I've been a long time subscriber but I found this video very confusing. Without any context or an example of what has happened it didn't make a lot of sense to me.
Girl, hire a babysitter or ask a family member to watch the kids and go get a haircut and go see your therapist in person (if that's what you need). Self-care is still important even as a mom. If you constantly blame your kids for not being able to do things then you will start to resent them.
Although vague, this video seems to be about something you've brought up many times before: finding some female friends. I think the first step maybe is to listen to some advice that is a little hard to swallow and hard to take. I feel like you brought this up over a year ago, but haven't really talked about doing anything proactive to get what you desire. Here is what I would do. Firstly, although it'll suck for a month, transition Donnie to one nap. This will open your whole morning to 1. Take CC to school and meet other moms. 2. Take Donnie to the park or museum or indoor play yards; where again you have the potential to meet other moms. I also think you should back off a little from being plant-based and from memory keeping. I say this because it seems to consume a huge chunk of your time and all it seems to do is put you into this cycle where you are constantly in your own head obsessing about yourself. This might be an impediment to friendships because opening up and connecting is a two-way street and if you are consumed with yourself it's hard to do that. I think the other thing with being plant-based and fixating on projects like memory-keeping and organizing is that it creates "problems" that exist only in your head. A lot of other people your age are dealing with money problems, work problems, kids with special needs, sick parents, deteriorating spousal relationships, etc...and it can be frustrating to be one of those people who is expected to listen to "problems" about purging toiletries or finding vegan pancakes. I don't say any of this to be mean, I just genuinely think if you did some "hard work" in terms of introspection, it would make it easier to find a friend or two.
I think this is an odd comment. People have a hard time connecting for whatever reason. Just because Jen shared this - it doesn't mean it needs to be resolved on YOUR timeline. We all have things we are dealing with and yes, it sometimes takes time to make progress. This is her channel where she is authentic in her journey - the good, bad, and uncomfortable. Her hobbies are what make her unique and where her passions lie. How does this make her in her own head? Jen seems very loving, caring, and a great listener. I think bringing up how fortunate she is, to me is completely irrelevant. I have been watching Jen for years and she openly admits she is fortunate, she doesn't take it for granted, and in the past - I have seen her do videos where she has donated clothing & more to charities. I have friends who are better off than I am and we still connect and make time for one another. Your comment wasn't so much helpful as it was mean-spirited.
I appreciate your intention to offer advice, but I think you fail to understand the complete picture, which in all fairness is because I choose not to share every single aspect of my life and thought in my mind. As I mentioned in the video, I have taken *active* steps in the past year to connect with people with a lot of success. I get out with my kids every single day. And I certainly do not resent my time with them. Not a second. Not even in the tough moments. I am so grateful I am able to be here for them every single day. I think I'm allowed to jokingly grumble, as most all humans do from time to time, about wanting to get a haircut without being publicly shamed for being a bad mother. This video was an effort to share the ups and downs of my journey, which as I mentioned I have had both successes and failures with in an effort to connect. Because we're all human and most of us have these feelings at one point or another. It seems to me that one of the best ways to connect is through sharing the tough stuff. The majority of feedback I have received from this sharing attests to that. I hope this helps to clarify my intent for you.
Hi Jen, so very much to say regarding this topic. First of all, thank you for being open and vulnerable-- it takes courage, and it's refreshing to see how your platform has evolved over the past few years. I've noticed you opened up more about so many topics that can be sensitive and vulnerable. I've been a subscriber since the beginning of your time here on You Tube, and I've found you most relatable the past few years (since motherhood) ;o) You kind of let your guard down, embraced imperfection, and opened up about deep relatable content. I'm 37 years old, a wife, a mom, and I too have struggled with anxiety in my life (on varying levels) and thankfully managed to really kick it a few years ago (oddly enough right before becoming a mom)--WHEW! I too have had struggled with doubt. For me, it's with female friendships. I'm not sure why this is, but for whatever reason I can't seem to make any mom-friends. I feel like I'm in my own way when it comes to this. Maybe I'm putting up some emotional walls of DOUBT that I'm not even fully aware of. As a mom, we NEED mom-friends, and I can honestly say I can tangibly feel that missing in my life right now. I feel like the few women I have tried to build a friendship with that it was just very surface-ish, not a real solid connection, and I doubt the authenticity of friendship. I'm searching for the AUTHENTICITY, and my doubt may be getting in the way of that. Anyway, sorry for the wordy comment, but the wordiness wouldn't be appreciated if it wasn't a "Jen video" lol :o) Thank you for the self-reflection.
Your story really resonates with me (and you know I appreciate wordiness 😉). Doubt is a difficult hurdle to jump. I've made quite a few leaps of faith in an effort to make solid connections that have fallen flat, but I know I must keep trying and do my best not to get discouraged. I have faith we can all find our "tribe" in due time 💕
You’re too much in your own head. In my experience as a privileged white woman, getting out of the house and volunteering with marginalized people really helped me realize how much I was in my own head. It helped me heal the most - therapy etc. worked, but stepping out of my head and seeing others not as privileged as myself and their everyday lives really opened my eyes. My “doubt” was lessened. And gratitude replaced it.
I had a hard time following this video. My first reaction is I believe everyone has some self- doubt if not all of the time, at least once in their lives. I think you would feel so much better if you left your home and took the kids places where other mothers/families are. The number of connections you can make through your children is huge, you just have to start somewhere. You are so fortunate not to have any serious issues in your life like illness, finances, divorce, crummy career, etc. You say you know how fortunate you are, well prove it! Just start somewhere even if you are uncomfortable with it. It’s OK to be uncomfortable, you won’t melt, I promise! Also, I mean no disrespect but it does not seem like you lean on your husband at all or at least you never mention that. I have gone through significant crises in my life and if I didn’t have my amazing husband to support me, I would have been lost. Maybe you do and don’t mention it, but to me it seems like your relationship does not offer you a lot of support. I have watched you for a long time and it was always obvious to me how much your husband loves and adores you. Lean on him!
misskitoulana Yes! He has always seemed so patient with her, and kind. It was sad not to see him mentioned. I know from experience that the spouse often suffers the most when married to someone suffering from anxiety.
Just making an observation here but she could have serious issues in her life that she just doesn't share. I'm not a content creator or anything but I definitely keep certain aspects of my life very private. People often struggle in silence internally.
misskitoulana it’s such an irony, Jen was indeed going through tough challenges right at this time so it’s always a good idea to be sensitive and kind in comments section. Hugs
This video makes more sense now since announcing that her and Don are splitting up. I was so shocked to hear that. In fact, it's been on my mind every day since. Very sad to learn!
As an introvert myself, I've observed something interesting in my life and others around me. Namely, that once you hit mid life, most people have an established routine of people and friends that they make time for. If for some reason, like me, you find yourself not having an ample network of 'peeps', when you try to make friends and connect to people you meet, their habitual interactions often get in the way of that meaningful connection. It requires more of an effort on my part, to keep the connection going, to insert myself into their habits by making a phone call or coffee, part of my routine and theirs. This, for an introvert like me, is a huge hurdle. I always feel like I'm bothering people, like I'm insisting, like I'm imposing my presence when in reality people might be glad to hang out with me for a while. I know the effort needs to be mine to foster the connections I desire, but this doubt/shyness/anxiety gets in the way and as soon as I feel like I'm inviting more, calling more , making more of an effort, I feel like I'm setting myself up for hurt. Anyone else feel like other women are 'booked' with their existing relationships and that they've somehow gotten to the party too late?
Here's what happens to me. I'm in a coversration and I find myself saying something that either didn't come out right or I wish I hadn't said. Then I spend the next 2 days reviewing the conversation and beating myself up for it. As a result I doubt myself in social interactions and now I've become silent in groups. Either that or I avoid socializing altogether.
Story of my life! You are not alone in experiencing these feelings. Here's what I try to tell myself to help me in these situations: I know I can only make the kind of connections I am seeking if I am my authentic self. I know the people who wish to connect with me authentically will embrace me (in all my weirdness 😜). Therefore, it is ok to let myself not be "perfect" and to sometimes say the wrong thing and let myself make amends for that if appropriate and move on. Everyone says something they wish they hadn't sometimes, it's ok to let yourself be perfectly imperfect 😘 Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
I have no friends that I talk to on a regular basis. If I want to make a phone call for a chat, I have 2 friends to pick from, 1 doesn't answer and 1 isn't a "listener". I haven't had friends in so long, that I don't even know how to do it, lol. I also have a hard time balancing a friend when they want to hang out "more" because like you, my family is my everything. And then when I don't here from them enough, I think it's something I've done or said. So I think many of us are like this. This is why I love youtube, I have watched you from the beginning and consider you a friend :) When I am lonely you cheer me up just by watching your videos. So thank you!!!!!
What you're expressing is what C.S.Lewis described as "the inconsolable longing". He enjoyed great friendships with JRR Tolkein among others. But he says that we should not mistake these blessings, these "echoes & copies" for the real thing. They arouse in us the longing and point to our true home where we will truly connect with God and others. Even the best marriages and friendships will not ultimately satisfy that ache within each of us. Enjoy and be thankful for any imperfect connections you have now . But don't put the impossible burden of satisfaction on anyone or anything (including yourself) in this life. Look "further up and further in".
Yes, there is that GOD-sized hole in us that only HE can fill. No person, place or thing in this world, can fulfill the emptiness within us. ONLY GOD!!!
I didn't go into this in the video, but the third place where I truly experience *no* doubt is in my relationship with God, and that is only in recent years. I am so grateful for that because it has created some strength within me and truly helped root me firmly.
Pretty Neat Living A mother’s bible study will help you grow in your knowledge and relationship with God - I only know this from experience ;) I thought it was strange when I read your comment above about God but then also heard you mention in the video that you’ve been getting into astrology. Some people will try to twist things around and manipulate the word of god to fit whatever they’re into, but God and astrology *are* mutually exclusive. I’m not being judgey here - I do believe it’s possible you may not know this
Oh my good lord, lady. You want to meet a whole group of women who also grapple with doubt? Go to your kid's school and volunteer. Take Donny. I never met a teacher who wasn't happy to have my daughter's younger sibling join in the classroom fun. There is a whole world of women/moms that are in the exact same spot as you. You bond over it. Unless you're willing to leave your house and put yourself out there, nothing will ever change. Do you truly understand what I just typed? One more time. Unless you put yourself out there, nothing will ever change!!!!
I noticed a lot of youtube stay at home housewives are friendless and they say they have social anxiety. Of course they do, they never leave the house!!!
She wants to make friends and she doubts her ability to make and keep friends but we never see her make any effort to get out and try...I totally agree with this comment, get out of the house, make some effort to be around people her age, not just family members, try making friends before you say you can't do it !!!
I’m 57 - I’ve suffered with self doubt and doubt on so many levels along with crippling anxiety including breathing into bags during attacks for over 30 years - I just want so much for you to know that, no matter the life shifts - no matter if you feel them on a positive or negative level - you were born to be the amazing creative funny intelligent warm mama, wife, and friend - you’re crazy intelligent, have a great personal connection with the world on so many levels - you’re so creative and funny - I think that being tired plays a huge part in all of this friend - I was a single mom for 9 years and felt everything you’re feeling - but as I aged I began to see that it was just a season of life that I needed to embrace and love myself through. You’re amazing - you’re inspirational. You’re a one and only.... the world is a better place with you in it. ❤️😘👌🙏
Jen, you are such a beautiful person inside and out. You gave me such confidence to jump in and organize things which is my passion. That's just a tiny bit of how you've helped people. As far as connecting with people, sometimes I just fake it till I make it and if you can't, you can't. Finding that little soft spot in a person that you can relate to, totally concentrating on them. I think it is hard to find dear friends that listen to you as well.
Thanks for sharing. I've watched you for so many years and you have grown so much. I appreciate you as a UTuber and a person. You are the only UTuber I have consistently watched, I never get tired of you or your content. Thanks for having the courage to speak about these things that most of us are experiencing. I personally feel very connected to you, I feel like you are a friend. You have such a kind heart Jen, Thanks for Everything!!!!!!! Keep up the Great Work!!!!!
