I was discarded by my narcissistic wife of 21 years. Was the hardest time of my life but her taking off with her new supply was the best gift she ever gave me. Five years out and I'm still learning and coming back to your videos. Thank you Stephanie.
This relationship/marriage was the longest lesson I ever had to endure. I’m pretty sure I cried all the toxicity out by now. It’s like you’re asleep and all the sudden you wake up and say “what the hell is going on? Hell is the key word. Learned a lot from all you guys and I appreciate you all. I’m in the reset mode now and then it’s real world practice time. Wish me luck!
Fully agree. We often subconsciously choose the things for ourselves that we haven't addressed from our past until we come to realize what we need to address, heal, and move forward from. We keep getting the same test or lessons till we learn what we need.
I was discarded by my narcissistic fiancee not quite 4 months ago. It was completely unexpected, heart and soul crushing experiance, the hardest thing I ever had to go trough in my life. It completly destroyed my trust in people and myself. I learn what was I dealing with trough videos like this. I followed your guidance and fully focused on taking care of my inner child and self love and self acceptance. I feel much stronger now and I really see the true purpose of this experience. I have "leveled up. Feeling much more confident and at last able to stand up for myself! It is so damn hard but really possible to go trough it all and come out stronger and better. I thought it sounded insane once i first heard it but today I am honestly gratefull for this lesson. Work on yourself, let yourself feel all the pain, cry your heart out and send tons of love to yourself! You will get better really soon. If I could do it, you can do it too!❤️
Getting out of a relationship full of cruelty, lies and destruction got me thinking...I have all that qualities inside me too, and realizing I don't want those anymore.
*My narcissistic husband left me as soon as he realised I am not going to be his victim anymore, And yes you are right after all that pain and sufferings I evolved as a more powerful person*
My mom just gaslighted me in front of my handyman in my house I own she said I couldn’t fix anything when I fixed many projects in my house for 2 years and I told her and the response is oh lighten up
Stephanie I ended a relationship w a narcissist surgeon that wasted like 5 yrs of my life and drained my soul. This channel is HEAVEN SENT!! You are an absolute angel. God bless you for all this information that’s taking me out of the darkness Ive been in.
The narc goes after your triggers and besides knowing red flags and boundaries. Inner child work can reduce your triggers so if anyone tries to pick you apart it doesn't hurt as much and soon you'll be like "of course you tried to hurt me" and I would expect anything different from people with your personality".
This is the most valuable content on this topic. What can we learn? How do we move forward in life knowing now what we didn’t understand then? - To be more guarded? - To listen to our gut, or our own unsettled feeling around a person? - To make boundaries - and how to back them up? - that if you’re the victim to someone’s manipulation over and over… you can take responsibility for changing that dynamic or leaving it behind. - that as long as you’re blaming them, blame is not a solution, and that sort of makes you like them? Because you don’t have to take action towards changing the dynamic of it’s their fault - blaming absolves us of responsibility but robs us of our power. - to hold your relationship with yourself in the highest regard because you’re the only you you’ve got - that your comfort or security aren’t up to anyone else but you.
I was in a narcissistic relationship for 3 years. I broke it off over 2 months ago and feel so much better not being in it anymore. He used to call me every name in the book ugly , fat, stupid, do you even have a brain your so dumb? , Always arguing with me about one thing or another and he got drunk like every other day. Also it turned physical and that was the last straw. I couldn't take being berated any longer. I don't deserve that and neither do any of you. We all don't deserve this and I'm gonna be single for awhile before I can even think about getting into another relationship. I want my next relationship to be healthy cause I've never had that in my life. This was a great video ❤️
You knew your worth and left! You want your next relationship to be healthy, as it should be! If you haven't done so already, I highly suggest reading books/articles and watching videos on healthy relationships.
My 13yr DIVORCE was the LESSON I needed, this AWAKENING taught me how to FULLY Accept and LOVE MYSELF I Regained my Power 🥰 The Power of Silence and Indifference! NARCs are Insatiable 🐍
If it happened, it was meant to happen to be part of my journey. My marriage taught me the lessons I needed to learn to be emotionally healthy & mature. Life is so much easier 💃🏽
My wife never acted like something was wrong. She hid everything from me then one day she walked out on me and I found out all of the lies she spread afterwards. She's filed for divorce, I now have no money left and I'm defenseless in court because I cannot even afford an attorney. I had a career and money before I met this woman. How did I ever let myself get into this mess?
When you have learnt to love yourself wholeheartedly, genuinely and authentically, having high standards will just come naturally. No matter how good someone is at putting on a mask, your high standards will make that mask slip and every type of toxic person that is to come in your life will easily be exposed🤞🏼😅
Thank you Stephanie. I was recently discarded by my covert narcissist girlfriend after two years of what seemed like bliss. You've really helped me figure out what happened and why and it's really helping with the healing process. You're by far the most authentic, empathic and sincere coach on this platform. Some of the others talk like they have a chip on their shoulder and it's hard to trust their advice.
Can you explain why you think she was a narcissist? Can you openly take any responsibility for things you may have done which might have contributed to the demise of the relationship?
The highlights I learned: Don’t be in a hurry. Look at her past. Look at her family. Keep a sharp eye out for red flags. Then, don’t be in a hurry to have kids. That is when your options close up. The love she has for you may be directly connected to your salary and future inheritance.
