Hi guys, for those of you asking about part two: I got burnt out from TH-cam for a few reasons, the negative comments, negative response videos, and the editing process of my videos would take me anywhere from 8 to 20 hours per video and i was using a horrible editing app that would cause insane unnecessary problems, and I ran out of phone storage and was having difficulty knowing how to navigate all the technological issues. Anyway all that to say, I'm back, I missed you and this part two will be recorded and put up soon ❤️
Negative people are just everywhere, they just can demean others and find it cool... by the loved your video, having all these thoughts since a year.. glad to know I am not just the one to have such feelings
I'm sorry I was one more asking for new videos! Kinda forgot how it stresses people even more. Take your time, Myra, if it takes days or years, we'll be here! Even if you don't ever make it at all, it's your freedom to do your best for you! And we're here for it. xoxo
thank you thank you thank you!! I remember your old video from back in the day. I am about to turn 22 and feel in the same place you were too. It would be so helpful
you look prettier without makeup . as for relationships , you seem genuine in kindness and personality . i think you will find what you want in life . there's and old saying , seek and you shall find .
This is what I've learned in my life. You either get out there and DO, or you fade away into misery. It's a choice we choose to make. I'm an introvert. I force myself to participate. I dont want to socialize but realize I'm much more miserable alone and I keep making dumb excuses to be alone. I'm realizing the excuses just dont hold up anymore. I'm lonely and it hurts. I'm deciding not to hurt anymore, because I'm important. You are too.
Yeah I've found that to be the case. I would word it a bit differently though 😅 I think socializing is fun if you're with the right group... but yes, it really requires putting WORK in and feeling UNCOMFORTABLE most of the time. But it's worth it
The thing is, not everyone of us can go out there. I have tried before, but Im Ive almost all times came more worst than before because I cant socialize. I have aspergers, so that may help explain it.
@@embuscadochifreinexplicaca5960 Yeah, me too. I totally understand what you're saying because I feel the same way. I have had Aspergers my whole life, and now that I'm almost 50, I have all but given up on ever having any friends or an intimate relationship with anyone.
@@JoeJ-8282 I know it isnt all due to it, I also have a lot of social anxiety and an avoidant personality disorder. I made an appointment to getting diagnosed to that stuff, lets see how it goes.
attracting people that only talk about themselves was so true .. thank u for making me realize that i genuinely did spend most of my youth as a people pleaser and subjected myself to everyone else’s problems ,,
I've never felt more understood in my life, I feel like i'm just hearing you say my own daily thoughts lmfao. Thank you, Myra. You are beautiful, eloquent, & special. I wish you'd be my friend.
What's interesting about your video is that you always give things from the perspective of someone who actually struggled with this, compared to other videos on youtube of people who just went through a phase of loneliness or a breakup, or whatever. as someone who is mildly extroverted but not getting along with lots of friends, i relate to you very strongly.
That's interesting you noticed that. I only speak from my personal experiences because I know that that's the only thing I really know about. I don't pretend to know all the answers, I just know what I've personally experienced, and it's my hope that by sharing, I can help others who relate to my story
Live life, play music, sing, maybe gaming or do what makes you happy everytime. If you can't make friends with people don't force yourself. Just let it be and find happiness in being alone. Doesn't work for everyone but that's what I did and I don't have any regrets
I just randomly got recommended your viral video from 2 years ago and now i watched this video of you 2 years later, and i gotta say, it's delightful to see you have done actual progress and that you have found some answers to your questions. The reason for that is that you are self reflective and you are working on yourself instead of cursing the world for your misery, and it's beautiful to see that. The most dangerous thing one can do is to blame the world and grow resentful. Instead you chose to explore yourself and find answers and solutions. You are a prime example for how anyone can turn their misery into happiness/fullfillment, by looking in yourself. I have no doubt that you will make even more progress and find lifetime friends. Cheers! 🍻😄
Thank you!! Yes this is so true! I share my life story because I know that people can benefit from seeing my struggles and my breakthroughs. When I am in my low periods I can share that with people knowing they will relate... and they will be able to watch me grow and improve over the years, knowing where I started from. I want to give hope to people who are going through the same things. And yes, I think it is incredibly important to take ownership and responsibility over your own life. Though I also believe it is equally important to know where you're starting from, to figure out your patterns and trauma, and the experiences that changed us from childhood. But the trick is to not wallow in those things, to not play the victim, but to discover them and work through them and move forward.
I'm impressed by how much you've learned and grown emotionally over the last couple of years. It's so good to see you developing true friendships and you sure seem to be enjoying your life....at least more than when you started this TH-cam journey. I'm very happy for you. Love ya, Myra!
This is some of the most insightful self-reflection I’ve ever heard. I like the way you say you don’t judge your past self, too- I definitely struggle with that
I struggled with it too. But make a choice to look at your past self with understanding, love and compassion... understand why your past self made certain decisions. It helps you moving forward...
@@myrawest _"To them, you're just a freak, like me. They need you right now. But when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper. See, their morals, their code... it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you, when the chips are down, these... these civilized people? They'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve."_ - The Joker, The Dark Knight (2008 film)
I found out that the problem consisted of (at least) two major reasons: (1) fear of intimacy (which led to me not showing my true self and not adding real value to the relationship) and (2) lack of social skills (I fixed it just by practicing real relationships and interpersonal interactions). Shortly: I needed skin in the game, practice and self-reflection. And also I learned more about how perception of self-worth works and fixed logical errors and distortions of thinking.
I had problems making friends, among other things, because whenever I tried to be myself and to talk to others as a child, it always ended badly and they started bullying me, since then I've always distanced myself to avoid a neutral status to destroy and always this permanent fear not to talk too much and then they start to bully me and I never got rid of that fear.
This happened to me also....or I'd meet a friend at school then they'd dump me for "someone better" it made me really sensitive to making friends...it was really traumatising
I have never had any really close friends. They were closer to me than I was to them. I never really need any friends to this day. What I did find was my only close friend when I was 17 and that is my wife. She is the only person in my life that I have really bonded with and now that we have been married for 32 years, that is ever more so today. We are all wired different and the important thing is to find that sweet spot in life that bridges those gaps.
I had a few friends from college, but my biggest problem is keeping friendships. Everybody ends up going away and I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with my mental health issues. I really don't know how to fix it... Years are passing by, I'm in my 30s now and people my age definitely aren't that open to new potential friends... :/
If only you knew how grateful I am for this video. I am 21 years old, felt isolated most of my conscious life. And I see changes in myself. I worked hard to understand the situation and your video helped to clear some things and gave insightful ideas. Thank you!
Up until I was 17… I didn’t have any friends. I always the new kid & kept moving from house to house. Then during my senior year of high school… I met some amazing people who I call REAL friends given that they truly cared for me & were always there for me. Sadly my grandmother died mid Senior year & I became real distant w everyone. It’s one of my biggest regrets not enjoying life & living it to the fullest. I’m now 22, almost 23, all alone on my journey of life at the moment & I wish I had valued the time w them.
The best part I notice about you is that you are your own therapist. You are learning what you need and who you are inside, what works and doesn't work like the rest of us. Your parents should have taught you or discussed with you a little about peer pressure because as you integrate with others you find yourself dealing with "peer pressure " and it either makes you or breaks you. It's part of life and you needed to have learned about this early on. Myra, you are growing and that is what's "key" here. Keep growing and you will be better prepared for your next friendships, and relationships. You're doing great! 😘
I love this!! I've never heard anyone say this, but I find truth in it. That I have developed a relationship with myself that is often like "therapist/client." I am always asking myself "why did I react that way?" "Why do I have this belief?" Why did I say that?" "What am I actually feeling?" I think it's incredibly helpful for everyone to learn to ask themselves those questions....
I've been a loner all my life quiet and always in the background, when I was 5 my Grandmother asked Mum, "Does he talk"? and if there were 3 people in a room, that was too many people so I would clam right up and they would not get a word out of me. Now I know why I never got bullied or picked on in high school, because people were afraid of me or they could not trust me. I might of had my weird side but I was always there for my brothers and sisters and Mum and Dad. I took care of Mum for 5 years before Mum passed away, the toughest job in my life.
