It’s incredibly painful when you’ve given everything to someone, and they turn their back on you. It feels like you invested so much, only to be left vulnerable. Have you found that the healing process has made you reflect on what you might need to change in future relationships, or is it more about understanding how to protect yourself better emotionally?
I completely understand how painful betrayal can feel, especially when you've given your all to someone and expected the same loyalty in return. It’s incredibly tough when that trust is broken. Have you found anything that has helped you start to heal from this experience, or are you still in the process of figuring it out? Sometimes it can be a journey of rediscovering trust in yourself first.
I totally agree. Betrayal trauma cuts so deeply because it violates the trust and connection you built with someone you cared about with your whole heart. When you’ve poured your energy into helping someone and staying loyal, only to be discarded, it’s not just the betrayal of the relationship-it’s also a betrayal of the version of yourself who believed in them. You’re not alone, and your journey toward safety and self-compassion is a courageous act of self-love. Wishing you the best moving forward.
I think it’s very helpful to realize that people do what they do because of them and not because of us. Their action are based on their own needs. We have a tendency to think that we are the reasons they did what we didn’t like, but it was my experience that people have their own wars and they act accordingly. It has very little to do with us.
Stay strong. I'm sure you know, it's a long process. These techniques have really helped me begin healing from family issues, childhood beliefs and relationship cheating.
@@Mamabear1320-h4k I agree. It is like a Hell that you think will never end. I am sorry you suffered too. I am just experiencing it. It will get easier, but currently almost unbearable. I am brave and will be ok..... eventually.
In "The Inferno" by Dante, the lowest level of Hell is occupied by people who betray. It's a pleasant thought, in a dark sort of way. Always got to be careful not to become what you hate.
I lost my job because my former coworker spread lies about me to my supervisors behind my back, and everything has been a struggle. I'm tired of trusting people.
I'm so sorry. Your income being affected can sometimes feel like the worst kinds of betrayal. We (and I mean me too) have to learn to trust the right people. Not everyone wants to hurt us.
@DawgyinaField Those are very hard to prove. I, myself, about 10 years ago reported to HR a manager that was acting inappropriately (doing behaviors we were taught in demanded ethics training every year not to do). But HR goes after the person that is a threat “to the company”, which became me. I tried to fight back but it’s near impossible. I learned from many others, the best option is to put up with it or walk away. Don’t go to your company’s HR. And this person would have had a “lot” of documentation and good/great performance reviews to even get near the ability to get a law suit. It does suck; but such is life.
Absolutely: When it goes directly to identity, self concept, ability, relationship to life, agency, performance and more, I can’t think of anything worse. This seems particularly steep when it’s family doing it to one another in ways that ruin each other’s lives. And for several, the betrayal was irreversible.
Got out of a toxic relationship a year ago. It was a lifelong friend that I have had since childhood. When we began a relationship I was over the moon, I figured since we knew each other so well and cared for each other so deeply as friends our relationship would be amazing. boy was I wrong. I think betrayal trauma can happen when you thought you knew someone's character and who they were, and you have years of experience to back up those beliefs, years of good memories and times when they seemed empathetic, yet suddenly they transform into someone completely different - cold, uncaring, blame shifting, callous, passive aggressive, controlling, and manipulative. The cognitivie dissonance still has a strong grip on me one year out. I am still wondering what I Could have done better or differently to make us work, and still feel shattered thinking about how she moved on so easily while I am still confused and broken trying to make sense of everything. This video is really helpful, thank you
I'm really sorry to hear you've been through such a painful experience. It’s incredibly tough when someone you thought you knew deeply turns out to be so different. The cognitive dissonance you’re feeling is completely normal; it’s a process of reconciling the person you thought they were with who they turned out to be. It’s hard not to replay things in your mind, wondering what you could have done differently. But, sometimes we can't control how others change or behave. Have you been able to take any steps towards healing? How do you feel about moving forward from this, now that you’ve had time to reflect?
It’s truly devastating to experience such betrayal, and rebuilding trust can feel impossible. Do you think it’s more about learning to trust others again, or finding a way to trust yourself after such a painful experience?
The worst is when your father or mother do not defend you. That can break anyone. Just letting people be aware how damaging that can be. I am done with society as a whole. I heard someone say that this construct is a huge mind game. It really is.
This 'Betrayal Rumination' topic immediately brought my mother to mind. Man, how she betrayed (and belittled) me, throughout my childhood, adolescence, but sadly, also well into my fifties. She about destroyed me, and I feel certain had an extremely detrimental effect on my mental health, with her covert (and not so covert) narcissism. After an adulthood scattered with a variety of psychiatric disorders, I have finally wound up with a diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder, and at the age of 60, I am finally figuring out the main source of my emotional distress - after decades of therapy.
I have been betrayed by many people in my life. Especially because it was in and outside the home. I had nowhere to escape, and no one to talk to. It took nearly two decades to learn to trust people again.
It sounds like you've been through an incredibly difficult journey, and it’s admirable that you’ve managed to rebuild trust after so much pain. What do you think was the turning point that helped you start trusting again? Or do you feel the process is still ongoing in some ways?
This is exactly what I went through with my former business partners. The vicious lies that they told about me in order to have me fired really hurts! And the one that created all the lies was my step sister who was one of my business partners!!!!!