Just before being discarded she told me “I am not growing in this relationship” What a joke. She was incapable of personal growth. Within days of marrying her I realized I had married a spoiled narcissistic two year old. Pampered and spoiled by her over loving Daddy. Hung in hoping for growth that never came. Eventually she saw herself as a ‘Cleopatra’, and decided she could do better than me (who had given her the best of everything). I look back now and thank God she left. 😊 Karma👌🙏
Thank you stephanie, you pointed out all of these things that we have learned and I am very pleased to report that I have learned them. I found myself venturing back into the dating scene and the first lady I selected turned out to be a grandiose narcissist. Within 48 hours I knew she was a narcissist and another 24 hours later I had confirmation. I have successfully ended that relationship and learned that I needed to flex these new muscles that I had built during my last marriage. You are a very helpful woman, I'm very grateful that I have found you.
Wow. Just wow You are the best one out there on this subject in the whole internet. You have the insight. The empathy. The vulnerability. The experience to express and understand this subject in its full spectrum. You are simply amazing. A blessing to this world. An earth angel. A starseed. A lovely kind human being who has endured so much yet choses to be not bitter but better and helpful. I am a HSP and empath in relationship with a wounded empath who just left his narcissistic wife after 35 years of abusive marriage. He is so wounded and lashes out in pain . Your videos makes me understand his journey better.
The worst part of dealing with a narcissist is they will not fucking leave you alone no matter what you do. A database should be created to store all the confirmed narcissistic people so you know who the fuck you’re dealing with.
Almost 4 years later finally feeling more me again but an improved me. No longer looking at his page checking in on him. No more blame now I just want better for myself. Thanks Stephanie 😘
Thank you for speaking honestly. This is a lesson I am learning from a marriage of 30 yrs…the last 12 are the ones I can pinpoint the hard behaviors. I am almost 2 1/2 yrs past the separation (ultimately divorce) and growing so strong into myself and I am able find joy in many things - even trying to look at the joy thru the difficult years with my ex - for without finding the small joys, bitterness can harbor and take control and that is not who I am! Hoping for others who are struggling to find their strength, their growth and learning as the become their true self! Thank you again
14.5 year relationship, 7 year marriage NUKED because I tried to set boundaries. She's telling anyone who will listen that I was abusive. Evicted from my house. I'll probably never see my dogs again. Think her messing with her pills made it even worse. Abruptly stopped taking Pr0zac and 2 weeks later police are at the house and I'm getting divorced. Feel like I died in August and have been in hell since.
6:40+ It is so nice that you tell your audience that they can be loved & that they can work through trauma caused by narc abusers & still let loving healthy people in & healthy relationships in, that is a really pro health thing to say. Thank you for making this for us & have a great week & new year.
We're all amazing. Even when we make mistakes. The most important thing about getting older is finding our spirituality. Running the race is important because it's the only way to find out what you learned most about yourself when you finish.
Relationships are responsible for soul growth. My Narc helped to break me open , look at the dark places in me , weak areas and my eyes are now wise open .I’m aware of myself and have developed standards like steph says . I’m still working on my self confidence but I all was a gift . I’m no victim .
It took me awhile to say that I choose to carry the dead weight and toxic person that destroyed me. He still did what he did but I had too much shame to try and leave early on because we had just got married. The embarrassment took over what I should have done. Which was leave 9 years ago.
I feel Im re evaluing the past 30years of my life and with all the points you raise,I feel kind of stronger,I never get loving yourself though,a pamper night helps me switch off.Thankyou for all your wise,kind words to those of us in complex situations.
What you'll learn after leaving the narc is a self respect and setting boundaries. You'll also easily recognize and spot many narcs in your life even from family, close friends, random people. It's all about the control over you which is the main thing they look for. The next on list is fuel you provide them as + or -, then residual benefits and as last character traits. So to know they will never change as then can't (note this!) and also they aren't capable of self reflecting because of their unconscious NPD behavior. The only way to win over them is no contact. All interactions with them will only increase your emotional thinking and put you again in narc spiral of abuse and disappointment. You can not win interacting them - ever. So stay away. Based on my 2 narc women.
Thank you so much! We need need to heal, grow, and overcome this abuse. Powerful and yet simple messages. I think we tend to complicate simple truths. Thank you again! ❤
Thank you Stephanie. Your words couldn’t come at a better time. I’m feeling stuck in that wounded place and angry at myself for projecting what I wanted so badly onto a person that was not who he would say he was. He would say he wanted to work on our relationship but then never followed through. It’s sad that it takes so long sometimes to see someone for who they really are and not for their potential. I finally realized that they were just stringing me along. No more beating myself up over this masked trickster. Time for forgive myself. ❤️
The most important thing I have learned is to find people in your life who love themselves in a healthy way. My NPD husband always talked about his “poor self image” when we were dating. I weirdly translated that to mean he was humble! A person can’t give what they don’t have. Make yourself as healthy as possible and you will attract other similar people….
Narci's just see a sucker when forgiven. They know they don't deserve it. They know they are mean and nasty. Never forgive bad behavior as a reminder to narc to never do it again
Oh my goodness literally this morning I had a realization about my wedding day to my now ex, so this sounds so relatable from the start ❤️ I was so used to up and down, back and forth, hot and cold that I basically got married without realizing what was happening.
