@@bellerain381confused about what? Having divorced parents with new partners is more confusing than this is, these kids just happen to have 4 dads and 2 moms, nothing more. OP and the others in the relationship may keep track of who is who's biological parents to keep things consistent, but the kids don't care about that, they just have many parents.
@bellerain381 The supposed confusion of children is used as an excuse for a whole lot of bigotry. The interesting thing about children though is that they are super malleable. Whatever is normal for them, they are okay with. It's why they tend to not recognize they grew up in an abusive home until much later, if they ever realize it at all. You still have a whole lot of adults going "I was spanked with a belt & I turned out fine." Their children won't be confused but the person you replied to is correct. These are human beings & making sure there is a "whole set" or that they somehow need to be fair to all the adults by making sure everyone has children with everyone isn't appropriate. Children should be wanted for their sake, not the adult's sake.
Story 1: …you know…sometimes i get a little bummed with how boring my life is…after reading this and seeing how confusing this situation is i am VERY happy with how boring my life is🤷🏻♂️
It's not boring it's simple and simple life is the easiest life and coming from experience from someone who was attracted to madness the simple life is good. I love the simple life now, very little friends and have a simple family.... Trust me when I say this your mental health is better with a simple life. When you think you're boring trust me you're not, you may have mentally bad days but they do pass when you have a crazy lifestyle that plays on your mental health more and those bad days turn into bad years.
That first story is a dumpster fire. How about instead of worrying about making an entire human being because you want to be fair to some other guy. How about you Just focus on the ones you have and be Good parent to them. Good lord.
@@MegaAstroFan18 They can't even keep track of which kid belongs to which parent and someone wants another because "it's not faaaaair!" Don't tell us that's not enough to go on.
I’m in a long term poly relationship and I find this absolutely absurd on several levels. The casual way they pop out kids just to tick boxes off their scorecard is offensive.
@@ysgramorssoupspoonI like to explain it with children, if you have more than one child, you dont love one more than the others, hopefully. You may love them for different reasons, but the same amount. It's kind of like that. Love isn't a limited resource. Unsure if that explains it well, of if the other poly people agree. But hey.
@@ysgramorssoupspoon It seems comfortable and natural to me to love and care about the people without feeling like love is a limited resource. My love for one partner doesn’t take away from that love for the other. Nobody is competing for a role or attention and we are comfortable in our structure. Granted, time is a limited resource and we communicate a lot. Communication and managing expectations are critical in such an arrangement.
Ick No way would I add children to this mess. Babies are expensive af. The one guy with no job, money, or commitments does not deserve a baby. Who's paying for this?
@@rapheAltoid77 I believe so. Andi's dads in order are ... Kyle, Joseph, OP. Lori's kids are - OP, OP, Kyle. My brain got confused halfway through but I think so, at the beginning, OP says "lori and I had 2 and Andi had one.... then Andi gets knocked up and I think it's mine, oops no it's Joseph's... then the women get preggers again and Andi's third one is DEF mine...and Lori's is Kyle's.
As a monogamous, introverted and calm seeking man, I can't even imagine the horror and drama that comes with being involved with more than one person - at times even that's too much - so having four adults and six kids to engage in is just sci-fi story nonsense or, if you prefer, a calamity in waiting. For anyone and everyone living a polyamorous lifestyle and making it work, kudos to you.
I’m polyamorous and I don’t know how people have the energy for that. There’s so many boundaries you have to keep, so much communication to keep everyone happy. Bringing six children into this makes it even harder.
Poly person here! The most important thing for a fully functioning polycule is clear, honest, constant communication. In story 1, literally nobody cared to communicate anything to each other throughout the entire story until shit was hitting the fan for everyone... This is not a functioning relationship.... Let alone a functioning polyamorous relationship....
Thank you, Honestly to me personally I’d only ever be with two other people in a polycule and communication is absolutely key in these relationships as if you don’t communicate it can easily lead to people being hurt and such
Glad to see another one of us here The whole "We discussed this, and only just now want to talk to you about it" really rubbed me the wrong way. Hopefully, this is a fluke and not something common in their life
First story, I was thinking 'You know, that's a pretty fair ending all things considered' then Rslash dropped the news that it was pre-COVID. Meaning chances are Joseph returned or was left out until afterwards making things much worse with Andi. Second story, I heard it before from Oz and I'll basically say the same thing I did there. Also, since Rslash left it out, OP did get a call from the company about the interview and they were laying into her over leaving. They stopped when she explained the reasoning but it's still a *huge* red flag and still good that OP found work elsewhere because that job would've been a mistake. Besides not apologizing over anything, the higher ups calling OP either believed the interviewer at face value or were really on his side until OP broke the news. Why go to a job where they doesn't reign in their own people like that?
the first story: That's what therapy is for! I'm not even talking about the poly or mono thing and their differences, but relationships in general. Couples counseling and all that. They're there to help you navigate conflict and communication issues. And that's basically what the problems were in that family. In my opinion, the more people involved in an intimate relationship, the greater the chances of conflict and miscommunication. It's a risk when it's just two people, it's a greater risk when it's more than two. And the need for counseling in those cases should be brought up.
I'm polyamorous and that first story sounds like a nightmare. Polyamory only works if there's clear and open communication, which clearly wasn't present for most of that relationship. I wish them all the best of luck, but Jesus Christ I don't envy them
Exactly. Adding a person to the relationship who not everyone was ok with being around was a big no-no. People should only be added to polyamorous relationships if everyone’s ok with it
@CyborgCharlotte 100% agree. There's an argument to be made for Joseph dating part of the group, but even then it should only be done with the consent of the rest of the partners. Huge red flag that the situation wasn't discussed long before it got to that point
polyamory has to be all yes's one no. If everyone says yes, then okay cool. if even ONE person says no its off the table all together, i dont get people who do stuff like andi and gets so angry when you said yourself during the commitment ceramony its all yes one no!
While the thought of parsing the interpersonal relationships of such a large coupling is absolutely dizzying, you gotta give them kudos for how well they communicated and diffused the situation (one member notwithstanding)
Eventually, yeah. I got really worried when OP told his partners that bringing Joseph into the relationship formally was a hard no for him, and they tried to push him into it anyway. But he also could have brought up his discomfort about Joseph earlier. I hope they made it through COVID okay.
what many people get wrong about getting into polyamorous relationships. trust, boundaries, & communication, with an emphasis on the communication. it's not just about having multiple sex partners, and people are messy with relationships as is. so much can be solved if people just honestly convey their thoughts and/or feelings when needed. the story looks hectic but it just needed to work itself out until everyone got their thoughts across. the larger the polycule, the longer this takes I imagine.
Honestly, I only give kudos to Joseph. He saw how the dynamics weren't working and left. But everyone else seemed to fail in one way or another, and there's no way this was the end up their issues. Not because they're all poly, but because these people sound like they'd make for bad roommates, let alone partners.
then dont comment on it. monogamous people really have no right to talk about polyamorous peoples' issues. they wouldnt, and often dont, understan and have a personal bias against it because they view it as wrong.
as a polyam person, I'd say that the problems with Joseph should have been discussed far earlier if he did not like a metamour early on. Polyamory as with any other relationship needs honesty and communication to be the main points. If there's a metamour(someone connected to someone you're dating but you aren't actively dating. For example, one of my girlfriends has a girlfriend, my girlfriend is my partner, her girlfriend is my metamour), that you cannot stand, it should be known early and why so that a discussion can be had. This is the kind of stuff you want to nip in the bud early, if you don't and other relationships blossom from it, this kind of stuff can happen and then people are deeply locked into things they may not have been if these things were discussed and boundaries were set early. Be up front early, be honest, set boundaries early, set ultimatums and compromises if you have to. Not doing these things can lead to disastrous outcomes, just as they would in a monogamous relationship if not for different reasons, obviously.
@bbasilgaming you do know this attitude of yours doesn't _exactly_ support your cause, right? You're just sounding like an a-hole. As for your comment I would argue involving mono people in the discussion only helps them understand poly more.
