Setting boundaries: Why grown men love girls (TW)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ส.ค. 2024
- stay safe x
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business inquiries: monica@preferencepr.com
A wise woman once said "If you have to keep on saying 'she's really mature for her age' then she's probably not. For. Your. Age."
My gf is 20 and I'm almost 28. But i never dated her just because of her age. Is that okay?
@@jefrreyjeffery2192 this doesn’t go for all men if I personally don’t mind the age gap relationship unless the young women is fresh out of high school or something
@@jefrreyjeffery2192 You’re both in your twenties. Also 4-8 year age gaps are not uncommon. I’d say it’s fine. But if you’re asking randos on the internet - then you may need to evaluate. Ask yourself- Are you guys in the same place in life? Why are you together? Imagine would you have been prepared for your current relationship when you were 20? Is there a gap in your maturity? Is this relationship helping you grown or is it keeping you comfortable? (Just think about these things. I’m not asking for answers from you. It’s your life, it’s a decision only you should make.)
I once overheard “Look if you gotta argue technicalities about a relationship you’ve already fucked up” and I think about it all the time.
The girl I’m talking to is 18 almost 19 and I just turned 20. I say that shit all the time because she is mature. Most women her age isn’t on the same time she on n Thats why i say that.
The only people who feel anger when you set boundaries are the ones who benefited from you not having any
Of course. We all have the few people who we don't put up boundaries for. And if I'm not one of them then of course I'll feel some type of way
getting this tatted on me
@@sophon238 ..no,there is not a group of people you should not put boundaries for. Ever.
@@nessyness5447 right. Ugly Steve gets the same level of boundaries as sexy Brad
@@sophon238 sure. They do. But i don't think you even understand what boundaries mean.
As an old woman, I promise nobody my age sees a 40yo man with a 20yo and feels jealous. We don’t want that man child. We see the predator in him and worry for your safety.
your comment implies that there's a reason you should feel jealous. why would you be jealous?
@@oulero bc there is a disconnect between men and women, men tend to prefer youth and beauty while women value status and beauty, bc women are not fertile their entire life men tend to be attracted to larger age gaps as they age.
@@vanessagellingskog4198 that makes sense thanks
@@oulero older women tend to be portrayed as bitter towards younger women because they're supposedly in competition for men. The idea is that these men are not actually desirable as partners because nobody wants to compete for somebody who takes advantage of their partners.
You sound very offended LMAO assuming "predator" and "man child" you are really transparent lol
when i was 12-16 i got catcalled so so so often, at least once almost every time i walked somewhere. now that i’m 20, i cannot remember the last time. i’m glad it doesn’t happen anymore, but it is so repulsive that so many grown men yell “compliments”/profanities out their car window at CHILDREN
This!! Going after children!!
I was recently thinking the same thing, it’s so concerning
Oh no....same here....the most ive ever been catcalled or groped was while I was a child. :(
Same. It’s so disgusting. Now that I’m 19, what I’m too old? I’m an adult/of legal age now? Is it that repulsive? What’s going on?😂. It’s honestly sick…
Have u gained any substantial weight or have anything happen to you physically to throw off your looks Since turning 20?
The mature child, the "old soul" only exists because parents don't feel comfortable knowing their child has trauma
No not necessarily I am a quote on quote old soul but I don’t let me trauma define me and my parents didn’t give me trauma it was everyone else Around me pulling the it’s all the parents fault and it’s the way they were raised card my brother was raised with great morals and he still turned out messed up making a move a minor that minor being me so not all your saying is true I’m sorry
@@Jumper_Star Ya, but there is still truth to what they are saying. Children are children, pretty much no one grows up fast unless they have to. Also, girls are constantly pushed into growing up faster- a lot of which is pushed by their parents, family, and society as a whole- and it really just sets them in the direction of these predatory men who seek to take advantage of the these young girls that are considered “mature”, but are still just really kids. Parents as the biggest socializing agent of course have the biggest influence and can contribute a lot to helping preserve their children’s child, so they don’t have to be “old souls”. Parents should take their child acting in such a ways as a sign to see if there is something deeper going on with their child and not just label them an old soul. This is loosely what I was able to draw from the original comment and that’s why I personally feel that it is accurate.
Damn. This was an eye opener right here. Yeah, my parents, some teachers, and some friends would say that i have an old soul, after my mother abused me most of my life. I'm 18 now, abuse hit a high note the day the week prior to my birthday. I knew some shit about life i probably shouldnt have at the age of 4.
@@JD-uj5cp I thought the old saying was "girls mature faster than boys?” I think you’re all "traumatized" because you want to be. I don’t get the point of carrying all this unnecessary baggage because your feelings were hurt while you were younger one time. There are levels to things but you guys need to consider developing thicker skin if this is how you plan on spending the rest of your lives.
@@tinab3001 wow just wow that’s all I can say some people literally repress so many memories they don’t even know are there.These problems are subconsciously making their everyday harder and They most likely don’t even know
saw a meme a while ago that said “stop being the cool girl that doesn’t mind, hot girls set boundaries”, great words to live by ✨
Loveeeee
This is great advice even when dating men your own age.
i saw that too and im not exaggerating it changed my life. im so sick of people expecting me to put with everything just to be seen as the cool girl who doesnt mind.
We saw the same meme lololol love that
Love it
"I consider anything under 21 a child." THANK YOU. People don't comprehend just because the legal age is 18 does not mean people magically become an adult mentally at 18. If they're 18-20 and you're 5+ older than them LEAVE THEM ALONE. 18-20 is a transitional period into becoming an adult.
Sounds very literalist. What is the evidence that woman become mature at 21 and not younger? Do you have scientific evidence to back that up or are you just making up stuff?
@@lonniesharpe9720 neuroscience indicates the prefrontal cortex has not fully matured in most human beings until 25-27 years old. That said, I think just good old fashioned life experience should be enough for one to realize that most people aren’t fully mature at 18. You got this bud.
I am 27 and my gf is 19 and she constantly tells me how much she loves me :)
nice try tho
yes it actually does make it so your an adult. If the legal age is 18 then you are expected by the LEGAL SYSTEM AND THE ENTIRE COUNTRY to be a fucking adult. You dont mentally instantly mature at 18 but by that age you have expectations. This doesnt mean that people should use their "teen" years when they past the age of 18 to not critically think or be victims like wtf. Before you turn 18-20 you should already be in the transitional period of becoming a damn adult. As you grow from a child into an adult even through your early teenage years any sane person or people are taught to live in "adult" life. Your parents or any guardian should have prepared you for the real world before the age of 18 and i can clearly see that most of yall parents and guardians have failed yall. Its really sad we have "grown" children roaming this earth.
@@kreps1702 Ok and?
Monica you literally saved my fucking life I was beeing groomed when I saw this and this video was the only thing that made me realize it. I immediately blocked him and I am eternally grateful to you.
Wow I am so happy for you 🙏🏽 Thank god you were able to be set free from that fate… it would have been many years of sadness and trauma. So so so happy this video found you 🙏🏽🥺
I jus broke up with him today, n then saw this video as confirmation that I made the right decision for myself. I'm 17 and he's 22. & that's not the only reason he's a shitty person, not even close. He's a fucking bitch. He's misogynistic, mean, violent, controlling, obsessive, and entitled.
I'm blocking him after he gives me my tattoo kit back (Ik he'll give it back because he's gonna try to use it as a way to try to convince me to stay with him)
@@audreybertelson1972im so happy for you, how's it going now?
I feel betrayed by older women in my life for not telling me ANYTHING about this. I was instead told to cover up. If they were open about MEN being creepy instead of ME being sexualized I would’ve moved through the world differently
Powerful
Forgive them. The generations before yours and mine were silenced. I am proud of you young folks that are exposing this. I too was told to just cover up and be a"good girl" I am 58 now.
@LindaCurwen this is the best advice, use the anger not to feel resentment toward them but to fuel change and tell the young women of today!!
@@alexandrakennedy2000 Or you can leave those old hags in the dust like they did their daughters
Honestly though there's a lot of younger girls who won't see it even if you tell them.
“if the same people from his age group find him weird, run” GIRL THAT PART 😭😭
i sweaaaar i say it all the time! It's just so true!
WHERE WAS THIS ADVICE WHEN I NEEDED IT LMAAOAOAOO
@Kiana Grace Why :( After having lived with a Narcissistic dad and not being able to be myself for a long time I have missed out on a lot of things growing up. They don't allow you to be your own person and it affects you on many levels.
So I got to a point where I would see couples doing things together and growing together and I felt I wasn't worth having someone that would have to waste her time with me as I had 0 selfesteem. Going up into my 30s I still lack a lot of social and relationship experience and it's very hard for me to incporate the lack thereof into a conversation or dealing with women, I mean I can have a casual conversation and that's about it. I wouldn't know how to go on from there. I feel like I have nothing to offer and don't want to be a burden to her when she finds out I lack so much experience.
I guess many would find me odd to still lack so much, and you guys talking about it like this confirms it too. Even though it makes my stomach turn of these words spoken, I know I'm not normal. So I am just sitting out my time by myself until it's time to go. Sorry to be a bother.
@@dan4030 Franz Kafka
@@dan4030 Been in same kind of situation. Some quotes that helped me tho: “I didn’t choose to be born, so I shouldn’t feel guilty for being alive.”, “I have the same rights to be alive, walking on this earth, make mistakes and have feelings just as much as everyone else.”, “Life is too short to waste on feeling like stepping on eggshells just by breathing.” and “Everyone has their own problems. Them feeling bad aren’t necessarily my fault, or at least probably not only my fault. Bad days and trauma exists.” -Hope it can help U or some, and that you hopefully soon realizes that you’re NOT a burden! 💕
“If people don’t respect your boundaries, they don’t respect your humanity”👏
I used to be "the chill girl" and I realized it got me NOTHING and NOWHERE. Men did not respect me more, if anything they knew they would walk all over me. Being "chill" didn't mean I wasn't upset, I just wouldn't take it out on anyone but myself. The second I showed emotion to people who had that original "chill" perception of me immediately resented me for telling them how they hurt me. Now since coming out of that I almost went to the other severity of showing too much emotion, being too upset, too quick to resent people. It is a super confusing dynamic within myself from going to completely invalidating my emotions to making other people too involved in them. I almost feel like a teenager again learning how to handle social interactions because there is a part of me that really wants to be that chill girl because it was less of an emotional rollercoaster.
This gave a whole lot to think about. Thank u for sharing
I am discussing being the “mature child people pleaser” with my therapist because a lot of this developed in my teenage years and I’m 25 now.
I haven’t experienced my first relationship yet, but my advice for dating men is to keep them on their toes. It’s exciting when a woman has boundaries. It’s exciting when a woman has an opinion. It’s exciting when a woman says no and is not easy to manipulate. It’s a challenge and it keeps the wrong ones away and the right ones who want to rise to the occasion coming back. This goes for friendships and all social interactions. You’re not being difficult or disrespectful. You’re a human with human needs and boundaries which are healthy.
