Growing up my mom always told me that friends weren’t good to have. I thought she was negative and ridiculous, lol. It turns out, I’m my own best friend. My only competition is myself. I’m not into social climbers, braggers, phonies, or judgmental people. My daughter is truly my best friend. I’m content.❤
I know this channel is for women over 50 but as someone in their 20s i find your insight so wonderful as well. I don't have family to get this kind of advice from so i appreciate and binge watch your videos 🩷 also happy new year!
Oh my gosh thank you so much! I am grateful for all the younger women joining in, we older gals have an obligation to share our ‘wisdom’ from missteps made along the way.
Hi Laura! Thank you so much for your videos, wisdom, insight and advice!! I am 61 yrs old and have recently gotten back in touch with an old friend group. I ‘ d love your thoughts on whether others in this friend group see those in this group for what they are. One being the superior and bragging type, One being the “leader”, one being narcissistic (insulting and competitive), others having one toe in and one out, etc… I know you understand. ☺️They pander to one another and all of this is reaaaallllyy hard to take. They (we) are also Christians, which make it even harder to take. I continue to be polite when on the strand- but it is difficult. 😅 of course I would never bring any of this up to them. But I feel that they are keeping me at arms length because I haven’t been in the group for a few years because I have spent that time raising our 24-year-old son. They use the strand to celebrate everyone’s birthday and yet I’ve been on the strand for two or three years and no one has asked me when my birthday is. You know to be reminded when my birthday actually is ! Let me also say that I was very much a part of this group from the time I was 19 until I had to move away from them to another state. Some of the other girls in the group live in other states though, so I really don’t see why it’s a problem ! My birthday is next month and I am considering saying hello ladies celebrating my 62nd birthday today and just wanted to share it with you guys. Also saying happy birthday to My Friend’s husband who shares a birthday with me. She has been on the strand for the past three years and refuses to bring up my birthday on the day of my birthday to the strand. She is the narcissistic one that I am talking to you about earlier. Do I walk away from this group completely? I want to say that there are a few of them that have very kind hearts. But there are also a few that I am really beginning to wonder about. If you have time, I’d love to hear your opinion.! Bless you for what you share on your videos. It truly helps me and I appreciate you for taking the time to help others!! I wish you nothing but the best!! 💝
I am 64 and I have slowly learned my own value. As a Christian, I was raised to be too nice and it has taken me a lifetime to learn how to navigate these types. This video would be helpful to younger women so they can benefit earlier. Thank you for your effort.
Thank you so much. You are absolutely right we are taught to be pleasers, peacekeepers, kind and understanding. But there are people who take advantage of that. It’s a balance. Definitely a topic for young girls. I’ve been so pleased how many 20 and 30 year olds have subscribed. Happy New Year!
@@laurahillauthor As I prepare for 2025, I am viewing a lot of your most helpful videos. I belong to a lot of groups, and your information is so very helpful. You know one of the ways that I have been fooled is thinking that women who do good in church and other organizations are completely trustworthy. Boy was I wrong! Now, I look for how controlling people are or how showy they are with their "charity." You are so right about being skeptical. But I will say, one of the errors I made was wanting to see how to be a better person and wanting to be close to a person to see how they cope so well. Now I learn that from the internet, and well before I suspect I was an annoying friend because I was not raised in the best environment.
I see what you're saying, but I still think we can be friends with these people but have boundaries. I can be the exhausting friend at times and have to remind myself to slow down😂
You tub timer 11:48 That's exactly what I say, now. I don't have the time and energy for being the kind of friend you need, you would just end up being disappointed. I want more time to read my books, take naps, and I have a large family that takes up most of my time...
Growing up I had a best friend who always had dramas. My life was always stable and ok. As an adult I found myself in emotional turmoil and my friend was never there for me.
I understand. It took me over 50 years to finally wake up and dump these friendships. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I was not showing people who I was and sometimes letting people rely on me emotionally too much. I edited these takers out of my life and have made new friends and have learned how to express my boundaries. Best to you and your journey too. Awareness is the beginning!
Here’s another type : the gossip. This type spreads all kinds of stuff they think u told them or sometimes just stuff they may know about u to their husband , family or friends. Be wary of this “friend”.
This is my mother. In fact I avoid dinners out with her because she will predictably talk about others the whole time. Will even gossip about strangers in the restaurant. It's embarrassing and very unpleasant.
My next-door neighbor is a manipulative, narcissistic drama queen who is a pathological, compulsive liar. She was outraged when I refused to be her BFF when she first moved in years ago. She gossips and backstabs me and other neighbors, plus she filed lawsuits against another neighbor and the landlord. She now has no one to talk to. Excellent!
I just lost my best friend from 60 plus years ago to cancer. I will never find another friend like her. I like couples now for me and my husband to go out to dinner, lunch, whatever with… I don’t need a friend like this anymore.
