Monologue: All Torn Up | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

[@strongallalong89]

I’m an ex-Mormon, but man I have to say I’ve got mad respect for Mitt Romney now. Believe what you will as far as religion goes, but it took a lot for him to go against his own party and call BS on their BS. Good for him.

[@thealbanianlorg6542]

strongallalong89 : I wish I could say the same. I get what you’re saying, but really, that our knee jerk reaction is to hail Romney as a hero for what is essentially simply an act of upholding the rule of law shows how dire these times have become. 😭. When upholding the law is considered an exceptional act of courage you know we’re in trouble.

[@ameliakittie6009]

Mitt is the latest American hero to rise up. Maybe he will switch over to Democratic. He has proven to be a friend to the constitution and the rule of law.

[@sburn1919]

“Took a lot” yeah I’m sure it’s hard being called a hero by the national media for giving one anti trump vote when the acquittal votes had already been secured. The McCain treatment. Definitely had nothing to do with personal grudges and self interest. Romney has been openly anti trump since 2015. You respect him now because the media told you to.

[@carlosvazquez4059]

If that was your interpretation of the events that transpire this week good for U.. life would be so much easier everybody had your vision

[@Shelora]

strongallalong89 It’s a Pagan command as well, “Do what thou wilt, and harm none.”

[@mileslaw]

"Mango unchained" lol

[@tlee4218]

Miles Law haaaaaaaaa that is excellent... have to try and remember that. We need humor.

[@NewMessage]

He had the lowest ratings yet for his SOTU speech.. and you know that's what's got him fuming right now. Impeachment means nothing to him. Ratings? Oh.. those matter to him.

[@RmcBlueSky]

He'll still say that it was a beautiful speech, a perfect SOTU and is the fake news that say the ratings are down

[@loomspace]

@matt stockton You really think there are people who were going to vote Democratic that will change their minds because of that? You're a fucking idiot.

[@loomspace]

@Karin Meyer The buffoonery of Trump supporters that are convinced burning a country's values to the ground is somehow cute or clever is too much.

[@lizzichi86]

@@loomspace, right? As long as the "LiBs aRe triGgeRed!!" it's all good.

[@bonniehall3428]

I said it would and that says everything about him.

[@nightknight9415]

George Washington : "I cannot tell a lie."
tRump : "I cannot tell the truth."
tRump voter : "I cannot tell the difference!"

[@markchristofferson5872]

RUSSIANS!....ha made you jump!

[@MarcusOwnsYou]

tRump voter: our great president is the second coming of Jesus Christ

[@markchristofferson5872]

@Karin Meyer How do you Dems keep getting your a$$e$ handed to you like this!?

[@alexs3187]

I love how you libshits give yourselves your own therapy. 4 more years of TDS and an amazing economy. 😂😂😂 Now go scream at the sky.

[@Kevdogma72]

Liberal voter: it’s all about race, gender studies, & climate change as you use all the tools that cause climate change, especially In Los Angelis! I got an idea let’s invite ever non-citizen to our community without any economic utility because it makes you feel better! Don’t worry someone will pay the bill.

[@Boobalopbop]

That East room speech was like the scene from the untouchables. I thought he was going to pull out a baseball bat at any moment.

[@SocialmotionMedia]

Or pull out a giant french fry. It can do some damage I bet.

[@diapersFTMFW11]

Better run to your safe space then

[@Mamalita7]

@S.M.C. Kennels Kennels, you be illin dog!

[@Viking_Luchador]

like that fat tub of lard has the strength to swing a lead-cored bat

[@ocmetals4675]

I was hoping he would give Romney a little more credit. What he did wasn’t easy.

[@nileshbhakre7050]

He is millionaire

[@JK-jl1bf]

You know why though? It doesn't fucking matter. He's not going to change anyone's mind in the GOP and the Trump Cult will continue.

[@christopherstory514]

The bare minimum rarely is

[@baltazarvok2564]

No, it was stupid. they had no evidence for their hit job. It was just another part of Orange Man Bad saga.

[@christopherstory514]

@@baltazarvok2564
Ok, Boomer

[@Wild_Vegan_Child]

These are scarey times, we need to protect Bill Maher, he got us through these last 3 years.

[@roroyo2708]

Speak for your self bill sucks corporate cock

[@waiotahi52]

They could not give Sean Hannity the suck up to Donald award..he was so far up Donald they couldn't find him

[@petraesquivel8311]

Waiotahi I love your comment. That was something Seth would have said.

[@kimclarke9745]

Probably past his cecum.

[@StreetTruckinTitan]

Hannity can be found hanging from tRumps little gnome.

[@Kwisatzhaderachgiveadogabone]

McConnell kissed trumps ass so hard he tasted Hannity! 😳

[@Daniel-lf3jg]

Hollywood was so far up Mueller, remember that ridiculous Christmas bit on TV? He's probably falling asleep over his stewed prunes now.

[@ChandlerSomborac]

What Pelosi did physically with Trump's speech is what Trump did metaphorically with the constitution.

