If your first response is to think your child is lying about being abused then you don't deserve to be a parent to that child. I wouldn't want my kid around the father at all
My GF was sexually abused by her maternal grandfather from ages 3 to 6. When she was 15 her memories of the abuse surfaced and she had a nervous breakdown. It took her parents 6 months to realize she was telling the truth. Denial is a very normal response. The rest of her family believed the grandfather. He sexually abused another granddaughter during this time (my GF was 15, the other granddaughter was 5) and was caught in the act. This split the family apart. The granddaughters who were abused had parents who believed them but the other family members did not.
@@monohydrate2yeah and I bet that scarred her for life. It’s not normal to not believe YOUR CHILD when they trust you enough to tell you about being sexually assaulted.
Easy for you to say. It's human nature to be in shock and disbelief that your own parent could sexually molest your own child. It's called the stages of grief, the first stage is denial. @@Usernumber16
Keep her away from the dad who doesn’t believe her and obviously denies the situation so offers no protection. Calling her a liar is the most demoralizing thing he can do to her.
@@KihmJones it's part of the 5 stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. It's fucking hard to believe your own parent would sexually abuse your child. Not believing your child at first is a shocking but common response when someone you love is secretly sexually abusing children. Look at the US Gymnastics doctor, Larry Nasser. Parents refused to believe their child was sexually abused, one even killed himself once he realized he was wrong.
The fact that the Dad's first response was that his daughter is lying and not to go beat the breaks of the cousin explains why parents are divorced. Sick of these loser fathers who don't care about their own kids.
Dad may have already known the perp was a perv and doesn't want to shoulder any blame. Or simply cannot accept that any relative of his can be so evil. Sad that his first instinct isn't to protect his own damned daughter!!!
Sounds like this was a cousin who lived in the home, so this could be like a son to him. Not defending him at all... but at least I can understand its not just as simple as "someone hurt my kid". That someone is a loved one... who hurt another loved one... he is probably pretty torn up himself. It's one of the reasons that denial is one of the stages of grief. What will really determine if he is a loser is how he is moving forward.
My GF was sexually abused by her maternal grandfather from ages 3 to 6. When she was 15 her memories of the abuse surfaced and she had a nervous breakdown. It took her parents 6 months to realize she was telling the truth. Denial is a very normal response. The rest of her family believed the grandfather. He sexually abused another granddaughter during this time (my GF was 15, the other granddaughter was 5) and was caught in the act. This split the family apart. The granddaughters who were abused had parents who believed them but the other family members did not.
I was assaulted as a child but thankfully my parents had told me it was wrong and that anyone telling me to keep secrets from my parents are bad people. I told my parents immediately and the perpetrator was arrested the same day.
As a child who's adults didn't believe me when I told them about my assualt your store brought joy to my heart and makes me feel better know there good people in the world
The abuse started around the time of the divorce so it happened under her father's roof, it's easier for him to say she's lying than accept that it happened under his watch! Absolutely despicable!
My GF was sexually abused by her maternal grandfather from ages 3 to 6. When she was 15 her memories of the abuse surfaced and she had a nervous breakdown. It took her parents 6 months to realize she was telling the truth. Denial is a very normal response. The rest of her family believed the grandfather. He sexually abused another granddaughter during this time (my GF was 15, the other granddaughter was 5) and was caught in the act. This split the family apart. The granddaughters who were abused had parents who believed them but the other family members did not.
It's definitely normal. It's very difficult to immediately accept your own parent would molest your own child. It's part of the stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. My GF was molested by her grandfather and her parents did not believe her for 6 months! They finally understood it happened and believed her. @@V.E.R.O.
@@V.E.R.O. if it weren't normal there would be very little of it. Just because it's bad doesn't mean it's not normal. Normal in this case means common.
Dr. John is so right about kids remembering when they are protected. When I was in my 20s I became good friends with a coworker. She had a six year old kid who was living with her ex. She was living with a guy who by all appearances seemed to be cool. Her kid was coming to stay with her for the summer and she was so excited. The first weekend he was there, we’d made plans to meet and do a picnic. When I went over to her house, he was sitting outside on the stoop and he looked so scared. I recognized him from his pics. I introduced myself and he said, “My mommy told me to tell you we can’t go and to not to come in.” I looked at him and said, “You stay right here. Everything is going to be ok.“ and I marched myself right into that house without thinking. I heard yelling and crying and went straight to that back of the house. My friend was cowered in a chair in a corner and this a*sshole was standing over her enraged with his fist in the air. I’m not sure what happened next but when I came back to myself, he was scrambling across the bed trying to get away from me and my friend’s kid was running into her arms. I called some of her other friends and we packed up her stuff and helped her move out that day. A couple years later she moved to another state but we still keep in touch. A few years after that I ended up moving to the same state about 40 miles from her and we’d see each other every now and then. Well, one time her kid was coming to visit and he told her that he wanted to see me. Now he was about 14 or 15 and I’m in my late 30s. I said ok, but thought it was weird for teen boy to want to see one of his mom’s friends. He walked in and he was tall and lanky and kind of gave a monotone , teen talking to his mom’s friend, “Hey!” He was also way into skateboarding he had all the gear.Then he said,” I just wanted thank you for helping my mom that day.” I had to pause and think a minute and then I looked at her and she looked at me and we both just started crying. Kids remember the people who helped them and even the people who tried to help them.
@@Mariaelaina10 ❤️ He’s grown now, married with a kid and the most attentive and caring husband and father. When I think back day when I first met him, he looked so scared and it broke my heart. My father abused my mother when I was really young which lead to their divorce. I am also a survivor of childhood abuse at the hands of my mother. All the pics I had seen of him where of him so happy with a big grin. I was expecting to meet a happy kid and he wasn’t. I’ve had enough therapy to recognize that his fear and vulnerability touched on what I had felt as a child. It was also subconscious , but I saw that fear in eyes and I was going to do what I could to change that since no one had ever done that for me. Interestingly enough , his mom and I had never talked about that day until all those years later when he came to thank me.
If Dad doesn't want to go to bat for his daughter, then that explains why him and Mom aren't together. Just saying, props to Mom for making this phone call and putting her daughter first.
My GF was sexually abused by her maternal grandfather from ages 3 to 6. When she was 15 her memories of the abuse surfaced and she had a nervous breakdown. It took her parents 6 months to realize she was telling the truth. Denial is a very normal response. The rest of her family believed the grandfather. He sexually abused another granddaughter during this time (my GF was 15, the other granddaughter was 5) and was caught in the act. This split the family apart. The granddaughters who were abused had parents who believed them but the other family members did not.
The dad is the exact reason why she hasn't said anything and it's disgusting. How can he protect a nephew over his own daughter. And does he honestly think someone who tried to commit suicide is liar and not actually dealing with something deep? Gross, he doesn't deserve a daughter.
My GF was sexually abused by her maternal grandfather from ages 3 to 6. When she was 15 her memories of the abuse surfaced and she had a nervous breakdown. It took her parents 6 months to realize she was telling the truth. Denial is a very normal response. The rest of her family believed the grandfather. He sexually abused another granddaughter during this time (my GF was 15, the other granddaughter was 5) and was caught in the act. This split the family apart. The granddaughters who were abused had parents who believed them but the other family members did not.
The fact that he's defending the nephew makes me wonder if he fears what will be exposed... meaning I can't help but wonder if he possibly messed with the nephew. Maybe I feel that based on my own experience but I won't be shocked if that comes out!
