Hard, hard miles to recover from that.....worst thing is the lack of closure....not a text a bye nothing......you have to walk away for your own well being....very very few will admit to having a problem and try therapy....the coach is so accurate with his templates....puts a shiver down your back
Took me way too long to understand it was never me , but him. I allowed this behavior because I just couldn’t understand what I did wrong. You have been so helpful in comprehending why this happens.
Bro can we just make a national list for these kinda people. They seriously devestate our lives. I could have had so much good life. I wasted so much life. Just to be left alone out with nothing. Well. At least when you're the one who got the short end. You learn we are the true winners in the end. The discarders unfortunately suffer in the end. We move on and find real friends and love..
💚 I am right beside you. Holding your hand. Hurting with you. Dwelling in that same darkness. 17 years of my life. Now shadows & dust. These people have no core values. They need to come with a warning label because what they leave in their wake is extremely damaging. We are left to pick up & recover from what they did to us & to our lives. When we truely loved them. Unconditionally. Its the betrayal. The lies. The gaslighting. The unaccountability. The no communication. The cheating through monkey branching. That they chose them over you. Are you fucking serious? I am feeling completely annhilated. 💔
Mind was kind of a mix of a breakup and a discard. She didn't talk to me at all for 3 days after she cheated on me until I asked her mom if she's okay. Hour later, gf told me to come to her house to talk outside and THATS when she told me that said we should break up and I had to CONVINCE her to tell me something she wasn't and she finally admitted that she cheated on me. This was a month and a half ago.
I discarded my DA. I just stopped picking up the his calls. I don't feel bad about it because he hardly called or came around at that point. I thought now he can not call me & not come around all he wants.
So... my relationship ended after 2.5yrs with a bang, he met a new friend, spend a lot of time with her, told me she is a friend, i told him no sleeping over because im uncomfy, he did it anyway (in her bed and knowing my trauma, had this once and got cheated on ), next day i had a breakdown, told him how he always treated me like shit in the relationship (always talked to me like i was trash) and yet i gave him my all.. out of a sudden "you cant give me what i need" and gone.. Never communicated anything even me saying "if anything is up, please talk to me so we can find a solution and make it work" throughout the relationship... He is dating a new one 2 Weeks after whatever that was ... I don't really know if it was a BU, or a Discard, but I never saw it coming. Never got closure, neither any real answers.. he is a DA but completely LACKS empathy, only when shit is already in flames he semi can if he want... Last message from him was "I do wish to move on, but thank you for making sure and keeping an open door" when i asked him wth happened
This has been my life for the last three years. I can't take anymore 😭 There isn't much left of me at this point but I'm going to try to pick up what's here and heal in a way that protects me from ever enduring this again ....
You could have walked away at any time… Sorry… but it was your choice to stay… so stop blaming your anxious avoidant attachment style on the other person…
After moving him into his new place, 1.5 weeks into our 2 year relationship, after he was encouraged to go on a boys trip by me… he ghosted me on my birthday weekend. Didn’t do it to my face. Did it over text when this has happened to me before. He hurt me so out of the blue. We seemed completely fine prior to all this. It’s been 8 weeks since we’ve spoken or have seen one another. This doesn’t seem normal to me. I’ve told myself that it’s him not me. I haven’t reached out, I won’t reach out to someone who’s made it clear they don’t want me. I won’t beg. Plus I’ve been through this before. He’s purposely trying to hurt me. I won’t give in. I’ve accepted it for what it is. Rip to the dead and let him simply be a memory.
Avoidant people use phrases like we should go on a break or I think I want a break but it’s never I think we should break up. I was to the person to bring up breaking up.
This video made me realize I have never had a normal break up Fiance left me on highway rest stop in whiteout, husband of 10 years emptied bank and ran out, 5 years with my d.a. and blocked one day. Wow.
Once we adopted the kids - she simply discarded our relationship. Hasn't touched me in years. I had no say, no closure, no real explanation - she stated in therapy that she "married me for other reasons" with zero empathy, stone cold statement with zero emotion behind it. Our therapist is trying to get us to give it time - but she recently ignored our 22nd anniversary and said it's just another day, nothing special. Today is my 60th birthday and she didn't even wish me a happy birthday or acknowledged it at all. A late call from work, but no feeling just enough to alleviate her of guilt.
I believe u can be a narcissist which also behaves a lot like an avoidant but is worse… bc it’s intentional & for control and power. But a true avoidant is not a narcissist. Yes they can be selfish. And do alot of the things but do it subconsciously and it’s not to hurt you intentionally. It is their unhealthy coping mechanism. But also not likely to self reflect also. Good thing is an avoidant can change… if they want to and do the work. A narcissist is intentional. And unlikely to change.
I think my ex has both traits from my experiences.that is why it took me a little while to do the research into them. Because of conflicting evidence between the two personalities..
had a friend discard me like that recently. i was genuinely concerned and truly cared for him but he still still treated me like im trash and never ever mattered to him. im now very angry and have pent up anger and have many things i wish i could say to his face. im so pissed off it's just UGH. i feel very betrayed and injusticed. because i WAS betrayed, and he disposed of me like this. i feel so disrespected and undervalued
Being discarded is devastating.
These unfathomable self centered personalities are good for one thing: to teach you avoid others like them.
Hard, hard miles to recover from that.....worst thing is the lack of closure....not a text a bye nothing......you have to walk away for your own well being....very very few will admit to having a problem and try therapy....the coach is so accurate with his templates....puts a shiver down your back
After 8 years I was not only discarded but replaced at the same time.
