How to Stop Seeking Male Validation (Cassie, Euphoria)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ก.ย. 2022
- Validate yourself instead of waiting for others (men) to validate you. Stop concentrating on attracting men and look inwards to truly set yourself free and feel good. ❤️ 💕
💗 I do decentering men coaching! 💗 I have a programme that is specifically designed to help women stop obsessing over male validation. Email me & ask for details if you're interested in chatting to me ✨ - alessia.sutherberry@hotmail.co.uk
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Seeking for male validation, has damaged my life so much
Oh my gosh same babe, it is so so ingrained in us, to care about men fancying us. Have you read women don't owe you pretty:) x
I know
How?
Same
Same even my academic career
I always fall for any guy that’s nice to me I literally can’t stop
same
@@khantishahdear @samia I feel like it is due to a huge lack of self worth I too became the victim of this situation but not in the same way it signifies the lack of self love what I have realised
same and I still struggle from it
I stopped dressing sexy, I don’t post pictures to attract male validation, I don’t try to cross paths with a guy to be seen however there is still a battle between my mind and heart. In my heart I know the addictive feeling of being liked but also my mind knows that it’s wrong. I often feel guilty that I can’t be the woman of my dreams because of this.
Don't feel guilt, i think you should be proud , that you are councious about this feelings, and i think it's naturally that you have these desire to be liked. Your'e Just a human.
Have a nice Day❤
I’m glad women are helping each other out of this mental illness. This has got to be the most universally annoying behavior society has brought us over the last decade..
I was really struggling with this today. I realized all my little fake scenarios in my head were of situations where I received a ton of male attention, and looked a certain way, and acted a certain way. For me, it goes beyond looking aesthetically appealing to men, it also extends for example to having a job of a "cool girl", and having hobbies and skills that men find impressive (even if some of them I actually enjoy and am interested in). I am really hard on myself for feeling like this and thinking like this, but what you said, reinforcing that it is not our fault and we can only do our best, made me cry a bunch, because I feel like this topic is super taboo, and I haven't even ever talked about this with my closest friend. Honestly, only recently admitted it to me, because it really really bothers me.
This is so what happened with me n I wanna tell don't be so hard on yourself
A different perspective (from someone who did end up in a “cool girl” career with skills and hobbies that impress men (and women!): Trust your own desires. Be aware that an element of them may come from wanting to be “seen,” yes, maybe by men, and just reflect on it. Make sure that’s not the only reason you are doing something, and follow your heart. It’s a natural motivation and not always bad. The desires of our heart are there for a reason, and they are always our own. Even if it involves an element of wanting to be seen. Just make sure that’s never the only reason.
Getting compliments just based on your looks can be as demaging as being criticised based on your looks.
I'm 14 years old and I got a big "glow up" from puberty about a year and a half ago. I've been solely complimented for my looks ever since puberty hit and I constantly think that I have to sexualise myself in front of guys in my school. Including the ones I don't even like. I think that the only thing I can bring to the table are my good looks. I feel as though the only thing that guys will like about me are my looks. I'm too young to deal with these things and to objectify myself CONSTANTLY. And now that I want to stop I feel like I can't because I have expectations to meet. Every time I go to school the male gaze follows me around. It really takes a toll on my self esteem and I constantly doubt myself. Thank you so much for making this video and for blessing me with these tips❤
I'm sorry I took so long to reply Maria. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. ❤ After reading your comment I thought back to when I was at college going through very similar stuff to you (struggling with self doubt and lacking confidence). Repetativly being complimented for your looks can make you believe that your appearance is the most important thing about you. The thing that people care about, that if you don't always look 'good,' you're dispensable. You are wayyyy too young to deal with this. But honestly, I can tell you're strong and emotionally intelligent just by how you articulated this to me. I believe that you'll meet people that see you for the multifaceted human you are, and love you for what you have to say not what you look like. I want you to feel hopeful. 🥰A short while ago, I felt like I was only worthy of peoples time because of how I look. Now, I have people that value me for all the right reasons (for being a caring/interesting/kind friend). ❤I recommend reading The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. I think you'll find it very relatable. Please keep me updated along your journey. Lots of love Maria xxxxx❤🥰✨
Thank you so so much for telling me this ❤. I hope you know how much you're helping me. It's a new school year for me and I'm hoping to change this toxic mindset. I'm taking baby steps every day- like being more vulnerable around the people in my class and trying to act like my normal self around guys and girls :). I will read the book that you recommended!