[@askeletonsdaisy2440]

You failed.

[@shanes.9016]

What exactly did trump do?

[@katem.8816]

Ignore the muckrakers. They don’t know anything. They probably don’t read a damn thing like Trump, either. Those who don’t read are no better than those who can’t read. Keep watching FOX fellas. Its for people who like to be stupid - go all out.

[@shanes.9016]

@@Zelnyair he was intrested in 2016 meddling in regards to Ukraine and if hunter biden was involved so be it. Would you have wanted hillary Clinton impeached for the fake dossier?

[@vidmasterK1]

Seems like she tried what Bill Maher suggested last week. Or a couple weeks ago. Mess with his mind. Play him psychologically.

[@clinteranovic8075]

I thought respect for other peoples religion was a good principle ... Mitt Romney didn't deserve that , especially at this moment.

[@willritter4076]

agreed, Mitt stepped up to the plate... Buttigieg and Sanders and Warren are not going to get it done. Bill should come out and endorse Biden, who's the only one with a chance to set things right. And before you guys start complaining about Biden... it isn't Biden you have a problem with, it's Obama. You just don't want to say it out loud. We should all choose incrementalism over Donald Trump. BIDEN '020, YANG '024.

[@tlee4218]

Will Ritter we will have to disagree. Biden is the worse one. Is same as Hilary. Centrist who votes for business, wars. If Bernie was ever cleared to talk about the social benefits everyone has right to especially in richest country in world. Stop playing games money goes to poor people who do not work. That is false. Tax money over 60% is the industrial military complex all over the world. Which other countries also have to pay for. Some is welcome most is not. Billionaires pay no tax. Why? Why do the people have so little respect for themselves. Why are the shittiest jobs paid so little and people think you are the lowest. It is the ugly entitlement. Having loads of money only means you had a chance to play the system that takes cheating, corrupts otherwise you could not be there. Even good ole Bill Gates has talked about it how he cheated the system and swamped world with his computers.
It is how business is. Dirty. We now have climate problems facing us down. There will be more refugees that not even the rich can stop. We need to clean up fast and make laws fast. Playing politics with the GOP now is a total waste of time. They have shown they have no clue or care about what The People live with. The laws we must obey that the entitled do not. America is not even close to having equality. We need people in politics who know this. If is Bernie and Gabbard who is not a communist or any of that propaganda, she is a whistle blower and a Vet, against tyranny. The truth will set you free but it is illegal in America who has no free press. We need to change and quit thinking being rich is a goal. Life is the goal. Money only gets you more stuff and stress.

[@codypolar6593]

@@tlee4218 Well said.

[@johnedward3404]

READ UNDER THE BANNER OF GOD, ABOUT THE MORMON FAITH I HAVE READ THEIR HOLY BOOK AND IT'S PRETTY CRAZY. YOU'RE EITHER A MORMON OR YOUR OF THE DEVIL IS ONE UP THERE CRAZY BELIEFS. WE HAVE MORMON LANDLORDS WHO HAVE DOUBLED OUR RENT AND DO NOTHING TO IMPROVE THE PROPERTY. WHAT'S MOST DISTURBING IS HOW THEY MONITOR THEIR FOLLOWERS WITH CHAPERONES OR MINDERS WHO MONITOR AND CONTROL THE YOUNG MISSIONARIES. I MEAN, IT'S JUST BIZARRE

[@ignignokt-6050]

Will Ritter Biden is a loser candidate. Not to mention I think he has the beginnings of cognitive decline.

[@felixican9434]

Mitt Romney said it best. " I took the oath".👊🇺🇸

[@thomasshrum4006]

Mitt Romney said it best; "The invisible Space Wizard and Joseph Smith told me not to vote for him!"
If ever there were two people who could be trusted it was Joseph Smith and his best buddy the Invisible Space Wizard...
Dumbshits.

[@felixican9434]

@@thomasshrum4006 say hi to the devil for me bro..

[@ThePauliebuck]

@@felixican9434 GFU

[@tamlynn786]

I have never appreciated Bill Maher more than I do now! He makes me laugh to keep from crying 😩😩😩

[@hushmoney2058]

You got to keep that Sense of Humor...Cheers

[@johnswof]

"Every time is the right time for humor." - James Thurber

[@kirapufy]

The monster is loose. I mean mobster.

[@petetimbrell3527]

Orangeman's revenge is coming. After a few sackings and couple of mysterious disappearances, he's headed straight for the Constitution.

[@tgr.4550]

You said it right the right the first thing

[@monstergreen6728]

You mean Bernie the communist?

[@crazystuff3538]

You mean Bernie And AOC

[@tgr.4550]

@@monstergreen6728
There is a huge difference between being a commonness and a democratic socialist. If you want the knowledge and Enlightenment all you have to do is just Google.

[@jirachiteaminstinct4310]

I always hated it when someone would say “I’ll pray for you,” it’s just a “nice” way of saying “I’m better than you and I disapprove of your opinions and actions.”