- a recovering people pleaser
I've been the chill person for my entire childhood so the resentment built as I grew up and it still hasn't faded. I don't feel like I could clean the slate until I move out.
it’s in words 😩😩 wow I felt this
going through similar phase right now, I see how I became a little too into the other extreme but guess what I'm loving it, and you know setting boundries is a skill, give yourself time to practice, learn from your mistakes and after some time you'll feel comfortable in that new version of you 😊
We need to teach our daughters and our sisters that it is not a compliment when an older man pays attention to you. We need to start demanding movies where the leading couple is played by actors in the same age bracket.
Yes!
The compliments need to come from women uplifting other women, instead of always feeling like we’re in competition with each other or with Father Time. I can’t express enough the important of this.
So much of my insecurity as a young woman came from my mother. She was a beautiful woman, never wore makeup or jewelry, lived in jeans and t-shirts. But she was so insecure. And she pushed all of it onto me. I was into fashion and makeup, I had nine different vogue magazine subscriptions from all different countries when I was 14. Every day I left the house to go to school, my mother would look me up and down, judge my clothes, my makeup, my hair, and as an insecure teenager this BROKE me.
One day I wore a black long sleeved dress to school with lace stockings. It wasn’t even provocative, not like fishnets or anything, perfectly within school dress code. My mom flipped her lid and called me a slut and a whore. She made me put pants on under my dress and I did. I got made fun of all day in school for looking like a “witch” in all black wearing a weird outfit. I never forgot that. As an adult I am constantly seeking outside approval. Especially from my mother. She still treats me like I’m 14, lecturing me and telling me what to do. It has crippled my self esteem. On my 30th birthday I had plans to go shopping with my mom and sister. When my mom saw my outfit, she said she wouldn’t dare be seen in public with me like that. I changed into sweatpants. I spent my birthday in sweatpants feeling so incredibly sad and ugly. I wish there were more women in my life to uplift me from a young age. It really could have helped. I suffer from depression and low self esteem as an adult. Anytime I leave the house feeling good about my appearance, that feeling comes equipped with a load of shame and inner conflict.
Why is it bad for someone to date an older guy? You really want your 20 year old daughter to date other 20 year old guys who just want to do sex, drugs and party?
Older guys with younger girls is completely normal and has been for all of human history. It's still normal in every country - only recently in the west has it become taboo.
Yes! Reminds me of 'All Too Well' with Dylan O'brien who's 30 and Sadie Sink who's 19
What if a guy doesn’t want a woman who’s got a lot of baggage. A single guy who’s age group are full of single mothers for instance.
old men are the real villains of young girls that disney don’t show
If only the stories shared with me as a young girl had prepared me for the realities of womanhood. I was sheltered and no one in my life fully understood how to teach me about gender dynamics. Pretending that your daughter will be safe from creepy men will not in fact protect her- it leaves her especially vulnerable to trauma and damages that may impact her for the entire remainder of her life.
@@90MysteriumFascinans This is my entire life story put into a paragraph. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone.
Except in the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hellfire is chilling
Disney has a problem with “lookism”
@Blue Plumbob no cuz tell me why i used to subconsciously think that being catcalled and harassed etc meant that i was attractive in a man’s eyes. so when my friends would complain about it happening to them, and it had never happened to me, i would just be sitting there like “dang i must be ugly 😣” which is a really toxic way of thinking that patriarchy has caused us to suffer from 😬
- there is no such thing as a mature child - has and will continue to resonate with me forever
and there's no such thing as a healthy age gap relationship
@@Wealthismybirthright but people say otherwise by insisting that their relationships with people much older or younger than them are "healthy" by using "age is just a number" as an excuse
@@fatimahanwaar306This kind of excuse is mostly used by toxic narcissistic people. Healthy people are aware of the problem.
Also depends on the environment they were raised in. If girls were raised in a toxic environment they are gonna search for love in wrong places.
@@missstranger7697 true! girls who date or marry older men have daddy issues no matter how many times they'll deny it
@@missstranger7697 it gets worse when 30+ year age gaps are being normalized in society with certain celebrity couples
Finally a woman that is talking about some real shit on YT. I swear it feels like our media is plagued with pick-me’s and casual misogyny. Thank you for teaching the younger woman some realll shit
It’s men using brainwashing tactics to get us younger girls to fall for them it wearing off 👏👏
She spouting bluepill sperg notions lol
pick me is a shaming language for traditional women who are attractive to men, stop hating
@@thekingmelanin no its women who put down other women
@@akira7739 frl
The crazy thing is they don’t even have to be that older. I was 18 with a 23 year old and he loved the phrase “you’re too young to understand”. I even watched it happen with my good friend. Men loved to think they hold all the power so they search for girls who have not found theirs yet.
@2fishes444 nah babe, you grew from that. i’m proud you got yourself out of that in one piece and now you know your worth.
Preeeeaaacch
Well said 👍🏻
Yep I had a similar situation but we met when I was 15 and then got together when I was 18. They could be so patronising and trying to pressure you to 'grow up' so they feel less weird about dating a teen
YOU ATE W THAT LAST SENTENCE!!
When I was 19 I moved from a tiny town to a large city. I moved in with two men in their 40s. I remember flirting with one of them, and he said something along the lines of “You’re very attractive young woman, but I don’t think I’m what you need. I think you’re in a position where you need a older figure supporting you in the way of a cousin or a brother. So that’s what I’m trying to be to you.”
And I still think about that interaction, and I still talk to this man occasionally, he still calls me his little cousin. At the time I was a little offended, I thought I was mature enough. Had he have pursued me romantically or sexually, I probably would have accepted. But I would have regretted it. This is why I can’t agree with men who date young women even if those women think that’s what they want in that moment. All it took was for that man in my life to be somewhat self aware, and I’m so grateful he said what he did to me.
see he wasn't a predator so he didn't take advantage, if he was a predator he would have put his morality aside at the chance of that. you were lucky to have him when you needed him!
Woowww, I love that for you. I am thankful for the men out there who value platonic relationships more than physical/sexual ones. I am so thankful he decided to step into that role and I so happy you had the opportunity to experience that.
I respect men like that. Men with integrity.
The way that he's one of a kind for doing the BARE MINIMUM really speaks poorly on the male population. I'm so glad that your experience was good, and that he wasn't the type to take advantage. But not being a predator is the *bare. fucking. minimum*
This gives me hope 🙏🏾☺️ I’m relieved for you.
I'm 21 and I just left a relationship of three years with a 32 year old man... I was 18 when we met, he was 29. It was always a point of contention for us, and he kept our relationship a secret for two years. There will come a point when he needs you more than you need him, and it will be time to go.
I’m sorry if this is personal, I exited a situation like this a while ago, didn’t get much closure. I was 17, he was 23. What do you mean when you say there will come a time when he needs you more than you need him? I really resonate with what you said
@@anggelinaaluucileave now.
I dated a 41 year old when I was 22 so I completely relate to the lack of boundaries. He wanted to pay my rent and help me out but I refused, I didn't want him to have that control over me.
A lie only thyself would believe
Yes they’re very transactional because then you would’ve gave him access to have power, dominance, and control over you. That’s all it would’ve went downhill from there trust me. Been there done that. They love to do things to bribe younger women which would’ve resulted into transactions for your beauty, body, and sexual pleasure.
Because u want the bad boys instead of the nice guys , that’s how damaged u r
I'm 26 now, but I remember as a 14 year old shopping with my mother in a mall and a grown A Z Z man in his 40's literally telling my grown mother "I like your daughter. Can I take her out"? My mother, I (and the lady next to us) heard him and was so disgusted and shook by the pure audacity. I froze in fear, my mother confronted him stating "You do know she is a child?! She is only 14." He literally said "I know! I love it." That lady next to us lost her $ H ! T and went searching for his boss! It was a moment in my life I will never forget. I never got to process this till this day. He ended up "taking the same bus home" and followed us home!!! Ya'll predatory men need both heads snipped because the lust and audacity for having it, in which they carry for young girls is alarming.
holy shit this is awful:((
Ew. I’m sorry you had to experience that.
So horrible, no child should experience this
omg i’m so sorry. i’m hope that creep is locked up rn.
It's natural for men to like women that young. It's in the Bible that it's OK and men process things through what we see, so if a woman is attractive at 14 then we're going for it. Even nature tells us this is OK.
"there is no need to grow when you're dating a 19 year old" CHILLS. chills down my spine. the man I "dated" when I was 19 was almost 30. he always said he was "stunted" but in reality he was such a bum that women his own age could see right through him.
Girl I'm sixteen and when I tell you grown man target me and I literally dissed one the other and he left me alone because etc am I doing with a bunny 21 year old who probably has a baby mama if not multiple
I was 19 and he was 27, this continued until 21 and 30. I don’t know whyyyyyy it took me so long to catch on to what he was doing. And to add, there may have been a “black girl fetish” tinge to the situation that I just wasn’t privy to at the time.
You get caught up in his dates, money, his car, and his house, until you realize any functioning adult should have shelter and transportation. Then the s** and flattery starts to repulse you, no matter how much it made you blush before.
My wake up call was telling him one time how a situation where someone threw me a micro aggression in class affected me, and how I wasn’t my happiest because body dysmorphia was eating at me, and he just stared at me. Half baffled that I could even be concerned with such “lofty”subjects like mental health and recognizing prejudice (whic isn’t even all that “interesting” imo. Just base knowledge you should have to protect oneself) and half-ogling and ready for what he invited me over for. I knew it was the beginning of the end.
I’m very happy we can hold space and share our experiences so other young people won’t have to face the same reality. Love and light. ✨
Yikes. Same.
Besties we’re living the same life 😩
nah men simply don't date older women if they have a choice, its that simple, especially since most women have very similar ideas to what their ideal guy is, guess what there are only so many men that are attractive, make 100k a year and are taller than you and/or not obese, those men have the leverage, and the option and they aren't picking 30 - 80 year olds lmao
I’m 21, I remember being 16 & walking in my town & a guy in his mid 30s starts shouting at me across the street making sexual comments very aggressively & whistling, i was wearing jeans & a parka coat… I got around the corner & burst out crying having a panic attack (I also have social anxiety which didn’t help), my mum was there when it happened & she just kept laughing & told me to “take it as a compliment” I was SIXTEEN & crying my eyes out having a panic attack in the street in front of everyone, shaking & the one person in my life I thought would protect me didn’t care. It still makes me feel so violated & sad to this day. Another time my TWELVE yr old sister was catcalled by a group of guys when she was going to meet a friend. & guess what?? Ever since I got to about 17/18 yrs old men have stopped cat calling me… I wonder why that is… men can be so so disgusting & it’s not ok it needs to change.
& I hate the “maybe you just look older than your age” because it’s completely not true… once I’ve grown older they don’t do it anymore… they are attracted to underage girls and it’s vile.
When I was ten I went to the mall to buy a gift to my mom and went by a group of grown men. They started whistling and making sexual comments, much as you describe . I also had a panic attack and cried the whole night. It kept happening though. .. now that I am 28, most of the interactions I had with adult men during my child and teenage years seem even more bizarre . Now I wonder what it did to me. I feel you ❤️ it’s nice to see other people realize all of this.
