Miscellaneous Myths: Ares' Abduction
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Well, they may have wounded Ares' body and spirit, but at least he still has his pride. Oh wait
Alternate title: Ares And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
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*Hermes:* "Alright, so does everyone understand the plan."
*Artemis:* "Yes. No problems except one problem. How does one flirt?"
*Hermes:* ARE YOU-?! _sigh_ Just do what Aphrodite does."
*Artemis:* "Ooooooooh. Gotcha." _makes two people spear each other to death; looks at Hermes, smiles, and gives a thumbs up_
Hermes: I'm not even gonna ask.
Apollo: THATS MY SISTER
Athena: I'M PROUD OF YOU!!!!! 😆😆😆😆
Aphrodite: you know what, that's actually pretty accurate
Hephestaus: did, did you just admit fault in something?
@@roguepsykerhaaker4813
Eros: Oh boy
Zeus watching all this: "Boy howdy, this looks like it might get brutal."
Starts eating Popcorn
Zeus: I love all my children! Athena, Artemis, Hercules...
*(glances at smudged palm)*
Arse!
Hermes: *slaps Ares on the back* How's it going Arse!?
Ares: .....I hate this fucking family.
(I never expected this to be the most liked comment .....but I’m thankful)
Zeus: Hepatitis
Hephaestus: My name is Hephaestus, dad!
Zeus: Yes, whatever Horatio
please make more of these, i beg the three of you
Zeus: Thanks for always delivering messages Hermes, amazing job at archery practice Apollo, and thanks for bringing the sun to noon. Aphrodite, how's my radiant, beautiful daughter doing? Dionysus, thanks for throwing that awesome party last night, the wine was great!
Ares: Hi dad-
Zeus: Who in Olympus- oh. Yes your that war son I made.
* Sad Ares noises *
@@awebtoonreader4979 Zeus: Aphrodite's so beautiful, I would probably marry her if she weren't my daughter!
Ares: *gets kidnapped*
Literally every other Olympian: "Oh no!
Anyway-"
As an unrelated fact, Ares and Aphrodite were revered in Sparta. The writers of these tales are Athens.
Sparta, historically, made Athens look like arrogant dweebs all the time by being much more respected in War.
Therefore, can we blame Athens for writing a Bash Fic about how their war goddess is SOOO much cooler than the gods of their much better peers?
@@achintyanaithani889 That’s hilarious. Their feud boiled over into mythology, to the point where they were basically going “Oh yeah?! Well *my* War God is better than *your* War God!” back and forth? Man, guess the people having Internet flame wars existed well before there was even an Internet.
Kinda reminds me of when Klaus got kidnapped in UA
@@Pandie2828 in UA, they didn’t even know that he was kidnapped
I just realized what a fun trio Ares, Hermes, and Artemis make, it’s the overreacting bulky warrior, the sly and witty trickster, and the no-nonsense tough and versatile huntress, and I kinda want to see more interactions between characters like that
Plus, both Ares and Artemis have all-girl groups (the Amazons and the huntresses, respectively). Imagine if they teamed up with Dionysus and his Maenads! They'd be 3 "rebel" gods with a whole army of badass women.
(While Hermes may be the resident "trickster" god, he's duty-bound to serve as messenger, and therefore doesn't really have as much time as Ares, Artemis and Dionysus would to mess around and go on adventures... but he *would* be a great recurring character!)
@@Kelaiah01 that sounds so fun
@@v.v365 Thanks! Glad you think so! :D
@@v.v365 Heh, my imagination went into overdrive, and I came up with several other details for this hypothetical series:
-Artemis, Ares and Dionysus are the the 3 main characters because they're the Olympians who have no permanent residence (Artemis and Dionysus prefer to wander around in the wilderness, and since Ares is the god of war, there's not much for him to do in the meantime, so he hangs out with the other two)
-Hermes is the honorary 4th member of the group; even though he can't hang out with them all the time, he does his best to work his duties around so that he gets to cross paths with the trio as often as possible
-Apollo, Aphrodite and Athena also make fairly common appearances, though not as much as Hermes
-Aphrodite at some point transforms into "Aphrodite Areia" and joins Artemis and Athena in battle
-The main trio also make frequent trips to the Underworld: Artemis was childhood friends with Persephone and likes to keep in touch; Dionysus has his own connections to Persephone, Hades and "Cousin Zagreus," haha; and Ares likes to pal around with Thanatos. Plus, this would also mean that at some point, the main trio all take the time to pet each of Cerberus' heads.
-I would also have this series *heavily* feature female characters - particularly the ones who were badasses: Eris/Enyo, the Amazons, the huntresses, the Maenads, the Furies, the Keres, the Gorgons, Arachne, etc.
-Speaking of the Gorgons and Arachne, I would have them all be attendants to Athena.
It would be revealed/confirmed that in this version, Athena transformed Medusa and her sisters so that none of them would ever be assaulted again. Plus, none of the sisters have been made ugly. They're all beautiful but with snake hair. And while they still turn people to stone, it's only when the sisters *choose* to do so, meaning they're capable of interacting with people normally.
As for Arachne, I imagined a version that takes a little from previous versions I read about: when she and Athena make their bet, they agree that the loser MUST give up weaving forever.
When Athena sees Arachne's disrespectful tapestry, she flies into a rage, rips it up and hits Arachne over the head before storming off. The mortals who are judging the contest are terrified of the goddess' outburst, and quickly declare Athena to be the winner in the hopes of placating her.
Arachne realizes that this means she must give up weaving, and goes off, hurt, humiliated and heartbroken. But when Athena returns, having calmed down, she looks over the ripped tapestry with an impartial, critical eye, and declares that Arachne is the better weaver after all...
...but then she's informed that the judges already declared Athena the victor. The goddess is horrified that such talent would be going to waste, so she goes to Arachne's house to tell her the good news...
...only Arachne was already in the process of hanging herself. Athena, panicking, transformed her into a creature that wouldn't need a neck to breathe: a spider.
However, instead of being deprived of her humanity, Arachne can go back and forth between being a normal woman and a spider. She only "weaves" when she's a spider, in order to honor the contest's outcome.
Athena and Arachne make up and end up becoming friends, with Arachne sometimes using her small spider form to spy for the goddess, and using her web to make signals.
@@Kelaiah01 I love this may I take the under world part?
Artemis trying to flirt like "uh, hello boys, do you wanna uhhhh **frantically checks smudged palm** slap cheeks? _That can't be right_ "
Hermes: "Oh my self, I knew we should have brought Hera for this."
Apollo: *Snickers*
*I don't get it she doesn't wanna date ever* _dies of confusion_
Never mind I watched the vid ;-;
@@timothymclean Oh no, he wanted Artemis there. He knew it'd be hilarious.
VoiceOver: but it was,
Ares: I’m the worst treated member of this family
Hephaestus: * quietly sips Ambrosia in the corner because everyone forgot his birthday *
Ares: at least youre respected!
Hephaestus: *holds up his lame leg which flops around*
Ares: I get humiliated at every turn!
Hephaestus: *shows a diagram of how he was thrown of Olympus*
@@thomastakesatollforthedark2231 Ares: well just- just maybe I am better than you, look I even got a pretty girlfriend *kiss Aphrodite in front of him*
Ares: What? Are you looking at me?
Hephaestus: No, I-
Ares: *Attacks*
Ares: Oh stop making this about you Hephaestus. We're talking about me right now!
I will say this for Heph, though, He moved out and did his own thing. He doesn't dwell on it and tries to stay productive.
You've gotta give Ares credit for having the lung capacity to scream bloody murder for a year without stopping.
He is the God of Bloody War, how could he not?!
Ares: Release me at once, you *bleep* giants! You can't me in this *bleep* jar forever! Get over here and fight me like *bleep* men, you *bleep* cowards! And when I get out of here, I'll make your lives *bleep* Tartarus! I'm gonna *bleep* flay your skin with your own *bleep* teeth! And I if you EVER *bleep* touch my mother again, I'll take a piece of *bleep* white hot bronze from Hephaestus' forge and shove it down your *bleep* throats! And then I'm gonna...!
He is the god of lung capacity after all.
In the Iliad, when Ares gets stabbed by Diomedes with Athena's blessing, his scream of pain is described as like "the sound that nine thousand men make, or ten thousand". So it's in-character.
He could be in a heavy metal band with that lung capacity and throat strength
Ares: My father will rescue me!
*meanwhile*
Zeus: I feel like I'm forgetting something....ah, I'm sure it's not important
Athena: If you forgot, it wasn't important
Hephaestus: if you forgot,it might be important...
Athena: Na,what could possibly be important enough to forget?
Hephaestus: ...Ares?
Hermes: pffft. He’s probably fine. He can handle himself. Don’t worry bout it Hephaesty.
Hephaestus: (giving that look) *are you sure about that?*
Artemis: Meh,Ares is a big dude,he’s probably fine
Hephaestus: uhh,ok, if you say so...(still concerned about his little bro)
@@jovianguyen
Hermes: found Ares
Zeus: he was missing???
