Parts Language Isn't Neutral
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ค. 2024
- Claudia discusses her issues with "parts" language and its prevalence in our community
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parts language genuinely makes our dissociation worse and increases discord within the system because it isn't just accurate for us
It’s wild so many clinicians can’t imagine how dissociative it is inherently to be ignored and dehumanized. Like….dissociation decreases when you stop being talked over and defined by others. Who could imagine that
Parts language both heavily clinicizes plurality and reduces the actual experiences of plurality. It has never sat right with me- it makes us feel even more isolated, alone, more "insane". Thank you for speaking on this, Claudia.
This is a good take. Parts language has never felt right to us, now we have a better understanding why. Thanks
Hi, yes, thank you!!!! Our IFS experience led to months of everyone trying to "be the same" and it OBVIOUSLY made the dissociation worse, cuz no one has an actual identity at that point
Thank you for taking on this topic Claudia.
We totally agree with your take, and think that you explained the reasons that parts language isn't neutral very well. We also appreciate that you made a point of saying that systems who use parts language in self-reference is perfectly okay, and that the problem is the use of parts language to refer to headmates as generalized terminology.
We have a lot of problems with parts language being used as neutral terminology, and it makes a lot of DID spaces and therapists completely inaccessible to us. Most conferences, especially medical conferences, make heavy use of parts language and it is very uncomfortable to have someone apply that so widely.
We actually wrote a research paper pretty recently about how a lot of the practices outlined in the ISSTD guidelines are counterproductive for therapy, and about the history of how DID as a diagnosis is designed to dehumanize system members both as a theoretical matter and in practice. Parts language as a medical standard is an important part of that history, and we think that it is important for as many systems as possible to learn about the purpose and intent behind parts language.
The assertion that headmates aren't people in their own right isn't based on anything empirical, it's a choice made by psychologists to reinforce their own biases in regard to personhood. We don't know how sapience manifests in the brain, and until that time we can't make empirical statements about what people are in actuality. So until hard evidence comes out about topics like that, we can comfortably say that parts language is intentionally used to reinforce singlet biases about what people are, and enable them to do things to headmates that would be objectionable if done to any person.
(Edited some grammar)
Would you be willing to let us read that paper? it sounds interesting :) -Lorelai (Starlights)
That last paragraph could do some heavy lifting in conversations I'm anticipating with any therapist/s we might have in the future - I'm just gonna go ahead and memorise it if that's OK!
@@lorelaid8036 Sure! We can send the file over discord~
@@thephoenixsystem6765 Feel free! Hope it helps with any potential conversations.
We've never really had a problem with parts language, but you bring up some really good points. We've never thought about how it could be seen as dehumanizing to some. So thanks for bringing that to our attention.
so we’re going into the field of psychology as a system and i hate parts language with a burning passion. it’s used so often and it’s so awkward and uncomfortable.
when it comes up in discussions in college i try to mention that it’s like saying you’re *only* part of your family. you’re just the younger sibling, for example, and you have no other traits than being The Youngest Sibling. friends, relationships, likes, dislikes, hobbies do not define you, only this one small, restrictive aspect of your being defines you. it tends to at least get people thinking about it and the language this field uses towards people and systems.
when talking about this to people in school who know we’re a system, i usually remind them that by this Parts-Language logic i (the one who goes to class and talks to people outside our system) am still just a part of this system. if my system-mates are just “parts” then so am i. i’m just the “part” who tries to deal with in-person social interactions and all other aspects of my personality that they’ve come to know would be irrelevant with this logic.
Reminds me of how many characters in The Crown have their identities erased or overwritten with their role in the Royal Family.
@@graymonk5972 yes this is so important. People on the outside tend to imagine that 1) they only know one, stable person and 2) that’s the “main” one or encompasses everyone else in the system. Total bs. If we were to spend less time socializing with people (for example in some wild situation like a pandemic where everyone had to stay inside for months) the ones who socialize with people outside the most who therefore are thought of as the “main ones” to outsiders would front so much less
My first therapist used parts language and it became an issue eventually because we were viewing my system VERY differently.
Ugh ain't that just the way 🙄
Thank you so much for talking about this! This part language and the whole thing "you're just dissociated parts of one person" makes us so angry, just... they don't even have any arguments for that? I don't know how weird definition of a person they would have to come up with to justify their opinions. Even "one person is one human body" won't work, because conjoined twins are in their eyes separate people I suppose? And so many systems just accept the "parts", "identities", "personalities" and other dehumanizng terminology and go with it, and we know they are allowed to call themselves as they wish, but it leaves us feeling ever more alone in that all... Like, maybe we are just the weird ones for willing to not be reffered to as things...