its interesting how similier our stories sound not in the stories context but in how we felt, i was adopted at age 3 and was passed through multiple caretackers b4 then moved to harlem and like u i didnt have any frens and was severly bullied throughout school and at home (im a 19 year old white kid in a premodomintly black neighborhood noone ever wanted to be a frens wit me) this led to me having a very twisted view of the world which in turn led to many unfortunete misunderstanings in life back in june i oded on fentinayl and one of the people in my circle saved my life predictibly i ended up completly misunderstanding after i woke up and now the dude wants nothing to do wit me i do understand that if he saved my life once hed be willing to come back around evenoutually but in turning his back on me after such a selfless act it opened my eyes to start seeing that i might be wrong ab the world and from that point i started to ask myself the question "why" at the end of the day no matter what hardships u been thru u can overcome it i had ptsd addiction rad adhd depression instatuionlization, i was bullied until i got out of highschool, i have a single mother and never had a father, the list goes on and on yet ive come out better becuz of it trust ur bodies and let them take control is the best thing i ever learned and ask urself the question "why" and become consigent of ur answer to that question cuz then u can move forward the more u do that the easier it gets and the more u open up to the world which then leads to the world opening up to u(which at the end of the day is what uve always wanted) btw i fucking love ur channel its the most relatable channel and thing ive seen in a while i would legit love to actually talk wit u at sum point (if u ever read this) definetly continue becoming the deeper self within🙏its interesting how similier our stories sound not in the stories context but in how we felt, i was adopted at age 3 and was passed through multiple caretackers b4 then moved to harlem and like u i didnt have any frens and was severly bullied throughout school and at home (im a 19 year old white kid in a premodomintly black neighborhood noone ever wanted to be a frens wit me) this led to me having a very twisted view of the world which in turn led to many unfortunete misunderstanings in life back in june i oded on fentinayl and one of the people in my circle saved my life predictibly i ended up completly misunderstanding after i woke up and now the dude wants nothing to do wit me i do understand that if he saved my life once hed be willing to come back around evenoutually but in turning his back on me after such a selfless act it opened my eyes to start seeing that i might be wrong ab the world and from that point i started to ask myself the question "why" at the end of the day no matter what hardships u been thru u can overcome it i had ptsd addiction rad adhd depression instatuionlization, i was bullied until i got out of highschool, i have a single mother and never had a father, the list goes on and on yet ive come out better becuz of it trust ur bodies and let them take control is the best thing i ever learned and ask urself the question "why" and become consigent of ur answer to that question cuz then u can move forward the more u do that the easier it gets and the more u open up to the world which then leads to the world opening up to u(which at the end of the day is what uve always wanted) btw i fucking love ur channel its the most relatable channel and thing ive seen in a while i would legit love to actually talk wit u at sum point (if u ever read this) definetly continue becoming the deeper self within🙏
The problem for me is that I've been doing plenty of these things. Been seeking out new social venues, meeting new people, sending them messages to try to stay in touch, sharing about myself while also being curious about them, etc. Never leads to anything. Always leads to them either not responding or cancelling last minute on me. I have some amazing friends, but due to them being older than me, they're often busy with work, traveling, etc., or they've been staying in my hometown or moved to other areas. Makes me feel lonely, and at this point I feel like people my own age are too unaccountable to "invest in", due to what is mentioned above. 😕
Okay you are literally me lol I also present as very agreeable/uncontroversial but it's because I'm afraid of rejection in social settings. I am also everybody's therapist and I feel like no one gets me the same way I get them. This is partially because I am low key by nature but more so because people don't ask me the same questions I ask them. Not everyone is a good listener by nature (which is fine) but it's just something I really need in friendship. I also have that issue you mentioned where you feel like you have to be helpful (and like being helpful) in order to be accepted. It's almost like your existence alone isn't enough. But the rare instances where I feel like I can be myself are what real belonging and friendship feel like and it's honestly SO much better than faking it. I guess my new year's resolution is to work on being more transparent and honest about who I am. We are the ones responsible for our own happiness and have to keep trying to find our tribe or risk missing out on life. These videos are just wonderful and I have learned so much just watching them. ❤ You are a beautiful human being and really have a gift for articulating these complicated feelings inside of so many people.
I related and connected to every single word of this. You really are me lol. I'm so glad you got something from this video.. YES. work on being yourself. Your real self will be accepted and embraced. You are enough. Practice having opinions and sharing them, practice saying no, you will see that others will like and respect you. People love and connect with AUTHENTICITY. take my channel for example. People connect with what I'm saying because I am transparent and authentic on here (easier on the internet than in real life) 😅
@Myra West Omg the fact that you replied to my comment made my week! Yes opening ourselves up to vulnerability and rejection is difficult but authenticity is the only way to achieve true connection. I think we can gradually learn to do it if we really put our heart to it. I’m so glad I found your channel and will continue to follow your journey. Hope you have a happy new year!
If you're struggling to make friends watch this...and yet your videos are all about being alone, having no friends and being single....YEA you're a great one to come to for advice. OMFG!
I'm honest, I share lessons as I learn them. People can take it or leave it, but I have to put it out there because I know it can help at least one person to feel less alone
My whole life I've always had friends, not many but always a few. until just recently when i cut them off afters years of friendship because i didn't feel like they were real friends Now i am alone and in my early 30s, and i realized it's very calm, no drama, no expectations, no hate. It is abit boring i don't go out to restaurants, shopping, out travelling, not having social fun, but life goes on. You say you never share anything but in many ways its very good cause ur secrets are with you. You have no idea how many times i regret telling too much. I wish i was more like you cause truth is friends can't be trusted. It's very rare to actually have real friends. By real i mean some that truly are happy for your success, are truly sad for you when they see you sad, wish the best for you, give you what your giving them, too many are selfish. Maybe i am very unlucky but just a few days ago i thought about it and everytime i make new friends its good in the beginning but the closer we get the more i share and they share, the friendship becomes fake like everything is a competition. Friendships are not real, cause in the end of the day if you have more success in your life, your friends will be jealous and hate on your maybe not openly. human beings are just pathetic.
@@jerrycannon6940 Same here.. i wanted to cut to them off many times before but then i would think i wouldn't have any friends. Who would i talk to? Who would i go out with? I finally had the courage to do cut them off recently. Blocked and deleted them suddenly without telling them. Sometimes you got to have self love and selfrespect, to not have fake friends. It's not like your world is going down if you're alone.
@@thinkerythunker616 The difference between my post and yours is that you lost your friends. I didn't mine, i cut them off with no explanation.. blocked them everywhere, didn't reply them and cutting them off took a weight off my chest... but again my friends have just been fake friends. In the end i believe most people are very selfish, or they turn into selfish jealous person especially if your friends aren't on your level, and it happens when you take different paths, and they're not happy with their own lives and the path they're on. Friends aren't everuthing, if you have a family and a job (colleagues) then i'm sure someone will notice it if you start to get insane... if you don't have anybody (like no parents, siblings, no partner, no job),then noone can tell you when you're losing your mind.
You have learned so much , so quickly! You are really special. Forget the negative people. You have helped me and I"m 72 years old! I wish wonderful things for your life. You deserve it.
I think loneliness is a great gift to get to know your true self! You know, life is a journey to figure out who you really are! So you need plenty of time to be alone! Don't be sad. Just focus on taking the time to get to know YOU!! 🤝❤️✨
You have great self awareness. I’m a very closed off person and I wonder why I have no friends lol. You are right. It takes two people that trust each other to eventually build a bond.
i struggle with this since ever and this was the first video i saw with the information and help that i needed. you are so beautiful, sensitive and sweet. i'm glad you found people and you finally feel good. you deserve it.
"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible." Carl Jung; Memories Dreams and Reflections; Page 356
Wow. Even though I don't relate to this anymore, it still gets to me. I used to be the shy girl who tried so hard to be friends with everyone, even bringing jokes or snacks to lunch to make them like me. My worst years were from 3rd to 6th grade. Thankfully, I found a great group of friends at the start of 7th grade and we're still close in college. I've met even more people since then. But this experience made it hard for me to trust others. Sometimes I'm scared to start conversations. My social skills have improved though, and I'm happy about that. I've never been tested, so I wonder if I might be on the spectrum or if I just had trouble making friends...
I agree with you. But what if one does come forward, engages a conversation, invites a potential friend for a walk or a coffee and they almost always have more important things to do. One starts to think maybe there is something wrong with them, there must be a reason for all this rejections. And after that there is only a way downward trying to improve oneself to be more of a 'friend' material. There is a saying that you are not a 100 USD, you can not make everybody love you. But sometimes I feel I'm such a rare currency no one really 'uses' \ needs anymore.
I’m in a similar position as you were two years ago. I’m so glad I came across this video of you. Everything you said was relatable & helpful and I’ll start applying that to my social life. I’ve been socially isolated for about a year and currently I am reaching my breaking point. I’m glad you’re doing better now! 🥰
I’m currently in highschool right now and it’s been 3 years since I’ve had a real friend. I often feel jealous seeing other people hanging out with each other, sharing common interests with each other. I fantasize about being someone I’m not just because of how badly I want a connection with someone again. I’m also really afraid of rejection, wish is why I hesitate to say what’s really on my mind and say what I think other people wanna hear. I would be afraid to answer questions people asked about myself because I don’t wanna be judged for my certain interests or opinions. I participate in class, offer help to other people when they need it and occasionally ask people about their classes, etc. but that’s as far as I go socializing with other people.
I wish I got to know you because you words have really woken me up because even though I'm around people I feel like I don't have any friends because I'm always forgotten in a way.
You sound so much like me. As someone almost twice your age, I've found casual friendship for some people is just very challenging. I have very successful career and have hundreds of "professional colleagues" which have helped me along the way professionally. But intimate, personal friends are just hard to come by from my experience. I've developed a few what I thought were close personal friendships only to see them fade away with really no understanding why. Perhaps my own closed off nature as you mentioned is the issue. Social media and our culture has changed so much during my lifetime. Maybe that's the source of the challenge but I honestly don't know. I don't worry about it anymore. I'm comfortable with me and if I meet someone along the way that we develop a strong bond, great. But I don't look for it anymore. If it happens, great but I don't hold much hope of it. Maybe the childhood trauma and inability to be open are obstacles. I too had a very difficult childhood and share some of the same issues. Take care of yourself and know that ultimately your love and belief in yourself will carry you. All the best!
thank you. so much. i’m currently 14 and the living situation you presented in your first video is almost identical to mine (homeschooling, isolation, etc) and honestly these videos give me so much hope.
People pleasing has been one of my problems too. Thanks for sharing. I saw your original video today and it was nice to next watch this and see your growth!
Everything you talked about in this video has summarized the thoughts I've had in my brain for as long as I can remember.... Growing up in a toxic household with many messed up things has shattered my ability to trust people. However, since I moved away from all the toxicity with my roommate and best friend, things have been improving so much. I've also struggled with finding friends, as my definition of friendship is pretty much the same as yours, but I found a couple of people I want to really get to know and even though it's hard to break down the walls I built, those people are so kind and understanding, so letting my guard down is easier. The only issue I have rn is that whenever I reach out to people, my brain keeps telling me I'm way too clingy, so I often refrain from just typing anything, even if it's just a casual "hey, what's up?" or something, because somehow, deep down, I feel like I am not worth their time, but I wanna connect to them... All that being said though, thank you so much for all the videos you make. Your videos have really changed my life and made me realize that I am not the only one with these thoughts and, somehow, that just took such a huge burden off my chest, that it felt like after I watched your videos, I could finally breathe freely for the first time in ages... Thank you so incredibly much for everything you do. I wish you nothing but the best Much love
Wow, you really nailed it for what I’m experiencing currently. My barriers are tough and strong, thus making it tougher to let go. That anxiety and fear can really get to me. It’s a step by step recovery process. Take one foot out steadily and see where it leads. So thank you 🙏 for addressing this.
