Understanding Men and Their Trauma with Dr. Gabor Maté | The Man Enough Podcast
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 พ.ค. 2024
- Men aren’t toxic, they’re traumatized. Renowned physician, author and speaker Dr. Gabor Maté talks about internalized rage, our toxic world culture, childhood trauma and reframing our approach to mental illness.
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#gabormate #drgabormate #mythofnormal #mentalhealth #adhd #mentalillness #toxic #toxicmen
The Myth Of Normal
Dr Gabor Maté’s newest book The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture, is a groundbreaking investigation into the causes of illness, a bracing critique of how our society breeds disease, and a pathway to health and healing.
In this revolutionary book, Maté eloquently dissects how chronic illness and general lack of health are on the rise in Western countries that pride themselves on their healthcare systems.
Over four decades of clinical experience, Maté has come to recognize the prevailing understanding of “normal” as false, neglecting the roles that trauma and stress, and the pressures of modern-day living, exert on our bodies and our minds at the expense of good health. Now Maté brings his perspective to the great untangling of common myths about what makes us sick, connects the dots between the maladies of individuals and the declining soundness of society-and offers a compassionate guide for health and healing. Co-written with his son Daniel, The Myth Of Normal is Maté’s most ambitious and urgent book yet.
Gabor’s new book, The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture -- drgabormate.com/book/the-myth...
About Dr.Gabor Maté:
A renowned speaker and bestselling author, Dr. Gabor Maté is highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress, and childhood development. Dr. Maté has written several books, including the New York Times bestseller The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture, the award-winning In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction, When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection, and has co authored Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. His works have been published internationally in over thirty languages.
Guest Social Links:
Instagram:@gabormatemd
Twitter: @DrGaborMate
Show Notes
TH-cam/Audio mp3 (slightly different after ad break holes)
00:00 Episode Begins
02:32 Introducing Dr.Gabor Maté
03:43 Who qualifies "enough-ness?"
12:52/12:58 How does our culture impact women and men's health differently?
23:05/23:20 The Answer to Chaos is Harmony
25:20/25:33 The Culture Has Deprived Men
33:55/34:15 When do we begin believing the world is against us?
36:11/36:31 Vulnerability is Brave
43:54/44:14 Reframing Mental Illness
47:56/48:16 Mother's don't chose to get stressed
49:20/49:40 How do we achieve human empowerment?
55:00/55:20 Rage in the body
58:27/58:47 Recovering from Trauma
01:03:40/01:04:00 Owning your own healing
01:07:45/01:08:05 What does it mean to be man enough?
Key Quotes from the Episode:
"Healing is actually about growth, it's about becoming whole and for most of us, that's a lifelong proposition" - Dr. Gabor Maté
HOSTS: Justin Baldoni, Liz Plank, and Jamey Heath
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I'm literally crying! I have read all of Dr. Gabor Mate's books during pregnancy and it changed my whole perspective about how to raise a child. My one year old baby is now sleeping next to me and I'm so happy because of our strong attachment relationship. So if you're wondering what you could give to parents who are expecting a child just buy them his books. A generation of deeply loving parents could change this society for the better.
👏👏❤️
I am going to follow your suggestion and the next baby shower I go to I will gift the mother to be with his book on this important subject. Thank you
@@sharonrunning9317 This is so great. We so need a trauma-informed society and we are doing it from the bottom up. You might also like to look into the books of Aletha Solter :)
Anything by Alice Miller. “The Continuum Concept” by Jean Liedloff.
6
Love how Dr. Maté is roasting Jordan Peterson ! Priceless and so so true. JP is full of rage. GM is grounded, humble, wise and a blessing to everyone who cares enough to listen
Well, that's very contradictory... so you are saying that as men we should supress our anger so you can get happy while a supposed humble guru passive aggressively roasts somebody that is showing rage and has every reason to while preaching that we should not supress our rage? I think you both need therapy😂😂😂
That is not what I’m saying but if that is what you took from this then I will leave you with your opinion, no point in arguing here.
You can watch some more of his videos to get a clearer picture of Dr Gabor’s work, e.g. Dr.Gabor Mate on how to process anger and rage | The Tim Ferris Show.
@@barabara2127 of course JP is full of rage, do you think there is nothing in the world to have rage about? Anger is actually a healthy response to threat. Is that a new idea to you?
btw Jordan is also full of love, full of sadness, full of happiness etc. but that doesn't seem to matter to you, does it? I wonder why that is...
“The antidote to chaos isn’t order…it’s harmony.” I love that. It reminds me of something that someone I worked with once said “From chaos comes order, but not without the cost of freedom.” Harmony would solve the problem of lack of freedom.
Yea, that one blew my mind also.
I dont think rules for rules sake ever solved anything...I would love to hear Jordan Peterson respond to what Gabor is saying here. That would be worth a listen.
@@davisx2002 easy to respond. What is harmony? And, how do you do it? What are the rules to harmony, and who gets to make those rules? You want harmony? Enslave everyone and make the rules they have to follow. You can enforce your new harmony with violence and the threat of violence. This is not a Utopian world, and you can't wish one into existence. The idea of harmony, like socialism, communism, and all of the other empty words is dependent upon the goodwill of every participant. If some people (criminals, opportunists, grifters, zealots, those seeking power) refuse your rules for harmony, there will only be the illusion of harmony. People have to start thinking deeper than this man's anger the patriarchy and Jordan Peterson will allow him to go. He's selling ideology while being critical of ideology. Interesting.
Hi Chuck - a more technical way to approach the concept of “harmony” might be to look at systems theory. That might give you something you can actually sink your teeth into.
