Sexuality, Relationships & Boundaries // EP 7 - Pretty Lonesome
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 ส.ค. 2024
- in this episode I chat about sexuality, how overwhelming labels can feel, and setting boundaries in relationships
id love to hear what you guys want to chat about, I have a big mouth and a lot of free time on my hands
love you
Madeline x
![ว้าว!ลุงบีมแบกทองมารับขวัญหลานกันยกบ้าน [cc] แดนแพทตี้ SS2 | EP.49 |](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Osihq1OAs-4/mqdefault.jpg)
This podcast is about to shift the trajectory of my life
You're not even wrong
literally
honestly
REALLL
Bruh
Never stop making podcasts I’m begging you this is the most comforting thing I’ve ever listened to
We just want to know if she is dating central cee or not 😂
are they on Spotify???
@@petrakuncova3597 they have either broken up now or never got together 🫠
@@NotVivianASMR they’re still together
i agree and ive only just found out about her podcast omg
I'm 17 and I identify as bi but I have always struggled to either feel queer enough or feel understood enough. The way you described queerness and how fluid it is has helped me so much actually. This might be the most authentic talk about sexuality and all its colours I have ever heard and it brought me so much comfort, thank u Madeline ❤️
right!
I'm in the same position, and I absolutely agree
i’ve shifted between bi and fully queer my entire life and the way she talked about how you can never really be wrong about it actually almost brought me to tears
@@renadams8144 I'm with u all the way
@@gracedorsey5849 exactly 💕
yes to everything about labels not being wrong!!!! i identified as bi for years bc i genuinely was attracted to guys but a couple years ago i realized that attraction was gone and have identified as a lesbian ever since. i wasn’t wrong before, i genuinely had that attraction, until i didn’t. it’s okay for labels to change as we do
honestly hearing her bring that up really shifted my mindset. Because upon hearing that I never thought that way about it. I thought that my past labels were wrong and that in order to feel “queer enough” i’d have to have a label and put my self in some sort of box. It rlly takes all the weight off my back knowing that i don’t have to do that yk i can just be me without having to put a label or name on it.
you're bisexual not a lesbian and that's ok. bi erasure is awful.
@@lucygreene381 Sexuality is fluid for bisexuals. If you're going to argue gay men and lesbians can be changed I'm going to stop you right there and I'm not going to waste my time with a homophobic person.
I'm not dictating peoples sexual orientation I'm just pointing out reality. If someone said their 6 ft when they're 4ft you'd tell them they're not actually 6ft because that's reality.
Ur still bi. The bi cycle often gains and loses attraction sometimes for months, sometimes for years....
the amount of people trying to tell you you’re bisexual is insane…. lesbophobes get outta here. you’re a lesbian and you’re valid!! i had the exact same experience. i had been with boys my whole teenage life and i did like them but just not the same way every other girl did with their bfs, but until i got with my first girlfriend and she made me realise that i didn’t have to fake being in love, it was so life changing when i finally realised i was a lesbian
I've never heard her speak this slowly. Very good podcast, the part about labels made so much sense I couldn't relate more. Can't wait till next friday, hope you do this eternally.
she has that emma chamberlain type of making everyone confortable and also very relatable
mainly because she is good looking :p
@@shouperman1 ????? what a superficial comment
Please let’s do this every friday for the rest of our lives
you should definitely have people over, it doesn’t have to be influencers or whatever, I think having your sister or even friends over would be really entertaining if they’re into that!
Omg yes her and her sister would be interesting to listen to
would love to listen to her sister talk about her leg worm
you think it's a good idea they come over?
