The world is shifting beneath our feet. Love is dying. The landscape of relationships, not just between men and women, have undeniably shifted, with modern technology and social changes redefining how people connect. The longing for a deep, lasting love and a stable family life is still as real as it has always been for thousands of years, even if it feels harder to find. To a beautiful young woman such as yourself seeking that old-fashioned love, I would say this: True love still exists, even in an age where it seems rare. The qualities that make for a lasting, meaningful relationship; loyalty, trust, and a shared vision for life are timeless. These values are not bound by trends or fleeting cultural shifts. What matters most is focusing on what you truly value and remaining authentic to that vision. There are people, men included, who yearn for the same deep connection and meaningful partnership, but the journey might take patience, courage, and an open heart. Don’t let the noise of modern dating culture drown out the possibility of REAL love. While it may seem that many are caught up in shallow connections, the core of human longing for companionship, intimacy, and family remains unchanged. While it’s easy to feel cynical, I encourage you to hold onto hope and trust that authentic love comes when you least expect it, even if it's not wrapped in the package you expected. Be open to the unexpected, be brave and continue to put yourself out there. Focus on what makes you happy and fulfilled and surround yourself with people who lift you up. Love has a way of finding us when we are truly at peace with ourselves and when we're committed to creating a meaningful life, with or without a partner. Remember that you are worthy of love, and it's not about perfection. It's about finding someone who complements your journey and is willing to walk beside you, through thick and thin. It might take time, but that doesn't make it impossible. The greatest love often comes when we least expect iy but when we're most ready to embrace it.
@@myrawestI don’t know what to say, first time watching your video. As a guy, and I’m sure many other guys that are romantic and look for something simple, it does not exist. Is hard as hell to break the shyness…I don’t know what’s happening we are all becoming retarded, I feel heartbroken all the time because is like you don’t match any where . Is impossible to have a damn f*** conversation, it always looks like you are trying to flirt. Shit. A fucking conversation for the love of God. Guys need to bit of confort these days. I can even write here because is so many things to explain that are very true as your video
Certainly the world would not exist without REAL love. And while there are those who are trying to kill it for whatever reason, I would not say it is dying, because they will not succeed in killing it. @bertclements, thanks for sharing the powerful vision of hope.
I met the perfect match in the 9th grade- love at first sight. Married at 19. 33 years married . Other couples used to tell us how jealous they were of our relationship. She was truly an amazing woman and I was her amazing man. Cancer took her from me 6 months ago and everything flipped upside down. The only good thing I can say is that I truly had a one in a billion woman that most men could only dream of having.
At least i was lucky in the game. Ahh now i also wasnt. 😮. Happy this human experience exist. And you had it. Thanks for sharing. Relationships where the most evil. And painfull things ever in my life. Even though i was a very atractive smart woman, i wasnt smart in selecting a good menn. I can write too novels of love horror. I,m really sorry for your loss, she must be waiting for you on the other side
@@eefangelina Yeah…my wife’s Cousin was that way. Very smart, very attractive but she always picked rotten drunk bastards for BF’s and Husbands. It always baffled us why she went after total dirt balls. She’s been single for 20 years now and is very scared of a relationship with anyone.
I'm a 43 year old man, and I was married to an amazing woman for 14 years and we had dated for 5 before that, a total togetherness of 19 years. She passed away due to cancer about a year and a half ago and I have been alone ever since. Seeing the way that men and women are nowadays, I don't even want to look again, I would rather stay solo. The dating market and peoples' values have gone out the window and it's really sad. However, you should definitely keep your head up and stay positive though, there is someone out there for you and it may take time to find them, but even in this cruel uncaring world, there is someone out there with similar values, hopes, and dreams to yours and when it's meant to be, your paths will cross, and it will truly be the most amazing thing you will ever experience. Good luck
Thank you so much! I lost my fiancé of 11 years to auto accident. It’s been 6 months and I have the ability to actually communicate again, but it’s hard to put it lightly. I’m 26 and don’t know if I’ll ever find a person like me again. I’ve decided to start trying again. Reading this makes me realize that love isn’t lost or destroyed it’s turned into new love. So thank you!
Im sorry for your loss, I lost my father just over a year ago due to leukemia. Unfortunately for the two of us. There is a cure for cancer. You have to alkalize the body to kill the cancer. The easiest way to alkalize the body is to get a cup of water, 1 teaspoon of baking soda, mix that. When you wake up first thing in the am within a half hr on a empty stomach drink the mix I just told you about. Then about a half hr after or more if you want to eat you can. I wished I knew that before I lost my father.
I love your video Myra. I'm a guy in exactly the same situation as yourself and it feels so isolating and lonely in this world that values vanity and glorifies hookup culture. The dating world is broken and there seems to be a massive divide between men and women unless it's just for hookups, which im not a fan of either. It's so refreshing to see that there are decent girls out there like you, it truly brings me hope. People like you are rare nowadays and are exactly what this world needs. There are guys out there who will value you for who you are, and I know that for a fact because I'm one of those kinds of guys. Look after yourself and you will find the one. Wishing you all the best Myra.
Awww thank you for this 😭🙏 and I agree with the comment above. There is hope for all of us. We've gathered in the comments of this video, there are many others like us.
Don't "not be flirty" on your first date. You don't have to be the most bubbly sunshine whatever, but you have to make sure he knows you see him as more than a friend. If you don't want to be "flirty" you have to give him something. Hell even if you deadpan say "I am enjoying this and I like you" he would take it. There is nothing more painful than trying to impress a girl and having them only see you platonically. If a guy sees that he's going to move on.
It may help to look at this from the guy's perspective. You don't flirt, you don't show physical affection, and you want to spend an indeterminate amount of time as basically just friends. A guy will read this as "she's just not in to me," or as being immediately put in the friend zone; the good ones will stop pursuing you either out of respect for you or themselves. That said, you do flirt in your own way (we're all human). Flirting is just how two people gauge mutual interest. It can look vastly different depending on the individuals and circumstances. If you are interested in someone you need to communicate that somehow and it needs to be on a regular basis. Ditch the idea that you don't flirt and learn to recognize when and how you flirt (and also what you're feeling in the moment considering the negative connotation you have of it). This is coming from a good place, though I'm not sure it will be well received. Anyways, best of luck out there!
Best comment ever. Flirting is necessary to show interest. As a man, we're spending time together regularly and you don't flirt with me (it can be subtle or not, find your style), I'm gonna think you're not into me. It's that simple. I have self respect, like everybody else, I'll find someone who shows interest in me. I'm French by the way 😆. Best regards.
Very well said, you have to show some form of interest. Although she is right about the fact that so many people are into the "hook up for fun phase" for lack of better words more so than long term relationships. I can relate with that 100%. I get more women interested in a quick hookup more than actually getting to know one another or even go on a date at all. Sadly it seems sex is so easy to come by now but a date is rare as hell for me anyway. I'm not even on dating apps, just happens through out my normal day interacting with people.
@@myrawest i think of a smile as a flirt. Different than a laugh.... And you said you like smiles.... So think of the smiles you share as a harmless form of flirting. As Nathaniel says there has to be an indication of a romantic spark---and even you say on several dates you texted the guy you just didnt feel it. Yet apparently with one or two guys you have---so you have to let him see it/feel it.....
If your afraid of men, and turn away, it could be perceived as a trauma response. In today's me-too culture, men have a higher risk of problems by approaching women, who don't appear interested. If you really want men to approach you, this may be something that you might want to work on.
For fellow shy/introverted people, I'd recommend trying to find connections through groups that focus on shared interests and/or values instead of through dating apps, blind dates, dating games, etc. I am an extreme introvert and am very shy as well. Not only that, but I have very nerdy interests and my faith is a priority. I've found that most nerds tend to make fun of religion, and most religious people seem to stay away from nerdy/geeky hobbies. So finding a woman who was a good match for me felt impossible. I've always struggled with dating apps and always found them to be more frustrating and harmful than actually beneficial. After enough attempts, I finally gave up. Shortly after, I met my now girlfriend through an online group that focuses on members of our faith who like the same nerdy interests. She fits me like a glove and our relationship is wonderful. We have also been talking about steps we need to take in order to get married.
Are you me? Jk, I don't have a gf right now. What kind of online group did you stumble across? I feel the same way about religion and "geek" culture - they seem to clash a lot. I'm AuDHD and also 31, so dating seems like it's basically come and gone for me (I dated someone for three years in college who ended up leaving me for a friend of ours, and haven't had luck since then), and it seems a lot of female AuDHDers/neurodivergents don't have an interest in God AT ALL, whatsoever (possibly from trauma, maybe religious trauma, that hardened their hearts?). I refuse to do online dating ever again - if I ever even attempt to date, it will be organic and in-person. Although, I suppose that defeats the purpose of an online group, lol. 😅
@@notafraidofchange I'm sorry to hear that your experiences haven't been great. If it gives you any comfort at all, I'm also AuDHD, and my girlfriend is as well. At some point, I recognized that I have a very difficult time connecting with most neurotypical people, and so I lost pretty much all interested in NT women as well. I agree that AuDHD people usually have a hard time with faith because 1. Faith puts such an emphasis on relationship and community, which we struggle with, and 2. If we don't recognize the WHY/logic behind the faith, it's difficult for us to start believing. To answer your question - there are many groups online. Idk what your interests or religion/denomination are, but I'm Catholic and like video games, anime, fantasy, etc. so I just searched Facebook and Discord for pages/channels such as "Christian gamers", "Catholic gamers", "Catholic geeks", and so on.
For me, I really enjoy my alone time but I also would love a life partner but I also struggle with Social Anxiety so I never feel like I can truly be myself nor feel comfortable and it's excruciating.. and I am also not much of a talker either, it has to take a really special someone to get me to chit chat and only a few people get me to do that, a few close friends of mine and this one girl I do like but sadly it never worked out, kinda stuck on that one in particular, I can't seem to find another woman that I am THAT attracted too
@@JephPlaysGames I don’t have Facebook (a LOT of bad memories - deleted that crap a while ago, and stopped using a long time before that), but I might give Discord a try. I don’t really know how that works, even tho I have an account, but rarely use the app, so I don’t know how to get the most out of it and all the ins and outs.
10:24 Here is the problem. When you don’t flirt with men at all, they take it as a sign of non Interest. Don’t expect a follow up message if the date was dry.
I tell them clearly, "hey! I liked you! I enjoyed this, I would love to do it again!" Also, I don't have boring dates. They're great. We're just not making out or having sex on a first date. And if that is REQUIRED for a first date... even if flirting is required for a first date.... than I am out. I refuse to flirt with someone I just met and don't know at all
@@myrawest Perhaps you attract just those guys who want a hookup on the first date and you look so good that guys who think the same way as you in terms of love and knowing each other slowly are just too shy to ask you even out because they are affraid that this can happen only in movies, also your standards can play a part in it too, that you choose those who are like those you already described.
TH-cam recommended me this video , didnt know why but then i remember watching you a good couple of years ago talking about having no friends (which is my situation due to asperger) and felt the same. Good to see you have now some girlfriends next to you. Dont feel bad about not having a couple now, you are a EXTRAORDINARY person i have no doubts. You are not alone feeling the same.
Wowowow!! I have gotten quite the response!! I really, truly value your imput and perspective. I'm asking you to share. So many times in the past your comments have helped me change my mind and impact my worldview. I feel so lucky to have access to so many people and get to pick your brains! These videos and these discussions help us all to understand people and the world so much better.
@kolberggermany2847 Whow! What a name! My mother comes from Kolberg. It's at the river Riga. Very romantic. She grew up and spent her youth there. Must have been wonderful in those days. She dreamed the same dreams Myra does. She got them realized in every respect. And she definitely is German. She became a refugy and she was welcome.....
1st. If a mans attracted to you he will be looking at you sexually. Your ick comes from men you aren't attracked to. I won't defend some mens behaviour, they can be outright weird, but I have no solution for this, its something you will have to accept unless you have a way of undoing 1 billion years of biology. You are pretty and men will be attracted to you, the opposite is to be 50 and invisible to men, there is no middle ground. 2. The men you say you want vs the men you date are probably different people. Again i have no solution, its something you will have to reconcile, but my guess the guy at the gas station who didn't ask you is probably closer to the guys you want and you passed him by because of fear. 3. See an assertiveness coach. Please. Forget the psychobable mob, see someone who can teach you how to be assertive. As I tell my female friends drop the damn handkercheif with men you like. Your fellow females can be down right mean and nasty when it comes to rejecting men. A good man won't approach unless he thinks there is a chance of acceptance, and a bad man won't give a crap. As Matthew Hussey says. "I'm not telling you to be easy, but for 5 seconds be the easiest person in the world to approach." Last two bits of advice. Good men aren't at bars and on the prowl. They are out doing hobbies and the things they enjoy. If you want to find them you will have to join those hobbies. Lastly be forgiving. I'm older but I still remember being 20. Guys don't know everything, they are scared, awkward and most can't read minds or female signals. The hiking guy could likely be in the awkward scared category. If you take my advice and do assertiveness training you could have headed that off and been clear about your expectations.
Myra you emote as an old-fashion romantic -- it's admirable & attractive to self-respecting respectful guys. Your conventional physical or superficial beauty can lead shallow guys to objectify you in their warped minds and you're sensitive enough to perceive this. Feeling that a fellow is looking at you (either before you've met or after some dates) like a Barbie doll toy (object) is naturally distasteful to you when you prefer authentic attentive depth. Your social anxiety is good safety for a sensitive traditional romantic -- stay prudent. An effective way to adjust better at meeting your preferred better men is to join clubs or groups where (over time) you can interact with numbers of varying people who apparently share a common gosl. The perfect guy match for you may well be the brother or friend of a person you befriend out of platonic companionship in one of these club or group outings. When you are genuine & authentic with just plain people (i.e., guys & gals) during these shared endeavors you might find some pal say: "Myra you seem sweet & caring & open -- I have a friend who you might really fit; could I introduce you?" That kind of connection synchronicity. Moreover these club or group activities should permit a chance to interact casually but closely with other people who are also likely romantics & anxious. You are helping them mutually. Clubs like locsl dayhiking organizations (e.g., the Sierra Club), or groups that teach & learn like dancing or cooking or skating activities, or playing card groups -- gaming like bridge or poker, or chess. By getting out there socially you are making connections and they are living networks that exert effort for you -- like an investment they expand. Bear in mind that America is over-populated with lower-intelligence guys who are less capable of the patient sincerity you prefer. So taking one college class a year will invigorate opportunities to meet people who are struggling to grow their self-awareness through education. College campuses are great places to find clubs & groups of great varieties. It would be hopeful fun for all. You are a fascinating human who values proper mental intellectual intimacy as a precursor to physical expressions of it. When you show genuine interest in learning about other people, they will receive your expressions of angst such as in this video, and the powers of the gods will exploit the connection networks built-up to nuture love. Even just being out with a group might permit a random meeting with a total stranger who is perfect -- but you two otherwise would not mesh comfortably because when you are each all-alone your terrors of the other gender would prevent communication from getting started. Being part of a small group will boost your courage over some fears. Lastly, the longer you get experience interacting with guys in platonic groups, the more comfortable & practiced you'll become -- a worthy skill generally or for job interviews! ♡♡
True love waits, it somehow finds you when you least expect it. I found my ride or die at 33 and I love her. I count my lucky stars my shyness and protective instincts brushed off them random gas station encounters and degenerate flirts. No one has ever met the love of their lives at the gas station. It's beautiful to see you enjoy moments like seeing birds fly or meeting a cute dog. It's so amazing to see you articulate thoughts where every word used is like magic to instil connection. 🍕 The person that matters most is you, and we're lucky to have you exist.
I think you have a wonderful, refreshing attitude. Not compromising your core principles for the sake of finding someone "good enough" while recognizing that it's not realistic that there's only "one person" for you. I'm quite shy and introverted myself and have been doing a lot of researching on how to break out of this shell. Something I've noticed is a lot of the advice I've found is relatively cookie-cutter. While the advice for personal growth is good, the advice that's out there is more for finding *a* partner rather than *my* partner. If you follow cookie-cutter advice and use cookie-cutter steps, you'll find a cookie-cutter person. That may not be your person, because you weren't being you, you were being a gingerbread man. I think a lot of people do this (or maybe they're naturally gingerbread men). However, having higher *internal* standards and wanting to ensure the person is on the same wavelength as you is so rewarding. Frustrating because it feels so much harder to find that connection, but far more rewarding when that connection does happen. I spent 5 years between relationships before finding someone I gelled with in that way. After another 5 years, we realized we weren't as compatible and happy together as we initially were, and it was crushing to have to start all over again. It really does feel like starting from that high school state of mind of being super shy about making the first move, because I've been out of it for so long. Having said that, I think a lot of guys are ahead of you on their desire for physical intimacy in part because we are told that there's a "natural" progression to these sorts of things, instead of recognizing our unique wants and needs. Yes, absolutely, guys tend to place their desire for sexual compatibility ahead of emotional compatibility, and for some of them it is natural. I myself am guilty in the past of this mindset of 'this is how it should be' and have "rushed" physical steps even when it didn't quite feel right, just because I thought it was "expected" to have happened by now. And this was months into dating! With the cookie-cutter advice, we're told over and over again that you *need* to signal sexual interest early on, or she'll treat you like a friend and you'll be a friend-zoned loser who never gets a girl. I have to imagine that with women seeking advice, they feel a very similar pressure when it comes to guys, in that guys want sex and while you don't *have* to give it, if you don't at least signal interest they'll think of you as a friend or a tease or a prude and will move on. It's so deflating to see that time and time again and have that expectation drilled into you. I'll tell you there are guys out there, scarce as they may seem, that do want to take things slow because they want the sex to be special. We want the sex to be the final connection, after all the others have been made, while still viewing that compatibility as important as the others. Of course, it doesn't make it any less frustrating that it just feels like it comes down to luck, as an introverted person with this kind of mindset, to cast a wide enough net to catch the right fish. I would say chin up, keep up hope, because these people are out there. And it's scary to make the first move, but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I hope it's not just the algorithms talking, but I see far too many people (not just women) with a disconnected, surface-level view of love and partnership and their wants in a relationship. I'm glad women like you do, in fact, still exist. Your thoughts resonated so much more with me than just about any other video I've seen on modern dating. 10/10 would go rollerblading with.