@@maria-dr6zv Bless you. ❤❤❤❤ Small changes make a big difference in the long term, you've got this babe. 🥰 I love that you're being more vulnerable with people. Go you! Let me know what you think of the book. I'm half way through it ✨✨ xxx
@Ayush Anand That's fake lol. Stop basing it on your experience! MOST Men love good looking hot body women.
I know its so sad😔
I grew up in an all-girl catholic school, from kindergarten to year 12, so 13 years with no boys. I am SO glad for this; I never worried about impressing them or wanting them to like me because they were not there. I learnt to form really great female friendships in a spiritually nourishing environment where everyday we were reinforced with the message to love on another as Jesus loved you.
In the context of being male centered and male validated, the experience you are describing still has you and all of the girls at your school centering a male and validation from a man. It's deeper than you realize. The Catholic school is reinforcing patriarchy with a male figure at the helm of your entire world, environment, social order etc
Seeking more made me more broken
I have never been the serial dater type, but i recently discovered that i am a truly duffering from male validation. I think its important that we as women need to talk about this topic more. So thank you soo much got making this video and ending the stigma:))
💗💗💗💗💗
It filled my ego to the brim. I can't even date them either due to my lack of interest. The cycle would start again with an innocent lad
So well put. Not much empathy is given to girls or women who are conventionally attractive. Placing someone’s (a whole human beings’!) worth on their looks is so morally repugnant!! It so damaging to self esteem if you think you need to be something in someone else’s eyes in order to access your own brilliance. You don’t. That is the patriarchy talking and it effects everyone (men included obvs) in different ways.
This is a really lovely video. It really resonated with me when you said you felt embarrassed to need male validation, so many girls and women feel that way. I am so glad these conversations are being had.
Hey🥰❤ Thank you so much for sharing lovely, this makes me so so happy. You're so right. Sometimes it is comforting to know that other girls get it, that you're not alone. Although if I could click a button and stop other women from experiencing the embarrassment and shame I've felt, I totally would xxx
This conversations are so important to have, thank you for extended the convo:) xxxx
@@alessiasutherberry absolutely ☺
@@dreamsculptor11 ❤️❤️❤️
thank you! Im too young to be worrying of male validation 😭
Awh babe thank you💗💜 I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this shit. Know you’ve always got this TH-cam community by your side xxxx
Thank you so much for this video! First, I just wanted to say what a lovely presence you have. I really like the way you explain things and you are so articulate 😊. Second, I really needed to hear this and I appreciate you sharing this advice with people! I just got out of a long-term relationship and am on a mission to go through some self reflection and personal growth. I realized that for most of my life (probably since middle school) I've focused on romance and hoping that guys will like me, think I'm attractive, etc. When I wasn't in a relationship, getting into one felt like the biggest goal. I want to learn to enjoy life without romance and learn to live for myself, not for the validation of others! I try to ask myself every day if I do things (such as pick a certain outfit) because I want to or because I think that thing will make me more appealing to men. I feel like I'm getting to know myself all over again, and I'm very excited (and maybe a little bit scared?) about the journey! I'm looking forward to trying your tips for getting better at focusing on myself, and it was really helpful to hear someone explain this with concrete steps like starting passion projects and exploring self pleasure. Your ideas make a lot of sense, so I'm feeling optimistic 😃. Can't wait to watch your other videos!! ☺❤ Thank you so much again!!❤❤❤
Thank you for your incredibly kind words my lovely! You seem so nice! 💗🥰 It means a lot to hear that you found the video helpful. I'm glad the tips resonated with you, and I hope they continue to inspire you on your path. I'm posting a video on 'how to decenter men but still enjoy dating them' next Sunday. You might find it interesting! 💗💘
Thank you again for being so warm and lovely 💗 🥰🥰🥰
It's strange how I want attention from men I don't even like... I want them to call me pretty even when I don't like them because I feel so damn insecure!