@@Dreamheart101 the morality of it boils down to the fact that polyamory, much like every other relationship, is founded on consent and open, honest communication. The fact that Joseph was a problem for so long without it being communicated between the rest of the group is a huge red flag for that entire relationship. There wasn't open, honest communication about him, which means that any consent or lack thereof also wasn't communicated. Imo if kids weren't involved, I'd say that relationship should've broken up a long time ago
I just heard the first story from another channel that has a narrator who is more familiar/experienced with poly relationships and dynamics that did a deeper dive; was interested in hearing rSlash's take as someone who gets squicked over non mono relationships :D Honestly, I was happy to see that situation resolved itself as well as it did. Just like almost every other relationship posts, problems arise when people DON'T communicate and they get solved when people DO communicate. It's not a "this is a polyamory problem" thing, it's a "this is a communication problem" thing. Every time rSlash does a post about relationship issues, I am just sitting here saying "do you people even TALK to each other?" every single time. These people didn't talk. And then, they did. And now? Things are better. Yay!
That polycule is severely flawed and I feel like quite a few people in it don’t understand how a successful polycule is supposed to be to be. I wouldn’t be surprised if it fell apart.
As a monogamous person, it feels like every poly-story I hear is a "Poly works...but not like this, they're doing it wrong!" sort of thing, like with comunism
This was an almost successful polycule. They were all into it and working well together if it were not for the pair of divisive fellows. If the polycule only had one and not the other, they seemed stable enough to succeed.
@@Windmelodieas a poly person, this is because poly is exceedingly difficult. I cannot recommend it. I have seen monogamous friends date and stress test about a dozen relationships before one stays long term steady and commitment ready. Even of those, some still fail a decade later. It just seems like a 1 in 20, 5%, chance to pair with someone you can successfully spend your life with. 5% chance to be compatible enough. Now trying to do that with multiple partners only compounds the issue. You need to get that 1 in 20 for every member of the polycule. Partner A, B and C needs to have that 5% chance compatibility with each other. A needs to good with B. A needs to be good with C. B needs to be good with A. B needs to be good with C. C needs to be good with A. C needs to be good with B. That is 6 different sides of the relationship that need to be happy and healthy. If it just leaves the chance of 2 people being ok at 5% and multiply it by the 3 pairings. That is maybe a 0.0006% chance for a basic polycule of 3. This is a terribly over simplistic view of human relationships, but the math at least helps paint the picture.
@@Windmelodie Kinda weird to equate how people’s emotions works to communism. The reason why it’s being done wrong here is for the simple fact that it seems like not everyone is “together” It’s not possible for a polycule to be truly successful and happy without everyone sharing an exactly equal amount of love for everyone involved. Which in that respect isn’t any different from any successful monogamous relationship.
Story 1. I am confused, I am mentally exhausted. Story 2 Op dodged the bullet, that company sounds like a field filled with nightmare people. That's not flirting, that's simply being domineering and mean.
Why is “What is your favourite book” a question in a job interview? Do they also want the name of my first pet? Is this a job, or tweens making “friend books” (no clue what you call them in English).
"Are you trying to get the answer to a challenge question so you can access my bank account?" (Two factor authentication means this response doesn't work as well as it did ten years ago.)
I hope OP in Story 2 reported that creep. That’s seriously unprofessional and suspect. You don’t hit on interviewees. Whether they got the job or not. That person has no business interviewing anyone and not just because they’re a creep with no social skills.
Hey don't let's keep your job in the way of finding your wife. I think he got a few crossed wires though when he confessed his undying passion and love for company stocks.
@ yeah, children just add another level of complexity. I don’t think these guys are mature enough or communicate well enough to handle that in the future.
@ My biggest problem is that the solution didn’t come from the family sitting down and talking about it. It came from Joseph deciding to leave on his own. They really need to work on their communication because they all handled this poorly.
God this story is so tiring. I think this family needs better communication and OP should have voiced his dislike of Joseph the first time he was invited for activities. He says that his wife shouldn't have a child to placate someone else, which is true. OP also should not have invited someone else into his family to placate the rest of his polycule. It really should have never gone this far.
Story 1: if this relationship goes wrong, this whole thing is going to be bonkers in a custody fight. They need to concentrate on making sure the kids they have are happy and well adjusted. 2 party relationships are hard enough. Throwing in this many people is always going to strain unless everyone is on the same page, which they aren't. OP is in a tough spot
That Joseph sounds like a Joseph who recently got hired at my workplace, but the boys all find him cool, and every single girl he interacts with thinks he's a creep. Also, the thing about polyamorist relationships is that when ONE official person in the relationship says no to someone, they are OUT. Period. All of his partners are selfish, not him.
At least you're not sitting there being like "polyamory is cheating" like... no.... you can get cheated on in a polycule but it's not cheating to have other partners bc everyone consents It's hard, ngl, but if you have proper open communication it's alot easier.
Poly group - they SERIOUSLY need to listen to Polyamory Weekly if it’s still around. One of the primary topics they bring up is COMMUNICATION with partners. Actually that’s good advice for any couple, poly or not. OP should have been talking to them from day 1 about his feelings on the new person instead of just hoping he’d go away magically.
Story 1: The head scratcher for me was they are treating pregnancy like russian roulette (at least from how the story sounds) who gets pregnant, with who's baby and when, place your bets.
I'm with you RSlash on story 1. I'll be celebrating 16 years in one month with my son's father; it's been a lot just being in a long-term, monogamous relationship with one child... let alone this nightmare of a relationship. I'm not kink-shaming or anything, just so curious as to how anyone has the time for a relationship like this!
@@etcetera1995I never really said it was, I just didn't know better terminology to say that I'm not hating on it as a whole, and most hopefully would understand that. It's an all encompassing phrase for me I suppose.
Well I'd say first polyamorous relationships aren't kinks, anymore than monogamous relationships are. They are real and they are very loving. That's the first thing :) Secondly, how does anyone have time for it? They have time for it the same way they'd have time for a monogamous relationship, or open one, and what they do with their time is something they discuss with their partners. Creating also an atmosphere of openness and communication and honesty, where no one is afraid to come forward about any problems, insecurities, worries, or feelings that they have. Polyam relationships can have many factors, but the easiest way to break it down is that the relationship is whatever the partner(s) consent to it being, and if that changes, there's a discussion about it. So it's about being mature adults and being open with one another. Most polyam friends I have, aren't staying with 5 people at the same time, but have multiple partners, they just set time for them and if they have a nesting partner(a partner they live with) they also set aside time for them. They set date nights and at times game nights (the number of polyam people, be it couples, metamours or just friends, I know that play DnD together is so crazy it's become an open joke amongst us all xD). It's a strong commitment, because maintaining one relationship takes a lot of effort, time and communication. Maintaining multiple can be even more so. But if everyone is open with everyone else, it becomes a lot easier. You get to know your partners schedules(or just to the extent they have free time if comfortable), and you make time for each other, and you're honest about what you expect out of the relationship and also up front about if you can do that. I'd say that is the approach for any relationship, monogamous, polyam or otherwise. But it's very important because being honest with a partner or potential partner about what you can sustain when it comes to time is important if time or physical time is important to them, and if you cannot, then it's best to let them know early, even if it means a relationship can't happen at that time. It's ALWAYS better to be up front and honest. Takes work, communication and honesty(as should be the staplepoint of any relationship), but when people are committed, they make it work ^_^ These are just the bare bones but I hope that it helps :) I've seen many happy polyam relationships and gotten to know hundreds more wonderful people in them and am in one myself with two wonderful people I love more than words can ever say and have loved for well over a decade ^_^ It starts with communication, honesty and being up front about how much time you can actually commit (with your own life, job, etc) and it goes from there :) I hope I was able to help somewhat ^_^ Have a wonderful day! :)
Yeah, sounds to me like OP needs to have a long uncomfortable talk with the group. I'm monogamous, so I can't really speak from experience, but I can use basic common sense. Polyamory is based on a FOUNDATIONAL LEVEL on trust. If you don't trust a person, you don't let them into the relationship. If someone else in the relationship trusts them, then you leave the relationship. Period. Sounds to me like OP skipped a step and is about to get burned hard. I hate it for him, but this is how we learn. Wait... OP is so against this guy having a baby with his wife that he blows up their relationship yet is still willing to let them date and him to have time in his home without him present. Yeah, no. This relationship is doomed. Contraception is not 100% effective and allowing him ANY access to "Lori" is taking unnecessary risk. Obviously, she's her own person and can make her own choices, but her husband said there's a problem and she still wants to continue seeing this guy anyway. No, my friend, all you managed to do with this is breed anger and resentment. At least the guy's off the couch. Good luck, we'll see ya back on Reddit when the ship capsizes.
