Dave needs to answer this question. This isn't Mom guilt. This is a woman who worked hard and her gut is telling her to keep the house for her son. She is not being selfish, she is being wise.
If I was dating a woman who had paid off her house (and wanted to leave it to her son) I would have zero problem with that. She paid if off and not me. It's hers to do with as she pleases. And if we were to get married I would feel exactly the same.
@@jo4285 no need to be so rude..you don't know what others situations are...a stay at home mum has the right to be treated fairly..especial if you add up the hourly pay of a cook cleaner babysitter...its about providing value not just money.
I think that giving it to the son when she dies, is great and everybody should agree. The problem is if she wants to give it to her son when her and her husband are both alive and working?
@@amireallythatgrumpy6508 Single mothers have MORE complications than "anyone else". So obviously you take the less complications in any given situation...
@@amireallythatgrumpy6508 Some people want to marry to make a family and have long term goals with a spouse... Just because you might have had a bad experience or you see too many videos about "terrible spouses" does not mean every single relationship is like that. and to answer the question in your name... Yes you're that really grumpy. Haha.
The caller made the right decision splitting up with her ex-fiance. She worked too many years to pay off her house to give her fiance half of her equity. She should find someone else who is on the same page as her when it comes to money.
I’ve seen to many people lose everything in a second marriages and have nothing left for their children and grandchildren. Especially with unfair divorce laws in this country.
I agree with the caller. Protect your assets for you and your son. This is what you built before the relationship. It’s yours and he should respect that.
It’s so easy for Dave, Rachel, Ken, George and all of them to say “don’t do prenups etc” when they all had nothing when they met their spouse. For them it is all 50/50 because they built it together. If Rachel had to remarry would she be completely fine with putting half her wealth and half her stake in the company for a new spouse who has nowhere near the net worth she has? I don’t think so. We buy insurance in hopes we don’t need to use it but still want it there just in case.
It has everything to do with it. A man should be a provider to the family. Majority of billionaires and millionaires in this world are men and the women are largely bc they married them. A man has the whole world as his oyster and it’s pathetic to want something your woman provided for. Earn it yourself
I definitely agree with the caller on this one. Follow your instincts and protect what you worked so hard for. If your fiancé can’t understand then he’s disrespecting the hard work you put into providing for your son. Sending you strength on your journey.
If the house divides the relationship it isn't healthy. The guy simply wants the house. Don't be the woman desperate for a relationship while people will play the role to get that house. Rachels advice makes this woman a target.
We didn’t hear the specifics of what the fiancé really wanted her to do, but sounded like he’s asking her to give her paid-for house and split it with all three kids upon their deaths
Not if both parents are present. If the mother is still in their life, she doesn’t need to take her place nor give them her home. Also, as a kid who grew up with stepparents I never saw them as my parents. I wouldn’t expect inheritance, but they did care and were loving.
@@joyaustin6581 they wouldn't "become yours". That's not really how it works. I can see why you would say that but that's not apart of marriage. You would become a step parent. Not the same as parent. I'm sure you would have to provide and care to a certain extent but not as much as a parent would. Also probably depends on the state laws.
Seems like she doesnt love him. No problem her feeling this way, she just probably shouldn't get re-married. She is not ready for this commitment, this sacrifice.
@@SamuelBSR the exact same for a man.. I’ve watched my Dads hard work be taken by women who’s kids he raised , several times. Leaving zero for his retirement . I don’t understand the push back to work hard, retire well and leave your own kids a future. Every one of us has the opportunity to do the same for our own. Some choose to, some don’t. 🤷🏻♀️
With a 70%+ probability of divorce in a second marriage, Ken and Rachel should not be recommending it. The caller does not appear ready for it and why is a prenup not even mentioned at all?
@@shanep2760 It's because they still follow old notions about marriage. Those who follow it and throw caution to the wind will only get the disastrous results they could have prevented.
@@MsMockingbird06 No. Just because you claim to be Christian doesn't mean you are one. She does not practice Christian teachings. From her money to her relationship, nothing about this woman is Christian.
I'm sorry to disagree with the Ramsey team on this one. It sounds like the guy is after her assets. If he doesn't want to accept her wish to leave her house to her son then he's really after the house more than her. You did the right thing caller. God bless.
I worked with a young woman whose grandmother left her enough money to buy a house. Some divorced guy who lived with his parents and had a young son was after her like gangbusters. He pressured her to look at houses all the time. She was nervous. We advised her to drop him. She did, and proceeded to buy her house.
Would you say the same if the man had more money. Men with more money get with women that have less and it’s no big deal. Men more often are the losers in the divorce if he makes more. Nobody tries to tell him not to marry her because she has less money or feels sorry for him either 🤷🏾♂️
I don’t agree with Rachel here. Of course that man would want to split a massive asset amongst his own children. I would either just keep dating to protect my assets, or get a lawyer involved to ensure that home goes to my child. Someone once told me that people will ask questions on stuff that they typically already know the answer to. They just don’t want to accept it. It seems like this lady already knows her answer and she just feels bad about it.
I mean you did the right thing. You couldn't agree on two core issues and his plan would leave your son at more risk. Unfortunately it ended the relationship but fortunately you recognize this before marriage. It sucks but it sucks a lot less than what could have happened
I see red flags all throughout Katrina's conversation and foresee she will end up losing all her assets if she would marry this guy. Sounded like there were several more issues in addition to the financial She was right to break up. Run while you can, Katrina
@@And1one757 _men generally dont leave_ They do all the time, especially in situations like these where the woman is making more money and/or has more in assets. Seen it happen a dozen times.
I wouldn't give up what I created for my son prior to the marriage, no way. Combine finances & any property obtained after marriage is done as a unit but there's no way I'd just hand over my hard work because of a piece of paper.
I hope you share the same sentiment for the men that are in the same position as her ... (most women only agree to that when they are the one's with something to lose)
@@1bntcr001 Oh absolutely! Man/woman, it doesn't matter. Chances are that person skipped multiple meals, hours of sleep, weekends away, Vegas trips, Starbucks, all kinds of things because they were putting their all into that property. I'd never expect someone to just hand that over.
This lady is an absolute G of a mom to prioritize what she sacrificed and built up all that time and work she put in to leave to her son as her legacy to him for all that time she didn't get to be with him. Most especially where we are today with home ownership is for the next generations, the sense of pride and stability she will leave to him, I can feel it from over here having been raised by a rockstar of a mom who once apologized she couldn't give me a better life without such struggles we beared. That fiance is out of pocket and in a second marriage, as a man. He's sus.
Why can't they just separate what they have before marriage? Her son is 21. I would just transfer the house to my son. I disagree with Rachel's advice. She would have been miserable even if she "challenged" herself to separate "emotion" from things. That is her upbringing - how she came to be - and will be too late to change. If her fiancee loves her, why would he be interested in her paid-for house? It's the law. Why can't they start from scratch? Both of them brings in income into the house. Rachel and team didn't even bring up that the fiancee is sharing mortgage with someone else. He perhaps needs the money from the sale of her house so he can buy his house from his friend. So she gets nothing, his friend gets his money worth half her house and the fiancee will convince her to use the other half as a downpayment for a new house that he can't afford on his own salary.
I agree the right answer here is to separate what they have before marriage. If the wife wants to give what she has now all to her son, then the husband should be able to (and encouraged) to do the same thing. They need to get out a notepad, write down their current net worths to be given to their kids, then start from scratch and distribute things equally since they would now be a family. The other person on the mortgage thing is another separate issue that has nothing do to with inheritances, but also needs to be worked through.
