When A Man Goes Silent
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ย. 2023
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Women focus on the 20% wrong and ignore the 80% right ..... that's so bloody spot on!!!!
Actually they focus on the 0.002% wrong and deny the 99.998% right
Reminds me of when I was in school. I wasn't doing great (for a variety of reasons but the prominent one was I was just skating by on tests and quizzes while not doing homework). One semester I applied myself for the most part, getting more grades in the A or B range, when prior I had been getting mostly Cs and Ds. Still got a D that semester, which was the one thing my mom commented on. When I pointed out the other grades (wanting some positivity since it WAS an improvement), she just said along the lines of "yeah look at what happens when you apply yourself". So rather than feeling good about how I had been doing better, it just killed my motivation... again. Because why try if I'm just going to receive feedback on what I do poorly.
10% wrong, 90% right
Man silence is a couple of things:
#1 He has already given you the answer, and you ignored it. At that point talking is a waste of breath.
#2 He knows you will hate the answer.
#3 He is focusing on controlling his temper, because you are being infuriating.
Absolutely, correct that.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
When he goes silent , she has conditioned him not to care about her, because of her abuse and gaslighting Unfortunately she has his kids as hostages
I reached a point that I was going to gut it out for the kids. She was a narcissist and didn’t give a damn about our kids so she was in total control. I checked out, kept out of her way as much as possible and counted down the years, months and days.
I realized there was no reason to interact with her so I shut down and grew to despise her.
So yes, when a guy shuts up he now sees her as the enemy so give her no actionable intel. No reason to tip your hand.
IMHO and AFAIK
Regardless, do your best to be a good father. The child is yours. Show how much they are worth to you.
Be there for the children emotionally even when you can't be physically.
I encourage mental health services for anyone struggling. Build a network of safe support(friends/family) that doesn't break when your main(wife) support falls.
Just cheat on her
"Don't attack him when he's trying to help you."
THANK YOU!!!
But if your idea of "helping her" is you coming in and doing your way, isn't really helping her. It's just you forcing your standards and your preferences into her and the task.
I mean... don't you respect her enough to do things how she would prefer?
I mean.. you're supposed to be helping her. Not doing it your own way.
Women.."can you unload the dish washer"
Men...puts dishes where ever they want, cups in with the plates, etc
Women "you did it wrong"
Men "ok.. then don't ask for help".
That they same man... wonders why she leaves.
Damned if you do, damned if you dont 😂 modern society looks so loving from here
@@dontstalkmedeltoro8816 I'm not sure, but I think that may have been how the I LOVE LUCY show ended.
@@dontstalkmedeltoro8816Thats a communication issue. If all you've done is asked for help, then you have you accept what help you get, in whatever form you get it.
If there is a certain way you want the dishwasher loaded, you need to either tell him that ahead of time or supervise the cleaning and give directions as he goes. Just asking him for help and then telling him he did it wrong isnt helpful at all. I can tell you I absolutely have loads of issues with my wife, but one of the few things she did the helped was set me down and teach me how SHE wanted the kitchen cleaned and because I know thats what she wants and Im fine with doing her way even if I think its overkill with the bleach.
@dontstalkmedeltoro8816 it's hard out here for a simp
There are two reasons why a man goes silent. One is to avoid making a situation worse. The other is because he is trying to avoid bloodshed. If you've hurt a man so much that he goes silent and just stares at you with cold dead eyes, my advice is to back away.
Just slam the wench into the refrigerator then kick her down the stairs.
Very quickly.
Doubly so if it the kind or patient man that does it
Or start apologizing and take ownership of stuff you did and start diffusing the situation
That is GOOD advice
Can't accuse him of anything if he keeps his mouth shut. BUT she'll think of something, count on it.
You flirted with another girl in my dream! If you were better at showing how much you love me I wouldn't have those thoughts!
@@Adiscretefirm exactly.
Reminds me of a quote attributed to President Calvin Coolidge, "It is better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."
