I felt the need to double check that this is the very first video, and WOW! As a video production nerd, I have to say the lighting and set-up look great, the video itself was very well shot, and the editing and overall composition flowed really well! It’s absolutely good work, and I look forward to more!
Loving the background, interesting but not distracting and quite soothing. Amazing first video, congrats and thank you. Subscribed. I find Loop earbuds help a lot with coping with background noise and other conversations.
Tech nerd here! I've been using "my brain is all overclocked cores with absolutely no cache, stock fans. Everything feels rushed, I overheat, and I crash a lot" to describe a few specific aspects of my experience.
I just found my people, holy shit. App dev here with the same experiences. I think most programmers hate being interrupted but this really explains how detrimental they are for me.
Hello! Thank you so much for this. I saw another entry y someone else,but I ended up totally confused! This film has sorted me out! Age 76 and have been refused any local council funding, so I can’t afford to fund it myself. I’m completely confident, self diagnosed, I’m autistic. I loved this film-ifghis your first go, keep going! Excellent!😅😊 .
lol I have said something almost the exact same to my husband forgetting he isn’t in to IT and just likes his computer to work. I got PTSD and ADHD on top of autism so I get a lot of hung processes and conflicting hardware updates making me wish I could purge this shotty windows system and run mint…. 🐧
When I was a kid and would do some garden work or whatever, my mother would come in in the middle and be like "I made lunch, aren't you hungry?" and I could be starving, but I wouldn't go eat until I was done with whatever I was doing. Partially because I knew that if I took a break I would have an incredibly hard time getting back to it, but mostly because like, I'm doing The Thing, if I can finish it today then why would I stop? I'll finish it and THEN I'll get to whatever else. Anyway, I don't know if I'm autistic or not, I was told by a professional that I might be, but it wasn't a diagnosis. But Monotropism does make a lot of sense for me.
Have you have good friends or people that can look if you showed pattern or what you do, honestly, if you ask them about that autism typical behaviours? If you want to know, ylou probably need another person that really knows you and you can trust, i mean. If you want to look for more. the easiest have a trusted person you can ask to be entire honestly that you cant talk yourseld out of it or explain it away ,which, its just a thing people do generally, everyone. why therapy is the way it is. to bypass that ;D only if safe of course.
@@marocat4749 Not really, no. Maybe it'll change at some point, but for now, I'm kinda alone in this. But I've lived enough without knowing any of it, so I think I'll manage the rest of my life too.
Being autistic and adhd I have my own interruptor built in. When my house of cards is collapsed and I have recovered from the devastation, it is likely something else takes away my attention so I forget about the cards (also Dopamine is given by something new, not doing those cards AGAIN). If the cards are something I want to do or need to do I get my internal antagonist (forgot the name of the disorder) and they are telling me I don't HAVE to do THAT thing (cards) and nobody is going to make me do it !! So knowing this can and will happen when someone ELSE interrupts me when I have my super focus ON, can make me feel murderous. I can meltdown on the spot, with serious long time fall out. Inertia can follow, non verbal can follow. Irritation and annoyance when someone doesn't know what they are causing, hate when they actually do. Yeah, hermit material, me.
Same here and I would go all day sometimes without eating to finish the task! from personal observation, if you feel like you relate to some aspect of autism there’s a high chance you might be on the spectrum as high functioning level 1 with extreme masking ability. I’ve always had trouble understanding why people think the way they do and ironically that became a passion for me to learn everything I could about the things that I didn’t understand. When I was a child I didn’t understand the benefits of therapy and would tell them what they wanted to hear so I could get back to whatever I was doing at the time. As an adult I’m still able to benefit more from my own research than talking to a professional. They can usually help with a diagnosis but there’s still a long way to go and more research that needs to be done before there’s an all around inclusive coping mechanism that can be taught in a professional setting, because what works for one person doesn’t always work for others.
Don't get me started on the folks who have a TV on in the background while were trying to have a conversation and I'm getting pulled into the show instead of listening to them.
This absolutely resonated with me. I get a similar sensation to a headache and for years that’s what I put it down to. I’m now realising that’s not the case. I wish I’d known earlier. I’m 53 now…
I get exceptionally ANNOYED, even ANGRY when I'm in the middle of something, and I'm interrupted... I try not to show anger, because to a polythropic focus person, that's crazy, so I think I hide it well...
I don't hide it as well. I'm doing my best to hide it better and to become less angry but it is difficult. Do you have any tips? I've been trying to focus on my physical signs like not clenching my fist, or jaw, but people still get spooked. I don't want people to be afraid of me.
Exactly. I was once talking to someone and they started talking to another person while I was still talking to them and I had a bit of an anger outburst which quickly killed the mood and I had no other choice than to end the conversation and get back to work
The murderfury of being interrupted is real and I've found the best way to mask it is with another mask. It's a recovery tactic: my self-preservation instincts are very very strong so if I'm interrupted in a fashion where the rage is too strong to suppress, I let it vent in a dramatic gesture. Because it only lasts about 1 second and then it drops to simmer. From there I have control again and I twist the gesture into an overdone "fake" anger which I then either drop or twist further to the point of ridiculousness and then make a non-sequitor punchline that suggests the entire rage thing was an act for the sake of a joke. EX: one time I had to vent when interrupted and lifted what I was holding above my head. By sheer fucking luck I realized there was nowhere to slam it without breaking something so I staggered for about 2 seconds and found a spot to throw it. That extremely minor distraction was enough for me to control my strength and slam the object without breaking it. I then started huffing and growling and I jutted my lower jaw out and slow-turned so I looked like an ogre having a moment. Then I dropped it, straightened up, and asked in a fake-British accent: "On a scale of 1 to 10, how convincing was that?" The rage just has to spurt out somewhere like a release valve on a boiler but it's over incredibly fast, and that's what allows me to recover and regain control.
My happiest time at work (taco bell) is when we have a rush and they realize I'm so useless on drive through that they send me back to do dishes for 3-4 hours straight. I lose track of time. Being asked to do dishes is like going to nap at 5 and waking up an hour before end of shift.
On god! I also work at taco bell and find doing dishes (aside from wet shoes eugh) is the easiest and best part of the job. It’s a one man job so I don’t have to deal with the frustration of someone doing smth oddly specific that I hate, plus I do them fairly fast. PLUS i can just plug in my earbuds and listen to music if i want! And no socialization unless someone comes up to me. Win win everywhere baybee
@@BlackSerannayea i feel id be a terrable fast food worker or retail employee but would be a really good professinal adminastrator for a community or game but unfortinatly you have to have oodles of resume built up from a billion of those jobs im bad at.
YES !! i relate so much, here’s what happened if you have the time two years ago i worked at a drive through coffee shop, and i was the oldest . i would have an incredibly difficult time understanding my coworkers to no fault of theirs, we just communicated differently and too much of an age gap; this lead to several misunderstandings quickly spiraling into no one cleaning practically at all . frustrated and overwhelmed, i would sneak away to wash the piles of dishes left out, most blissful 2hr to 3hrs of my day now i work at a wellness center and i get to hang out w old people while helping them manage pain and daily life !!
I miss things many people tell me are obvious and intuitive and very often I notice and focus on things that, for me, are obvious to me and are important to my understanding but are almost always dismissed as unimportant and any further questions on it are usually met with hostility.😢
Oh yes bro, questions met with hostility are one of the most harmful yet common things... When I sense anxiety in someone asking me a question, I immediately remember this feeling and try to comfort them by explicitly stating that asking is OK and there are no stupid questions. Hope this makes our crazy world a bit better.
I hate that, the way people get annoyed when you're trying to understand the system of how something works... Won't it benefit them if they explain it once fully then don't have to be bothered any more?
I can explain why the ppl get annoyed at having to explain how things work: 1. It's shocking and a mind#uck to have to explain assumed universal common knowledge. They're just not prepared for it.0 2. They're actually not practiced or skilled at it. They too get very frustrated trying to recall long-overlooked minutiae of logic paths to an explanation. 3. Neurotypicals are not usually good at conjuring a subroutine on spec to satisfy the question. It will have many omissions, assumptions, other unexpected subroutines needing coding on spec, and many outright errors that don't bear testing at all. 4. Of course the autistic is going to get annoyingly testing of the subroutines on spec! This will immediately cause fights. 5. Nobody is prepared for the nested, unpackable nature of most common ideas, common speech, common limits of social action, common access to agency or money or outside help. And so calling on any of these in the explanation takes FAR MORE TIME THAN ANTICIPATED, esp by the speaker, resolution becoming impractical! 6. Any decent autistic challenge to an explanation is going to get recursive. Well, that's probably the sane as 5., but the autistic challenger is in fact going to get UNPLEASABLE. They will keep up the "but why? ...Why?... Why?" questioning way beyond the point of exaspeations of explanation, like an annoying toddler: which is exactly what they will emulate in the convo, but for a real inquiry. And like I said, no answer is ever going to get to any IRREDUCIBLE BEDROCK POINT that an autistic will be satisfied by. Pretty sure these reasons are why. 7. There isn't enough real lifetime left for any explainer to satisfy the questioning of an autistic person.😢
@@MsLizziebeth1 You mean they have a problem with the thing that all autistics are expected to do to explain and "correctly" express themselves constantly? Wow didn't know they had such a hard time doing exactly what they expect from others. So it's somehow not their fault for not being able to communicate with autistic people when they even refuse to meet halfway? Cry me a river then if you don't even try at all.
I am learning to let go of my fruitless attempts to be outgoing. If I need to attend a family gathering, I don't stay long, take breaks, and/or sit at an end of the table. When interrupted in tasks, I just say, "Sorry, I don't multi-task. Just a minute." And I am learning to prioritize the interests that put me in the "flow." It's not easy to let go of lifelong expectations to be like allistics, but I am determined to embrace who I am. Thanks, Mike, for another insightful video!
One of my strategies for parties is to look for the person who is standing by themselves. I'm fine in one-on-one interactions, and it's compassionate to engage the lonely person. If a couple more people join that's okay too: four people can still only be talking about one topic at any given moment, so I have no problem following the conversation (I use slow blinks to disengage my eyes and shift my gaze from person to person). If a fifth person shows up, I look for a way to excuse myself. As soon as there are five people two of them are going to find a topic to have a heated debate about, while the other three are going to keep flowing from topic to topic. That's the kind of interaction that makes me feel like there are stars orbiting my head. Again, I look for the person who is by themselves. That way I talk to people and don't come off as unfriendly, while avoiding high stress interactions. I also really really don't pay attention to background conversations. If a conversation is boring me, I try to change topics or excuse myself. Fake needing to pee if you need to. Especially if there is alcohol or coffee available, no one will question frequent bathroom breaks (this is why I hate the whole "bathroom pass" in school thing. In real life, no one questions if you *really* need to go potty or if you just want to get out of a boring conversation). Also, weird performance tip for all autistics: don't literally look people in the eyes unless you're trying to kiss them or scare them. Look between their eyes, at their "third eye" (that dip just above the nose between the browbones). Seriously, this changed my life. I definitely used to be one of those kids who wouldn't look at the teacher and it drove them nuts. But then I was in play, and the director said "if look at the foreheads of the audience members it will seem to them as if you're making eye contact." I figured it would probably work offstage too, and it sure did. Teachers stopped asking me if I was paying attention, instantly. Noses don't change color or shape, and don't glimmer or glisten: it's a safe non-distracting place to park your eyes while you focus your attention elsewhere.
As a young adult I struggled in so many jobs that required me to juggle different demands on my attention at once: waiting tables, working as a cashier in busy retail settings, talking on the phone with other noise in the background... These were entry-level jobs which "anyone" was supposed to be able to do, but they were SO hard for me. I was let go from many of them for not being able to keep up. In my 30's I tried out a career as a real estate agent, thinking my mental health would improve if I could be my own boss. But I immediately crashed and burned because I could not manage the constant phone calls and messages from clients and the need to suddenly change viewing plans to suit clients' requests. These experiences left me with a lot of shame and confusion which I'm only now beginning to heal from. This year I've been assessed as autistic by a psychologist, and I find that the theory of monotropism in particular is spot on in describing how my mind works! It's been such a long road to get here, but finally I can forgive myself for my past mistakes and choose environments that suit me. ❤
Ok, but how are you able to make a living? I’m in the exact same boat. The shame is trivial compared to the fact that I afford to pay for essential necessities much less have anything left over to enjoy my life and nurture my psyche.
@@wintermatherne2524 That sounds really hard. Honestly, my partner and I are extremely fortunate to now live in a relatively low COL country which has universal health care, strong legal protections for renters, and great public transport. I don't know how we'd be able to survive otherwise. My partner is ND too. Part-time work is all that either of us can manage right now.
Your experiences are valid; and critically and sadly very common amongst autistics. It's easy for me to say here, but there is no need for shame. Your disability is due to your environment, and entry level positions are typically the worst for accommodations. You've inspired my next video, that I'm writing now. Thank you, @higherground.
I got lucky and found a job doing data entry in a field that doesn't require I take phone calls or converse regularly via email with multiple people. I do have multiple duties and there are multiple steps in each process, but it's at a pace that makes switching work tasks to be comfortable. It's a lot of repetition, and I was able to commit the tasks to muscle memory, which allows my brain to be more receptive on the rare occasion I do get interrupted. It's so engrained into muscle memory now that I can comfortably listen to music with lyrics or an audio book while I'm working. I found I thrive in the monotony and repetition
@@SaucyKitty11 That is fantastic! I know exactly what you mean about music with lyrics (your brain starts thinking about what’s coming up next) and audiobooks. Wonderful that you can enjoy these whilst working. -Mike
Hi Jill, yes, definitely. The authors of the paper state that it's not an autism screener, and that mono tropic brains are not necessarily always autistic. But, it's a good clue!
I was wondering if monotropism is the autistic form of hyperfocus in adhd.. I have both so idk what I'd call my focus.. I don't get too externally triggered by interruptions but it can take some real effort to actually pull myself away from something I find myself totally invested in.