I know a few close people but one true friend/supprter, However, I don't want to overwhelm her so I intentionally limit our conversations to avoid exhausting her. The others are those you discussed. Truly, I limit those. Happy new year!
I see your points on all these "types", but I really think we should be careful not to be so quick to label someone. If we take our time to get to know someone and not rush connections, that's a much healthier approach. I can see how you feel this way, based on your past experiences with women, I've been they're too, but we'll miss out on good friendships if we label others so quickly.
Thank you for this comment. I really appreciated hearing this. As I have severe chronic illness. And it’s been a game changer. Most of my friends eventually moved on because I couldn’t participate in their lives the same way as I had. And also loosing my ability to walk. I’m still the same person I was before illness. I have met my new life with the best attitude, etc. however finding new friends is very difficult. I think some can’t envision that friendships can still work despite my lack of ableism. I may be a bit off topic. But I truly appreciated your comment.
Love this laura!... I've already been thinking about ways to make this coming year.Different from the last and one way is avoiding certain friendships that are just not productive..
Trying to be a bit more intentional moving forward. Time these days has a lot more value so spending it with people who are a good fit becomes more important. Happy New Year🍾
Wow, number 4 is a friend who does all that but also likes to ask me every conversation about trigger subjects that feel like her putting her fingers in my wounds. They want the scoop on your problems so they can feel superior.
You're right about this list. I've had experiences with knowing all of these at different times. The last was the Exhauster. There are so many people who bring their insecurities with them into every relationship. It's telling that inner work is lacking. I believe men handle the Competitor differently than women do. There are a couple of my male relatives who like being competitive on every level or area. They have told me it keeps them sharp and striving for more. Great topic. Here's to a wonderful 2025.
We have a "competitor" neighbour. Years ago my husband bought a new car which was limited here in Australia. Guess what? The neighbour went out and bought on as well. He couldn't stand to be outdone 😀😀😀
I am new here, but I loved this; because it is so true. At my age, I have found that it is hard to find real friends. Thank you for your advice. Have a Happy New Year! Connie
Welcome, so glad you found the channel. We are all in this together, it’s hard to find the ‘good ones’ we have to work at putting ourselves in the right places; classes, volunteer work, sports, hobbies. It doesn’t happen as easily as we’d like Happy New Year 🍾
Thank you, Laura. Once again you nailed it. Lots of personalities out there that are manipulative-and we need to be more vigilant about people and their motives. I have a Bomber in my life right now who perhaps is someone who’s struggling with loneliness…and I’m the fill in the calendar person. But, in 2025:I’m going to surround myself with people who share my passions. Happy New Year, Laura, wishing you all the best.
I have met them all. Women these days are the WORST! You just described my neighbors too! I rather be a loner, I truly enjoy my own company and I’m now my own best friend.
I think I give people a little grace and realize none of us are perfect. Friendships are about being genuine and honest. If they are going through a lot and confide a lot in you, they must trust you enough to do that. I think women can be very catty. The worst experiences with friendships are the arrogant kind. I can’t deal with that.
This is pure wisdom! I think these types of people are why many women choose to have different “levels” of friendships and are extremely selective with their closer friendships. - Belinda
Thanks so much! Those levels sure come in handy. I’ve invested in the wrong ‘friends’ at times in my life and it was never going to work long term. A little ‘arms length’ would have been smarter.
The worst toxic types are rude, mean, hypercritical, slandering people. True Love bombers are insincere and should not be confused with sincere, polite, friendly or merely needy people
Well covered, Laura. Thank you. When I think of distancing myself from some of these types, I’m trying to do it guilt free. I’m not perfect but I’m getting there. Learning to recognize patterns and bow out of engagement is empowering. Happy New Year!🥳
Great video! Do you ever do lives? Maybe you have and I've missed them. But it would be great to have some sort of open discussion about where to find friends that you might be compatible with. Because like you, I steer clear of the types you mentioned in this video. Unfortunately, I have some in my family.
Exactly. You nailed it. Just be on the lookout if these are your oil and vinegar types of people. It’s all about balance. Making sure there is room for both of you in the friendship
First off, Happy New Year! Thank you for your videos. When someone tries to force a "friendship" it is a red flag that it will be toxic. The gossiper is another one to steer clear off as much as possible. If they gossip to you, they will gossip about you. The controlling person is yet another one. I have learned to set better boundaries and spot the red flags. It avoids a lot of trouble. At first, it may make tick off that person but who wants to deal with all that mess? It is exhausting.
You Tube timer 2:47 I sold my house, and moved into an apartment for awhile, and there was this woman, in my face, asking me questions everyday in the pool. I would drive up from grocery shopping, she had someone else in the pool doing the same thing. Question, question, question. I changed complexes, and I am not about to let that get started here.
We all fall into patterns over time. It becomes familiar and easy. I think watching for the signs and asking yourself, do I want to go down this path again? Is a good start. Maybe being friendly with them vs investing in a closer relationship would give you a little more peace of mind. I’ve got my patterns too!