"I've never been so aware that I know nothing than in my 20's" Felt that 100%
You should definitely listen to "nothing new" ft. Pheobe bridgers
@@christinasalem7849 thanks for the recommendation, good song with a good message!
what you mentioned about being introduced as the “lesbian friend” resonated with me deeply. i’m not out yet so i personally haven’t had to deal with that but i know almost every single one of my friends (that are queer and out) have. It’s not only patronizing but extremely dehumanizing and it’s almsot always said by straight people!! I perceive it, honestly, as a form of homophobia weather the intention was good or not.
but truly i enjoyed this video sm, i deleted tiktok a while ago so seeing your video pop up in my feed was such a pleasent suprise.
im 17 and it’s taken me so long to realize it, and i still haven’t come to terms with it but i know, internally, that im queer. As you eluded to, there’s this almsot residual comfort or definitiveness that comes along with having a label. However , i have a lot of internalized homophobia i need to sort through and an intense fear of coming out even though i pretty much know im a lesbian or at the very least queer. It’s really just a matter of what that means for me specifically. i just really wish straight wasn’t viewed as the default.
Im sorry to rant but your thoughts are very profound and have sparked a lot internal reflection in me-also dating doesn’t interest me at all either!
all in all-truly, thank you so much
freshly 18 and navigating life at the moment and taking half an hour out to listen to you has been so fab, thank you for this madeline!! i beg you continue these
I love how she makes me feel in peace like her content and HER is just so comforting
she makes me feel so safeee
ong
I don't think anyone has ever described more perfectly how I feel about my sexuality the way you have
you literally lit up a light bulb in my brain with the whole sexuality thing please keep doing this omg
The sexuality convo was just explaining exactly what goes on in my head lmao
i feel like, as someone who did have an entire toxic on and off relationship with a girl for almost all of high school, i can say without a doubt that sapphic teen relationships are so hard to navigate through, almost to the point that it's almost a right of passage that everyone comes out of it with trauma. a lot of my other friends who are women and dated other women in high school have had similar experiences, whether they were in actual relationships or situationships. i think because we know we're heading into a relationship with a woman, our defenses are let down way too much (in comparison to dating men, who we've always been warned about whether it be from media, friends, or family) that we forget that we have to establish boundaries, just like any other relationship.
anyways, great first podcast! love the talking points and although i do heavily identify with my label as a lesbian, a lot of the points you made about labels and being young were incredibly relatable experiences!
No because... why is this me
yes, exactly
Holy shit dude you put it into words… because I’ve always trusted women more in relationships than men, and with women I’ve always been incredibly codependent. That literally explains why I have so much trauma regarding my queer relationships. Also I think people don’t talk about the fact that power dynamics can definitely exist in a queer relationship
i was tearing up for a second because when i came out, i put it off for at least a year because i felt the same way, i felt like i couldn't go back. so i came out as a lesbian, turned part it into my personality, and ignored every guy i might have found attractive, since at the time, i hated men so much i couldn't even imagine myself in a relationship with a guy. now, after some personal growth and a little less man-hatred, i've realized that i actually have a crush on a guy! it's crazy to me cause i've been so convinced for so long that i could never date a guy, but the one i like is so sweet and funny. it's just crazy and now i feel like i can't tell my friends, since i made being a man hating lesbian such a part of my personality.
Lesbian turned straight
@@yulyin It's not your fault, the last couple generations (those born around a couple decades before 2000) have been grievously messed with. All this wasn't a thing for those born earlier, so your confusion regarding self-identity is completely understandable.
lesbophobia. you view lesbians as man haters instead of women that are exclusively attracted to women. thanks for perpetuating the idea lesbians can be converted...you can walk away from perpetuating lesbophobia while lesbians have to deal with it
@@drifter72 Who is this comment in response to? And personally I believe Human sexuality is plastic enough that if you wanted, you could make someone attracted to monkeys and chimps. it's all about learned behavior and societal training, which is also why there are so many confused teens like the original commenter and the girl in the video who thought they were lesbian and aren't totally certain about their sexuality, when such was not an issue earlier.
From a purely evolutionary aspect, lesbianism is a defect that hampers the species' ability to reproduce, although it may titilate the male spouses in a harem setting ( as polygyny was the norm for most of human existence ) exclusivity without the male in the relationship is a wasted existence and coupling from an evolutionary sense. it's a waste of resources for the species since no new offspring are made.