Thank you for your gentle but strong wisdom, your videos are so incredibly helpful!! I just ended a recent relationship where - even though I "knew" it wasn't healthy, I still gave myself permission to walk through the experience and put into practice all the things I have been learning from counseling and other healing modalities. It was like having a work internship where I could put into practice the real life techniques that I had been learning about in my head. Seeing the connections to my early life, those early care givers, and then feeling the feelings from long ago was like gold for my recovery. What did I learn from the relationship? so much, so much and I am a better, more compassionate, confident and emotionally richer person as a result. That's the reward for these situations -
Whenever I try to explain what Stephanie says in the first part of the video - that I am partly responsible for what happened - my friends throw there arms up and say ‘no way!’ I find it difficult to explain to people that taking some responsibility does not mean that I’m the victim - quite the opposite. But I had to look inwardly and say to myself ‘why did you trust this person after he proved he was not trustworthy, and why did you walk headlong back into the fire?’
so much affirmation here about what happened to me. I know I allowed. It is difficult to see in the beginning. It was normal life for me. My mom couldn't give a compliment to me if her life depended on it. I was the third girl born in a farm family that wanted a boy so bad they could not hold back their disappointment in me. Within two years, they did have their boy!! I was just in everyone's way. I had a math learning disability which caused my teachers to be annoyed and upset with me. So, when I married a narcissist and he promptly let me know I would mind him and that all he would do is let me know all my shortcomings, I didn't know there was a choice or that I was allowing it. But I did. Learning about choices and who I am is not easy after decades of narcissist abuse. But I am doing it!! It is happening!! I am not quite ready to call all this a gift, but I can see me getting to the point where I do see that.
Farm kids are strong and tough, you have some really good qualities in you and in time they will come out so that you can use your beautiful inner talents for yourself and the other good people that you choose to have in your life. Peace -
I just went through this and fortunately I bailed in one month. I said enough! This video has been so helpful in forgiving myself for even letting it go on that long.
That’s my story too! I was just with him for a month and broke up yesterday. This video popped up. I really appreciate you sharing. I was feeling hard on myself for letting it go on even a month. It’s comforting to know I am not the only one and it happens. And props to us for walking away quickly 🎉
Thank you for this video. You have helped me immensely in my journey to heal after a break up with my DA ex. The trauma from the discard and the deactivation from her at the end did a number on me. The brokenness that I felt after this relationship ended is something I never experienced before and although I have a long way to, your videos have really helped me understand myself and guide me through the reflection into myself that really needs to happen. Hopefully I can heal completely soon. Some days are definitely harder than others. Trying my best.
Don’t beat yourself up if it takes a lot longer than “soon”. There is no hard and fast timeline for any of us. Your healing process and time line will sort themselves out as you heal. Three months? 8 months? 1.5 years? 4 years? No one knows - except you, because you’ll know when you get there. And it’s a pretty great feeling when you have that epiphany. Be gentle with yourself and best of luck.
And one other note: yes I’ve come a long way in my own journey. I continue to come back and listen to Stephanie’s new videos. Plus I re-listen to others that had a particular impact on me or helped me on my healing journey. One of my favorites is The Narcissist’s New Partner/New Relationship. I am someone who was discarded. Hearing Stephanie break that down and put into words the pain I was experiencing was extremely helpful. Hand in hand was putting in plain terms the gift the narcissist had given me, which was impossible for me to see initially but became crystal clear.
@@kmc7062 thank you for the encouragement! I appreciate you. I was so blindsided. And my head is still spinning. Not as much, but still spinning. Trying to focus on myself as much as possible and whenever I find myself spiraling, I come here to listen to Stephanie. Life is crazy. But I am looking forward to the person I will become once I weather this storm. I know I will be stronger.
I am thankful for the lessons I've learned and now I don't have to be stuck in the constant cycle of abuse anymore from anybody. I'm finally free but the healing process is taking a very long time and I'm still in it. I think when you've endured abuse practically your entire life you're going to have some PTSD that lasts quite a while.❤ but you can heal if you try.
Thank you Stephanie for this message ❤️. I have been listening to you for months now, and I must say your teachings along with other inspiring people on TH-cam has really helped me heal through my pain. I am finally 🙌🏽 at the point of my heart feeling whole. I'm remembering who I am before I was broken 💔 by a broken 💔 man. I know and understand my worth as a woman and as a person in general 😌. I thank God for your channel 🙏🏽. God bless you and your family ❤️ 🙏🏽🙌🏽.
See. This is where I’m at. I’ve been practicing having boundaries and self parenting ever since I’ve learned about it. I love it and now I’ve been single for like a year now. I’m now telling myself to get out there and start dating again. Thank you for this. ❤️💕
Thank you so much for this Stephanie, You're absolutely beautiful and understanding, Keep shining light and speaking truth, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God ⚽🕊🌹🌲🍄🐎🕆👽☘♱🦁😊🌈❤💚💗💙💜💛😃✌🌌⚖😘
Please add how the narcicst surrounds themselves with quality people and they have strong boundaries. If we learn to do the same, then we will be unstoppable.
After 5 years of severe mental abuse I have been no contact for months. He messages but I don't read them. I am healing and learning so much. I learned so much bc I chose to find what it is in me i can heal so I will never be in that place again.
I hate when I hear that, "You allowed it." It is like blaming the victim for the abuse that someone who was supposed to love, honor, and respect them chooses to inflict on them. I did not "allow" anything. When you have a joint marital home where your life saving in tied into that home it is not that easy to just leave. Where are you going to go when there is no where to go? It takes planning, saving, and strategizing on the best way to leave.
Stephanie, thank you so much for this video. I think it’s one of the best ones I’ve heard!! I learned so much from you in this video!! it was exactly what I needed at this point in my recovery process!
Once you understand and acknowledge that you’re dealing with a narcissist at that point you’re no longer a victim, but a willing participant in your own demise. At that point, you’re only recourse and save yourself.
This was very good advice. Especially the part about going back out there and still date but we learn to be aware of what the signs are of unhealthy situations and to love ourselves and set boundaries and we can forgive ourselves! Love it!! Thank you!
My pilot father was a Malignant Narcisst, My MD husband was a Vulnerable Narcissist, and now (many yrs later) I have a roomie who is a Narcissist!!.Ans I Should've known better w the last 2; I was a Psych Nurse for 20 yrs and have a Masters in Clinical Social Work (I feel So Stupid!!)
