I feel like you guys completely missed the point on the first story. She had accepted that her family doesn’t plan stuff for her the way she would like and so she took it upon herself. Her family was upset with HER because she planned it herself. That’s when she pointed out you “guys don’t do this so I did it for me.” When people were complementing her husband and daughter during the party she just let that happen she didn’t even take the credit! After the party her husband and daughter had the audacity to tell her that they were embarrassed. They have a problem with her doing it herself because it makes them feel guilty. I don’t think she should feel bad or like an asshole at all she was literally giving them the credit for her work. How is she petty? All she did was defend her actions against their unwarranted embarrassment.
THIS. And her daughter knows how to plan birthday parties she just doesn't care to do it for her mother. So the woman said "Fine I'll do it. " They felt guilty cause they knew they just didn't care enough to do this for her. Instead of taking the win they decided to transfer their guilt onto her.
Thank you! How dare a mother, or any person, take it upon themselves to plan for themselves. She didn't do it to be petty. As you pointed out, she let them take the credit. It felt like a lot of projection on the story and OP with stuff that wasn't there in the story. The mom is happy to do things for them but knows their limits. AND the daughter DOES know how to plan when it comes to someone she cares about. It's not expecting more than they can deliver. It's knowing they don't care to deliver FOR HER.
Yeah her family didn’t think of her at all especially in her 40! She wasn’t being appreciated so she did it for herself they’re mad cause they look bad
For the kidney story: My sister needed a kidney a few years ago, we all got tested and none of us were a match and my sister was put in a queue (#34, which is approx a 5 year wait, crazy right) for donation for her blood type. The hospital told us about a program that can get you bumped up in the queue if you have people volunteer their kidneys for others in need. Both my mother and father volunteered theirs and got my sister moved up to #4. In the end, only my father needed to donate and my sister is doing well with her kidney. The person my father donated to is actually the son of the person who donated to my sister. My point, mom, dad and Darren better get to volunteering. Edit: Just watched the Top comment portion, lol.
The bday. She's not mandatory anything. She wants to feel special and has high expectations. She knew they wouldn't meet it so she did it her self. She was confronted by her ungrateful kid, and husband about not letting them plan it, yet she was giving them full credit to others. She wasn't mad or being vindictive until they confronted her. "If you want it done your way, do it yourself." She didn't care to do it herself, just disappointed noone cared how she would for them.
Madi got it all wrong. Mom didn’t expect daughter to plan a great party, she was calling daughter out for daughter being upset about being embarrassed about not planning such a great party. She could have just taken credit for the plans, but instead she decided to be petty about her feelings of guilt instead of handling it differently so daughter was asking for the callout.
Also think it was about the fact that they didn’t even bother to be like “what would you like to do” instead of something they know they would enjoy a lot of people take birthdays serious because they are special
Came from tiktok for the kidney story: This sister and the rest of the family showed they don't love and respect him, and then asked for an organ. That's wild. It also sounds like they didn't call him when she first got sick either, only when looking for a donor so they're clearly not close. The only thing this sense of obligation is coming from is them being related and the parents putting pressure on him. You don't have to give anyone your organs, especially not to go along to get along with family politics, for people who don't care about you. I support him refusing to get tested. It's better to say no up top, than to find out they're a match and then the pressure is worse. It will be really rough, definitely, no matter what he chooses. I have definitely heard of those organ exchange programs, I kinda-sorta know someone who did it and donated to a stranger.
Heavy on the “You don’t have to give anyone your organs.” Even if all of this hadn’t happened, if he simply didn’t want to volunteer an organ and wasn’t feeling comfortable with being cut open, having a kidney removed and then having only one functioning kidney (which I get is SUPPOSED to be fine, but then what if something happens to that kidney and now YOU need a new one?) plus dealing with the recovery after. Like this is not a simple favor.
Y'all kind of missed that th mom feels unappreciated. She probably goes above and beyond for her family and they just wanted to do pizza for her 40th. I actually think that she shouldn't have invited the husband to her day out. He's the problem here. And it's probably not just birthdays she's upset about
16:10 It's wild that there's an expectation for women to "get used" to people not valuing them equally. It's not about the cost or extravagance - the plan that OP came up with was fairly simple (especially compared to Nascar in Vegas). It's about the husband and daughter: A. Not paying enough attention to know what she likes. B. Not caring enough to ask what she wants. C. Being mad that she "showed them up" by just celebrate herself. It's sad how much content I've seen about moms/wives filling everyone else's Christmas stockings while hers is empty or receiving gifts that are really tailored to other people in the household.
perfectly. said. as a mom, I was hurt listening to that. it’s like once you become a mom, you’re not allowed to have anything outside of motherhood. the guilt is sickening either way.
I now misogynistic gets thrown around a lot. But that's how it felt hearing them say that. Deep-rooted misogyny that mothers should just get used to being treated like crap.
As someone who had a dad who never stepped up and celebrated my mom, and thus taught us not to do anything social, this first story makes me so sad. I’ve got a natural disposition to help and celebrate people but my siblings don’t and the mom has every right to say hey, I’m doing this for myself. And if you’re disappointed that it’s better than what you have done, then do better. Also, it’s not a mandate. It’s a love language. Everyone should have expectations in their relationships. As someone who hated her birthday (I’m adopted) I now want to celebrate it and expect my significant other to make it special to help me heal my relationship with it and with being loved. I think yall missed the point. And the whole “you should be used to it by now” absolutely horrid. Just cause it’s bad behavior or neglectful a consistent amount of time, doesn’t mean it’s okay.
For story 1 sam ALMOST had the point, they don’t HAVE to do something nice for her but she definitely had the right to plan her own birthday and make it how she wanted it. Her husband and daughter were mad because the shoe fit. She didn’t even put them, and all the guests thought it was their idea either way.
As a mom, I understand her point. Not that the daughter needed to be involved. But she goes all out for them and usually moms don't get the same thought for them. I've did the same for my 45. I had no expectations for anyone else because I usually don't get anything. So I planned my own bday weekend. It was ruined, but I did try for myself. Also moms will say several times, hey can you... And be forgotten or put last.
NTA for planning her own party, not her fault they felt slighted for not being told about it considering they weren’t thinking about making a real effort. It sucks being a mother. People expect you to go above and beyond for them and put the least effort into what they do for you. The daughter less than the dad, not all kids are considerate, some are, luck of the draw with that one. Husband should be ashamed of himself though. Imagine needing to ask someone to make an effort for you. Pizza / cake…. really?
for the 1st story: i have to go back and listen since i was in the shower but saying “she should be use to it by now” is CRAZYY. she already stated that it wasn’t mandatory that they plan this extravagant party, just something to show they care about her. she feels under appreciated and having a high school pizza party basically reinforces that. i believe she’s upset at the daughter as well because she sees she is capable of some sort of planning for someone else (her bff) but wouldn’t do it for her. she knew they wouldn’t take the proper time to do something for her so she made her own party 🤷🏾♀️ then they got mad at her for it? instead of being like “damn we fucked up, how did we not notice this”. granted the father came back the next day to apologize but i’m just surprised sometimes people don’t step outside of themselves and see the other side.
The part that's crazy is she didn't even do something extravagant 😭, she got tickets to a musical and threw a party. Easy things her family could have done if they really cared. Yet somehow they were like pizza and ice cream that's it as if it's just a random Thursday night 😭 what about that is special for her?
Beyond the siblings looking so much alike, having Elise sitting there with Brandon and Sam makes it more obvious that they are cousins. They all have beautiful smiles. In general, I think Comfort Level has the best guests.
1st story. Who is expected to fill the Christmas stockings and buy the presents. Who fills the Easter baskets. Who makes the dentist appointments. No one bats an eye when everyone else is EXPECTING things of mom but the second the mom does something nice for HERSELF she’s considered selfish for planning her own party and not expecting the husband or kids to do anything. Weird how she did everything herself yet she’s selfish for wanting to celebrate herself. 16yr daughter should be held accountable too. I grew up baking my mom cakes picking flowers and making breakfast in bed every year. It doesn’t cost money to be a thoughtful person. The mom is expected to buy presents for the daughter and plan the husbands parties. They had 16 years to be thoughtful I’m sure the mom told them things she’d love. And they didn’t listen. It’s not hard to invite friends over for a get together. “Hey moms friends we want to have a party everyone bring a dish to celebrate mom. That’s it.
@@kamariaraines7571not defending the daughter she for sure is capable because she planned something for her friend but she grew up watching a father who never didn’t anything special for the mom by the sounds of it so in her mind that’s “just normal” parents have to realize how they treat their partners in front of their kids is very important because they will learn from you
A prank and an assault aren't the same. Ripping someone's clothes off in public(or in private without consent) is literally assault and is fully a crime lol
So Darren’s wife (op’s sister) needs life saving surgery and hopefully op can provide a kidney for that… and Darren isn’t even going to reach out to op and apologize… beg… nothing? If that was my partner I would be on the phone begging forgiveness and swallowing my pride in hopes to help save my partner. Why is the mum phoning but not the sister or Darren?
As a mom I do so much for my family to even function so I see where she’s coming from it’s one more thing on our to do list to ASK for someone to plan or celebrate my birthday at all.
Do you feel the same way about the mom asking her son to donate his kidney? I initially thought that's what you were referring to....so now I'm curious.
