The Science Of Pretty Privilege
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ย. 2022
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RAISE HANDS, IF I WANNA GO "aww... don't cry..." AS MY 1ST THOUGHT, THEN IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?🤔 my 2nd thought is, seriously you caring about the make-up right now?😑 3rd thought, why the heck does the phrase "girls don't like me, girls are really mean to me" as said by yourself, seem like a positive thing to me, weird...😲 HUH??? YOU ARE 5ft 4"??? OMG THOUGHT YOU WERE TALLER, INTERESTING...
The last video i watch before i go on vacation
Please try to think about the fact that people are sick with capital sins and pestilence, that is why they are envious of your light energy because they can't embody it because of their abuses and weak lifestyles. Also consider abandoning some of the toxic workplaces in order for new things to arrive and elevate you, they are dwelling in high numbers of infected nests. Laugh more about their pathetic scarcity tactics, they fear your potential. Check terry joel on youtube to know about these narcs.
I totally relate with this..
I’ve always been seen as “pretty” and in the workplace, school, stores ect
I would have people hating on me and it’s nice to not feel alone! :(
You are so brave for posting this, what a good message and it will help others (such as myself) not feel so alone and misunderstood!
Thanks Paige.
Your so pretty !❤
Paige, it is 100% okay to film less videos or be less consistent with them.
And to film them like this
absolutely
Totally! When she said in the last video that she was gonna make this one in a week, my ADHD ass was like, "Are you sure? How do you know what you'll feel like next week?"
It's totally ok to postpone if you're not feeling up to it! And if you keep procrastinating, then maybe you really just don't want to make that kind of video and you can move on to something else 🤷♀️
Unfortunately my guess is that she did need to film a video because she’d signed a contract with NordVPN! But of course Paige please don’t feel pressure from us for consistency! ✨
Absolutely. And if you decide to take a break we will miss you so much, but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.
Thank you for not masking. It’s important for us to be real and be able to show our emotions. You are normalizing that. I wasn’t Dx with autism until I was 41 years old and I am learning a lot about myself and other people. Thanks for your videos. ❤
I’m a female. I was 10 when I was diagnosed but I had a LOT of behavioral problems that made it obvious. 😊
@@QueenOfTheComments
Yeah, I have behavioural problems as well. It sounds like something that means that people with this will never 'grow up'. I've had them as far back as I can remember. Oh, how great it is to be 'different', eh?.....NOT! Hehe.
Seeing you cry made my heart hurt. You’re describing how I’ve felt so many times in my life when I’m overwhelmed with so many things to do.
literally same:(
Ya this really spoke to my high school self on a visceral level
same it was very relatable because I cry too when I’m overwhelmed with things 😢
Me too. This has been me a lot lately! It was very validating to know I’m not the only one who feels that level of overwhelm.
Paige you are very pretty. And not just in the way "Oh everyone is pretty in their own way". No. I mean that you meet all of society's beauty standards. You have long blonde hair, big blue eyes, small nose, and amazing flawless skin. You also are slim, you look young, and you just have a naturally pretty face.
I'm really glad you acknowledged you are pretty and have pretty privilege. I hate it when pretty influencers don't admit that they meet society's standards of beauty, and don't admit that they have pretty privilege.
As an conventionally attractive black women it’s tough because people just think I am a black girl with attitude but it’s actually factors from my ASD thanks for covering this x
Exactly in the same boat as you!
As a fellow neurodivergent person I find one of the ways I find myself advocating for myself a lot, which is also one of the scariest and what feels like the most humiliating things to do, esp in front of neurotypicals, is explain myself and explain that I'm going through a hard time and I need to show up how I am rather than try to mask for the sake of appearing like everyone else when I'm not. I think its so important to take up space in the way that we naturally are and do, and I really appreciate you addressing that at the start of the video. More power to you, and sending so much love your way
Please be very careful in how you do this. The world *appears* to be more accommodating of differences, but don't be fooled... it really is not. During a clinical rotation, a supervisor asked me "How are you going to work if you have anxiety?" In my hubris and naivete, I thought I should tell her kindly that having anxiety does not prevent me from working. She was able to take action that resulted in my getting dismissed from my program. I thought I had mortality, ethics, the law, and popular discourse on my side... But she had authority.
My opinion, for whatever it's worth, is to discuss how to navigate neurodivergence with many trusted people and get a diversity of opinions.
One piece of advice that needs to be plastered everywhere is this: DO NOT talk to HR about your problems. HR is not your therapist or your friend. They work for the company and exist to ensure the company isn't breaking the law when they decide to demote or fire an employee.
@@aj32384 for sure! I agree with that, I meant to say I advocate for myself in more informal circles and also I did alot of it in college in classrooms and in workshops etc. I wouldn't do it in the professional world unless I knew it was safe to and maybe not even then because that is just another monster, and its no use expecting smth from somewhere where information will only be used against me.
Paige I relate to you so, so much. "Everyone hates me because of how I look, but everyone thinks that I'm doing great because of how I look. My whole life..."
this this this this
This type of priviledge 100 percent real and ruthlessly damaging. People constantly made it known how hideous I was growing up for being too thin, pale and sunken-eyed from crippling insomnia and anxiety, and even as an adult women have literally run away screaming from me (mercifully I found relationships eventually, and am in a great one now). Our society's narcissistic obsession with beauty standards (which were created by fashion and media for exclusively profit-based reasons) is crushingly damaging to too many people.
Love that you brought up the profit angle - my mantra is “your appearance is fine the way it is, and anyone who says otherwise is Trying To Sell You Something”. The diet industry is an industry that exploits emotional vulnerability masquerading as an industry that rose around an increasing need, for example.
I feel bad for you for such life! 😢 Hope you’re happy now!
run away screaming? what happened??
