Understanding Trauma - Part 21 - Parable of the Beginning of Trauma
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 เม.ย. 2024
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Tim tells a parable about how trauma began, and it highlights a subtle subconscious template that exists in our limbic brain - a template we are all vulnerable to listen to when our limbic brain is triggered today.
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I made it to midnight. One day at a time. Learned much from this channel. My life hurts a lot. And I need to feel safe to heal & be real. 66 yrs old. 42 yrs sober. Raw and naked.
You can do it ❤
@@IceBradleyHeal saw butterfies today. Words of truth are flowing. My little one & In are bonding. Telling secrets to paper & recorder.
In June I'll be alcohol & illegal drug free 12 years. I've not yet reached my full potential, I may never reach that nirvana, but what I know that I know is as long as I have hope I am in the race...the human race❤
Never giving up. It may be that 1 small turn may bring another minute of peace.
Thanks 4 sharing❤❤ 🎉❤❤❤
So proud of you, and yes, one day @ a time. You've got this!
I am sending you love. I feel this sentiment deeply. 💗🙏🏽
This is the story of my childhood or rather, the torture facility I used to survive in. Thank you Sir! You are providing precious service to those of us who suffered and those who have no access to mental health services. God bless you!
You are saving so many lives with your brilliance ! Earth Angle Tim ! A infinite thank you!💐✨💖🥰
This is the story of my 37.5 yr lonnnnngggggg marriage, except we never started on even ground. He was the Man of the Christian house and I was his Helpmeet to complete him and take care of him and the kids and it all went downhill really fast and hard. In 2005 he had a near-fatal motorcycle accident with a frontal lobe injury and that put the limbic brain in the drivers seat. I hung in there until my youngest turned 18 so there would not be any custody issues and left. Took her with me and started my new life at age 60. Best thing I ever did. He was not physically abusive and not really verbally so to me (but he was to the kids) but King Me selfish to the point of bankruptcy for the second time around if I had not left. First came in 2013. I developed autoimmune disease and he could not understand why his refusal to take care of staph infection wounds was making me feel like my life was in danger. His response was: "and your point IS????........." The realtor would not even come into our house because she didnt think it was safe. I thought very long and hard about leaving him. A good 10 years before I did; so I did not take my vows lightly. But it was all take, take, take and when I wanted some give, give it always turned out to be more of a pain in the rear, so I just learned to go along to get along until I got the courage and opportunity to JUMP OUT!!!! Sad thing, is that there has not BEEN a turnaround and I doubt that there ever will be one because every person in the family has been pushed away except one son who hopes without much hope that he will change.
Thank God for forgiveness..........I dont think about the wish I woulda, coulda thoughts (much) anymore and I forgive him for the hurts, but I dont care to continue them, and only love him as a Brother In Christ, but really dont care to see him. He is sorry, but more like sorry he got caught. Regretful, but cannot have empathy for us. everything is on King Me's terms.
You described my father to a T…
I woke up one day in my late 20’s and felt like I had no idea who I was
Thank you
Understanding further saves ❤
My father was extremely religious and I just felt empty. Everyone was afraid and uncomfortable around him.
Super-excellent explanation! Thanks for figuring it out for all of us 😊
The distinction from the "child limbic " system is very helpful. Abuse of power, abuse or authority as the source of trauma. Looking forward to reading about those 12 needs. Alex.
Mothers often behave in the same way as Alex. It would be interesting to re-tell the story with the mother of Alex as the protagonist, ie. in the role of the traumatising narcissist.
I think you just need to switch the names because it's the same. I also have a narcissistic mother. The tale made me understand why she got so upset when I cried; it made her feel inadequate and imperfect. It makes her look bad even if there's no one around. She provoked that emotion but was mad I reacted to it.
Narcissists are children trapped in adults's body so they see their children like selfish because they have needs and it their minds only their needs count.
In another hand, she hates seeing me genuinely happy too, like all narcissists. They feel attracted to someone else's joy but only to destroy it. They lost their capacity to feel real joy from inside and that makes them jealous.
Yes. The altruistic narcissist mother, working to protect the white picket fence cover. Shaming her family members for anything that might reflect poorly on her or "the family."
Mothers are often worse - they feign care to obtain attention and power whilst at the same time doing nothing.
Just switch the names. I did. Easy peasy.
Dear Jim Fletcher,
I wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude for your recent video posted 20 hours ago. It serves as a powerful summary of your extensive work and teachings, and I am deeply moved by the insights you share.