When I first saw you “I’m 21: I have no friends” video in my suggestion feed, I thought “yeah, sure… she’s cute. can’t possibly really know what being alone is.” So many people claim loneliness and I see them interact and live life in a way that shows nothing of being alone. They seem to conflate boredom with loneliness. That’s not me saying their views don’t matter. Nor is it saying that what they feel isn’t loneliness. But there’s something different, in my opinion, when someone doesn’t have any confidants, nobody to confide in, nobody to talk to, nobody to feel like I can be myself around them and not feel their constant judgment and ridicule. When I finally watched that “I’m 21: I have no friends” video, I go, “ohh, maybe she does understand.” This video says it much more clearly and in a way that really says to me “YES, she really does understand” That is the kind of thing I know too much about. I see it. I feel it. I want to know how to understand it better. “why am I so different?” “why does what they say not make any sense to what I feel?” “why do they like me when they know nothing about me?” (because they know NOTHING about me, if they did they would probably keep away) afraid of ridicule, afraid of rejection… building up fears inside without any concrete evidence or need to be afraid… That’s me. And what you say makes sense to me.
my problems in socialising were very very similar to yours myra, i do have friends but every single time, the person in front of me had made ice breaking..... once he gets me comfortable with him, then i start to be more friendly with him.... and i don't know if you have included this in your solutions but, always love those who love you, always respect those who respect you and be only be nice to those who understand you (unless the person himself has any social problem, in that case you gotta help tht guy or girl a bit)...... this always helps me to avoid toxic friends
OMG...you have clearly gone deep within to find these truths! I am in AWE AND GRATITUDE for you pointing out these ways of being with others! You ARE A BRAVE SOUL!!! I ADORE YOU! THANK YOU FOR THIS!
I feel like my struggle comes from a completely different origin, but hearing that you purposefully self isolate in able to create this false sense of security helped me feel even more secure in the fact that this isn't an experience that I am suffering uniquely. And that's helped me more than anything when it comes to making new friends, which is that so many people are just like you and me. It's cheesy but so true. It just takes a single conversation.
I struggle with the same thing! What sucks is that I keep trying to reach out to people but they never, and I mean NEVER text me back or show any interest when I do try to. I'll never forget mustering the strength to ask a friend what they're doing for the 4th of July and not being texted back... so I took that as a sign of them not wanting anything to do with me. But then they do keep liking all my social media posts and acting interested online! I HATE getting mixed signals... and this is regarding a platonic relationship 🥲
Love you Myra. I tell myself every day I will never/things will never change. I’ll never actually have a friend. I’ll try to stop thinking that way. It’s been so long since I’ve had a friend, just the thought of someone liking me and being my friend is so foreign and weird. Idk.
I'm 20, when I first watched your video about you not having any friends that's too I think I'm in that faze right now. It's more on my wanting to be approve of myself before having that long lasting friendship, for their was a time where I wasn't happy about who I was and now I'm really appreciate my alone time as well being me.
I fell into simular ruts you did never heard anyone able to be courageous and express it so beautifully Like you . I need to hear this today . Much love and appreciation . Your a very bright and courageous woman .
Wow, this really hit home. Very insightful. I'm glad to know there are people out there in the world like you. I'm going to try be more aware and do things differently moving forward. It's never to late to change. After all what do we have to lose. Thanks Myra, I hope I have a friend like you someday.
You nailed it. It’s okay, necessary and useful to have both many “friends” and few “real friends”. The later part of your video was the smartest, most self-aware and honest self-analysis and self-exposure I’ve seen in a long time.
Thank you! The later part of this video kind of transitions me into the next video where I share more of the solution based insights and helpful strategies we can use to actually create positive change
I think you are genuinely the most beautiful person inside and outside that i have ever (somewhat) known! And almost an exact mirror image of myself! There is No doubt in my mind that if our paths were to cross I would undoubtedly fall instantly inlove with you! I also am not an outgoing person and its hard for me to make friends as well! I like keeping to myself mostly! But would really love someone to hold hands with and go thru life together with! I would give my whole heart to you!! Dont ever change anything about yourself because you are more perfect then you know!! You are a rare genuine person and there is So much to love about you that the rest of the world would and should be jealous of!!
You just opened my eyes. I am not a people pleaser but i do always wait for other people to show interest in me and do all the work. I am good at talking to strangers, neighbors, etc. But i always wonder why does nobody ever ask for my phone number instead of asking myself. And when i have someone’s number i always wonder why they never call or send a message, instead of contacting them myself. I always think I’m bothering other people. They have enough friends and obligations, they can’t be bothered to do something with me. I got rejected a few times because someone didn’t have time and it makes me not want to try anymore. I never know if they don’t like me or really don’t have time or just have other priorities. The only „friends“ i have are my bf‘s friends. They come over and we talk and share similar interests and beliefs. But they are his friends, not mine. If that makes sense.
And i‘d be happy if i had someone to judt hang out. I don’t even hope for a real connection. Someone who has kids to play with my kids. Or someone who just comes over for a coffee to talk about the weather. But i can’t even find someone like that.
This video made me cry. I can so much relate to this, but I can't solve the problem yet, however, you've shown me that it's doable and I'm on my way. Congratulations on your great work on yourself and thank you for sharing this with the world!
Thanks for this I always struggled having long term friends Iam used to abandonment definitely afraid of rejection and a people pleaser . I feel like moving around a lot didn't always help also I always am the one reaching out first and not many reaching out to me asking how Iam doing or wanted to fully hang out . I feel like if you want this it will slowly get better.
Myra I would love if you make a video on your experiences on how you tried to make friends and what methods you used, how you approached people. I was friendless since preschool. I mean I did have some friends but they never lasted, not somebody who was close to me, never had a best friend all my life. I tried to fit in, tried to be cool. It kinda worked out, but in my heart, i felt horrible. I felt like something's being forced onto me. I genuinely don't know how to make friends, because of which my social skills are non existent. You know I realise now, there's so many life and social skills your friends teach you that nobody else can (like parents, teachers, siblings) and I have spent my entire childhood without learning any of those. Not to mention I was, just like you in good terms with everybody but nobody was my friend. People, mostly liked me but nobody talked to me unless it was absolutely necessary, or hung out with me. To make things worse, I was bullied by two jerks for being shy and unfit in middle school which contributed greatly to my current situation. I'm in college now and things are much better because my social skills have improved but also much worse because my social anxiety has become worse. Idk its just heartbreaking to still not have a few incredible people who i can proudly call friends, even after grinding so f*cking hard and putting efforts and approaching people. When my first online semester began (due to covid), i was in this online group of college-mates and i randomly started texting random people in there, and also on Instagram and tried to be friendly. They texted back and were friendly as well and we chatted for a while but then, nobody replies until i start the conversation first. So i ended up not making any friends in that semester. When college finally reopened, i walked into the campus only to see that the people whom I've been texting individually, had already created a friend group amongst themselves and were hanging out together. I even stepped out of my comfort zone and invited them to do something fun together but everybody had excuses and nobody joined in. To this day I don't know what I did wrong; if not being humorous enough or being cringe while texting or not having interesting things or stories to talk IDK. It never works out. I know it was long and sorry to bore you.
Hi, I know that your comment is a few months old but I just wanted to say that I totally relate to EVERYTHING you’ve said. Let me just say this, the advice that Myra is giving in this video is not going to help you my friend. All these “what to do if you have no friends” videos always say the same thing, that we’re doing something wrong and that’s why we can’t make friends it that’s honestly not true. Growing up, it’s always been the same case with me, I’m currently 19 and graduated high school last year and have not attended college due to numerous reasons and my lack of a social life being one of them. From Pre-School to 12th Grade, I literally only had a few friends but looking back those were short lived and the reason why it was short lived is because those weren’t true friendships. We only spoke a little bit in school and that was it. A true friendship is people you see both inside and outside of school. I’ve never once had a close friend that wanted to hang out with me outside of school and no matter how much I tried to put myself out there I was constantly pushed aside. Like you said, I was on good terms with everybody but no one truly was my friend and because of my lack of friends, I lost a vital skill of childhood, socialization. Truly at this point, I don’t know what else to do because it seems like everything I’m trying just isn’t working. I guess some people just have to accept that we’re gonna be friendless forever
@@jasonbaptiste2257 So true!! Some of us will never make friends and I've come to terms with this realisation. It's hard for me to accept it. Over the years, my social skills may improve but I know I'll always be alone. But it's okay. This doesn't bother me as much now. I'm slowly learning to survive and thrive on my own. I've also planned a solo trip to a national park tomorrow. I wish you good luck. And thanks for reading this big as* comment of mine.
I can feel you how it's hard. I experienced something from society which I'm living. Because of I'm on the wheelchair my two legs polio.even I went India as a scholarship student. I have done my university graduation but I experienced something.im still along let's became friend and life partner forever
This is the most relatable video I ever watched. I'm glad I saw it and it helped me think and notice these things and now I will try to do better in my friendships.
For me it was also the case when i did talk about myself, i did contact the person many times afterwards and initiated things, shared about myself, tried to not be needy, asked them questions to get to know them BUT they didn't put enough effort. Then i gave up with those people. I guess that sometimes it's also a matter of mutual interest, some people genuinely are not interested or they are lazy and wait for you only to initiate. Other than this, I will also try to apply what you learnt, i completely relate ❤ thank you so much, Myra!!
This is absolutely true! Sometimes the other person is not interested. And it's a healthy thing to know when to let them go. However I've learned it is often not personal. Some people just don't have the capacity to develop a new relationship at that point in their lives, maybe they got hit with a wave of depression, or they've been beaten down by life lately, or they don't know whether or not you have genuine intentions. Intentions. Everybody thinks everybody is not truly invested, so in some cases, if you can show that you truly want to invest in this new friendship, they usually come around and start to reciprocate
Unfortunately this does not take into account non-neurotypical people. Having ADHD and mild autism makes making friends, and more importantly keeping them, extremely hard even while taking all the right steps.
