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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ต.ค. 2024
- ahh i just woke up so tired. made some (vegan) zucchini bread yesterday lowkey tastes like ass but no one else is gonna probably eat it so i guess ill have some for breakfast. had kombucha yesterday that was scrumptious. it’s apparently ’amazing’ for you i don’t know how true that is but if probably doesn’t hurt. but yup just rants per usual. last few days have been such up and downs compared to the neutrality i’ve been feeling these last few weeks. Can’t tell if its worth it or not. Is it better to just have stagnant emotions or to feel like you’re checking every box every day. Like cried for multiple hours last night, first time i’ve cried in a hot minute, but i also had a great day tbh. who knows. all preference i guess.
#vlog #rant #yap #mentalhealth #treatment #recovery #edtreatment #eatingdisorders #depression #ahhh #fostercare #sad #living
videos like this inspire me to become a therapist haha
Omg I would be so embarassed if my school read from my journal, I hate how much they can see from all that like i'm so glad i'm not in school anymore. I can relate about how you feel, I try so hard to do something productive and for self-care but I get so fatigued and end up sleeping for hours out of the day.
"Manic depression is a frustrating mess." (- Jimi Hendrix) Its also the bane of the creative. Been there, done that. Talking about it helps so making these videos at least let's you get it all out.
"Been there" in that I finally got a handle on it when I quit drinking. I'd never recommend any kind of substance abuse as a guilty pleasure.
I'm not sure if you consider journaling itself to be one but I suggest it. At 15 and just discovering my songwriting gift I kept a pad close by and at times carried a pocket pad not to journal but to jot down any lyric ideas as they popped in my head.
A song that comes to mind I found helpful in recovery is Breathe (2AM) by Anna Nalick. As a songwriter I'm sure you'll relate.
some real shit you just said here sister
I think therapy is not even close to as good as friendship.
New life is strange coming out btw, you can pre order it. i've played every single one it's a 10/10 game
so so psyched
It's hard to give advice. Depression can be like cancer. You can't just wish it away or hope someone gets better. You just have to work at it and find what makes you happy to balance the bad times.
omggg so mennyy Lewis's on this videiowow
YT might turn off comments but good rant...felt more like getting things off your chest or a video diary ✌♥
wait why would yt turn them off?
@@LiliMelt Probably cause I'm over 18 and you're not...that"s just YT. They have done it several times when i comment. Forget that though...good video
YT only turns off comments if the poster clicks Made For Kids when uploading? To protect people under 13 I think.
I really like you.
I really like your bangs
i watch these videos they cool videos
i so feel the whole thing about having to feel productive 😭 i don’t watch shows/movies for the exact same reason.
and oh my god i’m so so glad someone else experiences a loss of hunger cues. i mean i’m not GLAD that you’re experiencing that, it sucks at times but i’m just glad someone relates instead of feeling like i’ve permanently fucked up my body. i have a history of anorexia and i got hospitalized a few times for it, and then a bit later on i got sent to a residential treatment center for eating disorders and i stayed there for 2 months. that was all back in 2022, but ever since i developed my ED my hunger and fullness has just. been gone 😭 and it scares me at times bc i feel so abnormal and i also just feel. responsible for fucking up my body. but my point is it’s really nice hearing about your experience, it doesn’t make me feel alone :]
I JUST FOUND YOUR CHANNEL TO BUT THE STUFF YOU TALKED ABOUT DUDE IS SO?? LIKE ON POINT TO HOW I FEEL. LIKE I GET WHAT YOU’RE SAYING ABOUT IT’S EMBARRASSING TO CONSTANTLY TO HOVERED OVER AND WATCHED LIKE A HAWK ABOUT YOUR EATING 😭😭 i feel like eating disorders are so weird too. like you said, human beings need to eat. it’s a natural thing. so to have disordered thoughts about it just seems so strange. like who the FUCK is afraid of food 😭 it seems silly at times. i’m not calling eating disorders dumb or anything since they can mess up your life and i’ve definitely gone through shitty stuff with mine. but i just mean that it’s so odd to be concerned about food. like there are bigger issues in the world bro, why are we afraid of FOOD 😭😭
i feel like it’s strange that your providers are asking you to count your calories. i feel like that’s def risky, even though you said that you don’t think it’ll negatively impact your mental health. i get that they want to make sure you’re not getting to a dangerous point, but giving YOU that responsibility as the patient with an eating disorder seems weird. back when i was deep into my recovery, i had 0 knowledge about my calorie intake and weight, everything was done by my parents. all the meals and stuff was made by my parents, i wasn’t even allowed to watch them cook my meals. i don’t know much about your living situation, i know you mentioned foster care. but i still feel the adults who are responsible for you should be taking care of that stuff, not the person who’s struggling with disorder eating. but that’s just my opinion, probably bc i got used to my method of treatment.
i hope your doctor’s appointment goes well :] i hope there isn’t anything concerning about your weight, meaning that i hope you’ve been taking care of yourself and kicking some ED ass.
anyways this was kinda a nice video to come across. i mean it’s not the happiest, but it feels nice hearing someone else talk about thoughts that i often have too. i’m really wishing you the best and i really hope your recovery goes well. please take care 🫶
omg yes i agree with all that you said its nice having someone else relate! yeah i also spent some time in residential and hospitals in ‘22, doing outpatient treatment is definitely annoying but i understand my providers standpoint. i hope alls going well for you as well :)) and yeah the counting calories thing i thought was weird bc while i doesn’t specifically bother me, ik most ed clinicians recommend the opposite n don’t want clients looking at calories! oh well though, food is food and a necessity to life
@@LiliMelt thank you! i haven’t been in ed treatment since 2022, i finished up outpatient treatment a few months after getting home from residential. outpatient treatment sucked dude, mine was 8 hour zoom calls 6 days a week instead of an in-person thing😭😭 i’m so glad that’s over with. i only see an individual therapist now, but don’t focus so much on eating disorders with her.
i’m hoping things get better for you soon and hopefully be at a point where you won’t need such close supervision! even though treatment is there to help, it does get annoying at times 😭 good luck with everything!!
I am confused why people are not liking over played things. But I don't get it why you have over played it... People listen to the radio I guess. IDK, why does people not just listen to whatever they want? why dont i...why do i listen to the mind control songs that try to make me think im gay or not... or try to brainwash me... why do i think they do that all the time... why does everybody do it.. i dont know.... i am so scared of you and everyone lol.
Dude, I can make ... many parabl.. paragraphs abotu much.... Liek... did you knwo mars and jupiter will be at 16* gemini like last new moon in gemini was venus moon and sun in 16* gemini, and before that saturn was 16 degree pisces and before that was the moon 16* before it and then after saturn mars was 16* from saturn right after it enters aries and then after that mercury was 16* and then 16* after that was venus.... and alsoon the 16th of july was the 10th of the islamic calednar on holiday ashura. i thoguht it was neat. and i watch astrology vids sometimes and nobody said anything about these thigns. Liek... what is 16? i mean you literally are 16 so thats odd. like...... not ... hitting on you. and then... i am ... hmm..
16th letter is p... wow. sounds. Power? Possession? I dunno, that pattern is super cool to me. Liek, impossible... like, why is it so perfect..... why does nobody know or care... in thelema it is year Vx, which is 15, and then when i turn 35 it is 16 in thelema calendar. Thelema is a thing idk. whatever.
you seem very genuine person.. subscribed because of that.. theres not many left nowadays.. you follow Christ?