Wow, girl, where do I start? This video showed up in my recommendations last night, and it resonated with me on so many levels. Every word you said stirred something within me. Today, I spent the whole day watching videos on your channel while working. There’s so much I have to say. Let's say I came into this world with a perspective on love very similar to yours. I say I came with it because I remember myself at a very young age, 6 years old, in first grade, looking at the girls and “searching for her,” if you know what I mean. My entire life and much of what I’ve done or haven’t done has largely revolved around the idea of being ready when she appears. In recent years, however, my hope has almost vanished. Many circumstances, including my personal history, the current state of the relationship landscape, women, the world, myself... many things have made me lose faith more and more in finding that person. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let my heart become bitter, and although I try to avoid that, I have lost my hope, or at least I’ve shifted the focus of my attention to other things. I’ve always told myself: if I can’t find an adequate partner, I’m not going to participate in hook-up culture either; I’d rather opt for celibacy. And that’s what I’ve done so far. I broke with my last girlfriend three years ago, I believed she was the one. Before that my faith went downhill like never before. You know, perhaps the most important paradigm shift in these past few years is that I’ve changed my definition of the "perfect partner" based on idealizations... I think, before anything else, one need to have a well-defined purpose and start working on it. The perfect partner is the one who aligns with that vision, who understands it, and who moves in the same direction as you. That might be more important than anything else. At least that’s my theory. I have many theories, the craziest ones, for example: what if romanticism is a mental illness that some of us are born with? And what if the human race is evolving to no longer need relationships as we knew them and we, the romantics, just stop evolving? Or what if the whole world is devolving, and we're the only ones who aren't? In any case, listen to you shook me deeply because I have felt exactly what you describe. That feeling you describe of looking at the big picture and thinking, "It’s highly likely that I’ll die and never find the love of my life," haunts me frequently. I don’t know if it’s normal for a man to feel the way I do... I guess I was born with a much more developed feminine side than usual. Although I still like typically masculine things... I often struggle to fit in with groups of other men because of this romantic side of mine that no one understands. At 36, my focus has changed a lot, but this burning desire to have a deep lifelong connection with someone hasn’t completely left me. The most curious thing is that last night, when I found your video, I was just seriously thinking about this, and how depression has affected me by giving up all hope, and how maybe I should start believing again and not stop searching, because I have to admit, it’s a very central part of my existence and what I feel I’m here to do. Greetings from Colombia.
@@mathewyoungblood2357 there is a major shortage of smiles in the world. I Always appreciate a smile vs an empty cold stare (which is what men do most of the time). Keep smiling
I don't know how this video appeared on my feed, but this is totally my internal dialogue. I am a guy and am just trying to find my final partner. Someone who doesn't really care about materials, brands, and whatnot and would just want to pass time together looking at the stars & talking.... or going to a park.... laying on one another and reading books. This sounds wonderful to me. Sadly, I feel like a lot of value on men is based off of how much they can make or what they can provide. I just want to give my TIME (which we cannot get back) to someone and have that person want to "waste" their time on me. I love this video! Thanks for your awesome thoughts and I am glad there are women out there like you.
Based on the descriptions, you may want to search for & join a local group or club that falls into something fun and artsy. Cooking group, dance lessons group, adults painting class, book clubs. Attend the group with a friend if you feel anxious. Recurring and frequent meeting is absolutely key for building rapport and birthing new relationships through things such as shared goals, challenges, and learning experiences. In my opinion these kinds of activities help naturally spring people into a slow-grow position rather than the modern “meet & sleep” from a dating app. You’re not alone. I agree that it feels hard to dig through the foam in the current dating market when you have standards and preferences which don’t match the mainstream.
Second that. I am out of the dating pool for 15 years though, but I do not get why people dismiss the friendship route so much today. My relation has grown out of a friend clique. Admittedly, at some point one needs to jump over the "exciting hurdle" and decide/ask for a relationship in some way, which still is as exciting as meeting a new person, I imagine. But one advantage is that you already know the person you ask/are being asked by at that point so that there is some report to fall back on..
I was going to suggest some sort of club or activity-based situation as well. Online dating is total hell for people like Myra, and the type of person she's looking to meet is vanishingly rare on dating apps.
Courage is not the absence of fear but to do things regardless of fear. It's natural for us to be shy. Confidence is a skill that I would say everyone need to work on to improve our life and interaction between on another. Myra I pray that you will gain more confidence each day and you will no longer be afraid rejection from men. God bless.
I relate to this way too hard... Growing up, I really wanted to find a woman and have just a normal relationship - in love, facing life together as a team and just living a happy, normal life but it feels like the older I get, the less other people seem to want that... It feels like everyone today wants immediate gratification, relationships based on financial contributions and as little attachment as possible... It's refreshing to know there are still classic romantics out there...
I love this comment. At the same time, I have been so shocked to find out that most(?) people are not like us?? I can't believe the way people date. I can't believe people don't seem to value LOVE. I honestly think everyone is trying to protect themselves and, like you said, looking for less attachment, not more. It's so sad.
@@myrawest - It seems like attachment is a turnoff for a lot of people, lol... I don't think it's so much that people don't value love. I think deep down we all want to be loved and to find someone we love in return, but I also think you are 100% right that people are doing whatever it takes to protect themselves from being hurt because when you let yourself be vulnerable and someone hurts you, it's a special kind of pain that makes you feel worthless and many people don't know how to handle or come back from that kind of blow to their ego... My self-image used to be heavily influenced by what I thought others were thinking and feeling about me, so I totally understand how crushing it can be when you put yourself out there and the person you put yourself out there for doesn't feel the same way back. It can definitely be discouraging to say the least. At the same time, the feeling of having found someone who gets you and who you can relate to back and share in each other's victories and stories and who just completes you is such an amazing feeling, I would take the risk of heartbreak over and over and over again...
@@Corn_Fed_BeefI think good for you. Some people are meant to be single and it's great you're honest with yourself and others that you just want to live for you. Relationships are not for everyone and not everyone needs to be in one.
@@RealSiViXI've had my heart shattered into tiny little pieces and been in the darkest days of my life because of heartbreak and I still believe with everything I have that to love and be loved is a beautiful worthwhile thing, to be vulnerable and open and love someone with your entire being is the bravest thing one can do. And I wish people would not view pain as the enemy, pain is an inevitable part of life, and we are built to heal. We will always get through heartbreak and be left with the memories of love. People who choose to be closed off miss out on the greatest gift in life, the most beautiful human experience.
i love this honesty. This is why i appreciate the convos i have with my sisters ... as a dude this is so different than what my thoughts are about on this topic (and many other topics it seems) the gift of empathy y'all give me is #$%$ing Priceless!!!
I definitely resonate with what you're saying I think from my perspective we live in a culture to entrenched in instant gratification and getting things now. The idea that we've lost all vision about the beauty of slow or gradual connection is sadly lost on most people. Yet there is afew of us out there that yearn for that type of connection. Hopefully everyone can find that one day!
I'm waiting for a beautiful, pure, slow love too..I thank you from the bottom of my heart Myra! Take good care and you deserve someone who will love you to pieces.
I am shy as a guy but I would have definitely approached you especially that you can be that honest as I have been watching you since your first video. You still have courage that most of us don't to admit your deepest wants as concisely as this.
You are a lovely woman. Smart, well spoken, very articulate. On your dating profile, specify exactly what you’re looking for, so when you meet a potential partner, he knows in advance that you’re serious about finding your forever partner. And express this in a very clear, unambiguous way. And screen these men on the phone and with FaceTime and you will increase your chances of finding someone who’s looking for what you’re looking for. It shouldn’t be that hard if you approach it this way.
That "perfect match" you describe, you best believe that each partner in the "perfect" relationship worked their ass off and made tremendous sacrifices for each other. In relationships, perfection requires work, lots of it....but well worth it. Also, there's shyness and there's paralyzing fear, not the same.
Yes relationships require effort. I was talking about the fact, that you can find someone who is more compatible with you naturally. That is a thing. Some relationships will require far more work, therapy, patience and trying to give each other grace, while other relationships can feel more effortless and natural. As I said in the beginning of the video, I don't care how "perfect" of a match it is or how much work it requires as long as the other person values love as their number one value in life. That's the one thing we need to have in common. It's so incredibly triggering when people tell me relationships require work and effort, as if I don't know that. People assume things about me. I am always the one who is researching, reading, learning about relationships and putting in WAY MORE EFFORT into the relationship than my partner.
I don't know about that. I've been married for 20 years and it's not that hard. As long as each person embraces selflessness, a compatable relationship doesn't take much work.
Thank you for sharing all of this. It makes me feel better about how I feel about love/relationships and that I'm not alone. I've been kinda in the same boat, it's something I've realized I've always wanted as well recently. It's scary when you get older or take brakes for yourself. I'm almost 33 now and the anxiety just keeps being higher. I thought in my recent relationship I had found my person. I dumped a lot into that, it went fast. It was scary but I tried to trust the process. In the end I didn't get the respect or treatment I wanted/needed and couldn't continue. I blame myself a lot still, but I'm reminded by my close friends how toxic it actually was. It has been one of the hardest things to overcome recently. And you're reminding me to remain genuine to myself and keep looking. I know that fear you talk about, paradoxical but I think it's just being that vulnerable. Working on my attachment style helped a bit. But I also understand the fear of not finding that person. Genuinely terrifying. You just can't let it stop you. We all deserve the love we need. Again, thank you for sharing. It makes me feel I'm not alone with you and the others in the comments. I'm hopeful for all of us.
I just watched this video and the short one you posted recently and i must say that im impressed. impressed to see how genuine and pure you are. im 19 and im realizing that the more i live this “life” the more i distance myself from what ive always also wanted: find true love, only one, no need for more. i know our age gap it’s different but it feels nice to see someone of the opposite gender that also pursues a real genuine connection with someone. the more we live, feels like the more we lose hope in love. its good that you’re so optimistic, sometimes i just wonder how are we gonna find that person, under what circumstances? because it feels like every circumstance is the same, well, most of the times. anyways, hope you find what you’re looking for because you deserve it and lucky the guy that ends up with you, i only hope he treats you the right way :)
I get what you're saying about flirting. But it can be done in a genuine way. Like giving compliments, saying you're having a good time. That is a form of genuine flirting.
Guys that lose interest if you aren't ultra flirty, or immediately intimate physically with them have no intent of ever pursuing an actual relationship. Remember this 100%
Gosh I love this. This feels like an exhale to me. THIS feels so much more natural and honest to me. I think I do do this. And also. I said in a different comment that the more fun, lively flirtatious, playful side of me comes out when I am in a relationshop and feel comfortable with the person
@@alexh.4068 Yes and no. I'm a man, looking for a real relationship, but also, my time is valuable. If I get the sense that a woman is not enthusiastic about spending time with me, then I'm going to move on. In my experience, women that have been "on the fence" about me have never worked out. So I've learned that "maybe" actually means "no," and if I get a "maybe," I move on to try to find a "yes."
@@whitemakesright2177 I’m a guy too. In a relationship currently. I don’t see how not being extremely flirty or not being immediately physically intimate are red flags to you. If those requirements are metrics you use to measure interest/“not being on the fence”, I don’t know what to say to you. No one, male or female, should need to meet those metrics to show interest. Neither are they good indicators of relationship potential.
True that. “Social media is the end of Rome”. Judge Judy to Melissa Rivers on a talk show I was lucky enough to catch . She nailed it! Immersion into 24/7 social media has really twisted our societies up but we’ll figure a way to fix it. If not then it’s the end of us.
Don't ever change. You are amazing at heart. Good guys are out here. We are just rare. We don't run the race like the average joes do. Im 32 and still waiting for misses right. Just don't lose hope.
Thank you for this. You remind me that I'm not alone in the struggle. I've been trying so hard to put myself out there with dating. People just seem impatient and rushed and I simply can't make out with someone on the first date or be bubbly and flirtatious. I have had to become accepting of myself because I can't change to please others. Even if it means I'll end up alone at least I am honoring my own values and boundaries.
@@monicagutierrez6964 wow. You have no idea how much this means to me. Honestly the most meaningful comment to me. To know that I connected with you and can validate you in the struggle. Especially the forced to be bubbly/flirty. I will always have faith that our person IS out there. There are people like us, who are searching for meaningful connection and will love and respect YOU.
@@myrawest Hi Myra, do you know if a guy likes you?🤣. Just asking. Also, do women really like it when guys talk to them? And by the way, it's hard too for men but we just have man up and approach women🤣. I am single too and I love the single life to be honest. I really do. Single life is so fun bc you don't have to worry about a child or something. I would say most of my friends are married now and I am you do that🤣🤣. The only reason why I would want to get married is bc I am a Christian and as a Christian I am not supposed to live with a woman outside marriage. Marriage is too much to say the least 🤣😎
Myra you are such a beautiful person and absolutely stunning too. I'm a shy guy even at 57 and being shy can consume a person. I have found chatting to women online has helped....it helps break down those "what if" barriers etc
My problem is that I am shy but that I dont think too highly of myself so I wind up not approaching people that I find attractive. I think that I overthink it instead of just taking chances.
you are not alone, there are many people shy but also have very low self esteem that these people rather avoid the confrontation then (like you mentioned) take a chance. and the solution really is in the 'take the chance' bit. ask yourself, what could hurt you other then stupid feelings if you get turned down. these feelings go away eventually and you try again.. and if you are lucky on the first try, consider your goal complete. you did it!
@@mediocreman2 its not value its his actions (or lack of) that aren't aligned with what he wants. he's basically letting his brain control his action meanwhile his heart desires something else. if he wants something he should pursue at least try something.
@Poeskey Girls find things about us attractive more importantly than just our looks. If you are being your genuine self and treating others with respect you are already that guy for her in her eyes. It always helps that she finds you attractive look wise also, but that's more how us men think we like a woman first from her looks than delve into her personality.
I can relate so much to everything you're saying - which in itself is rare for me because I've never had someone in my life who feels and wants the same things as I do. Though I understand that it comes from a well-meaning place, I find it so annoying when people insist that I don't need a relationship, a man, the one, in order to be happy. That I should do things that bring me joy, to learn to love being by myself and that one day I'll hopefully meet someone. I absolutely agree that we should not solely depend our happiness on someone else but I don't want to be by myself. I've been by myself for so long and I'm tired of it. It's not a bad thing to say that the only thing missing from my life is a true connection, a life-partner, the love of my life, yet people will always insist that we can't think that way. But the thing is, those messages are almost always coming from people in happy relationships or marriages... And I can't help but feel alone and like an alien when I'm the only one feeling this way and the only one struggling when I'm constantly surrounded by people settled down in loving relationships. I'm also really shy but have so much love, care, support and so much to give if people just had more patience. But like you also said, when it comes to dating these days you just get one shot at auditioning for the role of a partner. And I can't be my bubbly, child-like, loving, romantic, passionate self at the beginning nor can I be physically intimate before we become emotionally intimate. I've met so many guys who seemed really nice, who I liked and connected with and was willing to invest time and energy and effort into getting to know them and forming a connection only for them to ghost me when they realize that I wanna take things a bit slowly. I'm tired of having to adapt, change myself and push myself out of my comfort zone when all I want is to feel secure, safe and connected with someone. I want someone who will put in the same effort, someone who will fight for me as I fight for them. Ugh, it's so exhausting lol Thank you for making this video. It's honestly comforting to know that I'm not alone in how I'm feeling and I'm sure that's true for a lot of people.
The excessive emphasis on (emotional and existential) self-sufficiency seems like an attempt to adapt to increasing atomization and the growing precariousness of meaningful connections (caused by many factors). It's undeniable that meaningful experiences are at least twice as meaningful when shared (with the right person, that is; in wrong company they may be less meaningful, as the inability to share and feel understood makes things worse). In that sense being single will never be completely fulfilling -- though it's of course good to find as much fulfilment as one can independently, so as to be able to see a relationship as adding and multiplying, rather than filling a void. Taking things slowly is a good way to filter out the wrong kind of people. If a guy is too impatient to get to know you and enjoy your company for its own sake, he's not really interested in you as a person, so it's a simple act of self-respect to get rid of him. Personally, I suspect close friendships are a better foundation for enduring romantic relationships than dating is -- provided, of course, that those friendships form organically and without ulterior motives driving them, which is difficult to find and achieve.
I feel that man you met in the gas station was also shy and when you turned away he might taught that you were not interested about him. But I also feel that life is a lot and full of misunderstandings and misinterpretations of events.
I like that you question your feelings instead of letting someone else control your feelings. I’ve always despised those people who say “talking about sex and your concerns about the act is “not sexy.” What they are really saying is that they don’t want to be there with you for the small things in life. I believe you are letting the everyday neuroticism we all face block your ability to be intimate with a Man. Being a Man is difficult when it comes to communicating feelings because so many woman are programmed to believe that feelings are creepy. They are not. They are what makes you who you are. And owning that is “sexy”
Myra, I appreciate your videos so much. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your thoughts with us. Truthfully, you sound like the perfect candidate for psychotherapy with a trained psychologist. Your ambivalence surrounding men and approaching interpersoanl interactions with them is exactly the type of thing that they're trained to help you work through and your fear/avoidance of them sounds like a symptom of anxiety which can be treated. If you think the fesr is getting in your way, olease consider seeing someone for help with it. I can give you more information about the process if you need it
As an autistic man, I relate so hard to "not knowing what the other person expects." The one real time I ever had reciprocated feelings for someone, they eventually lost interest, and said it was because I made it seem like I just wanted to stay platonic friends. Despite me telling them I have feelings for them lol. Like, how do I hang out "romantically," ignoring the obvious things like physical intimacy?
It's suuuuuper f'in hard as an autist. Every woman I've been with has said basically what you said "I can't feel you love me" or something to that effect. Unfortunately I also have no answers, other than to date an autist, but then you gotta also be ok with not having kids because the chances the kid would be severely autistic is much, much higher. And I haven't actually tried that because every autist woman I knew was insufferable, SJW type.
Love you Myra. I'm 29 and I got engaged earlier this year to "the man" I met at 27. If it matters, I met him on the apps after tons and tons of ding dongs. You're awesome. Keep living the life and going after what you want.
I went through a lot until I found my girl, I'm 34 and she's 23, I can't wait for 2025 as that's when we'll meet in person. Last Sunday we watched a movie "together" (at the same time, then shared our thoughts) and it was very nice. Honestly thought I'd never meet someone as genuine and incredible as her.
Keeping your authenticity and intentions where you need them will mean they will be reciprocated by worthy individuals. Fighting through the mire, the hordes, while daunting and tiresomely insane, will yield your rewards. Thank you for sharing your personal struggles many of us experience in relative silence.
Everything about this video gives me goosebumps and brings a tear to my eye....... What you described is exactly what I have been wanting since I was 17, 18 years old...... This is why I always feel like I am home when I watch your videos and spent time on your channel
I am trying to absorb all the information from this video, and I am hoping that it will help me in my own life. I think you did have a breakthrough at the 24-minute mark. I can report that my older brother found his wife at age 55. He never gave up. He had ended a 10 year relationship from age 40 to age 50 . He has been happily married for 15 years. I have total confidence that you will find him. I love that moment when you said there has to be match out there somewhere. Thank you, Myra, for trying to help me and everyone else. This video gives me a lot to think about.
I like your comment very much, Anthony. It is exactly to the point, highly qualified and instructive. After all, you're one of Myra's most faithful subscribers. Small wonder then that you get her message. Best wishes and thank you.
I appreciate you sharing hope. I've heard a lot of stories of people finding their love later in life. It's a hopeful message but I still have my fingers crossed that I'll meet him sooner than later. I do hope this helps others in the struggle to feel seen or have hope that there are other romantics out there. Everyone in the comments seems to be a very genuine person. I like our community
Glad to know I'm not alone in the prioritizing love thing. People call me cringe or tell me its not the most important thing in life. But life's meaning is what you make it, and I have an intense desire for deep connection and finding that within a woman I can peacefully die with.