True... literally all I know about and I can do, is share my own personal experiences and hope that some people can relate. I can't be inclusive to every single situation, because A. It's impossible to have an answer for everyone in every situation in a short 10 minute video, and B. I don't know what it's like or what people struggle with who have those kinds of disorders, so how can I offer any solutions. I only share from experience because I can't go wrong there. I can't lead people down the wrong path, all the "advice" I give is on a "take it or leave it basis." If it doesn't apply to you, ignore it. I've found just doing it this way, does help a number of people who can relate
@@myrawest Yeah definitely, didn't mean any criticism by my comment. I'm just speaking from my own experience (personally with adhd) but there's still parts of the video I left with! :)
Yep, 99% of "do this and its all fixed" videos about connecting with people make the assumption others "want" to know you.... there are a few on the planet everyone is very happy to "never want" to know you, and when you get something good they (meaning everyone) will put you down, to the point that the numbers dont seem to add up, how can you be "that lucky" that no one has interest..... hence i no longer bother to seek out this advice as its pointless as will never work in the world i live in and how others act towards me.
@@contactATashleygriffin OMG EXACTLY. Finally someone agrees with me. All these videos and articles keep saying things like: “Just go out and socialize”, etc making it sound like it’s easy when quite clearly it’s not. No matter what approach I take, what strategy I use, how much or little I socialize I pretty much get the same result where ever I go. Everyone always talks about how nice and friendly I am but whenever I try to develop a more closer relationship with others, they always back off and I never understood why.
I would throw a word of caution here, not everyone who plays the friendship role is promising to stay true forever. I really enjoyed your straight forwardness, you are unique. A special prayer I have is “Dear Lord, please give me guidance and discernment, Amen”. Thank you for sharing💜
What you have described is friendship between socialized persons, who have received the right upbringing in a healthy and social family, in a healthy and social surrounding (like kindergarten, school etc.)! But unfortunately that is not the norm now! It has many reasons, but basically by the time a person reaches 20, he is not simply without social skills, but much worse: he has been trained with false skills and mindset, focusing on the self, as society pushes it! And they became probably very rigid in this mindset: although feeling that "something is wrong with me" that will not translate to critical thinking and will to change: most of the time it only leads to self-pity.
I'm 15 and at a school of 100 kids with only five people in my grade - 1 class. I grew up way too fast - I don't like a lot of things most kids my age usually like - sport being one of them. I have some depressing days and get jealous when I see other people enjoying themselves with other people. I'm angry and I don't know what to do. I am that people pleaser you mentioned but I don't really know who I am yet. What would you suggest?
i like a Teaching from the pastor of our Church on wich he says that When we sit around the table (relationship, communion) our inner is revealed. Many people are afraid to get embarassed when they recieve a correction and others see their faults . I think it is one of the reasons why some people can't make friends. Personal Growth is something that takes time, maturity and effort, it is hard, but is worthy! I'm glad that you now live well and have friends you found the answer that you needed. God bless you more and more 🙏🏻✌🏻 I'm from Brazil! I wish you All the best ❤🤜🏻🤛🏻✌🏻🙏🏻🇧🇷
Honestly I never had any friends when I was younger I only had one friend. And after that I never had a good friend since. I don't feel lonely I don't need people to make me feel Validated. I love being by myself I have no desire to have or not have friends. I lived in mountain for my whole life I didn't go to school or nothing. I was sad about it at the time but now I gotten use to it
I can really relate to your video. Sometimes I feel lonely when I'm not alone (i.e. being around others). I think I need to learn to deal with loneliness. It sounds simple but isn't easy to do. I think I need to get used to not being invited, included or welcomed.
I figured out some of this stuff on my own, but being an introvert often means botching the solutions so you come off as talking at rather than talking with. I love the turquoise shoes.
I've got Autism so I can relate to pretty much all of this. I use my sense of humor to deal with people. I enjoy conversations, but whereas most people feel stimulated by socializing.. I can get exausted. I do lie about various details regarding my life, such as where I live, what i do for a living. I can't hold down jobs for long periods, so i tend to hit the gym or go for jogs to distract my mind. I only enjoy being around people after about 5 cans of budweiser. When sober i'm too chilled out for people to take interest in me. I don't have any friends either, because i don't like keeping up appearences. In short, being an introvert is a gift and a curse. I know a lot of u guys will feel the same.
Dang I just finished watching your other video.. I honestly thought maybe your interactions were missing vulnerability. But anyways I just want to tell you I am very proud of you for being curious and self aware enough to hold yourself accountable. You are an intelligent and beautiful young woman and I hope the best for you.🙏🏻
I can relate to this story sooooooo much, other than the large family. I had some friends growing up. Or thought I did. And as we got older everyone found a gf and eventually got married. Well everyone except, ME. Now I’m in the middle of my life with no connections and no friends. Which needs to change. I have my own a nice house. A nice car. And nobody to share anything with.
You're such a beautiful and transparent soul. We are all the sum of our baggage growing up no matter how good or bad we thought we had it. Growing up is about more than being an adult but how we are navigating life and learning along the way.
Hi I'm 16 and I relate so much to your situation. I have always been homeschooled and socially isolated. And I only had online friends and I had the same issues as you. I was nominally "friends" with many people but none were close, and I always put the responsibility to become friends on the other person, I would not try and become closer as fear of being rejected, not worth time etc. I don't have any online friends anymore but now I am trying to make friends in real life (hopefully it does not take too long it is hard to at 16 without public school) and you have been a massive inspiration and reassurance, that I am not the only person who has went/is going through this. Thank you so much you are so motivating I am so glad you managed to make the best of it, and I always saw my situation as helpless but you serve as a great example of how it is possible to make the best of it.
This means so much to me. I always wanted to make these videos with teens especially in mind. My teenage years were the hardest of my life and I always hoped teens would see my videos and feel a little better. Thank you so much for sharing.
Hi Myra, I am writing to inform you that you made incredible progress and maybe, if I applied your lessons to my life, I will feel much better :). Can't wait to see more of you videos. Hope to hear from you soon, stay safe, and keep on smiling with stride.
Exactly. Dialogue is a reciprocal exchange, not just a one-way traffic. Otherwise it fizzles out and the trust dissipates, hence it doesn't last. Then if that keeps going on for years, then you're either remaining alone or you're stuck in psychopathic relationships where you're being abused in various ways. Unless you also reach out or give back, whichever one you haven't done enough of. It's kind of like looking after your flowers... you can't leave it alone without water for too long, but then you don't want to drown it constantly with water either. There has to be a balanced, reciprocal approach. When you're aiming for this quality of approach, then whoever rejects you is more likely to be those who aren't helpful to you (and/or each other) and those that choose to stick around are more likely to be helpful to you (and/or each other). And that's why people tend to shy away from quality social relationships. They're actually alot more complicated than we think and it takes hard work to develop, maintain, and grow. You need a vast set of tools in that (social) toolbox and to work on moulding each of the tools to obtain; to be a good speaker, a good listener, a good supporter, a good truth-seeker, a good allower for freedom of individual responsibility, a good observer of what you think is concerning to you and saying it to people. It takes as many good values as possible. And once you realise or take time to figure out that what you're doing, eg. Self-Isolation, is overall doing more harm than good towards yourself (and maybe others that you want to get in touch with as well), then you ask yourself what needs improving to reduce that harm as well as to encourage more good, and then figure out the size and the frequency of the steps that you hypothesise that could help you work towards that better journey (and you can get in touch with psychotherapists/psychologists to aid you in this process). And if the step/s are too debilitating and overwhelming to the point of discouraging action, then you break it down until it is small enough for you to be able to assess that it's doable where it's challenging but also easy enough to take that action. It might be small, but lots of small actions over time can add up pretty steadily and you're on your way to a better place without even knowing it.
I’m in the reverse of this. After a handful horrible friendships and a bad 12 relationship, I went from an extrovert who was not agreeable nor people pleasing…. But after all of these bad experiences from 18-30… the past 7 years (I’m 37 now) I’ve become an introvert, have social anxiety and have found peace in its safety… but the hidden danger is the loneliness and the fact that people, my peers, at this age have a lot less capacity and ability to form bonds.
Hi guys, for those of you asking about part two:
I got burnt out from TH-cam for a few reasons, the negative comments, negative response videos, and the editing process of my videos would take me anywhere from 8 to 20 hours per video and i was using a horrible editing app that would cause insane unnecessary problems, and I ran out of phone storage and was having difficulty knowing how to navigate all the technological issues.
Anyway all that to say, I'm back, I missed you and this part two will be recorded and put up soon ❤️
Negative people are just everywhere, they just can demean others and find it cool... by the loved your video, having all these thoughts since a year.. glad to know I am not just the one to have such feelings
I'm sorry I was one more asking for new videos! Kinda forgot how it stresses people even more. Take your time, Myra, if it takes days or years, we'll be here! Even if you don't ever make it at all, it's your freedom to do your best for you! And we're here for it. xoxo
thank you thank you thank you!! I remember your old video from back in the day. I am about to turn 22 and feel in the same place you were too. It would be so helpful
🙏🙏🙏
you look prettier without makeup . as for relationships , you seem genuine in kindness and personality . i think you will find what you want in life . there's and old saying , seek and you shall find .
This is what I've learned in my life. You either get out there and DO, or you fade away into misery. It's a choice we choose to make. I'm an introvert. I force myself to participate. I dont want to socialize but realize I'm much more miserable alone and I keep making dumb excuses to be alone. I'm realizing the excuses just dont hold up anymore. I'm lonely and it hurts. I'm deciding not to hurt anymore, because I'm important. You are too.
Yeah I've found that to be the case. I would word it a bit differently though 😅
I think socializing is fun if you're with the right group... but yes, it really requires putting WORK in and feeling UNCOMFORTABLE most of the time. But it's worth it
The thing is, not everyone of us can go out there. I have tried before, but Im Ive almost all times came more worst than before because I cant socialize. I have aspergers, so that may help explain it.
