Having BPD has ruined everything I’ve ever tried to do or be. Every day there’s no telling what I’ll feel like or about things or people I love. I will do things I regret over and over again. I will think something for an hour and tear down years of love. One minute I’ll believe I’m better and then I’ll know I’m no good at all. The way you see yourself and life and others is never the same.
@@TheMellsBellsdbt has changed my life. I still have so much to learn from dbt but it’s been a huge help in my life. I use the stop skill and tips skill and checking the facts all the time. Radical acceptance is the most difficult for me.
Are you sure you have the correct diagnosis? It is a genetic disorder and often misdiagnosed. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior.
Its the constant change in perspective that I can't stand with BPD, the way I view things in completely different extremes is so unsettling and ungrounding
I think that's called "object inconstancy".. Could you please give an example of that? What is being viewed differently? (You don't have to answer but I'm very curious.. thank you!)
@@TuckFinn831 I was diagnosed with "BPD traits" and not BPD itself, and every person will experience things differently, but in my case it's really scary and frustrating how my perception of loved ones drastically switches when I'm triggered or splitting. I might think they're the best person I've ever met, and half an hour later something might hurt my feelings and I'll think I never want to see them again. I'll go from thinking I don't deserve them to them not deserving me. And it sucks. Because I know, logically, that none of those thoughts are grounded in reality. They're blown out of proportion bc I'm terrified of rejection and abandonment. I'm afraid of how vulnerable I am around them. Bc I'm going through a hard patch in life rn and my self worth sometimes feels like it only relies on other people's perceptions of me. My moods depend on their moods, their opinions of me. Anything they do can either make or ruin my day. I know these extreme thoughts and emotions are not true but god do they feel real sometimes. They get so overwhelming I don't even realize I'm doing it sometimes. I hope this answer helped.
@@luchirimoya thank you! I appreciate you sharing that. I'm also going through a rough patch and I'm trying to sort everything out. My current therapist does not diagnose but I feel like I might have "quiet" BPD or at least a borderline structure. Currently I'm working on radical acceptance.. and apparently that's the core fundamental of DBT. :) I've also been turning to Jesus Christ which is a total shift for me. What we need most is unconditional love, the release of guilt by being forgiven (even if we haven't really done anything bad we feel guilt), and the promise of eternal life (which let's us slow down.. why hurry? There's plenty of time.. we can keep failing and it's not a big deal.. smile about it.. the lord has your back). The more I get into the bible the more profound it is. It teaches us how to heal our fractured selves.. and this was thousands of years before the works of Carl Jung and Freud, both of whom I consider geniuses. Also, the more I dig into quantum mechanics the more I'm convinced that there is a god. Take care :)
As a BPD woman I can relate a lot to your comment. My perspective of situations and people constantly fluctuate though out the day. It’s exhausting. I can wake up liking someone and by the end of the day have them blocked.
I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar 1 at 20. I was also diagnosed with BPD, severe anxiety disorder and other neurotic behaviors. No mood stabilizer ever worked, I was a taking upwards of 32 pills daily. Finally after 40 years, my new doctor determined I was not Bipolar at all but my BPD and PTSD were the problems. I feel for this man. After 5 marriages, numerous hospitals, and treatments that didn't help, I'm free! Talk therapy helped me more than anything. I'm not 68 single and feeling like a success in life, I survived.
I'm 35 and was diagnosed with bipolar 5 years ago but now realizing I have BPD. Very eye opening. I'm going to ask my doctor today about it today wish me luck
As a 22 year old woman diagnosed with bpd and bipolar 1 previously, this gives me goosebumps. I am so self destructive, I am self aware - but yet I self destruct. Thank you for this video Mark, and thank you for sharing your story Josh! I have ruined many of my most important relationships and friendships. Mental health needs more awareness.
My partner is a man with BPD. They truly are a rare and misunderstood demographic, which makes it difficult for them to explain their experiences because people rarely see them as anything but narcissistic and destructive. It hurts my heart. There’s a whole lot of good inside of these people once they’re in a safe place 🖤
Thank you! My partner is a man with BPD as well. He has so much to offer this world beyond this diagnosis. We were friends for 20 years before we got together and I was blown away to know this side of him. He hid it so well. The depth of his emotions is inspiring; it fills my soul. I'm lucky he let me in. ❤
Why do you Americans say your "Partner" Why not just say your boyfriend? You worried about offending all the far-left wokie feminists saying Boyfriend because it's a straight white man? 😂 Usually in context you say partner when your in a relationship with someone of the same gender or in an open relationship. Just sayin.
his comments about not feeling like he was enough and the hopelessness that comes with this disorder is so relatable for me. it really is a painful lonely disorder
I lost my close friend by suicide in march. She had BPD and I know she struggled immensely with it. Thank you for spreading awareness about mental health and BPD, as it definitely needs more awareness towards it.
I'm so much like Josh. I'm listening again to try to find my way out of another funk. I needed to hear his story. Maybe the marijuana is affecting me more than I was aware...All I know is I will not go to another mental health doctor. It truly is up to ourselves to improve our situations.
"Thank you to all people that try to believe in someone when they look like a train wreck" OOF that hit me hard. As someone with depression this really speaks to me. Loved ones know you're a mess but love you anyways
take this out onto the street and try it with people, nobody cares for nobody i dont know why you even fight fire with fire. try water hey. just saying.
I love a guy with narcisstic BPD but he doesn't want me to love him, we are friends but he keeps me at a distant. I wish he could trust me and love me back. I stay friends with him because I worry about him so much. I let him know I'm here for him and he knows that...
He needs to be very careful. He's not cured, his current relationship is just a super effective band aid. I don't think he's actually found stability, he found a sense of external stability that feels strong enough. Careful friend I would recommend still being in talk therapy at the minimum. I'm BPD and meds don't help but cognitive behavioral therapy has been my life saver
I'm in the same boat. No meds really work for more than a month (If that). I've gone to therapy before many times but, stopped because I felt it didn't help with the constant depression. there were times that when the meds helped though, and therapy actually made a difference. It just feels like what they are telling me, wont sink into my brain to effectively change my thoughts. I can't get past that constant depression, to get better. I'm hoping to find some new type of treatment, then go back into therapy to work on things. Hope you are doing well.
@woolfy02 have you ever looked into IFS therapy? It stands for "internal family system" It's different from a normal talk therapy approach. It was the first time in my life I didn't feel my BPD could control me for forever. Took time to get there, but IFS 10000% gave me some hope I desperately needed. And I use the stuff I've learned everyday and it's super beneficial. Normal talk therapy sucked because I would get super sad telling some doc about my crazy mind and then feel even worse after cuz now I'm worked up and my problems are still the same. I'm not saying it's gonna be your "game changer" but maybe it can give you new perspective on yourself, which is exactly what it did for me. Wish you the best friend!!! 💚
I hope he resumes a connection with mental health services. BPD is lifelong. He has found the strength in his marriage that he lacked in his relationship with himself. But without a strong sense of self, he is living precariously before the next challenging life event hits. Not to mention if they choose to start a family. May he learn to love himself as much as his wife loves him ❤
I was having so much suicidal thoughts 10 years ago as a teenage, also suffered severe anxiety and mental disorder. I got diagnosed with bipolar, spent my whole life fighting bipolar. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment changed my life for better. I can proudly say i'm totally clean for 6 years and still counting. Always look to nature for solution to tough problems, Shrooms are phenomenal.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
I was horrifically depressed since childhood. It was relentless. I assumed it would ultimately end me somehow. About twelve years ago I randomly accepted the offer from a friend of a few doses of mushrooms. I did them two consecutive nights alone. First night was pretty mild. The second night? Wow. I saw my depression from every angle, realized much. Next day: depression totally gone. Never came back, never coming back. It's like it's a forest far away I can remember, and could probably find again with enough effort, but it has zero impact on anything in my life or mind. They honestly saved my life and improved it immensely. I never did them again, either. I wish there was a good, organized way to administer them to people who would benefit from them.
Ive recently opened up to some friends about my diagnosis and they sent me this. This is the most relief i have felt maybe in my whole life...none of you are going thru this alone 💙
21 y/o man with BPD here! I love seeing this, makes me feel like there are people out there that understand me! If anybody with BPD wants to talk hmu yo!!!
65 year old woman here. I suffered most of my life, but wasn't formally diagnosed until I was 40. It is hard to understand, even harder to live through. My oldest son has also recently been diagnosed with same, he is 37 years old, and we get along great now, but didn't always. We don't live together but see each other regularly, we can relate to each other. He is my main source of support.
I had to break up with my girlfriend(who has BPD) of 2 years who I’m still so in love with but i myself have mental health issues & don’t have that kind of strength to support her the way she needs(& vice versa). Our mental health issues seemed to collide with each other. It was just too painful & hard for us both. It’s truly heartbreaking. She goes back & fourth between understanding, taking responsibility, being remorseful of the pain she’s caused me, and blame shifting, insulting, manipulating, saying I’m giving up on her or not being understanding & thinking I’m just a fuck boi or something. As someone that struggles with codependency, chronic major depressive disorder, severe anxiety disorder, OCD along with many other things, I just don’t know what to do. I had to end it. I couldn’t justify it anymore. I had to break all my rules of what I’ll accept from someone, and what I’ll do for someone. I question my own conduct, moral compass, faithfulness, & general ability to be a loving, kind, respectful, compassionate & strong human being. I become paranoid, obsessive & compulsive with these things. Even though we may not be toxic people or have negative intentions, It truly is a toxic mixture. It feels like our souls are reaching towards each other, but our brains just won’t let us in this life. It just breaks my heart.
Go take all of this and give it to a therapist. Let them figure it out for you. Present yourself and allow them to help guide you. Pray about it. You got this brother. Take it day by day. I have felt it all and I’m sure you’ve survived so much!!! Be proud of yourself
In a very similar situation here. Although neither me nor my ex seem to have proper diagnosis - What you said about being depressed and prone to co-dependency resonates with me so much, and when combined with a partner with Borderline - it's a recipe for disaster. Even if you were completely mentally stable, you cannot (or should not) be with someone you cannot lean on, and yet always be there when they are the one in need (which I know can sometimes be hard to grasp when you're the codependent one - I personally tended to diminish my own needs for his sake in hopes of that helping him - yet it only ever made things worse, since he always had someone to run back to and therefore not have to work on himself, needless to say my needs were never even close to being met). Hoping you'll both heal from this, if not together, then with someone more compatible who will be able to meet your needs. You're not alone. Take care
The way they go back and forth from being lucid taking responsibility bettering themselves etc.. to being delusional selfish manipulative lying makes it extremely difficult to leave because you can see who they COULD be and when they are rational and emotionally stable you really like them. You think you can either help them better themselves if you just understand them better and work with them and love them but it doesn't work. You'll waste a lot of time energy and lose a piece of your soul in the process. It's devastating I feel really bad for people who have to deal with this and don't have the option to run because they're dealing with an immediate family member. It must be awful. It's just really irritating because it seems like something that could be cured but it can only be managed and only if the person with bpd desperately genuinely wants help and applies themselves fully but the disorder doesn't lend itself well to self improvement because that requires one to take accountability and the blame shifting and delusional thought processes and emotional reasoning make it almost impossible. It's very difficult to change yourself if your problems are related to your actual personality and was developed in early childhood you have to basically reprogram your mind and most people can't do that.
I had a best friend that has BPD. It was exhausting and a daily struggle to be her friend. It caused me constant anxiety and stress and eventually I had to end our friendship. I miss her and think about her daily but I just couldn't justify it after many failed attempts to be her friend.
I had to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years who I’m still so in love with but i myself have mental health issues & don’t have that kind of strength to support her the way she needs(& vice versa). Our mental health issues seemed to collide with each other. It was just too painful & hard for us both. It’s just truly heartbreaking. She goes back & fourth between understanding, taking responsibility, being remorseful of the pain she’s cause me, and blame shifting, insulting, manipulating, saying I’m giving up on her or not being understanding & thinking I’m just a fuck boi or something. As someone that struggles with codependency, chronic major depressive disorder, severe anxiety disorder, OCD along with many other things, I just don’t know what to do, question my own conduct, moral compass, faithfulness, & general ability to be a loving kind respectful, strong person. I became paranoid, obsessive & compulsive with these things. It feels like our souls are reaching towards each other, but our brains just won’t let us in this life. It just breaks my heart.
I have BPD and I can tell you, this illness is continued through repression of guilt. This guy started all his self-harming behaviors because he felt guilt, just like me. and he repressed it, or blamed others, or never accepted himself as OK. My healing has been through being honest - taking some psychedelics, accepting that it's okay to be "bad", it's okay to make mistakes, and it's okay to be honest about it. That's how you get better.
Word. Don't be so hard on yourself. Live a little. 90+% of ( male ) teenagers ( puberty ) have probably indulged themselves in a compulsive wankin' period. I know i have 🥵
This might be a really insightful comment - self-love often divorces itself from the dark side (the new me!), but then when the shit hits the fan and one reenters the dark side (the old me) - the self-love that was being cultivated is nowhere to be found. Overcome the "black and white thinking" by bringing the darkness (and guilt) into the light, rather than pretending it doesn't exist. "It's okay to be bad" hmmm. Reminds me of the Jung quote, "One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious." Something to ponder, thank you.