I have followed you for many years Jen, and I have always felt that you are a lot like me because you bloomed when you become a mother, like it was your life's purpose (which it is in many ways) and you are so full of love for your family and your little dog. I have seen your social struggles and it all reminds me of my own life. I had a lof of anxiety and eating disorders and , I tried to find ME in many years and it was hard. I just couldn't feel that I could fit in with all the others, I wanted but It felt awkward and then I got anxiety. So when I became a mother I felt like I had a purpose in life and that my daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me. But I could lie to myself because even though I had a son an life felt great for a while the loneliness eats me but no longer, I have learned to live with it. 2 years ago we finally got our daughter to be tested, she have aspergers syndrome. And then I finally after 47 years got a name on all my problems too. I have aspergers syndrome! If if wasn't for my daughter I would never have been diagnosed. There are a lot of women out there who don't get diagnosed because we aren't like the boy's /men. Therefore they haven't learnt how a female aspie looks like. Because she looks like any other woman, just with more anxiety and less friends. To me it was a wonderful relief to do the tests and even if it was a lot to process I have more control over my emotions and reactions. I think you should be brave, take the test, I might be totally wrong, but with that test they see the whole spektrum so it might be something else. I wish you all the best, my son Isidor (11 years) baked really delicious cookies tonight while was on the phone with my sister. All the love you give to your children is wort it!
Watch how people treat others before you open up to them . Maybe talk to people family and friends already know and trust . Doubt is not always a bad thing . Though dropping nasty 😷 people will build your confidence . You are truly a lovely person there is no doubt in that 💕 take care .
Hello Jen, I struggle with anxiety and even depression. I hit bottom when I reached 27 when I felt I had no reason to live when I had every reason to.But my doubt made me believe otherwise. Even with having My husband, my children, and my family who loved me dearly, I felt I had no purpose for some strange reason.(now I see it had a lot to do with my past experiences) but over the years since then I have done work within myself. Fast forward to 35... I am seeing my purpose in life. I believe its because I found faith. I began to build a foundation in what you explained. Trust & Hope. I found reason in why I am here, and reason in why I will someday leave. And realize nothing is in my control. There are still times doubt creeps in, but then I realize oh wait... who does that doubt come from? For me I believe its Satan. " The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10 But that doubt comes to take your joy away. It comes to take your purpose away. That's why a lot of us say- NOT TODAY SATAN :) Thank you Jen for your honesty and for all that you do and all that you are and have been created to be.
I honestly felt like I could have made this video. I was sitting here nodding my head to everything you were saying. I am a recovering perfectionist. I didn't start having children until my late 20s and early 30s because I just didn't feel ready. I have felt more like myself in my 30s than in my 20s. I feel more comfortable in front of the camera and feel creating content is what I was meant to do in life. I love sharing. And, something has definitely been in the air. I had a lot of anxiety and out of balance internally in May. Together, let's hope we can both push the doubt aside. Big hugs!!!
I feel like you're on the verge of tears in parts of this. And I get it. Making and keeping true connections (friendships) as an adult has been frustrating and seemingly impossible. I long for close friendship and I can't help but wonder what I'm doing (or not doing) that has created this experience (or lack thereof). A part of me thinks its mainly because I chose not to have children (I'm 38). I observe Motherhood as like a glue that seems to hold a lot of women's friendships together or gets them started in the first place. Shared experiences bond people so it makes sense. Anyway, I get what you're saying. Its not crazy at all.
Have you looked into joining a MOPS group? They are extremely encouraging and you have built in friends for you and the kids. I think you just need someone to grab you by the hand and say, “We’re going to lunch!” and that would get you over the slump. Over-thinking and doubt are so anxiety driven and it’s easy to make up reasons for why we “can’t” go out and do things. Use your kids as an excuse to go do things with other moms, and keep in mind that opposites attract. I never would’ve imagined I’d be friends with some of the ladies I love the most!
It seems like you isolate yourself as a defense mechanism to the uncomfortable feelings of disappointment when a friendship is not reciprocated as you had hoped. I think there’s a beautiful aspect in being your own friend. Friends are drama, especially mom circles. Lots of gossip, kids with no manners..I think you’re better off and you don’t even know it ;)
In recent years I have become a friend to myself, something I wasn't able to achieve in my twenties. The importance of loving myself in this way...well, let's just say, I believe this is a crucial first step in being able to make strong connections with others. And I'm happy to report it does seem to be having a positive ripple effect in that way ❤️
Thank you for this video, Jen. You're so brave to expose yourself and share your feelings. I've never been great at making friends. I've tried and tried for many years but I think I expect to much of others and to top it all off, I'm unfortunately extremely shy! I didn't mention that I'm a stay-at-home mother and it doesn't make it easier lol! So I came to the conclusion that it's not for me and now, I just enjoy what I have, and it's a lot: I have my daughter, my husband, my family, my dog, a house that I love, my books and my friends (I call them this way) on Internet. I hope you'll find your way to feel better. Don't try to hard, take it easy, do what makes YOU happy, stay open and perhaps you'll find friends without even seeking for them. You're the kindest person, Jen and I wish you all the best. Don't forget you have so many friends on Internet that care for you. I'm one of them. 💕
I think my biggest take away from this video was the importance of acknowledging doubt. Often times I feel doubt within my relationship and as soon as that starts I almost shame myself for it. Not only is this not productive but my attempts at bottling up my doubts and ignoring them just lets them grow and consume more of me. The idea of giving doubt space, examining its growth and its roots is something I need to incorporate into my life. Thanks for sharing Jen!
Yes to giving doubt space! Just as with any emotion. This is something I learned from years of therapy and continue to work hard on. Letting myself feel whatever I feel, work through it, so that I can process and move on. It is life changing work!
In the past I have doubted my abilities to develop friendships. It's something that I have struggled with since I was a small child. So, I have this instant dialogue that I have in my head when I meet new people. My dialogue is "that don't like me because...... ". A couple of years ago I was in a very negative work environment and I had to resign just to get away from these people that I know did not accept me for who I am (not the stereotype African-American Southerner). I took this fear and doubt with me to a new job and I had to really work on trusting my abilities, liking myself, being myself, no matter what. The last two years have been awesome for me. I've developed new friendships (authentic friendships) that have helped me to rebuild my confidence and accept myself. I'm OK and people can accept me or not. I learned that sometimes, just accepting yourself is the beginning of ending self doubt. Thanks for this video. I needed to hear this video this morning before the last day of school LOL
Have you tried looking for a MOPS group? After becoming a mom again for the third time, I find attending MOPS so inspiring and fulfilling. Being able to share and vent with other moms feels so good. Sometimes there’s a speaker, sometimes we just chat, sometimes we do a craft.
Dear Jen, first of all I’m sending a BIG hug, with many Smiles inside, just for you. I feel so much Love towards you. I Love your truths, and I love it that you share them so generously with us. So Thank you for that. Secondly is some energy-wise thoughts: Fears, anxiety and their other friends are in our lives for some good reasons, but, as you’re well aware, they tend to ride us in a way that makes us forget that actually, WE are indeed in charge, and should not be ridden by anything (or anyone). Easier said than done? for sure. So what I do with my fears, doubts, etc which are not welcomed but too much present in my life, are the only 2 things we can do to really heal and come closer and closer to being FREE, which are: Let Go! and Trust! And I mean literally- let go: see them as energies, even as entities, you can see their shape or color, or even just feel their presence separate from you, and then give them Up. To the Father, to your guides, let them have it, see it being taken from you. Let it go. And then Trust. from experience I will say it wont be a one time thing and that’s it, you’ll need to give it Up on a regular basis (add it to your meditation routine). Then you’ll feel it - the relief, it can be tiny at first, like a mischievous end of a rope that you can sometimes see/feel, and gradually you’ll be able to grab it better and better, and it will be present in your life more and more - which means more and more choice - other than those old dark feelings. As you said - it is a process, but from my experience- once there’s a will, a strong one, that is birthed from within Powerfully - there’s a way. And I’m sure, in fact - I know, you’ve already started walking in on it. You’re a true inspiration and a Beautiful person. So glad you’re in this world. another hug, Liat.
This has been a bad season this year for many people. I responded on your other similar video and identify with you. You are exactly my daughter’s age. It is hard to make friends when one gets older. After college the next time I made many friends was when my daughter was toddler age and up. We are still great friends, all nine of us. Mom’s play groups and then school moms- you all will have many of the same interests and concerns. That is coming your way soon. My dad was a perfectionist but it was demanded in the type of job he did. I was a terrible perfectionist until after I went back to teaching when my daughter was in first grade. For example, before I would look at a bulletin board 20 to 30 times to decide if it was perfect enough or if I needed to make more changes. When I went back to teaching I put the board up and decided that it was UP, that was it, and moved on. So, I know you will work through this. It takes time, and you are moving forward! 😀
Jen - thanks so much for this video. You are definitely not alone! Not all the time, not even most of the time, but even at 57 I still struggle with doubt. Like you, I second guess myself in social situations....mostly in interacting with “new” people, not so much with existing friends and family. And other stuff too. Just this week I was planning our summer vacation, and was having the hardest time selecting a hotel or committing to a flight because I was doubting whether I had chosen correctly! Sounds silly, I know. When I hit “submit” on the final reservation, I felt such a sense of relief and happiness that I had done it! Please keep sharing this type of content....it really connects. 💕
Oh Jen, I applaud your bravery in sharing your story! I struggled as an adolescent after being bullied, as I got older I dealt with these feelings, found real connections with friends and work. When I met my husband, his ex-wife brought this back through frequent put-downs and threats (an ability she passed on to her children too) as well as a 'friend' who turned out not to be. My own self-doubt comes out most when meeting other mom-friends who I think have things more figured out or are more worthy or more important than me (happened when I met you in Vegas and I froze up and questioned if I said the right things, embarrassed myself, etc.). This doesn't happen to me at all in being a mom, with my daughters' friends, or with any children. I think children have an accepting nature as long as you are kind- they haven't yet been jaded or learned to judge or believe negative things. Finding a tribe of authentic mom-friends is essential- here's hoping we all connect and find more of this!
I probably am older than your mom, but have found over the years that, for me, to find the best connections with people, I join small groups that have the same interests I do...and these interests may change over the years. At this time of my life I am in a book club, I volunteer, and I'm on the Board of Directors in my HOA. I always taught my children, who are now adult, to have varied interests, meet people with varied interests, and always have a lot of connections..even though they don't always have to be deep connections. You learn something from everyone and it all helps you grow and find out what you need to feel fulfilled.
Hey sweetie! If it's any consolation I do believe sometimes it is "something in the air " so to speak. I'm 51 and I can't tell you how many times I've went through this phase for lack of a better word. I, too, have been looking inward and overthinking things. This past winter I went through the worst state of SAD I've ever went through. I've actually allowed it to destroy some precious relationships I had. Still struggling to claw my way out of that darkness. I'm trying to say you're not alone love. I've pulled back to kind of just strengthening my connection with my hubby first. Baby steps right. Because truthfully I felt like I had lost control of all connection I had with everyone in my life. So I had to bring up solid and start from scratch. I'm rambling and probably making no sense lol. Anyway I hope anyone struggling with doubts, find their happiness. Xo
I think it is okay to just say "I've been having a bad week."and not worry about it too much. I would only worry if it is happening often with growing intensity. A person isn't able to be happiness and sunshine everyday and that is fine.
You were always such a perfectionist when I first started watching you years ago, and look how far you’ve come!! My goodness! 💗 (And I know you’d rock the whole ‘mother’ thing... think that’s always been in you!)
This was a timely video for me as well. I realize I have been battling a lot of self doubt recently and not doing a good job of seeing my value as a person within my own community. We have lived here for a little over two years and I’ve been really feeling this sense of being unimportant in our new area. I was at an event at my daughter’s school this week and there were all kinds of moms chatting with each other while I was alone. The sense of my aloneness was overwhelming and like an epiphany I had a realization that I was alone because I was letting myself be. There were moms there that I recognized and I had the power to walk up to one of those and say hello - so I did! We had a short conversation and while this wasn’t going to make us be lifelong friends just through this interaction, it reminded me that I had the power to be open and to change. The next day I was at an event for my son and there I walked up a mom that I’ve seen at dozens of events since we moved here and have never had the courage to say hello to. I’m 45 and need to be aware of my doubt, feel it, and work to not let it control me. My life is so much fuller when I am in control and not my doubt.
You have no idea how much I loved your video... I'm at a crossroads right now in my life and I think I'm in need of a change!!! I think you are so amazingly strong and for me in particular an inspiration.... Girl, I'm having serious doubt... Thank you for making this video... ❤❤❤
I'm still listening to you as I write this because I didn't want to lose the thought. Doubt and trust (to me) are two sides of the same coin. The foundation of relationships has to start with trust. Not trust in yourself but trust in the other person you are trying to connect with. You are laying yourself bare and you have to trust the other person to treat it as a gift and not exploit it. That is HARD! You also need to believe in yourself so much that you are able to rally when you are rejected. That is HARD! People may think that the problem is low self esteem but for me it's more about being a sensitive soul. That can be crippling. Good topic Jen, thanks for the chat.
I added a comment and then realized I wrote a book.....lets just say, I'm 64 and I still have problems with doubts about many things......some self imposed and lots heaped on from childhood.....they still give me grief all these years later........It is somehow comforting to know that this is something I share with other people......from what I have seen over the years of watching you....you got this girl,and mothering looks really good on you......