To add as I'm watching. A lot of your experiences can be applied to either gender. As a man, I've experienced a lot of what you have as a woman. It's kind of funny. Some of the dating tropes and stereotypes just don't make any sense to me.
American culture is so superficial, and it’s getting worse. If you’re not good looking, then you are expected to quietly fade into the background, because you’re not acceptable. So people like me don’t deserve attention according to today’s norms. Im 54 now, and alone. I would love to have a relationship, and i’m in no rush for anything physical, just cuddles😊. I’m into geeky stuff, and I learned way back in high school that women (at least from my generation) had no interest in geeks. It destroyed my self esteem, and I’ve become really shy from it…getting shot down enough times makes me give up, and it really sucks. I don’t recall doing anything in life to make me deserve this. Superficiality has been around a long time, but social media has made it a lot worse. I’m glad it didn’t exist when I was in my teens. It’s very sad, because I think you are a better person for wanting the more romantic path. It makes you very genuine, and any guy who can understand and win your heart will be very lucky indeed.
I’m at home. At home; watching TH-cam; making the same dinner for myself, that I make every night; then going to work in the morning; working until 7pm; going back home; watching TH-cam; making dinner; going to work in the morning; getting home at 8pm; making dinner; work; eat; sleep; work; eat; sleep; work; eat; sleep; weekend bike ride; getting chores done; mowing the yard; fixing things around the house; cleaning the house; doing laundry; eating; sleeping; working; going to one social event a month with the 2 or 3 former coworkers I can *sometimes get to show up; eating; sleeping; working; eating; sleeping; working; learning more about how to start the business I want to start; eating; sleeping; working… You’re never gonna “stumble upon” me. So if you see me, interact. Otherwise, you won’t be listed in the things going on in my life.
I turned 21 a month ago and have never been in a long term relationship. I have tried apps a couple of times, and have gotten some dates from it, but I agree about finding "the one". Something that has been growing increasingly common is the idea of an open relationship, and I have really never understood the appeal. I am looking for a life partner, and if you want to see other guys while dating me that is just not going to fly. I find it crazy that someone as beautiful as you with such an infectious personality struggles in the dating world, but that is just the reality of how things go today. It is hard to find someone that wants the same thing as you, especially on dating apps where hookup culture is so prominent. I really wish you the best of luck out there, because I feel like I am in a very similar situation to you and I can sympathize with you to an extent!
Many of us Men tryied the slow thoughtful path with your fellow sitters and we either got rage screemed at for not being proactive enough or locked permanently in the friend zone .
You know. A few years ago I'd have a different reaction. But i have a couple guy friends who i love, and they told me the same thing in their experience. That girls wanted them to be more forward and physical. I can tell these exoerienes with women hurt them and shaped them. All I can say to that is that, just like men, all women are different. Obviously I'm different in that I want it slow. And there are many women like me. The friend zone isn't a thing. If she likes you, you won't be in the friend zone, if she doesn't like you/isn't attracted to you, you will be in the friend zone.
Either a woman is attracted to you or she isn't. Nothing you "do" will change that. If she's not attracted to you, she isn't. Also, don't ever be a woman's "friend" in hopes you'll sleep with her. If you can't be friends with a woman and care about her as a person, don't be friends with women
@@Scotty_Bo0m Oh shut up about Chad for god's sake. It's not 2015 anymore, and if you've ever actually watched one of this woman's videos you'll know she's not about 'friendzoning' men.
@@myrawestGood to hear that. but not always true, a woman that was attracted to me rejected me after I didn't behave the way she wanted. And I heard from other men that a woman who found a guy attractive rejected him after she found out he didn't have a high paying job.
I just saw your post , I didn't know who the men are in your area but I suspect your overly Romancing what's just over the hill and not saying not to explore just do it slowly and with emotionally sober eyes . Besides that try looking at guys that are studying accounting .🤓
I might be misunderstanding, but from what you say at 18:09 I would say you are (probably) demisexual. I self identify as demisexual and it is something I learned only after becoming an adult, and it is not childish or abnormal, so no, there is nothing wrong with you. The problem is that this view of an ideal relationship seems to be contradictory with what you say at 36:16. If you really feel a relationship would only be possible through a slow process it doesn't matter how many dates you go to with a number of different guys... you will never "feel the romantic vibes" from dates, as you say in the video, simply because that is not how it works for you (from what you say at 18:09). So maybe instead of seeking a romantic partner, it would be less exhausting just searching for friendship with men. Just know people with zero intentions and see if that leads somewhere. The real hard part is that probably 99 out 100 man will be expecting to get physical in a short time so they will probably interpret your friendly relationship as just "she is not into me so I should just move along". Anyway I wish you luck and hope that you find what you are looking for in your life.
I relate to what you are saying about flirting feeling fake and the lack of authenticity. Some of what are you talk about reminds me of the book "The Art of Seduction"; the whole book basically gives historical examples with how flirting and seduction are used to gain power over others, with the author even referring to the seduced as "Victims". While the book talks a lot about Power dynamics and methods of deception, it is interesting how the other breaks down different types of seducers into categories, you may learn something about yourself or you may understand why you find certain types of people alluring, but maybe not good partners in the long run. Part of the problem I have is as a shy person is putting myself in new situations, and anxiety either prevents me from making steps, or makes it that much harder. This makes me more prone to craving connection and can lead to what you were saying about accepting breadcrumbs. My only advice here and to myself is to try to do something outside of your comfort zone at least once a day. Know what you need out of relationship and accept no less. It may take some time to meet your person, but that's better than accepting something that isn't right for you long term. I'm wishing the best for you, myself and everyone who relates to this video.
From a "former" very shy guy's perspective I'd say it's even worse for shy guys/men. We cannot even expect at all to wait for her, since it's not in our culture for her to chase us down - we either change at some point or need to accept that we maybe end up alone. We get to hear that we aren't "manly enough" and that no woman wants a man like that. Then I'm dating now at 33, finally gotten more confidence - but I still feel that personality-wise - I'm not what most women want. Women WANT men to be more sexual with them sooner and to "be a real man"... One without being allowed to display weakness at all and must be strong and powerful at all times. I also do understand that men want sexual intimacy sooner and it's a way for us to feel validated and wanted - I am a little against this "don't want to be viewed sexually" - because you ARE viewed sexually; that's how men works and a reason for us to pursue you is indeed the want for sex; but that's not everything we see in you and yes you shouldn't give it away too soon. I would happily date a woman like you, that appreciates a man with purer, kinder personality traits - and I am glad that they are out there somewhere at least.
Enjoyed your perspective, it put some pieces together in my head from past dating experiences. When I was on the dating apps it always felt like a battle royale with other dudes for a matches attention. Feeling that pressure/fear, I would push the pace in dates because i thought that was what was expected, and it only turned into a relationship twice. Pesky insecurities, yo
A very good video. Raw. Honest. Natural. And you are asking the right questions. You are definitely very romantic. But you're not asking for too much. You're asking for the right things you should have and get. Your words are like a magic spell that will attract the O N E . Many subscribers will relate and cry out loudly "it's me, it's me..." - But that, of course is a misunderstanding and not the purpose of this video. Next Sunday I will go on a walking tour with a group of French people living around here. If you like the French, Myra, and can't go to France right now, maybe you might find some French people in the Midwest, too. Might be fun. Could be nice. Best wishes from Europe and all the best to you.
@@myrawestOh, thank you so much, Myra. You are totally justified in all your dreams and wishes. You get such a wildfire of comments for this video not because people want to "change your mind" but because they relate. If they are really honest to themselves deep down in their hearts all women want e x a c t l y what you describe in your video. It's a legitimate dream. You're not asking for the world. You just want true love. And if men were really honest to themselves they would readily admit that they are just as disgusted by the superficiality of "modern dating" as you are. Deep down in our hearts we all want true love. You are not only describing the daily life of a Midwestern girl in the twenty first century. You are drawing the portrait of a young woman in our Western society today, with all her anxieties, unfulfilled wishes and shattered dreams crying out for help "hello out there! Is there anybody out there?" - You are crying it out on your roller scates right into the night. And your community echoes: "Yes, we're here, Myra. We're here for you. We relate. And we will follow. We follow you with pleasure, desire and despair. Wherever your scates take you."
@@johnschewe6358 Oh, thank you, John. Your appreciation really means a lot to me. Especially because I know you as one of Myra's most faithful followers. You were here right from the start, always supportive and over the years we had several most encouraging encounters. You're a warm heart and an honest soul fighting for the good cause right at Myra's side.
I think, in some respects, it is easier for women. But I think also that as far as dating is concerned, there are two schools of thought. There is the aggressive approach and there is the cautious approach and I think that for introverts, the cautious approach is usually the favoured approach. As an introvert, I think it is easier for women because, in the interests of avoiding weird scenarios where intentions and words are misread, I tend to leave it up to the woman which is often misread as indifference. Of course, the reverse side to that is, the aggressive guys are not always the good guys and they cop a feel or worse. Still, I'd rather be lonely than subject some girl to a situation we'd both rather avoid. May you find your someone, Myra! May we all find our someones!
Same. I'm an introvert and I'm only really into introverted women and I don't want to bother them, but a lot of them just stare and then do nothing expecting me to do all the work like its the 1950s... I don't want them to feel rejected or like I'm indifferent (I'm not) but it's freaking 2024 and I'm not gonna risk getting me too'ed or making them uncomfortable if they don't like me enough to say hi when they don't have the same constraints. This puts things at an indefinite standstill which is frustrating.
What you have described with such eloquence is the world today. But just don't worry about anything...there are always beautiful people to meet such wonderful souls like you. You are a very genuine person. That's what I appreciate in you.
I love your comment about France. I am French, met my American wife in the Mid West (Chicago), we had one in a billion chance to meet, at a party where she was not supposed to be. And yes, we kissed less than an hour after we met... But it was very romantic. Life is strange sometimes. There is a good chance you will meet the right person when you least expect it.
@@varun.shenoy10 I love Quebec. I lived in Canada, in Toronto and Ottawa. Beautiful cities, but definitely missing the French touch of Montreal or Quebec City.
Awww I love this story!! It sounds so romantic 😭❤ I love the one in a billion chance of meeting, that makes it so special. I believe people should kiss whenever it feels right, it doesn't matter at all when that is :) :)
@@myrawest I was born near Geneva (Switzerland) and spent my young years in France. But my goal was to travel the world, which I did. I lived and worked on 5 continents, we have 3 children, including 2 boys around your age. They have dual citizenship (US/France) and I can tell you that my wife and I put a lot of emphasis on how important it is to be gentlemen and respectful of women. They sure got the message. Now we live in beautiful South California.
I feel like you and I have a lot in common. Sitting and over analyzing and over thinking why dating never really evolves into a real and meaningful relationship. I always feel like women are expecting a man who's fun and exciting. I'm also shy and more reserved, so I feel like that quality isn't immediately apparent in myself. Some of my favorite dates have been the ones where the other person and I can just sit and talk for long periods of time and really get to know each other. Dating is definitely when you're shy, reserved and more of a romantic. Especially when you have a very specific idea of what you want your relationship to be like, or the type of person you'd like to date. It just closes that gate a little more. You're very charming, and I really hope someone realizes your worth. You really deserve it.
@@myrawest You're most definitely not alone. I don't want to make out on first date either, much less send nudes. LOL It's a crazy world when ppl expect so much from you and yet have such low standards. Despite all that basic insanity, we can still have lots of positive interactions with men and I like to in a sense collect them, like beautiful baubles. I say, keep your eyes on the horizon and make your own fun. Much Love to you Myra!
They always say that things in life find you at just the right time. That's what happened to me with this video, it came at exactly the right time. I just want to thank you from the depths of my soul for your video. The thoughts you shared with us are beautiful and I really wish there were more women like you in the world. Anyway, you touched my heart and I really hope that you will find the man of your dreams and be happy in the end. Best regards from Germany.
@@myrawest It’s tougher for autistic people, the things that come naturally to others are like some alien rituals to us. And you are extremely smart too, which means your brain needs to be stimulated too. But don’t worry, you are not the problem, you are awesome! The guy is out there, going through the same dilemma as you :) . But it takes time. Don’t force it too much. It will come when you least expect it.
@@myrawest Sorry, didn’t want to step over any boundaries. But you know, if it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, it’s most likely a duck. It’s a spectrum anyway, we are all a little autistic so who cares. But your experiences align with those of other autistic people trying to navigate the neurotypical world. Maybe look into it a bit? It might help you understand some things about yourself.
Hey Myra My name is Eddie, and I’m twenty years old. I just wanted to reach out after watching your video. Your honesty about the struggles of dating really resonated with me, and I can relate to what you’re going through. I know it might seem surprising that I’m commenting on your TH-cam videos, but I felt compelled to connect because I’ve been through similar experiences. Back in primary school, especially during my junior year, I had strong feelings for a girl and set high expectations for our connection. But everything fell apart after a dispute that involved my family, which really hurt. Letting her go was tough, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Still, it left me feeling like I’d messed everything up, and I totally understand how frustrating it can be when things don’t go as hoped. It’s so natural to want genuine connections without the pressure to perform. Life can throw a lot of challenges our way, and it can feel isolating. Just know that you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed or questioning things. If you ever want to share more about your experiences or just talk, I’m here to listen. Take care of yourself!
This is the most relatable relationship perspective video I’ve seen, being an old soul trudging through the era we’re in…. Left behind by our generation & unsatisfied with so much society’s left us. Keep your spirits up, you’re bound to find it all.
Honestly, you really are a rare sort of woman in a very good way. You most definitely give off vibes of great sincerity, genuineness and unpretentiousness. I know, what a mouthful. You remind me of the pretty girl on the playground in elementary school who I dreamed of having as my lifelong companion (wife) back when life was so much simpler and innocent. A breath of fresh air.
You have a beautiful mind and heart. Don't change unless you want to. You give use hope. I agree with everything you said. So pure and honestly sweet. Thanks for giving us hope.
Maybe I not an "average dude", but I just enjoy good, fun company from another gal. A genuine exchange of significant interests, acknowledgement of bids for connection, and showing-up loving encouraging care when sharing from deep down. Initial physical attraction does play a role for me. On the other hand sex is definitely not out of the conversation, but for me that comes after regarding someone among the best of my friends. A great resource "to understand men" (myself I guess?) and the ecosystem of relational dynamics that completes the compliment with women is *Alison Armstrong.* Go check out her videos! You're not alone in these wants. Not by a long shot. Nor am I. Keep it rollin!
Don't be too tough on yourself or your situation. It's difficult for a lot of us out there. It can be really frustrating for shy people. And I agree with you. Kissing on the first date is weird unless I've known the girl for a long time beforehand as friends and even then it's usually a no for me. Same with flirting. It feels disingenuous and fake if it's someone you just met.
Yeah!! The funny thing is everything I talked about is how I act when I'm IN a relationship and comfortable. I am extremely fun, bubbly, lively, giddy, flirtatious, playful etc, when I KNOOW the person! But people expect it all in a very specific timeline.
What you are saying sent shivers down my spine. As long as I've been alive, I've always wanted to get married. And everything in life is good except for dating. Like what honestly scares me is that I will lose my heart in the search for a woman because of what I am told by friends and what I see and hear from dating coaches here on TH-cam. I didn't think there was anyone out there who felt similar to how I did about love. My name is Jase. I'm 41 and also from the Midwest. I'm not shy, though😂
PLEASE DONT LISTEN TO DATING COACHES. Unless you are extremely selective and discerning. Most and I mean 99.9% of dating coaches for men are absolute garbage! I have listened to them and disagree with everything they say, as in, what they teach about women and how to get them is the opposite of who I am and what I want. And true for many other women. These people are toxic. And it's the same for dating coaches for women. Toxic garbage that ends up making you feel like you suck and you're doing everything wrong. Anywho. Sorry for the rant. There are good people out there! There are romantics out there! You can still find one.
your video really spoke to me. Sometimes is easy to forget that hopelessly romantic woman like you still exist. I am a 39 year old man and have only been in a one 11 year relationship. We became very good friends before we ever thought about dating and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I also couldn't imagine not having a relationship develop through close personal connection first. I think the reason for writing this comment is basically to tell you that you're right about the fact that there are men out there, who are looking for connection before intimacy. I also have to admit that i didn't expect hearing that from a woman like you. I know that this is really dumb and ignorant of me, but i guess it is true that very attractive woman can struggle with finding love because they are only approached by (mostly) the wrong men. I probably would never approach you, because i would be very intimidated, although i'm not very shy when talking to strangers. I'm rooting for you, that the right man approaches you soon and that you'll make each other very happy.
Dont think less of yourself, think about yourself less ;) I get your points. The thing is, if you dont signal the guy, that you want to continue seeing him and want to explore further, most men stop interacting, because its just a waste of time and money.
You are wise beyond your years Myra. Indeed you can love someone that doesn’t appreciate you or that isn’t grateful for you. You love them but they don’t love you. In that case it is time to move on and find someone that sees the real you, that sees your heart. If love is never reciprocated then it is time to move on and find a soul that will love and appreciate you forever.
Most people are compatible with most people if the situation is desperate enough. The problem is that life is too easy, survival is too certain, and time is not short. At least, that’s our perception. That’s why no one is getting together. It’s just not that important to survival at the moment. It will be in the future. But all of the young people aren’t thinking that far ahead. Women are picky because they can afford to be. Men aren’t trying because they don’t have to. If you take away the safe world we live in, things will change. We are rats in a cage more than we think.
After listening to a few more minutes of your talk, I really think you are way way overthinking this and as long as you are overthinking this like you are, you’re going to be stuck where you are. You might benefit from counseling to talk it through with somebody who might be able to redirect your frustration and quite honestly some of your inhibitions. I think they are getting in the way of your finding what you want to find in life and love.
You are a woman I would genuinely love to sit down with virtually and just talk about dating. Almost like a brainstorming activity for finding "the one", because it's frustrating and fascinating at the same time. You're inspiring me to want to record my own dating experience video as a man (if I do I'll give you a shoutout 🙌), and I hope other men and women do too. Because you are definitely not alone in the way you feel. You aren't crazy, there's nothing wrong with you, and what you're looking for isn't unreasonable or unrealistic. I do think that a big factor you touched on is location, as I myself have often felt like I'm not where I'm supposed to be...the people in my area tend to be...a certain way or have certain characteristics, and they just don't mesh with me. Just know that you are not alone in the struggle. You will find your someone :)
Flirting is part of the game. How will a man know youre interested in them back if you dont give them basic flirtatious feedback? And no this doesnt mean always sexual in nature. The same way you want positive feedback from someone youre romantically interested in, they look for the same. And not every man is only into only sexual lenses. If you want some super wholesome romance novel type love where sexuality only comes into play at the perfect fairytale moment, you will be searching for a while. Especially from your generation.
I can say "I like you." You absolutely do not have to play games or give cues. I would LOVE if a man was straight forward and direct with me in the same way. Like an adult
@@myrawest I fear you only like when a man is direct in the exact way you want them to be. When a man directly only wants you for a fun time, you dislike that. Youve said as much. What youre looking for is 100% out there. But it aint easy to find in this age. Where you are looking now, is not working for you. Regroup and restrategize. "I like you" means absolutely nothing in this age. Romance is more complicated than that. We're not on the playground in 4th grade anymore. The faster we accept that the better our odds are at love. I do wish you well in your love journey tho.