Just started digging into BPD due to previous events in my life as well as current issues, and Josh’s story and life/ upbringing is sooo surreal to me hearing as far as similarities; not in every regard of course but man, would have been interesting to hear what else we had in common as far as childhoods/ teen years, Supporting you Josh and glad to hear you’re doing better! You gave me hope tonight. This is litteraly my only comment I’ve ever made on TH-cam lol, feel special 😅
Finding my husband is when I turned the corner. I met him at 19. I thank God for him every day. Having a stable, kind and safe person in my life has made all the difference.
As a Woman with BPD that was diagnosed and studied under the formidable Dr Linnehan at university of Washington 25 yrs ago when it was an unheard of diagnosis - i have been hiding this diagnosis for almost half my life and now it is a pop phrase in the zeitgeist i did find one thing he said that pierced my soul " you are afraid of loving someone so much you drive them away 2 paraphrasing but best summation i can find - i started watching this channel right after my sister - best friend was murdered in the U$a this past summer ... i am bed bound in Ireland going through every stage of grief ...yet i do think daily if the Witakers got the funding for their new home ... and find friends in grief and PTSD here - i have hope of living just replaying the Witakers on their porch -My best friend and i had a life pact to end up on a porch doing nothing and everything - THANK YOU MY FRIENDS AND SWU - you show so much love and i send that out at midnight overlooking the sea , and suddenly not so alone SLAINTE from West Cork Bantry Bay Ireland - Oh , Mark have you studied the novels of Barry Gifford or worked with Mary Ellen Mark ? Very similar portraiture and lighting as her circus portraits and film of the seattle street kids in the late 80s - one of my favourites from a fellow photographer //ta a mil
Hi from Tipperary ireland . So sorry you're grieving. Please take care, talk to the priest's and people I'm the churches they are great also pieta house !
@@katieb2098 TPP is nice and bless you i do not discriminate if faith is love - thank you for chiming in really - bless yer heart happy easter sunday and pieta house calls the gardai if you did not know - love to you!
@@katieb2098 sadly no and the same with the Samaratins ...they lull you into falsce security keep you on the line and handcuff you - if they want to- or just come harrass you flashlights in all the windows back and forth in my eyes and my autism help dogs eyes - the day i found out my sister was murdered 6 cars showed up because all my buddies in the states assumed i knew and i found out online -everyone called because my health isalready bad and i thought i was dying ... they all showed up 12 gardai to my lil cottage to silence my "prank calls" what they call welfare checks for me ... i shoved the laptop at the 1st garda and screamed that is my sister while the news in seattle played her death over and over - all of them got out i was screaming one forced in and forced me to take a random bottle of pills to put the "whisht " into me and she told the rest to back away - they al knew they were in the wrong being here - just bored - fun to pick on the handicaped in bantry country cork being i am autistic and i cannot walk oh and i am married to the town drunk - so i deserve all this abuse - sorry real bad day i have no friends in ireland but lived here for 22 yrs - easter is a bad day and the anniversary of the hardai breaking my pelvis last year for trying to get an ambulance home from the hospital - i ened up in bridewell cork nepotism and the crooked gardai cheers lovie thanks for being kind
BIG hug from a fellow Borderliner with Depression etc. The Things and Feelings you describe are so familiar to me...at least my past. I am now 45 and Had so many Years of Therapy, so i am kind of...."OK". And i Hope you can get to that Point too. But yeah...feel you a lot. All the best ti you
It is often misdiagnosed and a genetic disorder. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. Please get multiple evaluations. Sending ❤💪🙏
I asked for help once. I got very little. A friend told me everyone is too busy dealing with their own sh*t to take on mine. Disappointing but made sense.
You have someone that believes in you and a dream to fight for and ways to keep busy. Being able to be vulnerable and share your struggle is also so very important. Powerful, thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story Josh. It is so hard living with bpd. I suspect I have it, my brother has it, my mom has it. My marriage to my husband and my kids are a huge stabilizing force for me. I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 but I’m not sure this is accurate. So many of my problems are learned from watching my parents’ interactions and bizarre beliefs in an invalidating environment. It does help so much to have someone believe in you and assure you that your dreams are possible. So much of your story is relatable to me. I know many of my problems come down to deep, ingrained and automatic negative thought patterns. It’s rough to challenge these. I split but not as violently as I have in the past. Living with bpd and bpd traits is such a challenge but many with bpd are highly intelligent and sensitive. I always try to remind myself of the good traits that come with bpd along with the bad bc it is still a stigmatized mental health condition and the stigma is discouraging.
BPD but also almost 100% certainly NPD and possibly somewhat on the spectrum of ASD as well. What a challenging, stressful combination to have to wrestle with every day. Josh, you’ve made SO much inspiring progress. Stay strong and keep pushing forward with that fight!! 🙏
This one I actively listened to the entire way through. Thank you, for fighting.. for showing all of us that it can be done, no matter how bad it gets, how bad or how low it gets, you can come out on the other side.
Thank you for this interview Mark.. makes us feel less alone at least the ones with mental health issues. And thank you Josh for sharing your story. You’re an inspiration and you got this!!!
My god man, you are telling my life story… but, you admitted to things I have not. I’m not even through the video. You also made me remember things I forgot! Although I don’t know how you’re not crying?! I always cry! Much love and respect!! I’m in a bad place. You are so … I feel for us 😢
As a pwBPD, I always find it strange that the only thing that seems to tie all of the success stories together is the presence of a stable romantic love interest.
Must love yourself. Not depend on a partner. He needs to drop religion. Masturbating is ok and normal. The little girl was probably being molested and taught him. He is not a bad guy and must love himself first. Then love a partner. No sky daddy
I’m always curious about this subject because my 19 yr old daughter has BPD due to horrific physical abuse , not by me, at the age of 2. She has suffered so much in her life. I could write a book. The people you have had on here with BPD, never really get into the emotional behavior they have. I would love to see someone talk about their journey with the behavior destruction part of it all due to faulty emotion regulation. It is a horrific way for them to live and it leaves a parent so helpless. You are amazing Mark. You are my go-to every morning before I go to work. Keep up the good work my friend.
I agree.. it's good that they share their story with their own unbiased words, so I don't think it's bad of them. But for viewers I think it's confusing. Most or all of the BPD interviews don't seem to understand or are unable to communicate what BPD is or how it causes their behavior. Possibly it's too stressful to expose themselves that much to strangers. But it would be nice to see.
It is often misdiagnosed and a genetic disorder. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. Please get multiple evaluations. Sending ❤💪🙏
I would like to see scientific research suggesting its genetic as well. I was with someone for 4 yrs, while h3 never has been diagnosed, has every characteristic I've ever researched about bpd. As far as the behavior destruction. I was the recipient of most of those destructive behaviors. Instant, unwarranted, and unwarned snapps of raging anger. To the point of him slapping me, choking me, leaving bruises on my face, busted lips, the inside of my van destroyed, spit in my face, throwing things at me. Once this rage is activated it was impossible to disassemble. I would typically run outside if I could then he'd switch and tell me he was scared id send him to jail and ruin his life. He would destroy the entire house, blame it all on me, then after either hours or a few days be apologetic profusely tell me how strong I am say he doesnt want to be like this and be relaxed for a few days or couple weeks but it always cycles around again. His emotional state depends on everyone and everything else. I still try to be a supportive person in his life bc he clings onto me at such a deep emtional level but its effecting every single part of my life in a negative way. My own mentao health issues mixed with his is not whats bbest for us
@@Sarah-y7n5b Thank you so much for that. I truly appreciate it. I believe there is hope for those who are committed to therapy and take it seriously. While there are solutions available, in this particular case, there seemed to be a lack of openness.
@@Sarah-y7n5b But why do you ruin us? You cannot control your evil behaviour or what? Why not? Wha happens inside you? Could you please help me understand my (ex-?)girlfriend better?
@@pvn2474 we feel like you don't truly love us, that you have to be lying to us or waiting for someone better. We don't feel like a whole person, so when you do find someone whole you'll realise what your missing and leave. These thoughts become so real that we hate you because we know you're not really going to stay. We will hurt you in any way we know how to show you how you make us feel, even though you're not trying to hurt us. The smallest things make us feel betrayed. It's just constant torment and pain. It's so hard to see the good in others. But we're like this because of trauma not because we want to be, people did some really bad things to us, if the people we loved did that then people we love in the future probably will too. We love more then anyone you'll ever meet but there's some demon like shit in us I can't describe. Trust me we feel guilty when we hurt others, really guilty even if we don't say it
as someone who has a sister with BPD I can tell you he is so not stable. I can see so many familiar patterns, it‘s actually triggering for me to watch this video, the word salad, the self destruction, always blaming others, the impulsivity, jiggling around with medication…
This isn’t word salad, you need to look up what you’re talking about before commenting. I’m willing to bet you’re the Golden Child with very little empathy for your sister. Also, BPD is on a spectrum.
First of all, I'm so sorry about your sister struggling with mental health issues. My sister had been on Zoloft for almost 20 years and slowly reduced her intake. She actually managed to quit in July of 2021. But she became in such a bad condition mentally and still is, that she can't even be alone while her partner is at work. The hour he's working, she came to my mother. Every day, 5 days a week. A year after she quit them, she was suicidal and I was the one who had to contact the doctors, the ER, and everything else. I'm diagnosed with severe OCD, ADD, anxiety, severe depression and more. To deal with someone so ill as her, I just couldn't do it. After a while I had to pull myself out of the situation. I started to get suicidal thoughts myself and by the years I've become so selfish that I prioritise myself first. I got a few very critical comments from people around about the fact that I removed myself. How dared I? How could let my sister down so horribly when she needed me most? I had to. It was either her or me. When a person becomes so ill that it affects the people around to the point where they also become seriously ill, then it's time for the professional to take over. But she doesn't want that. She would not let herself be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. She got a team that should come home to her every day, but the first appointment with them they said something wrong and that was it. I'm sorry about this rant. My point was that I believe I know how you're feeling. Being next of kin to people with severe mental health issues is the worst situation ever. It's absolutely horrible and so exhausting! I really hope your sister is open to accepting help. I hope she gets better and as stable as possible. And I hope 3are able to take care of yourself. I believe there are groups of people who are families, partners, friends and so on of people who are very ill. Support groups. Those can be gold. I've never been in such a group but I was in a self help anxiety group years ago. To meet people who truly understand what you're going through is such a powerful experience. Suddenly you're not alone and there are people who actually understand you for real real. I've never experienced that before. I also just want to say a few words about the interview. You wrote something about the word salad. And I was just like a big question mark thinking that did salad have to do with this? I'm a bit slow and very literall. If that's even a word. However, now I understand what you mean. Word salad is someone all over the place? Because that was my first though when I started watching the interview. He's not finishing his sentences. And he hardly ever gets to the point. At least I didn't understand what he was saying. First I thought he was very nervous and it got a bit better. Bad I had a very hard time following his though process. He never finished. But that may very well be a part of the BPD. Even though in my opinion he sounds almost manic
I wasn't done. He comes off as manic. I never knew that was part of BPD. I'd though his struggle at this time was Bipolar. No matter what he's dealing with, he doesn't come across as stable. Far from it. But there's probably a lot I don't know about BPD. Even though I've looked into it a bit because I'm wondering if I may have it because I have such issues with relationships. I just can't figure them out. But if that's BPD or a Autism Spectrum disorder - I don't know. I'll finish now and leave you be. I'm sorry. I hope you're doing fine, and your sister, too. Stay strong and courageous! Lots of love to you both and everyone involved, all the way from Norway.
I know exactly what he is saying. Feeling unworthy (of love especially) is an awful feeling. You want to reach out to people but don’t because you believe you’re a burden and don’t want to be that. You learn to suffer alone, or at least I did. I’ve picked myself up off the floor too many times to count. I won’t lie. As you age it gets harder. BPD just means you are on either side of the fence at any given time. That’s how it was explained to me. You struggle to pick a side. You are in a grey areas too often. Medication has never helped. Mindfulness exercises and gratitude is very important to us because it keeps us stable and grounded. Self talk is okay to have too. I have even learned to be grateful for even the bad times….the traumas that caused the instability also shaped me to be a better and stronger person. I always just felt like I did not take disappointment well or was too sensitive about some things. Embracing this instability is okay too. When I feel overwhelmed and hurting too badly I have a designated person to vent it to so that I can just get the ideas and hurtful words I keep assigning to myself out of my head. It’s not really that bad that I have to feel like I want to die…but for some of us emotional pain feels that way. I write it out too. Most importantly I stopped acting out and harming myself, and I am grateful also for the days I feel worthwhile. Seems he is too. I wish the man all the best. I can see him moving on the be a great father one day.
Damn, this one kinda hit with me. The suicidal thoughts, struggling with meds, absolute despair. Lost my job and had a relationship fail recently which really put me in the shit. Talking to people and going on long walks saved me. I'm glad Josh is still here.