Oops thought I time stamped it. I agree with madi with your body your choice, it’s hard to put myself in this situation because my family is very accepting no matter what. If I was OP I feel like I wouldn’t give her my kidney but I also don’t know the emotions OP is feeling. It’s hard…I feel terrible for OP.
10:28 I would have agreed if the daughter had not planned a birthday party for her friend already which means she is capable of it. but when it came to her mom she didn't have a second thought. But the dad, he wins the ahole 1st place, if in all these years doesn't know what his wife likes?
Ummmm…. Story 2?? Their “prank” was to forcibly remove her clothing, which is quite obviously sexual assault. I didn’t hear anyone mention it but a anecdote about someone being pepper sprayed is called assault right after the story…
Because why are your friends touching my pants anyway not to mention she can’t be called the ass hole because she didn’t wear something honestly it’s her body nobody was supposed to be able to see her butt through jeans anyway because they are pants but her childish bf thought that was ok???
Regarding the kidney donor story, I think people forget/overlook two main points. 1) If your 100% biological sibling is experiencing kidney failure, there is a strong likelihood you could also experience the same health issues. If he donates his kidney, he could end up with only one kidney and possibly be fighting for his own life in the future. 2) If he donates his kidney there is still a very high likelihood of her body rejecting it, regardless of their biological match. She could die anyway and he'd be left with one kidney. And I'd bet his parents treatment toward him would not change. I absolutely don't think he should be pressured into donating. I doubt anything about that family dynamic will change either way. OP should respectfully decline to be cut open, lose a vital organ, spend 6 weeks recovering, then happily move on with his life. No one in that family has been supportive of him and his trauma. He has nothing to feel guilty about. NTA. P.S. My rule on organ donation -- if I didn't give birth to you, or you didn't give birth to me, it's not even open for discussion ✋🏾 NOT sorry about it!
Definitely feel differently about the first story. If you put all that energy into celebrating your loved ones, and the best they can do to reciprocate is an ice cream cake... I think that shows a lot. But tbh, thats not even the problem. OP felt like the AH because her family was embarrassed by OP planning her own birthday. Honestly sounds like OP is over expecting anything from her family and so shes single-married and trying to live her best life.
Wholeheartedly agree, I don’t feel like expecting to be and feel appreciated on your own birthday is too big of an ask, ESPECIALLY if it comes from a person who they know would like the gesture!
Yeah it's a difficult one because she definitely should've communicated that, but also how often do you have to explain to someone that you want more than the bare minimum ya know? Like if someone took me to Vegas to have a NASCAR day, I would immediately be thinking what's something you love that I could do for you next time.
@@liebling4069I never once had to had it said to me that my parent turning 40 was a big deal. I already knew. Plus she did throw a party for her friend so she does know she didn’t think of her mom. She grew up watching a father who sounds like he never did either so it makes sense she thinks like that. Also the mom only said something because they complained they felt embarrassed. You only feel embarrassed if you know you did something wrong
16:50 y’all have moms right? Like active moms? Im sure y’all have taken them for granted. Cuz dang, a simple planned party is not to much to ask for. Moms do everything and this seemed like a simple thing that could have been done.
Right?? I kind of started feeling bad for all the mums out there listening to their viewpoint lol. The lady didn't even mind planning her own party even though it must've hurt a little. She even let them take credit, it's just that THEY felt embarrassed because they KNOW that they never put effort into celebrating her and they KNOW that it is hurtful, so they lashed out after the party. However the onus is mostly on her husband, bare minimum ass b lol
My friend and her husband started dating as a practical joke on their friends. When their daughter was born, she remembered to say, "I think the joke has gone far enough."
I don’t see how you guys found an issue with the mom planning her own party? Elise said that by now she should “be used to it” but that means she shouldn’t be able to have a celebration where she feels special? Even the husband and daughter admitted they didn’t put much effort into it.
For the first story, I see a lot of people pointing out how you guys completely missed the point. With the first point being she didn’t bring up at all that she was upset with them and stated she wanted this for herself so she did it. This is only happening because they’re embarrassed since they realized they didn’t put it in enough effort for her birthday like she does for theirs. The only reason she brought up comparisons was because they were being mean to her because they felt embarrassed. She had every right to go on her daughter for A) what she’s done for her daughter, and B) the fact that her daughter plans her friends birthdays that are really fun. But not the person who cared for them every day? Not the one who bends her back and almost breaks it to make sure she has great birthdays? Technically no they don’t have to, but that’s an expectation of if i am gonna put in this effort for you, then you should reciprocate it. That’s rule 101 to show somebody you are appreciative of them.
It’s weird how when women speak up for not being treated how they feel they deserve society questions whether they should or not. Or if her feelings are valid. Honetsly, I feel like the mom in the first story is not an AH. I don’t think she planned everyone else’s parties in order for it to be reciprocated. 40 is a milestone. If the daughter can plan something for a friend, why is she not capable to work with her father to plan something special for her mother. I do think think parents set the tone for how the other parent is treated, kids see that and in a way follow suit, so imo the father has set a horrible example in setting the tone that the mother deserves the bare minimum
I swear anytime I've heard and aita story from them and it's about parents struggling, or partners not getting the support they need and deserve from a partner, its such a gross gross take. They ignore all of it and just hahaha here's something they never said and let's disregard this chunk of information. Like come on.
She should be “used to it” is a crazy takeaway for the first story. Especially coming from women. It’s like you didn’t comprehend what you read/heard. So sad.
For story 3 I don’t think she’s an asshole for how she responded. Because if the parents are going to sit there and wonder why the other two kids aren’t talking to them, aren’t inviting them to anything, they should know why harsh or not. There’s a point where you can talk to people in a decent way and a calming way. But there is another point where if they just don’t get it the first or second time then yeah I’m going to give you everything of what you need to hear. And not talking or responding back to her on what she said just tells me that they just got a reality check. And you’re going to feel guilty for speaking that way to people, but this isn’t back then where everyone just keeps everything inside. Audacity the parents have to tell her to get back with somebody while they were in their own little secret thing trying to make it seem like they’re perfect and this is love. NO! I’m glad that she responded that way because if she didn’t, they would’ve kept pushing and pushing and pushing. The same way that they kept pushing those other two kids out of their lives. So good for her for getting that toxicity out of her life.
yall must all have been guilty of not properly celebrating your mothers birthday, which I notice is common, I felt the op in the first story bc id never just let my mothers birthday scoot on by and not try to make it grand. And I see how lackadaisical my sibling are towards it. only people that don't try would resinate with the daughter or father, bc as someone that does I get offended when ppl don't try or at least show up. You only get one mother and she wont be here forever
and shes throwing them birthday bashes and they are just bringing chuck e cheese home for a 40 ear old woman??? plz you're not going to tell me the difference isn't GLARING. she made this bed long ago with her husband the daughter is just following culture
Hes not the a-hole, he doesn't talk to his family because of her and her bully husband. This is the consequences of her own actions. Shes altered his home life and now she's going to effect his life in general. His parents are also garbage, the dad should've been the one to check that immediately.
Holy Crap, I just got to when OP's date sent the door dash over the next morning - may I just say, this dude is a complete legend. Way to be a real one, I hope the rest of him is as good as that would indicate and that they might actually get to make a run at things, because that's an insane thing to happen and for him to be clutch like that? Legend.
On the first story I do think you guys missed a big point as well, I feel like often times (I’m not a mom but I was once an ungrateful teenage girl) the things moms do for their families get over looked so for her to want her family to appreciate her or celebrate her in the way of which she celebrates them is not wrong. She wasn’t even really mad at them, she’s at the point where she’s just accepted that they won’t do it for her so she just did it herself and THEY got mad at her. She let them have the credit at the party with no issues, she just wanted her day… I have a lot of compassion for that
For the last story, I think there’s some misunderstanding of how much a traumatic childhood can warp your self-esteem. If you grow up in an awful environment of constant mistreatment and neglect, it’s going to be REALLY difficult to believe that you deserve to stand up for yourself. OP knows that that treatment was messed up now, but it’s going to take YEARS of intense therapy for them to build a strong sense of self.
Story one really bothered me. Because I feel like everybody is taking the wifes view of her daughter and her husband not doing something for her and a totally wrong way. At the end of the day I really feel like it’s all about just putting in thought thinking about somebody and reciprocating energy at the end of the day, I don’t see a problem with the mom being upset with her 16 year old daughter. At the end of the day you’re 16 and your mind is different and you think a lot more you’re not seven or eight you’re 16. This is around the time where you start to think about your parents And I don’t think it was about the party. I feel like if the daughter would’ve just gotten her mom something that she knows her mom has been wanting and hasn’t been able to get the mom would’ve definitely appreciate it. It’s not about the party it’s about the individual. Her mom saved up all this money for a MacBook, I feel like the least her daughter could’ve came up to Father and said “let’s plan something for mom or I know mom has been wanting this”. Let me get her this m. She’s at the age where she should be thinking a little bit more. At the end of the day parents do have to make sacrifices, but the MacBook was a gift and it was not a necessity and clearly this is something that is reoccurring and people get tired of things. I don’t assume that she hasn’t spoken to her family about this before but I feel like she’s spoken up. They don’t have to do anything for her but at the end of the day, I just feel like it’s common courtesy for people who’s been breaking their back for you for you to show them some type of appreciation. The husband is definitely not any better at the end of the day. I know people who are not good at planning things but that’s why your wife has friends, family people who care and know her and know how to plan it takes nothing to hit somebody up and say I wanna do this that in a third can you help me, or like I said it doesn’t have to be a party as parents y’all make sacrifices and he knows because he’s a parent. I know that her husband knows certain things that she has wanted and hasn’t been able to get due to having to make sacrifices for her family. I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to go all out for your wife especially if you know that something that she likes, I just want everybody to understand that it’s not about the party. It’s about reciprocating energy and showing people that you actually put in thought and care about them.