I can totally relate to this question! It’s probably different for each person, but for me it might be that it feels good to be able to help someone who’s going through a hard time. You have several “really good talks,” but once you get to the point where you start to realize the support only goes one way, it feels like it’s rocking the boat too much to start spending less time with them. Once I start setting boundaries with these types of people, they usually end up feeling offended or like you’ve abandoned them. It’s a really hard thing to navigate and usually involves letting someone else be mad at me…which doesn’t feel good, but it has to be done to stay healthy.
i'm steering clear ot ppl who use religion and or politics as a weapon; people with no sense of humor; people who drain the joy out of every moment; people who have nothing to contribute to the relationship.
Laura thank you for pointing out 4 types of women to avoid! It’s funny while I was listening to you i was thinking of a few women in my life i can definitely stop the friendship with! Love all your talks; you are so perceptive! Happy New Year!
Hi Laura....very spot on! Unfortunately i seem to have met them all....😟 I will try to do better this year....sometimes I'm to empathetic for my own good! Have a blessed New Year🥂
I’d like to know what kind of friends you really have? You sound like you know everything there is about friends. Do you ever give grace to anyone? I’m finding it hard to believe you actually want true friends. I’m 70 and certainly try to give just a little grace to most people. But if I don’t like them or they don’t like me, we will be going our separate ways. It’s just what happens
My best friend is the "competitor ". She one ups me on just about everything I say. She NEVER asks me whats going on in my life, other then the pat " how are you" , she doesn’t care . When I tell her she never follows with questions that show interest. If Ive gone on a trip, she NEVER asks me how was it, what did I do, did I enjoy it. I am the one who always asks her about HER life, job, kids, etc etc. Ans she always talks about how much she makes, or will now get in retirement as she retires next month. Always the smartest gal the room. She wants me to go on a 2 + week road trip with her next fall ( because she wont fly)...my god trapped in a car with her all that time, how the hell do I get out that...
I worked with a competitor. Over the years it became obvious that she was deeply insecure, and her one upmanshipp was a desperate attempt to overcome this. 😢
I was explaining keeping up with the jones to my daughter n law well received or not ,were at different times in our lives lol ! Fantastic explanation on the differences! 2025 we’ll be great and thrive with Laura on our side ❤️✌🏻🤗Happy New Year 🤗
Can you do a video on the types of friends you plan to spend time with? There are a lot of negative people in the world and it’s good to recognize them. But what constitutes a good friend? How can I recognize them without being paranoid about a hidden agenda (or some such negative trait)? The longer I live, the more I see all people as broken. Including myself. So how can we find those people who bring us up, in spite of our shortcomings? It’s all too easy to label someone. And the messaging I have been hearing from the “Let them” movement is to walk away from them. But at what point do we lift each other up instead of only looking for someone to lift me up? And is that good enough for a friendship to work? I don’t want to be alone and cynical in my old age, and I see so many reasons to reject people because of this or that reason. It would be good to find someone, who in spite of their shortcomings is willing to be lifted up every bit as much as I need to be lifted. Just looking to see what ideas you have for nurturing a friendship and what that person looks like to you.
Okay I suspect my lifestyle is quite unique and I'm realizing through this video that it makes me immune to attracting certain people who play different social games or maybe they are very ambitious in some way. I'm over joyed to make this discovery. I clearly repel these types. LOL. Thanks for the video and for sharing.
#5 The friend who could never follow through or keep their promises. There's no real reason for them doing this and they come up with the most lame excuses/lies to avoid keeping their word. If they do this twice, I take it as a sign they aren't really a friend...and I haven't been proven wrong yet.
You pretty much described most of the women I know. No wonder I don’t have any women friends. Years ago, it occurred to me that my positive outlook was not welcome by most people, especially women. So my life is pretty solitary, by personal choice.
I do think women are so hard on eachother and it can make it difficult to have a meaningful connection that grows into a friendship ❤️thanks for sharing
Yes! The first one! Im in an HOA. I had a neighbor that came over 1-3 times every day, plus texts and phonecalls. Exhausting! She didnt get hints and i finally had to go no contact.
Hello Laura 😊 Ohhhhhhhhj the nr 2 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 ohhhhh yes !!!!!!!! So TRUE. The nr 3 happens daily in my store 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 and its exausting. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Standing Ovation for nr 4 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅! With the exception of nr 3 thats part of my job sort of as a store owner the other ones i just send them to F### O## 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Oh, and this woman was a teacher. Here is another one. She said, she went and had her daughter's I.Q. checked, and it was 145, and that was why her daughter was acting up in school. I said, "Oh, Susie, did you tell Miss Wilson, the Kindergarten teacher know, that she needs to be in a gifted program? Susie, says, "No, I didn't." Now these psychological tests, they do not give in school, so I asked her, " Where did you get her tested?" She named a psychological group in town, and I think it was where she and her husband may have gone for counseling, because they were always having financial problems, she did divorce him, too a year later, and would not have paid for a battery of tests, for $500.00 ,then not had their daughter put in a gifted program, or shown the Kindergarten teacher, at least, her scores. This was a huge lie, and I wasn't going to be around for more, or become part of her lies in the future.
