CPTSD: Are You TRIGGERED by ABANDONMENT?
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- 🟢 Order My New Book and Attend a Special LIVE Workshop Sept 25: bit.ly/4dRI8Sj
Do You Have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3GhE65z
FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: bit.ly/3X1BrE0
Website: bit.ly/3CxgkRY
***
An intense reaction to the feeling of abandonment is one of the harshest and most common adult symptoms of Complex PTSD (or Childhood PTSD). In this video I share an excerpt from my online course "Dysregulation Bootcamp," a 20-day course that helps you identify and heal triggers and calm the symptoms of early abuse and neglect.
***
*Letters*: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.
bit.ly/3VVxqjm
Become a Member!
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community
bit.ly/3Zfx9dN
Best Course for Beginners:
Online course: Healing Childhood PTSD
bit.ly/3k6gQQH
How I Recently Lost 25 Pounds: ble.life/V9fe9O
Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD
bit.ly/3IBbrv7
Learn to Heal CPTSD-driven Dysregulation
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp
bit.ly/3ZpjGAh
Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships
Online course: Connection Bootcamp
bit.ly/3iuUEPz
Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna
NEW Coaching Program for DATING: Apply Now: bit.ly/3Qjdozs
8-Week Coaching Intensive for Healing CPTSD: bit.ly/3wjVVjg
Join LIVE Webinars with Anna Runkle: bit.ly/3ifhJ8U
PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)
Is Carb Sensitivity Sabotaging Your Energy and Weight? Take the Quiz:
ble.life/V9fe9O
NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:
betterhelp.com...
NEED BETTER SLEEP? Manta SLEEP MASK Use code CCFAIRY for 10% Off:
bit.ly/43udhog
The way you described the physical sensation of absolute dread really resonated. No-one's ever got that before. Thank you 🙏💙🌻
I'm with you on that one!! I have dread a lot, to the point I thought it was a sin. Of course, it isn't I was just trying to make sense of it all. I love these videos! Hugs to you all.
❣️
I get exactly what you're saying "absolute dread ". On a day basis has drained my life force to a dangerous degree.
A shaman suggested when the dread hits to ask "how old are you?" That has been life-changing. And to then simply hold space for that inner child of any age, young or older, listen if there are words, encompass with compassion whether there are words or not, don't try to fix or change, just be there, hold space, and be gentle bc that's what we didn't have when those feelings were created. I'm teary just thinking about how grateful I am to have asked the shaman and how much her words have helped in the months since during the daily dread of decades that is slowly diminishing to sometimes only a few days a week. I do hope her words can help someone else here, too. Love to you. ❤️
@@GalvMermaid50 Oh, dear, I'm with you, too! Probably it is not your sin or mine. It is the sin of our tribe we have to cope with. And that is a truth the bible (and other holy books maybe too) adresses, because it is a truth that the sin of our mothers and fathers, grandparents = the tribe can lie heavy on us as children. I only found out about it, when I realised that I compromise the feelings of my own child because of CPTSD and I was supposed to NOT pass it down to the next generation. I'm not sure, that I succeeded fully, but at least I tried. I took responsibility and set boundaries for the sake of my child. Hope we all get stronger, day by day, hope YOU do. Let's build a new tribe that is supportive and friendly and shows us in words and action, that we are NOT alone. Where there are two or three together in my name... LOVE, C.
Your childhood was extremely difficult from this story. How utterly horrible. You are such a beautiful flower to emerge from that. God bless.
Thank you for that -- for hearing it.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy yes you are. It's hard to see past my own stuff but I hear you too. Now you are helping all of us. I appreciate you and all that you do here.
Thank u
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Your amazing how clear but kind you are in helping folks see destructive patterns .
Wow. When you said that rejection felt like a toxic chemical pulsing through your veins....that is ME. Exactly me. I have a lot of work to do.
Thanks for sharing!!
Today, when I saw a picture of my ex out with some college friends. I had a panic attack just from a picture. Now that I think rationally about it I am glad he is out overcoming his social anxiety. In that moment all I felt was "he’s giving his love to others in a way he was never able to give it to me" and "him giving others the love I never got, makes me feel so much less". It’s just scary what scripts are activated. But I’m glad I don’t go into complete shock for days anymore.
Progress!
-Cara@TeamFairy
the weird thing is.. when i'm around someone that i love i often fear getting abandoned. but when i'm alone i just do my thing and i often feel much better than i did with them?? the fear is the worst part. also my entire family betrayed me so.. i know i can survive on my own. i wish i was alone in the wilderness forever tbh. i dont like people at all.
100% me.
Yep. I could do this.
I feel exactly the same.
So then if we find another that had the same issues and can relate..
