Story #1, cussing does not mean you've lost the argument. Calling someone a freaking mororn when they are a freaking moron is an acceptable way to stand up for someone.
Today everyone wants people to respond in an acceptable diplomatic fashion. The problem with that is, it doesn't get an idiots attention. Not to mention they see it as a green flag. Where as an angry response makes a dip chit like this BF think twice. After all,if OP is willing to confront him in an aggressive manner in public,in front of family, what else is he willing to do.
Babysitting story, the parents are not working late. They are going out to dinner and enjoying themselves. This happened to my babysitter. She kept kids in her home and one of the parents did not pick up till after 7. I told them they were relaxing, shopping, out eating while she had their kids. I told her to charge them $50 for each hour past 6. She did, and they called her selfish and she told them to get their childcare elsewhere. She was the best caregiver, and they did not care they got kicked out. These people do not care about their children.
AND that comment about treats!!! This idiot would have taken that to mean that OP is okay with him getting some nookie, as payment, from his sister at the end of a date if he acts correctly! As in, he should expect it, guaranteed!!!
Story 2: NTA, you got a promotion and can no longer work from home. It isn't your responsibility to sacrifice your career to take care of their children.
Story 1: NTA. If anything you might need to be MORE overprotective. Considering she’s in a relationship with a certified douche. OP, when women say we want men to be on our side, this is what we mean.
OP does need to have a brotherly talk with his sister. This is/was her 1st "relationship". He can cue her in on things that are said/done in relationships that aren't acceptable. Plus he can give the "You can ask/tell me anything that bothers you or your not sure about." offer.
@@curtisalex456not sure how old you are, but I’m 28 and I know fathers (not my own or my stepdad) who would happily go to jail for putting @$$ wads like this into comas or beating them so badly they spend the rest of their lives eating through a straw. This poor girl’s father was put to the test and failed miserably. I’m not saying men should go back to hating any unrelated male who so much as glances in his daughter’s general direction, but fathers seem to have stopped giving basic “I love my daughter so if you hurt her, I’ll hurt you twice as bad” shovel talks.
Story 1: commenter “ you should have gone up to the other guys ear and told him it wasn’t appropriate instead of make a scene” Do any of these commenters know coming up to someone’s face insulting them are fighting words? If anything if OP did that I’m sure a brawl would have happened between him and his sister’s BF.
Story 2: NTA. How are you selfish? You’ve watched someone else’s kids for free for the longest time and now you’re only stopping because your work is picking up. Sure it’s not convenient for them but it’s far from selfish.
And not only has she watched them for free, she’s paid for meals and likely other items without even a thanks. And he fact that they screamed at her instead of congratulating her on the promotion tells me that they never deserved OPs kindness.
And the fact that no-one in OP‘s family seem to comprehend the hypocrisy in their statement about choosing work over family. That’s what the children’s parents have actually done over the last year. They worked rather than parenting their own children. They worked rather than giving their sister (-in-law) some time off while leeching off her money for baby food and diapers. They worked while making it impossible for OP to go out and possibly find a significant other for herself.
Plus, they're coming home way later than quitting time from the office. This is more than what you would get from a daycare or babysitter. To have them yell and send for flying monkeys, oh they can shove right off.
I need OP to share her life secret of living for free. I mean, clearly she doesn't need the money she makes from working or childcare, otherwise her parents and brother wouldn't call her selfish. She's essentially parenting and raising their kids even though she is childless. Their accusation would have been enough for me to call it quits. But honestly, I wouldn't have done this at all. They used her, clearly weren't ever appreciative as they aren't respecting her time by showing up later than agreed or the money she spends on these kids. OP should have called it quits sometime ago. Still, lesson learned. I think all the signs were pushing her to end this arrangement and now she has "no choice" so to speak.
Holiday vs Mall trip story : NTA OP. You made your daughter happy for the afternoon while your son was taken on a week long trip with his dad. I bet that cost more. You did a good thing for your daughter so she wouldn't feel left out. Point out the comparative costs to your son.
Story 3: NTA. Look, I can believe lingerie can be an “Inside joke”, but it’s also not a surprise to anyone that a GF would be wildly uncomfortable with it.
And if it genuinely only was about that she used to have a problem with the colour red, he could've bought red socks and placed somewhere, or hung a red towel in her bathroom. So it's not as if a red lacy lingerie set was the only option for that type of prank (personally I don't see the fun in that type of pranks, but people's taste are different).
And everything after the fact. The guy appears to not respect OP and undermines her because she’s younger. The dude had the audacity to not accept the breakup. I hope after OP read these comments, she officially dumps and blocks this loser. Perhaps he can put the lingerie on a body pillow?
S1: OP should have asked BF how else he tries to control his sister. Does he also tell her what to wear? Who she can hang out with? How often she gets to call home? Will he expect her to be a SAHM or will he “allow” her to follow her dreams? Point out how controlling he is to his sister and his family so she can ditch him and they can rein him in.
Story 2: NTA. Men are not asked to turn down career opportunities to be nannies for their siblings kids, only women are. Instead of being grateful for the favor you did them, they became reliant on you and took you for granted, thinking youd always be there. Theyre lashing out at you because theyre desparate and think they have no other options than to bully you into this. Dont hurt your career for them, theyll figure it out
S3: this lingerie thing is expert level gaslighting… The reason why OPs Spidey senses are tingling, is because something is off. I hope she trust her instincts.
Story 4: NTA, he took your son on a special father son trip, and is complaining she got some cloths and a bit of makeup? Guess we all know who your husbands golden child is.
As an adult you may see more value in the trip, but most children don't make that comparison. From the kids point of view the daughter has something she can use everyday, while the has nothing like that.
@@Shimonotokiso the husband didn't buy the kid anything while on the trip? Not a souvenir, no clothes, no toys, nothing? Maybe they should go on a girls trip while the husband goes to the mall with the boy as some comments said.
@@clarabp2613I wonder if the trip was for the son or Dad? Dad probably dragged his poor son along for some “male bonding” and participated in activities that only Dad liked. It would explain the son’s disappointment.