Last story - I have no idea why guys (guys seem a LOT more likely to use this pickup technique, that's why I'm calling it out) think negging a woman will EVER work. Women who would fall for that are the ones they call psycho and crazy, more often than not. As someone who had NUMEROUS guys (and a few lesbians) try it on me, it was the single fastest way to get me to leave a conversation and throw INSULTS back at the person. "Gee, you'd be cute if you weren't so fat." (example I heard a LOT) "Gee, you might be a semi tolerable scumbag if you weren't so stupid, arrogant, and ugly." (my comeback) I have been verbal and mentally abused before, no way in HELL I'd start a relationship with someone who tries it out the gate.
"no one reads Les Miserables for fun!" He says, while it's one of my dad's favorite books, that he got a special copy of, because he likes it so much.... Honestly, it's pretentious that you find it pretentious that it's her favorite book.
Just going to say the first story took me back to sitting in my grandma's living room watching telenovelas. I'm going on a limb here but I'm saying the drama didn't end no telenovela truly ends
Op seems to have the idea that this "commitment ceremony" has some meaning beyond what each member attaches to it. Imagine what child support and visitation would be like if everyone split apart.
That sounds like a very messy dynamic of a relationship. If you're comfortable sharing your partner & it works for you, go ahead. But when kids are involved, it gets super tricky (at least to my mind).
Poly or monogamous don't matter, you shouldn't force anyone to have more children if they don't want to. Also it is wild that neither of those women realized that the OP did not care for the fifth dude, yeah he should have been more vocal but considering the time they spent together you would think they would notice, all they cared about was their own wants.
Story 1: as someone who has been in a poly relationship, I will say, this is one of the reasons that I suggest NEVER getting into one of its an actual love thing and not more of a friends with benefits thing. There are benefits to a polyamorous relationship, especially if everyone lives together, you can pool incomes and such but it can be truthfully WAY more draining than a one on one relationship, like in this situation, OP loves everyone but one person who he hates, but everyone else loves the guy, do you see the problem? Because in truth the full problem the only person who will fully be hurt is OP and the kids. A. Op suffers in silence, and as they go on their mental health drains away, they bring up their feelings, but like I’ve already said, everyone EXCEPT OP love the guy, so the chances on others taking his side is damn near in the negatives, now I’m not saying absolutely but what if because of that they start treating him different, they start excluding him, they decide they don’t want him a part of anything? Mental health? Straight down the drain, if they decide they want to choose other guy over OP and kick him out mental health down the drain and the kids are gonna be confused because a prominent adult suddenly atleast partially disappeared, and even if he doesn’t get kicked out of the relationship or whatever his mental health is gonna drain, and the kids WILL notice, kids ALWAYS notice. Not to mention yes they have a pooled income of four (because remember other guy still doesn’t have a job if I remember right) that doesn’t mean they’ll be able to support five adults, seven kids, AND be able to give those kids a good life, because what if kids want to do sports? What if they have matches scheduled at the same time? The amount of running around, the possible amounts of missing and mental anguish the kids themselves can go through is incredibly high, and to be honest, I have no solution for it where everyone can be truly okay in this situation, usually I’m able to think of SOMETHING but man there are so many variables.. SOMEONE is gonna be affected, and most likely it’s gonna be OP no matter what. So once again, unless it’s truly not a love thing and just a friends with benefits thing I don’t suggest ever being poly- though I will say I by no means am not saying EVERY poly relationship goes bad, it just depends on the people and if they discuss things and set boundaries and make their feelings known before it gets to this kind of point in this story Edit:this was written at the first pause, I didn’t know the story continued so I may edit this I may not lmfao
16:26 Ah yes, the old "tear her down 'til she's low enough to give you a shot" approach to dating because theres nothing hotter than a dude just flat out insulting you😅
Honestly, I get the feeling that despite how much of a crap show that was, it was only the calm before the storm. I highly doubt the next baby would be OP’s, and once he finds/found out it’s actually Joseph’s, things will get messy. This is why poly relationships are so difficult.
Story 1: I hate how only the bad stories about polyamorous relationships get read out on channels like these. Because they get more views and attention. There's literally a whole subreddit for poly people where they talk about and show their happy relationships. And how they're just normal people who are also in love like anyone else.
Not only that (referring to original comment), but it feels like because only the “bad stories” get read out, people feel like they can be “justified” in being outright bigots (be it in a comments section or real life).
Ikr! I like drama as much as the next person, but this represents a small minority of a minority. Polyamory is about open and honest communication, which the people in story one clearly weren't ready for.
@CkVega You're being ignorant. Monogamy isn't the only sexuality. You're not "sharing" people, they're not objects. You're all in a consensual commitment.
I believe there was a poly story a while back that was good, it was just a "nice guy" was being a creep upon hearing two girls and a dude being in a poly relationship and wanted to replace that one dude.
When things go wrong in a monogamous relationship, it can be exhausting enough. Holy hell in a hand cart. I cant even imagine having to work things out equally with multiple people on the deeper level that intimate relationships have.
S1: that was exhausting. S2: hate these sort of things in job interviews or applications. Also, that guy was just being a creep. Hope OP founf a job elsewhere
Did the guy in story 2 really think that a rejection note was the best way to flirt? And that's without going into how negging is the dumbest way to flirt
The fact that he thinks les misérables isn't a captivating book just says about everything about how he thinks (or well, not rly cuz he probably didn't finished the 3rd page) .
as someone who’s polyamorous, the relationship sounded fine UNTIL joseph came into the picture. Contrary to popular belief, polyamory when done consensually between adults can look crazy because of its negative stigma. Sure it’s a lot of kids to use but remember, they have 5 parents at any given moment caring for them. Joseph, being a bigot, seems like he’s doing this for fetish purposes. He only wants a kid cause he feels “left out” translates to “i want to breed this lady and then dip out of your lives and leave yall with the kid” it sounds like Joseph is madly manipulative and has convinced everyone except OP that he’s a good guy and worth breaking their vows for and when OP out his foot down, he knew it was only a matter of time before the mask broke so he used that manipulation to leave so everyone else thought he looked good, the apology sounds meh as fuck. He got called out and like any typical bigot, he’s got no balls and left with his tail between his legs Hopefully OP and their partners can be more cautious of fetishizers like him in the future
I was just watching some old rslash videos. Does anyone remember the tales from tech support one where the lady lost the "Google Bing" on her computer screen? I was dying of laughter!
as someone in a long term poly relationship, And while I liked the way that things came together in the beginning for them, it genuinely seems like there wasn't enough communication between the entire family. Like near the end it genuinely just became a conversation between Lori and him instead of all of them
I’m in a poly relationship! I was married to my wife when we met a man that we really liked. We were already swingers but he made it past the “hit it and quit it” stage. It’s been almost two years. It can be easy and healthy. Story one was NOT easy and healthy.
I dunno, it does seem that they just had a little hiccup, but their communication seems solid and reasonable. I can imagine communication gets a little more complicated after the 3rd or 4th person joins in, but they seems to have worked it out.
I’m not polyamorous so correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it quite (and by that I mean very) disrespectful of all of OPs partners to bring in a guy into their relationship that everyone knows he doesn’t like and who doesn’t like OP in return, then move him in and conspire behind OPs back to have a commitment ceremony with him with or without ops “blessing” and then have the audacity to get mad at him for putting his foot down? I mean in any relationship trust, respect and communication is important but in a poly relationship I can imagine it’s crucial to get the relationships to survive?