Sometimes I really believe that “it’s not done to us but what’s done for us“ the reason I have had this horrible narcissist in my life! In spite of the immense difficulties this has presented I would not be the same person without these difficulties! There’s always, it seems, another reason why things like this happen to so many “good people”!
I could go on and on but tonite I sat here and really listened to your video 5 months discard ghosting I at 64 it was a very humiliating relationship with my former girlfriend I won't get into it all because I read alot of these comments here you all wrote my very story you'll be alright we have to when you let them control you from a distance away from us while there shaking up with a new supply hanging on to them will just give the narc our energy I'm not telling anyone what to do I'm still in the fog but soon it'll clear and I'll look back and think why did I waste my energy thanks everyone whom commented here thank you and doctor very good you truly have a gift for helping out here. God bless 🙏
I’m really grateful that I got married with my ex husband 19 years ago and I come to the conclusion that I have learned a lot and make myself feel strong and proud
After all the pain of living with and being controlled and manipulated by my ex-husband (not to mention the silent treatment, arguments and physical and mental abuse, devaluation and eventually discard) my divorce is nearing completion after a 50 year relationship I am going through the forgiving stage after all the sadness, hatred and numbness - I have to move on and the only way I feel I can do this is to accept what has happened, never forget what has happened but use as an educational tool for future relationships and friendships. I guess the forgiving is not so much forgiving him for how I was treated but forgiving myself for not recognising or knowing about covert Narcissists/borderlines and not walking away from this relationship sooner. My family can’t understand why I am not hating him for what he has done/did to me but I did go through the hatred stage but it was just making me bitter and not able to move forward and learn to love myself which I was not allowed to do. Sue - England
i love this and right we gain more than pain once we learn to reflect on our roles how we played into it which was by the using our own narcissism against us , because everyone has a choice when it isnt your parents or family who actually holds real psychological power over you
If it weren’t for toxic parents pushing me into first toxic marriage of 20 years I would have never been broken enough to accept second marriage with a true narcissist and leaving. This in turn allowed me to focus on undoing everything my parents and both partnerships did and actually healing from all of it. My second marriage was my rock bottom and experiencing that and healing from it I know the permanent change in me has occurred and will never allow for any toxic behavior to invade my life or alter my potential for peace, love, understanding, boundaries and true joy.
I've learn how to tell butterflies from gut feeling which I had mixed up before (everything had felt like butterflies). And I stopped projecting just like you said. This topic is worth a separate video I think.
✨" I wish you never-ending dreams, and the furious desire to make some of them come true. I hope you will love what needs loving and forget what needs forgetting. I wish you passions, I wish you silences. I wish you birdsongs when you awake and children's laughter. I wish you to respect others' differences, because each person's merit and worth are to be discovered. I wish you to resist the stagnation, the indifference, and the negative behaviors of these times. Finally, I wish you to never forsake curiosity, adventure, life, and love, because this life is a wonderful adventure and no reasonable person should give it up without a mighty fight. I wish you most of all to be yourself, proud and happy, because happiness is our true destiny." -Jacques Brel, 1968 I wish you all the best for 2023, Christian Rondow
That's the truth; I saw the signs. I knew they were bad. But went ahead anyway. However, sometimes the narcs are not my fault. For example, the apartment I moved into had a covert narc downstairs who was always in my face, coming and going. She wanted half of my monthly income...just cause she felt entitled to it. Then, covert narcs moved in next door. They wanted EVERYTHING I own. I didn't invite any of them. That is more the Manager's fault. But, she moved them in for ME to have to fend off and deal with. I'm SICK of narcs! I hate them, and want them OFF of me.
I was discarded by my narcissistic wife of 21 years. Was the hardest time of my life but her taking off with her new supply was the best gift she ever gave me. Five years out and I'm still learning and coming back to your videos. Thank you Stephanie.
Thanks for the inspiration Chad. Good for you.
Keep your head up Chad... im in similar boat. It is best they removed themselves from us.
Similar situation... My ex wife even had the audacity to file for divorce on our wedding anniversary
I’m sure that was a gift . It takes a while to stabilize
@@justinramos7409 that's brutal.! It shows you just how much she is not your person and that she doesn't deserve to be in your life.
If you focus on healing you learn a lot about your self and others. If you focus on revenge against a narcissist you are lost.
Excellent!!! 😊💗💪
Forgive and move on with
You 🙏🏽💯💜✊🏽♌️
This relationship/marriage was the longest lesson I ever had to endure. I’m pretty sure I cried all the toxicity out by now. It’s like you’re asleep and all the sudden you wake up and say “what the hell is going on? Hell is the key word. Learned a lot from all you guys and I appreciate you all. I’m in the reset mode now and then it’s real world practice time. Wish me luck!
I hear you are on a journey to a beautiful and kinder world. Best wishes!
A lesson will continue to present itself until it is learned. Great message. Great video.
No contact was realization honestly so love yourself dust urself off and get back on the horse 🙏🏽💯🙌
Fully agree. We often subconsciously choose the things for ourselves that we haven't addressed from our past until we come to realize what we need to address, heal, and move forward from. We keep getting the same test or lessons till we learn what we need.
Taught me I don't need any "help" to survive.
I was discarded by my narcissistic fiancee not quite 4 months ago. It was completely unexpected, heart and soul crushing experiance, the hardest thing I ever had to go trough in my life. It completly destroyed my trust in people and myself.
I learn what was I dealing with trough videos like this. I followed your guidance and fully focused on taking care of my inner child and self love and self acceptance.