Also how much was the trip and how much was what she spent on the daughter. I know some camping trips you wouldn't have to spend $500 for a week. That includes food, site fees, travel expenses, ECT. I also know some clothes and makeup that can easily get over $1000 per person. My mom did something similar. Claimed me, my brother and dad helping plan/set up a funeral was a week long bonding trip. Then went out with my sister on a girls' trip to a spa. The fact she doesn't include what the guys' trip was, the prices, or a range of them is sketchy.
If the sister's BF is so concerned about fat, OP should have offered to give him a fat lip if he didn't behave. On story 2. The one who provides the grandkids wins. If the sibling wasn't the Golden Child, he is now.
1st story: wow, dude just met his gf's family for the first time and is already comfortable showing his controlling behavior. OP, your sister should RUN. Not walk, RUN.
The nephews. NTA. They are not yours. Take your promotion and go low contact with your family. Also charge them for the extra expense. By the way they abandoned their own children. NTA.
The nerve to berate someone for „abandoning“ their nephews while abandoning your own children and saddling someone else with their care and the costs for their necessities.
While you are right, I think it should be considered that he didn't get anything tangible that he can actually point to. I suspect that he didn't receive any souvenirs from the trip, and perhaps no pictures either. So, in his 10-year-old mind, he didn't "get" anything.
As an adult, you can say 'he got a trip of greater value'. As a kid, he doesn't see a vacation trip the same as physical property. Not even remotely similar. The trip is just 'fun'. A bunch of items is 'stuff'. The other kid got stuff, he did not. Therefore jealousy. It takes wisdom most adults fail to obtain to realize those two have similar value. To someone not close to being a teen it's nearly impossible without some stellar parenting.
@@Eppon6 I agree with you. Kids mostly aren't able to compare material value with experiences. If the mother had taken the daughter to a spa day or maybe cinema + favorite restaurant or something in that direction, it would be more comparable for children.
Final Story: NTA. It’s not an act, it’s basic empathy. And I personally think the fact that she is taking the kids grieving their Mother personally is telling volumes.
Both you with your insights about empathy and the grief process and the commenter who felt that dad and stepmom would be the types to doctor shop until they found a therapist that would assure them that the kids were the only ones in the wrong were spot on in your assessments. That's exactly what mine did in a somewhat similar situation. And boy was it FUBAR... a lot of damage was done.
OP has saved the brother and his wife at minimum at minimum $1k a month. They have not even accounted for the extra food OP paid for to feed the babies. I would research and provide info on how much you have saved them. Then say these babies are not your own and you have put your professional life on hold long enough.
S1: NTA. Some people have never been punched in the face, and it shows. Insult my sisters in front of me like that, and I'm going to do a hell of a lot more than tell you to shut up lol
Story 1, Nta i can't blame op for cursing, and honestly I'm surprised nobody other then op said anything heII naw, op should talk to his sister about dumping him, she does not need someone who treats her like that and she can find better.
It's just another word for bullies. If I began dating and then found out that my significant other was a prankster I would nope out of that relationship immediately. I have zero patience for bullies / nasty people
Story two it is not your fault, these are not your children. I cannot believe you are paying for these babies! It is not your fault your brother had kids he cannot afford. I would block all of them. Go live your life, excel at your work and save your money!
3. Story: is the inside joke that he would love seeing her in it? that she will show it to him later? that they have an affair and the inside joke is how they gaslight OP into believing their relationship to be nothing but a friendship?
Op get one of your guy friends to buy you something lacy and see how your boyfriend reacts. Also I would dump him no matter how he took the prank. If you stay with him and his little "friend" gives him a chance. He will either immediately brake up with you, or cheat on you
Story 1: No i think calling out assholes publicly IS a good idea. If they arent ashamed of their behaviour, you should shame them. NTA Op, you’re a good brother
story with the OP babysitting twins and then quitting: Tell me OP's the scapegoat, and bro is the Golden Child who married and sold his soul to a Demon in the Sack, and both parents are Covert Narc/enablers, without using any of those words.
@@joseguadalupemartineztorre9702 there is obvious favoritism going on here from the parents to the golden bro. That's not regular grandparents, that's downright toxic.
1. If my son had of said that nonsense to his girlfriend in front of me, I'd of drug him out of the restaurant by his ear. Regardless of his age because he should have known better. 2. Yes, it's so disgusting to take a promotion and do better in life because someone wants you to continue to give them free child care x2. 3. First, he says that Claire is beautiful and out of his league. Then he gives her lingerie. Regardless of the "inside" joke, I wouldn't like it. I'd leave. 4. That man moved on far too fast for his kids.
1st story... best way to embarrass someone who said something stupid is to ask them to repeat themselves. Most times they won't and start trying to deflect, making themselves look even more stupid.
OP NTA. You were kind to help but you have your own life to live. It is great that you got a promotion i hope all goes well. Your Brother and SIL should have though Bout what they would do with their babies before having them. It is not your responsibility to take care of them it is theirs.
Story 2: Never understood the tactic of the person getting the favor sending flying monkeys to heap a pile of insults onto the person who cannot or will not do the favor anymore. Like, mate, has insulting ever worked in getting a person to do free things for you?
Last story theres a lot of reddit post about trying to force stepchildren ou to have relationship with new parent and step siblings. The sister is TA for being inconsiderate.
"They were not expecting two babies".... uhm, what? That becomes very obvious quite early during the pregnancy. They had a few months to plan for childcare.
This comment will be wildly unpopular but OP2 is a bit of an AH for routinely looking after two infants full time during her work day. Looking after two babies requires a lot of attention; you cannot do it while effectively working full time. Your employer is paying you to work for them not to do childcare for your sister. People who do this (slack off when they're at home) make work harder for the rest of the team and also make bosses less likely to agree to working from home.