It worked out once OP communicated their feelings. They should have done that far earlier, but that's what started things being resolved. But finally being up front is what started getting things resolved once everyone knew where they stood. That's not just a lesson for polyam relationships, but monogamous ones as well.
I mean that's not the only reason, I'd say the main reason is colonization, particularly British colonization. Westerner culture doesn't have a lot of example of polyamory and even then they're ancient, so when the British started claiming lands and forcing their culture on the ppl of these lands and demonized the culture of the land, they demonized cultural sexual practices as well. So anything other than straight monogamy was made out to be perverse and wrong, and therefore they (the British) were right to punish these ppl and forcibly change their ways. That's also why cultures that were more equal across genders suddenly becomes very patriarchal after being colonized; because the British forced it on them
No, the reason why was because men wanted to make sure they had heirs to inherit their estate, and it was hard to know whose heir was whose if you didn't know who the father was. Poly relationships work great when there's proper communication.
Im not particularly knowledgeable about polyamory, but i feel like if a single person in the polycule isn't ok with somebody, that person shouldn't be a part of it.
Hi @r/slash , been a fan since I was 16. I use to listen to you with my ex fiancé, I’m 23 currently. Unfortunately she chose to abandon our 6month old and 5 year old. I can go on about stuff she did to us and to me specifically but I just need to vent, I don’t care that she hates me I just care that she doesn’t see the kids, they crave a mom. My heart breaks every time my 5 year old cries for her mom, my 6 month old only saw her once in two weeks and when she did she was so excited. You know I don’t know what the future is holding for me but hearing you push on helps me I love your stories only thing in my life that stayed normal, yes I am an idiot, she’s abandon us before when my oldest was 3 I took her back due to her being pregnant with my youngest after she hit me and got arrested but hey I’m just an idiot
As someone in a poly relationship, COMMUNICATION IS KEY!! OP really should have brought up his feelings/opinions on Joseph sooner. Best of luck to this group.
Story 1 and update: all I can say is you do you op (no shame of Polly because it’s your choice I’m 100 percent monogamous) but it gets messy because of genetics because you don’t know who’s the mother who’s the father is. I feel bad for op because it sounds like they got the short end of the stick of this Polly relationship also I’m exhausted about it to because it sounds crazy. Ok good that he is moving out and he apologizes and you guys compromised a plan it definitely works Again messy is messy I guess Story 2 and update: I understand this story because I’m looking for a full time job. But this interviewer is so condescending and it actually annoys me also interviews aren’t supposed to be fun. What a twist he was hitting on you never would I ever thought that an interview is a place to hit on people
Nothing wrong with a polycule as long as all parties are completely consensual adults, no coercion or unclear consent. HOWEVER! The lack of communication here is atrocious. Honestly, this polycule was doomed to fail the moment Joseph came into the picture. I guess it didn't occur to me that you could be jealous in a polyamorous relationship...
Dear lord the first story I just kept thinking Jerry! Jerry! It's just such a mess as part of why I avoid polly. Also gotta love the wife saying she won't go back on her word when all 3 of them are going back on their word to only add partners if everyone agreed.
First story: there most likely isn't any update because op's wife did have a baby with Joseph. She wanted to have a baby with him and she was going to keep doing the deed with him, so yeah, that's pretty sure what happened.
I'm in an open polyamorous relationship (4 core peeps -- 1F 3NB -- and additional partners/dates just have to be run by The Council for a sniff test/vibe check really), though there's no chance of kids in this dumpster fire. Story 1 is uhhhhh homeboy let that go WAY too far before saying something about being uncomfortable. When your relationship has as many moving parts as a busy kitchen, you let people know you're walking behind them with your hands full BEFORE they start turning around to get hot soup to the face.
"Now this is where Poly relationships get complicated"
Said OP after writing down a story with Tolkienian amounts of lore and characters
😂😂😂😂
I have a few friends in poly relationships and it really is like a Silmarillion-like web of relationship statuses
@@audreynothepburn7663 😂😂😂
That story makes Anime love polygons look like simple puzzles
I'll never get over this shit😭😭
They’re children, not collectibles. You don’t need to have the full set.
Can you imagine how confused those poor kids will be?? And what example are they setting for the kids??
@@bellerain381 I honestly don't think the kids would be that confused. It's essentially the same as having step parents and half siblings.
@@bellerain381confused about what? Having divorced parents with new partners is more confusing than this is, these kids just happen to have 4 dads and 2 moms, nothing more. OP and the others in the relationship may keep track of who is who's biological parents to keep things consistent, but the kids don't care about that, they just have many parents.
@bellerain381 The supposed confusion of children is used as an excuse for a whole lot of bigotry. The interesting thing about children though is that they are super malleable. Whatever is normal for them, they are okay with. It's why they tend to not recognize they grew up in an abusive home until much later, if they ever realize it at all. You still have a whole lot of adults going "I was spanked with a belt & I turned out fine." Their children won't be confused but the person you replied to is correct. These are human beings & making sure there is a "whole set" or that they somehow need to be fair to all the adults by making sure everyone has children with everyone isn't appropriate. Children should be wanted for their sake, not the adult's sake.
My wife and I have a Blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. We did collect the whole set.
You know it’s a crazy story when it takes up 90% of the video
Crazy fake
@@sentientcardboarddumpster7900most likely too crazy to be fake
I prefer when it’s a bunch of different stories instead of one longgg story. One long story gets really boring
@@sketchycat6223 me too tbh
I got bored of that one and skipped to the next.
"MMMFF poly relationship"
I don't know, brother. In my time, we'd just call that the Power Rangers.
Okay, that made me laugh 😂
The power "bottom" rangers
@@YuumiMa1nyummi mains need what they can to make them laugh considering their main lol
@@chronobretz9511 Red tops, the rest bottoms. 6th rangers yanks it alone because he has his own megazord.
Go go poly rangers!
"Alright kids time for you to draw your family trees!"
*Not again* -one of their kids
*A terribly drawn tree crashes through a wall in the background*
*Tree*: Where's my FAMILY!?!?
It's not a family tree, it's a family forest
At least the family tree isn't a wreath lol
Better than trying to map out the family tree from Once Upon a Time. It takes an entire spreadsheet to comprehend.
@@bubblesdarke5226 facts
Story 1: …you know…sometimes i get a little bummed with how boring my life is…after reading this and seeing how confusing this situation is i am VERY happy with how boring my life is🤷🏻♂️
Boring is quite nice. compared to this mess it's a luxury on par with billionaires.
Think of it like having the life stlye Yoshikage Kira always wanted.
That's me right there....bored and wondering then I hear something like this and I'm like...damn even Rslash is exhausted reading this.
"May your life be boring and quiet and the times uninteresting," my Grandmother
As a kid, I never understood that, as an adult, I wish I had listened
It's not boring it's simple and simple life is the easiest life and coming from experience from someone who was attracted to madness the simple life is good. I love the simple life now, very little friends and have a simple family.... Trust me when I say this your mental health is better with a simple life. When you think you're boring trust me you're not, you may have mentally bad days but they do pass when you have a crazy lifestyle that plays on your mental health more and those bad days turn into bad years.
That first story is a dumpster fire. How about instead of worrying about making an entire human being because you want to be fair to some other guy. How about you Just focus on the ones you have and be Good parent to them. Good lord.
It's funny how he's talking tough when multiple other guys are plowing his wife in the home he pays for 😂
They all sound selfish and don’t seem to care about the kids more so about their s3x life and making kids versus parenting them.
@@kelsmisterI 100% agree with that.
@kelsmister No I don't think so, there's not enough there to make a statement on their parenting and doing so is actually the jerk thing to do.
@@MegaAstroFan18 They can't even keep track of which kid belongs to which parent and someone wants another because "it's not faaaaair!" Don't tell us that's not enough to go on.