With the bday one she said she didnt care tonplan her own bday but her familys mad that she planned it. And THATS when she rly started to compare. I think its more i go all out for yall i want an all out bday too thats not my husbands thing so ill just doit myself kinda thing
AGREED. as a mother, hearing this story really hurt. once you have a child it’s like you’re no longer a person who is allowed to have anything outside of motherhood. the guilt already eats us away (me personally at least) so them being upset at her for throwing her own party is actually insane.
@@dystineeschild My first thought was, I feel bad for any mother who heard this and I hope their own mother's never hear their takes on this :( I hope you know that isn't everyone's point of view. Definitely not mine. Hope you're getting all of the love and appreciation you deserve!
Yes, the Kidney Paired Donation Pilot Project (KPDPP) is a real thing. Also, there was a Grey's Anatomy episode where they had domino kidney transplant surgeries. (S5, E5).
Not sure how the 1st OP is the ahole. She didn't expect anything and didn't rub anything in their face. She just realized that if she wants a nice birthday then she has to do it herself, and she did it without complaint. Then she let them get the credit for it so ppl didn't think anything negative about her doing it herself. But they felt embarrassed and called out so they're mad at her Thwy
Yep. If I have to tell my husband what to buy me it’s not a gift from him, it’s a gift from myself. So this tell people what you want doesn’t apply in this situation.
My sister and I try to go all out for an our Dad’s bday, because he tries his best every year for all of us including the grandchildren. (Only my oldest brother and I have offsprings). He buy us tickets for our travels, travels with us, takes us for dinner or has a Dominican BBQ party for us. We are 5 and we make sure we celebrate him for a whole week.. From dinners to clubbing and BBQ party every year since we started working we plan for it. NOW my husband and I do not like to celebrate our bdays so we ask each other what we want t do that day and try to make it happen. My 12y old asked me what I wanted I said “A day without you driving me fXxIng crazy”. That was the best bday ever. 😂
Sam is a little too rooted in his own perspective on the kidney story. He can’t seem to fathom that it might NOT weigh on OP beyond people’s attempts to guilt him. There was a Reddit story where someone refused to give their twin brother a kidney because he was horrible and the poster did NOT regret it. It did NOT weigh on them when he died shortly after. And I repeat, it was their TWIN. Family is who you love and who loves you. If that love isn’t there, it’s just someone with similar/the same DNA.
I disagree about the kidney. My dad was an abusive asshole. If he needed a kidney, I am not giving him one. But the sister isn’t abusive. Still, they are homophobic and bad people lol.
I’m sorry, but in the age of the internet and AI, you can look up how to plan a party. “Not being good at that stuff” is not a great excuse not to try. Will it be on par with a professional event planner? No. Will it show the person that you thought of them, you tried your best, and wanted them to feel loved and special? Yes.
No shade on the first story, I have been able to plan a party for my mom with my stepdad which I believe that the daughter also could have done especially if she was able to plan one for her bestfriend. Also she was not comparing them until they started saying they were embarrassed for her planning the party and letting them take the credit for it
I told my husband when we started dating that I don't like obligatory gifts. My birthday was the first obligatory gift giving occasion to come up so he didn't get me a gift and waited to see what would happen. Well, as it turns out, I was telling the truth. I give him random gifts, and he gives me random gifts, but we don't make a big deal out of the traditional gift giving days. It really takes a lot of the pressure off.
The kidney. Nope. He doesn't owe her squat. She proved she didn't care about him when she continued to date the bully after he met her brother and the first words out of his mouth were bullying.
i didn’t think any act out topping brandon’s sexy celery but boy was i wrong 🤣🤣🤣 this was the best one by far LOL credits to elise for that nervous fumble hahahaha ❤ and madi with the quickness haha improv queen 😭😂😂
RE: the mom party planning. I used to be the person who went all out to make other people happy and celebrated on their special occasions and then got very little if not flat-out nothing in return. It made me feel unappreciated, but then I realized none of those people ever really expected all my efforts, it was just my love language. It was a learning curve to refocus all that care and effort into myself, then meet others on the level they like to operate on. I think the mom went about the situation in a very passive-aggressive way, while just flat-out communicating about it seemed like a genuine option here, so ultimately, she is in the wrong.
I don’t think yall understood the first story, that’s a mom that’s putting all her effort into making sure that each member of her family has a good birthday. Which I’m sure she’s been doing for 16+ years, I don’t think she should be upset with her daughter either but she does deserve to be celebrated too. Could you imagine planning nice birthdays for everybody else, but when the time comes to show your mom that you appreciate her she gets nothing! Moms are under appreciated a lot. (I am not a mom) You don’t ‘have’ to do anything for your wife/mom but you probably should
The first lady needs to articulate her expectations about things. Me and my partner struggle with this. Communicating expectations is good to actualize things IRL, instead of creating fantasies of things in your head.
Yeah I think that’s the main problem. They do celebrate, but it’s not up to her expectations. Then she should communicate that. Could been a misunderstanding or just believe she enjoys a more lowkey party. At least tell the husband and he seem to realized the problem afterwards and apologize to her. Them getting embarrassed over her own planning is weird though I will say. Just felt like bad communication overall like you said
@@TabbyWithMittensif she does that kind of party for them, it had never occurred to them to do the same for her. Her husband, after that many years married, he does not know what she likes? Her daughter put effort on making her friend a birthday, but she didn't give a second thought to her mom?
@@alexiatr I think the husband should had probably picked up on something, but I also don't know what kind of conversation they had before. Did she give signs or actually say she likes the bigger stuff for her birthday? Maybe there was a misunderstanding about what she might had like. For the daughter, I think that's just how things are going to go. Most of a teen might put more effort into their friends before family. There's nothing wrong with finding that little upsetting as a parent, but also just part of growing up and hopefully she will start returning the same energy once she grows. I do think it's weird they would make a comment about her throwing a party for herself in the first place, but I just think overall no one really had good communication. The husband at least apologize and hopefully things can be a bit smoother from then on. For the daughter, she might apologize in the future, but for now I think she's just gonna be angsty lol.
I think you forgot the entire point of the story just like they did - she planned her own party and wasn't going to mention it to them until they got upset she didn't tell them. That's what she's asking about - whether she was wrong to plan her own party and not tell them, which "embarrassed" them.
Brandon's really caught up on the how difficult it is to say no when your family situation is AWFUL. As someone who has been abused by their mom, I agree with Sam. I knew when I was in high school that I needed to go no contact with her, but I still kept in contact with her until I was in my late 20s because I always hoped that our relationship would get better. I always hoped that she'd eventually come around and see me as someone worthy of love.
The second story makes me so mad at the fact that he literally pulled her pants down in a room full of his friends. Like that’s a joke for the boys, it’s sexual harassment if it’s a female and the dudes friend somehow convinced the bf to rip her clothes off for fun?? Like how? Why would you want to be friends with someone who thinks seeing your gfs private parts are funny and enjoys putting her in an uncomfortable and vulnerable situation??
Everybody talking about the first story but at least that response had fair sense of opinion to it and ppl on reddit thought OP was TA as well. The third story to even question OP is honestly very disrespectful. Why on Gods green earth would anyone respect someone who is telling them to disregard their feelings of someone cheating on you. Then excusing the parents by saying "i don't think they could have said anything else", they could've not mentioned anything like OP hoped for by bringing the date. OP tried to be "respectful" it seems for years. The parent's were not hypocrites but were projecting their toxic relationship dynamic onto their children. People absolutely should release built up frustration in healthy ways; which this was. No one was hurt, did illegal actions, and even the date understood the room. I love this podcasts and you all are entertaining and wonderful ppl but seriously that was a harsh response to someone who was looking for comfort from her parents after again being cheated on so recently and betrayed by friends to have her parents do that to her as well. Some of these stories aren't entertainment purposes and actually deserves respectful answers.
NTA on not wanting to donate your kidney. THEY MADE THEIR BED, THEY ONLY REACH OUT FOR HER TO GET SOMETHING. THIS FAMILY IS TOXIC AF, AND DOESNT DESVER ANYTHING
And its not even about the price specifically if people wanna point that out. It's about doing something the other person will like vs some basic birthday stuff with no thought put into it
@@nelissaortiz5405someone called it "matching energies" and I like that. I'd grow resentful too if I was going all out and they couldn't even get bothered faith the barest minimum of what I like.