@@emilyplaying8330 oh my god, 10 years old? That’s awful I’m so sorry that happened to you:( its so hard to trust men after having so many experiences like that, it really makes you question if deep down all of them are the same. So many of them lack the ability to understand we’re humans with emotions and thoughts and lives of our own and not just objects that they can comment on while passing by, their lack of understanding and moral compass is very scary
i like how you say jeans and a parka as if you were covered up. im willing to bet those 'jeans' were skin tight thin material. not to mention makeup etc. if makeup is sexual signalling then why are you so offended that you are...sexually signalling
@@granolaman4410You sound like the type of guy who doesn’t get much attention from women in real life so you go online desperately seeking the attention there instead. Hope you feel better soon.
Excellent video, my Dad always called these types of men "Youth Theives". When I turned 18, my Dad sat me down and basically warned me off all the tricks in the book that an older man will try on me because women his age don't want him, so he will try to prey on my innocence and naive mind.
My Dad said, if a man 5 years+ older then you tries to get with you, always ask yourself, what would this old man possibly have in common with me and why is he not already married to a woman closer to him age?
Older Women aren't bitter when a guy chases a young girl, thry are frightened for the young girl because her youth is about to be stolen by a bum. - My Dad.
So glad he opened my eyes because when Grandad's try to get with Granddaughters, it seriously cringy for anyone of a healthy mind to see.
you are blessed to have a dad like him! good on him for speaking to you about this important subject and good on you for taking the time to hear what he had to say
happy for you sis. hope the knowledge will get passed on to prevent children from being damaged in the future
i have found that the older men who can date younger women can absolutely date women their own age. It's cope to assume that they do it because women their own age dont like them
Your dad may have given you a good advice but really not the one you needed because the same way a grown man can destroy your life is the same way he can change your life for the better.
Not every man is bad and all men are not the same.
It’s not “WOMEN HIS AGE DONT WANT HIM” it’s he doesn’t want 40 year old geezers. I don’t blame him, these days they’re even growin chin hair & mustache’s.
Wow wow when I was 18 I was asked out by a man who was 27 years old. I wasn’t even interested in dating at the time but I was so flattered that he was a “real adult” and interested in me. I remember telling my father about him and to this day I’m glad that instead of being combative he simply gave me food for thought. He said, “sweetheart what would a man who is almost 30 even have in common with you? Think about what his motives really are”. I told him the next day that I was too young for him and that was it. Simply having a support system can make such a difference during that young adult transition.
Smart father
A good support system at that. A lot of parents, rather than talking to you delicately like your father did (seems like a really intelligent guy, shout out to him), berate the child and then wonder why they rebel and end up pandering to that older man. Delivery is just as important as the message.
Wow. I'm so happy for you that you had someone that looked out for you. Thanks be to GOD.
I was 11 and the man was 27
Same thing happened to me except I was 19 he was 26. I unfortunately hooked up with him thinking maybe we would have a relationship but he just ghosted me after having sex with him for 3 times. Lol. I’m 23 and haven’t heard from him since…
"There is no such thing , as a mature child. That is an oxymoron." Ma'am I need this on a shirt please
We have to teach kids and young women that men telling them they're mature isn't a compliment.
@@keri471 it really is not, it's adultification, let the kids be kids, they literally have until 18 and they'll be adults for the rest of their lives.
I started crying when she said this 🥲
@@NanaNaima1 18 and 19 yr olds aren’t even adults😭. Only legally. But in literally every other standpoint (biologically AND socially) they’re kids lol.
I think there are mature children.
It’s sad to think older men treat us younger women with such cruelty and hostility in their voices. It’s been going on all my life until i stopped them
even if they have so called "healthy relationships" with younger women
The reason women in their 20s have higher value than any other age group, is because this is when their fertility peaks. Men in their 30s and 40s prefer them for this factor, it’s evolution and men have done this for thousands of years.
Older men are also more likely to be established financially and have accumulated resources over their lives, most 20 year old men are broke.
Most men prefer younger women, it’s how we’ve evolved
@@swadey2.017 Women lose their worth as they age… their value too… wow. Since when have human beings had price tags like a bag of groceries? We are not objects.
There are ample studies on the risks older men pose to women (of any age) as well as babies during pregnancy. Men have the *ability* to have children at an elderly age, but that ability does not trample the decline in healthy reproduction. Just as geriatric pregnancies are not healthy/safe either.
13-19 year olds are adolescents. According to the World Health Organization, the ages of 15-19 are the ages in which pregnancy risks are at their peak. And of course younger. Teenage girls are more likely to experience anovulatory periods and have an overall smaller hip width. Whereas, pregnancy at ages the ages of 20-24 are far less dangerous, and prone to less complications.
Full oscillation ends at around the ages of 23-25, as well as full brain development (though your brain never truly stops growing).
You can say you find 20 year olds attractive, but to say women - no, human beings in general - have some sort of expiration age that makes them worthless once they reach it - is not valid. Ever. That’s not a biological stance, can you smell pheromones? Can you sense fertility? That’s a preference.
the video every 15-20 year old girl needs to watch and absorb
This is something I feel so strong about. I don’t understand how anyone can think turning 18 or 19 years old automatically starts churning the “adult” gears in your brain. Every year I get older I realize how much life experience you gain in just one year! Therefore a 30 year old dating a 19 year old is a big mf leap!
I feel like when a man says "She's 18 she's an adult she's legal now!" It's really just his way of saying that he thinks it's okay to prey on people if the law doesn't go against it. Like he's showing everyone that he doesn't have a sense of morality outside of the law.
Well 18 is grown especially if you're independent got your own house making your own money if you do these things at 18 then you grown period you aren't a child
It really is. It's gross
@@annarogers8545 no one can have their own house at 18 without someone else’s money. Being mature isn’t determined by your financial independence, maturing is a biological process that takes place in your brain. Nobody is out of puberty at age 18. Usually your brain developes until you’re 23-25.
@MY YT Actually according to science your brain doesn't finish its adolescent stages until your early 20's and doesn't finsh developing period until the age of 25 at least.
Just read a comment that said: “Men who love to hold all the power search for girls who haven’t found theirs yet.” 👏🏽
👏🏻👏🏻
*BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!* 👏🏼💯👏🏼💯👏🏼💯👏🏼💯👏🏼🌟✨🌟✨🌟✨🌟✨
I was a girl with no attributes
@Alec Alberti Are you a virgin yourself?
Given all the creepy misogynistic comments I've seen you leave on this video, I'm going with yes.
@Alec Alberti what the actual fuck
I'm a 51 year old woman who was once a pretty young girl so when these creeps creep I see it! I remember what those looks feel like, I remember feeling I had to smile laugh or let it slide. Now I mock the turds and tell them I see. When I put on my cutie outfits as a teen I did it for ME and maybe to show off to my gal pals. Imagine these turds think young ladies are getting dressed thinking "Oh gee I hope some cobwebs crotch Dad man likes my outfit"
"cobwebs crotch Dad man" ☠🤭
Men really can't comprehend that women LOVE to dress up for themselves or to impress other women. It's in our nature to want to be beautiful. How did I realize this? When I went it an all-women university 90% of the women walked around looking like models without a single pair of male eyes in sight. I too, would get up early and dress well because I wanted to look the best infront of my female classmates. After I graduated, I really missed the non-male environment. It felt safe and freeing to not have to worry all the time.
@@user-rx7uh9mg4f it's that. We dress up to impress other women. To get maybe compliments from there woman. Why the fuck would we take any compliments from men when they are fashion bums, have no style and are ingenuine
You sound really hurt, living in the past will do that to you.
@@everymansbattle6797 stop expecting strangers to forget their trauma
"what else is a child if not a burden?? (...) they just learned how to not speak, and that's a bad thing" Fucking OOF this hit me to the core. I was constantly called an "ungrateful witch" as a child growing up, told to be grateful for the bare minimum ("I put a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your belly) but that's... what a kid needs 🤔
Yep my mother was similar to this. Compared me to my older sister and told me that I have to watch my mouth because I overreact or become immature.
Actually she made me feel very insecure with her toxic and narcissistic attitude.
I FEEL LIKE EVERY 15 - 35 YEAR OLD DESERVES TO HEAR THIS.
Honestly start at 11 these days..
I was 12.
everyone needs to hear this.
@@_sumina what do you mean these days? This generation is nothing new under the sun. They’re acting exactly like the last. 15 is fine to start learning about these things. A 11 year old wouldn’t even understand this video.
@@tatum9040 you'd be surprised what a 11 year old can understand.
As my mom told me when I was 16 and a 26 yo man liked me, "If women his age don't want him, there is something WRONG with him." Period!!!
that's bullshit :) It's not that women my age don't want me, they want me bad, but why should i commit to girl with a lot of bodies , emotional baggage ,etc. When I can have young and not spoiled women who can grow with me, and I can still grow with her
@@MrRashef you're the problem, my guy
@@MrRashef striggerowany incel wyszedl z piwnicy napisac komentarz
@@MrRashef
“I can grow with her.”
Why are you purposely seeking out someone who is young, immature, and impressionable and act as if y’all are in the same stage in life. You are not going to be doing the same growing. You are already grown. In reality you’re a weak, spineless, insecure man who wants a young girl who strokes your ego and makes you feel better about your own mediocrity.
@@MrRashef youre proving the commenters point.
you’re so amazing . I’m 22 & reasoning why I would get upset at women who were older than me is because they don’t talk like you . Some women purposely let younger women struggle & just laugh and watch . I appreciate you
Exactly! These are narcissistic bad types of women who want to see them fall on purpose... They see them as a threat! Normal women don't do these things..
I've seen this video thumbnail at least 5 times in the last year but never clicked it. I'm 21, I just got out of a year and half relationship with a 33 year old man. I met him the day after I turned 20. He cheated on me three times. I stayed. We got engaged. I got pregnant. I got an abortion. I wish I clicked this video sooner. It would've saved my ass. But I feel like I needed to go through all of that in order to get to a place where I can digest everything you said. I've intellectualized and rationalized his every action in the past. Now, after watching this video, I can say loud and proud that my ex was the abuser. Thank you so much for making me realize that my ex took advantage of my vulnerable self. Monica, everything you said in the video deeply resonated with me. This video could actually save lives. Thank you!
“There is no such thing as a mature child, that is an oxymoron... I think in a lot of cases the mature child- is the product of trauma”
Thank you for saying that because all my childhood I’ve been told I’m very mature and as a young child I saw it as a complement but now, (being 15) I see it as me reacting to childhood trauma and learning the only way to get through life was to parent myself because my own parents couldn’t (and still can’t) do that for me
I was the say i used to jump and run around like a hyper active boy. Consistently being yelled at being i wasnt still like girls. Really traumatized me. But my parents were traumatized themselves so i dont blame them.