As a Holistic Health Practitioner, I have integrated your teachings with my own breathing techniques, and this combination has had a significant impact on my personal growth and my relationship with my daughter. Your willingness to share such valuable information for free is a true gift to the community and an inspiration to many, including myself.
I plan to translate your video into Spanish to make this knowledge more accessible to a wider audience. Thank you again for your generosity and for the positive difference you make in the world.
Warm regards,
Maria Pardo
It's Tim. Not Jim. Maybe you just had a typo.
Thank you for posting this. I now understand my childhood, it's the story of my father. Years have gone by since he died and I've realised I've put so much hurt behind me, or rather thought I had! Your video puts everything into context. I'm starting to understand. It's time to heal now. I wish this subject was taught in school. Suffering would be stopped at a much younger age as we could get help to understand what's normal in a parent child relationship. I've followed you for a while and I'm starting to get to grips with the trauma. I never thought of it as trauma before. I believed beatings, criticism and authoritarian behaviour was normal.
Thank you again.
Commenting for your algorithm good sir & to thank you for what you're doing! I found you from the amazingly wholesome Theo Von interview. May your channel grow to the millions as it's much needed in this world. God bless you, your work & your whole family.
Oh! I now want to watch that interview! Thanks for the hint ;)
Thank you so much for make us to understand who we are. Knowing who we are helps us to heal, individually, as a family and as a collective. Thanks for sharing your light and love with all of us 🙏🏼💕
LIFT saved me from hurting myself further, I'm graduating soon after six months of great therapy and will continue was just the surface I discovered about myself and my childhood
Healing starts with the LIFT program
I'm listening to this and I'm screaming internally. This could be a breakdown of my family and my childhood experience. Just swap Alex for my mother and this is almost a play by play of what my childhood looked like. Wow, it's equal parts sad and validating that what I went through was NOT normal
I think your story explained human nature beautifully and easy to understand it. Thanks again Tim. ❤
⁰⁰0⁰⁰!!
@@johnpoynton4193
Did you run out of words? How sad 😢
Thank you so much, Tim, for pointing to reality so clearly.
These Christian stories (isolated, and distorted) are SO used to manipulate kids, that it has made me sick to a degree of suicidal life-situation (and recovering, as I’m able to).
Thanks ! 🙌🏼
You have described my childhood perfectly. My father was an authoritarian, raging, abusive alcoholic. I was his Scapegoat.
He was an Electrical Engineer and the managing Engineer of a team who built top secret military things.
He was God in our home.
❤
My father was like a god as well. Almost always invisible but when he showed up he needed to be priority number one. Always above the rules. Permanently demanding praise and putting others down. Never able to show weakness not even when playing with a toddler.
Yep that was my mom
My father as well 😕
My father was not a drunk, but he was ex-Special Forces and hated me.....
Thank you Tim! You really nailed it as that was my dad. I love watching your videos! I feel God has gifted you with the ability to speak these trauma explanations so simply and yet so clearly. Praise God!
Trauma stared with disobedience of the one and only commandment . But, yes, these are the results today, and most still do not want to obey.
Alex is my mother. Accurately portrayed!
Grateful for this gift of understanding and putting words to my childhood. I am grateful that my recovery doesn’t involves drugs or alcohol. This could have been a very easy path for me to walk down, but the Lord has spared me from getting into drugs amd alcohol (partly because my dad would have been so angry with me and that was one reason to stay away). My heart goes out to all the people
Who have to deal with complex trauma and substance abuse.
Sinead O'Connor had a take on this in her song Famine. Worth a listen.
You just described my father 99% the missing part was alcohol. I grew up unloved, shamed and thinking I was not good enough or wrong, no matter my excellent grades.
😍 don't know where these steps will take me, but at least I may be able 2 go forward.
What the heck I'll try.
Being healthy I can only imagine.
Thank you so much for helping those of us who need to understand where and how trauma affects different people in different ways, (yet in all the same way, with our limbic brain). You have helped so many to recover and heal from trauma by using plain and simple terminology that is so easily understandable and relatable. I have been watching your videos for the last 3 months specifically because you tie everything back to God's word, the "Christian part" as you call it. It has been so helpful to me and I have always looked forward to hearing you tie everything back to our Creator and his words in the Bible. I must say I was truly taken aback by the Christian part in this segment. As a Christian, and a true believer that we take the Bible literally, I would ask that you reflect on your words in this Christian segment. To me, your words imply that we should not take God's words about how sin entered into the world literally. I do agree that the Bible is made up of stories/parables to get us to see a bigger picture. My concern is, it seems you are representing the Christian belief about how sin entered the world as being a made-up story. I have never heard any Christian imply that the story of how sin came about is just a made-up story, and in my opinion is not a Christian view at all. By God's grace and design, we all can choose to believe anything that we want to. My prayer is that you would reconsider representing the Christian view in this manner.