@MsBehaviour and they are both so similar it's hard to tell what trait is from what diagnosis.. I haven't really seen anybody about it after the diagnosis because it was around the whole shutdown facade. But I do know there isn't much out there for late diagnosed peeps except for other late diagnosed peeps who put themselves out there to share their own story so the rest of us can be like.. "oh, I mostly or completely relate to that". I can tell you the reason why there isn't much out there too. It's because the clinicians don't know how to help us. They barely know how to help the kids(experience with my little). The only ones who are going to be able to figure out how to help us.. is ourselves.. we've made it this far. We are highly intelligent despite the opinion of our "deficit" style of communication. We are the only ones who can help us navigate and start to change this world.
I have seen a plethora of videos on autism over the past 2 years and found your method of communication far more succinct and less about yourself than the others I have watched. While I appreciate that you were officially diagnosed "late" in life...I am 69 to your 42 and have yet to be "officially" diagnosed. This is largely due to the focus on autism in the young. And once more, we elders are overlooked. Anthony Hopkins was diagnosed at 72. But he had the resources to pay for testing, while I do not. Might you, in the future, address the plight of autism diagnosis in the elderly? I found you spot on and quite refreshing. Thank you.
Thank you, Claudia. The issues around autism diagnosis levels I explore in my other videos (especially the 5 reasons for and 5 reasons against formal dx videos). I will certainly discuss the 'lost generation' - it's now in my video ideas catalogue to do. Thank you, Claudia. Take care, Mike
This explains a lot. Thank you for sharing. I relate 100%. I am a 53 year old female undiagnosed. I have no strategies or tips to share but am here because I am so mentally exhausted from forcing myself into social situations and not having enough alone time. I’ve masked and passed so well my entire life, people don’t want to believe me when I tell them I can’t do it anymore. The mental exhaustion is real and masking becomes more exhausting with age. Your description of how the one on one conversation was working so well and then went wrong after the other people joined in with shallow small talk describes my social struggles to the tee. I also cannot block out other tables’ conversations in a restaurant and focus on a conversation with the person I’m dining with. Thank you for sharing this content. It helps me feel validated.
Yes, and why does anyone deliberately meet in a restaurant anyway? I've only ever seen two good reasons for going to a restaurant: a) I'm travelling and don't have access to a kitchen (which is destabilising enough in and of itself), and b) it's a restaurant of a national cuisine that I like but have no idea how to cook myself. In which case, if I like it enough, I will end up having a few months worth of hyper focused special interest about that cuisine, and I will learn how to cook that stuff. No more reason to go to the restaurant. And no, I rarely buy food to go, the plastic and aluminium containers have a weird texture and make uncomfortable noises. (Autistic? Me? Not officially, but .... Yeah.)
@barrielynn8959 Why do you force yourself into social situations? I used to think I had to attent birthday parties, or a day out with colleagues, etc., but at some point I just decided it was not for me. Today when asked to join I ask how many people will be there and what setting or location. If it feels too much for me I just tell them so. "I'm not good with too many people around or too much happening around me. I can't join you now, but I'd be happy to talk to you or join later in a smaller quiet setting." Sometimes people are a bit puzzled and need a little more explanation, but usually people are quite understanding and ok with it. They understand now that it's not that you don't want to but just can't. So no hard feelings. Hope that helps. (43 male here)
I’m sorry you have it so bad. I’m like a step below you. I can’t really relax in a restaurant unless I’m in a booth that is mostly enclosed. I am always nervous even when the waitress or waiter comes by. I have learned to people please to where everyone else’s needs comes before mine. Every once in a while I will go to a restaurant because I really want their food. Or sometimes I really want a good steak dinner I didn’t cook. But that is so rare. I like staying in until all the people are settled in, then I might take a walk in the neighborhood. I miss having a dog - at least I knew the dog was an additional protection. However, I got sick and had to move to a town setting. I don’t like it. It’s hard to be neurodivergent and being buffeted by the normals of life.
@@bookworm1956 lots of normal people seem to enjoy meeting in restaurants. I have had to meet friends in restaurants but I have to tamp my anxiety down pretty hard if it’s a crowded restaurant. If I had to choose going to a restaurant, I like the ones that would cost more and the food is better, but we would be sitting in a booth where I feel shielded and protected by the chairs.
Oh my goodness the “being interrupted disorientation”!!! Your analogies resonated so much with me. The house of cards that you have to start over. The marathon that you have to restart. This is so accurate
The coffee shop situation is so much story of my life. Group conversations are just not an option for me, it’s like I can’t really hear what people are saying. I can hear the sounds but all of a sudden I can’t understand words. Anything 3+ people is really difficult
That’s actually a really good analogy because it usually isn’t starting over *completely* from scratch, there are often some “puzzle segment chunks” that held together. Depending how big the project is and where you’re at in it.
What a fantastic video!!! I’m saving this to send to my support workers. They roll their eyes when I say “I can’t multitask”, but what I mean is “I have a mono tropic brain and can’t shift attention”.
Awww, thank you, Ollie! I'm thinking about creating a video with that in mind. Sharing with others - hmm, leave it with me! Thanks for being here -Mike
Your house-of-cards analogy really brought it home to me. When I have been in an utterly consuming, "atomic" flow of laser-like focus with a stream of creativity manifesting "with a life of its own"--which, for me, means writing something--and then for some reason the flow is broken, intruded on, lost, it feels so psycho-affectively catastrophic (especially if I've lost what I was producing) that it's a kind of meltdown, a kind of catatonia, my brain, and my gut, have simply frozen in inability to assimilate, process, what just happened. It's one of life's utterly most horrible feelings. And this horrible feeling is soon followed the natural, logical question, can I do it again, can I recreate what I lost? It's a question that hits my psyche lke the most mocking, cruel joke: "NOOOooo, that can never be reproduced; what just happened was destroyed, trying to reproduce it would be both a lie and sheer agony." Mind you, this is all feelings, and, yes, trauma. It doesn't really mean I can't start over and end up producing something that's even better than what I lost. I usually can. But the feeling of "catastrophic agony" is such a monumental barrier to overcome that sometimes I have simply given up rather than attempt it.
It's like playing a video game with no save points, so every time your character dies you have to restart from the beginning of the level and every time that happens you lose a life and when all your lives are used up the game is over.
The coffee shop conversation was such a good way of demonstrating this concept. I could feel my stress levels rising as soon as the coffee shop background noise began. Thank you for keeping the noise short 👍😊
Re-watching this several times, today, and taking more of it in with each pass. It is a delicious chocolate cake of helpfulness in understanding my late-diagnosed and self-diagnosed 72-year old autistic self. Many thanks once again!
Felt this, also an engineer, I have ADHD but recently learned about monotropism which has me looking into autism and I'm seeing a lot of overlap which is kinda crazy but cool in some sense. I do relate
Welcome 🤗, I’m glad you’ve found my channel and yep there’s loads of overlap between the symptoms of autism and those of ADHD - I’ll be covering ADHD topics too, fairly soon! Thank you again, -Mike 😊
Happy you'll be covering ADHD too! I'm ADHD and definitely polytropic which works v well as a doctor. I can hyper focus but ajdo can deal with a zillion enquiries and tasks to juggle. I struggle with the admin though. Partner is ASD & I think very monotropic so finds my polytropic ways quite uh confounding! 😅
@@emilyb5557 l consider myself to have a comparable profile in many ways Emily, in that my work as a professional - social work/project management/inter-agency resource development etc. etc. benefits very strongly from my ADHD traits of very broad interests, enjoyment of managing multiple personalities in a room, such as with committee work, and ability to hyper focus, in strongest areas of interest (at work, but also when making music and visual art). In both my day-to-day and creative work l LOVE coming up with novel answers to tricky conundrums. Admin - absolutely - my Achilles heel for so very, very long ( though l have largely and with great difficulty overcome this issue through a range of techniques, such as headphones with ambient music) while doing it. My 9 schools were tricky to navigate. One of my brothers is an internationally renowned professor - very monotropic and very capable in his field. Always a stellar student though struggles socially. The other an accomplished actor/politically astute social activist etc. who has a far more similar, polytropic, personality profile to my own. Re the extremely strong genetically determined likelihood of being neurodiverse, my father, a doctor who would have liked to be an engineer, (a diagnosis in itself 😉) is weighted strongly toward ASD, with my mother more ADHD. Thanks Autistic AF for this fascinating video - it is 100% related to my work, with my colleagues and l dealing with young people in an educational setting with extremely high rates of neurodiversity - a fascinating bunch! I’ll be sharing this resource - thanks again.
I have a tip, don’t have a family 😵💫 Back in my highly masking “normal” days I bought into that family idea. You can’t be hyper focused with kids and husbands afoot and you become a very frustrated, cranky person who struggles with motivation to even start anything because of fear of being interrupted. It’s like when you’re training a pet to not do something naughty by spraying them with water every time they do it. I look at my interest and have that type of sensation, 💦 No! 💦 You’ll be interrupted! So I play games on my phone instead 😣
Yes. I had one kid. I chose to not have any more. Was lucky to find a very self sufficient husband who accepts me as I am with my deficits and asymmetrical gifts.
Im a late-diagnosed monotropic single mom and yeah, I basically had to drop all friends (and most projects) as soon as my child could speak because it was waaaay too difficult to do more than raise him. Now that he’s 10 and I have more time for my own interests, I’m also finding more frustration arise because the flow states I’m finally returning to are interrupted, so sometimes I’ve avoided starting for fear of interruption. (And yes I would become cranky too) But also now that there is a name for this and I’m understanding more clearly how I work, I’m making it work.
actually the fear of not being able to fully commit my time to my own stuff whenever I wish is what made me childfree. So yes, thank you for bringing this up. It's a very important thing to consider. Unless you decide to make your family your interest. I struggle a lot with this, interruptions can spark serious meltdowns.😢
In the cafe example, when you asked “are you feeling it yet?” I had JUST started feeling physically achy, frustrated, disrupted…I could feel that the one on once conversation I was enjoying so much was being messed up by other people joining. We’d then have to talk about whatever the loudest person in the group wanted to talk about. I’ve been in that situation so many times. I can’t keep up with everyone’s social queues! Then I withdraw and get told I’m being “grumpy”. Then I leave (the bathroom is a good place to escape to!). Thanks for this video. I subscribed and look forward to watching/hearing more from you. 😊
i’m so glad i’m not the only autistic person who retreats to bathrooms no matter where I am during a borderline meltdown and/or just to generally calm down and process. Before even thinking about the idea of me being autistic I would hide in the bathrooms during lunch in highschool to “take a break from being perceived/having people near me” which in retrospect should’ve been a sign but yk. Not late diagnosed for nothing ig 💀
@@knotsoangelic I'm late (self)diagnosed. I feel the 'OK Meter" max out and I have to retreat to calm down. I'm noticing I need it more when I'm triggered too.
@@noi5emaker I get the same way! It’s okay if you’re self diagnosed so long as you’ve done the research to prove it (which most of us do anyway so I imagine you have as well). Don’t let anyone try to tell you self diagnosis is never valid cause it 100% can be and can even be the only way someone gets a “proper” diagnosis. This isn’t even accounting for the fact professional diagnoses are a privilege and not everyone can get them. 🖤
@@knotsoangelic Thanks for that encouragement. Medical diagnosis can take years here, and for an adult probably longer. I'll definitely be more confident with the self diagnosis :)
The cafe scene was very uncomfortable, I had to stop it. I rewound a bit and watched that scene muted with CC, but turned out I didn't need too... I'd already gotten the point 😆. I do wonder if it watching it is an effective simulation for a non-autistic person. re: self-diagnosed, I am too. I personally am not pursuing a formal diagnosis, beacuse apart from confirmation I don't see a reason to, and I am certain (enough). The fact is even if I've misdiagnosed myself I empathize strongly when autistic people share their the life experiences with me, which is comforting, and I find the tips and tricks I learn to be directly applicable to myself, so that works out.
This was a really great description of what happens when focus is broken. I have a need to engage in monotropic activities, and when I'm never allowed to do this, my mental state really suffers. This is why as a parent I can no longer teach high school math. It doesn't leave me any time for deep, uninterrupted focus. I'm happiest when taking a graduate-level math class with plenty of alone time to work on it while my child is at school. I have to have that deep focus on hard things to feel mentally secure. I also am really happy when I get to tutor one-on-one - conversing about my special interest with a captive audience! Nothing better!
THANK YOU!!! P.S. I've been casually researching this topic for ages! I've struggled significantly to find anything remotely like this video to help me understand myself better!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
I find your analogies very helpful. They accurately describe my painful experience when being interrupted and I can use them to explain it to allistic people in my life. This way, they won’t take it personally when I am non-responsive after being interrupted.
Thank you so much ☺️ - I’m glad the analogies and examples are helpful. The cards one is one I’ve used for many years - without an ‘autistic’ label - and people seem to understand this one. Maybe it relates a little to everybody? -Mike
Thanks so much for creating this channel. After a couple months of exploration with my therapist, deep dives into the newest literature and youtube material, and a lot of self-reflection I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm autistic at age 51. It's really helpful to hear the tips and experiences of other late-diagnosed autistics like you as I try to figure out what this even means for me. Afterall, I've managed to mask my way through 50 years, reasonably successfully. I'm learning that I've been expending a lot of energy to "pass". I thought everyone was putting in similar effort in some areas, though in other areas I assumed I was just weird. I have come to enjoy being on the fringe, and I don't mind being weird anymore. So the label of autism doesn't bother me, but I do want to find ways to take advantage of knowing my brain processes differently to find ways to make my day-to-day life easier. I think your content will help with that.
Thank you ☺️ - and thank you for sharing a little of your experience. In many ways late diagnosis can raise some unique challenges, especially around unmasking (who am I really?) and acceptance from others.
@@waywrdsun Thank you! I will do that! In the meantime, I've made a video about masking (unmasking is the third chapter) here: th-cam.com/video/fDy-soEqoLY/w-d-xo.html
Back in the 1950s to the 1990s, there were clear social rules, with very little emphasis on "feelings". Interrupting a person clearly in conversation, or focused on a task was considered rude. You waited until the person you wanted to speak to, turned and said something like "how can I help you?"
Engaging in an interest or "fun" thing before doing something I'm not interested in or struggle with has helped in adulthood. Giving myself the permission to reverse what I've been coached to do my entire life helped, too. Thanks for the citations and multiple examples.