We know we need help with our preasumed DID/OSDD, but we're so scared that therapists won't accept us as a separate individuals that we are. It's heartbreaking that our community has to literally fight for the right to being treated as people...
we really related to this video, thanks for posting it! we were lucky that while our therapist initially tried the IFS language on us, she was eventually able to come on board with understanding our system as a whole, and us as individuals. but i REALLY remember those early days and how angry it made me specifically to be labeled a "part" (and "an angry part" at that!).
I agree that this is de-humanizing I am the host of a system and this is a terrible way to refer to a system member in our opinion thank you for the great content
Good for you for sticking up for yours and other alters personhood. To all non host alters: you are not an IFS “part” or just a “sexual alter,” “little,” “middle” or “protector.” You are a person.
thanks for this. parts language was really confusing when we were working with an ifs therapist who likely viewed it as neutral and helpful. we are still working through a lot of the damage that did to our system and the way we communicate. thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience, claudia.
-kyle
Exactly. There's quite a lot of anti-plural people who like to use the argument "if you treat them separately, it'll just make things worse"! I personally don't agree with that, at least for us, we're just shy a few years of turning 30 and the only way we've survived *is by* treating ourselves as separate people. Telling someone "oh, you're just the angry one, depressed one, etc"! Is so heartless, awful, and like you said, incredibly dehumanizing. (Again, just our opinion - people can use it if they wish, just not for us).
It’s because they can’t fathom the idea of the existence of healthy systems. They only see it as a problem. Being plural isn’t the disorder imho. Being isolated from one another and unable to communicate is.
Claudia, I don't always agree with everything you say, but still I want to listen to it because it leads to understanding.
I also know you had a bad experience with the IFS therapist, which probably for you did help contribute to the negative connotation for that word.
We do not like the word if implies that anyone is not a person, an identity wholly and completely themself.
Respecting the individual as a complete self is important.
But we are okay with the word part with ourselves. We needed to embrace that each of us were part of the same system. We needed to work together, share the body, function in the outer world. Together. At that same time respecting and celebrating to many differences. Seeing ourselves as part of a system works for us.
But I really appreciated that you shared your thoughts on why you find the use negative and non neutral. It has helped me see how you and others see it in a negative context and will help me to be more aware in the future. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
This is actually a really helpful point you've laid out, at least for us... We're still fighting to get into a therapy, and in a misguided attempt to handle our own healing and integration by ourselves, we've spent the past 18 months or so talking about various alters as "a Sim part" or "a Mona part"... Because we've had a handful of good fusions and were looking to kind of make more happen by trying to force our perspectives into seeing groups of ourselves as parts of one single thing...
After 18 months, all it seems to have done is lower the resolution of what we understand about ourselves and each other. We're not any more integrated or fused, we're just more... vague, directionless, confused and generally just at a loss as to how to manage ourselves.
Turns out, for us, even having multiple categories for what an alter can be "part of" has been no help at all. So we're just at the point where we're starting to let ourselves recognise each other more properly.
As a result of all this trying to mush ourselves up into fewer pieces, even though I don't feel particularly dissociated, I don't even know what name to sign this comment with.
I think Zoey is here though. Hi from Zoey, and thanks :')
TL;DR: THIS.
Thank you for this video, it covers our most important thoughts on Parts Language, and why we do heavily dislike it.
We do have some in-depth thoughts on it that we rarely talk about, including why it sometimes gets used naturally, and why some people defend it, without them necessarily meaning to deny Personhood.
We rarely talk about this because it is usually more important to us to get treated as people and make our thoughts on that topic clear, than argue detailed semantics on how to talk about specific inner experiences. Still, we will share here.
The only justification we find for Parts Language is to talk about commonalities between people in the system - how we influence each other, how we have overlapping reactions to some things, and so on. Essentially, concepts related to Passive Influence.
However, we still massively dislike it when others apply Parts Language to us, even if it is strictly to do the above.
Because the above can also be done without Parts Language.
Talking about how e.g. we all have (a specific anxiety reaction) that we mostly know from (system member X), but others also get that reaction even if X is barely present, can also be done without Parts Language.
