Childcare Guru Gina Ford Breaks Silence on Controversial "Cry It Out" Method | This Morning
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 มิ.ย. 2024
- In the ‘90s and ‘00s, childcare guru Gina Ford became a household name for her controversial parenting techniques which included rigid time schedules, and even advising parents to let their babies 'cry it out' rather than comfort them. Now, 25 years on from the release of 'The Contented Little Baby Book', Gina has broken her two-decade silence… criticising NHS ‘vague’ parenting advice, and clarifying that she only advised parents to let babies cry it out as a last resort. But does the controlled crying method work? We’re joined today by single mum Annette Kellow, who says her son became a more well-rounded child after being left to cry it out and counsellor Lucy Cavendish who calls the parenting method “barbaric”.
Broadcast on 24/04/2024
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Nah, listen to your instincts, trust them more than anything. Your baby needs you.
It's child abuse not parenting tips
I followed this book with my first baby because I was young and didn’t have good advisors. I’ve since trained as a psychotherapist and feel deeply remorseful for having followed its advice. A child’s experience of attachment in the early years lays down the blueprint for forming relationships for the rest of there lives!!. Just because something work’s doesn’t mean it’s right or good. Raising emotionally healthy children is an accomplishment and anything worth accomplishing is hard, including comforting a distressed baby when we ourselves are tired.
Yes age 0-7 so important and affects later life
I’m exactly the same - young single parent, now years later a counsellor/therapist and full of guilt. Vowed I would commit the rest of my life to making up for this lapse in judgement by following my child’s needs and fostering extra security in our relationship.
Please give yourself some grace. I'm sure you were doing the best you could with the knowledge you had available at the time. I'm also sure that you have more than made up for the prior practices with years of love, care and compassion ever since. Early years are important but subsequent love and care can work miracles, too.
I wouldn't even treat a dog like this, let alone another human
"I neglected my child, so he was conditioned, and within two weeks of neglecting him, (he learnt to shut up because he knew I wasn't coming to comfort him) and I had my life back, yay for me. now my son will grow up with an insecure attachment and have difficulties in relationships with others, but who cares because I got my life back and all that matters is me, not my son."
Wow
Well said 👏
Exactly, well said
Agreed our beliefs come from age 0-7
@@latashakhatri7529 that’s good to hear people know that 🙂
I think the point about comforting others when they’re upset is really important- if an adult is upset and needs comfort/support you wouldn’t walk away from them and come back when it suits you, so how could this possibly be okay for a baby who is so much more vulnerable and in need of love? They see you as their whole world- if you don’t come when they call you, they think their world is ending. Then they gradually learn that they can’t rely on you and must rely on themselves for comfort. Thea are not emotions or sentiments that we should encourage, how can a child learn empathy this way?? Or trust, when the person who is their whole world, who they cannot survive without, does not come for them in their time of need. All babies need is love. If you have a baby, you make the decision to be their everything and sacrifice your own needs for theirs. If you are not ready to make the commitment, to be there whenever they need you, don’t have a baby!
So brilliantly well said. It pains me to see these methods being carried out when it is OUR choice to bring these precious little babies into the world
This is a very cruel practice….medical evidence has shown that letting babies “cry it out”….has resulted in some babies and toddlers having developed..”hernias” from excessive crying…and have to undergo operations….which is even more pain for the child to suffer…it is basically…child abuse….a child needs to be comforted, to feel secure and most importantly…..loved….these women who practiced this….are just selfish and only thinking of themselves….besides the writer of the book has made money off creating misery for some children and parents.
I don’t think this is true…
I remember with my first daughter I would always run to her quickly and guess what she would let out a massive burp! She was so relieved after. I imagined all those neglected babies at that time. They don’t cry for fun especially not in the early stages. They cry because they need you!
I think letting your baby cry it out goes against every maternal instinct. I did the complete opposite. My Babies were in bed with me from two days old on and off until they were about two. It wasn't intentional but just what felt completely natural to me. We're the only mammals on the planet that give birth then put the baby in another room.