I’m in a long term poly relationship and I find this absolutely absurd on several levels. The casual way they pop out kids just to tick boxes off their scorecard is offensive.
Fr, these kind of people make other poly people look bad. We don't claim these people lol
How do you even share your heart with someone else? Genuine question.
@@ysgramorssoupspoonI like to explain it with children, if you have more than one child, you dont love one more than the others, hopefully. You may love them for different reasons, but the same amount. It's kind of like that. Love isn't a limited resource.
Unsure if that explains it well, of if the other poly people agree. But hey.
Hopefully the maturity of a few of them by the end was genuine?
@@ysgramorssoupspoon It seems comfortable and natural to me to love and care about the people without feeling like love is a limited resource. My love for one partner doesn’t take away from that love for the other. Nobody is competing for a role or attention and we are comfortable in our structure.
Granted, time is a limited resource and we communicate a lot. Communication and managing expectations are critical in such an arrangement.
And the crowd goes…to therapy after hearing that story
More likely the kids
Ick
No way would I add children to this mess. Babies are expensive af. The one guy with no job, money, or commitments does not deserve a baby. Who's paying for this?
He wants a 2nd kid. The first kid(I think?) is Joseph's
@@rynieryarom4277. if I followed the story correctly, Andi's middle child is Joseph's.
Not just the expenses, these people are disgusting!
@@rapheAltoid77 I believe so. Andi's dads in order are ... Kyle, Joseph, OP. Lori's kids are - OP, OP, Kyle. My brain got confused halfway through but I think so, at the beginning, OP says "lori and I had 2 and Andi had one.... then Andi gets knocked up and I think it's mine, oops no it's Joseph's... then the women get preggers again and Andi's third one is DEF mine...and Lori's is Kyle's.
In all fairness he was in a motorcycle accident.
As a monogamous, introverted and calm seeking man, I can't even imagine the horror and drama that comes with being involved with more than one person - at times even that's too much - so having four adults and six kids to engage in is just sci-fi story nonsense or, if you prefer, a calamity in waiting. For anyone and everyone living a polyamorous lifestyle and making it work, kudos to you.
That first story sounds like a whole mess and a half
I’m polyamorous and I don’t know how people have the energy for that. There’s so many boundaries you have to keep, so much communication to keep everyone happy. Bringing six children into this makes it even harder.
@@lokcachteI think I’d struggle to keep track of so many people plus children and an open relationship. These guys are messy af
Poly person here!
The most important thing for a fully functioning polycule is clear, honest, constant communication.
In story 1, literally nobody cared to communicate anything to each other throughout the entire story until shit was hitting the fan for everyone...
This is not a functioning relationship....
Let alone a functioning polyamorous relationship....
Stfu with that poly stuff 💀😂 I ain’t want to pass my partner around
Statistics also speak for themselves
@@DancingAngelz the chess speaks for itself
Thank you, Honestly to me personally I’d only ever be with two other people in a polycule and communication is absolutely key in these relationships as if you don’t communicate it can easily lead to people being hurt and such
Glad to see another one of us here
The whole "We discussed this, and only just now want to talk to you about it" really rubbed me the wrong way. Hopefully, this is a fluke and not something common in their life
First story, I was thinking 'You know, that's a pretty fair ending all things considered' then Rslash dropped the news that it was pre-COVID. Meaning chances are Joseph returned or was left out until afterwards making things much worse with Andi.
Second story, I heard it before from Oz and I'll basically say the same thing I did there. Also, since Rslash left it out, OP did get a call from the company about the interview and they were laying into her over leaving. They stopped when she explained the reasoning but it's still a *huge* red flag and still good that OP found work elsewhere because that job would've been a mistake. Besides not apologizing over anything, the higher ups calling OP either believed the interviewer at face value or were really on his side until OP broke the news. Why go to a job where they doesn't reign in their own people like that?
the first story: That's what therapy is for! I'm not even talking about the poly or mono thing and their differences, but relationships in general. Couples counseling and all that. They're there to help you navigate conflict and communication issues. And that's basically what the problems were in that family. In my opinion, the more people involved in an intimate relationship, the greater the chances of conflict and miscommunication. It's a risk when it's just two people, it's a greater risk when it's more than two. And the need for counseling in those cases should be brought up.
I'm polyamorous and that first story sounds like a nightmare. Polyamory only works if there's clear and open communication, which clearly wasn't present for most of that relationship. I wish them all the best of luck, but Jesus Christ I don't envy them
Exactly. Adding a person to the relationship who not everyone was ok with being around was a big no-no. People should only be added to polyamorous relationships if everyone’s ok with it
@CyborgCharlotte 100% agree. There's an argument to be made for Joseph dating part of the group, but even then it should only be done with the consent of the rest of the partners. Huge red flag that the situation wasn't discussed long before it got to that point
polyamory has to be all yes's one no. If everyone says yes, then okay cool. if even ONE person says no its off the table all together, i dont get people who do stuff like andi and gets so angry when you said yourself during the commitment ceramony its all yes one no!
Long term it just doesn't work
@@TheAnnyParker question, if I may: this there a distiction between open and closed poly relationships? This sounds like a semi-open one.
"I want Joe's baby but don't worry, YOU can sign the birth certificate and be responsible for him financially."
I feel like after the first unplanned pregnancy I feel like they should’ve really tightened up the protection plan
“… he wants to get an apartment there when he lands a job.” And he wants to have another kid??? This whole story was a mess😭😭
Right before the covid-19 pandemic too. So who knows what happened?
Every time rslash does that one voice and says "WHY... DONT..." i join in and say "THEY DO IT!!" with him, it's a whole thing
While the thought of parsing the interpersonal relationships of such a large coupling is absolutely dizzying, you gotta give them kudos for how well they communicated and diffused the situation (one member notwithstanding)
Eventually, yeah. I got really worried when OP told his partners that bringing Joseph into the relationship formally was a hard no for him, and they tried to push him into it anyway. But he also could have brought up his discomfort about Joseph earlier. I hope they made it through COVID okay.
You don't get credit for being slightly less awful people.
what many people get wrong about getting into polyamorous relationships.
trust, boundaries, & communication, with an emphasis on the communication. it's not just about having multiple sex partners, and people are messy with relationships as is. so much can be solved if people just honestly convey their thoughts and/or feelings when needed.
the story looks hectic but it just needed to work itself out until everyone got their thoughts across. the larger the polycule, the longer this takes I imagine.
Honestly, I only give kudos to Joseph. He saw how the dynamics weren't working and left. But everyone else seemed to fail in one way or another, and there's no way this was the end up their issues. Not because they're all poly, but because these people sound like they'd make for bad roommates, let alone partners.
They didn’t tho? They were too busy popping out kids to check boxes to communicate with each other
Yeaaah that story is one for the polyamory community to figure out the morality of. I wouldn't even know how to begin as a monogamous person...
I think polyamory is all fine and good, but the entire story I was just thinking "please just use condoms sometimes!"
then dont comment on it. monogamous people really have no right to talk about polyamorous peoples' issues. they wouldnt, and often dont, understan and have a personal bias against it because they view it as wrong.
as a polyam person, I'd say that the problems with Joseph should have been discussed far earlier if he did not like a metamour early on.
Polyamory as with any other relationship needs honesty and communication to be the main points. If there's a metamour(someone connected to someone you're dating but you aren't actively dating. For example, one of my girlfriends has a girlfriend, my girlfriend is my partner, her girlfriend is my metamour), that you cannot stand, it should be known early and why so that a discussion can be had. This is the kind of stuff you want to nip in the bud early, if you don't and other relationships blossom from it, this kind of stuff can happen and then people are deeply locked into things they may not have been if these things were discussed and boundaries were set early. Be up front early, be honest, set boundaries early, set ultimatums and compromises if you have to. Not doing these things can lead to disastrous outcomes, just as they would in a monogamous relationship if not for different reasons, obviously.