@@lenavoyles526 I'm familiar with systems theory. In systems theory a negative system can be reinforced just like a good one. That doesn't answer any of the questions I proposed, and it risks dying in Utopian fantasies. Of course when every member has great intentions, a lot of systems can work--even a harmonic one. But, what happens when we bring our imperfections into the equation? Stuff goes sideways fast. That's where the questions I asked really surface.
wow. i became disabled 5 years ago, and my boyfriend of 18 years shared a text he got from a 'friend' of ours suggesting he run as 'I'm not worth the extra effort with my physical limitations.' I thought this was a friend of mine too, happens to be female. He shared it because we're no longer going to engage with this person, but the insult lingered. It swelled up inside of me and started to consume my beliefs about myself. It was so easy for me to let her infect my beliefs about myself. I'm changing this belief right now. I am enough.
She wants him for herself. You sound surprised, in fact this female behaviour is very common. You both are right to exit her. Beware.
And please tell your boyfriend how much you appreciate him. He sounds like really good man.
In a world focused on outcomes, it’s hard to deal with the guilt of being trapped in a defective body. But, I don’t know you and I don’t blame you. Reality just feels the need to expand itself into the realm of all possibilities and we are cursed with the ability to perceive consciously. I hope you find comfort somewhere good. This is getting long, but I met a woman who, when she suffered a spinal injury jumping off a sailboat in the Mediterranean, was a VERY successful ballerina. I met her at a dinner with friends and she came in and said, “sorry I’m so late, but stairway to heaven was on and I had to sit in my car awhile and try not to kill myself.” A GREAT joke. But I couldn’t laugh because she was in a wheelchair and without knowing why, it felt wrong to make light of her situation. I didn’t know her injury history until maybe a few days later. Well, she did kill herself. 2-3 years later. It made me so sad even though I only met her that one time. Also, I lived with a bad hip for 13 years through parental neglect which devolved into self-neglect. I now have nerve damage that will need to be resolved through,probably, many surgeries. Plus, type 2 and/or(would need to consult dr notes as I basically freaked out when reading post-op notes) type 3 degeneration of my load bearing capacity of the hip. I’m 31. I was an elite athlete when I was injured at 17-18. And I mean, professional athletes were encouraging me to pursue an athletic career, post injury, which I knew I couldn’t fulfill long term as this was the phase where I did all my nerve damage trying to rehabilitate myself at any cost. Well, it cost. So, I’ve just rediscovered Gabor and I hope he brings you comfort. Be a brain or be a hand or be an understanding and honest and genuine friend. We are not static. And I hope you, stranger, will find your way because, if you do, you bring hope to the world in a million ways.
@@georgegrote7836 Sorry to hear about those losses.
It sounds like you needed to share it.
There are so many different kinds of abilities that we humans have. Physical ones are just some of them, yet far from all of them.
Thank you!❤
I love this man. A gift to humanity.
We agree!
Seriously ♥️
I agree 💯
For sure he is soo amazing n makes sooo much sense
You are so right! Gabor is a gift for those that are ready.
My inner child experienced a ton of boundary violation, trauma and dysfunction at home and she is angry. My anger was suppressed for soooo long! Believe me, anger has a place in your healing. Embrace it!
Hiya, for what it is worth, I totally am hearing you. Although our stories are different, I too experienced a tonne of boundary violations, abuse and trauma at the hands of both parents. I was shown and told in various ways that any anger was bad and it was bad to be angry because people around me suppressed my anger. At 43 years old, I'm giving myself a space for all my anger and it's scary but right. I'm doing my best to allow the little girl in me to feel that anger and express it. People still try tell me my anger is bad and intolerable but I now know that their feelings about my anger has nothing to do with me. It's still hard and I still feel unseen. I wish you the best on your journey.
Great show, great man. Having recovered from childhood trauma, I now embrace my mother's memory instead of excoriating her for being a bad mother. I am free in a way I could only imagine. Lots of AA , lots of addiction, but 40 years of joyous sobriety
I could listen Dr. Maté talk for hours, what a treasure of our time! 🙏Thank you for having him on the show 🙌
Thank you for being here! We could have talked to him for hours as well.
Yes, the way he talk sometimes could be defined as rude for normal society but I just cannot get enough of his "carelessness " talk
Believe system Questions
Who is asking the question ?
Why do you ask
the question ?
What can you do ?
I DO listen to him for hours at a time, and gratefully.
Dr. Maté has a book on ADHD that turns some central things on their head in the most expansive, wholesome way. HIGHLY recommend the read, Scattered Minds. It seems less known than his other works, for some reason but check it out.
@@SpectrumOfChange fellow ADHDer, hi! Im planning on reading it as an audiobook on my channel soon :)
As a male therapist, still healing myself, I want to say thank you so much for putting this together. I have been aware of Gabor for several years, but i have avoided reading him for fear of retraumatising myslef having worked in the caring profession for 24+ years, as well as my own traumatic childhood. I am now going to order the book, The Myth of Normal.
I think it’ll make a huge difference in your healing.
It did in mine! 😊
Bravo to you for facing your own vulnerability. ❤️
Check out "When the Body Says No" too, its awesome
HIGHLY recommend his other books and interviews! Best wishes 🫶🏽
So validating! I was avoiding Gabor Mate also! Timing is everything, thank you for your honesty.
He said he is 5 foot 7 , however, he is a Giant. A giant in humility, in knowledge, in wisdom, in compassion and vulnerability. I think I am addicted to him and his wisdom but I am just fine about that.
😇😇
Short people result from under nourishment and under feeding of children from an early age, especially where Neglect exists.
He’s wrong about Peterson, though
Imagine a world in which medical doctors and mental health professionals learn these truths; in which everyone is taught this sane approach to existence.
Very dangerous game with doctors being taught anything like this in already system where they apply their personal beliefs. Docs get rid tons of patients saying their psychsomatic systems already, which is one anxiety just get rid of patients n not look for real causes. This just would make things even worse
@@davidchandler6885 Gabor Mate never suggests that people's symptoms are psychosomatic, quite the opposite - he's describing how unresolved emotions can lead to actual illness.
And the Law also!