I feel much stronger now and I really see the true purpose of this experience. I have "leveled up. Feeling much more confident and at last able to stand up for myself!
It is so damn hard but really possible to go trough it all and come out stronger and better.
I thought it sounded insane once i first heard it but today I am honestly gratefull for this lesson.
Work on yourself, let yourself feel all the pain, cry your heart out and send tons of love to yourself!
You will get better really soon. If I could do it, you can do it too!❤️
And it will suvk more and more! Imagine you meet another one and another one! Dating is dead! Look at Sharon Stone and Jane fonda!!!!
Getting out of a relationship full of cruelty, lies and destruction got me thinking...I have all that qualities inside me too, and realizing I don't want those anymore.
*My narcissistic husband left me as soon as he realised I am not going to be his victim anymore, And yes you are right after all that pain and sufferings I evolved as a more powerful person*
My mom just gaslighted me in front of my handyman in my house I own she said I couldn’t fix anything when I fixed many projects in my house for 2 years and I told her and the response is oh lighten up
Spend that energy on forgiving yourself, F them....focus on you!! Good luck 🫂🫂💕💕
Stephanie I ended a relationship w a narcissist surgeon that wasted like 5 yrs of my life and drained my soul. This channel is HEAVEN SENT!! You are an absolute angel. God bless you for all this information that’s taking me out of the darkness Ive been in.
The narc goes after your triggers and besides knowing red flags and boundaries. Inner child work can reduce your triggers so if anyone tries to pick you apart it doesn't hurt as much and soon you'll be like "of course you tried to hurt me" and I would expect anything different from people with your personality".
This is the most valuable content on this topic.
What can we learn? How do we move forward in life knowing now what we didn’t understand then?
- To be more guarded?
- To listen to our gut, or our own unsettled feeling around a person?
- To make boundaries - and how to back them up?
- that if you’re the victim to someone’s manipulation over and over… you can take responsibility for changing that dynamic or leaving it behind.
- that as long as you’re blaming them, blame is not a solution, and that sort of makes you like them?
Because you don’t have to take action towards changing the dynamic of it’s their fault - blaming absolves us of responsibility but robs us of our power.
- to hold your relationship with yourself in the highest regard because you’re the only you you’ve got
- that your comfort or security aren’t up to anyone else but you.
"blaming absolves us of responsibility but robs us of our power." Wow! A word!
I was in a narcissistic relationship for 3 years. I broke it off over 2 months ago and feel so much better not being in it anymore. He used to call me every name in the book ugly , fat, stupid, do you even have a brain your so dumb? , Always arguing with me about one thing or another and he got drunk like every other day. Also it turned physical and that was the last straw. I couldn't take being berated any longer. I don't deserve that and neither do any of you. We all don't deserve this and I'm gonna be single for awhile before I can even think about getting into another relationship. I want my next relationship to be healthy cause I've never had that in my life. This was a great video ❤️
You knew your worth and left! You want your next relationship to be healthy, as it should be! If you haven't done so already, I highly suggest reading books/articles and watching videos on healthy relationships.
Me too. It feels so peaceful now and I can breathe again.
My 13yr DIVORCE was the LESSON I needed, this AWAKENING taught me how to FULLY Accept and LOVE MYSELF
I Regained my Power 🥰
The Power of Silence and Indifference!
NARCs are Insatiable 🐍
If it happened, it was meant to happen to be part of my journey. My marriage taught me the lessons I needed to learn to be emotionally healthy & mature. Life is so much easier 💃🏽
My wife never acted like something was wrong. She hid everything from me then one day she walked out on me and I found out all of the lies she spread afterwards.
She's filed for divorce, I now have no money left and I'm defenseless in court because I cannot even afford an attorney.
I had a career and money before I met this woman. How did I ever let myself get into this mess?
Excellent video. There are so many layers of healing after a narcissist .
When you have learnt to love yourself wholeheartedly, genuinely and authentically, having high standards will just come naturally. No matter how good someone is at putting on a mask, your high standards will make that mask slip and every type of toxic person that is to come in your life will easily be exposed🤞🏼😅
Thank you Stephanie. I was recently discarded by my covert narcissist girlfriend after two years of what seemed like bliss.
You've really helped me figure out what happened and why and it's really helping with the healing process.
You're by far the most authentic, empathic and sincere coach on this platform. Some of the others talk like they have a chip on their shoulder and it's hard to trust their advice.
Can you explain why you think she was a narcissist? Can you openly take any responsibility for things you may have done which might have contributed to the demise of the relationship?
Bliss huh?
The highlights I learned:
Don’t be in a hurry. Look at her past. Look at her family.
Keep a sharp eye out for red flags.
Then, don’t be in a hurry to have kids. That is when your options close up.
The love she has for you may be directly connected to your salary and future inheritance.
Just before being discarded she told me “I am not growing in this relationship”
What a joke. She was incapable of personal growth. Within days of marrying her I realized I had married a spoiled narcissistic two year old. Pampered and spoiled by her over loving Daddy.
Hung in hoping for growth that never came. Eventually she saw herself as a ‘Cleopatra’, and decided she could do better than me (who had given her the best of everything).
I look back now and thank God she left. 😊
Karma👌🙏
Thank you stephanie, you pointed out all of these things that we have learned and I am very pleased to report that I have learned them. I found myself venturing back into the dating scene and the first lady I selected turned out to be a grandiose narcissist. Within 48 hours I knew she was a narcissist and another 24 hours later I had confirmation. I have successfully ended that relationship and learned that I needed to flex these new muscles that I had built during my last marriage. You are a very helpful woman, I'm very grateful that I have found you.
Incredible teaching and insights. Such wisdom. So grateful
You are so spot on with all your talks. I am learning so much. Thank you!