Do these problems exist more in extroverted groups? Very curious. I'm not sure I have experienced all of these types. I'm over 50, single, no children and live in a humble studio in NYC. Maybe I don't meet these folks because I have nothing of inherent apparent value right away and there are some hidden benefits I did not realize. LOL I think I have met the Exhauster types though. I have learned to tighten my boundaries with these types or I have simply dumped them.
Definitely correlates to lifestyle. I look at this as lessons learned over many (67) years. Sometimes you don’t connect with another person to the point where you start to see these traits or atleast experience them.
@@laurahillauthor Yes, I suspect you might be engaged with a larger portion of society that my pared down lifestyle has not exposed me to. Your video has helped me see my life in a way I have not seen it before. Thank you!
Sorry I’m just looking at comments now please post it again. Thanks for taking the time to comment I did just see your comment on doing lives. My grown sons are having to show me how to do all this tech stuff, maybe that should be the next thing to learn on my list.
Had to watch this video twice. Haha. So on second viewing I realize I have met the Competitor type but these types I run so fast from that I literally walk away in the middle of the conversation. Yeah, I think I'm somehow allergic to this type and they last only 3 minutes. Haha! Status seekers and social climbers make me nauseaus and I dont' have time.
I think we all go through periods when we have trouble establishing friendships. Often it can have to do with the other priorities in our lives. Sometimes we just aren’t in the right places to meet our kind of people. Trying new things, hobbies, classes, volunteering. Doing things you enjoy will put you in places with like minded people. Or atleast people you share an interest with. Overtime acquaintances can be come friends.
Growing up my mom always told me that friends weren’t good to have. I thought she was negative and ridiculous, lol. It turns out, I’m my own best friend. My only competition is myself. I’m not into social climbers, braggers, phonies, or judgmental people. My daughter is truly my best friend. I’m content.❤
Bad advice.
The friend who brags about where they have been and acts like everything they do is superior to you is the worst. I avoid those types for sure❤
Agree💯
@@laurahillauthor They are always competing.
Seems there a whole HERD of these types. They reek of insecurity.
Hard when this type of person is a parent.
I know this channel is for women over 50 but as someone in their 20s i find your insight so wonderful as well. I don't have family to get this kind of advice from so i appreciate and binge watch your videos 🩷 also happy new year!
Oh my gosh thank you so much! I am grateful for all the younger women joining in, we older gals have an obligation to share our ‘wisdom’ from missteps made along the way.
@@duckling1305 love this 😘
Hi Laura! Thank you so much for your videos, wisdom, insight and advice!! I am 61 yrs old and have recently gotten back in touch with an old friend group.
I ‘ d love your thoughts on whether others in this friend group see those in this group for what they are.
One being the superior and bragging type, One being the “leader”, one being narcissistic (insulting and competitive), others having one toe in and one out, etc…
I know you understand. ☺️They pander to one another and all of this is reaaaallllyy hard to take. They (we) are also Christians, which make it even harder to take. I continue to be polite when on the strand- but it is difficult. 😅 of course I would never bring any of this up to them. But I feel that they are keeping me at arms length because I haven’t been in the group for a few years because I have spent that time raising our 24-year-old son.
They use the strand to celebrate everyone’s birthday and yet I’ve been on the strand for two or three years and no one has asked me when my birthday is. You know to be reminded when my birthday actually is ! Let me also say that I was very much a part of this group from the time I was 19 until I had to move away from them to another state. Some of the other girls in the group live in other states though, so I really don’t see why it’s a problem ! My birthday is next month and I am considering saying hello ladies celebrating my 62nd birthday today and just wanted to share it with you guys. Also saying happy birthday to My Friend’s husband who shares a birthday with me. She has been on the strand for the past three years and refuses to bring up my birthday on the day of my birthday to the strand. She is the narcissistic one that I am talking to you about earlier.
Do I walk away from this group completely? I want to say that there are a few of them that have very kind hearts. But there are also a few that I am really beginning to wonder about. If you have time, I’d love to hear your opinion.! Bless you for what you share on your videos. It truly helps me and I appreciate you for taking the time to help others!! I wish you nothing but the best!! 💝
Thank you, Laura. It’s so validating to hear someone talk about these types of friends and how exhausting they can be!
Thank you so much. Looking forward to great chats in 2025!
I am 64 and I have slowly learned my own value. As a Christian, I was raised to be too nice and it has taken me a lifetime to learn how to navigate these types. This video would be helpful to younger women so they can benefit earlier. Thank you for your effort.