Hermes: apparently
Hephaestus: told you
Artemis: sorry, I thought he could handle himself
Athena: *laughs hysterically*
Hermes: anyone wanna come with?
Artemis: I’ll go
Hephaestus: bring him back safely plz
Hermes: yeah sure,
Artemis: can’t wait
@@jovianguyen Hephaestus concerned over Ares? The guy who had an ongoing affair with Hephaestus' wife Aphrodite? ...Yeah, not buying it. XD
@@thesilverprincess ki
ares is the smartest guy on the football team, which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf
Gotta love these Heathers references
Thank you for the Heathers reference.
Ayyy
I think Ares is basically Kurt Kelly except Ares may or may not be gay
I love heathers ❤️
Here is a fun fact about Ares : not a single myth mentions him raping woman unlike his father and other gods. That is an unfortunate part of wars but Ares himself never did it. Ares being respectful to woman makes sense if you remember how he was a big deal in Sparta, and Spartans treated their woman better from other Greeks.
Interesting... What's your source?
@@sparaxisblanc2473 He just stated several major things that are EACH topics of research.
And so, I'd encourage you to do your own research. I'm only here to confirm that yes, I am not aware of the existence of any myth where Ares rapes someone - while there definitely are myths making fun of how he never gets a girl.
And the thing with Sparta and women is also true. Just like Spartans being a warrior nation is a lie, ironicially. Losing one war, then using propaganda to make it seem like a major victory when it was in fact a crushing defeat and winning every war thereafter by reputation alone.
Spartans are politicians, not warriors.
Not to mention his daughters being the straight up amazons
He also once killed a son of Poseidon for trying to rape his daughter. The other gods put him on trial for murder; every male god voted with Poseidon, but the goddesses outnumbered them to acquit. So yes, Ares is canonically the only male god who doesn't approve of rape.
He is also the father of the Amazons, and he was very protective of them
Zeus: I love all my children equally.
Apollo: Sure. By the way, we were attacked while you were gone.
Zeus: IS ATHENA OKAY?
Apollo: What about your other kids?
Zeus: Oh right, sorry, ARE ATHENA, HERMES AND HERACLES OKAY!?
Dionysus: Yo, pop, what about the rest of us?
Zeus: ...Who are you guys again?
Apollo: ARE YOU KIDDING ME-
Dionysus: Y'know, sometimes I wish Uncle Hades was my dad.
@@CJCroen1393 nice reference to the whole Dionysos=Zagreus thing
@@Feu_Ghost Thank you ^_^
@@CJCroen1393 To be fair, he is quite fond of Artemis too.
@@omniavanitas7893 True. And surprisingly, Artemis is a bit of a daddy's girl! When Hera curb-stomped her during the Trojan War, Artemis apparently ran to Zeus for comfort (and unlike Ares, I think Zeus actually complied). Also, Zeus respected her wish to never marry or have children.
Zeus: They're trying to reach heaven by building a tower!
Yahweh: Have you tried changing their languages?
@Jayden Klaus - Less effective when there’s just two dudes building the tower.
If any of you are wondering, the second figure's name is pronounced **record scratch.**
Zeus: It didn’t work, they invented Google translate.
@@todddempsey1277 PFFFFFFFFFFFF XDXDXD
what the fuk is google translate back in the day???
@@shanedoesyoutube8001 It's just Athena coming down to give you a lesson on whatever langue you want.
Athens: "We like Athena."
Sparta: "We like Ares."
Athens: "O-oh yeah? Well, YOUR war god is the god of BAD war. He's super dumb and Zeus hates him so much!"
Sparta: Ok Pipsqueak. Let me show you the power of Ares.
*rekt Athen 10 ways to sunday*
@@KhanhNguyen-mh5ec
Haha typical Ares move
Khanh Nguyen Technically you’re not wrong, considering Athens got its collective ass kicked in the Peloponnesian War.
@@KhanhNguyen-mh5ec Athens: You may have won the battle but I'll win the war!
Sparta: No, I'm pretty sure I just won the Peloponnesian War
Athens: Are your sure about that?
*Athens becomes the modern capital of Greece while Sparta is hardly a small town*
@@whoknows7968 lets be honest the true winners of the peloponnesian war were the macedonians
“So if Aphrodite asks, can we say I rescued you?”
*Thats-That’s actually really adorable*
I just realized that Ares probably fell for Aphrodite because of her spartan phase as Aphrodite Areia.
@@todddempsey1277 you mean because she was cool before her ditzy phase
@@Pattabazza the brief period of time when Aphrodite still had a little bit of Astarte in her
@@todddempsey1277 Aphrodite was the Hellenized version of Mesopotamian deity Inanna-Ishtar or Astarte the goddess of love, sex and war, introduced to the Greeks living on island of Kythera or Cyprus by the Phoenicians in the 8th or 9th century. Pausanias, an ancient Greek traveler and geographer of the second century AD who lived in the time of Roman emperor Hadrian, mentions very ancient cult statues in Lakonia depicting Aphrodite bearing arms. It is believed that Aphrodite's warlike depiction belongs to her very earliest cults in Cyprus but the Spartans still continued to recognize her as Aphrodite Areia though (the warlike epithet of Aphrodite).
later the Greeks slowly reduced her war aspects and instead paired her with Ares the god of war as each other primary consort. so in conclusion, Ares is always an important part of Aphrodite, their romance is a callback to her earliest form and thats why i think this couple should be more popular.
@@j0hncassavetes
Very informative.
So this technically means Ares X Aphrodite has always been valid.
Zeus: so let me get this straight ares while YOU were captured while hermes and Artemis were trying to save you they got captured and you hear used all your strength to break out and killed them with there own spears?
Ares: yeah dad I saved them while they were trying to save me!
Zeus: is this true Artemis, hermes
Artemis: yeah dad ares saved us
Hermes: yep ares was very heroic
Zeus: well good job ares I’m proud of you!
Ares: *gasps happily and hugs Artemis and hermes*
Ares: (whispered) thanks for saving me you guys
Artemis: no problem big guy
Hermes: what are siblings for
@Liliana Ibarra thank you didn’t think this many people would like this
@Liliana Ibarra good point
By the gods, that's too wholesome I will died
I am all for this sibling dynamic. So dam wholesome
@@adeleaslan8182 eyyy, I saw that reference
I feel like it’s more Ares brings the common man’s war. Brutal, possible death, seeing your comrades get gored by swords and lances. Athena is the politician/rich man’s war. Strategy, glorious, fought from afar. So it seems like Ares is mostly put down because he’s the real version of war, while Athena is the idealized version of war, so she’s glorified. Probably sounds super Marxist but that’s how it seems.
Athena has an epithet meaning she who fights on the front lines so not really fighting from afar
I dunno if it's Marxist but it's pretty accurate
Athena was honored as Athena Promachos meaning she who fights on the front lines, so it was definitely not her being a coward and ares being brave
I mean okay remove the fought from afar part of Athena and the argument still stands. Athena gives off way more "noble war" vibes while Ares gives off vibes of the horrors of war.
@@dylanuttam2881 I’m not saying Athena is a coward, the stories clearly show that she’s the farthest thing from it, but she just seems too perfect to be an aspect of true war.
I feel like the Olypians are a D&D party, and Ares is the Barbarian who just wants to RAGE every time something happens.
Hades: So you all walk into a tavern.
Zeus: >raises hand<
Hades: Everyone is a genderless animated statue.
Zeus and Apollo: >lowers hands<
Ares: I would like to Rage.
Hades: W H Y
And yet in AD&D he was a 20th level ranger, 12th level assassin, 12th level monk and 10th level illusionist.
I get it Zeus is the-
Aphrodite: Bard
Apollo: Bard/Cleric
Ares: Barbarian
Artemis: Ranger
Athena: Artificer/Fighter (Alternatively, she's the Dungeon Master.)
Demeter: Druid
Dionysus: Bard/Barbarian
Hephaestus: Artificer
Hera: Paladin?
Hestia: Cleric
Hermes: Rogue
Poseidon: Barbarian/Druid
Zeus: Sorcerer
@@ThingsStuffington
Aphrodite: 10th-level cleric, 12th-level magic-user, 15th-level illusionist, 10th-level bard
Apollo: 20th-level cleric, 14th-level druid, 15th-level ranger, 15th-level magic-user, 15th-level illusionist, 15th-level thief, 23rd-level bard
Artemis: 15th-level druid, 16th-level ranger, 10th-level illusionist, 5th-level bard
Demeter: 14th-level druid, 12th-level ranger, 15th-level illusionist, 10th-level bard
Dionysus: 15th-level cleric, 14th-level fighter, 13th-level magic-user, 13th-level illusionist, 19th-level bard
Hephasteus: 18th-level fighter, 18th-level magic-user
Hera: 15th-level cleric, 10th-level fighter, 12th-level magic-user, 12th-level illusionist
Hermes: 14th-level druid, 15th-level ranger, 15th-level illusionist, 25th-level thief, 15th-level bard
Poseidon: 12th-level cleric, 12th-level druid, 13th-level fighter, 17th-level magic-user, 17th-level illusionist, 10th-level bard
Zeus: 25th-level cleric, 17th-level fighter, 20th-level magic-user, 20th-level illusionist, 15th-level bard
Everybody pitying Ares but is no one gonna talk about how rough Hephaestus has it? He was literally shunned by his parents, his wife cheats on him, and even though he's really talented no one likes him because of his appearance, something he can't control.