As sick as it is, a lot of people in older generations think a failed suicide attempt is someone trying to get attention...that is what my parents told me when my friend attempted and survived. Turns out she was being abused. My parents still didn't believe it for a long time bc she must have been an attention seeker if she had 2 failed suicide attempts. In reality, she was just lucky 2 times. She is better now, but I never got over what they said. Played into my own ability to discuss mental health with them later down the line.
My GF was sexually abused by her maternal grandfather from ages 3 to 6. When she was 15 her memories of the abuse surfaced and she had a nervous breakdown. It took her parents 6 months to realize she was telling the truth. Denial is a very normal response. The rest of her family believed the grandfather. He sexually abused another granddaughter during this time (my GF was 15, the other granddaughter was 5) and was caught in the act. This split the family apart. The granddaughters who were abused had parents who believed them but the other family members did not.
It obviously happened on his watch and he doesn't want to believe it happened, , it's still terrible but now the police are involved so hopefully he wakes up
I wish my mom had done this. She told me not to say anything. It was a neighbor, and she said we had to be able to live there. I changed so much after that. I no longer seen my value, and I didn't value my body anymore. To this day I have never married, and I am 51. It is so good to hear this mother.
I am so sorry for you @suzannecarpenter . It must be horrible and you must have felt all alone in this world... I thank TV and Internet for educating people... maybe, just maybe, there are fewer parents reacting like the dad in this story... and more like the mom. I am sending you thoughts of love and self love! ❤❤❤
You were wronged. You were just a little girl. I'm sorry for all your hurt and pain. I know that some traumas never heal. Be gentle with yourself. Best wishes from Austin, Texas.
My parents only wanted to know why I didn't tell them when it happened and how 14 (when he was 27) was old enough to have wanted it anyway. Then I was effectively disowned while he's still invited to every holiday, birthday, wedding, and funeral. So do the complete opposite of that.
Pretty common reaction. Helps keep them in denial, so they can insulate themselves from dealing with it. It's just EASIER for THEM. Sorry you had to endure this. When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM, even if ( ESPECIALLY IF ), they're immediate family.
@@wazup80 Thank you. I was at least fortunate that conversation happened as an adult and not as a teen. Her mom seems like she wants to do the best she can but her dad could easily negate all of it with just a few words. It's rough.
Really learned a lot here about how it doesn't matter the outcome it's that she needs to remember years from now that her family believed and stood up for her.
My heart feels good knowing that there are parents and ppl like Mr Delony who are watching out for kids and trying to help them recover when bad things happen to them. My mom was someone I felt safe to talk to about hard things. I'm glad for this girl and other kids that they have people that are safe to go to, too.
I was molested as a child for a couple years maybe? I don’t remember how long to be honest. Nobody knew and never told my father which was his sister doing stuff to me. The day I had mustered up enough courage to tell him he passed away. Maybe it’s for the best? I know my father would’ve ended her if he found out and I was afraid of this exact thing happening and losing him. He’ll never know now. I did tell me my mother but I was already 21 and I asked her to just break ties with her and just not even bother.
I was sexually molested at a young age and my mom didn’t find out about it till I was a teenager when I told my friend and her mom was listening over the phone . Let me tell you how traumatic it was to go through someone finding out .
😱a father called daddy's lil girl a liar?❓😱 Listen up people! It's 2021. Gone are the days that you can call a child a LIAR❗👹 WHAT KIND OF MAN DISMISSES HIS CHILD WITHOUT GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF THE STORY❓❗😱
When I was a young boy, I remember reading an age-appropriate novel about some boys with a treehouse. It sounded like so much fun. They had a club and pretended to be soldiers or pirates or cowboys or Indians, I don't remember exactly. But my mother always discouraged it. And now looking back, I thought my Mom was depriving me of fun when actually I'm sure she was protecting me from all of the negative events that could happen between youngsters not under direct supervision. God bless my Mom.
Yes. I grew up in the 1980s, and slumber parties were super popular among my peers. My kids are still small, but I am pretty sure I would not allow them to attend a slumber party. I want to be cautious about who has access to my kids.
My parents first response was to tell me I was lying and then they called the guy over to apologize about the "wild stories" I was telling. They didn't want to ruin his church image and told him they were not going to "stand for my lies".....
I'm 51 and went through this from 4 to 14, started with a neighbor that was 4 years older than me. My parents went to their graves not knowing and I have never been able to get close enough to anyone without freezing up because I don't like to be touched. I would ask someone in this situation what their boundaries are while making sure they know you are there and believe them.
16 yr old attempted suicide Edwards hospitalized. Then Dad was confronted with the information that his nephew sexually assaulted his daughter, and dad says it's a lie. Why then does Dad think she attempted suicide? Daddies are supposed to protect their daughters.
New child custody arrangement asap. Could the girl be lying yes possibly it happens. However some things you just have to go with in the moment she tired to kill herself, she is willing to make a report to the police that this abuse happened, you must take this seriously. If dads not going take this seriously then his house is probably not safe for a girl who's so unwell she is willing to take her life at the moment.
So sorry for this mother and daughter. It’s awful. Ive been there too and it shattered me and my poor daughter. I have to help her overcome this and it’s been devastating. Now she’s bipolar and has been in a destructive behavior and lots of pain. I pray every day for her. Be strong for her and get therapy for you and your mother. If her dad doesn’t believe her keep him out of it cause it will harm her. Just love her and support her.
As a parent, if your child is sexually assaulted, that is NOT the time to consider validities. Hell, suppose it is a lie; that'll bear out through the normal process of the psychological intake, the legal process, etc. But you start the process regardless. Your first job is to believe your child and treat them with respect and love by getting the ball rolling on the process of solving/addressing it.
I would say that’s a good theory but it’s Not reality. MANY predators get away with it even when the legal system is involved. It happened to my sister who was abused and the guy walked away with zero consequences legally
Given father's response to the knowledge... that's probably part of the reason why daughter didn't say anything when it happened. Children pick up that.
Dr. Delony...you nailed this! I'm so freaking impressed and so happy with your response and the encouragement you gave with this. I wish there were 10 more of you. Bravo!
What an incredible ritual! I would have given anything to have had that as a teenager! I couldn't talk to my mom at all. To know that there was someone on my side would have meant everything! Thank you Dr. John, for the gift of that story.
The dad needs to go to f-ing hell. Unforgivable. If you're a dad and a good man, your first instinct apon this call is to figure out how much jail time you're about to do for what's about to happen unless someone steps in
It troubles me that the daughter's never felt that she could confide in her mother, either, and that the only person she told about the sexual abuse she endured as a child was a close friend of hers. This tells me that the girl has never been able to trust or rely on either of her parents, which is heartbreaking in itself. There's a reason this girl's tried to commit suicide, and the abuse alone is just a very big part of it, but not the whole thing.
Me and my sister couldn't really go to our parents because we didn't want to put any more burdens on them then they already had. My parents were good parents just carried a heavy load. Looking back I wish I would have.
That mom needs to tell her the police talked to me, I know what happened and I'm so sorry. I love you, I believe you. Let's talk about what happened, so we can deal with this.
The composure and quick decision making in front of goal is incredible. There aren't many Arsenal forwards like Reyes was today, they miss too many chances! God bless you Reyes ❤ ❤
I wanna know what happens in these people's lives. If the father didn't believe the daughter, the police would have a case against him to say he is not a safe person for his daughter to be around. I hope the abus*ers in jail now and that they're going to have a trial and be in prison!
I have to believe the father reacted without thinking and that he caught him self soon after. I hope this girl feels better today and that she knows how lucky she is that her mother knows how lucky she is to be her mother and there for is such a great mom. If one of you ever reads this, I am sending rays of strength across the world to you. Thank you for sharing.