Thank you so much. You are absolutely right we are taught to be pleasers, peacekeepers, kind and understanding. But there are people who take advantage of that. It’s a balance. Definitely a topic for young girls. I’ve been so pleased how many 20 and 30 year olds have subscribed. Happy New Year!
@@laurahillauthor As I prepare for 2025, I am viewing a lot of your most helpful videos. I belong to a lot of groups, and your information is so very helpful. You know one of the ways that I have been fooled is thinking that women who do good in church and other organizations are completely trustworthy. Boy was I wrong! Now, I look for how controlling people are or how showy they are with their "charity." You are so right about being skeptical. But I will say, one of the errors I made was wanting to see how to be a better person and wanting to be close to a person to see how they cope so well. Now I learn that from the internet, and well before I suspect I was an annoying friend because I was not raised in the best environment.
I see what you're saying, but I still think we can be friends with these people but have boundaries. I can be the exhausting friend at times and have to remind myself to slow down😂
Great point. Yes my hope is if you can spot them sooner, you can manage them better
You tub timer 11:48 That's exactly what I say, now. I don't have the time and energy for being the kind of friend you need, you would just end up being disappointed. I want more time to read my books, take naps, and I have a large family that takes up most of my time...
Thanks for the comment! And yes we need our time for the things that make us happy❤️Happy New Year🍾
And it goes on throughout your entire life. It exists as much at 60 as 30.
I agree. I’m turning 62 in August. Was a loner as a teenager, still a loner.
It truly does!
Growing up I had a best friend who always had dramas. My life was always stable and ok. As an adult I found myself in emotional turmoil and my friend was never there for me.
Unfortunately that is how most of us find out that there was a huge imbalance in the relationship. So hurtful
I understand. It took me over 50 years to finally wake up and dump these friendships. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I was not showing people who I was and sometimes letting people rely on me emotionally too much. I edited these takers out of my life and have made new friends and have learned how to express my boundaries. Best to you and your journey too. Awareness is the beginning!
I'm so sorry it was one sided.
Here’s another type : the gossip.
This type spreads all kinds of stuff they think u told them or sometimes just stuff they may know about u to their husband , family or friends. Be wary of this “friend”.
I have a neighbor that uses prayer requests as a means ti spread gossip. "We need to pray for Bill, he has blah, blah, blah
.."
Wow that’s creative
@@laurahillauthor yes. My response is, "should I be hearing this?" or " Bill's prostate is probably HIS story to tell."
This is my mother. In fact I avoid dinners out with her because she will predictably talk about others the whole time. Will even gossip about strangers in the restaurant. It's embarrassing and very unpleasant.
My next-door neighbor is a manipulative, narcissistic drama queen who is a pathological, compulsive liar. She was outraged when I refused to be her BFF when she first moved in years ago. She gossips and backstabs me and other neighbors, plus she filed lawsuits against another neighbor and the landlord. She now has no one to talk to. Excellent!
Jeez...there are just too many annoying & unbalanced people out there! I'm just gonna keep to myself this year!!!
Well there seem to be a lot of great women out there too, just need to steer clear of the ones who aren’t a good fit for us. Happy New Year!
So good Laura. Love how you describe these four types of "friendships". I have encountered all of them during my lifetime. Happy New Year 🎉🎊
Thanks so much Sue! Happy New Year🍾
I just lost my best friend from 60 plus years ago to cancer. I will never find another friend like her. I like couples now for me and my husband to go out to dinner, lunch, whatever with… I don’t need a friend like this anymore.
What a huge loss. I’m so sorry.
I have encountered all of these types. I love your channel.Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate what you have to say because it is all real life.
Thank you so much. I’m learning a lot from all the comments. Happy New Year🍾
I know a few close people but one true friend/supprter, However, I don't want to overwhelm her so I intentionally limit our conversations to avoid exhausting her. The others are those you discussed. Truly, I limit those. Happy new year!
The connector is often very controlling. And when they get upset, they turn MANY against you....because you are now in their circles.
Exactly. That’s why spotting the signs before you become ‘in too deep’ is key. Learning from my mistakes
Nice to hear from you again, love that tile.
Thanks! Happy New Year
Types of Friends to AVOID
1: The Bomber.
2: The Insider.
3: The Exhausting Friend.
4: The Competitor.
I see your points on all these "types", but I really think we should be careful not to be so quick to label someone. If we take our time to get to know someone and not rush connections, that's a much healthier approach. I can see how you feel this way, based on your past experiences with women, I've been they're too, but we'll miss out on good friendships if we label others so quickly.
Thank you for this comment. I really appreciated hearing this. As I have severe chronic illness. And it’s been a game changer. Most of my friends eventually moved on because I couldn’t participate in their lives the same way as I had. And also loosing my ability to walk. I’m still the same person I was before illness. I have met my new life with the best attitude, etc. however finding new friends is very difficult. I think some can’t envision that friendships can still work despite my lack of ableism. I may be a bit off topic. But I truly appreciated your comment.