I'm an older sibling too, OP1, and as the eldest you are legally obligated to stab Eric through the hand with a fork. I don't make the rules... The commenters saying 'in the situation I would have' need to consider this wonderful German word: Treppenwitz - thinking of something witty to say after the situation has already passed. After the fact everyone's an eloquent sass master but in the moment OP was watching his sister being bullied and anything he said then was the right thing as long as it made Eric the See You Next Tuesday shut his dumb mouth.
Prank boyfriend story...break up with him. He's hung up on Claire, and they'll eventually get together if they haven't already. Hire a detective to be sure if you suspect anything, but that relationship is doomed.
i have only seen my older brother being actively protective once after i told him i ran into one of his friends, he basically said he was not good enough for me lol
Story 1: maybe its because I'm an Australian, but I think what he said was perfect. My response you have been, "The fuck?... did you seriously just fucking say that? I think you and I need to have a little chat outside.
They were ready for A KID, they weren't ready for TWINS. Still doesn't matter though, they should've been looking for other childcare in case OP wasn't able to
3:07 I find saying why would you say that? to be very effective. Im not eloquent or good on the fly with witty responses but i can usually manage that one. It really upsets the ahole but then no one gets made at me for swearing
1) NTA for his reaction. OP really does need to have more discussion with his sister about she should't accept this kind of crap from anyone. 2) OP is not a terrible sister and needn't set herself on fire to keep someone else warm. She had given free childcare and a done a huge favor and is now berated and insulted and not appreciated. These children are their parent's responsibility, not OP's. OP, should go for the better job and make the best out of their own life, shame on the rest of her family for their attitude and behavior. 3) I think OP needs to wake up to the fact that this guy is immature, inconsiderate, longs for more from his female friend, and they are not compatible. She ought not to have to change herself to fit in with him and his group. And, the boyfriend has no right to tell her she can't break up with him. OP NTA but needs to shine up her spine and tell him, they are done. 4) Good for OP for having a mother daughter day, husband and son are selfish and unreasonable. This envy and jealousy is not good and the husband is the one who needs to be reminded they just had a week vacation together where as the daughter got part of one day and a few new items. OP NTA. 5) Oy, not the best situation. It is a shame this is the family situation and OP's sister is so lacking in understanding and empathy towards these kids... ditto for their father. OP NTA.
He waited over a year before he started dating then waited another year to introduce her to his kids. And that's "immediately wanting to replace his late wife"?? I think he handled that perfectly fine, was he supposed to stay single and constantly mourn his late waofe for the rest of his life?? Not saying he handled everything perfectly but those comments on the last story were way to harsh considering
Story 3: NTA, I like a good prank but, I am failing to see the prank in this... Is she married or something? Is he hoping the husband finds it and starts a fight? Is he hoping she uses the lingerie with someone else? Story 2 (edit): If the whole joke is she doesn't like red, he could have just got a red tee shirt and put it in her hamper, no need to invade her bedroom and plant something so intimate.
And I want to know where he got the thing and how much he paid,,, because my thoughts are he went shopping with her body in mind and bought her something like it hoping he gets to see her in it! This doesn’t sound like a haha prank! But Ben gay in his underwear does! 👿
S1: Dude was acting like a pig! He doesn't deserve eloquence. Funny how he can dish it out, but can't take it! But OP should recognize he can't control sister's choices. If she wants to keep dating this jerk, on her head be the consequences.
New family very soon after wife's death story : OP, NTA. Your BIL is an A in expecting his young children to be at a stage of grief over their dead mother that they would not be adversely affected by his trying to replace her so soon, but NTA in understanding how this would affect them so soon. So why did he replace their mother so soon? Did he not love her as much? Evidently not. This will not heal his older two.
Story five Your sister needs to realise her place is to try to understand grief she the one that needs therapy when her mother does she might realise what those children feel and them her father remarries ❤ ASAP and has step children to replace her ask her to look at that scene and that exactly what she doing to the children the father failed his children from deceased wife and she definitely the wicked step mother
Story 1: OP is the only family member that actually gives a shit about the sister. Her parents didn't even stand up for her? What assholes. I hope sis breaks up with this idiot.
I don’t think the step mom in the last story was an AH. Your hormones go crazy during pregnancy... imagine kids you love crying for months every time you get pregnant because they wish you weren’t, …literally wishing for the most precious thing to you to be gone.. that’s terrible. AND there’s no way to get away from the disappointment since you live together….omg. The kids are not ah either, because grief is hard.
Story 1: My coworker told me about her STBSIL. SIL (17) Invited her BF (19) of just a few months to a family dinner. Outdoor BBQ, big spread, everyone dished up their own plate. SIL had 2 pieces of chicken with a couple sides and 2 biscuits. BF asked her why she had 2 biscuits and 2 chicken. SIL just told him that she loved her Aunts biscuits and Uncle's chicken. BF reached over, took 1 of the biscuits. As he was reaching for 1 of her pieces of chicken, he was telling her that she'd get fat eating like that. Now SIL was just looking at him surprised. Just before he touched her chicken, a knife came down hard and fast right next to his hand. It was in the table. BF looked at the person holding the knife. It was the youngest daughter (12) of the family. She told BF that if he tried to take food from her sister ever again,she wouldn't miss next time. BF asked the adults if anyone was going to do something about the little demon. The Uncle told the BF that he best worry about himself, she's serious. The BF left and broke up with the SIL.
Good for the little sister! I've always been fat, but I don't eat ridiculous portions. If I guy talked to me like that, he'd be lucky to have kids someday.
OP NTA. I would be uncomfortable in my bf giving lingerie to another woman too. I dont see how it can be a joke. If it is all about her not liking the color red, tge item could have been anything red that wasn't inappropriate. And the fact he didn't believe you when you wanted to break up shows the guy is an ass. Run you deserve better
Maybe I’m bad with humor but I really don’t get the lingerie to a girl story as a inside joke. And I hope the sister in the first story has the brains to recognize the first red flag of her to leave rather than thinking that this is only a one time thing. Controlling a woman’s eating habits unless they have a eating disorder is not a healthy boundary. Let the girl enjoy her meal in peace and if she can’t finish the whole thing she could save it for later.