And understand..
Then is it possible to have a relationship with them and try to heal together or us that just more form of unhealthy co deoendancy?
@@drearypoet5603 That's what I've been thinking about lately
IDK IDO you sound like me... when your own family abandons you there is nothing worse. I prefer animals to people.
The tribe had abandoned me decades ago. I believe a lot of people misunderstand my standoffishness as narcissistic but, little do people know that I have a avoidant personality due to my past. As much as I long for a "soul mate" or a twin flame in my life, I have to concede that I'll more than likely live the rest of my life in loneliness.
That's one potential outcome.
I've been thinking the same for years about myself. It is good knowing I'm not alone in this.
@@woodlandsnymph ❤
So sad for you Daniel
You have found your tribe Daniel. Welcome!💕💕
I’m amazed of all the patterns I see in my life listening to this. Procrastination and hurrying cycles. Constant fear of abandonment. I’m coming out of depression, this gives me new tools to live!
Amazing! Glad you're here.
-Calista@TeamFairy
This is complicated by my ADHD. My impulsiveness makes me so much more sensitive to the vibes people put off and how they react when I screw up, and I panic easily. My entire life I've been trying to match the abilities and behaviors of neurotypicals, especially the expectations of my folks (no surprise there), and every failure is just more heartbreak
ADHD may complicate some things but the Daily Practice - which has fostered so much healing in me and others- can absolutely be done despite having ADHD. Here is a link bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
I always thought that all children were treated like I was until I got into intense therapy & learned that I had an exceptionally abusive crew of caregivers in my life. So, when I married a somewhat less abusive man, I thought this was love. I still don't think I will ever be able to say that I love anyone again. I love life. People, for me, are just a form or annoyance most of the time. At 67 years of age, I know that my abusers did not mean to mess with my head. They did what they were taught to do. I tried not to repeat this abuse with my child. I was not a perfect parent, but I know I wasn't the same as my own were to me. My abusers made me a strong survivor & a weak link in my chain. The family bloodline will not be carried on. My one child will not be having children of her own. I'm fine with knowing I won't have to worry about seeing them abused by the world of sick people we have in America today.
very sad :-( .
@@fox39forever -Why do you think that having a firm grasp on my own life is "sad"?
@@sherrydee7880, no, I think it's good that you have a firm grasp and I think that you've done well and have, obviously, been a good parent. My reaction was to the sad situations that you have had to combat and I think that it's sad that you're glad that your child will not reproduce, in that you "won't have to worry about seeing them abused by the world of sick people... in America...". I'm sure many would agree that that's sad and I say that with huge respect, because I do understand and, to repeat, I think you've done well.
@@fox39forever Wow! If breeding is all you are sad about, that's a win in itself (to me)! In spite of my mistakes as a parent, the kid did grow up to become a 1st Responder. So, what you may see as a "loss" for me, is a "win" for the rest of society. Everything happens for a reason. Color me proud. The kid found a bigger and stronger family to connect with.
@@sherrydee7880, I'm on your side. Your negative response really is sad. I never used the word "loss" and said you've done well, but you did talk about children possibly being "abused by the world of sick people... in America". If you want to take a hostile meaning from what was a friendly and supportive message from me, then that's a matter for you. I wish you well, in any case.
I could totally relate to the feelings of dread. I literally felt I was going to die! Very scary.
Thank you for this video. It’s so validating. I feel so abnormal because everyone around me has amazing relationships meanwhile I make everyone leave me :(
The same thing happens to me. I scare people from my disregulation and magical thinking and being too open and trusting/ needy. I. Working on it.
I figured out my abandonment was the trigger for two recent huge issues with friends. One stopped talking to me altogether and the other pulled away drastically because I responded so badly. Now I know why and now I know what to do.
I felt abandoned by my therapist. I tried to address it. I heard him say "it's okay, it's serving the therapy". I was still triggered by the abandonment I felt. I tried to address it again. Got dysregulated. He said that I was the one abandoning him.
Now I'm freaking out cause I'm honestly not so sure what's happening.
That does sound weird. Perhaps he doesn't know about dysregulation?
Wow, it's amazing this is the first time I've ever heard anyone talk about anything physical and REAL that most people would just call 'emotion' ... and would never describe, explain, or bother to try to understand! SO appreciated! It's just sad that this thing that should be normal isn't! Why doesn't anybody else do this? Why have I waited so long to hear this? I also LOVE that it was not just described in words but with a very simple gesture -- that made it so real, showed the feeling moving through the body .... It's not that I've ever had this particular feeling myself, but I have had other feelings and it's at best an ex-treme rarity for anyone to care or just be able to listen!
