Year 2 Day 75 - 23 May 2024 today was a reality check and facing whats in the mirror

I was having a really good day to the point I felt like a fraud. Able to do things and function without issue. I thought "what am I really doing being at home, I could return to work and do everything" thats how it felt and the imposter syndrome is very real and convincing. I needed the rest day so had one.
Early afternoon a couple of little girls came to the door asking for sponsorship for something from school. I tried to speak but that part of my brain shut down (again). I was trying to get words out and failing and trying not to panic so I shook my head to say no and they looked confused. Maybe its because they were cute or not used to being told no but they understood in the end. I left the situation drained and unable to speak at all. Just from two polite little girls.... There was no more thinking I was a fraud at that point.
When I recovered enough did the supermarket shopping and some little pre school kids were making that much noise I had to go straight to noise cancelling and shaking but forced myself on. Feeling a little dejected because of the day but needed to carry on.
In the evening I had two friends message me one on Facebook the other whatsapp. Their reaching out to me gave me hope and restored me at a point where I felt my future was "less" and the only thing left for me was memories. Having friends and family care, reach out and be there means more than words can express and gives me the strength to carry on.