The lingerie joke isn't a joke, in my opinion. Back in high school, one of my classmates that I worked with got a Victoria's Secret gift card from her boyfriend on Christmas. He gave it to her in front of her dad. The boyfriend said it was for fragrance (which I think was the truth). However, I still think it was in poor taste. Granted, they're married now with kids. I would break up with any guy who thought that was appropriate.
Story one: what if he just wants to eat her food cause her food looked Good? Sounds like op was just ready to get all testosterone fueled and have a macho pissing contest and over exaggerated his chivalry over a damn plate of food. 🤨
Last story. Both the father and step mom are unbelievably selfish, dismissive and abusive towards the children. Those two don’t take into consideration the children the children emotional health. If she doesn’t make changes, their teen years are going to be hell. Raising children whose mother has died, has a hole set of challenges. First of all they were grieving and wham they have a new mother and new siblings. I sincerely hope they still have maternal grandparents. It appears they will be better off living with them . The father sucks.
I dream of the day some one speaks to me or my sisters the way boyfriend did in story one. I’d be giddy with excitement I finally found someone who had that level of audacity in front of ETA: oh no, you’re getting every cuss word and the restaurant is going to ban us. Fucking worth it
It's not your kids your family is selfish.Your brother and his wife is both working and expect you not to further your career what would they do if they get a promotion and have even less time for their kids
BF and Claire story : NTA OP. Your BF is gaslighting you about his relationship with Claire. Pranks are one thing, but giving a female friend red lingerie says something entirely different and is no part of a joke. You cannot trust him, especially the way he is telling you how to feel. Do not waste any more time with this man child who wants to have his cake and eat it. Claire telling you, essentially, to grow up, confirms this. Dump him and his 'jokes' and move on.
You are just insecure about their pranks snd projecting your feelings onto a situation. Don't want to be with someone who pranks that's your right but just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean the others have to also.
Prank Story : YTA light ESH she is overreacting a bit. Commenters are adding details to the story that aren’t there. I believe this is only a prank. She can break up with him and first commenter is right that they might not be compatible. This issue falls into having opposite gender friends category. If OP has male friends then she needs to shut up but if he’e the only one they might need to break up if she can’t stand BF having a woman best friend. That’s a legitimate boundary for couples to have.
@@Monada79 I have seen story with genders reversed where if a guy had that boundary he was being too controlling and not trusting. When the shoes on the other foot the commenter’s start saying OP bf is cheating. Double standards strike again. The real question is if OP has male friends. If she does then she needs to stfu and deal with bf female friends. When you have opposite gender friends they are either friends or they are competition. Obviously his friend is prettier than OP if she is this worried about their relationship. She needs to move on if she’s not comfortable with this. Doesn’t mean after they break up they will start having sex. If they were sexual it probably would have gone on long before the sexy underwear prank. I have female friends and they would disown me in a second if I gave them sexy underwear as a prank even with our years long relationships. Bf and friend relationship have history the story doesn’t go over but whether it is sexual or not isn’t important for this tale.
Story #1, cussing does not mean you've lost the argument. Calling someone a freaking mororn when they are a freaking moron is an acceptable way to stand up for someone.
Today everyone wants people to respond in an acceptable diplomatic fashion. The problem with that is, it doesn't get an idiots attention. Not to mention they see it as a green flag. Where as an angry response makes a dip chit like this BF think twice. After all,if OP is willing to confront him in an aggressive manner in public,in front of family, what else is he willing to do.
@@lindah3803 add with respect to make it more diplomatic 🤷😂.
@@muppetsrule1143 Did you forget Sir.😏
@@lindah3803 She should have turned the plate upside down on his head and before walking out tell him "we're finished".
@@heathermcdougall8023that’s how I would have done it.
St 1: NTA “ did you just call my sister fat?”
That comment talking about good boys getting treats would have been translated into good boys getting nookie after the meal, by that idiot 😢!!!
_"No, Sis, you eat _*_as much as you want to_*_ okay?"_
All the while staring right at The Eric like, "Yeah, go'head, *say* something...".
#2: "My future _IS_ more important than your child care concerns. You are welcome for all the free care I have provided so far."
Babysitting story, the parents are not working late. They are going out to dinner and enjoying themselves. This happened to my babysitter. She kept kids in her home and one of the parents did not pick up till after 7. I told them they were relaxing, shopping, out eating while she had their kids. I told her to charge them $50 for each hour past 6. She did, and they called her selfish and she told them to get their childcare elsewhere. She was the best caregiver, and they did not care they got kicked out. These people do not care about their children.
i am wondering if they really are that tight with money, sounds more like they don't wanna spend more money on childcare and but rather on themselves
@@velvety2006 You are so right!
Story one: what else does he say when no one is around? How low is her self esteem?
AND that comment about treats!!! This idiot would have taken that to mean that OP is okay with him getting some nookie, as payment, from his sister at the end of a date if he acts correctly! As in, he should expect it, guaranteed!!!
Twin story: OMG, they had kids, not you. Congratulations on your promotion. Have a great life. Enjoy your life!
Story 2: NTA, you got a promotion and can no longer work from home. It isn't your responsibility to sacrifice your career to take care of their children.
let someone of the family move close they feel the brother and sil deserve free childcare
Story 1: NTA. If anything you might need to be MORE overprotective. Considering she’s in a relationship with a certified douche. OP, when women say we want men to be on our side, this is what we mean.
Well, back in my days, you would not talk about someone's sister like that without any consequences.
Honestly, the sister should dump that POS and look for a bf that respects her.
OP does need to have a brotherly talk with his sister. This is/was her 1st "relationship". He can cue her in on things that are said/done in relationships that aren't acceptable. Plus he can give the "You can ask/tell me anything that bothers you or your not sure about." offer.
@@curtisalex456not sure how old you are, but I’m 28 and I know fathers (not my own or my stepdad) who would happily go to jail for putting @$$ wads like this into comas or beating them so badly they spend the rest of their lives eating through a straw. This poor girl’s father was put to the test and failed miserably. I’m not saying men should go back to hating any unrelated male who so much as glances in his daughter’s general direction, but fathers seem to have stopped giving basic “I love my daughter so if you hurt her, I’ll hurt you twice as bad” shovel talks.