She better go with her first mind and leave the home for her son. Let him work that out on his own for his children. They don't ask the right questions.
the Ramsey team just told the caller that she should give away 2/3rds of her life's financial work and her son's inheritance to accommodate a second marriage partner who is not on equal footing. This is terrible. How easy it easy it to just state that she has carved out the house and X amount of savings for her son. She should transfer the house to her son now, or utilize a prenup simply to carve out the inheritance. two years from now, this lovely woman will again call in saying that she followed the Ramsey's advice, and subsequently is going through a divorce where she is forced to sell the house and split all her savings with her ex-husband. which will mean she has to work another 10 years to afford the retirement that was previously in her grasp.
The fact that it's a big deal to him is a red flag. Most second marriages like keeping finances seperate because of this. I'm glad I met my person while we don't have anything. We can build together ❤️
@@Kris-tk2hu yeah, imagine you are about to marry the love of your life and they tell you they want separate finances as a married couple. Sounds like they aren't ready to be in a lifelong committed relationship
Yeah, he is more for combining finances than you are because he and his kids will benefit at your expense. Hey, I earned a BSEE while I was a single custodial parent, so I know how challenging that is.
I’d probably feel the same way in her shoes, but It’s not rocket science, the son is 21, give him the home now before you get married and go into the relationship closer to the same financial level as the guy.
How many 21 year olds can handle a home as a gift(in a responsible way). I think that wouldn't end well in majority of cases. Unless that 21yr old son is very responsible and mature
@@jeremygalloway1348 , agreed. That 21 year-old, unless he is VERY mature for his age, would likely end up selling it and doing something stupid or marrying the wrong person and everything goes feet up. No way would I do that for someone that age.
Ha ha! I don’t advise it, but it’s fun to think about. Taking the house off the table would bring out the truth about the fiancé’s love and intentions!
Of course the person with far less thinks they should combine everything. What would that guy say if it was the other way around? I seriously doubt he’d be singing that same tune.
but the Ramsey team would be talking about how the guy loves the house more than his fiancé blah blah blah guilt trip if the roles were reversed. (just go look up any of their videos were the gender roles are reversed) Christians and their double standards never get old ☕️
I didn't take it as her being suspicious. I think everything is laid out and they disagree on how to move forward. It's not for lack of trust, it's just not something she wants to do (splitting her house that she intended to solely be for her son vs. sharing with the extra children).
@@creolelady182 I agree with you so perhaps someone who thinks otherwise would be better fit to outline those reasons. But that would be inheritance and medical insurance for example.
I agree the financial differences are red flags, but I would never put a new spouse over my kids, no matter what some scribblings from an old document suggested. But you do you.
I would deed the house to my son before we get married and therefore if anything happens to her the house is already in his name since the mortgage is already paid for...
Ramsey team dropped the ball on this one! Why would you assume the house is the ONLY way the caller is making up for lost time? Maybe they’re spending a lot of time together now in the house she proudly paid off?? You don’t give up the house because some guy comes along and claims he wants half of it and won’t compromise.
She makes more money, has a paid for house, has a higher net worth, splits. Advice? Find a man that is higher quality then you shouldn’t have similar heartache.
There lies the problem... a man higher then her probably dont want a women in there late 40s... if she had the opportunity she obviously would of took it
@@John3_16_ Welcome to the Ramsey show. Use the Bible when it is convenient, ignore it when it isn't. Bend your knee to every woman and tell men to be better. Every host on this show is blue-pilled and betatized.
Absolutely not! Don’t do that! Those kids will get an inheritance from their mother and their father oh….and you Karina! But your son will only get someone from you Karina.
I would advise a prenup in this situation. What each brings into a second marriage or relationship with step-kids should be kept separate. What they bring in together after marriage can be shared equally.
I’m a little confused why this man thinks he is entitled to a home she bought before the marriage. It seems wrong to me. I get combining finances but she spent 21 years raising her kid and working hard and she wants her son to reep the benefits. If the kids were young when they got married, it might be different but I agree with the caller on this one
Girl Run ..fast ..you dodged a bullet..if he’s worried about a house that was paid and already decided to be given away before marriage you should already know what your marriage will be like.
The question here is this. If the man was bringing in much more into the relationship and he wanted to leave all his stuff to his own children and not your son, will you be ok with it? If yes then I agree with the caller. Human nature is tricky. Most people are driven by their own selfish interests. And marriage is a joke. Most people will say “I love you” while in the same breath not surrendering themselves and their belongings to the person they are supposed to be in a committed relationship with. I hope they all find peace.
I’ve lots of ppl I know who’s going through a split up and they combined the stuff they had before the marriage including put the others name on the house they had premaritally. Now the current spouse who had nothing coming in gets half of the home because their name is on it! Because of that some are forced to stay in an abusive or loveless marriage to keep their house. Some are also bearing the burden of paying for half the bill of the others spouse because they tied debt into a heloc! I disagree with letting go Rachael n ken because u guys lives are rainbows and sunshine doesn’t mean you have to say just let go! The world is a mess now with relationships! People are messed up and sometimes marry to get stuff from the other person after divorce hence forcing them to combine assets. Don’t combine anything you had before marriage. When you get married you start investments for his kids and teach your 21 year old to start investing for himself! N I would give your kid your house and he will leave his house to his kids. Then you two can buy your own retirement home n only that and stuff accumulated during this marriage should you split in three.
Y'all never asked which house they plan to live in together and share: the one she paid off all by herself or the one he is still paying on. She is right to be skeptical if she isn't 100% sure this man is not just marrying her to split her paid off assets. She needs to be 100% sure he is committed to God and to her first. I think the advice they should have given was for this couple to go to pre-marital counseling and talk out all the issues with a pastor/Christian counselor.
I feel like they should get a home together. He has a home thats co owned so its not even officially all his. Better to leave their separate homes separate
I grew up with two parents, but I've known several adults who had single parents. This lady should talk to her son. He's a grown man, and I'll be willing to bet that a lot of the "mom guilt" that she feels is unjustified. Kids who grow up like this are very resilient, and they understand more than the parents realize. They know their single parent sacrificed for them and that they loved them.
Disagree completely. I, along with most other products of divorce and single mother households have a great deal of resentment and contempt for how flippant our parents were with their mating and marital choices. A parent can’t love their child that much if they give them a terrible mother or father, or divorce a good one because their itches being scratched or having new trinkets are more important than their family. Children of divorce and particularly single mother households are at a tremendous statistical disadvantage, and there is no glossing over that. If you actually love your would-be kids, take your breeding choices very very seriously. Children need two parents, if they didn’t we wouldn’t be designed the way we are.
She shouldn’t be misleading someone by getting involved in a serious relationship if she’s going to put her adult son ahead of the relationship. She’s wasting his time.
The stats say otherwise kids from single parent home have the worse outcome by far than any other group in society. She should be extremely worried, with feelings of guilt because she knows the chances for a successful life for her children are slim.
This is an example of why you don't go to your pastor or untrained people in general for relationship advice. Seek an experienced and licensed counselor. In my opinion if you take the Ramsey team advice you will be going through a rough divorce. You did the right thing.
Two way street, both sides of story, and reconciliation encouraged if she's in love. How is that wrong. The only thing they don't have is both sides of the story.