[@ameliakittie6009]

I know!! It is so clear they believe themselves superior to anyone who is not like them.
A genuine desire to pray for someone in pain or distress is not the same thing. I do not like organized religion at all, but would pray under those circumstances only.

[@Daniel-lf3jg]

I do agree to an extent, but it's a lot more polite than a leftist protester screaming in someone's face.

[@bernardoheusi6146]

@@Daniel-lf3jg which almost never happens, but whatever.

[@eudofia]

@Jirachi It depends on the situation. In the Church, the pastor or priest and also the congregation pray for the sick, for those in financial stress, those who have lost a loved one, etc It doesn't mean the pastor or the congregation disapproves of the others actions.

[@DexxTRex]

U

[@brianmucha6426]

Mango Unchained! Hilarious.

[@jxstified7558]

Its crazy, its like he has a team of writers for the show....oh wait he does

[@vidmasterK1]

@@jxstified7558 yeah they're pretty good.

[@Overcaffenated]

Getting a bit tired of hailing Romney as a hero. It's like praising a person for crossing a street on the green light.

[@Hexanitrobenzene]

Well, in a political climate like this, it gets close to heroism...

[@cragjones1799]

but crossing a street on a green light would be like scaling K2 if Trump said cross on red..

[@TheDeven1000]

When a “christian” says “I’ll pray for you” I usually just say “ok. I’ll think for you.”

[@GOODNOIGHT]

Thunder Up I think its code for "Fuck you" lol

[@matt414344]

@@GOODNOIGHT r/whoooosh
When the Christian gets this joke before you. Depending on my presumption, quite ironic

[@mmcken3354]

WHAT ABOUT VINDMAN?
MARCH OUT DUMPTY INSTEAD.

[@theultimatereductionist7592]

2:30 "Mango Unchained" ROFL!!! Excellent one, Mr Maher!

[@michaelhowell8489]

Mitt! The only Republican I'd ever vote for!👍☮️✌️🇺🇸

[@hushmoney2058]

Mitt said ware the Hell where you in 2012 ….

[@tubularap]

Someone: "I pray for you."
Bill: "Thank you, I'll sin for you."

[@FJB2020LGB]

KC Woolsey dumbass he’s talking about Bill Maher, not Bill Clinton. Jesus Christ you leftists really are fucking stupid.

[@ameliakittie6009]

lol Great quote.

[@bexk8]

@KC Woolsey...U really need to watch the video before responding to comments. U read that one so wrong!🤦‍♀️

[@Opus313]

I applaud Nancy for ripping up Donnie's manifesto of mistruths!

[@kimberlys8422]

That's why Trump hates Cali.❤❤❤ Historically blue.
Much love from Florida

[@stuartaylen]

Republicans screaming blue murder about tearing up a COPY of the speech, not a word about the Tangerine Shitgibbon snubbing her handshake or the pathetic "4 more years" chant on the floor.
They love to claim it's everyone else that's blind but that's just the Projection part of their moniker; Gaslight Obstruct Project.

[@m.rodrigolemus6224]

@keller blair : Sean Hannity, Lindsay Graham, Devin Nunes, William Barr and Rudy Giuliani were already busy with his balls.🤣

[@markchristofferson5872]

It certainly was telling. This is what Democrats do behind your back. TRUMP 2020

[@petraesquivel8311]

That's too nice! Manifesto of lies.

[@motokev2727]

After seeing the GOP in action, they will never GET my vote.

[@SNAPVegan]

Bashing Romney's faith, which guided his vote based on the truths before him, isn't productive at all. He did the right thing, among all other "christians" among him. He's the onlyh "Christian" that actually walked his faith that day. Good on him, I say.

[@thomasshrum4006]

Yeah, you know what I want making decisions for my country? An Invisible Space Wizard! Nothing says "it's 2020 and I have my shit together!" quite like still believing in an invisible space wizard that controls the universe and has your personal best interest in mind...
Interesting, how that same Space Wizard didn't toss Trump out of office...
So one of two things is true; either God doesn't exist, or God is a Trump fan.
I'm certain either of those answers are going to crush you.

[@gggreggg]

never forget that there was almost no word of truth in anything trump said. so, in a way it wasn't anything about the state of the union.

[@robinarnold5501]

wright gregson what you are saying is a lie. You obviously are blinded by the fake news.

[@Steven-ep3oi]

at least there is one man in the gop, I respect Romney.

[@BlazingOwnager]

lol if you can't see the game Romney's playing, RIP. I can see a party swap for him in the next 4 years.

[@diamond852]

At least there's one sexist idiot in this comment section. I don't respect Steven.

[@Steven-ep3oi]

@@diamond852 blow me blue

[@richardramfire3971]

I really wish America had given him a chance. He’s not perfect but at least he’s not a nutbar

[@steveconn]

Everyone knew it was a fixed trial, no one bothers with his speeches (the SOTU was down in ratings 20%) and that Nov. is the only thing that counts.

[@drawyrral]

It is going to be four more years of this. I'm selling my television.

