Individuation helped me getting over my fear of abandonment but so did accepting the fact that people will leave your life, there’s nothing you can do about it, but you don’t have to internalize it either. Keep loving yourself regardless of who or what stays.
Used to be a simp after my DA ex-girlfriend discarded me after three years. At first Thais, I didn't feel sad or broken up, I just didn't want to believe it was real; however, after I took a long look at myself with Jung and the Anima and Animus. I began to recognize my abandonment issues from my mother at a young age. I've started working on studying swordplay and remembering who I was before. One day at a time, one day at a time.
This is quite possibly the best video I've seen yet. It confirms that it all starts with YOU. My family wanted me to be a book worm and physical therapist. I wanted to be an athlete and personal trainer. I remember when I dropped out of school and started my own personal training business, my family basically told me I was a loser. I ended up training several celebrities who we can watch on Netflix. Imagine being able to say you KNOW someone your friends talk about on a TV show and are able to get them on the phone at a moment's notice! After studying and training the martial arts and becoming an international champion, I wanted to open up a martial art school. My family told me I'd fail, but I ended up receiving the award for BEST martial art school in my town in 2023. Now I'm able to hire my family members to work for me for a livable wage. What's funny to me is that as you say this, many of your followers attack me in the comments for essentially saying the same thing. I always say that having your OWN hobbies, interests, and life goals is a prerequisite to EVERYTHING, especially romantic relationships. It makes me wonder if those people are watching to learn or watching to troll. 😂 All in all, great video!
They were just jealous. Most people who trolls over DA's were Anxious Preoccupied. DA's and Secured atachers were more inclined to focus on the good side of everything whether good or bad, they turn it into opportunities and life lessons. They also focuses on the good side of their exes and what they can learn from them than hold grudges that is very counter productive. Lol. Just let them continue trolling over people and talking negative things, while we focus on the learning and good of everything. Let them live in their own negative world.These negative comments you see from them were the reflection of their own world. Don't take it personal, you know who really are. They were just noise in the background.
Iv done some self research on this. IFS (internal family system) therapy. Apparently, it works amazingly. Help you find your true self, away from the character traits that you have adapted due to others
Thank you, Thais. Fear of abandonment was my biggest wound after being betrayed and abandoned in a marriage. Your trauma course and auto suggestion have helped so much, but I know there are still some lingering effects that I need to keep working on.
I'm similar and these videos are more helpful than all my therapy. I mostly show up anxious 90 percent for romantic partners ans only at 10 percent for others.
thank you. i’m adopted and not close with family and my culture now. i wasn’t taught much and not many who relate to my situation. i’ve always had this subtle urge to be by myself after a relationship and am glad to hear this.
i've watched webinars and a lot of older videos of yours 👍 this video from start to finish was one of the best ones i've watched to date. very very well produced. i really like how you stuck to one specific (important) topic and broke that down. very well done. thank you so much PDS thank you Thais. when she says this stuff is 'game changing' it is.
Great video! But I have to say that, as much as listening to these videos feels like "doing the work", it's nowhere close to actually going through the coursework on the Personal Development School. I've learned so much about myself and the people around me. Very thankful for your amazing work, Thais!
@@Littleowl85352 just fyi, they offer a discounted rate for those who don't have the $$. I was paying less than $30/mo. Times are tough so that might be too much, but my goodness it's worth it if you can do it.
Even though I struggle with being my authentic self and trusting myself in many areas of life, the life few decisions my husband and I dared to make for ourselves despite what everyone else was saying have been a source of joy, peace and satisfaction for us and I'm proud of us. We bought an old apartment in the city even though everyone told us to move to the suburbs - we're happy here and love not having to commute. We sacrifificed one income to have more peace to ourselves and we certainly needed it. We found our own ways to spend free time, different from both his and my family. I hope in time I can say the same thing about other areas of my life, it takes courage to be yourself after a life of invalidation, but I'll definitely try.