No other mammals have rooms lol
My prejudice made me think the older lady in the suit wud be the "cry it out" mum ... Madness that its the younger lady with a new generation of kids under her care
I tried to implement Gina Ford’s techniques with my 1st and it was disastrous! He was always overtired, hungry and grizzly. I gave up after a few weeks because as I was breastfeeding her feeding schedule tanked my supply. My baby needed more frequent feeds. Baby led was the way to go. He wasn’t a good sleeper then but he is brilliant now. I was responding to his needs and I have done exactly the same for the last 6 months on my 2nd. I follow her lead, her hunger cues and wake windows and she’s a much more content baby. Maybe for some the very strict schedule works but it was miserable for us.
I had a very similar experience!
I don’t use the cry it out method but now that I have a two year old and a newborn there are inevitably times when i cannot answer both of their cries at the same time.
a child''s only way of communicating it is in distress and needs comforting is in crying. Who knows what lessons it has absorbed if it just is ignored. Read some child psychology books instead, i''d say. love and light to all who are parenting
why do we shame women through parenting we do not do this to men!! - having a baby is the most life changing experience
‘A little bit of crying doesn’t hurt’. I doubt the baby agreed when he was crying out for his Mother for comfort.
This is only done in the west. It’s for the parents, certainly not for the babies.
I really appreciate them both having different views but staying calm and letting one another speak.
Wholeheartedly agree
Biggest regret following this I wish I hadn’t however my son is truly amazing but I do think it affects the bond. I followed a book rather than my baby. No baby should ever have to fit into a strict routine it’s unrealistic.
Exactly same for me
I would never of left my sons too cry
The woman in the blue shouldn't bother having a baby . Shes too selfish. You cant be selfish when you decide to become a mother .
This is an awful, awful practice.
Research shows that adults that were subject to this have problems with future partners all around trust issues.
This isn’t true- cite a source please
Yep I do!!
@glheath11 any book on attatchment will tell you this!!
@glheath11 any book on attatchment will tell you this!
Gina Ford ruined me as a new mom. Wouldn’t follow a piece of her advice if my life depended on it.
If you wanted your OLD LIFE- I’d say don’t make a new life! Coz no such thing as OLD LIFE when you become a mother and chose to stay as a mother…
Very well said!
Well said ❤
Didnt have time... put you had time for the pub 😂 priorities
When people say “I have my life back”, it makes me sad because having a child, you still have a life, it’s just different
My parents did this & i now have an anxiety disorder that has been traced to feelings of abandonment & issues wirh connection. I wonder if this has contributed. So sad.
Terrible advice - this woman is responsible for the damaged kids we have in our world today
Someone I know thought it was a good idea to let them cry until their toddler climbed out of bed and hit his head while crying cause he was afraid to sleep and didn't want to be alone. I find it insane, literally. Their child is now a very insecure/fearful and quite self centred person now, also highly competitive, but not in a good way. He is also a bit sadistic with his sibling and animals. I feel it could have go a much better way if their parents would actually listen to him wholeheartedly
Are people still doing this?! I regret trying this. People dont understand this method and do it wrong, which is what i did. It's traumatising for the children.
Oh and I did this at the toddlerish stage, and still regret it.
Sorry i preety much let them lead when they are babies. Personally i look after my children as i feel best. Each child had different needs. Don't really believe in sleep training or letting my babies cry it out.
I got up to make a cup of tea and my baby started to cry and my step daughter told my partner that I left him crying! I only when to the kitchen to make a cup of tea! She didn’t offer to make me tea or anything to eat! I was so upset that she made me feel like i was bad mother.
Your stepdaughter is jealous and wants to cause trouble. You're a good mother. Ignore her misinformation. You can make yourself cup of tea. You can always call to your baby while you're gone for a short time to reassure them you're there and hear them even if you can't pick them up for 3 minutes.
That’s right, she’s jealous and twisted. How old is she… 10? 😁
You’re an amazing mother. You definitely need to make yourself a sandwich and a cup of tea. Don’t be shy to ask family to watch the baby while you make yourself something to eat.
All the best.
❤good morning
I would urge all mothers to watch teal swans research into the effects of the Ferber method.