I was sexually abused by my dads friend (my godfather who he's known since nappys) from age 3-6, I'm now 21 and I told my dad/social workers when I was around 14 when I was off the rails drinking and doing drugs due to that and my hard upbringing, he doesn't believe me even when I described my surroundings from memory to be told that I shouldn't even know what his house at the time looked like inside because I never went inside but was able to describe the layout of where the bedroom was and that there was a spiral staircase. I still bring it up till this day, he went to this mans birthday holiday 2 weeks ago and I found out through my auntie asking my dad "So how was *his name* birthday" after telling me he was just going to the uk for a few days for work. It honestly still rips me apart the fact that I'm still not believed by the one person who was supposed to have my back... our relationship hasn't been the same since and I was very close to my dad as he flat out said to my face multiple times that I'm a liar and that I need to stop bringing it up. The only advice I can give to this father, is despite what you might think about the situation you have to LISTEN to your child and take it very VERY seriously because if she's telling the truth the fact that her own father won't even believe her is what hurt and scarred me worse then the actual abuse mentally. It f*ck*d me up massively.
Of course it breaks your heart that your own father is still friends with the man who abused the 3-year-old you! Of course it rips you apart. I don't know you, or your father, and I'm fiercely furious with him now. Utterly disgusted and so angry, I'm sitting here and just shaking my head... Sometimes it's necessary for our own healing and our own sanity to go no contact with the parent who's undermining us so callously.
Confidentiality, even including keeping things from the parents, seems like a hard but necessary thing. Some kids simply won’t discuss these things if their parents will find out because of the shame. Parents need to do more to make their children feel comfortable bringing problems to them. The other half of it is, what if the parents are the abusers? Then they DEFINITELY would never say anything if the parents have to be told.
Heartbroken for that girl and being a mom for a 14 yr girl my tears arefor this moms pain too 😢 so happy she didn't succeed with the suicide. Bless this girl. It's 2yr since the show. My prayers go out to this girl and parents and hope they're in a good place now ❤
I despise how little sexual offenders are prosecuted and how protected they are. I can’t believe the social workers didn’t say something. Social workers are the worst! This breaks my heart.
The "uncle to be the go to' is a regular thing in many native American groups. It is the buffer zone for parents and kids , not a barrier , but a conduit.
Pennsylvania people. A wedge between parent child function‼️The agencies have been CONSISTENTLY APPLYING the laws WRONGLY, surrounding 14 yr old & permission etc. VERY WRONG!!!! The law states they can sign for self 💥To GET CARE , It NEVER EXEMPTS the parents 💥 Agencies have put this in print and enforced this , and keep saying it law . It is not . Call your local reps & legislators to verify & double triple check ‼️♥️🙏
the parents have no idea of what has happened in their childs life.....such major issues .......it would be devastating that a child tells her friends and other people but not her parent
That is why parents should require some basic emptional intelligence: if you hear about sth like this about your kids, BELIEVE THEM! kids need to know you have their back or they will never Trust the same again. Be thankful they came to you, or like in this case, just be there so that seh cann FEEEL you are there for her no matter how you learned about it. The anger, frustration and self doubt are the parents feelings and not the childs responsibility. So yeah its ok to let them know you are sad or angry but that is on you and not them. 💚✨
Don't press your child for all the horrific details, especially when they are teenagers and definitely know what SA is as well as rape. Be their soft cushion, my father wanted to interrogate and was a brick wall, I beg you not to respond this way ❤
They need to know as caregivers. Minors cannot do anything without signed and informed parental consent. They cannot commit themselves to treatment, etc. without parental consent. They cannot enter into contracts or transactions. There are many things they cannot do, and it makes sense, because they lack judgment and foresight at this age.
I think a reason why the social worker might not disclose would be due to safeguarding reasons - with the abuse being from within the family. Even though it is the other side of the family the social worker does not fully know the dynamics between them, and does not know if it could make the situation worse. Note: I’m going off the reasons why we don’t tell parents certain things in the UK, here parents are told things to an extent, however safety of the child is always taken into account.
"I talked to her friend..." "I talked to my friend..." "I talked to her dad..." "I called into a radio show with a million listeners..." Lady, how many people did you tell? Do you trust her friend not to tell all her other friends you talked to her? Do you trust *your* friend not to talk about it to every adult your daughter knows? Is her dad going to tell everyone on his side of the family? Will she find this podcast? I was abused as a child and when I was finally ok with talking about it I wanted *no one* to know except my mom. Not a f*cking single human being. And when she hadn't told anyone (to my knowledge) a few months after I told her THEN I wanted to go to the police. If she had told literally everyone in my life after I'd gotten out of the hospital from my suicide attempt and confiding in a therapist I would never have told her anything ever again. I would've felt so thoroughly betrayed and angry I'd say it was all a lie and not even want to tell her what I had for breakfast that day. Maybe I was just a sh*tty kid but I know that's what I would've done.
Wait, in what part of the country is it legal for mental health professionals to not report confessed abuse of a minor to the police? I thought that was required everywhere. It DEFINITELY should be.
The girl is 15, mom should have talked with her daughter FIRST!!! Now everyone knows her business without her consent. How will she trust her mom now?!?
I think the mother is trying to find out the best ways to approach this without traumatizing her daughter further. I wouldn’t know how to even start this conversation.
Nobody knows who this call was about. All of the names used in these calls are made up to protect the real identity of both the callers and the people they may mention during the call.
Because that's the recorded part of the situation and the report has already been filed with the cops. It's the cops job to do this and the mothers job to ensure no contact, and mental stability for her daughter. It's a multiple front process.
I don't care what's happened in the past, if your daughter says she was abused you believe her. Disgusting behavior from a grown man. I hope the daughter is doing well, glad she has a good mother at least.
Whoever called the police should have called the mother FIRST!! SERIOUSLY!! To have gone through this without being able to process before that phone call!!!
As messed up as it seems there is good reason for the law…. There are lots of teenagers that won’t open up and share abuse etc if they don’t know that their confidentiality is protected from their parents. It’s unfortunate but this girl probably would have never disclosed the abuse if she didn’t think she was protected from her parents from finding out…..
@@olivias2836 They're MINORS! The parents HAVE TO BE INFORMED! I'm more concerned with Law Enforcement's abject disregard of the dynamics of this situation!
@@stellarocquie7957 her life was probably saved by this law…She attempted suicide and ultimately opened up to a social worker in a hospital. Clearly seeing as her mental health declined to such a scary point she was suffering greatly keeping such a heavy secret from her mother and she NEEDED to tell someone. She probably only did because the mental health professional assured her they would not tell her parents
@@stellarocquie7957 I agree that law enforcement should have handled the situation with a lot more tact and grace. The social worker should have informed them that this child shared this with him/her and that her parents did NOT know. They should have approached the situation with more compassion.
So you're comparing how she would feel if he told her to CHANGE HER BODY as opposed to how he would feel if a "doctor" gave advise on how to emotionally support her? Wow!
dad is insisting it didn't happen, IMO, because he's unable to process how this could have happened on "his watch" with one of "his" family members... that's what I think, anyway. Doesn't excuse it.
I sure hope the daughter doesn’t have to go back to spending time with her Dad if they are divorced and have shared custody. He is going to cause her so much mental damage that could really push her to succeed in her suicide attempt next time. The damage is just beginning. If she spends anymore time with him she will never value herself, she will pick bad men in her life and the abuse will continue, she will turn to drugs and drinking and anything she can to numb the pain…. And there goes a beautiful life. He needs to be kept away from this child. I grew up with SA and I am not married and don’t have kids, but boy oh boy did I pick some abusive men in life. My cousin was SA through her childhood… she had it all, but her life ended up in abusive relationships and she is still a drug addict. The damage from this can be controlled starting now, but not if that father is allowed anywhere near her.