Agree💯I saw my video as a cautionary view rather than an all or none. You make a great point!
Love this laura!... I've already been thinking about ways to make this coming year.Different from the last and one way is avoiding certain friendships that are just not productive..
Trying to be a bit more intentional moving forward. Time these days has a lot more value so spending it with people who are a good fit becomes more important. Happy New Year🍾
I've had many ex friends like this. Yes I took out the trash in2024 thanks for the talk! I pick you as a friend .
Ditto!! Happy New Year!
Wow, number 4 is a friend who does all that but also likes to ask me every conversation about trigger subjects that feel like her putting her fingers in my wounds. They want the scoop on your problems so they can feel superior.
The type that likes to set you up!!
You're right about this list. I've had experiences with knowing all of these at different times. The last was the Exhauster. There are so many people who bring their insecurities with them into every relationship. It's telling that inner work is lacking. I believe men handle the Competitor differently than women do. There are a couple of my male relatives who like being competitive on every level or area. They have told me it keeps them sharp and striving for more. Great topic. Here's to a wonderful 2025.
We have a "competitor" neighbour. Years ago my husband bought a new car which was limited here in Australia. Guess what? The neighbour went out and bought on as well. He couldn't stand to be outdone 😀😀😀
Happy New Year🍾looking forward to a great year ahead
I am new here, but I loved this; because it is so true. At my age, I have found that it is hard to find real friends. Thank you for your advice. Have a Happy New Year! Connie
Welcome, so glad you found the channel. We are all in this together, it’s hard to find the ‘good ones’ we have to work at putting ourselves in the right places; classes, volunteer work, sports, hobbies. It doesn’t happen as easily as we’d like Happy New Year 🍾
Thank you, Laura. Once again you nailed it. Lots of personalities out there that are manipulative-and we need to be more vigilant about people and their motives. I have a Bomber in my life right now who perhaps is someone who’s struggling with loneliness…and I’m the fill in the calendar person. But, in 2025:I’m going to surround myself with people who share my passions. Happy New Year, Laura, wishing you all the best.
Vigilance is key. No friend is perfect and we certainly aren’t but we don’t have to open the door and let everyone in! Happy New Year🍾
I have met them all. Women these days are the WORST! You just described my neighbors too!
I rather be a loner, I truly enjoy my own company and I’m now my own best friend.
We certainly aren’t setting a great example for future generations of women. And we wonder why so many young girls are bullies
Amazon sells a doormat that reads, "Did you call first?" I don't like pop ins!
I think I give people a little grace and realize none of us are perfect. Friendships are about being genuine and honest. If they are going through a lot and confide a lot in you, they must trust you enough to do that. I think women can be very catty. The worst experiences with friendships are the arrogant kind. I can’t deal with that.
Agree💯it is all about balance and making sure that in every friendship there is room for both of you. Thanks for the comment
This is pure wisdom! I think these types of people are why many women choose to have different “levels” of friendships and are extremely selective with their closer friendships. - Belinda
Thanks so much! Those levels sure come in handy. I’ve invested in the wrong ‘friends’ at times in my life and it was never going to work long term. A little ‘arms length’ would have been smarter.
The worst toxic types are rude, mean, hypercritical, slandering people. True Love bombers are insincere and should not be confused with sincere, polite, friendly or merely needy people
Good point. The ones I’ve known or who crossed paths with people I know ended up being very selfish and cruel
Happy New Year Laura 💞
May you stay happy and healthy!
Thank you for all your great content!
Happy New Year to you too! So glad you're enjoying the channel
This is such awesome information; thank you for sharing this!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Is anyone else wondering if they’re one of those friends? 😊
🙋🏼♀️
lol. I think we’ve all been one of them at some point in our life. Well I know I have🤦🏻♀️
Well covered, Laura. Thank you. When I think of distancing myself from some of these types, I’m trying to do it guilt free. I’m not perfect but I’m getting there. Learning to recognize patterns and bow out of engagement is empowering. Happy New Year!🥳
You're so right, it's about recognizing what we need and what is best for us! Happy New Year!
@@laurahillauthor 👍✨
Great video! Do you ever do lives? Maybe you have and I've missed them. But it would be great to have some sort of open discussion about where to find friends that you might be compatible with. Because like you, I steer clear of the types you mentioned in this video. Unfortunately, I have some in my family.
That's a great idea!
These traits are visible usually at the first encounter BUT we ignore, overlook or excuse all the red flags.
Exactly. You nailed it. Just be on the lookout if these are your oil and vinegar types of people. It’s all about balance. Making sure there is room for both of you in the friendship
First off, Happy New Year! Thank you for your videos. When someone tries to force a "friendship" it is a red flag that it will be toxic. The gossiper is another one to steer clear off as much as possible. If they gossip to you, they will gossip about you. The controlling person is yet another one. I have learned to set better boundaries and spot the red flags. It avoids a lot of trouble. At first, it may make tick off that person but who wants to deal with all that mess? It is exhausting.