This is very interesting. I can totally relate. I’ve never been diagnosed with autism. However, I have never been able to “multitask”. I’ve always had to dedicate all my attention to a single task; and if my focus gets interrupted, I have to start over and get “back into the groove”. My family and friends can’t understand why I get so frustrated at being interrupted and why I am unable to just pick up where I left off. This was a very helpful video! 👍🏻
bro got some high level content right here please keep the speech kinda raw like this one, without too much editing, it's soothing to hear the attention thing @6:15 is way too real... even nowadays I struggle with it... I can either look at someone and think about the interaction or pay attention to the conversation while gazing at nothing... can't actually do both
1 month in from my AH HA moment. I'm a 47 year old male. I always noticed that I couldn't concentrate on more than one subject at a time. If I were doing math, I would be very skilled, but if I had to study math and history at the same time? literally impossible and fail both. Monotropism is the way my mind works. I like your cadence and presentation style, you are good at this and should keep going imo, well done! Also, my special interest is Tesla.
Welcome 🤗, Thank you for your kind words! I will definitely keep going, I’ve got so much more to say lol. 😝 What do you like about Tesla? Just Tesla or EVs in general? I have a model 3 and love talking about renewable energy and electric vehicles haha! Thanks again - you’re my first ever comment and it was lovely! Congrats on your ‘ah ha’ moment :-) #oneofus
Hahaha yep!@@keylanoslokj1806 - I read that as the car manufacturer with the same name, rather than the pigeon-loving eccentric dude (haven't we all been called 'pigeon-loving eccentrics' before? :D ).
@@Autistic_AF he is also often mentioned by the new age hippies who are into "quantum field healing" thingies... . We must give credit where it's due, lol 😁
Good points! Thanks! The light near your left ear disturbed me a lot. Anyone else? I cut the image to be able to follow the video, eventually I only heard it
My monotropic thinking was decimated once I became a parent. I've not had any long, hard focus time since having a kid. This has been a very deep-seated discomfort that I can't begin to describe. I feel like Flow has been broken in me, like my spirit.
Stumbled on this just now and have just subscribed. I think you are an excellent and affable communicator. Thank you for this great new terminology and I look forward to seeing more of your videos!
IT infrastructure/network engineer here, did consulting on the side for a while but couldn’t get over the irritation when clients wanted things done in an incorrect/not to spec way. I also hated help desk and loved systems design. I now work night shift alone and it’s wonderful. Super ADHD but at the time you couldn’t get a dual diagnosis. This video was so helpful, thank yo.u 💞
Thank you for sharing tour experiences as a later diagnosed person. Similar to the immediate image that seems to remain for most, of a restless rowdy little boy, when ADHD is referenced…Is the general ignorance regarding the Autism Spectrum. Most information and diagnostic focus is geared toward children. And similarly the image that comes to mind for most when Autism is referenced, is that of a young child on the more extreme end of the spectrum. It’s both helpful and encouraging to hear your perspectives and learn of your experiences having been diagnosed later in life. Thanks again!
This was one of the most entertaining video while explaining to allistics what the difference actually is between our experiences. I have totally blown up at people who have interrupted an intense thought process or task, I am pretty sure I resented those people for a while for their interruptions. It has caused me to be more of a recluse or night owl, just to avoid people and interuptions.
I like your analogies haha! I will show this to my partner, i think he is Neurodivergent in some way as he relate to many things, but the very core ASD symptoms he cant really wrap his head around, he can understand and respect, but he doesn't understand before i give him good examples haha! The "super power" of Autism is such an annoying term Neurotypical people use to make themselves feel better about us. My mom started telling me that my superpower was understanding humans and being creative, my sisters son is really good with math and engineering (they got that idea from Minecraft and him being better then them at math in school, though he doesn't attend any school at the moment..) My mom tries to tell herself that she didn't "fail" by leaning into the "they are special and come with superpowers" instead of recognizing that she didn't fail us, we aren't broken, some of us are disabled in different ways, but like a guy in wheelchair we will figure out how to do everything, it just looks different.. It does sometimes hurt though, to be told that i am so talented and gifted in art, but my skills are honestly very average, or that i am extremely good at understanding people, but i know i don't, I'm a "cold calculator" that understands psychology very well, but me interacting with people are often not a huge success at all and my words often betray me.
I feel like you were speaking directly to me. Very good analysis and descriptions. I was very annoyed by the rising background level and had a hard time focusing on what you were saying then, so I'll just assume it was about how annoying and distracting background noise can be.
What a great video! This was so very informative and helpful. I relate, this is my entire life and I still struggle deeply with any transitions between tasking. I used to absolutely lose it if interrupted to the point of just stopping whatever it was and doing nothing at all. I’m in my 50s now and I recognize my reactions but still quietly struggle because I’m trying my best to be a better human. lol. But weekends are super stressful being so different, husband is home, routines aren’t on time, daily tastings are full of forced public socialization because it’s shopping day and spending time with my family. Who I love and appreciate. Every job though… I’m great if i know my plan task and schedule but if im pulled into a different position for any reason I’m pretty angry about it. Once I had a coworker who would walk by my desk and rearrange my pencils etc just slightly knowing I would meltdown over it. I never knew why it made me so angry or why I absolutely had to rearrange it all back exactly. Now I see it wasn’t intentional on my part but would be considered harassment if I had been diagnosed and was being bullied because of my special mental structures
I love timers. I have to repeat to myself what I’ve set them for and what I’m going to once I’ve set it. Sometimes they just go off and I have no recollection of what they’re for. Oh well, all part of the fun.
@jahbloomie, I also set alarms, but heavily utilize the comment box that comes up on my phone app so that I can recall what I wanted to do. I have been living a world of "if it's not on the calendar, it's not happening" for over 20 years. Unfortunately, my children and husband don't understand the extent to which I NEED this. For years I was able to mask so well that they all believe I am just being difficult. Not at all. Masking has just become so exhausting, so impossible to keep up, that I have identified areas of life that, for me, have 'collapsed' and notes, calendars, etc. are new ways for me to try to keep up the farce
Thanks Mike for this video, I could relate to a lot here. 52, got diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago, autism (level 1) a year ago.. and finally after getting the diagnosis it feels like I'm starting to understand myself, my life, how I function, make sense of things. I was a postman for 25 years, and I always hated the indoor sorting work we had to do in the morning, stressful noisy environment, lots of distractions & frustrations. But once I got outside.. freedom. That's the part I enjoyed, being just myself, with myself, at my own pace, in my own world. My own focus with nobody looking over my should &.. judging me? That cafe example hit hard. I always find it hard to deal with noisy crowded social situations like those, or when meeting groups of people in a restaurant or something, anywhere there is a lot of people and lots of interactions going on.. so horribly exhausting, mentally, emotionally, even physically. In those situations, my attention is everywhere, I'm taking in everything around me, sights sounds smells, and it massively overloads me. Even when I go alone for a quiet lunch, I can't just focus on the eating, my attention is tracking everything around me, even though I try to not pay attention. The bathroom escape someone mentioned is something I know so very well.. having made use of it often at work to try to relax the mind... and preferring sitting in complete darkness if possible (damn automatic light sensors!). The frustrating part to me: I have odd memory issues. I say I'm forgetful, but more correctly, I find it often hard to recall things that I know. I tend to use the labyrinth analogy, that my memory is a big vast maze, and all the knowledge is lost in there somewhere... but finding the path is the challenge. But often when someone asks a question around me, I can "pull the answer out of the air", often seemingly subconsciously (parallel process?), if it isn't something I actively focusing on/thinking about. As example, as a gaming nerd, when someone asks about how a game mechanic works (like in global chat in a game), I can usually whip out the answer for them while I'm actually focusing on something else, but.. when I need to actively think about it for myself, I just can't.
Haha, yep... 20+ year software engineer here. IDK now anyone without monotropic focus could do this job. I recently got promoted to architect and now I am constantly interrupted by others or by meetings and it has been such a terrible adjustment to have to make. My productivity went down.
What brilliant explanations and aliterations. A light went on as I realised I feel and experience the same things. I was only diagnosed yesterday (virtually 100% auristic), at 73 years old!
You are giving words to all of my frustrations. I've been trying to figure out how to describe my lived experience! Thank you!!!! Thank you so much!!! ❤❤❤❤
Hey, Erin. Welcome. Honestly - I'm so glad I've been able to help you in some small way. Making this TH-cam channel has been very cathartic for me, too. A year ago, I had //no idea// that others' felt similarly to me. I honestly thought I was alone... I'm very happy to have returned the favour! -Mike
Great ideas and points in this video! With how you were talking about being disrupted and having to start over- sometimes there is an added factor of "time and energy investment" to me, where it feels harder to do the work a second time, like "I've already put in to much, I don't have it in me to do all that again". I'd like to see how much autism research has been with people who also have ADHD, as the two are so commonly found together (or at least commonly diagnosed together).
I completely relate. When I'm focusing, my phone ringing not only startles me, I get a huge wave of anxiety and frustration. I often can't get back to my task. When I'm in a public setting, I can't tell the difference between a person right next to me talking to me and someone talking across the room, like in a store or restaurant. I get accused by my sister of ignoring her when I'm experiencing an overload where I can't narrow down my attention to focus on what's immediately relevant.
I think that disruption in attention that you're describing(and I also feel) is called a higher level of emotional disregulation than in polytropic/allistic folks. It's harder to get back into it, yes, but it's so frustrating! It seems like 'it cost so much to get here, why would you take that from me about a drink??' And yes, you did a very good job making the coffee house example work. Thanks for this video! This was really interesting. New sub. 😸
Idk.. I like to refer to it as a superpower now that I know that some people can't do it. Like, getting so absorbed into something that it has all your attention and energy is like magic. lol.. so it's special.. it's a superpower😉
What is your objection to the idea? Is it because superpowers don't exist, or maybe a concern about people getting an ego if they're referred to as having a superpower?
Ah, but my lucid dreaming special interest was to teach myself to fly. So in that limited accessed state, I can fly, and it is pretty amazing to consciously choose flight.
@Thilosophocl3s do you have any tips about how to lucid dream? Dreaming is one of my special interests too but I can't just make myself lucid dream. It's so hard for me to realize I'm dreaming while I'm dreaming. Whenever I realize I'm dreaming I usually wake up. But I have had the experience years ago. I was flying over my house. Best feeling ever.
@@sarahswetlik1034 it's a repetitive trick I used that became something I just do naturally. It starts with a waking habit, I would look at my hand throughout the day and ask myself "am I dreaming." I did that for a a few months so that it became a natural habit whenever I looked at my hand. Then I put a rubber band on my wrist to wear all the time, and when I asked if I was dreaming, I'd snap the rubber band, if I was awake it would sting me... If I was asleep, no pain. Eventually id be in a dream and not realize it, but then I'd see my hand and then oh shit I haven't checked, so I checked, and I realized I was dreaming. P. S. If you find yourself in a dream and can't find a thing you need in the dream, a sword, umbrella, jacket, whatever, you can always find it behind a door or under a lid as long as you 'KNOW' that whatever you need is in there.
So many of us end up in computer science, because computers make sense to us, while humans don't. Computers follow repeatable, understandable rules, and that is attractive to us.
God it legit took me several seconds to refocus on the actual video with that dark to light room example. Bright white lights are the worst! Then blue. I couldn't stop thinking about how jarring it was.
Also I don't know how many times I've burnt food because I get bored just waiting for something to start boil or cry so I go play a game but forget I'm also cooking until I notice the smell 😂
"Set timers" BRILLIANT! In my line of work (automotive systems diagnostics), I have no sense of time passing & this can throw off my entire day! Starting tomorrow, I will get with my manager & set up the new time management system.
I don't know if anyone has said this, but it was so nice to have the speaking trips included (like stuttering and sentence re-starts). I actually paused both times, re-watched and smiled. It reminded me of myself and the way that I form thoughts and speech. An unexpectedly reassuring little bit of honest autistic representation there. Thanks :)
I'm a writer. My brain is literally creating a world, and when someone interrupts that, it feels as those I've been pulled across light-years and thrown back into the "real" world. I am not very nice when it happens.
totally got you!!! i grew up in an environment where i was interrupted and not in a gentle way every time, so i remember 12 old version of me escaping from home to spent all the afternoons I the library, after school. Now i feel curious about your writing if you have something published let me know 😊
man that bit about shutting down trying to follow too many conversations really hit home. my two best friends (a married couple who were the only IRL friends that i ever hung out with any sort of regularity) got into stimulants a few years ago and it was the end of our relationship. not because of judgment on my part (i use drugs on my own, and partook with them from time to time, though it seemed to effect me far less), or bad behavior on theirs - it was simply that trying to juggle both of their conversations at the same time was functionally impossible. i'd leave every night at their house more tired and drained than i was when i got there. sitting between two coked-out people who are both having their own conversations AT me was just too much to handle. i stopped going over as much until things just ended. still haven't completely filled that social gap, and i miss them; but everything they do involves using cocaine now, and i need my peace more than i need their interaction. i hope they quit soon, both for their health, and so that i can hang out w my friends again. good video, good insight. i look forward to exploring more of your channel as a mid-30s undiagnosed but almost-certainly-autistic man.
This is why being a stay at home parent is so difficult. My whole life is constant interruptions. I’m constantly telling my children “I can only do one thing at a time and right now I’m doing X. I’ll help you when I’m done.” But something’s just can’t wait. And trying to get out of what I’m focusing on is literally painful
Thank you for making this video. I feel seen. Everything you mentioned in the video, I can relate to as a late asd diagnosis in my 30s. I came across your video in my research for data on the correlation of autism and belief in a major religion, lgbtq and other statistics that might indicate a higher percentage of autistic individuals having similarities in lifestyles.
That was brilliant! At 13 min the example of the coffee shop is EXACTLY how it is! I could feel every 2 person conversation I've ever had interrupted by the addition of a 3rd. The way the background conversation volume rises and the conversations disappear...spot on! And the guy talking about the sportsball! That was as if you had been watching me in social settings. Subscribed! 😊
You have done a very good job of putting into words how I experience sensory interruptions of my attention. It can be such a sudden and painful shock, and very hard to reset myself and return to my task. I often avoid certain things if I know they heavily engage me unless I am reasonably certain I will not be interrupted to avoid the disruption and subsequent frustration. I will not start a game even if I have some free time until after my children are in bed for the night, since children have many questions and needs that are highest priority, making interruptions almost inevitable. I struggled getting my partner to understand that for me to take a break during the day requires more than just my sitting down and I need some level of isolation to recover my focus or take care of certain tasks, but once we were able to reach a point of understanding it helped a lot. I hope many people are able to watch your content and gain understanding of themselves or the people around them that function this way.