I dunno, Doctor Doom did a pretty good job controlling his appearance. Though this doesn't make him much more likable...
Whole character arc involves him being cucked lmao
Hephie is part of the trifecta of hated gods, with Ares and Hades.
The Olympians need divorce courts
@@chadnorris8257 we only hate hades due to his satan conditions he was a pretty chill dude.
Posit: Athena as a goddess of generals and tacticians, with Ares representing combat and the common foot soldier. Athena cares about victory and sends men to die when necessary, but Ares is the one in the thick of it, _with_ those men when they die.
That's kind of a more morally grey take on Athena, but she usually gets the brighter characterization, so I thought it only fair to Ares.
This is actually the best way to describe it. Athena is so loved because she shows the impressive parts of war that people want it for: the glory. Ares is just the bitter, rough truth that people don’t like looking into
Athena fights with the soldiers too and helps them in battle. That's literally all she does in the Iliad. She gives strength to heroes and guides them. A name given to her is "Promachos" which means "The one who fights at the front".
Except Athena is ALWAYS a front line fighter and, unlike Ares, has never ran away from a battle. Other than Zeus, she is the only one who didn't ran to hide when Gaia sent Typhon against the gods.
@@nedsteven4622 Well that's mostly because most the legends that we know of today come from Athans so thye had a massive bias and liked to humiliate Ares and make Athena better.
Honestly I find Ares far more interesting and sympathetic then most of the other Olympians.
@@omniavanitas7893 That's only in a few versions of the story in others she fled just like the others gods.
In some stores she even works with other gods to try and overthrow Zeus and even out right punished a rape victim.
"A divine noise complaint." That is the most polite way of describing an angry, snarling cat (Ares) in a jar I have ever heard. It had me rolling.
Now I’m just imagining Ares as a cat chasing a laser.
@@todddempsey1277 Meanwhile, Artemis would be the the cat glaring at the person holding the laser pointer.
@@dungeonmaster3464
And Hermes is the cat that steals the laser pointer before the owner can pick it up.
@@todddempsey1277 YES
@@todddempsey1277 I love this lol
"You can't have a war without the ugly parts."
YOU CAN'T HAVE A W A R WITHOUT *W A R*
GOOD OMENS
-Spartans, prolly
*William Tecumseh Sherman has entered the chat*
Ah yes the floor is made of floor
LMAO YES
I also like Rick Riordan's take on the myth:
Hermes: Hey guys, Ares was captured
Athena: (dryest tone possible) Oh no..... what do we do now?
Zeus: I guess we could.....rescue him?
Dionysus: Yeah.......maybe......we could do that. Who wants to go?
Everyone: Well, you see ........ I got this thing to do......
Riordan’s gods are so dysfunctional, I love them
And that's how Ares got his fear of jars... Let's send him a nice one for Christmas
What Uncle Rick, Percy was telling the story, get it right.
Vicenzo Stella wait what book is this mentioned (haven’t read many sorry)
@@mehmeh5615 Percy Jackson and the Olympians, read the books or be cursed with bad wifi forever. It's about Greek Mythology that has a modern twist on it, and is the first series in 3 with 5 books in it (that are hilarious). Rick Riordan is the author and has also written about Norse Mythology and Egyptian Mythology.
Ares is also the consort of Otrera, first queen of the Amazon. For being a hulking bully, Ares apparently drinks respect women juice, and he’s also a devoted father.
A happy middle finger to Zues. But there is Aphrodite. But she's also his consort in later myths right?
Isn't Ares the father of the Amazons?
@@justaghostinthesea yep
@@justaghostinthesea through Otrera yes
@@voydcat8089 OH! Oh, okay then.
I can oddly see Ares, Artemis, and Hermes having zany adventures together just from that last snippet. That art simulates good chemistry between those three.
As much as I love that idea, I'd be more curious to see Ares and Artemis teamed up with Dionysus (with Hermes a recurring character, naturally), for two reasons:
1) All three have all-girl groups (the Amazons, the huntresses, the Maenads)
2) Hermes is duty-bound as messenger of the gods, and therefore doesn't have as much free time as Ares, Artemis and Dionysus to go adventuring (in "The Dialogues of the Gods" Hermes rattles off his whole chore list, which he complains makes it hard for him to take a bath)
*Athena and Artemis* : Those gods wish they were us
*Apolo and Hermes* : Okay okay but at least we’re not that god
*Ares* : Well at least I’m not “you know who”
*Hephaestus* : ....Words can hurt you guys
*Hermes to Hephaestus* : Hey it's still better than being a mortal, let me tell you about this time I did Dad a favor. It involved a cow, a many eyed giant, and an incredibly handsome shepherd... also peacocks.
Hephaestus: * quietly humms to himself* "i am beautifull, no matter what they say. Words cant keep me down..."
Hephaestus: At least I get to call Aphrodite my wife.
@@selenopheria ares: but her spawn point is never youre bed!
@aqua blu Very sure. There might be no love there, but Hephaestus still has the one thing Ares will never get. The status as her husband.
There's also the myth of Ares killing his cousin, a son of Poseidon, because he raped his daughter! This led to the first court trial, supposedly taking place on the Areopagus (named after Ares of course). Ares would be acquitted in the trial. Also...he actually seemed to care about his kids; iirc he had to be PRIED OFF the dead body of one his sons, killed by Heracles, as he was crying over him. And again if i remember correctly, he's like one of the VERY FEW gods who NEVER took an unwilling lover....unlike his dad or uncle... ....Also that Ares pin is fucking adorable and hilarious...
One of the lovers he took just happened to be married, an unhappy marriage but still married.
@@jlokison but was she willing? That's the crux of the discussion here.
Morgana V if I’m remembering right that person was Aphrodite and was very much willing
@@MorrahaDesigns Very much willing. Her marriage was an arranged one she was forced into. Ares was a guy she actually liked.
I'm an Aries and this is why I can't stop rooting for Ares aah coz Mars is my ruler aah
My personal mythology headcanon is that Mars is really just an older, wiser Ares after he mellows out and stops giving a shit about what Zeus thinks about him. Therefore making his relationship with the Romans a lot better.
What's funny is that Mars IS the personal headcannon from the Romans. They took the Greek god and changed him.
Mars was also the god of agriculture, so he probably mellowed out, went farming for a few centuries, and came back much better
@@inkedseahearAres (now Mars, tilling the soil): "If you think about it, farming is a lot like war..."
Greeks: "He embodies all of the brutality and pain of war, he is a terrible god!"
Romans: "Yeah so?..."
Zeus: "I think I forgot something..."
Athena: "Nah, if you forgot, then it wasn't important."
Zeus: "Yeah, you're right..."
Ares: **Sad war God noises**
Ares in this myth: "NO PATHETIC BOX WILL HOLD ME LIKE THI- oh hey Hermes."
Also Ares when he get's let out: Ah, after ten thousand years I'm free.
(Artemis smack him in the back of the head) It's been a year drama queen.
@@wrath2501 Ares: "Do you have any idea what it's like to be stuck in a place with only your thoughts? It's horrible!"
Hermes pats Ares on the back. "I'm sure it is, big guy. Drinks?"
Ares: "...Yes, please."
@Frost E Bear Better idea: The Hangover, but the main cast are Greek Gods and goddesses.
I don't know why but I read this in Zegrams voice for Magnus the red and I laughed really hard.
@@rdherrera35 Give this man a cookie! Someone finally got the reference.
3:00
This idea just popped into my head. Imagine if Dionysus didn’t even fight, the fighting woke him up after he got blackout drunk and Apollo thought his hangover pains were actual pains from getting hit
Well Dyonisus could be pretty horrifying to face in battle, but as the giants didn't get totally mad, I suppose he was not in the fight ^^
Dionysus: "Uhg I have got such a headache."
Apollo: "Were you hit by the giants?!"
Dionysus: "The who now?"