It also depends from the child personality and attitude
My little one has been head strong from day 1
Knew who the cry it out mum was straight away 😂
First child in 1996, the two more 2011 and 2015 I never sleep trained I tried it once for one night with baby number 2 and ended up crying myself so never did it again. My two youngest are also autistic so that made a difference and they don't sleep all night even now. I obviously didn't know about the autism when they were babies. There is also no getting g your old life back after having a baby.
I dont have a opinion either way. But bear in mind those who have twins or triplets who cant rock there baby to sleep all through the night and are dying from sleep deprivation that they cant even look after there kids properly in the day from pure exhaustion.
The proof is in the pudding - how do children of the differing approaches grow up? I'm going to hazard a guess on which group would be most well-rounded, emotionally healthy and, dare I say, compassionate adults. Those are the people I want to be surrounded by in society; not the care-deprived, emotionally-stunted and likely personality-disordered people that result from having their emotional needs neglected.
Her child looks sad in the picture!
Gina Ford’s approach wasn’t new. I believe back in the 60s Dr Spock advocated for similar routines. My experience is to be led by your baby and his or her needs. The striving for routines is misplaced. Babies are unpredictable, their needs change, you need to accept that your life will not be the same for a while. It’s a new normal. Enjoy your baby. Feed on demand. Be patient and be kind to yourself as well. As they grow, you get your life back and although they’ll fly the nest one day, hopefully you’ll enjoy a lovely relationship with your offspring.
I did Gina ford rouines but I didn’t follow the cry it out ever my instincts never allowed me to do that. The Gina Ford made me pretty miserable tbh and I swear it made my son autistic. I couldn’t enjoy my baby I just felt extremely stressed because the routines were too rigid to be realistic
People are born with autism, they don't develop autism, it's neurodiversity -that's genetic (neurodiversity runs in families and disproportionately effects the lgbt community)
Most mums in the 1980s and before let their babies cry and we don’t regard it as child abuse
Yes we do, now. It’s an unrealistic and cruel method.
@@V.F.N Is it cruel? Im not convinced that a baby crying necessarily indicates the same emotional distress as an adult crying. I don’t know for sure but I wouldn’t be surprised if in 50 years the view changed once again.
@@Anon00008 it’s cruel when you do not tend to your baby that is endlessly crying. That’s the difference. If you need to do something urgently for 2 mins or so whilst baby is crying I.e. popping to the toilet, that can’t be helped, but knowingly ignoring your babies cries despite being able to soothe them is so against our instincts as parents to care for them. I just don’t get why we decide to bring a baby into this world if we’re not ready to selflessly be there for them?!
@@V.F.N but how do we define endlessly? 5 mins? 10 mins? An hour. Also why is permitting crying necessarily selfish? I say this as previous generations and some cultures absolutely see crying as a natural part of a baby’s development, and communication- and not a sign of absolute distress. I actually wasn’t comfortable with my baby crying it out- but to this day I’m not sure if that was the right choice or not. I agree a baby crying for hours is of concern- but not necessarily for 15 minutes.
@@Anon00008 it depends why they’re crying? What would resort to you leaving them to cry? We know crying is their method of communication but they also babble too which is a positive form of communication so surely crying must be a form of distress or discomfort in some way. No one cries because they’re in a good mood…
My baby is 18 months she is spoilt rotten she rules the roost I don't let her cry for a second! She is only a baby for a while
Definitely not spoiling them, your doing great x
I wonder how on earth are they even still discussing a book like that in 2024 on TV, like it might be a good idea! As if such theories and practices haven't been proved to cause serious emotional damage to kids, many decades ago!!!
I guess to create polarisation and raise audience + comments here. It's depressing
Lots of half truths here. Yes babies have eat at night but only till they are about 5 months. Also Cry it out method does seem terrible but only if done incorrectly. I've done sleep training not to get time for myself but to get my sanity back. Also babies need proper sleep for the development of their brsin. Done it by myself and hated it, got a sleep consultant/neonatal nurse and it was best spent money in my entire life. Baby slept through the whole night forst night after 20mins cry. Before it had been 2 hours rocking her in my arms. She's nearly 4 now and happy as can be. Just do it right.
Are you serious? It’s like you know nothing about decades of medical research. Maybe look up Dr. Benjamin Spock from the 1940’s, go back to school and then post better content