I would do it because I want to if not I won't, but defo not expect something in return, the feeling you get from helping should be enough. People change through beautiful acts of kindness. Keep it up ;) x
Il say something here no one says.. you are accepted for who you are and as you are. You have nothing to prove nothing to do but to treat yourself and let those who don't appreciate that just pass you by. Give yourself the give of you. Note your worth more than you think 🤔
We give to give, not to receive. However, if someone doesn’t treat us well or we notice something negative about them, then it’s best to stop giving and stay away from those people.
Betrayal should be considered a heavy crime by law! The damage caused to victims is countless and is not treated in just one way and is not cured quickly. The attackers had to pay extra compensation to the victims, who knows, maybe they would betray less! I have been betrayed by a romantic partner, by friends, by family and by companies I worked for. I only recommend this to my worst enemy, because these betrayals are horrible and that of romantic partners and family are the worst betrayals there are. Those betrayals changes you, and not in a good way. I don't know if one day I will feel better again. Probably I won't!
I've been betrayed by two people just in few months. one of them was my partner, the other my best friend and they both hurt me in the past and the pain still stays. I now have a partner who's always there for me and reassures me that I'm okay and that I was the victim, even my friends admit that. however, my mind can be tricky and play games with me, especially because of the darvo (which shocked me with how accurately did it match both the situations). I'm honestly glad that I've found this video, thank you for spreading awareness about this and helping people see deeper into their problems even without having to pay for a therapy session❤
Thank you doctor for breaking this type of betrayal down I've never heard of such therapy. That betrayal hurt so bad that I had to go into therapy. I will be seeking out the acceptance therapy to help me even more!!! Every detail you described in this video is what I have been going through!!!!
Out of all the videos I’ve watched online regarding betrayal, this one is by far the most practical and straight forward approach that’s actually been helping me get through this nightmare.
My God, these videos are always so helpful. Ruminating is like autoplay on TH-cam, for your thoughts. It's difficult to turn off the video (thoughts) so sometimes it helps to acknowledge that I am ruminating a past hurt.
Seriously?! I'm completely clear on who betrayed me and just how significantly it affected my life. They will never feel remorse or try to make even a small gesture to make amends. The anger is not abating. I became bitter. I have no shame. They should feel shame. They wronged me, and they will die thinking there's nothing to even apologise for. I do know my values and goals, but the anger keeps returning. They will never pay their debt for perpetrating evil.
Let me tell you, they will pay. The universe is the soul of life and the Bible is real. If you mess with God‘s chosen children you will have ill health and financial problems and so many other things will go wrong. That person who hurt you might be on Facebook looking all happy and wonderful but trust me behind the scenes they are miserable. They know what they did, you had a light that shined brighter than theirs and they hated you for that and that’s why they targeted you. Try and move forward as hard as it is to let that anger go. It’s poisoning your soul through anxiety and anger. I get it for sure and have been in your shoes and still feel the rage, but let me just tell you that most of the people who betrayed me are now dead or dying and that terrifies me, it terrifies me because I know and see the power of God and what does He say? “vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord”
@@thirstonhowellthebird Omg ❤❤❤I read everything on this post and you are sooo right. I couldn’t have wrote this better. I was married for 31yrs and he cheated within the first 5 years and all his family and friends knew that he was cheating. I had no clue as I was working 2 jobs and he was disrespecting my home and my own bedroom. Fast forward got caught and never left with her. It was my home but he wanted me to leave. Stayed and rode this marriage some more. Now we 10yrs in 1999 and here comes another discovery affair 😮 I was done. Fast forward 4 More years and I said I was moving to another state to start over. He decided he was sorry and wanted to come with. Big mistake of minds. Yep only made it easier to cheat because he was still having contacts with the affair partners as if they was besties. Fast forward 16 yrs and all of sudden he got ill 😷 and didn’t make it. After caring for him I found out he was having a full blown affair double life with a childhood friend for 4 yrs and family and friends knew. Yep she bragged about been his soulmate and been happy now and miss him as if she was the widow. Friends and family rallying around her as if she was the wife that had to pay and buried this man. You are right many betrayed me but a lot are not good enough to be in my new season. God see everything . Two betrayers are ill and one is going blind and the other is an alcoholic. I thank God for my blessings and I need to keep my head up.
Thank you for this. For 23 years I had an abuser do this to me. At one point I lived with multiple betrayers/ abusers. At one point I blamed myself for how they treated me. It took along time to just realize these people are toxic and I have a choice, I can leave. No contact. I thought I would naturally heal over time but. I'm finding myself in rumination over extended periods of time, thus losing track of time. And sometime if I encounter an interaction/ altercation I start reliving the betrayal scenes in my head again. And I have to take time to calm myself down, and try to remind myself it is not happening now. Since I might need extra help.
I didn't know what this was till now. I rumminated for over 5 years because of horrifically selfish so called friend. It hurt so much. I didn't truss anyone and ruined new potential friendships. I'm still unlearning bad behavior over a different friend before this one. I really feel like im starting to heal. This is going to help me heal more.