[@Bugdriver49]

Just HOLD ON there.... who says it's going to be "four more years"?? How about we allow the citizens to decide that?? A defeatist attitude will only ensure your nightmare...get out and make sure the deplorables are fully aware of what the Orange pretender is doing...(if it's possible to find a deplorable that is not irreversibly brain damaged)

[@vidmasterK1]

Why not your phone? He uses Twitter a lot.

[@FJB2020LGB]

He’s going to win 2020 and we can think the Dems and leftists for that. They’re ruining the country and most Americans are tired of it. Trump should be a easy victory but because of the Dems behavior Trump will win 2020.

[@vidmasterK1]

@@FJB2020LGB more and more it seems like people are getting tired of Trump too. Good economy or not.

[@FJB2020LGB]

Devin C actually polls show him standing stronger than ever.

[@TheTruthfulAsshole]

The irony of the Republican nominee for President just in 2012 being turned away by the party. Damn.

[@lmao6t]

I'm never drinking orange cool-aid again!!!

[@vickilawrence7207]

Orange koolaid should become uncoolaid

[@jcbyrd8389]

If Mike Bloomberg chooses Amy Klobuchar as his VP running mate, they will have my vote!

[@Smokedship]

Would Bill Maher quit whining and give credit where credit is due? I’d like to see him stand up to Trump the way Romney did. All I remember Bill doing is being sh*t scared when Trump won the election, worrying he might get sued.

[@johnswof]

Trump did try to sue Bill Maher but the judge in the case threw it out for being so ridiculous, just like most of Trump's rather copious litigation.

[@kelbyrock7041]

*7 trillion on Middle East wars*
Media: *crickets*
*10 trillion + bailing out Wall Street*
Media: ...
Bernie proposes canceling student debt
Media: WOAH THERE PAL

[@2126Eliza]

After hearing that panel vs. Steve Bannon, we are fucked. They do not get it, they think everyone thinks like an urbanite. I thank gods I didn't have children, because I couldn't live with their future.

[@dhutton77]

I usually agree with Bill. His take on Romney was completely tone deaf and sad.

[@indieguruge]

“Extended crime family” 😂

[@m.w.njoroge7438]

I think he meant that Antarctica was WARMER than Beverly Hills...otherwise that joke makes no sense.🤔😐

[@AdemJashari56]

he said it was colder IN Beverly hills

[@therealCamoron]

Absolutely no talk about how Bernie is now the odds-on favorite to win the nomination. Pathetic.

[@chicoamericano8500]

He's still in the ignore phase. #notmeus

[@kman20]

I hope not. I don’t want my taxes to go up. Not sure why everyone else seems to want that

[@donrobertson4940]

God you people are pathetic. You're the democratic version of trump supporters. You want all bernie all the time and anything less is a conspiracy. You'll only accept the results if bernie wins. Just like trump supporters.

[@dveb]

@@kman20 Don't worry, yours won't - you are poor.

[@kman20]

dveb everybody will pay more taxes...unless you’re at the poverty level. Where is all the money going to come from to support his free college idea? I prefer someone who is more centrist.

[@spenceredford4403]

After Mitt's speech I was looking forward to what Bill would have to say. I was surprised by how bad of a take it was.

[@willtheangrydudeist9120]

"They chanted USA to remind Trump of the country he works for..."
Allegedly

[@v.britton4445]

Yay Mitt, at least one no to the traitor.

[@tlee4218]

Virginia B. Britton yes and it now will go down in history that both parties voted for impeachment. Has never happened before bc Nixon quit before his party could vote him out. Yes they would. Haaa Mitt has the last laugh no matter what happens. Well played. History will show not the whole party was nuts, just no courage.

[@MattySOP]

T Lee Hilarious the left cheer him like a savior now but were calling him a slave owning racist KKK member throughout the election between him and obama

[@Daniel-lf3jg]

The left thought he was a religious nut before, now he's a darling. Like Eminem. Raps about bashing gays and killing women, but he's anti trump so it all right.

[@sburn1919]

Also McCain bc he voted against trump’s healthcare policy after trump insulted him. Media suddenly going all Pyongyang when he die 😂😂😂

[@Daniel-lf3jg]

@Karin Meyer Fox is not alt right. I'd take Tucker or Ingraham over Stelter or Maddow any day. At any rate, I don't think anything I said previously is really in need of being backed up by a news article or a talking head. The left hates Christianity. I think it's safe to say people on the left thought old mitt was a loony before he cast his vote.

[@NewMessage]

Messing with the democratic process?
There's an app for that.

[@diapersFTMFW11]

Its called Dead Tie (registers dead voters and illegals so Dims can cheat)

[@hushmoney2058]

@@diapersFTMFW11 It's a Living....

[@meldaaveja1638]

I love how this guy puts things, absolutely love it

[@peterdeed7893]

Old orange fat guts is out of control

[@BlueTearDconnor]

We are living in Back to the Future 2....

[@zelmanelson2204]

Fer realz

[@luisreyes1963]

The White House, A subsidiary of BiffCo.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Yes, the economy is terrible. Lol. Turd.