@@frosty3693That’s more or less what the Bible says: Proverbs 17:27-28
27 Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding. 28 Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. ❤
Just as every atheist calls out to God when faced with certain death, the value of gold and men is only truly known in times of war. Think and let that sink in.
When a man isn't talking, it usually a good indication he has had enough.
6:39
Oftentimes when a man isn't talking, especially if it's about his problems, it's because other people really don't give a damn about his problems and if that man's significant other displayed that behavior, the man is far less likely to open up about his problems
Don’t open up to your wife about problems and insecurities, she’ll only weaponized them against you. Your buddies are your refuge. That’s why she tries so hard to sabotage your friendships.
@@brettg274 exactly
".... But he knows a 10 can go to a 2 reeeaaalllll quick! So he values his peace more..."
Ouch, the truth hurts...
Just a perspective shift: Why is it the default position that men have to “keep the peace” or “go silent” let her “vent her feelings” assume that her “communication style” is better? Why she gets away with “shit testing?”
“We need to talk” really means “I have a list of complaints that you must listen to if you claim you ‘really love me’”.
How about just not putting up with it?
Because she can call the law and have a man ruined
I sure would appreciate if she just said, I have a list of reasons why you are a ship person that I want you to hear, I don't care about my cognitive dissonance still wanting you even though you are ship.
You are correct.
And they always do this right before bedtime!
I agree, and it starts right at the early stage of dating. Ask the woman to also organice dates in return. Do not try to "buy" them. Do not let them take you for granted and call them out for minor disrespect. Start to lough and do not take them serioous when they come up with bull crap. Ask them if they have put them self for just one minute in his position before they made that request etc. DO not fear to loose her, when you show her you have self respect and she is not a queen you serve.
I am very sure we men teached them how they can treat us. And mostly we fail already right from the start.
Whenever a man goes silent...he is regretting marrying you.
The man is biting his tongue to avoid hurting your feelings, even though it's the truth.
Be careful when a man is silent, he might be forced to do so just to keep the peace & his sanity. And that silence may someday lead to him just giving up trying one day.
FACTS!!
So true. Especially if she has a history of taking your feelings and twisting it to be about hurting her feelings, making it about her. Or if she also weaponizes the past against you... A man will use his shield of silence to protect himself is for sure the beginning of the end, or at least moving in the wrong direction of the relationship.
Exact proces, precisely.
I stopped talking to my wife because she wasn't interested in my thoughts when she asked.. she'd cut me be before I got it out, " Oh, I don't believe that! ", she would always say.
She wanted a echo chamber, like her mom, sisters, cousins, even her stepdad.
Eleven years divorced, I don't miss married life at all..
There's many great things about being single not the least of which is the silence. Another is all of the so called problems that have magically disappeared. The few I have left are relatively easy to deal with.
Same here. Silence and lack of stress will lengthen your life and improve its quality.
And it's like a 1/3 the cost,... how's that even work!?!?
Yup. We go silent just before we walk away. Nothing more to accomplish here. It's time to move on.
To a man refusing a compliment is calling him a liar.
"Leave the back door open every now and then."
I died.
1:53 if this ain't the damn truth. Men don't care about constantly talking abou their problems, especially because they more than likely have no one to talk to about their problems. We'd much rather solve them, move on, and maintain the peace.
When this man goes silent its because I'm keeping the very dark side of me at bay.
SO MUCH TRUTH here. Wish my wife understood half of this stuff; we wouldn't be just this side of a divorce otherwise.
When a man goes silent, it’s because he’s learned from long experience that the woman is going to shriek “I wasn’t done yet!” when he tries to open his mouth. She has to blather herself to death before he’s allowed to speak his piece.
Que the 5 hour monologue how you have to have the last word when she has the last word everytime.
At which point, we are no longer interested in anything to do with her.
When her diatribe pauses,do not ask "Are you finished?" For some reason, that request for clarity is not appreciated.
Worse than not being respected is being openly disrespected, especially in front of the kids or friends / family. Also, sometimes women are deliberately hurtful when they’re angry. That shuts me down in a second.