@@glurppuffloid9796 yeah I'm not going to talk to someone that is preaching conversion therapy and bestiality. bye.
If you could see yourself being gay in certain situations...you need to do some soul searching my friend.
This podcast is absolutely what I needed please continue doing it, especially what you touched on, sexuality and boundaries, is something I have been recently thinking about constantly and it's really nice relating so much to someone you don't even know. Thanks!
madeline you are literally my comfort person, i love how you reflect on things and i find it very inspiring listening to you. please never stop doing podcasts and btw i'm in love with your voice it's so soothing
First episode and yet she already talked about so many relevant and important relatable topics with such eloquence with her words. I’m really so gonna be tuning in on this all the way. Keep up the good work!
You’re so articulate and easy to listen to , please make more of these they’re so comforting ❤️
this is genuinely the best repesentation of my thoughts on sexuality ive ever heard...
mummy i needed you to sit in a car and talk to us for 30 mins. i genuinely needed this. love you.
From first tiktoks in the car with a cardboard roof to a well produced podcast. I love the journey
the older i get, the younger i feel! i totally get that, i feel like when i was a teen, i was always very unsure of my sexuality and had to act a certain way to fit the label i thought i was. now that i'm 21, i feel more sure of what i want out of a relationship, even if i'm less sure now of what i want out of life. but maturing is helping me become a more go-with-the-flow, and i really think it's really refreshing hearing you come to terms with your own sexuality.
Oh my god I have never felt more comforted by a podcast. I've recently been SO astronomically confused over what labels I think 'fit' me, I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian right now, I haven't had a crush on a man in a very long time but i'm so scared of the backlash I could potentially receive, from strangers and friends and family, if I find out that I'm not a lesbian and I actually like men and i'm just unaware of it right now. It's terrifying the way some people react to changing labels, but like, we grow everyday and it's so unhealthy to pretend ever single person is going to stay in a specific sexuality and 'box' and ugh it's so so confusing and I wish labels could just be abolished and everyone could embrace change. Like people shouldn't be literally scared by the idea of labels and everything and it's just ugh horrible idk ://
what you said about sexuality i feel it so deeply and it describes so much ab the pressure we have to label ourselves and the struggles of queer women and the feeling of not wanting to conform to a label, you slay so much and i just understand everything you say lol 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
Love this. I’ll be joining you every Friday. Related to you on so many level. I say I’m pansexual because I don’t really care about gender when dating, but this is also not entirely true and there are nuances. I am okay with that. You should make a whole video about setting boundaries/keeping them in place with friends/family/romantic partners. Or, life lessons you would tell yourself at 19. Can’t wait to see more :)
the whole neutral colours, crisp mic and rain is a vibe!! i recently started makinhg podcasts too and its so fun. i'm excited for your journey and i wish you good luck x
Listening to this was like listening to someone else speak the thoughts that live in my head that I've never verbalised I feel so comforted and valid
this is epic!!! congrats maddy
Wait what
wait are you back
yo what, caspar??
since when was this a friendship ??? did i miss something
omg??
I can’t lie, it was jarring to hear someone really put into words your thoughts and emotions but it’s the only podcast I’ve ever sat through without getting bored 2 mins in. Maybe your next one could with a really good friend that you don’t really understand (idk how to describe it)
i'm so glad i found this podcast honestly, I've been feeling a lot of pressure lately trying to label myself and felt how my preferences shifted over time, it truly is overwhelming glad you talked about it and i love how genuine you are
this has fr shifted my mentality and it is so comforting to know other people share similar experiences as me.
Yk what I’m a straight male- single and who is also not yet in their 20s, so technically have not much to relate to in this but man that was just so interesting to listen to and learn about different people’s worlds and experiences. Some people I think just have a talent to talk about anything whilst naturally being able format it in an interesting way through taking out unnecessary bits, but keeping enough of them in that it feels like a personal conversation. Think that’s why I enjoyed it- it does just feel like a conversation.