Thanks so much for your comment. Agree💯and Happy New Year!
It’s not just friendships, but relationships as well…..
Agree💯
You Tube timer 2:47 I sold my house, and moved into an apartment for awhile, and there was this woman, in my face, asking me questions everyday in the pool. I would drive up from grocery shopping, she had someone else in the pool doing the same thing. Question, question, question. I changed complexes, and I am not about to let that get started here.
lol that could be number 5. The questioner. Always feel like you are being interrogated 🤦🏻♀️
I tend to have a pattern of “exhausting” friends. What does that say about me? Do I need to feel special and more favored in a relationship?
We all fall into patterns over time. It becomes familiar and easy. I think watching for the signs and asking yourself, do I want to go down this path again? Is a good start. Maybe being friendly with them vs investing in a closer relationship would give you a little more peace of mind. I’ve got my patterns too!
I can totally relate to this question! It’s probably different for each person, but for me it might be that it feels good to be able to help someone who’s going through a hard time. You have several “really good talks,” but once you get to the point where you start to realize the support only goes one way, it feels like it’s rocking the boat too much to start spending less time with them. Once I start setting boundaries with these types of people, they usually end up feeling offended or like you’ve abandoned them. It’s a really hard thing to navigate and usually involves letting someone else be mad at me…which doesn’t feel good, but it has to be done to stay healthy.
@@laurahillauthor thank you
@@knorman717 totally on the same page
i'm steering clear ot ppl who use religion and or politics as a weapon; people with no sense of humor; people who drain the joy out of every moment; people who have nothing to contribute to the relationship.
Good ones!
Excellent advice
Thank you! Appreciate it
Laura thank you for pointing out 4 types of women to avoid! It’s funny while I was listening to you i was thinking of a few women in my life i can definitely stop the friendship with! Love all your talks; you are so perceptive! Happy New Year!
You're so welcome! Happy New Year! Glad you found the channel. I’m with you, there are people I just plan on giving less time to 💯Happy New Year!
Hi Laura....very spot on! Unfortunately i seem to have met them all....😟 I will try to do better this year....sometimes I'm to empathetic for my own good! Have a blessed New Year🥂
Empathetic for your own good, love that! Good advice. Happy New Year🍾
Great video!
Thanks! So glad you liked it!
I’d like to know what kind of friends you really have? You sound like you know everything there is about friends. Do you ever give grace to anyone? I’m finding it hard to believe you actually want true friends. I’m 70 and certainly try to give just a little grace to most people. But if I don’t like them or they don’t like me, we will be going our separate ways. It’s just what happens
My best friend is the "competitor ". She one ups me on just about everything I say. She NEVER asks me whats going on in my life, other then the pat " how are you" , she doesn’t care . When I tell her she never follows with questions that show interest. If Ive gone on a trip, she NEVER asks me how was it, what did I do, did I enjoy it. I am the one who always asks her about HER life, job, kids, etc etc. Ans she always talks about how much she makes, or will now get in retirement as she retires next month. Always the smartest gal the room. She wants me to go on a 2 + week road trip with her next fall ( because she wont fly)...my god trapped in a car with her all that time, how the hell do I get out that...
You have identified a huge clue here when you wrote "she never asks what's going on in my life. . ."
Sounds like you’ve got her figured out. Often we have these people in our lives and often we even enjoy them….in small doses
Just say no.
I worked with a competitor. Over the years it became obvious that she was deeply insecure, and her one upmanshipp was a desperate attempt to overcome this. 😢
There’s usually something else going on!
I was explaining keeping up with the jones to my daughter n law well received or not ,were at different times in our lives lol ! Fantastic explanation on the differences! 2025 we’ll be great and thrive with Laura on our side ❤️✌🏻🤗Happy New Year 🤗
Thanks so much Helen! Happy New Year🍾
Can you do a video on the types of friends you plan to spend time with? There are a lot of negative people in the world and it’s good to recognize them.
But what constitutes a good friend? How can I recognize them without being paranoid about a hidden agenda (or some such negative trait)?
The longer I live, the more I see all people as broken. Including myself. So how can we find those people who bring us up, in spite of our shortcomings?
It’s all too easy to label someone. And the messaging I have been hearing from the “Let them” movement is to walk away from them. But at what point do we lift each other up instead of only looking for someone to lift me up? And is that good enough for a friendship to work?
I don’t want to be alone and cynical in my old age, and I see so many reasons to reject people because of this or that reason.
It would be good to find someone, who in spite of their shortcomings is willing to be lifted up every bit as much as I need to be lifted. Just looking to see what ideas you have for nurturing a friendship and what that person looks like to you.
So well put. I hope Laura sees your message. I would also love to hear her thoughts on this exact topic too.