Very interesting and helpful, Thais. Inadequate/incomplete individuation as an important consideration in how people experience the fear of abandonment. The cycle of people-pleasing and self-disconnect is so basic and obvious even to the people trapped in it, but it won't change without introspection and reprogramming! Thank you! ps Doing what our parents wanted us to do has given us some very good doctors!😉
Help please . 😢 I think my ex is dismissive avoidant how can i tell. She has had only short relationships 6 months max or less. Had a 13 year affair with a married man on and off every 3 months VERY toxic .. something she overshared with me. Weve been together for 2 years ... third break up. Shes 52 lived on her own for 15 years .. She fears of being lonely again. Used to be a model and wants constant reassurance about her looks When we are connected WOW we are amazing ... she asked me after a row please dont give up on me HELP 😢
As someone who has love for dismissive avoidants, unless you are prepared to set yourself up for eternal heartbreak, I would try and let this one go. She is in her 50's and doesn't sound like she's ever healed or even tried healing. There's nothing you can do on your end to help her. She has to want to change her behavior on her own. Maybe heal your own attachment style so you can learn how to set clear boundaries and non-negotiables and pick partners that are healthier.
Get out now. I can't speak for anyone's situation, but Thais has a LOT of helpful videos that will help you navigate your situationship. That's all you're ever going to get. Go ready the comments on any her previous videos, and read the heartache and destruction from all these souls damaged by individuals not willing to work on themselves, disregarding if they're even an DA or FA for the moment. I have been through every phase and stage of dealing with an DA/FA and I said this many times, I was going to prove to myself that I could do everything to fix the situation and I just couldn't. 6 years wasted. Pick a reason Thais discussed and that checkbox has been ticked. It is possible for both parties to come through together, but if you don't see them putting in the work already, get out until you have proof of this, and also before you destroy yourself. Be accountable for yourself and not both of you. I'm serious. I wish I could talk with you more about this and my experience because I'm telling you, I was defiant on I wasn't going to give up and after 6 years and off and on again, and everything about the DA/FA.... I was going to die early living in that cycle. Get out now. You're not cold or wrong or mean for leaving and saving yourself. But they have to do the work too. You deserve more. 🖤
That sounds more like an FA. I'm a securely attached former DA. DA never care that much with other people's validation and has a strong sense of their own principles in themselves. Given that she got an affair with a married man and constantly ask for validation for her physical appearace, I think she sounds more like an FA. I admit that we DA's have strong fear of abandonment in close relationships that makes us leave one relationship jumping to another due to anxiety that the other person is going to leave that will make us alone(I did), but having an affair to a married person and cheating is like disrespecting other people's boundaries and family. As a DA, just imagining breaking someone's home and knowing that it is my fault is enough to make me spiral into depression, anxiety and self blame. We are not that heartless, we just have a hard time opening our emotions. If you are an AP, my advice is to stop fixing broken people. My AP ex tried to do it to me, we ended up hurting each other. Him constantly chasing me trying to give love and fixing me, and me constantly running away from him. Him pulling away, and me coming back to him realizing I can't live without him. It's a constant push and pull dynamic that is exhausting. I ended it because if I don't, I might go crazy. But, I never cheated in him, whenever I pull away, I just focus on work, hobby and studies having thoughts that if ever he leaves I should have my life intact. ( fear of abandonment=hyper independence)
@@dejustomariel8305 what are you talking about? Science has proven that DAs are the most likely attachment style to cheat and the attachment that thinks triangulations are normal. Of course not every person is the same but still... even this page has a video on how DAs are limerent over married people, celebrities, etc...
Are you familiar with individuation? Have you ever struggled with the fear of abandonment? What was your experience like? ❤
Individuation helped me getting over my fear of abandonment but so did accepting the fact that people will leave your life, there’s nothing you can do about it, but you don’t have to internalize it either. Keep loving yourself regardless of who or what stays.
Used to be a simp after my DA ex-girlfriend discarded me after three years. At first Thais, I didn't feel sad or broken up, I just didn't want to believe it was real; however, after I took a long look at myself with Jung and the Anima and Animus. I began to recognize my abandonment issues from my mother at a young age. I've started working on studying swordplay and remembering who I was before. One day at a time, one day at a time.