@bbasilgaming you do know this attitude of yours doesn't _exactly_ support your cause, right? You're just sounding like an a-hole. As for your comment I would argue involving mono people in the discussion only helps them understand poly more.
@@Dreamheart101 the morality of it boils down to the fact that polyamory, much like every other relationship, is founded on consent and open, honest communication. The fact that Joseph was a problem for so long without it being communicated between the rest of the group is a huge red flag for that entire relationship. There wasn't open, honest communication about him, which means that any consent or lack thereof also wasn't communicated. Imo if kids weren't involved, I'd say that relationship should've broken up a long time ago
Story 1: WTF did I listen? As if a monogamous relationship is not stressful enough. 😵💫
Right no sympathy for those dipshits that are into that type of
shit when it doesn't work out...
I just heard the first story from another channel that has a narrator who is more familiar/experienced with poly relationships and dynamics that did a deeper dive; was interested in hearing rSlash's take as someone who gets squicked over non mono relationships :D Honestly, I was happy to see that situation resolved itself as well as it did. Just like almost every other relationship posts, problems arise when people DON'T communicate and they get solved when people DO communicate.
It's not a "this is a polyamory problem" thing, it's a "this is a communication problem" thing. Every time rSlash does a post about relationship issues, I am just sitting here saying "do you people even TALK to each other?" every single time. These people didn't talk. And then, they did. And now? Things are better. Yay!
Oh which acct? I’d like to see that take
That polycule is severely flawed and I feel like quite a few people in it don’t understand how a successful polycule is supposed to be to be. I wouldn’t be surprised if it fell apart.
As a monogamous person, it feels like every poly-story I hear is a "Poly works...but not like this, they're doing it wrong!" sort of thing, like with comunism
This was an almost successful polycule. They were all into it and working well together if it were not for the pair of divisive fellows. If the polycule only had one and not the other, they seemed stable enough to succeed.
@@Windmelodieas a poly person, this is because poly is exceedingly difficult. I cannot recommend it. I have seen monogamous friends date and stress test about a dozen relationships before one stays long term steady and commitment ready. Even of those, some still fail a decade later. It just seems like a 1 in 20, 5%, chance to pair with someone you can successfully spend your life with. 5% chance to be compatible enough. Now trying to do that with multiple partners only compounds the issue. You need to get that 1 in 20 for every member of the polycule. Partner A, B and C needs to have that 5% chance compatibility with each other. A needs to good with B. A needs to be good with C. B needs to be good with A. B needs to be good with C. C needs to be good with A. C needs to be good with B. That is 6 different sides of the relationship that need to be happy and healthy. If it just leaves the chance of 2 people being ok at 5% and multiply it by the 3 pairings. That is maybe a 0.0006% chance for a basic polycule of 3. This is a terribly over simplistic view of human relationships, but the math at least helps paint the picture.
@@Windmelodie Kinda weird to equate how people’s emotions works to communism. The reason why it’s being done wrong here is for the simple fact that it seems like not everyone is “together” It’s not possible for a polycule to be truly successful and happy without everyone sharing an exactly equal amount of love for everyone involved. Which in that respect isn’t any different from any successful monogamous relationship.
@@Windmelodielmao 😂 good one
The "wtf" Blink 182 gif works perfectly for story 1
Story 1.
I am confused, I am mentally exhausted.
Story 2
Op dodged the bullet, that company sounds like a field filled with nightmare people. That's not flirting, that's simply being domineering and mean.
Why is “What is your favourite book” a question in a job interview? Do they also want the name of my first pet? Is this a job, or tweens making “friend books” (no clue what you call them in English).
"Are you trying to get the answer to a challenge question so you can access my bank account?"
(Two factor authentication means this response doesn't work as well as it did ten years ago.)
I hope OP in Story 2 reported that creep. That’s seriously unprofessional and suspect. You don’t hit on interviewees. Whether they got the job or not. That person has no business interviewing anyone and not just because they’re a creep with no social skills.
Hey don't let's keep your job in the way of finding your wife. I think he got a few crossed wires though when he confessed his undying passion and love for company stocks.
I believe poly relationships can work.
I don’t believe their poly relationship will work.
if there are children involved it probably cant
idk that post was posted 9 years ago and the update was amicable
@ yeah, children just add another level of complexity. I don’t think these guys are mature enough or communicate well enough to handle that in the future.
@ My biggest problem is that the solution didn’t come from the family sitting down and talking about it. It came from Joseph deciding to leave on his own. They really need to work on their communication because they all handled this poorly.
Well you are half right. Theirs doesn't work but it never does
God this story is so tiring. I think this family needs better communication and OP should have voiced his dislike of Joseph the first time he was invited for activities. He says that his wife shouldn't have a child to placate someone else, which is true. OP also should not have invited someone else into his family to placate the rest of his polycule. It really should have never gone this far.
Story 1: if this relationship goes wrong, this whole thing is going to be bonkers in a custody fight.
They need to concentrate on making sure the kids they have are happy and well adjusted.
2 party relationships are hard enough. Throwing in this many people is always going to strain unless everyone is on the same page, which they aren't.
OP is in a tough spot
That Joseph sounds like a Joseph who recently got hired at my workplace, but the boys all find him cool, and every single girl he interacts with thinks he's a creep.
Also, the thing about polyamorist relationships is that when ONE official person in the relationship says no to someone, they are OUT. Period. All of his partners are selfish, not him.
Treating having babies like world of warcraft loot is WILD... how childish can they get?
I got anxiety thinking about being in a poly relationship. I don’t know how they do it. I’m happy I’m monogamous. lol.
At least you're not sitting there being like "polyamory is cheating" like... no.... you can get cheated on in a polycule but it's not cheating to have other partners bc everyone consents
It's hard, ngl, but if you have proper open communication it's alot easier.
Poly group - they SERIOUSLY need to listen to Polyamory Weekly if it’s still around. One of the primary topics they bring up is COMMUNICATION with partners. Actually that’s good advice for any couple, poly or not.
OP should have been talking to them from day 1 about his feelings on the new person instead of just hoping he’d go away magically.
Commitment ceremony? Popping out kids like toys? Are we sure this isn't the beginning of a weird cult?
No. It's just collecting Pokémon 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Joseph and the OP being mature adults about a very messy situation is the twist of the year already.
Story 1: The head scratcher for me was they are treating pregnancy like russian roulette (at least from how the story sounds) who gets pregnant, with who's baby and when, place your bets.
I'm with you RSlash on story 1.
I'll be celebrating 16 years in one month with my son's father; it's been a lot just being in a long-term, monogamous relationship with one child... let alone this nightmare of a relationship.
I'm not kink-shaming or anything, just so curious as to how anyone has the time for a relationship like this!
Polyamory isn't a kink.
@@etcetera1995I never really said it was, I just didn't know better terminology to say that I'm not hating on it as a whole, and most hopefully would understand that.
It's an all encompassing phrase for me I suppose.
Well I'd say first polyamorous relationships aren't kinks, anymore than monogamous relationships are. They are real and they are very loving. That's the first thing :)
Secondly, how does anyone have time for it? They have time for it the same way they'd have time for a monogamous relationship, or open one, and what they do with their time is something they discuss with their partners. Creating also an atmosphere of openness and communication and honesty, where no one is afraid to come forward about any problems, insecurities, worries, or feelings that they have.
Polyam relationships can have many factors, but the easiest way to break it down is that the relationship is whatever the partner(s) consent to it being, and if that changes, there's a discussion about it. So it's about being mature adults and being open with one another. Most polyam friends I have, aren't staying with 5 people at the same time, but have multiple partners, they just set time for them and if they have a nesting partner(a partner they live with) they also set aside time for them. They set date nights and at times game nights (the number of polyam people, be it couples, metamours or just friends, I know that play DnD together is so crazy it's become an open joke amongst us all xD).