I feel like with the bully story, I wouldn’t be able to donate my kidney and be at peace with it. Like it’s a damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation. Given that he sees his sister as a stranger, that says they don’t have a lot of communication or is involved in each other’s lives enough to come out of the blue and be like “Oh yeah, you can have mine!” Like no. I also feel like (in my own opinion) the bully was brought in and accepted as a sort of replacement for OP. That’s just my thought about it. Because if someone made a comment like he did towards anyone in my family, I’m going to straighten them out in a heartbeat. But the fact that everybody laughed and then tried to make excuses for him it’s very telling in my opinion
41:27 For me, it was low self-esteem. I was one of those kids who would flash my boobs to men on the internet on sites like this. Growing up, I had a very bad image of myself and I kinda hated myself due to bullying, being a little over weight (although a lot of that was due to me maturing faster than my peers and not actually being that over weight, but I felt huge) and some abuse. I didn’t have anyone checking up on what I was doing either. One boy in school had told me I was the ugliest girl he’s ever seen, completely unprovoked. So, when you feel really ugly and really, really unworthy, then some man tells you he thinks you’re beautiful or that he loves your body (I was 13-17 during this time) or that he thinks you’re smart and funny….sometimes even when he doesn’t, you just do what he asks. Because in a way you feel like it’s the only source of love or affection you will ever experience. I wasn’t gassed up enough as a kid, in fact,I was only broken down most of the time, so it felt like love. It’s a dark place, but I'm happy yo say I'm out of it.
I don’t believe the girl who went off on her parents at dinner was an A-hole AT ALL parents need to be more frequently held accountable for what they present their children with growing up
Kidney story hot take: take them being siblings, and the tense dynamic between OP and the sister’s spouse out of the picture. Just because someone CAN do something charitable, doesn’t make them an AH if they choose not to. Not to mention, your emotional state can affect if the surgery is even successful. OP could DIE for donating to his enabling sister 🤷🏻♀️
I swear I heard a similar donation story, but with like a son instead who move out and had a husband (something like that). Family treated him like SHIT then expected him to donate. He refused and the person died. It’s probably not the exact details, but the story made me think of this.
1st Story: If OP hasn't communicated how this mismatching energy level makes her feel, around birthdays passed, I think she's the AH for unilaterally planning her party, seemingly with the goal to rub it in her husband and daughter's face, displaying her discontent out of nowhere. Don't just assume people know how you feel about things. I went to a bbq with my parents, I thought it was a great time, until we got home and my mom's mask dropped. OP might be better at masking her true feelings/reactions than she thinks. Maybe: "When I plan these things to celebrate you on your special occasions, it's because I want you to feel special and thought of, and see how much you are cared about. So when you choose to celebrate me with DoorDash-able/everyday/anyday experiences it shows me that I am not worth any extra effort, I barely warrant any celebration. Regardless of your intent, that is the message I receive." I wonder when OP found out about the husband and daughter's plans for her birthday, was her planning in reaction to finding out or did her just assume and this is an "I knew it" moment.
Yeah especially if they faked enjoying it for the longest time. I think maybe the husband should had picked up signs, but no way the daughter is going to know. They just see probably smiling and saying stuff like “aww thank you!”- like you said, masking. Also it’s wild to me that big parties or get away is equal to… affectionate I guess? I be happy with a takeout, movies, and hanging out with family. BUT that’s just me. Also of course a teen is gonna put more effort with her friends, she’s a teen. Friends are really close during those times. Nothing wrong with planning something for yourself, but I agree rubbing it in and acting like they should have read her mind is wild.
@@TabbyWithMittens I'm the same. I'm an introvert so a big party would be my NIGHTMARE and the #1 signal that you don't know me at all, but I can totally see the opposite being true for people...watch it was a designer cake and the daughter had a high production value movie made to tell the mom how much they love her, but totally possible this wasn't the case.
@@Reya_Sunshine Totally. I do think it’s wild of them to get upset over her planning her own party, but the response was just weird too. Overall communication is needed. I don’t mean to project either, but I’m a little worry if materialistic stuff is being used as a sign of affection (which it can be, presents after all). BUT I’m overthinking stuff and this isn’t it at all lol.
@@TabbyWithMittens I think they were upset because she didn't tell them she was, she just had them show up. Yea, all responses were sus to me. There are so many ways OP could have left stuff out to twist perception in their favor. 100% they need to talk more. Materialism or even something as less toxic as OP's love language being gift giving etc. could totally be a factor in their dynamic/why they, as a family, got to this point. You literally never know with reddit stories.
I see what you’re saying, but you should not have to ask people to celebrate your birthday, most importantly with people who have the prior knowledge of how hard she goes for everybody else. Especially the fact that her daughter went out of her way for HER FRIENDS, but not her own mother? I don’t understand how the daughter and husband could’ve sat there and been like “wow mom always does great birthdays for us. Let’s just get her a pizza and call it a night.”
For the 1st story regarding planning the bday. Maybe her love language is Act Service such as planning birthday celebration especially. Also, OP mentioned that the daughter planned a birthday party for her BF but didn’t have the same effort for mom’s bday.
I do think that probably feels bad, but I also chalk that up to being a teen. Just gonna naturally put friends first 🤷♀️ But the Dad/Husband should had tried more I believe. He might miss signs, but as a partner there should been communication between them at least.
Story 1: Mom is NTA. She has a right to treat herself. She shouldn’t be expected to never get what she wants just because that’s the norm. And the husband apologized because she wasn’t the AH. The daughter is being a sensitive brat. I would keep planning my own things if I wanted to until they stepped up.
My husband is constantly dismissive of my birthday. This year I forgot his birthday because I figured mine was treated like an afterthought, so why should I make his all that. He was a bit irked, but OH WELL. Goose/gander.
Imagine giving your kidney to someone who you grew up with and love but who doesn’t respect or honor you. It would be a mistake. He’s definitely in a hard position but donating an organ is life changing and if your sister could marry a man who blatantly disrespected you in front of your family during your first meeting after years apart.. f her.
The birthday isn’t about competition. I think the issue is she shows she cares by doing and they clearly don’t. If that’s her love language and they ignore it maybe she feels like she loves and cares for them more than they love and care for her. Many people live by the treat people how you’d like to be treated.
Wow. I'm just horrified at your response about the #1 story. I'm also horrified that you "think she should be used to it by now" WTF did you just say. NO ONE should 'get used' to being overlooked, not appreciated and given the bare scraps of attention. I think you all need to go do something nice for your moms. Because Mom's are often overlooked and neglected. They're the ones that look after you when you're sick, they cheer you up when you're down, they make sure to get you like. But when she's sick no one looks after her. When she's tired no one tells her to sit down or ask what's wrong. When she's overlooked or forgotten for gifts or parties because she's the one that plans everything normally. I became aware of this once I got older and now I try show the same consideration and appreciation and care she has shown for me every single day and try to look after her when she needs it and make sure she knows she's special. And she wasn't even worried about it, she was fine planning it herself and let them take the praise, it was only when they all had a go at her for making their crummy pizza party look as sad as it was. And compared it with the effort she puts into their celebrations TO MAKE A POINT.
NTA for the Moms Bday party. I usually agree with your takes but this is the first one I have to disagree. I think she was very accepting to the idea and was “used to it” if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t have planned her own party like she did. She anticipated that they wouldn’t do what she wanted and took her own birthday in control. It wasn’t petty because she allowed her family to take credit for the party she planned herself as to not embarrass them.
The first story: mom is kind of an AH because she didn't tell the husband and daughter about the party. There was a reason she blindsided them instead of simply saying she was planning a party for herself.
1:31:13 it's a domino surgery, y'all need to watch some Grey's Anatomy! It may have some medical inaccuracies but there are also some very real things, especially in later seasons. Some really interesting medical phonomenoms that come up.
I feel like you guys completely missed the point on the first story. She had accepted that her family doesn’t plan stuff for her the way she would like and so she took it upon herself. Her family was upset with HER because she planned it herself. That’s when she pointed out you “guys don’t do this so I did it for me.” When people were complementing her husband and daughter during the party she just let that happen she didn’t even take the credit! After the party her husband and daughter had the audacity to tell her that they were embarrassed. They have a problem with her doing it herself because it makes them feel guilty.
I don’t think she should feel bad or like an asshole at all she was literally giving them the credit for her work. How is she petty? All she did was defend her actions against their unwarranted embarrassment.
Agreed!
THIS. And her daughter knows how to plan birthday parties she just doesn't care to do it for her mother. So the woman said "Fine I'll do it. "
They felt guilty cause they knew they just didn't care enough to do this for her. Instead of taking the win they decided to transfer their guilt onto her.
Exactly
Thank you! How dare a mother, or any person, take it upon themselves to plan for themselves. She didn't do it to be petty. As you pointed out, she let them take the credit.
It felt like a lot of projection on the story and OP with stuff that wasn't there in the story.
The mom is happy to do things for them but knows their limits. AND the daughter DOES know how to plan when it comes to someone she cares about. It's not expecting more than they can deliver. It's knowing they don't care to deliver FOR HER.
Yeah her family didn’t think of her at all especially in her 40! She wasn’t being appreciated so she did it for herself they’re mad cause they look bad
For the kidney story: My sister needed a kidney a few years ago, we all got tested and none of us were a match and my sister was put in a queue (#34, which is approx a 5 year wait, crazy right) for donation for her blood type. The hospital told us about a program that can get you bumped up in the queue if you have people volunteer their kidneys for others in need. Both my mother and father volunteered theirs and got my sister moved up to #4. In the end, only my father needed to donate and my sister is doing well with her kidney. The person my father donated to is actually the son of the person who donated to my sister.
My point, mom, dad and Darren better get to volunteering.