I'm almost 32, and right around the time I turned 30 is when I really started reflecting upon the sexual assault/molestation that happened to me in my young teens. Still coming to terms w it. Another interview on here sums it up well, the young man said he felt like he was "damaged goods". I resonate so much w this statement. Having had nearly 15 years addicted to drugs and what comes w that, the trauma the violence, I often wonder if that's what broke me or if it was what happened when I was a child. Struggling with so much weight and heavythoughts at once, and trying to put that to the side and be "normal" is so difficult, it's sometimes just so difficult to even speak. Again this is something that only recently has begun to affect me this much. A lot of my symptoms point towards borderline, but thats something il be exploring w a therapist. I guess I'm rambling now, but it's not about what these guests say with their words, it's what they say w their faces and bodies that contains the real truth. Hope everyone is having a relaxing morning
Its so sad meds aren't legally available for a fraction of the damage done currently by the booming illicit med market. "Just say no" has been a resounding fail for too long. Creates, as you so rightly say trauma on the early trauma that drove us to self medicate in the first place! This articulate young man has been through a lot His faith both helps and hinders imho
People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. GENETIC DISORDER!!
Actually super relate to this, dealt with some of the same issues as him. I have no recollection of abuse either until my pre-teen/ teen years. I wanted to die because I felt like something was wrong with me, like I was tainted. Came from an extremely unhealthy religious background, though. Worked through a lot in therapy and in a supportive relationship. I hope the best for this man.
@@crazy4bruno1 People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. GENETIC DISORDER!!
@@crazy4bruno1 People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. GENETIC DISORDER!!
It is often misdiagnosed and a genetic disorder. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. Please get multiple evaluations. Sending ❤💪🙏
I resonate so much his experience. BPD is a horrible thing to live with - not only the overwhelming emotions and pain, but constantly questioning your reality and wondering if you'll ever feel complete. I also struggled with various addictions to cope, and received little or no help from therapy or meds.
BPD is such a problematic diagnosis. It often seems to manifest itself as immaturity. Very interesting interview mark. Would love to be able to read this guys medical record. 24 hospital admissions so…definitely we are missing some salient details. I wish Josh the best.
uhh no the current medical literature clearly suggests that the disorder stems from emotion dysregulation via the amygdala. Most BPD know the outcome of their behavior it's the lack of ability to control the impulse that is the problem but that doesn't steam from immaturity. If you don't have BPD, you will never be able to understand how they feel. BPD literally feel emotions much strongly than average person which is shown in the literature.
Josh I am also on a road of self endearment and empowerment, coming from a place of low self esteem and low self worth. My life has been filled with self destruction and inability to deal w responsibility, and that's led me to the stagnant state I've been in now since I pretty much got off hard drugs in 2021. What's difficult for me is I'm finally able to identify my problematic behaviors and ways of thinking which is the first step but I haven't made much more progress than that. As others have echoed, we seriously need a revamping of the mental health system here in the USA. Wishing everyone strength going thru anything sinilar
92' babies uniiite! It sounds like you are describing me 😂 what life... we got this tho! (Says this with a broken ankle from totaling her car under the influence a week ago 🥲) Bi polar 1 for the win... have you ever been assessed?! The meds help being somewhat less impulsive... i was doing so well... fml...
My heart breaks. My daughter and son both have bpd. I love them both. I know their behaviors are from trauma. I see their bpd as a medical problem. If they had a seizure disorder that couldn't be fully controlled with medication I would help them. This disorder is no different. I will always be their biggest advocate and support.
Thanks for sharing your story,Josh.Glad you're doing better.You say your wife gave you a dream.I ask you " What dreams do you have still independent of your spouse?" Dont discount therapy alone or together ,to tease out more issues that haven't been dealt with sufficiently.I wish you both well 🙏.Take care,Mark.
Children engaging in that behavior have learned it from someone older doing it to him whether he remembers it or not. Some remember it consciously and others remember it unconsciously. He needs to address the fact that he has been SA’ d with a trauma therapist. There is such a thing as emotional memories. I’m glad he is talking about this. What isn’t talked about becomes acted out.
At the end of the day, we don’t know, but my guess is that the girl learned it from first hand experience. The subtext I read from his story is that he went along with the activity, and it came from a mammalian instinct, coyly not believing where it came from. Statistically as well, young girls experience SA at that age more often than boys. I was in Josh’s shoes as a kid, experiencing something similar, and I’d never been SA’d. The other person, with how cavalier they went about it, might’ve.
I don't agree to full extent. While you might be right to a certain degree, children are also naturally curious and experimenting, including with their g3nitalia. THe mingling and exploring does not have to be learned from someone older. The SA issue seems to be much more prevalent in US than anywhere else though...?
Thank you for sharing. It helps to hear somone describe something so relatable. I'm currently stuck in a destructive loop that I don't know how to get out of. I identify with most of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder. I've had two relationships with girls with BPD and both of them left me scarred and I recognize some of the self-destructive traits from them that I haven't had before.
Somethng makes me think he might be bisexual but can't cone to terms with it. He descibed the large number of people he'd slept with without specifying the gender. I think he feels guilt about his behavior because he's still actively involved in his church and that nay have kept him from being completely truthful and transparent during this interview.
I came to a similar conclusion, but I would be careful about assuming that he's ashamed of it in any regard. Perhaps he just didn't feel the need to overexplain. If he wanted to specify that he has exclusively slept with women, he could have done that. Doesn't mean that he feels guilty about it or otherwise that he hasn't made peace with it.
@@vettieFair point about assuming his reasons. We really can’t know. But, he sure overexplained a whole bunch of other things in the 45 minutes we saw him. In fact, most of his monologue was one big overexplanation. But, while he was specific about losing his virginity to a girl, he was not so specific when speaking of his sexual escapades in his young adulthood. Ask yourself how many young women do you know who make a habit of meeting a complete stranger behind a gas station to have sex in the dead of night. Now tell me, if you had to bet on it would you guess that an encounter like that was between a young man and young woman, or two young men? If you’re honest with yourself, I’m fairly certain you’d wager on the latter. I know you said you’d had the same suspicion, but I just feel like there’s a whole lot of evidence that it’s very clearly true.
@@AntiPlatitude Yes, there were several instances that made me suspect he might actually be gay. The aspect of pornography is significant. It seems he recognized his attraction to men but couldn't act on it due to his religious background, which may have led to his suicide attempts. He mentioned telling someone about it, stopping for six months, then trying to kill himself when he couldn’t hold himself back and revisited it, likely due to deep shame. He also brought up transsexuals, which is interesting because many curious, scared men look at transsexual porn, seeing it as a middle ground. I've met men who’ve admitted to this. After mentioning transsexuals, he said he doesn’t support that because of his religion, which seemed out of place. He also said, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” which felt coded. The pornography part of his story was significant, but he didn’t specify what kind, and he seemed very ashamed of what he was viewing, not necessarily the act itself. Because he doesn’t talk about having sex with 40 people with as much shame as he talks about the porn. I also sensed that the "girl" he experimented with under the bunk bed might have been a boy, given how he framed it. There was ambiguity in certain parts of his story but a lot of detail in others. Additionally, he mentioned driving two hours away for sex, which suggests he was trying to hide his activities. His story is incredibly sad, and his wife seems like she might be a beard, which could lead to more suicidal behavior. The repression runs deep in this case and I blame the church.
My mother, a psychotherapist has worked with lots of very young kids and young adults who were addicted to porn as young as 4 yrs. old. It rewires the brain and has a huge impact on them for many years. Mark she would be a great interview. She is a specialist in her field working with children who have experienced severe trauma . She is amazing at her work and can give a lot of insight.
My heart just sank. Addicted at 4? I imagine she's " numb" to it by now, but I can imagine there's still some shock. I can't wrap my head around that.😢
@lisapatrick343. That sounds very interesting but Mark usually doesn’t read the comments. If your mother is open to being interviewed, have her apply for one. Instructions on how to apply for an interview can be found on this channel’s page in the description box. If she applies, good luck!
My younger sister has BPD, she is alienating everyone in our family and none of us knows how to handle her, she has sabotaged everything anyone has ever done to help.
How do you think she feels! Do research into this harrowing disorder, and don't judge or criticise her, as I have been by most of my family. You need to empathize, not blame. Because of this I am estranged from most of my family. However I feel lucky to have a few really great supportive friends, whom I see now and then. I also have my 2 beautiful huskies, they are my lifeline. I wish you all the best for the future, you have many years ahead of you, and I hope they will be happier ones. Sending love and thoughts from Australia 🦘🐨🇦🇺
@@lindamcgregor4080 , I know how she feels because she tells me, I have read books, listened to podcasts and interviews, you tube videos etc.. it runs in my family and I'm grateful I haven't been hit full force like she has BUT, my family has tried to help her and she just blows everything up. Right now she's in a good spot, her meds were adjusted and she seems good. She gets good for 6 months or so then does something to fall back, she even says she's her own worst enemy.
Wow. Judgemental af. I'm not surprised she's alienating herself from you. I understand it's troublesome to love someone with BPD, but expressing it in this way with such a negative connotation explains a lot. I feel bad for your sister.
@@paypay1970she almost burned my house down, she won't follow allow boundaries! I do feel bad and we touch base via texts, but she's very difficult to be around. She's in an apartment now but is already breaking rules of the apartment complex so I don't know how long she will last. She's in her 60s so it's been her whole life living like this.
I very much agree with him on that gratitude really helps to heal. Anytime, Mark, I watch your amazing and inspiring and sometimes heart-breaking interviews, I feel so grateful for having a roof over my head, fresh food and actually so much more and it helps me to focus my awareness to what I have rather than what's missing. Your TH-cam channel surely is a part of my own recovery journey. Thank you for your work.
My wife works in a crisis unit in a major hospital, typically seeing suicidal and homicidal people. Most of the time, it's individuals that are either borderline or bipolar. When it isn't managed correctly, or when people just have a traumatic history or particularly bad case, they can have a complete mental break and go into psychosis. It's truly scary. Unbelievable things. The last truly horrifying case was a man in his 30s, had some history of mental health issues, but nothing particularly concerning. Said he was feeling depressed, not homicidal or suicidal at all. When he was in the unit at a table with 2 people that were suicidal and a clinician, he didn't say a word, took a pencil, and stuck it in his eye. He then proceeded to stand up and slam his head repeatedly into the table 3 or 4 times until it he went unconscious. Speaking to his family after the fact, he was borderline, and hearing voices, but that was normal for him. Truly heartbreaking for his family. He was in the ICU for a week and then they had to pull the plug. And thats just one story. There's so many more. People need to understand how quickly mental health issues deteriorate and get extremely serious.
holy c. BPD isn't psychotic so hearing voices was due to something else, maybe BP1 or schizophrenia. I cannot imagine a psychotic BPD living very long at all, that is a feedback loop nightmare.
@craigslist6988 He might've had schizophrenia. No one knew, really. His family had said that when he was upset, he wouldn't say anything and would be nonverbal for weeks at a time. No one knew he even wanted to self-harm at all, so that's why he was on a unit that didn't have much restriction. They had to bring in trauma counselors to talk to the staff involved and the patients that saw as well. People quit because of it. Just really sad for everyone involved, but I cant imagine the suffering and torture he dealt with every day and the torture.
@@BespokeCarpentry weird they didn't put it together that he was schizophrenic. Nonverbal is a symptom iirc, the voices and hallucinations get so extreme they just get lost in their own mental noise. Very sad indeed, and what a living torture. Medications should be able to help but if not that's no way to live... can probably see why he did what he did.
@JOSH, I can see how hard this was for you to do! Something about the spoken word makes it real, right? I am so proud of you! I believe it, this video, could potentially save others. THANK YOU JOSH! ❤ GOD LOVES YOU!❤
As someone on synthroid, im suprised he didn't have a heart attack from taking all his mom's. If you don't need it and you take it, it causes high heart rate and palpitations. Glad he's ok.
I’ve had BPD since I was 8 years old back in the 80’s when it was almost unheard of. It’s the biggest bane of my life which has affected a lot of relationships with my family. I’m almost at the point now where I can tolerate it.
Bpd .. I was diagnosed at 33 now 56 and have no struggles in 15 years .. it’s just label and don’t let the label define you ❤ you have to really challenge your brain ! Lots of physical activities self care and you can rise above
It is often misdiagnosed and a genetic disorder. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. Please get multiple evaluations. Sending ❤💪🙏
You may not have BPD 😭I was misdiagnosed, I was just going through a hard time and emotions were strong But I finally met someome who truly had BPD and they literally ruined my life! It’s a imposible mental illness to deal with.
30 minutes into the interview was the very first time I heard Mark. This interview was challenging for me to follow. The speech is so fast and the subjects change so frequently. It would be easier to follow if the conversation went back and forth but it’s more of a monologue. Wishing you peace and a renewed will to live, Josh.
As private person who tends to “silently suffer”, the advice to be “vulnerable on your journey bc you never know who will help you along the way,” hits home. Beautiful lesson
Sounds like with a lot of the videos I’ve been watching that what helps many other than therapy is to have gratitude and to stay busy whether it’s helping others or hobbies ect. Makes sense.