This would appear to be another difference between autism and Aspergers Syndrome. People with Aspergers are better at the tasks described as polytropic than neurotypicals are in spite of disliking external interruptions. Yet multitasking is frequently done by people with Aspergers in order to avoid boredom.
You're welcome, Marsh - at least this way we can debate the sources and opinions rather than *gasps* TikTok. I had a look at TikTok yesterday and it's shocking lol. -Mike
Being AuDHD, this perfectly describes why I get so mad when someone/something interrupts what I'm doing and why it takes so long to get back to where I had been (was an absolute nightmare when doing reading homework in college, until I got audiobooks).
Since most of my conversations are ignored, then why are you paying so much attention now, about how "I" think??? Have we met before? I am me, I am 62, and well off enough to have retired at 45. Today, I am a Roman Catholic Monk, and that is to keep away the boredom. (And an Abbey is in silence.) I have never seen an "Aspergerer!" (aspie🧚) Burn anything! We are very good cooks and we cook by taste and smell, not from a recipe book. We are walking cookbooks. If you are Autistic and can't cook, I'll bet you love mathematics...LoL. I have a MENSA accredited 158 I.Q. (Eisenstein's was 160.) That can be boring to others when striking up a conversation on: "The Dry Adiabatic Lapse Rate." Or, The Inverse Square portionality of light propagation. Can you name the britest stars and planets in the night sky...Etc.??? So, whatever makes me who I am, needs no label and no adjustment and no outside help. Isn't it time for you to go to bed??? See, it does not feel good to be told what to do by others, does it.
As someone who very probably has ADHD myself, I can say my brain RELATES to BOTH of these types of focus and attention. I KNOW when I am trying to troubleshoot something, I get HYPERFIXATED on it. I also HATE having to divert my attention because of what I call "firefighting" something while I was already occupied with something else. And my parents are always anxiety-driven, they HAVE to do something RIGHT NOW and if they need my help, I don't even have enough time to shift my brain to the new task, and it HURTS. Conversely, I have worked customer service jobs, and I KNOW I have to shift focus A LOT. Everyone and anyone can call for your attention at ANYTIME and you HAVE to go with the flow. I am very much a social butterfly and genuinely friendly in most cases of this. But being ABLE to shift your focus like this doesn't make it EASY. It's exhausting. All and all however, if I'M the one in charge of shifting tasks, it is much easier to go from one thing to the next without much pain. TANGENT: I struggle with noise processing and keeping up with conversations I cannot hear over the LIGHT BULBS BUZZING. One thing that kinda circumvents this is the process of reading something I am interested in. My dad can have on the TV (he's hard of hearing) and I can read a manga without even noticing it blaring in the background. It's weird how my brain cannot filter some things, but when I'm reading or singing, everything else can just be tuned out.
In short... no. It's just a series of genes that are wacky and produce this complex, systemic, debilitating condition. There are though some common connections and comorbidities that i notice in most of us. Gut problems. Hormonal issues. Bad navigation of our extremities etc. Probably all tied somehow with our fd up brains... .
But to be more specific and give more context of what i meant. I was insinuating that those fundamental comorbidities are usually a two way street. For example More gut vulnerability and worse digestion, leading to more improper proteins passing the blood brain barrier, causing even more neuronal inflammation etc. So you are caught in this vicious cycle of self-feeding downward spirals. That keep you in a state of chronic inflammation and faster declining functions.... .
I think I know what you mean. There's a feedback loop where one trait or condition can drive another and visa-versa. However, some of those like inflammation are harder to control - some of them (e.g. excessive noise/lights/etc in public spaces) can be controlled. These are only disabling because certain things in society make it so, and we can push for changes and accommodations to make life easier and more accessible for all.
@@Autistic_AF im not that hopeful myself. We are a burdain normies don't want to get accustomed to or trained to tolerate in any way. Even when they ask each other about their struggles is to get hedonistic pleasure and self assurance by coping about how well they personally did in life instead. And yes, not only bpd psychopaths do that but average normies too.
True, but who cares what they think? We shouldn’t give them the choice to marginalize us. We need to demand accommodations weather they perceive us as a burden or not. I don’t care about or need them to like me, but either they will treat me with respect or there will be consequences. That’s the mentality we have to take with these shallow self important narcissists.
You described so much of what goes on in my head. Especially your cafe scenario, hearing every voice in the room all at once. I'm 49 and only recently recognized autistic traits in myself after one of my kids was diagnosed with ASD and I started learning about autism. It is possible to have a successful career and large family but it can definitely be challenging. A patient and awesome wife is what carried me through. That and my obsessive focus made me pretty good at my job.
Tip: Put objects in places they do not belong as a reminder. E.g. Put your backpack on your chair when you get up to go to the bathroom, to remind yourself of a task when you return.
Wow that coffee shop description is my entire life. I remember having a conversation with my husband that he needs to pause the tv if he’s talking to me because as much as I try I can hear neither if someone is talking. I like the giant headphones trick as a signal.
well said, sir. long before I was diagnosed, I was telling anyone who would listen (and probably some who rather wouldn't have) that "my brain is not a multitasking environment" (despite massive parallel hardware architecture).
I’m _monotropic_ AF. I came up with my own metaphor for interruptions/switching tasks: like shifting gears in a manual gearbox without depressing the clutch pedal. I’ve “Liked” this video because I know I’ll view it again.
I'm 32 and have autism, was diagnosed 2 years ago, when i was 30. Unfortunally since my diagnosis due to financial/personal issues i was not able to do therapy. I did therapy nonstop from the age of 23 to 30. And so far these two years have been of me finding out more about myself and my autism on my own, and until this day i did not know about Monotropism and i'm watching your video, i took the test very well thought thru and did 217/235, average 4.62. All the questions felt like they were taken out of my life. I'm so happy, i feel like i'm closer and closer to figure out who/what/why i am. I'm still watching the video, took the test after the intro and i'm stunned. I did alot of tests on my diagnosis and they all felt too personal, this one as well. It's.. so weird to live 30 years of absolute chaos and confusion, being seeing and weird and odd even by therapists, and now i find out there are names/studies that tell exactly how/what/why i am the way i am. I feel.. not alone.
I am autistic, and this video made me realize that my stress probably comes from attempting to have too many interests at once in an effort to be more polytrophic? I guess i haven't found what really speaks to me 🤷🏻♀
OMG, I could feel this. The examples made me think of so many times I've experienced distraction and split attention as actual pain. Very validating. Thank you.
Thanks for the vid. 45 and undiagnosed here but all my kids are neurospicy and I am a champion masker. The coffee shop example, that's honestly my nemesis. Also I find I can multitask in very specific ways - for example for my partner's birthday I was cooking a bunch of food and I had about 3 different recipes going at once, in a flow state. But then my friend arrived and started talking to me and it was like the house of cards falling, I found it really hard to have a conversation with her while cooking and felt like I lost the plot. And the party itself was noisy with multiple conversations so much so that the next day I still felt dysregulated and "touched out" even though touch and sound are different sensory inputs! I find I do better in groups of 3, because you can't have a conversation split like you can with 4, but with 3 I don't feel so much pressure to carry the conversation and be entertaining. One on one is great with some people but most times 3 is best for me. Anyway I could definitely relate to a lot of your examples
My brother always manages to barge into my room when I'm in the zone, completely ripping me out. I told him serveral times NOT to bother me unless it's important. Most of the times it turns into him getting angry at my irritated reaction, because he 'just asked a question'.
Interesting! I could never multitask in my whole life ! I recently started to tell people that I feel my attention is like a “laser beam” either I talk to you , or I start typing, or work with my hands to give them an idea about how it feels to me. It feels very frustrating, some colleagues think that I am ignoring them, I was told they need to call my name 3 or 4 times while I am fully focused to get my attention. I don’t see it as a positive thing. I do have a successful career but also all of the rest who are multitaskers. Multitaskers keep telling me they are doing all 100% and why can’t I do the same. Good to know the name of it Instead of calling a laser beam.
Wow. This video was the first time I appreciated monotropism as a model. It seemed too simplistic, though I had adopted it as vocabulary. But your explanation is the first time I appreciated its explanatory power; that it encompasses the "flow" model, aversion to change, routines, and more. And your tips demonstrated that it suggests mitigation strategies that seem genuinely helpful! Thank you for this video. Oh, and PS, I always described it as "depth-first traversal", but I understand the "serial vs parallel" analogy.
I'm so glad I found your channel! Here are some quick notes on the video for navigating around... 00:00 *🧠 Understanding Monotropism in Autism* - Monotropism theory explains how autistic individuals focus their attention differently. - Autistic people often exhibit intense focus on a single interest or task at a time. - This focused attention can lead to high productivity but also makes interruptions particularly disruptive. 01:49 *📚 Monotropism vs. Polytropism* - Monotropism is the focused allocation of attention to a limited range of interests or activities. - Polytropism, typical in neurotypicals, involves distributing attention across multiple stimuli or tasks simultaneously. - While monotropic focus can lead to profound engagement, it can also be emotionally and cognitively taxing to shift attention. 04:42 *🔍 Impact of Interruptions on Monotropic Attention* - Interruptions disrupt the flow of attention for individuals with monotropic focus, requiring significant effort to regain concentration. - The analogy of a sudden interruption being akin to pulling a muscle or disrupting a figure skater's routine illustrates the impact on focus. - Autistic individuals may experience prolonged difficulty returning to tasks after interruptions compared to neurotypicals. 11:59 *🤝 Social Challenges and Monotropism* - Monotropism poses challenges in social settings, where managing multiple conversations and cues can be overwhelming. - The example of Alex in a coffee shop illustrates how background noise and fragmented conversations can drain mental processing capacity. - Autistic individuals may struggle to maintain focus and engagement in group conversations due to limited attention resources. 15:06 *💡 Tips for Managing Monotropic Attention* - Prioritizing interests and relationships helps balance monotropic focus with essential social connections. - Setting boundaries and using timers can help minimize disruptions and manage attention effectively. - Transition rituals, such as deep breathing or stretching, facilitate shifting focus between tasks for individuals with monotropic attention.
When working for a while, I feel like a truck driving on a highway. When someone asks me what I want to drink, I feel like I have to take a sharp corner
I've spent 20 years as a software engineer and only after recent issues was I diagnosed with autism. I've been a top performer for my entire career, though I've also had great social difficulties in the business world, specifically involving interruptions. I found ways to cope in the open-floor-plan office, basically giant headphones and a grumpy attitude so that people didn't want to bother me (not good, not professional), but it's literally how I need to work. Office interruptions resulted in me snapping, ringing phones drive up the frustration level, and the office smells (from perfume/cologne to microwaved popcorn and fish) made everything more difficult. I ended up leaving that job after 15 years and working at a small startup. Story ended with a happy ending, startup being acquired, but that led to 10 years working from home, where all my social masks came down. Good thing, right? Was WFH better? Um, I was monotropic-level productive, a top performer near the top of my profession in a big pond of engineers (100k person engineering firm). I'd lose track of time, working 12-20 hours a day at times, continuing over weekends if there was more to do; not eat, not drink, not communicate with anyone aside from code and ticket updates. My sleep schedule shifted to wake with the dawn and fall asleep at sunset. No one asked me to work like this, it just happened, and I couldn't stop the ideas from coming out of my hands until it was "done". But interruptions, from my girlfriend, or from co-workers just asking me questions over intsatant-message led to me sometimes snapping. After an interruption, I had to walk away for about 5 minutes before I could respond calmly to a person asking the question. Meetings are awful for me. After discussing my issues with my boss and getting absolutely no support or understanding, on my 10 year anniversary, I left that job, too.
i did not realise this was your first vid! keep up the good work :-)
Yep! Aww, thank you so much :-)
- Mike
I felt the need to double check that this is the very first video, and WOW! As a video production nerd, I have to say the lighting and set-up look great, the video itself was very well shot, and the editing and overall composition flowed really well! It’s absolutely good work, and I look forward to more!
@@that-weirdogirl Appreciate that, “weirdo girl” (what a name - you’re not weird here :P). Thanks! -Mike
Loving the background, interesting but not distracting and quite soothing. Amazing first video, congrats and thank you. Subscribed.
I find Loop earbuds help a lot with coping with background noise and other conversations.
@@emilyb5557 Thank you, Emily! Lovely to have you with us! 🙏
Tech nerd here! I've been using "my brain is all overclocked cores with absolutely no cache, stock fans. Everything feels rushed, I overheat, and I crash a lot" to describe a few specific aspects of my experience.
🔥 🔥 🔥
I just found my people, holy shit. App dev here with the same experiences. I think most programmers hate being interrupted but this really explains how detrimental they are for me.
Hello! Thank you so much for this. I saw another entry y someone else,but I ended up totally confused! This film has sorted me out! Age 76 and have been refused any local council funding, so I can’t afford to fund it myself. I’m completely confident, self diagnosed, I’m autistic. I loved this film-ifghis your first go, keep going! Excellent!😅😊 .
lol I have said something almost the exact same to my husband forgetting he isn’t in to IT and just likes his computer to work.
I got PTSD and ADHD on top of autism so I get a lot of hung processes and conflicting hardware updates making me wish I could purge this shotty windows system and run mint…. 🐧
How did you get into that and make it through school? It feels so overwhelming.
When I was a kid and would do some garden work or whatever, my mother would come in in the middle and be like "I made lunch, aren't you hungry?" and I could be starving, but I wouldn't go eat until I was done with whatever I was doing. Partially because I knew that if I took a break I would have an incredibly hard time getting back to it, but mostly because like, I'm doing The Thing, if I can finish it today then why would I stop? I'll finish it and THEN I'll get to whatever else.
Anyway, I don't know if I'm autistic or not, I was told by a professional that I might be, but it wasn't a diagnosis. But Monotropism does make a lot of sense for me.
Have you have good friends or people that can look if you showed pattern or what you do, honestly, if you ask them about that autism typical behaviours?
If you want to know, ylou probably need another person that really knows you and you can trust, i mean.
If you want to look for more. the easiest have a trusted person you can ask to be entire honestly that you cant talk yourseld out of it or explain it away ,which, its just a thing people do generally, everyone. why therapy is the way it is. to bypass that ;D
only if safe of course.