Hi Jen, i've been watching for a while now but it's my first time sharing because this topic really spoke to me right now. I feel like at this point in my life i am struggling with finding myself as an adult and having doubt in my abilities to be confident and trust that i can do things. This has definitely shown itself recently in my social life and finding people who can help lift me up has been hard. However, I feel like i have grown alot in just my ability to find the root of my problem being this self doubt. I have been working hard at recognizing situations in which i can take control of myself and intentionally put myself out there when i wouldn't before, and i am slowly (very slowly) starting to feel myself become more authentically myself and comfortable with that. I feel like this doubt in myself makes me hide who I am, and thus it has been hard to make meaningful relationships. I can only try and trust that i will continue this slow process and hopefully i can come out from behind the doubt into the person that i know i can be. Thank you for sharing with us in this video, and especially encouraging us to share with you. I feel like alot of what you have shared on your channel recently has helped me understand what is going on with me, and for that i thank you, and i wish you all the best!
HI Jen, If you are in self doubt who deserves to be confident, you are so perfect and talented and perfect doer that these feelings are there to stop you to reach out to so many people you can touch like pixie dust and turn their lives magical.You are truly so precious and valuable. Anyone who has you in your life is so lucky.
Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ I resonated so much with this video. I’m still in my 20s... but I’ve battled with my anxiety and depression for over 10 years now... I would love to hear more about how you met your husband and maintained your relationship... I find I have so much difficult with dating because I’m so scared... and anxious about everything. Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated ❤️ Thank you for all that you do!!
Hi Jen,1sr of all,I'm cheryl(not Greg as our email name pops up) I too am a mom of 2 in the nw suburbs of Chicago and I love your vulnerable side today. I've found that the handful of super-close friends I've had throughout my lifetime have stayed true and those friendships go deep. They were there when my mom unexpectedly passed and for my kids milestones and honestly just THERE in general as life goes on. I find that the "mom" friends that you meet as your kids grow aren't necessarily the friends you can open up your life to. They can be gossipy. I'm just always nice and friendly and make small talk as you sit through baseball games or dance class,etc. I've met maybe 2-3 mom friends that I consider to be decent friends. So be on the lookout for that as you may be seeing these same moms for the next 15yrs! But it sounds like you maybe just had a bad week. And I'm sure your hubby is a true friend that you can turn to always, especially to bounce your ideas and insecurities with as it seems he loves u unconditionally. Just go to sleep every night knowing that you did the best possible job you could do for that day-week-month-&eventually years! Kindness to all others is key and follow your gut! Life's too short for doubt and regrets. And one last quote to live by-"God doesn't make mistakes. You are who you are supposed to be."-(sorry this is so long!)💜
I deal with crippling self-doubt too. Most recently, I've been doubting my creativity and ability surrounding a big career change. This doubt stopped me from really, truly trying for over a year. Until finally, I decided I had to be okay with not being very good at it, at least to start. Maybe that same thought method can apply to you? I know you just connected with a ton of new women and I know you try to make friends quite often, but what if you gave up on connecting with someone right away? What if you aimed to talk to one new person a day for 100 days (grocery store, park, filling up on gas, whatever!) but with the goal to actually be bad at it? To completely fail and not get anything more out of those conversations except minor embarrassment? You have to fail A LOT before you succeed. The doubt you're experiencing may be stemming from fear more than anything else. Anyway, that's how I've started allowing myself to try and I'm actually making progress now. I hope you do too
Thank you so much for sharing this today. These personal chit chats are absolutely my favorite videos that you post. I won't go into detail here, but I can definitely get on board with the "something in the air" description. I know quite a few people, including myself, that have been very emotional the last month or so related to ongoing situations that are very much works in progress and transitional in terms of life stages and growth. It's a tough ride sometimes, but hope springs eternal and the gifts that come out of these struggles are so worth it. It just gets hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes and sharing helps so much!
Thank you for this video. I had to wait for a few days to watch it because I was with family (more like “people I know” because of my levels of anxiety and uncomfortableness....) I understand exactly what you are saying. I want a close level of connection, but I don’t know how to get there, either...even with my own husband sometimes. I have watched you for years and I’m so proud of your growth! Keep going! I’m going to challenge you with one thing, though! I think you are taking 2 steps forward and 1 1/2 steps back. You are ALWAYS making forward progress. Don’t worry too much about these small moments of reflection. I think they are ok. Just keep stepping forward. You’ve got this!
Thank you for sharing Jen. Just wanted to say that I feel the way you do. I'm now 19 yrs older than you are and still am plagued with these feelings. I really have to "talk myself into" social situations and a lot of times I end up passing up get togethers or other events because of this problem. I think it's the fear of others learning "who I really am" and will they still accept me. I'm happy to see you are working through this at such a young age. I'm sure you will find your way. The important thing is you realize the struggle(s), and perhaps you need to practice in social situations more. Deliberately putting yourself in social situations, on a regular basis, may help accomplish your goal more quickly. I hope that makes sense or helps. I think, in my case anyhow, that the more I do something, the more comfortable I am with it. So, it seems that if I went out and met with people weekly, I'd become more comfortable being social....but I don't because in the back of my mind I think things like,...."what if they don't like me"....or "what if I say the wrong thing", or "what if I don't know what to say", etc...etc...Hearing you mention that you have this self doubt and fear issue too, makes me realize how short life is and I should be doing the same. Not keeping to myself and missing out on that aspect of life. We are all only human, and it's only natural that you long for this. I do too, though my courage is lacking up to this point. I pray you find some understanding and "accepting" people on your initial encounters, so that it gives you plenty of confidence to continue on and form some lasting, deep bonds, with some really special people. Hugs for your journey. I'm certain you will be a success. : )
I find myself doubtful about friendships as well. I have trust issues due to being seriously scarred from past friendships. My severe social anxiety also plays a huge role in getting to know others as well. I even got the PERFECT job for me as a non-social person. I'm a projectionist, which means when I'm at work I'm in a dark projection booth, all by myself, and that's the way I like it. When my boss was interviewing me, one of his questions was "do you think you'll be able to spend 8-12 hours without being around people?" My reply was a resounding and enthusiastic "YES." I have roommates who are like an extended family, but I rarely stray from my bedroom when home. I just feel awkward and insecure around others. I don't even leave the house if I don't HAVE to. I have ONE friend who I'm completely open and honest with, and that's my only friendship. He's my rock. So yes, that was a long way around to say you are not alone. Love ya Jen. Thanks for sharing. ❤❤❤
I so appreciate you sharing your story with me. I truly believe it is in sharing our experiences that we can break down the barriers that make us feel alone when we realize so many of us experience the same feelings. 💕
Good chat- connecting ... seems like it usually depends on how I’m feeling about myself. And something that I’ve stumbled upon lately that has helped a lot is learning more about being feminine. It’s released a lot of self doubt and feelings of being inferior or trying to compete, or force myself to be who I am not. Being feminine (because it’s really how I naturally function best) allows me to relax which allows me to connect deeper with everyone around me. This is hard to convey in a comment, but hopefully it makes some sense. 💕💕💕
In my life, and in my opinion, the more I focus on me the more anxiety I have. It takes worshipping my Creator and trusting Him to help with my anxiety (and I do have anxiety) I always love your videos and think you are an awesome person! I especially love your holiday videos from years ago. That golden heart you have always shines through!!!!
OH THE PLACES WE GO with the cycle 🚴🏼♀️ of anxiety, confidence, doubt, strengths, security, insecurity. YES I am too in some sort of dip this month. I too have learned some perspective. 1. My doubt surfaces when people create scenarios where I can’t be my authentic self. For example, maybe they laugh at my interpretation of something or they attempt to make me feel bad or “less than.” 2. Lack of sleep emerges. 3. I try to adapt the relationship to a place of inauthenticity. So~be myself and be braced for the vulnerability makers or make adjustments and feel weighed down by not being able to just be myself. Both require a LOT of energy that I don’t have LOL P.S. Three words that circle ⭕️ my brain from the first 18 years of my life are NOT GOOD ENOUGH..... Now I decide my worth. Not others!
Wow perfect timing for me. I was just struggling last night immensely feeling this way. I can’t truly connect with people because I doubt myself almost ALL the time. I struggle with this at work so much. I feel the same about motherhood though also. It’s lonely sometimes and I really wish I had that connection others have. Thank you for this video.
Trust that you are not alone in these feelings. You are lovely, just as you are. And you are worthy of those connections you desire. But it's up to you to find them and that requires faith. I just know you will find what you seek when you do ❤️
Your chat couldn't have come at a more perfect time. "Self-doubt" is the term I haven't been able to find. I've been wondering how I can be so confident in some aspects of my life and so lost in others. I am at a different phase in my life than where you are now, so confident in my 20's and 30's, much less so since then. Realize that you are good and worthy. I am too.
We should really make a Facebook group of like-minded 30something year old moms who have had problems with in-person connections. Has quick a zing to it, doesn't it? 🤣 I definitely find that I have made really wonderful, lasting friendships online and as much as I would love to have an in-person mom tribe, it hasn't happened.
Yes! But maybe a slightly shorter title I agree 😉 And I truly believe online connections can be just as fulfilling as in person ones if you treat them with equal importance. Pretty much all of the connections I've made in the last couple of years are online ones
Something along the lines of “Introverts to Ambiverts” or “Pretty Neat Mommy Chats” 😂Regardless of the name! I would personally love to have a group of non-judgmental, like-minded moms to share thoughts with!
I'm so thankful for your channel, openness and discussion regarding topics such as this (although I love all your videos)! I have dealt with anxiety and doubt for most of my life (and still do). Even though the older I get the more I also feel grounded and confident in my decisions, I can relate to SO much of what you say (connectedness, self-doubt, anxiety). Thanks for sharing
Winnie! Yay!...just her tiny appearance made my day :) Please know Jen that you DO connect and that you always (no matter what the topic); bring positivity and warmth to my day. I have lived here on earth far longer than you and I think that female friendships are the hardest to develop and maintain. You are not alone and I don't know the answers; but I do know that you are a strong, positive force on the internet.Please continue to share and we can all continue to learn together.
I think more confidence in ones self brings less doubt. Confidence that you are enough just as you are. If you truly feel that you are enough the doubt will dissipate.
You’re one of the kindest & wholesome sweethearts out there! There’s a TEDX video which explains our “Vulnerability” pinpointed from our upbringing & environment. You are such a giving and special dear.... Our protected upbringing insulated us from the perils of today’s world. We’re sort of in a Disney bubble and doubt ourselves. You’re so lovely, you beat yourself versus externalizing towards culprits. You’re lucky if you find one good friend.....any more is gravy. I’ll always be your trusted friend & support you unconditionally. Send any culprits my way, as I’ll shield you & your family! Truly. Hugs & Love from Tampa! Jaz & Mo Lo ❤️😇.
Same, girl. Same. Is this something all INFJ’s experience? Either way, thanks for videos like this, I think it’s such a brave and kind thing to do. Myself personally, I always doubt myself in terms of people’s reaction to me like “oh, they’re just being nice” or “I must be annoying.” Ah, the joys of social anxiety. Anyhow thanks again!
Thank you for sharing, Jen. I definitely struggle with self-doubt, in relationships and in other areas of life. it was reassuring to hear your experiences and I'm grateful that you were brave enough to share them!
Loved this video!!! I don't feel so alone in this anymore. Thank you so much! I would love to see a new craftroom/office tour=) Have a great Memorial Day weekend!! =)
I have self doubt too. I have suffered with it my whole life. However...I do find myself getting better as I get older. It almost feels like having doubt is a waste of time and effort. Wish I could go back and tell my younger self that it's going to be okay now!!! Thanks for sharing your story!!! xxoo
I can relate so much with this video. So so much. I had a fun opportunity come my way for my little TH-cam channel that I feel like I’m sabotaging because I doubt my abilities 😩 but it’s something I’m excited about. But with mom friend relationship I also doubt those. Like I’m not cool enough, or have enough money, or whatever the case may be. I want to shake it so bad too... I don’t want to live this way. 🖤 thanks for sharing something so personal.
Hi, I'm a relatively new subscriber catching up on some past videos! Thanks for sharing your struggles in the area of relationships...I hope this helped you work through it/verbally process. I feel like I relate a little in that I experience some social anxiety and difficulty being authentic in friendships. It's definitely connected to perfectionism for me. I hope you find peace in this season of transition.
Random one but did you have anxiety when you were learning to drive and during your test? I’ve failed mine once already as a teenager but now as a 25 year old mother I want to try again so I can take my son out while my husband is at work but I have so much self doubt in my ability to do it. A ‘test’ situation makes me SO nervous! Was wondering if you had any tips?