@@embuscadochifreinexplicaca5960 I have one too (Autism)
@@embuscadochifreinexplicaca5960 Yeah, me too. I totally understand what you're saying because I feel the same way. I have had Aspergers my whole life, and now that I'm almost 50, I have all but given up on ever having any friends or an intimate relationship with anyone.
@@JoeJ-8282 I know it isnt all due to it, I also have a lot of social anxiety and an avoidant personality disorder. I made an appointment to getting diagnosed to that stuff, lets see how it goes.
attracting people that only talk about themselves was so true .. thank u for making me realize that i genuinely did spend most of my youth as a people pleaser and subjected myself to everyone else’s problems ,,
I've never felt more understood in my life, I feel like i'm just hearing you say my own daily thoughts lmfao. Thank you, Myra. You are beautiful, eloquent, & special. I wish you'd be my friend.
you can talk to me if you want
Same.
I hope you find that someone special in your life Myra.
I hope I find her
@@jerrycannon6940 I hope you find her too
What's interesting about your video is that you always give things from the perspective of someone who actually struggled with this, compared to other videos on youtube of people who just went through a phase of loneliness or a breakup, or whatever. as someone who is mildly extroverted but not getting along with lots of friends, i relate to you very strongly.
That's interesting you noticed that. I only speak from my personal experiences because I know that that's the only thing I really know about. I don't pretend to know all the answers, I just know what I've personally experienced, and it's my hope that by sharing, I can help others who relate to my story
Who would leave negative comments for such a situation? Why?
SO happy for you Maya, wishing you the best.
Live life, play music, sing, maybe gaming or do what makes you happy everytime. If you can't make friends with people don't force yourself. Just let it be and find happiness in being alone.
Doesn't work for everyone but that's what I did and I don't have any regrets
Donny how old are you ?
Up
Donny, you're good. And you're right. 👍🙋🏻♂️
I just randomly got recommended your viral video from 2 years ago and now i watched this video of you 2 years later, and i gotta say, it's delightful to see you have done actual progress and that you have found some answers to your questions. The reason for that is that you are self reflective and you are working on yourself instead of cursing the world for your misery, and it's beautiful to see that. The most dangerous thing one can do is to blame the world and grow resentful. Instead you chose to explore yourself and find answers and solutions. You are a prime example for how anyone can turn their misery into happiness/fullfillment, by looking in yourself. I have no doubt that you will make even more progress and find lifetime friends. Cheers! 🍻😄
Thank you!! Yes this is so true!
I share my life story because I know that people can benefit from seeing my struggles and my breakthroughs. When I am in my low periods I can share that with people knowing they will relate... and they will be able to watch me grow and improve over the years, knowing where I started from. I want to give hope to people who are going through the same things.
And yes, I think it is incredibly important to take ownership and responsibility over your own life. Though I also believe it is equally important to know where you're starting from, to figure out your patterns and trauma, and the experiences that changed us from childhood. But the trick is to not wallow in those things, to not play the victim, but to discover them and work through them and move forward.
I'm impressed by how much you've learned and grown emotionally over the last couple of years. It's so good to see you developing true friendships and you sure seem to be enjoying your life....at least more than when you started this TH-cam journey. I'm very happy for you. Love ya, Myra!
This is some of the most insightful self-reflection I’ve ever heard. I like the way you say you don’t judge your past self, too- I definitely struggle with that
I struggled with it too. But make a choice to look at your past self with understanding, love and compassion... understand why your past self made certain decisions.
It helps you moving forward...
@@myrawest
_"To them, you're just a freak, like me. They need you right now. But when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper. See, their morals, their code... it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you, when the chips are down, these... these civilized people? They'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve."_
- The Joker, The Dark Knight (2008 film)
I found out that the problem consisted of (at least) two major reasons: (1) fear of intimacy (which led to me not showing my true self and not adding real value to the relationship) and (2) lack of social skills (I fixed it just by practicing real relationships and interpersonal interactions). Shortly: I needed skin in the game, practice and self-reflection. And also I learned more about how perception of self-worth works and fixed logical errors and distortions of thinking.
I did the same thing for majority of my life. And still do. I agree with 100 percent of what you are saying.
I had problems making friends, among other things, because whenever I tried to be myself and to talk to others as a child, it always ended badly and they started bullying me, since then I've always distanced myself to avoid a neutral status to destroy and always this permanent fear not to talk too much and then they start to bully me and I never got rid of that fear.
This happened to me also....or I'd meet a friend at school then they'd dump me for "someone better" it made me really sensitive to making friends...it was really traumatising
Fr 😢
I have never had any really close friends. They were closer to me than I was to them. I never really need any friends to this day. What I did find was my only close friend when I was 17 and that is my wife. She is the only person in my life that I have really bonded with and now that we have been married for 32 years, that is ever more so today. We are all wired different and the important thing is to find that sweet spot in life that bridges those gaps.
People are weird, sometimes they judge you just by your looks or if they meet you, without knowing you they either like you or don't like you.
I had a few friends from college, but my biggest problem is keeping friendships. Everybody ends up going away and I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with my mental health issues. I really don't know how to fix it... Years are passing by, I'm in my 30s now and people my age definitely aren't that open to new potential friends... :/
If only you knew how grateful I am for this video. I am 21 years old, felt isolated most of my conscious life. And I see changes in myself. I worked hard to understand the situation and your video helped to clear some things and gave insightful ideas. Thank you!
Up until I was 17… I didn’t have any friends. I always the new kid & kept moving from house to house. Then during my senior year of high school… I met some amazing people who I call REAL friends given that they truly cared for me & were always there for me. Sadly my grandmother died mid Senior year & I became real distant w everyone. It’s one of my biggest regrets not enjoying life & living it to the fullest. I’m now 22, almost 23, all alone on my journey of life at the moment & I wish I had valued the time w them.
How are you doing
Even when you were 21, you looked so beautiful and seemed so wise. How can someone not be friends with you.
The best part I notice about you is that you are your own therapist. You are learning what you need and who you are inside, what works and doesn't work like the rest of us. Your parents should have taught you or discussed with you a little about peer pressure because as you integrate with others you find yourself dealing with "peer pressure " and it either makes you or breaks you. It's part of life and you needed to have learned about this early on. Myra, you are growing and that is what's "key" here. Keep growing and you will be better prepared for your next friendships, and relationships. You're doing great! 😘
I love this!! I've never heard anyone say this, but I find truth in it. That I have developed a relationship with myself that is often like "therapist/client." I am always asking myself "why did I react that way?" "Why do I have this belief?" Why did I say that?" "What am I actually feeling?"
I think it's incredibly helpful for everyone to learn to ask themselves those questions....
And thank you so much for your encouragement 🙏
I am so used to rejection, I accept rejection but I am terrified of being loved.
You are such a good teacher. Wise lady always thinking, sharing and growing. I learned a bundle here. Thank you
❤🙏
You were not wrong. In my experience, people will reject you if you tell them about a problem that you are having with them.
I've been a loner all my life quiet and always in the background, when I was 5 my Grandmother asked Mum, "Does he talk"? and if there were 3 people in a room, that was too many people so I would clam right up and they would not get a word out of me. Now I know why I never got bullied or picked on in high school, because people were afraid of me or they could not trust me. I might of had my weird side but I was always there for my brothers and sisters and Mum and Dad. I took care of Mum for 5 years before Mum passed away, the toughest job in my life.
its interesting how similier our stories sound not in the stories context but in how we felt, i was adopted at age 3 and was passed through multiple caretackers b4 then moved to harlem and like u i didnt have any frens and was severly bullied throughout school and at home (im a 19 year old white kid in a premodomintly black neighborhood noone ever wanted to be a frens wit me) this led to me having a very twisted view of the world which in turn led to many unfortunete misunderstanings in life back in june i oded on fentinayl and one of the people in my circle saved my life predictibly i ended up completly misunderstanding after i woke up and now the dude wants nothing to do wit me i do understand that if he saved my life once hed be willing to come back around evenoutually but in turning his back on me after such a selfless act it opened my eyes to start seeing that i might be wrong ab the world and from that point i started to ask myself the question "why" at the end of the day no matter what hardships u been thru u can overcome it i had ptsd addiction rad adhd depression instatuionlization, i was bullied until i got out of highschool, i have a single mother and never had a father, the list goes on and on yet ive come out better becuz of it
trust ur bodies and let them take control is the best thing i ever learned and ask urself the question "why" and become consigent of ur answer to that question cuz then u can move forward the more u do that the easier it gets and the more u open up to the world which then leads to the world opening up to u(which at the end of the day is what uve always wanted)
btw i fucking love ur channel its the most relatable channel and thing ive seen in a while i would legit love to actually talk wit u at sum point (if u ever read this)
definetly continue becoming the deeper self within🙏its interesting how similier our stories sound not in the stories context but in how we felt, i was adopted at age 3 and was passed through multiple caretackers b4 then moved to harlem and like u i didnt have any frens and was severly bullied throughout school and at home (im a 19 year old white kid in a premodomintly black neighborhood noone ever wanted to be a frens wit me) this led to me having a very twisted view of the world which in turn led to many unfortunete misunderstanings in life back in june i oded on fentinayl and one of the people in my circle saved my life predictibly i ended up completly misunderstanding after i woke up and now the dude wants nothing to do wit me i do understand that if he saved my life once hed be willing to come back around evenoutually but in turning his back on me after such a selfless act it opened my eyes to start seeing that i might be wrong ab the world and from that point i started to ask myself the question "why" at the end of the day no matter what hardships u been thru u can overcome it i had ptsd addiction rad adhd depression instatuionlization, i was bullied until i got out of highschool, i have a single mother and never had a father, the list goes on and on yet ive come out better becuz of it
trust ur bodies and let them take control is the best thing i ever learned and ask urself the question "why" and become consigent of ur answer to that question cuz then u can move forward the more u do that the easier it gets and the more u open up to the world which then leads to the world opening up to u(which at the end of the day is what uve always wanted)
btw i fucking love ur channel its the most relatable channel and thing ive seen in a while i would legit love to actually talk wit u at sum point (if u ever read this)
definetly continue becoming the deeper self within🙏
Ive been in sane situations always attracting people who just talk about themselves, never getting to know me ....thank you for this
She's pretty darn adorable.