I would LOVE if a man told me directly he just wanted me for a good time. Instead of leading me on or lying to me to try to get what he wants. That way I can get the heck away from him. Interesting that you think clear direct communication is "childish" and indirect game playing is somehow more adult
@@myrawest you seem like a very genuine, good-hearted person. That alone makes you stand out, to some people at least. You stand out to me. I'm glad I listened to this because it reminded me that not everyone's as cynical and jaded as the Internet can make it seem. Protect that little flame of hope like you're Charmander in a rain storm. And know we're rooting for you! 🫠
American culture is pretty rough, especially the Midwest, I feel you. I’m from Montana and moved out East because I needed more culture. If they are the ONE, then you most likely will be friends with them first. That’s how me and my wife were. Just friends and I had no idea or intentions of dating her, I just genuinely fell in love with her as a person and friend, it was only till we confessed our love for each other did we start our romantic relationship. Marrying your best friend is key!
Myra, the mystique that once existed between men and women has been removed. That's why sensitive and thoughtful young people like yourself suffer so much. Once upon a time, there was a mysteriousness, a mystique, a hidden element between men and women which each yearned for. This is now gone. There is no more mystique, no more yearning, no more desire, generally speaking. There is a lack of scarcity value between men and women. A man will no longer see a woman as a goddess as he once would because by the time he's 21, he's had so many sexual encounters that the uniqueness of each woman is diminished to the point where after a certain age, a woman doesn't have that something special anymore. The same can be said about women and the way they see men. Men and women don't see the divine in each other anymore. I hope that my comment helps. Great video by the way.
I’m so sorry for you Myra, your search is almost certainly doomed to failure. In 2019 I travelled in the Nordic countries, I was surprised to learn that the fastest growing demographic in Scandinavia is single person households! Once I discovered this fact, I started talking to people, I found so many implacable “values” that people weren’t willing to bend upon. I found so many people unable to accomodate compromise and negotiation. THEN, I spot your hair, it’s an indicator! You’re NOT shy, you’re defensive.
I'm 37, and still a virgin. I have been in love 3 times, and only briefly dated one of them long distance. I cannot comprehend being that vulnerable with relative strangers. I was raised Christian, and still am, which I'm sure influenced my views on sex and marriage. But beliefs aside, my heart can only entertain one at a time, and there's years in-between where it's painfully lonely. Even so, I've never wanted to be intimate with someone that I wasn't in love with. Like, to the point where I get really uncomfortable when women touch me or sand near me. Even shaking hands is s slight dread. At this point, I'm unsure if I'll ever find someone, but I'm willing to wait incase I do. Because if I give it away now, what was the point of hanging onto it for the last 37 years. I'm "kinda basic" looking, which I'm given to understand isn't what most women are looking for, but the up-side is I've had some time to thing about life, love, and what I think is actually important. I prefer the Biblical definitions and parameters for love; partly I'm sure because that's what I was taught, but also because they're actually defined. And unlike modern concepts of love, they hold up to the rigors of actual relationships, not so the wishful fictitious portrayals of love in modern media. Love is patient, kind, slow to anger, long suffering and sacrificial. THAT is love. Yes I know that's 3 different ways of saying patient, that's because it's proportionally that important. If you add romance on-top that's fine, but it's more like icing. If you only get icing it makes you nauseas after a while, so you need that dense moist cake layer, otherwise it doesn't work. What's hard for some people to understand, is that you have to return love, in at least equal measure. Both parties have to pour into each other, and fill up the other person's life bar, otherwise it will fail. There's a lot of selfish people out there these days, that are totally willing to absorb all your love, but not feed you back, and it's disgusting to me. It's like buying a car to drive but never changing the oil/fluids. Yea... it'll run for a bit, but what the hell are you trying to prove? That's why it's so important to take note of the indications of investment from the other person when dating. If you're texting him books, but only getting a few words back, dial it back to see if they show interest, and if they don't then they're probably not interested, and therefore not worth the investment of time and energy. Something to consider for yourself is which qualities are requirements, and which are preferences, and how strong each preference is. Because the more requirement filters you place on any given search the fewer the results returned will be. And just to give you an example of what I'm talking about, men with this personality type you're looking for account for ~0.9% of the population. Multiply that by .15 because the single men in your age range (generously guessing) is 15%. That's 2 filters, and we're down to .135% of the population approximately statistically. Now, that's still 450k men in the US, BUT we haven't even filtered for height, looks, education level, financial stability, smoking, does he have kids, does he want kids, etc. I'm not saying this to discourage you. I'm saying this because I genuinely want you to find someone that will make you happy. But IF that guy happens to be a "kinda basic" mid-westerner that lives an un-exciting life, but he has exactly the personality and interests you want... would it be enough for you? Standards are a good thing to have, but if you have too many or too strict of standards, then no one will be able to live up to them. Speaking as a man, none of us are perfect. So if you're looking for perfection, you won't find us. The other half of the problem, is even if you do find him, what if you're not what he wants? As we all know not all love is reciprocated. The first girl I was in love with could have been the one, but she wasn't interested in me, so... here we are.
Another lives inside you, urging you to stay true. Quiet your mind. Put on your rollerblades, cup your heart and whisper to it: "it’s not a matter of how, only a matter of when". To quote Nietzsche, "Anyone who has a why to live for can bear almost any how". There so much light in you
Hello, I’m watching the video. I love it. I’m 57. I’ve been with my wife for 35 years. I married someone before her. We were together three years we were young. I married my wife now we were both 30 so I was with her when she was 21 just out of college and I was just out of the Navy And we are still together but she’s my second wife so she’s my forever person give it time. Don’t try to make it happen. Let it happen naturally believe it or not. She’s a friends sister. I never thought I would marry someone I knew there sister it just happened naturally, so that’s all I’m saying let it happen naturally don’t beat yourself up looking for it. It will happen naturally when the time is right I love the videos. I just wanted to let you know this so hopefully I’ll give you some peace.I am 57 with my wife for 35 years, have a great day and stay safe. Can’t wait till next video John .
That's a wonderful story. I've been online dating a girl I've been talking since July thus year and already she has changed my life so much, and we agree on nearly everything I never thought I'd find someone like her. She honestly leaves me speechless. We're going to meet in person around 2025 as we've got stuff in our lives and want to get it out of the way before meeting her, want to spend sometime with her, and if all goes well as it should, we'll get married. Dang, she's one of a kind and I'm gonna do whatever sacrifices I have to for her and for our children. I don't want to be like my useless brother in law who stays home doin nothing while his wife (my sister) works hard, sometimes too hard. Don't know what she saw in that worthless man who comes up with an excuse every time he gets offered a job (from help of our family, but no more).
Hey Maya, I’m watching the video again. I’m listening to what you’re saying you’re trying to hard to find someone you’re beating yourself up please don’t like I said in my first post just let it happen. Naturally you are a beautiful, intelligent young lady. You do not have to go out and find love love will find you like I said just let it happen naturally I don’t know if you’re into bars or doing social events and just go out and put yourself out there. I used to be shy until I join the military and that snapped the shyness out of me very quickly, I was able to go and talk to them and even at 57 my wife and daughter can’t I can talk to anybody about anything I could become friends with them instantly. They always tell me that I feel like they’ve known me their whole life so I loved the videos. I can’t wait till the next one, but please don’t beat yourself up love will find you there’s always somebody out there for somebody no matter how quirky weird anything you are and I’m not saying you are quirky or weird I’m saying anybody in general there’s always someone out there for someone there’s over 8 billion of us in this world there is someone out there Maya for you, just let it happen naturally and you will be the happiest person you’ve ever been and I hope you keep this post and let me know one day that I was correct because that’s what I did. I wanted a girlfriend so bad when I was in high school, but I was poor, my clothes weren’t that good so I got up off my ass got started making money started buying nice clothes and then girls started coming up to me talking to me showing me attention. I never did get a girlfriend in high school because since I was working, I gave a lot of my money to my mother to help pay bills and buy food, which wasn’t more important to me than a girlfriend at that time but when I join the Navy believer or not, I have several girlfriends none of them were serious, but then I was out in town one day and that’s when I saw my first wifeI said my other post didn’t last a couple years but at least I had that experience so when I met my wife, I was more prepared to be the perfect man for her. Thank you for the video you’ve touched my heart. Thank you for that John .
You've got a lot of comments, so not sure of you'll see this, but I just want to give a little reassurance. It feels like you're describing my experience to a tee, except with the sexes reversed. I'm an introverted man who's a hopeless romantic, always searching for the one, wants to move slowly, and would rather just talk openly rather than put on the whole "fun and flirty" mask. I totally get how it can feel like all men are the same, and even to sometimes feel hopeless and bitter - honestly, I often feel like all women want to just date casually, are polyamorous, shallow, selfish, etc, which is obviously not true. And thank you for acknowledging your generalizations, even amidst the big feelings. I promise you, the kind of man you're dreaming of does exist. We're out here, and feeling just as jaded and sick of dating culture as you are! But true romantics, and people who take the idea of partnership seriously, who can communicate well, are sadly pretty rare. And get rarer, the older we get... Oops, I said I was trying to reassure you, didn't I?
This is reassuring and beautiful in a way. I love that you acknowledge the bitterness and disappointment but also the hope. We can never allow ourselves to forget that their are genuine romantic people in the world, both man and women
Your wisdom and maturity and depth of thought and understanding is carrying you to a greater partner because you ARE more discerning about someone’s intentions, their character, and who you are and what you want out of a relationship.
I feel uncomfortable with the "a woman who respects herself." As I believe women can choose to have sex whenever they want as long as it doesn't hurt them. It's not about "self respect." (Would you say the same thing about a man?) A woman who chooses to have sex sooner, doesn't nessesarily mean she has lower self respect. To me it is simply about what I'm comfortable with and what I enjoy. I don't like the idea of casual sex and I know I would hate it/feel deeply uncomfortable.
@@myrawest sure, women can easily have sex asap and we call them in a certain way. Oldest profession. Will never take them seriously, it means low self respect, we can have fun, but never long term. If it is very early 1x time, I don't want to see that person ever in my life. You can not make it equal between men and women. You are naturally a wife material. Easy girls are not. Sperm swims to the egg, not the other way around. Very unequal, and that's how we behave.
Just wanted to say that, as a man, what you are saying resonates within me and I understand what you are saying. I spent all my life waiting for "the one" until, like you did, I realised it wasn't going to happen until I started looking for her, and it has been frustrating cause not always the idea of dating matches with the romantic idealised scenario that I had in my mind, and damn if it's frustrating! The thing that just came up in my mind to overcome this is to just set clearly what I'm looking for, even if it means getting many negative responses. Eventually, we will meet people on the same wave as ours
I have never been on a dating app. The thought of it all appears so plastic. Cringe level. The men who want to become physically intimate with you within sixty minutes are accustomed to woman who want the same thing within fifty minutes. His thought process is, this is how it has ‘worked’ for him. His speedy make out thought process is wired for this. Yes, this is why they expect you to be this way. You may want to consider looking deeper into what triggers you to turn your face away from an attractive man when he is giving you those I like you vibes. If you cannot change the root direction of this common behavior, how are you going to see different results. Understanding what causes you to behave in such manner is the first step. From my perspective, the fear of men may stem from childhood trauma. Trauma inflicted by a man. In my case, I was SA’d by a woman. I was four when this twenty something babysitter did hideous stuff to me. When I was in high school, I didn’t have a gf because of my fear of woman. What I experienced at four years old created a wall, blocking out any potential for a relationship. I agree, moving slow within a friendship that may transition into a relationship is vital for a truly meaningful and successful relationship. There is a greater tendency of meeting a narcissistic person when things move to quickly. My rule is, never say the L word to my potential gf before one year of knowing them. Sounds weird, I know, but this is a sure way to know if she is compassionate, empathetic, and honest. Time together without instant and self gratifying pleasures will weigh in with the measure of love for one another.
I dont think that it helps to fight fears. Can you say to someone " You know I looked at you and felt an desire to meet you, but when I have that feeling with men I also freeze up inside. Would you like to have a conversation anyway?" The man that you are looking will carry a wound, just as you do, just as most of us do, and in barring your truth, he may open up his truth, his hurts, his authenticity, to you as well. That is the beginning of intimacy.
This is so beautiful 😭😭😭 it's so true. I was thinking about similar ideas. I started to believe I can only date a man who is also shy and has social anxiety, because he would know what it feels like to struggle in that way. But your idea is better. Talk about radical honesty and openness. I do tell each man that I am shy and that I am nervous on first dates and they are usually understanding. But even so, I still think it's one of the reasons they don't pursue me further. I think they want something easier...
@@TheCanyon1000this is actually super cool! Can you tell me the dream?? I am a huge dream person. I have extremely vivid, real dreams. And I often meet people in my dreams I've never met in real life, but they feel SO real. And our conversations are sometimes life changing. I like to pretend and tell myself that the dreamworld is a real place where our souls go and connect with other souls in the world.
Yes dear, carry your wound like a badge of honor. Rumi said "the wound is where the light enters". It will make you more beautiful to those interested in soul and soul making. Others will be of little use to you anyway.
@@myrawest Myra: We often think of healing as getting rid of things, problematic feelings, perhaps replacing them with better things, but there is another perspective. What if we just embrace it all, accept it all without resistance? A Quaker artist friend of mine used to say “you have to make friends with your dragons”. There is a book you might like, a fiction, entitled “The Wanderer” by Alain Fournier. It is too lengthy to explain the allegory here, but it is really about the unquenched longing that some people can carry throughout their lives. You may believe that your ache, your longing, will be ameliorated if you find someone, but that exists only as a thought right now, not a reality. It is an unknown, and longing, once set afire, becomes a lifetime companion for many of us. Many find that this ache evolves into a longing for something other than another, for something else other than what is first imagined. Some might call that God, some would have other names for it. We are born incomplete and our quest to become whole is part of the challenge of our nature.
Based on a few videos I have watched about your sharing about men and dating, I believe there is a beautiful person inside of you, Myra, for the respectable gentleman to discover. I am shy too. It is not easy dating. Be sensual when you feel ready to be sensual with the person you feel comfortable and safe with. We cannot allow others to force sensuality readiness on us. I do not think that is a real phrase,but I will stick with it. Inviting someone into our home is a vulnerable intimate thing. Inviting someone into our bedroom is a very vulnerable and intimate thing. The same can be said about our personal space. You are right; each couple has their ways of what makes their relationship work. I understand and admire how you want to have long interesting conversations, take hikes or roller blade, go bowling, attend a concert, or even enjoy a movie together for the sake of enjoying time together without the physical expectations of men. You are not the only one to share such stories about men on dates wanting to "get physical" on the first date. Scary indeed. As some have pointed out, be yourself. If a guy does not value or respect that, then that is his loss, not yours, Myra. He does not deserve you. Maybe some of the most romantic things couples can do is to take a dance class or paint or pottery class together. Yes, there are still men who believe in "LOVE" and "ROMANCE", but I agree that it can be challenging. Although there are days and weeks when you feel hopeless about men, I admire your mindset to keep looking and believing that love is still out there. By the way, I think it is romantic and fine to watch romance movies with a love interest. Thank you, THE NOTEBOOK, HOLIDAY, and Hallmark! With a friendly smile, I wishy ou the best on your journey, Myra.
The world is shifting beneath our feet. Love is dying. The landscape of relationships, not just between men and women, have undeniably shifted, with modern technology and social changes redefining how people connect. The longing for a deep, lasting love and a stable family life is still as real as it has always been for thousands of years, even if it feels harder to find. To a beautiful young woman such as yourself seeking that old-fashioned love, I would say this: True love still exists, even in an age where it seems rare. The qualities that make for a lasting, meaningful relationship; loyalty, trust, and a shared vision for life are timeless. These values are not bound by trends or fleeting cultural shifts. What matters most is focusing on what you truly value and remaining authentic to that vision. There are people, men included, who yearn for the same deep connection and meaningful partnership, but the journey might take patience, courage, and an open heart. Don’t let the noise of modern dating culture drown out the possibility of REAL love. While it may seem that many are caught up in shallow connections, the core of human longing for companionship, intimacy, and family remains unchanged. While it’s easy to feel cynical, I encourage you to hold onto hope and trust that authentic love comes when you least expect it, even if it's not wrapped in the package you expected. Be open to the unexpected, be brave and continue to put yourself out there. Focus on what makes you happy and fulfilled and surround yourself with people who lift you up. Love has a way of finding us when we are truly at peace with ourselves and when we're committed to creating a meaningful life, with or without a partner. Remember that you are worthy of love, and it's not about perfection. It's about finding someone who complements your journey and is willing to walk beside you, through thick and thin. It might take time, but that doesn't make it impossible. The greatest love often comes when we least expect iy but when we're most ready to embrace it.
Thank you so much. This was beautifully written and spoke to me so much. 🙏 You meet me where I'm at while also offering hope.
@@myrawestI don’t know what to say, first time watching your video. As a guy, and I’m sure many other guys that are romantic and look for something simple, it does not exist. Is hard as hell to break the shyness…I don’t know what’s happening we are all becoming retarded, I feel heartbroken all the time because is like you don’t match any where . Is impossible to have a damn f*** conversation, it always looks like you are trying to flirt. Shit. A fucking conversation for the love of God. Guys need to bit of confort these days. I can even write here because is so many things to explain that are very true as your video
Such a heart felt, honest and wonderful comment. Much appreciated.
@@myrawestDon't give up. Just wait. Take it from someone who used to be exactly like you and has been ruined for it. Stay protected, keep your hope.
Certainly the world would not exist without REAL love. And while there are those who are trying to kill it for whatever reason, I would not say it is dying, because they will not succeed in killing it. @bertclements, thanks for sharing the powerful vision of hope.
I met the perfect match in the 9th grade- love at first sight.
Married at 19.
33 years married .
Other couples used to tell us how jealous they were of our relationship.
She was truly an amazing woman and I was her amazing man.
Cancer took her from me 6 months ago and everything flipped upside down.
The only good thing I can say is that I truly had a one in a billion woman that most men could only dream of having.
sorry for your loss. thats gotta be tough. life can be so unfair and fragile.
At least i was lucky in the game. Ahh now i also wasnt. 😮. Happy this human experience exist. And you had it. Thanks for sharing. Relationships where the most evil. And painfull things ever in my life. Even though i was a very atractive smart woman, i wasnt smart in selecting a good menn. I can write too novels of love horror. I,m really sorry for your loss, she must be waiting for you on the other side
@@eefangelina
Yeah…my wife’s Cousin was that way.
Very smart, very attractive but she always picked rotten drunk bastards for BF’s and Husbands.
It always baffled us why she went after total dirt balls.
She’s been single for 20 years now and is very scared of a relationship with anyone.
"Dating feels worse than a job interview"
So true! And you don't even get paid!
You don't get paid for an interview either
@@animal79thecat if you get paid for an interview, please get the job and recruit me!
Well, choosing who to spend life with is kinda more serious than choosing a job.
Might sound like bad advise if you just want to get laid, but try being yourself. Unlike in a job interview you don't have to get "the job".