@@marocat4749 Not really, no. Maybe it'll change at some point, but for now, I'm kinda alone in this. But I've lived enough without knowing any of it, so I think I'll manage the rest of my life too.
Same
Being autistic and adhd I have my own interruptor built in. When my house of cards is collapsed and I have recovered from the devastation, it is likely something else takes away my attention so I forget about the cards (also Dopamine is given by something new, not doing those cards AGAIN). If the cards are something I want to do or need to do I get my internal antagonist (forgot the name of the disorder) and they are telling me I don't HAVE to do THAT thing (cards) and nobody is going to make me do it !! So knowing this can and will happen when someone ELSE interrupts me when I have my super focus ON, can make me feel murderous. I can meltdown on the spot, with serious long time fall out. Inertia can follow, non verbal can follow. Irritation and annoyance when someone doesn't know what they are causing, hate when they actually do. Yeah, hermit material, me.
Same here and I would go all day sometimes without eating to finish the task! from personal observation, if you feel like you relate to some aspect of autism there’s a high chance you might be on the spectrum as high functioning level 1 with extreme masking ability. I’ve always had trouble understanding why people think the way they do and ironically that became a passion for me to learn everything I could about the things that I didn’t understand. When I was a child I didn’t understand the benefits of therapy and would tell them what they wanted to hear so I could get back to whatever I was doing at the time. As an adult I’m still able to benefit more from my own research than talking to a professional. They can usually help with a diagnosis but there’s still a long way to go and more research that needs to be done before there’s an all around inclusive coping mechanism that can be taught in a professional setting, because what works for one person doesn’t always work for others.
Every group social activity in my life has been "like watching four different TV channels at once" - so well said!
Thank you! And welcome, Bill :)
Don't get me started on the folks who have a TV on in the background while were trying to have a conversation and I'm getting pulled into the show instead of listening to them.
This absolutely resonated with me. I get a similar sensation to a headache and for years that’s what I put it down to. I’m now realising that’s not the case. I wish I’d known earlier. I’m 53 now…
I get exceptionally ANNOYED, even ANGRY when I'm in the middle of something, and I'm interrupted... I try not to show anger, because to a polythropic focus person, that's crazy, so I think I hide it well...
I don't hide it as well. I'm doing my best to hide it better and to become less angry but it is difficult. Do you have any tips? I've been trying to focus on my physical signs like not clenching my fist, or jaw, but people still get spooked. I don't want people to be afraid of me.
I do this as well, but controlling that agitation exhausts me.
Exactly. I was once talking to someone and they started talking to another person while I was still talking to them and I had a bit of an anger outburst which quickly killed the mood and I had no other choice than to end the conversation and get back to work
That's why I prefer texting
The murderfury of being interrupted is real and I've found the best way to mask it is with another mask. It's a recovery tactic: my self-preservation instincts are very very strong so if I'm interrupted in a fashion where the rage is too strong to suppress, I let it vent in a dramatic gesture. Because it only lasts about 1 second and then it drops to simmer. From there I have control again and I twist the gesture into an overdone "fake" anger which I then either drop or twist further to the point of ridiculousness and then make a non-sequitor punchline that suggests the entire rage thing was an act for the sake of a joke.
EX: one time I had to vent when interrupted and lifted what I was holding above my head. By sheer fucking luck I realized there was nowhere to slam it without breaking something so I staggered for about 2 seconds and found a spot to throw it. That extremely minor distraction was enough for me to control my strength and slam the object without breaking it. I then started huffing and growling and I jutted my lower jaw out and slow-turned so I looked like an ogre having a moment. Then I dropped it, straightened up, and asked in a fake-British accent: "On a scale of 1 to 10, how convincing was that?"
The rage just has to spurt out somewhere like a release valve on a boiler but it's over incredibly fast, and that's what allows me to recover and regain control.
My happiest time at work (taco bell) is when we have a rush and they realize I'm so useless on drive through that they send me back to do dishes for 3-4 hours straight. I lose track of time. Being asked to do dishes is like going to nap at 5 and waking up an hour before end of shift.
lol, when I worked at BK they made me in charge of fryers and making specialty chicken sandwiches. I was super horrible as a fast food worker.
On god! I also work at taco bell and find doing dishes (aside from wet shoes eugh) is the easiest and best part of the job. It’s a one man job so I don’t have to deal with the frustration of someone doing smth oddly specific that I hate, plus I do them fairly fast. PLUS i can just plug in my earbuds and listen to music if i want! And no socialization unless someone comes up to me. Win win everywhere baybee
Goodness i love you all so much because i can relate so directly 😅
@@BlackSerannayea i feel id be a terrable fast food worker or retail employee but would be a really good professinal adminastrator for a community or game but unfortinatly you have to have oodles of resume built up from a billion of those jobs im bad at.
YES !! i relate so much, here’s what happened if you have the time
two years ago i worked at a drive through coffee shop, and i was the oldest .
i would have an incredibly difficult time understanding my coworkers to no fault of theirs, we just communicated differently and too much of an age gap; this lead to several misunderstandings quickly spiraling into no one cleaning practically at all .
frustrated and overwhelmed, i would sneak away to wash the piles of dishes left out, most blissful 2hr to 3hrs of my day
now i work at a wellness center and i get to hang out w old people while helping them manage pain and daily life !!
I miss things many people tell me are obvious and intuitive and very often I notice and focus on things that, for me, are obvious to me and are important to my understanding but are almost always dismissed as unimportant and any further questions on it are usually met with hostility.😢
Oh yes bro, questions met with hostility are one of the most harmful yet common things... When I sense anxiety in someone asking me a question, I immediately remember this feeling and try to comfort them by explicitly stating that asking is OK and there are no stupid questions. Hope this makes our crazy world a bit better.
I hate that, the way people get annoyed when you're trying to understand the system of how something works... Won't it benefit them if they explain it once fully then don't have to be bothered any more?
Im always saying to people, wait, this is important, why isn’t everyone else upset. So yes, humans can be oblivious to their environment.
I can explain why the ppl get annoyed at having to explain how things work:
1. It's shocking and a mind#uck to have to explain assumed universal common knowledge. They're just not prepared for it.0
2. They're actually not practiced or skilled at it. They too get very frustrated trying to recall long-overlooked minutiae of logic paths to an explanation.
3. Neurotypicals are not usually good at conjuring a subroutine on spec to satisfy the question. It will have many omissions, assumptions, other unexpected subroutines needing coding on spec, and many outright errors that don't bear testing at all.
4. Of course the autistic is going to get annoyingly testing of the subroutines on spec! This will immediately cause fights.
5. Nobody is prepared for the nested, unpackable nature of most common ideas, common speech, common limits of social action, common access to agency or money or outside help. And so calling on any of these in the explanation takes FAR MORE TIME THAN ANTICIPATED, esp by the speaker, resolution becoming impractical!
6. Any decent autistic challenge to an explanation is going to get recursive. Well, that's probably the sane as 5., but the autistic challenger is in fact going to get UNPLEASABLE. They will keep up the "but why? ...Why?... Why?" questioning way beyond the point of exaspeations of explanation, like an annoying toddler: which is exactly what they will emulate in the convo, but for a real inquiry. And like I said, no answer is ever going to get to any IRREDUCIBLE BEDROCK POINT that an autistic will be satisfied by.
Pretty sure these reasons are why.
7. There isn't enough real lifetime left for any explainer to satisfy the questioning of an autistic person.😢
@@MsLizziebeth1 You mean they have a problem with the thing that all autistics are expected to do to explain and "correctly" express themselves constantly? Wow didn't know they had such a hard time doing exactly what they expect from others. So it's somehow not their fault for not being able to communicate with autistic people when they even refuse to meet halfway? Cry me a river then if you don't even try at all.
I am learning to let go of my fruitless attempts to be outgoing. If I need to attend a family gathering, I don't stay long, take breaks, and/or sit at an end of the table. When interrupted in tasks, I just say, "Sorry, I don't multi-task. Just a minute." And I am learning to prioritize the interests that put me in the "flow." It's not easy to let go of lifelong expectations to be like allistics, but I am determined to embrace who I am. Thanks, Mike, for another insightful video!
"Sorry I dont multi task" is really good! Ill use it
One of my strategies for parties is to look for the person who is standing by themselves. I'm fine in one-on-one interactions, and it's compassionate to engage the lonely person. If a couple more people join that's okay too: four people can still only be talking about one topic at any given moment, so I have no problem following the conversation (I use slow blinks to disengage my eyes and shift my gaze from person to person). If a fifth person shows up, I look for a way to excuse myself. As soon as there are five people two of them are going to find a topic to have a heated debate about, while the other three are going to keep flowing from topic to topic. That's the kind of interaction that makes me feel like there are stars orbiting my head. Again, I look for the person who is by themselves. That way I talk to people and don't come off as unfriendly, while avoiding high stress interactions. I also really really don't pay attention to background conversations. If a conversation is boring me, I try to change topics or excuse myself. Fake needing to pee if you need to. Especially if there is alcohol or coffee available, no one will question frequent bathroom breaks (this is why I hate the whole "bathroom pass" in school thing. In real life, no one questions if you *really* need to go potty or if you just want to get out of a boring conversation).
Also, weird performance tip for all autistics: don't literally look people in the eyes unless you're trying to kiss them or scare them. Look between their eyes, at their "third eye" (that dip just above the nose between the browbones). Seriously, this changed my life. I definitely used to be one of those kids who wouldn't look at the teacher and it drove them nuts. But then I was in play, and the director said "if look at the foreheads of the audience members it will seem to them as if you're making eye contact." I figured it would probably work offstage too, and it sure did. Teachers stopped asking me if I was paying attention, instantly. Noses don't change color or shape, and don't glimmer or glisten: it's a safe non-distracting place to park your eyes while you focus your attention elsewhere.
@@sophiejones3554Thank you for sharing. I will try to teach this to myself, and my family.
I appreciate your perspective.
As a young adult I struggled in so many jobs that required me to juggle different demands on my attention at once: waiting tables, working as a cashier in busy retail settings, talking on the phone with other noise in the background... These were entry-level jobs which "anyone" was supposed to be able to do, but they were SO hard for me. I was let go from many of them for not being able to keep up. In my 30's I tried out a career as a real estate agent, thinking my mental health would improve if I could be my own boss. But I immediately crashed and burned because I could not manage the constant phone calls and messages from clients and the need to suddenly change viewing plans to suit clients' requests. These experiences left me with a lot of shame and confusion which I'm only now beginning to heal from. This year I've been assessed as autistic by a psychologist, and I find that the theory of monotropism in particular is spot on in describing how my mind works! It's been such a long road to get here, but finally I can forgive myself for my past mistakes and choose environments that suit me. ❤
Ok, but how are you able to make a living? I’m in the exact same boat. The shame is trivial compared to the fact that I afford to pay for essential necessities much less have anything left over to enjoy my life and nurture my psyche.
@@wintermatherne2524 That sounds really hard. Honestly, my partner and I are extremely fortunate to now live in a relatively low COL country which has universal health care, strong legal protections for renters, and great public transport. I don't know how we'd be able to survive otherwise. My partner is ND too. Part-time work is all that either of us can manage right now.
Your experiences are valid; and critically and sadly very common amongst autistics. It's easy for me to say here, but there is no need for shame. Your disability is due to your environment, and entry level positions are typically the worst for accommodations. You've inspired my next video, that I'm writing now. Thank you, @higherground.
I got lucky and found a job doing data entry in a field that doesn't require I take phone calls or converse regularly via email with multiple people. I do have multiple duties and there are multiple steps in each process, but it's at a pace that makes switching work tasks to be comfortable. It's a lot of repetition, and I was able to commit the tasks to muscle memory, which allows my brain to be more receptive on the rare occasion I do get interrupted. It's so engrained into muscle memory now that I can comfortably listen to music with lyrics or an audio book while I'm working. I found I thrive in the monotony and repetition
@@SaucyKitty11 That is fantastic! I know exactly what you mean about music with lyrics (your brain starts thinking about what’s coming up next) and audiobooks. Wonderful that you can enjoy these whilst working. -Mike
I think this is more of a test for Neurodivergency not just autism because this test also applies to many ADHD presentations.
Hi Jill, yes, definitely. The authors of the paper state that it's not an autism screener, and that mono tropic brains are not necessarily always autistic. But, it's a good clue!
and trauma.
I was wondering if monotropism is the autistic form of hyperfocus in adhd.. I have both so idk what I'd call my focus.. I don't get too externally triggered by interruptions but it can take some real effort to actually pull myself away from something I find myself totally invested in.
@@sarahswetlik1034It's becoming more common to get a dual diagnosis of AuDHD.
@MsBehaviour and they are both so similar it's hard to tell what trait is from what diagnosis.. I haven't really seen anybody about it after the diagnosis because it was around the whole shutdown facade. But I do know there isn't much out there for late diagnosed peeps except for other late diagnosed peeps who put themselves out there to share their own story so the rest of us can be like.. "oh, I mostly or completely relate to that".
I can tell you the reason why there isn't much out there too. It's because the clinicians don't know how to help us. They barely know how to help the kids(experience with my little). The only ones who are going to be able to figure out how to help us.. is ourselves.. we've made it this far. We are highly intelligent despite the opinion of our "deficit" style of communication. We are the only ones who can help us navigate and start to change this world.
I have seen a plethora of videos on autism over the past 2 years and found your method of communication far more succinct and less about yourself than the others I have watched.
While I appreciate that you were officially diagnosed "late" in life...I am 69 to your 42 and have yet to be "officially" diagnosed. This is largely due to the focus on autism in the young. And once more, we elders are overlooked.
Anthony Hopkins was diagnosed at 72. But he had the resources to pay for testing, while I do not.
Might you, in the future, address the plight of autism diagnosis in the elderly?
I found you spot on and quite refreshing.
Thank you.