Ares, Hermes and Artemis would make the best god squad ever and now I want stories based on exactly that
Archer, Tank and [insert suitable class for Hermes] , anyone? ( I was thinking of Speedster but idk if that makes sense for classes)
@@irsyadsyauqi3105 They're gods - you're allowed to make up any classes you want for them. Go nuts
@@irsyadsyauqi3105 Trickster or Messenger could work for hermes
@@irsyadsyauqi3105 rouge would fit him best
I am now gonna call Ares, Artemis, and Hermès the best friend squad 2.0
My personal theory is Ares gets the guff constantly because Athenians were the ones writing all this stuff down. They had huge incentive to paint their Patron Goddess Athena as Zeus's golden child. Meanwhile, the Spartans didn't write stuff down so who knows what their take on Ares actually was like!
probably brutal
You're actually right to a certain extent. The Spartans and the Athenians hated each other to a point where the Athenians would demonise the Spartans, while the Spartans would emasculate and embarrass the Athenians by saying that they werent real men and claiming that Athenian women's v*gina's were no good even as sl*ves as they only gave birth to cowards
The very little that the Spartans did right of Ares however was that he was incredibly honourable, prideful, brave and a sheer force of willpower, determination and INCREDIBLE discipline. They didnt write down any stories of him but generally wrote down his personality traits. They also worshiped Athena... but more of her as a goddess of war then the goddess of knowledge
@@siyarg.4900 The Ares you are describing is actually Mars, the Roman version. Ares was a bloodthirsty coward, like all cowards. Greek Gods were no better than humans, since Greeks did not like to be subdued by anyone, including almighty perfect Gods. . Every time Ares was wounded he would run to his parents, crying, asking them to heal him (and that story was written by Homer, not the Athenians). Romans on the other hand, being an extreme imperialistic power, turned Ares(Mars) to a much more prestigious figure to match their worldview. Same with Hercules, who in Greek mythology was an every day Joe who inherited too much power he did nothing to deserve and turned to a maniac before seeking redemption. Not the honorable Roman version we mostly see today on TV. Greeks were extreme realists. No happy endings, no perfect heroes, no stories with nice, warm cozy feelings.
Ares was an honored god in Sparta, but not a really important one. Artemis and Phoebus were the favourite Spartan gods.
Notice that Artemis and Phoebus were the gods of hunting and arts, that were the favourite activities of the Spartans (rich loafers) until the "spartan superwarriors" propaganda work started, after the Thermopilae.
The "shaming of Ares" started much before the quarrels between Sparta and Athens. Already in the Iliad (that was written when both Athens and Sparta were cities of secondary importance).
@@jake_ You're both right and wrong, you're right about the gods being more realistic within Greek society, but thats exactly why the Spartans described Ares how they did, the same way people view the Spartan Hoplite soldiers: honourable, prideful, brave and a entity of both fear and determination
He was well respected and honoured in Sparta but the Spartans always kept him at a distance because even they didnt enjoy war and bloodshed as much as he did.
I never once claimed Ares to be a good god within Spartan culture, just a honourable one. Spartans always had a twisted sense of honour, murdering thousands of innocent Athenians, slaves and being COMPLETELY merciless both on and off the fields of battle was viewed as honourable by the Spartan Hoplite.
Homer, was an Ionian... do i have to say anymore about Ionia(n's) and their general view of war (and through correlation to war, their view of Ares)?
Huh poor Ares, he’s like the middle child
As a middle child I can confirm this is right
Hey!
He has to act up because Zeus and Hera never take care of him
I gotta say middle children have got it hard. I've seen the problems. (I'm not one though.)
this is great
Artemis probably went because
Everyone:Hera?
Hera: NO
Aphrodite: I will do it
Everyone: NO
Everyone: *looks at artemis*
Artemis: fine
Everyone: Athena?
*Athena is still laughing her butt off after learning what happened to Ares a year ago*
Artemis it is
@@345635356 pretty sure Athena would have kept the jar.
@@GhostBear3067 oh for sure, and she’d ask Hephestus to make her a thousand copies knowing that Ares would smash the jar if he saw it so it would be wise to get unbreakable spares.
Hera: ZEUUUUUS!!!
Zeus: Oh! Hi... Hera...
Hera: Did you our son has been a prisoner of two giants for the past year?!
Zeus: What?! Hephaestus was kidnapped?!
Hera: Tch?! NO! Ares!!!
Zeus: Oh... him...
Hera: Well?! Are you gonna do something about it, or are you gonna sit around and just! JUST! ...um, just what exactly ARE you doing, per chance...? 🤨
Zeus: Uh! Well, now that you mention it I probably should go rescue- OH! LOOK! IS THAT A MORTAL VIOLATING A MARRIAGE VOW I SEE?!
Hera: !!! Where?! WHERE?! Rrrr!!! *runs off*
Zeus: Phew! That was TOO close.
Female Voice: Dear?
Zeus: Coming, honey! Sorry, I had to take care of a small... OFFICIAL matter...
Ares was basically the pincushion for ancient Greece, but let's keep in mind that he represented what really was THE WORST in warfare. Not shiny uniforms, not brilliant maneuvers, he represented the crippling fear of dying, the guts and blood spilled, the cries of the wounded, the blinding rage of the warriors that would become bloodthirsted beasts just to survive, fighting back to the wall until the bitter end, self-sacrificing in the face of unsormountable odds, the pain of losing a comrade and the survivor's guilt...all things that the ancient Greeks encountered all too often in their many battlefields, even for local skirmishes.
By making him the pincushion that was caught bare-assed while trying to bang someone else's wife or got abducted and forgot for a while, the Greeks tried to exorcise all those things Ares represented.
And even wth that, the Greeks respected him, for all his fierce brutishness, he was never described as cruel for cruelty's sake, nor was he painted as a tyrant or as a violent offender.
He was, in the words of Wolverine, the best at doing his very necessary job, except his job was absolutely not pleasant
So the one story about Ares, the god of war himself, is him being the maiden in distress and requiring an actual maiden to save him.
I love mythology.
Kidlike101 🤣😂😅
I mean Artemis is the most badass maiden I don't think that counts as a comparison to the trope
I don't really care what you say. Getting rescued by Artemis doesn't make you any less of a man. It actually reinforces your manhood to know she bothered saving you.
Not the one story. There's one about a net, and also getting captured...
Kinda similar to that one myth about Thor when he has to dress as Freya to get his hammer back from a giant who wants to marry her.
Giant(s) want(s) to marry the queen of the [insert chief deities] (and a virginal goddess of hunting), and end up inconveniencing the chief war god of the pantheon.
Ares: why won't anybody love me?!?
Hephaestus: **[silently hammering in the corner]**
I'm sorry but I can't get over the image of Hephaestus hammering slower in order to make less noise.
@Ethan Mulder exactly
But... How?
@@natsumehide3978 DO NOT QUESTION THE GODS AND THEIR ABILITIES, MORTAL! (shifty eyes)
@@natsumehide3978 He is the God of smithing.
If anyone can hammer quietly, He'd be the one to do it!
Ares: how bad could I possibly be
Everyone: pretty bad
Sparta: distant screaming
Meanwhile in Norway:
Odin: so.. this god from a foreign region named Ares you know him?
Loki: no was too busy trying to avoid getting fucked by every damn olympian under the sun. Shapeshifting into a girl was the WORST move.
Odin: at least Zeus didn't get to you, well anyways so me and him struck up a chat and hit it off. Dude's pretty brutal and I liked him, told him If he was up to it I'd wanna see my Berserkers and his spartans battle. Dude looked at me confused before I left, I think he's interested.... loki?... what is it?
Loki: ahem... you know how you assumed Zeus didn't get to me?
Odin: wha.... oh no... I better not have to deal with another of you're fucking!
Loki: no worries... gave birth in Athens
back in greece
Athena: what the fuck IS THAT THING!?
Edritch squid-snakedragon thing: *ROOAAAAAAAAARRRRRR*
Zeus: *sweating*
Rest of Greece: shut up Sparta! (Well, at least until they led the "I hate Athens" club, then it was "shut up Athens")
@@craytherlaygaming2852 Would really like to see cross-pantheon shenanigans
Kratos: ZEUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSS
if this is a reference to the lorax then
THE TREES ARE DYING AND THE DRACHMA'S MULTIPLYING
Olympians: Damn giants. Lets keep throwing deadly things at them until they go away.
Ares: *LET ME AT THEM!*
So… who threw Ares? Zeus?
@@coltonwilliams4153 Nope, Athena.
Artemis: Hey, Aphrodite, I figured out why you like playing with hearts so much!
Aphrodite: *shipper gasp* REALLY? That's wonde-
Artemis: Yeah, it's way more efficient to make guys kill each other! Saves time and arrows when I don't have to off the fools myself.
Aphrodite: But that's... not what it's... about... *trails off*
Artemis: Aaaanyway I gotta go hang out with the Hunters. Bye!
Aphrodite:
Edit: Dang, half an hour and I already have 142 likes and three comments? Y'all work fast.
New headcanon. This actually seems like what they would say
this is the best thing I've read all day
True dat.
@@bloodstoneore4630 Thank you! And you're welcome!
This comment is perfect
Zeus is like: ah yes my children the war gods Athena and [looks at smudged handwriting] ... airs
arse??? no, that isnt it either
@@Tijnob Athena: "Nah, that's about right."
@@timothymclean Heph: "A$$hole?" "That's it!" 😄
The better question is what it took from Hermes to bribe Artemis into showing a modicum of interest there. That must've been an interesting conversation.
H: "Hey... sis, I'm going to go rescue our brother because he's stuck in a jar like some grape jam."
A: "Good luck."
H: "I was thinking... You know how that one giant wants to fuck you?"
A: "... I do now...?"
H: " Could you... pretend to like him for a bit?"