IVE BEEN HOPING FOR THIS FOR SO LONG YOU JUST MADE MY WEEK
she’s about to hit 500k y’all this is so crazy
look how far we’ve came with our bestie
Bro I love this girl I swear. So humble and so FUCKING relatable
Humble? Girl be fr
@@sabrinamonroe1063 how is she not humble? She drives like a 1995 Citroen, tells relatable stories about struggling with money through uni etc. and has never bragged or showed off. Not sure what else you’d want tbh lol
@@emilymcginness123 yeah that’s the point. She is not famous, she has nothing to brag about. Ofc she’s humble she has no other option, that’s my point
@@sabrinamonroe1063 idk why I find this so funny . You don't have to have fame and flashy things to be humble . I know so many poor people that are NOT humble . Humility is considered a great quality, NO MATTER what you have . That's the point .....
@@sabrinamonroe1063 "she has nothing to brag about" so many insecure people would want to be her , and feel she has things to brag out . YOU don't find her to have things to brag about , doesn't mean she isn't humble ........
What you said about feeling young in your 20s, I think about that all the time! I feel so much younger now at 23 than I did at 17. I think it happens once you really start to realize what it means to take care of yourself. Also I love you, looking forward to more of these :)
this makes me feel better as a 17 year old who feels “old”
it think it’s because of the difference of being a big fish in a small pond vs a small fish in a big pond. You are old in the world of childhood, but then you are young in the world of adulthood
i am so glad this came up in my recommended, i literally was so stunned by her beauty that i gasped and hid my face like an idiot. then, boom, hit with her accent, gasped again. then, just her vocabulary in general, the way she expresses herself. . . UGH everything about her is so breathtaking
also, this is so relatable 😭
I think your boundaries are things that the other person, who’s hypothetically very interested in you, should be finding out by themselves too. I think that’s part of falling in love, you notice you’re with someone who understands/sees you, someone who’s paying attention to the little details. You’re both setting your boundaries together, mutual helping.
off topic but the rain in the window is such a vibe and this video is so so calming. also, i love how articulate you are
rewatching this because i can’t help but be obsessed with your podcasts. i love you and your content so much madeline
This is what we all need
You could talk about literally anything and you have my interest I can’t lie. Please make more
Your voice genuinely the most relaxing thing in the world holy heavens
This is literally exactly down the the details how I think. Thank you so much for this Madelyn you have no idea how much you’ve helped me heal
I’m 49. I came out 10 years ago as bi but I was from high school. I can tell you it wasn’t easy to go that many years married and in denial. I’m open to whoever asks, but it’s not easy
This is the most relatable thing to me ever I could actually cry
This video cured my soul, hydrated my body and calmed me more than a 50 minutes meditation
Thank you for talking about labels and sexuality. I've always struggled with it as a queer woman because I didn't like the stereotypes placed on me, or because I didn't feel represented by them. And sexuality is always changing so I never wanted to put a label on myself in the first place. I was just a human and didn't want to face more hatred. I was already going through it at home. Growing up I feel like we as queer people don't owe each other anything and it should be by choice. I feel more of a responsibility to myself, to find love and heal my trauma, than I do to fit into a box to make a fraction of an impact.
This was really fun to watch, absolutely feel free to get yourself a friend to talk to! Could you talk about what it’s like being queer and having really deep friendships with other women and how platonic and romantic feelings can crossover?
omfg you literally talked ab what was obsessively going through my mind these past weeks THANK YOU
this entire video was SOOOOO VALIDATING!!!!! oh my god. thank you youtube algorithm & thank you for putting out this video. i appreciate it so deeply.