Absolutely. A wonderful idea. I will do it this month. I’m actually much more comfortable talking about that. Thanks
@@laurahillauthor I am very excited for that video. Thank you for your message.
Number 4 was my previous friend❤she couldn’t keep up and was out of here
Interesting! Thanks for sharing. Happy New Year
Okay I suspect my lifestyle is quite unique and I'm realizing through this video that it makes me immune to attracting certain people who play different social games or maybe they are very ambitious in some way. I'm over joyed to make this discovery. I clearly repel these types. LOL. Thanks for the video and for sharing.
Thanks for the comments
#5 The friend who could never follow through or keep their promises. There's no real reason for them doing this and they come up with the most lame excuses/lies to avoid keeping their word. If they do this twice, I take it as a sign they aren't really a friend...and I haven't been proven wrong yet.
Agree💯
Let's focus on what we want and deserve....not so much going over and over and over all the bad sorts out there.....
@Cali-at-the-beach
I so agree! This is the mindset we need going forward.
Agree. Sharing videos on both on this channel. Happy New Year🍾
@ I'd love to learn how to seek out new friendships and how to nurture the ones I have and treasure.
You pretty much described most of the women I know. No wonder I don’t have any women friends. Years ago, it occurred to me that my positive outlook was not welcome by most people, especially women. So my life is pretty solitary, by personal choice.
I do think women are so hard on eachother and it can make it difficult to have a meaningful connection that grows into a friendship ❤️thanks for sharing
Yes! The first one! Im in an HOA. I had a neighbor that came over 1-3 times every day, plus texts and phonecalls. Exhausting! She didnt get hints and i finally had to go no contact.
Ahhh the HOA. Been there done that, HOA power can bring out the worst in folks who have never had power before
@laurahillauthor Absolutely! Control freaks, busy bodies that need to get a creative hobby!
As an empath I think I attract all these types of friends. 😩😔
Well better to know!!
Hello Laura 😊 Ohhhhhhhhj the nr 2 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 ohhhhh yes !!!!!!!! So TRUE. The nr 3 happens daily in my store 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 and its exausting. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Standing Ovation for nr 4 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅! With the exception of nr 3 thats part of my job sort of as a store owner the other ones i just send them to F### O## 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
🤣😂Happy New Year!
How do you identify a real friend??
Oh, and this woman was a teacher. Here is another one. She said, she went and had her daughter's I.Q. checked, and it was 145, and that was why her daughter was acting up in school. I said, "Oh, Susie, did you tell Miss Wilson, the Kindergarten teacher know, that she needs to be in a gifted program? Susie, says, "No, I didn't." Now these psychological tests, they do not give in school, so I asked her, " Where did you get her tested?" She named a psychological group in town, and I think it was where she and her husband may have gone for counseling, because they were always having financial problems, she did divorce him, too a year later, and would not have paid for a battery of tests, for $500.00 ,then not had their daughter put in a gifted program, or shown the Kindergarten teacher, at least, her scores. This was a huge lie, and I wasn't going to be around for more, or become part of her lies in the future.
Wow! Glad you got away from her
Do these problems exist more in extroverted groups? Very curious. I'm not sure I have experienced all of these types. I'm over 50, single, no children and live in a humble studio in NYC. Maybe I don't meet these folks because I have nothing of inherent apparent value right away and there are some hidden benefits I did not realize. LOL I think I have met the Exhauster types though. I have learned to tighten my boundaries with these types or I have simply dumped them.
Definitely correlates to lifestyle. I look at this as lessons learned over many (67) years. Sometimes you don’t connect with another person to the point where you start to see these traits or atleast experience them.
@@laurahillauthor Yes, I suspect you might be engaged with a larger portion of society that my pared down lifestyle has not exposed me to. Your video has helped me see my life in a way I have not seen it before. Thank you!
When they come across as loud and fake it’s usually because they are.
Unfortunately true
Hmmm...I posted a comment but it disappeared for some reason.
Sorry I’m just looking at comments now please post it again. Thanks for taking the time to comment I did just see your comment on doing lives. My grown sons are having to show me how to do all this tech stuff, maybe that should be the next thing to learn on my list.
Had to watch this video twice. Haha. So on second viewing I realize I have met the Competitor type but these types I run so fast from that I literally walk away in the middle of the conversation. Yeah, I think I'm somehow allergic to this type and they last only 3 minutes. Haha! Status seekers and social climbers make me nauseaus and I dont' have time.
Sounds like you are in top of the game!!!
i dont have any women friends i wish i did it just doesnt happen
I think we all go through periods when we have trouble establishing friendships. Often it can have to do with the other priorities in our lives. Sometimes we just aren’t in the right places to meet our kind of people. Trying new things, hobbies, classes, volunteering. Doing things you enjoy will put you in places with like minded people. Or atleast people you share an interest with. Overtime acquaintances can be come friends.
That says something about you.Time for a look in the mirror.