I find this troubling. Sometimes friends let me down but I always have my husband to turn to....are you having marital issues with Don? It seems like that is the sense I get while watching this video. Hope I am wrong.
You have had too much time on your hands. Period. Most women out of high school or college are so busy with starting a job or career that there just isn't time for this much navel gazing. If that makes sense? I think the comfortable lifestyle you had right out of the gate has been a huge hindrance to you. My opinion.
I feel like I’m the opposite... Growing up I was so social and made friends everywhere. But the older I get, the more socially awkward and socially anxious I get. But like you, I feel much more confident interacting online. Not necessarily in video, but on instagram and blogging I’m starting to feel like I’m finding my voice.
I have been watching your videos for many years and you have such a good heart Jen. You deserve to have a close friend or two. I went so much of my adult life without any close friends due to doubt and social anxiety. I am fortunate enough to have a close cousin and a couple of friends in this new province that I moved to, but I do tend to shut myself off from them at times, so I know exactly how you’re feeling. Oh and I I think we’re all a little crazy in own way ;)
Let me give you an example of my doubt. I also long for a connection to another human being, especially in the form of a best friend. Like you, I grew up in the Bay Area and then had to move away. I think that had a huge impact on my doubt in forming friendships now. I’m used to being disconnected if that makes sense. Now that I’m in my own bubble of life with my children and husband, I find I don’t have many friends. When I do try, I feel as though the friendship is missing a key piece to keep me connected. It may be that the person already has close friendships and I’m sensing I’m a third wheel in a sense..or sometimes I just feel I’m too mature or not “modern” enough for them. What makes the doubt confirmed is when I don’t hear back from someone, then my doubts come in stronger and magnify! It’s a terrible cycle and I’ve just learned to appreciate my own company and just keep praying I’ll meet a friend who is not drama filled, is loyal to her husband and has the same interests and views that I do. Finding that balance has been incredibly tough now that I’m in my 30’s. So I do empathize with you, but I feel we are much better off sometimes in our own company, than in company we have to fight for..or feel is competitive in nature. I can’t imagine how you do TH-cam and try to form lasting friendships through other content creators..it seems like everyone is very fixated on being number 1. Not enough people are happy with the simple things anymore. I hope this helps you and let’s you realize you’re not alone with doubts!
I love all your videos and content and “wordiness” 😉. I know your journey will certainly lead you to your extended tribe. I’m so curious what your vision of the relationships you’re seeking to be open to would look like on a regular basis. You mentioned once that there have been times when you invested heavily in a friendship the the level of commitment wasn’t reciprocated. What is your vision of these friendship dynamics? This video got me pondering my own sense of need for connection and how I’ve never ever discussed this with anyone. I’m imagining my tribe now and thinking over what that would look like.
That makes sense. You are the best advocate for your children and of course work you choose and love are things to be confident in. Things that depend on others though don't necessarily work out. I lost both the two people I loved the most - my first love to another woman and Lee's and my younger son Thomas who I lost to SIDS. Those were my two life dreams as well as I wanted to marry my first love and I wanted to swing kettlebells and travel to eat delicious foods with Thomas when he grew up but I only had seven weeks with him. I've lost so many relatives to death and several times people I considered to be my best friends in real life stopped talking to me after awhile. I'm somewhere between an INFP and INFJ. That and I have a phobia. One time I was strangled for joking with someone so I learned to keep to myself until I can ascertain it's safe for me to be myself. Since I lost Thomas I've haven't been interested in getting close to anyone new in real life. I only do that in my dreams and in the video games I play. In the farming games I love every villager because in them all of them are good and all become my best friend. It's difficult to be depressed when everyone loves you. In the regular RPG's I play I love my team and the people we help. Replaying them which I do with every game I play to completion is like revisiting old friends. Several of the homesteaders I follow on here have made friendships through gatherings of like minded people they hosted or attended.
I think doubt it a very important resource, and helps protect us. However, it is a fine balance when it can become almost so much of a learned behaviour that it is disabling. However, I truly believe that doubt, whether we trust, and our sixth sense are all part of our primeval instinct to keep us away from predators or even just people we instinctively know there will be no connection, or who do not have our best interests at heart. Sometimes, the more people I am around, the less and less connection I feel and the more lonely and vulnerable
Jen, please join a MOPS group. Please get out of the house with the kids. Please find a couple great babysitters and get out of the house without the kids, too! I think you could spend some time volunteering and you would meet people and have something in common with them! You have to make changes if you want things to change!
And I totally agree that it makes sense that you would be comfortable meeting followers - you’re an “expert” at your job so you’re confident in that! And you should be. ALSO, what about a book club?
Also, I think you equate discomfort with anxiety. I think people like me, who have been clinically diagnosed and have to take meds for anxiety don't appreciate your use of the word anxiety when really meaning something that makes you uncomfortable. Real anxiety gets your heart pumping and floods your body with adrenaline and cortisol. You can't think of anything else but "what is wrong with me? Am I going crazy? " otherwise just say you're a discontent housewife and move on
I think that you need friends and good relationships but you can't look for a friend, they just come in life. You can't be like: oh a need a friend who wants me? Y recomend you go out of your house and star doing things you like. A course, a class, gym, places and activities that makes you happy. Just you, no kids, no husband. In those places you Will gain confidence and meet someone that feels like you and wants the same things that you do. Im much younger that you are and i don't talk English that much so i don't know if my idea is well expresed but i hope so because i understand what you are talking about i think and is important that you work on this. Anxiety comes with a big undercover shit of depression and you have to avoid it. You are to good for that. Take care Jen. ❤
Thank you for sharing Jen. if I recall correctly you type as an INFJ (like me) - is that right? What you're describing resonated with me as an INFJ-thing anyway: I recently heard Antonia Dodge say on a Personality Hacker podcast (and I'm paraphrasing here) that INFJs put up walls because once they let someone in, they let them in completely, and then that person has free reigns to cause havoc (in your heart). I think INFJs often have self-doubt because we want everyone to feel good and so we meticulously comb over our interactions to make sure we did our part to create harmony (that's my take on it anyway. Hope this is useful. Thanks for answering your soul's calling - yours are one of the few channels I regularly watch :-)
I’ve been waiting your channel fora long time, years , I always look forward to your next video . Your doing a great job keep as entertained and always learning something. Thank you!
Hey Jen! I've always been a pretty social person. I have some thoughts to share that I hope help you or, perhaps, give you food for thought. First off, don't get me wrong, I struggle with excessive doubt and anxiety in other aspects of my life. However, socially/interpersonally, I've been the most confident and least anxious. What I've really learned about creating and finding deep and true friendships, is that you have to go through several friendships that aren't meant to be. Through that experience of being vulnerable and hopeful in the potential of a lasting friendship, and then experiencing the pain and analyzation that follows from a spoiled friendship or one that just fizzled out, you will likely look back after some time and see several lessons. Lessons that reveal things about yourself that you couldn't have discovered alone. For example, learning how to be self aware in a social atmosphere isn't a given. It is like a muscle that takes patience, practice, and possibly, minor correction. Through the fizzling of a friendship, you discover what you want out of a friend. Without passing judgement on yourself or others, you can start to see what type of person jives with your vibes through every individual relationship(failed or not). I've heard a lot of people say that having lasting friendships is about being picky and I can't say that I agree with that because its not about judgement, its not about right or wrong. Its about communion and community. I think its much more about going with whats natural. And how can you know if your being natural and authentic in social settings if you haven't tried and failed. You could be so surprised by what types of different and exciting people you attract through the art of nurturing a natural/mutual pull towards somebody. I hope this makes sense, it may sound intuitive but honestly, not having a friendship work out can be quite traumatic and takes bravery to not only bounce back and feel like yourself again but moreover, to still have trust in yourself and in others to try again. I don't usually comment, but I felt so thought provoked from this video that I wanted to chime in, as rambly as it may be... I have no doubt that you are headed on a positive road towards a meaningful social life. I mean heck, you have thousands of Internet friends that would 100% be your friend irl. Go out and find those loyal, uplifting, and inspiring people! It's right within your grasp. Go Jen! ps. thank you for always creating intentional and down to earth content.
Thank you for sharing your perspective! I agree completely and have certainly had my fair share of both successful and failed relationships. I have absolutely learned so much from all of these. Sometimes the failed ones can be truly discouraging, but like you said, it's how we learn and grow. 💕
You need to literally just stop thinking about yourself. I'm not being mean or sarcastic. Find something, anything else to think about. You have too much time alone just thinking and thinking and thinking.
Hi Jen, you are not alone. Please know that and thank you so much for being so vulnerable and for sharing.I am so doubtful of myself ALL.THE.TIME. I am a special needs momma and I homeschool both my children. I have a Master's Degree in Education, I taught for 8 years in public and private school and I still doubt myself whether I am doing enough, are they getting what they need, am I being a good enough mom? And then there is the whole youtube thing. I have tried so hard with my content, and I just haven't grown, I have been at it for 5 years and haven't grown at all. So in that area, I doubt myself soooo much. I am too old (42 is probably old in youtube world) I am not relatable, she does it better then me so I won't even bother. Oh the list just goes on and on and on. I have a hard time connecting with people mom's with typical kids and mom's with kids with Down syndrome, I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. That is a whole other Dr Phil show, lol. The Loneliness of Special Needs Moms next at 11. The doubt I have doesn't allow me to make friends easily bc I always think that I am not worth someone's friendship. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings on this, it makes me feel like I am not alone.
I can relate to those same feelings. Myself being in my 30s also. I find it hard to connect with people my age. Most of my friends are married with children. But, I’m not. And looking younger I get invited by church members who are in their 20s to attend events. I will force myself to go out to find a connection. But, by the end of the night. I feel like I’m the “mom” of the group. I was in a relationship for 8 years and it ended last year when he passed away. He was my best friend and the love of my life. I’m doubting if I will ever have that same feeling with him in someone else. I think I’m just meant to be an old cat lady.
My growth, came when I put a name to the fear....rejection....hiding behind a mask of people pleasing led to so many self conversations of what ifs.......Hugs to you....Lea
Keeping It Real yes I agree with this ... the people pleasing is so much a part of this. Recovering people pleaser for sure and acknowledging that there are some people who can sniff out this personality trait and torture us with it !!!!
Thank you for sharing, can really understand where u are coming from, these last few months for me have been bad, and can understand and thank you for letting me know that I am not alone xx
If I really like a friend it doesn't seem to be mutual. Also, I lost a good friend and I'm not sure why. Therefore, I avoid making new friendships. While my children were young I made friendships with other moms but they have mostly faded away as our kids grew. That's why TH-cam is so appealing to me it's a chance to form a connection without rejection. I do have friends but they KNOW me and now I'm just rambling!
Did you mean to say “self doubt” the whole time, like self confidence - or are you doubting that people really like you, like doubt in them? Just confused 💕 I really do wish the best for you on your friend making journey!
![일상 속 기분 좋음 [Proto disco meme]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/DwmEIaZ7XGQ/mqdefault.jpg)
I've been a long time subscriber but I found this video very confusing. Without any context or an example of what has happened it didn't make a lot of sense to me.
Girl, hire a babysitter or ask a family member to watch the kids and go get a haircut and go see your therapist in person (if that's what you need). Self-care is still important even as a mom. If you constantly blame your kids for not being able to do things then you will start to resent them.
Although vague, this video seems to be about something you've brought up many times before: finding some female friends. I think the first step maybe is to listen to some advice that is a little hard to swallow and hard to take. I feel like you brought this up over a year ago, but haven't really talked about doing anything proactive to get what you desire. Here is what I would do. Firstly, although it'll suck for a month, transition Donnie to one nap. This will open your whole morning to 1. Take CC to school and meet other moms. 2. Take Donnie to the park or museum or indoor play yards; where again you have the potential to meet other moms. I also think you should back off a little from being plant-based and from memory keeping. I say this because it seems to consume a huge chunk of your time and all it seems to do is put you into this cycle where you are constantly in your own head obsessing about yourself. This might be an impediment to friendships because opening up and connecting is a two-way street and if you are consumed with yourself it's hard to do that. I think the other thing with being plant-based and fixating on projects like memory-keeping and organizing is that it creates "problems" that exist only in your head. A lot of other people your age are dealing with money problems, work problems, kids with special needs, sick parents, deteriorating spousal relationships, etc...and it can be frustrating to be one of those people who is expected to listen to "problems" about purging toiletries or finding vegan pancakes. I don't say any of this to be mean, I just genuinely think if you did some "hard work" in terms of introspection, it would make it easier to find a friend or two.