[@BlueTearDconnor]

@@GUITARTIME2024 just because your dumbass can afford a Netflix subscription doesn't mean everyone in the country is okay, twat .. .

[@Daniel-lf3jg]

Hover boards, cool.

[@otisdriftwoodd1096]

Year of the rat 😔

[@Markus_Andrew]

I was born in a year of the rat (1960). Who knew that five dozen years later it would end up being the "year of the orangutan"?

[@flickercrab5704]

@@Markus_Andrew hey - please don't insult orangutans!

[@maverick5261]

On Romney breaking ranks and voting the other way: Three democrats also broke ranks in the house and voted against impeachment. It's all politics.

[@20canon]

Exactly it's just politics nothing more nothing less .

[@mojavered.]

43. George Bush Jr.
44. Barack Obama
45. Donald J. Trump*
*impeached

[@jacencade4019]

@Respect/Walk still impeached.
And only acquitted out of fear. Which makes you categorically a fascist for supporting his acquittal.
You piece of shit.

[@quimble2177]

jacen cade “those that disagree with me are fascists”
You fuckers wouldn’t know fascism if it slapped you, you daft twit

[@mojavered.]

@Respect/Walk OJ was acquitted also they even had the same lawyer.

[@mojavered.]

@Douglas Dutra just like OJ.

[@mojavered.]

@Respect/Walk Alan Dershowitz

[@dobermanpac1064]

Bill.... you’re going to have a rough FOUR MORE YEARS😎

[@hushmoney2058]

I Concur...

[@paulamartin6724]

If trump gets re-elected, we are ALL going to have a rough four more years.

[@nandoof3]

Mitt is our friend... has balls to stand up against evil doers...

[@thomasshrum4006]

More like Mitt has an easily greased palm and a no longer empty pocketbook.

[@markb6295]

@@thomasshrum4006
Yep. Now Mitt is rich🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thanks dude, I needed that

[@al-bot1094]

@@thomasshrum4006 you don't see how a Mormon in Utah might not need GOP money? That's why the Republican Senators voted to acquit. They wanted to protect the Super Pac that Lev Parnas implicated. If the Super Pac goes down, GOP loses a lot of funding. Mitt doesn't need that funding, so he did what he thought was right.

[@darrenstettner5381]

To be honest, I’ve never understood the basis of the allegations against Trump in this impeachment trial. Shouldn’t he be concerned with the improprieties of the Biden family that influence our relationships with foreign governments. As president, is he supposed to ignore those kinds of things? It’s not his place, as leader of this country, to get involved?

[@darrenstettner5381]

Steve Ostrowski You mean the witnesses and summary from the senate trial that acquitted Trump? I can tell you’re a reasonable chap with no political biases🙄 so I’ll ask you to enlighten me😂

[@darrenstettner5381]

@Steve Ostrowski
“accepting someone else’s conclusions”
Do you mean like accepting the notions being prosthelytized by this video?

[@johnedward3404]

IOWA HAD A PAPER TRAIL, THANK GOD. WE NEED THAT IN EVERY STATE, SO REPUBLICANS CANNOT CHEAT. MOSCOW MITCH IS BLOCKING THE BILL THAT WOULD HELP TRUE
THE VOTE.

[@ccburro1]

It’s obvious that Bill is depressed by what is happening-I too feel it.

[@wendyw4487]

he's depressed because he donated 1 mil to hillary and never got invited to the white house...............

[@onesandzeroes]

I'm from Europe. I've decided that if Trump gets reelected this year, I'm learning Chinese. China will soon overtake the US technologically and academically, and as for all those other things (human rights, democracy, transparency), the US will no longer be anything to look up to (or expect support from), so I might as well settle for a proper dictatorship. Oh, and if China becomes the superpower, it's much more likely to take care of the climate, so the world is more likely to survive, free or non-free.

[@jackson7962]

Enjoy the corona lol also in the US you can criticize the government. Not so in China.
Also unless you have connections you will never be given permanent Chinese citizenship since your probably not ethnic Chinese. They dont want diversity good luck.

[@FoxFox-lx3cv]

Muslim sharaa low Islam covertake EU
GERMANY IN 2030
17+ million Muslim

[@CoolhandLukeSkywalkr]

Well, Chinese are a homogeneous society of East Asian people, so of course they can do better than a country with 100 million people from Ghana and Bolivia. When we were homogeneous populations of European people, we were always number one. The more 'fair' we become, the less competitive.

[@onesandzeroes]

@@jackson7962 I'm not saying I want to become Chinese. I'm saying they will be the new superpower so it's good to know the language. And as for being able to criticize the government, well, that might soon be a thing of the past in the US, which is now run by a maniac who spews vitriol at any criticism and dissent, fires and debases anyone who even mildly disagrees, and basically gets away with murder, so wait till he's reelected and continues to have the unconditional support of the Republican traitors.

[@seriesjunkie0074]

@@FoxFox-lx3cv You're a fucking moron!