@@ebebebeb7283 I asked a pair of girls in broad daylight in Manhattan if they were getting into or out of a cab, they literally screamed and slammed the door shut. Also I was talking to a girl once and her friends ripped her away mid-sentence, looking at me like some kind of gigantic cockroach. I asked a gay guy where the subway was once while he was with two girls, and he put his arms around both of them and said "These are my girlfriends." When I said, "Gotcha, where's the subway?" He loudly went "SO, ANYWAYS" in the middle of my question and turned away. I have a million stories like this. Three different guys have threatened me with assault for sitting next to/walking by them in public places. Being hideous to 80-90 percent of people isn't something you can ignore.
people are so cruel. from what i can see, you’re so eloquent and well spoken and that my friend is beauty in itself
I’ve never been ✨conventionally attractive✨ (too skinny, then too fat, always too autistic) but in middle and high school, I developed large breasts at a young age. And the assumption there is “wow, youve got this beautiful body, boys must treat you so well! Girls must all want to be your friend!” And uh… absolutely not?? There’s this perception that people with large breasts have a certain personality (promiscuous, unintelligent), as though we CHOSE this body type, and that combined with misplaced jealousy made people treat me really poorly. When you have big breasts, people think your body is public property. Comments and groping from people of all genders and sexualities, people who have never and would never say a word to you otherwise. And then when you dont meet the expectation of a sexually available object, they turn on you even more.
Honestly I hated my breasts until I gained a lot of weight and now look more “proportional”. Its certainly hard being fat too now, but its simply a different struggle. If society reads you as female theres really no way to win, you either get shit on because youre “ugly”, you deal with what Paige has explained here, or, in my case, you get this weird sort of combination. Its all enough to give you a fuckin complex honestly. People hate those they see as women for not meeting their expectations of what women should be. Cant speak on the experience of men but I imagine if its not Better, it certainly is Different.
This is what intersectionality means btw- misogyny ties into fatphobia ties into transphobia ties into racism ties into ableism etc etc. Its all connected. None of us are simply one identity. The experience of a pretty autistic person like Paige is going to be very different from the experience of a pretty allistic person, for example.
Thanks for sharing about your experiences! When a person has high social status, such as from being wealthy, they tend to be protected from bullying. But those of us with a lower social status can get bullied for any aspect of our appearance or behavior that catches the eye of the bully. On the issue of breasts, I have heard many negative experiences from women. I think the majority of girls and women are made to feel bad about the characteristics of their breasts. It's so unfair, because it's just something that grows there. It should not make people treat someone better or worse in any way.
I had never thought about that but yeah, having a bigger chest definitely feels like people think it’s public property. People will’ make you the least nice, most backhanded compliment ever about it and sexualise you so much even when you’re dressed super modestly, it’s really not great
well your personality certainly isnt attractive
The Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape website cites a study that found 90% of developmentally disabled people get sexually assaulted and 49% of those people will be assaulted 10 or more times in their lives. That statistic broke my heart. I knew it was bad. I've experienced it as being bad. However, nearly half of us at 10+ times is heart-shattering.
It really hits autistic pretty women then hardest which is what makes it so heartbreaking
This statistic includes both neurodivergent women AND neurodivergent men? Damn. Being male, never thought being autistic and an ADHD'er put me at such a high risk of suffering sexual violence. If anything, I thought being gay was what would put me at a higher risk (I did know that us gays suffer sexual violence at a much higher rate than straight men do).
Those statistics break my heart so bad 😭
@@mikelmontoya2965 no actually the number is 83% for disabled women, and I believe 30% for developmentally disabled men. Half of the women get assaulted more than 10 times. I can confirm that, I am one of those women.
That honestly makes me so furious. I am so sick of predatory people. They are pathetic and leeches of society. They should teach about these people in school if developmentally disabled people are being affected by it to this extent. I have been assaulted, but I think that's purely for being a woman and not because of my disability. It's just something no one wants to talk about. I remember disgusting boys being present all the way back in middle school, even elementary school to some extent, so it starts early.
i feel like the way i maintain my pretty privilege is just to make up for my autism, so even if im awkward (to say the least) people are way more forgiving when they think im cute.
For me, it was my good grades. Also I'm asian, for asian families, grades do matter. Now I'm getting worse grades in university and I was literally panicking of being "ordinary" now
omg omgomgthis so much this.
yeah. i feel this hard.
I am so sorry Paige. I am 44F and I am austistic too. I just wanted to tell you that it gets easier. Getting older gets easier. I was such a mess in my 20s. You reminded me of my younger self when you were crying. I just wanted to hug you. It is still hard but it also gets easier in a sense. Hang in there sweetie. 💗
Thank you for your message full of hope. A (still young) autistic girl.
🙏
😭😭😭
It doesn’t get easier for everyone. Some autistic people report the opposite unfortunately. I know you’re being encouraging and I get that. But just saying
@@QuidamByMoonlight I totally get what you mean. The autistic burnout is real. It definitely can get worse.
What I meant by aging makes it a little bit easier - in my case at least - I know myself better so I dont put myself in situations that will be harmful to my wellbeing anymore. I advocate for myself more. My coping strategies are better because I tested so many by now, I know what works best for me. I feel like I can say no more often which I didnt do when I was younger because I was masking so much and wanted to appear normal. Life experience makes it easier to naviguate certain aspects of life because I have a better understanding of what is coming up.
But some autistic people dont have the same luxury, I completely agree. Thank you for pointing it out.
Thank you ❤️
Dear Paige, I've been following you for a while now, about 6 months when I started thinking I might be Autistic. Your videos are what got me on the path of pursuing a diagnosis. And I want to genuinely thank you because I got my Autism diagnosis today. I'm 21 years old and the diagnosis just makes me feel a lot better. It will help me understand myself a lot more. I love you and I hope you're okay right now. Hugs to you 💕
That's awesome! I'm so happy for you. Paige also helped me learn I might be neurodivergent. I learned that I have ADHD and not autism. Although both have a lot of similarities. I've always kind of thought I might have ADHD but I thought I was just trying to be "cool" or something. Idk what I was thinking. Anyway, I'm so glad you have an autism diagnosis now! I know that now with my ADHD diagnosis, I feel so much better about things a do or say. I hope you are able to start figuring yourself out now, good luck!
@@peachyedits22 thank you so much. That's really sweet and it means a lot to me. Good luck to you as well!