This is quite possibly the best video I've seen yet. It confirms that it all starts with YOU. My family wanted me to be a book worm and physical therapist. I wanted to be an athlete and personal trainer. I remember when I dropped out of school and started my own personal training business, my family basically told me I was a loser. I ended up training several celebrities who we can watch on Netflix. Imagine being able to say you KNOW someone your friends talk about on a TV show and are able to get them on the phone at a moment's notice!
After studying and training the martial arts and becoming an international champion, I wanted to open up a martial art school. My family told me I'd fail, but I ended up receiving the award for BEST martial art school in my town in 2023. Now I'm able to hire my family members to work for me for a livable wage.
What's funny to me is that as you say this, many of your followers attack me in the comments for essentially saying the same thing. I always say that having your OWN hobbies, interests, and life goals is a prerequisite to EVERYTHING, especially romantic relationships. It makes me wonder if those people are watching to learn or watching to troll. 😂
All in all, great video!
They were just jealous. Most people who trolls over DA's were Anxious Preoccupied. DA's and Secured atachers were more inclined to focus on the good side of everything whether good or bad, they turn it into opportunities and life lessons. They also focuses on the good side of their exes and what they can learn from them than hold grudges that is very counter productive. Lol. Just let them continue trolling over people and talking negative things, while we focus on the learning and good of everything. Let them live in their own negative world.These negative comments you see from them were the reflection of their own world. Don't take it personal, you know who really are. They were just noise in the background.
@@dejustomariel8305 that deserves a 🎤 drop. Five-star comment 🌟...
I tapped out with your kimura of a post 😂💪🏻
@@JoePAcalaughs 😂😂😂🥋🥋🥋
@@sifublack192 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻 😁😎👀
This is for Anxious Preoccupied attachers
Iv done some self research on this. IFS (internal family system) therapy. Apparently, it works amazingly. Help you find your true self, away from the character traits that you have adapted due to others
IFS is amazing
Thank you, Thais. Fear of abandonment was my biggest wound after being betrayed and abandoned in a marriage. Your trauma course and auto suggestion have helped so much, but I know there are still some lingering effects that I need to keep working on.
You are so welcome! I'm glad to hear you found value in this video and the courses! Wishing you all the best on your healing journey ❤🩹
This is one of my favorite videos you've posted in a while. Very helpful, thank you.
I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you for your kind comment 🤗
I am extremely fulfilled in my career and my friendships and family life. I only show up anxious in romantic relationships 😢
I'm similar and these videos are more helpful than all my therapy. I mostly show up anxious 90 percent for romantic partners ans only at 10 percent for others.
thank you. i’m adopted and not close with family and my culture now. i wasn’t taught much and not many who relate to my situation. i’ve always had this subtle urge to be by myself after a relationship and am glad to hear this.
I needed this today. Thank you. ❤
❤
i've watched webinars and a lot of older videos of yours 👍 this video from start to finish was one of the best ones i've watched to date. very very well produced. i really like how you stuck to one specific (important) topic and broke that down. very well done. thank you so much PDS thank you Thais. when she says this stuff is 'game changing' it is.
Great video! But I have to say that, as much as listening to these videos feels like "doing the work", it's nowhere close to actually going through the coursework on the Personal Development School. I've learned so much about myself and the people around me. Very thankful for your amazing work, Thais!
@@Littleowl85352 just fyi, they offer a discounted rate for those who don't have the $$. I was paying less than $30/mo. Times are tough so that might be too much, but my goodness it's worth it if you can do it.
thank you for making this channel!!! ❤
😊
Thank you! More videos like this please! 💯✨
😊
Such a great content. Best way to start after avoidant’s discard.
Even though I struggle with being my authentic self and trusting myself in many areas of life, the life few decisions my husband and I dared to make for ourselves despite what everyone else was saying have been a source of joy, peace and satisfaction for us and I'm proud of us.
We bought an old apartment in the city even though everyone told us to move to the suburbs - we're happy here and love not having to commute. We sacrifificed one income to have more peace to ourselves and we certainly needed it. We found our own ways to spend free time, different from both his and my family.
I hope in time I can say the same thing about other areas of my life, it takes courage to be yourself after a life of invalidation, but I'll definitely try.