Men can be exactly the same.
That’s a death sentence in my house
@@dontstalkmedeltoro8816so since men can be exactly the same, women should just keep doing it?
That's pretty dumb...
@@KrMaHo men and women do it each other.
Please try to not hate women.
If it wasn't for women, you wouldn't be here.
@@dontstalkmedeltoro8816 Sounds just like a female: it happened once in human history- "It was Becky's cousin's best friend's aunt's daughter's pen pal's boyfriend. He decided to be "emotionally available" (because he thought it would help him get l@id (s!mp)), so he openly disrespected a girl he passed in the hallway (by simply not talking to her; ALL the boys wanted to talk to her because SHE'S A TEN!!!) who deliberately berated a boy who said he liked her (but it wasn't her fault- she only openly flirted with him so she could reject him in front of her Mean Gyrrl posse). Therefore, since ONE male possibly did it... once, that excuses the huge numbers of females who do it all the time. So there!"
When a man goes quiet, it's as good as over
Facts
@@bigboss7189 Yea, a man who once talked to you but is now quiet is dangerous.
Maybe women need to learn when NOT to talk. One of my pet peeves with my wife is that she constantly speaks to me from the other room, even if it is two rooms away......... and I am expected to hear her perfectly. Watch for it, most men will walk into the same room to start a conversation, and probably even wait until the person stops what they are doing and looks at them to start speaking. Another peeve is that she will ask me for my opinion of something and when I give it, she proceeds to tell me why I cannot or should not feel that way.
Iv stopped responding to the other room thing, and just say you know I can't hear far away( have a great excuse because I build high end audio systems lol ) shel go on for a long time too
so true. my first word in 75% of my conversations with my wife is "what?"
Has any man, or woman, ever heard a woman sincerely begging for forgiveness and then noticing an actual change in her behaviour?
Never in human history
Once- it was my mom.
Not sure ' keeping the back door open occasionally ' is a requirement for a majority of guys. In fact , in my experience , women are usually the requesting party.
My ex wife would complain when I didn’t speak to her. The day I turned around and said that there “was no point talking to her as she wouldn’t listen and carry on as if I didn’t exist “ she was shocked and then went and told her friends and family I was a A hole.
"getting things done" ----- what makes ME mad, if i'm being asked to do something... is she wants me to LIKE IT too
no, that's going to effing far
if you want me to do something, but i disagree - but i'll do it anyway....... let me just do it
and if i'm ticked off, BE HAPPY I DID IT
you don't ALSO get to require that i LIKE IT
the fact is... I DON'T LIKE IT
but i'm doing it
be happy its getting done
Yep, I got criticised because I rejected running a shopping errand saying go get it yourself, you want it not me. Why are we expected to jump when asked. Reverse is true. When ever asked her for any help, complete denial or rejection for some stupid reason, so I never ask. Always take care of my own stuff!
You both sound like you need to stay single.
A constant in any man's life is weighing the pro's and con's of every fight. Often it's best to wait to see how far the other is going to swing before reacting.
Just don't give a shit anymore. It's much esier not to care. Perfect peace. A big house is nice! Always find another room.
It's because he's learned that it's pointless and even dangerous to say ANYTHING. He's learned that she would rather just yell and complain rather than try to solve any problem. It means he just doesn't even care anymore. With my current wife, she has used the threat of ending the relationship so many times that I just consider it her go-to and it means nothing to me anymore. She could actually walk out and I won't care at all. Most times I wish she would because I'd rather just live on my own now.
Mine tried that *once*. She learned very quickly that it was a 100% guaranteed loser strategy with me.
@@i-..--..--..-i6985 Women always win if there's a divorce.
He: “How can it be my fault? I didn’t do anything!”
She: “Exactly!”
The man has finally realized that nothing is going to change, the woman will NEVER listen to him or be interested in his perspective. He's not interested in putting up with her selfishness and disrespect and is getting on with his own life.
Honestly, I'll probably never understand the desire to talk about a problem without attempting to solve it.