Let he who is not a load throw out the first breadstick.
Story 1: commenter “ you should have gone up to the other guys ear and told him it wasn’t appropriate instead of make a scene”
Do any of these commenters know coming up to someone’s face insulting them are fighting words? If anything if OP did that I’m sure a brawl would have happened between him and his sister’s BF.
You're giving the BF to much credit.
The person who made that comment is ridiculous.
Story 2: NTA. How are you selfish? You’ve watched someone else’s kids for free for the longest time and now you’re only stopping because your work is picking up. Sure it’s not convenient for them but it’s far from selfish.
I can't help but wonder what OP's brother+wife have been doing with the money they've been saving on not having to pay for childcare.
And not only has she watched them for free, she’s paid for meals and likely other items without even a thanks. And he fact that they screamed at her instead of congratulating her on the promotion tells me that they never deserved OPs kindness.
And the fact that no-one in OP‘s family seem to comprehend the hypocrisy in their statement about choosing work over family.
That’s what the children’s parents have actually done over the last year.
They worked rather than parenting their own children. They worked rather than giving their sister (-in-law) some time off while leeching off her money for baby food and diapers. They worked while making it impossible for OP to go out and possibly find a significant other for herself.
Plus, they're coming home way later than quitting time from the office. This is more than what you would get from a daycare or babysitter. To have them yell and send for flying monkeys, oh they can shove right off.
I need OP to share her life secret of living for free. I mean, clearly she doesn't need the money she makes from working or childcare, otherwise her parents and brother wouldn't call her selfish. She's essentially parenting and raising their kids even though she is childless. Their accusation would have been enough for me to call it quits. But honestly, I wouldn't have done this at all. They used her, clearly weren't ever appreciative as they aren't respecting her time by showing up later than agreed or the money she spends on these kids. OP should have called it quits sometime ago. Still, lesson learned. I think all the signs were pushing her to end this arrangement and now she has "no choice" so to speak.
Last story: OP should ask Martina how quickly her children should move on to loving a stepmother if she dies.
Holiday vs Mall trip story : NTA OP. You made your daughter happy for the afternoon while your son was taken on a week long trip with his dad. I bet that cost more. You did a good thing for your daughter so she wouldn't feel left out. Point out the comparative costs to your son.
Story 1: "Dude, lay off my sister and stop being so damn controlling or I will show you what a great shovel I have got and just how fast I can dig. ".
Story 3: NTA. Look, I can believe lingerie can be an “Inside joke”, but it’s also not a surprise to anyone that a GF would be wildly uncomfortable with it.
And if it genuinely only was about that she used to have a problem with the colour red, he could've bought red socks and placed somewhere, or hung a red towel in her bathroom. So it's not as if a red lacy lingerie set was the only option for that type of prank (personally I don't see the fun in that type of pranks, but people's taste are different).
And everything after the fact. The guy appears to not respect OP and undermines her because she’s younger. The dude had the audacity to not accept the breakup. I hope after OP read these comments, she officially dumps and blocks this loser. Perhaps he can put the lingerie on a body pillow?
@@FinnishLapphund Heck! Even big oversized red Boxers would be better.
@@AnimeMe40Exactly.
That commenter said it best. No man buys someone lingerie unless they want to see the person wearing it or out of it.
You do not need a second yes to break up! Dump him! He’s in love with Clair! You’re a placeholder for her. Please DUMP HIM
S1: OP should have asked BF how else he tries to control his sister. Does he also tell her what to wear? Who she can hang out with? How often she gets to call home? Will he expect her to be a SAHM or will he “allow” her to follow her dreams? Point out how controlling he is to his sister and his family so she can ditch him and they can rein him in.
Story 2: NTA. Men are not asked to turn down career opportunities to be nannies for their siblings kids, only women are. Instead of being grateful for the favor you did them, they became reliant on you and took you for granted, thinking youd always be there. Theyre lashing out at you because theyre desparate and think they have no other options than to bully you into this. Dont hurt your career for them, theyll figure it out
Talk like that about either my sisters or daughters like that the dude would be picking his teeth out of the carpet
S3: this lingerie thing is expert level gaslighting… The reason why OPs Spidey senses are tingling, is because something is off. I hope she trust her instincts.
I immediately cut all contact with “pranksters”. I don’t trust them
@@Emjay_blackdogranch good point
Story 4: NTA, he took your son on a special father son trip, and is complaining she got some cloths and a bit of makeup? Guess we all know who your husbands golden child is.
As an adult you may see more value in the trip, but most children don't make that comparison. From the kids point of view the daughter has something she can use everyday, while the has nothing like that.
@@Shimonotokiso the husband didn't buy the kid anything while on the trip? Not a souvenir, no clothes, no toys, nothing? Maybe they should go on a girls trip while the husband goes to the mall with the boy as some comments said.
@@clarabp2613I wonder if the trip was for the son or Dad? Dad probably dragged his poor son along for some “male bonding” and participated in activities that only Dad liked. It would explain the son’s disappointment.
Also how much was the trip and how much was what she spent on the daughter. I know some camping trips you wouldn't have to spend $500 for a week. That includes food, site fees, travel expenses, ECT. I also know some clothes and makeup that can easily get over $1000 per person.
My mom did something similar. Claimed me, my brother and dad helping plan/set up a funeral was a week long bonding trip. Then went out with my sister on a girls' trip to a spa.
The fact she doesn't include what the guys' trip was, the prices, or a range of them is sketchy.
no yall playing dumb there why in this story
why did the son have to wait months?
why is he going on a boy trip?
Story 3: Here's how a healthy relationship works.
"Im not comfortable with you giving another woman lingerie."
"Okay I won't do it then."
Simple.
Yeah, you only buy that sort of thing for a wife, fiancee, or long term girlfriend. He could have gotten her a red t-shirt with the word "boo" on it.