The woman who protected and enabled my abuser is the one who gave me betrayal trauma. She was a literal feminist activist and yet, she protected my male abuser to prevent a scandal that would tarnish her image as a progessive hero. She is likely a communal narcissist.
I believe you 💯. It is beyond sickening. Feel all of your anger. It is righteous anger. If accountability was possible it would be a good thing. Also I don’t believe in Karma. I hope you find a way to heal - this is the most horrid of traumas to face.
THANK YOU! I was in therapy for a bit and the therapists kept telling me to “think about it differently” when it comes to my abuse trauma. Like, lady, I’m supposed to think about my parent beating me into a pulp differently? Differently how?? And omg the gaslighting is unreal. My parents convinced themselves what they did was just. That they were good people for beating me because that’s how kids should be disciplined. wtf.
I was betrayed more than once and it left a void within me. I don't trust anyone anymore, not even myself to some extent. Nowadays, I only take people serious enough once they have proved their claim, whatever they may be. If they fail to prove that their claim is true, I start to despise them, and go on with my life, or, with what's left of it anyway. Only God is deserving of trust.
Feeling these feelings is scary especially with a history of “anger” but honestly allowing space for these emotions helps immensely, some days tho when I allow myself to feel I get so low. A few times I contemplated ending my life but that is when I realize that I need to cut off the feeling for a bit or I went deeper than I was ready for. Thank you for this and thank you for giving a name to this demon
jesus... talk about algorithms... it's been almost 3 months and i only just learned the proper term a week ago, and now this channel I've followed because of narcissism discussions is now talking about the exact problem I'm living with right now.
Fr my phone is always listening, but every once in a while, it gives me some good content that might actually help and it’s these moments I’m happy about it 🥲 like “maybe stop sending me propaganda, but the self help vids are nice. Thanks FBI agent!” 😂
Years ago i would of laughed when someone said do some mindfulness, but it really is very helpful. Every single time I spiral into a panic attack,I check in with myself and work through what am feeling. It don't take the problem away but helps me massively. You're videos are fantastic help and support thank you ,from Aimee in the UK 🇬🇧 😊
It's so important that you talk about how to heal from these intrusive thoughts rather than to go on therapy and keep ruminating over the betray. Thank you so much Dr Marks ❤❤❤
Thank you for stating that. I’ve been to one therapist after another. They really have no clue how to help. That don’t understand the true real pain that can come from huge betrayals from family members over years and years. I really wonder why people that don’t have empathy for others even remain as a therapist. You end up having to get over more pain from an uninterested or unskilled therapist
This life-changing content is incredibly validating and valuable. It took me 2 decades of therapy to find ACT and it has changed everything for me. I cannot believe how much better I feel after only a year and a half. Sometimes im like wow! Is this how healthy people experience life, even sometimes?! No wonder everything was so much more difficult for me. It all makes perfect sense now.
Such a succinct and clear description of ACT. It has been very helpful to me. With CBT, I got in this spiral of arguing with myself over how the healthier thoughts might not be true and I really was poo. ACT has given me a lot more peace. Thanks for the video!
My father betrayed me and he was my favourite parent, I’m 22 and still struggling with this. Anytime I see fathers and their children I get reminding of my past.
Wow, this was soooo good. Definitely will be looking into ACT therapy as I have been dealing with betrayal trauma that lead to divorce. The rumination is absolutely mind blowing. I want to take my power back and not be controlled by trauma for the rest of my life. Thank you so much for making this video.❤
Thank you, Dr. Marks, for sharing this valuable insight into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as an approach for addressing betrayal trauma. As someone deeply invested in mind-body trauma recovery, I’ve seen how betrayal can disrupt a person’s natural rhythms of connection, safety, and self-trust, leading to cycles of rumination and emotional distress. In addition to ACT, I have also incorporated mind-body practices like breathwork, mindful movement, or somatic experiencing into my healing practices, which have helped me address the physiological impact of trauma and restore a sense of safety in the body. These practices complement cognitive approaches by grounding the healing process in the body's innate wisdom. When we address both the mind and the body, we can often access deeper levels of healing and move toward greater acceptance and peace.
Excellent video! The ACT method is a game changer. In my experience although CBT is a very effective and powerful tool it just does not work for betrayal trauma. In my experience when you have been betrayed the person that betrays you will gaslight and deny over and over and over again which distorts your reality and ability to see things as they are. 😢
Good tips. Fortunately, my incident stems from a close friend breaking off contact for no reason ever given so the darvo never occured. I am glad this hadnt happened as it meant i can now distance my thoughts as thoughts even more.
The hardest part of this all is not the fact that i cannot trust. It's the fact that i want to trust (or maybe i don't 😬) and i know that if i get betrayed again, I'll hate myself more because i always knew from the beginning i should have never trusted again in the first place!
Got retraumatized at work. Be careful which therapist you choose. My advice: go only to a trauma therapist (specialized in treating trauma) like NARM therapy
Betrayal trauma is usually easy to overcome with time. It is long-term trauma that is problematic. Betrayal is one and done. Longterm mental and physical trauma takes a much stronger person but then again makes some people even stronger so there is a benefit.