Again, I want to thank you; you are changing so many lives and helping people heal their trauma and recover with God's help. I pray that you would continue to do a good work in God's name.
@artisticFROG:
Hi! I subscribe to Tim Fletcher’s channel and have listened to many hours of his talks. I have learned so much from him and believe he is a gifted teacher for folks like me who have CPTSD. However, I too was surprised by his explanation of the Creation Story and his words that we do not come into the world with a sin nature. As a firm believer in the inerrancy of Scripture, that it’s the inspired word of God, I believe the “tree of the knowledge of good and evil” and the eating of the fruit of that tree is more than man wanting to gain one-upmanship on his neighbor-it was Eve’s desire to be omniscient and omnipotent,equal to God himself. I would argue that when humans try to replace God with themselves, Pandora’s box is opened.
Thanks for your comment!
Happy friday tim!
Excellent!!!!! Thank you 🙏🏻
Insightful. Thank you🌻
Thank you Tim for so many insights.
Thank you! I'm grateful to have found you 💗
Thank you so much Mr Tim Fletcher for sharing this amazing material and information which helps to understand about how trauma and abuse affects us.
It is done with so much simplicity that is so easy to understand and so interesting. It has helped so much. The Biblical base is an added bonus. May God bless you for sharing this this. !
11:24 Many parts of this I can relate to, except that I coped by trying harder and harder to earn love from people i learned over and over just enjoyed using me to harm me. Yes, I did become more self-absorbed. But I did not respond by becoming more selfish, as i was being beaten up by those people, just because I realized i needed that to stop, when they refused to stop using me to avoid their own issues. They slithered and found dangerous people, and now I'm hostaged for life.
This is my dad. Thanks for the perfect explanation.
Appreciate it…
I recently asked my therapist if my "father" knew the damage inflicted upon me when he SA me for ages 4-12. Her answer was shocking.
She said of course he knew. He just didn't care.
She’s right. 💔
I’m sorry that your dad SA you. You didn’t deserve that.
The Betrayal lecture and the Shame series really helped me to digest the truths about my family. ❤️🩹
I do appreciate this video in the main. As a Christian I was a little troubled by you’re saying about the story of Adam and Eve. We must be very careful. By saying you don’t believe it happened you could bring doubt to the entire Bible and by way suggest Jesus isn’t a true story when it is the most proven story to have ever happened. Theologians finding tens of thousands of written historical documents that speak of Jesus where by what we have for much more accepted historic people like Caesar is in the hundreds. Not tens of thousands. I do thank you and I usually truly enjoy the biblical aspect you bring. In essence I understand the principle you have spoken but the small parts that concern me is worth raising.
Yeah I would say that too. You could say this is kind of like the fallen angels story, (just a whitewashed version of it).
@@mobilityproject3485 there are even fewer believers wanting to acknowledge the depth of that also! Giants, nephillim and beasts etc. how the world mocks it all!
Finally found the answer I have always been yearning for. ❤ The snake in Genesis of the Bible.
I❤️Friday Night with Tim.
What causes people to abuse?! I see it all the time in workplace. People abuse as soon as they get into being manager in the work . Most of people I see love power and forget gosh what is the point- but they are, by abusing people people r afraid of them so they get resources invites and so on . I find it stupid but most people appears to love the position of power and using people to rule
I love this historia😢
What do you call it when you can never think of yourself?
Self abandonment
need more context, but try to look the definition of self abandonment and dissosiation, maybe it would help you
probably codependent because yourself doesnt exist; you are an extention of someone else
@@HJM0409 - I blame mom…
@@Grefareal - I have had horrible relationships with what some people call narcissists. Starting in the preverbal days of my life (apparently) with mom.
I was pushed to the point of having a psychotic break- it ended a career and led to me losing everything. I am stuck in a depressed loop and can’t get out of it. I wake up every morning depressed to the point I don’t want to get out of bed. It has been on for 3 years now. My entire life really.
Interesting theory, Tim. I think trauma originates from long ago due to a factor of genetics and unforseen circumstances (a drought rendering parents preoccupied thus affecting children by creating shame and limbic brain) - movement of people and war meant some would abuse others due to them having been abused (not to say a drought is abusive, it's just that perhaps some parents reacted harshly when kids asked for their needs to be met). Anyhow, just a thought - I didn't see any research on this.