They might have an affair, as a prank, of course.
If the sister's BF is so concerned about fat, OP should have offered to give him a fat lip if he didn't behave. On story 2. The one who provides the grandkids wins. If the sibling wasn't the Golden Child, he is now.
Story 2: I always say that. Parents love their kids, but they'll love their grandkids more.
1st story: wow, dude just met his gf's family for the first time and is already comfortable showing his controlling behavior.
OP, your sister should RUN. Not walk, RUN.
Yep she should run for the hills
The nephews. NTA. They are not yours. Take your promotion and go low contact with your family. Also charge them for the extra expense. By the way they abandoned their own children. NTA.
The nerve to berate someone for „abandoning“ their nephews while abandoning your own children and saddling someone else with their care and the costs for their necessities.
Story 4: NTA. He got nothing? He got an F•ing vacation!
While you are right, I think it should be considered that he didn't get anything tangible that he can actually point to. I suspect that he didn't receive any souvenirs from the trip, and perhaps no pictures either. So, in his 10-year-old mind, he didn't "get" anything.
And for a full week whereas OP and daughter were gone a couple of hours tops.
As an adult, you can say 'he got a trip of greater value'. As a kid, he doesn't see a vacation trip the same as physical property. Not even remotely similar. The trip is just 'fun'. A bunch of items is 'stuff'. The other kid got stuff, he did not. Therefore jealousy. It takes wisdom most adults fail to obtain to realize those two have similar value. To someone not close to being a teen it's nearly impossible without some stellar parenting.
@@karumehickman and that makes him a spoiled brat
@@Eppon6 I agree with you. Kids mostly aren't able to compare material value with experiences. If the mother had taken the daughter to a spa day or maybe cinema + favorite restaurant or something in that direction, it would be more comparable for children.
Final Story: NTA. It’s not an act, it’s basic empathy. And I personally think the fact that she is taking the kids grieving their Mother personally is telling volumes.
Both you with your insights about empathy and the grief process and the commenter who felt that dad and stepmom would be the types to doctor shop until they found a therapist that would assure them that the kids were the only ones in the wrong were spot on in your assessments. That's exactly what mine did in a somewhat similar situation. And boy was it FUBAR... a lot of damage was done.
S 2- yes, you are abandoning his family. They’re HIS kids not yours. Nta.
OP has saved the brother and his wife at minimum at minimum $1k a month. They have not even accounted for the extra food OP paid for to feed the babies. I would research and provide info on how much you have saved them. Then say these babies are not your own and you have put your professional life on hold long enough.
Story one: The brain is literally fat. He wants the pasta because he's trying to make up for the fact he's just a spinal cord and audacity.
Twins: OP should not be out of pocket for being kind. Being taken for granted sucks.
S1 showing his true colours controlling abusive get her to leave him . This is seriously bad sign
S1: NTA. Some people have never been punched in the face, and it shows. Insult my sisters in front of me like that, and I'm going to do a hell of a lot more than tell you to shut up lol
If my brother doesn’t stand up for me like story one I don’t want a brother❤️
You just know that OP1 stands up for his friends too. A real man.
Story 1, Nta i can't blame op for cursing,
and honestly I'm surprised nobody other then op said anything heII naw, op should talk to his sister about dumping him, she does not need someone who treats her like that and she can find better.
The rest of the family probably just wants to see the sister get married off, and they don't care to whom.
Story 1 Good for you for standing up for your sister
Good brother!
Story 1: OP your sister is in an abusive relationship. Just you wait he’ll end up degrading your sister day in day out.
Pranksters are AHs
It's just another word for bullies.
If I began dating and then found out that my significant other was a prankster I would nope out of that relationship immediately. I have zero patience for bullies / nasty people
Story two it is not your fault, these are not your children. I cannot believe you are paying for these babies! It is not your fault your brother had kids he cannot afford. I would block all of them. Go live your life, excel at your work and save your money!
3. Story:
is the inside joke that he would love seeing her in it? that she will show it to him later? that they have an affair and the inside joke is how they gaslight OP into believing their relationship to be nothing but a friendship?
Thats a weird "prank". And yes, his saying she is out of his league DOES give you cause for concern.
It will become bf's dream come true when claire models the lingerie for him to get back at op.
Op get one of your guy friends to buy you something lacy and see how your boyfriend reacts. Also I would dump him no matter how he took the prank. If you stay with him and his little "friend" gives him a chance. He will either immediately brake up with you, or cheat on you
Story 1: No i think calling out assholes publicly IS a good idea. If they arent ashamed of their behaviour, you should shame them.
NTA Op, you’re a good brother
story with the OP babysitting twins and then quitting: Tell me OP's the scapegoat, and bro is the Golden Child who married and sold his soul to a Demon in the Sack, and both parents are Covert Narc/enablers, without using any of those words.
OPs parents are just acting like regular grandparents. They only care about the grandkids, their own kids are grown adults.
@@joseguadalupemartineztorre9702 there is obvious favoritism going on here from the parents to the golden bro. That's not regular grandparents, that's downright toxic.
OP NTA. I dont understand who your son can think he got nothing when he went on a vacation with his dad!! Op needs to teach son to be grateful
Red lingerie: red flag more like. Also massive gaslighting.
1. If my son had of said that nonsense to his girlfriend in front of me, I'd of drug him out of the restaurant by his ear. Regardless of his age because he should have known better.
2. Yes, it's so disgusting to take a promotion and do better in life because someone wants you to continue to give them free child care x2.
3. First, he says that Claire is beautiful and out of his league. Then he gives her lingerie. Regardless of the "inside" joke, I wouldn't like it. I'd leave.
4. That man moved on far too fast for his kids.
1st story... best way to embarrass someone who said something stupid is to ask them to repeat themselves. Most times they won't and start trying to deflect, making themselves look even more stupid.
Story 1....engage Sonny Corleone mode
OP NTA. You were kind to help but you have your own life to live. It is great that you got a promotion i hope all goes well. Your Brother and SIL should have though Bout what they would do with their babies before having them. It is not your responsibility to take care of them it is theirs.