I had custody of my sister from the time she was five years old until she was 13 years old. She accused a close family member of sexually abusing her and then turned around years later and admitted that she had lied just to get her way. My sister was 13 years old when she did this. It destroyed a family.
@@lukabeast1150 At the time I had custody of her. And at my house she had structure. She had a curfew she had responsibility. She had chores, but at my mothers house she was allowed to run free, run the streets at all hours of the night. Have boys over at the house speak to my mother disrespectfully cussing at her, and even hitting my mother, I had dropped her off that day to spend the day with my mom and her twin brother for her birthday and I went to go pick her up. She said she didn’t want to come with me and that’s when she said what she said . When I asked her why, she admitted that she didn’t want to go home with me because I was too strict. This was thoroughly investigated by child protective services. And they came to the same exact conclusion. She simply wanted to stay with my mom that day because she was allowed to do it. She wanted to do. So yeah, there’s not more to the story. Because if they had deemed that my husband, in fact, had done something to her believe me, I would’ve lost custody of my son that day and my husband would’ve been in prison to this day. My sister is not welcome in my home. She turned out to be even the worst version of my mother, but I can’t say that I didn’t try to raise her to be a better human but unfortunately the damage had been done by the time I got her because by the time she turned 14 I could not handle her anymore and I had to let her go and she went into foster care at that point. She is now going to be turning 39 this month. She has two daughters of her own one is barely 18 and the other 15 my sister is a full-blown alcoholic like my mother used to be she has accused several other men of SA. All accusations were unsubstantiated most people in our family and even friends don’t have anything to do with her because of her compulsive lying. Even her own daughters state that they cannot wait to get out of her house.
Suicidal ideation is a trauma response! Attempting suicide is bc she is carrying burdens THAT DON’T belong to her ! She didn’t even feel safe to ever tell her mother . I didn’t trust my mother either as a child so kept it secret but gave many red flags something was VERY WRONG! She ignored me at all costs and to this day blames me for being molested, I will leave it at that . ..THE FIRST THING YOU TELL YOUR CHILD IN THIS SITUATION IS … IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT!!!! And you tell them how much you love them , will protect them & how YOU AS THE PARENT FAILED THEM . sorry but children give many red flags along the way that something is WRONG , we ACT OUT . THIS CHILD WAS FAILED . these 2 parents need trauma counselling asap ! The victim takes the blame & shame . The suicide attempt was a CRY FOR HELP! This poor child , 3-9 years old of sexual abuse ! Her brain has been so damaged and her father needs a kick in the ass! My whole family protected the child molester ! it’s taken me 45 years to finally do deep deep healing and finally believe THAT IT WASN’T MY FAULT!
I'm so, so immensely sorry that your mother finds it more convenient to deny your veracity and blame you for the abuse inflicted on you. If God is just, she will have to answer for that one day. I've been molested (fortunately, in my case, it was just a French kiss from an uncle by marriage, and my mother made sure I never again saw that man!), so I know just how essential it is to be believed and protected from sexual predators. May you be well and may life treat you well from now on!
7:18 and they shouldnt! When abuse is happening inside the family they shouldnt get records . You dont know who knows. You legit just talk with her . Be honest stop skirting around and make her feel safe and talk to her . Dont confront her like shes the problem . Do a family session .
![ปฏิเสธไม่ไหว (Crush on you) - LIPTA feat. No One Else [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/NBw1jF342vw/mqdefault.jpg)
If your first response is to think your child is lying about being abused then you don't deserve to be a parent to that child. I wouldn't want my kid around the father at all
My GF was sexually abused by her maternal grandfather from ages 3 to 6. When she was 15 her memories of the abuse surfaced and she had a nervous breakdown. It took her parents 6 months to realize she was telling the truth. Denial is a very normal response. The rest of her family believed the grandfather. He sexually abused another granddaughter during this time (my GF was 15, the other granddaughter was 5) and was caught in the act. This split the family apart. The granddaughters who were abused had parents who believed them but the other family members did not.
@@monohydrate2yeah and I bet that scarred her for life. It’s not normal to not believe YOUR CHILD when they trust you enough to tell you about being sexually assaulted.
Easy for you to say. It's human nature to be in shock and disbelief that your own parent could sexually molest your own child. It's called the stages of grief, the first stage is denial. @@Usernumber16
Keep her away from the dad who doesn’t believe her and obviously denies the situation so offers no protection. Calling her a liar is the most demoralizing thing he can do to her.
@@KihmJones it's part of the 5 stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. It's fucking hard to believe your own parent would sexually abuse your child. Not believing your child at first is a shocking but common response when someone you love is secretly sexually abusing children. Look at the US Gymnastics doctor, Larry Nasser. Parents refused to believe their child was sexually abused, one even killed himself once he realized he was wrong.
The fact that the Dad's first response was that his daughter is lying and not to go beat the breaks of the cousin explains why parents are divorced. Sick of these loser fathers who don't care about their own kids.
Dad may have already known the perp was a perv and doesn't want to shoulder any blame. Or simply cannot accept that any relative of his can be so evil. Sad that his first instinct isn't to protect his own damned daughter!!!
Sounds like this was a cousin who lived in the home, so this could be like a son to him. Not defending him at all... but at least I can understand its not just as simple as "someone hurt my kid". That someone is a loved one... who hurt another loved one... he is probably pretty torn up himself.
It's one of the reasons that denial is one of the stages of grief. What will really determine if he is a loser is how he is moving forward.
My GF was sexually abused by her maternal grandfather from ages 3 to 6. When she was 15 her memories of the abuse surfaced and she had a nervous breakdown. It took her parents 6 months to realize she was telling the truth. Denial is a very normal response. The rest of her family believed the grandfather. He sexually abused another granddaughter during this time (my GF was 15, the other granddaughter was 5) and was caught in the act. This split the family apart. The granddaughters who were abused had parents who believed them but the other family members did not.
@@monohydrate2 The grandfather was caught in the act and the family still believed him!? Oh, that is some deep denial!
The fathers right? The cousin just wanted some coochy bro not that deep
I was assaulted as a child but thankfully my parents had told me it was wrong and that anyone telling me to keep secrets from my parents are bad people. I told my parents immediately and the perpetrator was arrested the same day.
Wow, that's very unusual for the perpetrator to be arrested so quickly, OR AT ALL! Congratulations. I'm sure it facilitated your healing process.
@@stellarocquie7957 It was a neighbor and I told as soon as my parents came home. The hospital confirmed my injuries to my parents and the police.
@@traceycurtis1005 See? It pays to have a BIG MOUTH! A lesson to be learned by ALL in this kind of situation. GREAT JOB by YOU and your parents.
As a child who's adults didn't believe me when I told them about my assualt your store brought joy to my heart and makes me feel better know there good people in the world
@@kiddgreusome😢💔
The abuse started around the time of the divorce so it happened under her father's roof, it's easier for him to say she's lying than accept that it happened under his watch! Absolutely despicable!
People like that father are why child SAs have so many victims. What a coward and a swine.
My GF was sexually abused by her maternal grandfather from ages 3 to 6. When she was 15 her memories of the abuse surfaced and she had a nervous breakdown. It took her parents 6 months to realize she was telling the truth. Denial is a very normal response. The rest of her family believed the grandfather. He sexually abused another granddaughter during this time (my GF was 15, the other granddaughter was 5) and was caught in the act. This split the family apart. The granddaughters who were abused had parents who believed them but the other family members did not.
