I think another red flag is when a man is saying so many bad things about his ex, and how you are different. It comes across as a compliment of course, but somewhere along the line, you could end up in the same position as his ex. Because he is not a person who can judge a relationship fairly: he just thinks his partner was the culprit of all that went wrong while he was the good guy picking up the pieces.
Great point, Mahdiya!! I am always on high alert of anyone talking lots of shit about anyone to me because I KNOW that they are also talking shit about me when I am not there too. Thanks for sharing here xo
Very good advice. To be honest it’s hard to read certain people such as narcissists and psychopaths because they can really hide their true selves for quite a while before revealing their true nature.
Terri-- this is so moving. I deleted all the guys that can't communicate, the ones who want to change me and talk down to me and all of the people in my cell phone that I don't trust!! THANKS!! for the Great Advice!
Wow, I felt like you were speaking directly to me. Especially at the end when you said “you don’t want to waste another two years of your life, your youth and your beauty”. I woke up crying this morning wondering if I had done just that. And your videos will help me prevent it from ever happening again. Thank you.
"Why waste your youth and your beauty". Oh my goodness. Woow. This statement has switched on something in me. I am not, NOT, like NEVER again going to allow men to waste my time.
@@terri_cole I've started. The guy I'm talking to currently, didn't call me yesterday as promised. He called today. I wasn't going to answer his call but decided to just so I could begin to put "calling out their bullshit" into practice. And so I called him out (it caught him off guard hehehe) and he said he was busy at work and got home late blah blah blah. I told him but "you stopped for lunch didn't you? He was speechless. I told him I expect him to follow through on his promises. He said ok. In my mind however, I have struck him out as he didn't even apologise for his behavior. I just know he's going to do it again and I can't wait to give him the "This won't work for me" speech. I just can't believe I have been putting up with so much nonsense behaviour from men. But that, that, HAS so changed now. Thanks so much for your videos. I can so see now, how this will help me screen out the time wasters...and fast.
People don't know how to have relationships anymore. People should just have sex and not try to pretend it's about anything else. It might actually turn into a relationship on accident.
Covert narcs are always good listeners in the beginning to get to know your weak spots and win your trust. So... to much listening and not talking about themselfs is also a red flag.
Yeah my ex always wanted me to change! When I achieved something, he changed the goal and always had something I needed to change for "us" to work. So yeah after years I realized he is a narcissit, just like my mom, and I broke up with him.
Thank you so very much for telling me something that I already knew. you have reinforced to me and I thank you for that. even though I may feel lonely at times and unwanted but the truth is I value me and what I have learned it is better to be alone then to be in a relationship that will only make you feel much much worse. I have learned to like me and to take care of myself and also to understand myself and what it is I want out of life and one thing is crystal clear to me I want to be valued in a relationship if I am not then I will stay on my own and live my life doing what I want to do. a fabulous video I enjoyed listening to you. x
Thank you for your comment, Charisse. I fully agree that being alone with a rad life that you've built is way better than being in a toxic relationship. Keep taking care of you!!
Terri, hi! Thank you for all of your videos! You mentioned that someone not wanting to hear about past relationships is a potential red flag. Well, during our first few phone conversations we discussed our past relationships. However, my ex then brought up her ex on date three and spent 15 minutes trashing him with utter resentment. I was taken back and in retrospect it was a red flag, but I continued with her. Then for our entire nine months together she would bring him up in random times, but frequently. For example, after a great weekend together, walking along the beach she would say, 'I'm so glad you like to be active because my ex wasn't active.' I was like wtf? Here I am so in the moment with her and she brings him up. This happened so many times over nine months and I mentioned to her in a very calm and loving way that it bothers me. That perhaps it's something in me I need to deal with, but if she can be conscious and not mention him so much because it hurts me. Also, she would compare me, in a good way (she always highlighted that it was good comparisons) to him. She never honored this emotional boundary of mine and continued to mention him over and over and compare me to him over and over even after four "discussions" about my boundary. And by the way, when I would calmly and loving want to discuss this with her, whenever she violated my boundary, which was ALL the time, she would cross her arms, turn her head sideways, look angry and raise her voice at me telling me it's my insecurities, I don't accept her past, that I need to date someone whose never had sex. Oh yeah, she would tell me "inappropriate" sexual experiences too. I don't know, your point of not wanting to hear past relationships confused me because yeah early on hearing about them to some extent is ok, but this constant bashing of exes, mentioning of them in some of the most romantic and random times is not right. At some point the past needs to be just that. Hopefully I made sense
Mathew, I totally agree. what I meant is that we all have a past and a current relationship can't have so much jealousy that you can't make a casual reference to a past relationship. She took it to an entirely different and super unhealthy level. You are not crazy - what she was doing was dysfunctional and not very nice (even if she said it was a "positive" comparison -how bout no comparison? ) We are on the same page-i get you. Glad you are here!