Hmm, abandonment... Nothing major severe happened to me as a child , I was left what seemed hours waiting for my mother to cross a road , she'd forgotten me, also apparently left in my Pram outside a shop ( in the early 60's) . I've never felt really loved by either of my parem sc, they seemed cold and unemotional. Both didn't show respect or love all my life , no praise, no respect, no backing , no warmth, no encouragement . Stability I guess Wasn't an issue... Crying wasn't really allowed and fear took a hold because of lack of empathy. I've carried fear issues all my life and I definitely feel abandoned by those close to me, or, that I get close to . Even my husband abandoned me through accidental death while I was carrying our son ... An accident that didn't need to happen felt abandoning. My father couldn't even hug me that day !
This information is a paradigm shift that offers me hope and encouragement.
Yes I do know abandonment. Been there and still panic until I catch myself.
Good for you for having that awareness!
I’m glad I just ran into this. I knew the feeling and where it stems from, but the fact that it’s showing up when I feel ppl don’t show up for me how I show up for them triggers me.
When a bonded parent or caregiver abandons a dependant baby or child and never returns it's as if they had died. Abandoned in a frightening world without the essential bond with a caregiver, babies have been known to cry and scream for days, refuse food and hardly sleep. even bang their heads on their cots. For many children in poor orphanages in the 1950's their screams would lapse into a deep dark silence and helpless lethargy. It happened to me at the age of 18 months in the period of every child's separation anxiety. In the 1950's most of us were orphans cared for in harsh children's homes, adopted out or left to come of age to be released from care. And 70 years later I still have flashbacks of that early abandonment. For most of my life pathological depression increased rejections in my relationships because of the fear of loss. It was easier to reject others than to be rejected myself. It was a deep mourning. So, I know what John Bowlby is talking about in his book series on loss and abandonment, particularly Vol. 3 Attachment and Loss, relating to sadness and depression. Growing out of this agony wasn't easy because of later childhood abuse, a violent adoptive father and a violent husband. Now here's the thing. We can climb out of traumas like this, even if it takes a lifetime, knowing that God loves us enough to take charge of and heal us if we ask to be adopted into His care later in life. By way of baptism I was saved from ending my life or being killed by a violent husband because I had the strength to quit these dysfunctional relationships. Yeshua (Jesus) provides a way to rise above it all and take charge of our lives and our safety, anf I will always give credit to every enlightened soul who has experienced this pain and succeeded to overcome it, helping to pull others out of suffering and bring this truth and message of hope to every lost and abandoned child. I'm planning to write my life story. If you are planning your li I recommend Kate Nicholas' Soul Scribe (sold on Eden books websihht). 🌹😊✝️
:)
My father died an unnatural death when I was 35. I thought my PTSD was triggered by that but after watching this video and several others, I have a feeling the trauma started much earlier in life and is getting harder to manage as I get older. Thank you for sharing your story, Anna, and for all your helpful videos. It helps knowing we're not alone. ❤
Yes, it does!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Now I know why you are so insightful.. you had quite a childhood as well. For me, abandonment wounds are the very worst. I still have scars from that and unfortunately never found a partner to show me that that would change. I have however stopped abandonnng my own inner child and that is precious indeed. Thanks so much for your priceless videos! God bless!
Thank you!
The way I never managed To keep a relationship brought me here. I now realise what had happened To me as a child that I now need to work on healing
Glad you're here!
Nika@TeamFairy
The physical feeling is unreal. The pain is so intense and deep, it doesn't feel like you can survive. It's heat and tingly and I was having really strong, feelings of love for someone and I just froze one day. I know that it crossed my mind during sex, that losing her would be devastating. Shortly after, my walls went up and I managed to get too busy with other things in my life instead of investigating why that happened. Now I've completely lost the relationship and can't stop blaming myself for hurting her.
Dad sent to prison when I was 7, mum died when I was 10, older brother died when I was 15! I don't wonder why I'm such a mess, I wonder why I'm still here.
each word you said has this big loving impact on me in depth words cannot describe. thank you!
Wow, I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you for taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Yes, I know that toxic chemical feeling.
Me too :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
My heart breaks for that precious little girl you were, Anna. Your strength and bravery are so inspiring. Thank you for giving so much to us. You are priceless 💖
Thank you from the depths of my soul for putting understanding to these crushing episodes in my life. I'm grateful beyond words. May you be blessed forever for your work.❤
Thank you for this kind, kind comment. You've made my day!
Occasionally the YT algorithm does good stuff, like offering this. Your honesty is very much appreciated; I think it’s awesome. So much of what you say is relatable, and pertinent to me. Thank you
I appreciate that!