I tried to get help from a VA therapist, she poked and prodded me until I had an 'episode' then told me it was all in my head, then wanted to give me some pills... forget that. All I learned so far is that a spouce can hurt you way more than any stranger can. We are still together after a year but I don't trust her one bit anymore. Its like living in a nightmare. Only death will set me free.
thanks :) good reminders on handling the feelings and thoughts. betrayal can be very hard for me to move through because it is very difficult for me to imagine why anyone would want to do it to another person. if i let my thinking go too far, i start going black & white and believe that everyone is just untrustworthy and wants to hurt others when i reality things are just so messy so much of the time. perspective on the fact that this isn't my whole life helps a little as well and keeps me from universalizing. thanks again i needed these.
Thanks this is helpful. A great reminder of important skills for any situation. I’ve realized my feelings are keeping me stuck in this situation and making it hard for me to make a decision regarding my unfaithful partner. So I’m working on feeling my fear, uncertainty and pain so I can have a clear mind to decide.
I made my mistakes in the beginning for years later to be betrayed for them and have them thrown in my face. A person who says they forgive you but truly doesn’t is your worst enemy. “You messed my head up” is the excuse that was given to me 7years in the relationship for something that happened in the first 2
This caused so many problems for me with trusting people and effected my relationships in a major way. I would have constant nightmares about it to. Took Mr so long to get over the rejection and hurt. 😢 😢
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, Doctor Greg Mushrooms he is a great man of God who has the great insight on psychedelic and mushroom. He will guide you on how to use mushrooms to get good trip.
This video blows my mind away😮 I never expected to came across such video and it's going to be very useful for me 🙂..in my coming days of my life Thanks a lot Mam ❤ I love the work u do to provide information and awareness 🙏
I had issues with this in the past from my early childhood and I don't exactly recall my childhood so much of my early childhood anmesa, but I came to terms with this but I to get stressed and overwhelmed at times but I had became better with this to this point in my life.
Thanks. It seems I did the right thing. Still caught in the tourmoil though. I started straight on by writing down all the facts and a timeline. Then the logical reasons for my arguments. It has ben a tremendus help all the way through the behavior described in the episode. I choose to understand/forgive but not forget. Learn and live…
Thank you for this, I've made loads of progress on my own, using these techniques intuitively, and now I have some better vocabulary for my experiences ❤
GREAT video. Thank you. Creating space between you and the thought/emotion. So important. Acknowledge the thought/emotion and recognize it is just a thought/emotion. Powerful.
Betrayal trauma hurts more when you did everything you could to help this person and were loyal to them, only for them to throw you to the wolves.
I feel you
100%.
It’s incredibly painful when you’ve given everything to someone, and they turn their back on you. It feels like you invested so much, only to be left vulnerable. Have you found that the healing process has made you reflect on what you might need to change in future relationships, or is it more about understanding how to protect yourself better emotionally?
I completely understand how painful betrayal can feel, especially when you've given your all to someone and expected the same loyalty in return. It’s incredibly tough when that trust is broken. Have you found anything that has helped you start to heal from this experience, or are you still in the process of figuring it out? Sometimes it can be a journey of rediscovering trust in yourself first.
I totally agree. Betrayal trauma cuts so deeply because it violates the trust and connection you built with someone you cared about with your whole heart. When you’ve poured your energy into helping someone and staying loyal, only to be discarded, it’s not just the betrayal of the relationship-it’s also a betrayal of the version of yourself who believed in them. You’re not alone, and your journey toward safety and self-compassion is a courageous act of self-love. Wishing you the best moving forward.
It’s bloody hard to really trust people anymore
Ikr believe me I'm trying to
I don’t know how anymore
I think it’s very helpful to realize that people do what they do because of them and not because of us.
Their action are based on their own needs. We have a tendency to think that we are the reasons they did what we didn’t like, but it was my experience that people have their own wars and they act accordingly. It has very little to do with us.
Stay strong. I'm sure you know, it's a long process. These techniques have really helped me begin healing from family issues, childhood beliefs and relationship cheating.
Totally.. everyone just messes with you 😞
Betrayal is the most hurtful pain I've ever experienced in my life 😢
Me too. 😢
@@Mamabear1320-h4k I agree. It is like a Hell that you think will never end. I am sorry you suffered too. I am just experiencing it. It will get easier, but currently almost unbearable. I am brave and will be ok..... eventually.
In "The Inferno" by Dante, the lowest level of Hell is occupied by people who betray. It's a pleasant thought, in a dark sort of way. Always got to be careful not to become what you hate.
Why not? It’s a fucking jungle, anyway.
Betrayal- the gift which keeps on giving ! It should be a crime.
🥰
Facts! 💯
This actually made me laugh 😂😂😂 thank you for this ❤
It's worse, it's a sin.
I lost my job because my former coworker spread lies about me to my supervisors behind my back, and everything has been a struggle. I'm tired of trusting people.
I'm so sorry. Your income being affected can sometimes feel like the worst kinds of betrayal. We (and I mean me too) have to learn to trust the right people. Not everyone wants to hurt us.
Narcissist Smear Campaign
And why didn't you defend yourself?