Very interesting and helpful, Thais. Inadequate/incomplete individuation as an important consideration in how people experience the fear of abandonment. The cycle of people-pleasing and self-disconnect is so basic and obvious even to the people trapped in it, but it won't change without introspection and reprogramming! Thank you! ps Doing what our parents wanted us to do has given us some very good doctors!😉
Thank you Thais, that's amazing stuff ❤️🙏
You should definitely make more of these. Issue and practical solution ❤❤❤❤ Thank you 😊
Thank you ❤!
This is so timely..I am looking for an answer about it. Thank you so much☀️
Great vid! Very informative and helpful 💛
Love your channel!!!
You have my attention! It’s seemed like I have my fav things… but, wait!, have I truly individuated? I missed that in my teens, for sure. Hmmm…
Thank you somuch this is really helpful
This video is amazing, thank you for this
Love love love this video ❤!
Was it said the course is free for a limited time? How do we take advantaged that opportunity?
Help please . 😢
I think my ex is dismissive avoidant how can i tell.
She has had only short relationships 6 months max or less.
Had a 13 year affair with a married man on and off every 3 months VERY toxic .. something she overshared with me.
Weve been together for 2 years ... third break up.
Shes 52 lived on her own for 15 years ..
She fears of being lonely again. Used to be a model and wants constant reassurance about her looks
When we are connected WOW we are amazing ... she asked me after a row please dont give up on me
HELP 😢
As someone who has love for dismissive avoidants, unless you are prepared to set yourself up for eternal heartbreak, I would try and let this one go. She is in her 50's and doesn't sound like she's ever healed or even tried healing. There's nothing you can do on your end to help her. She has to want to change her behavior on her own. Maybe heal your own attachment style so you can learn how to set clear boundaries and non-negotiables and pick partners that are healthier.
Get out now. I can't speak for anyone's situation, but Thais has a LOT of helpful videos that will help you navigate your situationship. That's all you're ever going to get. Go ready the comments on any her previous videos, and read the heartache and destruction from all these souls damaged by individuals not willing to work on themselves, disregarding if they're even an DA or FA for the moment. I have been through every phase and stage of dealing with an DA/FA and I said this many times, I was going to prove to myself that I could do everything to fix the situation and I just couldn't. 6 years wasted. Pick a reason Thais discussed and that checkbox has been ticked.
It is possible for both parties to come through together, but if you don't see them putting in the work already, get out until you have proof of this, and also before you destroy yourself. Be accountable for yourself and not both of you. I'm serious. I wish I could talk with you more about this and my experience because I'm telling you, I was defiant on I wasn't going to give up and after 6 years and off and on again, and everything about the DA/FA.... I was going to die early living in that cycle. Get out now. You're not cold or wrong or mean for leaving and saving yourself. But they have to do the work too. You deserve more. 🖤
That sounds more like an FA. I'm a securely attached former DA. DA never care that much with other people's validation and has a strong sense of their own principles in themselves. Given that she got an affair with a married man and constantly ask for validation for her physical appearace, I think she sounds more like an FA. I admit that we DA's have strong fear of abandonment in close relationships that makes us leave one relationship jumping to another due to anxiety that the other person is going to leave that will make us alone(I did), but having an affair to a married person and cheating is like disrespecting other people's boundaries and family. As a DA, just imagining breaking someone's home and knowing that it is my fault is enough to make me spiral into depression, anxiety and self blame. We are not that heartless, we just have a hard time opening our emotions. If you are an AP, my advice is to stop fixing broken people. My AP ex tried to do it to me, we ended up hurting each other. Him constantly chasing me trying to give love and fixing me, and me constantly running away from him. Him pulling away, and me coming back to him realizing I can't live without him. It's a constant push and pull dynamic that is exhausting. I ended it because if I don't, I might go crazy. But, I never cheated in him, whenever I pull away, I just focus on work, hobby and studies having thoughts that if ever he leaves I should have my life intact. ( fear of abandonment=hyper independence)
@@dejustomariel8305 what are you talking about? Science has proven that DAs are the most likely attachment style to cheat and the attachment that thinks triangulations are normal. Of course not every person is the same but still... even this page has a video on how DAs are limerent over married people, celebrities, etc...