I think this is an odd comment. People have a hard time connecting for whatever reason. Just because Jen shared this - it doesn't mean it needs to be resolved on YOUR timeline. We all have things we are dealing with and yes, it sometimes takes time to make progress. This is her channel where she is authentic in her journey - the good, bad, and uncomfortable. Her hobbies are what make her unique and where her passions lie. How does this make her in her own head? Jen seems very loving, caring, and a great listener. I think bringing up how fortunate she is, to me is completely irrelevant. I have been watching Jen for years and she openly admits she is fortunate, she doesn't take it for granted, and in the past - I have seen her do videos where she has donated clothing & more to charities. I have friends who are better off than I am and we still connect and make time for one another. Your comment wasn't so much helpful as it was mean-spirited.
@@TheCatholicGirl as you are allowed to think :) I respect your opinion and I have my own.
@@TheCatholicGirl I wasn't trying to be disrespectful. I apologize if it came off that way.
I appreciate your intention to offer advice, but I think you fail to understand the complete picture, which in all fairness is because I choose not to share every single aspect of my life and thought in my mind. As I mentioned in the video, I have taken *active* steps in the past year to connect with people with a lot of success. I get out with my kids every single day. And I certainly do not resent my time with them. Not a second. Not even in the tough moments. I am so grateful I am able to be here for them every single day. I think I'm allowed to jokingly grumble, as most all humans do from time to time, about wanting to get a haircut without being publicly shamed for being a bad mother. This video was an effort to share the ups and downs of my journey, which as I mentioned I have had both successes and failures with in an effort to connect. Because we're all human and most of us have these feelings at one point or another. It seems to me that one of the best ways to connect is through sharing the tough stuff. The majority of feedback I have received from this sharing attests to that. I hope this helps to clarify my intent for you.
Very well said. Your thoughts and advice were relevant and should be considered food for thought.
👍
Hi Jen, so very much to say regarding this topic. First of all, thank you for being open and vulnerable-- it takes courage, and it's refreshing to see how your platform has evolved over the past few years. I've noticed you opened up more about so many topics that can be sensitive and vulnerable. I've been a subscriber since the beginning of your time here on You Tube, and I've found you most relatable the past few years (since motherhood) ;o) You kind of let your guard down, embraced imperfection, and opened up about deep relatable content. I'm 37 years old, a wife, a mom, and I too have struggled with anxiety in my life (on varying levels) and thankfully managed to really kick it a few years ago (oddly enough right before becoming a mom)--WHEW! I too have had struggled with doubt. For me, it's with female friendships. I'm not sure why this is, but for whatever reason I can't seem to make any mom-friends. I feel like I'm in my own way when it comes to this. Maybe I'm putting up some emotional walls of DOUBT that I'm not even fully aware of. As a mom, we NEED mom-friends, and I can honestly say I can tangibly feel that missing in my life right now. I feel like the few women I have tried to build a friendship with that it was just very surface-ish, not a real solid connection, and I doubt the authenticity of friendship. I'm searching for the AUTHENTICITY, and my doubt may be getting in the way of that. Anyway, sorry for the wordy comment, but the wordiness wouldn't be appreciated if it wasn't a "Jen video" lol :o) Thank you for the self-reflection.
Can absolutely relate! Authentic mom-friends are so essential and I need more too.
Your story really resonates with me (and you know I appreciate wordiness 😉). Doubt is a difficult hurdle to jump. I've made quite a few leaps of faith in an effort to make solid connections that have fallen flat, but I know I must keep trying and do my best not to get discouraged. I have faith we can all find our "tribe" in due time 💕
You’re too much in your own head. In my experience as a privileged white woman, getting out of the house and volunteering with marginalized people really helped me realize how much I was in my own head. It helped me heal the most - therapy etc. worked, but stepping out of my head and seeing others not as privileged as myself and their everyday lives really opened my eyes. My “doubt” was lessened. And gratitude replaced it.
I had a hard time following this video. My first reaction is I believe everyone has some self- doubt if not all of the time, at least once in their lives. I think you would feel so much better if you left your home and took the kids places where other mothers/families are. The number of connections you can make through your children is huge, you just have to start somewhere. You are so fortunate not to have any serious issues in your life like illness, finances, divorce, crummy career, etc. You say you know how fortunate you are, well prove it! Just start somewhere even if you are uncomfortable with it. It’s OK to be uncomfortable, you won’t melt, I promise! Also, I mean no disrespect but it does not seem like you lean on your husband at all or at least you never mention that. I have gone through significant crises in my life and if I didn’t have my amazing husband to support me, I would have been lost. Maybe you do and don’t mention it, but to me it seems like your relationship does not offer you a lot of support. I have watched you for a long time and it was always obvious to me how much your husband loves and adores you. Lean on him!
misskitoulana Yes! He has always seemed so patient with her, and kind. It was sad not to see him mentioned. I know from experience that the spouse often suffers the most when married to someone suffering from anxiety.
Just making an observation here but she could have serious issues in her life that she just doesn't share. I'm not a content creator or anything but I definitely keep certain aspects of my life very private. People often struggle in silence internally.
This came across a bit condescending to me. She said she has come a long way, and is continuing to work on it.
misskitoulana it’s such an irony, Jen was indeed going through tough challenges right at this time so it’s always a good idea to be sensitive and kind in comments section. Hugs
This video makes more sense now since announcing that her and Don are splitting up.
I was so shocked to hear that.
In fact, it's been on my mind every day since.
Very sad to learn!
As an introvert myself, I've observed something interesting in my life and others around me. Namely, that once you hit mid life, most people have an established routine of people and friends that they make time for. If for some reason, like me, you find yourself not having an ample network of 'peeps', when you try to make friends and connect to people you meet, their habitual interactions often get in the way of that meaningful connection. It requires more of an effort on my part, to keep the connection going, to insert myself into their habits by making a phone call or coffee, part of my routine and theirs. This, for an introvert like me, is a huge hurdle. I always feel like I'm bothering people, like I'm insisting, like I'm imposing my presence when in reality people might be glad to hang out with me for a while. I know the effort needs to be mine to foster the connections I desire, but this doubt/shyness/anxiety gets in the way and as soon as I feel like I'm inviting more, calling more , making more of an effort, I feel like I'm setting myself up for hurt. Anyone else feel like other women are 'booked' with their existing relationships and that they've somehow gotten to the party too late?
Here's what happens to me. I'm in a coversration and I find myself saying something that either didn't come out right or I wish I hadn't said. Then I spend the next 2 days reviewing the conversation and beating myself up for it. As a result I doubt myself in social interactions and now I've become silent in groups. Either that or I avoid socializing altogether.
Story of my life! You are not alone in experiencing these feelings. Here's what I try to tell myself to help me in these situations: I know I can only make the kind of connections I am seeking if I am my authentic self. I know the people who wish to connect with me authentically will embrace me (in all my weirdness 😜). Therefore, it is ok to let myself not be "perfect" and to sometimes say the wrong thing and let myself make amends for that if appropriate and move on. Everyone says something they wish they hadn't sometimes, it's ok to let yourself be perfectly imperfect 😘 Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
I have no friends that I talk to on a regular basis. If I want to make a phone call for a chat, I have 2 friends to pick from, 1 doesn't answer and 1 isn't a "listener". I haven't had friends in so long, that I don't even know how to do it, lol. I also have a hard time balancing a friend when they want to hang out "more" because like you, my family is my everything. And then when I don't here from them enough, I think it's something I've done or said. So I think many of us are like this. This is why I love youtube, I have watched you from the beginning and consider you a friend :) When I am lonely you cheer me up just by watching your videos. So thank you!!!!!
I also love TH-cam (as a viewer) for these very reasons...and I'm sure many others can relate. Know that you can always find friends here 💕
What you're expressing is what C.S.Lewis described as "the inconsolable longing". He enjoyed great friendships with JRR Tolkein among others. But he says that we should not mistake these blessings, these "echoes & copies" for the real thing. They arouse in us the longing and point to our true home where we will truly connect with God and others. Even the best marriages and friendships will not ultimately satisfy that ache within each of us. Enjoy and be thankful for any imperfect connections you have now . But don't put the impossible burden of satisfaction on anyone or anything (including yourself) in this life. Look "further up and further in".
Yes, there is that GOD-sized hole in us that only HE can fill. No person, place or thing in this world, can fulfill the emptiness within us. ONLY GOD!!!
I didn't go into this in the video, but the third place where I truly experience *no* doubt is in my relationship with God, and that is only in recent years. I am so grateful for that because it has created some strength within me and truly helped root me firmly.
God Always has more for us. When He is the center of our lives we experience more peace, fulfillment and contentment.
Pretty Neat Living A mother’s bible study will help you grow in your knowledge and relationship with God - I only know this from experience ;) I thought it was strange when I read your comment above about God but then also heard you mention in the video that you’ve been getting into astrology. Some people will try to twist things around and manipulate the word of god to fit whatever they’re into, but God and astrology *are* mutually exclusive. I’m not being judgey here - I do believe it’s possible you may not know this
Helen's Audiobooks can you tell me which book this quote is from? I love it (and admire CS Lewis). Thanks! “The inconsolable longing”
Oh my good lord, lady. You want to meet a whole group of women who also grapple with doubt? Go to your kid's school and volunteer. Take Donny. I never met a teacher who wasn't happy to have my daughter's younger sibling join in the classroom fun. There is a whole world of women/moms that are in the exact same spot as you. You bond over it. Unless you're willing to leave your house and put yourself out there, nothing will ever change. Do you truly understand what I just typed? One more time. Unless you put yourself out there, nothing will ever change!!!!
I noticed a lot of youtube stay at home housewives are friendless and they say they have social anxiety. Of course they do, they never leave the house!!!
She wants to make friends and she doubts her ability to make and keep friends but we never see her make any effort to get out and try...I totally agree with this comment, get out of the house, make some effort to be around people her age, not just family members, try making friends before you say you can't do it !!!
I’m 57 - I’ve suffered with self doubt and doubt on so many levels along with crippling anxiety including breathing into bags during attacks for over 30 years - I just want so much for you to know that, no matter the life shifts - no matter if you feel them on a positive or negative level - you were born to be the amazing creative funny intelligent warm mama, wife, and friend - you’re crazy intelligent, have a great personal connection with the world on so many levels - you’re so creative and funny - I think that being tired plays a huge part in all of this friend - I was a single mom for 9 years and felt everything you’re feeling - but as I aged I began to see that it was just a season of life that I needed to embrace and love myself through. You’re amazing - you’re inspirational. You’re a one and only.... the world is a better place with you in it. ❤️😘👌🙏
"hope and trust are choices .. and they come from the inside" i need to write that down 🌸
Jen, you are such a beautiful person inside and out. You gave me such confidence to jump in and organize things which is my passion. That's just a tiny bit of how you've helped people. As far as connecting with people, sometimes I just fake it till I make it and if you can't, you can't. Finding that little soft spot in a person that you can relate to, totally concentrating on them. I think it is hard to find dear friends that listen to you as well.
Yes for fake it til you make it! It's a tried and true strategy for many things 👍
Thanks for sharing. I've watched you for so many years and you have grown so much. I appreciate you as a UTuber and a person. You are the only UTuber I have consistently watched, I never get tired of you or your content. Thanks for having the courage to speak about these things that most of us are experiencing. I personally feel very connected to you, I feel like you are a friend. You have such a kind heart Jen, Thanks for Everything!!!!!!! Keep up the Great Work!!!!!
I have followed you for many years Jen, and I have always felt that you are a lot like me because you bloomed when you become a mother, like it was your life's purpose (which it is in many ways) and you are so full of love for your family and your little dog. I have seen your social struggles and it all reminds me of my own life. I had a lof of anxiety and eating disorders and , I tried to find ME in many years and it was hard. I just couldn't feel that I could fit in with all the others, I wanted but It felt awkward and then I got anxiety. So when I became a mother I felt like I had a purpose in life and that my daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me. But I could lie to myself because even though I had a son an life felt great for a while the loneliness eats me but no longer, I have learned to live with it. 2 years ago we finally got our daughter to be tested, she have aspergers syndrome. And then I finally after 47 years got a name on all my problems too. I have aspergers syndrome! If if wasn't for my daughter I would never have been diagnosed. There are a lot of women out there who don't get diagnosed because we aren't like the boy's /men. Therefore they haven't learnt how a female aspie looks like. Because she looks like any other woman, just with more anxiety and less friends. To me it was a wonderful relief to do the tests and even if it was a lot to process I have more control over my emotions and reactions. I think you should be brave, take the test, I might be totally wrong, but with that test they see the whole spektrum so it might be something else. I wish you all the best, my son Isidor (11 years) baked really delicious cookies tonight while was on the phone with my sister. All the love you give to your children is wort it!
Watch how people treat others before you open up to them .
Maybe talk to people family and friends already know and trust .