This is complicated because her house is paid off, but his isn't, and has another partial owner to it as well. If they get married he will be using income after they get married to continue to pay off his existing mortgage that she isn't apart of. My advice is that they should not get married until that mortgage is paid off, or the future husband sells his equity. Then they each can list their assets in a prenuptial agreement, and those assets upfront are considered non-marital assets. But he has to take action to either sell, or keep paying it down. Is she willing to wait for him if he wants to keep paying that mortgage, or does she want to dump him and go back out there? In my opinion combining pre marital assets so that everything become marital assets and then have the inheritances spread equally is naive that every thing is going to be smooth sailing, and sets another one up for failure. This is their second marriage, and second marriages need to be looked at with the eyes of an accountant, not rose tinted youthful eyes.
The guy on the show said it “you did the right thing by walking”. Then he changed his answer just to be on the same page as Rachel, but he knows what’s up! Rachel gave terrible advice. Protect your son… your ex fiancé is after your assets. Protect those assets with a prenup or whatever an attorney recommends
Rachel is not right. The companionship and love from a man is never worth disinheriting a child or giving a child less because the other party has more children. She can find another man who agrees with her more than this guy does. There are a lot of fish in the sea and there’s no need to settle. I absolutely think she did the right thing by breaking up with the guy. This man obviously did not have her son’s best interest at heart. There is nothing wrong with her assets going to her child and his assets going to his children. This is a second marriage and a prenup would be appropriate. Also, this lady could make up a trust where the house is in the trust and would go to her son upon her death. The house could also be in trust for her grandchildren after her son passes, and if he has no children she can designate where the house will go after that. In a second marriage there is no reason for the spouse to inherit a house he had no part in paying for and I Agree with this woman that it should be life to her son.
Oh no no no. This woman is asking you how does she protect her family from a new marriage. She needs to put her SON first. This home should be put into a prenuptial agreement. Or transfer the home in the sons name and push the tax to your end to your estate when you die
lol, listen to the end. She doesnt want to combine finances (she's smart). Read between the lines here, she knows that marriage = a legal contract and for her it wouldnt be equitable. Marriage in the U.S. for tens of millions of us, is no longer a spiritual commitment ceremony that professes love etc, Its become transactional. It's a great call because everyone getting married now should be very aware when you get married the other person gets a slice of whatever you have.
Are you delusional? Marriage laws in the U.S. are entirely built around benefitting women. You're right that the legal contract wouldn't be equitable, but it would be to her benefit.
She did the right thing... far too risky when assets and people's kids are involved. This, and both parties need to be willing to sign a prenup when it's a second marriage. You have to be smart and really protect yourself -especially nowadays.
Great advise! In a God centered relationship all aspects of finances and life are shared/ communicated about. Key is finding someone equally yoked in there relationship with Christ and themselves.
Rachel 100% speaking from a position of privilege, this house is clearly the vast majority of this women's wealth it is her legacy to her child. The equivalent would be if Dave was to remarried(god forbid) and his new wife thinks her children deserve half of Ramsey Solutions upon his passing; I imagine her opinion would be very different.
They are so wrong. She worked and sacrificed for her son not for some kids she doesn’t even know well nor like. She shouldn’t even mention she owns a house, especially to a male that brings nothing, it’s none of his business.
@@genxx2724 Exactly. I work very hard and sacrifice many things every day to save up, there is no way I’m explaining my financials to anyone, that’s absurd. I’m about to buy a house and will be saying that I’m renting.
For me, if I met someone I’d want a prenup of everything we have already built separated from what we will build. I’m a single mom, I have a pension, savings and a home. I want that all separated to take care of myself and my daughter if the marriage were to end. If it succeeded anything moving forward would be to take care of ourselves in old age and the split the inheritance equally among kids/ grandkids.
FACTS! I can't stand all these blue-pilled betas in the comments saying she's a "boss" and she "did the right thing". This woman is going to grow up to be a miserable old hag because no man wants to deal with her baggage. Hope the house is worth it sweetheart. You can't bring your house keys to heaven.
Don't change your mind on this. The house is in your name, keep it so. The man can leave his home to his two children. Split between three does not sound right. Prenup, and then you can split whatever you build up together, between the three. Never put someone on the deeds if that person has not paid for the house too.
The fiancé what is his want? What about this guy on title with the fiancé. If she don’t want to share equally , then don’t get married. And he has someone on title so he changes everything. He has half a house with sone equity which has to be split and she has a paid off house. Lady, I am on your side. I have three houses so I would want a prenup. Or we don’t get married. Most folks who have not been thru a divorce give advice from a never been divorce point of view. U spent decades then sone guy comes along and u end up splitting with this new spouse. Follow your gut. U leave your house to your son and he does the same u guys go get a house together.
I doubt they can afford to keep these houses for their respective kids and also go forward and get a new house together. They probably also want a house that is nicer than either of these, and that has space for all of them. If they marry they need to figure it out first. As Dave likes to say, “it’s about ratios”. Here the ratio is what percentage each is contributing to the new house, and the ratio of mortgage payment coming from each spouse’s income. Her son should inherit the ratio that came from her. If they want to live in her house, it should go to her son. Easy.
This is a conversation that needs to be had with a Christian family therapist, but I do agree that you can’t “make up” for time lost with children or people in general with possessions. She did what she had to do for her and her son, but it’s great that she’s looking out for his future and wealth. She’s a great mom!
It's her breaking the engagement because the guy makes less money and therefore brings less to the table. I bet you if this guy made more money than her this house would not be an issue.
He is smart with money? How so? Sounds like he has nothing. Know doubt he wants to combine everything!!! Her son is an adult. So this is 21 years of her grind. What she has accumulated up to now all goes to her son. ditto for him: what he has accumulated up until this point goes to his kids. If they get married, then everything they accumulate together gets split between all three kids. If the situation was reversed and HE was the one with a paid off house, my answer would be the same.
Not necessarily. Until she passes, that money is her's. The son's money is to the kids and mostly the wife. In many instances, we see the wife sabotage and take a bunch of the money and much of it ends up going to divorces.
@@clarifyingquestions It does not help a male's situation. There have been various instances to where judges throw those out to side with the female. But keep telling yourself that, while the law is on your side. ;)
@@clarifyingquestions While I agree with you...truth of the matter is, today's divorce court tends to favor women. Let's face it, (when it comes to a man) judges will literally throw a prenup away because "she signed it under duress" otherwise he wouldn't marry her and awarded the women half of everything he owns. Until divorce laws are changed, marriage is just a bad deal for men. And I'm a woman saying this.
She summed it up pretty well. She wants to protect her son and he wants to protect his sons. Huge red flag to marry someone who is not willing to receive your kids as their own and that goes to both of them. Two becoming one isn't just for the each other, it is for your entire life and everything in it. There will always be tension because those are his sons and her son is hers. Yet if it was the other way around their goal would be what is best for OUR KIDS. When you love and receive your step kids as your own, you want the best for them. Like Dave has said what is best for one is not always "fair." It could have been a mutual understanding of seeing the reason why her biological son would get the house, and then also agreeing to start working towards providing an inheritance for the other sons because as a family you want good things for all your children and her son getting the house doesn't negate that.
Why does he have someone else on his property? How would he split that property in half ? With all these problems they are better off going their separate ways. Better to find out now than after marriage.