Thank you, Claudia. The issues around autism diagnosis levels I explore in my other videos (especially the 5 reasons for and 5 reasons against formal dx videos). I will certainly discuss the 'lost generation' - it's now in my video ideas catalogue to do. Thank you, Claudia. Take care, Mike
This explains a lot. Thank you for sharing. I relate 100%. I am a 53 year old female undiagnosed. I have no strategies or tips to share but am here because I am so mentally exhausted from forcing myself into social situations and not having enough alone time. I’ve masked and passed so well my entire life, people don’t want to believe me when I tell them I can’t do it anymore. The mental exhaustion is real and masking becomes more exhausting with age. Your description of how the one on one conversation was working so well and then went wrong after the other people joined in with shallow small talk describes my social struggles to the tee. I also cannot block out other tables’ conversations in a restaurant and focus on a conversation with the person I’m dining with. Thank you for sharing this content. It helps me feel validated.
You are most welcome. 🙏 I’m really happy that I was able to help in some small way.
Yes, and why does anyone deliberately meet in a restaurant anyway? I've only ever seen two good reasons for going to a restaurant:
a) I'm travelling and don't have access to a kitchen (which is destabilising enough in and of itself), and
b) it's a restaurant of a national cuisine that I like but have no idea how to cook myself. In which case, if I like it enough, I will end up having a few months worth of hyper focused special interest about that cuisine, and I will learn how to cook that stuff. No more reason to go to the restaurant.
And no, I rarely buy food to go, the plastic and aluminium containers have a weird texture and make uncomfortable noises. (Autistic? Me? Not officially, but .... Yeah.)
@barrielynn8959 Why do you force yourself into social situations?
I used to think I had to attent birthday parties, or a day out with colleagues, etc., but at some point I just decided it was not for me.
Today when asked to join I ask how many people will be there and what setting or location. If it feels too much for me I just tell them so. "I'm not good with too many people around or too much happening around me. I can't join you now, but I'd be happy to talk to you or join later in a smaller quiet setting." Sometimes people are a bit puzzled and need a little more explanation, but usually people are quite understanding and ok with it. They understand now that it's not that you don't want to but just can't. So no hard feelings. Hope that helps.
(43 male here)
I’m sorry you have it so bad. I’m like a step below you. I can’t really relax in a restaurant unless I’m in a booth that is mostly enclosed. I am always nervous even when the waitress or waiter comes by. I have learned to people please to where everyone else’s needs comes before mine.
Every once in a while I will go to a restaurant because I really want their food. Or sometimes I really want a good steak dinner I didn’t cook. But that is so rare.
I like staying in until all the people are settled in, then I might take a walk in the neighborhood.
I miss having a dog - at least I knew the dog was an additional protection. However, I got sick and had to move to a town setting. I don’t like it.
It’s hard to be neurodivergent and being buffeted by the normals of life.
@@bookworm1956 lots of normal people seem to enjoy meeting in restaurants. I have had to meet friends in restaurants but I have to tamp my anxiety down pretty hard if it’s a crowded restaurant.
If I had to choose going to a restaurant, I like the ones that would cost more and the food is better, but we would be sitting in a booth where I feel shielded and protected by the chairs.
I can definitely relate to the frustration of not being able to build the house of cards again after it’s been knocked down the first time.
Oh my goodness the “being interrupted disorientation”!!! Your analogies resonated so much with me. The house of cards that you have to start over. The marathon that you have to restart. This is so accurate
The coffee shop situation is so much story of my life. Group conversations are just not an option for me, it’s like I can’t really hear what people are saying. I can hear the sounds but all of a sudden I can’t understand words. Anything 3+ people is really difficult
That segment was excruciating! And a perfectly accurate demonstration of the experience.
“It’s like being on the verge of solving a complex puzzle and having someone scramble the pieces.”
That’s actually a really good analogy because it usually isn’t starting over *completely* from scratch, there are often some “puzzle segment chunks” that held together. Depending how big the project is and where you’re at in it.
What a fantastic video!!! I’m saving this to send to my support workers. They roll their eyes when I say “I can’t multitask”, but what I mean is “I have a mono tropic brain and can’t shift attention”.
Awww, thank you, Ollie! I'm thinking about creating a video with that in mind. Sharing with others - hmm, leave it with me! Thanks for being here -Mike
Your house-of-cards analogy really brought it home to me. When I have been in an utterly consuming, "atomic" flow of laser-like focus with a stream of creativity manifesting "with a life of its own"--which, for me, means writing something--and then for some reason the flow is broken, intruded on, lost, it feels so psycho-affectively catastrophic (especially if I've lost what I was producing) that it's a kind of meltdown, a kind of catatonia, my brain, and my gut, have simply frozen in inability to assimilate, process, what just happened. It's one of life's utterly most horrible feelings. And this horrible feeling is soon followed the natural, logical question, can I do it again, can I recreate what I lost? It's a question that hits my psyche lke the most mocking, cruel joke: "NOOOooo, that can never be reproduced; what just happened was destroyed, trying to reproduce it would be both a lie and sheer agony." Mind you, this is all feelings, and, yes, trauma. It doesn't really mean I can't start over and end up producing something that's even better than what I lost. I usually can. But the feeling of "catastrophic agony" is such a monumental barrier to overcome that sometimes I have simply given up rather than attempt it.
It's like playing a video game with no save points, so every time your character dies you have to restart from the beginning of the level and every time that happens you lose a life and when all your lives are used up the game is over.
cant you do that with even video games with save points and just not use them or delete them after you die? like a "hardcore" play thugh.
As a 90s kid this probably didn’t foster a nurturing environment for my autistic self lol
@@NightmareRex6that’s not always been possible unfortunately
The coffee shop conversation was such a good way of demonstrating this concept. I could feel my stress levels rising as soon as the coffee shop background noise began. Thank you for keeping the noise short 👍😊
My stress went up the second he said two new people walked in. Lol.
SAME! OUCH!
Thank you for the description of 'attention tunnelling' and the pain of interruptions - exactly what I experience.
Yesss, absolutely love how you speak in analogies. I speak Analogious fluently, let’s start our own country named Analogia 😆
How about Metaphoria? Or with that emoji at the end of your comment... Smilistan?
@@Autistic_AF Metaphoria sounds dreamy and ethereal, let’s do it 💫
❤️
Re-watching this several times, today, and taking more of it in with each pass. It is a delicious chocolate cake of helpfulness in understanding my late-diagnosed and self-diagnosed 72-year old autistic self. Many thanks once again!
Felt this, also an engineer, I have ADHD but recently learned about monotropism which has me looking into autism and I'm seeing a lot of overlap which is kinda crazy but cool in some sense. I do relate
Welcome 🤗, I’m glad you’ve found my channel and yep there’s loads of overlap between the symptoms of autism and those of ADHD - I’ll be covering ADHD topics too, fairly soon! Thank you again, -Mike 😊
Happy you'll be covering ADHD too! I'm ADHD and definitely polytropic which works v well as a doctor. I can hyper focus but ajdo can deal with a zillion enquiries and tasks to juggle. I struggle with the admin though. Partner is ASD & I think very monotropic so finds my polytropic ways quite uh confounding! 😅
@@emilyb5557 l consider myself to have a comparable profile in many ways Emily, in that my work as a professional - social work/project management/inter-agency resource development etc. etc. benefits very strongly from my ADHD traits of very broad interests, enjoyment of managing multiple personalities in a room, such as with committee work, and ability to hyper focus, in strongest areas of interest (at work, but also when making music and visual art). In both my day-to-day and creative work l LOVE coming up with novel answers to tricky conundrums.
Admin - absolutely - my Achilles heel for so very, very long ( though l have largely and with great difficulty overcome this issue through a range of techniques, such as headphones with ambient music) while doing it. My 9 schools were tricky to navigate.
One of my brothers is an internationally renowned professor - very monotropic and very capable in his field. Always a stellar student though struggles socially. The other an accomplished actor/politically astute social activist etc. who has a far more similar, polytropic, personality profile to my own.
Re the extremely strong genetically determined likelihood of being neurodiverse, my father, a doctor who would have liked to be an engineer, (a diagnosis in itself 😉) is weighted strongly toward ASD, with my mother more ADHD.
Thanks Autistic AF for this fascinating video - it is 100% related to my work, with my colleagues and l dealing with young people in an educational setting with extremely high rates of neurodiversity - a fascinating bunch! I’ll be sharing this resource - thanks again.
I have a tip, don’t have a family 😵💫 Back in my highly masking “normal” days I bought into that family idea. You can’t be hyper focused with kids and husbands afoot and you become a very frustrated, cranky person who struggles with motivation to even start anything because of fear of being interrupted. It’s like when you’re training a pet to not do something naughty by spraying them with water every time they do it. I look at my interest and have that type of sensation, 💦 No! 💦 You’ll be interrupted! So I play games on my phone instead 😣
That can’t be good! But yep family life can be complicated for monotropic minds! What’s your passion/interest?
Yes. I had one kid. I chose to not have any more. Was lucky to find a very self sufficient husband who accepts me as I am with my deficits and asymmetrical gifts.
Yep! This is why I don't have kids! Please stop referring to kids as a family. Families can look many different ways.
Im a late-diagnosed monotropic single mom and yeah, I basically had to drop all friends (and most projects) as soon as my child could speak because it was waaaay too difficult to do more than raise him. Now that he’s 10 and I have more time for my own interests, I’m also finding more frustration arise because the flow states I’m finally returning to are interrupted, so sometimes I’ve avoided starting for fear of interruption. (And yes I would become cranky too) But also now that there is a name for this and I’m understanding more clearly how I work, I’m making it work.
actually the fear of not being able to fully commit my time to my own stuff whenever I wish is what made me childfree. So yes, thank you for bringing this up. It's a very important thing to consider. Unless you decide to make your family your interest.
I struggle a lot with this, interruptions can spark serious meltdowns.😢
In the cafe example, when you asked “are you feeling it yet?” I had JUST started feeling physically achy, frustrated, disrupted…I could feel that the one on once conversation I was enjoying so much was being messed up by other people joining. We’d then have to talk about whatever the loudest person in the group wanted to talk about. I’ve been in that situation so many times. I can’t keep up with everyone’s social queues! Then I withdraw and get told I’m being “grumpy”. Then I leave (the bathroom is a good place to escape to!).
Thanks for this video. I subscribed and look forward to watching/hearing more from you. 😊
i’m so glad i’m not the only autistic person who retreats to bathrooms no matter where I am during a borderline meltdown and/or just to generally calm down and process. Before even thinking about the idea of me being autistic I would hide in the bathrooms during lunch in highschool to “take a break from being perceived/having people near me” which in retrospect should’ve been a sign but yk. Not late diagnosed for nothing ig 💀
@@knotsoangelic I'm late (self)diagnosed. I feel the 'OK Meter" max out and I have to retreat to calm down. I'm noticing I need it more when I'm triggered too.
@@noi5emaker I get the same way! It’s okay if you’re self diagnosed so long as you’ve done the research to prove it (which most of us do anyway so I imagine you have as well). Don’t let anyone try to tell you self diagnosis is never valid cause it 100% can be and can even be the only way someone gets a “proper” diagnosis. This isn’t even accounting for the fact professional diagnoses are a privilege and not everyone can get them. 🖤
@@knotsoangelic Thanks for that encouragement. Medical diagnosis can take years here, and for an adult probably longer. I'll definitely be more confident with the self diagnosis :)
The cafe scene was very uncomfortable, I had to stop it. I rewound a bit and watched that scene muted with CC, but turned out I didn't need too... I'd already gotten the point 😆. I do wonder if it watching it is an effective simulation for a non-autistic person.
re: self-diagnosed, I am too. I personally am not pursuing a formal diagnosis, beacuse apart from confirmation I don't see a reason to, and I am certain (enough). The fact is even if I've misdiagnosed myself I empathize strongly when autistic people share their the life experiences with me, which is comforting, and I find the tips and tricks I learn to be directly applicable to myself, so that works out.
This was a really great description of what happens when focus is broken. I have a need to engage in monotropic activities, and when I'm never allowed to do this, my mental state really suffers. This is why as a parent I can no longer teach high school math. It doesn't leave me any time for deep, uninterrupted focus. I'm happiest when taking a graduate-level math class with plenty of alone time to work on it while my child is at school. I have to have that deep focus on hard things to feel mentally secure.
I also am really happy when I get to tutor one-on-one - conversing about my special interest with a captive audience! Nothing better!
THANK YOU!!!
P.S. I've been casually researching this topic for ages! I've struggled significantly to find anything remotely like this video to help me understand myself better!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
I find your analogies very helpful. They accurately describe my painful experience when being interrupted and I can use them to explain it to allistic people in my life. This way, they won’t take it personally when I am non-responsive after being interrupted.
Thank you so much ☺️ - I’m glad the analogies and examples are helpful. The cards one is one I’ve used for many years - without an ‘autistic’ label - and people seem to understand this one. Maybe it relates a little to everybody? -Mike
Thanks so much for creating this channel. After a couple months of exploration with my therapist, deep dives into the newest literature and youtube material, and a lot of self-reflection I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm autistic at age 51. It's really helpful to hear the tips and experiences of other late-diagnosed autistics like you as I try to figure out what this even means for me. Afterall, I've managed to mask my way through 50 years, reasonably successfully. I'm learning that I've been expending a lot of energy to "pass". I thought everyone was putting in similar effort in some areas, though in other areas I assumed I was just weird. I have come to enjoy being on the fringe, and I don't mind being weird anymore. So the label of autism doesn't bother me, but I do want to find ways to take advantage of knowing my brain processes differently to find ways to make my day-to-day life easier. I think your content will help with that.
Thank you ☺️ - and thank you for sharing a little of your experience. In many ways late diagnosis can raise some unique challenges, especially around unmasking (who am I really?) and acceptance from others.
@@Autistic_AF maybe a topic for a video? I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.
@@waywrdsun Thank you! I will do that! In the meantime, I've made a video about masking (unmasking is the third chapter) here: th-cam.com/video/fDy-soEqoLY/w-d-xo.html
Back in the 1950s to the 1990s, there were clear social rules, with very little emphasis on "feelings". Interrupting a person clearly in conversation, or focused on a task was considered rude. You waited until the person you wanted to speak to, turned and said something like "how can I help you?"
Good point!
🎯
🎯
Engaging in an interest or "fun" thing before doing something I'm not interested in or struggle with has helped in adulthood. Giving myself the permission to reverse what I've been coached to do my entire life helped, too. Thanks for the citations and multiple examples.
This is very interesting. I can totally relate. I’ve never been diagnosed with autism. However, I have never been able to “multitask”. I’ve always had to dedicate all my attention to a single task; and if my focus gets interrupted, I have to start over and get “back into the groove”. My family and friends can’t understand why I get so frustrated at being interrupted and why I am unable to just pick up where I left off.