Doubt is not always a bad thing .
Though dropping nasty 😷 people will build your confidence .
You are truly a lovely person there is no doubt in that 💕 take care .
Hello Jen, I struggle with anxiety and even depression. I hit bottom when I reached 27 when I felt I had no reason to live when I had every reason to.But my doubt made me believe otherwise. Even with having My husband, my children, and my family who loved me dearly, I felt I had no purpose for some strange reason.(now I see it had a lot to do with my past experiences) but over the years since then I have done work within myself. Fast forward to 35... I am seeing my purpose in life. I believe its because I found faith. I began to build a foundation in what you explained. Trust & Hope. I found reason in why I am here, and reason in why I will someday leave. And realize nothing is in my control. There are still times doubt creeps in, but then I realize oh wait... who does that doubt come from? For me I believe its Satan. " The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10 But that doubt comes to take your joy away. It comes to take your purpose away. That's why a lot of us say- NOT TODAY SATAN :) Thank you Jen for your honesty and for all that you do and all that you are and have been created to be.
I honestly felt like I could have made this video. I was sitting here nodding my head to everything you were saying. I am a recovering perfectionist. I didn't start having children until my late 20s and early 30s because I just didn't feel ready. I have felt more like myself in my 30s than in my 20s. I feel more comfortable in front of the camera and feel creating content is what I was meant to do in life. I love sharing. And, something has definitely been in the air. I had a lot of anxiety and out of balance internally in May. Together, let's hope we can both push the doubt aside. Big hugs!!!
I feel like you're on the verge of tears in parts of this. And I get it. Making and keeping true connections (friendships) as an adult has been frustrating and seemingly impossible. I long for close friendship and I can't help but wonder what I'm doing (or not doing) that has created this experience (or lack thereof). A part of me thinks its mainly because I chose not to have children (I'm 38). I observe Motherhood as like a glue that seems to hold a lot of women's friendships together or gets them started in the first place. Shared experiences bond people so it makes sense. Anyway, I get what you're saying. Its not crazy at all.
Have you looked into joining a MOPS group? They are extremely encouraging and you have built in friends for you and the kids. I think you just need someone to grab you by the hand and say, “We’re going to lunch!” and that would get you over the slump. Over-thinking and doubt are so anxiety driven and it’s easy to make up reasons for why we “can’t” go out and do things. Use your kids as an excuse to go do things with other moms, and keep in mind that opposites attract. I never would’ve imagined I’d be friends with some of the ladies I love the most!
It seems like you isolate yourself as a defense mechanism to the uncomfortable feelings of disappointment when a friendship is not reciprocated as you had hoped. I think there’s a beautiful aspect in being your own friend. Friends are drama, especially mom circles. Lots of gossip, kids with no manners..I think you’re better off and you don’t even know it ;)
In recent years I have become a friend to myself, something I wasn't able to achieve in my twenties. The importance of loving myself in this way...well, let's just say, I believe this is a crucial first step in being able to make strong connections with others. And I'm happy to report it does seem to be having a positive ripple effect in that way ❤️
Thank you for this video, Jen. You're so brave to expose yourself and share your feelings. I've never been great at making friends. I've tried and tried for many years but I think I expect to much of others and to top it all off, I'm unfortunately extremely shy! I didn't mention that I'm a stay-at-home mother and it doesn't make it easier lol! So I came to the conclusion that it's not for me and now, I just enjoy what I have, and it's a lot: I have my daughter, my husband, my family, my dog, a house that I love, my books and my friends (I call them this way) on Internet. I hope you'll find your way to feel better. Don't try to hard, take it easy, do what makes YOU happy, stay open and perhaps you'll find friends without even seeking for them. You're the kindest person, Jen and I wish you all the best. Don't forget you have so many friends on Internet that care for you. I'm one of them. 💕
Yes to enjoying what you have! I couldn't agree more ❤️ #CountYourBlessings
I think my biggest take away from this video was the importance of acknowledging doubt. Often times I feel doubt within my relationship and as soon as that starts I almost shame myself for it. Not only is this not productive but my attempts at bottling up my doubts and ignoring them just lets them grow and consume more of me. The idea of giving doubt space, examining its growth and its roots is something I need to incorporate into my life. Thanks for sharing Jen!
Yes to giving doubt space! Just as with any emotion. This is something I learned from years of therapy and continue to work hard on. Letting myself feel whatever I feel, work through it, so that I can process and move on. It is life changing work!
In the past I have doubted my abilities to develop friendships. It's something that I have struggled with since I was a small child. So, I have this instant dialogue that I have in my head when I meet new people. My dialogue is "that don't like me because...... ". A couple of years ago I was in a very negative work environment and I had to resign just to get away from these people that I know did not accept me for who I am (not the stereotype African-American Southerner). I took this fear and doubt with me to a new job and I had to really work on trusting my abilities, liking myself, being myself, no matter what. The last two years have been awesome for me. I've developed new friendships (authentic friendships) that have helped me to rebuild my confidence and accept myself. I'm OK and people can accept me or not. I learned that sometimes, just accepting yourself is the beginning of ending self doubt. Thanks for this video. I needed to hear this video this morning before the last day of school LOL
I loved what you said about your work. It was so inspiring! I love that you have a calling to share content like you do.
Have you tried looking for a MOPS group? After becoming a mom again for the third time, I find attending MOPS so inspiring and fulfilling. Being able to share and vent with other moms feels so good. Sometimes there’s a speaker, sometimes we just chat, sometimes we do a craft.
Dear Jen, first of all I’m sending a BIG hug, with many Smiles inside, just for you. I feel so much Love towards you. I Love your truths, and I love it that you share them so generously with us. So Thank you for that.
Secondly is some energy-wise thoughts:
Fears, anxiety and their other friends are in our lives for some good reasons, but, as you’re well aware, they tend to ride us in a way that makes us forget that actually, WE are indeed in charge, and should not be ridden by anything (or anyone).
Easier said than done? for sure.
So what I do with my fears, doubts, etc which are not welcomed but too much present in my life, are the only 2 things we can do to really heal and come closer and closer to being FREE, which are:
Let Go! and Trust!
And I mean literally- let go: see them as energies, even as entities, you can see their shape or color, or even just feel their presence separate from you, and then give them Up. To the Father, to your guides, let them have it, see it being taken from you. Let it go. And then Trust.
from experience I will say it wont be a one time thing and that’s it, you’ll need to give it Up on a regular basis (add it to your meditation routine). Then you’ll feel it - the relief, it can be tiny at first, like a mischievous end of a rope that you can sometimes see/feel, and gradually you’ll be able to grab it better and better, and it will be present in your life more and more - which means more and more choice - other than those old dark feelings.
As you said - it is a process, but from my experience- once there’s a will, a strong one, that is birthed from within Powerfully - there’s a way. And I’m sure, in fact - I know, you’ve already started walking in on it.
You’re a true inspiration and a Beautiful person. So glad you’re in this world.
another hug,
Liat.
This has been a bad season this year for many people.
I responded on your other similar video and identify with you. You are exactly my daughter’s age. It is hard to make friends when one gets older.
After college the next time I made many friends was when my daughter was toddler age and up. We are still great friends, all nine of us. Mom’s play groups and then school moms- you all will have many of the same interests and concerns. That is coming your way soon.
My dad was a perfectionist but it was demanded in the type of job he did. I was a terrible perfectionist until after I went back to teaching when my daughter was in first grade. For example, before I would look at a bulletin board 20 to 30 times to decide if it was perfect enough or if I needed to make more changes. When I went back to teaching I put the board up and decided that it was UP, that was it, and moved on.
So, I know you will work through this. It takes time, and you are moving forward! 😀
Thank you for sharing your story of growth. It is inspiring! Yes, it takes time but that's what life is all about, right? The journey 😊
Jen - thanks so much for this video. You are definitely not alone! Not all the time, not even most of the time, but even at 57 I still struggle with doubt. Like you, I second guess myself in social situations....mostly in interacting with “new” people, not so much with existing friends and family. And other stuff too. Just this week I was planning our summer vacation, and was having the hardest time selecting a hotel or committing to a flight because I was doubting whether I had chosen correctly! Sounds silly, I know. When I hit “submit” on the final reservation, I felt such a sense of relief and happiness that I had done it!
Please keep sharing this type of content....it really connects. 💕
Oh Jen, I applaud your bravery in sharing your story! I struggled as an adolescent after being bullied, as I got older I dealt with these feelings, found real connections with friends and work. When I met my husband, his ex-wife brought this back through frequent put-downs and threats (an ability she passed on to her children too) as well as a 'friend' who turned out not to be. My own self-doubt comes out most when meeting other mom-friends who I think have things more figured out or are more worthy or more important than me (happened when I met you in Vegas and I froze up and questioned if I said the right things, embarrassed myself, etc.). This doesn't happen to me at all in being a mom, with my daughters' friends, or with any children. I think children have an accepting nature as long as you are kind- they haven't yet been jaded or learned to judge or believe negative things. Finding a tribe of authentic mom-friends is essential- here's hoping we all connect and find more of this!
I probably am older than your mom, but have found over the years that, for me, to find the best connections with people, I join small groups that have the same interests I do...and these interests may change over the years. At this time of my life I am in a book club, I volunteer, and I'm on the Board of Directors in my HOA. I always taught my children, who are now adult, to have varied interests, meet people with varied interests, and always have a lot of connections..even though they don't always have to be deep connections. You learn something from everyone and it all helps you grow and find out what you need to feel fulfilled.
Hey sweetie! If it's any consolation I do believe sometimes it is "something in the air " so to speak. I'm 51 and I can't tell you how many times I've went through this phase for lack of a better word. I, too, have been looking inward and overthinking things. This past winter I went through the worst state of SAD I've ever went through. I've actually allowed it to destroy some precious relationships I had. Still struggling to claw my way out of that darkness. I'm trying to say you're not alone love. I've pulled back to kind of just strengthening my connection with my hubby first. Baby steps right. Because truthfully I felt like I had lost control of all connection I had with everyone in my life. So I had to bring up solid and start from scratch. I'm rambling and probably making no sense lol. Anyway I hope anyone struggling with doubts, find their happiness. Xo
It sounds like you have a good grasp on rebuilding those connections. Wishing you all the best on your journey, thank you for sharing 💕
I think it is okay to just say "I've been having a bad week."and not worry about it too much. I would only worry if it is happening often with growing intensity. A person isn't able to be happiness and sunshine everyday and that is fine.
Thank you for sharing your doubt but also owning your confidence!
Thank you for your vulnerable realism. Its refreshing. We are all a mess in some way. And we are all trying to figure it out. ♥️ be kind to yourself
You were always such a perfectionist when I first started watching you years ago, and look how far you’ve come!! My goodness! 💗
(And I know you’d rock the whole ‘mother’ thing... think that’s always been in you!)
I am soooooo grateful to be moving away from perfectionism. Yikes, that was no fun at all! And thank you for the sweet compliment 💕
Yes! This video really resonates with me. I'm tired of being afraid and doubting. I want to be more free to be me. Thanks for sharing, Jen! 🥰
Yes, be you! Wholeheartedly and unapologetically YOU! ❤️
This was a timely video for me as well. I realize I have been battling a lot of self doubt recently and not doing a good job of seeing my value as a person within my own community. We have lived here for a little over two years and I’ve been really feeling this sense of being unimportant in our new area. I was at an event at my daughter’s school this week and there were all kinds of moms chatting with each other while I was alone. The sense of my aloneness was overwhelming and like an epiphany I had a realization that I was alone because I was letting myself be. There were moms there that I recognized and I had the power to walk up to one of those and say hello - so I did! We had a short conversation and while this wasn’t going to make us be lifelong friends just through this interaction, it reminded me that I had the power to be open and to change. The next day I was at an event for my son and there I walked up a mom that I’ve seen at dozens of events since we moved here and have never had the courage to say hello to. I’m 45 and need to be aware of my doubt, feel it, and work to not let it control me. My life is so much fuller when I am in control and not my doubt.
You have no idea how much I loved your video... I'm at a crossroads right now in my life and I think I'm in need of a change!!! I think you are so amazingly strong and for me in particular an inspiration.... Girl, I'm having serious doubt... Thank you for making this video... ❤❤❤
I'm still listening to you as I write this because I didn't want to lose the thought. Doubt and trust (to me) are two sides of the same coin. The foundation of relationships has to start with trust. Not trust in yourself but trust in the other person you are trying to connect with. You are laying yourself bare and you have to trust the other person to treat it as a gift and not exploit it. That is HARD! You also need to believe in yourself so much that you are able to rally when you are rejected. That is HARD! People may think that the problem is low self esteem but for me it's more about being a sensitive soul. That can be crippling. Good topic Jen, thanks for the chat.