I totally understand you my lovely. 💗 Are there any alternative ways that you can fill your cup up? Any activities you can do that will make you feel proud of yourself/confident? 🥰😘
@alessiasutherberry I think it affected me quite deeply when a guy said I wasn't pretty enough for him to date me...and he was negging me at the same time. As for activities, I do think it can only do so much because peers around me are getting into relationships and the constant message from people that u aren't in one (single) means u are lesser.
It really sucked when people around you share their relationship experiences, and u have none to talk about..
Hii thank you for this! I’ve been feeling so worthless bcus I havent ever gained attraction from men and I see all my friends get them, I get so insecure about it. I hate how I feel this I just hope I stop this obsession of male validation.
When I looked at your profile picture, you look absolutely stunning! I love your dewy skin and sweet-looking eyes! I’ve been there. I consider myself physically attractive, but didn’t get much male attention. It could be the energy that we’re putting out. The hard part is being okay with not always getting attention from men, but it’s possible to not care what men think. What’s more important is your inner beauty and how good you make yourself and others feel instead of looking for validation on looks because the high you get from the male gaze is fleeting and it’s tempting to want and seek more of that. You can also tap into your gifts and passion that have nothing to do with looks. That helped me forget about men completely. Every time I did that, men were more attracted to me because I wasn’t focused on getting their approval. By the time you attract men when you stop looking for it, it won’t have an impact on you because you at that point already feel good about yourself and enough as you are.
Im 16….why am I here wondering what a guy will like me to wear? Why do I shop with the idea of “what clothes will the guys in my class come up to me for?” “Okay, I’ve gotten complimented by a hot guy in this so let me do it again” like that’s it? I don’t have a big chest. I don’t have a big butt. I am skinny but not THAT skinny. I’m curly haired and pale. I have brown eyes. I’m Latina. I always feel like I’m too stupid or too dumb but also too ugly to be the pretty girl and too dumb to be the smart girl
same but im a black girl lol
I know you posted this a while. Hope all is well. I am glad you are becoming aware of this. And I certainly went through in my teen years. Once the awareness kicked in for me (though it happened at a much later age), I kinda try to work against it and do what I want, regardless of wondering what a guy would think. What you, I and many young girls and women go through is because we have been constantly conditioned to cater to the male gaze. "What men would like? What can draw them in?" I think it is part survival because for most part of recorded human history, men created and maintained a system where they are control things that vital to us, like food, water, and shelter. We as women, in living in such a system, do our best to secure that our needs are met and what we can to benefit from the system; men make the rules how we can cater to them best and change it up however they like. Kinda like how when we were kids and we made up our own games, we always had that one kid who will always change up the rules so they always win and the rest of us don't. Yeah, same principle applies. Guys will always change their preferences under their gaze, we as women worry how to keep up when in fact, we never will. Despite varying views on Feminism, it gives to the tools to be aware of certain things, question, and ultimately put the agency back where it should have always been. Yours. Mine. And any other girl and lady. Just my two cents.
This was so beautiful thank you, so happy I found your channel. your so genuine 💝
You really made me cry...its so hard to find someone who just understands everything inside my heart and brain.🖤lots of love
objectively speaking, I am not an ugly girl and do get some attention but damn I keep on craving for it so much that it is ruining my life. I really dk what to do
Love this video, so needed this ❤️
Awh I am so happy to hear that❤️ big hug 🤗😘
I am so glad to have found your channel. You address exactly what I suffer from at the moment. Seeking male validation is eating me up from the inside and I am so glad to have found a community that is aware of this societal issue. thank you for putting our problems into words, it feels so good to feel supported, heard, understood and not alone as a woman facing a man's world. Whenever I feel bad about this now I watch one of your videos and it instantly removes most of the weight in my chest. Thank you, please continue making these videos
I am so so happy to hear this, thank you for sharing your story lovely. Lots of love xx💘💘💘
So much needed thank you
Thank you babe just saw you subscribed🥰❤️. X
I'm 28 and still remember how weird it was at first having the make gase and how my self esteem instantly disappeared bcus it was all about what they thought. Still to this day, swear guys think I'm an air head. Gets tiring and honestly now, I'm so brutally honest. Remember girls, you have an opinion too. Also if you get into a controlling, toxic relationship, get out, I won't get better, just worse. Self love everyone ❤ have a lovely day everyone
I love this! Thank you
Aw thank you for the lovely comment🥰
Wow you are so articulate thank you so much for this video! I really needed to here this right now
Aw so nice of you to say. Thank you for reaching out and being so lovely!! 💕💕
This helped a lot thank you alessia
You are more than welcome!!!!!