@@Finnv893 probably like me; the person does it behind your back and it’s difficult to keep up with correcting the lies
@DawgyinaField Those are very hard to prove. I, myself, about 10 years ago reported to HR a manager that was acting inappropriately (doing behaviors we were taught in demanded ethics training every year not to do). But HR goes after the person that is a threat “to the company”, which became me. I tried to fight back but it’s near impossible. I learned from many others, the best option is to put up with it or walk away. Don’t go to your company’s HR. And this person would have had a “lot” of documentation and good/great performance reviews to even get near the ability to get a law suit. It does suck; but such is life.
Family betrayals are very painful.
It’s the worst kind of betrayal.
Absolutely: When it goes directly to identity, self concept, ability, relationship to life, agency, performance and more, I can’t think of anything worse.
This seems particularly steep when it’s family doing it to one another in ways that ruin each other’s lives. And for several, the betrayal was irreversible.
Yes that’s so true.
I've had three big betrayals with peers in my adolescence, I'm 25 now and in therapy over this. I thought I had lost my sanity in my youth.
Hopefully you have met better people.
@@M_SC Worlds better, thank you.
Your youth isn’t even over! I’m glad you get to enjoy the rest of it with better people :)
Got out of a toxic relationship a year ago. It was a lifelong friend that I have had since childhood. When we began a relationship I was over the moon, I figured since we knew each other so well and cared for each other so deeply as friends our relationship would be amazing. boy was I wrong. I think betrayal trauma can happen when you thought you knew someone's character and who they were, and you have years of experience to back up those beliefs, years of good memories and times when they seemed empathetic, yet suddenly they transform into someone completely different - cold, uncaring, blame shifting, callous, passive aggressive, controlling, and manipulative. The cognitivie dissonance still has a strong grip on me one year out. I am still wondering what I Could have done better or differently to make us work, and still feel shattered thinking about how she moved on so easily while I am still confused and broken trying to make sense of everything. This video is really helpful, thank you
I hope things are better for you now. That was her loss.
I'm really sorry to hear you've been through such a painful experience. It’s incredibly tough when someone you thought you knew deeply turns out to be so different. The cognitive dissonance you’re feeling is completely normal; it’s a process of reconciling the person you thought they were with who they turned out to be. It’s hard not to replay things in your mind, wondering what you could have done differently. But, sometimes we can't control how others change or behave.
Have you been able to take any steps towards healing? How do you feel about moving forward from this, now that you’ve had time to reflect?
Spousal betrayal makes you feel humiliated… so hard to ever trust again.
It’s truly devastating to experience such betrayal, and rebuilding trust can feel impossible. Do you think it’s more about learning to trust others again, or finding a way to trust yourself after such a painful experience?
I swear ! I just got ghosted after 9 months . It’s eating me up life real …
The worst is when your father or mother do not defend you. That can break anyone. Just letting people be aware how damaging that can be. I am done with society as a whole. I heard someone say that this construct is a huge mind game. It really is.
That's the worst, when mom doesn't defend...😢 That's when I found I had to really go deep within to strengthen myself and love myself more..
This 'Betrayal Rumination' topic immediately brought my mother to mind. Man, how she betrayed (and belittled) me, throughout my childhood, adolescence, but sadly, also well into my fifties. She about destroyed me, and I feel certain had an extremely detrimental effect on my mental health, with her covert (and not so covert) narcissism. After an adulthood scattered with a variety of psychiatric disorders, I have finally wound up with a diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder, and at the age of 60, I am finally figuring out the main source of my emotional distress - after decades of therapy.
Listen… you are you.
You have a light within you that can never be diminished
God be with you my friend
I'm sending you love and understanding. I used to call my "mother" Hittler's half-sister. People with nice moms are lucky.
Man I was stabbed in the back by a "friend" a little over a year ago and that DARVO breakdown was spot on, that is EXACTLY what she tried to do lol
Yes, I had the same thing happen 😢
My leech of a (so called) best friend did this
My parents!!! Good thing I saw this video in my 30s. I have rest of my life, I will heal and love myself
Betrayal sucks mentally... especially when it results in major physical/medical/financial trouble
I'm going through it now. Some days I don't even eat or sleep
@@ThesolarmisfitI sincerely hope that watching these videos gives you hope that even the littlest thing you do is something that helps you.
@@Thesolarmisfitim going through it right now did it get better?
I have been betrayed by many people in my life. Especially because it was in and outside the home. I had nowhere to escape, and no one to talk to. It took nearly two decades to learn to trust people again.
It sounds like you've been through an incredibly difficult journey, and it’s admirable that you’ve managed to rebuild trust after so much pain. What do you think was the turning point that helped you start trusting again? Or do you feel the process is still ongoing in some ways?
This is exactly what I went through with my former business partners. The vicious lies that they told about me in order to have me fired really hurts! And the one that created all the lies was my step sister who was one of my business partners!!!!!
I’m sick of helping and doing favors for people that never help me in return.
I believe in compassion, but we need to be careful of how much of ourselves we give away. And to never be a doormat.
I would do it because I want to if not I won't, but defo not expect something in return, the feeling you get from helping should be enough. People change through beautiful acts of kindness. Keep it up ;) x
Quiet quit. Stop doing favors without telling them. Don’t do them anymore favors and then start asking for favors. You will get your answer.