The first step to recovery is fully accepting you have BPD but also not making it your identity. BPD’s have an unstable version of the word YOU and ME. ❤
I'm so relieved to see someone 75. I'm 50..I've started feeling like I won't have much longer because my heart has hurt so much. I'm just now getting skills I hope I have more years to try
BPD is like a curse. I can relate to this guy so much. All I can think about is killing myself, I lost the love of my life, failed at chasing my dreams and have no hope at all for the future. Please pray for me
@@JohnWilson-rl8tr John Wilson that’s very kind of you to ask. I’m doing well now. Still not 100% but I’m not having constant suicidal thoughts anymore which is nice
I have BPD and this is the most relatable story I’ve heard. all the sexual knowledge and behavior at so young with no idea why. In 4th grade I had a porn addiction.
So many Christian men struggle with this. It feels like it’s a combination of shame and guilt compounded by the desire to be worthy or have your act together. Thanks for sharing your story buddy. I’m confident you’ll lead a peaceful productive life
I think i have a little bit of narcissistic tendency, BPDs because I ruined all the close relationships i ever formed including my own brother and mom. But lately i discovered that what i might really has is complex childhood PTSD from all the loneliness and neglect growing up moving from country to country and had a rough time adjusting to different culture environment and language in my teens. Since then i done many self destructive things and harm others as well like OCD in cleanliness, starving myself binge-purge to keep my looks, and abuse my ex-bfs. However as i start on the road of redemption, i learned to not view the harm already done as damaged part of myself. Instead we need to learn to love ourselves as whole, the good and accept that the bad happened because of us and it’s still ok. Re-wiring and loving the inner child is the first step to build good relationship with ourselves (with god if you are religious). Only then, you can know how to love someonelse
I have never related to something so consistently, the starving and binging purging is my majority of my issues atm, just to maintain my looks - I am reading this with great interest thank you for writing your comment
Two things that improved my mental health: left the church, and intentional use of psychedelics. If we’re judging things by their fruit, then I judge it to be good.
Very well spoken guy. It made me sad when he said that his wife could see how 'intelligent' he was and then he immediately said, "I was a gifted mathematician"... dude is way more intelligent that a few math problems.
💯No medicine can help him if he feels like he'll never be good enough for God because he masturbates and consumes porn. He needs to reconcile with his own sexuality and self worth aside from the church's viewpoint but that's next to impossible when it's your whole world physically, and the mental construct that you base all your opinions upon.
The words : It is OKAY,not to be OKAY,... Is my survival,has been for 7 years..... I am a woman in her 40's,got diagnosed with BPD in my early 30's..... And where I'm from I cannot get treatment other than medication,because,I've been given benzoes,(nitrazepam),since,I was 18 because of anxiety.. I have to take 12 pills a day,just to stay,somewhat,sane..... The past 4 years I've been staying alive for my 3 cats,who needs me..... By now,I know that I have to fight,the long hard way out of hell,every single day,until,I am too exhausted.... Not a happy future looking forward to... It is HELL..... Sending my thoughts and loads of love to this young man,now and forward..... Love from Denmark 🇩🇰
24:30 There is something so cold about how he insinuates that lgbt+ people don’t deserve heaven just because we are different, but he still views us as “human”.
Pretty sure he’s not straight and is trying to hide it due to his religion. When he mentioned meeting someone behind a gas station for sex, I can’t imagine a women putting herself in a situation like that.
I am learning so much about this that is so valuable. Part of learning Dzogchen and chanting, helped me see that hope can be terminal. You can also see hope in a positive way. I had to learn to view a word from two different directions.
He first needs to get a better diet. I notice his belly. People with mental disorders are often drawn to all kinds of obsessive stimulants. These are also highcarb foods, to drugs, alcohol, porn obsessions, sugars & candy, gang violence (boys mostly). A diet science knows help BPDs and autists is based on beef, cheese, salad leaves and unmixed fish. (Avoiding milk, junkfood, pizzas, pasta, bread, beer, deep fried foods etc.) They will be able to focus better with the paleo-lowcarb (nomad) diet.
This felt like a story in a blender missing some important aspects and focusing on some things that he projects as being more important than the actual root of his issues, which are unclear.
I had been waiting in anticipation for the Male BPD interview but this was a bit frustrating to watch. I understand that every person's struggle and story is unique but this interview didn't hit the spot of recognition(ofc there were parts I can relate to) it made me feel more confused if anything. I hope you can give the male BPD story another shot. BPD comes more to light towards the end of the interview and when the interviewee is asked if he thinks he has BPD he answers that he's not sure. Regardless of that respect for sharing your story mate.
Sending you best wishes for your life with your wife and for your future together Josh. Thank you for your honest and frank story about your mental health journey. To me it seems that pornography really affects people in such terrible ways and for children to be exposed can send you down some horrible paths that manifest in confusion and especially damages children’s psyches in ways that in some parts of the mental health professions actually in courage and makes me wonder if it isn’t being done one purpose.
"How much of me, needing you, is going to break our friendship." this. damn. I try so hard to find the right words. I never say this, but I think it every time I find myself in this position: "You're being such a good friend right now. I appreciate you so much! I am going to have to stop talking to you for a couple weeks." ...but, the first quote says it so much better.
i hope the conspiracy theories and hate comments don't get to you. you do good work. I see where they're coming from but it's just not what's happening here. you're just documenting things for how they are, nothing else. if people don't like kids and vulnerable women doing what they're doing they need to be mad at the lack of system and not you for exposing it. don't stop and don't let criticism keep you up at night.
I was diagnosed bipolar when I was 19 or twenty. Diagnosed bpd at 35 . Ten years later I was put on luvox and it's better. Way better. Still there but better.
You're unusually self-aware, watch Sam Vaknin on bpd, stay as attuned as you are now, help yourself before others have to step in. You can be a vessel of change and inner growth for the world by staying on the same path as this video you have done for others. Ty so much, you're a great motivational speaker for the young and old ❤
Purity culture is so damaging to the young mind. The amount of guilt this young man felt was so avoidable. I grew up in a very similar culture and can attest.
I grew up with the same religious guilt and it took years to heal from it. It's sad how many people suffer from the toxicity of religious beliefs. My heart goes out to you.
@@Innerlight320 aLl ReLiGiOn...religion has been around for thousands of years. Society is sicker than ever and it's more SECULAR than ever. Not a coincidence.
I have BPD. My 1/2 brother on my mom's side has severe Bipolar Disorder and her brother is not mentally well either. Needless to say: my mom's blood is tainted.. My brother went through severe trauma as a child (with mom's ex husband) and he has tried to end it all several times. My trauma was not as severe but I had to endure for much longer. Finally found strength to go NC at the age of 45; last year. Anyway, just wanted to say that what has helped me tremedously is Promethazine! I mean night and day change for the better. It just calms me down enough that I won't do anything spontaneously stupid and it gives me time to REFLECT on the moment. It also helps me with situations where the perception is telling me that someone might leave me. Talk therapy has never helped me and never will. I need something to stop me immediately and not wait for 3 days until my next appointment.
Very typical for bpd, even just from the way he talks about himself, there is a sense of a confused sense of identity, a fragmented self-identity, and a fragmented life chronology... he's not sure of himself, like when he says 35:50 "I stopped smoking weed, and then I found a sense of stability, but I don't think it has to do with the weed" and then jumps to his weight, etc.... A lot of bpd is also a sense of not being "heard", so we tend to over-communicate to make up for all those times it felt like we missed out on or lost opportunities for connecting with people. It's hard to connect with people, it's hard to feel comfortable in your own skin, it's hard to know who you are, hard to have that stable sense of "this is my identity", "this is who I am" - it's like people with bpd are constantly trying to find themselves, who they are, where they fit in, hence the increasing desperation with time... and using drugs and other forms of escape.
After some recent soul searching I realized I’m constantly been trying to keep from being still (lack of movement) after removing vices (THC, Nicotine, #1 porn) what I am trying to run from in my mind (apart from the emotional stimulation and self worth stimulation I found it porn #mommy&daddyissues ) was boredom and the lack of mental/cognitive stimulation. Basically hyperactivity-like urges fixed on self awareness that became detrimental when I started to feel guilt and shame. Basically ADHD became depression, which became suicide, which became escapism, which diverted to vices via love of others (sexual), and self stimulation via porn.
I did about one week in a psych ward, and it was at a time when I was having all these feelings, reawaken inside of me that I had never had before. And all they will teach anyone in the psych ward is how to assuage what they would consider negative feelings like anger, frustration, annoyance or feelings of wanting to self harm. I needed with someone to teach me about my feelings and to learn how to use them properly. How do I identify them. And all they were saying is oh take a bath take a nap. Had a dog had a cat take a walk. It was so unhelpful.
You should interview natives. Navajo, natives from Alaska. Mexican. Get a change in interviews. Don’t get me wrong, I love listening to your channel and peoples stories
The only thing that ever helped me move forward was once I started therapy, learned more about my mind and managing my mind, and eventually learning to accept everything and tell myself it’s okay to be this way. It’s okay, and…
25:32 I have that conversation myself, internally, regarding friends sometimes, partly because it's possible to run people off, but also because I don't want to drag my friends down.
"How much of me, needing you, is going to break our friendship", that quote right there hit pretty hard for me.
I was clueless until someone pointed out to me (very uncritically, it was said as just an observation)
"you are very demanding.."
Having BPD has ruined everything I’ve ever tried to do or be. Every day there’s no telling what I’ll feel like or about things or people I love. I will do things I regret over and over again. I will think something for an hour and tear down years of love. One minute I’ll believe I’m better and then I’ll know I’m no good at all. The way you see yourself and life and others is never the same.
Have you ever had DBT? It’s changed my life and it can change yours
@@TheMellsBellsdbt has changed my life.
I still have so much to learn from dbt but it’s been a huge help in my life.
I use the stop skill and tips skill and checking the facts all the time.
Radical acceptance is the most difficult for me.
Are you sure you have the correct diagnosis? It is a genetic disorder and often misdiagnosed. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior.
Love you 🙏💞💗
Just quit alcohol totally for 8 months and the pathways 100% will erode ...do it
Its the constant change in perspective that I can't stand with BPD, the way I view things in completely different extremes is so unsettling and ungrounding
I think that's called "object inconstancy".. Could you please give an example of that? What is being viewed differently? (You don't have to answer but I'm very curious.. thank you!)
@@TuckFinn831 I was diagnosed with "BPD traits" and not BPD itself, and every person will experience things differently, but in my case it's really scary and frustrating how my perception of loved ones drastically switches when I'm triggered or splitting. I might think they're the best person I've ever met, and half an hour later something might hurt my feelings and I'll think I never want to see them again. I'll go from thinking I don't deserve them to them not deserving me. And it sucks.
Because I know, logically, that none of those thoughts are grounded in reality. They're blown out of proportion bc I'm terrified of rejection and abandonment. I'm afraid of how vulnerable I am around them. Bc I'm going through a hard patch in life rn and my self worth sometimes feels like it only relies on other people's perceptions of me. My moods depend on their moods, their opinions of me. Anything they do can either make or ruin my day.
I know these extreme thoughts and emotions are not true but god do they feel real sometimes. They get so overwhelming I don't even realize I'm doing it sometimes. I hope this answer helped.
@@luchirimoya thank you! I appreciate you sharing that. I'm also going through a rough patch and I'm trying to sort everything out. My current therapist does not diagnose but I feel like I might have "quiet" BPD or at least a borderline structure. Currently I'm working on radical acceptance.. and apparently that's the core fundamental of DBT. :)
I've also been turning to Jesus Christ which is a total shift for me. What we need most is unconditional love, the release of guilt by being forgiven (even if we haven't really done anything bad we feel guilt), and the promise of eternal life (which let's us slow down.. why hurry? There's plenty of time.. we can keep failing and it's not a big deal.. smile about it.. the lord has your back).
The more I get into the bible the more profound it is. It teaches us how to heal our fractured selves.. and this was thousands of years before the works of Carl Jung and Freud, both of whom I consider geniuses. Also, the more I dig into quantum mechanics the more I'm convinced that there is a god.
Take care :)
As a BPD woman I can relate a lot to your comment. My perspective of situations and people constantly fluctuate though out the day. It’s exhausting. I can wake up liking someone and by the end of the day have them blocked.
@@lisaeustace1181splitting behavior
I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar 1 at 20. I was also diagnosed with BPD, severe anxiety disorder and other neurotic behaviors. No mood stabilizer ever worked, I was a taking upwards of 32 pills daily. Finally after 40 years, my new doctor determined I was not Bipolar at all but my BPD and PTSD were the problems. I feel for this man. After 5 marriages, numerous hospitals, and treatments that didn't help, I'm free! Talk therapy helped me more than anything. I'm not 68 single and feeling like a success in life, I survived.
Glad to hear it!!
i am really glad to hear that. I don't have any disorders but I can somehow relate.
I'm so happy for you!! You are a Champion ✨🏆✨
I have Bpd and Cptsd and am determined to put it into remission!! Best wishes to you 💜✨
what talking therapy helped?