It is of course useful to think about why such reactions are compartmentalized, and how they interact within the system. In other words, why does (system member X) have the (specific anxiety), and why are others subjected to it, when e.g. other strong reactions (e.g. trauma triggers) are not?
That can be done with Personhood language, as we just demonstrated. We typically find this more useful. We sometimes try with Parts Language - just for ourselves, purely to analyse a specific reaction, not reducing anyone to "a part" but more visualising the reaction as a point in a venn diagram (where each circle is still a person). We do not get much use out of it. However, we can see how it might be useful to others?
However, being individually useful, or easier to think about, does not justify using it to talk about others, nor does it justify denying others personhood (which in our opinion includes anyones own system members).
Thank you again for the video, hopefully these musings are not unwelcome.
God, exactly. When we were still in therapy our last therapist kept pushing parts language until we sent her a strongly worded email explaining how we are people and we won't settle for being treated as less. Then she started respecting us, probably just because she knew we wouldn't put up with anything else
May be a weird question, but any tips for a system where members want to explore individuality but we're by and large very afraid of being seen as plural because of how external people have reacted to even just the passive influence of different system members?
You can always find hobbies you can do on your own that you can individually explore!
@@WeAreAlexandra this might be a way to go, sometimes people grab front during different activities. Have the problem of most people being very furtive and not wanting to say who they are tho 😅 but maybe just trying to build inner acceptance will help this over time? (ideas welcome)
Apparently TH-cam decided I should not be watching your channel…..It took so long to get here despite searching for your exact channel name.
i honestly use the word parts for my system because it’s short and sweet and gets across that we are all parts of one dissociated consciousness and not entirely separate people, but i understand where you’re coming from and that a lot of systems want to treat their system members as individuals. maybe it might be because i try to take a more clinical approach to my disorder but it just helps us make sense of why someone exists in our system? like apparently normal part and emotional part. like for example, “mira fronted recently, and she is an emotional part who holds the ugly emotions that come with our abandonment issues.” i also feel that tiktok has brought a sort of stigma to the word alter or system member and that people will see me as a trendhopper if i use it. in my case it just feels more logical. i haven’t heard any complaints from our system but then again our communication isn’t great. i only use the word system members or alters for other systems, not parts, because i know that the way everyone copes with their disorder is different, but that’s just my perspective. thank you for opening my eyes to why it could be perceived as dehumanizing language
Thank you so so much for making this Claudia. This was extremely succinct and well-put. ❤️❤️
Thank you. Personally, I have protectors and persecutors that have always gotten instinctively outright viscerally angry when anyone refers to us with parts language, even if we sometimes use it ourselves to describe certain *select* situations. I have absolutely never met a human being who was self-aware, conscious, and mindful enough to do something like use parts language without subconsciously dehumanizing and invalidating the system on the other end of it. The etymology itself is inherently dismissive in this scenario. I agree with you that systems can do whatever they want with their own system, but as a community, it should be one of our top priorities to make sure that anybody observing the community or interacting with systems/educating on systems is aware that all of the information that may apply to us personally may not only be inaccurate about and for other systems, but could actively damage other systems to have it applied to them. And oh my god, don't even get me started on people bringing up internal family systems to make sense of DID/OSDD.
Our system has always had a problem with parts language, even before we found out about ourselves. And I'm glad to see that other people also have a problem with it.
Additionally for us the use of parts language does not even apply due to our system structure being so fluid and albeit slowly constantly changing. And each entity is as different from one another as any singlet
this breaks my heart because I've only recently started accepting that we're a system and i realise i use parts language with loved ones sometimes so they're not scared of us? Like i dehumanize our system members (including myself) so that singlets aren't *scared* by who we actually are. And that's hella depressing.
Thanks for this video Claudia. I think it'll help me and other system members come to terms with how we're using our language to reflect back our trauma to ourselves.
I think parts language is also misleading when used for systems because of parts work therapy for singlets. I'm likely a singlet (I've had therapists suggest I may be a system, but I think I just have severe depersonalization and cptsd) and do parts work with different aspect of myself that came to be due to trauma. It is reiterated that those parts aren't full people, but conflicting aspects of my own self state. When people use parts language with systems, it seems to confuse all parties involved into not recognizing them as full individuals.