Terri Cole Real Love Revolution Hi! Thank you for your response! I feel very privileged and grateful that you responded to me. I have watched and watch you videos. Would you say some of this behavior could indicate narcissistic type behavior on her end?
For #1 "are they a good listener?" -- it could also be that your date is a great listener but still a narc... Some narcs are deliberately amazing listeners because they collect ammunition which can be later used against you. Trust your gut.
Another red flag that feels very good and is easy to ignore - they agree 100% with everything you believe and they like all the same things you like! It feels good BUT the truth is that even identical twins don't like everything the same.
With my most recent boyfriend, he would sometimes go days without responding to my texts, but if I went more than a minute without responding to his (bear in mind, I had to keep my phone on silent at work), he would immediately send a second text saying, "Are you cheating on me? You're cheating on me, aren't you. You aren't responding, so you must be cheating on me."
Warning sign for sure. He might be projecting his own untrustworthiness onto you or his insecurity will eventually become a prison. Wishing you strength.
A lot of this is applicable for men. As a man, if a woman shows interest sexually early on, like she is trying to seal the deal, that is a massive red flag. Is she using sex and that emotional bond to blind me. The other part to this is a lack of self control, so how many other men has she just had her way with and is that the type of person that is a good match for me (for some people this is fine for others it may mean they lack discretion and self control and these are important character traits for a long term relationship). I'm a bit concerned about the comments on beauty. It is such a subjective thing, I have seen guys with women I found very unattractive and these friends are smitten with these women. There have been women I found attractive and friends have made negative comments. The old comment of beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I find that makeup is false advertising. There is a big difference between a good moisturising routine and putting putty filler, undercoat and full gloss overcoat on the face. I know we all want to look beautiful, if that is all you bring the relationship is doomed long term. I said to my son, you need to think what does this woman bring to the relationship that you cannot get with your right hand (Needs to be more than sex.) Sadly, for a lot of women beauty is all they bring and there are people who just take advantage of that. And women do the same to men, I have experienced women that behaved in a way that would make a lot of men very uncomfortable. One other thing, is that person enthusiastic to be around you. Are they really happy to be with you. There is not many things work than being with a person who wants to get away from you or finds you boring (Just not that into you). Again why waste the time.
Veritas- Thanks your your insightful comment. I agree that it's all about the way we FEEL as opposed to how we look but every person is so different based on how they grew and what they learned about love. Some women believe that the only asset they have to bring is their beauty and some men only value them for it. So for every pot there is a lid, I suppose. But healthy love requires more than that. Thanks again for being here!
veritas liberabit vos ...hi.. you're comments resonated with me. I believe it's how you feel around that person. Does your date make you feel secure, safe, comfortable, etc, etc. Beauty is definitely not something applied with a brush. I think that when you feel secure within yourself, you radiate a certain reflection of your inner being. And it's all so subjective.
Omg on point! Saying “I love you” w in 14 days or w in the month...sexting too early..,not listening...never solid plans....literally everything she said is my ex...he carried on multiple relationships while we were together and took zero responsibility. Blames everyone else but himself...very selfish...ugh disgusting.