@@monohydrate2 No, denial is not a normal response regarding sexual abuse. Not believing your child can be just as damaging as the abuse.
It's definitely normal. It's very difficult to immediately accept your own parent would molest your own child. It's part of the stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. My GF was molested by her grandfather and her parents did not believe her for 6 months! They finally understood it happened and believed her. @@V.E.R.O.
@@V.E.R.O. if it weren't normal there would be very little of it. Just because it's bad doesn't mean it's not normal. Normal in this case means common.
Dr. John is so right about kids remembering when they are protected. When I was in my 20s I became good friends with a coworker. She had a six year old kid who was living with her ex. She was living with a guy who by all appearances seemed to be cool. Her kid was coming to stay with her for the summer and she was so excited. The first weekend he was there, we’d made plans to meet and do a picnic. When I went over to her house, he was sitting outside on the stoop and he looked so scared. I recognized him from his pics. I introduced myself and he said, “My mommy told me to tell you we can’t go and to not to come in.” I looked at him and said, “You stay right here. Everything is going to be ok.“ and I marched myself right into that house without thinking. I heard yelling and crying and went straight to that back of the house. My friend was cowered in a chair in a corner and this a*sshole was standing over her enraged with his fist in the air. I’m not sure what happened next but when I came back to myself, he was scrambling across the bed trying to get away from me and my friend’s kid was running into her arms. I called some of her other friends and we packed up her stuff and helped her move out that day. A couple years later she moved to another state but we still keep in touch.
A few years after that I ended up moving to the same state about 40 miles from her and we’d see each other every now and then. Well, one time her kid was coming to visit and he told her that he wanted to see me. Now he was about 14 or 15 and I’m in my late 30s. I said ok, but thought it was weird for teen boy to want to see one of his mom’s friends. He walked in and he was tall and lanky and kind of gave a monotone , teen talking to his mom’s friend, “Hey!” He was also way into skateboarding he had all the gear.Then he said,” I just wanted thank you for helping my mom that day.” I had to pause and think a minute and then I looked at her and she looked at me and we both just started crying. Kids remember the people who helped them and even the people who tried to help them.
Hero!
@@annalammers9978A really good man !
Wow this brought tears to my eyes! Praise God for sending you there that day to save them 🩷
@@Mariaelaina10 ❤️ He’s grown now, married with a kid and the most attentive and caring husband and father. When I think back day when I first met him, he looked so scared and it broke my heart. My father abused my mother when I was really young which lead to their divorce. I am also a survivor of childhood abuse at the hands of my mother. All the pics I had seen of him where of him so happy with a big grin. I was expecting to meet a happy kid and he wasn’t. I’ve had enough therapy to recognize that his fear and vulnerability touched on what I had felt as a child. It was also subconscious , but I saw that fear in eyes and I was going to do what I could to change that since no one had ever done that for me. Interestingly enough , his mom and I had never talked about that day until all those years later when he came to thank me.
this is so incredibly beautiful. thank you so much for what you did for your friend, her son, and the world that day. i hope you are doing well. ❤
If Dad doesn't want to go to bat for his daughter, then that explains why him and Mom aren't together. Just saying, props to Mom for making this phone call and putting her daughter first.
Great observation. The Dad's role almost got lost in all the other chaos.
Your kid ALWAYS comes first. NO MATTER WHAT!
@@BeGlamourlicious exactly! Dad doesn't want to break up the family? Too bad. His nephew already did that when he abused his cousin.
My GF was sexually abused by her maternal grandfather from ages 3 to 6. When she was 15 her memories of the abuse surfaced and she had a nervous breakdown. It took her parents 6 months to realize she was telling the truth. Denial is a very normal response. The rest of her family believed the grandfather. He sexually abused another granddaughter during this time (my GF was 15, the other granddaughter was 5) and was caught in the act. This split the family apart. The granddaughters who were abused had parents who believed them but the other family members did not.
@@monohydrate2bro commented this on 60 different comments 😂
The dad is the exact reason why she hasn't said anything and it's disgusting. How can he protect a nephew over his own daughter. And does he honestly think someone who tried to commit suicide is liar and not actually dealing with something deep? Gross, he doesn't deserve a daughter.
My GF was sexually abused by her maternal grandfather from ages 3 to 6. When she was 15 her memories of the abuse surfaced and she had a nervous breakdown. It took her parents 6 months to realize she was telling the truth. Denial is a very normal response. The rest of her family believed the grandfather. He sexually abused another granddaughter during this time (my GF was 15, the other granddaughter was 5) and was caught in the act. This split the family apart. The granddaughters who were abused had parents who believed them but the other family members did not.
The fact that he's defending the nephew makes me wonder if he fears what will be exposed... meaning I can't help but wonder if he possibly messed with the nephew. Maybe I feel that based on my own experience but I won't be shocked if that comes out!
@@monohydrate2My heart bleeds for your wife, you and your family. I am so SO sorry. (((Hug))) to her🧡
@@monohydrate2did you copy and paste the same thing to different comments?
As sick as it is, a lot of people in older generations think a failed suicide attempt is someone trying to get attention...that is what my parents told me when my friend attempted and survived. Turns out she was being abused. My parents still didn't believe it for a long time bc she must have been an attention seeker if she had 2 failed suicide attempts. In reality, she was just lucky 2 times. She is better now, but I never got over what they said. Played into my own ability to discuss mental health with them later down the line.
That girl’s father is horrible. How can they take the side of someone other than their own child?
happens all the time. Family often protects the abusor over the victim.
Unforgivable
My GF was sexually abused by her maternal grandfather from ages 3 to 6. When she was 15 her memories of the abuse surfaced and she had a nervous breakdown. It took her parents 6 months to realize she was telling the truth. Denial is a very normal response. The rest of her family believed the grandfather. He sexually abused another granddaughter during this time (my GF was 15, the other granddaughter was 5) and was caught in the act. This split the family apart. The granddaughters who were abused had parents who believed them but the other family members did not.
It obviously happened on his watch and he doesn't want to believe it happened, , it's still terrible but now the police are involved so hopefully he wakes up
Well based on dad's response, we can assume why she held it in for so long.
This is one of my nightmares as a parent. I cannot imagine how this mama is feeling, the instinct to blame yourself is so strong.
I wish my mom had done this. She told me not to say anything. It was a neighbor, and she said we had to be able to live there. I changed so much after that. I no longer seen my value, and I didn't value my body anymore. To this day I have never married, and I am 51. It is so good to hear this mother.
I am so sorry for you @suzannecarpenter . It must be horrible and you must have felt all alone in this world... I thank TV and Internet for educating people... maybe, just maybe, there are fewer parents reacting like the dad in this story... and more like the mom. I am sending you thoughts of love and self love! ❤❤❤
You were wronged. You were just a little girl. I'm sorry for all your hurt and pain. I know that some traumas never heal. Be gentle with yourself. Best wishes from Austin, Texas.
My parents only wanted to know why I didn't tell them when it happened and how 14 (when he was 27) was old enough to have wanted it anyway. Then I was effectively disowned while he's still invited to every holiday, birthday, wedding, and funeral. So do the complete opposite of that.
So sorry you experienced that. I hope you have a supportive community ❤️
Pretty common reaction. Helps keep them in denial, so they can insulate themselves from dealing with it. It's just EASIER for THEM. Sorry you had to endure this. When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM, even if ( ESPECIALLY IF ), they're immediate family.