Currently, the obvious pharmaceutical mafia would advise we all fire the turds and grow healthy with these supports, counselling when needed and eating only food that heals the human body. That means getting off all junk crap never food filling your guts and ruining your body's ability to function like a Tesla! 5 yrs carnivore now & despite having Ankylosing spondylitis arthritis that was sheer 24/7 painful agonies plus, I no longer suffer any of that hell. The guts take a long time to heal so that remains the last challenge and I love my ND.
She uses Vega testing (also called Electro Acupuncture, according to Voll or EAV testing) It uses the acupuncture points in the hands as access points to your body's sensitive electromagnetic system. From there, the machine measures electromagnetic fluctuations in your body in response to testing.
you get Instant readings on my body's state: chakras, guts, organs & AI status; and then tests a plethora of potential products to help heal the issues,including chakras, organs, emotional turmoil and cortisol plus more. Sometimes what she thinks will help when tested shows it's not suited to my needs!
This is the ND you know you want and you know your assured of immediate knowledge and what helps. Forget the Blood type diets, the Arthritis diet, the AS diet as none of these approaches are based in knowledge. Eat carnivore for thriving health and repairs to all body tissues from eyes, to organs, to energy fields and memory/brain triggering fear etc.
I love his epitaph: “It was a lot more work than I anticipated.” As one who has spent a lifetime healing my own trauma, and then becoming a professional trauma therapist, I know this to be true! And his humor about it is much appreciated.
He is describing me. People pleaser from a young age, diagnosed with ADHD, evasive and borderline personality disorders, anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue and Hashimotos.
All of it runs in my family and it's now my mission not to pass it on to my kids. I'm in therapy now and have just learned, at the age of 47, that it is ok for me to exist, it is ok to have my own opinions and it's ok to say NO knowing it might upset other people. I'm terrified of making other people disappointed, angry or sad. I get anxious if I don't please everybody all the time, can't eat or sleep. My body then starts to shut down and I get even more inefficient.
Luckily I have stopped working, it is a blessing 🙏 I can now isolate my self and use all my energy on my children. Focusing on them and my therapy is the best thing ever!! They have the best dad I the world and they all seem to work well. I am so thankful!! But the thought that they still might end of like me is terrifying.
My heart goes out to those who don't have the same privileges. Please take care of yourself ❤️
💛
❤❤❤🎉
Proud of you
Everything you're doing now will shift your children and give them a head start in their own healing. Heal together!
You may already know this, but all those can occur because of Hashimotos. Stay feeling well!
Big fan of Gabor. I am a single dad with a 3 year old daughter. I have always sat and cuddled her through her feels and she is the best behaved 3 year old and is really kind and respectful to other people.
Interestingly she has been winning awards for following all the rules at nursery but I don’t set many rules we talk and negotiate at home.
I was/can identify with those men you talk about as I was treated very badly in two previous relationships so identified women as the problem. However, it was never women it was two abusive and one highly abusive individuals that did horrible things.
Moving past this now as I look at all the lovely women in my life who have helped me through my trauma to help with my perspective.
I think it’s the right time for me to be engaging with your content so I can be more how I used to be before those issues happened.
It’s very sad but unsurprising that anyone gives children awards for following rules. This is really all society wants from children: Sit down. Shut up. Do your work. Gee, whyever are young people depressed?
@@meganbaker9116 You're right, it is sad. Instead of society telling kids what it wants, society should listen to what the humans want.
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
@@meganbaker9116 yeah. I was privileged to not have to work a job until I was 24. The first thought I had when I started working was "Oh I can do this, this is just like school". I don't think that I would've been able to go from full freedom, study whenever I want to, to: 8-9 hrs a day, 5 days a week you have to go to this place and do something you don't like consistently if I didn't go to school.
School is designed to make humans familiar with being sucked dry for resources at a job, full stop. There is little thought put into that system to actually benefit the healthy living of our children.
@@human-ft3wk That’s incredibly depressing. I know what school was designed for, and I hope parents continue taking their children out of that miserable warehouse. Crushing children’s spirit is bad for them and it’s bad for society.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.
You have touched a lot of stuff I am going through at age 65. I survived a heart attack in 2016 and my wife cancer in 2018. I have changed so much. I am constantly afraid about living I need more community to help me and not to be alone. I happy to hear your stories.
Thank you for joining us. We're glad you survived and have found your way to us.
Find what brings you peace and joy. I've had multiple health issues last 2 years stress burn out, past trauma and emotions surfacing. I'm on a restricted diet to heal my gut health issues, being doing kundalini yoga, guided meditations online, walking alone and with friends, and journaling my emotions /thoughts things I can't express. Also did some talking therapy which has helped too. I'm gradually getting better, feeling more at peace. Do more of things that bring you joy and be patient with yourself.
Thank you for your comment, it's an antidote for happiness more community, since a very young age also attracted to animals wildlife nature, daily hikes in nature with 3 dogs is a lifesaver. Stay happy healthy Shane
Right on Gabor..Until both men and women realize their strength and personal power is being fully present in this moment , allowing themselves to feel and express their genuine feelings openly, without fear of censorship, condemnation and repression,there will be no personal empowerment, harmony or authentic connection , both interpersonally and subsequently as a community and culture at large.We are emotional beings and our emotional vulnerability is our STRENGTH. Listen to your feelings.They will take us all home.
So true love 🖖🙏
YES!
I think you'll find it's majority men that are oppressed in terms of being open about their feelings, by other men...and women! Say something nice to the next young man you meet.
Finally, someone who makes sense of so many things! Modern medicine ignores the body-mind connection; our culture is brutal in its disregard for mother-child attachment, etc. YES! Such a monumental relief to hear these things articulated when we may subliminally feel them, but cannot put words to them. Thank you so much for this podcast!
a fellow Hungarian:) we all love him and always happy to see him in Budapest! Kedves Gábor, minden jót kívánok!
The antidote to chaos in not order - but HARMONY!
It takes both!
When I heard that, I felt something important was missed: harmony is the end result that we shoot for, but order is the mechanism that bridges the gap between chaos and harmony - and harmony itself is order. A balanced order. Order is the scaffolding that builds the framework for the building of harmony
@@NicholasPR There can be harmony without order, but it's aimless! There can be order without harmony, but its tyrannical and unstable! By themselves they just breed different forms of chaos!