It's a strong commitment, because maintaining one relationship takes a lot of effort, time and communication. Maintaining multiple can be even more so. But if everyone is open with everyone else, it becomes a lot easier. You get to know your partners schedules(or just to the extent they have free time if comfortable), and you make time for each other, and you're honest about what you expect out of the relationship and also up front about if you can do that. I'd say that is the approach for any relationship, monogamous, polyam or otherwise. But it's very important because being honest with a partner or potential partner about what you can sustain when it comes to time is important if time or physical time is important to them, and if you cannot, then it's best to let them know early, even if it means a relationship can't happen at that time. It's ALWAYS better to be up front and honest.
Takes work, communication and honesty(as should be the staplepoint of any relationship), but when people are committed, they make it work ^_^ These are just the bare bones but I hope that it helps :) I've seen many happy polyam relationships and gotten to know hundreds more wonderful people in them and am in one myself with two wonderful people I love more than words can ever say and have loved for well over a decade ^_^ It starts with communication, honesty and being up front about how much time you can actually commit (with your own life, job, etc) and it goes from there :) I hope I was able to help somewhat ^_^ Have a wonderful day! :)
I'm ace/aro, so I don't understand why anyone has a relationship beyond knowing the academic answer.
@@MegaAstroFan18 I might be ace/aro, or near to it, I concer that i find this confusing. But "chaque on a son goût" to each their own tastes.
Feel bad for the children in story one. That has to be miserable for all of them. Sad
Story 1: Poor children, must be a fun telling about your family dynamics at school.
@@kheldaur2107 time to draw family trees class 💀
Step to the left. Step to the right.
same for kids of divorced parents.
@@abiean222I'd rather have divorced parents than three dads and two moms.
Yeah, sounds to me like OP needs to have a long uncomfortable talk with the group. I'm monogamous, so I can't really speak from experience, but I can use basic common sense. Polyamory is based on a FOUNDATIONAL LEVEL on trust. If you don't trust a person, you don't let them into the relationship. If someone else in the relationship trusts them, then you leave the relationship. Period. Sounds to me like OP skipped a step and is about to get burned hard. I hate it for him, but this is how we learn.
Wait... OP is so against this guy having a baby with his wife that he blows up their relationship yet is still willing to let them date and him to have time in his home without him present. Yeah, no. This relationship is doomed. Contraception is not 100% effective and allowing him ANY access to "Lori" is taking unnecessary risk. Obviously, she's her own person and can make her own choices, but her husband said there's a problem and she still wants to continue seeing this guy anyway. No, my friend, all you managed to do with this is breed anger and resentment. At least the guy's off the couch. Good luck, we'll see ya back on Reddit when the ship capsizes.
Last story - I have no idea why guys (guys seem a LOT more likely to use this pickup technique, that's why I'm calling it out) think negging a woman will EVER work. Women who would fall for that are the ones they call psycho and crazy, more often than not. As someone who had NUMEROUS guys (and a few lesbians) try it on me, it was the single fastest way to get me to leave a conversation and throw INSULTS back at the person. "Gee, you'd be cute if you weren't so fat." (example I heard a LOT) "Gee, you might be a semi tolerable scumbag if you weren't so stupid, arrogant, and ugly." (my comeback) I have been verbal and mentally abused before, no way in HELL I'd start a relationship with someone who tries it out the gate.
"no one reads Les Miserables for fun!" He says, while it's one of my dad's favorite books, that he got a special copy of, because he likes it so much.... Honestly, it's pretentious that you find it pretentious that it's her favorite book.
Just going to say the first story took me back to sitting in my grandma's living room watching telenovelas.
I'm going on a limb here but I'm saying the drama didn't end no telenovela truly ends
Op seems to have the idea that this "commitment ceremony" has some meaning beyond what each member attaches to it. Imagine what child support and visitation would be like if everyone split apart.
That first story wow I get a headache just hearing about it
Poly people bother me when they involve so many kids.
16:19 'you were tense and nervous' lol it's a job interview!!!
That sounds like a very messy dynamic of a relationship. If you're comfortable sharing your partner & it works for you, go ahead. But when kids are involved, it gets super tricky (at least to my mind).
Poly here. Omg how exhausting. Most folks I know have just 3 and are typically child free
Poly or monogamous don't matter, you shouldn't force anyone to have more children if they don't want to. Also it is wild that neither of those women realized that the OP did not care for the fifth dude, yeah he should have been more vocal but considering the time they spent together you would think they would notice, all they cared about was their own wants.
Story 1: That's all just cheating with extra steps.
You need a full conspiracy board to track this family tree, it’s just a big mess
Story 1: as someone who has been in a poly relationship, I will say, this is one of the reasons that I suggest NEVER getting into one of its an actual love thing and not more of a friends with benefits thing. There are benefits to a polyamorous relationship, especially if everyone lives together, you can pool incomes and such but it can be truthfully WAY more draining than a one on one relationship, like in this situation, OP loves everyone but one person who he hates, but everyone else loves the guy, do you see the problem? Because in truth the full problem the only person who will fully be hurt is OP and the kids. A. Op suffers in silence, and as they go on their mental health drains away, they bring up their feelings, but like I’ve already said, everyone EXCEPT OP love the guy, so the chances on others taking his side is damn near in the negatives, now I’m not saying absolutely but what if because of that they start treating him different, they start excluding him, they decide they don’t want him a part of anything? Mental health? Straight down the drain, if they decide they want to choose other guy over OP and kick him out mental health down the drain and the kids are gonna be confused because a prominent adult suddenly atleast partially disappeared, and even if he doesn’t get kicked out of the relationship or whatever his mental health is gonna drain, and the kids WILL notice, kids ALWAYS notice. Not to mention yes they have a pooled income of four (because remember other guy still doesn’t have a job if I remember right) that doesn’t mean they’ll be able to support five adults, seven kids, AND be able to give those kids a good life, because what if kids want to do sports? What if they have matches scheduled at the same time? The amount of running around, the possible amounts of missing and mental anguish the kids themselves can go through is incredibly high, and to be honest, I have no solution for it where everyone can be truly okay in this situation, usually I’m able to think of SOMETHING but man there are so many variables.. SOMEONE is gonna be affected, and most likely it’s gonna be OP no matter what. So once again, unless it’s truly not a love thing and just a friends with benefits thing I don’t suggest ever being poly- though I will say I by no means am not saying EVERY poly relationship goes bad, it just depends on the people and if they discuss things and set boundaries and make their feelings known before it gets to this kind of point in this story
Edit:this was written at the first pause, I didn’t know the story continued so I may edit this I may not lmfao
First story... people can do what they want. I'm going to go with ... No!
16:26 Ah yes, the old "tear her down 'til she's low enough to give you a shot" approach to dating because theres nothing hotter than a dude just flat out insulting you😅
I was listening to first story while feeding 5 kittens. They got confused from that story too
Honestly, I get the feeling that despite how much of a crap show that was, it was only the calm before the storm. I highly doubt the next baby would be OP’s, and once he finds/found out it’s actually Joseph’s, things will get messy. This is why poly relationships are so difficult.
Story 1: I hate how only the bad stories about polyamorous relationships get read out on channels like these. Because they get more views and attention.
There's literally a whole subreddit for poly people where they talk about and show their happy relationships. And how they're just normal people who are also in love like anyone else.
Because it’s dumb wishful thinking that you can share people like that, drama will kill the relationships.
Not only that (referring to original comment), but it feels like because only the “bad stories” get read out, people feel like they can be “justified” in being outright bigots (be it in a comments section or real life).
Ikr! I like drama as much as the next person, but this represents a small minority of a minority. Polyamory is about open and honest communication, which the people in story one clearly weren't ready for.
@CkVega
You're being ignorant. Monogamy isn't the only sexuality. You're not "sharing" people, they're not objects. You're all in a consensual commitment.
I believe there was a poly story a while back that was good, it was just a "nice guy" was being a creep upon hearing two girls and a dude being in a poly relationship and wanted to replace that one dude.
When things go wrong in a monogamous relationship, it can be exhausting enough. Holy hell in a hand cart. I cant even imagine having to work things out equally with multiple people on the deeper level that intimate relationships have.
*1st Story:* This is why prefer tiny plastic robots over people. 😵💫
I cant wait for the oh no my wife is pregnant with josphs baby update.