@@wazup80 Thank you. I was at least fortunate that conversation happened as an adult and not as a teen. Her mom seems like she wants to do the best she can but her dad could easily negate all of it with just a few words. It's rough.
I`m so sorry..
Agreed dads don't care.
LOVE the idea of expanding a child's safety circle this way. 10/10
Really learned a lot here about how it doesn't matter the outcome it's that she needs to remember years from now that her family believed and stood up for her.
Well, her Mother, at least.
Shame on this father.
What a nightmare to go though as a parent. My heart goes out to her. I wouldn’t even know the right way to handle this. Kudos to Dr. John.
Tough. Feel bad for all parties involved, except the abuser.
I agree. Even the abusers family has to be horrified. My sister had to parent an abuser and it was devastating for her as well as the victim.
@@suek7086 It would be an interesting education to hear from a family member of an abuser on John's show.
Broken people, brake people...
the abuser may be a victim of abuse as well...not condoning what he did, but there's definitely brokenness in him...it's a cycle.
when I heard from 3-9 i just started tearing up my heart breaks for that baby good job mom that’s your baby
One of the most heartbreaking calls that I've heard on this show.
My heart feels good knowing that there are parents and ppl like Mr Delony who are watching out for kids and trying to help them recover when bad things happen to them. My mom was someone I felt safe to talk to about hard things. I'm glad for this girl and other kids that they have people that are safe to go to, too.
Apparently, that WASN'T the case with this young girl.
Dang, John! FANTASTIC advice!! Creating a safe place: hugs, cuddling, hand holding, her comfort foods, watching shows= creating a safe place💕
Way to go Mom! The love for her daughter is so strong that she is asking for wisdom and knowledge. I love that.
I was molested as a child for a couple years maybe? I don’t remember how long to be honest. Nobody knew and never told my father which was his sister doing stuff to me. The day I had mustered up enough courage to tell him he passed away. Maybe it’s for the best? I know my father would’ve ended her if he found out and I was afraid of this exact thing happening and losing him. He’ll never know now. I did tell me my mother but I was already 21 and I asked her to just break ties with her and just not even bother.
I was sexually molested at a young age and my mom didn’t find out about it till I was a teenager when I told my friend and her mom was listening over the phone . Let me tell you how traumatic it was to go through someone finding out .
Being outed before you were ready took your power away again, like John said.
Kudos to the friends mom for taking the hard steps to try to get you help though.
Sending you love and healing. I know, it may not help you, but you did nothing to deserve that trauma.
@@marcicisketti4608 I hope you don't speak to your father anymore. cut off toxicity
I took that deep breath with you, held it and burst out crying. Oh, man....I'm praying for you and your daughter ♥️♥️🙏🏻
Always communicate openly with your kids and DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT THEY SAY BACK. Just keep talking.
😱a father called daddy's lil girl a liar?❓😱
Listen up people! It's 2021. Gone are the days that you can call a child a LIAR❗👹 WHAT KIND OF MAN DISMISSES HIS CHILD WITHOUT GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF THE STORY❓❗😱
Apparently, many.
I used to believe that kids don't lie, until I met a little 7 year old who lies. She lies multiple times a day. It's really sad.
Kids do lie for attention.
@@minoritymindsets561
👹🤡⚰️
...the dad probably has a part in it...
When I was a young boy, I remember reading an age-appropriate novel about some boys with a treehouse. It sounded like so much fun. They had a club and pretended to be soldiers or pirates or cowboys or Indians, I don't remember exactly. But my mother always discouraged it. And now looking back, I thought my Mom was depriving me of fun when actually I'm sure she was protecting me from all of the negative events that could happen between youngsters not under direct supervision.
God bless my Mom.
That's kind of sad.
Yes. I grew up in the 1980s, and slumber parties were super popular among my peers. My kids are still small, but I am pretty sure I would not allow them to attend a slumber party. I want to be cautious about who has access to my kids.
@@licoreenbanning sleepovers doesn't teach your kids how to sniff out dangerous people and situations
My parents first response was to tell me I was lying and then they called the guy over to apologize about the "wild stories" I was telling. They didn't want to ruin his church image and told him they were not going to "stand for my lies".....
Horrible. 😢
That is just devastating. I’m so sorry you weren’t protected.
I'm 51 and went through this from 4 to 14, started with a neighbor that was 4 years older than me. My parents went to their graves not knowing and I have never been able to get close enough to anyone without freezing up because I don't like to be touched. I would ask someone in this situation what their boundaries are while making sure they know you are there and believe them.
16 yr old attempted suicide Edwards hospitalized. Then Dad was confronted with the information that his nephew sexually assaulted his daughter, and dad says it's a lie. Why then does Dad think she attempted suicide? Daddies are supposed to protect their daughters.
You allowing her to breathe when she was sounding frantic was so sweet. You're a great person.
New child custody arrangement asap. Could the girl be lying yes possibly it happens. However some things you just have to go with in the moment she tired to kill herself, she is willing to make a report to the police that this abuse happened, you must take this seriously. If dads not going take this seriously then his house is probably not safe for a girl who's so unwell she is willing to take her life at the moment.
So sorry for this mother and daughter. It’s awful. Ive been there too and it shattered me and my poor daughter. I have to help her overcome this and it’s been devastating. Now she’s bipolar and has been in a destructive behavior and lots of pain. I pray every day for her. Be strong for her and get therapy for you and your mother. If her dad doesn’t believe her keep him out of it cause it will harm her. Just love her and support her.
As a parent, if your child is sexually assaulted, that is NOT the time to consider validities. Hell, suppose it is a lie; that'll bear out through the normal process of the psychological intake, the legal process, etc. But you start the process regardless. Your first job is to believe your child and treat them with respect and love by getting the ball rolling on the process of solving/addressing it.
I would say that’s a good theory but it’s Not reality. MANY predators get away with it even when the legal system is involved. It happened to my sister who was abused and the guy walked away with zero consequences legally
That’s really awful and it does happen, but parents should still try regardless of how shitty the legal system is.
EXACTLY. Finally someone with some damn common sense.
Wow, that advice at the end... made me cry. What a fantastic set up for a rock solid support system.
Given father's response to the knowledge... that's probably part of the reason why daughter didn't say anything when it happened. Children pick up that.
Control is 100% the reason it is so difficult to come forward about abuse
I will NEVER let my children have sleep overs anywhere!!!! Or be out of my sight.
I trust no one!
She was at home
Dr. Delony...you nailed this! I'm so freaking impressed and so happy with your response and the encouragement you gave with this. I wish there were 10 more of you. Bravo!
What an incredible ritual! I would have given anything to have had that as a teenager! I couldn't talk to my mom at all. To know that there was someone on my side would have meant everything! Thank you Dr. John, for the gift of that story.
The dad needs to go to f-ing hell. Unforgivable. If you're a dad and a good man, your first instinct apon this call is to figure out how much jail time you're about to do for what's about to happen unless someone steps in
It troubles me that the daughter's never felt that she could confide in her mother, either, and that the only person she told about the sexual abuse she endured as a child was a close friend of hers. This tells me that the girl has never been able to trust or rely on either of her parents, which is heartbreaking in itself. There's a reason this girl's tried to commit suicide, and the abuse alone is just a very big part of it, but not the whole thing.
Me and my sister couldn't really go to our parents because we didn't want to put any more burdens on them then they already had. My parents were good parents just carried a heavy load. Looking back I wish I would have.
@@littlewoodchopper2659That’s exactly it. The shame and worry that they would blame themselves.
Thanks John, on behalf of humanity.
That mom needs to tell her the police talked to me, I know what happened and I'm so sorry. I love you, I believe you. Let's talk about what happened, so we can deal with this.