I always felt so fancy with my bath and body works candles, my first scent was watermelon lemonade 🥰
Story 2: Never understood the tactic of the person getting the favor sending flying monkeys to heap a pile of insults onto the person who cannot or will not do the favor anymore.
Like, mate, has insulting ever worked in getting a person to do free things for you?
S2: OP, your first responsibility is to yourself.
Last story theres a lot of reddit post about trying to force stepchildren ou to have relationship with new parent and step siblings. The sister is TA for being inconsiderate.
And an idiot for going to OP for advice, getting advice from OP, and then got mad that it wasn’t the “advice” she wanted
@@lorilancaster5917 she wanted justification and was shock that she did get it.
@@rogueshark23 I know I know.
sounds like dad did not like raising kids on his own and took the first person who was willing to take over
"They were not expecting two babies".... uhm, what? That becomes very obvious quite early during the pregnancy. They had a few months to plan for childcare.
Clara prank story: if you don't leave, soon enough, you'll get multiple "cheating on my girlfriend
with clara prank"
This comment will be wildly unpopular but OP2 is a bit of an AH for routinely looking after two infants full time during her work day. Looking after two babies requires a lot of attention; you cannot do it while effectively working full time. Your employer is paying you to work for them not to do childcare for your sister. People who do this (slack off when they're at home) make work harder for the rest of the team and also make bosses less likely to agree to working from home.
Story three
He has a crush on her he wants to be with Claire leave his immature please leave him now
I'm an older sibling too, OP1, and as the eldest you are legally obligated to stab Eric through the hand with a fork. I don't make the rules...
The commenters saying 'in the situation I would have' need to consider this wonderful German word: Treppenwitz - thinking of something witty to say after the situation has already passed. After the fact everyone's an eloquent sass master but in the moment OP was watching his sister being bullied and anything he said then was the right thing as long as it made Eric the See You Next Tuesday shut his dumb mouth.
Prank boyfriend story...break up with him. He's hung up on Claire, and they'll eventually get together if they haven't already. Hire a detective to be sure if you suspect anything, but that relationship is doomed.
Wait. Who's choosing work over family? You mean the brother and SIL, right?
The rest of the family could help by chipping in for daycare.
Story 1 hand would've been thrown
i have only seen my older brother being actively protective once after i told him i ran into one of his friends, he basically said he was not good enough for me lol
Story 1: maybe its because I'm an Australian, but I think what he said was perfect. My response you have been, "The fuck?... did you seriously just fucking say that? I think you and I need to have a little chat outside.
If they can't take care of the kids, why did they have them?
They were ready for A KID, they weren't ready for TWINS. Still doesn't matter though, they should've been looking for other childcare in case OP wasn't able to
3:07 I find saying why would you say that? to be very effective. Im not eloquent or good on the fly with witty responses but i can usually manage that one. It really upsets the ahole but then no one gets made at me for swearing
1) NTA for his reaction. OP really does need to have more discussion with his sister about she should't accept this kind of crap from anyone.
2) OP is not a terrible sister and needn't set herself on fire to keep someone else warm. She had given free childcare and a done a huge favor and is now berated and insulted and not appreciated. These children are their parent's responsibility, not OP's. OP, should go for the better job and make the best out of their own life, shame on the rest of her family for their attitude and behavior.
3) I think OP needs to wake up to the fact that this guy is immature, inconsiderate, longs for more from his female friend, and they are not compatible. She ought not to have to change herself to fit in with him and his group. And, the boyfriend has no right to tell her she can't break up with him. OP NTA but needs to shine up her spine and tell him, they are done.
4) Good for OP for having a mother daughter day, husband and son are selfish and unreasonable. This envy and jealousy is not good and the husband is the one who needs to be reminded they just had a week vacation together where as the daughter got part of one day and a few new items. OP NTA.
5) Oy, not the best situation. It is a shame this is the family situation and OP's sister is so lacking in understanding and empathy towards these kids... ditto for their father. OP NTA.
He just wants to set Claire free with laundry. Make her a free elf
Restaurant story : NTA OP. You could have reacted more eloquently but, boy, I wish I had a brother like you!
Eric doesn't deserve eloquence!
He waited over a year before he started dating then waited another year to introduce her to his kids.
And that's "immediately wanting to replace his late wife"??
I think he handled that perfectly fine, was he supposed to stay single and constantly mourn his late waofe for the rest of his life??
Not saying he handled everything perfectly but those comments on the last story were way to harsh considering
Story 3: NTA, I like a good prank but, I am failing to see the prank in this... Is she married or something? Is he hoping the husband finds it and starts a fight? Is he hoping she uses the lingerie with someone else?
Story 2 (edit): If the whole joke is she doesn't like red, he could have just got a red tee shirt and put it in her hamper, no need to invade her bedroom and plant something so intimate.
And I want to know where he got the thing and how much he paid,,, because my thoughts are he went shopping with her body in mind and bought her something like it hoping he gets to see her in it! This doesn’t sound like a haha prank! But Ben gay in his underwear does! 👿
Story 2 they are not working late they are having you raise their kids. Dont give up your promotion.
S1: Dude was acting like a pig! He doesn't deserve eloquence. Funny how he can dish it out, but can't take it! But OP should recognize he can't control sister's choices. If she wants to keep dating this jerk, on her head be the consequences.
Kinda depends on her age & dating experience! First bf, maybe she's not aware, since he's comfortable saying that crap in front of the parents
Story four
Tell your husband he putting his son before his father,he should be left for a week
Happy Friday!!!
I'm angry with the first story I can't finish the vedio right now
New family very soon after wife's death story : OP, NTA. Your BIL is an A in expecting his young children to be at a stage of grief over their dead mother that they would not be adversely affected by his trying to replace her so soon, but NTA in understanding how this would affect them so soon. So why did he replace their mother so soon? Did he not love her as much? Evidently not. This will not heal his older two.
Story 5: NTA, yet another story of people who rushed into marriage and having kids, without doing the basics of blending the family.