I added a comment and then realized I wrote a book.....lets just say, I'm 64 and I still have problems with doubts about many things......some self imposed and lots heaped on from childhood.....they still give me grief all these years later........It is somehow comforting to know that this is something I share with other people......from what I have seen over the years of watching you....you got this girl,and mothering looks really good on you......
Hi Jen, i've been watching for a while now but it's my first time sharing because this topic really spoke to me right now. I feel like at this point in my life i am struggling with finding myself as an adult and having doubt in my abilities to be confident and trust that i can do things. This has definitely shown itself recently in my social life and finding people who can help lift me up has been hard. However, I feel like i have grown alot in just my ability to find the root of my problem being this self doubt. I have been working hard at recognizing situations in which i can take control of myself and intentionally put myself out there when i wouldn't before, and i am slowly (very slowly) starting to feel myself become more authentically myself and comfortable with that. I feel like this doubt in myself makes me hide who I am, and thus it has been hard to make meaningful relationships. I can only try and trust that i will continue this slow process and hopefully i can come out from behind the doubt into the person that i know i can be. Thank you for sharing with us in this video, and especially encouraging us to share with you. I feel like alot of what you have shared on your channel recently has helped me understand what is going on with me, and for that i thank you, and i wish you all the best!
Thank you for sharing - YES, this is truly important work and you are doing it! And that is huge. Keep up the good work! We're doing this together ❤️
HI Jen, If you are in self doubt who deserves to be confident, you are so perfect and talented and perfect doer that these feelings are there to stop you to reach out to so many people you can touch like pixie dust and turn their lives magical.You are truly so precious and valuable. Anyone who has you in your life is so lucky.
Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ I resonated so much with this video. I’m still in my 20s... but I’ve battled with my anxiety and depression for over 10 years now... I would love to hear more about how you met your husband and maintained your relationship... I find I have so much difficult with dating because I’m so scared... and anxious about everything. Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated ❤️
Thank you for all that you do!!
Hi Jen,1sr of all,I'm cheryl(not Greg as our email name pops up) I too am a mom of 2 in the nw suburbs of Chicago and I love your vulnerable side today. I've found that the handful of super-close friends I've had throughout my lifetime have stayed true and those friendships go deep. They were there when my mom unexpectedly passed and for my kids milestones and honestly just THERE in general as life goes on. I find that the "mom" friends that you meet as your kids grow aren't necessarily the friends you can open up your life to. They can be gossipy. I'm just always nice and friendly and make small talk as you sit through baseball games or dance class,etc. I've met maybe 2-3 mom friends that I consider to be decent friends. So be on the lookout for that as you may be seeing these same moms for the next 15yrs! But it sounds like you maybe just had a bad week. And I'm sure your hubby is a true friend that you can turn to always, especially to bounce your ideas and insecurities with as it seems he loves u unconditionally. Just go to sleep every night knowing that you did the best possible job you could do for that day-week-month-&eventually years! Kindness to all others is key and follow your gut! Life's too short for doubt and regrets. And one last quote to live by-"God doesn't make mistakes. You are who you are supposed to be."-(sorry this is so long!)💜
Love that quote! I wholeheartedly agree 💕
I thought you have already addressed how it's hard for
You to make personal connections with people?
I deal with crippling self-doubt too. Most recently, I've been doubting my creativity and ability surrounding a big career change. This doubt stopped me from really, truly trying for over a year. Until finally, I decided I had to be okay with not being very good at it, at least to start. Maybe that same thought method can apply to you? I know you just connected with a ton of new women and I know you try to make friends quite often, but what if you gave up on connecting with someone right away? What if you aimed to talk to one new person a day for 100 days (grocery store, park, filling up on gas, whatever!) but with the goal to actually be bad at it? To completely fail and not get anything more out of those conversations except minor embarrassment? You have to fail A LOT before you succeed. The doubt you're experiencing may be stemming from fear more than anything else. Anyway, that's how I've started allowing myself to try and I'm actually making progress now. I hope you do too
Ok
Thank you so much for sharing this today. These personal chit chats are absolutely my favorite videos that you post. I won't go into detail here, but I can definitely get on board with the "something in the air" description. I know quite a few people, including myself, that have been very emotional the last month or so related to ongoing situations that are very much works in progress and transitional in terms of life stages and growth. It's a tough ride sometimes, but hope springs eternal and the gifts that come out of these struggles are so worth it. It just gets hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes and sharing helps so much!
How interesting to learn of so many others feeling the same lately. That makes me feel more connected with the world at large.
It’s always great, I think, to be able to say”So it’s not just me.”
Thank you for this video. I had to wait for a few days to watch it because I was with family (more like “people I know” because of my levels of anxiety and uncomfortableness....) I understand exactly what you are saying. I want a close level of connection, but I don’t know how to get there, either...even with my own husband sometimes. I have watched you for years and I’m so proud of your growth! Keep going! I’m going to challenge you with one thing, though! I think you are taking 2 steps forward and 1 1/2 steps back. You are ALWAYS making forward progress. Don’t worry too much about these small moments of reflection. I think they are ok. Just keep stepping forward. You’ve got this!
Thank you for sharing Jen. Just wanted to say that I feel the way you do. I'm now 19 yrs older than you are and still am plagued with these feelings. I really have to "talk myself into" social situations and a lot of times I end up passing up get togethers or other events because of this problem. I think it's the fear of others learning "who I really am" and will they still accept me. I'm happy to see you are working through this at such a young age. I'm sure you will find your way. The important thing is you realize the struggle(s), and perhaps you need to practice in social situations more. Deliberately putting yourself in social situations, on a regular basis, may help accomplish your goal more quickly. I hope that makes sense or helps. I think, in my case anyhow, that the more I do something, the more comfortable I am with it. So, it seems that if I went out and met with people weekly, I'd become more comfortable being social....but
I don't because in the back of my mind I think things like,...."what if they don't like me"....or "what if I say the wrong thing", or "what if I don't know what to say", etc...etc...Hearing you mention that you have this self doubt and fear issue too, makes me realize how short life is and I should be doing the same. Not keeping to myself and missing out on that aspect of life.
We are all only human, and it's only natural that you long for this. I do too, though my courage is lacking up to this point. I pray you find some understanding and "accepting" people on your initial encounters, so that it gives you plenty of confidence to continue on and form some lasting, deep bonds, with some really special people. Hugs for your journey. I'm certain you will be a success. : )
I find myself doubtful about friendships as well. I have trust issues due to being seriously scarred from past friendships. My severe social anxiety also plays a huge role in getting to know others as well. I even got the PERFECT job for me as a non-social person. I'm a projectionist, which means when I'm at work I'm in a dark projection booth, all by myself, and that's the way I like it. When my boss was interviewing me, one of his questions was "do you think you'll be able to spend 8-12 hours without being around people?" My reply was a resounding and enthusiastic "YES." I have roommates who are like an extended family, but I rarely stray from my bedroom when home. I just feel awkward and insecure around others. I don't even leave the house if I don't HAVE to. I have ONE friend who I'm completely open and honest with, and that's my only friendship. He's my rock. So yes, that was a long way around to say you are not alone. Love ya Jen. Thanks for sharing. ❤❤❤
I so appreciate you sharing your story with me. I truly believe it is in sharing our experiences that we can break down the barriers that make us feel alone when we realize so many of us experience the same feelings. 💕
Good chat- connecting ... seems like it usually depends on how I’m feeling about myself. And something that I’ve stumbled upon lately that has helped a lot is learning more about being feminine. It’s released a lot of self doubt and feelings of being inferior or trying to compete, or force myself to be who I am not. Being feminine (because it’s really how I naturally function best) allows me to relax which allows me to connect deeper with everyone around me. This is hard to convey in a comment, but hopefully it makes some sense. 💕💕💕
In my life, and in my opinion, the more I focus on me the more anxiety I have. It takes worshipping my Creator and trusting Him to help with my anxiety (and I do have anxiety)
I always love your videos and think you are an awesome person! I especially love your holiday videos from years ago. That golden heart you have always shines through!!!!
OH THE PLACES WE GO with the cycle 🚴🏼♀️ of anxiety, confidence, doubt, strengths, security, insecurity. YES I am too in some sort of dip this month. I too have learned some perspective.
1. My doubt surfaces when people create scenarios where I can’t be my authentic self. For example, maybe they laugh at my interpretation of something or they attempt to make me feel bad or “less than.”
2. Lack of sleep emerges.
3. I try to adapt the relationship to a place of inauthenticity. So~be myself and be braced for the vulnerability makers or make adjustments and feel weighed down by not being able to just be myself. Both require a LOT of energy that I don’t have LOL
P.S. Three words that circle ⭕️ my brain from the first 18 years of my life are NOT GOOD ENOUGH.....
Now I decide my worth. Not others!
As you age you lose friends unfortunately. I am 72 and value the friends I still have. I agree it is hard to make new good friends.
Wow perfect timing for me. I was just struggling last night immensely feeling this way. I can’t truly connect with people because I doubt myself almost ALL the time. I struggle with this at work so much. I feel the same about motherhood though also. It’s lonely sometimes and I really wish I had that connection others have. Thank you for this video.
Trust that you are not alone in these feelings. You are lovely, just as you are. And you are worthy of those connections you desire. But it's up to you to find them and that requires faith. I just know you will find what you seek when you do ❤️
Your chat couldn't have come at a more perfect time. "Self-doubt" is the term I haven't been able to find. I've been wondering how I can be so confident in some aspects of my life and so lost in others. I am at a different phase in my life than where you are now, so confident in my 20's and 30's, much less so since then. Realize that you are good and worthy. I am too.
We should really make a Facebook group of like-minded 30something year old moms who have had problems with in-person connections. Has quick a zing to it, doesn't it? 🤣 I definitely find that I have made really wonderful, lasting friendships online and as much as I would love to have an in-person mom tribe, it hasn't happened.
Yes! But maybe a slightly shorter title I agree 😉 And I truly believe online connections can be just as fulfilling as in person ones if you treat them with equal importance. Pretty much all of the connections I've made in the last couple of years are online ones
Something along the lines of “Introverts to Ambiverts” or “Pretty Neat Mommy Chats” 😂Regardless of the name! I would personally love to have a group of non-judgmental, like-minded moms to share thoughts with!
Yes let's do this
I'm so thankful for your channel, openness and discussion regarding topics such as this (although I love all your videos)! I have dealt with anxiety and doubt for most of my life (and still do). Even though the older I get the more I also feel grounded and confident in my decisions, I can relate to SO much of what you say (connectedness, self-doubt, anxiety). Thanks for sharing
Winnie! Yay!...just her tiny appearance made my day :) Please know Jen that you DO connect and that you always (no matter what the topic); bring positivity and warmth to my day. I have lived here on earth far longer than you and I think that female friendships are the hardest to develop and maintain. You are not alone and I don't know the answers; but I do know that you are a strong, positive force on the internet.Please continue to share and we can all continue to learn together.
Thank you for your kindness and encouragement! Let's learn together 💕
I think more confidence in ones self brings less doubt. Confidence that you are enough just as you are. If you truly feel that you are enough the doubt will dissipate.
You’re one of the kindest & wholesome sweethearts out there! There’s a TEDX video which explains our “Vulnerability” pinpointed from our upbringing & environment. You are such a giving and special dear.... Our protected upbringing insulated us from the perils of today’s world. We’re sort of in a Disney bubble and doubt ourselves. You’re so lovely, you beat yourself versus externalizing towards culprits. You’re lucky if you find one good friend.....any more is gravy. I’ll always be your trusted friend & support you unconditionally. Send any culprits my way, as I’ll shield you & your family! Truly. Hugs & Love from Tampa! Jaz & Mo Lo ❤️😇.
Same, girl. Same. Is this something all INFJ’s experience? Either way, thanks for videos like this, I think it’s such a brave and kind thing to do. Myself personally, I always doubt myself in terms of people’s reaction to me like “oh, they’re just being nice” or “I must be annoying.” Ah, the joys of social anxiety. Anyhow thanks again!
Thank you for sharing, Jen. I definitely struggle with self-doubt, in relationships and in other areas of life. it was reassuring to hear your experiences and I'm grateful that you were brave enough to share them!
Loved this video!!! I don't feel so alone in this anymore. Thank you so much! I would love to see a new craftroom/office tour=) Have a great Memorial Day weekend!! =)
I have self doubt too. I have suffered with it my whole life. However...I do find myself getting better as I get older. It almost feels like having doubt is a waste of time and effort. Wish I could go back and tell my younger self that it's going to be okay now!!! Thanks for sharing your story!!! xxoo
I agree, it does feel like a waste of time...but it can still be hard to shake. Takes work!
Wonder if getting married young and not really entering the traditional work place impacted your whole independence and confidence.