This was a very helpful video! 👍🏻
bro got some high level content right here
please keep the speech kinda raw like this one, without too much editing, it's soothing to hear
the attention thing @6:15 is way too real... even nowadays I struggle with it... I can either look at someone and think about the interaction or pay attention to the conversation while gazing at nothing... can't actually do both
1 month in from my AH HA moment. I'm a 47 year old male. I always noticed that I couldn't concentrate on more than one subject at a time. If I were doing math, I would be very skilled, but if I had to study math and history at the same time? literally impossible and fail both. Monotropism is the way my mind works. I like your cadence and presentation style, you are good at this and should keep going imo, well done! Also, my special interest is Tesla.
Welcome 🤗,
Thank you for your kind words! I will definitely keep going, I’ve got so much more to say lol. 😝
What do you like about Tesla? Just Tesla or EVs in general? I have a model 3 and love talking about renewable energy and electric vehicles haha!
Thanks again - you’re my first ever comment and it was lovely! Congrats on your ‘ah ha’ moment :-) #oneofus
Ah, the good ol Nikola Tesla. A favourite among spergs and tinfoil conspiracy afficionandos... .😂
Hahaha yep!@@keylanoslokj1806 - I read that as the car manufacturer with the same name, rather than the pigeon-loving eccentric dude (haven't we all been called 'pigeon-loving eccentrics' before? :D ).
@@Autistic_AF he is also often mentioned by the new age hippies who are into "quantum field healing" thingies... . We must give credit where it's due, lol 😁
@@keylanoslokj1806 If you know where I can find some of this 'energy', please send some my way - so tired today! :D
Good points! Thanks!
The light near your left ear disturbed me a lot. Anyone else?
I cut the image to be able to follow the video, eventually I only heard it
Yup. Same here. Almost as bad as someone bobbing their head in front of the sun! Most irritating.
My monotropic thinking was decimated once I became a parent. I've not had any long, hard focus time since having a kid. This has been a very deep-seated discomfort that I can't begin to describe. I feel like Flow has been broken in me, like my spirit.
Stumbled on this just now and have just subscribed. I think you are an excellent and affable communicator. Thank you for this great new terminology and I look forward to seeing more of your videos!
IT infrastructure/network engineer here, did consulting on the side for a while but couldn’t get over the irritation when clients wanted things done in an incorrect/not to spec way. I also hated help desk and loved systems design. I now work night shift alone and it’s wonderful. Super ADHD but at the time you couldn’t get a dual diagnosis. This video was so helpful, thank yo.u 💞
I feel your pain!
Thank you for sharing tour experiences as a later diagnosed person. Similar to the immediate image that seems to remain for most, of a restless rowdy little boy, when ADHD is referenced…Is the general ignorance regarding the Autism Spectrum. Most information and diagnostic focus is geared toward children. And similarly the image that comes to mind for most when Autism is referenced, is that of a young child on the more extreme end of the spectrum. It’s both helpful and encouraging to hear your perspectives and learn of your experiences having been diagnosed later in life. Thanks again!
This was one of the most entertaining video while explaining to allistics what the difference actually is between our experiences. I have totally blown up at people who have interrupted an intense thought process or task, I am pretty sure I resented those people for a while for their interruptions. It has caused me to be more of a recluse or night owl, just to avoid people and interuptions.
I like your analogies haha! I will show this to my partner, i think he is Neurodivergent in some way as he relate to many things, but the very core ASD symptoms he cant really wrap his head around, he can understand and respect, but he doesn't understand before i give him good examples haha!
The "super power" of Autism is such an annoying term Neurotypical people use to make themselves feel better about us.
My mom started telling me that my superpower was understanding humans and being creative, my sisters son is really good with math and engineering (they got that idea from Minecraft and him being better then them at math in school, though he doesn't attend any school at the moment..)
My mom tries to tell herself that she didn't "fail" by leaning into the "they are special and come with superpowers" instead of recognizing that she didn't fail us, we aren't broken, some of us are disabled in different ways, but like a guy in wheelchair we will figure out how to do everything, it just looks different.. It does sometimes hurt though, to be told that i am so talented and gifted in art, but my skills are honestly very average, or that i am extremely good at understanding people, but i know i don't, I'm a "cold calculator" that understands psychology very well, but me interacting with people are often not a huge success at all and my words often betray me.
I relate to this 💯
thank you for existing!!!!! god this video is just so good. I wanna show it to my family so they can understand me better.
I feel like you were speaking directly to me. Very good analysis and descriptions.
I was very annoyed by the rising background level and had a hard time focusing on what you were saying then, so I'll just assume it was about how annoying and distracting background noise can be.
I can really relate. Often my whole day goes back to zero if my focus gets broken.
What a great video! This was so very informative and helpful. I relate, this is my entire life and I still struggle deeply with any transitions between tasking. I used to absolutely lose it if interrupted to the point of just stopping whatever it was and doing nothing at all.
I’m in my 50s now and I recognize my reactions but still quietly struggle because I’m trying my best to be a better human. lol.
But weekends are super stressful being so different, husband is home, routines aren’t on time, daily tastings are full of forced public socialization because it’s shopping day and spending time with my family. Who I love and appreciate.
Every job though… I’m great if i know my plan task and schedule but if im pulled into a different position for any reason I’m pretty angry about it.
Once I had a coworker who would walk by my desk and rearrange my pencils etc just slightly knowing I would meltdown over it. I never knew why it made me so angry or why I absolutely had to rearrange it all back exactly. Now I see it wasn’t intentional on my part but would be considered harassment if I had been diagnosed and was being bullied because of my special mental structures
❤ I can relate to this
“Watching 4 TVs at one time” 💯 Possible for a little bit, but exhausting.
I love timers. I have to repeat to myself what I’ve set them for and what I’m going to once I’ve set it. Sometimes they just go off and I have no recollection of what they’re for. Oh well, all part of the fun.
@jahbloomie, I also set alarms, but heavily utilize the comment box that comes up on my phone app so that I can recall what I wanted to do. I have been living a world of "if it's not on the calendar, it's not happening" for over 20 years. Unfortunately, my children and husband don't understand the extent to which I NEED this. For years I was able to mask so well that they all believe I am just being difficult. Not at all. Masking has just become so exhausting, so impossible to keep up, that I have identified areas of life that, for me, have 'collapsed' and notes, calendars, etc. are new ways for me to try to keep up the farce
This is me with timers but also i gotta say sticky notes have been super helpful as well (i have hundreds on my desk lmaoooo)
Thanks Mike for this video, I could relate to a lot here.
52, got diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago, autism (level 1) a year ago.. and finally after getting the diagnosis it feels like I'm starting to understand myself, my life, how I function, make sense of things.
I was a postman for 25 years, and I always hated the indoor sorting work we had to do in the morning, stressful noisy environment, lots of distractions & frustrations. But once I got outside.. freedom. That's the part I enjoyed, being just myself, with myself, at my own pace, in my own world. My own focus with nobody looking over my should &.. judging me?
That cafe example hit hard. I always find it hard to deal with noisy crowded social situations like those, or when meeting groups of people in a restaurant or something, anywhere there is a lot of people and lots of interactions going on.. so horribly exhausting, mentally, emotionally, even physically. In those situations, my attention is everywhere, I'm taking in everything around me, sights sounds smells, and it massively overloads me. Even when I go alone for a quiet lunch, I can't just focus on the eating, my attention is tracking everything around me, even though I try to not pay attention.
The bathroom escape someone mentioned is something I know so very well.. having made use of it often at work to try to relax the mind... and preferring sitting in complete darkness if possible (damn automatic light sensors!).
The frustrating part to me: I have odd memory issues. I say I'm forgetful, but more correctly, I find it often hard to recall things that I know. I tend to use the labyrinth analogy, that my memory is a big vast maze, and all the knowledge is lost in there somewhere... but finding the path is the challenge. But often when someone asks a question around me, I can "pull the answer out of the air", often seemingly subconsciously (parallel process?), if it isn't something I actively focusing on/thinking about. As example, as a gaming nerd, when someone asks about how a game mechanic works (like in global chat in a game), I can usually whip out the answer for them while I'm actually focusing on something else, but.. when I need to actively think about it for myself, I just can't.
Haha, yep... 20+ year software engineer here. IDK now anyone without monotropic focus could do this job. I recently got promoted to architect and now I am constantly interrupted by others or by meetings and it has been such a terrible adjustment to have to make. My productivity went down.
What brilliant explanations and aliterations. A light went on as I realised I feel and experience the same things. I was only diagnosed yesterday (virtually 100% auristic), at 73 years old!
You are giving words to all of my frustrations. I've been trying to figure out how to describe my lived experience! Thank you!!!! Thank you so much!!! ❤❤❤❤
Hey, Erin. Welcome. Honestly - I'm so glad I've been able to help you in some small way. Making this TH-cam channel has been very cathartic for me, too. A year ago, I had //no idea// that others' felt similarly to me. I honestly thought I was alone... I'm very happy to have returned the favour! -Mike
Thank you for this helpful video. I don’t know if I’m autistic but. I relate.
Great ideas and points in this video! With how you were talking about being disrupted and having to start over- sometimes there is an added factor of "time and energy investment" to me, where it feels harder to do the work a second time, like "I've already put in to much, I don't have it in me to do all that again". I'd like to see how much autism research has been with people who also have ADHD, as the two are so commonly found together (or at least commonly diagnosed together).
😀Here you go: The SCIENCE behind Autism & ADHD's POSITIVE TRAITS
th-cam.com/video/oc-vVgB8HSU/w-d-xo.html
I completely relate. When I'm focusing, my phone ringing not only startles me, I get a huge wave of anxiety and frustration. I often can't get back to my task.
When I'm in a public setting, I can't tell the difference between a person right next to me talking to me and someone talking across the room, like in a store or restaurant. I get accused by my sister of ignoring her when I'm experiencing an overload where I can't narrow down my attention to focus on what's immediately relevant.
Great video😊 As an autistic myself, the stretched muscle analogy is spot on!
I think that disruption in attention that you're describing(and I also feel) is called a higher level of emotional disregulation than in polytropic/allistic folks. It's harder to get back into it, yes, but it's so frustrating! It seems like 'it cost so much to get here, why would you take that from me about a drink??'
And yes, you did a very good job making the coffee house example work.
Thanks for this video! This was really interesting. New sub. 😸
Flying is a superpower. Monotropicism is a trait.
Idk.. I like to refer to it as a superpower now that I know that some people can't do it. Like, getting so absorbed into something that it has all your attention and energy is like magic. lol.. so it's special.. it's a superpower😉
What is your objection to the idea? Is it because superpowers don't exist, or maybe a concern about people getting an ego if they're referred to as having a superpower?
Ah, but my lucid dreaming special interest was to teach myself to fly. So in that limited accessed state, I can fly, and it is pretty amazing to consciously choose flight.
@Thilosophocl3s do you have any tips about how to lucid dream? Dreaming is one of my special interests too but I can't just make myself lucid dream. It's so hard for me to realize I'm dreaming while I'm dreaming. Whenever I realize I'm dreaming I usually wake up. But I have had the experience years ago. I was flying over my house. Best feeling ever.
@@sarahswetlik1034 it's a repetitive trick I used that became something I just do naturally. It starts with a waking habit, I would look at my hand throughout the day and ask myself "am I dreaming." I did that for a a few months so that it became a natural habit whenever I looked at my hand. Then I put a rubber band on my wrist to wear all the time, and when I asked if I was dreaming, I'd snap the rubber band, if I was awake it would sting me... If I was asleep, no pain. Eventually id be in a dream and not realize it, but then I'd see my hand and then oh shit I haven't checked, so I checked, and I realized I was dreaming.
P. S. If you find yourself in a dream and can't find a thing you need in the dream, a sword, umbrella, jacket, whatever, you can always find it behind a door or under a lid as long as you 'KNOW' that whatever you need is in there.
So many of us end up in computer science, because computers make sense to us, while humans don't. Computers follow repeatable, understandable rules, and that is attractive to us.
God it legit took me several seconds to refocus on the actual video with that dark to light room example. Bright white lights are the worst! Then blue. I couldn't stop thinking about how jarring it was.
Also I don't know how many times I've burnt food because I get bored just waiting for something to start boil or cry so I go play a game but forget I'm also cooking until I notice the smell 😂
"Set timers" BRILLIANT!
In my line of work (automotive systems diagnostics), I have no sense of time passing & this can throw off my entire day! Starting tomorrow, I will get with my manager & set up the new time management system.
thank you for making the summary at the end! i really appreciate a final overview like that, it makes processing all the information way easier.
This spoke to me more than expected. Lovely analogies used ❤
My algorithm spit you out this morning. This video helps so much. So glad I found you. Anxious to watch more!
I don't know if anyone has said this, but it was so nice to have the speaking trips included (like stuttering and sentence re-starts). I actually paused both times, re-watched and smiled. It reminded me of myself and the way that I form thoughts and speech. An unexpectedly reassuring little bit of honest autistic representation there. Thanks :)
I'm a writer. My brain is literally creating a world, and when someone interrupts that, it feels as those I've been pulled across light-years and thrown back into the "real" world.
I am not very nice when it happens.
totally got you!!! i grew up in an environment where i was interrupted and not in a gentle way every time, so i remember 12 old version of me escaping from home to spent all the afternoons I the library, after school. Now i feel curious about your writing if you have something published let me know 😊
man that bit about shutting down trying to follow too many conversations really hit home.
my two best friends (a married couple who were the only IRL friends that i ever hung out with any sort of regularity) got into stimulants a few years ago and it was the end of our relationship.
not because of judgment on my part (i use drugs on my own, and partook with them from time to time, though it seemed to effect me far less), or bad behavior on theirs - it was simply that trying to juggle both of their conversations at the same time was functionally impossible.
i'd leave every night at their house more tired and drained than i was when i got there.
sitting between two coked-out people who are both having their own conversations AT me was just too much to handle. i stopped going over as much until things just ended.
still haven't completely filled that social gap, and i miss them; but everything they do involves using cocaine now, and i need my peace more than i need their interaction. i hope they quit soon, both for their health, and so that i can hang out w my friends again.
good video, good insight. i look forward to exploring more of your channel as a mid-30s undiagnosed but almost-certainly-autistic man.