A: "..."
"Look, it's either you or Hera, and I'd probably get murdered by _someone_ if I asked her that."
"Fair enough."
A: "Okay, here's the deal little brother. I do this, and I do it my way, and you have to go down to Egypt and pretend to be a bird for a millennium."
@Balance of The hill no....?
Well...kinda?
A: "Do I get to kill the giant?"
H: Okay, we’re here. Now, since I’m the god of thieves I’ll sneak in and bust him out; you’re the distraction, maybe try using your feminine wiles on them
A: Feminine wiles? Hello, virgin goddess here! What am I supposed to do, shake my hips and flirt with them?
H: Exactly, you’re a natural, gotta get moving, bye!
A: You know, you’re gonna have a hard time running messages when I pin both of your feet to the ground!
Poor Ares and Hephaestus one is hated by his mother and the other hated by his father. I personally have a soft spot for Ares for some reason.
But Ares is Hated by both his Father and Mother?
funny how the ancient greeks disliked him but in hindsight modern day people are looking back and going, 'aw, the god of war is actually relatively pretty nice and had it hard'.
@@brookedickson4118 Yeah, I know, right? When I was really into PJO, I was on the "Ares is a dick" train, but then I started reading the actual myth and my boy is done so dirty.
@@pensandshakersSo is Aphrodite as she is turned into a brainless beauty that has most of her more interesting aspects removed.
So are all of the interesting gods, tbh.@@4wheal
ares is that one bully in class that bullies people because he gets bullied-
_glances at profile picture_
Seems appropriate.
Yeah, i may not be ares biggest fan but i feel for my nephew
Shreyas Misra and dont forget that he has a bit of a temper-
Or, he gets bullied because he bullies other people even more than the REST of them.
@@timothymclean And because his parents never bothered to get him tested for ADHD...
Hera:"I'm serious Zeus he's impulsive, hyper, has problem paying attention-"
Zeus:"Huh? What was that? Ooh woman to bang!"
Hera:"ZEUS!"
Zeus:"Just give him to the nanny"
I think Ares also doesn't get appreciated for how much better his parenting skills are than those of some of the other gods.
Just generally, he seems to be a better father to his kids than a certain king of Olympus. He spends lots of quality time with Phobos and Deimos, he taught his Amazon daughters how to kick ass, and mostly he just tries not to interfere in his kids' lives unless they really need him. There is even a story that one of Poseidon's sons, Halirrhotius, raped Ares's daughter Alcippe, and Ares straight-up murdered the guy (no crazy, elaborate revenge or needless dawdling over details, just a good old smiting). Poseidon, being Poseidon, demanded Ares be tried in court. Ares got acquitted and the place where the trial was held was named the Areopagus (it's a legit place on the Acropolis in Athens).
Right? He's a pretty good dad for gods standards at least, i think Apollo would be the second best one.
@@despinasgarden.4100 Granted. Exceedingly low bar set for him, though.
Well when the best husband/wife relationship amongst the Greek Pantheon is Hades and Persephone, it doesn't surprise me at all that Ares took better care of his children than other gods. Except Eros who was feared by all the gods except his mother, who used him to destroy peoples lives.
Depends on how you define "good parent." If by "good parent" you mean "father who will rip your rapist to shreds and then dance on the bits," then yes. There's something to be said for that. It's kind of a fun game to think which godly dad you'd like (I am keeping my mom). NOT Zeus or Poseidon for sure. Hermes, maybe. Apollo had some kids who did all right. Hephaestus also sounds ok. You'd definitely get cool gifts for your birthday. (Hermes would just steal some cool gifts).
He probably doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes of his father. Or grandfather. Or great-grandfather. Or great-great grandmother. Or whatever the Blind Idiot God that is his great-great-great grandsomething
Aside from the whole “ugly parts of war” ares represents, I feel like he’s a himbo
@@JBarbarosa31 And he's a big handsome hunk and not the smartest tool in the shed.
The Ares being locked in a jar thing gives him an interesting parallel to Thanatos, who was chained in a jar/box/under a bed whatever. It's sorta neat in a narrative sense that a god once kidnapped and was abandoned for a while, would be the first to find another chained up god. It also makes it hilarious if Thanatos' thing came first and Ares was thinking "okay, my death buddy will get me out of this" and Thanatos is just...chilling.
Giants: **Stack a bunch of mountains on top of eachother until they reach Mt. Olympus, duke it out with the gods, and manage to kidnap one and put him in a jar**
Also the Giants: Oh no, Artemis has turned herself into a deer. Let's conveniently stab eachother trying to catch this now ever more evident target!
Right? Now I want a Bugs Bunny cartoon based off of this, with Daffy Duck as Ares, Elmer Fudd and Yosamity Sam as the giants, Roadrunner as Hermes, and Bugs Bunny dressing up as Artemis to fool the giants. It would fit a little too well.
If Ares's captors had been smarter, they could have just used Ares as a barging/ransoming tool. Instead they just waited and allowed the Olympians enough time to get their act together. And let the serpentine brain rule them when Artemis came, instead of using their simian brain to form the phrase "It's a trap!"
None of those things requires thinking at all
@@gamingdemigodxiii5630 I've read some versions of the myth where they try to use Ares as a barging chip, but Zeus and the other Olympians cared so little about Ares that they just kinda ignored it.
this is just the difference between rolling a nat20 and a nat1
Oh yeah, Hermes does commit a lot of felonies...
he's definitely that cousin that went to prison for a while and you think is really cool but your parents are worried will corrupt you...
**But** you can always count on him to bail you out.
He is the god of felonies. Probably this all started with a prayer arms race between travelers praying to not be robbed and the bandits praying for luck catching them.
Nah, Hermes is your little brother who became a drug dealer but your dad still praises him more than you.
Nah you *can* count on him to have you bail him out, I bet he wouldn't be hesitant to double cross you
Hermes is also one of a handful of Olympians who saw their role as protectors and educators of humanity and actually did this aspect of their jobs well.
Hermes reminds me of Robin Hood (the early Loony Toonsy version not the more modern noble paragon). Yes he is a robber and a trickster but considering the amount of rape and murder some of his relatives get away with Hermes is actually a pretty cool dude.
Artemis: So what's the plan for getting past these guys?
Hermes: Live bait.
Artemis: Good idea- HEY!
Hermes: Come one, Artemis, you got to create a diversion!
Artemis: What do you want me to do, the Distraction Dance?
Hermes: Perfect! Good luck! *zips off*
Artemis: I was being sarcastic you horse’s ass!
I knew that references
Artemis: This is why I'm staying single
@Attaxalotl a friendly Hoovy comes out from a hole in the wall holding a sandvich: "pootis"
Ares is a pretty nice guy. He's one of the only male Olympian gods that decisively doesn't approve of rape. There are no myths where Ares rapes anyone, he literally killed one of posideon's sons because he attempted to rape his daughter, and he is the EXTREMELY protective father of the Amazons a race of warrior women. His whole thing is to be the god of war, he's literally meant to be an instigator by nature of his job. Like, why the hell are y'all acting like it's personally his decision to start shit up.
Edit: for the love of GOD stop commenting with "um actuallys..." I DON'T CARE
Edit 2: THE WORD IS HONORABLE, that's what I was trying to say!
Just because he respects women doesn't mean he's a "nice guy" he's a coward and a wimp and probably has murdered countless of innocent people being the god of violence and all depends on what you think is worse murder or rape but whatever it is Ares is not a "nice guy" but he's better then other Olympians thats a fact
@@whytho1534 how is he a coward or wimp
Funny to think that the gods of brutal war and death are some of the sanest olympians.
@@whytho1534 how exactly is he a coward or a wimp? He's literally doing his job but ok 👌👌
@@whytho1534 murder is worst
Like rape is terrible thing
But no murder is worst
"Gods when its their birthdays"
Zeus:He only cares about the gifts
Hera:She finishes eating the cake at 3 am with wine
Hades:Persephone makes him a cake
Poseidon:Gets a cake made of cupcakes each has a different sea animal
Athena:Gets showered with gifts and has a nice cake
Ares:Hera gives him a old left over cupcake from Poseidon's birthday
Hephasteus:Has to buy his own cake but the store closed
Demeter:She gets a vegan cake
Dionysus:Gets even more drunk
Artemis:Goes out with chasity girl club to celebrate
Hermes:He eats a pizza
Apollo:He makes his own cake with mini suns
Aphrodite:Reminds everyone about her birthday to everyone until they give her something
Hestia:She likes red velvet she's a simple goddess
Well, at least Hera gives him something.
@@despinasgarden.4100 it's because hestia forced her
@@nanoramirez9331 Ouch
Poor Hephaestus
Octo passi Hestia and Athena are kind enough to give Hephaestus a slice from their cake.
Persephone: Hades makes her a cake (With a little “help” from Spot.)