About point 5, the reason some people hate talking about past relationships is because they know they played the role of the villain in the relationship and don't want you to know anything about it.
Here is a good Psychology Today article that describes it, Laura xo www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201601/7-signs-covert-introvert-narcissist
Terri my bad for the long and repeated posts, but I'm really hopeful to hear your view. To add to my below post, my ex would also say random things like, 'I wish we could go to xyz place where my ex goes so I can show him how much better I have done with you.' And she'd make constant, what I consider to be back-handed compliments like, 'you're only 5' 10" and my ex was 6' 3", but I feel safe with you.' And she mentioned my height all the time, 'I'm almost as tall as you matt.' I'm 5' 10" and never felt short in my life, but she seemed to mention it so much that I actually walked around feeling short haha. Sounds crazy but it's weird. She also pushed sex on me very early. I kept telling her I am interested in getting to know her and want something long-Term, that we have plenty of time, but she would push sex on me. Eventually, after a month I caved, but I was willing to wait months.
Got to say pal, I am so HAPPY she is your ex! Learn from this please. when someone shows you who they are, believe them. I am glad you found my channel and hope it is helping you move on ;)
I'm sorry but four dates? That's way too early. If you don't believe me, try at least 12 dates. See if he sticks around. If he does he likes you tremendously.
I don't want regretful sex And that means having sex with someone whom I later discover have dealbreakers in their character. If I had known prior he had a DUI and cheated on his wife? Uh, maybe no date two. And certainly my underwear would have stayed on. That's why sex before knowing someone is not the route I want to take. Nor will. And the number of dates that are countdown to sex? How about discovering my heart, and I his, as the countdown? Am I a delusional romantic?
I think you are SMART! Yes to determining what feels good to you as you take into consideration, as you said, how well you know the person. Sending you so much good LOVE energy. Thanks for being here.
I am a man and I totally agree. In fact, I want some sort of natural disagreement, conflict to occur to see how we act together. Does she huff and puff? Does she shut down and not communicate? Even though I am a man, I’m giving a part of myself to you when we have sex. I am now planning on waiting at least six months.
Hi Terri! I like your channel! Can you make video about Mr. Last minute? I wanna know why people do that to others. it means they don't respect human being at all?
Say more about what you mean please and i will add it to my list of topics to shoot vids for. Men who are late or who don't plan anything ahead? Say more please xo
Men who don't bother to make a plan in advance, especially a message about plan or invitation in the next hours or more than that because it's accidentally his plus one buddy couldn't come. OR He usually says something like he has to do something around my place and ask if I wanna go out with him. I guess it's like someone who only need you when it's convenient for them. I just wanna know why men do this. No one wants to be an option and I don't think girls would accept the last minutes invitation. (dating) and what's the best way to respond them and show them that we are not on standby. It's disrespectful.
I've been seeing a guy for almost three years. I don't feel like I can trust him because of small things that tempt my gut. I stopped putting in any effort. no sex or anything for months. he then put in all the effort. recently he stated that our relationship has been damaged a lot and I agree but I think it's because of him. I'm not perfect but I loved him and he I'm my opinion didn't appreciate me. so now we are back on but my gut still doesn't trust him. ??????? am I wasting my time?
hello, i noticed you are very kind in answering questions here on youtube. that is really nice of you. i am 60 and i want to date again eventually. i spent the last 30 years in 2 relationships with men who had narcissistic personality disorder. i am a truthful honest person. when would it be right to tell a new date about what i went through with these horrible toxic relationships? i knew nothing about narcissism up until the end of the second relationship. the men were not professionally diagnosed, but i am positive about their disorder having lived with them. what do i say to a new man? i don't want to scare anyone off. i do not have a victim mentality. i am a survivor thankfully. what would you say if you were me?
deksper ** hi, thanks for the advice. what is denial mode? my questions was more aimed at what do i say to a new normal type person. hopefully all the knowledge i have learned about NPD will pay off. take er slow, i know.
chemtrailmary A 'normal type person' will not get all defensive, when You put forth what You have learned about narcissism and/or narcissists. If You venture into the topic of narcissism with a +4 or NPD (+5) level narcissist, they will usually blast back with something on the lines of "well everybody out there is a bloody narcissist"!! And, there are a very large percentage of narcissists in the culture of this modern western world. If there is no such extreme reaction; You are dealing with a healthy person (between -3 and +3 on the Continuum of Self Value scale).