I'm 35 and was diagnosed with bipolar 5 years ago but now realizing I have BPD. Very eye opening. I'm going to ask my doctor today about it today wish me luck
As a 22 year old woman diagnosed with bpd and bipolar 1 previously, this gives me goosebumps. I am so self destructive, I am self aware - but yet I self destruct. Thank you for this video Mark, and thank you for sharing your story Josh! I have ruined many of my most important relationships and friendships. Mental health needs more awareness.
Same , bpd and bipolar 2 here 20 yrs old
My partner is a man with BPD. They truly are a rare and misunderstood demographic, which makes it difficult for them to explain their experiences because people rarely see them as anything but narcissistic and destructive. It hurts my heart. There’s a whole lot of good inside of these people once they’re in a safe place 🖤
Thank you
Thank you! My partner is a man with BPD as well. He has so much to offer this world beyond this diagnosis. We were friends for 20 years before we got together and I was blown away to know this side of him. He hid it so well. The depth of his emotions is inspiring; it fills my soul. I'm lucky he let me in. ❤
I have BPD. Thank you for your kind words.
I'm a guy with BPD and that means a lot.
Why do you Americans say your "Partner" Why not just say your boyfriend? You worried about offending all the far-left wokie feminists saying Boyfriend because it's a straight white man? 😂 Usually in context you say partner when your in a relationship with someone of the same gender or in an open relationship. Just sayin.
his comments about not feeling like he was enough and the hopelessness that comes with this disorder is so relatable for me. it really is a painful lonely disorder
Yep. He knows exactly what to say to ideal with anyone. He does not experience. Any confusion he can deliver is what drives him.
He's not being truthful
I lost my close friend by suicide in march. She had BPD and I know she struggled immensely with it. Thank you for spreading awareness about mental health and BPD, as it definitely needs more awareness towards it.
Sorry for your loss❤
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry ❤
God bless your friend. May she rest in love.
This story gave me goosebumps shout out to his wife for being such a positive support system for him
I'm so much like Josh. I'm listening again to try to find my way out of another funk. I needed to hear his story. Maybe the marijuana is affecting me more than I was aware...All I know is I will not go to another mental health doctor. It truly is up to ourselves to improve our situations.
"Thank you to all people that try to believe in someone when they look like a train wreck" OOF that hit me hard. As someone with depression this really speaks to me. Loved ones know you're a mess but love you anyways
take this out onto the street and try it with people, nobody cares for nobody i dont know why you even fight fire with fire. try water hey. just saying.
unless your loved ones are narcissists and kick you when you're down....
@@leahscheelar5130that happened to me! It’s the hardest part to overcome!
I love a guy with narcisstic BPD but he doesn't want me to love him, we are friends but he keeps me at a distant. I wish he could trust me and love me back. I stay friends with him because I worry about him so much. I let him know I'm here for him and he knows that...
Narcs can't live you back@@carol6445
He needs to be very careful. He's not cured, his current relationship is just a super effective band aid. I don't think he's actually found stability, he found a sense of external stability that feels strong enough. Careful friend I would recommend still being in talk therapy at the minimum. I'm BPD and meds don't help but cognitive behavioral therapy has been my life saver
I'm in the same boat. No meds really work for more than a month (If that). I've gone to therapy before many times but, stopped because I felt it didn't help with the constant depression. there were times that when the meds helped though, and therapy actually made a difference.
It just feels like what they are telling me, wont sink into my brain to effectively change my thoughts. I can't get past that constant depression, to get better. I'm hoping to find some new type of treatment, then go back into therapy to work on things. Hope you are doing well.
@woolfy02 have you ever looked into IFS therapy? It stands for "internal family system" It's different from a normal talk therapy approach. It was the first time in my life I didn't feel my BPD could control me for forever. Took time to get there, but IFS 10000% gave me some hope I desperately needed. And I use the stuff I've learned everyday and it's super beneficial. Normal talk therapy sucked because I would get super sad telling some doc about my crazy mind and then feel even worse after cuz now I'm worked up and my problems are still the same. I'm not saying it's gonna be your "game changer" but maybe it can give you new perspective on yourself, which is exactly what it did for me. Wish you the best friend!!! 💚
@@oggaspack7971 I've never heard of that but, I'll definitely look into it! Thanks!
It’s actually DBT that’s recommended for borderlines, not CBT.
I hope he resumes a connection with mental health services. BPD is lifelong. He has found the strength in his marriage that he lacked in his relationship with himself. But without a strong sense of self, he is living precariously before the next challenging life event hits. Not to mention if they choose to start a family. May he learn to love himself as much as his wife loves him ❤
Mental health needs a major overhaul in this country.
It seems like medical science is not up to treating all issues but that he had a lot of treatment resource available.
I agree #lifecap
Universal healthcare period needs to happen here
World wide has This same ignorance to peoples lives.
even in places where healthcare is free it’s still something that needs work 😢
That's an understatement! Agreed!
I was having so much suicidal thoughts 10 years ago as a teenage, also suffered severe anxiety and mental disorder. I got diagnosed with bipolar, spent my whole life fighting bipolar. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment changed my life for better. I can proudly say i'm totally clean for 6 years and still counting. Always look to nature for solution to tough problems, Shrooms are phenomenal.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
Where do I reach this dude? If possible can I find him on Google
I was horrifically depressed since childhood. It was relentless. I assumed it would ultimately end me somehow. About twelve years ago I randomly accepted the offer from a friend of a few doses of mushrooms. I did them two consecutive nights alone. First night was pretty mild. The second night? Wow. I saw my depression from every angle, realized much. Next day: depression totally gone. Never came back, never coming back. It's like it's a forest far away I can remember, and could probably find again with enough effort, but it has zero impact on anything in my life or mind. They honestly saved my life and improved it immensely. I never did them again, either. I wish there was a good, organized way to administer them to people who would benefit from them.
Thanks for sharing this great information, this would help my daughter
Ive recently opened up to some friends about my diagnosis and they sent me this. This is the most relief i have felt maybe in my whole life...none of you are going thru this alone 💙
21 y/o man with BPD here! I love seeing this, makes me feel like there are people out there that understand me! If anybody with BPD wants to talk hmu yo!!!
65 year old woman here. I suffered most of my life, but wasn't formally diagnosed until I was 40. It is hard to understand, even harder to live through.
My oldest son has also recently been diagnosed with same, he is 37 years old, and we get along great now, but didn't always. We don't live together but see each other regularly, we can relate to each other. He is my main source of support.
23 male bpd, how do you manage to live
40 yrs male with BPD no body understands me … Hmu
@@MrArqo83 how do you live brother, im in the same boat
I’m 20 with bpd. I’d love to talk with you if you end up seeing this please
I had to break up with my girlfriend(who has BPD) of 2 years who I’m still so in love with but i myself have mental health issues & don’t have that kind of strength to support her the way she needs(& vice versa). Our mental health issues seemed to collide with each other. It was just too painful & hard for us both. It’s truly heartbreaking. She goes back & fourth between understanding, taking responsibility, being remorseful of the pain she’s caused me, and blame shifting, insulting, manipulating, saying I’m giving up on her or not being understanding & thinking I’m just a fuck boi or something. As someone that struggles with codependency, chronic major depressive disorder, severe anxiety disorder, OCD along with many other things, I just don’t know what to do. I had to end it. I couldn’t justify it anymore. I had to break all my rules of what I’ll accept from someone, and what I’ll do for someone. I question my own conduct, moral compass, faithfulness, & general ability to be a loving, kind, respectful, compassionate & strong human being. I become paranoid, obsessive & compulsive with these things. Even though we may not be toxic people or have negative intentions, It truly is a toxic mixture. It feels like our souls are reaching towards each other, but our brains just won’t let us in this life. It just breaks my heart.
Go take all of this and give it to a therapist. Let them figure it out for you. Present yourself and allow them to help guide you. Pray about it. You got this brother. Take it day by day. I have felt it all and I’m sure you’ve survived so much!!! Be proud of yourself
Sorry to hear. What you wrote resonates with me.
Would you consider making a video about your experience and going more in-depth about it?
In a very similar situation here. Although neither me nor my ex seem to have proper diagnosis - What you said about being depressed and prone to co-dependency resonates with me so much, and when combined with a partner with Borderline - it's a recipe for disaster. Even if you were completely mentally stable, you cannot (or should not) be with someone you cannot lean on, and yet always be there when they are the one in need (which I know can sometimes be hard to grasp when you're the codependent one - I personally tended to diminish my own needs for his sake in hopes of that helping him - yet it only ever made things worse, since he always had someone to run back to and therefore not have to work on himself, needless to say my needs were never even close to being met). Hoping you'll both heal from this, if not together, then with someone more compatible who will be able to meet your needs. You're not alone. Take care
U did the right thing. I gave up too. It's painful but worth it. God Bless
The way they go back and forth from being lucid taking responsibility bettering themselves etc.. to being delusional selfish manipulative lying makes it extremely difficult to leave because you can see who they COULD be and when they are rational and emotionally stable you really like them. You think you can either help them better themselves if you just understand them better and work with them and love them but it doesn't work. You'll waste a lot of time energy and lose a piece of your soul in the process. It's devastating I feel really bad for people who have to deal with this and don't have the option to run because they're dealing with an immediate family member. It must be awful. It's just really irritating because it seems like something that could be cured but it can only be managed and only if the person with bpd desperately genuinely wants help and applies themselves fully but the disorder doesn't lend itself well to self improvement because that requires one to take accountability and the blame shifting and delusional thought processes and emotional reasoning make it almost impossible. It's very difficult to change yourself if your problems are related to your actual personality and was developed in early childhood you have to basically reprogram your mind and most people can't do that.
As a man with BPD, I appreciate this video.
I had a best friend that has BPD. It was exhausting and a daily struggle to be her friend. It caused me constant anxiety and stress and eventually I had to end our friendship. I miss her and think about her daily but I just couldn't justify it after many failed attempts to be her friend.
I get this. My mom is BPD and I’ve had to cut off our relationship. It’s heartbreaking.
I had to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years who I’m still so in love with but i myself have mental health issues & don’t have that kind of strength to support her the way she needs(& vice versa). Our mental health issues seemed to collide with each other. It was just too painful & hard for us both. It’s just truly heartbreaking. She goes back & fourth between understanding, taking responsibility, being remorseful of the pain she’s cause me, and blame shifting, insulting, manipulating, saying I’m giving up on her or not being understanding & thinking I’m just a fuck boi or something. As someone that struggles with codependency, chronic major depressive disorder, severe anxiety disorder, OCD along with many other things, I just don’t know what to do, question my own conduct, moral compass, faithfulness, & general ability to be a loving kind respectful, strong person. I became paranoid, obsessive & compulsive with these things. It feels like our souls are reaching towards each other, but our brains just won’t let us in this life. It just breaks my heart.
They are all hopeless
@@JocelynDaroczy Sorry to hear that.
I have BPD and I can tell you, this illness is continued through repression of guilt. This guy started all his self-harming behaviors because he felt guilt, just like me. and he repressed it, or blamed others, or never accepted himself as OK. My healing has been through being honest - taking some psychedelics, accepting that it's okay to be "bad", it's okay to make mistakes, and it's okay to be honest about it. That's how you get better.
Word. Don't be so hard on yourself. Live a little. 90+% of ( male ) teenagers ( puberty ) have probably indulged themselves in a compulsive wankin' period. I know i have 🥵
This might be a really insightful comment - self-love often divorces itself from the dark side (the new me!), but then when the shit hits the fan and one reenters the dark side (the old me) - the self-love that was being cultivated is nowhere to be found.
Overcome the "black and white thinking" by bringing the darkness (and guilt) into the light, rather than pretending it doesn't exist. "It's okay to be bad" hmmm. Reminds me of the Jung quote, "One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."
Something to ponder, thank you.
Just started digging into BPD due to previous events in my life as well as current issues, and Josh’s story and life/ upbringing is sooo surreal to me hearing as far as similarities; not in every regard of course but man, would have been interesting to hear what else we had in common as far as childhoods/ teen years, Supporting you Josh and glad to hear you’re doing better! You gave me hope tonight. This is litteraly my only comment I’ve ever made on TH-cam lol, feel special 😅
Yt is a nice place to now more about BPD.
We're all together here! Good comment by the way!
Finding my husband is when I turned the corner. I met him at 19. I thank God for him every day. Having a stable, kind and safe person in my life has made all the difference.
As a Woman with BPD that was diagnosed and studied under the formidable Dr Linnehan at university of Washington 25 yrs ago when it was an unheard of diagnosis - i have been hiding this diagnosis for almost half my life and now it is a pop phrase in the zeitgeist i did find one thing he said that pierced my soul " you are afraid of loving someone so much you drive them away 2 paraphrasing but best summation i can find - i started watching this channel right after my sister - best friend was murdered in the U$a this past summer ... i am bed bound in Ireland going through every stage of grief ...yet i do think daily if the Witakers got the funding for their new home ... and find friends in grief and PTSD here - i have hope of living just replaying the Witakers on their porch -My best friend and i had a life pact to end up on a porch doing nothing and everything - THANK YOU MY FRIENDS AND SWU - you show so much love and i send that out at midnight overlooking the sea , and suddenly not so alone SLAINTE from West Cork Bantry Bay Ireland - Oh , Mark have you studied the novels of Barry Gifford or worked with Mary Ellen Mark ? Very similar portraiture and lighting as her circus portraits and film of the seattle street kids in the late 80s - one of my favourites from a fellow photographer //ta a mil
Hi from Tipperary ireland .