I tried to tell myself it was RSD , rejection sensitive sensitive dysphoria . A neurological condition allegedly going hand I hand with ADHD. Both genetic , nothing you can do about it . Again this helped me to deny the devastating consequences of abuse and buy into “ it wasn’t all too bad” narrative . I have neither , neither adhd nor RSD . Not to this degree anyway. Whatever the degree that abuse contributed to this, it is the major reason . Again the most disgusting thing about Cptsd is that it primes you to run into the open knives of psychopaths and sociopaths who prey on vulnerability . It’s so important to understand that the most important person in one’s life is oneself . Other people care to varying Much smaller degrees and that care is often to a large extent or totally not real care but more of a dependence or it is an investment or a desire to associate with high status or what not . There is no one coming to the rescue in the greater scheme of things . A person is there to care for him-herself . And recognise that self as a real living entity with rights and needs and so on … Im gonna try the writing again . Once read a book by pennebaker about its unique beneficial effects .
Thank you for your honest and painful sharing. You are helping so many wounded people.
Thank you for this video. I never realized that abandonment has been a big trigger for me since childhood. I finally see it, and also notice a place where I've been feeling it lately, and have been on the verge of writing another friend off forever because of feeling abandoned by her. It's not easy to live with these scars and keep friends. I appreciate your work so much and will be trying the daily practice this week.
you do good work!
Holy crap!!!! This is me right now!!!!
Thank you!
It is possible to have childhood ptsd with no apparent cause?
I resonate with all the symptoms of early attachment trauma/ptsd and I have been professionally diagnosed with anxiety, depression and ptsd.
I have been anxious and triggered around anything that resembles abandonment since I was little.
But over-all, I come from a loving, stable, two parent home and my parents were in a loving marriage for nearly 50 years.
I can't remember ever being abused, neglected, or anything like that. Little things come up but nothing major that seems out of the norm for a family just trying to make it together over the years.
It makes NO sense. And I feel like having no memory of a trauma but having all the symptoms is really holding me back from fully embracing my diagnosis and moving forward into the steps to heal the trauma.
I don't encourage anyone to embrace a diagnosis... just face the symptoms that are holding you back, and work on calming them! There's no need for a diagnosis to get started.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you for your input, I appreciate it! Do you think the skills you teach will help with anxiety, depression or ptsd whether it is childhood-related or not?
Im dissoiciating so hard after leaving my toxic relationship
So nice I watched it twice. Thanks Anna
Thank you so much 🙂
-Cara@TeamFairy
My father came in and out of our lives and when he was not around, that was when I knew I was free and safe.
So now that I’m having issues with my husband, the first thing that comes to mind is , if I leave him I will be free and at peace 😢
Thankfully I don’t get abused, but we don’t get each other and I’m constantly criticized or he leaves the room while I’m trying to explain my feelings about a certain situation and I’m left alone with all my thoughts, feelings, doubts, words etc and yeah maybe that could be a form of abuse.
So when ever something like that happens, it’s automatically in my head, that if I leave than I’ll be better off emotionally and mentally.
I have ADHD and CPTSD.
He is a great man to our children he adores them he has no addictions he’s a homebody just like me and we both enjoy great food and we are both on the same page with our children but, when it comes to me he has no empathy seems like, or total disregard for what I would like in my garden and he’ll criticize and say why he won’t do it my way and he’ll bring up how much it’s going to cost and when I express my thoughts on costs and how much he just spent the month before, he will leave me talking to myself he’s done this at least 4 or 5 times already. It’s painful. I feel as if he saw me as a threat to him or if I’m insulting his way of doing things.
I’m just so way in over my head with everything
Aviva nuestros corazones ❤❤
Omg, I had know idea, there were so many other things, sexual abuse, bullying, I have a three fingertip wide scare on the top/corner of my head from when I was three, I had never thought of feeling abandoned, I spent most of my days out in the woods, picking berries or finding fossils. Maybe this is why I have been stuck , been actively working to improve my brain wiring and being triggered for years , maybe I just haven’t gone deep enough yet. Thank Anna. Youngest child of 14.
Ma'am, I don't know where you've been all my life or what video I watched that made the TH-cam algorithm decide to put you on my dash...but I'm very thankful to have found you.
Welcome! sometimes those algorithms know what they're doing :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm sorry to hear about that and at the same time, I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one. My mother left us when I was 8. I would have to babysit my twin brother and sister while she would be gone for the day or night. They were 5. I ended up somewhat of a people pleaser and at the same time I would leave relationships before they would leave me.
Thanks for sharing and welcome to our community
-Cara@TeamFairy
Discussing how we unknowingly place these feelings on current happenings would be good. I've realized I feel this for others, loved ones, then take it to deeply and my sadness overwhelms me. Anyone else experience this?