You are very intuitive and insightful to realize that as 15. I am praying for you on your journey
I feel as though everyone has there own specific journey and just because another individual has not yet reached the mindset that younger people already have at a younger age doesn’t mean its nessarily from trauma. Most of the time ur parents cant catter to ur emotions because they are going through things emotionally themselves and thats just with everyone in general. I think its a good thing to take on ur emotions by urself so that u can get to know yourself and grow from that and not depend on people to be there for u bc at the end of the day u are ur biggest support system and u will leave this earth being ur biggest support system. At this point age is just a number and of course as humans we are consistently progressing and we grow over time which means are mindsets change as well. But just because you are younger it does not mean u can’t be aware and intelligent to a variety of things it just means that u are less experienced compared to adults and with experience comes wisdom. I’m 16 and people tell me that it took them years to have the mentality that i do.
Wow this just hit for me… I was considered always mature and never associated it with parents who couldn’t and still can’t parent me..
I relate to that so much and it hurts me a lot to think about it. Hope we all can outgrow that and learn how to heal and better honor our inner child ❤
I'm almost seventeen, and every time a man hits on me my parents are like ''well it's because you're good looking and mature for your age''
And I'm sitting here like... I straight up say I'm sixteen and they don't see anything wrong with it. It's not flattering like-
Im so sorry that your parents are not protecting you. Stay strong, you deserve better
I'm sixteen too and I hate how my parents make me cover up when it's their fault for looking at a child...
I'm 19 and am very shy and introverted. Hardly any boys my own age talk to me. But the amount of 30+ year olds who hit on me is so disturbing. People think I should be flattered, but the fact that they see me in that way is so creepy. I am barely an adult and still act and feel like a kid, what could they possibly be attracted to??? Answer: they know I'll be easy to control and manipulate since I'm insecure and lack life experience.
@@claireelizabeth9431 Exactly!
That seems grossly inappropriate for a parent to say..
When I turned 30, a 20 year old guy really tried to be with me and at some point I was GROSSED out by the fact that he hasn't lived his life and learned things yet. He was still a child in my mind and I hung out with him like a friend instead. I don't know how men are SEXUALLY attracted to girls who don't know things....just goes to show they love the control.
Basic biology.men arent looking for a wise, super mature , super independent woman. We want a nice young , uncomplicated girl. Even better if shes umexperienced. No man wants a used up girl
What do you mean by “doesn’t know things”? That’s a pretty broad generalization you’re putting on young people. And what exactly do you need to know to be in a relationship?
@@oranges557 I don't want a used men either and I am very sure alot of my age or below are thinking the same. Bye and please let us alone...
Men and women aren't the same, men want a woman with no experience, women want a man with experience.
@@oranges557 "we want to be able to manipulate then into not having control of their power"
Hi! I’m a 48yr old woman and I just subscribed to your channel.
Expressive, witty, youthful, yet relatable to an older demographic.
You did a wonderful job tackling the issue of a profound, sensitive and difficult subject matter.
Keep it up!!!
It really is internalized misogyny. Even I fell for that trap when I was younger. Men like that say young women are ‘more worthy’ and old women are bitter. So the young woman thinks she’s mature and ‘worthy’ and thinks older women are jealous of her.
And it is like, “No, the truth is the man is unworthy and playing mind games.”
You said it!!! 😉😉😉
Completely wrong. I'm a guy and I'll tell you a truth. It's because it's wired in our brains to like girls who we can have a baby with. The older a woman gets, the less attractive they are to us. It's completely natural and it ain't going to change
@@cykablyat9333 yes....Well go and tell that to Father Abraham's wife. A PHARAOH took her to wife! She was AGED. So stop your crap and leave young girls alone!
@@cykablyat9333 What about the wiring to MARRY because that ain't happening!
@@cykablyat9333 And I guess the older your wife gets the less attractive she will be to you? I bet you don't think it's the other way around do you???
"The "Mature Child" is the product of trauma, of children who are self aware no longer oblivious to the strife of Adult life .. Affirmed and congratulated by adults who are relieved by the presence of a child who appears to be self sufficient. " WOW SIS THX
What about infantile adults of western world? Lol how do you know which one is right?
@@leptune im not sure what yoy mean sis care to explain?
@@mpoemp4703 in non western societies westerners are considerated infantile, men effeminate etc. Here you consider what theres normal "mature child", "toxic masculinity". How can we know who is right here?
@@leptune I don't understand what you mean but if you think you a mature child then you would know these old men just want you a young girl to manipulate you. But That's what this video is about anyways. But she did say there no such thing as a mature child and I personally agree, you can be more mature then people your age but that doesn't make you mature. Toxic masculinity is a big thing that plays into alot of men not being emotionally avaliable. This stems from boys being told to man up when crying or how men shouldn't feel or be sensitive and if they are they get called "girly"
@@rollthedice5682.... No comment here
When men get to a certain age they become totally different people. This perversion comes and they almost feel entitled to younger females, it's so disturbing. Also you're absolutely right about there are no "mature children". The brain doesn't even fully develop until the age of 23-25. So it's physically impossible for a child or teenager to genuinely be mature.
What triggers this perversion? When does it begin? 50’s? 70’s? My 71 year old FIL thinks it’s perfectly normal that his gf is 23. I think they met online and then he travelled overseas to meet her. My teen kids were appalled. Sadly, I was not surprised by his sexual pursuit. A little dementia perhaps?
You live in a fantasy world. Tell me you're an upper middle class American women without telling me. Grow up and join the real world
@@FirstLast-gk6lg you can stop writing the same bs in the comments now, I permit you a break to go touch grass
@@benvalejo9650 perversion means unnatural sexually. Going for younger women is literally in men's biology.
@Silver 18 is a child get over it!!
You and this comment section just saved me a world of pain. I knew something was off and rather than let anything continue I’m gonna use my voice. Because I am not afraid of confrontation, not as much as I thought I was.
Thank you for the big sister advice, seriously.
❤️
My last 3 year relationship fell apart and it's my fault.
He was a red pilled guy who tries so hard to be "alpha" but also despised any responsibilities that a traditional man would have. I told myself I was cool with it. I ain't.
He thought social justice movements are too pc and diversity is ruining his comic books. I told myself we still share the same values. We don't.
He thought 99% of girls are golddiggers. I always paid my share in everything to prove myself to him. I told myself I was alright with him pinching pennies even though he earned twice what I earned and I have twice the financial responsibilities. I was not.
I tried hard to maintain my body and appearance even though I worked plus commuted 14 hours a day. He grew fatter and fatter even though he worked 6 hours a day from home and playing video games the rest of the day. I told myself I was not shallow so I didn't care about that. I did.
I knew before the 1st year anniversary that I could not fall in love with him. I stayed and shut up because I was a cool girl, a rational person, I didn't need frivolous things like romance.
HAVE STANDARDS AND AVOID WASTING TWO YEARS OF YOUR LIFE LIKE I DID.
girl how tf did you put up with this. I'm so glad you're out of this tho
Damn try 4 years
It's much better to be single and have standards and set boundaries than to put up with all of that for a man who doesn't even treat you right. I'm glad you got out of the relationship! 💕
Personally, it strikes me as an immediate red flag when a guy tries to be "alpha", has a backwards view of women in general, and isn't willing to listen to the perspectives/issues that women go though or put us down.
this isnt a "being the cool girl" problem. like how can u not share any of these thoughts with your romantic partner nonetheless.
really theyre blue pilled because theytell eveyrone who doesnt agree with them that theyre 'trigered' its called cognitive dissonance they wont listen to the truth so theyre actually blue pilled people so far blue pilled they think they ate the red one,
One thing us men need to understand, is that just because a young girl is flirting with you
doesn't mean you have to give in. Character and integrity is needed in these situations .
Most successful marriages hv a 5-10 yr age difference
If it's legal it's fine. It's up to the woman after that if she wants to give herself to the man. Nobody is forcing her and they're both adults
The Legacy of Gaming
The frontal cortex isn't fully developed until 25-27. Humans don't reach full maturity until that age. If you're 35+ and date a 18yo they're still not grown up and you're still a pathetic creep trying to relive your wasted youth. Legal, yeah. Disgusting and traumatic for the younger party involved, yeah.
@@haremking7256 that's straight up false. Looked it up and show that couples with a 0 to 3 year age gap have the greatest level of satisfaction. Couples with 3-7 years age gaps are a less satisfied and couples with a 7+ age gap are even less satisfied. Men, stop talking yourself into the delusion that dating a young woman is ever good when you're an old fart who can't run a mile. It never is. Don't waste young women's time.
@@DM-nw5lu not everyone is the same,you should say majority of ppls pre frontal cortex matures at the age of 25-27 there's always outliers,I read the study ....what's your source of info on the 3 yr age gap
Went through the scariest ish in my life dating a 42 year old in my 20’s he got really possessive and tried to tell me how to dress and lock me up in his house. I ran so fast! An older woman told me: the reason he’s dating you and has no kids and unmarried is because no 40 year old woman is dealing with that!
I was 17 when I started dating my now husband, he was 25 at the time, married him at 18. I am now 21, he’s 28. I’m slowly starting to ask myself what do I even have in common with a 28 year old man as a 21 year old. I never got to experience living on my own. I never got to experience adult dating outside of him. I never got to experience any sort of emotional maturity on my own. I don’t know what I’m gonna do now, but I know now that him starting a relationship with me was horrible. I’m still not emotionally mature enough for a relationship, let alone a marriage.
Get out
U were groomed
Ruuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Is it fine for a 21 or 22 year old to date an 18 year old? I am 21 and really like a girl who is 18 in my college and I will be turning 22 this December.
@@manosijroy8282 It depends on your intentions. Do you see her as an equal or something close to that? I would say objectively 18 and 21 isn't the worst age difference but it certainly is pushing it. The way I see it, an 18yr old should cap off at dating a 22yr old, anything beyond that is weird to me personally, provided that they are compatible. Are you and this 18yr old at noticeably different stages in life, maturity etc. ? Is there the possibility of a power imbalance, would you be able to take advantage of or manipulative her easily? Again, it's all about intention. It's important to make these clarifications so that people I guess like you don't feel like child predators for being romantically interested in someone younger than themselves. Its tricky because you have to ask yourself what you have in common with this 18yr old, if you dated would she be forced to mature faster and forfeit her formative years as an adult to match your pace. You could totally date an 18yr old if you were extremely careful about it. Allowing her to be 18. Not having your age negatively influence her. Seeing her as a romantic interest but also being sensitive to the fact that she's young, she was just in high-school. You yourself are a kid, legally an adult, but still so young. It's like a senior dating a sophomore. You have an advantage over her in so many ways but will you use that against her, or would you use that to guide her without controlling her. Do you get the picture? It's doable but still tricky because feelings will make it feel so simple but there are a lot of factors at play. Just because yall are able to have good sex, or kissing her doesn't feel that much different from kissing one of your peers, that doesn't change the fact that there is a difference. You would want her to be able to look back at yalls time together and feel like she experienced something good, like she grew and hasn't had anything taken from her and instead the have the opposite experience. She's even more of a kid than you, she's still a teen but that shouldn't make you feel creepy unless like I've said, there's not much you have in common and she's just not mature enough to meet you in the middle. I respect you for considering this, checking your actions and keeping yourself accountable. These relationships are achievable, and like I said yall don't have much of a gap, but only with pure intentions, communication, compatability, and not fetishizing your partners age but instead seeing them as a person you deeply care for in an adult manner or as somewhat of an equal considering the age gap. Good luck.