Totally agreed. I am still doing the same thing you did. I never expose myself because of my job is top secret.
The problem for me is that I've been doing plenty of these things. Been seeking out new social venues, meeting new people, sending them messages to try to stay in touch, sharing about myself while also being curious about them, etc. Never leads to anything. Always leads to them either not responding or cancelling last minute on me. I have some amazing friends, but due to them being older than me, they're often busy with work, traveling, etc., or they've been staying in my hometown or moved to other areas. Makes me feel lonely, and at this point I feel like people my own age are too unaccountable to "invest in", due to what is mentioned above. 😕
Okay you are literally me lol I also present as very agreeable/uncontroversial but it's because I'm afraid of rejection in social settings. I am also everybody's therapist and I feel like no one gets me the same way I get them. This is partially because I am low key by nature but more so because people don't ask me the same questions I ask them. Not everyone is a good listener by nature (which is fine) but it's just something I really need in friendship. I also have that issue you mentioned where you feel like you have to be helpful (and like being helpful) in order to be accepted. It's almost like your existence alone isn't enough. But the rare instances where I feel like I can be myself are what real belonging and friendship feel like and it's honestly SO much better than faking it. I guess my new year's resolution is to work on being more transparent and honest about who I am. We are the ones responsible for our own happiness and have to keep trying to find our tribe or risk missing out on life. These videos are just wonderful and I have learned so much just watching them. ❤ You are a beautiful human being and really have a gift for articulating these complicated feelings inside of so many people.
I related and connected to every single word of this. You really are me lol. I'm so glad you got something from this video..
YES. work on being yourself. Your real self will be accepted and embraced. You are enough. Practice having opinions and sharing them, practice saying no, you will see that others will like and respect you. People love and connect with AUTHENTICITY. take my channel for example. People connect with what I'm saying because I am transparent and authentic on here (easier on the internet than in real life) 😅
@Myra West Omg the fact that you replied to my comment made my week! Yes opening ourselves up to vulnerability and rejection is difficult but authenticity is the only way to achieve true connection. I think we can gradually learn to do it if we really put our heart to it. I’m so glad I found your channel and will continue to follow your journey. Hope you have a happy new year!
If you're struggling to make friends watch this...and yet your videos are all about being alone, having no friends and being single....YEA you're a great one to come to for advice. OMFG!
I'm honest, I share lessons as I learn them. People can take it or leave it, but I have to put it out there because I know it can help at least one person to feel less alone
My whole life I've always had friends, not many but always a few. until just recently when i cut them off afters years of friendship because i didn't feel like they were real friends Now i am alone and in my early 30s, and i realized it's very calm, no drama, no expectations, no hate. It is abit boring i don't go out to restaurants, shopping, out travelling, not having social fun, but life goes on. You say you never share anything but in many ways its very good cause ur secrets are with you. You have no idea how many times i regret telling too much. I wish i was more like you cause truth is friends can't be trusted. It's very rare to actually have real friends. By real i mean some that truly are happy for your success, are truly sad for you when they see you sad, wish the best for you, give you what your giving them, too many are selfish. Maybe i am very unlucky but just a few days ago i thought about it and everytime i make new friends its good in the beginning but the closer we get the more i share and they share, the friendship becomes fake like everything is a competition. Friendships are not real, cause in the end of the day if you have more success in your life, your friends will be jealous and hate on your maybe not openly. human beings are just pathetic.
I don't believe in having friendships. Acquaintances that share a common interest is more then enough for me.
My so called friends are jealous minded. I cut them off. Fuck a friend. Always trying keep me beneath them.
@@jerrycannon6940 Same here.. i wanted to cut to them off many times before but then i would think i wouldn't have any friends. Who would i talk to? Who would i go out with? I finally had the courage to do cut them off recently. Blocked and deleted them suddenly without telling them. Sometimes you got to have self love and selfrespect, to not have fake friends. It's not like your world is going down if you're alone.
@@thinkerythunker616 The difference between my post and yours is that you lost your friends. I didn't mine, i cut them off with no explanation.. blocked them everywhere, didn't reply them and cutting them off took a weight off my chest... but again my friends have just been fake friends. In the end i believe most people are very selfish, or they turn into selfish jealous person especially if your friends aren't on your level, and it happens when you take different paths, and they're not happy with their own lives and the path they're on. Friends aren't everuthing, if you have a family and a job (colleagues) then i'm sure someone will notice it if you start to get insane... if you don't have anybody (like no parents, siblings, no partner, no job),then noone can tell you when you're losing your mind.
@@AA-ex4gv my motto is.....love yourself and cut them off or stay and let them hurt you.
I'm alone (AND happy) 😊👍
I like to be alone, and enJoy My freedom!
Maybe you can feel happy, being alone too?
God bless you, Myra! 💖
Let’s be alone, together
Omg when you started talking about friends venting but not sharing anything about yourself I relate 100000%
You have learned so much , so quickly! You are really special. Forget the negative people. You have helped me and I"m 72 years old! I wish wonderful things for your life. You deserve it.
I think loneliness is a great gift to get to know your true self!
You know, life is a journey to figure out who you really are! So you need plenty of time to be alone!
Don't be sad. Just focus on taking the time to get to know YOU!! 🤝❤️✨
You have great self awareness. I’m a very closed off person and I wonder why I have no friends lol. You are right. It takes two people that trust each other to eventually build a bond.
i struggle with this since ever and this was the first video i saw with the information and help that i needed. you are so beautiful, sensitive and sweet. i'm glad you found people and you finally feel good. you deserve it.
"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible." Carl Jung; Memories Dreams and Reflections; Page 356
Wow. Even though I don't relate to this anymore, it still gets to me. I used to be the shy girl who tried so hard to be friends with everyone, even bringing jokes or snacks to lunch to make them like me. My worst years were from 3rd to 6th grade. Thankfully, I found a great group of friends at the start of 7th grade and we're still close in college. I've met even more people since then. But this experience made it hard for me to trust others. Sometimes I'm scared to start conversations. My social skills have improved though, and I'm happy about that. I've never been tested, so I wonder if I might be on the spectrum or if I just had trouble making friends...
I agree with you. But what if one does come forward, engages a conversation, invites a potential friend for a walk or a coffee and they almost always have more important things to do. One starts to think maybe there is something wrong with them, there must be a reason for all this rejections. And after that there is only a way downward trying to improve oneself to be more of a 'friend' material. There is a saying that you are not a 100 USD, you can not make everybody love you. But sometimes I feel I'm such a rare currency no one really 'uses' \ needs anymore.
I’m in a similar position as you were two years ago. I’m so glad I came across this video of you. Everything you said was relatable & helpful and I’ll start applying that to my social life. I’ve been socially isolated for about a year and currently I am reaching my breaking point. I’m glad you’re doing better now! 🥰
I’m currently in highschool right now and it’s been 3 years since I’ve had a real friend. I often feel jealous seeing other people hanging out with each other, sharing common interests with each other. I fantasize about being someone I’m not just because of how badly I want a connection with someone again. I’m also really afraid of rejection, wish is why I hesitate to say what’s really on my mind and say what I think other people wanna hear. I would be afraid to answer questions people asked about myself because I don’t wanna be judged for my certain interests or opinions. I participate in class, offer help to other people when they need it and occasionally ask people about their classes, etc. but that’s as far as I go socializing with other people.
Hopefully things are better for you 1 year later?
I wish I got to know you because you words have really woken me up because even though I'm around people I feel like I don't have any friends because I'm always forgotten in a way.
this was really insightful. i've always struggled with making friends and i think it's because i'm afraid to share things about myself.
You sound so much like me. As someone almost twice your age, I've found casual friendship for some people is just very challenging. I have very successful career and have hundreds of "professional colleagues" which have helped me along the way professionally. But intimate, personal friends are just hard to come by from my experience. I've developed a few what I thought were close personal friendships only to see them fade away with really no understanding why. Perhaps my own closed off nature as you mentioned is the issue. Social media and our culture has changed so much during my lifetime. Maybe that's the source of the challenge but I honestly don't know. I don't worry about it anymore. I'm comfortable with me and if I meet someone along the way that we develop a strong bond, great. But I don't look for it anymore. If it happens, great but I don't hold much hope of it.
Maybe the childhood trauma and inability to be open are obstacles. I too had a very difficult childhood and share some of the same issues. Take care of yourself and know that ultimately your love and belief in yourself will carry you. All the best!
thank you. so much. i’m currently 14 and the living situation you presented in your first video is almost identical to mine (homeschooling, isolation, etc) and honestly these videos give me so much hope.
Sending love. I hope you stick around. I created my channel and all my videos for you and people like you.
People pleasing has been one of my problems too. Thanks for sharing. I saw your original video today and it was nice to next watch this and see your growth!
"People are drawn to each other's rough edges. Show your rough edges"
- Robert Glover (I believe)
You’re so deep, Myra. I love this about you. I enjoyed the video
❤
Everything you talked about in this video has summarized the thoughts I've had in my brain for as long as I can remember....
Growing up in a toxic household with many messed up things has shattered my ability to trust people. However, since I moved away from all the toxicity with my roommate and best friend, things have been improving so much. I've also struggled with finding friends, as my definition of friendship is pretty much the same as yours, but I found a couple of people I want to really get to know and even though it's hard to break down the walls I built, those people are so kind and understanding, so letting my guard down is easier.
The only issue I have rn is that whenever I reach out to people, my brain keeps telling me I'm way too clingy, so I often refrain from just typing anything, even if it's just a casual "hey, what's up?" or something, because somehow, deep down, I feel like I am not worth their time, but I wanna connect to them...