My mother used to run away from home when she had again a loud fight with her husband.
I remember having this terrible feeling like burning from inside back then for the first time
Aw, that's so sad. I'm really glad you're here!
Dogs that have been dumped have the same cptsd
Thank you so much for this video. It’s exactly what I needed to hear.
Thanks!
I went though abuse as a child then sexual abuse as a young girl I chose to be a victim for over 40 years as in some way it made me safe and I thought in a silly way people would understand my faults in dealing with some difficulties in dealing with relationships issue but I was so wrong I needed to let go of my past move forward myself and not hold on one of the things I did most was always want what I couldn’t have and I think that has something to do with control and abandonment now I understand when somebody leave I have to be strong and let them go as they have made that choice and it had nothing to do with me my last ex left me 10months ago for somebody else the relationship was hard anyway and I was unhappy so I had to self talk myself to understand that don’t chase you don’t want him you just don’t like the feeling of being lost and not wanted and I’m doing so well with self help meditate spiritual and I did have therapy but I’m changing I’m not scared to be alone coz sometimes we need to be alone to heal ourselves there is somebody for everybody out there it’s just up to you if you want that and if the universe hasn’t chose that for you then enjoy your freedom it’s not the end of the world love yourself and be happy
I have always found life very depressing
You are doing God's work. thank you.
Appreciate your support for the channel!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I have never known love. I have never had a connection. But war, rape, is so much worse.
Thank you
Thank YOU for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
yes, very much so.
i also have loss anxiety.
i am a mess.
you're wonderful for doing this.
What if I made plan with someone (my significant other), and they didn’t tell me the time to meet up with them until they were on their way (excuse being because he wasn’t on his phone during work but he texted me 2h before he was on his way and said nothing about the time to meet up) or we made plans and then on that day (saturday) he had work. But the way he addressed it made it seem like he had no regard for our plans. I find it so freaking disrespectful and inconsiderate. It made me feel like I didn’t matter and I had no value.
My mom did and still does this to me a LOT. She’d say yes to going out w me and on the day of she just said she didn’t feel like it. No apology whatsoever. This made me feel worthless like I don’t even matter. I really hate it.
My dad left me when I was 3, so I think I do have deep abandonment wounds. But c’mon, I still think these behaviours from them are rude af and inconsiderate. It just made my triggers worse.
I’d really appreciate your opinion. Thank you.
Thank god for youtube
It’s the worst
I am happy to have found your channel, you really get it!
I'm so glad!
-Cara@TeamFairy
You mention a worksheet more than once, for example at 3:18 and maybe a minute later...but there are four links here and it’s not clear which has the worksheet that you keep referring to. A pointer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for the videos, as ever.
While I truly understand there are coping mechanisms and tools , my question and frustration has been with wondering if it ever truly goes away ? Does it ever fully heal ? I’m tired of hearing love yourself, ok . Cool . Now what ? I have spent a majority of my life alone and it was a preference for a long time . Now I don’t want to be alone or live alone . But when I try to dip my toe into the social pool I am afraid I’ll get attached , and abandoned and it will hurt too much . So does it ever stop ? Does it ever heal where you’re not worried about it ? Where you can just allow people to come and go ? Without it being a detriment and convincing one self that it will never stop ?
With less fear one can get much better! bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
It is so uncanny how your videos seem to be personally directed at me, even though I know they are not. It's just we all have so many similar experiences.
As a kid, I was at a professional baseball game. My father went to go to the bathroom and never returned. I was frantic! I began to search the stadium in a sea of 40,000 faces. Finally, I stumbled upon a bar. He was in there kissing a woman. He was also very drunk. I angrily tried to get him to leave, but he wouldn't. The woman he was trying to seduce reproved me for speaking to my father that way. I told her to shut up! The bartender, noticing the growing commotion, threw me out of the bar. I dissolved into tears. A man noticed my crying and went into the bar to reprove my father for his abusive neglect. I don't remember much after that, but me and my little sisters, who were at the game, prayed fervently, crying all the time as we had one near major traffic accident after another, driving home on the LA freeways with my drunk father.
Sounds terrifying!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks for reading my long (as in long paragraph), painful life episode, Cara. You're the best!!
if my childhood trauma wasn't cause by a parent, why do i still experience intense fear of abandonment?
I wouldn't worry to much about the cause of your feelings -- I'd focus 100% on the feeling and learning to calm it!
I really wish i could afford to do your course!
This is a great course which is free bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’m having a really hard time. Now it’s my husband 47 days ghosted.
We're here to support you!