Wow. Just wow
You are the best one out there on this subject in the whole internet.
You have the insight. The empathy. The vulnerability. The experience to express and understand this subject in its full spectrum.
You are simply amazing. A blessing to this world. An earth angel. A starseed. A lovely kind human being who has endured so much yet choses to be not bitter but better and helpful.
I am a HSP and empath in relationship with a wounded empath who just left his narcissistic wife after 35 years of abusive marriage.
He is so wounded and lashes out in pain .
Your videos makes me understand his journey better.
The worst part of dealing with a narcissist is they will not fucking leave you alone no matter what you do. A database should be created to store all the confirmed narcissistic people so you know who the fuck you’re dealing with.
🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯💥💥💥💥✅✅✅
Almost 4 years later finally feeling more me again but an improved me. No longer looking at his page checking in on him. No more blame now I just want better for myself. Thanks Stephanie 😘
Thank you for speaking honestly. This is a lesson I am learning from a marriage of 30 yrs…the last 12 are the ones I can pinpoint the hard behaviors. I am almost 2 1/2 yrs past the separation (ultimately divorce) and growing so strong into myself and I am able find joy in many things - even trying to look at the joy thru the difficult years with my ex - for without finding the small joys, bitterness can harbor and take control and that is not who I am! Hoping for others who are struggling to find their strength, their growth and learning as the become their true self! Thank you again
14.5 year relationship, 7 year marriage NUKED because I tried to set boundaries. She's telling anyone who will listen that I was abusive. Evicted from my house. I'll probably never see my dogs again. Think her messing with her pills made it even worse. Abruptly stopped taking Pr0zac and 2 weeks later police are at the house and I'm getting divorced. Feel like I died in August and have been in hell since.
6:40+ It is so nice that you tell your audience that they can be loved & that they can work through trauma caused by narc abusers & still let loving healthy people in & healthy relationships in, that is a really pro health thing to say.
Thank you for making this for us & have a great week & new year.
We're all amazing. Even when we make mistakes. The most important thing about getting older is finding our spirituality. Running the race is important because it's the only way to find out what you learned most about yourself when you finish.
Relationships are responsible for soul growth. My Narc helped to break me open , look at the dark places in me , weak areas and my eyes are now wise open .I’m aware of myself and have developed standards like steph says . I’m still working on my self confidence but I all was a gift . I’m no victim .
It took me awhile to say that I choose to carry the dead weight and toxic person that destroyed me. He still did what he did but I had too much shame to try and leave early on because we had just got married. The embarrassment took over what I should have done. Which was leave 9 years ago.
That sounds so painful.... am so sorry that went through that for 9 years. I hope for nothing but healing for u
I feel Im re evaluing the past 30years of my life and with all the points you raise,I feel kind of stronger,I never get loving yourself though,a pamper night helps me switch off.Thankyou for all your wise,kind words to those of us in complex situations.
Till you forget the relationship
you are in it.
Might as well adjust the story.
Be your hero.
What you'll learn after leaving the narc is a self respect and setting boundaries. You'll also easily recognize and spot many narcs in your life even from family, close friends, random people. It's all about the control over you which is the main thing they look for. The next on list is fuel you provide them as + or -, then residual benefits and as last character traits. So to know they will never change as then can't (note this!) and also they aren't capable of self reflecting because of their unconscious NPD behavior. The only way to win over them is no contact. All interactions with them will only increase your emotional thinking and put you again in narc spiral of abuse and disappointment. You can not win interacting them - ever. So stay away. Based on my 2 narc women.
Thank you so much! We need need to heal, grow, and overcome this abuse. Powerful and yet simple messages. I think we tend to complicate simple truths. Thank you again! ❤
Thank you Stephanie. Your words couldn’t come at a better time. I’m feeling stuck in that wounded place and angry at myself for projecting what I wanted so badly onto a person that was not who he would say he was. He would say he wanted to work on our relationship but then never followed through. It’s sad that it takes so long sometimes to see someone for who they really are and not for their potential. I finally realized that they were just stringing me along. No more beating myself up over this masked trickster. Time for forgive myself. ❤️
The most important thing I have learned is to find people in your life who love themselves in a healthy way. My NPD husband always talked about his “poor self image” when we were dating. I weirdly translated that to mean he was humble! A person can’t give what they don’t have. Make yourself as healthy as possible and you will attract other similar people….
Narci's just see a sucker when forgiven. They know they don't deserve it. They know they are mean and nasty. Never forgive bad behavior as a reminder to narc to never do it again
it was like trying to connect with a cloud
Oh my goodness literally this morning I had a realization about my wedding day to my now ex, so this sounds so relatable from the start ❤️ I was so used to up and down, back and forth, hot and cold that I basically got married without realizing what was happening.
Thank you for your gentle but strong wisdom, your videos are so incredibly helpful!! I just ended a recent relationship where - even though I "knew" it wasn't healthy, I still gave myself permission to walk through the experience and put into practice all the things I have been learning from counseling and other healing modalities. It was like having a work internship where I could put into practice the real life techniques that I had been learning about in my head.
Seeing the connections to my early life, those early care givers, and then feeling the feelings from long ago was like gold for my recovery. What did I learn from the relationship? so much, so much and I am a better, more compassionate, confident and emotionally richer person as a result. That's the reward for these situations -
I can listen to you all day! Thank you for this channel. Such important message! ❤️
Whenever I try to explain what Stephanie says in the first part of the video - that I am partly responsible for what happened - my friends throw there arms up and say ‘no way!’ I find it difficult to explain to people that taking some responsibility does not mean that I’m the victim - quite the opposite. But I had to look inwardly and say to myself ‘why did you trust this person after he proved he was not trustworthy, and why did you walk headlong back into the fire?’