❤ WOW! 🎉 ❤
@@peachyedits22 same! i always knew i wasn’t “typical” in the sense of the way i processed information and paige honestly helped me accept i have adhd. i am now on medicine for it and i know it doesn’t work for some, but honestly it helps me so much
@@peachyedits22 I think what you're describing when you say you thought you were trying to be "cool" is Imposter Syndrome. I had it for a long time too. Even though I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, I never got accommodations or education about it, I just thought it meant I had trouble focusing. I had to struggle through school alone but I thought, I must not have it "as bad" as other ppl cuz I can get by. So I thought that if I asked for accommodations during tests and stuff that I would be "faking" it to get attention and get ahead, which wouldn't be fair to other ppl.
Looking back now, I shake my head that no one cared enough to actually treat my and other kids' disabilities as disabilities, just like they would treat non-verbal autistic kids and kids with downs syndrome in my school. But because they couldn't SEE my disability, I was just labeled "goofy", "lazy", "disruptive".
When I saw you crying, I related. Actually, hearing you talk about it made me feel very proud of you. Right now I can barely handle working 15 hours a week, and keeping track of what day it is and keeping my fridge full already feels like too much to juggle. You're doing so much
I got overwhelmed for her because I could barely handle anything compared to what she's already doing
Me too!! I related so hard. I have felt this way SO many times in my life, and one of those times is now. Since finding I’m on the spectrum, I’ve been trying to really cut myself a break. Im being underpaid to work two peoples jobs right now - a “normal” person couldn’t do it so why should I even try?? And I mean this like it has been a positive mindset change! I am setting much more reasonable expectations for myself and working on really asking for what I need. Im finding it actually may be way too draining for me to even work full time at all- if I want to operate well & maybe happily (?? Is this a possibility??) on a daily basis. I hope things are feeling better for you now!
I’m really glad you’ve brought this up. I’m autistic and have been described as attractive by others. I’ve found that women have been quite mean to me over the years and I’ve also attracted narcissistic men. People seem to assume that I’m managing just fine, on account of how I look. As a consequence I felt completely neglected at a time when I desperately needed support. My current boyfriend explained to me that many nice men wouldn’t have approached me because they’ll have felt intimidated. I’ve also been assumed to be stupid by some people, despite being above average intelligence. I guess we teach people to not judge the outer shell and in a way I’m glad I’ve had to build mental resilience and discernment. Being pretty and neurodivergent isn’t easy but for me, it’s taught me to rely on internal validation and stand strong. I hope you are able to rest, in order to deal with the overwhelm Paige and thank you for bringing this subject up!
THIS THIS THIS. TRY GETTING PUBLIC ASSISTANCE IF YOURE WHITE/THIN/PRETTY/DECENTLY DRESSED. THEY WILL REFUSE TO FILE YOUR PAPERWORK. I've been discriminated against.
I've had so many of these exact samethings happen to me omg!!! i really do think most of this is the intersectionalism of attractive+woman+autism
I researched the attractiveness halo for my research project when I studied Psychology at Uni and it just corroborates that people extend 'attractiveness' to mean all kinds of positive things about a person- smart, kind, happy, popular, etc. Unsurprisingly my project found that people perceived others to be more attractive when they were emoting something happy (I used videos of people talking about a happy/sad/etc time in their life). I've only recently realised I'm autistic, but I've always considered myself pretty by other people's standards and at the time I realised I was asexual so I was really interested in different kinds of 'attractiveness' and how that extended to aesthetically attractive vs romantic or platonic attractiveness.
Your experience has been extremely similar to mine! The halo effect is so bizarre. I do notice in situations when I’m with other people in public at like a restaurant or whatever, the waiter or whoever is more likely to listen and pay attention to me. But other than that, I feel like the halo effect has only been a detriment. In particular, I have chronic illnesses and it is absolute hell trying to get doctors to take me seriously. I’m naturally a very gentle person, but I’ve had to learn to grow some thorns to protect myself.
It's nice to find someone I relate so much to. I've been on the same page about video creating. Crying with you ; - ; it's hard not to mask when content creating and the transition out of doing so feels almost impossible. I really appreciate your videos, Paige! Keep on going- its fine to feel overwhelmed.
I'm a very unattractive neurodivergent woman, and not masking is not an option at all. People are on high alert already because of my looks because they're negatively prejudiced because of my looks and except me to be weird. Sometimes I get this ''I knew you were weird'' look. Not saying that no one likes me when I do unmask, but very rarely and the reality is that it makes my life infinitely better, although it hurts my soul. I imagine if I was more attractive and had more aplomb I'd be the cute manic pixie girl. At least I feel I'm VERY lucky I did not grow up in the USA because it seems that people there are particularly vicious towards different people, like they'll yell at you that you're ugly ect. I don't have these traumatising experiences and for that at least I'm thankful. Also I'm thankful that because of my looks I've probably dodged a few creeeps and predators that pray on naive young women. But generally it sucks. It took me years to understand why people treat my attractive friends so much nicer than me.
Hi Paige, as a neurotypical person who has autistic friends, all I can say is that I really like what you are doing and I am happy to be here. I also truly appreciate the way you see the world.
Definitely agree that you are pretty and it shouldn't be a negative thing to call oneself pretty. It always feels like society simultaneously promotes "feeling confident about your appearance" while also hating anyone that calls themselves pretty for some damn reason. It's confusing and stupid. I don't think I'm super conventionally pretty but wouldn't call myself ugly either. I've always felt like I look like a child, especially once other girls my age started experimenting with make up and I refused to do so. So, I don't think I necessarily get pretty privilege, but I do get privilege regarding being considered "cute and innocent". Don't even know if that's a thing, but it does feel like people treat me like a child because of my mannerisms and appearance, which results in me getting more assistance but also no one letting me do stuff myself. Also, autism struggles getting waved away because "It's fine. She's just shy."