@@animal79thecat Well you do if you are the employer
I'm a 43 year old man, and I was married to an amazing woman for 14 years and we had dated for 5 before that, a total togetherness of 19 years. She passed away due to cancer about a year and a half ago and I have been alone ever since. Seeing the way that men and women are nowadays, I don't even want to look again, I would rather stay solo. The dating market and peoples' values have gone out the window and it's really sad. However, you should definitely keep your head up and stay positive though, there is someone out there for you and it may take time to find them, but even in this cruel uncaring world, there is someone out there with similar values, hopes, and dreams to yours and when it's meant to be, your paths will cross, and it will truly be the most amazing thing you will ever experience. Good luck
You sound like an amazing man.
I am very sorry for your loss. 🕊️
@youngxmama2804 thank you 😊
Take care mate, just hang out with friends, go to some concerts or festivals, and enjoy life. My respects.
Thank you so much! I lost my fiancé of 11 years to auto accident. It’s been 6 months and I have the ability to actually communicate again, but it’s hard to put it lightly. I’m 26 and don’t know if I’ll ever find a person like me again. I’ve decided to start trying again. Reading this makes me realize that love isn’t lost or destroyed it’s turned into new love. So thank you!
Im sorry for your loss, I lost my father just over a year ago due to leukemia. Unfortunately for the two of us. There is a cure for cancer. You have to alkalize the body to kill the cancer. The easiest way to alkalize the body is to get a cup of water, 1 teaspoon of baking soda, mix that. When you wake up first thing in the am within a half hr on a empty stomach drink the mix I just told you about.
Then about a half hr after or more if you want to eat you can. I wished I knew that before I lost my father.
I love your video Myra. I'm a guy in exactly the same situation as yourself and it feels so isolating and lonely in this world that values vanity and glorifies hookup culture. The dating world is broken and there seems to be a massive divide between men and women unless it's just for hookups, which im not a fan of either. It's so refreshing to see that there are decent girls out there like you, it truly brings me hope. People like you are rare nowadays and are exactly what this world needs. There are guys out there who will value you for who you are, and I know that for a fact because I'm one of those kinds of guys. Look after yourself and you will find the one. Wishing you all the best Myra.
I was about to post a similar comment so instead I'm just going to concur with you under yours, there's hope for us man
Awww thank you for this 😭🙏 and I agree with the comment above. There is hope for all of us. We've gathered in the comments of this video, there are many others like us.
Thank you @myrawest and @RaffieFaffie . Your replies have brightened my day and I truly appreciate it 😊🙏
+1
You said the words for me, thanks. 🎉
Don't "not be flirty" on your first date. You don't have to be the most bubbly sunshine whatever, but you have to make sure he knows you see him as more than a friend. If you don't want to be "flirty" you have to give him something. Hell even if you deadpan say "I am enjoying this and I like you" he would take it.
There is nothing more painful than trying to impress a girl and having them only see you platonically. If a guy sees that he's going to move on.
This is helpful, thank you. I do think I make it clear
@@myrawestyou think 🤔 or do you actually tell him that 'you want to see where this is going' or something like that?
@@BrianWaller-qe7gr Who were you replying to? You are saying the same thing I said lol.
@@BrianWaller-qe7gr ahh haha, my bad I guess I could have written it better. Cheers
Yeah, I literally say it. I say "I liked you. I'd love to do it again"
It may help to look at this from the guy's perspective. You don't flirt, you don't show physical affection, and you want to spend an indeterminate amount of time as basically just friends. A guy will read this as "she's just not in to me," or as being immediately put in the friend zone; the good ones will stop pursuing you either out of respect for you or themselves.
That said, you do flirt in your own way (we're all human). Flirting is just how two people gauge mutual interest. It can look vastly different depending on the individuals and circumstances. If you are interested in someone you need to communicate that somehow and it needs to be on a regular basis. Ditch the idea that you don't flirt and learn to recognize when and how you flirt (and also what you're feeling in the moment considering the negative connotation you have of it).
This is coming from a good place, though I'm not sure it will be well received.
Anyways, best of luck out there!
Thanks for this. I've never understood flirting. It's interesting to hear it explained.
Best comment ever. Flirting is necessary to show interest. As a man, we're spending time together regularly and you don't flirt with me (it can be subtle or not, find your style), I'm gonna think you're not into me. It's that simple. I have self respect, like everybody else, I'll find someone who shows interest in me. I'm French by the way 😆. Best regards.
Very well said, you have to show some form of interest. Although she is right about the fact that so many people are into the "hook up for fun phase" for lack of better words more so than long term relationships. I can relate with that 100%. I get more women interested in a quick hookup more than actually getting to know one another or even go on a date at all. Sadly it seems sex is so easy to come by now but a date is rare as hell for me anyway. I'm not even on dating apps, just happens through out my normal day interacting with people.
@@myrawest i think of a smile as a flirt. Different than a laugh.... And you said you like smiles.... So think of the smiles you share as a harmless form of flirting. As Nathaniel says there has to be an indication of a romantic spark---and even you say on several dates you texted the guy you just didnt feel it. Yet apparently with one or two guys you have---so you have to let him see it/feel it.....
If your afraid of men, and turn away, it could be perceived as a trauma response. In today's me-too culture, men have a higher risk of problems by approaching women, who don't appear interested. If you really want men to approach you, this may be something that you might want to work on.
For fellow shy/introverted people, I'd recommend trying to find connections through groups that focus on shared interests and/or values instead of through dating apps, blind dates, dating games, etc.
I am an extreme introvert and am very shy as well. Not only that, but I have very nerdy interests and my faith is a priority. I've found that most nerds tend to make fun of religion, and most religious people seem to stay away from nerdy/geeky hobbies. So finding a woman who was a good match for me felt impossible. I've always struggled with dating apps and always found them to be more frustrating and harmful than actually beneficial. After enough attempts, I finally gave up. Shortly after, I met my now girlfriend through an online group that focuses on members of our faith who like the same nerdy interests. She fits me like a glove and our relationship is wonderful. We have also been talking about steps we need to take in order to get married.
Are you me? Jk, I don't have a gf right now. What kind of online group did you stumble across? I feel the same way about religion and "geek" culture - they seem to clash a lot. I'm AuDHD and also 31, so dating seems like it's basically come and gone for me (I dated someone for three years in college who ended up leaving me for a friend of ours, and haven't had luck since then), and it seems a lot of female AuDHDers/neurodivergents don't have an interest in God AT ALL, whatsoever (possibly from trauma, maybe religious trauma, that hardened their hearts?). I refuse to do online dating ever again - if I ever even attempt to date, it will be organic and in-person. Although, I suppose that defeats the purpose of an online group, lol. 😅
@@notafraidofchange I'm sorry to hear that your experiences haven't been great. If it gives you any comfort at all, I'm also AuDHD, and my girlfriend is as well. At some point, I recognized that I have a very difficult time connecting with most neurotypical people, and so I lost pretty much all interested in NT women as well. I agree that AuDHD people usually have a hard time with faith because 1. Faith puts such an emphasis on relationship and community, which we struggle with, and 2. If we don't recognize the WHY/logic behind the faith, it's difficult for us to start believing.
To answer your question - there are many groups online. Idk what your interests or religion/denomination are, but I'm Catholic and like video games, anime, fantasy, etc. so I just searched Facebook and Discord for pages/channels such as "Christian gamers", "Catholic gamers", "Catholic geeks", and so on.
For me, I really enjoy my alone time but I also would love a life partner but I also struggle with Social Anxiety so I never feel like I can truly be myself nor feel comfortable and it's excruciating.. and I am also not much of a talker either, it has to take a really special someone to get me to chit chat and only a few people get me to do that, a few close friends of mine and this one girl I do like but sadly it never worked out, kinda stuck on that one in particular, I can't seem to find another woman that I am THAT attracted too
@@JephPlaysGames I don’t have Facebook (a LOT of bad memories - deleted that crap a while ago, and stopped using a long time before that), but I might give Discord a try. I don’t really know how that works, even tho I have an account, but rarely use the app, so I don’t know how to get the most out of it and all the ins and outs.
10:24 Here is the problem.
When you don’t flirt with men at all, they take it as a sign of non
Interest.
Don’t expect a follow up message if the date was dry.
I tell them clearly, "hey! I liked you! I enjoyed this, I would love to do it again!"
Also, I don't have boring dates. They're great. We're just not making out or having sex on a first date. And if that is REQUIRED for a first date... even if flirting is required for a first date.... than I am out. I refuse to flirt with someone I just met and don't know at all
@@myrawest Perhaps you attract just those guys who want a hookup on the first date and you look so good that guys who think the same way as you in terms of love and knowing each other slowly are just too shy to ask you even out because they are affraid that this can happen only in movies, also your standards can play a part in it too, that you choose those who are like those you already described.
@@myrawestyou need to teach classes on that for women us men need that to feel safe and comfortable especially these days
TH-cam recommended me this video , didnt know why but then i remember watching you a good couple of years ago talking about having no friends (which is my situation due to asperger) and felt the same. Good to see you have now some girlfriends next to you. Dont feel bad about not having a couple now, you are a EXTRAORDINARY person i have no doubts. You are not alone feeling the same.
Wowowow!! I have gotten quite the response!!
I really, truly value your imput and perspective. I'm asking you to share.
So many times in the past your comments have helped me change my mind and impact my worldview.
I feel so lucky to have access to so many people and get to pick your brains! These videos and these discussions help us all to understand people and the world so much better.
@kolberggermany2847 Whow! What a name! My mother comes from Kolberg. It's at the river Riga. Very romantic. She grew up and spent her youth there. Must have been wonderful in those days. She dreamed the same dreams Myra does. She got them realized in every respect. And she definitely is German. She became a refugy and she was welcome.....
1st. If a mans attracted to you he will be looking at you sexually. Your ick comes from men you aren't attracked to. I won't defend some mens behaviour, they can be outright weird, but I have no solution for this, its something you will have to accept unless you have a way of undoing 1 billion years of biology. You are pretty and men will be attracted to you, the opposite is to be 50 and invisible to men, there is no middle ground.
2. The men you say you want vs the men you date are probably different people. Again i have no solution, its something you will have to reconcile, but my guess the guy at the gas station who didn't ask you is probably closer to the guys you want and you passed him by because of fear.
3. See an assertiveness coach. Please. Forget the psychobable mob, see someone who can teach you how to be assertive. As I tell my female friends drop the damn handkercheif with men you like. Your fellow females can be down right mean and nasty when it comes to rejecting men. A good man won't approach unless he thinks there is a chance of acceptance, and a bad man won't give a crap. As Matthew Hussey says. "I'm not telling you to be easy, but for 5 seconds be the easiest person in the world to approach."
Last two bits of advice. Good men aren't at bars and on the prowl. They are out doing hobbies and the things they enjoy. If you want to find them you will have to join those hobbies. Lastly be forgiving. I'm older but I still remember being 20. Guys don't know everything, they are scared, awkward and most can't read minds or female signals. The hiking guy could likely be in the awkward scared category. If you take my advice and do assertiveness training you could have headed that off and been clear about your expectations.
Myra you emote as an old-fashion romantic -- it's admirable & attractive to self-respecting respectful guys. Your conventional physical or superficial beauty can lead shallow guys to objectify you in their warped minds and you're sensitive enough to perceive this. Feeling that a fellow is looking at you (either before you've met or after some dates) like a Barbie doll toy (object) is naturally distasteful to you when you prefer authentic attentive depth. Your social anxiety is good safety for a sensitive traditional romantic -- stay prudent. An effective way to adjust better at meeting your preferred better men is to join clubs or groups where (over time) you can interact with numbers of varying people who apparently share a common gosl. The perfect guy match for you may well be the brother or friend of a person you befriend out of platonic companionship in one of these club or group outings. When you are genuine & authentic with just plain people (i.e., guys & gals) during these shared endeavors you might find some pal say: "Myra you seem sweet & caring & open -- I have a friend who you might really fit; could I introduce you?" That kind of connection synchronicity. Moreover these club or group activities should permit a chance to interact casually but closely with other people who are also likely romantics & anxious. You are helping them mutually. Clubs like locsl dayhiking organizations (e.g., the Sierra Club), or groups that teach & learn like dancing or cooking or skating activities, or playing card groups -- gaming like bridge or poker, or chess. By getting out there socially you are making connections and they are living networks that exert effort for you -- like an investment they expand. Bear in mind that America is over-populated with lower-intelligence guys who are less capable of the patient sincerity you prefer. So taking one college class a year will invigorate opportunities to meet people who are struggling to grow their self-awareness through education. College campuses are great places to find clubs & groups of great varieties. It would be hopeful fun for all. You are a fascinating human who values proper mental intellectual intimacy as a precursor to physical expressions of it. When you show genuine interest in learning about other people, they will receive your expressions of angst such as in this video, and the powers of the gods will exploit the connection networks built-up to nuture love. Even just being out with a group might permit a random meeting with a total stranger who is perfect -- but you two otherwise would not mesh comfortably because when you are each all-alone your terrors of the other gender would prevent communication from getting started. Being part of a small group will boost your courage over some fears. Lastly, the longer you get experience interacting with guys in platonic groups, the more comfortable & practiced you'll become -- a worthy skill generally or for job interviews! ♡♡
True love waits, it somehow finds you when you least expect it. I found my ride or die at 33 and I love her. I count my lucky stars my shyness and protective instincts brushed off them random gas station encounters and degenerate flirts. No one has ever met the love of their lives at the gas station. It's beautiful to see you enjoy moments like seeing birds fly or meeting a cute dog. It's so amazing to see you articulate thoughts where every word used is like magic to instil connection. 🍕 The person that matters most is you, and we're lucky to have you exist.
I think you have a wonderful, refreshing attitude. Not compromising your core principles for the sake of finding someone "good enough" while recognizing that it's not realistic that there's only "one person" for you. I'm quite shy and introverted myself and have been doing a lot of researching on how to break out of this shell. Something I've noticed is a lot of the advice I've found is relatively cookie-cutter. While the advice for personal growth is good, the advice that's out there is more for finding *a* partner rather than *my* partner. If you follow cookie-cutter advice and use cookie-cutter steps, you'll find a cookie-cutter person. That may not be your person, because you weren't being you, you were being a gingerbread man. I think a lot of people do this (or maybe they're naturally gingerbread men). However, having higher *internal* standards and wanting to ensure the person is on the same wavelength as you is so rewarding. Frustrating because it feels so much harder to find that connection, but far more rewarding when that connection does happen. I spent 5 years between relationships before finding someone I gelled with in that way. After another 5 years, we realized we weren't as compatible and happy together as we initially were, and it was crushing to have to start all over again. It really does feel like starting from that high school state of mind of being super shy about making the first move, because I've been out of it for so long.
Having said that, I think a lot of guys are ahead of you on their desire for physical intimacy in part because we are told that there's a "natural" progression to these sorts of things, instead of recognizing our unique wants and needs. Yes, absolutely, guys tend to place their desire for sexual compatibility ahead of emotional compatibility, and for some of them it is natural. I myself am guilty in the past of this mindset of 'this is how it should be' and have "rushed" physical steps even when it didn't quite feel right, just because I thought it was "expected" to have happened by now. And this was months into dating! With the cookie-cutter advice, we're told over and over again that you *need* to signal sexual interest early on, or she'll treat you like a friend and you'll be a friend-zoned loser who never gets a girl. I have to imagine that with women seeking advice, they feel a very similar pressure when it comes to guys, in that guys want sex and while you don't *have* to give it, if you don't at least signal interest they'll think of you as a friend or a tease or a prude and will move on. It's so deflating to see that time and time again and have that expectation drilled into you. I'll tell you there are guys out there, scarce as they may seem, that do want to take things slow because they want the sex to be special. We want the sex to be the final connection, after all the others have been made, while still viewing that compatibility as important as the others. Of course, it doesn't make it any less frustrating that it just feels like it comes down to luck, as an introverted person with this kind of mindset, to cast a wide enough net to catch the right fish.
I would say chin up, keep up hope, because these people are out there. And it's scary to make the first move, but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I hope it's not just the algorithms talking, but I see far too many people (not just women) with a disconnected, surface-level view of love and partnership and their wants in a relationship. I'm glad women like you do, in fact, still exist. Your thoughts resonated so much more with me than just about any other video I've seen on modern dating. 10/10 would go rollerblading with.
Wow, girl, where do I start? This video showed up in my recommendations last night, and it resonated with me on so many levels. Every word you said stirred something within me. Today, I spent the whole day watching videos on your channel while working. There’s so much I have to say. Let's say I came into this world with a perspective on love very similar to yours. I say I came with it because I remember myself at a very young age, 6 years old, in first grade, looking at the girls and “searching for her,” if you know what I mean. My entire life and much of what I’ve done or haven’t done has largely revolved around the idea of being ready when she appears. In recent years, however, my hope has almost vanished. Many circumstances, including my personal history, the current state of the relationship landscape, women, the world, myself... many things have made me lose faith more and more in finding that person. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let my heart become bitter, and although I try to avoid that, I have lost my hope, or at least I’ve shifted the focus of my attention to other things. I’ve always told myself: if I can’t find an adequate partner, I’m not going to participate in hook-up culture either; I’d rather opt for celibacy. And that’s what I’ve done so far. I broke with my last girlfriend three years ago, I believed she was the one. Before that my faith went downhill like never before. You know, perhaps the most important paradigm shift in these past few years is that I’ve changed my definition of the "perfect partner" based on idealizations... I think, before anything else, one need to have a well-defined purpose and start working on it. The perfect partner is the one who aligns with that vision, who understands it, and who moves in the same direction as you. That might be more important than anything else. At least that’s my theory. I have many theories, the craziest ones, for example: what if romanticism is a mental illness that some of us are born with? And what if the human race is evolving to no longer need relationships as we knew them and we, the romantics, just stop evolving? Or what if the whole world is devolving, and we're the only ones who aren't? In any case, listen to you shook me deeply because I have felt exactly what you describe. That feeling you describe of looking at the big picture and thinking, "It’s highly likely that I’ll die and never find the love of my life," haunts me frequently. I don’t know if it’s normal for a man to feel the way I do... I guess I was born with a much more developed feminine side than usual. Although I still like typically masculine things... I often struggle to fit in with groups of other men because of this romantic side of mine that no one understands. At 36, my focus has changed a lot, but this burning desire to have a deep lifelong connection with someone hasn’t completely left me. The most curious thing is that last night, when I found your video, I was just seriously thinking about this, and how depression has affected me by giving up all hope, and how maybe I should start believing again and not stop searching, because I have to admit, it’s a very central part of my existence and what I feel I’m here to do. Greetings from Colombia.
Next time I smile at a woman and she turns away I'm just going to tell myself she's probably shy. Instead of I must be hideous 😂
@@Svistization Based and blackpilled
@@mathewyoungblood2357 there is a major shortage of smiles in the world. I Always appreciate a smile vs an empty cold stare (which is what men do most of the time).
Keep smiling
Typically looking down would be shy. Looking away, general disinterest. Avoiding outright is busy/focused or on the spectrum.
@@tipfertool5457 there's a lot more nuance than this. Some people on the spectrum do the previous two things you mentioned
Nah, that’s a risky situation because she can call the cops on you.