It's about farming narcissistic supply. As long as the problem exists, the sympathy continues. If you fix it, the supply dries up.
My wife, “I hate it when you are right ( correct)”.
What?? You heard a woman say she was wrong???
Somebody buy this guy a beer!!!!
"...annndd I'm gonna get canceled." I had to rewind to make sure I didn't miss what you were saying because I was laughing too hard. Spot on with the five things, by the way.
Stringing the shorts together, it works.
Question to women, about the "Last Man Standing" TV show do women understand the grunts "Tim, the tool time Taylor" makes? It is amazing how much can be conveyed in "grunt".
Imagine being shocked at men simply falling silent and leaving when their judged not by what they say, but the tone they use.
I do quite enjoy that you manage to combine hilarious delivery AND useful advice.
Yes!
That is what I do but she won't shit up and quit fighting me over nothing
I don't get any thank you's for anything I do around the house because in her mind it's expected. Yes, it's easier to be quiet, but then you still get in trouble.
“I don’t care how much money you make” 😂😂. I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything when she said that. I laughed so hard that my cheeks hurt. Then after the laugh I started thinking about it and realized how breathtakingly screwed the average guy is. We will die alone. But why should we want to be with women? Why would you want to be with someone who looks at you as nothing more than a walking wallet and a retirement plan?
I’m only at 3:06 and I need you to have a conversation with my wife. 29 years together and I can relate to damn near all of it.
This is very true I have just fell out with my gf over stuff like this 🙄 I have literally felt like walking on egg shells more and more when ever she says anything so I have to literally think twice or don't say anything at all. It's just so tiring now.
1:09 I’ve always looked at that as being somewhat equivalent to the two minute warning in Football…
"I don't need you to to solve anything for me, I just need you to listen." Big issue is that women expect men to be like their girlfriends, not understanding that most men are not conditioned or raised to think or act this way outside of group therapy, or posing a question to their peer group prefaced with "what do you think about this?.."
This is the biggest misunderstanding between men and women. One of those same thing for different reasons.
I have told my wife, "Don't bring me a problem that you do not expect me to solve."
If she wants to vent in a useless manner, she has female friends for that.
Answer:" If you don't want to solve the problem, don't tell me about it"
Most dangerous word uttered by women: "fine"
Yep that means fine. You are off the hook for at least 2 more hours. This is self evident by the use of the English word fine when speaking English.
Just tell her that whatever it is doesn't concern her. She will calm right down. Trust me. Works like a charm. 😉
Stopped caring long ago - too old for that shit. If she says "fine", no matter what the tone, I'm taking it literally and going off to do what I said I was going to do.
Great video. Yes Ladies, the "Nothing Box" is absolutely a real thing.
When a man goes silent: he has returned to his natural state of being
When I get quiet. It’s usually me internally struggling to keep my demon inside and very heavily trying to not let the others see it, but at the same time my stubbornness and self righteousness won’t allow me to leave an unresolved issue.
You hit the nail on the head quite a few times.
Sarah nailed it! Nothing to add. Great job thank you Sarah!!!
Absolutely exactly 💯💯‼‼‼we don't want to feel when were not ready because we are already disappointed and discouraged distracted 😮
Why can’t people act like adults sit down and talk things out? Heaven forbid!
I will never stop loving this woman.
Yes, in this video, she used her video message; with practical efficiency! So refreshing.
Other creators circle around first-principals, and never comprehend.
Dude, thanks for posting. This is professional grade counseling advice.
if only all women understood this!!
Spot on. You are reading my mail! You're making me wish I was 20 yrs younger....😉
WoW!!! Great insight Sarah!!!
Thank you !! Sooo helps me 💞🥹
This is GOLD!
Thank you for your recent compilation of "When a man goes silent". ❤️
❤ The fact you have just gave so much information to process… made me move from my nothing box…😂 Thanks
When I turn to silence my wife starts to peck at my flesh with insults , accusations and questions in an attempt to find ANY WAY to possibly get me to speak ESPECIALLY reactionary because she has no control over her mouth, less control over her emotions and she’ll do or say just about ANYTHING to drag me down to her level.