It’s not “his” property. He bought it with a friend and they live there together. Obviously he couldn’t buy it on his own. He must be paying child support, and possibly spousal support as well.
The caller is right on this. Her son is 21 and she wants to leave him something. The fiancé has two under 18’s and he wants to combine finances and split inheritance. That’s a red flag. He could have offered to sell his home and asked her to sell hers and they could buy something together, then distributed everything evenly, in the end between the two kids. Could have worked out for her too, if she sold before her wedding and put major portion of it in trust to her son. This way when buying a new home with husband they can put an equal amount down.
This is where a prenup would be helpful. I agree that the house is not a "make it up to son" situation, but there is nothing wrong with the fact that you worked for your house and you want to leave it to your son. Fiance worked and can leave whatever equity he has in his house to his two kids. I would see this as either you both get yourselves debt free and start off a new marriage on equal, debt free footing with the stipulation that what you are bringing into the marriage goes to your kids OR you will have to decide that you are OK assuming his debt. Honestly, I'd run from this situation--you didn't say anything about the mother of his kids, whether there is any sort of support agreement there or any college money...but you're going to find yourself supporting those kids from the moment you marry him. That will mean physically, emotionally, and financially supporting them. I am a single mom, and I spoke with my attorney about making my estate plan in such a way that my daughter's inheritance from me would be written in such a way that any future husband could not take it from her! Yes, it is easier when there isn't a person involved, but that's what I did and my daughter had a meeting with the lawyer at which time she was advised about how to keep it that way.
@@genxx2724 I wouldn’t care after 40 years of having great life with somebody , son will have his family and will be grandpa already in 40 years , she lost his son’s young years due to work now she’s going to lose her fiancé that she could spend rest of her life with over situation that’s 30-40 years ahead and might never happen . 🤷🏻♂️
This is why you don't make kids with people that you cannot commit to for life. Sticking together two broken half-families and trying to make a single whole family again... it's not possible if you cannot fully commit to both the spouse and the children.
I don't comment on youtube videos but If the caller comes across my comment I hope it helps her. My mom married my step dad who she has been with since I was a child and I'm now approaching 40 years old. My stepdad had his California home paid off before my mom met him. My stepfather passed earlier this year and the house will go to my stepdad's daughter when my mom passes away or is too old to live independently. I can not imagine feeling any entitlement to the home that he owned outright before even knowing my mom. My mom continues to update and improve the home, and my brother and I still feel it is only fair that it goes to my stepdad's daughter. The idea I thought of when listening to your call about your situation - The property your ex-fiance owns with his roommate can be split between his two children and your paid off home can go to your son. Going forward asserts you two acquired together can be split between the three kids evenly.
If I can add one more suggestion to put your home in a Trust with your son being on it. It will save him time and money when he does inherit your home.
She needs someone who brings as much to the table as she does Her assets prior to marriage needs to go to her son After marriage they combine all incomes for goals
Dave needs to answer this question. This isn't Mom guilt. This is a woman who worked hard and her gut is telling her to keep the house for her son. She is not being selfish, she is being wise.
No problem with her feeling this way. She just shouldn't get remarried again. She isn't ready for that commitment
If I was dating a woman who had paid off her house (and wanted to leave it to her son) I would have zero problem with that. She paid if off and not me. It's hers to do with as she pleases. And if we were to get married I would feel exactly the same.
Exactly. As a man, I would never even want to know what my partner is keeping for herself. It doesn’t affect me or what I have for myself
@SuperDave thanks for your sensible comment
If it was the other way the women would cry and whine about the son being a free loader and that her men should put her before his son!
@@jo4285 no need to be so rude..you don't know what others situations are...a stay at home mum has the right to be treated fairly..especial if you add up the hourly pay of a cook cleaner babysitter...its about providing value not just money.
I think that giving it to the son when she dies, is great and everybody should agree. The problem is if she wants to give it to her son when her and her husband are both alive and working?
One of the few times where the caller is absolutely right.
Decades of hard work just for your stuff to go to someone elses kids? No thanks
That's why I would never date/marry a single mother. Too many dam complications
@@Sevkingblade Same with anyone else. Don't marry anyone. Marriage inherently has too many dam complications.
@@amireallythatgrumpy6508 Single mothers have MORE complications than "anyone else". So obviously you take the less complications in any given situation...
@@TheFlyingZulu Yes. You "take the less complications" and REMAIN SINGLE no matter who the other person is.
@@amireallythatgrumpy6508 Some people want to marry to make a family and have long term goals with a spouse... Just because you might have had a bad experience or you see too many videos about "terrible spouses" does not mean every single relationship is like that.
and to answer the question in your name... Yes you're that really grumpy. Haha.
Better a break up than a divorce 😊
The smiley face 😂😂
Amen.
The caller made the right decision splitting up with her ex-fiance. She worked too many years to pay off her house to give her fiance half of her equity. She should find someone else who is on the same page as her when it comes to money.
Good luck
I’ve seen to many people lose everything in a second marriages and have nothing left for their children and grandchildren. Especially with unfair divorce laws in this country.
Men mostly
@@hiteshadhikari yes because men owned most things. Now it is switching. Yes I agree with u.
agreed
You mean the unfair divorce laws that benefit women, right?
this is why it's imperative to get a prenup...most especially if it's a second marriage. i can't believe folks will marry again without one.
I agree with the caller. Protect your assets for you and your son. This is what you built before the relationship. It’s yours and he should respect that.
Right ! What do you think the answer would’ve been if this was the other way around
Agreed. Same goes for men. Find out early so you can protect yourself. There's nothing worse than losing half of your worth due to a divorce.
@@tacticalbusdriver6630 Same answer.
It’s so easy for Dave, Rachel, Ken, George and all of them to say “don’t do prenups etc” when they all had nothing when they met their spouse. For them it is all 50/50 because they built it together. If Rachel had to remarry would she be completely fine with putting half her wealth and half her stake in the company for a new spouse who has nowhere near the net worth she has? I don’t think so. We buy insurance in hopes we don’t need to use it but still want it there just in case.
I was just about to say this!! She had that paid off house before marriage !!!
A good man isn’t looking to have YOUR paid off home go to him or his children. He’s a man he can buy his own freakin house
💯💯💯
What does him being a man have anything to do with this? Would you feel the same if roles were switched?
thank you
It has everything to do with it. A man should be a provider to the family. Majority of billionaires and millionaires in this world are men and the women are largely bc they married them. A man has the whole world as his oyster and it’s pathetic to want something your woman provided for. Earn it yourself
@@Mkay999 👏👏👏
I definitely agree with the caller on this one. Follow your instincts and protect what you worked so hard for. If your fiancé can’t understand then he’s disrespecting the hard work you put into providing for your son. Sending you strength on your journey.
Finally someone who sold the fiancé. Well done
If the house divides the relationship it isn't healthy. The guy simply wants the house. Don't be the woman desperate for a relationship while people will play the role to get that house. Rachels advice makes this woman a target.
This young women knew in her gut…. Smart.
We didn’t hear the specifics of what the fiancé really wanted her to do, but sounded like he’s asking her to give her paid-for house and split it with all three kids upon their deaths
When you marry, I assume their kids become yours
Not if both parents are present. If the mother is still in their life, she doesn’t need to take her place nor give them her home.
Also, as a kid who grew up with stepparents I never saw them as my parents. I wouldn’t expect inheritance, but they did care and were loving.