Nika@TeamFairy
This was spot on XX
How do we know we are triggered? I have no idea when i am triggered and when i am not.
Number 1 issue. Im from a past that cant save me. All the male role models of important were taken from me when young. I held on to a brother; but he never held on to me; he was a psychopath.. I really never existed in his mind. and altho this sounds freeing to me; to be away from my brother; my whole identity crumbles Because I have no one; no one else concerning that time period; Im completely alone and Im a child. However, looking at this; this is exactly what was done to my mother; she was a psychopath/sadistic. Im attempting to rework through my childhood without help from the strong personalities of that time to sustain me. I have to let go of my brother because no real brother exists... They are all strangers. And this brother has stolen from me; used me as supply... and yet; I still kept him as a brother. So; new players and new therapists must be in rolled as I make my away through the maze of childhood and accept it as it is and the losses of it...
Who isn't ⁉️and who wouldn't be ⁉️
Where is the worksheet?
I'm trying to work on sitting with the trigger rather than reacting
So awful how you were left by your mother. l am very sorry :(
She came back. There's a lot she did very well as a mom. She had issues too. But thanks for sending love!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Same here. My mother never left me or neglected me but she covered up sexual abuse and had zero empathy. N/C hurt so bad. Thank you for sharing.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy oh my god you are defending her :)
Thanks.
Can these abandonment issues be a product of non-childhood events? I had an okay childhood, but events late in life has caused me to have issues against abandonment of any kind.. especially among friends. Is it possible?
Certainly possible. We feel sure that the tools that helped us can help you too th-cam.com/video/3N_t0ZSvn_Y/w-d-xo.html, childhood abuse not required :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you so much for this :)
Hi what if I can’t afford your membership but really want to be part of?
I am still struggling please guide me I have Narcissist Parent who has troubled me all life and now I am married but my father is still planting wrong stroies about me and my wife so that everyone hates us. He is even lying that we stole his money. He is enemy of me. How do I deal this situation. I am thinking of moving awayf from city with my wife to far off.
There is a lot of help on this channel regarding dealing with family who trouble us. The videos help a lot with recognizing the condition of CPTSD & giving suggestions but developing a daily routine for healing is how you will see real change. There are courses available on the website - all courses promote the Daily Practice, which is a free course. Here is the link bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy, would you consider being triggered by being ignored or not noticed or not given any value or energy/time by those around you a translation/type of abandonment in terms of internal process? and if not would you be happy to do a short talk on this connected to CPTSD?
As a matter of fact, being ignored, as.a trigger, is a topic in the Dysregulation Bootcamp online course. The video you commented on is also part of that course. You might like the course! You can learn about it at crappychildhoodfairy.com
Is it possibly an instant overload release of cortisol once triggered?
how do i know if an old wound is being triggered or what is happening with the person is a "real" and current issue that needs to be addressed?
Where do I find this worksheet?
My best friend who was like a sister to me left me for the “popular” people when I was 12 now I either attach to someone too quickly and too strongly or I assume I’m the one wrong and try to leave the friendship/ relationship. Anyone else relate? 😅
I'm going to guess almost everyone relates to losing friends this way. And some here don't attach, others attach too quickly. The great news is, this is not controlled by the past and an be healed in the present.
Ohhh shem, sorry my love
💔
Whats a dependable person haha ♡
LOL. Takes a while to get the vision to see them. They're all around.
🥰
Hi I’m not being silly but I’m dyslexic an writing is effected by my cptsd an is give me more stress to write when triggered I feel stuck in my cptsd what can I do that would help
If you use the Daily practice technique I teach, the great thing is, you need not write legibly or spell right or try to get anything write. Just making the motions, feeling the friction, expressing the fearful and resentful thoughts can be a release.
thank you.
This is probably one of my biggest triggers. I'm so afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing and driving people away. I'm terrified that once people see the real me they will reject and abandon me. Those fears have been reinforced over the years by friend after friend disappearing from life. Either just no longer being there even when I beg, drifting away in general cause we grew apart or explosive arguments and hate where there used to be love. This fear is making me terrified of myself because I know my unstable behavior undermines my friendships and the closer I get to people the more explosive the fallout can become. Having my closet friend go from caring about me and going out of her way to express how much our friendship meant, to three weeks later cutting me out of her life and returning letters in the mail, it has triggered an intensity of pain and disregulation that nothing else ever has. My whole system is still in shock close to a year later. How do you trust yourself and those close to again after such rejection from someone you never saw it coming with?
I can totally relate... I don't see how to move forward.
I can relate to this a lot
😢
I've been through this for the past 3 years. It's going to take time. Please look up TRE. Tension and trauma releasing exercises. I know it's a struggle on your own. I pray God brings you little angels throughout your journey. Just take it a day even an hour at a time. I know u feel shattered. But you aren't. You're expanding your capacity to hold for others. And you're rising in your power. God bless you.