P.S. your story matches my life exactly
I can identify. ❤ keep the Faith.
This is my mother, she's unable to be happy with her own life and seeks to destroy everyone's else's.
So much identification
“And unto Adam he said, { Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife }, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.” (Genesis 3:17-19, KJV)
What are the 12 needs Tim? Can you please add them as an addendum to the description for your video?
My parents resented my presence, iwas the reason they had to get married as well as the reason they had to stay together. They hated each othe.r and I didn't look like the pretty little daughter each had imagined.
Yeppers, I tried not to have any needs, b/c the 3 siblings above me were acting out,drugs etc
I’m unsure someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be helped?
It's like asking a lightbulb if it wants to be changed.
@@Hawaiiansky11 Not quite but close. The best bet to change them is to leave them and stop enabling... it's up to them at that point
what is the name of the book where you read this story?
This describes my ex husband. Who was worse than my cold mom.
❤
Does this video explain how the first trauma ever developed in a world full of love? Could someone please quickly tell me what Tim Fletcher explained since I don't want to watch the whole video? 😃🙏😉
I thought trauma came from being subjected to abuse beyond that which we can emotionally handle (a significant acute event or a series of significant events over time).
Interesting..But for.most people and most homes the case is that the pathology and narcissism in their abusing parents doesnt come from the parents sinful (limbic brain lust seeking whatever..inspired) free will decission but them having been abused themselves and just blindly continuing in the story of generational sin.
No excuse. When you are an adult, you have a responsibility to make your life better. You have options for therapy. Not one minute of childhood trauma your parents suffered is an excuse for the nightmarish hell they put you through. When you are a child, you have no choices; you can't get away. You can't go to therapy. You can't move out. You're stuck with a crazy person who is determined to make you crazy or to destroy you, whichever makes you easier to deal with.
Yes but we all become adults and can see right from wrong. Conviction (Holy Spirit) points it out to us and it’s up to someone courageous enough to break this cycle. It has been around for a long time because oppressive stuff in the world has been happening for centuries and humans think or believe we are out of it. The biggest psychological warfare is happening with governments far and wide especially the global ones! I have never seen so much narcissism in the last 4/5 years as we have done and the war is clear to see. It’s no wonder so many have complex trauma. When you know inside yourself God planted, that’s something is inherently wrong yet it’s pushed as a worldly belief system and you say opposite and are insulted or isolated because of it.
@@Hawaiiansky11 First, you didn't notice the distinction he made, between opt-in and opt-out.
Second of all, there's another aspect which is ideology. When the schools (let alone movies, TV, and celebrities) tell impressionable people with newly minted libidos that it's perfectly fine to engage in the behaviors that make abuse/neglect of children a statistical inevitability, they should share in the blame too. Most people trust what school tells them; I was a lucky one, I was smart enough to see that it was bs. Still crazy making though. When you know something that the schools are not willing to acknowledge, you feel alone.
(I am talking of course about so called "comprehensive" sex education which is laughable... when will they actually talk about the people, the relationships?)
Can anyone tell me
What are the 12 needs
A person has ?
Doing my best to heal one day at a time,
The area I really need is building structure but unsure where to begin.
Perhaps this isn’t the right question,
I have withdrawn further over the last 2 years,
It’s hard to like the person I have become emotionally,
I am fragile and find change or new situations stressful.
I find a need to be real and that can make people uncomfortable and is draining for me at the same time because I desire to put a blanket of hope around conversation but am not always feeling it ,
Or find simple questions about myself difficult to answer.
Are you ok ?
I mistrust my feelings it’s hard to define ,
I’m not ok but I’m better than I was .
It takes a lot to keep an even keel and that’s frequently exhausting.
I know I need structure and consistency ,
I need social connection but know that takes effort ,
It makes me nauseous thinking about it .
There is a video where Tim goes through the basic 12 needs. It’s worthy having a search in TH-cam for Tim Fletcher 12 basic needs you should hopefully find it but there maybe more information on his website also which I thinks is linked in the description. Hope that helps.
Am just a bit cautious about disciplaining a child without being percieve as abusive vs. very considerate and accommodating parent percieved to have weak boundaries that will result to undisciplined and entitled child which is even worse consequence.
Having a five yo son myself I often think about this question. Here are some things we try to stick to - maybe it's useful to you:
Don't force rules onto the child that you can't explain.