I think a whole podcast on identity would be so good because I know me and a lot of young people online are dealing with these identity crises because of things like tiktok, aesthetics, tropes telling us who we should and shouldn't be
“maybe my resistance against this was just logic” LITERALLY BC U GET SOMEWHAT EMOTIONALLY MATURE MEN THATS SO SLAY
definitely have given up on the whole label sh!t i just screw and date who i want and when ppl ask what my sexuality is i just tell them i like ppl i find attractive and that’s the end of it the whole culture around labels on social media can b so toxic i just want no part of it
I recently came out of bisexual after being out as lesbian for 3 years and i cant explain how much my feelings resonate with this podcast, its help put my feelings into perspective and made everything feel less crazy, thank you
this podcast has been the best thing to happen to me literally this year, forever grateful for u madeliene💞
Please keep doing this as much as u can its lovely to just hear someone talk about their own experiences in the world
"Things can go wrong and I can still get up in this morning" once you embody this mindset it's a real game changer!
The part where you suggested to just sit back and observe at least until you know the person you’re dating is so true. I had to learn it the hard way but I hope someone takes this tip and applies it because it’s gold
girl i don’t even relate to this, but i love the insight on your life & how you’ve come to where you are!! i love this so much. keep doing them!!!
Her starting a podcast makes life so freakin better!!!!!!
“it might not have been accurate, but it was true” this is such a good viewpoint when looking at sexuality, but also lots of other stuff.
Please don't stop making a podcast, I love your voice & the way you talk! 💕💕
what you said about feeling like as you age you feel younger reminds me of the taylor swift lyric “How can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22?”
this was so comforting to watch
I relate so much to the part where you said having a specific label beyond “queer” just doesn’t feel like you. Being fluid in my sexuality, labeling myself as “bi” doesn’t always sit right with me. “Queer” and “fluid” feels more aligned with how I feel.
this was so nice it was actually the first time i heard someone describe their sexuality the same exact way i feel about my mine 🤝💗 this was very validating and cool
im only five minutes in and its been extremely validating and comforting to listen to your thoughts and feelings oh wow.
babe wake up madeline argy has a youtube channel
As a guy who's recently had a mutual breakup and didn't feel very strongly about their needs in a relationship until very recently, this podcast is incredibly refreshing. Learning a lot, will definitely watch more.
Please keep doing these podcasts! I absolutely love your TikToks and the second I saw this video pop up I was so excited. This feels so chill and definitely the kind of chat/thought-spewing conversation I wish more ppl had :)
I’m so happy your video came across my recommendations. It was an absolute blast to listen to you speak, I can’t wait for the next episode!
You took the words out of my mouth! i felt similar to you when “changing my label” and announcing it to people I was so scared that they would call me a “fraud”…
Queer is such a safe and authentic word to me about my sexuality, my gender and whole identity and I also feel really peaceful with that term when showing people “on paper” who you are
Also keep up the podcast if you like them because i thought this was super interesting and entertaining :)
Please please please continue this!!! This video was like a warm hug that my mental health needed! Thank you for this genuinely
ewww
I feel like someone’s explaining my brain to me in the upmost well spoken way, I’m deceased in relaxation.
I already know I’m gonna love this
would listen to literally anything for the whole day without interruption
this is literally the first time i've ever successfully listened to a full podcast. thank u madeline
I’m gonna cry you posted this on my birthday thanks slayer🗣😮💨😻‼️💯
i’ve been waiting for this
This video randomly came up on my youtube recommendation and i’m so glad I clicked it. I went through the same exact experience. I used to identify as a lesbian but up until a few months ago I started developing feelings for men again so I decided to go unlabeled. I now have a boyfriend but sometimes this weird feeling creeps into my head it’s almost like a guilt or disappointment that I am no longer who I thought I was. You get so comfortable with your first queer label that it’s almost heartbreaking to let go of. So many people in this community help you figure out your labels but forget to talk about the importance of change and how you can come to a different realization about your sexuality at any point in time and it feels like no one is there to help you if that happens. I still like women but I just like whoever I like in general, even though I’m currently with a man that doesn’t erase my lesbian experiences from the past. I used to also be called the lesbian friend. Right before I started liking men again, the word lesbian started to become very uncomfortable for me. I felt like I was lesbian first and human second. It was a very isolating experience and now that i’m not a lesbian my sexuality is not treated the same at all, nobody is as rude to me as they used to be with that label.