I don't know how this video appeared on my feed, but this is totally my internal dialogue. I am a guy and am just trying to find my final partner. Someone who doesn't really care about materials, brands, and whatnot and would just want to pass time together looking at the stars & talking.... or going to a park.... laying on one another and reading books. This sounds wonderful to me. Sadly, I feel like a lot of value on men is based off of how much they can make or what they can provide. I just want to give my TIME (which we cannot get back) to someone and have that person want to "waste" their time on me. I love this video! Thanks for your awesome thoughts and I am glad there are women out there like you.
Based on the descriptions, you may want to search for & join a local group or club that falls into something fun and artsy. Cooking group, dance lessons group, adults painting class, book clubs. Attend the group with a friend if you feel anxious. Recurring and frequent meeting is absolutely key for building rapport and birthing new relationships through things such as shared goals, challenges, and learning experiences. In my opinion these kinds of activities help naturally spring people into a slow-grow position rather than the modern “meet & sleep” from a dating app.
You’re not alone. I agree that it feels hard to dig through the foam in the current dating market when you have standards and preferences which don’t match the mainstream.
Second that. I am out of the dating pool for 15 years though, but I do not get why people dismiss the friendship route so much today. My relation has grown out of a friend clique. Admittedly, at some point one needs to jump over the "exciting hurdle" and decide/ask for a relationship in some way, which still is as exciting as meeting a new person, I imagine. But one advantage is that you already know the person you ask/are being asked by at that point so that there is some report to fall back on..
I was going to suggest some sort of club or activity-based situation as well. Online dating is total hell for people like Myra, and the type of person she's looking to meet is vanishingly rare on dating apps.
Bike club: fitness + social sizing.
Courage is not the absence of fear but to do things regardless of fear.
It's natural for us to be shy. Confidence is a skill that I would say everyone need to work on to improve our life and interaction between on another. Myra I pray that you will gain more confidence each day and you will no longer be afraid rejection from men. God bless.
I relate to this way too hard...
Growing up, I really wanted to find a woman and have just a normal relationship - in love, facing life together as a team and just living a happy, normal life but it feels like the older I get, the less other people seem to want that... It feels like everyone today wants immediate gratification, relationships based on financial contributions and as little attachment as possible...
It's refreshing to know there are still classic romantics out there...
I love this comment.
At the same time, I have been so shocked to find out that most(?) people are not like us?? I can't believe the way people date. I can't believe people don't seem to value LOVE.
I honestly think everyone is trying to protect themselves and, like you said, looking for less attachment, not more. It's so sad.
@@myrawest - It seems like attachment is a turnoff for a lot of people, lol...
I don't think it's so much that people don't value love. I think deep down we all want to be loved and to find someone we love in return, but I also think you are 100% right that people are doing whatever it takes to protect themselves from being hurt because when you let yourself be vulnerable and someone hurts you, it's a special kind of pain that makes you feel worthless and many people don't know how to handle or come back from that kind of blow to their ego...
My self-image used to be heavily influenced by what I thought others were thinking and feeling about me, so I totally understand how crushing it can be when you put yourself out there and the person you put yourself out there for doesn't feel the same way back. It can definitely be discouraging to say the least.
At the same time, the feeling of having found someone who gets you and who you can relate to back and share in each other's victories and stories and who just completes you is such an amazing feeling, I would take the risk of heartbreak over and over and over again...
@@Corn_Fed_BeefI think good for you. Some people are meant to be single and it's great you're honest with yourself and others that you just want to live for you. Relationships are not for everyone and not everyone needs to be in one.
@@RealSiViXI've had my heart shattered into tiny little pieces and been in the darkest days of my life because of heartbreak and I still believe with everything I have that to love and be loved is a beautiful worthwhile thing, to be vulnerable and open and love someone with your entire being is the bravest thing one can do. And I wish people would not view pain as the enemy, pain is an inevitable part of life, and we are built to heal. We will always get through heartbreak and be left with the memories of love. People who choose to be closed off miss out on the greatest gift in life, the most beautiful human experience.
@@myrawest Paul McCartney: "Love is the one thing that money can't buy..."
i love this honesty. This is why i appreciate the convos i have with my sisters ... as a dude this is so different than what my thoughts are about on this topic (and many other topics it seems) the gift of empathy y'all give me is #$%$ing Priceless!!!
I definitely resonate with what you're saying I think from my perspective we live in a culture to entrenched in instant gratification and getting things now. The idea that we've lost all vision about the beauty of slow or gradual connection is sadly lost on most people. Yet there is afew of us out there that yearn for that type of connection. Hopefully everyone can find that one day!
This is horribly sad to me and has honestly been a huge shock to me to realise the past couple years.
Also, this is so well said. It feels you're right on the mark
I'm waiting for a beautiful, pure, slow love too..I thank you from the bottom of my heart Myra! Take good care and you deserve someone who will love you to pieces.
❤❤🙏
I am shy as a guy but I would have definitely approached you especially that you can be that honest as I have been watching you since your first video. You still have courage that most of us don't to admit your deepest wants as concisely as this.
She wants Chad tho, the average dude got no chance.
@@Trigestis😅 so true so true
You are a lovely woman. Smart, well spoken, very articulate. On your dating profile, specify exactly what you’re looking for, so when you meet a potential partner, he knows in advance that you’re serious about finding your forever partner. And express this in a very clear, unambiguous way. And screen these men on the phone and with FaceTime and you will increase your chances of finding someone who’s looking for what you’re looking for. It shouldn’t be that hard if you approach it this way.
That "perfect match" you describe, you best believe that each partner in the "perfect" relationship worked their ass off and made tremendous sacrifices for each other. In relationships, perfection requires work, lots of it....but well worth it. Also, there's shyness and there's paralyzing fear, not the same.
Yes relationships require effort.
I was talking about the fact, that you can find someone who is more compatible with you naturally. That is a thing. Some relationships will require far more work, therapy, patience and trying to give each other grace, while other relationships can feel more effortless and natural.
As I said in the beginning of the video, I don't care how "perfect" of a match it is or how much work it requires as long as the other person values love as their number one value in life. That's the one thing we need to have in common.
It's so incredibly triggering when people tell me relationships require work and effort, as if I don't know that. People assume things about me. I am always the one who is researching, reading, learning about relationships and putting in WAY MORE EFFORT into the relationship than my partner.
@@myrawest well, I would guess that all your relationships started on a basis of compatibility, yes? How did those go? What happened?
I don't know about that. I've been married for 20 years and it's not that hard. As long as each person embraces selflessness, a compatable relationship doesn't take much work.
@@ORION2180 you are not that intelligent, are you
Thank you for sharing all of this. It makes me feel better about how I feel about love/relationships and that I'm not alone. I've been kinda in the same boat, it's something I've realized I've always wanted as well recently.
It's scary when you get older or take brakes for yourself. I'm almost 33 now and the anxiety just keeps being higher. I thought in my recent relationship I had found my person. I dumped a lot into that, it went fast. It was scary but I tried to trust the process. In the end I didn't get the respect or treatment I wanted/needed and couldn't continue. I blame myself a lot still, but I'm reminded by my close friends how toxic it actually was. It has been one of the hardest things to overcome recently. And you're reminding me to remain genuine to myself and keep looking. I know that fear you talk about, paradoxical but I think it's just being that vulnerable. Working on my attachment style helped a bit. But I also understand the fear of not finding that person. Genuinely terrifying. You just can't let it stop you. We all deserve the love we need.
Again, thank you for sharing. It makes me feel I'm not alone with you and the others in the comments. I'm hopeful for all of us.
I'm the male version of you. Literally. It's almost as if I was watching myself talk. Don't give up! And.. I know.. Easier said than done.
Beta simp.😂
I just watched this video and the short one you posted recently and i must say that im impressed. impressed to see how genuine and pure you are. im 19 and im realizing that the more i live this “life” the more i distance myself from what ive always also wanted: find true love, only one, no need for more. i know our age gap it’s different but it feels nice to see someone of the opposite gender that also pursues a real genuine connection with someone. the more we live, feels like the more we lose hope in love. its good that you’re so optimistic, sometimes i just wonder how are we gonna find that person, under what circumstances? because it feels like every circumstance is the same, well, most of the times. anyways, hope you find what you’re looking for because you deserve it and lucky the guy that ends up with you, i only hope he treats you the right way :)
I get what you're saying about flirting. But it can be done in a genuine way. Like giving compliments, saying you're having a good time. That is a form of genuine flirting.
Guys that lose interest if you aren't ultra flirty, or immediately intimate physically with them have no intent of ever pursuing an actual relationship. Remember this 100%
Gosh I love this. This feels like an exhale to me. THIS feels so much more natural and honest to me.
I think I do do this.
And also. I said in a different comment that the more fun, lively flirtatious, playful side of me comes out when I am in a relationshop and feel comfortable with the person
@@alexh.4068 Yes and no. I'm a man, looking for a real relationship, but also, my time is valuable. If I get the sense that a woman is not enthusiastic about spending time with me, then I'm going to move on. In my experience, women that have been "on the fence" about me have never worked out. So I've learned that "maybe" actually means "no," and if I get a "maybe," I move on to try to find a "yes."
@@whitemakesright2177 I’m a guy too. In a relationship currently. I don’t see how not being extremely flirty or not being immediately physically intimate are red flags to you. If those requirements are metrics you use to measure interest/“not being on the fence”, I don’t know what to say to you. No one, male or female, should need to meet those metrics to show interest. Neither are they good indicators of relationship potential.
I blame social media, its the absolute worst thing that has happened to the dating world in the 21st century.
True that. “Social media is the end of Rome”. Judge Judy to Melissa Rivers on a talk show I was lucky enough to catch . She nailed it! Immersion into 24/7 social media has really twisted our societies up but we’ll figure a way to fix it. If not then it’s the end of us.
I love the gradual onset of twilight and night as this video progresses.
Yeah I thought that was pretty cool!
Metaphorical. The night is coming.
Don't ever change. You are amazing at heart. Good guys are out here. We are just rare. We don't run the race like the average joes do. Im 32 and still waiting for misses right. Just don't lose hope.
Thank you for this. You remind me that I'm not alone in the struggle. I've been trying so hard to put myself out there with dating. People just seem impatient and rushed and I simply can't make out with someone on the first date or be bubbly and flirtatious. I have had to become accepting of myself because I can't change to please others. Even if it means I'll end up alone at least I am honoring my own values and boundaries.
music.th-cam.com/video/8JSWUFdjoHU/w-d-xo.html&si=rky-12nwa2BWZKKF
@@monicagutierrez6964 wow. You have no idea how much this means to me. Honestly the most meaningful comment to me. To know that I connected with you and can validate you in the struggle. Especially the forced to be bubbly/flirty.
I will always have faith that our person IS out there. There are people like us, who are searching for meaningful connection and will love and respect YOU.
Thank you Myra! I will also keep the faith that there is someone out there for me. Keep up the great work!
@@myrawest Hi Myra, do you know if a guy likes you?🤣. Just asking. Also, do women really like it when guys talk to them? And by the way, it's hard too for men but we just have man up and approach women🤣. I am single too and I love the single life to be honest. I really do. Single life is so fun bc you don't have to worry about a child or something. I would say most of my friends are married now and I am you do that🤣🤣. The only reason why I would want to get married is bc I am a Christian and as a Christian I am not supposed to live with a woman outside marriage.
Marriage is too much to say the least 🤣😎
Monica: you’ve got the most amazing playlist! Lanafan? And Hope Sandoval? What a way to spend a Saturday night. Thank you!
Myra you are such a beautiful person and absolutely stunning too.
I'm a shy guy even at 57 and being shy can consume a person. I have found chatting to women online has helped....it helps break down those "what if" barriers etc
My problem is that I am shy but that I dont think too highly of myself so I wind up not approaching people that I find attractive. I think that I overthink it instead of just taking chances.
you are not alone, there are many people shy but also have very low self esteem that these people rather avoid the confrontation then (like you mentioned) take a chance.
and the solution really is in the 'take the chance' bit.
ask yourself, what could hurt you other then stupid feelings if you get turned down. these feelings go away eventually and you try again..
and if you are lucky on the first try, consider your goal complete. you did it!
Yeah because when I think highly of myself I might end up having an inflated ego or pride 😂
@@mediocreman2 its not value its his actions (or lack of) that aren't aligned with what he wants. he's basically letting his brain control his action meanwhile his heart desires something else.
if he wants something he should pursue at least try something.
@Poeskey Girls find things about us attractive more importantly than just our looks. If you are being your genuine self and treating others with respect you are already that guy for her in her eyes. It always helps that she finds you attractive look wise also, but that's more how us men think we like a woman first from her looks than delve into her personality.
I can relate so much to everything you're saying - which in itself is rare for me because I've never had someone in my life who feels and wants the same things as I do.
Though I understand that it comes from a well-meaning place, I find it so annoying when people insist that I don't need a relationship, a man, the one, in order to be happy. That I should do things that bring me joy, to learn to love being by myself and that one day I'll hopefully meet someone. I absolutely agree that we should not solely depend our happiness on someone else but I don't want to be by myself. I've been by myself for so long and I'm tired of it. It's not a bad thing to say that the only thing missing from my life is a true connection, a life-partner, the love of my life, yet people will always insist that we can't think that way. But the thing is, those messages are almost always coming from people in happy relationships or marriages... And I can't help but feel alone and like an alien when I'm the only one feeling this way and the only one struggling when I'm constantly surrounded by people settled down in loving relationships.
I'm also really shy but have so much love, care, support and so much to give if people just had more patience. But like you also said, when it comes to dating these days you just get one shot at auditioning for the role of a partner. And I can't be my bubbly, child-like, loving, romantic, passionate self at the beginning nor can I be physically intimate before we become emotionally intimate. I've met so many guys who seemed really nice, who I liked and connected with and was willing to invest time and energy and effort into getting to know them and forming a connection only for them to ghost me when they realize that I wanna take things a bit slowly. I'm tired of having to adapt, change myself and push myself out of my comfort zone when all I want is to feel secure, safe and connected with someone. I want someone who will put in the same effort, someone who will fight for me as I fight for them. Ugh, it's so exhausting lol
Thank you for making this video. It's honestly comforting to know that I'm not alone in how I'm feeling and I'm sure that's true for a lot of people.
The excessive emphasis on (emotional and existential) self-sufficiency seems like an attempt to adapt to increasing atomization and the growing precariousness of meaningful connections (caused by many factors). It's undeniable that meaningful experiences are at least twice as meaningful when shared (with the right person, that is; in wrong company they may be less meaningful, as the inability to share and feel understood makes things worse). In that sense being single will never be completely fulfilling -- though it's of course good to find as much fulfilment as one can independently, so as to be able to see a relationship as adding and multiplying, rather than filling a void.
Taking things slowly is a good way to filter out the wrong kind of people. If a guy is too impatient to get to know you and enjoy your company for its own sake, he's not really interested in you as a person, so it's a simple act of self-respect to get rid of him. Personally, I suspect close friendships are a better foundation for enduring romantic relationships than dating is -- provided, of course, that those friendships form organically and without ulterior motives driving them, which is difficult to find and achieve.
I feel that man you met in the gas station was also shy and when you turned away he might taught that you were not interested about him. But I also feel that life is a lot and full of misunderstandings and misinterpretations of events.
I like that you question your feelings instead of letting someone else control your feelings. I’ve always despised those people who say “talking about sex and your concerns about the act is “not sexy.” What they are really saying is that they don’t want to be there with you for the small things in life. I believe you are letting the everyday neuroticism we all face block your ability to be intimate with a Man. Being a Man is difficult when it comes to communicating feelings because so many woman are programmed to believe that feelings are creepy. They are not. They are what makes you who you are. And owning that is “sexy”
Myra rollerskating: taking me back to the 90s girl. Take care of yourself💗
Haha rollerblading to be exact 😉 Inline
@@myrawest Charging up to go again to I see? 3 years since your viral video on TH-cam. Time flies
Myra, I appreciate your videos so much. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your thoughts with us. Truthfully, you sound like the perfect candidate for psychotherapy with a trained psychologist.
Your ambivalence surrounding men and approaching interpersoanl interactions with them is exactly the type of thing that they're trained to help you work through and your fear/avoidance of them sounds like a symptom of anxiety which can be treated.
If you think the fesr is getting in your way, olease consider seeing someone for help with it. I can give you more information about the process if you need it
Fun fact : I am French and I feel related to everything you have said in this video... To a point that it is almost embarrassing. We exist, thank you.
❤ Ughhhhh I need to live in France 😭
@@myrawest Any plans to start taking French classes or immerse yourself in French culture?
@@myrawest maybe some day, it is just one ocean away afteralll.
As an autistic man, I relate so hard to "not knowing what the other person expects." The one real time I ever had reciprocated feelings for someone, they eventually lost interest, and said it was because I made it seem like I just wanted to stay platonic friends. Despite me telling them I have feelings for them lol.
Like, how do I hang out "romantically," ignoring the obvious things like physical intimacy?
It's suuuuuper f'in hard as an autist. Every woman I've been with has said basically what you said "I can't feel you love me" or something to that effect.
Unfortunately I also have no answers, other than to date an autist, but then you gotta also be ok with not having kids because the chances the kid would be severely autistic is much, much higher. And I haven't actually tried that because every autist woman I knew was insufferable, SJW type.
Love you Myra. I'm 29 and I got engaged earlier this year to "the man" I met at 27.
If it matters, I met him on the apps after tons and tons of ding dongs.
You're awesome. Keep living the life and going after what you want.
Congrats sis, I wish you and your husband all the best and special blessings for the two of you 💖🙏🏻
I went through a lot until I found my girl, I'm 34 and she's 23, I can't wait for 2025 as that's when we'll meet in person.
Last Sunday we watched a movie "together" (at the same time, then shared our thoughts) and it was very nice. Honestly thought I'd never meet someone as genuine and incredible as her.
This is so sweet 😭😭😭 I love hearing the "how we met" stories ❤️ thank you for sharing, it give me and others so much hope.
And congratulations!!
Lovely post...my dog Layla..sends love🎉🎉
@@PhilipMarcYT This is so sweet. Much luck to the two of you. I wish you all the best❣️🙋🏻♂️
I actually forgot about your channel. Good to see you’re still active.
Keeping your authenticity and intentions where you need them will mean they will be reciprocated by worthy individuals. Fighting through the mire, the hordes, while daunting and tiresomely insane, will yield your rewards. Thank you for sharing your personal struggles many of us experience in relative silence.
Everything about this video gives me goosebumps and brings a tear to my eye....... What you described is exactly what I have been wanting since I was 17, 18 years old...... This is why I always feel like I am home when I watch your videos and spent time on your channel
I am trying to absorb all the information from this video, and I am hoping that it will help me in my own life. I think you did have a breakthrough at the 24-minute mark. I can report that my older brother found his wife at age 55. He never gave up. He had ended a 10 year relationship from age 40 to age 50 . He has been happily married for 15 years. I have total confidence that you will find him. I love that moment when you said there has to be match out there somewhere. Thank you, Myra, for trying to help me and everyone else. This video gives me a lot to think about.