@@joyaustin6581 heck no
@@joyaustin6581 they wouldn't "become yours". That's not really how it works. I can see why you would say that but that's not apart of marriage. You would become a step parent. Not the same as parent. I'm sure you would have to provide and care to a certain extent but not as much as a parent would. Also probably depends on the state laws.
@@joyaustin6581 you treat them like yours, but your first duty is to your child.
As a Mom in a similar situation . Protect your assets! Someone will love you and NOT be looking for an inheritance for their kids.
Seems like she doesnt love him. No problem her feeling this way, she just probably shouldn't get re-married. She is not ready for this commitment, this sacrifice.
Would you recommend the same thing (protect the assets) for a man or it is suitable only for women?
@@SamuelBSR the exact same for a man.. I’ve watched my Dads hard work be taken by women who’s kids he raised , several times. Leaving zero for his retirement . I don’t understand the push back to work hard, retire well and leave your own kids a future. Every one of us has the opportunity to do the same for our own. Some choose to, some don’t. 🤷🏻♀️
With a 70%+ probability of divorce in a second marriage, Ken and Rachel should not be recommending it. The caller does not appear ready for it and why is a prenup not even mentioned at all?
For some reason the Ramsey team doesn't recommend prenups unless there is multi million dollar differences in their net worth.
@@shanep2760 It's because they still follow old notions about marriage. Those who follow it and throw caution to the wind will only get the disastrous results they could have prevented.
@@Jim_Curtis The problem is that the Ramsey crew teaches biblical finance to people in secular relationships.
@@evr0.904 the couple is Christian, but we really don’t even know the caller’s net worth.
@@MsMockingbird06 No. Just because you claim to be Christian doesn't mean you are one. She does not practice Christian teachings. From her money to her relationship, nothing about this woman is Christian.
I'm sorry to disagree with the Ramsey team on this one. It sounds like the guy is after her assets. If he doesn't want to accept her wish to leave her house to her son then he's really after the house more than her.
You did the right thing caller. God bless.
I worked with a young woman whose grandmother left her enough money to buy a house. Some divorced guy who lived with his parents and had a young son was after her like gangbusters. He pressured her to look at houses all the time. She was nervous. We advised her to drop him. She did, and proceeded to buy her house.
The caller made the right decision from every angle you can imagine. The Ramsey woman is steering her in the wrong direction.
Would you say the same if the guy had more money and the lady was upset
@@zt3457 Would you say the same if it was the guy that had more finances?
Would you say the same if the man had more money. Men with more money get with women that have less and it’s no big deal. Men more often are the losers in the divorce if he makes more. Nobody tries to tell him not to marry her because she has less money or feels sorry for him either 🤷🏾♂️
I don’t agree with Rachel here. Of course that man would want to split a massive asset amongst his own children. I would either just keep dating to protect my assets, or get a lawyer involved to ensure that home goes to my child. Someone once told me that people will ask questions on stuff that they typically already know the answer to. They just don’t want to accept it. It seems like this lady already knows her answer and she just feels bad about it.
I agree, I think she wanted confirmation from them and I think she deserved it. She does not want to be taken advantage of and I admire that.
She should feel bad about it!
I mean you did the right thing. You couldn't agree on two core issues and his plan would leave your son at more risk.
Unfortunately it ended the relationship but fortunately you recognize this before marriage. It sucks but it sucks a lot less than what could have happened
What was your previous comment on this video? You started this comment with the words, "I mean"
I see red flags all throughout Katrina's conversation and foresee she will end up losing all her assets if she would marry this guy. Sounded like there were several more issues in addition to the financial She was right to break up. Run while you can, Katrina
100%
@@And1one757 _men generally dont leave_
They do all the time, especially in situations like these where the woman is making more money and/or has more in assets. Seen it happen a dozen times.
This is why most Blended families just don't work 😕 too many mixed loyalties and baggage.
Bologna. We have a blended family all 4 of our children will get the same amount. Done. Easy.
@@katemiller7874 seventy percent of blended marriages end in divorce. Of course, there is the 30%, but the large majority end in divorce.
I wouldn't give up what I created for my son prior to the marriage, no way. Combine finances & any property obtained after marriage is done as a unit but there's no way I'd just hand over my hard work because of a piece of paper.
I hope you share the same sentiment for the men that are in the same position as her ... (most women only agree to that when they are the one's with something to lose)
The house is titled as Unmarried Woman, sole and separate property.
There is no "Split"
@@1bntcr001 Oh absolutely!
Man/woman, it doesn't matter. Chances are that person skipped multiple meals, hours of sleep, weekends away, Vegas trips, Starbucks, all kinds of things because they were putting their all into that property. I'd never expect someone to just hand that over.
I don't work for my kids tho. Especially if they're 21.
Then you aren't ready for marriage, and neither is she. Her house is more important than her future husband
This lady is an absolute G of a mom to prioritize what she sacrificed and built up all that time and work she put in to leave to her son as her legacy to him for all that time she didn't get to be with him. Most especially where we are today with home ownership is for the next generations, the sense of pride and stability she will leave to him, I can feel it from over here having been raised by a rockstar of a mom who once apologized she couldn't give me a better life without such struggles we beared. That fiance is out of pocket and in a second marriage, as a man. He's sus.
Why can't they just separate what they have before marriage? Her son is 21. I would just transfer the house to my son. I disagree with Rachel's advice. She would have been miserable even if she "challenged" herself to separate "emotion" from things. That is her upbringing - how she came to be - and will be too late to change. If her fiancee loves her, why would he be interested in her paid-for house? It's the law. Why can't they start from scratch? Both of them brings in income into the house. Rachel and team didn't even bring up that the fiancee is sharing mortgage with someone else. He perhaps needs the money from the sale of her house so he can buy his house from his friend. So she gets nothing, his friend gets his money worth half her house and the fiancee will convince her to use the other half as a downpayment for a new house that he can't afford on his own salary.
I agree the right answer here is to separate what they have before marriage. If the wife wants to give what she has now all to her son, then the husband should be able to (and encouraged) to do the same thing. They need to get out a notepad, write down their current net worths to be given to their kids, then start from scratch and distribute things equally since they would now be a family. The other person on the mortgage thing is another separate issue that has nothing do to with inheritances, but also needs to be worked through.
She better go with her first mind and leave the home for her son. Let him work that out on his own for his children.
They don't ask the right questions.
the Ramsey team just told the caller that she should give away 2/3rds of her life's financial work and her son's inheritance to accommodate a second marriage partner who is not on equal footing. This is terrible.
How easy it easy it to just state that she has carved out the house and X amount of savings for her son. She should transfer the house to her son now, or utilize a prenup simply to carve out the inheritance.
two years from now, this lovely woman will again call in saying that she followed the Ramsey's advice, and subsequently is going through a divorce where she is forced to sell the house and split all her savings with her ex-husband. which will mean she has to work another 10 years to afford the retirement that was previously in her grasp.
The fact that it's a big deal to him is a red flag. Most second marriages like keeping finances seperate because of this. I'm glad I met my person while we don't have anything. We can build together ❤️
That would have been her 1st Marriage.
It's a huge red flag for her. That guy should run, she isn't ready to be part of a relationship.
@@unkownuser5809 Yeah. Educated, wealthy, debt free woman really missed out on the in debt, lower income, mortgage bound man with two kids under 18.