Maybe the whole Ares getting stuck in a jar was explaining how they somehow had a peaceful year.
some greek person hearing the news: huh, would you look at that! no wars this year!
their spouse, absently reading through the ancient greek version of a newspaper: ares must be stuck in a jar then
And then somebody else was like “some giants probably wanted to kidnap some goddesses but had to settle for him”
And somebody else went: “Bet you they wanted Hera and Artemis they’re pretty hot”
@@swolejeezy2603 That last guy definitely died of a "heart attack" a literal second later.
maybe the whole Ares getting stuck in a jar was the friends we made along the way
"It basically was an Ancient Greek meme"
Greeks were probably severe memelords, especially as time went on. Give any culture enough time and civilization will eventually evolve memes.
Allow me to propose that culture _is_ memes. And not just because the original meaning of the word was a lot broader than its common usage.
To illustrate this point: Diogenes the Cynic.
@@tomlynmathewsjr7514 He's the plucked-chicken guy, right? Classic.
@@timothymclean Big time. Diogenes gave no shits about anything related to Athens, despite living in there. Literally the most famous homeless person because of how few shits he gave.
their memes ended there huh.
"THE SHADOWS BELONG TO ME!"
-Ares from inside the jar
“I FARTED AND IT SMELLS AWFUL!”
-also Ares from inside the jar.
“I’m getting kinda hungry, can we order Pizza Hut or something!?”
-Ares from in the jar after almost a year.
"I bless the rains"
Red: "Ares gets surprisingly little press in the mythology. He doesn't really make many appearances."
Hephaestus: T_T
Me: Don't worry man, you get your time in the spotlight...eventually.
At least Hephaestus has those sick robots. I guess if any god had to get a raw deal like that, having it be the god that can make themselves some new friends isn't the worst thing in the world.
I LOVE Hephaestus.
Didn't he like stuffed Hera in a fake throne? Also he got revenge for his NTR by catching Ares and Aphrodite in a net while they were boinking.
@@monkey_blu The whole scene has this wild air of smugness around it. Like a sort of "I don't even care, I don't even like my wife, I just want you two to know that I could stop you, any time I want, even with a crippled leg"
@@marsupialmole3926 I heard it that he wasn't really aware it was happening (maybe because he was too naive to realize) until Helios told him, so he decided to test it with the net, tell Aphro he was going away, and catch them in the act if they were really doing it
One fact I find interesting about Ares is that despite being an infamous war god he's actually a very pretty guy. I'm not kidding, he has a young, handsome, beardless, face that wouldn't be considered appropriate for a masculine warrior. This is why he normally always wears his helmet, to hide his face.
UwU
Good Lord, he's the Greek Inosuke.
qisndjfjs gonpanchiro sjksjdja
So those statue was a fucking lie
ZoanBlade90 that is surprisingly extremely accurate
I always feel like Ares gets the short end of the myth stick. So I do love the Ares respects women and also genuinely loves his children angle posited in these comments
Athena is the fun parts of legally murdering each other.
Ares is the... consequences of the fun of war? Huh?
maby Athena is more about protection while ares is more attacking.
Zeus: "My son can't even fight his way out of a terra cotta pot. He's so lame."
Ares: "Alexa, play Despacito."
Ares: The war god who got his ass kicked so bad by a mortal that he basically ran away crying.
@@minerva9104 Well... a mortal being aided by a Goddess who turned herself invisible...
HELP!!! Everybody at my school cyberbullies me because they say my videos are extremely BAD!!! Please help me, dear hara
@@AxxLAfriku idk dude, the masks are kinda weird
@@minerva9104 Aided by Athena .
Gosh HOW MANY TIMES WILL THIS BE SAID
Artemis: Time sensitive question. How flirt boy?
Athena: Throw rocks at he.
Hestia: Hot dogs.
Hera: Kill him.
Artemis: Thnxs guys.
?
Wait, Artemis is virgin?
@@justnoob8141 Artemis is well documented as one of the few gods who staved off such things, and in most depictions will out right refuse or merc the poor bastard that tries to join the iconically all female hunt party. there have been cases of her working with males, but relations with them are a big no, and allowing them to be a part of her hunt group is also a big nope. at least from the stories known of
Aster she’s a virign then
@@justnoob8141 its very well assumed by most yes
Wonder if *"Ares has been kidnapped by the sons of whatshisname and imprisoned in a jar for a year"* was used in response to some real-world phenomena that was oh so laughably bizzare, some kind of bloodless and uneventful conflict (presumably involving soldiers) that raised more and more eyebrows the longer it lasted...
Two city states are having a bout. Their armies meet on the battlefield. The generals of both sides advance to have a discussion, a last minute attempt to demand surrender. They're cousins. They have a heated debate. One that lasts for hours. All the soldiers are on edge prepared for but desperately hoping there is no fight. The argument continues. And continues. And so on. Good Lord have they even taken a breath? They haven't really been talking about the politics between the city states for some time now... Both armies go their separate ways, both kings shocked and bemused when the generals report a battle with no casualties for either side.
"Guess Ares wasn't paying attention today" slowly evolved into the story we have now
Aries and Eris are the most noble of the Olympians by virtue of being honest about their vileness.
Hell, the worst Eris ever did was drop a golden apple in a mortal's hands, tell him to give to the best goddess, and watch Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite make fools of themselves for randos opinion. (Granted, this did spark the Trojan War, but that's more Aphrodite's fault than Eris')
Ares:
Greece: Lol
Mars:
Rome: *F*cking doooope!*
At the end, Ares had the last laugh.
But Mars was Also in charge of things that Ares had no truck with like leadership, and grain harvests
Yeah Mars was actually useful to normal society lmao, no wonder he was respected more
mars is the roman's "oc character donut steel". he is basically "What if we took the laughing stock of the graecia-senpai's story, who is inferior to his sister in every way, and gave him all his sister's powers? Now we have a cooler, betterer gender bent version of graecia-senpai's mc!" and then they occupied graecia-senpai's house to give their oc more credibility
@@seele_4826 Kinda? Like, Mars was an agricultural war god in his own right even before the conquest of Greece. The joke about Romans slapping names onto Greek gods is absolutely true, but a lot of people don't look further for historical context.
I feel like anytime Hades hears that Olympus is being attacked, he just sits on his throne and says "meh" Not caring at all.
More like "I'm sorry, I'm busy doing my actual job, so have fun with that."
He probably prepares for “guests”
_Shaking above the underworld_
Hades: Sighs "They probably deserve it."
Persephone: "Which ones?"
Hades: "All of them. Lets get ready for all the new arrivals."
"You guys don't want me over for Saturnalia, why would you want me over for invasions?"
"Saturnalia is _Roman!"_
"Well nobody's heard of Haloea!"
"I-look, we can continue this discussion when there aren't giants at our door, one of them just caught Ares in a jar."
"Really? Damn, wish I was there."
@@annieandelsieofarendelle3294 as well as all the riches the underworld offers, such as precious metals and gems... To be honest the only thing he could want from Olympus other than the adoration of the living is the view.
To me, one of the more interesting aspects of the myth about Ares being locked up in a jar is the following text from the Illiad describing it:
"Mars had to suffer when Otus and Ephialtes, children of Aloeus, bound him in cruel bonds, so that he lay thirteen months imprisoned in a vessel of bronze. Mars would have then perished had not fair Eeriboea, stepmother to the sons of Aloeus, told Mercury, who stole him away when he was already well-nigh worn out by the severity of his bondage. "
In particular the line "Mars would have then perished". It's fascinating because it's one of the very few references in the entirety of Greek mythology indicating the gods might be killable.
There's some speculation the imprisonment in the jar could work because he was separated from the Ambrosia that gods drink.
At any rate, with many references showing gods surviving stuff like dismemberment or being eaten alive, it's interesting to see a reference to a potential weak point of theirs.
Ares - "I will be the eventual winner among all of us just you see."
Athena - "Really? The city named after me seems to be the seat of civlisation and is likely gonna be main inspiration of the future.... and you got locked in a Jar."
*Much much later*
Ares as Mars - "HAHAHAHAHA! Lasted 1000 years in some form, the basis for civilisation especially the most advanced and powerful in many aspects, one of the biggest empires at peak and more! Come here my Boy I am so proud."
Romulus maybe as Quirinus - "ROME ROME ROME" translation - "If it will make you happy father."
*Father son hug*
Athena - *tch* "Well mine still played a major role...and still the Jar happened"
Well, both Athens and Rome are the capitals of their respective countries, so both Athena and Ares are winners, I guess.
Ares/Mars: "I have a planet named after me! What did you get?"
Athena/Minerva: "A telescope and an ast-"
Ares/Mars: "A Harry Potter character!"
About 2,000 if you count the Byzantines...
@@CollinMcLean the Byzantines for the most part became Catholics when Konstantin came to power
Mars: "And what was going on with you while I was sponsoring the greatest civilization in the world? That's right, you became a goddess of arts and crafts."
Thought: How much of Ares character is the result of myth filtered through Athenian propaganda?
That's actually a really good point holy shit
This is probably extremely true.
Yeah, thats what all myths are. Like a struggle in egypy, between lower and upper egypt and so on...
YES
Well it seems sort of obvious.