Edit: Just watched the Top comment portion, lol.
that’s so cool how it worked out with your sister and her donor and your dad! glad they’re doing well
The bday. She's not mandatory anything. She wants to feel special and has high expectations. She knew they wouldn't meet it so she did it her self. She was confronted by her ungrateful kid, and husband about not letting them plan it, yet she was giving them full credit to others. She wasn't mad or being vindictive until they confronted her. "If you want it done your way, do it yourself." She didn't care to do it herself, just disappointed noone cared how she would for them.
Madi got it all wrong. Mom didn’t expect daughter to plan a great party, she was calling daughter out for daughter being upset about being embarrassed about not planning such a great party. She could have just taken credit for the plans, but instead she decided to be petty about her feelings of guilt instead of handling it differently so daughter was asking for the callout.
I think they take for granted all what she does for them, but when it was for her they put no effort
Also think it was about the fact that they didn’t even bother to be like “what would you like to do” instead of something they know they would enjoy a lot of people take birthdays serious because they are special
She Should blame the husband not her 16-year-old daughter
Came from tiktok for the kidney story: This sister and the rest of the family showed they don't love and respect him, and then asked for an organ. That's wild. It also sounds like they didn't call him when she first got sick either, only when looking for a donor so they're clearly not close. The only thing this sense of obligation is coming from is them being related and the parents putting pressure on him.
You don't have to give anyone your organs, especially not to go along to get along with family politics, for people who don't care about you.
I support him refusing to get tested. It's better to say no up top, than to find out they're a match and then the pressure is worse. It will be really rough, definitely, no matter what he chooses.
I have definitely heard of those organ exchange programs, I kinda-sorta know someone who did it and donated to a stranger.
Heavy on the “You don’t have to give anyone your organs.” Even if all of this hadn’t happened, if he simply didn’t want to volunteer an organ and wasn’t feeling comfortable with being cut open, having a kidney removed and then having only one functioning kidney (which I get is SUPPOSED to be fine, but then what if something happens to that kidney and now YOU need a new one?) plus dealing with the recovery after. Like this is not a simple favor.
Y'all kind of missed that th mom feels unappreciated. She probably goes above and beyond for her family and they just wanted to do pizza for her 40th. I actually think that she shouldn't have invited the husband to her day out. He's the problem here. And it's probably not just birthdays she's upset about
And I am sure she has briefly mentioned it or out right mentioned and but her husband didn't take it into account/forgot.
16:10 It's wild that there's an expectation for women to "get used" to people not valuing them equally. It's not about the cost or extravagance - the plan that OP came up with was fairly simple (especially compared to Nascar in Vegas). It's about the husband and daughter:
A. Not paying enough attention to know what she likes.
B. Not caring enough to ask what she wants.
C. Being mad that she "showed them up" by just celebrate herself.
It's sad how much content I've seen about moms/wives filling everyone else's Christmas stockings while hers is empty or receiving gifts that are really tailored to other people in the household.
perfectly. said. as a mom, I was hurt listening to that. it’s like once you become a mom, you’re not allowed to have anything outside of motherhood. the guilt is sickening either way.
I now misogynistic gets thrown around a lot. But that's how it felt hearing them say that. Deep-rooted misogyny that mothers should just get used to being treated like crap.
As someone who had a dad who never stepped up and celebrated my mom, and thus taught us not to do anything social, this first story makes me so sad. I’ve got a natural disposition to help and celebrate people but my siblings don’t and the mom has every right to say hey, I’m doing this for myself. And if you’re disappointed that it’s better than what you have done, then do better.
Also, it’s not a mandate. It’s a love language. Everyone should have expectations in their relationships. As someone who hated her birthday (I’m adopted) I now want to celebrate it and expect my significant other to make it special to help me heal my relationship with it and with being loved. I think yall missed the point.
And the whole “you should be used to it by now” absolutely horrid. Just cause it’s bad behavior or neglectful a consistent amount of time, doesn’t mean it’s okay.
Brandon and Elise have the same radiant smile!
Agreed
Ripping her pants like that is sexual assault
For story 1 sam ALMOST had the point, they don’t HAVE to do something nice for her but she definitely had the right to plan her own birthday and make it how she wanted it. Her husband and daughter were mad because the shoe fit. She didn’t even put them, and all the guests thought it was their idea either way.
As a mom, I understand her point. Not that the daughter needed to be involved. But she goes all out for them and usually moms don't get the same thought for them. I've did the same for my 45. I had no expectations for anyone else because I usually don't get anything. So I planned my own bday weekend. It was ruined, but I did try for myself. Also moms will say several times, hey can you... And be forgotten or put last.
NTA for planning her own party, not her fault they felt slighted for not being told about it considering they weren’t thinking about making a real effort. It sucks being a mother. People expect you to go above and beyond for them and put the least effort into what they do for you. The daughter less than the dad, not all kids are considerate, some are, luck of the draw with that one. Husband should be ashamed of himself though. Imagine needing to ask someone to make an effort for you. Pizza / cake…. really?
for the 1st story: i have to go back and listen since i was in the shower but saying “she should be use to it by now” is CRAZYY. she already stated that it wasn’t mandatory that they plan this extravagant party, just something to show they care about her. she feels under appreciated and having a high school pizza party basically reinforces that. i believe she’s upset at the daughter as well because she sees she is capable of some sort of planning for someone else (her bff) but wouldn’t do it for her. she knew they wouldn’t take the proper time to do something for her so she made her own party 🤷🏾♀️ then they got mad at her for it? instead of being like “damn we fucked up, how did we not notice this”. granted the father came back the next day to apologize but i’m just surprised sometimes people don’t step outside of themselves and see the other side.
That was such a cruel sentence tbh. Like they all put themselves in the shoes of the husband and the daughter, no empathy to the mother at all
The part that's crazy is she didn't even do something extravagant 😭, she got tickets to a musical and threw a party. Easy things her family could have done if they really cared. Yet somehow they were like pizza and ice cream that's it as if it's just a random Thursday night 😭 what about that is special for her?
Beyond the siblings looking so much alike, having Elise sitting there with Brandon and Sam makes it more obvious that they are cousins. They all have beautiful smiles. In general, I think Comfort Level has the best guests.
1st story. Who is expected to fill the Christmas stockings and buy the presents. Who fills the Easter baskets. Who makes the dentist appointments. No one bats an eye when everyone else is EXPECTING things of mom but the second the mom does something nice for HERSELF she’s considered selfish for planning her own party and not expecting the husband or kids to do anything. Weird how she did everything herself yet she’s selfish for wanting to celebrate herself. 16yr daughter should be held accountable too. I grew up baking my mom cakes picking flowers and making breakfast in bed every year. It doesn’t cost money to be a thoughtful person. The mom is expected to buy presents for the daughter and plan the husbands parties. They had 16 years to be thoughtful I’m sure the mom told them things she’d love. And they didn’t listen. It’s not hard to invite friends over for a get together. “Hey moms friends we want to have a party everyone bring a dish to celebrate mom. That’s it.
Misogyny at its finest imo
Then the daughter plans her bffs party
@@kamariaraines7571not defending the daughter she for sure is capable because she planned something for her friend but she grew up watching a father who never didn’t anything special for the mom by the sounds of it so in her mind that’s “just normal” parents have to realize how they treat their partners in front of their kids is very important because they will learn from you
A prank and an assault aren't the same. Ripping someone's clothes off in public(or in private without consent) is literally assault and is fully a crime lol
So Darren’s wife (op’s sister) needs life saving surgery and hopefully op can provide a kidney for that… and Darren isn’t even going to reach out to op and apologize… beg… nothing? If that was my partner I would be on the phone begging forgiveness and swallowing my pride in hopes to help save my partner. Why is the mum phoning but not the sister or Darren?
As a mom I do so much for my family to even function so I see where she’s coming from it’s one more thing on our to do list to ASK for someone to plan or celebrate my birthday at all.
Do you feel the same way about the mom asking her son to donate his kidney? I initially thought that's what you were referring to....so now I'm curious.
Oops thought I time stamped it. I agree with madi with your body your choice, it’s hard to put myself in this situation because my family is very accepting no matter what. If I was OP I feel like I wouldn’t give her my kidney but I also don’t know the emotions OP is feeling. It’s hard…I feel terrible for OP.
@@daddyselena7594 fair. Thanks for replying.
10:28 I would have agreed if the daughter had not planned a birthday party for her friend already which means she is capable of it. but when it came to her mom she didn't have a second thought. But the dad, he wins the ahole 1st place, if in all these years doesn't know what his wife likes?
Ummmm…. Story 2?? Their “prank” was to forcibly remove her clothing, which is quite obviously sexual assault. I didn’t hear anyone mention it but a anecdote about someone being pepper sprayed is called assault right after the story…
Because why are your friends touching my pants anyway not to mention she can’t be called the ass hole because she didn’t wear something honestly it’s her body nobody was supposed to be able to see her butt through jeans anyway because they are pants but her childish bf thought that was ok???
Regarding the kidney donor story, I think people forget/overlook two main points.
1) If your 100% biological sibling is experiencing kidney failure, there is a strong likelihood you could also experience the same health issues. If he donates his kidney, he could end up with only one kidney and possibly be fighting for his own life in the future.
2) If he donates his kidney there is still a very high likelihood of her body rejecting it, regardless of their biological match. She could die anyway and he'd be left with one kidney. And I'd bet his parents treatment toward him would not change.