***** good common sense advice. you are a good guy!! the red flags are a biggie. i am hyper-sensitive to abuse or shifty behavior right now. i pick it out in the normal people. sharing too much of myself too soon is something very hard for me. i crave love after all these years, so i have to watch out for being too needy. i love-bombed my narcs as much as they love-bombed me. i am terrible at lying and refusing to answer direct questions. if someone asks and doesn't like my truthful answer or badgers me for info, well, they aren't for me. there is a video called the "doo-doo test" on youtube. my nice covert narc was great in the beginning, but he did pull a weird abuse test soon after i met him. i hear many abusers test you like this early on. i really appreciate your reply and your kindness. i hope you are doing well also. take care.
chemtrailmary I can empathise with everything You've been through. As You imply: Severe codeps tend to not be wary enough of new people in their lives; as the need to be loved by others is manifested in unhealthy quests.
This guy could not communicate. Run to his parents with any concerns he has about me but never told me personally. Always putting me down. Comparing me to his ex only want me to spend my money but he doesnt want to spend his. Ended a 3 yr relationship by ghosting me. Now i realised i had a lucky escape
***** I'm not certain that I understand. Are You trying to say that the woman is trying to train the man how to respond to her statement (in regards to her weight)?
I'm saying I don't think tests work. They certainly are not conclusive and become a slippery slope. I say better to speak directly and honestly. Thank you for your comment and for being here!
I'm tired of you women who think the man has all the responsibility in getting the relationship started. You are surely not perfect and most of the time the woman is uninvolved.
I think another red flag is when a man is saying so many bad things about his ex, and how you are different. It comes across as a compliment of course, but somewhere along the line, you could end up in the same position as his ex. Because he is not a person who can judge a relationship fairly: he just thinks his partner was the culprit of all that went wrong while he was the good guy picking up the pieces.
Great point, Mahdiya!! I am always on high alert of anyone talking lots of shit about anyone to me because I KNOW that they are also talking shit about me when I am not there too. Thanks for sharing here xo
Mahdiya Dijkhof Sounds like triangulation ... many people have toxic relationships, but to compare is a early warning sign.
Mahdiya Dijkhof Oh I completely agree with the roles being reversed (I am a man). Please read my posts above and let me know your thoughts.
Mahdiya Dijkhof Yes, and it's also a sign that he still isn't over his ex, so it even can happen that he goes back to her.
That’s how you spot a narcissist
Very good advice. To be honest it’s hard to read certain people such as narcissists and psychopaths because they can really hide their true selves for quite a while before revealing their true nature.
Terri-- this is so moving. I deleted all the guys that can't communicate, the ones who want to change me and talk down to me and all of the people in my cell phone that I don't trust!! THANKS!! for the Great Advice!
"Talking down is not (someone) who is interested in an equal relationship". Amen! Love this video and love your channel, so glad I found you! :D
Super grateful to be found, Loredana!
Wow, I felt like you were speaking directly to me. Especially at the end when you said “you don’t want to waste another two years of your life, your youth and your beauty”. I woke up crying this morning wondering if I had done just that. And your videos will help me prevent it from ever happening again. Thank you.
You're so welcome. All we can do is live and learn, ya know? Stay the self love course xo
"Why waste your youth and your beauty". Oh my goodness. Woow. This statement has switched on something in me. I am not, NOT, like NEVER again going to allow men to waste my time.
Right on! I'm cheering you on!