I’m so proud of my 14 year old self. when I was 14 I was on a dating and friendship app.
A 60 year old guy told me “I love girls your age”. I replied to him “that’s Actually disgusting “ and then I blocked him.
Hope he was embarrassed. Good job! :}
When I was 11 I had similar experience i told my dad on him and he lectured him, it shows it gets normalised for you and isnt inherent chip in young girls to want this
what the-
Proud of you queen, I have similar experience when I was 13 and it was mentioned in my ig bio and many grown ass men dm me and say similar stuff,I regret giving them a lil time but happy I blocked them be4 taking advantage of me
Great job
Wow as a 19-year-old rn.. thank you. I really needed this, I've been talking to a guy 10 years older than me. And tbh something seemed off but I couldn't tell what. I've learned that talking to an older guy means he expects you to be young and innocent but also they want you to grow up quickly and be grown, which is confusing and stressful. I'm done talking to him now. This felt like an older sister talking to me. Thank you so much really.
you dodging a bullet girl💪🏻❤️
@@Julia-zp4dz yes thank you 🙏❤️❤️❤️
That wanting you to be innocent but expecting you to be grown is sooo weird and gross on their part, you were young they should let you friggin be! Sorry you had to go through that, and glad you are out of it
I was 18 when the 40 year old I was sexting said something about his kids and I realised how we were in completely different stages in life. Why is a person who's supposed to be caring for their child sexting an 18 year old?
SAME!
WOW! This whole thing was incredible, but the first 10 minutes where you detailed repressing natural childhood impulses to be a likable child hit so hard. It’s something I know a lot of other people deal with, but you articulated it so spot in.
I’m currently an 18 year old about to go into college, and I also was (and still am) very unconfrontational. This video really helped me nail down my priorities for what I want in college; I really want to set my boundaries and learn how to be confrontational, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Shit makes me sad man. Even my friends at school constantly talk about how they get catcalled by grown ass men and it just makes me feel helpless and feel so bad. Thank you for this insight.
Cruella De Vil : [to Anita] “More good women have been lost to marriage than to war, famine, disease and disaster. You have talent, darling. Don't squander it.”
And we thought Cruella wasn't right just bc she was the villain. 😔
@@anitachamberlain3391 she isn't right. Marriage is a wonderful, spiritual thing and young women are being manipulated and deceived into abandoning it by bitter old women and ignorant people
@@peaceunion5316 no no no. Any marriage can go to shit or even be shitty at the start of it. Marriage isn’t always kisses and rainbows. Marriage can make anyone miserable and pitiful even if they might seem happy
@@peaceunion5316 so you get to say “ignorant women” but when you try to refer to men suddenly it’s “ignorant people”
@@peaceunion5316 marriage isn't for everyone and marriages often fail its a fact wtf are you talking about?
"you will become the woman you resent one day" A LOT of young women need to hear this, it would do a lot for the way we treat each other as sacrificial lambs (sabotaging each other, spiting women we see as competition, weaponising male violence towards women we dislike or plainly losing out on valuable relationships with each other) for the benefit of men, what a bar of wisdom
Honestly I feel more like Ursula every day and it's great 🐙 😂
'sacrificial lambs to men'
i think this is probably the more telling comment and mindset in all of the comment section. if you poll most men, most men want families. especially as they get older. the younger men want to fuck everything moving until their 30s when they start to get serious. sacrificial lamb, however, speaks to a specific man.
@ayse that view tells me you will likely be very bitter. I hope not.
I see it and that I don’t do. The pick me’s
Girl I was literally was about to depression nap my day away until i came across this video. You just gave me so much energy. This year I turned 22. And I have been struggling with something. I stopped dating. I stopped doing a lot of stuff when before I had so much ambition. Or I thought that I did. And honestly dating older guys was such a big part of my identity. But this.. girl this is exactly that thing. That thing that was missing. That thing that felt wrong within me but I didn’t know how to point it out. Thank you so much for making this video. Thank you so much for your energy. And thank you for being you. I know myself a little better because you shared a part of yourself.
your comment makes *me* feel inspiration, so thank you for that
You’re like a big sister I’ve never had shouting at me when I did super stupid things. 🙏🏼 THANK YOU. I’m 26 year-old by the way
Intelligent Mature older women are NEVER jealous of youth! Most older women just want a better "journey" for young ladies because we know what it means to be WOMAN who is judged for existing. I enjoyed listening to your insight and your journey. For those young ladies who "finding their NO" keep practicing saying this word, whenever your spirit tell you to. It does bring strength.
"For those young ladies who "finding their NO" keep practicing saying this word"
So why did feminism promote the idea that women should be just FINE with casual sex? It's almost like they really didn't care about women at all, hmm?
@@menow. lmao you're under every top comment clearly these messages are hitting a nerve for you
@@Izlandzadi14 A "nerve"? Or, I just don't abide BS. I notice you didn't answer my question.
@@menow. the BS is believing that someone can't have good boundaries and say no while also engaging in a hookup. BTW, many feminists are critical of hookup culture
@@menow. The idea is that women deserve to have a choice. That women often feel like they have to say yes in a male female dynamic. Due to men often having a social/work power status over women (Think your boss, or a family member etc)
Feminism doesnt "promote" casual sex nor is it "fine"' with casual sex.. feminism is the idea of a womens choice having power. That a woman has power to say Yes to casual sex or No to casual sex. To have a choice and not be shamed for it. Because men get to have casual sex and not be shamed. But women dont experience that...
i dont think this is that hard to understand.
"Mature child just learned how to shut the fuck up." I was labeled as this growing up, I learn to suppress my words and feelings, who I really am, in order to fit in and avoid creating trauma. Now, I'm 28 years old and I'm realizing how much of my childhood was robbed from me. I didn't do the things I should've done, I didn't have the fun I was supposed to have, I didn't make the mistakes I was supposed to make. Now, I'm trying to make up for lost time and I feel like everyone I love is against me, because I'm allowing myself to become myself, but that alters the reality of who I am and they don't like it and don't want to understand.
Ain't it crazy that you let people do them, but when you do you, you're supposed to answer to everybody like you the president? lol
Same thing happening for me. It's like they never knew who I really was, and my family is criticizing everything I do is not as they had intended for me. I choose to love them, but they may never choose to love me as I am. And I will endure that because I'm tired of sacrificing my true self for other people, so they can feel 'comfortable' Life is too short for such a battle with myself.
This sounds painful in many ways, sending love and light. I’ve come to realize inner peace of mind and soul is more valuable than any relationships based out of fear regardless of how deep or shallow the connection be. You deserve people who will see you shine and be overjoyed for you. People’s responses to you are typically projections of their inner trauma/insecurities. Stay strong 💕
This was so deep
this is me cause i’m nearing the end of my teen years just trying to heal stuff from when i was younger instead of just being a kid and it’s this constant cycle of guilt and sadness
To, mothers, daughters, women and girls.
Do not trust a man around any young girl. Not a 'boyfriend' and especially not a 'loving and trustworthy family member'.
This video does not only apply to older boyfriends, it applies to any man that wants to get close to a young girl.
He was my uncle. I am 17 and he is 50. Everybody called me mature, but a 17 year old can NEVER be mature enough for a 50 year old.
Even if she is "mature" and you believe wholeheartedly that she would come to you with anything. I didn't tell my mom. And my mom is the most kindhearted person you can find. I have an amazing relationship with her. But I didn't tell her, he made me believe I didn't have to. That there is nothing wrong, and that our secrets could stay between us. He manipulated and groomed me. He manipulated my parents aswell. He'd been planning for 2 years, making sure that he was my best friend. He made sure that i believed we had a 'connection' and that he "knew me like no one else did". That it didn't seem weird that he wanted to take me on a road trip for the day.
The farthest he came was touching my leg, without my consent. That was the most excruciating hour and a half of my life. I'd never been in any relationship before, so he was the first man to ever touch me. He felt like a father to me, so I believed that he would know right from wrong. But fathers don't touch their children in inappropriate places, then tell them that's the only way they can feel love and fill a dark hole inside them. Fathers don't tell their children that they love them in a way that they probably shouldn't. I'm incredibly lucky that I saw the signs early, and stopped him from doing anything else to me.
Before anything happened, I had watched this video 4 times, and I only saw the signs after he touched me. So even though it is incredibly important to educate young girls on the warning signs, as a young girl myself, im asking: as older and wiser women help young girls. Tell men off and warn other mothers if anything looks even remotely wrong or suspicious. Please protect us when we are not able to protect ourselves.
If you see a man hug a girl, and the hug looks too long or too intimate, then it is. If he makes you uncomfortable, then what he is doing is wrong. If the relationship between him and a girl looks too close, or they look too comfortable with each other, then it probably is.
In a perfect world there probably could be a friendship between a man and a girl. He could have good intentions. But it's better to be wrong, and keep her safe, than it is for her to get hurt because you wanted to spare his ego or not hurt his feelings. A man has absolutely no business seeking friendship and compassion in a child.
Please look for the red flags and don't ignore your gut. Fear and doubt can be a very telling emotion.
This video is filled with truth and amazing insight. We should just remember to include any relationship that an adult man (or woman) has with a child, should be monitored and never be too close and personal.
agreed!
What is hard is to spot healthy from fake people (men or women) in general.
@@missstranger7697 age gap relationships being "healthy" is all just a facade
This came out at a perfect time. I have BPD and struggle with hypersexuality and thought the only way to get love was to use my body which led me being gr00med and r@p3d by a 23 yr old when I was 16. I saw this video right after his warrant was released. It was a struggle but I'm finally healing and treating myself so much better and I've set those boundaries and already trashed everyone who stepped over that line. Thank you for this
same here man
How do you enforce boundaries with BPD?? The problem is: I don't like boundaries 😳 I want total connection. Someone who has Sex with me without a condom very early and cum in me. If I feel like my dating partner doesn't want me COMPLETELY I'm triggered to run.😳
Also I like rape - because it feels like he must REALLY RALLY want me. I know it's BPD talking , but i can't help how I'm feeling
"the moment you set a boundary,,, if somebody doesn't respect that, they don't respect your humanity" I couldn't agree more with this video
They don't respect your boundary, that doesn't mean they disregard your humanity. Boundaries aren't universal, and no man wants to be the sucker for which those non- universal boundaries become law.
@@sophon238 pls be quiet
@@prieltheprune1302 no
“Mature for your age” is often times a gateway into abuse and pedophilic men. I was told that for the longest, and felt grown,sexy, and independent at 13. As i get older, and remember some of the interactions i’ve had with older men….It hurts to realize just how much a person can be taken advantage of without the right guidance or caring people.
The comments have said this already, but oftentimes the “mature” ones have gone through the most trauma.
Adultification at a young age go hand and hand with sexual abuse.
It's so true.