I absolutely don't think he should be pressured into donating. I doubt anything about that family dynamic will change either way. OP should respectfully decline to be cut open, lose a vital organ, spend 6 weeks recovering, then happily move on with his life. No one in that family has been supportive of him and his trauma. He has nothing to feel guilty about. NTA.
P.S. My rule on organ donation -- if I didn't give birth to you, or you didn't give birth to me, it's not even open for discussion ✋🏾 NOT sorry about it!
Definitely feel differently about the first story. If you put all that energy into celebrating your loved ones, and the best they can do to reciprocate is an ice cream cake... I think that shows a lot. But tbh, thats not even the problem. OP felt like the AH because her family was embarrassed by OP planning her own birthday. Honestly sounds like OP is over expecting anything from her family and so shes single-married and trying to live her best life.
Wholeheartedly agree, I don’t feel like expecting to be and feel appreciated on your own birthday is too big of an ask, ESPECIALLY if it comes from a person who they know would like the gesture!
the only thing for me is she shouldn’t be like that towards her daughter there isn’t much she can do
Yeah it's a difficult one because she definitely should've communicated that, but also how often do you have to explain to someone that you want more than the bare minimum ya know? Like if someone took me to Vegas to have a NASCAR day, I would immediately be thinking what's something you love that I could do for you next time.
@@idekgirlll1l She said the daughter planned a party for her best friend, so she was capable.
@@liebling4069I never once had to had it said to me that my parent turning 40 was a big deal. I already knew. Plus she did throw a party for her friend so she does know she didn’t think of her mom. She grew up watching a father who sounds like he never did either so it makes sense she thinks like that. Also the mom only said something because they complained they felt embarrassed. You only feel embarrassed if you know you did something wrong
16:50 y’all have moms right? Like active moms? Im sure y’all have taken them for granted. Cuz dang, a simple planned party is not to much to ask for. Moms do everything and this seemed like a simple thing that could have been done.
Right?? I kind of started feeling bad for all the mums out there listening to their viewpoint lol. The lady didn't even mind planning her own party even though it must've hurt a little. She even let them take credit, it's just that THEY felt embarrassed because they KNOW that they never put effort into celebrating her and they KNOW that it is hurtful, so they lashed out after the party.
However the onus is mostly on her husband, bare minimum ass b lol
@@kentubuchi6899 You said it so much better!!! I absolutely agree!!! The "bare minimum a$$ b" is the adult that should have taken the lead. 😆
Yes you should communicate your expectations from the people in your life, but you shouldn't have to ASK your family to celebrate your birthday.
My friend and her husband started dating as a practical joke on their friends. When their daughter was born, she remembered to say, "I think the joke has gone far enough."
I don’t see how you guys found an issue with the mom planning her own party? Elise said that by now she should “be used to it” but that means she shouldn’t be able to have a celebration where she feels special? Even the husband and daughter admitted they didn’t put much effort into it.
For the first story, I see a lot of people pointing out how you guys completely missed the point. With the first point being she didn’t bring up at all that she was upset with them and stated she wanted this for herself so she did it. This is only happening because they’re embarrassed since they realized they didn’t put it in enough effort for her birthday like she does for theirs. The only reason she brought up comparisons was because they were being mean to her because they felt embarrassed.
She had every right to go on her daughter for A) what she’s done for her daughter, and B) the fact that her daughter plans her friends birthdays that are really fun. But not the person who cared for them every day? Not the one who bends her back and almost breaks it to make sure she has great birthdays? Technically no they don’t have to, but that’s an expectation of if i am gonna put in this effort for you, then you should reciprocate it. That’s rule 101 to show somebody you are appreciative of them.
It’s weird how when women speak up for not being treated how they feel they deserve society questions whether they should or not. Or if her feelings are valid. Honetsly, I feel like the mom in the first story is not an AH. I don’t think she planned everyone else’s parties in order for it to be reciprocated. 40 is a milestone. If the daughter can plan something for a friend, why is she not capable to work with her father to plan something special for her mother. I do think think parents set the tone for how the other parent is treated, kids see that and in a way follow suit, so imo the father has set a horrible example in setting the tone that the mother deserves the bare minimum
I feel like you guys dont listen a lot when it comes to mom/parent aita.
She should be used to it? Thats so gross.
And to prove a point?? How how how!
I love them but it's like they completely missed everything the mom said & rewrote the story.
I swear anytime I've heard and aita story from them and it's about parents struggling, or partners not getting the support they need and deserve from a partner, its such a gross gross take.
They ignore all of it and just hahaha here's something they never said and let's disregard this chunk of information. Like come on.
I'm almost unsubscribing their channel because of this tbh. They have so many, sometimes borderline misogynistic, bad takes that makes me kinda angry!
@kinhaamorim0 borderline? Sometimes they cross the line more then the racers at Nascar cross the start line.
Exactly the way they reacted to that story and what they took from that said a lot Especially the women
She should be “used to it” is a crazy takeaway for the first story. Especially coming from women. It’s like you didn’t comprehend what you read/heard. So sad.
That made me so sick!
For story 3 I don’t think she’s an asshole for how she responded. Because if the parents are going to sit there and wonder why the other two kids aren’t talking to them, aren’t inviting them to anything, they should know why harsh or not. There’s a point where you can talk to people in a decent way and a calming way. But there is another point where if they just don’t get it the first or second time then yeah I’m going to give you everything of what you need to hear. And not talking or responding back to her on what she said just tells me that they just got a reality check. And you’re going to feel guilty for speaking that way to people, but this isn’t back then where everyone just keeps everything inside. Audacity the parents have to tell her to get back with somebody while they were in their own little secret thing trying to make it seem like they’re perfect and this is love. NO! I’m glad that she responded that way because if she didn’t, they would’ve kept pushing and pushing and pushing. The same way that they kept pushing those other two kids out of their lives. So good for her for getting that toxicity out of her life.
yall must all have been guilty of not properly celebrating your mothers birthday, which I notice is common, I felt the op in the first story bc id never just let my mothers birthday scoot on by and not try to make it grand. And I see how lackadaisical my sibling are towards it. only people that don't try would resinate with the daughter or father, bc as someone that does I get offended when ppl don't try or at least show up. You only get one mother and she wont be here forever
and shes throwing them birthday bashes and they are just bringing chuck e cheese home for a 40 ear old woman??? plz you're not going to tell me the difference isn't GLARING. she made this bed long ago with her husband the daughter is just following culture
I made my own cake since I was 11. She can do the same
Hes not the a-hole, he doesn't talk to his family because of her and her bully husband. This is the consequences of her own actions. Shes altered his home life and now she's going to effect his life in general. His parents are also garbage, the dad should've been the one to check that immediately.
"wed, bed, behead?" Okay, Henry VIII
Holy Crap, I just got to when OP's date sent the door dash over the next morning - may I just say, this dude is a complete legend. Way to be a real one, I hope the rest of him is as good as that would indicate and that they might actually get to make a run at things, because that's an insane thing to happen and for him to be clutch like that? Legend.
On the first story I do think you guys missed a big point as well, I feel like often times (I’m not a mom but I was once an ungrateful teenage girl) the things moms do for their families get over looked so for her to want her family to appreciate her or celebrate her in the way of which she celebrates them is not wrong. She wasn’t even really mad at them, she’s at the point where she’s just accepted that they won’t do it for her so she just did it herself and THEY got mad at her. She let them have the credit at the party with no issues, she just wanted her day… I have a lot of compassion for that
Lmao I didn't know Brandon had a twin that's crazyyyy they have the same smiles!
For the last story, I think there’s some misunderstanding of how much a traumatic childhood can warp your self-esteem. If you grow up in an awful environment of constant mistreatment and neglect, it’s going to be REALLY difficult to believe that you deserve to stand up for yourself. OP knows that that treatment was messed up now, but it’s going to take YEARS of intense therapy for them to build a strong sense of self.
Story one really bothered me. Because I feel like everybody is taking the wifes view of her daughter and her husband not doing something for her and a totally wrong way. At the end of the day I really feel like it’s all about just putting in thought thinking about somebody and reciprocating energy at the end of the day, I don’t see a problem with the mom being upset with her 16 year old daughter. At the end of the day you’re 16 and your mind is different and you think a lot more you’re not seven or eight you’re 16. This is around the time where you start to think about your parents And I don’t think it was about the party. I feel like if the daughter would’ve just gotten her mom something that she knows her mom has been wanting and hasn’t been able to get the mom would’ve definitely appreciate it. It’s not about the party it’s about the individual. Her mom saved up all this money for a MacBook, I feel like the least her daughter could’ve came up to Father and said “let’s plan something for mom or I know mom has been wanting this”. Let me get her this m. She’s at the age where she should be thinking a little bit more. At the end of the day parents do have to make sacrifices, but the MacBook was a gift and it was not a necessity and clearly this is something that is reoccurring and people get tired of things. I don’t assume that she hasn’t spoken to her family about this before but I feel like she’s spoken up. They don’t have to do anything for her but at the end of the day, I just feel like it’s common courtesy for people who’s been breaking their back for you for you to show them some type of appreciation. The husband is definitely not any better at the end of the day. I know people who are not good at planning things but that’s why your wife has friends, family people who care and know her and know how to plan it takes nothing to hit somebody up and say I wanna do this that in a third can you help me, or like I said it doesn’t have to be a party as parents y’all make sacrifices and he knows because he’s a parent. I know that her husband knows certain things that she has wanted and hasn’t been able to get due to having to make sacrifices for her family. I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to go all out for your wife especially if you know that something that she likes, I just want everybody to understand that it’s not about the party. It’s about reciprocating energy and showing people that you actually put in thought and care about them.