@@NicholasPR yes, I believe many of our human instincts or impulse is to apply order without much consideration to harmony.
I am crying so badly I have never thought about childhood trauma can be so scientifically proven Thankyou Dr. Gabor Mate for making me understand everything so beautifully your knowledge giving me goosebumps becoz we have never studied this in our education system ever.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Thanks for joining us. Glad it resonated.
I'm a woman from the UK, who had server early S.A. and other abuse.
Can I say thank you, this is the best interview with Gabor Maté I've ever listened to.
Sincerely thank you.
Thank you
Dr. Gabor Maté.
Thank you. Glad you're here with us. Sending love as you heal from that past.
I didn't finish watching this yet but I want to say that it is not just Gabor who is amazing but also the whole crew...I absolutely love how Jamie didn't put a smiley face and stayed with his own feelings because he had a difficult day. It shows his strength. I love all of their insights and honesty...Their sincerity toward humanity really shows...Thank you for being who you are...I am so moved...
Really feelin this too 😊
Black ppl have a separate set of trauma especially bm..they typically are suspicious of therapy and therapist and don't like to be told if something is wrong with them. I am surprised he even showed up..bm can be very arrogant concerning their own issues but use women as a punching bag..not physically but to blame for everything. They don't usually take advice from wm and alot practice toxic masculinity. I am not surprised he struggled to show up. They aren't used to straight up talk about what's going on or what they could possibly be doing wrong..more being cuddled from the black community. They resent being told about themselves and see it as an attack which is funny based on how much they verbally attack women and sometimes physically too..
@@chocolateradiance7216 are all bm the same? I am asking you that as a bw. Jamie was honest and nice to Gabor. We need more men like this guys.
Was recently introduced by my therapist to Gabor Mate' book the Myth of Normal, as soon as I watch my first interview on line with him, My mind/body immediately recognized the deep ancient wisdom Gabor articulates for us, on one hand shatters all I thought I knew to be true(painful) and on the other hand a healing balm. Thank Gabor for bringing us this wisdom ,the more I listen and read the more I cry my heart out from the deepest center of my core being, a grief and a lovingness so profound
Gabor has been my hero for a very long time. He reminds me what unconditional love means. This discussion kept me in tears for its entirety
Y’all are making me cry just saying it makes you cry.
Apart from loving dr. Gabor Mate, I would like to express my gratitude to the 3 interviewers: your honesty, vulnerability and curiosity made it a really creditable and fascinating conversation. I loved your questions and special thank to the lady saying "köszönöm" at the end! As a Hungarian listener this gesture warmed my heart. ❤🙏
This could well be the conversation of the century. Why do I say that? because the emphasis on the equality of women alone has left men out of the equation. Talking about the needs and rights of women without including the needs and rights of men is unequal. It takes two balanced wings to fly anywhere.
Rarely do men open up to examine their reality, in public, for all to see and hear, with such clarity and vulnerability and fairness as this. These are the champions. This conversation is the forerunner of a new and better 9.0 society.
If you enjoyed this inclusion of men’s vulnerabilities and needs you might also enjoy some of Warren Farrell’s work, for example, The Boy Crisis. Farrell actually started out as one of the first outspoken male feminists before turning his attention to men’s needs.
Thank you for having Dr Mate on your podcast. He’s amazing and so full of wisdom and compassion.
Please invite Dr Mate back soon. ❤
That is one conversation that I have wanted to hear for years, Gabor Mate and Jordon Peterson, I think its very interesting that it still hasn't happened?
“To be a human being, in connection with myself in the present moment” - I was overcome with emotion hearing that, took my breath and tears.
This is The Way
Depression is hiding emotions that are not acceptable or receivable by parents, and turning these inward. I'm so grateful to have this person's studies available to reflect and consider and help to tease apart the inauthenticity that has flavored my person identity. I guess the time is right for this to inform and integrate. Thank you for all who contribute to this sea of awareness we are.
I would absolutely LOVE to view a discussion with Gabor and Jordan Peterson
I heard a Christian man say something admirable a few years back. He said that he puts his wife (stay at home) in charge of the household. She understands better the children, schedules, room layout and household needs, and so forth. He works his schedule around the family as best he can. He even puts her in charge of picking a hotel room when they travel, she has a knack for picking the best facing room and amenities. He says he does not have that skill. He still has a large list of responsibilities himself. But for those who do things differently, they should trust each other to do what they are best at in their home. But no matter what, I believe the man must love his wife. That is first on the list for a harmonious home. No matter how much a woman tries to do her part, it will be chaotic and a heavy weight without love from her husband.
Having a child with ADHD helped me become a more balanced person. I experienced trauma when I was young but was not able to process it. I was very angry as a young mother. I have had to apologize to my children now that they are older. The damage is done. They carry trauma now too. I try to help them as best I can to share my conscious awareness journey. I pay for their counselling and any other thing they need. If I could go back I would not make them pay. I used my anger on them in a negative way. I work with people who seek to have emotional mastery. I loving helping people now. I thank my family for helping me to get to where I am today. I owe them my life. Love all.
Same...I was a very angry young mother. My kid's paid the price and my son was very petrified of me. I wish ppl wouldn't have kid's until they are healed and happy..
This is amazing! 2 days ago I shared Justin's TED talk with the Compassionate Inquiry community. Compassionate Inquiry is the therapeutic approach developed by Gabor and I am one of the facilitators in the course and use this approach in my practice. I kept thinking that Justin and Gabor need to be in the same space and talk. And two days later, voila, it happened. Thank you for this great conversation.
Wow! How awesome that Your thoughts "attracted" the idea and it turned out as a reality for Justine and Dr Gabor in the same space and talk. I love this.
Googling now compassionate inquiry therapeutic approach! Thank you!