I feel you so much on this Jen. I've been feeling very much the same this past couple weeks. You are not alone!
I can relate so much with this video. So so much. I had a fun opportunity come my way for my little TH-cam channel that I feel like I’m sabotaging because I doubt my abilities 😩 but it’s something I’m excited about. But with mom friend relationship I also doubt those. Like I’m not cool enough, or have enough money, or whatever the case may be. I want to shake it so bad too... I don’t want to live this way. 🖤 thanks for sharing something so personal.
Hi, I'm a relatively new subscriber catching up on some past videos! Thanks for sharing your struggles in the area of relationships...I hope this helped you work through it/verbally process. I feel like I relate a little in that I experience some social anxiety and difficulty being authentic in friendships. It's definitely connected to perfectionism for me. I hope you find peace in this season of transition.
Random one but did you have anxiety when you were learning to drive and during your test? I’ve failed mine once already as a teenager but now as a 25 year old mother I want to try again so I can take my son out while my husband is at work but I have so much self doubt in my ability to do it. A ‘test’ situation makes me SO nervous! Was wondering if you had any tips?
I find this troubling. Sometimes friends let me down but I always have my husband to turn to....are you having marital issues with Don? It seems like that is the sense I get while watching this video. Hope I am wrong.
You have had too much time on your hands. Period. Most women out of high school or college are so busy with starting a job or career that there just isn't time for this much navel gazing. If that makes sense? I think the comfortable lifestyle you had right out of the gate has been a huge hindrance to you. My opinion.
I feel like I’m the opposite... Growing up I was so social and made friends everywhere. But the older I get, the more socially awkward and socially anxious I get. But like you, I feel much more confident interacting online. Not necessarily in video, but on instagram and blogging I’m starting to feel like I’m finding my voice.
I have been watching your videos for many years and you have such a good heart Jen. You deserve to have a close friend or two. I went so much of my adult life without any close friends due to doubt and social anxiety. I am fortunate enough to have a close cousin and a couple of friends in this new province that I moved to, but I do tend to shut myself off from them at times, so I know exactly how you’re feeling. Oh and I I think we’re all a little crazy in own way ;)
Just had to say we share the same last name! And my mother’s-in-law name is Julie too, so when I saw Julie Willett I was like “Waaaait. What?” Haha
Nikki Willett haha that’s funny!
Let me give you an example of my doubt. I also long for a connection to another human being, especially in the form of a best friend. Like you, I grew up in the Bay Area and then had to move away. I think that had a huge impact on my doubt in forming friendships now. I’m used to being disconnected if that makes sense. Now that I’m in my own bubble of life with my children and husband, I find I don’t have many friends. When I do try, I feel as though the friendship is missing a key piece to keep me connected. It may be that the person already has close friendships and I’m sensing I’m a third wheel in a sense..or sometimes I just feel I’m too mature or not “modern” enough for them. What makes the doubt confirmed is when I don’t hear back from someone, then my doubts come in stronger and magnify! It’s a terrible cycle and I’ve just learned to appreciate my own company and just keep praying I’ll meet a friend who is not drama filled, is loyal to her husband and has the same interests and views that I do. Finding that balance has been incredibly tough now that I’m in my 30’s. So I do empathize with you, but I feel we are much better off sometimes in our own company, than in company we have to fight for..or feel is competitive in nature. I can’t imagine how you do TH-cam and try to form lasting friendships through other content creators..it seems like everyone is very fixated on being number 1. Not enough people are happy with the simple things anymore. I hope this helps you and let’s you realize you’re not alone with doubts!
I also think connections are more strong when they are organically made and not forced, if that makes sense.
I love all your videos and content and “wordiness” 😉. I know your journey will certainly lead you to your extended tribe. I’m so curious what your vision of the relationships you’re seeking to be open to would look like on a regular basis. You mentioned once that there have been times when you invested heavily in a friendship the the level of commitment wasn’t reciprocated. What is your vision of these friendship
dynamics? This video got me pondering my own sense of need for connection and how I’ve never ever discussed this with anyone. I’m imagining my tribe now and thinking over what that would look like.
That makes sense. You are the best advocate for your children and of course work you choose and love are things to be confident in. Things that depend on others though don't necessarily work out. I lost both the two people I loved the most - my first love to another woman and Lee's and my younger son Thomas who I lost to SIDS. Those were my two life dreams as well as I wanted to marry my first love and I wanted to swing kettlebells and travel to eat delicious foods with Thomas when he grew up but I only had seven weeks with him. I've lost so many relatives to death and several times people I considered to be my best friends in real life stopped talking to me after awhile. I'm somewhere between an INFP and INFJ. That and I have a phobia. One time I was strangled for joking with someone so I learned to keep to myself until I can ascertain it's safe for me to be myself. Since I lost Thomas I've haven't been interested in getting close to anyone new in real life. I only do that in my dreams and in the video games I play. In the farming games I love every villager because in them all of them are good and all become my best friend. It's difficult to be depressed when everyone loves you. In the regular RPG's I play I love my team and the people we help. Replaying them which I do with every game I play to completion is like revisiting old friends. Several of the homesteaders I follow on here have made friendships through gatherings of like minded people they hosted or attended.
I think doubt it a very important resource, and helps protect us. However, it is a fine balance when it can become almost so much of a learned behaviour that it is disabling. However, I truly believe that doubt, whether we trust, and our sixth sense are all part of our primeval instinct to keep us away from predators or even just people we instinctively know there will be no connection, or who do not have our best interests at heart. Sometimes, the more people I am around, the less and less connection I feel and the more lonely and vulnerable
Jen, please join a MOPS group. Please get out of the house with the kids. Please find a couple great babysitters and get out of the house without the kids, too! I think you could spend some time volunteering and you would meet people and have something in common with them! You have to make changes if you want things to change!
And I totally agree that it makes sense that you would be comfortable meeting followers - you’re an “expert” at your job so you’re confident in that! And you should be.
ALSO, what about a book club?
Jen, you go girl!! Been there done that and glad to see that your willing to share your heart on your selves!
Also, I think you equate discomfort with anxiety. I think people like me, who have been clinically diagnosed and have to take meds for anxiety don't appreciate your use of the word anxiety when really meaning something that makes you uncomfortable. Real anxiety gets your heart pumping and floods your body with adrenaline and cortisol. You can't think of anything else but "what is wrong with me? Am I going crazy? " otherwise just say you're a discontent housewife and move on
I think that you need friends and good relationships but you can't look for a friend, they just come in life. You can't be like: oh a need a friend who wants me? Y recomend you go out of your house and star doing things you like. A course, a class, gym, places and activities that makes you happy. Just you, no kids, no husband. In those places you Will gain confidence and meet someone that feels like you and wants the same things that you do. Im much younger that you are and i don't talk English that much so i don't know if my idea is well expresed but i hope so because i understand what you are talking about i think and is important that you work on this. Anxiety comes with a big undercover shit of depression and you have to avoid it. You are to good for that. Take care Jen. ❤
Thank you for sharing Jen. if I recall correctly you type as an INFJ (like me) - is that right? What you're describing resonated with me as an INFJ-thing anyway: I recently heard Antonia Dodge say on a Personality Hacker podcast (and I'm paraphrasing here) that INFJs put up walls because once they let someone in, they let them in completely, and then that person has free reigns to cause havoc (in your heart). I think INFJs often have self-doubt because we want everyone to feel good and so we meticulously comb over our interactions to make sure we did our part to create harmony (that's my take on it anyway. Hope this is useful. Thanks for answering your soul's calling - yours are one of the few channels I regularly watch :-)
Has anxiety affected your skin, hair, sleep? Mine has. If yes, do you have any tips to overcome these issues?
I’ve been waiting your channel fora long time, years , I always look forward to your next video . Your doing a great job keep as entertained and always learning something. Thank you!
I love your heart, jen💜 thanks for sharing your story!
💕
Hey Jen!
I've always been a pretty social person. I have some thoughts to share that I hope help you or, perhaps, give you food for thought. First off, don't get me wrong, I struggle with excessive doubt and anxiety in other aspects of my life. However, socially/interpersonally, I've been the most confident and least anxious. What I've really learned about creating and finding deep and true friendships, is that you have to go through several friendships that aren't meant to be. Through that experience of being vulnerable and hopeful in the potential of a lasting friendship, and then experiencing the pain and analyzation that follows from a spoiled friendship or one that just fizzled out, you will likely look back after some time and see several lessons. Lessons that reveal things about yourself that you couldn't have discovered alone. For example, learning how to be self aware in a social atmosphere isn't a given. It is like a muscle that takes patience, practice, and possibly, minor correction. Through the fizzling of a friendship, you discover what you want out of a friend. Without passing judgement on yourself or others, you can start to see what type of person jives with your vibes through every individual relationship(failed or not). I've heard a lot of people say that having lasting friendships is about being picky and I can't say that I agree with that because its not about judgement, its not about right or wrong. Its about communion and community. I think its much more about going with whats natural. And how can you know if your being natural and authentic in social settings if you haven't tried and failed. You could be so surprised by what types of different and exciting people you attract through the art of nurturing a natural/mutual pull towards somebody. I hope this makes sense, it may sound intuitive but honestly, not having a friendship work out can be quite traumatic and takes bravery to not only bounce back and feel like yourself again but moreover, to still have trust in yourself and in others to try again. I don't usually comment, but I felt so thought provoked from this video that I wanted to chime in, as rambly as it may be...
I have no doubt that you are headed on a positive road towards a meaningful social life. I mean heck, you have thousands of Internet friends that would 100% be your friend irl. Go out and find those loyal, uplifting, and inspiring people! It's right within your grasp. Go Jen!
ps. thank you for always creating intentional and down to earth content.
Thank you for sharing your perspective! I agree completely and have certainly had my fair share of both successful and failed relationships. I have absolutely learned so much from all of these. Sometimes the failed ones can be truly discouraging, but like you said, it's how we learn and grow. 💕
You need to literally just stop thinking about yourself. I'm not being mean or sarcastic. Find something, anything else to think about. You have too much time alone just thinking and thinking and thinking.
Thank You jenni, you are very right, you cant have a real conection if there is doubt.
Hi Jen, you are not alone. Please know that and thank you so much for being so vulnerable and for sharing.I am so doubtful of myself ALL.THE.TIME. I am a special needs momma and I homeschool both my children. I have a Master's Degree in Education, I taught for 8 years in public and private school and I still doubt myself whether I am doing enough, are they getting what they need, am I being a good enough mom? And then there is the whole youtube thing. I have tried so hard with my content, and I just haven't grown, I have been at it for 5 years and haven't grown at all. So in that area, I doubt myself soooo much. I am too old (42 is probably old in youtube world) I am not relatable, she does it better then me so I won't even bother. Oh the list just goes on and on and on. I have a hard time connecting with people mom's with typical kids and mom's with kids with Down syndrome, I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. That is a whole other Dr Phil show, lol. The Loneliness of Special Needs Moms next at 11. The doubt I have doesn't allow me to make friends easily bc I always think that I am not worth someone's friendship. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings on this, it makes me feel like I am not alone.
You are so adorably funny! When you said "excuse my language" I was expecting an F-bomb, so when you said "damned" I couldn't help but giggle.
I can relate to those same feelings. Myself being in my 30s also. I find it hard to connect with people my age. Most of my friends are married with children. But, I’m not. And looking younger I get invited by church members who are in their 20s to attend events. I will force myself to go out to find a connection. But, by the end of the night. I feel like I’m the “mom” of the group. I was in a relationship for 8 years and it ended last year when he passed away. He was my best friend and the love of my life. I’m doubting if I will ever have that same feeling with him in someone else. I think I’m just meant to be an old cat lady.
My growth, came when I put a name to the fear....rejection....hiding behind a mask of people pleasing led to so many self conversations of what ifs.......Hugs to you....Lea
Keeping It Real yes I agree with this ... the people pleasing is so much a part of this. Recovering people pleaser for sure and acknowledging that there are some people who can sniff out this personality trait and torture us with it !!!!
Thank you for sharing, can really understand where u are coming from, these last few months for me have been bad, and can understand and thank you for letting me know that I am not alone xx
If I really like a friend it doesn't seem to be mutual. Also, I lost a good friend and I'm not sure why. Therefore, I avoid making new friendships. While my children were young I made friendships with other moms but they have mostly faded away as our kids grew. That's why TH-cam is so appealing to me it's a chance to form a connection without rejection. I do have friends but they KNOW me and now I'm just rambling!
Did you mean to say “self doubt” the whole time, like self confidence - or are you doubting that people really like you, like doubt in them? Just confused 💕
I really do wish the best for you on your friend making journey!
Girl I needed this!!!’thank you
❤️❤️❤️