Oh yeah I definitely get that form ! Girls don’t tend to dislike me, probably because I was very dorky and uninterested in guys in high school, but people will often assume I’m dumb until they’ve talked to me (and even still after when the person has a really high opinion of their own intellect when its nothing impressive 😅), help me and treat me like I’m pitiful even if I don’t want help, offer to do things for me and not for others (especially men 💀), sometimes will just refuse to let me do things on my own despite being perfectly fine
I have this exact same experience as you!
ya no kidding!!!! try it and watch the CLAWS come out to yell at you!
neurotypicals are soooo violent.
at my uni if a guy thinks you are ugly they talk to you as though they are trying to make it obvious that they don't want to date you - the issue i am not even trying to date them i just want their part of the group project so that i can put it together and hand it in then block their number. it's so obvious that guys think i'm ugly but at the end of the day i will let them fail miserably in this group project with no remorse if they don't do their part. i don't flirt, i never have. is being civil a crime now?
i feel so comforted to know that someone else went through similar experiences as myself, it feels so lonely to be a "weird kid" with a pretty face. im autistic and always had pretty privilege, which handed me more problems than benefits if im honest. girls treated me badly throughout my whole life which is so fucking sad because im a lesbian myself, im not even "competition". if i seemed sad they would be rude and always diminish my feelings, in pre adolescence when i gained a little bit of weight i could see some of them being so happy i wasn't "that pretty" anymore and they even started to mock me openly, but as soon as i went back to my usual weight the mockery went back to silence treatment and bad-mouthing me again. this shit is so sexist, fat phobic and DISGUSTING. nowadays i always tell ppl im a lesbian when meeting them and the treatment is so different. when they don't see you as a kind of "threat" you're treated much better and its upsetting to me because i love women. anyways even if you're not conveniently attractive i hope u know social structures r bullshit and as an autistic person myself i think so many traits considered "not desirable" r sooooo pretty, i genuely love bellys and how they feel, also omggg acne scars r so lovely, one of my favs gotta be stretch marks too they make the skin look so beautiful. anw im saying this hoping someone might be comforted with my words, either by relating to me or by knowing that there's definitely ppl out there that love things u consider not so "beautiful" in yourself. and thank you again paige, im glad i found your content
I am very glad you kept the first part of this video. I think it's very easy as watchers of content to form ideas that youtubers are always how they appear in videos ie always happy, always energetic, always optimistic. Showing your true emotions in video keeps it in our minds that, yes, you are a real person who experiences the same range of emotions everyone else does
paige, as a repeat sa survivor, thank you for being open and spreading awareness.
Seeing you cry at the beginning was very relatable. I've been super stressed and going through a lot recently, and since crying is a part of my meltdowns, it happens a lot right now.
I've never been one of the pretty girls, and that combined with a severe social anxiety and autism is not a very attractive combination. This world is so heavily focused on making good first impressions that if you can't compensate things with good looks, people just think you are not worth their time, or just annoying to be with. At least, that's my experience.
Sorry you have been stressed out so much recently. Stay strong Paige. Thanks for making this video and educating us. I relate to alot of what you spoke about. If someone doesn't like you it's their loss.
I'm probably not objectively quite as pretty as you are, but I've gone through all these same things you describe. People not liking me even though they never spoke to me. I really resonated with one of your q&a videos with your mom where you described being lonely even among other "weird" kids because of how you look. And with average people, they get uncomfortable/upset when we don't act the way they expect us to based on our appearance. It's a no win situation a lot of the time.
Us palatable looking Neurodivergents are the ones constantly told we don't look like we are. It's exhausting
Damn, also as a neurodivergent who's been noted as attractive, seems Girls are alot more mean to you just bc they're jealous of ur appearance
"palatable looking"?
It’s obviously so much worse to be unattractive than attractive. No comparison. People who are unattractive are constantly bullied, a domed and shamed in dehumanizing ways for something out of their control. People will DEF do more favors for you or cater to you more if you are attractive. If they aren’t, it might have to do more with a “vibe” you give off. Unfortunately autistic people can come off as cold or “off” to strangers, which is more likely why you aren’t reaping the full benefits of pretty privilege. Also you can be pretty in a “cold” or “haughty” sort of way, instead of a cute way, which may make you seem more intimidating.
@@cobain4969 people don‘t feel disgusted looking at you.
ADHD’er here. YOU ARE DOING AMAZING AND ARE SO RELATABLE! Cry if you want or need to. It’s always so ok. Unmask girl! I appreciate your vibe immensely.
I have a very different experience than you but I feel like I can understand. Being a woman and having your worth based on your outward appearance is something we all have too in common. It’s very interesting as someone with an eating disorder experiences pretty privilege. When I was younger in middle/high school I was thin but I had an eating disorder and body dysmorphia and I was very very insecure. Looking back I didn’t understand why some people thought I was trying to get compliments by saying that I was ugly or fat because I truly, truly believed it. Looking back at photos of myself as an adult now of that time I can recognize that I was both thin and conventionally attractive. However I’m still battling to this day with an eating disorder and it’s caused me to gain weight due to so many health complications and completely ruining my metabolism. I gained so much weight since then that I am no longer what is considered conventionally attractive. Not only does it feel bad to be treated worse for this but also trying to get help as a bigger person with an eating disorder is so hard. Doctors and medical professionals are openly rude to me basically making comments like “just put the fork down!” And also when I lose weight they automatically see it as a positive even if I lost the weight due to a binge/purge/restriction cycle.
Similarly I too have eating issues, I mean tbh I would even say it’s more so digestion issues that is the root cause that has made my weight fluctuate from essentially me into a double me, and then back down, but due to me being at a decently normal weight to start that means I am apparently good like it’s not allowed to be called a disorder because there isn’t anything wrong as I am within my normal ranges as looking at weight like outside like it’s all good and heck I could even lose a few pounds !! (Isn’t this like known to be the one thing you do NOT say lol just like wow this was said by a dr btw like lol ok cool thx for one not answering my question but also thank you for dismissing my worries and actually just making me shut down and out, oh and ofc can’t forget that it literally unintentionally got way worse after that like)) and they all say I have nothing to be worried about like me and my eating issues are all nonexistent and I’m just in my head and overthinking it all like lol I should get an award or something then because that’s some real good acting like the control of the body to do that, the time the dedication just wow I am literally speechless wow🤦🏼♀️
I'm sorry that you get treated like that and don't get the proper help you need... But thanks for sharing your story. I know a girl who is always saying how fat and ugly she is, and she has like the dream body. I always thought that she was fishing for compliments and being silly, but I will take it more seriously now and tell her that she is beautiful and good the way she is, no matter how she looks. Or do you have another idea what to tell her? She said that she was anorexic once, and all made a lot more sense after that.