I remember I would get messages from random older men almost every day and i used to think that "this is how internet works". Then when I turned 18 (and my social media profiles would say so), the random creepy men disappeared.
That led me to an obvious conclusion, that they target the underagged ones.
Lmaoooo . Sounds like my old high school
@@ari_jean That Would Piss Me Off If Girls Harassed Me My Whole Childhood And Then When I'm Finally Old Enough To Be On Me Feet They Fuck Off WHAT!
@@rubyruby7573 I’m sure there are tons of creepy old women out there for you lol
And when they change the law then what🤣
I’m a 24 year old talking to a 35 years old. I think about the boundaries I let cross bc I was the chill girl. Now that I’m trying to have a serious conversation , he’s nowhere to be found.
@Bal Rex super YOUNG? 11 years older wdym young??
I was always so self aware of myself, how I act around people, how I walk, how I talk and everything. I thought I was somewhat weird for doing that because once I told that to my boyfriend (now ex) and he just straight up laughed at me like I just said the most random stuff. So it was so freeing to hear someone that went thru the same thing, even if it's not the whole point of the video, thank you for that.
Me too, I'm similar
P lol
Same, sometimes I wish I was oblivious to it all.
Feel like this was a sign for me. I've been talking to this guy who's 40 and I'm 21. I love how he always tells me I'm so mature for my age, but taking a step back I wonder why he isn't pursuing someone closer to his age. Feels weird now.
Listen to your intuition, telling you you're mature is part of the grooming trap
That’s a red flag. The “you’re so mature for your age” is bs.
I hate to make generalizations, but I’ve been there before. These types of men never care as much as they say they do, and something about them is always a little off, which is why women their own age see through them. I imagined myself when I’m 40, then I realized I’d never go for that kind of guy! So why am I doing it now?
We haven't even learned anything yet & still finding ourseleves ! Wtf does a 40 yr old man want out of us beside SEX 🤷🏽♀️
run
Say it louder sis!!!!!!! Men love young girls because they can control them much easier than they would control a grown woman. Loved it!!!
Once you turn 25 apparently women will hit the wall and they’re no longer desirable 😂😆that’s what these old sagging balls are teaching one another online
@What Ever You don't have the right to control someone who can think and live for themselves. Women can choose to submit but that is where it ends.
And yet 30 and 40 yo women complain of being in controlling relationships as well. So that’s just not true
it is about fertility men are attracted to women who can have babies it is biological even if the guy isn't looking for kids
@@Dhuxul9 I know 2 young women who couldn't carry pregnancies and there are many stories out there,in this life you cannot predict anything,but also i can agree that a man having control is not always a bad thing.
As a 50 year old woman... I find it just beautiful that the younger sisters are waking up. Bravo to Monica for presenting such an awesome and informative video. My generation needed this back then. We really thought or were made to believe that boys our age were too dumb and immature and that being with an older man was a sign of maturity for us. I was 16 talking to a 22 yo. Thank God he never took advantage of me. We never dated, but we talked a lot on the phone. We didn't have sex until I was in my twenties. He was a total gentleman. But looking back, I had no business talking to this man.
I'm only 22 and recently when I'm walking into shops and I'm being served by 16-18 year olds I'm like "omg these are babies, I'm being served by children" and it makes me so angry that I looked like that to adults and theyd still be verbally abusive and threatening when things didn't go their way back when I worked in the service industry.
I'd never behave like that to anyone but especially not to someone who's obviously so much younger.
GIRL YES TO WHOLE Video! Lol older men are super creeps! Me personally, I turned 30 last month but I am mistaken for 21-23 because I look young and when 30/40 year old men talk to me they love me! And as soon as I tell them my age after the fact, their whole demeanor changes when they realize I’m not naive and it’s weird af. Protect yourselves ladies! Men will try to talk you out of your boundaries for their own gain every time!
god that’s so fucking gross, why are men like this??
@@kaepiper what's the benefit of not being like this?
@@avoidantbehavior u don't traumatize people weirdo
@@notifsforcommentsoffarguew7419 yeah, I can't say that provides any convincing reason for changing the behavior.
lol. this is why you guys should watch the male perspectives. Most often it has nothing to do with you being naive. Scientifically, men find women around 23, to be the most attractive. there are actual studies on this. and the disinterest of hearing that you're 30 has more to do with kids and communication than naive.
Im 27 and i never realize how young 17 is. When i was 17 i thought i was grown now that I'm 27 and i see these 17 year old I'm like that your so young.
I know and we need to reiterate to them how young they are bc a lot of them are being told "you're grown now" when they're not and its dangerous.
As a someone who had romantic/sexual relationship with older guys I gonna say they really can't handle it when you show yourself as a person with borders. Not all of them but one definite type who wants to educate you how to treat men perfectly.
I actually am a guy that did pursue a relationship with a girl who was 20 when I was 31. We were coworkers and just started hanging out, literally being friends and hanging out when I got my new cat and then she'd come over to my place when her parents moved out of state and she was living with her grandparents. Eventually we started talking about "what is this?" and starting saying to each other "we are dating" etc. It went slow, I told her "I was interested in trying this" and this and that- we were having some fun etc.
I felt super uncomfortable about it, no matter how I much I had fun going for a walk, getting lunch and watching a movie with her- I still felt like "I have concrete idea settling of who I am and want in a relationship... does she?" We had so many shared interests like painting and watching stupid shit or anime bullshit- so I told myself there are exceptions to things that felt weird. We paid 50/50 for everything, I never told her to do anything or demanded she hang out. I didn't realize that I think, whether I intended or not, I was making her grow up faster than I did when I was 20.
I knew it was coming to a head, quickly, when I knew we'd be getting to more PDA and sex. We talked candidly about things, but no matter how I tried to hide it, when I talked to my therapist, I was really dreading having a sexual relationship with her, and how that would affect her, when I had my first relationship with someone my age. On top of that, she was feeling weird about staying in state and not following her family to be with her friends and for school- it all fell apart when she just talked about how she was getting depressed and thinking she was trying to hide some of that by just starting a relationship to hide the feelings. On top of my own uncomfortable feelings, she approached me with ending us "dating" and we did still hang out, but we didn't hang out at my place again iirc. Eventually she moved out to the same state as her parents. We still talk and I consider her a friend, still, and I believe she does too. Though we don't talk/chat, share dumb shit or our art etc nearly as often as we did before.
I guess this got out of hand, but I loved that this really made me think about how I talked about this with my therapist, and thinking about my own intentions and that ultimately, I think I was just really lonely from not having dating for awhile, and not having anyone over at my apartment for awhile. It's like, when I think about it, it's like even if I may have gone through a "healthier" variation of dating someone much younger- it's not like it was really gonna work out in an emotionally healthy way- more for her, but not even for me.
I hadn't seen anything by you before, but this was a very good video to make me self reflect about that all of this again.
Beta
@@JS-it3dx "patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for nuclear winter 🗿"
NPC shit, bro
I’m so immensely grateful I saw this video at 15 and not at 25
Unfortunately I’m just now seeing it at 31. But not for the older men part but the part of always going with the flow and denying my needs. And now I’ve already uprooted my whole relationship and idk who I am or what I actually need.
I'm 25, and I so wish that I had seen this at 15
teleophile children are still going to want to chase those adults though
Be safe!! Everything went horribly for me at 15 in regards to older men
"If you don't like it, don't have a kid"..."they just learned how to not speak, and that's a bad thing". WOW. Children deserve to be listened to, appreciated, cared for, and understood, and I feel like so many of us lacked that from guardians growing up; it's truly detrimental to our mental states and beyond unfortunate. I try to be more mindful and attentive when interacting with young people now, because everyone just wants to feel heard and like they matter. Thank you for this.
Western women dont have kids either way lol
EXACTLY WHAT I WAS SAYING. THATS HOW A CHILD LACKS LOVE. AND PEOPLE CONSTANTLY LOVE TO MOCK KIDS BECAUSE OF THEIR AGE.
Agreed. 💯
@@leptune ??
@@soulmateofseulgi too many western women dont have kids
Im a man and i find myself relating to this concept. I've always had long blonde hair and a pretty gnarly jaw line. As a result, i got looked at a ton. i was considered the "pretty boy" of the group (despite having low self esteem due to my height). People always seemed to think i was gonna do something big with my life just because of how i looked. My moms friend randomly asked across the dinner table at a family gathering, "so when are you gonna be famous?!?!" and she started dying laughing. Older women were constantly touching my hair, saying they wish they could have it, and how i'm, "gonna be a lady killer!" I don't know how this effected my psych, but it definitely isnt a good thing to have adults telling you that at a young age lol youre basically calling a minor hot.... and when has that EVER been okay? hahaha weird
Same problems it doesn't seem like its a big deal but I'm 18 and since I was 14 I have been sexually assaulted and violated by a lot of girls my age and women older than me when I was in high school I was voted most likely to be famous or a millionaire which is a complete joke if you knew what I felt on the inside. .. I am super insecure all the time and never go outside except for occasional walks when I need to see the sun to smile. I feel like I am a walking brain that controls the shell which is my body and need to find my personality.
Had a lady full grab my butt when I was like 11 in a store with her boy friend. She said I'm gonna be trouble when I grow up. I jumped and just stared at her with utter confusion. Years later noticed she was just perving on me.
Thank you for sharing, I think it’s obvious that the majority of the time it’s men preying on girls but your experience is literally the exact same and I feel like it’s almost worse for guys because it’s not as common or spoken about. I don’t have any advice, just wanted to say thanks for speaking up, it helps other more than we realize.
toxic masculinity perpetuates the idea that men are the sexual predators and women are their “prey”, whose sexuality is devoid of its own will and more akin to a simple state of fear or submission. In reality, women have their own fully fledged sexualities which can also be perverted and predatory. Toxic masculinity harms us both!
Your guys' feelings are valid. Although men quite frequently do this to younger girls and think they 'owe' them their bodies, young boys also go through this and like the other person said, it's really sad that no one takes it seriously just because it's happening to a boy. Respect ANYONE'S body, and don't touch or talk about them like they're an object or disregarding their feelings
I’m 23 and I feel so good realizing I am letting go of self consciousness, self doubt, and just the actual HATE I felt toward myself. It’s so amazing and freeing and I feel myself getting closer and closer to becoming the powerful woman I am meant to be. A lot of it does come from knowledge. Constantly learning from life and being able to look within so you can take steps to change what isn’t working. We owe it to ourselves and to the women that will come after 💛💛💛
Watched this entire video. As an 18yr old I’m glad I saw this now and not 10 years down the line. What you’re doing is saving girls and opening the eyes of a generation. Thank you
im so glad! please tell your friends too!
You will be dating a 30 year old this year
I’m 18 as well and this video was very enlightening for me
@@GoddessSirenade I'm also 18 and I have just been going through some weird stuff with a 27 year old man I met at mental hospital. When I visited him, he would go from me leaning onto his shoulder on public transit because I was tired since I got up very early to meet him, to immediately guiding me into his bedroom and closing the door behind him. I just freezed until he finally asked a question whether he can continue, that's when I broke free (and had to take anti-nausea meds...)