!!
S1: that was exhausting.
S2: hate these sort of things in job interviews or applications. Also, that guy was just being a creep. Hope OP founf a job elsewhere
The first story is one of the most foul things I’ve ever heard. Absolutely vile.
Did the guy in story 2 really think that a rejection note was the best way to flirt? And that's without going into how negging is the dumbest way to flirt
The fact that he thinks les misérables isn't a captivating book just says about everything about how he thinks (or well, not rly cuz he probably didn't finished the 3rd page) .
That first story is pure "play stupid games, win stupid prizes." SIDE EYE.
as someone who’s polyamorous, the relationship sounded fine UNTIL joseph came into the picture. Contrary to popular belief, polyamory when done consensually between adults can look crazy because of its negative stigma. Sure it’s a lot of kids to use but remember, they have 5 parents at any given moment caring for them.
Joseph, being a bigot, seems like he’s doing this for fetish purposes. He only wants a kid cause he feels “left out” translates to “i want to breed this lady and then dip out of your lives and leave yall with the kid”
it sounds like Joseph is madly manipulative and has convinced everyone except OP that he’s a good guy and worth breaking their vows for and when OP out his foot down, he knew it was only a matter of time before the mask broke so he used that manipulation to leave so everyone else thought he looked good, the apology sounds meh as fuck. He got called out and like any typical bigot, he’s got no balls and left with his tail between his legs
Hopefully OP and their partners can be more cautious of fetishizers like him in the future
I was just watching some old rslash videos. Does anyone remember the tales from tech support one where the lady lost the "Google Bing" on her computer screen? I was dying of laughter!
as someone in a long term poly relationship, And while I liked the way that things came together in the beginning for them, it genuinely seems like there wasn't enough communication between the entire family. Like near the end it genuinely just became a conversation between Lori and him instead of all of them
And this is why I can't do anything non-monogamous. The drama is way too much with 1 single partner, I don't get how anyone could handle multiple
If reaching agreements in a two person relationship is hard, imagine trying to agree on ANYTHING with 4 other people!!!
1st story: The f*ck did I just read?
A human multiple car pileup.
A human train wreck, where another train then slams into the wreckage of the first collision
Story 1: good effing lord, y’all need to learn to use birth control
I’m in a poly relationship! I was married to my wife when we met a man that we really liked. We were already swingers but he made it past the “hit it and quit it” stage. It’s been almost two years. It can be easy and healthy.
Story one was NOT easy and healthy.
I dunno, it does seem that they just had a little hiccup, but their communication seems solid and reasonable.
I can imagine communication gets a little more complicated after the 3rd or 4th person joins in, but they seems to have worked it out.
That first story is what you get when you throw, "My body, Mr choice" at everything and allow anything as to not look controlling.
I’m not polyamorous so correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it quite (and by that I mean very) disrespectful of all of OPs partners to bring in a guy into their relationship that everyone knows he doesn’t like and who doesn’t like OP in return, then move him in and conspire behind OPs back to have a commitment ceremony with him with or without ops “blessing” and then have the audacity to get mad at him for putting his foot down?
I mean in any relationship trust, respect and communication is important but in a poly relationship I can imagine it’s crucial to get the relationships to survive?
Jealousy in a poly relationship?!? Who would have known?
Don't mean to offend anyone, but the first story is why most civilizations moved away from poly relationships several millennia ago.
It worked out once OP communicated their feelings. They should have done that far earlier, but that's what started things being resolved. But finally being up front is what started getting things resolved once everyone knew where they stood.
That's not just a lesson for polyam relationships, but monogamous ones as well.
I mean that's not the only reason, I'd say the main reason is colonization, particularly British colonization. Westerner culture doesn't have a lot of example of polyamory and even then they're ancient, so when the British started claiming lands and forcing their culture on the ppl of these lands and demonized the culture of the land, they demonized cultural sexual practices as well. So anything other than straight monogamy was made out to be perverse and wrong, and therefore they (the British) were right to punish these ppl and forcibly change their ways. That's also why cultures that were more equal across genders suddenly becomes very patriarchal after being colonized; because the British forced it on them
Psst polyamory actually usually works as long as everyone communicates proper
@@PyroRoadScout tldr christianity causes alot of issues
No, the reason why was because men wanted to make sure they had heirs to inherit their estate, and it was hard to know whose heir was whose if you didn't know who the father was. Poly relationships work great when there's proper communication.
The worst part of a relationship is usually the arguments. With a poly relationship that increases, at least 2x.
story 1, what a mess, those poor kids are going to be so messed up
Im not particularly knowledgeable about polyamory, but i feel like if a single person in the polycule isn't ok with somebody, that person shouldn't be a part of it.
I can’t imagine a kid being like “I grew up in a home of 12! 5 parents and 7 kids!”
Okay that first story is a messed up whirl wind cause polyarmory can be insane. I feel bad for the kids that already exist honestly.
Man, this is so crazy
*Proceeds to dance on the floor
This is why I can't. Even in a non forced poly relationship it's still so complicated and people get hurt.
Why make your life harder?
This relationship is so abusive against the children. Also OP will probably have a child but probably not his.
Hi @r/slash , been a fan since I was 16. I use to listen to you with my ex fiancé, I’m 23 currently. Unfortunately she chose to abandon our 6month old and 5 year old. I can go on about stuff she did to us and to me specifically but I just need to vent, I don’t care that she hates me I just care that she doesn’t see the kids, they crave a mom. My heart breaks every time my 5 year old cries for her mom, my 6 month old only saw her once in two weeks and when she did she was so excited. You know I don’t know what the future is holding for me but hearing you push on helps me I love your stories only thing in my life that stayed normal, yes I am an idiot, she’s abandon us before when my oldest was 3 I took her back due to her being pregnant with my youngest after she hit me and got arrested but hey I’m just an idiot
As someone in a poly relationship, COMMUNICATION IS KEY!! OP really should have brought up his feelings/opinions on Joseph sooner. Best of luck to this group.
I barely can have a relationship with one person, I can't imagine to have 4 more 😵💫
Story 1 and update: all I can say is you do you op (no shame of Polly because it’s your choice I’m 100 percent monogamous) but it gets messy because of genetics because you don’t know who’s the mother who’s the father is. I feel bad for op because it sounds like they got the short end of the stick of this Polly relationship also I’m exhausted about it to because it sounds crazy. Ok good that he is moving out and he apologizes and you guys compromised a plan it definitely works
Again messy is messy I guess
Story 2 and update: I understand this story because I’m looking for a full time job. But this interviewer is so condescending and it actually annoys me also interviews aren’t supposed to be fun.
What a twist he was hitting on you never would I ever thought that an interview is a place to hit on people
Nothing wrong with a polycule as long as all parties are completely consensual adults, no coercion or unclear consent.
HOWEVER! The lack of communication here is atrocious. Honestly, this polycule was doomed to fail the moment Joseph came into the picture. I guess it didn't occur to me that you could be jealous in a polyamorous relationship...
I don't want to judge anyone, but the people involved in story 1 are exhausting.
Being poly sounds so dumb and exhausting.
Story 1: Holy muddy water, Batman!
Dear lord the first story I just kept thinking Jerry! Jerry! It's just such a mess as part of why I avoid polly. Also gotta love the wife saying she won't go back on her word when all 3 of them are going back on their word to only add partners if everyone agreed.
First story: there most likely isn't any update because op's wife did have a baby with Joseph. She wanted to have a baby with him and she was going to keep doing the deed with him, so yeah, that's pretty sure what happened.
I'm in an open polyamorous relationship (4 core peeps -- 1F 3NB -- and additional partners/dates just have to be run by The Council for a sniff test/vibe check really), though there's no chance of kids in this dumpster fire. Story 1 is uhhhhh homeboy let that go WAY too far before saying something about being uncomfortable. When your relationship has as many moving parts as a busy kitchen, you let people know you're walking behind them with your hands full BEFORE they start turning around to get hot soup to the face.