And thank you for being such a lovely and kind human. Your worth is not based on your looks, but from what you do. And from what I can tell (it's not very much, to be honest) you sound like a really nice person to be friends with!
@@schokoloko2092 awe that is so sweet like the validation just lol I don’t wanna cry so sorry if my response is odd but truly thank you so much for the time and understanding. I do hope the best to you as well.
You asked a question there tho that I wanted to answer, you asked and it was something about “what should I say/ not say” etc and I think, well as an overall thing if you want to actually give someone a compliment try and pick something that is not specifically just a thing that you can see but something that is uh I dunno I think of giving someone a little cake like first it being a compliment you give to someone (referencing it to a cake lol)) if I want to really give you a complement and not just some quick scratchy like surface level thing. ((Which I want to note I’m not sure if it is me and the uh trauma? Of that the compliment thing like taking from people and feeling guilty and all but the comments that are deeper I usually seem to respond better which there it feels like something I can actually feel I earned or something like rather than oh I’m lucky I’m pretty lol like??))) so example “I like your makeup” so it’s you like something that I did and it’s not only noticed but instead of it being something that is just oh cool thx I’m happy too for being lucky lol like ?? It can look as tho i am just being rude or somet but I dunno, it’s kinda like a hermit crab like thanks I found a cool looking shell too like rather than something oh that artwork/ tattoos? And then it’s like oh that yeah it’s mine and a more filled thank you like I like that and want it rather than feel overwhelming like that thx has an ick to it or something I dunno
💗💗💗
seeing you cry just made me sad because my empathy just instantly makes me worried and sad when someone else is sad even when i do not personally know them.
I'm glad you left that in. I don't have autism but anxiety disorder, panic attacks, PTSD from dating abuse, school bullying and master teacher bullying when I was student teacher. There's more but I don't want to list more. I break down randomly on the daily and it can be over things most people wouldn't care about.
I think the thing being asked if you need help in stores might actually be the other way around. As in, ugly people, and people who look disabled, and people who look poor, and people of minorities that workers unfairly assume are more likely to steal... I think those people are asked "can I help you" a lot more than people that look attractive and rich. When I look like crap and am wearing a tracksuit, and walk into a nice store, I ALWAYS get asked if I need help. It's because I look like I don't belong there and they want me to spend as little time in their store as possible, and they want to make sure I don't steal.
It's also based on whether or not you look like you belong there, or whether or not you look like you know what you're doing.
Think about it ... You are an attractive, well dressed woman in Pandora. They notice you but dont ask you anything. Then a man comes in and gets asked if he needs help straight away. I think that the shop assistants assumed that the man knows absolutely nothing about jewelry and needs help. But they think "she must know what she's doing" and don't ask you.
Like imagine if a woman walked into an auto parts shop. She would be asked if she needs help immediately because they would assume she knows nothing about cars. But if a man walked in, they would probably just think he needs to browse and knows what he's doing.
Think about a teenage girls and young women shop. Teenage girls and young women come in and the shop assistants let them browse. But if a woman older than say 40 came in, she would probably get asked for help immediately because they would assume she doesn't know what to get and she must be getting a gift for someone
Reposting my comment:
the store "can i help you with anything" And following me around.... :
I always thought that they were just trying to find out if I'm stealing
and that they assumed i must be exceptionally stupid and incompetent
It always gave me huge anxiety.
I felt harassed, followed, accused and ripped out of my peacefulness and vibe
I want to be invisible, just browse, vibe, relax.
I know exactly what i like and what i don't,
no one can help me with that because they can't look into my brain .
I'm super picky and precise.
I didn't know that they were actually trying to be nice
Mind blowing
🤯🤯🤯🤯
Edit:
Now I am retracting this.
My feelings and assumptions were correct all along
As a medium-dark skinned South Asian woman, I can say with confidence that Eurocentric beauty standards are incredibly prevalent in society there. I was born with lighter skin, but playing outside a lot darkened my skin, and my mom was pretty low-key (highkey) disappointed by that.
I recently went to Bangladesh on vacation and bought some beauty products there. Almost all of them had a whitening agent in them.
Also, I'm not exactly overweight, but I have been criticized for not being thin. A lot.
god I resonate with this so much. I'm neurodivergent and 'pretty' and my WHOLE life I've had the same exact struggles. people always get so angry at "pretty" people for existing. and everyone always assumes I'm doing great because "none of my struggles present physically" (they do I just mask them). THANK YOU for this video. and also noting that the entire concept of what's "pretty" is fucked up
As someone who has made some TH-cam videos I admire you leaving that intro in. It's so often we see and are expected to show only the good parts of our lives. I felt only empathy watching it, and I really appreciate your channel ❤️
i relate to the neglect from people because they automatically think you're doing well because of the way you look.
I totally relate with this..
I’ve always been seen as “pretty” and in the workplace, school, stores Ect.
I would have people hating on me and it’s nice to not feel alone!
You are so brave for posting this, what a good message and it will help others (such as myself) not feel so alone and misunderstood!
Thanks Paige.
Your authenticity is what we appreciate the most beautiful soul. We don’t want you to mask (I know it’s a trauma response) and can’t always be helped but these videos normalise autistic struggles and for that we are so grateful. Love you ♥️
THANK YOU for leaving that part in. your transparency about your struggles is one of the numerous things i appreciate about you and the incredible, free content you create for this community. hoping you find some respite from this stressful time
I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately too! It feels like I have a million things to do in a short amount of time. You’re not alone. Crying is natural and much needed to cleanse. The energy on Earth and the collective has been intense. I’m sending you so much love and a big hug. I love your videos so much! ❤
The fragging eyelashes look amazing and you look amazing and thank you so much for being vulnerable with us. I had a professor tell me once that my vulnerability was brave, and that has now become one of my mantras. So thank you for being so brave for us.