Their arms up
so much affirmation here about what happened to me. I know I allowed. It is difficult to see in the beginning. It was normal life for me. My mom couldn't give a compliment to me if her life depended on it. I was the third girl born in a farm family that wanted a boy so bad they could not hold back their disappointment in me. Within two years, they did have their boy!! I was just in everyone's way. I had a math learning disability which caused my teachers to be annoyed and upset with me. So, when I married a narcissist and he promptly let me know I would mind him and that all he would do is let me know all my shortcomings, I didn't know there was a choice or that I was allowing it. But I did. Learning about choices and who I am is not easy after decades of narcissist abuse. But I am doing it!! It is happening!! I am not quite ready to call all this a gift, but I can see me getting to the point where I do see that.
Farm kids are strong and tough, you have some really good qualities in you and in time they will come out so that you can use your beautiful inner talents for yourself and the other good people that you choose to have in your life. Peace -
I just went through this and fortunately I bailed in one month. I said enough! This video has been so helpful in forgiving myself for even letting it go on that long.
32 days for me in 2019 took a month decided no sir I'm gone
Me too...was messy for about 3mths ....regret regrets uuuuuurgh
That’s my story too! I was just with him for a month and broke up yesterday. This video popped up. I really appreciate you sharing. I was feeling hard on myself for letting it go on even a month. It’s comforting to know I am not the only one and it happens. And props to us for walking away quickly 🎉
Thank you for this video. You have helped me immensely in my journey to heal after a break up with my DA ex. The trauma from the discard and the deactivation from her at the end did a number on me. The brokenness that I felt after this relationship ended is something I never experienced before and although I have a long way to, your videos have really helped me understand myself and guide me through the reflection into myself that really needs to happen.
Hopefully I can heal completely soon. Some days are definitely harder than others. Trying my best.
Don’t beat yourself up if it takes a lot longer than “soon”. There is no hard and fast timeline for any of us. Your healing process and time line will sort themselves out as you heal. Three months? 8 months? 1.5 years? 4 years? No one knows - except you, because you’ll know when you get there. And it’s a pretty great feeling when you have that epiphany. Be gentle with yourself and best of luck.
And one other note: yes I’ve come a long way in my own journey. I continue to come back and listen to Stephanie’s new videos. Plus I re-listen to others that had a particular impact on me or helped me on my healing journey. One of my favorites is The Narcissist’s New Partner/New Relationship. I am someone who was discarded. Hearing Stephanie break that down and put into words the pain I was experiencing was extremely helpful.
Hand in hand was putting in plain terms the gift the narcissist had given me, which was impossible for me to see initially but became crystal clear.
@@kmc7062 thank you for the encouragement! I appreciate you. I was so blindsided. And my head is still spinning. Not as much, but still spinning. Trying to focus on myself as much as possible and whenever I find myself spiraling, I come here to listen to Stephanie. Life is crazy. But I am looking forward to the person I will become once I weather this storm. I know I will be stronger.
I learned to never ever trust a man or woman anymore! Me and myself and my dog!!!!
I am thankful for the lessons I've learned and now I don't have to be stuck in the constant cycle of abuse anymore from anybody. I'm finally free but the healing process is taking a very long time and I'm still in it. I think when you've endured abuse practically your entire life you're going to have some PTSD that lasts quite a while.❤ but you can heal if you try.
Thank you Stephanie for this message ❤️. I have been listening to you for months now, and I must say your teachings along with other inspiring people on TH-cam has really helped me heal through my pain. I am finally 🙌🏽 at the point of my heart feeling whole. I'm remembering who I am before I was broken 💔 by a broken 💔 man. I know and understand my worth as a woman and as a person in general 😌. I thank God for your channel 🙏🏽. God bless you and your family ❤️ 🙏🏽🙌🏽.
Thank you so much. Words cannot express enough.
Yes 👍🏼
Hard when it’s your own kid(s). Must be done! Thank you
Wow, real talk in this video. Yes the signs were there the entire time but I choose to ignore them.
Lesson learned Boundaries and Self Awareness
See. This is where I’m at. I’ve been practicing having boundaries and self parenting ever since I’ve learned about it. I love it and now I’ve been single for like a year now. I’m now telling myself to get out there and start dating again. Thank you for this. ❤️💕
Thank you so much for this Stephanie, You're absolutely beautiful and understanding, Keep shining light and speaking truth, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God ⚽🕊🌹🌲🍄🐎🕆👽☘♱🦁😊🌈❤💚💗💙💜💛😃✌🌌⚖😘
Please add how the narcicst surrounds themselves with quality people and they have strong boundaries. If we learn to do the same, then we will be unstoppable.
After 5 years of severe mental abuse I have been no contact for months. He messages but I don't read them. I am healing and learning so much. I learned so much bc I chose to find what it is in me i can heal so I will never be in that place again.
Thank you for other ways of looking at this past marriage.
Agreed 100%
I hate when I hear that, "You allowed it." It is like blaming the victim for the abuse that someone who was supposed to love, honor, and respect them chooses to inflict on them. I did not "allow" anything. When you have a joint marital home where your life saving in tied into that home it is not that easy to just leave. Where are you going to go when there is no where to go? It takes planning, saving, and strategizing on the best way to leave.
LOVE this and very empowering and also empathetic message I love it❤
interesting, thank you.
Oh...the projections!
I wish I had found this video long before now. Thank you for making me think and understand x
Thank you for your insights. They are very useful and I am most appreciative 🕉🤘
Stephanie, thank you so much for this video. I think it’s one of the best ones I’ve heard!! I learned so much from you in this video!! it was exactly what I needed at this point in my recovery process!