[@joeradler]

Let's not forget that THREE democrats voted AGAINST impeachment in the house... one of them even left the democrat party because of it.

[@napoleonibonaparte7198]

Religion is the world’s greatest mind trick

[@focusedfreebird]

I just love Bill!! He's so funny!

[@ameliakittie6009]

and smart

[@danrion8839]

Garbage People Award for this week goes to Trump and Republicans, Unanimously.

[@treefiddytwoo]

tl;dr
we are in the end times

[@jamesmedina2062]

treefiddytwo bring on the destruction faster please!

[@boydotero4239]

The evangelicals believe we are!
Thy Kingdom come
Thy Will be done
On Earth as it is in Heaven!

[@layne721]

@Morgoth Bauglir I think countries plural is about the right of it. The Northeast and the West Coast, probably the South, aside from Florida and Texas, because Texas will insist on going it alone, and Disney will just claim all of Florida as "New EPCOT." Maybe Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois band together somehow?
That leaves the middle of the country to become alot of small fiefdoms, a generally lawless open expanse of nothing with ever-shifting borders and roving bands of armed truck drivers making deliveries across it. Basically Mad Max but with slightly less deformed mutants.

[@naturelovingguypeoplenotso3039]

The humans have damaged this planet, and is continuing to do so, so yeah, humans have to be wiped off. With shitty leaders like Drumpf, all over the world, this planet has no chance.

[@krnpowr]

We might still have a chance. Remember, everone thought America was done after the Reagan/Bush I era, but then Clinton took office and the US was at the top of its game again. After the despicable W left office after leaving the country in the toilet, many people thought the US was as good as dead, but then Obama took office and helped Make America Great Again. That's why so many right-wingers were bitter and they elected Trump. They were shocked that a black man could step into the white house and Make America Great Again after an incompetent and idiotic white man left it in the toilet. A democrat will once again take office at some point and right the ship again.

[@timjones5219]

With Gym Jordan and Moscow Mitch!

[@cece5088]

Trump only hires the right people 🤥

[@itsobvious5333]

Trump 2020

[@hushmoney2058]

That's MAGA Mitch Bitch ….

[@27newyorker]

Romney should be the VP pick for the dem nominee. They need a strong pick, that can get votes from the other side

[@brianhartman7135]

Who the f----k is going to vote for Romney in a national election?

[@27newyorker]

Karin Meyer im not saying he becomes a democrat. He wouldn’t. It would be a democrat and republican ticket

[@bodybysmod]

Why? They don’t need votes from the other side. They need people to actually show the hell up on Election Day. They don’t need a single one of Trump’s 59 million votes. They need about 100,000 of the 90million who stayed home to get off the couch this November.

[@JK-jl1bf]

65 degrees in Antartica, WTF???

[@markchristofferson5872]

th-cam.com/video/SX41CPu9KmA/w-d-xo.html

[@michaelrch]

Mark Anthony
Sure, that makes it fine. 🤦‍♂️
The current climate models are now showing warming of 5C/9F by the end of the century (because of additional warming due to cloud loss over the oceans). That would mean the end of organised human society within a single human lifetime.
e360.yale.edu/features/why-clouds-are-the-key-to-new-troubling-projections-on-warming

[@jamesmedina2062]

Michael RCH You are insanely underestimating the thermal trends. The global mean average, including surface temperature of the oceans, is quite different from temperatures in the arctic regions. North or South Arctic are averaging minimum 9 degrees warmer at any time of year, with daily highs 20 degrees higher than historic highs in recorded history. When it comes to ice melting, this is significant today because it also affects ocean currents and therefore weather patterns, evidenced by disruption to the Jet Stream and other weather phenomenons such as severe droughts and wildfires and hurricanes

[@michaelrch]

James Medina
Trust me, I know how bad the conditions in the polar regions are. Arctic ice cover is dropping by 10% per decade and ice melt on Greenland and Antarctica is already where models 10 years ago estimated for 2050.
What's just as awful is that huge ice sheets like Thwaits are basically past the point of no return, guaranteeing another 50cm of sea level rise, and as the ice sheets that Thwaits hold back collapse, that will add another 3m of sea level rise over the new few centuries.
But the global mean is the change that most modelling and projections talk about and this is just getting horrifying now. 5C globally is beyond anything in the 2018 IPCC report. I think it was a 1% projection in 2018. Now it's the central projection.
And yet we are still building new pipelines, drilling more oil and gas wells, burning and cutting down more forests, building more coal-fired power stations.
Bernie is right on this. It's not enough that the US turns around policy 180 degrees. It has to go around the world, along with Europe, using every tool in the box to force other emitters like China, Japan, India and Brazil into line. Or else we will see the last chance to save the planet pass us by in the next 5 years.