The part where you discuss your own experience is very interesting to me, as being on the "not pretty" side (I think it is getting better with age, but the amount of sheer disgust I got between 14-20 was huge and I don't think I will ever get over the "I am the ugly one" feeling).
I plead guilty to consider the pretty privilege to be rather advantageous, so thank you for shedding some light on the disadvantages! Not that I was blind to them, but in the same way you know a lot of people who were shitty to you (sorry to hear that!), I know a lot of pretty people consciously using their privilege, yet complaining about their apperance, thus setting the bar for us less pretty ever higher and so making it more disadvantegous. (For instance saying an "unpopular" opinion at work, being ignored or even criticised, and when a pretty colleague says the same thing, gets acknowledgement and support as the brave one who dared to say what everyone thinks.)
I hope you now have friends and people around you who are not jealous of you, you seem genuinely cool!
I don't think you need to apologize. Being considered ugly as a woman can be very traumatic. Having pretty privilege doesn't mean someone's life will be perfect, but they definitely have privilege over women who don't have it! Women who have never been considered ugly do not have proper perspective on this. And they seem to confuse dealing with the misogyny that all women face as being a "disadvantage" of pretty privilege.
Thank you for being so real with us. ❤❤ I was just having a tough week myself and literally cried at school and couldn't concentrate on anything, and you're videos have been so comforting to me, no matter how often you post
Thank you for sharing this. All of it. I'm an adhd autistic middle aged white guy. I'm so glad I can watch relatable and informative content on your channel, as well as other channels of people in the ND community. I agree with a lot of the content I've seen from you, then there is also a bunch that just doesn't pertain to me. Which is fine, I think. I imagine pretty privilege comes with its pros and cons, just like any attribute. As you said, there are several drawbacks to being pretty. I only started experiencing pretty privilege after growing my hair and beard long during covid. After gaining this privilege I'm very aware of the fact that in the decades before, I wasn't just not attractive, I barely even registered as a male, it seems. I was just a weird human people liked to ignore. When I asked for help, be it social or medical services, people put up a facial expression that I traced down recently by using words from a feeling wheel as search terms for gifs. It took a while, but 'appalled' got me on track and 'audacity' brought the jackpot. It was Mindy Kaling (in the Office, I guess) she did the facial expression while saying "I have a lot of questions. Number one. How dare you?". I got very little help. After my glow up nobody puts on that facial expression and I get so much more help, support and compassion. It looks like my pretty privilege might be the most effective way for me to stop being a burden on friends and family and start having a life. Not to diminish anyone's experiencs. Results may vary. I wish all of you good luck.
It's so very very cool that you just posted a video right now because I just finished two other ones of yours and you're the best person that I've ever found on the internet
Paige you're doing so well, you put out much content for all of us. Thank you for sharing with us! I also get overwhelmed and have similar mini meltdowns and it's really cathartic to see others struggle similarly.
I feel this so much. Thank you for not hiding your struggles. I empathize with keeping yourself super busy. I am an autistic human and have cried over Mac and cheese because I felt it was too hard to make at that point. You are not alone. I love your videos. You inspire me.
thank you for being so authentic. i wish you the best in getting through this stressful time
your videos have always been a source of comfort and relaxation for me. it was super interesting to hear you speak on a topic like this, i’d love to see more social psychology vids if that’s something ur really interested in 😌❤️❤️
Thank you for being real and transparent and leaving the first bit in. I hope you're taking really good care of yourself, please take time to do so, especially when you get very stressed. You can't pour from an empty cup (I know, I've tried to the point of multiple months-long burnouts both before and since my diagnosis), and if you post a video later, or not at all, it's not the end of the world. I'm sure I speak for most of the people here when I say we feel your health and happiness are way more important than any video could ever be 💛 Oh, and the lashes look beautiful 😊
The crying and stuff at the beginning is so so relatable, thank you for leaving it in and be real. Send virtual hugs to you💕💕
Bless you for crying and actually being open - literally feeling this so hard there's like 1 million things to do and life is just a lot just man!!! Wish I could hug you or just hold you in this peaceful energy cocoon❤️❤️
I relate to all of this… being quiet, “pretty”, with a (apparently autistic) strict sense of values/justice - my whole life ppl have hated me, assumed things about me, talked shit about me when I’d never said a word to them before, assumed my life was perfect, called me stuck up and that I thought I was “better than everyone else”. Meanwhile I was constantly confused. To this day I don’t understand why ppl act the way they do. And let me tell you that being 33 but looking 25 with two older kids - strangers, especially women, can be SO disrespectful and rude. I really don’t get it.
I feel you!!! Sending Love!!
Yes!😊
I feel so seen. Thank you for elaborating… I hate being called beautiful, including by my family. The amount of bullying, assaults, abuse and hate I experienced because people thought I was pretty is disgusting. It’s a struggle and you broke it down. Thank you ❤
You are so wonderful, Paige! ✨
I’m so grateful for every video you are producing. It helps a lot to see other autistic human beings, talking about life and struggles which I experience as well. You inspire me! 💖
I also experience crying as part of my stress processing/meltdowns/overwhelm and honestly just seeing you work through it was one of the rare times I’ve seen something recognizably like myself in another person. Thank you for sharing this. It’s hard to express how much it meant for me to see someone like me behaving the way I do.
Paige, this is so relatable. I'm autistic and ADHD plus I have few chronic illnesses/disabilities and mental illnesses sprinkled on top. I feel like most of the times when I was undiagnosed or misdiagnosed, it was because "oh you're such a pretty young girl". No matter what issues it were, I've been too pretty to struggle. Too pretty to be in pain. I remember I was vomiting and shivering out of pain which turned out to be my reaction to my nerves and bones being damaged and I was still told I look too good. Many people think that pretty = healthy, which isn't true at all. I guess combined with me being a woman and being tall and skinny, it all also added to people thinking I'm just some dramatic damsel in distress who's not actually ill and struggling, just weak and overly dramatic. That's how I was sent home with kidney stones once and then ended up in ICU. Maaany stories...