Now we have continued as just friends because he wouldn't be in a long-distance relationship with me and I wasn't ok with casual sex due to my trauma and body issues. He has clearly not been putting in the same effort as I did and while he promised to check in on me yesterday as I have been doing very badly lately, he instead spent the whole weekend fucking his new date. I am so angry I let him do this to me and destroy my self-esteem so much.
@@nibu3812 ah this one hit like a punch to the stomach. as someone who’s “weird stuff” also led me to take a “stabilization period” at 18 all I can say is it’s time to step back. You’re in bad place temporarily. If someone is going to take advantage of that, fucking bounce dude. If hes already shown you who he is and you can see for yourself the lack of genuine care and support he “promised”, you’ve got to believe it and act on it. If he was upset that you weren’t okay with being pressured into casual sex, make it clear that you’re upset with him being a loser who is trying to pressure someone at their most vulnerable. Don’t bend and have sex with him thinking it’ll bring things to a good place, don’t feed into his ego by getting upset, don’t become dependent on him for emotional support, and move on. It’ll be better in the long road for your overall recovery and self esteem. Trust, it will feel so good looking back a few years, hell maybe even a few months, and seeing how well you handled yourself and cared for your well-being in small crucial ways. Wishing you strength, stability, and satisfaction in all things 💕
I was 13-16 sleeping with 30somethings. I would instantly decline when approached. But if they were persistent past my initial resistance, I would just give in. I had no tools for dealing with people who didn't accept my "no". (I was the good girl who didn't know how to operate outside the bounds of "polite".) That lack of tools combined with a gang rape which removed my sense of value, left me completely vulnerable. It didn't help that the very next morning after the gang rape, I went to school to discover that I was now "the school ho who let boys and grown men run a train". Apparently my rape was consensual because I didn't scream or fight or know what to do to protect myself while being surrounded by men in the dark and held down. That I missed all the social cues of impending danger because I'm on the spectrum. The very people who raped me were the ones coming back for more, and I let them becoming exactly what people wrongly accused me of already being. They would also refer me out to their friends who were unaware of the rape. To them I was just the cool girl who would let them do whatever. And the older men wanted to groom me and train me to be their sexual tool who could perform in all the ways that pleased them. A couple of them wanted to screw me and have diverse conversations. They liked that I could discuss a breadth of topics from music engineering to different myths and sciences.
So I was the cool girl for them. Down for whatever. I couldn't let myself process things any other way. In my mind, if I did it by choice then I wasn't being raped. If I did it by choice then I could forget about the fact that I wasn't able to fight or scream. If I did it by choice, I didn't have to report it and get questioned or put in another foster home and potentially taken from another family because I already went through that once after being molested at 5. My reputation was already ruined. My body already violated. As long as I could stay with my family and keep what happened from them, nothing else mattered.
I’m really sorry you went through this ❤️
@Padja Kaitungwa thank you. It's been a long time now. I turn 40 in just a couple weeks. But I never spoke about it when I was younger so now I bring it up from time to time when it seems to fit. I guess youtube is my free therapy.
I could just relate to this video. So many grown men do not care, and they come from all walks. The man who would take the shirt off his back to help anyone can still be the man who sleeps with a child. Their "goodness" is true and real. But their capacity for wrong is equally true and real. Humans are interesting creatures, right?
For some reason these men think that because a girl may mature and present herself as if she is ready that she is actually ready. And they let her deal with all the consequences.
That's just horrible. I hope you don't blame yourself in any way, despite the accusations flung at you. Maybe consider therapy if you really need to heal from the trauma. Take care of yourself.
My dear...Thank you for sharing your story. I was telling my daughter (17) something like what you've shared in your testimony. By God's grace my daughter is still a virgin. But naturally she likes boys/men. I was telling her that at the end of the day MOST men don't give a Damn about her or her body. I told her that once they "have you" (either the "m" word or "r" word to you ignorantly went down that road), it doesn't matter. It's like you have been "Marked" and that energy will follow you wherever you go and these men know it! It's just not worth it young ladies. Save yourself and your body for YOU. Wait til marriage. These men know that many women don't know better and they use what you don't know against you to THEIR advantage.
You sound so incredibly resilient. I have no words to express how deeply I empathize with you. I've known women and girls close to me that have experienced sexual abuse from male family members and I try my hardest to just be there for them emotionally and to give them a safe space to be comfortably vulnerable. I just feel like I couldn't do it. If it were me, I feel like I would have ended my life or ended up on drugs trying to desperately cope. I don't think I'm strong enough to be able to live with that. I can't even begin to imagine how deeply unworthy, depressed and alone or even suicidal you may have felt. I'm such a soft hearted person. It's incredibly unfair that they can just ruin a child's life, and then get to just walk away without any consequences. Those men have to pay for the damage that they caused, for the damage that they've caused to society. I hope they're miserable and in pain and that you are somewhere safe and thriving. Gang rape is litterally my worst nightmare times 5. I've had nightmares about it that felt real and everytime I woke up I felt like crawling out of my own skin. Your story reminds me of Kathy Dobby's story, she wrote a book about her experiences with sexual exploits with much older men when she was a teen girl back in the 70's. It's called, The only girl in the car. Ot really touched my heart. Her story was so inspirational to me. How someone could have so much strength to live through, and even prosper after such a degrading and traumatizing experience. You're really brave for sharing your story. People who shame victims are no better than the perpetrator in my eyes. I hope you know that you are loved and that you are worthy. We need to be hypervigilant when it comes to children and teens. No one deserves to have this happen to them.
This video is so poetic and rings true for all women.
I'm lucky enough to never have been catcalled before, but I know that is because my father trained me to, from a young age, be aware of my surroundings and of myself. I definitely have that inner person, male or female, judging me and making sure that I am hypervigilant, more so than some of my female friends. I am not physically strong, so I wear dark colors, baggy clothes, and layers to seem undesirable, which achieves the desired effect of not being looked at by men. As a young adult, I struggle with self-expression because of this need to protect myself. I'm still working though it.
I always feel a pang in my heart when I see someone dress similar to me because I can empathize with her. It feels taboo to talk to other women about this issue, and I know I would appreciate a vulnerable conversation. To everyone who struggles with the same problem, you're not alone.
I'm so glad you came on here and expressed this. Whenever I say this, I ALWAYS get people telling me, " it's legal so mind your business there' nothing u can do about it".
LEGAL doesn't mean it's RIGHT
Don't just rely on wat the law says is right and wrong. Evaluate your morals, because LOTS of crap that was legal is not okay.
It's kindof of drastic example but I would mention how slavery used to be legal, but it most definitely was not okay. Your morals should be at a higher standard than the bare minimum of what the law says
I'm 18 and seeing a guy who's 28. this opened my eyes THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH FOR PUTTING MY FEELINGS INTO WORDS THANK YOU this is the best video I've ever watched
That was me at 18. Home deada$$ lied and said he was 24. Uuuf
I'm 29 and a woman. Trust me he has no business dating a 18 year old
Good. He only wanted to screw you. These guys are soo gross
@@ED-ie3et 24 was okay with you fresh out of high school? 😂
Seeing some of these comments just makes me realize women really are not good judges of character or good at decision making in general. This is just sad.
"Women have been socialized to perform" YES! That's why when we are too emotionally raw, we are told we are "acting hysterical"
What fantasy world do you live in where people shouldn't be expected to perform!? Do you really think men aren't expected to? This comment section is filled with delusional 40+ year old women, young ignorant girls, and all manner of random men many white knights. Grow up
@@FirstLast-gk6lg Hmm, and you are watching her video with us BECAUSE...?
@@MG123abc1 just a poor recommendation from TH-cam. Pushing feminist nonsense
Emotional rawness is by choice
Facts women are starting to wake up!!
i hate being called bitchy for having an opinion , feelings or wants that are both reasonable and my right and any womens right to speak there mind and speak for themselves without violent consequences
What is your opinion about me? I am a 22 year old guy who never had a girlfriend before, never kissed or hugged a girl in real life. I feel FOMO all the time. I use dating apps but zero lucks so far so I message girls on Instagram who were in the same school as me and are 18-23 year olds(mostly 19-22) now. I do wanna ask out 2 of these girls. One is my childhood friend who is 21 turning 22 after several months and another one is 19 turning 20 in August. Unfortunately the one who is my childhood friend(the 21-22 year old) isn’t that active on Instagram so we don’t chat regularly and we haven’t met or talked in person since 2011 so Idk whether she would be comfortable. The other girl who is 19-20 year old is really sweet and cute and she is single too but she has male friends especially a male bestie so I am worried a bit whether I would have any chance with her or not plus even though we were in the same school we never interacted in our school days and also we only have been chatting on Instagram for nearly a month so idk whether it would be a good idea to ask her out.
OF COURSE the negative comments here come from men!! Its so funny, if we all have been programmed, then the program of a man is a easy one to read.
exactly! PS no self-respecting woman would choose an older and richer man for an ideal type
@@Wealthismybirthright true!
I'm so tired of men looking at me but never truly seeing me, while I'm fighting like hell to see a semi-clear image of myself. I love this conversation x
I hear you. I felt the same way when I was younger. It gets better as long as you 'see' yourself is all that really matters afterall. Men really have no business defining you anyway. That's your job.
I understand, I always feel like men don't really get to know me and love me as a person, they only like the "girlfriend" role I play in their life. If you asked my ex about my favorite type of music, my opinions or my quirks, he probably wouldn't be able to answer.
@@beforethedawn2701 that's because he's been through too many THOTS to see you as anything special apart from the patterns he has been seeing all his life. You're just another stereotype to him. That's what sexual liberation does, it makes most people appear like copycats of each other. You truly have to be special for him to take interest
@@sophon238 Nope, we were each other's first relationship. But I was a shy, insecure teenager and he took advantage of that.
@@beforethedawn2701 had he dealt sexually with many other girls before you? Does he have a social media account? It's very easy in this day and age to spot similarities amongst women because the internet and social medias has dissolved the specialness of people as everyone seems the same or they seem like they fit into some archetype you've seen before. The game of love is now so transparent that there is very little adventure left. He already had you figured out before you dated. You're just another cog in the machine to him
shy girl and raised by strict catholics. A deadly combination. I relate so much
Oh man the afermath🤦♀️messed me up so much till this day
Purity culture and that made me relate as well...
Better than contracting STD's or getting used up by a ton of men
The Legacy of Gaming Hard to realize this for some men who never satisfied a woman sexually in their life but women enjoy sex. They can "use" men to get sexual pleasure as much as vice versa. And that's probably also a new one for you as you likely never have sex but: if you use condoms and make sure the dude took a shower before, you won't be contracting any STDs. Did you get abstinence only sex Ed or something? Your ignorance sure implies that.