Story five
Your sister needs to realise her place is to try to understand grief she the one that needs therapy when her mother does she might realise what those children feel and them her father remarries ❤ ASAP and has step children to replace her ask her to look at that scene and that exactly what she doing to the children the father failed his children from deceased wife and she definitely the wicked step mother
Story 1: OP is the only family member that actually gives a shit about the sister. Her parents didn't even stand up for her? What assholes. I hope sis breaks up with this idiot.
❤❤❤
I don’t think the step mom in the last story was an AH. Your hormones go crazy during pregnancy... imagine kids you love crying for months every time you get pregnant because they wish you weren’t, …literally wishing for the most precious thing to you to be gone.. that’s terrible. AND there’s no way to get away from the disappointment since you live together….omg. The kids are not ah either, because grief is hard.
Story 1: My coworker told me about her STBSIL. SIL (17) Invited her BF (19) of just a few months to a family dinner. Outdoor BBQ, big spread, everyone dished up their own plate. SIL had 2 pieces of chicken with a couple sides and 2 biscuits. BF asked her why she had 2 biscuits and 2 chicken. SIL just told him that she loved her Aunts biscuits and Uncle's chicken. BF reached over, took 1 of the biscuits. As he was reaching for 1 of her pieces of chicken, he was telling her that she'd get fat eating like that. Now SIL was just looking at him surprised. Just before he touched her chicken, a knife came down hard and fast right next to his hand. It was in the table. BF looked at the person holding the knife. It was the youngest daughter (12) of the family. She told BF that if he tried to take food from her sister ever again,she wouldn't miss next time. BF asked the adults if anyone was going to do something about the little demon. The Uncle told the BF that he best worry about himself, she's serious. The BF left and broke up with the SIL.
Good for the little sister!
I've always been fat, but I don't eat ridiculous portions. If I guy talked to me like that, he'd be lucky to have kids someday.
@@christinebenson518 Little sister wasn't playing. What surprised me was that little sister never said a word until after she planted the knife.
OP NTA. I would be uncomfortable in my bf giving lingerie to another woman too. I dont see how it can be a joke. If it is all about her not liking the color red, tge item could have been anything red that wasn't inappropriate. And the fact he didn't believe you when you wanted to break up shows the guy is an ass. Run you deserve better
S3 - I hope OP will break up with her boyfriend for sure. He doesn't need her idiotic in his life.
Maybe I’m bad with humor but I really don’t get the lingerie to a girl story as a inside joke.
And I hope the sister in the first story has the brains to recognize the first red flag of her to leave rather than thinking that this is only a one time thing. Controlling a woman’s eating habits unless they have a eating disorder is not a healthy boundary. Let the girl enjoy her meal in peace and if she can’t finish the whole thing she could save it for later.
The lingerie joke isn't a joke, in my opinion. Back in high school, one of my classmates that I worked with got a Victoria's Secret gift card from her boyfriend on Christmas. He gave it to her in front of her dad. The boyfriend said it was for fragrance (which I think was the truth). However, I still think it was in poor taste. Granted, they're married now with kids.
I would break up with any guy who thought that was appropriate.
Story one: what if he just wants to eat her food cause her food looked Good?
Sounds like op was just ready to get all testosterone fueled and have a macho pissing contest and over exaggerated his chivalry over a damn plate of food. 🤨
Last story. Both the father and step mom are unbelievably selfish, dismissive and abusive towards the children. Those two don’t take into consideration the children the children emotional health. If she doesn’t make changes, their teen years are going to be hell. Raising children whose mother has died, has a hole set of challenges. First of all they were grieving and wham they have a new mother and new siblings. I sincerely hope they still have maternal grandparents. It appears they will be better off living with them . The father sucks.
trip story is so half as op left out so many details she cover up some.
I dream of the day some one speaks to me or my sisters the way boyfriend did in story one. I’d be giddy with excitement I finally found someone who had that level of audacity in front of ETA: oh no, you’re getting every cuss word and the restaurant is going to ban us. Fucking worth it
It's not your kids your family is selfish.Your brother and his wife is both working and expect you not to further your career what would they do if they get a promotion and have even less time for their kids
BF and Claire story : NTA OP. Your BF is gaslighting you about his relationship with Claire. Pranks are one thing, but giving a female friend red lingerie says something entirely different and is no part of a joke. You cannot trust him, especially the way he is telling you how to feel. Do not waste any more time with this man child who wants to have his cake and eat it. Claire telling you, essentially, to grow up, confirms this. Dump him and his 'jokes' and move on.
You are just insecure about their pranks snd projecting your feelings onto a situation. Don't want to be with someone who pranks that's your right but just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean the others have to also.
Whose man are you sleeping with?
Prank Story : YTA light ESH she is overreacting a bit. Commenters are adding details to the story that aren’t there. I believe this is only a prank. She can break up with him and first commenter is right that they might not be compatible. This issue falls into having opposite gender friends category. If OP has male friends then she needs to shut up but if he’e the only one they might need to break up if she can’t stand BF having a woman best friend. That’s a legitimate boundary for couples to have.
Would HE be OK with HER giving underwear/a thong to her male friend....?
You sound clueless!
@@Monada79 I have seen story with genders reversed where if a guy had that boundary he was being too controlling and not trusting. When the shoes on the other foot the commenter’s start saying OP bf is cheating. Double standards strike again.
The real question is if OP has male friends. If she does then she needs to stfu and deal with bf female friends. When you have opposite gender friends they are either friends or they are competition. Obviously his friend is prettier than OP if she is this worried about their relationship. She needs to move on if she’s not comfortable with this. Doesn’t mean after they break up they will start having sex. If they were sexual it probably would have gone on long before the sexy underwear prank. I have female friends and they would disown me in a second if I gave them sexy underwear as a prank even with our years long relationships. Bf and friend relationship have history the story doesn’t go over but whether it is sexual or not isn’t important for this tale.
S3. NTA. If you feel uncomfortable about something your boyfriend does and he continues to do it, you are never in the wrong.
Careful with that always