I admit pretty priviledge can help, but it hurts that when you go on the internet to talk about these downsides, some people then shoot you down and tell you "you don't have a right to complain, pretty people have it easy". And they do it with being skinny too... I think we should all acknowledge that "all coins have two sides" - there are positives AND negatives too. And it seems pretty ironic to me - to be dismissive and kind of hateful towards someone for being pretty and at the same time be like "you must have it the easiest". As you say, sometimes people, especially other girls, hate "pretty" girls.
And I hate the sexualization and weird attention that I've sometimes got, especially as an autistic person who's anxious and sometimes isn't able to tell what's going on or how to react. Aaand like you say, when people only see me they assume things about me that are 99% of the time completely wrong so talking to me is always a surprise.
Also, I want to add that as child, especially in my early teens, I wasn't exactly the pretty girl, puberty hit me a lot. So I could literally watch the difference in how I was percieved, the more "pretty" I got the less my issues were taken seriously.
For a long time i thought crying was bad, i was teached that man don't cry by society. It went so far that at some point i felt like i was physically incapable of crying, but there is nothing wrong with it, so don't feel ashamed for it, there a part of your human experience.
I really needed to see the first few minutes of this video. Thank you for being so vulnerable. It’s hard to see you in such a state of upset because we care for you but it also meant a lot to me that you are this honest about who you are.
OMG, girl!
A) Thank you so much for being vulnerable and honest. I really think it's important and valuable. Just thank you.
B) Thank you for this video. I relate to it so much, though I have such a hard time saying I'm pretty (I think I'm pretty, but wtf do I know what other people think). But I've had issues like this all my life... Girls are mean. Guys either take advantage or are scared away. Ugh.
Aww Paige, I wanted to comfort you so much in that crying intro bit. I'm also autistic and also keep myself on a far-too-packed schedule and I felt that frustration in my soul. I decided to go back to school and take a full course load after doing the stay at home mom thing for 5 years and I'm reeling trying to adjust to this different kind of busy.
Thank you for being yourself and for showing your emotions 🥺 I literally cried watching you cry 🥺 you have really helped my sister and I accept ourselves and our autism! You don’t understand how much you mean to us even they we don’t know each other 🥰
The beginning part of the video just made me break down crying too as I was already feeling emotional prior to watching. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t stop being your true authentic self. Also give yourself a break Paige and go at your own pace ❤️❤️❤️
You’re so strong! It’s obvious you are working so hard to share your work with the world. You are doing amazing ❤
Your beauty is much deeper than your surface, Paige. You’re a great human. The instant judgement factor is out of control at the moment in society, whether you’re pretty or not, so many quick, and stupid, judgements are being made in superficial circumstances that make everything just that little bit more shitty. All we can do is try not to add to it I think. It’s very hard. Just keep being your beautiful souled self. I hope you get all the kindness 😊
Thank you for keeping the first part in and talking so honestly about the subject✨️ I tried through all of school to keep up with the expectations and was told that I had "so much potential", like I didn't know it😒 The only thing they said was to get other friends, I find that so wrong and offensive like they insinuated that other students in my class weren't good enough! I found out many(!) years after that I have ADHD. I'm glad there's more awareness and that more kids hopefully gets help now then when I was growing up.
Honestly, you being open and honest about your struggles was very humbling and also validating because my schedule is also chaotic and too full and the amount of overwhelm I feel regularly is.... Unmanageable. Anyway. Thanks for keeping that part.
2 videos so close together!! Paige you're spoiling us, Take care love xx
Thank you for being so open and honest with your emotions and present life experiences. Makes me feel less alone and more comfortable expressing my true feelings, without shame ❤️❤️❤️
I liked the authenticity of you keeping in the start of the video. A lot of people don’t tend to show the real struggles behind the making of their videos.
Thank you for being willing to be this vulnerable in such an open space it's. This made me feel seen at my core
I also experienced a lot of SA growing up. My heart goes out to you. You are not alone ❤
paige, i appreciate you being so real in your intros. i get extremely overwhelmed and stressed too and it makes me feel like i’m not alone. thank you for being unapologetically yourself, i love you for it.
also, this video itself resonated with me so much. i’ve had people tell me that they thought i was a b*tch because of how i looked and were intimidated by me. also, the amount of stares i get from old men is terrifying
Thank you for leaving that part in, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done that. It made me feel like it’s okay to have a meltdown and not feel ashamed of that bc it’s just how I feel my feelings 😅❤
I appreciate your realness. I know how hard it can be to handle overwhelming emotion. There is nothing I hate more than being unable to moderate and control my own emotions especially in view of others. When I REALLY wish I could mask so nobody knows how messed up I am feeling, but my masking skills have reached their limits and all the cracks bust wide open. Seeing that I'm not the only one was cathartic. Not at all annoying. I appreciate you.
Thankyou for keeping the start in. I appreciate you sharing how you feel.
Hopefully you'll feel better soon Paige, take care ❤️ This was a very interesting video thank you
Keeping the first part of this video in was so brave and authentic, I hope you know how much we ! as your community, appreciate that. ThE stuff that’s hard to show is what needs to be shown and thank you so much for showing us. I hope you’re doing better, you’re strong and incredible and every time you upload it resonates with me and many others. Having said that, please always put your health first before helping us, if it helps you to share with us that’s amazing, but if it ever taxes you, know that’s ok to not share it with us, and we will be ok with that too. It was uplifting to see you bounce back and that variable emotion state is something that most of us as autistic people experience I think. I hope you’re well, and if you need anything from us please ask us and we will try to give back some of the acceptance and hope you give us.
Sending hugs, if wanted. Love your videos. You’ve been a great help to me, since my diagnosis.
It’s good to see you see you explain your experiences with Pretty Privilege.
It’s my first time meeting you on TH-cam but girl I’m rooting for you :( stay strong I believe in you. I am sure you’ve gone through a lot and it only proofs that you can go through your current hard times. You’re not alone
I sincerely hope that you can find some relief and some time to catch up on you time, but thank you for sharing that part honestly, that made me feel less alone in my stress meltdowns when I have too much going on and that whole segment just hit home so hard
Sorry you've been stressed. I like how authentic your videos are
Thank you for being so real! I appreciate your raw honesty!