Il say something here no one says.. you are accepted for who you are and as you are. You have nothing to prove nothing to do but to treat yourself and let those who don't appreciate that just pass you by. Give yourself the give of you. Note your worth more than you think 🤔
We give to give, not to receive. However, if someone doesn’t treat us well or we notice something negative about them, then it’s best to stop giving and stay away from those people.
Betrayal should be considered a heavy crime by law! The damage caused to victims is countless and is not treated in just one way and is not cured quickly. The attackers had to pay extra compensation to the victims, who knows, maybe they would betray less! I have been betrayed by a romantic partner, by friends, by family and by companies I worked for. I only recommend this to my worst enemy, because these betrayals are horrible and that of romantic partners and family are the worst betrayals there are.
Those betrayals changes you, and not in a good way. I don't know if one day I will feel better again. Probably I won't!
I've been betrayed by two people just in few months. one of them was my partner, the other my best friend and they both hurt me in the past and the pain still stays. I now have a partner who's always there for me and reassures me that I'm okay and that I was the victim, even my friends admit that. however, my mind can be tricky and play games with me, especially because of the darvo (which shocked me with how accurately did it match both the situations). I'm honestly glad that I've found this video, thank you for spreading awareness about this and helping people see deeper into their problems even without having to pay for a therapy session❤
Thank you doctor for breaking this type of betrayal down I've never heard of such therapy. That betrayal hurt so bad that I had to go into therapy. I will be seeking out the acceptance therapy to help me even more!!! Every detail you described in this video is what I have been going through!!!!
❤❤❤❤❤
Out of all the videos I’ve watched online regarding betrayal, this one is by far the most practical and straight forward approach that’s actually been helping me get through this nightmare.
My God, these videos are always so helpful. Ruminating is like autoplay on TH-cam, for your thoughts. It's difficult to turn off the video (thoughts) so sometimes it helps to acknowledge that I am ruminating a past hurt.
This is so hard to process😔
Especially when the other person doesn’t take accountability for their actions.
Seriously?! I'm completely clear on who betrayed me and just how significantly it affected my life. They will never feel remorse or try to make even a small gesture to make amends. The anger is not abating. I became bitter. I have no shame. They should feel shame. They wronged me, and they will die thinking there's nothing to even apologise for. I do know my values and goals, but the anger keeps returning. They will never pay their debt for perpetrating evil.
Let me tell you, they will pay. The universe is the soul of life and the Bible is real. If you mess with God‘s chosen children you will have ill health and financial problems and so many other things will go wrong. That person who hurt you might be on Facebook looking all happy and wonderful but trust me behind the scenes they are miserable. They know what they did, you had a light that shined brighter than theirs and they hated you for that and that’s why they targeted you. Try and move forward as hard as it is to let that anger go. It’s poisoning your soul through anxiety and anger. I get it for sure and have been in your shoes and still feel the rage, but let me just tell you that most of the people who betrayed me are now dead or dying and that terrifies me, it terrifies me because I know and see the power of God and what does He say? “vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord”
@@thirstonhowellthebird
Omg ❤❤❤I read everything on this post and you are sooo right. I couldn’t have wrote this better. I was married for 31yrs and he cheated within the first 5 years and all his family and friends knew that he was cheating. I had no clue as I was working 2 jobs and he was disrespecting my home and my own bedroom. Fast forward got caught and never left with her. It was my home but he wanted me to leave. Stayed and rode this marriage some more. Now we 10yrs in 1999 and here comes another discovery affair 😮 I was done. Fast forward 4 More years and I said I was moving to another state to start over. He decided he was sorry and wanted to come with. Big mistake of minds. Yep only made it easier to cheat because he was still having contacts with the affair partners as if they was besties. Fast forward 16 yrs and all of sudden he got ill 😷 and didn’t make it. After caring for him I found out he was having a full blown affair double life with a childhood friend for 4 yrs and family and friends knew. Yep she bragged about been his soulmate and been happy now and miss him as if she was the widow. Friends and family rallying around her as if she was the wife that had to pay and buried this man. You are right many betrayed me but a lot are not good enough to be in my new season. God see everything . Two betrayers are ill and one is going blind and the other is an alcoholic. I thank God for my blessings and I need to keep my head up.
im literally feeling the exact same right now. just cant seem to move past these thoughts
Thank you for this. For 23 years I had an abuser do this to me. At one point I lived with multiple betrayers/ abusers. At one point I blamed myself for how they treated me. It took along time to just realize these people are toxic and I have a choice, I can leave. No contact. I thought I would naturally heal over time but. I'm finding myself in rumination over extended periods of time, thus losing track of time. And sometime if I encounter an interaction/ altercation I start reliving the betrayal scenes in my head again. And I have to take time to calm myself down, and try to remind myself it is not happening now. Since I might need extra help.
I didn't know what this was till now. I rumminated for over 5 years because of horrifically selfish so called friend. It hurt so much. I didn't truss anyone and ruined new potential friendships. I'm still unlearning bad behavior over a different friend before this one. I really feel like im starting to heal. This is going to help me heal more.
The woman who protected and enabled my abuser is the one who gave me betrayal trauma. She was a literal feminist activist and yet, she protected my male abuser to prevent a scandal that would tarnish her image as a progessive hero. She is likely a communal narcissist.