So even tho me or others are not identifying as something anymore, it
does not take away the experiences you had under that label, and that’s the most important lesson of all.
It's so nice to know I am not the only one who feels this way, everything you said, I have felt, I feel, WILL feel... thank you for sharing! This has been very helpful to me.
I gave up on the whole labels thing a few months ago because my sexuality is no one business. If I like someone and I can get the sense they are lgbt then I will go for it, if not I will keep it to myself. I wanna date sometime who I know them well enough to the point to know if they are lgbt or not. Giving people the power to have access to your labels is not the best thing and I found so much more peace learning to keep my sexuality private then having it out there and known.
agreed
Everything in this has been worded so perfectly, thank you
i love it cuz she talks waaay slower than what we are used to
“nothing is as deep as it seems when you’re 17” - as a 17 year old, i needed to hear that
love this girl! Legit a UK Emma Chamberlin! So rare now to have a person be so honest and real online
the fact that you’re in your car makes so much sense
i spent an hour last week talking to my therapist about being scared to change the label of my sexuality. this is such good timing
I hate all the labels. Labeling people is another way of segrating them. Just love who you love. Your person is your person.
I would love to hear more of your thoughts about sexuality! From what I’ve heard so far you have a really relatable (for me at least) perspective, but it would be really interesting to hear about how you realized you’re queer and kind of your whole journey of dealing with other peoples opinions about your sexuality. Love the pod!❤
Yay 🥹 I’m literally about to start my podcast too. I’m taking this as a sign. This is giving me extra extra motivation to finally release my first episode ☺️☺️☺️🙈
the car concept for me was hilarious and really smart! there's a lot of videos with people in the cars talking about their life but i think you make it cooler being more professional than in those videos
Thank you for talking about queerness; I think long form videos like this are healthy for the discussion around being queer and are great for sharing the experiences being queer to those who are yet to understand who they are. I found that your descriptions of your identity and experiences perfectly encapsulate and mirror being queer for many people, especially mine.
I agree that the huge number of labels can be great and help people find comfort in who they are but I also agree that labels can make people feel trapped; and I've found that in some areas of the community there can be some gatekeeping around labels. An example of this could be bisexual people being told they should use the pansexual label because they experience attraction to everyone. I am in this category; I experience attraction regardless of gender however prefer to use the label bisexual as I have used it before I understood my attraction past cisgender men and women. Videos like this help push people past the idea that labels are necessary, and I also love the word 'queer' as a descriptor for your experiences both as a way to avoid feeling trapped in a box but also as a way to not divulge too much information if you aren't comfortable sharing the intricate details of how you experience gender and sexuality.
I would also agree that queer women are shunned from talking about gender and sexuality; even when they are not shunned, tend to be taken less seriously. Trans men are treated by TERFs (Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists) as "lost sisters" and "women who are trying to escape misogyny" rather than men who are or have transitioned because the concept of "man" fits the way they perceive themselves and provides them comfort and joy. The concept of being a lesbian has so much fetishisation; when combined with the rigidity of labels and the feeling of being trapped it them, women who identify as lesbians who experiment with men or realise they have an attraction to men immediately have their identity and perception of themselves disregarded. This can go both ways though, as straight men who experiment with other men tend to be immediately and quite often for extended periods of time become "gay" in the eyes of other people.
I finally came to terms with my own sexuality after years of supressing it; constantly invalidating myself because my attraction to different genders could fluctuate on different days. It was the acceptance and the experiences of other bisexual people that helped me understand that it is normal and that I don't have to be attracted to everyone all the time to remain bisexual. I am now experiencing questioning of my gender identity and how it also fluctuates at different times for seeming no reason and up until recently stressed that I could be a trans woman before mere days later feeling extremely comfortable as a man. The idea that I don't need a label is comforting because it gives me time to experiment with my identity; I have a great group of friends that were extremely accepting of my feelings and were willing to help me experiment by using different pronouns and a different name and I trust that if I not longer want that to be the case they will quickly return to my old pronouns and name.