When I demonstrate the ability to keep silent and ignore her shotgun blast of insanity she becomes enraged and I split. I have alternate places to take refuge for as long as I need.
I’ve made it crystal clear that everything I own is not worth my sanity and that if she continues her inappropriate behavior - I’ll split with my things and leave her with the house - having no way to pay for it.
I just wonder if there is a woman in the world who watched and absorbed this.
Doubtful
Sad thing is, I know the reaction I'd get if I asked her to watch this.......
Wow.. That's covering just about everything.. Full coverage 😉Nice work Sarah 🙃
Seriously a great compilation! You're doing a critical service to men and women, Sarah Dawn Moore! I wish women of all ages would watch this video!!
Sarah, you are such a beautiful and brilliant lady. I wish I could know you personally. You are always spot on.
In the wilderness beware silence.
If a guy goes silent it may be he’s done with trying to speak. Women like to do all the talking.
I went quiet during my marriage because I'd checked out, I no longer cared about anything. A couple of years later I was divorced.
A woman saying she doesn't care how much money he makes and she loves him...... that's never been heard by any man.
I'm very interested in why you feel this way about women? Have you dated all women?
@@sarahdawnmoore lol. No. I actually haven't been on a date in over a year. September 23rd (my birthday) of last year was the last time. What's even more sad is that I had to pay for her being there. I don't like spending time alone on Birtdays and Holidays alone. But I'm used to it. I just wish I could meet a down to earth woman that didn't care about money. I've given up. Lol
@@sarahdawnmooreLOL ”Have you dated all women?” Perhaps you should watch your own video. 😂 His statement needs no explanation. Whether she says it or not, she doesn’t believe it. Or rather, she may love him, but she’ll leave him if he doesn’t make [insert $$$$ amount]. And no, I’m not broke. House on the water with a big pool, nice cars, everything paid off, no debt.
Loyalty and faithfulness in a relationship to keep to their vows after marriage 😊
Some women honestly don't see the problem with demanding that a man do a task to her standard on her timetable. Remember: he's not a person. He's a husband.
LOL! "Destressing" is the 1 point where I think us men might have it a bit easier.
Be it constraints of time or circumstances, I'm sure the ladies are aware how that OOHHHHHHsoooo relaxing candle lit bubble bath can often be hard to find.
but the Nothing Box is EVERYWHERE.
I go silent when I know that I'll get in trouble no matter what I say, and there's only the silence before she unloads on me anyway. In any case it's my fault for being evasive.
Showing that cleveage at 1:41. My night is complete. 😂
Thank you.
They get upset when you talk, and they get upset when you say nothing. One thing that I have learned in 40 years of marriage. It's a waste of time trying to argue with a woman, they just go rogue and start bringing up things that happened years ago, but if you do that they say you are just raking up the past. This woman talks so much sense, it's suspicious. Is she a woman?
Should be taught as a high school entering the world class. Magnificent!
When a man gets out witted by a woman. 😂😂 In a battle of witts my father told me to never shoot unarmed people.
THANK YOU! ! ! !
As for problem solving... Dudes among each other can be pretty special. Hard to explain. But working together on whatever issue will always yield results. You may end up feeling like the kings of the jungle, or just your general issue bunch of tossers - but a real man probably carries himself best in the latter category. Whatever happens, it bonds and creates memories.
This one time I was working in construction. Really low level stuff.
One day we managed to get one of those little loader trucks stuck in the sand, quite a bit away from our homebase so to say. We tried to unstick it, but to no avail. So we decided to go back and look for something to help us get it unstuck. Took us long enough to get back and retrieve a solid steel beam, few metres long. Carried it all the way back, jammed it onder the wheels as well as we could. No go. Then after adding some bricks and other crap to the setup to add some leverage, all three of us got up on one end of the beam and presto - we now had the beam carrying the truck under it's wheels. And then one of them said "Awesome, now we just gotta find someone to turn the ignition".