@@thelegacyofgaming2928 Are you aware of the concept of contraception? You can get an STD by just being with one person, you can even be born with one without knowing.. Interesting right?
i’m 15 years old ( me virgo 🥰) this has rlly helped me bc lately i have been noticing guys are looking at me and girls around my age group and i have been extremely confused why they’re looking at us and looking at us like were objects and not humans . i’ve noticed once we speak up we’re being “ dramatic “ or our emotions aren’t our emotions “it’s bc you on youre period” and i’ve noticed how my girls in my age group are changing and understand why they’re changing . you’ve open my eyes and i really appreciate you and speaking the truth
They want to break you girls down, take your innocence and fuck up your life. It’s that simple. They know you all aren’t experienced in the world yet, so they can play little games to manipulate you into sex. There’s nasty predator men who prey on virgin girls to because “older women got miles on her 🐱”. It’s a misogynist way of thinking when me see you for sex but not as human. It’s disturbing and please don’t ever fall into the hands of an older male. Don’t do it. If you’re friends do it, don’t follow them. Warn them as well but we can only warn so much.
One time I was like a mid-teen and I was walking across the road and was wearing cycling shorts and a black top, some man obviously way older than me wolf whistled and catcalled across the road to me, and I was looking around wondering who he was doing it to, then my mum starts LAUGHING and says “I think that guy liked what he saw” god I never felt so violated and unsafe. Hearing those words from my own mum actually hurt more than the guy catcalling me :/
Ya it rly sucks. When I was sexually assaulted on the streets, my mum thought it would make me feel better by saying "try to forget about it. who knows? Maybe you'll laugh about this experience in the future"
A good man loves a woman with strong boundaries, firm principals, self respect, and self love. If he doesn't, he's not a good man and you can find one somewhere else.
Nobody cares about that stuff
Lies. If a woman likes you enough she will break her rules for you.
I will always remember talking to a male friend of mine. he and i were talking about a feeling you get as a child. You kinda feel like someone is spying on you. You may start acting in ways when alone just incase someone is watching so you dont embarrass yourself. As the discussion continued about this "invisible person" that is always spying on you, I made a statement about needing to look good for the invisible person or be sexy for them. even as a younger girl. I remember having the thoughts that i needed to be "desired" though not in the way i understood yet.
and it blew my friends mind. he had never considered that idea that "the person always watching you" is someone you have to please in THAT way...
and i specifically remember thinking of the outfit i was wearing and how i looked to everyone else while i hugged my brother and sister at the funeral.
@@heathershuler759 I shouldn't relate to this, but I do, and I think a lot of young women do.
I have felt and thought this exact thing
DAMN. That’s powerful.
I relate to this so hard. Even when I was 7 or 8 I would wear miniskirts just to wash my dad's car. I started wearing makeup in high school and it was only until the pandemic started that I stopped wearing a full face beat everyday. More young girls need to have someone they can talk about this stuff with.
28yo woman here who was in a predatory relationship from the age of 16 with a guy who was 22. You put into words what I've been feeling for years. Thank you.
people using "age is just a number" and "as long as they are between consensual adults" is proof that they are hypocrites who don't even know what they are talking about
@@Wealthismybirthright true!
@@Wealthismybirthright especially when fake "feminists" are fighting for "freedom of choice" but not "freedom of consequences" when defending age gap relationships
Where are you from?
Legit Kevin Samuels is convincing older men that younger women WANT these geezers.
Bc some want. If you like it or not.
I'm happy somebody said it
@@leptune no, they want your money. And after they’ve been used and drained, they go cry online and become red pillers and go their own way. Condemning all women for the actions of their preferences
@@SureYoureRight 🤣🤣🤣 Im literally one of these girls, funny you think you know better what I want. Also I asked my friends, they all admitted they find older guys attractive, even their parents age older guys, but they are just indimidated by them. And still one of them dates guy 2 years younger than herself. Yeah Im redpilled but I liked older guys before and after go cry 😱😭🤣
@@SureYoureRight men become red pilled from various experiences, not solely dating younger women lol
Yeah, as an 18-year-old right now... I needed this. Talking to a man who's 34, you slapped some sense into me.
Whoa! That’s a ReD FLAG! What’s wrong with him? Is his life together? Does he have a good career, has his own home, has his own car? What about his emotional & mental health? Does he have mental
Issues? Is he controlling, possessive or overly jealous?! Yes Gurl pay attention because that large of an age gap is extremely concerning. I hope he isn’t trying to mold you or manipulate you into being the woman he wants you to be 😬
Hope he already got some box
You’re troubled. Gtfo here.
Proud of you
@Sambriddhi DC I think it’s too naive to think that a 18 years old can outsmart someone 17 years older. I think being into “dating older men” is jot something a teenager can soundly choose to do.
Grown well adjusted women have boundaries (certain men don't like that). Girls haven't figured out their boundaries YET, so they are easier to manipulate. I'm a chill chic, but I still have boundaries. I'm 41, so I totally have gone through it. One thing that men press is as you get older you lose value. That's true in some point, but don't be scared, it gets rid of the riff raft and the dudes that no matter how rich or cute they are really aren't about nothing for you. So don't fall for that pressure. When you KNOW YOURSELF and LOVE YOURSELF it scares the narcissist and the abusers away.
Long Story time: When I was 17 I signed my contract for the Navy. The night before your branch representative will take you to a hotel and they will take you to MEPS the next morning. The night I was at the hotel I was getting dinner and I was so sad without my friends I was eating my little cheeseburger with fries and crying and this guy walked up to me and introduced himself. He was 26 and an Army Ranger. He asked if he could eat with me I was like sure in my mind I was like "Yay, someone to talk to and laugh with on this lonely night"; and he knew it! We went to his room and kept chatting and he asked if I had a boyfriend I said, "Nope". He was like a pretty girl like you, a cheerleader too?! So he was like, Well I would like to date you, can I be your boyfriend? I was so happy that an older man was interested it really did not dawn on me what was going on. I was like YEAH! So we started making out. It got too hot and heavy, so I went to my room. 20 min later I hear a knock a the door. It's him asking if I have a roommate. I said no. he walks in the room and he was like can I stay in here? That was odd to me and I was like, "uuuuuh sure" . There was no sex, but we were in bed with each other. I was like Wow an Army Ranger! He will stick up for me and he's so strong and worldly etc. Nah he was still a man child who was mentally unstable and was trained to kill. Thank God I spoke to his dad on the phone and he told me that he loves his son and I sounded lovely and young, but his son was not mentally right and it would be in my best interest to leave his son alone. I sure did. This man couldn't even pay his rent for his apartment. he got with my friend and had her pay his bills when I told him no. I'm 17! Why are you asking me to pay your bills. Then he wanted to marry me. Day 2 of knowing me wanted me to marry him! we were together for about a 1 month before I cut ties. Never thought of him again. I mean really 26 and 17. I realized it when I was 28 after I was done being a Sugar Baby, how messed up it was that older men were fine with me until I started speaking up and setting boundaries. They realized I wasn't that easy to control and they couldn't purchase my silence.
I am not jealous of seeing a 50 year old man with a 20 year old. I'm more concerned of his predatory nature and how he will use his money and world knowledge to manipulate or abuse the girl 30 years his junior and really make her feel bad for wanting her desires and goals., or wanting better treatment. What do you really have in common with a 50 year old man when your 20? Even if you are an old soul, and this is coming from an old soul. For me, I consider you a child until your 25. Because by then you should be able to rent a car on your own, smoke, drink and hopefully know your limits, you should have been paying actual bills for a while, possibly out of college depending on your major. You are 5 years away from 30. 21 you are new in the age of drinking legally. So mishaps from 21-24 might still happen and that's ok. 25 you are truly old enough to know better. It's important to advice young ladies that the Sugar Baby, Escort type lifestyle has been over glamorized and a lot of older men go that route to buy your obedience ( remember I made that mistake too). We have to teach our daughters better, so they don't fall in the same trap that we did.
Love this video it was wonderful to watch.
If she likes you she will break her rules for you. Remember that gentlemen.
I had a similar experience at the age of 15. He was 17 and he was a foreigner from Ireland. He was cute and handsome with glasses and I started making out with him, because I thought it wouldn't be a problem since both of us were teens. Until I realised he wanted to do it with me so I lied that I was pregnant to avoid sexual interaction. It was more of a romantic relationship. Our first kiss was in a sinema movie.
I also had a childhood friend very nice and sweet, but he was obsessed with social media and followers. I was grateful to have a male friend like him to talk with. I was nervous that people would think we were a couple, but no we were just friends. We were close of age, but I couldn't see him in a relationship with me. He honestly has options for himself and I made sure to tell him about this.
the chill girl being understanding thing is SO relatable. like, i have a hard time setting boundaries because i forgive people just so that they’ll continue to like me.
Ah yes. She finally remembered her TH-cam password
LMAOOOOO
😂
@Koriander Yander you're inviting more in by saging, it's demonic in and of itself
@@geneyave-jessico1214 sage is not demonic. native american’s use sage. it’s apart of their culture. don’t be disrespectful.
@@geneyave-jessico1214 need to rebuke them in jesus’ name ✨🙈
The reason why I never dated older men is because of my father. He constantly warned me about older men and the manipulation tactic they use on teenage girls. My father was a great father and a good husband so from early age I knew what I wanted in my partner and have created standards and boundaries.
That's amazing. He does sound like a great father. You're very lucky
In other words you father generalized and assumed that all older men must be masters of manipulation. Doesn't sound very evidence-based.
@@lonniesharpe9720 it worked for me though. Don't get offended lol
@@pa1154 Sometimes it is a good idea to expand your palate.
@@lonniesharpe9720 sometimes it's a good idea to shut up
i just turned 18 and starting working by myself and i’ve never experienced this amount of creepy old men being weird to me in such A SHORT TIME OF EVEN WORKING and i’ve always been too scared to stand up for myself but if you don’t NO ONE WILL!!
I totally get you. I started working on my summer break when I was 16 and I had a bunch of old men be weird to me as well...
@@yosute__ it’s literally sad that women have to go through it so much especially when we are literally just trying to work and make money
Is it still bad for a 21 or a 22 year old to date an 18 year old? I am 21 and really a girl who is 18 in my college and I will be turning 22 this December just 3 days before Christmas
As a now married 21 year old with 10 year age gap… I wish I could tell 18 year old me what I know now. My husband has explicitly said he went for me because I’d be easier to make happy and as I’ve grown I’ve been more difficult than he wanted. Difficult meaning actually holding boundaries.
I mean he's not wrong a lot of women are very difficult to please especially as they get older lol
@@supernice_auto yeah becaus we grow up. We don't stay 18 forever numbnuts. We're not a dog or pet you can throw a bone to once every week and just be infatuated with you for the bare minimum, we are human too.
@@supernice_auto Of course we HAVE to be difficult because life is demanding especially if there are kids. Flowers and pretty words aren't going to feed mouths. It's just logic yet man-childs want to ignore it and live in a forever young and irresponsible fantasy world. Where they sleep with women and that. is. it.
@@user-rx7uh9mg4f yes lets play the victim, typical western woman mentality LOL, thanks for proving my point
Wow that's very disturbing! It's not my job to tell you how to feel but honestly if i were you I'd look down on our past reconsider our relationship because I don't see a future with someone of this mentality