I like your comment very much, Anthony. It is exactly to the point, highly qualified and instructive. After all, you're one of Myra's most faithful subscribers. Small wonder then that you get her message.
Best wishes and thank you.
I appreciate you sharing hope. I've heard a lot of stories of people finding their love later in life. It's a hopeful message but I still have my fingers crossed that I'll meet him sooner than later.
I do hope this helps others in the struggle to feel seen or have hope that there are other romantics out there. Everyone in the comments seems to be a very genuine person. I like our community
Glad to know I'm not alone in the prioritizing love thing. People call me cringe or tell me its not the most important thing in life. But life's meaning is what you make it, and I have an intense desire for deep connection and finding that within a woman I can peacefully die with.
To add as I'm watching. A lot of your experiences can be applied to either gender. As a man, I've experienced a lot of what you have as a woman. It's kind of funny. Some of the dating tropes and stereotypes just don't make any sense to me.
I love this. Gives me so much hope to know men like you are out there
@@myrawest hopefully one day we can both find some like minded hearts
American culture is so superficial, and it’s getting worse. If you’re not good looking, then you are expected to quietly fade into the background, because you’re not acceptable. So people like me don’t deserve attention according to today’s norms. Im 54 now, and alone. I would love to have a relationship, and i’m in no rush for anything physical, just cuddles😊. I’m into geeky stuff, and I learned way back in high school that women (at least from my generation) had no interest in geeks. It destroyed my self esteem, and I’ve become really shy from it…getting shot down enough times makes me give up, and it really sucks. I don’t recall doing anything in life to make me deserve this. Superficiality has been around a long time, but social media has made it a lot worse. I’m glad it didn’t exist when I was in my teens. It’s very sad, because I think you are a better person for wanting the more romantic path. It makes you very genuine, and any guy who can understand and win your heart will be very lucky indeed.
I’m at home.
At home; watching TH-cam; making the same dinner for myself, that I make every night; then going to work in the morning; working until 7pm; going back home; watching TH-cam; making dinner; going to work in the morning; getting home at 8pm; making dinner; work; eat; sleep; work; eat; sleep; work; eat; sleep; weekend bike ride; getting chores done; mowing the yard; fixing things around the house; cleaning the house; doing laundry; eating; sleeping; working; going to one social event a month with the 2 or 3 former coworkers I can *sometimes get to show up; eating; sleeping; working; eating; sleeping; working; learning more about how to start the business I want to start; eating; sleeping; working…
You’re never gonna “stumble upon” me.
So if you see me, interact. Otherwise, you won’t be listed in the things going on in my life.
You live to work, I work to live
I turned 21 a month ago and have never been in a long term relationship. I have tried apps a couple of times, and have gotten some dates from it, but I agree about finding "the one". Something that has been growing increasingly common is the idea of an open relationship, and I have really never understood the appeal. I am looking for a life partner, and if you want to see other guys while dating me that is just not going to fly. I find it crazy that someone as beautiful as you with such an infectious personality struggles in the dating world, but that is just the reality of how things go today. It is hard to find someone that wants the same thing as you, especially on dating apps where hookup culture is so prominent. I really wish you the best of luck out there, because I feel like I am in a very similar situation to you and I can sympathize with you to an extent!
Dating Apps make wom3n full of themselves and men insecure, best to avoid them.
I stumbled across this video randomly and yet learned so much about myself hearing you talk about this, thank you.
Many of us Men tryied the slow thoughtful path with your fellow sitters and we either got rage screemed at for not being proactive enough or locked permanently in the friend zone .
You know. A few years ago I'd have a different reaction. But i have a couple guy friends who i love, and they told me the same thing in their experience. That girls wanted them to be more forward and physical. I can tell these exoerienes with women hurt them and shaped them.
All I can say to that is that, just like men, all women are different.
Obviously I'm different in that I want it slow. And there are many women like me.
The friend zone isn't a thing. If she likes you, you won't be in the friend zone, if she doesn't like you/isn't attracted to you, you will be in the friend zone.
Either a woman is attracted to you or she isn't. Nothing you "do" will change that. If she's not attracted to you, she isn't.
Also, don't ever be a woman's "friend" in hopes you'll sleep with her. If you can't be friends with a woman and care about her as a person, don't be friends with women
@@Scotty_Bo0m Oh shut up about Chad for god's sake. It's not 2015 anymore, and if you've ever actually watched one of this woman's videos you'll know she's not about 'friendzoning' men.
@@myrawestGood to hear that. but not always true, a woman that was attracted to me rejected me after I didn't behave the way she wanted. And I heard from other men that a woman who found a guy attractive rejected him after she found out he didn't have a high paying job.
I just saw your post , I didn't know who the men are in your area but I suspect your overly Romancing what's just over the hill and not saying not to explore just do it slowly and with emotionally sober eyes .
Besides that try looking at guys that are studying accounting .🤓
I might be misunderstanding, but from what you say at 18:09 I would say you are (probably) demisexual. I self identify as demisexual and it is something I learned only after becoming an adult, and it is not childish or abnormal, so no, there is nothing wrong with you.
The problem is that this view of an ideal relationship seems to be contradictory with what you say at 36:16. If you really feel a relationship would only be possible through a slow process it doesn't matter how many dates you go to with a number of different guys... you will never "feel the romantic vibes" from dates, as you say in the video, simply because that is not how it works for you (from what you say at 18:09).
So maybe instead of seeking a romantic partner, it would be less exhausting just searching for friendship with men. Just know people with zero intentions and see if that leads somewhere. The real hard part is that probably 99 out 100 man will be expecting to get physical in a short time so they will probably interpret your friendly relationship as just "she is not into me so I should just move along".
Anyway I wish you luck and hope that you find what you are looking for in your life.
I relate to what you are saying about flirting feeling fake and the lack of authenticity. Some of what are you talk about reminds me of the book "The Art of Seduction"; the whole book basically gives historical examples with how flirting and seduction are used to gain power over others, with the author even referring to the seduced as "Victims". While the book talks a lot about Power dynamics and methods of deception, it is interesting how the other breaks down different types of seducers into categories, you may learn something about yourself or you may understand why you find certain types of people alluring, but maybe not good partners in the long run.
Part of the problem I have is as a shy person is putting myself in new situations, and anxiety either prevents me from making steps, or makes it that much harder.
This makes me more prone to craving connection and can lead to what you were saying about accepting breadcrumbs. My only advice here and to myself is to try to do something outside of your comfort zone at least once a day. Know what you need out of relationship and accept no less. It may take some time to meet your person, but that's better than accepting something that isn't right for you long term.
I'm wishing the best for you, myself and everyone who relates to this video.
That book has been on my reading list for a while!
Myra, you've got to remember you can't hurry love, you just have to wait, love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take ...
Its a very different world since Diana Ross brought those words in 1966.
From a "former" very shy guy's perspective I'd say it's even worse for shy guys/men. We cannot even expect at all to wait for her, since it's not in our culture for her to chase us down - we either change at some point or need to accept that we maybe end up alone. We get to hear that we aren't "manly enough" and that no woman wants a man like that. Then I'm dating now at 33, finally gotten more confidence - but I still feel that personality-wise - I'm not what most women want. Women WANT men to be more sexual with them sooner and to "be a real man"... One without being allowed to display weakness at all and must be strong and powerful at all times. I also do understand that men want sexual intimacy sooner and it's a way for us to feel validated and wanted - I am a little against this "don't want to be viewed sexually" - because you ARE viewed sexually; that's how men works and a reason for us to pursue you is indeed the want for sex; but that's not everything we see in you and yes you shouldn't give it away too soon. I would happily date a woman like you, that appreciates a man with purer, kinder personality traits - and I am glad that they are out there somewhere at least.
I'm so glad I'm not alone.
Enjoyed your perspective, it put some pieces together in my head from past dating experiences. When I was on the dating apps it always felt like a battle royale with other dudes for a matches attention. Feeling that pressure/fear, I would push the pace in dates because i thought that was what was expected, and it only turned into a relationship twice. Pesky insecurities, yo
A very good video. Raw. Honest. Natural. And you are asking the right questions. You are definitely very romantic. But you're not asking for too much. You're asking for the right things you should have and get. Your words are like a magic spell that will attract the O N E . Many subscribers will relate and cry out loudly "it's me, it's me..." - But that, of course is a misunderstanding and not the purpose of this video.
Next Sunday I will go on a walking tour with a group of French people living around here. If you like the French, Myra, and can't go to France right now, maybe you might find some French people in the Midwest, too. Might be fun. Could be nice. Best wishes from Europe and all the best to you.
Awww this was such a nice, thoughtful comment! Thank you! And you're completely right. I really appreciate this. Thanks for being here 🙏
@@myrawestOh, thank you so much, Myra. You are totally justified in all your dreams and wishes. You get such a wildfire of comments for this video not because people want to "change your mind" but because they relate. If they are really honest to themselves deep down in their hearts all women want e x a c t l y what you describe in your video. It's a legitimate dream. You're not asking for the world. You just want true love. And if men were really honest to themselves they would readily admit that they are just as disgusted by the superficiality of "modern dating" as you are. Deep down in our hearts we all want true love. You are not only describing the daily life of a Midwestern girl in the twenty first century. You are drawing the portrait of a young woman in our Western society today, with all her anxieties, unfulfilled wishes and shattered dreams crying out for help "hello out there! Is there anybody out there?" - You are crying it out on your roller scates right into the night. And your community echoes: "Yes, we're here, Myra. We're here for you. We relate. And we will follow. We follow you with pleasure, desire and despair. Wherever your scates take you."
You're a poet and a scholar, Wolfgang.
@@johnschewe6358 Oh, thank you, John. Your appreciation really means a lot to me. Especially because I know you as one of Myra's most faithful followers. You were here right from the start, always supportive and over the years we had several most encouraging encounters. You're a warm heart and an honest soul fighting for the good cause right at Myra's side.
I've been getting videos like this, and I'm convinced that the algorithm is just reading my mind at this point.
I think, in some respects, it is easier for women. But I think also that as far as dating is concerned, there are two schools of thought. There is the aggressive approach and there is the cautious approach and I think that for introverts, the cautious approach is usually the favoured approach. As an introvert, I think it is easier for women because, in the interests of avoiding weird scenarios where intentions and words are misread, I tend to leave it up to the woman which is often misread as indifference. Of course, the reverse side to that is, the aggressive guys are not always the good guys and they cop a feel or worse. Still, I'd rather be lonely than subject some girl to a situation we'd both rather avoid. May you find your someone, Myra! May we all find our someones!
Same. I'm an introvert and I'm only really into introverted women and I don't want to bother them, but a lot of them just stare and then do nothing expecting me to do all the work like its the 1950s... I don't want them to feel rejected or like I'm indifferent (I'm not) but it's freaking 2024 and I'm not gonna risk getting me too'ed or making them uncomfortable if they don't like me enough to say hi when they don't have the same constraints. This puts things at an indefinite standstill which is frustrating.
What you have described with such eloquence is the world today. But just don't worry about anything...there are always beautiful people to meet such wonderful souls like you. You are a very genuine person. That's what I appreciate in you.
I love your comment about France. I am French, met my American wife in the Mid West (Chicago), we had one in a billion chance to meet, at a party where she was not supposed to be. And yes, we kissed less than an hour after we met... But it was very romantic. Life is strange sometimes. There is a good chance you will meet the right person when you least expect it.
This is so beautiful brother! I hope you and your lucky wife are doing well and staying strong 💪🏼❤️ have you been to Quebec in Canada?
@@varun.shenoy10 I love Quebec. I lived in Canada, in Toronto and Ottawa. Beautiful cities, but definitely missing the French touch of Montreal or Quebec City.
Awww I love this story!! It sounds so romantic 😭❤ I love the one in a billion chance of meeting, that makes it so special.
I believe people should kiss whenever it feels right, it doesn't matter at all when that is :) :)
Where in France are you from?
@@myrawest I was born near Geneva (Switzerland) and spent my young years in France. But my goal was to travel the world, which I did. I lived and worked on 5 continents, we have 3 children, including 2 boys around your age. They have dual citizenship (US/France) and I can tell you that my wife and I put a lot of emphasis on how important it is to be gentlemen and respectful of women. They sure got the message. Now we live in beautiful South California.
I feel like you and I have a lot in common. Sitting and over analyzing and over thinking why dating never really evolves into a real and meaningful relationship. I always feel like women are expecting a man who's fun and exciting. I'm also shy and more reserved, so I feel like that quality isn't immediately apparent in myself. Some of my favorite dates have been the ones where the other person and I can just sit and talk for long periods of time and really get to know each other.
Dating is definitely when you're shy, reserved and more of a romantic. Especially when you have a very specific idea of what you want your relationship to be like, or the type of person you'd like to date. It just closes that gate a little more. You're very charming, and I really hope someone realizes your worth. You really deserve it.
I agree with you on so much Myra!
Aw 🥲🙏
@@myrawest You're most definitely not alone. I don't want to make out on first date either, much less send nudes. LOL It's a crazy world when ppl expect so much from you and yet have such low standards. Despite all that basic insanity, we can still have lots of positive interactions with men and I like to in a sense collect them, like beautiful baubles. I say, keep your eyes on the horizon and make your own fun. Much Love to you Myra!
@@dianamary6170❤❤❤
They always say that things in life find you at just the right time. That's what happened to me with this video, it came at exactly the right time.
I just want to thank you from the depths of my soul for your video. The thoughts you shared with us are beautiful and I really wish there were more women like you in the world. Anyway, you touched my heart and I really hope that you will find the man of your dreams and be happy in the end.
Best regards from Germany.
This is like an alien doing an investigation into human relationships. I love it.
Hahahaha honestly so true. But we all go through this phase of learning and discovery. Learning that the world is different than we thought
@@myrawest It’s tougher for autistic people, the things that come naturally to others are like some alien rituals to us. And you are extremely smart too, which means your brain needs to be stimulated too. But don’t worry, you are not the problem, you are awesome! The guy is out there, going through the same dilemma as you :) . But it takes time. Don’t force it too much. It will come when you least expect it.
@@HlbkomerI think you are assuming I'm autistic.. I don't know why I rub people this way. I don't get it. But it could be my homeschool energy
@@myrawest Sorry, didn’t want to step over any boundaries. But you know, if it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, it’s most likely a duck. It’s a spectrum anyway, we are all a little autistic so who cares. But your experiences align with those of other autistic people trying to navigate the neurotypical world. Maybe look into it a bit? It might help you understand some things about yourself.
@@Hlbkomer she is not remotely autistic, what are you smoking?
Hey Myra
My name is Eddie, and I’m twenty years old. I just wanted to reach out after watching your video. Your honesty about the struggles of dating really resonated with me, and I can relate to what you’re going through. I know it might seem surprising that I’m commenting on your TH-cam videos, but I felt compelled to connect because I’ve been through similar experiences.
Back in primary school, especially during my junior year, I had strong feelings for a girl and set high expectations for our connection. But everything fell apart after a dispute that involved my family, which really hurt. Letting her go was tough, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Still, it left me feeling like I’d messed everything up, and I totally understand how frustrating it can be when things don’t go as hoped.
It’s so natural to want genuine connections without the pressure to perform. Life can throw a lot of challenges our way, and it can feel isolating. Just know that you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed or questioning things. If you ever want to share more about your experiences or just talk, I’m here to listen.
Take care of yourself!
myra stay the way you are, i m straight, and normal people want what you want. what you said, this is what normal men and woman want!
This is the most relatable relationship perspective video I’ve seen, being an old soul trudging through the era we’re in…. Left behind by our generation & unsatisfied with so much society’s left us. Keep your spirits up, you’re bound to find it all.
Well, there's you, and me, and many others in this comment section. So we ARE out there!!!
Honestly, you really are a rare sort of woman in a very good way. You most definitely give off vibes of great sincerity, genuineness and unpretentiousness. I know, what a mouthful. You remind me of the pretty girl on the playground in elementary school who I dreamed of having as my lifelong companion (wife) back when life was so much simpler and innocent. A breath of fresh air.
You have a beautiful mind and heart. Don't change unless you want to. You give use hope. I agree with everything you said. So pure and honestly sweet. Thanks for giving us hope.
Maybe I not an "average dude", but I just enjoy good, fun company from another gal. A genuine exchange of significant interests, acknowledgement of bids for connection, and showing-up loving encouraging care when sharing from deep down. Initial physical attraction does play a role for me. On the other hand sex is definitely not out of the conversation, but for me that comes after regarding someone among the best of my friends.
A great resource "to understand men" (myself I guess?) and the ecosystem of relational dynamics that completes the compliment with women is *Alison Armstrong.* Go check out her videos!
You're not alone in these wants. Not by a long shot. Nor am I. Keep it rollin!
that there are women like you gives me hope, keep it up, you have a beautiful message
Don't be too tough on yourself or your situation. It's difficult for a lot of us out there. It can be really frustrating for shy people. And I agree with you. Kissing on the first date is weird unless I've known the girl for a long time beforehand as friends and even then it's usually a no for me. Same with flirting. It feels disingenuous and fake if it's someone you just met.
Yeah!! The funny thing is everything I talked about is how I act when I'm IN a relationship and comfortable. I am extremely fun, bubbly, lively, giddy, flirtatious, playful etc, when I KNOOW the person! But people expect it all in a very specific timeline.
So true! And I always thought most people felt the same way about that stuff, but apparently not. Not good news for shy people
Hi Myra. Thank you for sharing your honest insight. So rare to see in this world. I'm a guy and I actually had some tears just listening to you.
What you are saying sent shivers down my spine. As long as I've been alive, I've always wanted to get married. And everything in life is good except for dating. Like what honestly scares me is that I will lose my heart in the search for a woman because of what I am told by friends and what I see and hear from dating coaches here on TH-cam. I didn't think there was anyone out there who felt similar to how I did about love. My name is Jase. I'm 41 and also from the Midwest. I'm not shy, though😂
PLEASE DONT LISTEN TO DATING COACHES. Unless you are extremely selective and discerning.
Most and I mean 99.9% of dating coaches for men are absolute garbage! I have listened to them and disagree with everything they say, as in, what they teach about women and how to get them is the opposite of who I am and what I want. And true for many other women. These people are toxic.
And it's the same for dating coaches for women. Toxic garbage that ends up making you feel like you suck and you're doing everything wrong.
Anywho. Sorry for the rant.
There are good people out there! There are romantics out there! You can still find one.
your video really spoke to me. Sometimes is easy to forget that hopelessly romantic woman like you still exist. I am a 39 year old man and have only been in a one 11 year relationship. We became very good friends before we ever thought about dating and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I also couldn't imagine not having a relationship develop through close personal connection first.
I think the reason for writing this comment is basically to tell you that you're right about the fact that there are men out there, who are looking for connection before intimacy. I also have to admit that i didn't expect hearing that from a woman like you. I know that this is really dumb and ignorant of me, but i guess it is true that very attractive woman can struggle with finding love because they are only approached by (mostly) the wrong men.
I probably would never approach you, because i would be very intimidated, although i'm not very shy when talking to strangers. I'm rooting for you, that the right man approaches you soon and that you'll make each other very happy.