@@terri_cole
I've started. The guy I'm talking to currently, didn't call me yesterday as promised. He called today. I wasn't going to answer his call but decided to just so I could begin to put "calling out their bullshit" into practice. And so I called him out (it caught him off guard hehehe) and he said he was busy at work and got home late blah blah blah. I told him but "you stopped for lunch didn't you? He was speechless. I told him I expect him to follow through on his promises. He said ok. In my mind however, I have struck him out as he didn't even apologise for his behavior. I just know he's going to do it again and I can't wait to give him the "This won't work for me" speech. I just can't believe I have been putting up with so much nonsense behaviour from men. But that, that, HAS so changed now. Thanks so much for your videos. I can so see now, how this will help me screen out the time wasters...and fast.
RED flag, my gut never lies
I feel like hardly anyone dates these days. people are on those apps but it's actually uncommon to get a date
People don't know how to have relationships anymore. People should just have sex and not try to pretend it's about anything else. It might actually turn into a relationship on accident.
Covert narcs are always good listeners in the beginning to get to know your weak spots and win your trust.
So... to much listening and not talking about themselfs is also a red flag.
Amen. I just fell for one.
Yeah my ex always wanted me to change! When I achieved something, he changed the goal and always had something I needed to change for "us" to work. So yeah after years I realized he is a narcissit, just like my mom, and I broke up with him.
Good for you for realizing and getting out!!!
Thank you so very much for telling me something that I already knew. you have reinforced to me and I thank you for that. even though I may feel lonely at times and unwanted but the truth is I value me and what I have learned it is better to be alone then to be in a relationship that will only make you feel much much worse. I have learned to like me and to take care of myself and also to understand myself and what it is I want out of life and one thing is crystal clear to me I want to be valued in a relationship if I am not then I will stay on my own and live my life doing what I want to do. a fabulous video I enjoyed listening to you. x
Thank you for your comment, Charisse. I fully agree that being alone with a rad life that you've built is way better than being in a toxic relationship. Keep taking care of you!!
Terri, hi! Thank you for all of your videos! You mentioned that someone not wanting to hear about past relationships is a potential red flag. Well, during our first few phone conversations we discussed our past relationships. However, my ex then brought up her ex on date three and spent 15 minutes trashing him with utter resentment. I was taken back and in retrospect it was a red flag, but I continued with her.
Then for our entire nine months together she would bring him up in random times, but frequently. For example, after a great weekend together, walking along the beach she would say, 'I'm so glad you like to be active because my ex wasn't active.' I was like wtf? Here I am so in the moment with her and she brings him up.
This happened so many times over nine months and I mentioned to her in a very calm and loving way that it bothers me. That perhaps it's something in me I need to deal with, but if she can be conscious and not mention him so much because it hurts me. Also, she would compare me, in a good way (she always highlighted that it was good comparisons) to him.
She never honored this emotional boundary of mine and continued to mention him over and over and compare me to him over and over even after four "discussions" about my boundary. And by the way, when I would calmly and loving want to discuss this with her, whenever she violated my boundary, which was ALL the time, she would cross her arms, turn her head sideways, look angry and raise her voice at me telling me it's my insecurities, I don't accept her past, that I need to date someone whose never had sex. Oh yeah, she would tell me "inappropriate" sexual experiences too.
I don't know, your point of not wanting to hear past relationships confused me because yeah early on hearing about them to some extent is ok, but this constant bashing of exes, mentioning of them in some of the most romantic and random times is not right. At some point the past needs to be just that.
Hopefully I made sense
Mathew,
I totally agree. what I meant is that we all have a past and a current relationship can't have so much jealousy that you can't make a casual reference to a past relationship. She took it to an entirely different and super unhealthy level. You are not crazy - what she was doing was dysfunctional and not very nice (even if she said it was a "positive" comparison -how bout no comparison? ) We are on the same page-i get you. Glad you are here!
Terri Cole Real Love Revolution Hi! Thank you for your response! I feel very privileged and grateful that you responded to me. I have watched and watch you videos. Would you say some of this behavior could indicate narcissistic type behavior on her end?
Matthew Freye Or sounds like that was a red flag early on that could have saved you 9 months of headache.