All that being said though, thank you so much for all the videos you make.
Your videos have really changed my life and made me realize that I am not the only one with these thoughts and, somehow, that just took such a huge burden off my chest, that it felt like after I watched your videos, I could finally breathe freely for the first time in ages...
Thank you so incredibly much for everything you do.
I wish you nothing but the best
Much love
🙋🏻♂️👍💟Same‼️
Wow, you really nailed it for what I’m experiencing currently. My barriers are tough and strong, thus making it tougher to let go. That anxiety and fear can really get to me. It’s a step by step recovery process. Take one foot out steadily and see where it leads. So thank you 🙏 for addressing this.
When I first saw you “I’m 21: I have no friends” video in my suggestion feed, I thought “yeah, sure… she’s cute. can’t possibly really know what being alone is.” So many people claim loneliness and I see them interact and live life in a way that shows nothing of being alone. They seem to conflate boredom with loneliness. That’s not me saying their views don’t matter. Nor is it saying that what they feel isn’t loneliness. But there’s something different, in my opinion, when someone doesn’t have any confidants, nobody to confide in, nobody to talk to, nobody to feel like I can be myself around them and not feel their constant judgment and ridicule. When I finally watched that “I’m 21: I have no friends” video, I go, “ohh, maybe she does understand.” This video says it much more clearly and in a way that really says to me “YES, she really does understand” That is the kind of thing I know too much about. I see it. I feel it. I want to know how to understand it better. “why am I so different?” “why does what they say not make any sense to what I feel?” “why do they like me when they know nothing about me?” (because they know NOTHING about me, if they did they would probably keep away) afraid of ridicule, afraid of rejection… building up fears inside without any concrete evidence or need to be afraid… That’s me. And what you say makes sense to me.
my problems in socialising were very very similar to yours myra, i do have friends but every single time, the person in front of me had made ice breaking..... once he gets me comfortable with him, then i start to be more friendly with him.... and i don't know if you have included this in your solutions but, always love those who love you, always respect those who respect you and be only be nice to those who understand you (unless the person himself has any social problem, in that case you gotta help tht guy or girl a bit)...... this always helps me to avoid toxic friends
OMG...you have clearly gone deep within to find these truths! I am in AWE AND GRATITUDE for you pointing out these ways of being with others! You ARE A BRAVE SOUL!!! I ADORE YOU! THANK YOU FOR THIS!
I feel like my struggle comes from a completely different origin, but hearing that you purposefully self isolate in able to create this false sense of security helped me feel even more secure in the fact that this isn't an experience that I am suffering uniquely. And that's helped me more than anything when it comes to making new friends, which is that so many people are just like you and me. It's cheesy but so true. It just takes a single conversation.
I struggle with the same thing! What sucks is that I keep trying to reach out to people but they never, and I mean NEVER text me back or show any interest when I do try to. I'll never forget mustering the strength to ask a friend what they're doing for the 4th of July and not being texted back... so I took that as a sign of them not wanting anything to do with me. But then they do keep liking all my social media posts and acting interested online! I HATE getting mixed signals... and this is regarding a platonic relationship 🥲
Love you Myra. I tell myself every day I will never/things will never change. I’ll never actually have a friend. I’ll try to stop thinking that way. It’s been so long since I’ve had a friend, just the thought of someone liking me and being my friend is so foreign and weird. Idk.
I'm 20, when I first watched your video about you not having any friends that's too I think I'm in that faze right now. It's more on my wanting to be approve of myself before having that long lasting friendship, for their was a time where I wasn't happy about who I was and now I'm really appreciate my alone time as well being me.
Your the most thoughtful sweetest person! I wish you happiness always! Your channel is heart warming and helpful to all of us lonely people
I’m rooting for you Myra! You are now my inspiration to go out to places and develop friendships. Good luck and I wish the best for you.
Good luck to you too!!
I do the same thing, i bottle up my feelings every time. i want to break free from this prison in my mind
I fell into simular ruts you did never heard anyone able to be courageous and express it so beautifully Like you . I need to hear this today . Much love and appreciation . Your a very bright and courageous woman .
I'm really glad that you made this video because I learned actually a lot from this video about real friendship. Thank you Myra.
❤
Wow, this really hit home. Very insightful. I'm glad to know there are people out there in the world like you. I'm going to try be more aware and do things differently moving forward. It's never to late to change. After all what do we have to lose. Thanks Myra, I hope I have a friend like you someday.
❤❤❤
You nailed it. It’s okay, necessary and useful to have both many “friends” and few “real friends”. The later part of your video was the smartest, most self-aware and honest self-analysis and self-exposure I’ve seen in a long time.
Thank you! The later part of this video kind of transitions me into the next video where I share more of the solution based insights and helpful strategies we can use to actually create positive change
I think you are genuinely the most beautiful person inside and outside that i have ever (somewhat) known! And almost an exact mirror image of myself! There is No doubt in my mind that if our paths were to cross I would undoubtedly fall instantly inlove with you! I also am not an outgoing person and its hard for me to make friends as well! I like keeping to myself mostly! But would really love someone to hold hands with and go thru life together with! I would give my whole heart to you!! Dont ever change anything about yourself because you are more perfect then you know!! You are a rare genuine person and there is So much to love about you that the rest of the world would and should be jealous of!!
You just opened my eyes. I am not a people pleaser but i do always wait for other people to show interest in me and do all the work. I am good at talking to strangers, neighbors, etc. But i always wonder why does nobody ever ask for my phone number instead of asking myself. And when i have someone’s number i always wonder why they never call or send a message, instead of contacting them myself. I always think I’m bothering other people. They have enough friends and obligations, they can’t be bothered to do something with me. I got rejected a few times because someone didn’t have time and it makes me not want to try anymore. I never know if they don’t like me or really don’t have time or just have other priorities. The only „friends“ i have are my bf‘s friends. They come over and we talk and share similar interests and beliefs. But they are his friends, not mine. If that makes sense.
And i‘d be happy if i had someone to judt hang out. I don’t even hope for a real connection. Someone who has kids to play with my kids. Or someone who just comes over for a coffee to talk about the weather. But i can’t even find someone like that.
This video made me cry. I can so much relate to this, but I can't solve the problem yet, however, you've shown me that it's doable and I'm on my way. Congratulations on your great work on yourself and thank you for sharing this with the world!
Reminds me of the three strategies people with anxiety disorder use when in an uncomfortable relationship: adapt, migrate or hibernate.
Thanks for this I always struggled having long term friends Iam used to abandonment definitely afraid of rejection and a people pleaser . I feel like moving around a lot didn't always help also I always am the one reaching out first and not many reaching out to me asking how Iam doing or wanted to fully hang out . I feel like if you want this it will slowly get better.
The mutual disclosure thing was brilliant
I love those bloopers at the end, it shows me that im just the same as everyone else. No one is perfect
Myra I would love if you make a video on your experiences on how you tried to make friends and what methods you used, how you approached people. I was friendless since preschool. I mean I did have some friends but they never lasted, not somebody who was close to me, never had a best friend all my life. I tried to fit in, tried to be cool. It kinda worked out, but in my heart, i felt horrible. I felt like something's being forced onto me. I genuinely don't know how to make friends, because of which my social skills are non existent. You know I realise now, there's so many life and social skills your friends teach you that nobody else can (like parents, teachers, siblings) and I have spent my entire childhood without learning any of those. Not to mention I was, just like you in good terms with everybody but nobody was my friend. People, mostly liked me but nobody talked to me unless it was absolutely necessary, or hung out with me. To make things worse, I was bullied by two jerks for being shy and unfit in middle school which contributed greatly to my current situation. I'm in college now and things are much better because my social skills have improved but also much worse because my social anxiety has become worse. Idk its just heartbreaking to still not have a few incredible people who i can proudly call friends, even after grinding so f*cking hard and putting efforts and approaching people. When my first online semester began (due to covid), i was in this online group of college-mates and i randomly started texting random people in there, and also on Instagram and tried to be friendly. They texted back and were friendly as well and we chatted for a while but then, nobody replies until i start the conversation first. So i ended up not making any friends in that semester. When college finally reopened, i walked into the campus only to see that the people whom I've been texting individually, had already created a friend group amongst themselves and were hanging out together. I even stepped out of my comfort zone and invited them to do something fun together but everybody had excuses and nobody joined in. To this day I don't know what I did wrong; if not being humorous enough or being cringe while texting or not having interesting things or stories to talk IDK. It never works out. I know it was long and sorry to bore you.
Hi, I know that your comment is a few months old but I just wanted to say that I totally relate to EVERYTHING you’ve said. Let me just say this, the advice that Myra is giving in this video is not going to help you my friend. All these “what to do if you have no friends” videos always say the same thing, that we’re doing something wrong and that’s why we can’t make friends it that’s honestly not true. Growing up, it’s always been the same case with me, I’m currently 19 and graduated high school last year and have not attended college due to numerous reasons and my lack of a social life being one of them. From Pre-School to 12th Grade, I literally only had a few friends but looking back those were short lived and the reason why it was short lived is because those weren’t true friendships. We only spoke a little bit in school and that was it. A true friendship is people you see both inside and outside of school. I’ve never once had a close friend that wanted to hang out with me outside of school and no matter how much I tried to put myself out there I was constantly pushed aside. Like you said, I was on good terms with everybody but no one truly was my friend and because of my lack of friends, I lost a vital skill of childhood, socialization. Truly at this point, I don’t know what else to do because it seems like everything I’m trying just isn’t working. I guess some people just have to accept that we’re gonna be friendless forever
@@jasonbaptiste2257 So true!! Some of us will never make friends and I've come to terms with this realisation. It's hard for me to accept it. Over the years, my social skills may improve but I know I'll always be alone. But it's okay. This doesn't bother me as much now. I'm slowly learning to survive and thrive on my own. I've also planned a solo trip to a national park tomorrow. I wish you good luck. And thanks for reading this big as* comment of mine.