Thank you so much for this. Your soul is truly stunning.
Thank you for being so lovely. Sending a big hug your way xx🫶
Thank you for such a wonderful video ❤️👏🏻
You are more then welcome my love 🥰❤️
I always get attention from guys i actually never cared about it but nowadays it feels like attention should be on me always im not doing extra stuff but i feel like that and i feel good that i realised
Sounds like you are very self aware. ❤️
I loved this video, this is such an important topic that we need to talk about more! Keep up ❤️
Hey lovely ! Thank you so so so much. I agree, I wish we talked about this stuff more openly day to day. ❤️❤️❤️ I really think women would benefit from talking about this stuff without any judgment. Xxxxxxx
This video was very inspiring and I’m going to start creating TikToks and TH-cam videos
Amazing Lessie 💖💖
Thank you gorgeous girl x
You are so beautiful and calming ✨ Your feminine energy🧡
Awh thank you so much darling. Lots of love 🥰❤️😘
omg as a teeenager girl i love this video and the way is set up the reading the font the learning i made in this video is amazing please make more vids talking about male validation since is a thing that i deal with a lot and still trying to work on.
Hey Vanessa, I'm so so glad you liked the video 🥰❤ I will 100% make more videos like this, getting on it now☺✨ xxxx
I think your channel is really nice and unique. I think it is inspiring. I am having a bad night currently but I hope you have a good upcoming week.
awh thank you so so so much lovely ❤❤❤❤ I hope the next week is better for you xxxxx Sending a big hug your way xxx
New favorite TH-camr ❤️
You’ve made my week with this comment🥰 thank you so much ❤️❤️
New sub…loving your content. 💕💫
Oh my gosh hello! Thanks so so so much 🥰❤️ 🥰❤️
Thank you! I love the delivery and editing of this video a lot! I struggle so much with this fear of not feeling worthy if men don’t pay attention to me. I am still young (turned 26) but I already worry so much about getting older and being unworthy in other peoples eyes. I am quite literally obsessed with the fear of aging unfortunately. How do you deal with it? So many people justify why men find younger women attractive with biology and I think this is messing with my selfesteem issues so much. I literally used to get so much attention just 2-3 years ago and it’s very hard not to indentify with it.
Aw thank you so so much for commenting babe. ❤❤ I'm sorry you're going through this anxiety related to ageing. That must be difficult. To be honest now I think about it, it scares me a bit too. One thought that comforts me - as I age, as I get wrinkly and I become 'less attractive,' I'm more likely to attract people that honestly care about me, who treasure my personality. Maybe getting older means fostering stronger more meaningful friendships is a little easier? Ageing is associated with becoming less attractive, but it is a totally unfair notion, a stupid societal/cultural opinion. It helps companies sell more shit. Like anti ageing creams. It's all to make money. I don't know if that helps in anyway, sometimes getting angry can help you step away from feeling 'not enough.' Sending a big hug your way xxxxxx
Really good topic 🌅
Sending a big hug your way xx🫶
I have a slightly different problem but caused by the same cultural brainwashing. Growing up I was mainly praised for being smart, funny and articulated but that also meant I was put in the 'ugly box' through all my teen years and that message was reinforced with bullying . As a young adult I found myself fighting to get 'reclassified' as pretty and thus becoming really fixated on male attention. I realise these categories are damaging to everyone and limit how most young women see themselves, robbing us of the awareness to all our dimensions and blinding us to all of our complexity and talents. Something that has helped tremendously is to have honest conversations with other women. Often our own self image is really biased because of the conditioning and the trauma so we only see a fragmented part of ourselves while other people come at it from a different angle, with more perspective and thus they can see the whole of who we are. I know talking to friends and realising they were struggling with this too even when to me it was so clear they were brilliant and talented and witty and funny and smart and badass made me put things into perspective and I know telling them how I honestly perceived them helped them too. So yeah we should have support groups where we help each other see ourselves under a better light and with more kindness and compassion.