I started working in a Hospital and can relate to what you said about health anxiety. I get home after work and basically go to bed straight away. I am slowly learning to protect my energy and be self aware around my own trauma and what belongs to others
Loved the part he says the opposite of chaos is harmony..
This literally has been an answered prayer. I have been watching several Gabor Mate videos lately and have been uncovering my own extensive trauma because of it. As a Baha'i I was questioning how much to dig versus just living the life. I so appreciate the last words. Songs that magically came over the gym speakers over the last few days have been Refugee by Tom Petty and Don't Stop by Fleetwood Mac which kind of sums up Gabor's last words in this interview.
I would love to see a debate between Gabor Maté and Jordan Peterson!
Maté preaches harmony. Peterson actualises harmony. Both have their purpose. Standing on the sideline and judging, will grant a 'I didn't do anything shield'. But at the same time you just stood at the sideline..
Many people who gather behind Peterson, would not ever consider Gabor Maté's words 10years ago. Esp so if you have experienced a cold and hard 'manly' world all your life. Eg Go talk to some workers in the metal industry.
Thankfully, Peterson is closing that bridge and allowing those men to get a glimpse of vulnerability and to allow their emotions. Gabor preaches the end goal, Peterson is working his way towards it.
Seeing such a great voice oppose another, with the same goal, is disheartening.
But if the internet needs a dichotomy, it shall be so. Great talk by Gabor regardless.
I would say the answer to chaos is awareness, and only through awareness we can have harmony.
Well said.
I am so relieved someone has finally described Peterson accurately. I’ve been saying he’s an angry man wanting revenge on liberals. He’s cultivating thousands of men.
And very sore
Gabor Maté is the Man! Lovingly Schooling them & exposes Jordan Petersen for who he truly is!
Glad you appreciated this one.
Gabor Mate is not just intelligent and caring, he has that rare -- and much needed -- combination of compassion, practical understanding and wisdom. He is brilliant -- and well worth listening to and learning from!
One problem with opening up everyone to vulnerability with emotions/feelings as an operating system for society is the majority of people don't have a good "healthy" internal structure in place due to growing up IN the toxic families/culture/world. Their structure is defective. Immaturity, violence, and predatory behaviors all evolve out of "feelings" just like compassion, kindness, and harmony. We have to be careful of how we educate people about "feelings" and how to uncover a deeper truth of self.
Every effort is gold. Without new thoughts no growth. Being listened to is the beginning of healing, taking turns is priceless. Everyone needs to be heard in order to heal. No feelings no healing, it’s as simple as that.
Never have I listened to GM, MD and not learned something new new. You are one of the reasons I still hold my dream to be an MD regardless of where I am right now. Thanks again! With your tools, I hope I make a good father of May to make this world a better place fr fr. Arigato!
I’m gonna buy all of Dr. Maté’s books. I’m starting on my healing journey. I grew up in a dysfunctional family. I survived a hazing incident, multiple assaults, psychological abuse, and brown bear attacks among other things. I’m starting my healing journey and I’m ready to heal.
I'm subscribing. I found you all via Dr. Mate. You all give a great gift to the world and thank you. I'm feeling slightly anxious right now because of discovering Dr. Mate and your podcast relatively late in life (52) and feel that I have so much work to do to become a healthy functioning human and dad. Still. Thank you so much for being you, and for creating this podcast.
It is usually in midlife that you wake up to this inner work. Some call it a midlife crisis. You are right on track. Your life experiences for 52 years is the only way you can now relate to these idea here. You are right where you are supposed to be. You are not behind schedule. Healing love to you!
@@krispate1558 Thank you for the insight and encouragement, Kris. Yes, I've thought a lot about the term "mid-life crisis" and what it means for people.
I wrote in my thesis a small piece about our history so we can remember that we are afraid of the feminine- terrified- 1 million and more burned for claiming their autonomy. Thank you Gabor, blessings.
You may be interested in the book by the late Leonard Shlain, titled “The Alphabet Versus The Goddess.” In it, he discusses the left and right brain values, just as Dr Maté describes, and how over-emphasized the left brain’s qualities have been for centuries, and the damage that has been done as a result.
th-cam.com/video/ah-ldSwF5hg/w-d-xo.html
I wish I woulda found this guy sooner. I wish more people could benefit from him and a psychotherapist assisted psychedelic experience.
Old saying… When the student is ready the teacher will appear. 🙏
I’ve been following both Jordan Peterson and Gabor Mate. It’s been weird every time after watching Peterson, I became more angry. While with Mate, it’s peaceful and I see compassion with me.
This is everything. Dr. Mate is one of the most important voices of our time.
We agree!
I wish I would have known him throughout my Social Work Masters and clinical. I was on his track and couldn't fake the hurt we are causing people in need. And we call ourselves social workers. we are social workers upholding the mainstream...Patriarchy
I’m thrilled to see Dr. Gabor Maté here! Thank you for inviting him!
I was so proud to be a mother who didnt work. I did work, I worked with my children on a farm. I also brought my child up in the traveller community, where the whole community would look after the children. There was a massive amount of trauma because of how the system fought to dismantle our culture, and we were all traumatised from our own childhood, so our children didnt grew up perfect. But we fought for their rights to a happy childhood.
Thank you sooo much. Love Dr Gabor and love you 3 for inviting him. I am a 70 yrs old female and I am so pleased with this knowledge🙏🏽👋🏾❤
I just finished your book Dr. Mate, as a Pediatric Trauma Physician with over 35 years of experience working in the trenches caring for children with physical, sexual or emotional abuse AND now a Conscious Parenting Coach I have to say I agree with 95% of what you teach. Super glad you are calling Jordan Peterson out. Would love to discuss what I don’t agree with you about but I think the woman in this interview hit upon it. 🙏 for your work
Thank you for sharing and joining us.
So unbelievably on point...I listen, I absorb and I cry...Thank you Gabor! An incredibly authentic depiction on not only our culture, behaviour, disease and addiction. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing. He is quite incredible, isn't he?