[@jamesmedina2062]

Michael RCH ABSOLUTELY STRAIGHT ON FACT. CORRECT!!!
If anyone is to steer this car, they had better see the road clearly and that's what the facts do, as they are before us. The biggest plunder and murder today is that of fact. People are being confused and fed continuous misinformation. It seems like evil is winning in ways which would be worse than historical genocides, now sheer planetary destruction, with many zombified people mirroring islamic extremists and their suicidal/homicidal urges. Supposed Christians are being told that end of days are here and therefore it is better to hasten the wholesale destruction of life as we know it, as the beautiful historical life that we have known for centuries.

[@gusbestcota8449]

ALL HAIL BILL MAHER!

[@adamjohnson5307]

That Trump on 5th ave joke had me dying lol

[@djstocks]

We need the wisdom of Bernie Sanders in the White House.

[@ericmarks6322]

You out of your freaking mind. So you want communism?

[@thomasshrum4006]

Yeah, I can't wait for Bernie to have his inauguration interrupted by some BLM activists who then hold the proceedings hostage because geriatric old Bernie can't stick up for himself and tell two narcissistic assholes to sit the fuck down and shut up.
THAT'S the kind of leadership America needs!!!

[@robertmelvin5203]

Good one liners: Trump is Mango Unchained and he called in his extended crime family.

[@andrzejbielski9922]

So many tears, yum yum yum ...

[@wildsmiley]

Everyone’s rushing to praise Romney and I’ll say that yeah, I’m glad he did that. But don’t be fooled for a minute that if he was running for re-election this year instead of four years from now, he’d probably toe the party line and vote against removal.

[@whocares2087.1]

Have the voters learned anything from the end of democracy in America?

[@michaelpreston233]

I'm surprised that the Sin ate didn't Stand and give the Nazi Salute when he waddled onto stage.

[@Mamalita7]

Trump called in all the members of his extended crime family...LOL!!

[@garyneudorf3741]

Remember what Mark Twain said. "I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a democrat.

[@ogzapata4384]

OG BERNIE SANDERS 2020
TRUST ME

[@sublime90]

bill must be sick to his stomache that the trumpinator will not go down.

[@markb6295]

Trump only goes down for Vlad The Impaler

[@TheHeretic435]

@James Brice Yep.

[@sardonicspartan9343]

Justice for Johnny Depp.

[@honestcomments8053]

Bill you have been begging almost every recent episodes for Republicans to do the right thing and when Romney did actually do the right thing, you dismissed him for being flip flop, Take what you can, because whatever Romney's reasons were, he did the right thing with his vote. Give him credit for that.

[@plumbcrazy4391]

Blame the voters. How's that strategy been working for you?🤔

[@Brett_S_420]

@Justin Marion All Trump does is lie and cry!! he whines more than anyone I've ever seen! Waaa!! I'm just a poor wiwl pwesidint!! Mean 'ol democwats!! Did baby Twump say "It's a witch hunt" no, I'm pretty sure he said, "I'm a bitch cunt"..

[@TurtleTimeVoiceOvers]

“The Family” on Netflix shows the deep scary ties to the prayer breakfast. Check it out if you want to be really freaked out.

[@TurtleTimeVoiceOvers]

D Das
Where did I say that?

[@ffsf739]

Not a word about Bernie, huh? I'm so disappointed on you, Bill...

[@JoshieMadhatt]

I know the orange man jokes are overused but "Mango Unchained" fucking killed me

[@native307]

This panel sucked. Obama was terrible on Immigration and Bernie has never been for Open Borders. Only Fixing our Broken Immigration System. Bernie 2020!

[@Piwork69]

Bernie is for open borders. He “hates” when they are called “illegal.”

[@BlazingOwnager]

@@Piwork69 He's really not. He is saying he is to keep that side of his base but he's been historically against them and to that I say GOOD. Open Borders is a stupid policy. Closed Borders are not racist. We can't do things like provide free medical care to everyone in the country and *THEN* invite everyone from a landmass that's way bigger than us to join in. I mean FFS. If i thought Sanders had any intention whatsoever to push actual open borders, I'd think he was a bad idea too.
That said I do think we need a better path to Immigration for people who actually want to become US Citizens, and not just come here on work visas to send all the money home. Those only benefit the corporations the left claims to hate.

[@justinharrison5138]

Naw I'm good.. I use 2 like bernie.. then I did my research.. he isnt for the working class.. he is thirsty for power and is one of the elites.

[@snozbaries7652]

@@justinharrison5138 wow you must have done the wrong research or are just a troll

[@Piwork69]

Justin Harrison Yup, that’s how socialism works. So he is just a classic socialist.

[@FilmArtPhoto]

Putin: "I'm working too hard" LOL

[@cautiousoptimist]

It's a fine line between cop n criminal, occasionally...

[@mego73]

Well, that's about as much Bill Maher as I can stand.

[@chrisfloyd9224]

Don't worry guys, the next 4yrs will fly by and then pick up where you left off. Which is pretty much where you are now. Sad and confused.

[@artbach4136]

so when is the orange toddler going to start the war i just want this to end

[@BradHolkesvig]

Mitt Romney should run for the Democrat nominee against Trump.