it is great, thank you😊
🥰🥰🥰
I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but you are so so beautiful inside and out. Your energy is radiant ❤ I love your whole channel
Aw thank you for commenting lovely 🥰💗❤️
I can’t thank you enough for this video. it’s really everything i needed to hear right now
Aw bless you. Thank you for reaching out lovely. Sending a hug your way xx ❤❤
@@alessiasutherberry thanks so much dear much love 💗xx
@@Aellaily 💗
This is good advice
Thank you so much Linda 😊💜💜
I feel very guilty and dirty
No:( I'm sorry lovely. Have you read Women Don't Owe you Pretty? It might help:) xxx
❤you are incredibly smart
Best compliment ever, thank you lovely x🥰
You are beautiful. You shared nice videos.
Thank you so much❤️❤️❤️ your kind words me the world ! Xxxxxxx
I did not have much attention growing up in school until from last year when I was in 10th grade and the new sem started , I started getting a lot of compliments and flirts from different boys. Initially I was little out of zone as to why was this happening but later it actually felt good that I was getting some form of validation. I started applying makeup before school just to kind of get attention . I am realising that this is not the only thing I have to offer . I can dance , sing , my extreme love for pets make me seem kind( although I look intimidating cuz I have a resting bitch face ;) ) and I get good grades, but still deep down I sometimes feel like I have to act or be a certain way to grab a male attention.but the question is what do I do when I'm in class there I can't spend time with my passion and I'll have my mind flickering around the thoughts of validation. Btw thanks a lot for this video .I LOVE YOU SO MUCH💗💗💗💗
Hey lovely, thank you so much for sharing your experience. You've clearly got so much going for you, so many talents, which is so exciting. People will try and simplify you, reduce you down to your looks, but you're a very complicated interesting girl. That is clear. ❤ I'm so glad you shared this with me, I feel honoured. ❤ In regards to your question, refocusing on something in the classroom that isn't a boy could help, maybe do a 30 second focus on your pencil case, any inanimate object, observe all the colours, shapes, little details. Perhaps do some deep breaths at the same time. I find this really calms me down, and I find when you feel watched (when boys are checking you out) your adrenaline sky rockets and that's what makes it so hard to focus on working. Let me know if this helps you babe. xx🥰 I love you so much too! x
@@alessiasutherberry thank you so much for replying. You are the prettiest and so much humble too . I'm really thankful that a complete stranger from across the globe supports me . Your advice clearly works , I ve gotten so much more focused now and I'm working on myself .I love you💗💗🥺
@@koena338 You've made my day with this comment. 🥰 Thank you for being so kind. I'm really glad TH-cam has brought us together! x
@@koena338 lots of love xxxx
You should have more views! Amazing video
That is so so kind of you Lia - I love your name btw 💚💚💚 xxxz
Omg yes exactly i just came across this video, watched it and then I realized how little views it got you deserve way moooore keep going
@@saralaskaselflove this has made my entire weekend💜💜💜 thank you:) I will keep making videos for sure🥰 x
Where is your necklace from? It’s stunning
Wow I clicked so fast
I badly need the affirmation please
It always happens with me whenever a guy compliments me or just more guys looks at me in nice way i feel like most beautiful girl and it makes me way too happy and i just forget my own existence that why im here what are my goals etc and when they doesn't i feel like im not worthy enough and why im like this and i constantly try to put myself in those beauty standards but no not more ive my dreams to fullfill ladies just ask yourself a one question everytime a guy looks at you what does that even mean what exactly nothing right just do your stuff don't give a shit about that
Stop falling for the hype of what men say they are and start seeing what they really are. For example they are the kind of people who, at 50, stereotypically, leave amazingly intelligent, accomplished women for 20 years old girls. How would the approval of people who think like that have any weight? Is it a good thing if someone who thinks like that likes you?
Then it will come natural to give their approval the relevance it deserves.
So right, that's exactly, what I'm thinking all the time...Look at Leonardo di Caprio, Brad Pitt and and and....