I can feel you how it's hard. I experienced something from society which I'm living. Because of I'm on the wheelchair my two legs polio.even I went India as a scholarship student. I have done my university graduation but I experienced something.im still along let's became friend and life partner forever
This is the most relatable video I ever watched. I'm glad I saw it and it helped me think and notice these things and now I will try to do better in my friendships.
That's also my new definition of "a friend"
Who would not want to be friends with you .I can relate to what your saying being alone .sometimes it's easier to be by your self
For me it was also the case when i did talk about myself, i did contact the person many times afterwards and initiated things, shared about myself, tried to not be needy, asked them questions to get to know them BUT they didn't put enough effort. Then i gave up with those people. I guess that sometimes it's also a matter of mutual interest, some people genuinely are not interested or they are lazy and wait for you only to initiate. Other than this, I will also try to apply what you learnt, i completely relate ❤ thank you so much, Myra!!
This is absolutely true! Sometimes the other person is not interested. And it's a healthy thing to know when to let them go.
However I've learned it is often not personal. Some people just don't have the capacity to develop a new relationship at that point in their lives, maybe they got hit with a wave of depression, or they've been beaten down by life lately, or they don't know whether or not you have genuine intentions. Intentions. Everybody thinks everybody is not truly invested, so in some cases, if you can show that you truly want to invest in this new friendship, they usually come around and start to reciprocate
Unfortunately this does not take into account non-neurotypical people. Having ADHD and mild autism makes making friends, and more importantly keeping them, extremely hard even while taking all the right steps.
True... literally all I know about and I can do, is share my own personal experiences and hope that some people can relate. I can't be inclusive to every single situation, because A. It's impossible to have an answer for everyone in every situation in a short 10 minute video, and B. I don't know what it's like or what people struggle with who have those kinds of disorders, so how can I offer any solutions.
I only share from experience because I can't go wrong there. I can't lead people down the wrong path, all the "advice" I give is on a "take it or leave it basis." If it doesn't apply to you, ignore it.
I've found just doing it this way, does help a number of people who can relate
Myra I have autism and adhd and I am taking notes
@@myrawest Yeah definitely, didn't mean any criticism by my comment. I'm just speaking from my own experience (personally with adhd) but there's still parts of the video I left with! :)
Yep, 99% of "do this and its all fixed" videos about connecting with people make the assumption others "want" to know you.... there are a few on the planet everyone is very happy to "never want" to know you, and when you get something good they (meaning everyone) will put you down, to the point that the numbers dont seem to add up, how can you be "that lucky" that no one has interest..... hence i no longer bother to seek out this advice as its pointless as will never work in the world i live in and how others act towards me.
@@contactATashleygriffin OMG EXACTLY. Finally someone agrees with me. All these videos and articles keep saying things like: “Just go out and socialize”, etc making it sound like it’s easy when quite clearly it’s not. No matter what approach I take, what strategy I use, how much or little I socialize I pretty much get the same result where ever I go. Everyone always talks about how nice and friendly I am but whenever I try to develop a more closer relationship with others, they always back off and I never understood why.
I would throw a word of caution here, not everyone who plays the friendship role is promising to stay true forever. I really enjoyed your straight forwardness, you are unique. A special prayer I have is “Dear Lord, please give me guidance and discernment, Amen”. Thank you for sharing💜
What you have described is friendship between socialized persons, who have received the right upbringing in a healthy and social family, in a healthy and social surrounding (like kindergarten, school etc.)!
But unfortunately that is not the norm now!
It has many reasons, but basically by the time a person reaches 20, he is not simply without social skills, but much worse: he has been trained with false skills and mindset, focusing on the self, as society pushes it! And they became probably very rigid in this mindset: although feeling that "something is wrong with me" that will not translate to critical thinking and will to change: most of the time it only leads to self-pity.
I'm 15 and at a school of 100 kids with only five people in my grade - 1 class. I grew up way too fast - I don't like a lot of things most kids my age usually like - sport being one of them. I have some depressing days and get jealous when I see other people enjoying themselves with other people. I'm angry and I don't know what to do. I am that people pleaser you mentioned but I don't really know who I am yet. What would you suggest?
i like a Teaching from the pastor of our Church on wich he says that When we sit around the table (relationship, communion) our inner is revealed. Many people are afraid to get embarassed when they recieve a correction and others see their faults . I think it is one of the reasons why some people can't make friends. Personal Growth is something that takes time, maturity and effort, it is hard, but is worthy! I'm glad that you now live well and have friends you found the answer that you needed. God bless you more and more 🙏🏻✌🏻
I'm from Brazil!
I wish you All the best ❤🤜🏻🤛🏻✌🏻🙏🏻🇧🇷
Honestly I never had any friends when I was younger I only had one friend. And after that I never had a good friend since. I don't feel lonely I don't need people to make me feel Validated. I love being by myself I have no desire to have or not have friends. I lived in mountain for my whole life I didn't go to school or nothing. I was sad about it at the time but now I gotten use to it
I can really relate to your video. Sometimes I feel lonely when I'm not alone (i.e. being around others). I think I need to learn to deal with loneliness. It sounds simple but isn't easy to do. I think I need to get used to not being invited, included or welcomed.
I figured out some of this stuff on my own, but being an introvert often means botching the solutions so you come off as talking at rather than talking with. I love the turquoise shoes.
I've got Autism so I can relate to pretty much all of this. I use my sense of humor to deal with people. I enjoy conversations, but whereas most people feel stimulated by socializing.. I can get exausted.
I do lie about various details regarding my life, such as where I live, what i do for a living. I can't hold down jobs for long periods, so i tend to hit the gym or go for jogs to distract my mind.
I only enjoy being around people after about 5 cans of budweiser. When sober i'm too chilled out for people to take interest in me. I don't have any friends either, because i don't like keeping up appearences.
In short, being an introvert is a gift and a curse. I know a lot of u guys will feel the same.
Same!! I have Autism :)
@@TheMaan2008 I'm with u man. The world can be a tough place for guys like us.
Dang I just finished watching your other video.. I honestly thought maybe your interactions were missing vulnerability. But anyways I just want to tell you I am very proud of you for being curious and self aware enough to hold yourself accountable. You are an intelligent and beautiful young woman and I hope the best for you.🙏🏻
I can relate to this story sooooooo much, other than the large family. I had some friends growing up. Or thought I did. And as we got older everyone found a gf and eventually got married. Well everyone except, ME. Now I’m in the middle of my life with no connections and no friends. Which needs to change. I have my own a nice house. A nice car. And nobody to share anything with.
It was all about being safe and secure Myra. Every action or non action you took was rooted there.
You're such a beautiful and transparent soul. We are all the sum of our baggage growing up no matter how good or bad we thought we had it. Growing up is about more than being an adult but how we are navigating life and learning along the way.
Hi I'm 16 and I relate so much to your situation. I have always been homeschooled and socially isolated. And I only had online friends and I had the same issues as you. I was nominally "friends" with many people but none were close, and I always put the responsibility to become friends on the other person, I would not try and become closer as fear of being rejected, not worth time etc. I don't have any online friends anymore but now I am trying to make friends in real life (hopefully it does not take too long it is hard to at 16 without public school) and you have been a massive inspiration and reassurance, that I am not the only person who has went/is going through this. Thank you so much you are so motivating I am so glad you managed to make the best of it, and I always saw my situation as helpless but you serve as a great example of how it is possible to make the best of it.
This means so much to me. I always wanted to make these videos with teens especially in mind. My teenage years were the hardest of my life and I always hoped teens would see my videos and feel a little better. Thank you so much for sharing.
I am 32 , still have no answers ...
Hi Myra,
I am writing to inform you that you made incredible progress and maybe, if I applied your lessons to my life, I will feel much better :). Can't wait to see more of you videos.
Hope to hear from you soon, stay safe, and keep on smiling with stride.
Beauty and brains. You're very insightful.
Exactly. Dialogue is a reciprocal exchange, not just a one-way traffic. Otherwise it fizzles out and the trust dissipates, hence it doesn't last. Then if that keeps going on for years, then you're either remaining alone or you're stuck in psychopathic relationships where you're being abused in various ways. Unless you also reach out or give back, whichever one you haven't done enough of. It's kind of like looking after your flowers... you can't leave it alone without water for too long, but then you don't want to drown it constantly with water either. There has to be a balanced, reciprocal approach. When you're aiming for this quality of approach, then whoever rejects you is more likely to be those who aren't helpful to you (and/or each other) and those that choose to stick around are more likely to be helpful to you (and/or each other). And that's why people tend to shy away from quality social relationships. They're actually alot more complicated than we think and it takes hard work to develop, maintain, and grow. You need a vast set of tools in that (social) toolbox and to work on moulding each of the tools to obtain; to be a good speaker, a good listener, a good supporter, a good truth-seeker, a good allower for freedom of individual responsibility, a good observer of what you think is concerning to you and saying it to people. It takes as many good values as possible.
And once you realise or take time to figure out that what you're doing, eg. Self-Isolation, is overall doing more harm than good towards yourself (and maybe others that you want to get in touch with as well), then you ask yourself what needs improving to reduce that harm as well as to encourage more good, and then figure out the size and the frequency of the steps that you hypothesise that could help you work towards that better journey (and you can get in touch with psychotherapists/psychologists to aid you in this process). And if the step/s are too debilitating and overwhelming to the point of discouraging action, then you break it down until it is small enough for you to be able to assess that it's doable where it's challenging but also easy enough to take that action. It might be small, but lots of small actions over time can add up pretty steadily and you're on your way to a better place without even knowing it.
I wish I could make some friends.
It seems that people like me but they only ever talk to me when they need something.
I'm tired of feeling this way.
I’m in the reverse of this. After a handful horrible friendships and a bad 12 relationship, I went from an extrovert who was not agreeable nor people pleasing…. But after all of these bad experiences from 18-30… the past 7 years (I’m 37 now) I’ve become an introvert, have social anxiety and have found peace in its safety… but the hidden danger is the loneliness and the fact that people, my peers, at this age have a lot less capacity and ability to form bonds.