Ovid hyper-politicized the gods as tyrants, but he was hardly the first example of this. And historically mythologies evolve by being filtered through various lens of social change. IE: Everything Celtic through the lens of Christianity.
So Ares being one of the primary gods of the Athenian's biggest rival, and the established tendency to co-opt those deities to suit Athenian ideals (]citation: Aphrodite). Then it stands to reason he'd be propagandized as lesser and made the whipping boy of myth as a form of political attack.
Ares: "Guys! You've rescued me! Were you spending the whole year trying to figure a way to get me out of here?"
Artemis: "No we just forgot about you until now."
Hermes: That and it took me an hour to get you out of the jar, that lid was really on there.
A bit earlier:
The Aloadae's stepmom: Guys, I know you're pretty busy but you REALLY need to get Ares out of my basement, we can't get any sleep around here.
Zeus: ...Who?
Hera: Our son, Zeus.
Zeus: Oh yeah, him! Wait, he was missing? Oh. Well that explains why nothing's been on fire for a year.
0:23 I love the guy next to Ares who's just like "Hey, check out this loser"
I bet you that’s Apollo
Okay, but Ares and Aphrodite Areia would be the ultimate power couple.
Ares: And that one time, they held me in a jar for a year!
Thor: At least you did not have to wear a girls dress.
Ares: Well no, but one had to rescue me. How did you get out of it?
Thor: Murder.
Monkey King "I did both of those things."
Tezacalipoca: *sipping apple juice for chaos to begin* he got trapped under a mountain several times
Sussano: Oh man, you should have seen how pissed my sister was at me...
@@alnu8355
Hou'Yi: At least she got pissed for a reason!
@@gangrenousgandalf2102
Zuko: That's rough buddy
Ares/Bane: "You think the jar is your ally. But I was kept in it, moulded by it..."
It's funny because in the D&D setting of the Nentir Vale, the Ares-analogy is named Bane.
@@B.-T. Holy Blibdoolpoolp, a 4E setting reference in 2020? I am amazed.
In fairness to Ares (not that the jerk deserves it) the Forgotten Realms version of Bane is less war god and more cruel, scheming dictator, bully and divine sadist. The 4E version of him is actually a bit less unpleasant than his original writeup, which is saying something considering how awful he still is. Then again, having to live with Gruumsh and his roadies after he did the divine equivalent of driving his tour bus into your house and parking there for all eternity would make anyone cranky. :)
@@richmcgee434 I mean I've never played 4E but the Nentir Vale setting has its fans and to me seems interesting yet vague enough that I'd rather run games there than, say, Forgotten Realms or Eberron.
And 4E/Nentir Vale Bane is totes Ares, his art in a Dragon Magazine article is even basically Ares (greek armor and helm, spear and shield, the whole shebang), versus the grey bald claw-fingered god of the Forgotten Realms.
And Ares definitely deserves fairness. He's the only Olympian who saw a rape and both stopped it, and killed the rapist.
I had not seen daylight for a whole lunar year, and by then it was BLINDING!
you are a big god
in the lunar year Ares is missing
"wow it's been very nice and quiet" Artemis
"yeah. wonder whyyyy-oooh shit." Hermes
"what?" Artemis
"this explains a text I got like a month ago." Hermes
Hermes gives me major ADHD vibes
@@justaghostinthesea bruh 😂
@@misslangleysoryuisiconic What
@@justaghostinthesea I had adhd lol
@@misslangleysoryuisiconic Oh cool
To be fair Athena IS usually characterized as Zeus’s favorite child by a LOT. Like, a LOOOOT.
to also be fair, a lot of our sources are from Athens : )
@@LincolnDWard also to be fair, even non athenian sources shows ares being hated, and athena being loved like homer wasn't athenian, nor hesiod nor pindar or nicander.
What's kind of funny is that she has actually backstabed Zeus a few times and sided with them trying to overthrow him but used her position as the favourite child to get away with it
@@4wheal That depends upon your interpretation and biasness.
she hasn't backstabbed Zeus a few times,
she only did it once in iliad, which also comes from the fact that Thetys was telling the story that Zeus owes her a favor. Where she helped Zeus against poseidon hera and Athena.
2nd the iliad doesn't mention for what reason the gods Poseidon Hera were punished, people just link it with that incident.
3rd Athena has helped Zeus (like against Typhon) and actually be loyal almost everywhere.
So then it becomes whether you want to focus on her role in almost all the cases where she's loyal, or focus on one exception (without exaggerating it, from one event to calling it a 'few').
@@flippednormals297 Actually, Athena has popped up in the myth of chaining Zeus to his bed, and they have been seen as serprate events.
Athena, in most versions, runs away from Typhon like everyone else, that is even the far more common version.
Also, it's funny because she is still shown to be less loyal than Ares even if she only backstab him a few times.
So, the damsel in distress trope is literally so old even the ancient Greek mythology already inverted it.
@@eryvac0074 Subversion would be if we thought the damsel was in distress but then learned she wasn't.
Here the distress is real but it's the damsel who rescues the dude who was in distress.
Ancient greek/Rome invented EVERYTHING
"You want me to seduce them. Me? You KNOW I don't go for that stuff."
"Look, I'll zip in the back and grab him. In and out. All you have to do is stand there for like five minutes."
"Ugghhh.... Fine."
.......
"Ok, got him..... ye us! What happened!?!"
"One of them started skeeeving on me, so I egged on their fight a bit."
"A bit? They're both dead! ....very, very, very dead."
"Look, do you wanna get Jar-boy home or not?"
Ares:...Are you *sure* you're not a war god?
Meanwhile, down in the underworld:
Hades: Persephone, dear, wouldja mind prepping some of that herbal drink King Yama sent us a while back? I think it was called..."tea". I feel a headache coming on from these two new arrivals courtesy of our wonderful kin above. Make it two, coz you're gonna hate how this happened.
@@reyonXIII
Ephialtes: I don't see what the problem is. Everyone says we should be more like Uncle Hades...
Hades: THIS WAS NOT THE PART THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT!!!! Ugh, Persephone, do we have any more of that pomegranate wine Dionysus got us for our anniversary.
Pirithous: Maybe you can pour me a glass too?
Hades: ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU AND I AM CHAINING YOU TO SISYPHUS'S BOULDER!!
@@jordanloux3883 Hades: So when you heard “be more like Hades”, you interpreted it as “kidnap the woman you want to marry”? THAT WAS ONE FUCKING TIME! AND ZEUS AND POSEIDON BOTH KIDNAP THEIR FAIR SHARE OF WOMEN AND MEN YET YA’LL NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT!!
@@midnight_rose2337 Persephone brings a tray with tea and wine: I'll admit that I was surprise and upset when you did that to me. But after getting to know you better, I'm happy being your wife and your Queen of the Underworld
Otus 'holds up a potted plant' : Hey Aunt Persephone, what's the name of this plant that smells so good?
Persephone smiles innocently: Oh that's a Mint Plant. It used to be a Nymph, but she tried to steal my husband. So I punish her hehe
Ephialtes & Otus: ....... (They're definitely a match made in hell)
I feel like ares is that one friend who is totally insecure about everything because hes got depression and does not want to be abandoned
I love Ares screaming his version of the Navy Seal copypasta while trapped in the jar.
Ares needs a hug, geez. Man gets screwed over at nearly every turn.
Aphrodite helps with both of those.
@@timothymclean Hephistos : and this is why I fogred... The chastity belt *dramatic prophecy music *
@@prizmarvalschi1319 *hephaestus
*hephaestus forges a golden grail with cheetah head on it too* a wine god deserves a perfect cup *Hermes plays dramatic spiritual tones*
@@prizmarvalschi1319 Artemis: "Wait, I was supposed to get a belt?"
Mimir: Just out of curiosity, what happened that day when you defeated ares?
Kratos: the gods refused to forgive my sins. So I jumped off a cliff into the ocean.
Atreus: WHAT?!
Mimir: I see.....but how did you survive?
Kratos: Athena took me from the sea and said the gods insisted upon rewarding me for killing Ares. The gift they gave me was his throne.
Atreus: Wait, they just gave you his throne? Just like that?
Kratos: Yes.
Mimir: Ares wasn't that very well liked.
Kratos: Upon taking his throne they admitted as much.
Atreus: Oh, well what was it like being a god?
Kratos: Interesting.
Atreus: Ok? What was the first thing you did?
Kratos: I inquired them about the various myths revolving around them to confirm their legitimacy.
Mimir: Really? I never took you for the inquisitive type.
Kratos: It was the first thing that came to mind.
Mimir: Ah, I see.
Ares: Have you ANY IDEA how humiliating it is to be mistaken for a girl? A potential WIFE?
Loki: Well, personally, I'd be down with that, but no. Now my brother--
Thor: One side, jar-boy. I'm about to be stereotypically Norse on someone's variable ass.
I'd love to see those same giants try to kidnap Thor. Considering he merks similar giants almost daily.
*Giants get yeeted into the ocean making a giant splash*
*Jorgamundr and Poseidon look up from their poker game curiously*
"What was that all about?"