I can definitely understand the experiences of being a 'baby gay'. Whilst finding an accepting community for who you are is liberating, its very easy to fall into the trap of trying to once again conform to other people's unwritten standards out of fear of being cast out; its only a while or after discussions like these are had you may start to realise: "No, I am not this person, and while I share a community with them based on how we perceive ourselves in this regard, I do not have to walk and talk like them, because I can experience my sexuality and gender differently and that is the whole celebration of being queer."
The whole thing of entire friend groups discovering their queerness at a similar time seems to be a common phenomenon and I had it with my friend group. As I talked more openly about my experiences of being queer, initially around my sexuality and the doubts I had, it prompted my friends to take deeper looks into their own experiences. Not long after I and my other queer friends started to discuss our sexualities in more detail than "I am X", I had a friend start to realise their attraction expanded beyond people of the opposite sex. When the topics of gender came up and we had all talked about it openly within around a week four of us realised we fit in some way under the 'Trans Umbrella'. Having so many people realise who they were at once I believe was a huge benefit to us all, and prompted more discussion which helped us understand not only ourselves better, but become better friends as well.
The conundrum of "Is this person cute or do I hope they find me cute" is an absolute nightmare and I found is even harder when experimenting with your gender identity, because you go from two things you are confused between and then throw in the possibility that you actually want to look like or be them. You begin to question: "Do I find this person cute or do I want them to find me cute or do I want to be them?" And then it can be a disaster of all three.
I feel like the feeling of things being able to go wrong and being able to get up in the morning comes with age and growing into yourself. At least for me, continuing to have the same friend group as I had 4 or 5 years ago has meant I put myself out there more; I trust that the small amount of people in my life that matter to me will accept me for who I am and if something goes wrong and maybe I have bad experiences with new people, I still have the people that matter and at worst the most people that know about how you may have fucked up is the small bubble of people that consists of the new people. Its such a different environment as an adult because you tend to be more isolated to the people you work with, your friends and your family. When you are young, you have an entire school that may know you and be able to single you out if you go wrong somewhere. This feels especially true with your sexuality, its very easy to be open with your sexuality with friends but keep it private at work, because for the most part the people you are friends with and the people you work with may never interact. In a school environment word you go by a certain label or rumours about your sexuality or identity can spread far beyond from where you are comfortable because of how many people can identify who you are. I think this is a big reason why I became comfortable with myself after school and my first year of university, and it would not surprise me if its when so many people realise who they are when they are adults.
I can't really add anything on boundaries because you are pretty much spot on. It should be mentioned that it extends past romantic relationships, boundaries can extend to to things like being queer. If for example long time friends are making jokes and comments perhaps on your identity, even if not malicious, if it hurts you, communicate with them. If they don't accommodate you or can't sympathise with how it could upset you, move on past them. Don't keep yourself trapped in situations that hurt you for the sake of maintaining friendships with people who don't respect you.
I guess this is the end of this near essay on queer experiences so as a closing note and I guess summary of what I've rambled on about in a youtube comment:
IT IS OK TO NOT HAVE LABELS OR TO CHANGE THEM DEPENDING ON HOW YOU FEEL, DON'T LET OTHER PEOPLE DETERMINE WHO YOU ARE AND REMEMBER TO LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELF WITH BOUNDARIES.
YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE YOURSELF AND NOONE ELSE. I LOVE YOU. ❤🏳🌈🏳⚧
Note to Madeline if she read's this: While it is deeply personal, if you would be comfortable sharing more about your queer experiences in this manner for future videos I think It would be extremely valuable to discussion around being queer and to people who watch your content are are queer or are questioning. Thank you again for talking about your experiences here even if you never mention them again.
hi, I am a 16 year old girl from the uk and I just wanted to thank you for this video. I've been called gay countless of times and felt a weird pressure to to pick a label to belong to. None of them seem to fit me or be fitting to commit/identify too whereas going by unlabelled/queer is so much more freeing to me.
Its amazing to hearing the story of an older girl go went through something similar
My day just got so much better