You're the adult and the child is "just" the child. You have to lead by being a good role model. If the child throws a temper tantrum you need to stay calm to show how control over emotions look like. That can be difficult but the more I heal and know about psychology and get control over my triggers the better I get.
If you have an argument put a clear end to it as soon as possible. Parents and children have to be calm again and have the right to criticize the other side - you don't have to agree but at least listen and let the other side be heard. If you made a mistake admit it and say sorry - again you have to lead by being a good role model.
Physical touch (hugs, cuddling) and verbal expression of love and appreciation is vital. Just doing things to show your love isn't enough.
@@minoruhaginoya2249 thanks for sharing ur thoughts.
When my kids were little (late 90s / early 00s), one of the most popular TV shows was "Super Nanny" - she had some really excellent ways to compassionately discipline children which actually strengthens bonds rather than weaken them. You can still find a lot of these episodes on YT and elsewhere.
✨💖🥰
🥺 I just chased off my wife and kids of 10 years, exactly this way.
One correction ... His name is Andy, not Alex. 😢
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.” (Proverbs 3:5-7, KJV)
"Alex" sounds a lot like my maturnel grandfather. 🤔
Fly to Mars🎉🚀
Did Alex hit his head?
This was my marriage to a tee. He still tries to do this. And we are divorced.
I normally enjoy and feel better from your content, but I could not watch this. It's just too compassionate / forgiving of a narcissist. I spent MY LIFE caring "too much" about the problems and so-called 'trauma' that narcissists, exploiters and sociopaths fed me (99% of which was made up b.s.) . What has that done for me? Placed a target over my heart, which led to further exploitation, mistreatment and heartbreaking trauma. NO.
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I know FOR A FACT that childhood abuse / trauma is NOT a requirement for someone to become a narcissist / exploiter / user / abuser. Some people are just evil a-holes. My friend's little brother was raised by the same loving and kind "June and Cleaver" parenting style as my friend, yet his brother is a nasty mean wicked person. My friend is one of the most kind and tenderhearted people I know.
Two of my favorite people were the parents who lived a half mile down from me when I was a child. They had three children - two daughters and a son. The younger daughter and son were decent human beings; I was friends with the younger daughter, even thought the eldest is my age. "C" was a nasty, mean abusive person who literally claimed a guy I loved SA'd her because he rejected her; she destroyed his reputation (she was 15 at the time), causing many people to believe he was a horrible person. She was the horrible person who had been violent with me numerous times, out of jealousy that the wrongly maligned guy was paying more attention to me than to her. Her parents were amazing! I spent a lot of time around them, and never noticed anything 'off' about them, even all these decades later after learning about abuse and trauma.
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I call BULLCRAP on people saying that narcissists are the products of abuse. Not always.
“Imitate me, then, just as I imitate Christ. I praise you because you always remember me and follow the teachings that I have handed on to you. But I want you to understand that Christ is supreme over every man, the husband is supreme over his wife, and God is supreme over Christ. So a man who prays or proclaims God's message in public worship with his head covered disgraces Christ. And any woman who prays or proclaims God's message in public worship with nothing on her head disgraces her husband; there is no difference between her and a woman whose head has been shaved. If the woman does not cover her head, she might as well cut her hair. And since it is a shameful thing for a woman to shave her head or cut her hair, she should cover her head. A man has no need to cover his head, because he reflects the image and glory of God. But woman reflects the glory of man; for man was not created from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for woman's sake, but woman was created for man's sake. On account of the angels, then, a woman should have a covering over her head to show that she is under her husband's authority. In our life in the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman was made from man, in the same way man is born of woman; and it is God who brings everything into existence. Judge for yourselves whether it is proper for a woman to pray to God in public worship with nothing on her head. Why, nature itself teaches you that long hair on a man is a disgrace, but on a woman it is a thing of beauty. Her long hair has been given her to serve as a covering. But if anyone wants to argue about it, all I have to say is that neither we nor the churches of God have any other custom in worship.” (1 Corinthians 11:1-16, GNB)
Sorry you r wrong because people can be like this at work not at home . So it works well 😂😅😢
Take the Bible very literally, in addition to seeing the greater meanings behind every story and every verse. ✝️
Literally?
Best trauma channel out there!
This is the story of my father/childhood. Weird.
I guess the bright side is that I've never been able to build meaningful relationships, so I won't be passing this on to the next generation, lol
Wow. The USA government and anyone who believes in US/UK/EU/Western hegemony needs to listen to this. Sorry to bring geopolitics into this. But wouldn’t world peace and respect for the other 85% of the world be nice? ✨💚🌍💙🌏🩵✨
❤