@@WeAreManEnough thanks for having Gabor on. I wish I had heard him speak a decade ago. He is on point. Maybe it's not too late to know his wisdom.
@@WeAreManEnough normal human being. LOVE
at 73 I was lucky enough to have a great aunt with my father and mother a R.N. my Godmother who would always tell me come and stay here when your mother loses it anxiety disorder, she had mitral stenosis
I'm listening through this podcast a second time. And I'm getting more out of it than I did the first. My son turns 18 tomorrow and I want to say that raising him to be a man in touch with his vulnerability and his emotions and not being afraid of them, Is changing the entire dynamic within my family. I love the part where Dr Mate talks about talking to veterans. My dad was a Vietnam vetl and was raised to be a very toxic male to begin with, going to war and suffering from PTSD and not healing from it was incredibly traumatizing for my entire family. The toxic traits of what your value as a human is was instilled In myself and my siblings. I've spent my entire adulthood, I am now 52, working to overcome this because I know it is not the way that I am supposed to naturally be. And even trying to have the conversations with my brother who is 47 regarding his own toxic masculinity has been a challenge. He tries to treat my son the way that society treats men and I don't have it and neither does my son. And it's a source of contention for us. And I point out to my brother that the loving nurturing parts of him were given to him by the females in the family - his mother and sisters - and that's who he naturally is as a person. You can't control. You have to let people make their decisions for themselves and you have to raise children to be in touch with who they are as humans and not try to suppress any of it. It has been life-changing for myself and it is giving my son a true chance at being an incredible human being. His empathy and compassion for others is amazing and it is evidence for me that though this was difficult work to raise him this way in the society that we have, it was all worth it. ❤️
Some Quotes:
40:07 Gabor: “When you say to a child ‘When you’re angry you can’t be around me.’ What message does the child get? …”
44:00 Gabor: “There’s a British psychologist, Richard Bentall, who’s a member of the British Academy who summed up the literature very beautifully, the scientific literature. He said that the link between childhood adversity and adult mental health illness is as strong, as well documented as the link between cigarette smoking and lung cancer. And the average physician never hears that. Never hears it. It’s not part of their education.”
48:38 Liz Plank, author, journalist: “I totally agree with your points about the patriarchy and how it is based on a society of doing, and pushes men into certain roles. But almost, feminism, the latest version of it, if you take the last ten years, it’s been about a very masculine take on feminism, and a very masculine take on how women should succeed, and how they should perform. And in many ways, again, made women more stressed.
And it’s not bad that women are working. Obviously. But how can we have a healthier approach to female empowerment? To creating a more supportive society for everybody?”
Gabor: “First of all, I’d like to rephrase the last question not to female empowerment but human empowerment. Because in this culture both men and women lack genuine power.”
***55:08 Gabor: “A Canadian study. Men who were sexually abused have triple the rate of heart attacks as adults. Because trauma causes inflammation in the body. And trauma also makes you behave in ways, you know a child who is sexually abused, they should be very angry. But can they afford to be angry? What would happen during the sexual abuse if a little boy got angry? They’d be even more hurt. So they repress their rage. Then that rage may come out of them later on in the form of these rage attacks.
So, I talked about healthy, ‘You’re in my space. Get out.’ But that’s gone as soon as it’s done it’s job. The rage that’s repressed keeps breaking out of you like a volcanic eruption. And as you said earlier Liz, in the aftermath of a rage episode a person has double the risk of a heart attack or a stroke. Cause in the aftermath of a rage episode, which men are prone to, the blood pressure goes up, the blood vessels narrow, clotting factors go up, and so on. So we pay a heavy emotional price for the childhood traumas. Heavy emotional price and heavy physiological price. And the average physician never gets a single lecture about anything I’ve said today.”
Powerful.
Thank You for the Quotes ❤
Psychology and Psychiatry in the US are considered lowest on the status rung
amongst all the other medical practices. This attitude colors attitudes of acceptance, I believe, in USA.
I think it's similar everywhere, who wants to see a psychiatrist.
In the past, the men in white coats came to pick you up, and there was something wrong with you. Pull yourself together .....
I was born in 1963
That's why Gabor's new book title is so appropriate.
We need a trauma-informed society
Reminds me of what bell hooks said about men being disempowered because without being able to understand their emotional selves, they don't have access to any genuine self-esteem.
Totally. You can hear the hurt little boy in Petterson’s voice every time he speaks.
Who is Patterson
1. Live genuine life
2. Be authentic
3. Don't repressed anger. Healthy anger is good.
4. Be vulnerable
5. Get into nature
Thank you.
Saying "get into nature" is insensitive to people of color. People of color don't like hiking and camping.
❤
This man is such a kind soul, Im so happy I dont have words
We agree!
I get Trama just thinking about being a man! I am grateful to God every day..He made me a woman. The role and expectations put on a man..I would have never been able to do! 😊
Wow! “If you suppress your emotions you suppress your immune system “
according to the economics I was raised with many uncles and aunts and cousins as a medical chemist and laboratory technician and later a doctoral student of Physics and my last employment was as an Optical Engineer for Perkin-Elmer a defense contractor until it was outsourced to India and Malasia so I do not know how men have any opportunity for work today in this toxic culture great title as Plato says is it truthful and useful thanks for the work on addiction used hallucinogenic, cannabis-c.b.d, opium no ethanol
Have we ever considered the NECESSITY of trauma? Seems to me the question of "am I enough?" can be finished..." to survive here in this physical realm in this physical body?"...the answer to that question is NO and it will ALWAYS be no because we cannot survive on our own. We NEED everything around us (people, plants animals, elements. Etc.) and vice versa.
Seems to me that deep sadness comes from a feeling/belief that says, I don't know where I fit in this great system/community of beings that keep eachother alive in this physical realm.
Seems that true happiness comes from finding a role in which we feel like we contribute to our own survival and and the survival of others.
Is the said contribution by force or by free will? Harmony doesn't seem to thrive with a foot on your neck for the sake of nation's GDP and the wealth perseverance of someone's royal bloodline.