I believe you 💯. It is beyond sickening. Feel all of your anger. It is righteous anger. If accountability was possible it would be a good thing. Also I don’t believe in Karma. I hope you find a way to heal - this is the most horrid of traumas to face.
THANK YOU!
I was in therapy for a bit and the therapists kept telling me to “think about it differently” when it comes to my abuse trauma. Like, lady, I’m supposed to think about my parent beating me into a pulp differently? Differently how??
And omg the gaslighting is unreal. My parents convinced themselves what they did was just. That they were good people for beating me because that’s how kids should be disciplined. wtf.
I was betrayed more than once and it left a void within me. I don't trust anyone anymore, not even myself to some extent. Nowadays, I only take people serious enough once they have proved their claim, whatever they may be. If they fail to prove that their claim is true, I start to despise them, and go on with my life, or, with what's left of it anyway.
Only God is deserving of trust.
Feeling these feelings is scary especially with a history of “anger”
but honestly allowing space for these emotions helps immensely, some days tho when I allow myself to feel I get so low. A few times I contemplated ending my life but that is when I realize that I need to cut off the feeling for a bit or I went deeper than I was ready for.
Thank you for this and thank you for giving a name to this demon
1:03 the visuals for this are fire! Bbq sauce shower, nose picking watching tv 😂 kudos to the person who made my day.
Dr. Marks videos are very engaging 😁
very funny :D
jesus... talk about algorithms... it's been almost 3 months and i only just learned the proper term a week ago, and now this channel I've followed because of narcissism discussions is now talking about the exact problem I'm living with right now.
Fr my phone is always listening, but every once in a while, it gives me some good content that might actually help and it’s these moments I’m happy about it 🥲 like “maybe stop sending me propaganda, but the self help vids are nice. Thanks FBI agent!” 😂
Years ago i would of laughed when someone said do some mindfulness, but it really is very helpful. Every single time I spiral into a panic attack,I check in with myself and work through what am feeling. It don't take the problem away but helps me massively. You're videos are fantastic help and support thank you ,from Aimee in the UK 🇬🇧 😊
Dr Marks, you need to do a video about perimenopause and the brain ASAP. Please 🙏
It's so important that you talk about how to heal from these intrusive thoughts rather than to go on therapy and keep ruminating over the betray.
Thank you so much Dr Marks ❤❤❤
That’s a great point. All you do in Therapy is rehash it over and over again.
Thank you for stating that. I’ve been to one therapist after another. They really have no clue how to help. That don’t understand the true real pain that can come from huge betrayals from family members over years and years. I really wonder why people that don’t have empathy for others even remain as a therapist. You end up having to get over more pain from an uninterested or unskilled therapist
Narcissist find their victims quite easily. These perpetrators have antennas. Narcissist parent- emotional abuse ( betrayal). Truly sucks!
It's especially easy for them when they target their kids.
These are thee best mental health videos on TH-cam! God bless you Dr. Marks!
This life-changing content is incredibly validating and valuable. It took me 2 decades of therapy to find ACT and it has changed everything for me. I cannot believe how much better I feel after only a year and a half. Sometimes im like wow! Is this how healthy people experience life, even sometimes?! No wonder everything was so much more difficult for me. It all makes perfect sense now.
Such a succinct and clear description of ACT. It has been very helpful to me. With CBT, I got in this spiral of arguing with myself over how the healthier thoughts might not be true and I really was poo. ACT has given me a lot more peace. Thanks for the video!
Thank you Dr. Marks for your expertise!
My pleasure!
My father betrayed me and he was my favourite parent, I’m 22 and still struggling with this. Anytime I see fathers and their children I get reminding of my past.
3 months out from D-day with my WW, didn't know I needed this video
It's grief work too. Validate your perception and feelings.
This was one of the clearest, spot-on and most helpful videos I’ve ever watched.
This subject on betrayal is very general.
Wow, this was soooo good. Definitely will be looking into ACT therapy as I have been dealing with betrayal trauma that lead to divorce. The rumination is absolutely mind blowing. I want to take my power back and not be controlled by trauma for the rest of my life. Thank you so much for making this video.❤
Tracy marks is the best!!!
Thank you, Dr. Marks, for sharing this valuable insight into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as an approach for addressing betrayal trauma. As someone deeply invested in mind-body trauma recovery, I’ve seen how betrayal can disrupt a person’s natural rhythms of connection, safety, and self-trust, leading to cycles of rumination and emotional distress.
In addition to ACT, I have also incorporated mind-body practices like breathwork, mindful movement, or somatic experiencing into my healing practices, which have helped me address the physiological impact of trauma and restore a sense of safety in the body. These practices complement cognitive approaches by grounding the healing process in the body's innate wisdom. When we address both the mind and the body, we can often access deeper levels of healing and move toward greater acceptance and peace.
Excellent video! The ACT method is a game changer. In my experience although CBT is a very effective and powerful tool it just does not work for betrayal trauma. In my experience when you have been betrayed the person that betrays you will gaslight and deny over and over and over again which distorts your reality and ability to see things as they are. 😢
Got a notice this time, let's check it out.
Good tips. Fortunately, my incident stems from a close friend breaking off contact for no reason ever given so the darvo never occured. I am glad this hadnt happened as it meant i can now distance my thoughts as thoughts even more.