Having sex in any relationship clouds your judgement! If anyone tells you up front that they are this way or that way believe them. Lol Keshia
For #1 "are they a good listener?" -- it could also be that your date is a great listener but still a narc... Some narcs are deliberately amazing listeners because they collect ammunition which can be later used against you. Trust your gut.
Very true, listen to the messages from your gut!
Another red flag that feels very good and is easy to ignore - they agree 100% with everything you believe and they like all the same things you like! It feels good BUT the truth is that even identical twins don't like everything the same.
so true!
These are great! I'd add another- passive-aggressive assumptions.
Thank you!
With my most recent boyfriend, he would sometimes go days without responding to my texts, but if I went more than a minute without responding to his (bear in mind, I had to keep my phone on silent at work), he would immediately send a second text saying, "Are you cheating on me? You're cheating on me, aren't you. You aren't responding, so you must be cheating on me."
Warning sign for sure. He might be projecting his own untrustworthiness onto you or his insecurity will eventually become a prison. Wishing you strength.
Thanks. I had been in an emotionally abusive marriage about 15 years prior, so I knew to get out sooner rather than later.
Right on!!
Round About The Hoosier Homestead get rid of it
Terri Cole Real Love RevolutionTM hi Terri. So what happens if someone says too loving very fast and talks stiill online.
A lot of this is applicable for men. As a man, if a woman shows interest sexually early on, like she is trying to seal the deal, that is a massive red flag. Is she using sex and that emotional bond to blind me. The other part to this is a lack of self control, so how many other men has she just had her way with and is that the type of person that is a good match for me (for some people this is fine for others it may mean they lack discretion and self control and these are important character traits for a long term relationship).
I'm a bit concerned about the comments on beauty. It is such a subjective thing, I have seen guys with women I found very unattractive and these friends are smitten with these women. There have been women I found attractive and friends have made negative comments. The old comment of beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I find that makeup is false advertising. There is a big difference between a good moisturising routine and putting putty filler, undercoat and full gloss overcoat on the face. I know we all want to look beautiful, if that is all you bring the relationship is doomed long term. I said to my son, you need to think what does this woman bring to the relationship that you cannot get with your right hand (Needs to be more than sex.)
Sadly, for a lot of women beauty is all they bring and there are people who just take advantage of that. And women do the same to men, I have experienced women that behaved in a way that would make a lot of men very uncomfortable.
One other thing, is that person enthusiastic to be around you. Are they really happy to be with you. There is not many things work than being with a person who wants to get away from you or finds you boring (Just not that into you). Again why waste the time.
Veritas-
Thanks your your insightful comment. I agree that it's all about the way we FEEL as opposed to how we look but every person is so different based on how they grew and what they learned about love. Some women believe that the only asset they have to bring is their beauty and some men only value them for it. So for every pot there is a lid, I suppose. But healthy love requires more than that. Thanks again for being here!
Hi , I really liked your honest insight , thanks :)
veritas liberabit vos ...hi.. you're comments resonated with me. I believe it's how you feel around that person. Does your date make you feel secure, safe, comfortable, etc, etc. Beauty is definitely not something applied with a brush. I think that when you feel secure within yourself, you radiate a certain reflection of your inner being. And it's all so subjective.
Such great advice, and different from other dating coaches!
You're cool, Terri. I like your style. Very practical and down to earth information. Thank you :)
I loved this, Terri! Thank you so much!
Really noticing that all of these can apply to red flags when dating women as well. Great video.
Omg on point!
Saying “I love you” w in 14 days or w in the month...sexting too early..,not listening...never solid plans....literally everything she said is my ex...he carried on multiple relationships while we were together and took zero responsibility. Blames everyone else but himself...very selfish...ugh disgusting.
Thank you for your guidance !💕
About point 5, the reason some people hate talking about past relationships is because they know they played the role of the villain in the relationship and don't want you to know anything about it.
Terri Cole reminds me of Lauren Bacall!
Thank you!!
Thank you so much for this.
What are the red flags for a covert narcissist?
Here is a good Psychology Today article that describes it, Laura xo
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201601/7-signs-covert-introvert-narcissist
Thank you so much for this enlightenment.