We really related to this. Thank you
I wonder if some of this is a downside of IFS not being explicitly designated as a “for singlet” framing. I resonate with IFS, and I’m in a system … but I DON’T think my headmates are pieces of me (and it was really cool to hear you mention that in this video just because it made me realize that even though I’ve only been aware of my headmates for a little over a month, I’ve never not thought of them as their own entity). I am a therapist and I would never dream of telling someone who’s telling me they’re PART OF A SYSTEM that they’re “not a person only a part”. That’s awful.
Maybe it’s because we’re multiple… but I’ve always framed it for my singlet clients even that “we’re going to talk about each of these branches as if they’re their own person.”
I think the big thing a lot of therapists miss (even/especially Richard Schwartz) is that the idea of a perfect “core” self or an “essence” is BS… even for singlets. There’s no such thing as a perfect version of a person. Whether that is a person existing within a system, or a singlet turning different “parts” of themselves up and down.
Like shit if Schwartz TRULY made it a *FAMILY SYSTEMS* therapy it would be that we each play a role and we’re all dynamic in those roles and just because you’re the protective one for x thing doesn’t mean you’re not the chill, laidback, go with the flow person for another… if more IFS therapists consisted that it’s a *FAMILY SYSTEM* fewer people would get hurt but it all around.
Every form of therapy has the potential to hurt people. I think the biggest freaking thing therapists miss is listening to your clients. If a client is telling you they’re not a part, they’re a person, fucking listen to them.
A big problem is that singlets doing therapy do Internal Family Systems “parts work” sometimes and people try to show horn us into that scheme and those “parts” are not the same as amnesiatically (fuck yeah I just coined that) separate or otherwise personally distinct identities.
I really appreciate hearing your thoughts on this, thanks for sharing it :) We really don't like parts language applied to us because we're similar with wanting to be seen distinctly. A lot of us is based around being different from the others and being a rather full person and being treated as a person and as separate from the others. We aren't part of one person at all and it really stresses us out if people indicate that. On the other hand though, our partner system uses parts language for themselves and prefer to be seen more like parts of one person (which we respect and know is easier for them to sit with). But yeah with us we had some problems early on with me being like "well are they really different" and Hannah shut that down fast and singlehandedly got rid of our (my) doubt lol. Since the beginning we've worked to treat each other as separate people and find our own things. We're each people, not a part of someone, we're individuals. We're part of the system yes, but not of one person. We may not all have the full range of emotions or an entire life but we are still full and stand alone people. And honestly it would stress me out to be seen as the same person as a lot of the system. Not because I don't think they're cool, I love them, it's just that there can't be overlap like that, it doesn't work. I don't act like everything everyone else does.
I like system member as a more neutral term because I feel like it doesn't imply anything, just that they belong :)
No idea where I was going with any of this but great video as always and we're glad you made it
pretty amazing video, made me realize the language i was using that i thought would help others understand my perspective was helping to dehumanize our system and alienate my headmates.
I FS seems to me to be more useful for treating singlets or for treating alters as individuals with their own “internal families” rather than for treating DID, P-DID, or OSDD itself. But I recognize that my people are not me, and are not the same as singlets. The ones that have fronted are adolescents alters with little recent interaction with the world who do not normally interact the world in a way that is self-validating or very much at all and have not in decades. But they don’t seem to be emotionally burdened by past trauma or other negative experiences the way I am. The solution your brain has found is more close to my ideal of plurality, to be honest, because as an individual, I lack many things and am bogged down by many things. And there is a physiological rest or “breath of fresh air” effect from switching, and an emotional benefit to being blendy/passively influenced in helpful soothing or pleasant ways sometimes. It is comforting to feel their presence close. I’m finally to the point where I think if it as more amazing reassuring amusing cute or comforting than it is frightening problematic or embarrassing when we actually switch. I used to meet the people they made friends with occasionally, and they seem to be very magnetic (probably because it’s a 40- year old man acting like a teenage girl, LOL.
Thank you for your thoughts! I think I generally try to use 'alter' when referring to the concept as a whole, but I may have slipped up at times I'm not aware of or earlier on and I apologize if I've ever offended you or anyone! I don't wish to make anyone uncomfortable and I wish to use the terms that are most comfortable for the individuals in question. Alter always seemed too clinical a term to us. System/headmates sounds warmer and I don't see parts as necessarily lacking personhood, but some of us prefer to rationalize it with 'parts' too. Certainly easier since we're not fully out to our therapist and the furthest she's gotten so far has been the CPTSD, but yeah she treats us as parts. It never occurred to me that person was an option, but then there was the ableism from our parents and our psychologist as a teenager who had the same desire to not encourage differentiation. Like approaching it from a clinical perspective will win us "brownie points" with the experts. After that encounter, everyone hid for another 8 years before trying to reveal themselves again. But there's a warm glow we get when getting to know each other as individuals though, a glow in a spot in our body that has ached for decades.