So sorry you're grieving. Please take care, talk to the priest's and people I'm the churches they are great also pieta house !
@@katieb2098 TPP is nice and bless you i do not discriminate if faith is love - thank you for chiming in really - bless yer heart happy easter sunday and pieta house calls the gardai if you did not know - love to you!
@brookebowers1229 oh my goodness ... calls the guards ... wow.. OK is that a recent thing?
@@katieb2098 sadly no and the same with the Samaratins ...they lull you into falsce security keep you on the line and handcuff you - if they want to- or just come harrass you flashlights in all the windows back and forth in my eyes and my autism help dogs eyes - the day i found out my sister was murdered 6 cars showed up because all my buddies in the states assumed i knew and i found out online -everyone called because my health isalready bad and i thought i was dying ... they all showed up 12 gardai to my lil cottage to silence my "prank calls" what they call welfare checks for me ... i shoved the laptop at the 1st garda and screamed that is my sister while the news in seattle played her death over and over - all of them got out i was screaming one forced in and forced me to take a random bottle of pills to put the "whisht " into me and she told the rest to back away - they al knew they were in the wrong being here - just bored - fun to pick on the handicaped in bantry country cork being i am autistic and i cannot walk oh and i am married to the town drunk - so i deserve all this abuse - sorry real bad day i have no friends in ireland but lived here for 22 yrs - easter is a bad day and the anniversary of the hardai breaking my pelvis last year for trying to get an ambulance home from the hospital - i ened up in bridewell cork nepotism and the crooked gardai cheers lovie thanks for being kind
That’s awesome to have been diagnosed by Marsha herself. I’m really sorry for your loss. Male BPD from England.
BIG hug from a fellow Borderliner with Depression etc. The Things and Feelings you describe are so familiar to me...at least my past. I am now 45 and Had so many Years of Therapy, so i am kind of...."OK". And i Hope you can get to that Point too. But yeah...feel you a lot. All the best ti you
It is often misdiagnosed and a genetic disorder. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. Please get multiple evaluations. Sending ❤💪🙏
I asked for help once. I got very little. A friend told me everyone is too busy dealing with their own sh*t to take on mine. Disappointing but made sense.
You have someone that believes in you and a dream to fight for and ways to keep busy. Being able to be vulnerable and share your struggle is also so very important. Powerful, thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story Josh. It is so hard living with bpd. I suspect I have it, my brother has it, my mom has it. My marriage to my husband and my kids are a huge stabilizing force for me. I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 but I’m not sure this is accurate. So many of my problems are learned from watching my parents’ interactions and bizarre beliefs in an invalidating environment. It does help so much to have someone believe in you and assure you that your dreams are possible. So much of your story is relatable to me. I know many of my problems come down to deep, ingrained and automatic negative thought patterns. It’s rough to challenge these. I split but not as violently as I have in the past. Living with bpd and bpd traits is such a challenge but many with bpd are highly intelligent and sensitive. I always try to remind myself of the good traits that come with bpd along with the bad bc it is still a stigmatized mental health condition and the stigma is discouraging.
BPD but also almost 100% certainly NPD and possibly somewhat on the spectrum of ASD as well. What a challenging, stressful combination to have to wrestle with every day. Josh, you’ve made SO much inspiring progress. Stay strong and keep pushing forward with that fight!! 🙏
I was waiting for someone to say this. NPD 100%
16-39% of people with BPD are comorbid with NPD too.
I have BPD not with npd.
@@Tumbleweed_ it's hell.. it's like we're defective Narcs
I’ll narc out with NPD nonsense when I split. I’ve gotten better at catching it, but I still do it. It’s a nightmare.
This one I actively listened to the entire way through. Thank you, for fighting.. for showing all of us that it can be done, no matter how bad it gets, how bad or how low it gets, you can come out on the other side.
Thank you for this interview Mark.. makes us feel less alone at least the ones with mental health issues. And thank you Josh for sharing your story. You’re an inspiration and you got this!!!
My god man, you are telling my life story… but, you admitted to things I have not. I’m not even through the video. You also made me remember things I forgot! Although I don’t know how you’re not crying?! I always cry! Much love and respect!! I’m in a bad place. You are so … I feel for us 😢
As a pwBPD, I always find it strange that the only thing that seems to tie all of the success stories together is the presence of a stable romantic love interest.
Must love yourself. Not depend on a partner. He needs to drop religion. Masturbating is ok and normal. The little girl was probably being molested and taught him. He is not a bad guy and must love himself first. Then love a partner. No sky daddy
How can anyone have a stable relationship with a pwBPD ? Even therapy didn’t help my exes lol
@@skantewarrior522it is possible
@@skantewarrior522 You're the problem
@@earthangel7253 typical bpd response, everyone else is the problem right?
I’m always curious about this subject because my 19 yr old daughter has BPD due to horrific physical abuse , not by me, at the age of 2. She has suffered so much in her life. I could write a book. The people you have had on here with BPD, never really get into the emotional behavior they have. I would love to see someone talk about their journey with the behavior destruction part of it all due to faulty emotion regulation. It is a horrific way for them to live and it leaves a parent so helpless. You are amazing Mark. You are my go-to every morning before I go to work. Keep up the good work my friend.
I agree.. it's good that they share their story with their own unbiased words, so I don't think it's bad of them. But for viewers I think it's confusing. Most or all of the BPD interviews don't seem to understand or are unable to communicate what BPD is or how it causes their behavior. Possibly it's too stressful to expose themselves that much to strangers. But it would be nice to see.
It is often misdiagnosed and a genetic disorder. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. Please get multiple evaluations. Sending ❤💪🙏
@@LuluBritSource on it being genetic? Everything I've seen indicates that it's a sensitive temperament + early childhood trauma (especially CSA)
@@ChannelHandler88Same, and I'm an RMN 😬
I would like to see scientific research suggesting its genetic as well. I was with someone for 4 yrs, while h3 never has been diagnosed, has every characteristic I've ever researched about bpd. As far as the behavior destruction. I was the recipient of most of those destructive behaviors. Instant, unwarranted, and unwarned snapps of raging anger. To the point of him slapping me, choking me, leaving bruises on my face, busted lips, the inside of my van destroyed, spit in my face, throwing things at me. Once this rage is activated it was impossible to disassemble. I would typically run outside if I could then he'd switch and tell me he was scared id send him to jail and ruin his life. He would destroy the entire house, blame it all on me, then after either hours or a few days be apologetic profusely tell me how strong I am say he doesnt want to be like this and be relaxed for a few days or couple weeks but it always cycles around again. His emotional state depends on everyone and everything else. I still try to be a supportive person in his life bc he clings onto me at such a deep emtional level but its effecting every single part of my life in a negative way. My own mentao health issues mixed with his is not whats bbest for us
My ex had borderline personality disorder (BPD). It was both the most wonderful and the most hurtful experience of my life.
This is why we should never date. We just ruin the only people who care enough to be patient with us. I'm sorry
@@Sarah-y7n5b Thank you so much for that. I truly appreciate it. I believe there is hope for those who are committed to therapy and take it seriously. While there are solutions available, in this particular case, there seemed to be a lack of openness.
@@Sarah-y7n5b But why do you ruin us? You cannot control your evil behaviour or what? Why not? Wha happens inside you? Could you please help me understand my (ex-?)girlfriend better?
@@pvn2474 we feel like you don't truly love us, that you have to be lying to us or waiting for someone better. We don't feel like a whole person, so when you do find someone whole you'll realise what your missing and leave. These thoughts become so real that we hate you because we know you're not really going to stay. We will hurt you in any way we know how to show you how you make us feel, even though you're not trying to hurt us. The smallest things make us feel betrayed. It's just constant torment and pain. It's so hard to see the good in others. But we're like this because of trauma not because we want to be, people did some really bad things to us, if the people we loved did that then people we love in the future probably will too. We love more then anyone you'll ever meet but there's some demon like shit in us I can't describe. Trust me we feel guilty when we hurt others, really guilty even if we don't say it
@@pvn2474dude. There is tons of resources online to learn. Also, that's such a loaded question. You seem like a douche.
Josh, you’re a treasure. I hope your future is peaceful and joyful. You deserve it. You’re helping others here, dude. Thank you.
Josh - no matter what you do, you deserve to be here, you deserve love, you deserve your own love and to give yourself some grace. no matter what.
as someone who has a sister with BPD I can tell you he is so not stable. I can see so many familiar patterns, it‘s actually triggering for me to watch this video, the word salad, the self destruction, always blaming others, the impulsivity, jiggling around with medication…
Who was he even blaming….people with bpd don’t always blame others your one experience doesn’t count for the others
Look up word salad please.
This isn’t word salad, you need to look up what you’re talking about before commenting. I’m willing to bet you’re the Golden Child with very little empathy for your sister. Also, BPD is on a spectrum.
First of all, I'm so sorry about your sister struggling with mental health issues.
My sister had been on Zoloft for almost 20 years and slowly reduced her intake. She actually managed to quit in July of 2021. But she became in such a bad condition mentally and still is, that she can't even be alone while her partner is at work. The hour he's working, she came to my mother. Every day, 5 days a week.
A year after she quit them, she was suicidal and I was the one who had to contact the doctors, the ER, and everything else.
I'm diagnosed with severe OCD, ADD, anxiety, severe depression and more.
To deal with someone so ill as her, I just couldn't do it.
After a while I had to pull myself out of the situation.
I started to get suicidal thoughts myself and by the years I've become so selfish that I prioritise myself first.
I got a few very critical comments from people around about the fact that I removed myself.
How dared I?
How could let my sister down so horribly when she needed me most?
I had to. It was either her or me.
When a person becomes so ill that it affects the people around to the point where they also become seriously ill, then it's time for the professional to take over.
But she doesn't want that.
She would not let herself be admitted to a psychiatric hospital.
She got a team that should come home to her every day, but the first appointment with them they said something wrong and that was it.
I'm sorry about this rant.
My point was that I believe I know how you're feeling.
Being next of kin to people with severe mental health issues is the worst situation ever.
It's absolutely horrible and so exhausting!
I really hope your sister is open to accepting help. I hope she gets better and as stable as possible.
And I hope 3are able to take care of yourself.
I believe there are groups of people who are families, partners, friends and so on of people who are very ill.
Support groups.
Those can be gold.
I've never been in such a group but I was in a self help anxiety group years ago.
To meet people who truly understand what you're going through is such a powerful experience. Suddenly you're not alone and there are people who actually understand you for real real.
I've never experienced that before.
I also just want to say a few words about the interview.
You wrote something about the word salad.
And I was just like a big question mark thinking that did salad have to do with this?
I'm a bit slow and very literall. If that's even a word.
However, now I understand what you mean.
Word salad is someone all over the place?
Because that was my first though when I started watching the interview.
He's not finishing his sentences. And he hardly ever gets to the point. At least I didn't understand what he was saying.
First I thought he was very nervous and it got a bit better. Bad I had a very hard time following his though process. He never finished. But that may very well be a part of the BPD.
Even though in my opinion he sounds almost manic
I wasn't done.
He comes off as manic.
I never knew that was part of BPD.
I'd though his struggle at this time was Bipolar.
No matter what he's dealing with, he doesn't come across as stable. Far from it.
But there's probably a lot I don't know about BPD.
Even though I've looked into it a bit because I'm wondering if I may have it because I have such issues with relationships.
I just can't figure them out.
But if that's BPD or a Autism Spectrum disorder - I don't know.
I'll finish now and leave you be. I'm sorry.
I hope you're doing fine, and your sister, too.
Stay strong and courageous!
Lots of love to you both and everyone involved, all the way from Norway.
I know exactly what he is saying. Feeling unworthy (of love especially) is an awful feeling. You want to reach out to people but don’t because you believe you’re a burden and don’t want to be that. You learn to suffer alone, or at least I did. I’ve picked myself up off the floor too many times to count. I won’t lie. As you age it gets harder. BPD just means you are on either side of the fence at any given time. That’s how it was explained to me. You struggle to pick a side. You are in a grey areas too often. Medication has never helped. Mindfulness exercises and gratitude is very important to us because it keeps us stable and grounded. Self talk is okay to have too. I have even learned to be grateful for even the bad times….the traumas that caused the instability also shaped me to be a better and stronger person. I always just felt like I did not take disappointment well or was too sensitive about some things. Embracing this instability is okay too. When I feel overwhelmed and hurting too badly I have a designated person to vent it to so that I can just get the ideas and hurtful words I keep assigning to myself out of my head. It’s not really that bad that I have to feel like I want to die…but for some of us emotional pain feels that way. I write it out too. Most importantly I stopped acting out and harming myself, and I am grateful also for the days I feel worthwhile. Seems he is too. I wish the man all the best. I can see him moving on the be a great father one day.