Terri my bad for the long and repeated posts, but I'm really hopeful to hear your view. To add to my below post, my ex would also say random things like, 'I wish we could go to xyz place where my ex goes so I can show him how much better I have done with you.' And she'd make constant, what I consider to be back-handed compliments like, 'you're only 5' 10" and my ex was 6' 3", but I feel safe with you.' And she mentioned my height all the time, 'I'm almost as tall as you matt.' I'm 5' 10" and never felt short in my life, but she seemed to mention it so much that I actually walked around feeling short haha. Sounds crazy but it's weird.
She also pushed sex on me very early. I kept telling her I am interested in getting to know her and want something long-Term, that we have plenty of time, but she would push sex on me. Eventually, after a month I caved, but I was willing to wait months.
Got to say pal, I am so HAPPY she is your ex! Learn from this please. when someone shows you who they are, believe them. I am glad you found my channel and hope it is helping you move on ;)
This is almost every guy 😐 not all but 75%
I am or was with a man that seems like a narcissist. He was very abusive. Now he is in jail. I'm glad I found all these videos before he gets out
I love your channel
COMPLETE CONFIRMATION FOR ME 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I'm sorry but four dates? That's way too early. If you don't believe me, try at least 12 dates. See if he sticks around. If he does he likes you tremendously.
yes a vide for lack of forgiveness
OK Will add to my topic list!!
Thank you for the amazing advice 🙏🌺🌷🙏😘🌹🌺🥀😘🙏
I don't want regretful sex And that means having sex with someone whom I later discover have dealbreakers in their character. If I had known prior he had a DUI and cheated on his wife? Uh, maybe no date two. And certainly my underwear would have stayed on. That's why sex before knowing someone is not the route I want to take. Nor will. And the number of dates that are countdown to sex? How about discovering my heart, and I his, as the countdown?
Am I a delusional romantic?
I think you are SMART! Yes to determining what feels good to you as you take into consideration, as you said, how well you know the person. Sending you so much good LOVE energy. Thanks for being here.
I am a man and I totally agree. In fact, I want some sort of natural disagreement, conflict to occur to see how we act together. Does she huff and puff? Does she shut down and not communicate? Even though I am a man, I’m giving a part of myself to you when we have sex. I am now planning on waiting at least six months.
It's all so complicated. I feel paranoid that I am the one with red flags. Need to practice dating myself.
Hi Terri! I like your channel! Can you make video about Mr. Last minute? I wanna know why people do that to others. it means they don't respect human being at all?
Say more about what you mean please and i will add it to my list of topics to shoot vids for. Men who are late or who don't plan anything ahead? Say more please xo
Men who don't bother to make a plan in advance, especially a message about plan or invitation in the next hours or more than that because it's accidentally his plus one buddy couldn't come. OR He usually says something like he has to do something around my place and ask if I wanna go out with him. I guess it's like someone who only need you when it's convenient for them. I just wanna know why men do this. No one wants to be an option and I don't think girls would accept the last minutes invitation. (dating) and what's the best way to respond them and show them that we are not on standby. It's disrespectful.
awesome vid!
Thanks pal!
These red flags apply to women as well.
I've been seeing a guy for almost three years. I don't feel like I can trust him because of small things that tempt my gut. I stopped putting in any effort. no sex or anything for months. he then put in all the effort. recently he stated that our relationship has been damaged a lot and I agree but I think it's because of him. I'm not perfect but I loved him and he I'm my opinion didn't appreciate me. so now we are back on but my gut still doesn't trust him. ??????? am I wasting my time?
jewel in every word
Thank you!
hello, i noticed you are very kind in answering questions here on youtube. that is really nice of you. i am 60 and i want to date again eventually. i spent the last 30 years in 2 relationships with men who had narcissistic personality disorder. i am a truthful honest person. when would it be right to tell a new date about what i went through with these horrible toxic relationships? i knew nothing about narcissism up until the end of the second relationship. the men were not professionally diagnosed, but i am positive about their disorder having lived with them. what do i say to a new man? i don't want to scare anyone off. i do not have a victim mentality. i am a survivor thankfully. what would you say if you were me?