I have done this so many times. I have no true friends. Thank God my sister,who went through it gets me and my cousins understand and stick with me.
I hate being around people.
You are such an amazing and warm person! I feel nutured just watching you and seeing that you overcame all that gives me the courage to work on myself. Thank you!
Thank you!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy You just got yourself a new fan out of this story. It helps me understand what my wife has been going through and our issues.
The man I love ghosted me recently. The panic and agony are extreme.
That is terrible pain which triggers more terrible pain. I'm glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
This really resonated....thank you. I have this fear of abandonment as part of my Cptsd/anxiety disorder package. I have a very small number of people I trust but I get triggered when there’s any kind of sense of distancing. I don’t trust that the distance is just little or temporary or not really a thing. Part of my fear is feeling like I can’t make it as a grownup....that somehow if someone isn’t there to be like a ‘backup adult’ I’ll just wig out and wind up homeless, crazy and totally non functional. I normally am hyper-responsible, it’s just that in the back of my mind, it’s like, if someone isn’t there to have my back, I’m going to spiral into nothingness. It feels like driving fast on an icy highway with no brakes and I hate it. EMDR has helped with the traumas but these triggers are still there.
There is a course to deal with the fears that overwhelm us. Knowing they are not rational does not help much but this does bit.ly/3608opl
I feel the same
My mother, who I am estranged from, died Saturday night. I needed to hear this. Thank you for all you do!
Very sorry for your loss! Glad you are here.
I know what you feel, my mum died as well.
Im sorry Julie
@Gypsy Julie: mine died in March 2020. We were estranged pretty much our entire lives. I tried to approach her with questions, hoping for an apology of some sort. I was put in my place
when she said,” I’ve gotten over it a long time ago. Don’t bother me with this nonsense. Get a shrink.”
I will tell you that it’s a VERY hard journey. It’s been 9 months since her passing, and emotions go up and down. Because we were estranged, and people knew it, I got no support, in fact some people congratulated me...(?!?!?) . I’m walking a very hard path. Don’t be surprised if you get disregulated and need time to work it out. There is no closure.... very hard.
Best of luck 😘
My deepest condolences to you. Know you are being supported by this community.
My parents argued from 4, divorced at 6, mum left at 6, emotionally abused by my caregivers, dad left at 8 and committed suicide at 10, mum came back married to someone new who used to abuse me. The older I get the worse it is. I wish I got help all those years ago
I'm so sorry @A AM. This is some really hardship and I wish you the best. I hope you'll stick around my channel, and in particular, try my free Daily Practice course. It can help! courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
Crappy Childhood Fairy Thank you, I don’t think I’ve had a moments silence in my head all my life, or felt truly connected to anything either (even though I really want to be), it’s like I don’t actually exist. I’m working my way through your videos and they are helping. I will look into the daily practise. Thanks again x
I was severely triggered by having to put a much loved cat down this week. The emotions were so overwhelming and I am doing my best to show myself love and compassion.
Sorry for your loss!
Sharon R the same happened to me in November with my dog ... I wish you lots of strength
So sorry. It's so hard sometimes, thinking of you and sending a hug
Know that You Are Loved. When you gave all that love to your friend you were loving All cats, and yourself. They know this! You Are So loved by the Universe. And thank you for sharing when I know it hurts so much.
Adoptee here!! Being relinquished by your mother....even to super nice people...creates a huge abandonment wound.
Great video and usual. We are so fearful of abandonment that we put up with toxic people when we shouldn't. We don't trust ourselves. We second guess ourselves when we should simply trust that gut instinct.
Honestly @Brendon, my gut instinct isn't always that reliable! Personally I like to have a few principles I know to be true, and check my gut instinct against them.
@Debbie We can't complain if we don't go out and make the effort to meet new people. We have only ourselves to blame if we hang out with toxic people. Sometimes it's hard to accept that we don't like to get outside our comfort zone......but it has to be done or we just wither and die
I learned that putting up with toxic people was abandoning myself. I am learning to stop that finally.