Thank you Dr Marks, as always.
The hardest part of this all is not the fact that i cannot trust. It's the fact that i want to trust (or maybe i don't 😬) and i know that if i get betrayed again, I'll hate myself more because i always knew from the beginning i should have never trusted again in the first place!
WOW 😳 you amaze me with every presentation Dr Marks.
You’re wonderful Dr Tracey thank you for offering these things 🦋📝
This video has helped me so much. I am going through it with my job.
Got retraumatized at work. Be careful which therapist you choose. My advice: go only to a trauma therapist (specialized in treating trauma) like NARM therapy
In other words, recovering from being gaslighted
No. Lmao
@@eriamhsl3841 uh yes. That's where DARVO originated from
Betrayal trauma is usually easy to overcome with time. It is long-term trauma that is problematic. Betrayal is one and done. Longterm mental and physical trauma takes a much stronger person but then again makes some people even stronger so there is a benefit.
Thank you for making this video.
Tears started halfway through and I had to watch the second half several times.
I tried to get help from a VA therapist, she poked and prodded me until I had an 'episode' then told me it was all in my head, then wanted to give me some pills... forget that. All I learned so far is that a spouce can hurt you way more than any stranger can. We are still together after a year but I don't trust her one bit anymore. Its like living in a nightmare. Only death will set me free.
thanks :) good reminders on handling the feelings and thoughts. betrayal can be very hard for me to move through because it is very difficult for me to imagine why anyone would want to do it to another person. if i let my thinking go too far, i start going black & white and believe that everyone is just untrustworthy and wants to hurt others when i reality things are just so messy so much of the time. perspective on the fact that this isn't my whole life helps a little as well and keeps me from universalizing. thanks again i needed these.
Thanks this is helpful. A great reminder of important skills for any situation.
I’ve realized my feelings are keeping me stuck in this situation and making it hard for me to make a decision regarding my unfaithful partner. So I’m working on feeling my fear, uncertainty and pain so I can have a clear mind to decide.
Thank you. Point on and timely..... 😊
Timely topic, thank you
🤗
PRECISELY.
Thank you
I made my mistakes in the beginning for years later to be betrayed for them and have them thrown in my face. A person who says they forgive you but truly doesn’t is your worst enemy. “You messed my head up” is the excuse that was given to me 7years in the relationship for something that happened in the first 2
Thank you Dr Tracey👏🏽👍🏽🌺
It really helps to put words to feelings. Thank You Dr. Tracey Marks.
I've been through this in psychiatric wards to the point that I no longer have any trust.
Thank you! This is the word I needed today! I received your email.
For me talk therapy help me the most and meds of course to stopping rumination 😊
Thank you so much that is happening to me
I’ll never trust the same again. Completely changed me.
This caused so many problems for me with trusting people and effected my relationships in a major way. I would have constant nightmares about it to. Took Mr so long to get over the rejection and hurt. 😢 😢
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
People need to realise that people with anxiety disorders have oversensitised nerves, it's not a simple case of manning up and getting over it.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, Doctor Greg Mushrooms he is a great man of God who has the great insight on psychedelic and mushroom. He will guide you on how to use mushrooms to get good trip.
Please, how do I reach doctor Greg?
He’s on the internet
berd betraleyed me my wound is very deep
This was SO helpful! Thank you SO much! Listened this morning. Saved. Subscribed. Commenting. Thank! Maria
Thanks💌
Very concise and helpful video. Thank you so much. I will watch more of your video in my quest for recovery.
This video blows my mind away😮
I never expected to came across such video and it's going to be very useful for me 🙂..in my coming days of my life
Thanks a lot Mam ❤
I love the work u do to provide information and awareness 🙏
I had issues with this in the past from my early childhood and I don't exactly recall my childhood so much of my early childhood anmesa, but I came to terms with this but I to get stressed and overwhelmed at times but I had became better with this to this point in my life.
God Bless Dr. Marks. . .❤❤Suffarage😌
Absolutely correct,
Thanks. It seems I did the right thing. Still caught in the tourmoil though. I started straight on by writing down all the facts and a timeline. Then the logical reasons for my arguments. It has ben a tremendus help all the way through the behavior described in the episode. I choose to understand/forgive but not forget. Learn and live…
Thank you for this, I've made loads of progress on my own, using these techniques intuitively, and now I have some better vocabulary for my experiences ❤
Great video. Simple and straight to the point.
Wow I found this video extremely helpful, thank you so much
The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
Ernest Hemingway
28 years of marital trust out the window.
GREAT video. Thank you. Creating space between you and the thought/emotion. So important. Acknowledge the thought/emotion and recognize it is just a thought/emotion. Powerful.
This is so good!!!
i've been strugling with this for a few months. thanks for helping.
You are só smart! Thanks for ALL your vídeos.
Thank you very much. 🙏🏽
DARVO ❤❤❤ thank you 🙏🏾 ACT sounds like doing shadow work basically!
You're super, thank you again!!!
Thank you m'am 🤗!
ACT thank goodness
Hi Tracey. Love your videos. Your explanation is spot on. Have you heard of EMDR? I did EMDR to get rid of my betrayal trauma and it was excellent.
Thanks for yr videos Dr. Tracy ❤