Dont think less of yourself, think about yourself less ;)
I get your points. The thing is, if you dont signal the guy, that you want to continue seeing him and want to explore further, most men stop interacting, because its just a waste of time and money.
You are wise beyond your years Myra. Indeed you can love someone that doesn’t appreciate you or that isn’t grateful for you. You love them but they don’t love you. In that case it is time to move on and find someone that sees the real you, that sees your heart. If love is never reciprocated then it is time to move on and find a soul that will love and appreciate you forever.
Most people are compatible with most people if the situation is desperate enough. The problem is that life is too easy, survival is too certain, and time is not short. At least, that’s our perception. That’s why no one is getting together. It’s just not that important to survival at the moment. It will be in the future. But all of the young people aren’t thinking that far ahead. Women are picky because they can afford to be. Men aren’t trying because they don’t have to. If you take away the safe world we live in, things will change. We are rats in a cage more than we think.
After listening to a few more minutes of your talk, I really think you are way way overthinking this and as long as you are overthinking this like you are, you’re going to be stuck where you are. You might benefit from counseling to talk it through with somebody who might be able to redirect your frustration and quite honestly some of your inhibitions. I think they are getting in the way of your finding what you want to find in life and love.
I really think you will meet your guy just not yet.. it is good for a girl to be shy just like you and you have a right mindset. Good luck!
Oh and you are looking very good so don't worry just wait and enjoy life it will be Awesome!
You are a woman I would genuinely love to sit down with virtually and just talk about dating. Almost like a brainstorming activity for finding "the one", because it's frustrating and fascinating at the same time. You're inspiring me to want to record my own dating experience video as a man (if I do I'll give you a shoutout 🙌), and I hope other men and women do too. Because you are definitely not alone in the way you feel. You aren't crazy, there's nothing wrong with you, and what you're looking for isn't unreasonable or unrealistic.
I do think that a big factor you touched on is location, as I myself have often felt like I'm not where I'm supposed to be...the people in my area tend to be...a certain way or have certain characteristics, and they just don't mesh with me. Just know that you are not alone in the struggle. You will find your someone :)
As someone with crippling social anxiety, this is exactly how I feel. Thank you for sharing Myra!
This channel is for you, it's all about anxiety
Flirting is part of the game. How will a man know youre interested in them back if you dont give them basic flirtatious feedback? And no this doesnt mean always sexual in nature.
The same way you want positive feedback from someone youre romantically interested in, they look for the same. And not every man is only into only sexual lenses. If you want some super wholesome romance novel type love where sexuality only comes into play at the perfect fairytale moment, you will be searching for a while. Especially from your generation.
I can say "I like you."
You absolutely do not have to play games or give cues. I would LOVE if a man was straight forward and direct with me in the same way. Like an adult
@@myrawest I fear you only like when a man is direct in the exact way you want them to be. When a man directly only wants you for a fun time, you dislike that. Youve said as much.
What youre looking for is 100% out there. But it aint easy to find in this age. Where you are looking now, is not working for you. Regroup and restrategize.
"I like you" means absolutely nothing in this age. Romance is more complicated than that. We're not on the playground in 4th grade anymore. The faster we accept that the better our odds are at love.
I do wish you well in your love journey tho.
I would LOVE if a man told me directly he just wanted me for a good time. Instead of leading me on or lying to me to try to get what he wants. That way I can get the heck away from him.
Interesting that you think clear direct communication is "childish" and indirect game playing is somehow more adult
@@myrawest "direct communication" doesn't work well for men. To be honest, it doesn't work to such extent, that we even don't bother ourselves to try
@@myrawestreasonable
Best of luck to you. It's fucked out here. I hope you get to your finish line without becoming irreparably broken like so many of the rest of us
Chances are 50/50 😅😅 I have felt that urge to become jaded and bitter but I'm fighting it for all I'm worth 😅
@@myrawest you seem like a very genuine, good-hearted person. That alone makes you stand out, to some people at least. You stand out to me. I'm glad I listened to this because it reminded me that not everyone's as cynical and jaded as the Internet can make it seem. Protect that little flame of hope like you're Charmander in a rain storm. And know we're rooting for you! 🫠
American culture is pretty rough, especially the Midwest, I feel you. I’m from Montana and moved out East because I needed more culture. If they are the ONE, then you most likely will be friends with them first. That’s how me and my wife were. Just friends and I had no idea or intentions of dating her, I just genuinely fell in love with her as a person and friend, it was only till we confessed our love for each other did we start our romantic relationship.
Marrying your best friend is key!
Myra, the mystique that once existed between men and women has been removed. That's why sensitive and thoughtful young people like yourself suffer so much. Once upon a time, there was a mysteriousness, a mystique, a hidden element between men and women which each yearned for. This is now gone. There is no more mystique, no more yearning, no more desire, generally speaking. There is a lack of scarcity value between men and women. A man will no longer see a woman as a goddess as he once would because by the time he's 21, he's had so many sexual encounters that the uniqueness of each woman is diminished to the point where after a certain age, a woman doesn't have that something special anymore. The same can be said about women and the way they see men. Men and women don't see the divine in each other anymore. I hope that my comment helps. Great video by the way.
Made me a little teary, I'm an old guy wanting the same sort of connection.
I’m so sorry for you Myra, your search is almost certainly doomed to failure. In 2019 I travelled in the Nordic countries, I was surprised to learn that the fastest growing demographic in Scandinavia is single person households! Once I discovered this fact, I started talking to people, I found so many implacable “values” that people weren’t willing to bend upon. I found so many people unable to accomodate compromise and negotiation. THEN, I spot your hair, it’s an indicator! You’re NOT shy, you’re defensive.
I'm 37, and still a virgin. I have been in love 3 times, and only briefly dated one of them long distance.
I cannot comprehend being that vulnerable with relative strangers. I was raised Christian, and still am, which I'm sure influenced my views on sex and marriage. But beliefs aside, my heart can only entertain one at a time, and there's years in-between where it's painfully lonely. Even so, I've never wanted to be intimate with someone that I wasn't in love with. Like, to the point where I get really uncomfortable when women touch me or sand near me. Even shaking hands is s slight dread. At this point, I'm unsure if I'll ever find someone, but I'm willing to wait incase I do. Because if I give it away now, what was the point of hanging onto it for the last 37 years. I'm "kinda basic" looking, which I'm given to understand isn't what most women are looking for, but the up-side is I've had some time to thing about life, love, and what I think is actually important.
I prefer the Biblical definitions and parameters for love; partly I'm sure because that's what I was taught, but also because they're actually defined. And unlike modern concepts of love, they hold up to the rigors of actual relationships, not so the wishful fictitious portrayals of love in modern media. Love is patient, kind, slow to anger, long suffering and sacrificial. THAT is love. Yes I know that's 3 different ways of saying patient, that's because it's proportionally that important. If you add romance on-top that's fine, but it's more like icing. If you only get icing it makes you nauseas after a while, so you need that dense moist cake layer, otherwise it doesn't work. What's hard for some people to understand, is that you have to return love, in at least equal measure. Both parties have to pour into each other, and fill up the other person's life bar, otherwise it will fail. There's a lot of selfish people out there these days, that are totally willing to absorb all your love, but not feed you back, and it's disgusting to me. It's like buying a car to drive but never changing the oil/fluids. Yea... it'll run for a bit, but what the hell are you trying to prove? That's why it's so important to take note of the indications of investment from the other person when dating. If you're texting him books, but only getting a few words back, dial it back to see if they show interest, and if they don't then they're probably not interested, and therefore not worth the investment of time and energy.
Something to consider for yourself is which qualities are requirements, and which are preferences, and how strong each preference is. Because the more requirement filters you place on any given search the fewer the results returned will be. And just to give you an example of what I'm talking about, men with this personality type you're looking for account for ~0.9% of the population. Multiply that by .15 because the single men in your age range (generously guessing) is 15%. That's 2 filters, and we're down to .135% of the population approximately statistically. Now, that's still 450k men in the US, BUT we haven't even filtered for height, looks, education level, financial stability, smoking, does he have kids, does he want kids, etc. I'm not saying this to discourage you. I'm saying this because I genuinely want you to find someone that will make you happy. But IF that guy happens to be a "kinda basic" mid-westerner that lives an un-exciting life, but he has exactly the personality and interests you want... would it be enough for you? Standards are a good thing to have, but if you have too many or too strict of standards, then no one will be able to live up to them. Speaking as a man, none of us are perfect. So if you're looking for perfection, you won't find us. The other half of the problem, is even if you do find him, what if you're not what he wants? As we all know not all love is reciprocated. The first girl I was in love with could have been the one, but she wasn't interested in me, so... here we are.
I am still a virgin, too. I have no interest in losing it. This is not important to me in a relationship.
Another lives inside you, urging you to stay true. Quiet your mind. Put on your rollerblades, cup your heart and whisper to it: "it’s not a matter of how, only a matter of when". To quote Nietzsche, "Anyone who has a why to live for can bear almost any how". There so much light in you
Hello, I’m watching the video. I love it. I’m 57. I’ve been with my wife for 35 years. I married someone before her. We were together three years we were young. I married my wife now we were both 30 so I was with her when she was 21 just out of college and I was just out of the Navy And we are still together but she’s my second wife so she’s my forever person give it time. Don’t try to make it happen. Let it happen naturally believe it or not. She’s a friends sister. I never thought I would marry someone I knew there sister it just happened naturally, so that’s all I’m saying let it happen naturally don’t beat yourself up looking for it. It will happen naturally when the time is right I love the videos. I just wanted to let you know this so hopefully I’ll give you some peace.I am 57 with my wife for 35 years, have a great day and stay safe. Can’t wait till next video John .
That's a wonderful story.
I've been online dating a girl I've been talking since July thus year and already she has changed my life so much, and we agree on nearly everything I never thought I'd find someone like her. She honestly leaves me speechless.
We're going to meet in person around 2025 as we've got stuff in our lives and want to get it out of the way before meeting her, want to spend sometime with her, and if all goes well as it should, we'll get married. Dang, she's one of a kind and I'm gonna do whatever sacrifices I have to for her and for our children.
I don't want to be like my useless brother in law who stays home doin nothing while his wife (my sister) works hard, sometimes too hard. Don't know what she saw in that worthless man who comes up with an excuse every time he gets offered a job (from help of our family, but no more).
Hey Maya, I’m watching the video again. I’m listening to what you’re saying you’re trying to hard to find someone you’re beating yourself up please don’t like I said in my first post just let it happen. Naturally you are a beautiful, intelligent young lady. You do not have to go out and find love love will find you like I said just let it happen naturally I don’t know if you’re into bars or doing social events and just go out and put yourself out there. I used to be shy until I join the military and that snapped the shyness out of me very quickly, I was able to go and talk to them and even at 57 my wife and daughter can’t I can talk to anybody about anything I could become friends with them instantly. They always tell me that I feel like they’ve known me their whole life so I loved the videos. I can’t wait till the next one, but please don’t beat yourself up love will find you there’s always somebody out there for somebody no matter how quirky weird anything you are and I’m not saying you are quirky or weird I’m saying anybody in general there’s always someone out there for someone there’s over 8 billion of us in this world there is someone out there Maya for you, just let it happen naturally and you will be the happiest person you’ve ever been and I hope you keep this post and let me know one day that I was correct because that’s what I did. I wanted a girlfriend so bad when I was in high school, but I was poor, my clothes weren’t that good so I got up off my ass got started making money started buying nice clothes and then girls started coming up to me talking to me showing me attention. I never did get a girlfriend in high school because since I was working, I gave a lot of my money to my mother to help pay bills and buy food, which wasn’t more important to me than a girlfriend at that time but when I join the Navy believer or not, I have several girlfriends none of them were serious, but then I was out in town one day and that’s when I saw my first wifeI said my other post didn’t last a couple years but at least I had that experience so when I met my wife, I was more prepared to be the perfect man for her. Thank you for the video you’ve touched my heart. Thank you for that John .
Sorry, but your experience 35 years ago really isn't relevant to any young person today. You might as well have met your wife on another planet.
You've got a lot of comments, so not sure of you'll see this, but I just want to give a little reassurance.
It feels like you're describing my experience to a tee, except with the sexes reversed. I'm an introverted man who's a hopeless romantic, always searching for the one, wants to move slowly, and would rather just talk openly rather than put on the whole "fun and flirty" mask. I totally get how it can feel like all men are the same, and even to sometimes feel hopeless and bitter - honestly, I often feel like all women want to just date casually, are polyamorous, shallow, selfish, etc, which is obviously not true. And thank you for acknowledging your generalizations, even amidst the big feelings. I promise you, the kind of man you're dreaming of does exist. We're out here, and feeling just as jaded and sick of dating culture as you are! But true romantics, and people who take the idea of partnership seriously, who can communicate well, are sadly pretty rare. And get rarer, the older we get...
Oops, I said I was trying to reassure you, didn't I?
This is reassuring and beautiful in a way. I love that you acknowledge the bitterness and disappointment but also the hope. We can never allow ourselves to forget that their are genuine romantic people in the world, both man and women
Your wisdom and maturity and depth of thought and understanding is carrying you to a greater partner because you ARE more discerning about someone’s intentions, their character, and who you are and what you want out of a relationship.
I love a woman that respects herself enough to keep herself until the time is right! It show great strength and inteligence!
Keep it up.
I feel uncomfortable with the "a woman who respects herself." As I believe women can choose to have sex whenever they want as long as it doesn't hurt them. It's not about "self respect." (Would you say the same thing about a man?) A woman who chooses to have sex sooner, doesn't nessesarily mean she has lower self respect.
To me it is simply about what I'm comfortable with and what I enjoy. I don't like the idea of casual sex and I know I would hate it/feel deeply uncomfortable.
@@myrawest sure, women can easily have sex asap and we call them in a certain way. Oldest profession. Will never take them seriously, it means low self respect, we can have fun, but never long term. If it is very early 1x time, I don't want to see that person ever in my life.
You can not make it equal between men and women.
You are naturally a wife material. Easy girls are not.
Sperm swims to the egg, not the other way around. Very unequal, and that's how we behave.
Just wanted to say that, as a man, what you are saying resonates within me and I understand what you are saying. I spent all my life waiting for "the one" until, like you did, I realised it wasn't going to happen until I started looking for her, and it has been frustrating cause not always the idea of dating matches with the romantic idealised scenario that I had in my mind, and damn if it's frustrating! The thing that just came up in my mind to overcome this is to just set clearly what I'm looking for, even if it means getting many negative responses. Eventually, we will meet people on the same wave as ours
I have never been on a dating app. The thought of it all appears so plastic. Cringe level. The men who want to become physically intimate with you within sixty minutes are accustomed to woman who want the same thing within fifty minutes. His thought process is, this is how it has ‘worked’ for him. His speedy make out thought process is wired for this. Yes, this is why they expect you to be this way.
You may want to consider looking deeper into what triggers you to turn your face away from an attractive man when he is giving you those I like you vibes. If you cannot change the root direction of this common behavior, how are you going to see different results. Understanding what causes you to behave in such manner is the first step. From my perspective, the fear of men may stem from childhood trauma. Trauma inflicted by a man.
In my case, I was SA’d by a woman. I was four when this twenty something babysitter did hideous stuff to me. When I was in high school, I didn’t have a gf because of my fear of woman. What I experienced at four years old created a wall, blocking out any potential for a relationship.
I agree, moving slow within a friendship that may transition into a relationship is vital for a truly meaningful and successful relationship. There is a greater tendency of meeting a narcissistic person when things move to quickly. My rule is, never say the L word to my potential gf before one year of knowing them. Sounds weird, I know, but this is a sure way to know if she is compassionate, empathetic, and honest. Time together without instant and self gratifying pleasures will weigh in with the measure of love for one another.
I dont think that it helps to fight fears. Can you say to someone " You know I looked at you and felt an desire to meet you, but when I have that feeling with men I also freeze up inside. Would you like to have a conversation anyway?" The man that you are looking will carry a wound, just as you do, just as most of us do, and in barring your truth, he may open up his truth, his hurts, his authenticity, to you as well. That is the beginning of intimacy.
This is so beautiful 😭😭😭 it's so true. I was thinking about similar ideas. I started to believe I can only date a man who is also shy and has social anxiety, because he would know what it feels like to struggle in that way.
But your idea is better. Talk about radical honesty and openness.
I do tell each man that I am shy and that I am nervous on first dates and they are usually understanding. But even so, I still think it's one of the reasons they don't pursue me further. I think they want something easier...
@@TheCanyon1000this is actually super cool! Can you tell me the dream??
I am a huge dream person. I have extremely vivid, real dreams. And I often meet people in my dreams I've never met in real life, but they feel SO real. And our conversations are sometimes life changing.
I like to pretend and tell myself that the dreamworld is a real place where our souls go and connect with other souls in the world.
Yes dear, carry your wound like a badge of honor. Rumi said "the wound is where the light enters". It will make you more beautiful to those interested in soul and soul making. Others will be of little use to you anyway.
@@myrawest Myra: We often think of healing as getting rid of things, problematic feelings, perhaps replacing them with better things, but there is another perspective. What if we just embrace it all, accept it all without resistance? A Quaker artist friend of mine used to say “you have to make friends with your dragons”. There is a book you might like, a fiction, entitled “The Wanderer” by Alain Fournier. It is too lengthy to explain the allegory here, but it is really about the unquenched longing that some people can carry throughout their lives. You may believe that your ache, your longing, will be ameliorated if you find someone, but that exists only as a thought right now, not a reality. It is an unknown, and longing, once set afire, becomes a lifetime companion for many of us. Many find that this ache evolves into a longing for something other than another, for something else other than what is first imagined. Some might call that God, some would have other names for it. We are born incomplete and our quest to become whole is part of the challenge of our nature.
Based on a few videos I have watched about your sharing about men and dating, I believe there is a beautiful person inside of you, Myra, for the respectable gentleman to discover. I am shy too. It is not easy dating. Be sensual when you feel ready to be sensual with the person you feel comfortable and safe with. We cannot allow others to force sensuality readiness on us. I do not think that is a real phrase,but I will stick with it. Inviting someone into our home is a vulnerable intimate thing. Inviting someone into our bedroom is a very vulnerable and intimate thing. The same can be said about our personal space. You are right; each couple has their ways of what makes their relationship work. I understand and admire how you want to have long interesting conversations, take hikes or roller blade, go bowling, attend a concert, or even enjoy a movie together for the sake of enjoying time together without the physical expectations of men. You are not the only one to share such stories about men on dates wanting to "get physical" on the first date. Scary indeed. As some have pointed out, be yourself. If a guy does not value or respect that, then that is his loss, not yours, Myra. He does not deserve you. Maybe some of the most romantic things couples can do is to take a dance class or paint or pottery class together. Yes, there are still men who believe in "LOVE" and "ROMANCE", but I agree that it can be challenging. Although there are days and weeks when you feel hopeless about men, I admire your mindset to keep looking and believing that love is still out there. By the way, I think it is romantic and fine to watch romance movies with a love interest. Thank you, THE NOTEBOOK, HOLIDAY, and Hallmark! With a friendly smile, I wishy ou the best on your journey, Myra.
Nice to see you again, Myra... Believe me, the right guy will come into your life when you least expect it.. Best wishes from the UK 🇬🇧