Damn, this one kinda hit with me. The suicidal thoughts, struggling with meds, absolute despair. Lost my job and had a relationship fail recently which really put me in the shit. Talking to people and going on long walks saved me. I'm glad Josh is still here.
I'm almost 32, and right around the time I turned 30 is when I really started reflecting upon the sexual assault/molestation that happened to me in my young teens. Still coming to terms w it. Another interview on here sums it up well, the young man said he felt like he was "damaged goods". I resonate so much w this statement.
Having had nearly 15 years addicted to drugs and what comes w that, the trauma the violence, I often wonder if that's what broke me or if it was what happened when I was a child. Struggling with so much weight and heavythoughts at once, and trying to put that to the side and be "normal" is so difficult, it's sometimes just so difficult to even speak. Again this is something that only recently has begun to affect me this much. A lot of my symptoms point towards borderline, but thats something il be exploring w a therapist. I guess I'm rambling now, but it's not about what these guests say with their words, it's what they say w their faces and bodies that contains the real truth. Hope everyone is having a relaxing morning
i agree, america needs to stop prioritizing profits over our fucking health!!!
I am so sorry that happened to you just terrible
Its so sad meds aren't legally available for a fraction of the damage done currently by the booming illicit med market.
"Just say no" has been a resounding fail for too long.
Creates, as you so rightly say trauma on the early trauma that drove us to self medicate in the first place!
This articulate young man has been through a lot
His faith both helps and hinders imho
People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. GENETIC DISORDER!!
@MissFloridaWinner I am so sorry you had to go through that. You're amazing.
Such an amazing sense of clarity . My heart goes out to you and the families. This disorder SUCKS!
Actually super relate to this, dealt with some of the same issues as him. I have no recollection of abuse either until my pre-teen/ teen years. I wanted to die because I felt like something was wrong with me, like I was tainted. Came from an extremely unhealthy religious background, though. Worked through a lot in therapy and in a supportive relationship. I hope the best for this man.
Thank you for sharing your journey Josh.
I was cursed with this illness from childhood trauma and sexual abuse. Godbless you and thank you for sharing
Could you sum this disorder up in a few sentences because I still don’t understand it. Thank you 🙏
look up it on google, it will tell you the symptoms @@crazy4bruno1
@@crazy4bruno1 People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. GENETIC DISORDER!!
@@crazy4bruno1 People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. GENETIC DISORDER!!
It is often misdiagnosed and a genetic disorder. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. Please get multiple evaluations. Sending ❤💪🙏
I resonate so much his experience. BPD is a horrible thing to live with - not only the overwhelming emotions and pain, but constantly questioning your reality and wondering if you'll ever feel complete. I also struggled with various addictions to cope, and received little or no help from therapy or meds.
Thanks, Josh! Your story gives hope to the world.
BPD is such a problematic diagnosis. It often seems to manifest itself as immaturity. Very interesting interview mark. Would love to be able to read this guys medical record. 24 hospital admissions so…definitely we are missing some salient details. I wish Josh the best.
Ya, he said often he was kept in for 8 hrs.
Probably crisis interventions.
uhh no the current medical literature clearly suggests that the disorder stems from emotion dysregulation via the amygdala. Most BPD know the outcome of their behavior it's the lack of ability to control the impulse that is the problem but that doesn't steam from immaturity. If you don't have BPD, you will never be able to understand how they feel. BPD literally feel emotions much strongly than average person which is shown in the literature.
thanks Josh ... thanks for making me not feel alone.
Josh I am also on a road of self endearment and empowerment, coming from a place of low self esteem and low self worth. My life has been filled with self destruction and inability to deal w responsibility, and that's led me to the stagnant state I've been in now since I pretty much got off hard drugs in 2021. What's difficult for me is I'm finally able to identify my problematic behaviors and ways of thinking which is the first step but I haven't made much more progress than that. As others have echoed, we seriously need a revamping of the mental health system here in the USA. Wishing everyone strength going thru anything sinilar
92' babies uniiite! It sounds like you are describing me 😂 what life... we got this tho! (Says this with a broken ankle from totaling her car under the influence a week ago 🥲) Bi polar 1 for the win... have you ever been assessed?! The meds help being somewhat less impulsive... i was doing so well... fml...
Love your comment. Going through the same thing! Much love to you ❤
He is still not ok. I can see it clearly. He is struggling with his emotions. His wife is a temporary fix. I pray she does not leave him...
My heart breaks. My daughter and son both have bpd. I love them both. I know their behaviors are from trauma. I see their bpd as a medical problem. If they had a seizure disorder that couldn't be fully controlled with medication I would help them. This disorder is no different. I will always be their biggest advocate and support.
They are lucky
❤❤
What caused their BPD? They were really born with it? I dont think so. What happened in their lives that would cause such horrible disease?
They are blessed to have you ❤
@@pvn2474they said due to trauma so no not born with it
I'm diagnosed with severe BPD and CPTSD. Talking helps. No one understands what the fuck you're saying, but it does help a little. Good luck sir.
Thanks for sharing your story,Josh.Glad you're doing better.You say your wife gave you a dream.I ask you " What dreams do you have still independent of your spouse?" Dont discount therapy alone or together ,to tease out more issues that haven't been dealt with sufficiently.I wish you both well 🙏.Take care,Mark.
Children engaging in that behavior have learned it from someone older doing it to him whether he remembers it or not. Some remember it consciously and others remember it unconsciously. He needs to address the fact that he has been SA’ d with a trauma therapist. There is such a thing as emotional memories. I’m glad he is talking about this. What isn’t talked about becomes acted out.
At the end of the day, we don’t know, but my guess is that the girl learned it from first hand experience. The subtext I read from his story is that he went along with the activity, and it came from a mammalian instinct, coyly not believing where it came from. Statistically as well, young girls experience SA at that age more often than boys.
I was in Josh’s shoes as a kid, experiencing something similar, and I’d never been SA’d. The other person, with how cavalier they went about it, might’ve.
Probably the girl is how he knew. More girls are victims of pedos than boys
I don't agree to full extent. While you might be right to a certain degree, children are also naturally curious and experimenting, including with their g3nitalia. THe mingling and exploring does not have to be learned from someone older. The SA issue seems to be much more prevalent in US than anywhere else though...?
Thank you for sharing. It helps to hear somone describe something so relatable. I'm currently stuck in a destructive loop that I don't know how to get out of. I identify with most of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder. I've had two relationships with girls with BPD and both of them left me scarred and I recognize some of the self-destructive traits from them that I haven't had before.
Somethng makes me think he might be bisexual but can't cone to terms with it. He descibed the large number of people he'd slept with without specifying the gender. I think he feels guilt about his behavior because he's still actively involved in his church and that nay have kept him from being completely truthful and transparent during this interview.
I came to a similar conclusion, but I would be careful about assuming that he's ashamed of it in any regard. Perhaps he just didn't feel the need to overexplain. If he wanted to specify that he has exclusively slept with women, he could have done that. Doesn't mean that he feels guilty about it or otherwise that he hasn't made peace with it.
👀 😑
It's black and white....that how he sees it.
@@vettieFair point about assuming his reasons. We really can’t know. But, he sure overexplained a whole bunch of other things in the 45 minutes we saw him. In fact, most of his monologue was one big overexplanation.
But, while he was specific about losing his virginity to a girl, he was not so specific when speaking of his sexual escapades in his young adulthood. Ask yourself how many young women do you know who make a habit of meeting a complete stranger behind a gas station to have sex in the dead of night. Now tell me, if you had to bet on it would you guess that an encounter like that was between a young man and young woman, or two young men? If you’re honest with yourself, I’m fairly certain you’d wager on the latter.
I know you said you’d had the same suspicion, but I just feel like there’s a whole lot of evidence that it’s very clearly true.
@@AntiPlatitude Yes, there were several instances that made me suspect he might actually be gay. The aspect of pornography is significant. It seems he recognized his attraction to men but couldn't act on it due to his religious background, which may have led to his suicide attempts. He mentioned telling someone about it, stopping for six months, then trying to kill himself when he couldn’t hold himself back and revisited it, likely due to deep shame. He also brought up transsexuals, which is interesting because many curious, scared men look at transsexual porn, seeing it as a middle ground. I've met men who’ve admitted to this. After mentioning transsexuals, he said he doesn’t support that because of his religion, which seemed out of place. He also said, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” which felt coded.
The pornography part of his story was significant, but he didn’t specify what kind, and he seemed very ashamed of what he was viewing, not necessarily the act itself. Because he doesn’t talk about having sex with 40 people with as much shame as he talks about the porn. I also sensed that the "girl" he experimented with under the bunk bed might have been a boy, given how he framed it. There was ambiguity in certain parts of his story but a lot of detail in others. Additionally, he mentioned driving two hours away for sex, which suggests he was trying to hide his activities. His story is incredibly sad, and his wife seems like she might be a beard, which could lead to more suicidal behavior. The repression runs deep in this case and I blame the church.
My mother, a psychotherapist has worked with lots of very young kids and young adults who were addicted to porn as young as 4 yrs. old. It rewires the brain and has a huge impact on them for many years.
Mark she would be a great interview. She is a specialist in her field working with children who have experienced severe trauma . She is amazing at her work and can give a lot of insight.
My heart just sank. Addicted at 4? I imagine she's " numb" to it by now, but I can imagine there's still some shock. I can't wrap my head around that.😢
@lisapatrick343. That sounds very interesting but Mark usually doesn’t read the comments. If your mother is open to being interviewed, have her apply for one. Instructions on how to apply for an interview can be found on this channel’s page in the description box. If she applies, good luck!
My younger sister has BPD, she is alienating everyone in our family and none of us knows how to handle her, she has sabotaged everything anyone has ever done to help.
Mine is literally doing the same exact thing right now. Smh. I’m sorry you guys are going through this too.
How do you think she feels! Do research into this harrowing disorder, and don't judge or criticise her, as I have been by most of my family. You need to empathize, not blame.
Because of this I am estranged from most of my family. However I feel lucky to have a few really great supportive friends, whom I see now and then. I also have my 2 beautiful huskies, they are my lifeline.
I wish you all the best for the future, you have many years ahead of you, and I hope they will be happier ones. Sending love and thoughts from Australia 🦘🐨🇦🇺
@@lindamcgregor4080 , I know how she feels because she tells me, I have read books, listened to podcasts and interviews, you tube videos etc.. it runs in my family and I'm grateful I haven't been hit full force like she has BUT, my family has tried to help her and she just blows everything up. Right now she's in a good spot, her meds were adjusted and she seems good. She gets good for 6 months or so then does something to fall back, she even says she's her own worst enemy.
Wow. Judgemental af. I'm not surprised she's alienating herself from you. I understand it's troublesome to love someone with BPD, but expressing it in this way with such a negative connotation explains a lot. I feel bad for your sister.
@@paypay1970she almost burned my house down, she won't follow allow boundaries! I do feel bad and we touch base via texts, but she's very difficult to be around. She's in an apartment now but is already breaking rules of the apartment complex so I don't know how long she will last. She's in her 60s so it's been her whole life living like this.
I very much agree with him on that gratitude really helps to heal. Anytime, Mark, I watch your amazing and inspiring and sometimes heart-breaking interviews, I feel so grateful for having a roof over my head, fresh food and actually so much more and it helps me to focus my awareness to what I have rather than what's missing. Your TH-cam channel surely is a part of my own recovery journey. Thank you for your work.
My wife works in a crisis unit in a major hospital, typically seeing suicidal and homicidal people. Most of the time, it's individuals that are either borderline or bipolar. When it isn't managed correctly, or when people just have a traumatic history or particularly bad case, they can have a complete mental break and go into psychosis. It's truly scary. Unbelievable things. The last truly horrifying case was a man in his 30s, had some history of mental health issues, but nothing particularly concerning. Said he was feeling depressed, not homicidal or suicidal at all. When he was in the unit at a table with 2 people that were suicidal and a clinician, he didn't say a word, took a pencil, and stuck it in his eye. He then proceeded to stand up and slam his head repeatedly into the table 3 or 4 times until it he went unconscious. Speaking to his family after the fact, he was borderline, and hearing voices, but that was normal for him. Truly heartbreaking for his family. He was in the ICU for a week and then they had to pull the plug. And thats just one story. There's so many more. People need to understand how quickly mental health issues deteriorate and get extremely serious.
holy c. BPD isn't psychotic so hearing voices was due to something else, maybe BP1 or schizophrenia. I cannot imagine a psychotic BPD living very long at all, that is a feedback loop nightmare.
I hope the young man finally found peace 🙏
@craigslist6988 He might've had schizophrenia. No one knew, really. His family had said that when he was upset, he wouldn't say anything and would be nonverbal for weeks at a time. No one knew he even wanted to self-harm at all, so that's why he was on a unit that didn't have much restriction. They had to bring in trauma counselors to talk to the staff involved and the patients that saw as well. People quit because of it. Just really sad for everyone involved, but I cant imagine the suffering and torture he dealt with every day and the torture.