Yea he really dodged a bullet
@@Kris-tk2hu yeah, imagine you are about to marry the love of your life and they tell you they want separate finances as a married couple. Sounds like they aren't ready to be in a lifelong committed relationship
Yeah, he is more for combining finances than you are because he and his kids will benefit at your expense. Hey, I earned a BSEE while I was a single custodial parent, so I know how challenging that is.
I’d probably feel the same way in her shoes, but It’s not rocket science, the son is 21, give him the home now before you get married and go into the relationship closer to the same financial level as the guy.
How many 21 year olds can handle a home as a gift(in a responsible way). I think that wouldn't end well in majority of cases. Unless that 21yr old son is very responsible and mature
@@jeremygalloway1348 , agreed. That 21 year-old, unless he is VERY mature for his age, would likely end up selling it and doing something stupid or marrying the wrong person and everything goes feet up. No way would I do that for someone that age.
Ha ha! I don’t advise it, but it’s fun to think about. Taking the house off the table would bring out the truth about the fiancé’s love and intentions!
I think you can put it in a trust
@@ashleycnossen3157 this is the best choice
Of course the person with far less thinks they should combine everything. What would that guy say if it was the other way around? I seriously doubt he’d be singing that same tune.
but the Ramsey team would be talking about how the guy loves the house more than his fiancé blah blah blah guilt trip if the roles were reversed. (just go look up any of their videos were the gender roles are reversed) Christians and their double standards never get old ☕️
If she doesn’t trust him, she simply shouldn’t marry him; being constantly suspicious of his motives will make her miserable.
I didn't take it as her being suspicious. I think everything is laid out and they disagree on how to move forward. It's not for lack of trust, it's just not something she wants to do (splitting her house that she intended to solely be for her son vs. sharing with the extra children).
If I was the guy I would understand and I would start all over with her.
I don't understand why one has to be married especially when you are financially independent
There are several reasons but I still don’t think they outweigh the risk.
100% survivorable Pensions,
Community property State
PROBATE
I have FREE Lifetime FAMILY Healthcare for my WIFE and kids.
@@rainacherienne1010 name them
@@creolelady182 I agree with you so perhaps someone who thinks otherwise would be better fit to outline those reasons. But that would be inheritance and medical insurance for example.
@@Austenfan177 you have preached the gospel today. I 100% agree with you. Thank you for saying that.
I agree the financial differences are red flags, but I would never put a new spouse over my kids, no matter what some scribblings from an old document suggested. But you do you.
I would deed the house to my son before we get married and therefore if anything happens to her the house is already in his name since the mortgage is already paid for...
Lady is right. Leave your stuff to your kids not your step kids. Same for him.
Ramsey team dropped the ball on this one! Why would you assume the house is the ONLY way the caller is making up for lost time? Maybe they’re spending a lot of time together now in the house she proudly paid off?? You don’t give up the house because some guy comes along and claims he wants half of it and won’t compromise.
It's called marriage, you split assets and debts with new partner
She makes more money, has a paid for house, has a higher net worth, splits. Advice? Find a man that is higher quality then you shouldn’t have similar heartache.
This.
There lies the problem... a man higher then her probably dont want a women in there late 40s... if she had the opportunity she obviously would of took it
This is too much for this woman to just give up. Don’t get married. It’s not worth it if he doesn’t understand you. Stay free and fly high.♥♥♥♥
Possibly the worst advice I’ve read on the internet today and it’s only 10:17AM here. Congrats.
@@John3_16_ Welcome to the Ramsey show. Use the Bible when it is convenient, ignore it when it isn't. Bend your knee to every woman and tell men to be better. Every host on this show is blue-pilled and betatized.
@@John3_16_ 😉😉😉😆😆
Why not just a pre nup? They separate assets they came in the marriage with (based on what they came in with) and split 50/50 future assets.
The house is titled as Unmarried Woman, sole and separate property.
There is no "Split"
My thoughts exactly
That is basically what she wants. And the fiancé would not agree.
Absolutely not! Don’t do that! Those kids will get an inheritance from their mother and their father oh….and you Karina! But your son will only get someone from you Karina.
I would advise a prenup in this situation. What each brings into a second marriage or relationship with step-kids should be kept separate. What they bring in together after marriage can be shared equally.
That momma is a rock star ⭐️
Yeah, single mother and about to ruin another relationship over a dumb house
Wow she dodge a bullet for sure😮 how pathetic of the man to want her house split up for his own kids.
I’m a little confused why this man thinks he is entitled to a home she bought before the marriage. It seems wrong to me. I get combining finances but she spent 21 years raising her kid and working hard and she wants her son to reep the benefits. If the kids were young when they got married, it might be different but I agree with the caller on this one
Agree. Personally, I would have no problem with my spouse’s son having that house.
Don't get married. He will take all you have.
VERY smart decision
Girl Run ..fast ..you dodged a bullet..if he’s worried about a house that was paid and already decided to be given away before marriage you should already know what your marriage will be like.
The question here is this. If the man was bringing in much more into the relationship and he wanted to leave all his stuff to his own children and not your son, will you be ok with it? If yes then I agree with the caller.
Human nature is tricky. Most people are driven by their own selfish interests. And marriage is a joke. Most people will say “I love you” while in the same breath not surrendering themselves and their belongings to the person they are supposed to be in a committed relationship with. I hope they all find peace.
I’ve lots of ppl I know who’s going through a split up and they combined the stuff they had before the marriage including put the others name on the house they had premaritally. Now the current spouse who had nothing coming in gets half of the home because their name is on it! Because of that some are forced to stay in an abusive or loveless marriage to keep their house. Some are also bearing the burden of paying for half the bill of the others spouse because they tied debt into a heloc! I disagree with letting go Rachael n ken because u guys lives are rainbows and sunshine doesn’t mean you have to say just let go! The world is a mess now with relationships! People are messed up and sometimes marry to get stuff from the other person after divorce hence forcing them to combine assets. Don’t combine anything you had before marriage. When you get married you start investments for his kids and teach your 21 year old to start investing for himself! N I would give your kid your house and he will leave his house to his kids. Then you two can buy your own retirement home n only that and stuff accumulated during this marriage should you split in three.
He lives in the wife's paid off house and spends HIS money on His house,
I don't think so.
@@aolvaar8792 I agree. A man’s most basic responsibility is to put a roof over his family’s heads.
Rachel and Ken have never heard of "marrying up."
Love and money just don’t mix and match.
"You were a single mom. You did what you had to do." Ugh. How about not becoming a single mom? How about that?
Y'all never asked which house they plan to live in together and share: the one she paid off all by herself or the one he is still paying on. She is right to be skeptical if she isn't 100% sure this man is not just marrying her to split her paid off assets. She needs to be 100% sure he is committed to God and to her first. I think the advice they should have given was for this couple to go to pre-marital counseling and talk out all the issues with a pastor/Christian counselor.
The house is titled as Unmarried Woman, sole and separate property.
There is no "Split"
I feel like they should get a home together. He has a home thats co owned so its not even officially all his. Better to leave their separate homes separate
I grew up with two parents, but I've known several adults who had single parents. This lady should talk to her son. He's a grown man, and I'll be willing to bet that a lot of the "mom guilt" that she feels is unjustified. Kids who grow up like this are very resilient, and they understand more than the parents realize. They know their single parent sacrificed for them and that they loved them.
Disagree completely. I, along with most other products of divorce and single mother households have a great deal of resentment and contempt for how flippant our parents were with their mating and marital choices.