With the bday one she said she didnt care tonplan her own bday but her familys mad that she planned it. And THATS when she rly started to compare. I think its more i go all out for yall i want an all out bday too thats not my husbands thing so ill just doit myself kinda thing
AGREED. as a mother, hearing this story really hurt. once you have a child it’s like you’re no longer a person who is allowed to have anything outside of motherhood. the guilt already eats us away (me personally at least) so them being upset at her for throwing her own party is actually insane.
@@dystineeschild My first thought was, I feel bad for any mother who heard this and I hope their own mother's never hear their takes on this :( I hope you know that isn't everyone's point of view. Definitely not mine. Hope you're getting all of the love and appreciation you deserve!
Yes, the Kidney Paired Donation Pilot Project (KPDPP) is a real thing. Also, there was a Grey's Anatomy episode where they had domino kidney transplant surgeries. (S5, E5).
Not sure how the 1st OP is the ahole. She didn't expect anything and didn't rub anything in their face. She just realized that if she wants a nice birthday then she has to do it herself, and she did it without complaint.
Then she let them get the credit for it so ppl didn't think anything negative about her doing it herself.
But they felt embarrassed and called out so they're mad at her
Thwy
Yep. If I have to tell my husband what to buy me it’s not a gift from him, it’s a gift from myself. So this tell people what you want doesn’t apply in this situation.
My sister and I try to go all out for an our Dad’s bday, because he tries his best every year for all of us including the grandchildren. (Only my oldest brother and I have offsprings). He buy us tickets for our travels, travels with us, takes us for dinner or has a Dominican BBQ party for us. We are 5 and we make sure we celebrate him for a whole week.. From dinners to clubbing and BBQ party every year since we started working we plan for it. NOW my husband and I do not like to celebrate our bdays so we ask each other what we want t do that day and try to make it happen. My 12y old asked me what I wanted I said “A day without you driving me fXxIng crazy”. That was the best bday ever. 😂
Please repeat and belive after me, you OWE NO ONE ANYTHING!Not time, money, kindness nor organs.
Sam is a little too rooted in his own perspective on the kidney story. He can’t seem to fathom that it might NOT weigh on OP beyond people’s attempts to guilt him. There was a Reddit story where someone refused to give their twin brother a kidney because he was horrible and the poster did NOT regret it. It did NOT weigh on them when he died shortly after. And I repeat, it was their TWIN. Family is who you love and who loves you. If that love isn’t there, it’s just someone with similar/the same DNA.
I disagree about the kidney. My dad was an abusive asshole. If he needed a kidney, I am not giving him one. But the sister isn’t abusive. Still, they are homophobic and bad people lol.
I’m sorry, but in the age of the internet and AI, you can look up how to plan a party. “Not being good at that stuff” is not a great excuse not to try. Will it be on par with a professional event planner? No. Will it show the person that you thought of them, you tried your best, and wanted them to feel loved and special? Yes.
Brandon and Elise are literally twins! I almost thought it was a joke and he put a wig on and pretended to have a sister for a minute! 😂
1st story they were upset with her which is why she said anything at all and the daughter continued to hold a grudge after being proved wrong
No shade on the first story, I have been able to plan a party for my mom with my stepdad which I believe that the daughter also could have done especially if she was able to plan one for her bestfriend. Also she was not comparing them until they started saying they were embarrassed for her planning the party and letting them take the credit for it
At the risk of sounding like a T-Ball coach, you're all winners to me!!
Please never stop acting out the stories. It has me absolutely dying 😂😂😂
So true, hilarious!
I told my husband when we started dating that I don't like obligatory gifts. My birthday was the first obligatory gift giving occasion to come up so he didn't get me a gift and waited to see what would happen. Well, as it turns out, I was telling the truth. I give him random gifts, and he gives me random gifts, but we don't make a big deal out of the traditional gift giving days. It really takes a lot of the pressure off.
For the kidney story, he should totally give her the ultimatum lol
Brandon looks great in the wig The Parent Trap reboot looks sick
This had me in tears 😂😂😂
Slap, dap and clap is HILARIOUS. That's my official party games thanks to you guys. Keep doing the Lord's work.
Sam😂😂😂 the "actually that's apepper not assault "
NTA at this point, she isn't even his sister! 1:22:42
The kidney. Nope. He doesn't owe her squat.
She proved she didn't care about him when she continued to date the bully after he met her brother and the first words out of his mouth were bullying.
i didn’t think any act out topping brandon’s sexy celery but boy was i wrong 🤣🤣🤣 this was the best one by far LOL credits to elise for that nervous fumble hahahaha ❤ and madi with the quickness haha improv queen 😭😂😂
RE: the mom party planning. I used to be the person who went all out to make other people happy and celebrated on their special occasions and then got very little if not flat-out nothing in return. It made me feel unappreciated, but then I realized none of those people ever really expected all my efforts, it was just my love language. It was a learning curve to refocus all that care and effort into myself, then meet others on the level they like to operate on. I think the mom went about the situation in a very passive-aggressive way, while just flat-out communicating about it seemed like a genuine option here, so ultimately, she is in the wrong.
I don’t think yall understood the first story, that’s a mom that’s putting all her effort into making sure that each member of her family has a good birthday. Which I’m sure she’s been doing for 16+ years, I don’t think she should be upset with her daughter either but she does deserve to be celebrated too. Could you imagine planning nice birthdays for everybody else, but when the time comes to show your mom that you appreciate her she gets nothing! Moms are under appreciated a lot. (I am not a mom)
You don’t ‘have’ to do anything for your wife/mom but you probably should
Please add the dressing room moments. It was hilarious. 😂
The first lady needs to articulate her expectations about things. Me and my partner struggle with this. Communicating expectations is good to actualize things IRL, instead of creating fantasies of things in your head.
Yeah I think that’s the main problem. They do celebrate, but it’s not up to her expectations. Then she should communicate that. Could been a misunderstanding or just believe she enjoys a more lowkey party. At least tell the husband and he seem to realized the problem afterwards and apologize to her.
Them getting embarrassed over her own planning is weird though I will say.
Just felt like bad communication overall like you said
@@TabbyWithMittensif she does that kind of party for them, it had never occurred to them to do the same for her. Her husband, after that many years married, he does not know what she likes? Her daughter put effort on making her friend a birthday, but she didn't give a second thought to her mom?
@@alexiatr I think the husband should had probably picked up on something, but I also don't know what kind of conversation they had before. Did she give signs or actually say she likes the bigger stuff for her birthday? Maybe there was a misunderstanding about what she might had like.
For the daughter, I think that's just how things are going to go. Most of a teen might put more effort into their friends before family. There's nothing wrong with finding that little upsetting as a parent, but also just part of growing up and hopefully she will start returning the same energy once she grows.
I do think it's weird they would make a comment about her throwing a party for herself in the first place, but I just think overall no one really had good communication. The husband at least apologize and hopefully things can be a bit smoother from then on.
For the daughter, she might apologize in the future, but for now I think she's just gonna be angsty lol.
I think you forgot the entire point of the story just like they did - she planned her own party and wasn't going to mention it to them until they got upset she didn't tell them. That's what she's asking about - whether she was wrong to plan her own party and not tell them, which "embarrassed" them.
Brandon's really caught up on the how difficult it is to say no when your family situation is AWFUL. As someone who has been abused by their mom, I agree with Sam. I knew when I was in high school that I needed to go no contact with her, but I still kept in contact with her until I was in my late 20s because I always hoped that our relationship would get better. I always hoped that she'd eventually come around and see me as someone worthy of love.
Sam: Listeners should rank y’all based on the episode. Add a poll for each episode! Bronze, Silver, Gold based on stories
I never comment but I’m at work and yall had me choking on my laughter with “husband our daughter just found out I’m sleeping with 67 women”
The second story makes me so mad at the fact that he literally pulled her pants down in a room full of his friends. Like that’s a joke for the boys, it’s sexual harassment if it’s a female and the dudes friend somehow convinced the bf to rip her clothes off for fun?? Like how? Why would you want to be friends with someone who thinks seeing your gfs private parts are funny and enjoys putting her in an uncomfortable and vulnerable situation??
Everybody talking about the first story but at least that response had fair sense of opinion to it and ppl on reddit thought OP was TA as well.
The third story to even question OP is honestly very disrespectful. Why on Gods green earth would anyone respect someone who is telling them to disregard their feelings of someone cheating on you. Then excusing the parents by saying "i don't think they could have said anything else", they could've not mentioned anything like OP hoped for by bringing the date.
OP tried to be "respectful" it seems for years. The parent's were not hypocrites but were projecting their toxic relationship dynamic onto their children. People absolutely should release built up frustration in healthy ways; which this was. No one was hurt, did illegal actions, and even the date understood the room.
I love this podcasts and you all are entertaining and wonderful ppl but seriously that was a harsh response to someone who was looking for comfort from her parents after again being cheated on so recently and betrayed by friends to have her parents do that to her as well. Some of these stories aren't entertainment purposes and actually deserves respectful answers.