[@mikeman555]

You guys are the funniest when a person of colour doesnt hate Trump. Truly the funniest

[@bwsupyours4479]

If that prayer breakfast wasn't enough you have become a victim of the cult of personality¡lol¡

[@zahramokhtar6727]

You forgot to upload the monologue last week!!!

[@Chefmasterkaga]

It will be so fun watching him win again.

[@JW-zc8mz]

Thank the Lord for a moderate Democrat. Although I think Bill might not consider himself that. Regardless, he's grounded in reality and has my respect, even as a right leaning Independent.

[@jarrettath9636]

Joe Rogan, where are you man. You made a promise.

[@strongallalong89]

drew pedersen Joe Rogan recently promised Bill that he would come on his show. It was a promise made a couple weeks ago when Rogan had Bill on his show, the JRE.

[@BlazingOwnager]

@@strongallalong89 Oh I'm sure he'll be invited on. Bill's not one to refuse to talk to somebody for disagreeing with him. Rogan would be an oustanding guest.
But you do realize Jarrett that they schedule these seasons well in advance, right? Rogan won't be able to really get slotted in unless someone cancels until mid-season or even next season. I'm sure when one opens up he'd be more than down with coming on.

[@BlazingOwnager]

@drew pedersen Bill: Ever try Weed?
Rogan: Ever try DMT?
*BROFIST*

[@thealbanianlorg6542]

Nissim Levy : I always think that too “Joe Rogaine” - very ironic to have that name, be bald, and, and here’s the critical part: to be such a masculine poser when he’s so blatantly trying to compensate for some serious male and personal insecurities, which oddly his male pattern baldness just seems to symbolize. He looks and tries to sound like he’s mature and confident and such a “woke” man, but he just can never quite pull off the fact that deep down he’s not. (like a guy who has hair loss but can never get over it - that’s why the baldness and rogaine/rogen thing is such an odd coincidence. He was a dick to Bill on the show - nice and complimenting his book but bashed Real Time based on the few on air “talking over each other” panel arguments on the show that rogen has seen. He didn’t do his research and watch even a few episodes but felt perfectly fine bashing the show in front of Bill AND joe’s huge audience. Bill called him on that but didn’t get joe to admit his hubris and error laziness and cheap shot. The guy wants to be seen as class so badly but underneath he’s always trash. Which is pathetic - would hardly take a pinky’s worth of effort to be a genuine decent human being. Which I’m sensitive to because I’m afraid his influence on his huge audience of young men - and older men - is just iincreasing more dumb bro culture. Sorry - good use of my time here, huh? I’m really changing the world with this comment aren’t I? 🤣 I lose the internet today - and life! 😭 thankfully I can turn to some of joes talks about purpose and motivation. - which actually do have good points. But broken clocks are right two times a day too and all that. Sorry for the rant. Cheers.

[@vidmasterK1]

@@strongallalong89 yeah it is still early in this season. Better to have him on closer to the actual election date. Once the candidates are formally announced and such anyway.

[@davidmartin8351]

Thank you for being an atheist Bill! God bless you!

[@CarFreeSegnitz]

I pray that he goes to atheist heaven when he dies.

[@davidmartin8351]

@@CarFreeSegnitz here is where atheist mess up they say why is there so much bad in the world? Death, sickness, disasters ect ect. Atheist point out so called evil things basically using the devil to discredit God at the same time trying to call the devil crazy and God a liar. What if someone got those men to make up and never told anyone.

[@davidmartin8351]

@@CarFreeSegnitz its easy to make atheist ppl look stupid. But don't bother with it because it will make you feel bad ad if you really love people!!! There's a very positive catch once you over think about it then over think about it ect ect!!! (Thinking about God) that is!

[@davidmartin8351]

@@CarFreeSegnitz I proved God is real years back then I was attacked its easy to do for me!!! God loves him some David!!!

[@davidmartin8351]

@@CarFreeSegnitz PS I'm the best rapper/lyricist 🤣😂🤣

[@etudda7547]

Why are't you discussing the real issue. Not voting in the Republicans that are up this term. Then the Republicans can't vote their party

[@000jorden]

Wicked monologue... Died laughing the whole time!

[@AvangionQ]

1:20 "Shut up, I mean, what is this constant searching for some republican savior" ... between Comey, Mueller, Flake, Bolton, etc they've proven time and again that they don't exist.

[@Mdebacle]

George Conway.

[@ShadowStructure]

Orange man bad.

[@seriesjunkie0074]

*_Orange man bad._* spoken like a genuine NPC!
Let me guess... You're also programmed to shout/write: _"Lock her up, but her E-Mails, build the wall, but Obama this, but Hillary that, Benghazi, Fake News."_ Did I forgot anything, stupid NPC?
Please answer me a question: What does it feel like being loved by the pussygrabbing president just because of the fact that you're -a fucking moron- poorly educated?
_"I love the poorly educated"_

[@novahuks8477]

The mocking against trump usually turns into tears lol

[@dianewhalen9721]

All these comedians are going to find things hard to find funny as the clown in the Whitehouse gets worst