Gabor Maté IS a tuning fork - bringing us all together like some great orchestra! JP on the other hand... a gavel.
Love that simile! He truly aims to create harmony.
Have appreciated GM’s wisdom often. It is important to understand how toxic rage is not only for the traumatized person but for those around them. I believe self control is as important as healthy anger.
I have actually found Peterson more open and attentive in listening to people he is speaking with (acknowledging, as he does, that he gets excited and often talks too much). I was disappointed to hear colleague disparaging, there is space for multiple insights.
Thank you all for sharing.
100%
I think Peterson would actually listen to this guy
@@depressedessendonfan5702 I agree. also with OP. It was the only negative thing ive heard in relation to Mate. He also misquoted mr peterson in relation to how to deal with children, at least i feel
25 years in elementary education here. Bio major, lifelong science geek, 75 yo.. Gabor for Secretory of education! Now! Globally! A+, as much as I hate grades.
Thanks Gabor as academia & a human man, for setting the ideas of Peterson, straighter. I said in decent ways similiar remarks & was sanctioned for them! He an angry dude! Thanks again!
Obviously I have known about you guys before today but this is the first episode of your podcast I have ever come across. This podcast is amazing and Gabor's wisdom is incredible. Thank you so much
Would love to see him and Peterson converse. I bet they are more alike than they would imagine. I know that sounds crazy. But would be stimulating to watch.
I haven't read any if Peterson's books, but from his talks I think I can say that mate is misrepresenting his chaos vs order philosophy. Stalinist Russia had too much order, as did Nazi Germany and all other tyrannical systems, which Peterson himself says have too much order. So I am disappointed with Mate's criticisms of Peterson. They should talk it out face to face, which would prevent either of them from strawmanning the other too egregiously and getting away with it.
I went across your podcast for first time! I am extremely grateful for your self awareness and spiritual journey! Also for including a female energy in your group,a perfect harmony, balance with both energies female and male! From a metaphysical point of view and a holistic point of view respectfully we need to return to "divine feminine energy" for few reasons..
* To return through love vibration..
* To regain our power that was taking away through the patriarchy system..
* To create an inclusive healing journey for humanity..
* To empower OTHERS..
* To find ourselves..
* To eradicate WARS..
* To shift the energy..
* To lift our vibration consciously & collectively..
* To provide "sacred spaces"..
* To embrace the good,the bad & the ugly as part of spiritual teachings..
* To raise healthy humans..
* To protect mother Earth..
* To open our hearts with zero hidden agenda..
And many more reasons..
Men versus women energy are completely opposite,they are different vibrations..! I write my own self reflections about spiritual things and as a Reiki master, ignore the word master ( energy healing ) plus as a woman & indigenous from Costa Rica,living in USA for more than half my life,I learned a lot through pain, suffering, depression & isolation..! Pain is a blessing in disguise to be honest..
Also we all have "hidden gifts", even the Bible mentions it "9 Spiritual Gifts"..As a pisces & psychic I tapping into the Spiritual World,to be able to help others to find healing through that dimension..
I hope one day Dr Gabor Maté can visit AK,when we can facilitate a deeply conversation and a sacred space for healing to take place..I have no doubt it will happen,when divine assistance & perfect synchronicity is part of that spiritual journey..
In the meantime I am absorbing his topics to provide a more deeply & understanding process into healing,for the homeless community and others vulnerable communities in need of compassion and understanding for their pain, trauma and addictions..
Including myself too,I have more self healing to do & extra classes to take,such hypnotherapy classes in particular "past lives",to combine with Reiki and other holistic approaches to embrace broken hearts and split lights, waiting to be WHOLE AGAIN..
Blessings and best wishes for all of you..! 💠💕🙏🥺💚🌺😔
Thank you! Appreciate your thoughtful response and glad you're here with us.
@@WeAreManEnough I am glad you are providing a platform to embrace broken hearts & support men in a more healthy & holistic approach,for them to be whole! Emotional intelligence is fundamental for men,to open their hearts chakras,to tap into love & embrace vulnerability as a strength not a weakness..
You can be very strong & soft at the same time..
I am proud of yourselves doing it " intuitively"..Keep going we have much more healing to do,to create more healthy humans for a better World..🙏🙏🙏🥺💕🌺💠
This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my TH-cam channel 6 months ago about self development. Now I have 464 subs and > 100 hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.
That's incredible, congratulations!
@@WeAreManEnough I genuinely appreciate such kind words!
Lots of grinding and dirty work that have been happening behind the scenes to finally upload my next one this month, which is more than about 2 hr lng and tackles one of the most common but subtle problems in our society that people might be able to solve if they fully grasp the message I’m trying to portray.
Trust me, even when it’s slow, that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been moving forward. Speed is not the greatest determinant of progress and no matter how exhausting it is at times to create videos, I do enjoy the process and this gives me a meaningful existence. I hope that you’ll get value from it.
Amazing opening about understanding WHO is asking "Am I enough" and how this so called feeling is actually just another evaluation.
Yeah, that was a really interesting angle. Love how the conversation keeps expanding.
This guy is such a good listener.
I've listened to Dr Mate for a decade now, have met him a number of times, and even been in a hallucinogenic retreat with him as a fellow participant. And my conclusion is that he is extremely insightful at describing the origins of trauma and there's nothing I disagree with in terms of his words.
However, he is not an example of healing. Not many people see the irony: he speaks of dissociation and how men have learned to keep emotions out of their voices to find connection. But that's exactly how he is - and how the radio hosts are. It's so normalized that people don't see the dissociation in this very interview. Dr. Mate has a wonderful, hypnotic voice that serves him well to be an advocate but he is not actually encouraging feeling in how he speaks. I can say that having done intensive workshops in voice and the body.