Ughhh😭😭😭😭 this breaks my heart as a mother, a daughter, and a freaken human being.
This isn’t fair and it sucks.
Big hugs mama from another mama
The composure and quick decision making in front of goal is incredible. There aren't many Arsenal forwards like Reyes was today, they miss too many chances! God bless you Reyes ❤ ❤
I love the ritual u shared at the end; how passing on the card of manhood reflects true friendship. Excellent stuff.👌🏼
a parent showing up for/believing their child goes such a long way
I wanna know what happens in these people's lives.
If the father didn't believe the daughter, the police would have a case against him to say he is not a safe person for his daughter to be around.
I hope the abus*ers in jail now and that they're going to have a trial and be in prison!
I have to believe the father reacted without thinking and that he caught him self soon after. I hope this girl feels better today and that she knows how lucky she is that her mother knows how lucky she is to be her mother and there for is such a great mom. If one of you ever reads this, I am sending rays of strength across the world to you. Thank you for sharing.
I have little hope for the father..so sad
@@avp6730 I am not saying anything else, you are right and feel the way you do. I just TRY to hope!
I was sexually abused by my dads friend (my godfather who he's known since nappys) from age 3-6, I'm now 21 and I told my dad/social workers when I was around 14 when I was off the rails drinking and doing drugs due to that and my hard upbringing, he doesn't believe me even when I described my surroundings from memory to be told that I shouldn't even know what his house at the time looked like inside because I never went inside but was able to describe the layout of where the bedroom was and that there was a spiral staircase. I still bring it up till this day, he went to this mans birthday holiday 2 weeks ago and I found out through my auntie asking my dad "So how was *his name* birthday" after telling me he was just going to the uk for a few days for work. It honestly still rips me apart the fact that I'm still not believed by the one person who was supposed to have my back... our relationship hasn't been the same since and I was very close to my dad as he flat out said to my face multiple times that I'm a liar and that I need to stop bringing it up. The only advice I can give to this father, is despite what you might think about the situation you have to LISTEN to your child and take it very VERY seriously because if she's telling the truth the fact that her own father won't even believe her is what hurt and scarred me worse then the actual abuse mentally. It f*ck*d me up massively.
Of course it breaks your heart that your own father is still friends with the man who abused the 3-year-old you! Of course it rips you apart.
I don't know you, or your father, and I'm fiercely furious with him now. Utterly disgusted and so angry, I'm sitting here and just shaking my head...
Sometimes it's necessary for our own healing and our own sanity to go no contact with the parent who's undermining us so callously.
@@vaska1999 Thank you for your reply you are very kind, thats what most people have said to go no contact!
I was abused as a kid and my mom told me not to tell anyone . Once i was places in a crisis center for cutting i told them what happened
Confidentiality, even including keeping things from the parents, seems like a hard but necessary thing. Some kids simply won’t discuss these things if their parents will find out because of the shame. Parents need to do more to make their children feel comfortable bringing problems to them. The other half of it is, what if the parents are the abusers? Then they DEFINITELY would never say anything if the parents have to be told.
This show makes me cry ! I can’t
Heartbroken for that girl and being a mom for a 14 yr girl my tears arefor this moms pain too 😢 so happy she didn't succeed with the suicide. Bless this girl. It's 2yr since the show. My prayers go out to this girl and parents and hope they're in a good place now ❤
The second my spouse tells me my child is lying about someone hurting her, he’s out of my house.
I despise how little sexual offenders are prosecuted and how protected they are. I can’t believe the social workers didn’t say something. Social workers are the worst! This breaks my heart.
The "uncle to be the go to' is a regular thing in many native American groups. It is the buffer zone for parents and kids , not a barrier , but a conduit.
Mom needs to tell the social worker that dad thinks she lying. It can be denial or it can be something more sinister.
Exactly what I was thinking. Denial could be guilt.
What a terribly sad thing that the dad doesn’t believe
Her friend is so wise: let them tell their story. What an amazing mother! Also, of all the people in the world, be a guy like Kevin or John.
Pennsylvania people. A wedge between parent child function‼️The agencies have been CONSISTENTLY APPLYING the laws WRONGLY, surrounding 14 yr old & permission etc. VERY WRONG!!!! The law states they can sign for self 💥To GET CARE , It NEVER EXEMPTS the parents 💥 Agencies have put this in print and enforced this , and keep saying it law . It is not . Call your local reps & legislators to verify & double triple check ‼️♥️🙏
Outstanding Dr Delony!
she is so strung best of the luck mom ! you are doing your best. animo! means, hang in there!!!
the parents have no idea of what has happened in their childs life.....such major issues .......it would be devastating that a child tells her friends and other people but not her parent
That is why parents should require some basic emptional intelligence: if you hear about sth like this about your kids, BELIEVE THEM!
kids need to know you have their back or they will never Trust the same again. Be thankful they came to you, or like in this case, just be there so that seh cann FEEEL you are there for her no matter how you learned about it.
The anger, frustration and self doubt are the parents feelings and not the childs responsibility. So yeah its ok to let them know you are sad or angry but that is on you and not them. 💚✨
Don't press your child for all the horrific details, especially when they are teenagers and definitely know what SA is as well as rape. Be their soft cushion, my father wanted to interrogate and was a brick wall, I beg you not to respond this way ❤
If that happened to my daughter I would Kil.. I mean I would let the person face justice!
How can u make it that parents cant know these things ?? That's messed up !
They need to know as caregivers. Minors cannot do anything without signed and informed parental consent. They cannot commit themselves to treatment, etc. without parental consent. They cannot enter into contracts or transactions. There are many things they cannot do, and it makes sense, because they lack judgment and foresight at this age.
I think a reason why the social worker might not disclose would be due to safeguarding reasons - with the abuse being from within the family. Even though it is the other side of the family the social worker does not fully know the dynamics between them, and does not know if it could make the situation worse.
Note: I’m going off the reasons why we don’t tell parents certain things in the UK, here parents are told things to an extent, however safety of the child is always taken into account.
Great advice as always
"I talked to her friend..." "I talked to my friend..." "I talked to her dad..." "I called into a radio show with a million listeners..." Lady, how many people did you tell? Do you trust her friend not to tell all her other friends you talked to her? Do you trust *your* friend not to talk about it to every adult your daughter knows? Is her dad going to tell everyone on his side of the family? Will she find this podcast?
I was abused as a child and when I was finally ok with talking about it I wanted *no one* to know except my mom. Not a f*cking single human being. And when she hadn't told anyone (to my knowledge) a few months after I told her THEN I wanted to go to the police. If she had told literally everyone in my life after I'd gotten out of the hospital from my suicide attempt and confiding in a therapist I would never have told her anything ever again. I would've felt so thoroughly betrayed and angry I'd say it was all a lie and not even want to tell her what I had for breakfast that day.
Maybe I was just a sh*tty kid but I know that's what I would've done.
John is the best.
She is right about PA. 14 and they can shut you down
Good example of problems usually just get worse with divorce. It transfers pain and problems towards kids. Weather she's telling the truth or not.
Great advice re etablishing physical touch comfort and safety first!
Wait, in what part of the country is it legal for mental health professionals to not report confessed abuse of a minor to the police? I thought that was required everywhere. It DEFINITELY should be.
I think they did, that’s why the DETECTIVE is reaching out.
The girl is 15, mom should have talked with her daughter FIRST!!!
Now everyone knows her business without her consent. How will she trust her mom now?!?
thats a really good point.