@@BespokeCarpentry weird they didn't put it together that he was schizophrenic. Nonverbal is a symptom iirc, the voices and hallucinations get so extreme they just get lost in their own mental noise. Very sad indeed, and what a living torture. Medications should be able to help but if not that's no way to live... can probably see why he did what he did.
@JOSH, I can see how hard this was for you to do! Something about the spoken word makes it real, right? I am so proud of you! I believe it, this video, could potentially save others. THANK YOU JOSH! ❤
GOD LOVES YOU!❤
As someone on synthroid, im suprised he didn't have a heart attack from taking all his mom's. If you don't need it and you take it, it causes high heart rate and palpitations. Glad he's ok.
He was probably exaggerating. At the very least it would have hospitalized him and made him very sick if he truly ate that many at once.
This guy...I like him so much...brave here. I agree with so much he said, and he has a great insight. and personality! Thanks Josh and Mark.
I think I relate to so much of what you're saying man. I'm glad you're pulling it together and extremely self aware.
I’ve had BPD since I was 8 years old back in the 80’s when it was almost unheard of. It’s the biggest bane of my life which has affected a lot of relationships with my family. I’m almost at the point now where I can tolerate it.
What did you do
Bpd .. I was diagnosed at 33 now 56 and have no struggles in 15 years .. it’s just label and don’t let the label define you ❤ you have to really challenge your brain ! Lots of physical activities self care and you can rise above
Psychiatry is still in diapers
It is often misdiagnosed and a genetic disorder. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a high risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. Please get multiple evaluations. Sending ❤💪🙏
BPD can also mellow out with age, it’s not uncommon. Getting to that age though.
You may not have BPD 😭I was misdiagnosed, I was just going through a hard time and emotions were strong
But I finally met someome who truly had BPD and they literally ruined my life! It’s a imposible mental illness to deal with.
Hell yeah, keep posting. PD's need hope.
30 minutes into the interview was the very first time I heard Mark. This interview was challenging for me to follow. The speech is so fast and the subjects change so frequently. It would be easier to follow if the conversation went back and forth but it’s more of a monologue.
Wishing you peace and a renewed will to live, Josh.
I wish he interrupted me more, Ngl but I’m a hard person to interrupt
As private person who tends to “silently suffer”, the advice to be “vulnerable on your journey bc you never know who will help you along the way,” hits home. Beautiful lesson
Sounds like with a lot of the videos I’ve been watching that what helps many other than therapy is to have gratitude and to stay busy whether it’s helping others or hobbies ect. Makes sense.
The first step to recovery is fully accepting you have BPD but also not making it your identity. BPD’s have an unstable version of the word YOU and ME. ❤
I’m a borderline have suffered and I am now 75 years old. It’s a struggle every day to stay alive.
I'm so relieved to see someone 75.
I'm 50..I've started feeling like I won't have much longer because my heart has hurt so much.
I'm just now getting skills I hope I have more years to try
BPD is like a curse. I can relate to this guy so much. All I can think about is killing myself, I lost the love of my life, failed at chasing my dreams and have no hope at all for the future. Please pray for me
Update?
@@JohnWilson-rl8tr John Wilson that’s very kind of you to ask. I’m doing well now. Still not 100% but I’m not having constant suicidal thoughts anymore which is nice
I have BPD and this is the most relatable story I’ve heard. all the sexual knowledge and behavior at so young with no idea why. In 4th grade I had a porn addiction.
It’s such a shameful feeling to talk about and I’m so proud of him and thank him for sharing this
So many Christian men struggle with this. It feels like it’s a combination of shame and guilt compounded by the desire to be worthy or have your act together. Thanks for sharing your story buddy. I’m confident you’ll lead a peaceful productive life
the level how much this guy is in tune with himself is phenomenal
I think i have a little bit of narcissistic tendency, BPDs because I ruined all the close relationships i ever formed including my own brother and mom. But lately i discovered that what i might really has is complex childhood PTSD from all the loneliness and neglect growing up moving from country to country and had a rough time adjusting to different culture environment and language in my teens. Since then i done many self destructive things and harm others as well like OCD in cleanliness, starving myself binge-purge to keep my looks, and abuse my ex-bfs. However as i start on the road of redemption, i learned to not view the harm already done as damaged part of myself. Instead we need to learn to love ourselves as whole, the good and accept that the bad happened because of us and it’s still ok. Re-wiring and loving the inner child is the first step to build good relationship with ourselves (with god if you are religious). Only then, you can know how to love someonelse
I have never related to something so consistently, the starving and binging purging is my majority of my issues atm, just to maintain my looks - I am reading this with great interest thank you for writing your comment
Josh has some serious courage. Thank you for telling your story.
Two things that improved my mental health: left the church, and intentional use of psychedelics. If we’re judging things by their fruit, then I judge it to be good.
This is the first vid EvEr of Marcs that made me fall asleep 3x
Very well spoken guy. It made me sad when he said that his wife could see how 'intelligent' he was and then he immediately said, "I was a gifted mathematician"... dude is way more intelligent that a few math problems.
A big hug from another person with BPD. ❤
Church / Religion puts so much unnecessary guilty on people, especially young people.
Why do u think the US is so mixed up n has so many ppl doing crazy things.
Its not church, it's PEOPLE
It’s not church or religion that does that, it’s people who try to force church/religion or really anything on someone who’s not ready for it.
Exactly!
💯No medicine can help him if he feels like he'll never be good enough for God because he masturbates and consumes porn. He needs to reconcile with his own sexuality and self worth aside from the church's viewpoint but that's next to impossible when it's your whole world physically, and the mental construct that you base all your opinions upon.
The words : It is OKAY,not to be OKAY,... Is my survival,has been for 7 years..... I am a woman in her 40's,got diagnosed with BPD in my early 30's..... And where I'm from I cannot get treatment other than medication,because,I've been given benzoes,(nitrazepam),since,I was 18 because of anxiety.. I have to take 12 pills a day,just to stay,somewhat,sane..... The past 4 years I've been staying alive for my 3 cats,who needs me..... By now,I know that I have to fight,the long hard way out of hell,every single day,until,I am too exhausted.... Not a happy future looking forward to... It is HELL.....
Sending my thoughts and loads of love to this young man,now and forward.....
Love from Denmark 🇩🇰
I hope you are doing fine.
Benzos are deadly. You must come off to be healthy
24:30 There is something so cold about how he insinuates that lgbt+ people don’t deserve heaven just because we are different, but he still views us as “human”.
Humans don’t deserve heaven.
Pretty sure he’s not straight and is trying to hide it due to his religion. When he mentioned meeting someone behind a gas station for sex, I can’t imagine a women putting herself in a situation like that.
I am learning so much about this that is so valuable. Part of learning Dzogchen and chanting, helped me see that hope can be terminal. You can also see hope in a positive way. I had to learn to view a word from two different directions.
He first needs to get a better diet. I notice his belly. People with mental disorders are often drawn to all kinds of obsessive stimulants. These are also highcarb foods, to drugs, alcohol, porn obsessions, sugars & candy, gang violence (boys mostly). A diet science knows help BPDs and autists is based on beef, cheese, salad leaves and unmixed fish. (Avoiding milk, junkfood, pizzas, pasta, bread, beer, deep fried foods etc.) They will be able to focus better with the paleo-lowcarb (nomad) diet.
This felt like a story in a blender missing some important aspects and focusing on some things that he projects as being more important than the actual root of his issues, which are unclear.
it sounds more like ramblings, and more like schizoid personality type than BPD.
I have BPD.I am so happy to see more men represented in the community.
I had been waiting in anticipation for the Male BPD interview but this was a bit frustrating to watch. I understand that every person's struggle and story is unique but this interview didn't hit the spot of recognition(ofc there were parts I can relate to) it made me feel more confused if anything. I hope you can give the male BPD story another shot. BPD comes more to light towards the end of the interview and when the interviewee is asked if he thinks he has BPD he answers that he's not sure. Regardless of that respect for sharing your story mate.
Sending you best wishes for your life with your wife and for your future together Josh. Thank you for your honest and frank story about your mental health journey. To me it seems that pornography really affects people in such terrible ways and for children to be exposed can send you down some horrible paths that manifest in confusion and especially damages children’s psyches in ways that in some parts of the mental health professions actually in courage and makes me wonder if it isn’t being done one purpose.
Praying for the very best for Josh.
Ya ok sher
@jeanpaullavieille5806 I'm praying for you right now, Jean-Paul Avieielle
Yeah, all that praying is 90% his problem leave him alone
@@jeanpaullavieille5806uncalled for.
So, doing nothing but feeling superior. Gotcha.
"How much of me, needing you, is going to break our friendship." this. damn. I try so hard to find the right words. I never say this, but I think it every time I find myself in this position: "You're being such a good friend right now. I appreciate you so much! I am going to have to stop talking to you for a couple weeks." ...but, the first quote says it so much better.
i hope the conspiracy theories and hate comments don't get to you. you do good work. I see where they're coming from but it's just not what's happening here. you're just documenting things for how they are, nothing else. if people don't like kids and vulnerable women doing what they're doing they need to be mad at the lack of system and not you for exposing it. don't stop and don't let criticism
keep you up at night.
I was diagnosed bipolar when I was 19 or twenty. Diagnosed bpd at 35 . Ten years later I was put on luvox and it's better. Way better. Still there but better.
You're unusually self-aware, watch Sam Vaknin on bpd, stay as attuned as you are now, help yourself before others have to step in. You can be a vessel of change and inner growth for the world by staying on the same path as this video you have done for others. Ty so much, you're a great motivational speaker for the young and old ❤
He started with gratitude ❤ that was inspiring!! Best luck to you!!
Purity culture is so damaging to the young mind. The amount of guilt this young man felt was so avoidable. I grew up in a very similar culture and can attest.
You mean all religion
I grew up with the same religious guilt and it took years to heal from it. It's sad how many people suffer from the toxicity of religious beliefs. My heart goes out to you.
@@Innerlight320 aLl ReLiGiOn...religion has been around for thousands of years. Society is sicker than ever and it's more SECULAR than ever. Not a coincidence.
Yeah, it's insane how they make people feel guilty for the most natural things.
I have BPD. My 1/2 brother on my mom's side has severe Bipolar Disorder and her brother is not mentally well either. Needless to say: my mom's blood is tainted.. My brother went through severe trauma as a child (with mom's ex husband) and he has tried to end it all several times. My trauma was not as severe but I had to endure for much longer. Finally found strength to go NC at the age of 45; last year. Anyway, just wanted to say that what has helped me tremedously is Promethazine! I mean night and day change for the better. It just calms me down enough that I won't do anything spontaneously stupid and it gives me time to REFLECT on the moment. It also helps me with situations where the perception is telling me that someone might leave me. Talk therapy has never helped me and never will. I need something to stop me immediately and not wait for 3 days until my next appointment.
Very typical for bpd, even just from the way he talks about himself, there is a sense of a confused sense of identity, a fragmented self-identity, and a fragmented life chronology... he's not sure of himself, like when he says 35:50 "I stopped smoking weed, and then I found a sense of stability, but I don't think it has to do with the weed" and then jumps to his weight, etc....
A lot of bpd is also a sense of not being "heard", so we tend to over-communicate to make up for all those times it felt like we missed out on or lost opportunities for connecting with people.
It's hard to connect with people, it's hard to feel comfortable in your own skin, it's hard to know who you are, hard to have that stable sense of "this is my identity", "this is who I am" - it's like people with bpd are constantly trying to find themselves, who they are, where they fit in, hence the increasing desperation with time... and using drugs and other forms of escape.
After some recent soul searching I realized I’m constantly been trying to keep from being still (lack of movement) after removing vices (THC, Nicotine, #1 porn) what I am trying to run from in my mind (apart from the emotional stimulation and self worth stimulation I found it porn #mommy&daddyissues ) was boredom and the lack of mental/cognitive stimulation.
Basically hyperactivity-like urges fixed on self awareness that became detrimental when I started to feel guilt and shame.
Basically ADHD became depression, which became suicide, which became escapism, which diverted to vices via love of others (sexual), and self stimulation via porn.
I did about one week in a psych ward, and it was at a time when I was having all these feelings, reawaken inside of me that I had never had before. And all they will teach anyone in the psych ward is how to assuage what they would consider negative feelings like anger, frustration, annoyance or feelings of wanting to self harm. I needed with someone to teach me about my feelings and to learn how to use them properly. How do I identify them. And all they were saying is oh take a bath take a nap. Had a dog had a cat take a walk. It was so unhelpful.
You should interview natives. Navajo, natives from Alaska. Mexican. Get a change in interviews. Don’t get me wrong, I love listening to your channel and peoples stories
^
The only thing that ever helped me move forward was once I started therapy, learned more about my mind and managing my mind, and eventually learning to accept everything and tell myself it’s okay to be this way. It’s okay, and…
25:32 I have that conversation myself, internally, regarding friends sometimes, partly because it's possible to run people off, but also because I don't want to drag my friends down.