I’ve not long been diagnosed with this and after some research have realised I’ve been suffering this for years due to abuse in family home and then of course relationships afterwards. Being a workaholic for years and a people pleaser put me at breaking point, I was diagnosed and signed off work. I start my ‘recovery’ tomorrow, a ten week programme. Loneliness has been the worst for me, and for years. I’m more accustomed to it as I age but as a result I’m now a hermit. Emotional flashbacks are something I am prone to and seem to be triggered quickly and I can blow up. My temper has been a problem for me and I’ve had a few brushes with the law. I’m not a bad person. I just can’t regulate my emotions when triggered. I’m so caught up in outrage I loose control for a few moments. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want my scars to be seen by others and I’ve seen some people’s eyes when they see me angry, like they see past it. That hurts more than anything. Because all you want to do is feel someone cares and knows your pain. Understands why you are the way you are. And it’s complex alright. I’m a friendly outgoing person. So when I snap it shocks people and I feel embarrassed. I’ve been sexually, physically and mentally abused. After that trail of destruction came more over the years from bad choices in men. I need to really fave up to my demons and put my past behind me, I don’t want to be in this same pain in years to come
suzie mckenzie I’m the same diagnosed at 49 after 2 abusive relationships and sexual assault in my late teens and then again by a family member and parents who bullied & shamed me growing up ... a narcissist mother and my father who enables her and dishes out his own share of abuse when questioned or stood up to ..... I literally feel so alone at the moment I have some good safe friends now but it is so painful to be ganged you on and dismissed by your family .... they have also managed to manipulate my son to also get on board I’m devastated
I’m less a person in my families eyes than who I actually am. Even after my mum’s death my sister still reinforces my mum’s agenda which was basically a pecking order with my sister stood at front of line. After being diagnosed I now see that if I don’t break the cycle of abuse my mum trained her children to adhere to I will not live a satisfying life, I will end up sectioned or suicidal. It’s sad when it’s our own families that are the insidious energy behind our ache and pains. Thank the lord for my daughter who is my saving grace, my drive, my everything ❤️
You will overcome this anger because you already have an awareness which so many people don't
Same here. I am physically exhausted from the trigggers.
I am learning constructive healing methods.
@@suziemckenzie1649 Our beautiful daughters are a gift to us. Even in those "moments," we can learn from them and break the cycle. They are the future and are paying attention to how we handle our precious lives. God bless and keep you through this new era of growth and enlightenment!
Thank you for opening up for us... I think, many of us who experienced such or similar abandonment as kids, instantly felt that sting inside listening to your story. Interesting, how even years past and many of us healed or are in a process of healing, but you still remember so clearly that feeling of blunt realization that those who had to love and protect you, just didn't... And truly, it's a huge trigger later in life...
It is a trigger but it is also recoverable! So glad to be able to share that with others!
My go-to first aid has always been music and lyrics. Jule Styne sort of got it with "People" from Funny Girl, but the best music I know that applies here is from Stephen Sondheim's Into The Woods, and the song is "No One Is Alone".
Here is a link to just the audio, if you would like the words to speak to you:
th-cam.com/video/5xaxP_kErTU/w-d-xo.html
And here is a link to the stage performance, if you wish to see it in the show context:
th-cam.com/video/lDXcGZHBiGo/w-d-xo.html
My abandonment trauma was triggered by a new friendship with a coworker when she took a job with another team. The feeling of overwhelming danger, fear, and sadness seemed to come out of nowhere and has been triggered many times since then, mostly by lying thoughts in my head. It never bothered me as a young person, probably because I didn't allow myself to develop close emotional bonds. Is there some correlation between the onset of trauma triggers and aging?
Been there it sucks
Thanks for the let down Mom, really hits home or a should I say a lack thereof. Good luck to all of you on your journey to healing and closure.
You can be in the dominant role for the first time by forgiving her. (It's for YOU, not her.) You don't have to forgive her in person. Just in your mind. She wouldn't get it.
I’m so happy I found your channel as I’ve have struggled with my fear of abandonment in relationships for a long time… here’s to healing 💛
Welcome!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I was just abandoned by my ex who ghosted me after a long distance argument. She did this to me when we were young and I think she represents my narc father figure rejection. I felt internally 'shattered' like my body was splitting into pieces, tense, in a constant state of panic, shallow breathing. Its been horrible. Meanwhile I haven't even seen this person in over 20 years so my feelings were completely irrational. I am recovering one day at a time literally.
I had the same dam experience that took me over ten years to heal from. It's in your head like it happened yesterday. Friggin crazy ain't it . I thought I was insane. Listening to Anna has really helped in the journey of recovery. And that's what it is
My mother who passed away 2 years ago from cancer emotionally abandoned me growing up. That is she was very emotionally closed off. This has affected me all the way into my adulthood.
So glad you found us!
My mom passed away in 2012 and yet she's not gone. Because how I view myself was shaped by how she treated me. I'm an adult now but I have no idea how to adult. Convinced my husband will leave me, convinced I can't make friends, convinced I'll be fired or unsuccessful with anything I do. Convinced if someone doesn't text me back they hate me...yadda yadda.