"We been to happy lately" Sam's so real for that MORE DRAMA
NTA on not wanting to donate your kidney. THEY MADE THEIR BED, THEY ONLY REACH OUT FOR HER TO GET SOMETHING. THIS FAMILY IS TOXIC AF, AND DOESNT DESVER ANYTHING
She planned a nascar event for her husband and he couldnt even plan a dinner out. Just pizza and an icecream cake at home. The bar is on the floor
And its not even about the price specifically if people wanna point that out. It's about doing something the other person will like vs some basic birthday stuff with no thought put into it
@@nelissaortiz5405someone called it "matching energies" and I like that. I'd grow resentful too if I was going all out and they couldn't even get bothered faith the barest minimum of what I like.
I feel like with the bully story, I wouldn’t be able to donate my kidney and be at peace with it. Like it’s a damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation. Given that he sees his sister as a stranger, that says they don’t have a lot of communication or is involved in each other’s lives enough to come out of the blue and be like “Oh yeah, you can have mine!” Like no. I also feel like (in my own opinion) the bully was brought in and accepted as a sort of replacement for OP. That’s just my thought about it. Because if someone made a comment like he did towards anyone in my family, I’m going to straighten them out in a heartbeat. But the fact that everybody laughed and then tried to make excuses for him it’s very telling in my opinion
41:27 For me, it was low self-esteem. I was one of those kids who would flash my boobs to men on the internet on sites like this. Growing up, I had a very bad image of myself and I kinda hated myself due to bullying, being a little over weight (although a lot of that was due to me maturing faster than my peers and not actually being that over weight, but I felt huge) and some abuse. I didn’t have anyone checking up on what I was doing either. One boy in school had told me I was the ugliest girl he’s ever seen, completely unprovoked. So, when you feel really ugly and really, really unworthy, then some man tells you he thinks you’re beautiful or that he loves your body (I was 13-17 during this time) or that he thinks you’re smart and funny….sometimes even when he doesn’t, you just do what he asks. Because in a way you feel like it’s the only source of love or affection you will ever experience. I wasn’t gassed up enough as a kid, in fact,I was only broken down most of the time, so it felt like love. It’s a dark place, but I'm happy yo say I'm out of it.
Thank you for your perspective
Can we talk about the act out (1:08:50) ??!
That was amazziiiing! I'm crying🤣
The acting out part is so funny lmao
The editing it's hilarious 😂 go Brandon 🚶♂️
OH MY GOD I THOUGHT THEY PUT BRANDON IN A WIG BEFORE THEY EXPLAINED THATS HIS SISTER
LITERALLY TWINS
The Act Out had me crying 😭
30:39 the moment she said pranks on Tiktok, everyone went aghhh
I don’t believe the girl who went off on her parents at dinner was an A-hole AT ALL parents need to be more frequently held accountable for what they present their children with growing up
Kidney story hot take: take them being siblings, and the tense dynamic between OP and the sister’s spouse out of the picture. Just because someone CAN do something charitable, doesn’t make them an AH if they choose not to. Not to mention, your emotional state can affect if the surgery is even successful. OP could DIE for donating to his enabling sister 🤷🏻♀️
I swear I heard a similar donation story, but with like a son instead who move out and had a husband (something like that). Family treated him like SHIT then expected him to donate. He refused and the person died.
It’s probably not the exact details, but the story made me think of this.
1st Story: If OP hasn't communicated how this mismatching energy level makes her feel, around birthdays passed, I think she's the AH for unilaterally planning her party, seemingly with the goal to rub it in her husband and daughter's face, displaying her discontent out of nowhere. Don't just assume people know how you feel about things. I went to a bbq with my parents, I thought it was a great time, until we got home and my mom's mask dropped. OP might be better at masking her true feelings/reactions than she thinks.
Maybe: "When I plan these things to celebrate you on your special occasions, it's because I want you to feel special and thought of, and see how much you are cared about. So when you choose to celebrate me with DoorDash-able/everyday/anyday experiences it shows me that I am not worth any extra effort, I barely warrant any celebration. Regardless of your intent, that is the message I receive." I wonder when OP found out about the husband and daughter's plans for her birthday, was her planning in reaction to finding out or did her just assume and this is an "I knew it" moment.
Yeah especially if they faked enjoying it for the longest time. I think maybe the husband should had picked up signs, but no way the daughter is going to know. They just see probably smiling and saying stuff like “aww thank you!”- like you said, masking.
Also it’s wild to me that big parties or get away is equal to… affectionate I guess?
I be happy with a takeout, movies, and hanging out with family. BUT that’s just me.
Also of course a teen is gonna put more effort with her friends, she’s a teen. Friends are really close during those times.
Nothing wrong with planning something for yourself, but I agree rubbing it in and acting like they should have read her mind is wild.
@@TabbyWithMittens I'm the same. I'm an introvert so a big party would be my NIGHTMARE and the #1 signal that you don't know me at all, but I can totally see the opposite being true for people...watch it was a designer cake and the daughter had a high production value movie made to tell the mom how much they love her, but totally possible this wasn't the case.
@@Reya_Sunshine Totally. I do think it’s wild of them to get upset over her planning her own party, but the response was just weird too. Overall communication is needed.
I don’t mean to project either, but I’m a little worry if materialistic stuff is being used as a sign of affection (which it can be, presents after all). BUT I’m overthinking stuff and this isn’t it at all lol.
@@TabbyWithMittens I think they were upset because she didn't tell them she was, she just had them show up. Yea, all responses were sus to me. There are so many ways OP could have left stuff out to twist perception in their favor. 100% they need to talk more.
Materialism or even something as less toxic as OP's love language being gift giving etc. could totally be a factor in their dynamic/why they, as a family, got to this point. You literally never know with reddit stories.
I see what you’re saying, but you should not have to ask people to celebrate your birthday, most importantly with people who have the prior knowledge of how hard she goes for everybody else. Especially the fact that her daughter went out of her way for HER FRIENDS, but not her own mother? I don’t understand how the daughter and husband could’ve sat there and been like “wow mom always does great birthdays for us. Let’s just get her a pizza and call it a night.”
For the 1st story regarding planning the bday. Maybe her love language is Act Service such as planning birthday celebration especially.
Also, OP mentioned that the daughter planned a birthday party for her BF but didn’t have the same effort for mom’s bday.
I do think that probably feels bad, but I also chalk that up to being a teen. Just gonna naturally put friends first 🤷♀️
But the Dad/Husband should had tried more I believe. He might miss signs, but as a partner there should been communication between them at least.
Story 1: Mom is NTA. She has a right to treat herself. She shouldn’t be expected to never get what she wants just because that’s the norm. And the husband apologized because she wasn’t the AH. The daughter is being a sensitive brat. I would keep planning my own things if I wanted to until they stepped up.
My husband is constantly dismissive of my birthday. This year I forgot his birthday because I figured mine was treated like an afterthought, so why should I make his all that. He was a bit irked, but OH WELL. Goose/gander.
did not agree with the response for the first story that was not the point the mom was trying to make…
First story it's not a competition but she would like to be treated like they care about her or at least equal what she gives
Imagine giving your kidney to someone who you grew up with and love but who doesn’t respect or honor you. It would be a mistake. He’s definitely in a hard position but donating an organ is life changing and if your sister could marry a man who blatantly disrespected you in front of your family during your first meeting after years apart.. f her.
The birthday isn’t about competition. I think the issue is she shows she cares by doing and they clearly don’t. If that’s her love language and they ignore it maybe she feels like she loves and cares for them more than they love and care for her. Many people live by the treat people how you’d like to be treated.
Wow. I'm just horrified at your response about the #1 story. I'm also horrified that you "think she should be used to it by now" WTF did you just say. NO ONE should 'get used' to being overlooked, not appreciated and given the bare scraps of attention. I think you all need to go do something nice for your moms. Because Mom's are often overlooked and neglected. They're the ones that look after you when you're sick, they cheer you up when you're down, they make sure to get you like. But when she's sick no one looks after her. When she's tired no one tells her to sit down or ask what's wrong. When she's overlooked or forgotten for gifts or parties because she's the one that plans everything normally. I became aware of this once I got older and now I try show the same consideration and appreciation and care she has shown for me every single day and try to look after her when she needs it and make sure she knows she's special.
And she wasn't even worried about it, she was fine planning it herself and let them take the praise, it was only when they all had a go at her for making their crummy pizza party look as sad as it was. And compared it with the effort she puts into their celebrations TO MAKE A POINT.
NTA for the Moms Bday party. I usually agree with your takes but this is the first one I have to disagree. I think she was very accepting to the idea and was “used to it” if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t have planned her own party like she did. She anticipated that they wouldn’t do what she wanted and took her own birthday in control. It wasn’t petty because she allowed her family to take credit for the party she planned herself as to not embarrass them.
I appreciate yalls takes on the title story so much💖 and shout out to yall team for how yall break these segments up🙌🏿
The first story: mom is kind of an AH because she didn't tell the husband and daughter about the party. There was a reason she blindsided them instead of simply saying she was planning a party for herself.
1:31:13 it's a domino surgery, y'all need to watch some Grey's Anatomy! It may have some medical inaccuracies but there are also some very real things, especially in later seasons. Some really interesting medical phonomenoms that come up.
All of their faces in the beginning took me out 😭😭 I gotta know what had Just been said before the cameras were rolling 😂
paired donation is amazing. my son had a deceased donor because his donor backed out but originally we were going to do paired donation
Pleasseeee keep doing the reality tv cut scenes that shits hilarious!!