Probably shoulda been there. To turn the ignition.
I stay silent when:
1. the issue is stupid and not worth it.
2. I know I can't convince you so I'll just watch as you find out.
3. I know I will never agree, but it's not important enough to die on this hill.
4. I know that what I say will damage or end the relationship.
5. the words in my head are so savage that they will damage you forever and end us completely, despite the fact that they don't reflect my true feelings about you and will only sit in my head for a couple of minutes before going away.
Thanks for a good video!
Yea the thing about getting things done is a MASSIVE issue. Tell me the final result. I'll get it done. In past relationships it's been "Her way" or else it's the "wrong way" IKEA furniture absolutely a bad buy for couples 😅🤣
Lol, yes! Freakin' LOVE this!
As an ally who has been fighting for most of his life and felt like nothing but a villain, this brought me to tears.
You and Dr. Jordan Peterson are probably the only videos I watch on TH-cam anymore for the most part. Have a great day, Sarah.
She's a babe
Thank you for the compliment! 😊 Dr. Jordan Peterson's work is indeed thought-provoking. Is there any specific topic or idea from his or my videos that you find particularly interesting or valuable?
You're welcome! Really kind of all of it for both of you. The way you talk about what women like etc and how a man should act etc. I've kinda been that way for quite a few years now. I'm 100% service connected Veteran for PTSD/Depression and some internal injuries. I went to therapy for about ten years after my initial VA inpatient treatment programs for the PTSD. That's what the therapy was for, but we delved into way more than just that. I primarily date Military women since it's something we have in common. My increased confidence and self worth regained from years of therapy really helped. Identifying triggers and learning coping skills for said triggers etc. My therapist was good, she's retired now.
But overall I like everything you talk about. Always inciteful and thought provoking. When I watch I'll say to myself "Oh, I do that" or "Oh wow, that's helpful" Thank you for the reply, Sarah. Have a great Monday.@@sarahdawnmoore
Those 5 things women never said to me, those demanding things always happens. Those three reasons that women do that's accurate especially when getting ready.
What I got from this is men care about others and women only care for themselves
I went silent when I was looking at her at my side, and I wondered. Why am I missing her when she's right next to me and we are alone! Then I realized she wasn't the woman I fell in love with. It wasn't long after that, I realized she was cheating on me of. I left her after that.. Her daughter is still in my life, she looks at me as a true father figure in her life, and I love her as a daughter. We don't talk anything about her mother, ever.
This is actually great knowledge
@@TP-vu3tc What a dick reply to a comment, if you are so smart why are you here watching too...
This is literally scrambling my mind.
if a woman pulls out a past argument to settle a present one i give one warning and ... yes i live alone, yes thats fine, yes i'm ok with that if it means i dont have to put up with that kindof bullsht
When men go silent, it means there's a woman in the vecinity that wont shut up.
Quite often if a man won’t open up to his wife or girlfriend it’s entirely her fault, even more so if he had done so in the past.
One of the ways woman try to win arguments is to use what you tell them in confidence against you. Or she will talk about it to her friends.
If she does either of these things then she has proven beyond a shadow of doubt that she cannot be trusted with his thoughts and feelings because she proved his thoughts and feelings are not safe with her.
Men are very binary in their thinking so if she proves it’s not safe to share things with her then guess what, you won’t be hearing from him ever again.
She has proven that she can’t be trusted in any way, shape, or form. Permanently
Darn. Hits the nail on every one.
Excellent video 👏
Ha, this was good!
When he goes silent he has already exploded what she wants, he has already explored what he thinks she wants and he has already explored the other related and logical options. There are no other avenues to explore other than letting her finish her rant.
I would say men connect with others when solving problems more than anything. You learn so much about the other person and it is a huge pluss if you can solve the problem without to much talking (about the problem solving itself). It shows a deeper understanding, compatibility etc...
wow the 'transition time' you are so right, make a deep insight on it please!! I have not noticed 'this' before ...