What is a double whammy for those suffering from PTSD is how dissociated most therapists are. A huge number are actually more screwed up than their patients! Just think of how you'd cope being with imbalanced people 6 hours out of every day. The idea of being "professional" is essentially about dissociation - keeping emotions out of it, acting nice without really building trust that comes from shared vulnerability. And if the therapist doesn't really know how to be vulnerable in that way - showing their own emotions - how are they going to help healing?
Why don't we talk about that? The profit motive. Corporations love the 'cruel optimism' of implying therapy is the answer to everything and they don't need to treat employees with respect. News likes quick solutions wrapped up in a paragraph. Counselors are reliant on counseling for the income and have no motivation to be honest about limitations, or deal with the anger that could come with admitting knowing they aren't helping that much or even perpetuating dynamics. Even research journals have a huge financial incentives to only show positive results. Researchers who show that a treatment doesn't work well can be blacklisted and have their careers destroyed.
If we're serious about truly healing trauma, it can't be a buzzword. There needs to be honesty about what doesn't work, as well as giving real agency to those who have been abused. Trust needs to be earned, not assumed in a therapist. There needs to be real examples of feeling emotions instead of performing them.
Gabor Mate is a fairly decent person, but he enjoys the power of being an authority. Part of how people can reproduce abuse is by naturally gravitating to the power position of being the one with answers or the healer. He talks about that - but again, just having insights doesn't mean you are the solution.
Beautifully articulated.
"There needs to be real examples of feeling emotions instead of performing them"!Amen!
I actually have this issue with Jordan Peterson. I am not always in alignment with his beliefs and takes on different topics, but he always speaks with strength of conviction. And unlike Gabor (whom I adore), Peterson IS highly emotional, often crying or being visibly upset by things he is frustrated by. Which humanizes him in my eyes: for all the grandiosity and self importance he is still quite human. I dont think either method is wrong; I have taken advice from both men to heart. But I agree that showing emotions can humanize people, which fosters more empathy for us all
@@ptlovelight2971 I agree; too many people only draw light to Dr. Peterson's fault or that he has anger. I agree that he has them, but I think it's more damaging that almost everyone else in the limeline wears a mask to hide their faults and anger. It ends up creating such societal shame around anger, even healthy anger. There's parallels with Musk too.
@@matthewspears3786 When I listen to him most of the time I start out liking what he's saying and then something comes out that feels like a mother issue. It's just a feeling I get from him. It makes me really uncomfortable
I'm wondering what the purpose of this comment is. I don't understand the reason. It seems like a passive aggressive issue with authority
Thank God he exists and talks!
I could.listen to Gabor all.day long, so full of wisdom and common sense. Brilliant human being. ❤
Thank u guys! This is so sad how our society is hurting! Love me some Gabor
I’m so grateful that you had him on your show! For me, “When the body says No” has been one of the most influential books in my life and I couldn’t wait for his new book to come out. I’ve listened to this episode over a couple of lunch breaks now, because I had to stop it so many times to take notes. Every line he says is just so impactful. I got even more excited when he started talking about Bessel van der Kolk and Bruce Perry, my other two favourite authors and psychiatrists! I can’t say how much it meant to me that he was promoting their work as well. I wish I could meet all of them. Maybe they could be on the show too? 😊
I want to thank you all, for your vulnerability, honesty, compassion and effort in our busy, imperfect life, to come together and express publicly the wanderings of our minds, the feelings of our hearts and completing the circular journey through addressing the path of healing each other 🙏❤️
Thank you for the kind words. Glad you're here.
This is my first listen to Gabor Maté (haven’t read anything either), I found it incredible, so beautiful and connecting and true and real. Thank you so much. Wow.
What an amazing and informative session. Just wow. Trauma healing information on a raw and honest level. Thank you! 🙏🏼 We all have a journey.
I've watched Gabor many times. You three gave possibly the best interview of all of them. Such great questions. Thank you!
Dr. Gabor Mate is phenomenal.
Thank you again Gabor 💓! So much of what your share and teach rings true for me and many others who never express 1 % of what childhood trauma has brought and continues to wound in day to living.
Thank you very much for this interview, Dr Gabor Mate you are a gift for humanity,❤❤
I've listened to countless hours of Jordan Peterson, and if I were to generalize his message the word "order" doesn't come to mind to me.. what stands out to me is his message of taking responsibility. There might be a push/pull between these two men with individualism and collectivism.. I lean towards the nature of individualism but I kinda swooned when he brought up harmony. He's on to something here.. :)
I love both GM and JP.. but it's like choosing between Franz Liszt or Frederic Chopin.. SHUT UP I LOVE THEM BOTH. (lol)
@@myninja0001 in describing him with one thing, no.. for me "order" isn't what comes to the forefront of his message.
Why would you go to great lengths to invalidate my opinion? Is Jordan's anger invalid, also?
This is the real medicine men need to hear. The journey to masculinty goes through trauma, and embraces all ascpects of being a human.
Thank you from my heart for this amazing interview. I love Gabor Maté for his humanity and his wholeness.
Brilliant talk. Would listen to Gabor Maté all day. Going to get some books very soon. Thank you guys ❤️
Tuned in from Limerick, Ireland 💚 🇮🇪☘️😁👌
Thank God for Gabor. A wisdom and compassion so needed.🥲
Look at them faces. They soak up every single word. Same here. Gabor has the incredible gift to explain the big picture in simple words and to provide specific details that have the quality to prove the points he's making. Hands down one of best in mental health.
Another wonderful interview with Dr. Gabor Maté. How I appreciate his wisdom and spirit.💖💖
So humble , down to earth, witty and a soft charmer. We need more doctors like him. Brilliant podcast as ever.
Thank ypu Gabor, we all are so blessed to hear your healing words.
The essence of what it takes to be a mature man or a mature woman is exactly the same. It lies in empathy and the heart and has little to nothing to do with curves, muscles or appearance in general, for all human beings are innately and equally beautiful, just like all living creatures are beautiful, although we all think and act ugly sometimes.
I've learnt so much.. Thank you for asking great questions, sharing your stories a bit and for Gabor's answers. One of the best podcasts... Remarkable insights and so helpful.