Thank you for making this. When I was in fourth grade, a girl I thought was my friend privately said to me "No offense, but... you're kind of ugly." It was absolutely shattering. Ever since that moment I've known I was never going to be respected as I should be and would always be seen as less-than, because I don't look the way women are "supposed" to look. But whenever I tried to talk about it, people rushed to shush me and say "Nononononono you are pretty!!!" as if there was nothing more horrible than not being pretty, and accused me of having low self-esteem. No one was ever willing to talk about the reality that some people are indeed "better"-looking than others and are treated better accordingly. We're never going to dismantle this system until it's accepted for pretty people to talk about the advantages they have.
i dont believe this happened
Thank you for asking your viewers to be kind to you... It really hit home for me personally. I've realised that I struggle with self-compassion, and as such I don't even think about whether I deserve compassion from others, which is so stupid.
I would never question my loved ones needing compassion, so why can't I imagine myself deserving the same.
I mean, I got my diagnosis of autism and adhd a year ago at 37 yrs old, also a year after I became a parent. If someone else told me that was happening for them, I would wish them any and all the compassion possible, but here I am getting angry with myself for not being more accepting of myself.
Thank you again for your bravery and openness. It really helped; I just hope that knowing your perspective has helped a stranger on TH-cam helps you feel a bit more positive.
Paige we all love your authenticity. I love watching your videos, your personality is so lovely. It takes courage to be vulnerable to the internet and you don’t have to apologize for your feelings! I wish you happiness and peace in this time of stress for you. ❤️
In my social psychology class we learned that attractiveness plays a big role in so many areas of life. You're more likely to be employed if you are considered attractive, you're more likely to get a better prison sentence or even deemed innocent if you are attractive, and attractiveness sells that's why models became a thing and even why celebrities are commonly used for ads because they have a fan base/well liked/ attractive to some
Thank you for sharing this with us! And please know that it's completely ok if you need a couple days off when you need it!
Anyway, I am not saying you're wrong or that I don't understand your struggles. But some of the things you talk about, I've experienced too, as someone who's generally considered "ugly".
For example, nobody ever took notice of me in school and understood I had problems. I was just the ugly quiet smart kid, I didn't need extra help or attention in their eyes.
Oftentimes I don't get approached in stores, even if I need help. This is a little better now as I'm getting older, but as a teen, it was really obvious. If I entered a makeup store with a pretty friend, she would get so much more help than I did. I'm assuming that's because they made the assumption that I, the ugly girl, didn't use makeup as much or didn't want to purchase as much as my pretty friend.
I, too, have gotten quite a bit of unwanted attention from guys. Some of them tend to have the idea that I should be grateful that they're even considering me, so I should gladly accept whatever they feel like doing.
I even remember when I was being bullied. My pretty friend also got bullied, but not nearly as much. The biggest things for her was that she and I were friends. One of the mean girls said that I'f you'd take my butt and put it on my friend, it would actually be pretty decent! Meaning, the only thing ok looking on me were my butt...
I'm sorry for ranting, this just made me think about how much I hade pretty privilege, not as in "ugh pretty people have it so good!" because I understand they don't either. But the fact that our genetic makeup is deciding how we're being treated by others, it affects how much we get paid, how easy it is for us to get a job/make friends/etc... I just hate it!
Your videos continue to be deeply cathartic & relatable. Thank you, as always, for sharing. When it comes to other women automatically hating me for pretty privilege, that began to shift as I learned more about psychology. Like, I think it was after reading The Four Agreements where he talks about everyone living in their own personal dream of reality, that I began to piece together that whatever genetics shape my flesh vessel is prime for a certain class of projections -- and this helped me take it less personally. Over time, I also realized that I was projecting the story of them hating me onto them prematurely in defense also. Ah, the layers. 🙃 I guess I'm just trying to say, as someone who feels we have critical traits in common and I'm like ten years older than you, that this kind of pattern in your life definitely has the ability to shift.
Every time I catch one of your videos I am so reminded of myself. I am 44 and I also have had obvious ,to me, autism. I feel like the last thing that I’ve overcame was my crying. It takes nothing for me to cry sometimes and I hate being a grown woman crying frequently. Sending you lots of love ❤
Thank you for keeping the beginning of the video in Paige, although I don’t want you to be sad it is validating to see others experience what I do so often. When I am overwhelmed I can’t stop crying either 😢
I’ve had an interesting experience of both sides of pretty privilege. I felt and was perceived as unattractive as a teenager, I just think I went through that awkward growth stage where things aren’t quite in proportion and I had bad acne! I literally had some boy tell me another boy I knew said I was ugly (got to love teenage boys 🙄). It affected my self-esteem so much when I was younger. Then, in my early twenties I became a lot more into makeup and my appearance in general and for the first time ever I had people calling me pretty and complimenting me, and attractive people wanting to date me. I honestly couldn’t believe it because I had really internalised that I was just an ugly person. And then I had the awful experience that I’m sure so many “pretty” people have, a girl who had told me she was into me and that I was really attractive basically implied I had no personality. That’s the first time I’d ever had someone into me based on how I looked, not on me as a person. It really affected me, especially because I’ve always felt very insecure about being perceived as boring/not funny enough etc (definitely an autistic thing for me as I am just very quiet and reserved). Before this experience I’d never had any sympathy for the pretty girls who complained it was hard because no one was actually interested in them as a person. But now I know how damaging that is, we all just want to be loved for who we are and it’s crushing to have someone into you purely for how you look. Now I just can’t be bothered making an effort with my appearance and I probably just fall into being more averagely attractive, which I’m more than okay with haha. I would also get a lot more unwanted attention from men when I was more made up, so I’m glad I don’t get that much anymore. Sending love, you’ll get through this difficult period ❤
Sending all the good vibes your way ❤ We’re here for you!
Sending you positive energy! I'm feeling for you. Hang in there! We are here to support you!
Wishing you good things, Paige 💚 Kudos for being so open, that takes guts.
Thanks for sharing your stress. I feel like this right now, and I just really appreciate you sharing and feeling less alone.
I'm so sorry you've had these experiences. I agree 100%. I hear you and see you 🥺