Once you understand and acknowledge that you’re dealing with a narcissist at that point you’re no longer a victim, but a willing participant in your own demise. At that point, you’re only recourse and save yourself.
This was very good advice. Especially the part about going back out there and still date but we learn to be aware of what the signs are of unhealthy situations and to love ourselves and set boundaries and we can forgive ourselves! Love it!! Thank you!
Thank you for great observations and support on my healing journey.
My pilot father was a Malignant Narcisst, My MD husband was a Vulnerable Narcissist, and now (many yrs later) I have a roomie who is a Narcissist!!.Ans I Should've known better w the last 2; I was a Psych Nurse for 20 yrs and have a Masters in Clinical Social Work (I feel So Stupid!!)
Hi there 😄 you've a gorgeous picture on your profile! Just decided to stop by and say hi!! I hope my compliment is appreciated 🤗
Victoria P,You deserves better
Sometimes I really believe that “it’s not done to us but what’s done for us“ the reason I have had this horrible narcissist in my life! In spite of the immense difficulties this has presented I would not be the same person without these difficulties! There’s always, it seems, another reason why things like this happen to so many “good people”!
I’m totally delivered from my narc of 29 😊years. It’s. Like being born again .
Another great message. Thank you for this and all you do to help me, and others, put things in perspective.
Thank you for brilliant observations and excellent advice. Merry Christmas 😊
This was great! Thank you
Not wanted to hear. But undeniable, and something I’ve learnt from.
I could go on and on but tonite I sat here and really listened to your video
5 months discard ghosting I at 64 it was a very humiliating relationship with my former girlfriend I won't get into it all because I read alot of these comments here you all wrote my very story you'll be alright we have to when you let them control you from a distance away from us while there shaking up with a new supply hanging on to them will just give the narc our energy I'm not telling anyone what to do I'm still in the fog but soon it'll clear and I'll look back and think why did I waste my energy thanks everyone whom commented here thank you and doctor very good you truly have a gift for helping out here.
God bless 🙏
I’m really grateful that I got married with my ex husband 19 years ago and I come to the conclusion that I have learned a lot and make myself feel strong and proud
All of your videos are great that I’ve seen but this one is the most powerful!
Thank you so much for your help you are awesome!
Love your input...really great channel.
After all the pain of living with and being controlled and manipulated by my ex-husband (not to mention the silent treatment, arguments and physical and mental abuse, devaluation and eventually discard) my divorce is nearing completion after a 50 year relationship I am going through the forgiving stage after all the sadness, hatred and numbness - I have to move on and the only way I feel I can do this is to accept what has happened, never forget what has happened but use as an educational tool for future relationships and friendships. I guess the forgiving is not so much forgiving him for how I was treated but forgiving myself for not recognising or knowing about covert Narcissists/borderlines and not walking away from this relationship sooner. My family can’t understand why I am not hating him for what he has done/did to me but I did go through the hatred stage but it was just making me bitter and not able to move forward and learn to love myself which I was not allowed to do. Sue - England
i love this and right we gain more than pain once we learn to reflect on our roles how we played into it which was by the using our own narcissism against us , because everyone has a choice when it isnt your parents or family who actually holds real psychological power over you
If it weren’t for toxic parents pushing me into first toxic marriage of 20 years I would have never been broken enough to accept second marriage with a true narcissist and leaving. This in turn allowed me to focus on undoing everything my parents and both partnerships did and actually healing from all of it. My second marriage was my rock bottom and experiencing that and healing from it I know the permanent change in me has occurred and will never allow for any toxic behavior to invade my life or alter my potential for peace, love, understanding, boundaries and true joy.
Any type of Relationship...colleagues siblings friends neighbours can benefit from this information
I was just discarded by my fiance, 9 year relationship. I'm struggling, but I'm learning.
Great video! Thank you!
I've learn how to tell butterflies from gut feeling which I had mixed up before (everything had felt like butterflies). And I stopped projecting just like you said. This topic is worth a separate video I think.
Discarded after 27 years of marriage. 13 years ago. Cant even fathom a new relationship. Nope. Never recovered I guess
✨" I wish you never-ending dreams, and the furious desire to make some of them come true.
I hope you will love what needs loving and forget what needs forgetting.
I wish you passions, I wish you silences. I wish you birdsongs when you awake and children's laughter.
I wish you to respect others' differences, because each person's merit and worth are to be discovered.
I wish you to resist the stagnation, the indifference, and the negative behaviors of these times.
Finally, I wish you to never forsake curiosity, adventure, life, and love, because this life is a wonderful adventure and no reasonable person should give it up without a mighty fight.
I wish you most of all to be yourself, proud and happy, because happiness is our true destiny."
-Jacques Brel, 1968
I wish you all the best for 2023, Christian Rondow
Ppp
Ppp3hteh
Thank you 💓 very much for your videos,it helps me a lot to heal 🙏🙏🙏
Thanks eyes and ears wide open now,
Thank you for sharing your wisdom! I listened twice and will listen some more.
My ex of 28 has her new supply poor dude has no idea how toxic she really is.
That's the truth; I saw the signs. I knew they were bad. But went ahead anyway. However, sometimes the narcs are not my fault. For example, the apartment I moved into had a covert narc downstairs who was always in my face, coming and going. She wanted half of my monthly income...just cause she felt entitled to it. Then, covert narcs moved in next door. They wanted EVERYTHING I own. I didn't invite any of them. That is more the Manager's fault. But, she moved them in for ME to have to fend off and deal with. I'm SICK of narcs! I hate them, and want them OFF of me.
Great advice. Thank you ❤