A parent can’t love their child that much if they give them a terrible mother or father, or divorce a good one because their itches being scratched or having new trinkets are more important than their family.
Children of divorce and particularly single mother households are at a tremendous statistical disadvantage, and there is no glossing over that.
If you actually love your would-be kids, take your breeding choices very very seriously. Children need two parents, if they didn’t we wouldn’t be designed the way we are.
You do realize 21 year old males are impulsive boneheads? The pre-frontal cortex is not fully-developed until age 25.
She shouldn’t be misleading someone by getting involved in a serious relationship if she’s going to put her adult son ahead of the relationship. She’s wasting his time.
@@liberalmadness7248 if the guy is dating a single mother his time wasn't valuable in the first place
The stats say otherwise kids from single parent home have the worse outcome by far than any other group in society. She should be extremely worried, with feelings of guilt because she knows the chances for a successful life for her children are slim.
This is an example of why you don't go to your pastor or untrained people in general for relationship advice. Seek an experienced and licensed counselor. In my opinion if you take the Ramsey team advice you will be going through a rough divorce. You did the right thing.
Two way street, both sides of story, and reconciliation encouraged if she's in love. How is that wrong.
The only thing they don't have is both sides of the story.
This is complicated because her house is paid off, but his isn't, and has another partial owner to it as well. If they get married he will be using income after they get married to continue to pay off his existing mortgage that she isn't apart of. My advice is that they should not get married until that mortgage is paid off, or the future husband sells his equity. Then they each can list their assets in a prenuptial agreement, and those assets upfront are considered non-marital assets. But he has to take action to either sell, or keep paying it down. Is she willing to wait for him if he wants to keep paying that mortgage, or does she want to dump him and go back out there?
In my opinion combining pre marital assets so that everything become marital assets and then have the inheritances spread equally is naive that every thing is going to be smooth sailing, and sets another one up for failure. This is their second marriage, and second marriages need to be looked at with the eyes of an accountant, not rose tinted youthful eyes.
😮 “he had a baby at age SEVEN!?” 😮 - Rachael
🤣🤣 Rachel is the best 💙
“Rachel is the best” as in bless her heart.
@@genxx2724 🤣🤣
She’s a great sport!
@@DNaupari Yes, she is. But she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
@@genxx2724 her gifting is different;
It’s making life FUN 🤩
We need people that make life FUN!!
@@genxx2724 She wouldn't be the sharpest knife in a drawer full of spoons.
“It was mutual”…..
She got dumped 😂
So what. I have three houses two paid for. I would just joint forces to maybe split down the road. So dump me.
She didn’t lose much. Glad it was ended
@@cherylbroadenax1006
I’m willing to believe there’s a little more to this tale than the woman is sharing. After all, it’s her version of events.
@@seanjean9677
Chances are she won’t gain much elsewhere either
She could meet someone who doesn’t believe she should split her paid off house obtained before marriage between her and his children.
I don't think they knew what Karina was getting at...Kaina if you're reading this..move on. You will meet someone special just for you.
The guy on the show said it “you did the right thing by walking”. Then he changed his answer just to be on the same page as Rachel, but he knows what’s up! Rachel gave terrible advice. Protect your son… your ex fiancé is after your assets. Protect those assets with a prenup or whatever an attorney recommends
What if the roles were reversed, would you have the same stance?
Rachel is not right. The companionship and love from a man is never worth disinheriting a child or giving a child less because the other party has more children. She can find another man who agrees with her more than this guy does. There are a lot of fish in the sea and there’s no need to settle. I absolutely think she did the right thing by breaking up with the guy. This man obviously did not have her son’s best interest at heart. There is nothing wrong with her assets going to her child and his assets going to his children. This is a second marriage and a prenup would be appropriate. Also, this lady could make up a trust where the house is in the trust and would go to her son upon her death. The house could also be in trust for her grandchildren after her son passes, and if he has no children she can designate where the house will go after that. In a second marriage there is no reason for the spouse to inherit a house he had no part in paying for and I Agree with this woman that it should be life to her son.
Oh no no no. This woman is asking you how does she protect her family from a new marriage. She needs to put her SON first. This home should be put into a prenuptial agreement. Or transfer the home in the sons name and push the tax to your end to your estate when you die
lol, listen to the end. She doesnt want to combine finances (she's smart). Read between the lines here, she knows that marriage = a legal contract and for her it wouldnt be equitable. Marriage in the U.S. for tens of millions of us, is no longer a spiritual commitment ceremony that professes love etc, Its become transactional. It's a great call because everyone getting married now should be very aware when you get married the other person gets a slice of whatever you have.
Are you delusional? Marriage laws in the U.S. are entirely built around benefitting women. You're right that the legal contract wouldn't be equitable, but it would be to her benefit.
Your right
Marriage has always been transactional. And it should give women an advantage. Because women have unique disadvantages.
@@Aimeesund this is the best comment here.
If you have kids and then remarry and start another family, your children’s inheritance suffers enormously there’s no way around it.
Yes there is, but it takes a visit to the lawyer and the accountant to put it in order.
This lady was about to disinherit her son over a misunderstanding of the bible. Typical religious BS
I love how she said I was in college working and single
That was great advice Rachel!
She did the right thing... far too risky when assets and people's kids are involved. This, and both parties need to be willing to sign a prenup when it's a second marriage. You have to be smart and really protect yourself -especially nowadays.
Right decision to break up.
It was his decision, not her
@@hiteshadhikari FACTS!
Great advise! In a God centered relationship all aspects of finances and life are shared/ communicated about. Key is finding someone equally yoked in there relationship with Christ and themselves.
She needs to just give her son the house now. Then she can move forward with whatever else she needs to do.
Better to break up now than divorce later.
Rachel 100% speaking from a position of privilege, this house is clearly the vast majority of this women's wealth it is her legacy to her child.
The equivalent would be if Dave was to remarried(god forbid) and his new wife thinks her children deserve half of Ramsey Solutions upon his passing; I imagine her opinion would be very different.
This is why I firmly believe in YOURS, MINES, and OURS where finances are concerned . My personal properties and debt before marriage is ALL MINE.
They are so wrong. She worked and sacrificed for her son not for some kids she doesn’t even know well nor like. She shouldn’t even mention she owns a house, especially to a male that brings nothing, it’s none of his business.
Someone told me years ago not to tell dates I owned my condo. Let them assume I was renting.
@@genxx2724 Exactly. I work very hard and sacrifice many things every day to save up, there is no way I’m explaining my financials to anyone, that’s absurd. I’m about to buy a house and will be saying that I’m renting.
@@rainacherienne1010 Smart girl!
For me, if I met someone I’d want a prenup of everything we have already built separated from what we will build. I’m a single mom, I have a pension, savings and a home. I want that all separated to take care of myself and my daughter if the marriage were to end. If it succeeded anything moving forward would be to take care of ourselves in old age and the split the inheritance equally among kids/ grandkids.
Karina you are right.
Don't give up
He dodged a bullet 🤣
Definitely 💯
FACTS! I can't stand all these blue-pilled betas in the comments saying she's a "boss" and she "did the right thing". This woman is going to grow up to be a miserable old hag because no man wants to deal with her baggage. Hope the house is worth it sweetheart. You can't bring your house keys to heaven.
*She
@@charitycampbell8218 No. He is the correct pronoun.
Or the guy can "let go" of the idea that he gets the fiancé's money. As long as they can truly reconcile.