I just lost a relationship with a great guy because I needed to much validation and when I didn’t get it from him I tried to find it in other places I hope I can get better and stop needing it so much, as a trans woman whose only been transitioning for a couple years male validation felt like what I needed to be seen as a woman but in true im so much more
That makes so much sense! Thank you for sharing with me so openly and honestly. I really want you to know you are not alone, you have this TH-cam community that appreciates you. We can feel valid and worthy as collective - as wonderful women on planet earth. ❤💘🥰💗 Sending you the biggest hug xxx
So you cheated. Great job.
Struggling with this within my own marriage - I know my husband loves me but he never says I look good or I’m pretty. We’ve been married like 2.5 months, I know other men like me but my husband just cannot pay me any compliments. It hurts because I have to act like a “pick me” and keep pointing out my outfit or physique in order to get so much as a nod of approval from him and it’s getting to the stage that I have body dysmorphia and think my body is awful even though I’m perceivably in great shape and toned according to others, if it’s not my husband saying it I can’t believe it.
It is really affecting me but he just isn’t getting it.
Don't let that get to you, he's probably a shy guy, if you want him to speak his mind about your looks maybe start complementing him first, that might encourage him. And remember if he didn't like you he wouldn't have got married to you in first place.
Yea you not obsess but u don't get the huge stress relief of your community treating you either. Perception definitely isnt just your mindset unless you
I am Just 15 why is this happening to me😭😭😭
Oh no lovely🥺❤️ what’s happening ? Sending you a big hug xxx
trust me I’m 15 to and I feel so sorry for the both of us the fact we’re even here shows how society has become
Where does this stem from? I’m prepping for having a daughter and we men aren’t taught too much about how women think and the psyche behind their decisions, would love an explanation behind the desire women have for male validation.
Male validation is where women value the opinions - especially praise and sexual attention - of men more than they respect their perspectives or those of other women or non-binary people. Male validation is specifically problematic for women because we live in a patriarchal society where more time, space, and value are given to men’s opinions.
This validation means women often end up placing more value on the opinions of men, seeing themselves and the world from a male perspective.
www.minkaguides.com/male-validation/ here's the article I got this from
You kind of look like Bella Hadid :)
That’s such a compliment 🥰 thank you gorgeous xxx
Omg...what is the background music???????
it's a track from the TH-cam audio library! I've actually forgotten what it's called... I will try and find it! You like it? xx
@@alessiasutherberry pls do!!
Haha not me crying (':
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Sending you all my love and strength
As a man I have to disagree with the solutions. I absolutely agree that women shouldn't do thinks for male validation. But it's not a women vs men thing, nobody should look to opposite sex for validation outside of family. The reason I had to disagree with the solutions is that you are making the mistake of thinking men and women are the same. most men rarely get validation from women. most men don't even get attention. most successful and attractive men do not have the options that an average girl has. most men want most women but most women only want few men. in terms of attraction.
If you, somewhere down the line, want marriage your husband should be the only male outside of your father be the one you get your male validation and your husband will do the same for his mother and you. and i understand it if you're healing currently or maybe you don't want to marry at all, completely understand it. but imagine if your husband did the same as you, imagine how cold that would be. no side cares about the others validation.
And if you want men to care more about your mind more than your body, i have to say you need to dress modestly. It's in our nature to focus on your body. we can NOT control it unfortunately. I wish we could but we just can't. so you meaning men should just stop doing that is not realistic.
maybe you're not read for that conversation yet. best luck.
Exactly. She’s showing off her boobs like for what? For self validation? She can just look at her breasts when she naked in her room and no one sees her or when she’s playing with her bf and he can validate her. But she shows it off for others to validate them 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
This is actually a based take. Good stuff mate.
"How to stop seeking male validation" while showing my boobs, bit of a contradiction there innit?
does showing boobs equal to seeking validation?
@@hirayashanang Depends on the context. Femen are not, but a female TH-camr with lots of make-up and boobs popping out of her dress is. Nothing wrong with wanting male attention, but lots of things wrong with needing validation.
@@patriciavasara1051 those are still similar wtf
You’re so slow
@@hirayashanangYes.
thank you i really needed to hear this! 🤎🤎🤎
Awh no thank you so much lovely ❤️❤️❤️❤️ xxxxxxx