Good video mate keep up the good content.
I absolutely HATE parts language. It's so dehumanizing. I may be just one of ~115 folkel sharing my body, but that doesn't make me any lesser than the "host".
-maybe cole?
We're late to the party, lol. We've been diagnosed with DID for two years now and been in and out of therapy and mental health facilities...this term "part" has always gotten to us! One of our system members had an argument with a psycholgist once about using the term "alter" and "parts", it makes everyone in our system feel lesser...as if we aren't people? Like we don't exist, we're just "parts" of one being, which isn't at all how this works! We're individuals, not a part of a broken person, we are our own person! And this whole argument of "Saying you're individual people will just worsen dissociation" blah blah blah....literally hasn't for us! We're not aiming for fusion though, I think healthy multiplicity is what we are heading towards. Thankfully we eventually found a psychologist who agreed with us in someway (maybe just to not cause an argument lol), but at least they stopped using this "part" language for us.
Also because of you we are working on our own video about DID! We're also trans and Queer. Like, even our older videos are just an example of each of us as individuals. The person who recorded and filmed those doesn't want to take part in any of our planned DID videos.
I use parts language for myself because its the only one that makes me feel comfortable and like it "fits"/describes me well; i also know that the others aren't bothered by me doing so. But i cannot imagine using this language on OTHER poeple. It is obviously very medical/clinical language, which is something that can often be associated with trauma itself, looking at hoq horrendous the psychiatric system often is to patients. Its kinda similiar to how a lot of poeple do not want to be called "homosexual" because of how clinical that word is, and instead just use gay. Clinical language IS NOT neutral language, and more poeple need to realize it. Language surrounding specific communities should be decided by those who are in the communities and not outsiders looking in! If a given community agrees that some behavior is offensive, hurtfull or distressing - then its not up to debate! Its not that hard to just check in with someone and ask what language should you use for them. Again, i personally do not want to be called a system, but a lot of poeple find comfort and pride in that term, and its their choice that should be respected and acknowledged.
This is a very important topic, and a very important video. Thank you for speaking out on this!
I quite like calling myself a part of the whole. Like a puzzle piece, the parts all have to fit.
Differentiation between alters is healthy because it helps communication - it's easier to talk to someone if you know who you're talking to!
100% agree, 'parts' felt like, "oh what mood is Kurt in today" 😤 Alter is a happy word but ours is short for Alternate People. lol like a revolving game character select screen xD
~Soul💨
Would y’all consider making a mastodon account? Twitter seems way too risky for us to use regularly personally but mastodon tends to be pretty insular and plural.cafe is can be a really cool place to be surrounded by other system members
I've never really used Mastodon, but maybe? We'll look into it!
My system go by echo or fragmented and alter, im not whole identified
it part of my osdd that we have no attachment nor association to the body
The lack of whole or stable core is the reason we are osdd.
We are osdd and mostly co-conscious co-fronting, the host or body has been dormant for over 30yrs.
The last fron main fronter guardian main body id KING Feels like he has died.
I would not ever force my fragmentation on any one else
Everyone has the right to there identity and there system representation.
Everyone osdd took its form cause thats the way the needed to be to survive and overcomes there trauma.
Mine just went nope im done you take over cant handle any of this. Its the only deep amnesia i have, yes we didnt knew we where osdd till main front the king or caretaker just dissolved and everything was thrown to a freak out mess in our inner world.
I feels like he died nor merged nor fused. We miss him HE DID EVERYTHING, we have to reconnect all the memories he left behind and remember thing he did and liked
We where bi nearly our whole life till last month
He passed and We became really really gay for the first time ever
He sat on the throne he was king ruler and order
Now we are a council, we share the burdens, but we do not like high emotions, KING could mask expertly WE HAVE TO LEARN TO MASK not so easy since we vastly different entities
We are mostly figments, cosmics, and paranormals, there might be a couple divine or celestials not sure NEW HERE i have been learning of osdd and DID for the last 3 years.
We MISS KING SO MUCH.
King helps us come to terms that we where trans.