Don't change your mind on this. The house is in your name, keep it so. The man can leave his home to his two children. Split between three does not sound right. Prenup, and then you can split whatever you build up together, between the three. Never put someone on the deeds if that person has not paid for the house too.
The fiancé what is his want? What about this guy on title with the fiancé. If she don’t want to share equally , then don’t get married. And he has someone on title so he changes everything. He has half a house with sone equity which has to be split and she has a paid off house. Lady, I am on your side. I have three houses so I would want a prenup. Or we don’t get married. Most folks who have not been thru a divorce give advice from a never been divorce point of view. U spent decades then sone guy comes along and u end up splitting with this new spouse. Follow your gut. U leave your house to your son and he does the same u guys go get a house together.
I doubt they can afford to keep these houses for their respective kids and also go forward and get a new house together. They probably also want a house that is nicer than either of these, and that has space for all of them. If they marry they need to figure it out first. As Dave likes to say, “it’s about ratios”. Here the ratio is what percentage each is contributing to the new house, and the ratio of mortgage payment coming from each spouse’s income. Her son should inherit the ratio that came from her. If they want to live in her house, it should go to her son. Easy.
This is a conversation that needs to be had with a Christian family therapist, but I do agree that you can’t “make up” for time lost with children or people in general with possessions. She did what she had to do for her and her son, but it’s great that she’s looking out for his future and wealth. She’s a great mom!
The solution is simple but painful ie tell this dude to go kick rocks.
Very good advice
Well, this call certainly did kick off a spirited debate in the comment section! 💥
Well, he says to combine everything because she has more than he has - it's advantageous to him.
She should just go ahead and quit claim deed the house to the son, get it out of the way.
Put your kids name on the deed now so this doesn't happen again
It's her breaking the engagement because the guy makes less money and therefore brings less to the table. I bet you if this guy made more money than her this house would not be an issue.
He is smart with money? How so? Sounds like he has nothing. Know doubt he wants to combine everything!!! Her son is an adult. So this is 21 years of her grind. What she has accumulated up to now all goes to her son. ditto for him: what he has accumulated up until this point goes to his kids. If they get married, then everything they accumulate together gets split between all three kids. If the situation was reversed and HE was the one with a paid off house, my answer would be the same.
Not necessarily. Until she passes, that money is her's. The son's money is to the kids and mostly the wife. In many instances, we see the wife sabotage and take a bunch of the money and much of it ends up going to divorces.
@@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303 It is called a prenup. Silly of you to make this a gender thing. It applies to all regardless of gender - sheesh
@@clarifyingquestions It does not help a male's situation. There have been various instances to where judges throw those out to side with the female.
But keep telling yourself that, while the law is on your side. ;)
@@clarifyingquestions
While I agree with you...truth of the matter is, today's divorce court tends to favor women. Let's face it, (when it comes to a man) judges will literally throw a prenup away because "she signed it under duress" otherwise he wouldn't marry her and awarded the women half of everything he owns.
Until divorce laws are changed, marriage is just a bad deal for men. And I'm a woman saying this.
Better a break up now than a messy divorce later.
She summed it up pretty well. She wants to protect her son and he wants to protect his sons. Huge red flag to marry someone who is not willing to receive your kids as their own and that goes to both of them. Two becoming one isn't just for the each other, it is for your entire life and everything in it. There will always be tension because those are his sons and her son is hers. Yet if it was the other way around their goal would be what is best for OUR KIDS. When you love and receive your step kids as your own, you want the best for them. Like Dave has said what is best for one is not always "fair." It could have been a mutual understanding of seeing the reason why her biological son would get the house, and then also agreeing to start working towards providing an inheritance for the other sons because as a family you want good things for all your children and her son getting the house doesn't negate that.
Why does he have someone else on his property? How would he split that property in half ? With all these problems they are better off going their separate ways. Better to find out now than after marriage.
Because although she says he's "good with money" the evidence says he obviously isn't.
Whole thing would have descended into a mess
It’s not “his” property. He bought it with a friend and they live there together. Obviously he couldn’t buy it on his own. He must be paying child support, and possibly spousal support as well.
The caller is right on this. Her son is 21 and she wants to leave him something. The fiancé has two under 18’s and he wants to combine finances and split inheritance. That’s a red flag.
He could have offered to sell his home and asked her to sell hers and they could buy something together, then distributed everything evenly, in the end between the two kids.
Could have worked out for her too, if she sold before her wedding and put major portion of it in trust to her son. This way when buying a new home with husband they can put an equal amount down.
This is where a prenup would be helpful. I agree that the house is not a "make it up to son" situation, but there is nothing wrong with the fact that you worked for your house and you want to leave it to your son. Fiance worked and can leave whatever equity he has in his house to his two kids. I would see this as either you both get yourselves debt free and start off a new marriage on equal, debt free footing with the stipulation that what you are bringing into the marriage goes to your kids OR you will have to decide that you are OK assuming his debt. Honestly, I'd run from this situation--you didn't say anything about the mother of his kids, whether there is any sort of support agreement there or any college money...but you're going to find yourself supporting those kids from the moment you marry him. That will mean physically, emotionally, and financially supporting them. I am a single mom, and I spoke with my attorney about making my estate plan in such a way that my daughter's inheritance from me would be written in such a way that any future husband could not take it from her! Yes, it is easier when there isn't a person involved, but that's what I did and my daughter had a meeting with the lawyer at which time she was advised about how to keep it that way.
She’s gonna live in that house for next 30-40 years , it doesn’t matter for her son
She should take care of herself first
Yes, but the topic is what happens when she is gone.
@@genxx2724 when she’s gone husband should decide what to do with the house
People are overthinking simple stuff
@@pawelwisniewski6849 Like get married again and leave it to his new wife? Would that be okay?
@@genxx2724 I wouldn’t care after 40 years of having great life with somebody , son will have his family and will be grandpa already in 40 years , she lost his son’s young years due to work now she’s going to lose her fiancé that she could spend rest of her life with over situation that’s 30-40 years ahead and might never happen . 🤷🏻♂️
the best thing u can do is prep him so he can provide a house for himself and not have to sacrifice time from his kids by funding his education
This is why you don't make kids with people that you cannot commit to for life. Sticking together two broken half-families and trying to make a single whole family again... it's not possible if you cannot fully commit to both the spouse and the children.
What I believe the fiancé is doing is attempting to enrich himself Now under the manipulative stance of future inheritances for the three kids.
I don't comment on youtube videos but If the caller comes across my comment I hope it helps her. My mom married my step dad who she has been with since I was a child and I'm now approaching 40 years old. My stepdad had his California home paid off before my mom met him. My stepfather passed earlier this year and the house will go to my stepdad's daughter when my mom passes away or is too old to live independently. I can not imagine feeling any entitlement to the home that he owned outright before even knowing my mom. My mom continues to update and improve the home, and my brother and I still feel it is only fair that it goes to my stepdad's daughter. The idea I thought of when listening to your call about your situation - The property your ex-fiance owns with his roommate can be split between his two children and your paid off home can go to your son. Going forward asserts you two acquired together can be split between the three kids evenly.
If I can add one more suggestion to put your home in a Trust with your son being on it. It will save him time and money when he does inherit your home.
She needs someone who brings as much to the table as she does
Her assets prior to marriage needs to go to her son
After marriage they combine all incomes for goals
Totaly not fair for 2/3 of her money to go to another woman's children..her son shold get more.