This is why being a stay at home parent is so difficult. My whole life is constant interruptions. I’m constantly telling my children “I can only do one thing at a time and right now I’m doing X. I’ll help you when I’m done.” But something’s just can’t wait. And trying to get out of what I’m focusing on is literally painful
Thank you for making this video. I feel seen. Everything you mentioned in the video, I can relate to as a late asd diagnosis in my 30s. I came across your video in my research for data on the correlation of autism and belief in a major religion, lgbtq and other statistics that might indicate a higher percentage of autistic individuals having similarities in lifestyles.
That was brilliant! At 13 min the example of the coffee shop is EXACTLY how it is! I could feel every 2 person conversation I've ever had interrupted by the addition of a 3rd. The way the background conversation volume rises and the conversations disappear...spot on! And the guy talking about the sportsball! That was as if you had been watching me in social settings.
Subscribed! 😊
Glad you enjoyed it! 🧡
You have done a very good job of putting into words how I experience sensory interruptions of my attention. It can be such a sudden and painful shock, and very hard to reset myself and return to my task. I often avoid certain things if I know they heavily engage me unless I am reasonably certain I will not be interrupted to avoid the disruption and subsequent frustration. I will not start a game even if I have some free time until after my children are in bed for the night, since children have many questions and needs that are highest priority, making interruptions almost inevitable. I struggled getting my partner to understand that for me to take a break during the day requires more than just my sitting down and I need some level of isolation to recover my focus or take care of certain tasks, but once we were able to reach a point of understanding it helped a lot. I hope many people are able to watch your content and gain understanding of themselves or the people around them that function this way.
This would appear to be another difference between autism and Aspergers Syndrome. People with Aspergers are better at the tasks described as polytropic than neurotypicals are in spite of disliking external interruptions. Yet multitasking is frequently done by people with Aspergers in order to avoid boredom.
Thank you for including accurate studies and research to back everything up.
You're welcome, Marsh - at least this way we can debate the sources and opinions rather than *gasps* TikTok. I had a look at TikTok yesterday and it's shocking lol. -Mike
@@Autistic_AF yeah... tiktok is a colossal time sink. Not a place to go to for informative video essays. I'm glad you understand.
Being AuDHD, this perfectly describes why I get so mad when someone/something interrupts what I'm doing and why it takes so long to get back to where I had been (was an absolute nightmare when doing reading homework in college, until I got audiobooks).
Since most of my conversations are ignored, then why are you paying so much attention now, about how "I" think??? Have we met before? I am me, I am 62, and well off enough to have retired at 45. Today, I am a Roman Catholic Monk, and that is to keep away the boredom. (And an Abbey is in silence.) I have never seen an "Aspergerer!" (aspie🧚) Burn anything! We are very good cooks and we cook by taste and smell, not from a recipe book. We are walking cookbooks. If you are Autistic and can't cook, I'll bet you love mathematics...LoL. I have a MENSA accredited 158 I.Q. (Eisenstein's was 160.) That can be boring to others when striking up a conversation on: "The Dry Adiabatic Lapse Rate." Or, The Inverse Square portionality of light propagation. Can you name the britest stars and planets in the night sky...Etc.??? So, whatever makes me who I am, needs no label and no adjustment and no outside help. Isn't it time for you to go to bed??? See, it does not feel good to be told what to do by others, does it.
A monastery must be a wonderful place for monotropic focus! -Mike
As someone who very probably has ADHD myself, I can say my brain RELATES to BOTH of these types of focus and attention.
I KNOW when I am trying to troubleshoot something, I get HYPERFIXATED on it. I also HATE having to divert my attention because of what I call "firefighting" something while I was already occupied with something else. And my parents are always anxiety-driven, they HAVE to do something RIGHT NOW and if they need my help, I don't even have enough time to shift my brain to the new task, and it HURTS.
Conversely, I have worked customer service jobs, and I KNOW I have to shift focus A LOT. Everyone and anyone can call for your attention at ANYTIME and you HAVE to go with the flow. I am very much a social butterfly and genuinely friendly in most cases of this. But being ABLE to shift your focus like this doesn't make it EASY. It's exhausting.
All and all however, if I'M the one in charge of shifting tasks, it is much easier to go from one thing to the next without much pain.
TANGENT: I struggle with noise processing and keeping up with conversations I cannot hear over the LIGHT BULBS BUZZING. One thing that kinda circumvents this is the process of reading something I am interested in. My dad can have on the TV (he's hard of hearing) and I can read a manga without even noticing it blaring in the background. It's weird how my brain cannot filter some things, but when I'm reading or singing, everything else can just be tuned out.
In short... no. It's just a series of genes that are wacky and produce this complex, systemic, debilitating condition. There are though some common connections and comorbidities that i notice in most of us. Gut problems. Hormonal issues. Bad navigation of our extremities etc. Probably all tied somehow with our fd up brains... .
But to be more specific and give more context of what i meant. I was insinuating that those fundamental comorbidities are usually a two way street. For example More gut vulnerability and worse digestion, leading to more improper proteins passing the blood brain barrier, causing even more neuronal inflammation etc. So you are caught in this vicious cycle of self-feeding downward spirals. That keep you in a state of chronic inflammation and faster declining functions.... .
I think I know what you mean. There's a feedback loop where one trait or condition can drive another and visa-versa. However, some of those like inflammation are harder to control - some of them (e.g. excessive noise/lights/etc in public spaces) can be controlled. These are only disabling because certain things in society make it so, and we can push for changes and accommodations to make life easier and more accessible for all.
@@Autistic_AF im not that hopeful myself. We are a burdain normies don't want to get accustomed to or trained to tolerate in any way. Even when they ask each other about their struggles is to get hedonistic pleasure and self assurance by coping about how well they personally did in life instead. And yes, not only bpd psychopaths do that but average normies too.
True, but who cares what they think? We shouldn’t give them the choice to marginalize us. We need to demand accommodations weather they perceive us as a burden or not. I don’t care about or need them to like me, but either they will treat me with respect or there will be consequences. That’s the mentality we have to take with these shallow self important narcissists.
You described so much of what goes on in my head. Especially your cafe scenario, hearing every voice in the room all at once. I'm 49 and only recently recognized autistic traits in myself after one of my kids was diagnosed with ASD and I started learning about autism.
It is possible to have a successful career and large family but it can definitely be challenging. A patient and awesome wife is what carried me through. That and my obsessive focus made me pretty good at my job.
The Casio W-735H has a vibration timer, removing the loud noise. Making it nice for you and others.
Fascinating. Thanks.
Right in the middle of your house of cards metaphor, TH-cam played an ad, and I just about lost it!😂
Oh nooo 🫣
Tip: Put objects in places they do not belong as a reminder. E.g. Put your backpack on your chair when you get up to go to the bathroom, to remind yourself of a task when you return.
Great tip!
This further cements my belief that ADHD is really just a symptom of Autism and not it's own thing.
I like the quirky way you speak/present. And you have a very soothing voice. And of course the content is high-level too! Definitely following now. 💖
Wow that coffee shop description is my entire life. I remember having a conversation with my husband that he needs to pause the tv if he’s talking to me because as much as I try I can hear neither if someone is talking. I like the giant headphones trick as a signal.
well said, sir. long before I was diagnosed, I was telling anyone who would listen (and probably some who rather wouldn't have) that "my brain is not a multitasking environment" (despite massive parallel hardware architecture).
I’m _monotropic_ AF. I came up with my own metaphor for interruptions/switching tasks: like shifting gears in a manual gearbox without depressing the clutch pedal.
I’ve “Liked” this video because I know I’ll view it again.
So happy I found this channel and this video. Just so happy.
Welcome aboard! I'm so glad you're here, Ilya, welcome!
You explain these things sooooo well
Thank you, Hannah!
I'm 32 and have autism, was diagnosed 2 years ago, when i was 30. Unfortunally since my diagnosis due to financial/personal issues i was not able to do therapy. I did therapy nonstop from the age of 23 to 30. And so far these two years have been of me finding out more about myself and my autism on my own, and until this day i did not know about Monotropism and i'm watching your video, i took the test very well thought thru and did 217/235, average 4.62. All the questions felt like they were taken out of my life.
I'm so happy, i feel like i'm closer and closer to figure out who/what/why i am. I'm still watching the video, took the test after the intro and i'm stunned. I did alot of tests on my diagnosis and they all felt too personal, this one as well.
It's.. so weird to live 30 years of absolute chaos and confusion, being seeing and weird and odd even by therapists, and now i find out there are names/studies that tell exactly how/what/why i am the way i am. I feel.. not alone.
I am autistic, and this video made me realize that my stress probably comes from attempting to have too many interests at once in an effort to be more polytrophic? I guess i haven't found what really speaks to me 🤷🏻♀
OMG, I could feel this. The examples made me think of so many times I've experienced distraction and split attention as actual pain. Very validating. Thank you.
Thanks for the vid. 45 and undiagnosed here but all my kids are neurospicy and I am a champion masker. The coffee shop example, that's honestly my nemesis. Also I find I can multitask in very specific ways - for example for my partner's birthday I was cooking a bunch of food and I had about 3 different recipes going at once, in a flow state. But then my friend arrived and started talking to me and it was like the house of cards falling, I found it really hard to have a conversation with her while cooking and felt like I lost the plot. And the party itself was noisy with multiple conversations so much so that the next day I still felt dysregulated and "touched out" even though touch and sound are different sensory inputs! I find I do better in groups of 3, because you can't have a conversation split like you can with 4, but with 3 I don't feel so much pressure to carry the conversation and be entertaining. One on one is great with some people but most times 3 is best for me. Anyway I could definitely relate to a lot of your examples
My brother always manages to barge into my room when I'm in the zone, completely ripping me out. I told him serveral times NOT to bother me unless it's important. Most of the times it turns into him getting angry at my irritated reaction, because he 'just asked a question'.
Yeah, “it was just a question!”
Interesting!
I could never multitask in my whole life !
I recently started to tell people that I feel my attention is like a “laser beam” either I talk to you , or I start typing, or work with my hands to give them an idea about how it feels to me.
It feels very frustrating, some colleagues think that I am ignoring them, I was told they need to call my name 3 or 4 times while I am fully focused to get my attention.
I don’t see it as a positive thing.
I do have a successful career but also all of the rest who are multitaskers.
Multitaskers keep telling me they are doing all 100% and why can’t I do the same.
Good to know the name of it
Instead of calling a laser beam.
Wow. This video was the first time I appreciated monotropism as a model. It seemed too simplistic, though I had adopted it as vocabulary. But your explanation is the first time I appreciated its explanatory power; that it encompasses the "flow" model, aversion to change, routines, and more. And your tips demonstrated that it suggests mitigation strategies that seem genuinely helpful!
Thank you for this video.
Oh, and PS, I always described it as "depth-first traversal", but I understand the "serial vs parallel" analogy.
I'm so glad I found your channel!
Here are some quick notes on the video for navigating around...
00:00 *🧠 Understanding Monotropism in Autism*
- Monotropism theory explains how autistic individuals focus their attention differently.
- Autistic people often exhibit intense focus on a single interest or task at a time.
- This focused attention can lead to high productivity but also makes interruptions particularly disruptive.
01:49 *📚 Monotropism vs. Polytropism*
- Monotropism is the focused allocation of attention to a limited range of interests or activities.
- Polytropism, typical in neurotypicals, involves distributing attention across multiple stimuli or tasks simultaneously.
- While monotropic focus can lead to profound engagement, it can also be emotionally and cognitively taxing to shift attention.
04:42 *🔍 Impact of Interruptions on Monotropic Attention*
- Interruptions disrupt the flow of attention for individuals with monotropic focus, requiring significant effort to regain concentration.
- The analogy of a sudden interruption being akin to pulling a muscle or disrupting a figure skater's routine illustrates the impact on focus.
- Autistic individuals may experience prolonged difficulty returning to tasks after interruptions compared to neurotypicals.
11:59 *🤝 Social Challenges and Monotropism*
- Monotropism poses challenges in social settings, where managing multiple conversations and cues can be overwhelming.
- The example of Alex in a coffee shop illustrates how background noise and fragmented conversations can drain mental processing capacity.
- Autistic individuals may struggle to maintain focus and engagement in group conversations due to limited attention resources.
15:06 *💡 Tips for Managing Monotropic Attention*
- Prioritizing interests and relationships helps balance monotropic focus with essential social connections.
- Setting boundaries and using timers can help minimize disruptions and manage attention effectively.
- Transition rituals, such as deep breathing or stretching, facilitate shifting focus between tasks for individuals with monotropic attention.
When working for a while, I feel like a truck driving on a highway. When someone asks me what I want to drink, I feel like I have to take a sharp corner
I've spent 20 years as a software engineer and only after recent issues was I diagnosed with autism. I've been a top performer for my entire career, though I've also had great social difficulties in the business world, specifically involving interruptions. I found ways to cope in the open-floor-plan office, basically giant headphones and a grumpy attitude so that people didn't want to bother me (not good, not professional), but it's literally how I need to work. Office interruptions resulted in me snapping, ringing phones drive up the frustration level, and the office smells (from perfume/cologne to microwaved popcorn and fish) made everything more difficult. I ended up leaving that job after 15 years and working at a small startup. Story ended with a happy ending, startup being acquired, but that led to 10 years working from home, where all my social masks came down. Good thing, right?
Was WFH better? Um, I was monotropic-level productive, a top performer near the top of my profession in a big pond of engineers (100k person engineering firm). I'd lose track of time, working 12-20 hours a day at times, continuing over weekends if there was more to do; not eat, not drink, not communicate with anyone aside from code and ticket updates. My sleep schedule shifted to wake with the dawn and fall asleep at sunset. No one asked me to work like this, it just happened, and I couldn't stop the ideas from coming out of my hands until it was "done". But interruptions, from my girlfriend, or from co-workers just asking me questions over intsatant-message led to me sometimes snapping. After an interruption, I had to walk away for about 5 minutes before I could respond calmly to a person asking the question. Meetings are awful for me. After discussing my issues with my boss and getting absolutely no support or understanding, on my 10 year anniversary, I left that job, too.
Wow, this was great! I love how soothing your voice is. And your explanations were spot-on. I can’t wait to hear more from you.