way to fail?
Totally with you on 'saying good job'! For some people, finishing the race, even if in last place, is already a win.
@@Curious-Cat Yes! Omg yes. Killing our joy so that others won't. That's so dumb. To do, I mean.
And I can definitely relate that to youtube as well, and I don't want to grow too quickly either ^^ I'll get stage fright! That's why my goals are not numbers or performance, my goals are to grow as a person and have fun, and only I can control that. And having fun is then the same as winning. And I can never fail, as long as I keep trying to have fun :) And right now I'm having lots of fun, so yey for me! XD
@@ellenmadebookclub Yey you indeed :D