I think the mother is trying to find out the best ways to approach this without traumatizing her daughter further. I wouldn’t know how to even start this conversation.
right why did she go to her daughter’s friend wtf😂
@@doctorpostingthis isn’t funny, but it shows your age that you think that at any moment a minor being abused can be humorous
Nobody knows who this call was about. All of the names used in these calls are made up to protect the real identity of both the callers and the people they may mention during the call.
throw the dad away. FYM he didn’t believe her + it’s not possible?? TF!?
I was around tons of cousins and not once was anyone inappropriate. those are bad seecs.
How on EARTH did this not get dealt with in the hospital???? Wtf.
Where is the abuser?
Why aren’t they talking about arresting the cousin ?
Because that's the recorded part of the situation and the report has already been filed with the cops. It's the cops job to do this and the mothers job to ensure no contact, and mental stability for her daughter. It's a multiple front process.
I don't care what's happened in the past, if your daughter says she was abused you believe her. Disgusting behavior from a grown man. I hope the daughter is doing well, glad she has a good mother at least.
...that opening 😮
Thats an immediate death penalty if it happened to my daughter, regardless of who it was.
Whoever called the police should have called the mother FIRST!! SERIOUSLY!! To have gone through this without being able to process before that phone call!!!
Oh. . .NO! They're PROHIBITED BY THEIR LICENSURE from doing the proper, compassionate, RESPONSIBLE thing.
As messed up as it seems there is good reason for the law…. There are lots of teenagers that won’t open up and share abuse etc if they don’t know that their confidentiality is protected from their parents. It’s unfortunate but this girl probably would have never disclosed the abuse if she didn’t think she was protected from her parents from finding out…..
@@olivias2836 They're MINORS! The parents HAVE TO BE INFORMED! I'm more concerned with Law Enforcement's abject disregard of the dynamics of this situation!
@@stellarocquie7957 her life was probably saved by this law…She attempted suicide and ultimately opened up to a social worker in a hospital. Clearly seeing as her mental health declined to such a scary point she was suffering greatly keeping such a heavy secret from her mother and she NEEDED to tell someone. She probably only did because the mental health professional assured her they would not tell her parents
@@stellarocquie7957 I agree that law enforcement should have handled the situation with a lot more tact and grace. The social worker should have informed them that this child shared this with him/her and that her parents did NOT know. They should have approached the situation with more compassion.
Nothing pisses me off more than when a parent doesn't believe their kid about sexual abuse.
So you're comparing how she would feel if he told her to CHANGE HER BODY as opposed to how he would feel if a "doctor" gave advise on how to emotionally support her? Wow!
dad is insisting it didn't happen, IMO, because he's unable to process how this could have happened on "his watch" with one of "his" family members... that's what I think, anyway. Doesn't excuse it.
I sure hope the daughter doesn’t have to go back to spending time with her Dad if they are divorced and have shared custody. He is going to cause her so much mental damage that could really push her to succeed in her suicide attempt next time. The damage is just beginning. If she spends anymore time with him she will never value herself, she will pick bad men in her life and the abuse will continue, she will turn to drugs and drinking and anything she can to numb the pain…. And there goes a beautiful life. He needs to be kept away from this child. I grew up with SA and I am not married and don’t have kids, but boy oh boy did I pick some abusive men in life. My cousin was SA through her childhood… she had it all, but her life ended up in abusive relationships and she is still a drug addict. The damage from this can be controlled starting now, but not if that father is allowed anywhere near her.
I think dad knew it was happening or had a feeling, something. Way too defensive way too quick
Ummmmmmm. Ummmmmmm. Ummmmmmm. Relax Momma! Let it out!
I had custody of my sister from the time she was five years old until she was 13 years old. She accused a close family member of sexually abusing her and then turned around years later and admitted that she had lied just to get her way. My sister was 13 years old when she did this. It destroyed a family.
What did she gain from lieing about this? Like what did she say her motivation was? There seems like there’s a lot more to the story.
What does that have to do with a girl who, in her unbearable psychological distress caused by childhood sexual trauma, tried to commit suicide?
@@lukabeast1150 At the time I had custody of her. And at my house she had structure. She had a curfew she had responsibility. She had chores, but at my mothers house she was allowed to run free, run the streets at all hours of the night. Have boys over at the house speak to my mother disrespectfully cussing at her, and even hitting my mother, I had dropped her off that day to spend the day with my mom and her twin brother for her birthday and I went to go pick her up. She said she didn’t want to come with me and that’s when she said what she said . When I asked her why, she admitted that she didn’t want to go home with me because I was too strict. This was thoroughly investigated by child protective services. And they came to the same exact conclusion. She simply wanted to stay with my mom that day because she was allowed to do it. She wanted to do. So yeah, there’s not more to the story. Because if they had deemed that my husband, in fact, had done something to her believe me, I would’ve lost custody of my son that day and my husband would’ve been in prison to this day. My sister is not welcome in my home. She turned out to be even the worst version of my mother, but I can’t say that I didn’t try to raise her to be a better human but unfortunately the damage had been done by the time I got her because by the time she turned 14 I could not handle her anymore and I had to let her go and she went into foster care at that point. She is now going to be turning 39 this month. She has two daughters of her own one is barely 18 and the other 15 my sister is a full-blown alcoholic like my mother used to be she has accused several other men of SA. All accusations were unsubstantiated most people in our family and even friends don’t have anything to do with her because of her compulsive lying. Even her own daughters state that they cannot wait to get out of her house.
Great reason to work things out in your marriage because if you divorce your daughter is 75% more likely to get sexually abused.
Omg. Even if the man is s jerk like this one.
Where are you getting those statistics?
In a sense, yes, I would never want my kids to stay somewhere without me. You are trusting someone else’s home situation
Invalid argument. Correlation does not equal causation.
By the husband's nephew? Like the jerk wouldn't have abused his little cousin regardless of the parents' marital status.
Suicidal ideation is a trauma response! Attempting suicide is bc she is carrying burdens THAT DON’T belong to her ! She didn’t even feel safe to ever tell her mother . I didn’t trust my mother either as a child so kept it secret but gave many red flags something was VERY WRONG! She ignored me at all costs and to this day blames me for being molested, I will leave it at that . ..THE FIRST THING YOU TELL YOUR CHILD IN THIS SITUATION IS … IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT!!!! And you tell them how much you love them , will protect them & how YOU AS THE PARENT FAILED THEM . sorry but children give many red flags along the way that something is WRONG , we ACT OUT . THIS CHILD WAS FAILED . these 2 parents need trauma counselling asap ! The victim takes the blame & shame . The suicide attempt was a CRY FOR HELP! This poor child , 3-9 years old of sexual abuse ! Her brain has been so damaged and her father needs a kick in the ass! My whole family protected the child molester ! it’s taken me 45 years to finally do deep deep healing and finally believe THAT IT WASN’T MY FAULT!
I'm so, so immensely sorry that your mother finds it more convenient to deny your veracity and blame you for the abuse inflicted on you. If God is just, she will have to answer for that one day.
I've been molested (fortunately, in my case, it was just a French kiss from an uncle by marriage, and my mother made sure I never again saw that man!), so I know just how essential it is to be believed and protected from sexual predators. May you be well and may life treat you well from now on!
7:18 and they shouldnt! When abuse is happening inside the family they shouldnt get records . You dont know who knows.
You legit just talk with her . Be honest stop skirting around and make her feel safe and talk to her . Dont confront her like shes the problem . Do a family session .
Don’t know who I’m more mad at: the scumbag who assaulted this poor girl or the dirtbag dad who defended the guy and said his daughter was lying.
Is her dad the Chester? Or is it the cousin who is the Chester??