*exasperated hiss*
"Yeah. It was probably Loki's fault."
*emo hiss*
"Daddy issues, huh? I know all about that! Full house!"
*sulky hiss* *pushes all the poker coral chips to Poseidon*
Brother? You mean nephew?
@@bluelfsuma Um... okay. In some sources Loki is Odin's blood brother, which would make Thor his nephew, yeah. But I think of him as brother, partly because it's the more common (if not strictly historically proper) interpretation these days, and partly because it's considered rude to beat the crap out of your uncle with a two-ton hammer.
Then again, brother? Uncle? Nephew? Auntie (a possibility)? It's Loki, and unlike Ares, he's usually asking for it. (It being the hammer.)
@@Kenko706 I honestly hate the interpretation of them being brothers. In literally EVERY source regarding family trees Loki and Odin are blood brothers (and this is a myth based series we're watching here), and if you've ever read American Gods you'd know why Odin and Loki work much better as friends than Loki and Thor ever work as friends, rivals, enemies, or brothers
I feel like Ares and Athena are both gods of different aspects of war.
Athena is the goddess of strategists and tactics, while Ares is the got of combat and battle prowess.
2:58 I'm guessing Dionysus didn't take part in the fight, the scuffle just woke him up and he's got a hangover that just feels like a giant tossed a mountain on his head.
There needs to be more stories of Artemis the seducer who failed successfully
Troper H'ghar there’s probably Percy Jackson fanfic of this lol
Well in some versions Orion but I can’t think of anyone else
Artemis: Goddess of hunt and ironically patron Goddess of those quirky nerd teen girl stars. You know the ones, they pratfall when trying to be cool on camera. lol
She celebrates every victory with a long shower.
@@MrHanbam Though there's probably more fanfic of Artemis being successfully seduced by [insert author's favorite character].
If I had to take a guess, the fact that Ares was the patron god of Sparta, and we get a lot of our mythology from Athens and other rivals of Sparta, well...
Mythology is written by the winners.
Or rather, the people who care to write things down. ;P
Ares was an honored god in Sparta, but not a really important one. Artemis and Phoebus were the favourite Spartan gods.
Notice that Artemis and Phoebus were the gods of hunting and arts, that were the favourite activities of the Spartans (rich loafers) until the "spartan superwarriors" propaganda work started, after the Thermopilae.
The "shaming of Ares" started much before the quarrels between Sparta and Athens. Already in the Iliad (that was written when both Athens and Sparta were cities of secondary importance).
It’s more Athena was Athens patron god so Athens would need to make her much better then the other war god I imagine.
@@neutronalchemist3241 I'd suspect a hefty part of it is also tied to that they ALSO worshipped Athena a great deal. Proud of their war prowess though they were, they weren't idiots and knew tactics and strategy, thus... ya know, *Thermopylae*.
@@selonianth I mean, Thermopylae kind of is a tactical disaster turned into an inspiring defeat afterward by Athenian propaganda. Just from a military point of view, it's just Leonidas greatly overestimating his chances to actually stop the Persian army and getting a good deal of his royal guard slaughtered for it, and with zero benefit; the couple of days that bought served no purpose.
Operation Waifu: ENGAGE
Artemis and Hera: Excuse you?
Hey I'll go for it
Ares: GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS AWAY FROM MY MOTHER!!!
(Gets captured)
I didn't know Hermes was in that one, but it always seemed a little out of Artemis' playbook to me, so no surprise it was one of his ideas. Would love to listen in on their planning!
Also, there's a version where these specific giants are fated not to die by the hand of gods or humans, which explains why they survive the fight with Ares and why Artemis tricks them to shoot each other rather than doing it herself.
I love Ares vids. They're always so fun. However I think there's sone missing context here. Ares got captured defending Hera, an important thing, seeing as she was his mother. That was actually a thing for him, protecting female family members from kidnapping and assault. He straight up murdered Alirrothios (ironically another son of Poseidon) because he tried to rape Ares' daughter Alkippe. It was kind of a hot button issue for him.
Kind of funny to think of the jar thing as a high jinx situation though. lol
Yeah I’ve noticed Red tends to either overlook or ignore some of the details with some these. I think she herself is missing some context with this stuff which might be why some the details get overlooked.
@@todddempsey1277 in the version i read the part where he tries to defend hera was never mentioned, wonder why
I mean I think the thing is she tries to go to the most original source myth and I'd never heard the Ares protecting hera version either. I think it's more of a which version is the most stripped down and includes at least details cuz that's probably the one that's the oldest thing
@@todddempsey1277 Or because this is supposed to be a summary of one version of a myth that has four thousand versions?
Kind of wanted to clarify with some of the comments I'm seeing here, I don't think Red left it out on purpose or anything. There are several different versions of this myth, some of them very detailed while some aren't. Heck, there's one version where he gets grabbed by the giants and he's literally just an infant at the time (mostly to show Zeus really didn't like the kid), so finding the "True Version" of any myth is largely impossible. It just doesn't exist. I just thought it was worth a mention since there are stories showing him as kind of a bozo, but the lengths he goes to defend his female loved ones is very sweet. Of course other versions where he's just going, "Rawr, I love war," is just as accurate and fine too.
I love that Ares is sometimes portrayed as the ultimate bringer of destruction and sometimes basically just a whiny child.
Well, if you read the first part of this as basically a divine temper tantrum, both depictions line up pretty nicely.
Why not both?!!
Which are essentially the same thing, really.
Wars are often fought for petty reasons anyways
You know when I saw the Illiad and saw Aries's treatment by Zues my first thought was how badly did that affair go when I realised next moment that he the son of HERA so he didn't cheat on her once
2:57 aww, bb dionysus being treated by apollo while hermes glances concernedly 🥺
why does this just sound like a D&D campaign down to getting the non-social character to pass a charisma check
Because that's what D&D roleplay is now stereotyped as. I guess, it is a thing that indeed happens.
@Grima the Fell Dragon "Um...With disadvantage."
"...20!"
(This literally happened in one of my campaigns. And the player was _trying_ to do something so ridiculous it would fail so we didn't waste time on an infiltration plan.)
@@user-qd8yy9lc4g I think its the stereotyped because anyone who's played any table top game knows you will get into a station where your stats suck and you just have to wing it.
One example personal was in Exalted and my Full-Moon Lunar had to try and conversion her Dragon Blooded family that everything was normal.
Probably because most GM's worth their salt ferret out stories the rest of us didn't pay attention to in school... SO Greek myth... Shakespeare... anything remarkably old, because if you didn't "get it" before I put it on my Table, it's new to you, and I look clever.
As a GM, myself, I'm so busy building and figuring challenges to rough the PC's up I rarely have time to devote to story... We ALL rob ideas out of wherever we can find them, even when we lie about it and call it "Looking for inspiration". It's cold-blooded and calculated plagiarism and mining ideas out of anything handy or cheap enough to collect. It's relatively harmless as long as we don't publicize the ideas or our game modules... ;o)
The image of Artemis awkwardly flirting with two giants is now stuck in my head
2:20
“Operation Waifu”
“Any Questions?”
“Why don’t I have pecs?”
LMFAOAOOOAA
Here’s a dumb idea.
Ares’ speaking voice sounds like Liam Neeson but his yelling voice sounds like Zoidberg from Futurama with his war cry just being Zoidberg’s whooping.
Headcanon accepted. I will forever imagine his various voices as this now
Artemis: hey Aphrodite I found something fun to do with guys.
Aphrodite: really that’s great.
Artemis: yes it’s super fun to get them to throw spears at each other.
Aphrodite: that’s not what I was... I don’t... oh... (sigh)... have fun with that.
Artemis: I plan on it.
@Tin Watchman nah,she just finds people murdering each other slightly entertaining,especially because it means she doesn’t need to use her arrows.
Aphroditite: "Spear fights" you say?
Artemis: thats not a euphemism
Aphroditite: why must you suck all the joy out of everything
I mean to be fair, Aphrodite probably liked doing that too.
Ares was the Jock of Olympus XD
Yup
Aphrodite is Regina George
Jocks are usually popular.
Now I want a story of Aries, Hermès, and Artemis as a squad: Aries as the brutish, dense jock who loves his hot gf, Hermès is the mischief making pretty boy with a new crush every week, and Artemis is the level headed no nonsense country girl who’s there to drag her friends out of whatever trouble they find themselves in.
@@allared9008 please add Apollo: talented flirting with everyone and a bit of an airhead; Athena: 9000 IQ and % done with everyone here trying to not fail any of her several hundred classes and Loki, the crazy teacher that showed up who accidentally burned down the whole school
Ironically, areas was one of the few kids Zeus had with his wife, and the only other ones I know about are Hephaestus, who also kind of got the short end of the stick compared to other gods, and Hebe, who isn't even on of the main olympians.
Zeus: THAT'S IT!!! GET IN THE JAR, ARES!!! YOU'RE GROUNDED!!!
Ares: THIS HOUSE IS A FVCKING NIGHTMAREEEEE!!!!