Trigger-test with subtle questions in regards to narcissism. An NPD will run for 'denial mode'. Next ...
deksper ** hi, thanks for the advice. what is denial mode? my questions was more aimed at what do i say to a new normal type person. hopefully all the knowledge i have learned about NPD will pay off. take er slow, i know.
chemtrailmary A 'normal type person' will not get all defensive, when You put forth what You have learned about narcissism and/or narcissists.
If You venture into the topic of narcissism with a +4 or NPD (+5) level narcissist, they will usually blast back with something on the lines of "well everybody out there is a bloody narcissist"!!
And, there are a very large percentage of narcissists in the culture of this modern western world.
If there is no such extreme reaction; You are dealing with a healthy person (between -3 and +3 on the Continuum of Self Value scale).
***** good common sense advice. you are a good guy!! the red flags are a biggie. i am hyper-sensitive to abuse or shifty behavior right now. i pick it out in the normal people. sharing too much of myself too soon is something very hard for me. i crave love after all these years, so i have to watch out for being too needy. i love-bombed my narcs as much as they love-bombed me. i am terrible at lying and refusing to answer direct questions. if someone asks and doesn't like my truthful answer or badgers me for info, well, they aren't for me. there is a video called the "doo-doo test" on youtube. my nice covert narc was great in the beginning, but he did pull a weird abuse test soon after i met him. i hear many abusers test you like this early on. i really appreciate your reply and your kindness. i hope you are doing well also. take care.
chemtrailmary
I can empathise with everything You've been through.
As You imply: Severe codeps tend to not be wary enough of new people in their lives; as the need to be loved by others is manifested in unhealthy quests.
Ty you are the best!!!!! ;)
This guy could not communicate. Run to his parents with any concerns he has about me but never told me personally. Always putting me down. Comparing me to his ex only want me to spend my money but he doesnt want to spend his. Ended a 3 yr relationship by ghosting me. Now i realised i had a lucky escape
I'm glad to hear you see this as a lucky escape! You deserve healthy love!!
loved it, like and suscribe
Thank you so much, Valentina! I am so happy you are here xo
An hiding his phone. .lol
Oh oh..... What if I'm the one with a few flags. I get jealous and moody and want things convenient to me. Ugh. So much work to do on me :(
Thank you!
Sounds like a narcissist to me
hey can you pla make a vid about what if they dont forgive fam and other stuff pls i need help with that
So a video on lack of forgiveness as a warning sign?
Does this apply to women too?
Yes, indeed it does.
True
Despite the last one - he has all the red flags. Jackpot. Shit.
Big mistake, never talk about past relationships, NEVER !
100%true!
Please give advice for men
Louie,
Most of my advice can go for both men and women. If you have a specific topic you would like me to cover please ask. Thank you for being here.
Thanks
Right on target
If a woman says "I need to loose 5lbs", is that a shiite test that the guy stays aloof from answering?
*****
I'm not certain that I understand.
Are You trying to say that the woman is trying to train the man how to respond to her statement (in regards to her weight)?
I'm saying I don't think tests work. They certainly are not conclusive and become a slippery slope. I say better to speak directly and honestly. Thank you for your comment and for being here!
💖
How about 80 dates, or 8 +8+8+8+8+8 .....dates.
❤️
Your beautiful
Most of the men I have ever met r big time red flags !
Is your advice from a woman's point of view or is it for a woman? Can you give us guys some advice too?
He only talked about himself 24/7 🙄
Yup!
Hell yeah #7
im going to be honest. im not a virgin, but i dont enjoy having it
I'm tired of you women who think the man has all the responsibility in getting the relationship started. You are surely not perfect and most of the time the woman is uninvolved.
4 dates?? Wtf are you talking about?
I said 8 dates so i am not sure WTF your referring to....please elaborate.
Sucks her tongue to much had to stop watching