Took me way too long to understand it was never me , but him. I allowed this behavior because I just couldn’t understand what I did wrong. You have been so helpful in comprehending why this happens.
Bro can we just make a national list for these kinda people. They seriously devestate our lives. I could have had so much good life. I wasted so much life. Just to be left alone out with nothing. Well. At least when you're the one who got the short end. You learn we are the true winners in the end. The discarders unfortunately suffer in the end. We move on and find real friends and love..
💚 I am right beside you. Holding your hand. Hurting with you. Dwelling in that same darkness. 17 years of my life. Now shadows & dust. These people have no core values. They need to come with a warning label because what they leave in their wake is extremely damaging. We are left to pick up & recover from what they did to us & to our lives. When we truely loved them. Unconditionally. Its the betrayal. The lies. The gaslighting. The unaccountability. The no communication. The cheating through monkey branching. That they chose them over you. Are you fucking serious? I am feeling completely annhilated. 💔
Mind was kind of a mix of a breakup and a discard. She didn't talk to me at all for 3 days after she cheated on me until I asked her mom if she's okay. Hour later, gf told me to come to her house to talk outside and THATS when she told me that said we should break up and I had to CONVINCE her to tell me something she wasn't and she finally admitted that she cheated on me. This was a month and a half ago.
I discarded my DA. I just stopped picking up the his calls. I don't feel bad about it because he hardly called or came around at that point. I thought now he can not call me & not come around all he wants.
Absolutely traumatizing experience....barely ate for 3 months....absolutely devastating
So... my relationship ended after 2.5yrs with a bang, he met a new friend, spend a lot of time with her, told me she is a friend, i told him no sleeping over because im uncomfy, he did it anyway (in her bed and knowing my trauma, had this once and got cheated on ), next day i had a breakdown, told him how he always treated me like shit in the relationship (always talked to me like i was trash) and yet i gave him my all.. out of a sudden "you cant give me what i need" and gone..
Never communicated anything even me saying "if anything is up, please talk to me so we can find a solution and make it work" throughout the relationship...
He is dating a new one 2 Weeks after whatever that was ... I don't really know if it was a BU, or a Discard, but I never saw it coming.
Never got closure, neither any real answers.. he is a DA but completely LACKS empathy, only when shit is already in flames he semi can if he want...
Last message from him was "I do wish to move on, but thank you for making sure and keeping an open door" when i asked him wth happened
In a relationship with a DA. Run for the hills!!!
This has been my life for the last three years.
I can't take anymore 😭
There isn't much left of me at this point but I'm going to try to pick up what's here and heal in a way that protects me from ever enduring this again ....
You could have walked away at any time…
Sorry… but it was your choice to stay… so stop blaming your anxious avoidant attachment style on the other person…
After moving him into his new place, 1.5 weeks into our 2 year relationship, after he was encouraged to go on a boys trip by me… he ghosted me on my birthday weekend. Didn’t do it to my face. Did it over text when this has happened to me before. He hurt me so out of the blue. We seemed completely fine prior to all this. It’s been 8 weeks since we’ve spoken or have seen one another. This doesn’t seem normal to me. I’ve told myself that it’s him not me. I haven’t reached out, I won’t reach out to someone who’s made it clear they don’t want me. I won’t beg. Plus I’ve been through this before. He’s purposely trying to hurt me. I won’t give in. I’ve accepted it for what it is. Rip to the dead and let him simply be a memory.
Avoidant people use phrases like we should go on a break or I think I want a break but it’s never I think we should break up. I was to the person to bring up breaking up.
They are very different breakups indeed.. wow and straight back on to tinder they go after they discarded you..
Thank you for the video. You are completely right. This is a choice. The person is making the choice to behave like this with you. This is the core.
This video made me realize I have never had a normal break up
Fiance left me on highway rest stop in whiteout, husband of 10 years emptied bank and ran out, 5 years with my d.a. and blocked one day. Wow.
2 Narcs and a D.A.
So good and so very accurate!
Wow, I usually just discard the discarder.
Once we adopted the kids - she simply discarded our relationship. Hasn't touched me in years. I had no say, no closure, no real explanation - she stated in therapy that she "married me for other reasons" with zero empathy, stone cold statement with zero emotion behind it. Our therapist is trying to get us to give it time - but she recently ignored our 22nd anniversary and said it's just another day, nothing special. Today is my 60th birthday and she didn't even wish me a happy birthday or acknowledged it at all. A late call from work, but no feeling just enough to alleviate her of guilt.
Thank you so much 😢
Very helpful!
great! i just discarded my ex 😭
Can a person be both an avoidant and a narcissist?
I believe u can be a narcissist which also behaves a lot like an avoidant but is worse… bc it’s intentional & for control and power.
But a true avoidant is not a narcissist. Yes they can be selfish. And do alot of the things but do it subconsciously and it’s not to hurt you intentionally. It is their unhealthy coping mechanism. But also not likely to self reflect also.
Good thing is an avoidant can change… if they want to and do the work.
A narcissist is intentional. And unlikely to change.
Yes, definitely, but not all avoidants are narcissists, and not all narcissists are avoidant.
I think my ex has both traits from my experiences.that is why it took me a little while to do the research into them. Because of conflicting evidence between the two personalities..
had a friend discard me like that recently. i was genuinely concerned and truly cared for him but he still still treated me like im trash and never ever mattered to him. im now very angry and have pent up anger and have many things i wish i could say to his face. im so pissed off it's just UGH. i feel very betrayed and injusticed. because i WAS betrayed, and he disposed of me like this. i feel so disrespected and undervalued